Lots of people have fake relationships with their own families and are double faced. You only knows the true colors of a person once you deals with them as an individual at early stages of making a serious commitment like NIKAH.
Good points jotted down there, but to be honest it's hypothetical to a certain extent. Also in an arrange marriage where judging a person based on _deen_ and _character_ becomes difficult forget about looking for _compatibility_
Good points made however how would one go about actually doing this .unless we are mingling and free mixing with the potential spouse how would you know if the person has good ties with family and whether he possess good manners. So many fakes out there!
I do understand the principle of family first but i know from experience if a man is good to his parents siblings uncles aunt's and neighbors doesn't mean he will be good to his wife and children. It can be even worse...men can sacrifice the happiness and wellbeing of their wife and children in order to please their relatives. Because you can't say no to your parents, older brothers and uncles. If they want money, time or service they come before wife and children. The latter must have sabr...(the last sentence was sarcasm)
tomatich Good point made. At what point the first bunch let go the man is the point here. I been serving my parents brothers and Aunt for past 20 years and found no way out of it and they needed more and more. I took care of my wife and kids very well too but now I am getting old and can’t carry on taking care of parents and younger brother and sisters not been able to reach to the point in life due to their own mistakes and shortcomings where I wanted them to be in order to earn money and take over the responsibility being young of parents and themselves but now I am stuck in a hole and my own kids are just little. Every time I tried to express myself I get blackmail of each kind from parents and younger brother and sisters as my father has been ill since last year and very unwell. I am always thinking about them and can’t be able to help my own family giving them my 100%. I would like to know what solution Islam provides in this situation ? What should I do to be able to get out of it without breaking relationships ? As Islam doesn’t allow to break the relationship with you family for more then 3 days ? So what is it I can do.
AK Ghori that is a horrible situation. I will never advice to abandon the parents. But you should get your priorities straight. If your siblings are grown up they are not your responsibility anymore. I don't know what you all do for them but there is only some much a person can do or should do. If you teach your siblings and others to relay on you for everything you are not doing them any favours. You should help people help themselves and sometimes it is tough love. I think it is horrible if they blackmail you in to doing things. That neans they know they are wrong and attack is the best defense. You should ask for advice what to do and i hope insha Allah you get real advice and not more blackmail. Because my experience is people advice things that makes them look good and not necessarily what they would do in the same situation. May Allah give you wisdom and strength to deal with your situation
Lots of people have fake relationships with their own families and are double faced. You only knows the true colors of a person once you deals with them as an individual at early stages of making a serious commitment like NIKAH.
Good points jotted down there, but to be honest it's hypothetical to a certain extent. Also in an arrange marriage where judging a person based on _deen_ and _character_ becomes difficult forget about looking for _compatibility_
Jazak Allahu khairan 😊
First thing must be the strong family roots good habits strong character passions etc
Thank you lovely presentation.
MA she said right on.
Good points made however how would one go about actually doing this .unless we are mingling and free mixing with the potential spouse how would you know if the person has good ties with family and whether he possess good manners. So many fakes out there!
You can investigate someone by asking around, checking their social media, and finding out what they do their free time or who are they friends.
I do understand the principle of family first but i know from experience if a man is good to his parents siblings uncles aunt's and neighbors doesn't mean he will be good to his wife and children. It can be even worse...men can sacrifice the happiness and wellbeing of their wife and children in order to please their relatives. Because you can't say no to your parents, older brothers and uncles. If they want money, time or service they come before wife and children. The latter must have sabr...(the last sentence was sarcasm)
tomatich Good point made. At what point the first bunch let go the man is the point here. I been serving my parents brothers and Aunt for past 20 years and found no way out of it and they needed more and more. I took care of my wife and kids very well too but now I am getting old and can’t carry on taking care of parents and younger brother and sisters not been able to reach to the point in life due to their own mistakes and shortcomings where I wanted them to be in order to earn money and take over the responsibility being young of parents and themselves but now I am stuck in a hole and my own kids are just little. Every time I tried to express myself I get blackmail of each kind from parents and younger brother and sisters as my father has been ill since last year and very unwell. I am always thinking about them and can’t be able to help my own family giving them my 100%. I would like to know what solution Islam provides in this situation ? What should I do to be able to get out of it without breaking relationships ? As Islam doesn’t allow to break the relationship with you family for more then 3 days ? So what is it I can do.
AK Ghori that is a horrible situation. I will never advice to abandon the parents. But you should get your priorities straight. If your siblings are grown up they are not your responsibility anymore. I don't know what you all do for them but there is only some much a person can do or should do. If you teach your siblings and others to relay on you for everything you are not doing them any favours. You should help people help themselves and sometimes it is tough love. I think it is horrible if they blackmail you in to doing things. That neans they know they are wrong and attack is the best defense. You should ask for advice what to do and i hope insha Allah you get real advice and not more blackmail. Because my experience is people advice things that makes them look good and not necessarily what they would do in the same situation. May Allah give you wisdom and strength to deal with your situation
masha allah
How do we suss out true character. A person's true colours. ?