gentle, peaceful, conscious parenting is what it's been labelled (the version for non trauma kids following similar principles) - by the likes of Kim John Payne, Sarah Ockwell Smith, Philipa Perry, etc
Brilliant advice, if you don’t know about these things, and continue to do your best with standard parenting (because that’s what worked with our children) we are doing our foster children a grave mis-service... thank you for taking the time to put this out there, I’ve learned a huge amount in a short space of time..
Thank you for an excellent video. In my view, this type of parenting could benefit any child. I have tried to bring up my own children this way and help my clients do the same. All children could benefit from unconditional understanding, accepting them as good young people even if they misbehave, time in rather than out, not being asked why they do things and allowing natural consequences to happen. It is just that traumatised children are desperate for this approach, whereas the more secure children can somehow cope (not necessarily thrive) without it. Maybe one day all children will be brought up this way, and the world will be a better place. Thank you.
Thank you! PS The fork in the printer is logical - sometimes using something pointy will sort out a minor paper jam and save figuring out how to open the printer up and getting inky hands and... ☺️
If they've never lived with their birth parents then they have the separation at the same time as the birth - which is a bit of a double whammy. In utero, the baby hears mum's voice. When they are born, mum's voice is the one that is most soothing to the baby. This is why it is beneficial for partners and older children to talk/sing/read to the bump; the baby can then be soothed by those voices, songs and storybooks too. If the baby is removed at birth, they have nothing soothing continued from in the womb in the new, frightening, noisy, cold, dry place where they now live. Even the heartbeat of their main carer is different and won't help them as much as their mum's heartbeat can. Babies hearts are regulated by their mum's heart's electrical signal (yes, there is research to prove this) up to 12 feet away. With brst-fed, this rhythm is automatically picked up by the baby's heart. With bottle-fed, you need to put in a little bit of extra work - especially on consistency around the carer who does everything for them - but this bond is possible. Therapeutic parenting will definitely help as they grow up, but remembering that the time just out of the womb is called 'the fourth trimester' may help more at the start. Things like skin-to-skin contact where they can listen to the new carer's heartbeat will help. Having the same carer for every feed with lots of eye contact will help. Investing in a wrap that mimics the closeness of the womb helps tremendously; this is true for almost all babies at least at some stage (eg teething) as they are close, held, hear your heartbeat, hear your voice, feel regulated by your heartbeat, hear the other voices you interact with on a day-by-day and feel how you respond to them - plus you are mobile and have your hands free... 😊 Mine wouldn't be put down, and my wrap was a total sanity-saver. Both are Neurodivergent, one needs movement to help them calm, the other has issues with sound and needs to feel held to help them calm. The wrap did the thing they needed. 😊 Added bonus of the wrap - it facilitates the bond between the hearts, meaning that the new carer's heart's electrical signal will regulate the baby's heartbeat. Same research as above. 🤗
Hey - where’s the love? Where is the belonging? Sorry, if you treat “them” like your own they will heal and become like your own. One part I liked, was your reference to liking the child, not the behaviour. My words to every single child who became one of my family was; I will love you every single day of your life, but I don’t love that behaviour, so get on with the washing up, homework or the whatever was the outcome of my distress at that moment. Your words do not apply to my boy - each child is predominantly the same. The only difference is how much crap has been heaped upon their tiny minds and bodies. I personally like boundary setting, however the children who require actual therapeutic care are the ones who can least do with those strict boundaries you speak of.
I think what Sarah Nash means by strict boundaries in more consistency. If you say something has a consequence following through. I don't think she means being strict in the sense of being mean.
The Paddy comment really lets you down. I understand that you may think of it as “just a phrase” but it is offensive. We are trying to teach our children to be open and inclusive, yet we still use phrases like these that are just racist. I’ve watched two more of your videos and there’s really great content, but my mind keeps returning to that phrase and how offended I was that a professional would use such a phrase in an educational video.
I'm going to try this now. I pray I can break the cycle of my standard practice. I pray this works for my lil FS.
Wow, I was blown away by this. As a parent myself it has really opened my eyes.
i think 'standard' parenting needs to be 'therapeutic' parenting across the board!!
Maria, I was just thinking the same thing. Or at least a close version of it.
Are you familiar with Alfie Kohn? He references research supporting many of these approaches and has shown how damaging competition is for everyone.
Completely agree.
gentle, peaceful, conscious parenting is what it's been labelled (the version for non trauma kids following similar principles) - by the likes of Kim John Payne, Sarah Ockwell Smith, Philipa Perry, etc
Brilliant advice, if you don’t know about these things, and continue to do your best with standard parenting (because that’s what worked with our children) we are doing our foster children a grave mis-service... thank you for taking the time to put this out there, I’ve learned a huge amount in a short space of time..
Watching this reminded me of what we need to do. Its just so exhausting to keep this level of compassion and patience.
Thank you for an excellent video.
In my view, this type of parenting could benefit any child. I have tried to bring up my own children this way and help my clients do the same. All children could benefit from unconditional understanding, accepting them as good young people even if they misbehave, time in rather than out, not being asked why they do things and allowing natural consequences to happen. It is just that traumatised children are desperate for this approach, whereas the more secure children can somehow cope (not necessarily thrive) without it.
Maybe one day all children will be brought up this way, and the world will be a better place.
Thank you.
Thank you!
PS The fork in the printer is logical - sometimes using something pointy will sort out a minor paper jam and save figuring out how to open the printer up and getting inky hands and... ☺️
Thank you 😊
Thank you so much for this.
This is really helpful
I'd been looking into reward, I won't now 🤦
She's a pretty good kid anyway 🤗
Really good recap. Thank you.xx
Thank You.
So, what do you when every time you go to the printer and you find ALL the cutlery in it?
This was helpful thanks
Would you suggest strict routines for babies/children who have never been with birth parents? I know trauma can happen in utero as well.
If they've never lived with their birth parents then they have the separation at the same time as the birth - which is a bit of a double whammy.
In utero, the baby hears mum's voice. When they are born, mum's voice is the one that is most soothing to the baby. This is why it is beneficial for partners and older children to talk/sing/read to the bump; the baby can then be soothed by those voices, songs and storybooks too.
If the baby is removed at birth, they have nothing soothing continued from in the womb in the new, frightening, noisy, cold, dry place where they now live. Even the heartbeat of their main carer is different and won't help them as much as their mum's heartbeat can.
Babies hearts are regulated by their mum's heart's electrical signal (yes, there is research to prove this) up to 12 feet away. With brst-fed, this rhythm is automatically picked up by the baby's heart. With bottle-fed, you need to put in a little bit of extra work - especially on consistency around the carer who does everything for them - but this bond is possible.
Therapeutic parenting will definitely help as they grow up, but remembering that the time just out of the womb is called 'the fourth trimester' may help more at the start.
Things like skin-to-skin contact where they can listen to the new carer's heartbeat will help.
Having the same carer for every feed with lots of eye contact will help.
Investing in a wrap that mimics the closeness of the womb helps tremendously; this is true for almost all babies at least at some stage (eg teething) as they are close, held, hear your heartbeat, hear your voice, feel regulated by your heartbeat, hear the other voices you interact with on a day-by-day and feel how you respond to them - plus you are mobile and have your hands free... 😊
Mine wouldn't be put down, and my wrap was a total sanity-saver. Both are Neurodivergent, one needs movement to help them calm, the other has issues with sound and needs to feel held to help them calm. The wrap did the thing they needed. 😊
Added bonus of the wrap - it facilitates the bond between the hearts, meaning that the new carer's heart's electrical signal will regulate the baby's heartbeat. Same research as above. 🤗
Whats is a "bit of a paddy"?
Please please don't use an electric printer as an example! i should hate to think someone would shove objects into anything electric.
Hey - where’s the love? Where is the belonging? Sorry, if you treat “them” like your own they will heal and become like your own. One part I liked, was your reference to liking the child, not the behaviour. My words to every single child who became one of my family was; I will love you every single day of your life, but I don’t love that behaviour, so get on with the washing up, homework or the whatever was the outcome of my distress at that moment. Your words do not apply to my boy - each child is predominantly the same. The only difference is how much crap has been heaped upon their tiny minds and bodies. I personally like boundary setting, however the children who require actual therapeutic care are the ones who can least do with those strict boundaries you speak of.
I think what Sarah Nash means by strict boundaries in more consistency. If you say something has a consequence following through. I don't think she means being strict in the sense of being mean.
you say 'if my child was having a 'bit of a Paddy!!' edit that out of an otherwise good post
Lol sort yourself out
The Paddy comment really lets you down. I understand that you may think of it as “just a phrase” but it is offensive. We are trying to teach our children to be open and inclusive, yet we still use phrases like these that are just racist. I’ve watched two more of your videos and there’s really great content, but my mind keeps returning to that phrase and how offended I was that a professional would use such a phrase in an educational video.