Fresh Prince Gets Therapized with Jonathan Decker
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2025
- Fresh Prince Gets Therapized with Jonathan Decker //
What do you do when you are unwanted by your own family? Watch The Fresh Prince of Bellaire get therapized. Will Smith, meet the movie therapist and get ready for some words of wisdom as we break down the most iconic scene in the series.
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Think Yondu said it best: He may have been your father boy, but he sure wasn’t your daddy.
FOR REAL!
Don’t MAKE me cry!
@@MendedLight GOTG2 is such an interesting portrayal of found family vs abusive family and all of the mess that can entail, in the middle of a what could have been a run of the mill space adventure movie. I think it's a bit underrated and maybe doesn't get enough credit for all of the emotional storytelling it manages to pull off under the constraints of the Disney/Marvel apparatus.
Exactly it describes the difference between biology and love
also gotta love how Yondu said ¨i´m sorry i didnt do none of it right. i´m damn lucky you´s my boy.¨ right before giving his own life to make sure Quill made it back alive.
I love Mr. Avery's immediate reaction of pulling Will in. Even back then touch between men was not 'normalized'. And extreme emotions outside of angry or wrathful violence were not recognized as 'manly'. Or it was considered faux pas. As a kid I recognized a parent coming in to try to help,. That Uncle Phil was Will's dad. As an adult I realize the role of Uncle Phil from the other side. The helplessness and the pain you feel as the parent. You can't solve this. You can't stop this. Betrayal on one of the deepest levels between parent and child. Giving hope and then snuffing it out. But Uncle Phil coming in with that instant embrace expressing: 'I'm not what you want but I am here. I will pick up this responsibility you are owed. You may hurt me, you may reject me, but I love you. I'm not leaving. I'm here!' What's even better whether the show meant to or not, was Uncle Phil never left any of his children.
The whole episode is sweet. There is even one scene where Phil tells his wife that he has been a father figure to Will all of this time and even admits he feels hurt that Lou just came back into Will's life but then decide to give Lou a shot.
Thanks for this!
I really loved that quote. So beautiful
Wow, your interpretation of what Uncle Phil was expressing made me tear up. Especially the end "I'm not leaving. I'm here!" Because people with abandonment issues and neglect never truly felt as though someone would be there for them. It brought up some of the work I've done with my therapist. Just having that presence, that safe and secure attachment, no matter what happens.* It's so incredibly important.
* Obviously, I don't literally mean *whatever* happens. There are still boundaries
Beautifully expressed! I really respected the writers', director's, and actors' choice to limit James Avery's lines in this scene. As a parent or parent figure, one wants to charge in and SAY all of those things, but him standing strong and just opening his arms to his hurting boy is all that is necessary. The character of Phil is always emotionally perceptive but wise enough not to blunder about and fracture the fragile trust he has built with his nephew. His steady presence is so powerful.
(Edited to correct actor's name)
I think one of my favourite parts about this scene is the way Phil is just able to hold space for Will. He doesn't interject or try to fix things or offer advice, he just gives Will a safe space to be himself and be with himself.
I was thinking the same, he gave Will explicit permission 'You're allowed to be angry', then created and held space for Will to work through it. The only time he interjects at all is to validate Will's feelings 'I did all those things on my own, didn't I Uncle Phil?' 'Yes, yes you did'.
- I can't tell you how many times I've seen people fall into the trap of choosing this moment to say 'well, not on your own, you had me/us/others helping you'.
Will ultimately broke and reached out for Uncle Phil, and he was ready and waiting when it happened, but the way the scene plays out, if Will had walked out instead for example, you can tell Uncle Phil would have equally have supported his need for space. Masterfully done.
What's always stood out to me most at the beginning of this scene is when Will's dad is offering bullsh*t excuses, Phil forces him to confront what he's doing by offering solutions. You don't have room for Will in your truck? Fine, I'll fly him out. I'll even cover your expenses. There's no "told you so" or smug victory, he tries to stop Will's dad from leaving and when he can't, he makes Lou feel his wrath.
I find it interesting how Will is expected to get angry at his dad's betrayal, and does get angry, yet I'm glad at the end that he also (sorta) cries because that's realistic.
Anger and sadness, and even numbness can all be reactions that people may experience. Grief around betrayal can come out in these ways, as people process through it.
I feel like the anger and the whole "I'll do better than him without him" was a form of knee-jerk coping mechanism that fell through once it was finally voiced in front of a caring parent and that after all that the real emotional truth came out. In this case the deep (child-like) sadness and confusion of not being wanted by the person that chose to birth you into the world.
It's a very masculine depiction of grief. We're so used to always needing to have a solution and to always have a way to bounce back that we tend to skip and ignore the emotional truth underneath the sudden urge to, in this case, show how much you've accomplished and the goals you set to accomplish to be a good person and a better father despite the rejection.
For those of us who don't have an uncle Phil, the "how come he don't want me, man" part never comes and instead we just bury it deep down and carry that sadness and confusion with us for our whole lives.
@@99sins Needless to say, but we could all use an Uncle Phil in our lives
As someone who has been abandoned by both parents, anger is the first and hardest emotion most of us go thru.
@@99sinsAbsolutely right.
“Will is not a coat that you put away until you’re ready to wear it.” That line hits hard and sums up how Lou treated Will perfectly. I hope that, if I become a parent, I never treat my children like that.
I cry every time I see this fresh prince scene between will and uncle phil. It is just so beautiful! I am fortunate to have a very loving family but I struggled a lot to feel like I belonged in any friend group. I now realize that my undiagnosed ADHD was probably a factor. Thankfully, I now have found some great friends so there is hope and like you said, to anyone out there who feels alone, just hold on, there is always hope out there.
Amen!
Will Smith and Jim Avery are so amazing in this scene. Watching them progress through the very real emotions connects so much. The scene hits so much because we have all had that feeling at some level of not feeling wanted by someone, even if for a short period. Thanks for doing this.
You're very welcome. Will Smith gets (deserved) props, but Jim Avery is underrated. What an actor.
I can so relate to Will addressing his father by name. I think titles like Mom/Mum/Mommy/Mother and Dad/Da/Pop/Papa/Father should be earned. Any humans can breed, it takes a person of character to be a parent. My adoptive dad never loved me unconditionally. I often wonder if biological connections were different. I seek out surrogate family through friends. Will you do a video on passive aggressive behaviour?
Will you adopt me? I wish I had the wherewithal to ask the courts to put me in foster care after my adoptive parents split. Bad enough initial rejection being given up for adoption then finding out your parents had a change of heart after adopting you and you aren't in the cute infant phase anymore and your adoptive parent sees you a liability.
@Deb Kunkel
> we have all had that feeling at some level of not feeling wanted by someone
idk, that might be over-generalization... And perhaps we've all felt unwanted "by someone" at times, but not all have been where Will is at, to not know WHY it happened (and to have it be a _parent_ of all things).
THE BEST
His name is James Avery
"He's not a coat you can just hang up and wear whenever you want to.." God that hit me so hard.
This is the day Will Smith became an actor. He took his personal experience and emotions,used them to express what the character was feeling, and in doing that probably helped a lot of people heal even to this day. I love it when shows like this, which are mainly comedy, go into these emotional moments. It just hits a different way.
EXACTLY
What personal experiences?! This is pure acting on Will Smith’s part.
Part of Will's interaction with Uncle Phil was improvised, and that's why James Avery grabs him in a hug at the end, which makes it even more raw and important to watch.
I actually learned that this isn't true. His delivery was just so perfect it made it seem like it was in the moment.
None of it was improvised
No matter how often I've seen that clip, I still cry ragged tears when Will yells "To Hell with him!" and then even more tears when he asks how come his Dad doesn't want him. Thank you for the wisdom you share through your channel. It is needed and valued! 🤗🥰
This still makes me cry every time I watch it.
You and me both!
Right at the end you can hear a woman cry out, thats Karyn Parsons who played Hillary crying watching off stage.
I needed to hear this today. As someone who cannot currently afford therapy, Mended Light and Cinema Therapy is as close as I can get until I can find a way to get the true help that I need, and they help to both brighten my day and to remind me of my worth. Thank you for giving those of us struggling this wonderful free resource, Jonathan and Co. Your work is extremely valuable to me and so many others.
~ Krista ❤
I really agree with this!
You're so welcome, Krista!
There's so much advice and help online, especially RUclips.
You do have worth. Keep watching these videos and all others that help you each day. Stay strong :)
You may be able to find a church counselor with therapy credentials that can help you for free. My counselor saved my life.
I don't know where you live, but you may be able to find someone who will work with you pro-bono. Some therapist can do a government funding as well, depending on the city and state you live in.
I've never actually sat and watched this episode. "He's not a coat you take off and put in the closet when it's convenient." hit hard. Growing up the analogy I used with myself about my dad was being treated like a pair of jeans going in and out of style.
I love this scene. So many complex and difficult emotions. The hug is iconic, but the one moment I love that’s underrated is Will putting down the statue. He’s so angry and aggressive, but he sets it down on the table so carefully. Even if it wasn’t intended, to me that shows both his strength in controlling his anger and also, potentially, the care and importance he places on the father- (or father-figure) child relationship. He definitely didn’t need his dad to show him how to treat his kids, but Uncle Phil certainly showed him how.
Even the fact that he values that relationship in the future, where the role of father is filled by himself.
Dannnng i never looked at the statue until this time i watched the scene and it was clear. I always was just wiping my tears lol but him talking about being a good dad. I think he tried so hard in real to be a dad and i was like you did it mate you really were a dad even though the relationship with him and his wofe and all the weird traumas the kids went through he valued the relationship it seems at least he somehow kept them close as a family to himself like any other dad instead of being a typical Hollywood family they just have normal family issues that any other family does which is good in the setting of them being right in the middle of Hollywood and music industry... somehow.
When the Dad says he's going to call Will from the road. Back then, that meant he was going to drive literal hours to possibly a day before he either stopped at a rest stop or gas station and used a payphone. The context back then adds even more weight to the line.
Let's be real though he had no intention of making that call. If Will hadn't happened to come downstairs before Lou left he wouldn't even have got a goodbye.
Or it even meant that he wouldn't have called at all.
The most powerful part of this scene was how Will was able to be vulnerable with Uncle Phil, his actual father figure who saw him through his triumphs and failures throughout the tome of the show. Him being vulnerable with Uncle Phil came from trust, already knowing that Phil will be there for him. That comfort and trust is powerful.
It is also powerful seeing how close the entire family (aside from Lou) was and how protective they are of him even though they had their problems from time to time like any family.
I was such a small child when I watched this for the first time and it impacted me greatly. My dad’s biological father and him have the same relationship as Will and Lou- except his dad NEVER met him.
I saw, as a 6 year old, what it must have felt like for my dad to grow up. Suddenly so much of what he put us through made sense.
I’m happy to report he’s grown so much in the last 20 years or so. He’s a fantastic dad now, and I’m so proud of the journey he went on.
I love this.
This episode definitely hit a sensitive note with me today. As someone who was abandoned and then grew up in a very toxic and abusive adoptive family. My motto for as long as I can remember has been to try and leave people a little bit better off than when I met them whether that means to give advice just listen and be supportive or try to help in some other way. We never really understand the struggle someone else is going through in the end, but at least we can help make it a little easier. Thank you for this and all your messages of help and positivity.
You're welcome and Amen!
This scene hurts. My dad walked out when I was 5 and never looked back. Before he died he supposedly wanted to see me again but couldn't find me. He had dropped off money at the house so I know he knew where I lived. Turned out he had a whole other family and he never told them about me. They found out I existed after he died. Have asked why he never wanted me all my life. Will never know the answer. My mom and I had a strained relationship. I have made my own family now. I have sisters and brothers who are not related to me by blood.
I cried the first time I saw this and every single damn time after. It's just so tragic.
It's so great.
Please, make a poster that says "Your worth is eternal, some people might fail to recognise it, but it's there", I need this in my life!!
Some of the BEST acting on Will Smith's part. Gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, tear-jerker!! Phenomenal! The love and affection of not just men but also Black men shows masculinity and no pretense and no fluff behind it, but pure emotion and vulnerability and humanity and honesty.
I remember watching that episode when it aired on T.V. I was a young teen, and that scene struck me to my core; so powerful. I know so many who feel how Will felt, myself included. We built a "family", and I am grateful for them every day. Thank you, so very much for your wise words.
You're very welcome :)
This is beautiful. Will Smith acted this extremely well. Thank you for sharing your insights and reminding us what it means to be a good parent, and also about creating our own family by choice. Even though I have a great family, I have still pulled people into my family by choice, and others have done that with me. All relationships take work, time, patience, forgiveness, and love, but it is worth it.
Wow, thank you! I love your insights as well :)
I love the Fresh Prince show. Anyone that was born in the 80's like me, or before, knows to value the best shows that ever been, such as this one. This scene is heartbreaking, I normally don't cry, but this brings me to tears every single time. My father, the only thing he gave me is financial backup. He grew up without love, so he can't give it. In my childhood, he never been there for me. He was a military man. Was a Navy Captain (Colonel), came home tired when I was already in bed. The only available time he had, was in the weekend, and then he just laid on the couch, with paper and coffee, never talking, screw everybody. In adulthood, we started to get close more. But still, if I ask him: Dad, when can I come visit you? He is saying: Come in the Winter. Which means don't come. But at least I know who he is, he never vanished like Will's father. He just was physically, but simply wasn't there. Interesting to know about the scene, I heard Will Smith talks about it: "When is daddy coming home?" It was improvised by Will, and all of the other lines afterwards, were improvised by Will Smith and James Avery. Showing how wonderful actors they were. True will pulled it out of the hat, but James responded naturally, by what he felt in the same moment. He was flowing with Will, not many can do this, this is greatness at it's best. I miss you the greatest actor James Avery.
Oh god, I felt every word of what you said! My dad was a Naval man too, and everything you said about your dad echoed for me (the only difference being that he would often be away at sea for months at a time, then come back for a few weeks, but make it obvious the whole time he didn't really want to be home at all, and was just counting the days until his leave ended.) Add on to that the fact that I was a girl (according to my mum, he wanted sons, not daughters) and he had a drink problem that made his moods very unpredictable, and I grew up feeling like the thing he'd been saddled with, the ball and chain around his leg that stopped him living the life he wanted to. I have a family of my own now, and the 'relationship' I have with my father is civil... but distant and cold. I'm too scared to make myself vulnerable by reaching out to him (that never went well for me as a child) and I have no idea if he wants to or not. So we have... well, I don't know exactly what it is we have. It's just there. We exist, in the same world, at the same time, and we don't interfere with each others' plans or seek out each others' company.
The most powerful part of this is that this wasn't all acting. Will Smith WAS actually abandoned by his father, and this was a hard scene for him to do. That hug was NOT scripted!
That's awesome.
That’s actually not true, just a rumour going around for a while.
False. He wasn't abandoned by his father but he sometimes wished he was. His father was incredibly abusive but also there throughout and he had to balance those two sides of his father and he clearly harnessed that conflict in this scene. In Will's own words from his memoir "“My father was violent, but he was also at every game, play, and recital. He was an alcoholic, but he was sober at every premiere of every one of my movies,” he writes. “He listened to every record. He visited every studio. The same intense perfectionism that terrorized his family put food on the table every night of my life.”"
Will’s father was actually close with him growing up so Will was crying for the people he knew that didn’t have father’s growing up.
Actually that's a misconception. Will Smith was not abandoned by his father, his parents split when he was a teenager, but his father was abusive to his mother, and Will Smith was constantly trying to placate and please his father to avoid the violence. He's written his memoirs recently, talking about it.
My father abandoned the whole family when I was around 6/7. Saw him once for five minutes when I was 17. As I walked away I knew I’d never see him again. I struggled with it for years (depression/abandonment issues/acceptance/seeking validation/etc).
This scene, and movies that touch upon this subject, always get me even after all these years.
Thank you for this video 😊
Honestly some of the best advice on this I've ever heard. It was heartwarming to hear how you made your own friendgroup. Gives me hope that I'll be able to make my own family.
Thanks for the effort you put into these videos, we all really appreciate it.
You're so very welcome, and I believe that you will be able to do just that :)
@@MendedLight :) :)
2:18 “Also the voice for Shredder from the Ninja Turtles”. Because that factors into the analysis HOW?!?? 🤣
I struggled for years and years and years with the pain of being unloved and unwanted by my mom. For some reason it was all I could ever think about, and agonize over. I was just constantly hurting because she didn't want me, and it must have meant that I was something truly evil and terrible, and then I sought out relationships with people that also didn't love me. In part because I felt like I deserved it, and in part because it was so normalized for me to be treated badly that I just accepted that I was doomed to be treated like crap forever.
I wish I had seen this video back when I was a kid, honestly someone told me recently "It's not your fault" for the first time in my whole life, and I cried my eyes out. Life goes on, and you are worthy of love.
you know it's good screenwriting when John is the one trying not to cry.
This scene in fresh prince makes me cry everytime. I connect to the feeling of abadonment of a dad but then seeing how he is supported just touches my heart.
I haven't seen this scene in years. Watching it today made me realise that, after 28 years, I've finally processed and recovered from being abandoned by my father. The first time I watched this scene, I was inconsolable for hours. The advise at the end is spot on.
I spent my childhood hearing how I wasn't wanted, how I was a burden. So this scene, just thinking about it, hits me hard. EVERY time 😢
Gash thats hard i mean for me its the fact im from a marriage that was a guilt trip and then being told you're my baby or whatever in our language but the constantly being berrated and told off and name calling all the time and just always being hurt by my mum..... my dad was ill and not really there during childhood but as an older teen i learnt about his illness and he had gotten more of his personality showing and i took time to get to know who he was i became his carer after a while and then had a bond with him and my toddler daughter making memories befor ehe passed away nothing bad from his side but also just feeling sad that he missed out on his father moments from our childhood and also that we missed that too and the one parent i had was just abusive so horrendous but made me feel like i was the only friend she had and was supposed to open and honest with her even when she was so harmful to me.... i was put in situations to help her when i was just a child myself and should have had my own childhood instead of being there to help her through her own difficulties and feel the guilt for her idek why i wrote this all out here... i need a therapist daang.
Unfortunately many people can relate to this clip (going through EMDR now) so Thank you for this video and the work you do on this channel and Cinema Therapy channel :)
You're so welcome.
As someone who rarely cries, this scene gets me every time. I give it 5/5 hankies. Will's range in this scene is amazing, and James Avery is just there for him.
THIS SCENE....
this scene ALWAYS Hurts..... the Answer I've always gleaned from this is Family are the people who are there for you when you need them the most, good bad right wrong most important thing is to just BE THERE
This scene is absolutely heart-rending. I lost my job (of three years) yesterday so the feeling of being unwanted and underappreciated really hit home.
I just rewatched the episode with Will’s dad last night so this was perfect timing!
HBO Max?
I remember as a kid watching this episode and how sad this made me feel. I wanted to be there to give Will that hug and tell him it's gonna be ok. I also remember talking with my folks about it cause I didn't understand the rollercoaster of denial he went through before he broke into tears to understand what was happening and why? How come he didn't want him?
Took me 21 years to find my mum but I can assure you she was worth the wait! My Birth family might be horrid people but THIS WOMAN who CHOSE me and continues to CHOOSE me as her daughter (even though I am no longer in a relationship with her son) is EVERYTHING a mother should be! Sometimes we don't pick how or who our family is and sometimes we do but there are 100% people out there that will see your worth and will want you. The woman I call mum is that for me.
Thank you for this Jonathan. My dad left when I was 8. As daddy's little girl, it hurt me the most. I didn't have a male role model after he left but I try to move on & have forgiven him a long time ago. But I don't want him back in my life because he only wants to be in my life if it benefited him. I came to the conclusion that he is human first, dad second. My mom has been amazing as both parents.
Give your mom a hug for me. She sounds incredible.
I remember this scene. It was the first time I thought Will Smith had real acting talent. I was never in doubt of his intelligence and comedic talent, but I'd not seen him access these emotions before. I think we were privy to some truly raw emotion from him here.
The fact that Will (character) clings to Phil is a huge, unspoken acknowledgment of his uncle's role in his life. Will can be cocky and glib; he could have brushed Phil off and escaped to nurse his hurt in private as he does with everyone else in his life, but instead he allows himself to share his pain and to accept comfort.
Jonathan, thank you for your message of comfort and encouragement in this video. I hope that many people who need to hear these words find them.
So true. I used to watch The Fresh Prince when I was a girl, and Lou always reminded me of my birth dad --- a narcissist who has never been a part of my life except for when he saw an opportunity for me to somehow be USEFUL to him -- as if I was some sort of tool that he could leave on a shelf for years, and then expect it to be always instantly available for whatever use he pleases (without any care for what condition he keaves it in afterwards).. You made an excellent point about how the ADULT is there to serve the needs of the child that tbey are raising -- NOT the other way around. And my past child-self came to the same conclusion that Will does on the show -- that the better father is clearly the always-caring-and-reluable fathet-figure who is there for you EVERY day,. and that they are "enough" that you don't NEED someone else in your life who is mostly-absent (and who is unreliable and cares only about what YOU can do for THEM, and who does NOT back up their empty-praise-and-false-hopes-and-empty-promises
Hi Jon, I just watched both Buffy Gets Therapized episodes, and then this episode. Thank you for being so vulnerable with all of us. Something that therapists rarely do is try to connect with their patients through their struggles, and share how they can relate to their patients. Thank you for taking the time to tell us how these moments you're processing with us relate to you, how you processed them on your own, and added in what you've learned through your training and experience. Now I know why you and Alan are called "RUclips Dads." I can't say thank you enough for being so authentic! Hope you're having a good day!
The writing and the acting in this scene are both so good!
You said it's at least a three hankey scene and I was like "I don't need a hankey - I've watched this enough times I know what's coming and I'm prepared and I'm not gonna cry"
Wrong
Can you do a video on Ted Lasso? He has a lot of trauma to work through but he always stays so positive... Thank you for everything you do. Your videos are always so helpful and inspiring 💙 #believe
I've no doubt we'll get there :) Thank you for the kind words!
This acting from Will is all real. He originally was suppose to shrug it off, but the hug between him and Phil is real.
47 years old and this scene still gets me teared up....such great writing and acting
I don't know how anyone can watch that without crying. I did feel that way all the time. My father even once called or pretended to call someone to "give me away" once when my sister lied about something to him about me and he was mad at me after believing her. That and the other emotional and one time (that I remember) physical abuse always stuck with me. These videos certainly help me flesh out those feelings.
I remember watching my Mom's heart break as she watched the 4 of us try (and fail) not to cry while watching this scene. She hated this for us.
Such an emotional scene and some brilliant acting. Still brings tears to my eyes years later.
As the black sheep of the family, I needed to hear this. Thank you!!!
Thank you for this. My blood family on my father's side don't want me. My father doesn't want me. He doesn't want me to have an opinion on anything. He wanted me to be controlled by him. Thank you again for this.
My dad passed when I was little, mom did an amazing job raising me but I always felt "different" not having a father in my life. Grateful for the men who have stepped up to help be father figures in young peoples lives. This scene just kills me every time.
The lense of family is what this clip was intended for but I personally found it resounded loudest with my friend groups, especially through my most vulnerable periods of time where big changes were happening and I was working through a lot of turmoil. It really fucking sucked reaching out to the people who I deemed "friends" in that moment and how few (literally only one) actually reached out and followed through with making sure I was actually ok and wanting to know how they could help/support me.
Your words of advice are ones that have reached me after I personally had to go through the worst of it to learn but that I hope others find before they go through the hell that I personally had to go through. Surround yourself around those that have your best intention, make your own family/support group/friend group, and know that what you bring to the table will never be undercut by the baggage that you carry. The people who love you and truly have your best interest will be there ready to help you however they can through thick and thin.
You are loved, you are cherished, and we need your light in this world ❤️
Amazing insights. Thank you so much for this.
This episode destroys me every time. I felt like this for the longest time. In a much better place now but wow it still kicks me in the feels
I love how you talked about making friends with others who are going through the same thing of being sad and lonely becouse thays what I've always done and its awesome I have so many friends some closer and some not but we all care about each other and can just be ourselves. It's really helped everyone involved
I'm 40 years old. I watched this when it first aired. I still cry every time I watch this.
I remember that scene so well. It was then I knew that Will Smith will be an iconic actor for our generation. Still gives me chills!
I don't even have words. All I have is thank you. You have given me so much peace from these videos. ♡
You're so very welcome!
As someone who was legally given up before I was born to be adopted, I relate when he asks why his Dad doesn't want him.
I love uncle Phil. My dad is the uncle Phil of the whole family. I admire and love him so much. I have had a number of cousins come live with us because they needed help. I have seen them cry in my father's arms and years later thank him for being so strict and loving at the same time.
This hits home for me because my ex husband left us when my son was only 3. He only wanted to involved in a most minimalistic way, only when it was convenient for him. My son is about to be a teenager now, has a wonderful grandpa who loves him and has been there as a manly role model. He has no interest in his birth father but loves his soon to be step father.
I just wanted to say I love your videos. You've become like an internet dad to me. Your advice is amazing and it helps a lot during those trying times. I want you to know a lot of your videos really had a positive impact in my life. This episode brought me to tears. Your words are so powerful. May God continue to bless you and your family 👋🏼
Even though I never experienced this, grew up in a very stable two-parent, blended family, with visitation to my father until an incident ultimately involving police when I was 10, for some reason THIS episode stuck with me to the point where I actually searched for IT specifically when NetFLIX (in Canada) licensed the series.
It'll be thirty years in May since this episode aired, and "How come he don't want me, man?" hits me right in the feels every time.
This is hitting very real for me right now. My kids (11 and 8) comes around twice a year... I'm between this rock and hard place of telling him to stick around and be consistent or go away for good. They idolize him and hold onto those 6-8 hours of memories so tightly, even go so far as using it as a weapon when they don't get their way with me. (Don't worry, I understand the psychology behind this and I don't let it get to me, at least not reactively or where they can see.)
Initially he moved three states away and would only talk to them when I'd call but then he said it hurt too much to see them cause he missed them so much. Then he met a woman and had another child. They moved back to our city and lived 5 minutes away from us for two years. He saw them more frequently, but I was encouraging it and scheduling things with him. Then one day his gf took them to the park so he could stay home alone with the video games. I asked him why and he gave me some excuses along with how he didn't actually want to see them he just said yes so they wouldn't be an inconvenience to attending puppy training classes (which the kids had been attending with me for 6 weeks already). At that point we got into an argument and I told him, "I will no longer force your children on you. If you want to see them, tell me and we'll schedule it."
Now we're at a few visits around Christmas and their birthdays, which are in the end of Dec and end of Jan. So they don't see him all year except for winter. We separated in 2015 and initially he was around often. Though he wasn't the best at remembering to pick them up from daycare and I often had to leave my night classes to go get them, they at least got to see him. At the end of 2016 when he moved though, that was what pushed the snowball down the hill.
I'm married now to a wonderful man who is there for them 24/7. I've been hurt by their Dad many times and each time he comes around I get hopeful for them that he'll stick around, but that hope is running thin and I don't know how many more times I can handle it before I tell him to just stay away for good and get courts involved to have him removed as father. But I also know that forcing him out of his lives could cause just as much emotional hardship around the subject once my girls get even older...
*sigh* Rant over.
I felt Will. My mother was more like a friend than a mother. She was always emotionally absent and wants willing to be there. She was only there for the fun things, but when she had to step up to the plate and take the time in being the parent she bailed out. I tried making amends, but I wasn't respected on my set boundaries after 12 years of her lying and manipulation towards me when i was vulnerable emotionally, mentally, and physically.
I came here from Cinema Therapy. Wish more people saw this channel too. You do such great videos!
I feel this, although I never have met my biological father and have a great dad I still questioned (even sometimes now) why my biological father never wanted me.
I'm so grateful to have my dad, so grateful that he took a responsibility that didn't need to be his and loves me with his whole heart. But this scene will always make me feel a certain way.
My father walked out of my life 4yrs ago , I’m 36yrs old now , still hurt and dealing with abandonment issues, it’s not been easy I feel I still have a long way to go 😢
Thanks for the vid! Ah, the sad and lonely. I was such in middle school, and the sad and lonely peers who I reached out to, we are still closefriends who support each other in all manner of things to this day.
And I always cry at this Fresh Prince scene. I remember watching it with my family when I was a kid and each of us really appreciating when this show got real like this. And I will point out that for someone you trust to hold you like Uncle Phil, (may the actor's soul rest in peace, thanks for all the wonderful memories), held Will, means the world especially when no words will do.
I've seen this scene a few times before and I never think I'm going to cry... but I always do.
This video did more for me than did 10 hours with a live psychologist after my father’s death. Coming across someone who can clearly and compassionately formulate a message in a way so that you can truly hear what they are saying to you is a gift, and it is one that you possess. Thank you.
One of the greatest videos in YT, thank you!
Reminds me of fairy tail what makarov and natsu say.
Makarov: "flesh and blood or not anyone who would endanger the lives of his brethren must be banished without exception".
Natsu: "Don't you know blood types don't matter because everyone in the guild is supposed to be considered family".
Clicked so fast. This is so needed for so many whether it's a dad, mom or another family member ❤❤❤
Truth!
Will's emotions here hit very close with how I felt towards my own father. He left when I was three and then up until his death, I could count on two hands the number of times we spoke over the phone. I tried reaching out, and the few times we did speak, he said we would meet up. It never happened. My relationship with my stepdad wasn't much better, but for very different reasons.
This episode always makes me cry. My Dad did a lot of the same things
Thanks for making me cry again… ❤️
I can easily relate to Will's feelings in that scene,the "how come he don't want me man?" part
My father left for another woman when i was around 4 years old,it was a very messy divorce. (He closed both bank accounts -the shared one and HER personal one so my mom couldn't feed my sister and I to try to force her to sign a paper who basically said he won't have to pay child support after the divorce)
After the divorce,he would never use his rights to visit,a lot of people thought it was because of my mom (my mom wanted my sister and I to have a bond with him,HE didn't want to) so one of my mom's friends planned a meeting with him,my sister and I in a mall.
At one point they were discussing while my sister and I were playing and I heard him say (most certainly thinking we couldn't hear) "I don't see why I should waste my time with them,I have my own life to live!".
It was 26 years ago (I was six when I heard him say that) and now that he is all alone (because of all the sh*tty things he did) he wants me in his life,but I don't want him in mine.
He never made me feel wanted nor worthy,even before the divorce (my birthday would be "celebrated" days before or after the actual day because he was celebrating his mistress daughter's birthday who happened to be on the same day as mine; he refused to buy an aerosol machine for my *severe* asthma but bought himself an expensive camera; and so on and so forth) so I don't see why I should want him in my life.
This couldnt be uploaded at better time. Thank you.
You're so welcome!
When I saw this, I thought of my best friend. She was adopted when she was a baby. We met at a middle school & I didn't like her. But we were best friend bc we found out we lived about 4 blocks from each other. We went thru thick & thin even tho not speaking to each other bc of the man did tear us apart. We been friends for more than 25 years now. She did have these issues of abandoned & unloved. I give her my love & support as a sister & as a family forever.
As someone whose father left them, this scene hits so hard. It takes a lot of work to stop asking yourself, "Why doesn't he want me?' My father passed away, and I never asked, so I will never know the why of why he left.
This helps me in so many levels past & present, I'm finding it difficult to fit in my own family, to be forgiving, compromising, always apologizing first even when everyone says "keep the peace or your the oldest" (I'm sick of these sayings it doesn't addresses any wrongs or issues in the present), problem solver, cause I'm the oldest of family, my metal health is shot, my ADHD/OCD is bad, my anxiety is through the roof & I'm at the stage of ignoring everyone & becoming a hermit because of the pressure & lies & fakeness of trying to be a family ....After my own Mother & Step-dad came in the picture of a couple of decades, they think I own them apologizes & hold all of the past issues & to move into another state with them so I have to look after them, cause they've got the house ready & to drop everything & start fresh at the same time take care of everything. It looks like I'm gonna be neglecting my own health & social life for theirs. And to make to worst is my Mother & step-dad broke their promise to Not allow any members of the family know where they live... They've broken my trust, because this was the stipulation & only condition of me moving state, in with them. Now my safety/mental health is question (I don't feel safe knowing my family know where I live.. they can be very toxic & violent.) Now today I'm gonna talk to my Mother and tell her my concerns and my resolve of not leaving (& not worry about my mothers gaslighting & other forms of manipulation & playing the victims.) ....... This made me realize, STOP, and value your own worth. Because you can't change or help your family, they are not fixable. Because your family will NOT help you if your in heed or wanting to help me if I'm in a crisis... Now I'm not going to try please my family & start helping myself & finding my own happiness & create my own family. Thanks so much, for making me see the TRUTH...I matter.
I never was a fan of Fresh Prince. Never watched the show. Having said that… this scene tears me apart EVERY TIME I see it. I can’t NOT cry.
My stepchildren have a drug addicted mom. They had to overcome so many emotions and demons bc of what they’ve been through. This scene has always got me and since my stepchildren arrived in my life the scene grabs my heart so hard!!!
I was raised by a British family when my family lived in the same state and i rember asking my dad (adopted dad he is my dad) why my parents didnt want me i resonate with this episode on such a deep leavle
Oh man this one got to me! I love the way you handled loneliness in high school. I guess the key thing there is that you all were in high school and as such having the advantage of being in close proximity to one another both in terms of age and physical space. Unfortunately when I tried that at some point in my life it did not work well for me.
When I first came to the uk to pursue my higher studies I felt awfully lonely and decided to reach out to other people who looked lonely to me. Unfortunately because I was not in a healthy place mentally speaking I ended up being taken advantage of so much so that my mental and physical health deteriorated so badly and I failed my studies. What I wish I did is to be a bit more comfortable with being lonely while taking care of myself before rushing into unhealthy friendships which took years of therapy for me to get out of. I am not saying that you’re suggesting rushing into friendships to avoid loneliness. What I am saying is sometimes we can find ourselves in situations where we are not only alone but also lonely and I found from experience that it can be helpful to learn to live with a little bit of loneliness.
I found my birth mother last year and felt this exact same way. The pain and confusion are unbearable sometimes.
this episode reminds me of my husband and his father's relationship.. it breaks my heart that this could be how he feels about it and all I hope is he knows he is loved even without his dad ❤
I didn't have a relationship with my father for most of my life. He was abusive to my brother (who is only 17 months older than me), and physically and psychologically tortured my older sister. He and my mother divorced when I was about a year old, and we had our last supervised visit with him when my brother was *maybe* 6 years old, after which he came home with a large hand-shaped bruise on his life.
My mother and sister decided not to tell me about the level of abuse that my sister experience, and stopped talking to my brother about it, because they wanted both of us to grow up believing that our father loved us. I believed that for a long time. Eventually we got in contact via phone when I was about 13, and he started calling once or twice a year, always on my birthday. When I was 17, I invited him to my graduation, and he declined, which ended up being a good thing. I had my own Uncle Phil in the form of my Uncle Jim, and he came. I did the father-daughter dance with him.
Fast forward about 13 years, and my dad died of a heart attack. I had since learned a lot more about all of the awful things he did to my sister. When my brother called to tell me our father had died, I thought he was calling to say his wife had miscarried and that my baby niece had passed. When I found out it was "just him", I was relieved.
My high school story is similar to Jonathan Decker's. I enjoyed high school. I experienced bullying k-3 grades. Which made me seek people that I shared common interests. Though those bonds have grown apart since we've become adults, it was important and meaningful at that time of our lives. I thank them and I hope they are well. Some I've reconnected with via social media. Others we've lost contact.
You and Alan always make me cry
"Your worth is set. Your worth is eternal" ❤
So I just came and subscribed from Cinema therapy. Umm this episode you have here hits really close to home for me personally cause I feel like a bit of an outsider in my family. I find myself doing a lot of what Johnathan said without really understanding why so I have been putting a lot of time into understanding myself and working on myself to try to bridge that gap and come to terms with that situation. So despite above average tissue use I just wanted to share that and thank Johnathan and crew for what they are doing.
This scene was some of the best writing and acting in the entire series. Gets me every time. It pulls real
They had several good episodes, bit if you binge stream (don't) it, there's waaay too much obsession with girls by Will. Among other problematic tropes. The trope was overused past cringe.