DNA Test Uncovers Life Changing Secret
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- Опубликовано: 29 авг 2024
- In this professional genealogist reacts, I watch "How 23 and Me Changed My Entire Life" by @RachelSouthard
Check out the original video - • How 23 and Me Changed ...
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I get where she is coming from. My youngest brother's daughter (niece) got a DNA test with surprising results that didn't match up with our family tree. He told me about it worried that his ex- had cheated. We knew our family tree, I had traced our paternal family line to when they came from Germany to the British American Colonies in 1755. We were proud that our family was New York and Pennsylvania German, Dutch and Swiss German. So I took a DNA test and found out that my niece and I are not German at all. That someone lied and cheated. My last name is not my family history after all. Everything I've known since I started doing Genealogy in the 1970's is out the window and I have to start over with the basic question, who is my real father? Or who is my real paternal grandfather? My mother is finding out my DNA results today and may or may not have answers.
Absolutely. I found out my Paternal grandparents are my real birth parents and I was handed over to my way older brothers family to be raised like he was my dad. It was horrifying. Family lies never work out well at all. Just people tell the truth.
That's an unusual story. I've heard of a few reversed situations (i.e. a young teenage sibling turned out to be the birth mother), but not who you thought were grandparents were the actual birth parents. Expanded my view on reality a bit, this did.
To an extent, I see your point. I don't think my mother's life was enhanced by finding out her father who raised her was not her bio parent. It turned out much better so far for another person I know who found out the same thing. Although her father is fantastic, the bio dad has been kind and welcoming and she gained 3 new half siblings who want to be part of her life.
I adopted one of my 1st cousin’s children. Prior to adopting I strongly felt ‘nurture’ was a stronger determinant than nature. In our case nature won hands down. My child is virtually a carbon copy of her bio parents and 1/2 siblings. Without contact with the bio family for 16 years my child has the same vocal patterns, mannerisms and personality. It’s amazing what is encoded in our dna!
I agree. Adopted children should stay in the family and not be sent away to parents who are totally different from them. Thank you.
I met my half sister who my mother put up for adoption. She had my mother’s EXACT personality. She was more like our mother than any of the 3 daughters my mother actually had access to during our formative years.
To be honest, I don’t know why you’d not tell your child that you had to use a sperm donor to conceive them. I can’t imagine not telling my child they were either adopted or conceived by a sperm donor, if they weren’t my biological child.
I would feel far too guilty if I didn’t tell them. I know I would’ve wanted to know if I was adopted or not my dad’s son.
I have a unique perspective on this having discovered that my grandpa knowingly put his name on my mother's birth certificate and never told her. My grandparents have 5 children, and I think he never wanted her to feel like she was less important to him than her siblings. He was just the best father and grandpa, and it genuinely didn't matter to him. Neither she or her children were treated differently. He made all of us feel like his favorite, an amazing talent for someone with 5 favorite children and 8 favorite grandchildren! It likely didn't occur to him the potential health implications, but since there was no way to get in contact with my mother's bio father, they thought it would just not enhance her life. I actually think they were right. Her life has not been made better by learning this information. The bio father kind of sucks, no half siblings exist to our knowledge, and no one else on that side seems interested in getting to know her or us which is crazy since we are fabulous 😂
That's not to say that no one's life is made better by learning about a non parental event. I would say although it's caused emotional turmoil, another person who I purchased a DNA test who ended up discovering a non parental event has had her life enhanced by it because she has 3 half siblings who are so similar to her and who were very welcoming and open to forming a relationship. Also I clearly need to learn my lesson and stop trying to make everyone get a DNA test 🤣🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
The question is when. Too young it is meaningless, to old you have "hidden" it from them.
I don’t know how old you are, but it could be a generational thing. She looks to be in her 30s. The idea of telling as a general recommendation is quite knew. Older generations just didn’t tell.. they thought it would hurt a child more. However, research shows telling young in an age appropriate way is best. Otherwise, you end up with a lot of people that felt like they were lied to their entire life. It was a common feeling in her demographic
In my case, I discovered that my ancestry is EXACTLY what I thought it was. Parents from different parts of eastern Europe are EXACTLY what I expected with only a tiny fraction of unexpected ancestry.
Probably I’m very very lucky!
Same here, my DNA test didn't tell me anything I didn't know or suspect.
I had a cousin match like that. The young woman suspected her father was not her bio father because she was 2 when her parents remarried, after being divorced for several years and her father had legally adopted her. For some reason they wanted her to believe he was her bio dad. They gave her some story that they had split up before her mom knew she was pregnant and because he was not on the birth certificate, he had to adopt her. She messaged me trying to figure out how we matched. She told me the whole story and where she was from, I had a cousin who lived in that city when he was a kid (his father, my uncle had a job transfer) but moved away in adulthood. I gave her his name and told her to ask her mom if she knew him. It turned out they had dated in high school and had hooked up at their 20-year high school reunion. My cousin was her bio father. Anyway, her folks had not exactly lied. they had dated, even married and divorced and (she had an older sister) and then remarried a few years later. They admitted they knew her legal dad was not her bio dad as my cousin and her mom hooked up after their separation and divorce.
At the age of 48 I discovered through Ancestry that the man who raised me and signed my birth certificate was not my biological father.
Me also but it was my mother who lied about it and then let him raise me with my 3 older sisters, on his own without her help, I was 50. I lost dad just after my 22nd bday, and found out out @ age 50 he wasn’t my biodad. So, the man who was my bio dad passed away 2 years before I learned the truth, it seems I went through the grieving process 3 times.
an excellent example that sperm donation should be very limited.....
Family secrets will get out so parents should be open with their children. Especially as we increase our knowledge on the transmission of susceptibility to illness and diseases via our DNA. Not having that knowledge could, in extreme cases, shorten your life or have a major impact of the quality of your life. Being kept in the dark is not the kindest thing a parent can do, it is the opposite. It might to uncomfortable to discuss but it is absolutely necessary.
It's funny because my story is exactly the same as hers - also the parents not telling her, even though they are looking right at the results showing half siblings, is exactly the same as how my parents reacted. Eventually the came about telling me, because I thought to myself "this cannot be a fault". Honestly I really don't think my parents knew that consumer DNA tests were a real thing 😅
I watched that show on Netflix. It’s crazy!
I gave my mom a DNA test once I found out her paternity was questionable. She hasn't said anything though about relative matches so either she never bothered or found it incredibly uninteresting.
My mom told my brother and me that we were full German. Not so. Dear old dad was from South Carolina. Scotland Wales and many others.
The fact that her parents didn't go to college may explain why they didn't realize what the DNA test would disclose.
having come along a fair bit behind my siblings i always thought i was an accident, i didn`t have a problem with that i knew my parents loved me, but ,when i found out in my 20`s that the week before they found out i was on the way they had an interview to adopt, well knowing you are wanted that much really does feel really good .and while nurture is important you are nurturing those genes that came by nature and there is def a huge effect of the genes you come with!
23 and Me told me that one of my nieces is my half-sister. Um, what?? After about a half hour of trying to process this, I looked on the 23 and Me web site and it said one way they determine relationships by age difference. My niece is 14 years younger than I am. Yes, that is because I’m the youngest of 4 kids and my siblings are 10 years or more older than I am. My siblings got married and had kids while I was still a teenager. My niece is the daughter of one of my brothers. I am her aunt, not her half-sister.
Also, with this niece, her ancestry report showed 100% European while mine has a few other ethnicities. We don’t always get the same genetic package from our parents.
Lovely woman. Lucky parents. She's discovered a new world, in her world. I liked the video. Honesty must be the rule. It should be law. You might fall in love, with a half-sibling, or cousin, when you go off to college. I hate that. I didn't fall in love, but met 3 cousins at the same distant University. Not funny, when you think about it. Mom told me about one guy. I recognized him as family immediately. He saw the resemblance, in me too. The 2 others I had never seen in life. We actually met and talked a couple of hours. The female cousin was apparently after my boyfriend and had her nice Brother(my cousin) occupy me, while they disappeared. I confronted Mom, about it. She didn't think that it was that serious. I was 22. I found it to be viciously serious. She, my cousin, married my then ex- boyfriend years later, after being married and divorced. My ex-boyfriend did the same. Both had children, with their spouses and left them. How romantic. If you use a sperm bank, you should have to tell your child, by a certain age, the source of their DNA. Woah! If not informed, that is deception. Parents should also tell their children, about their cousins.
I sympathize with everyone who has uncovered non parental or non paternity events. My dad is my dad unfortunately lol but my awesome grandpa who looks just like me is not 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ I'm going to have to stop recommending people take DNA tests because I swear I have like a 75% secret uncovery rate. 😬 No sperm donor situations. Just a lot of infidelity or someone knowingly raising someone else's child without informing the child. 🤷🏻♀️ And the only person I can think of who didn't find a secret just isn't related to anyone with the same last name as her, so the secret is probably just further back and will be harder to unravel. So yikes! Is everyone out here being shady or is my luck just the worst?!
Sounds like there was just more infidelity and "secrets" going on in the population group(s) you are descendant from (at least with your closer relatives). Both my parents are Finnish, and my dad and I are huge into genealogy. So far, we haven't discovered any strange DNA situations in our close family. However, we do have some more distant DNA matches for whom there's no such connections in our family trees with them. Plus, a few people who should be more closely related, according to family trees, who either don't appear as DNA matches or are much less closely related than we'd expect. So, it seems there were some secrets further back in time. However, endogamy (in rural Finland), relatively small rural populations of the villages/areas my parents are from, and people not moving far from their birth towns (until more recently in history) makes figuring out the actual connections VERY difficult. I have one DNA match in particular with an ancestor who was an illegitimate child (father unknown). It turns out that the child's mother worked on a farm in the small village that my dad is from. She was from a neighbouring village. So, it's very likely that one of my ancestors, or more likely one of his brothers (or cousins), is the child's father. But, we haven't yet figured out the exact connection yet. But, hopefully we can narrow it down precisely one day.
@@Sal.K--BC Ironically my ancestors all seem to be who they are supposed to be. So it's not a systematic population issue. Although to be fair, endogamy could be clouding the truth if there is a discrepancy. But I have matches that seem to only be through each set of 5th great grandparents for every line.
It's actually the sexual revolution generation that has caused all of the issues! My grandpa met my grandma in the 60s while she was pregnant and just put his name on the birth certificate as my mother's father. My grandpa was in the military stationed an ocean away from home, so I guess he figured no one would be the wiser and he could start a family with the woman he loved without anyone asking questions and he was completely right! We didn't find out until years after his death.
Other examples would be the second of 5 children who was not legitimate while all the other siblings are legitimate, the full siblings that turned out to be half siblings, and the non-parental event of my friend's birth that resulted in her parents getting married. . . Even though she's not actually her father's biological child. None of those people are related to each other. They just all happen to exist in my circle. Maybe the common denominator is that people who have a nagging feeling something might be off may be more likely to do a DNA test?? But I definitely couldn't have guessed our family secret in a million years! My only interest was in doing genealogy with the results 🤣🤷🏻♀️
Finally beat Charlie here
It’s unusual that I did, too!
Ok bro
Dam
I watched this video and it is a very interesting story. Whilst I agree with you about the parents I think if I remember right i don't think it's explained whether the parents knew she had taken a DNA test until she tells them she's got the results on Christmas Eve. Even then it doesn't sound as though they really know that much about genetics, but even so you would think that it would have rang alarm bells when they knew. I guess that most people don't realise that you get matches which can reveal siblings or new cousins that would reveal the truth that I don't think they were trying to hide they just didn't think it was important.
I'm sad you didn't comment on the final part of the video because it did annoy me a little. I can only think that her parents pushed her to do well and go to college, as many of her newly discovered half siblings' parents probably did as well, so the fact they ended up in professions like they did doesn't surprise me, without knowing their stories it is hard to judge. The comment about her sister being very different doesn't surprise me either as my sister was always more creative, doing a degree in languages being good in that area whereas I'm more into the sciences, maths, and technology so whilst I'm sure genetics can play some part I think how you are brought up and educated, allowed to follow your dreams with encouragement and support players a much bigger role. She kind of says this herself but seems to think you only go into medicine if someone in the family has previously done it, which I'm sure helps, but isn't a pre requisite.
You know, it actually makes sense that the children of people who went to the trouble of using a sperm donor would end up high achieving. They are likely far more invested in their children than someone who 1) Incidentally had children they didn't plan for and may not be ready for. Or 2) Could not afford intervention and doesn't have the resources to support their children to the same extent, possibly living in a lower income community than the one the people using a sperm donor can afford, having access to better schools, and possibly having more time as they don't need to work two jobs?
Maybe the parents did not realize that many people have already taken these tests.
As far as nature vs nurture goes, all of her half siblings probably grew up in the same area to parents with the same financial status. Which could explain why they talk the same & like the same foods, etc.
Occasionally there is an issue with the company. The first company had large percentages of ancestry that I knew couldn’t be correct and missing ancestry of countries I knew people came from, I believe my sample got either contaminated of accidentally switched. I reached out to the company but got no response other than the form letter that they would get back to me. It’s been over a year so I guess they plan to just let it go unanswered. I redid the test with a different company and my results came back as matching both my mom and nephew and the family history that I knew.
I know your family history can be changed by these tests. My nephews test uncovered a secret in his fathers family but unfortunately the only people who would have answers have been dead for 40 yrs.
Unphased vs phased dna
who knew😮😮😮
Frankly I would be more than angry if my parents lied to me about who I am connected to. I really think there us no excuse for that!
Sperm donors are on the whole a bad idea. But people will go for them if they’re desperate enough…
I wonder if a really prolific sperm donor will cause a mess of unexpected incest. Possible, isn’t it?
Great video!
Me: 100% European (mostly England/NW Europe and Scotland); wife: 60% indigenous- Ecuador, 31% European (mostly Spain and Basque), 8% Africa (West and southern Africa); our three adult children: 66% European (varying percentages for each child-mostly England/NW Europe, Scotland, and Spain), 30% indigenous-Ecuador, 4% Africa.
I wish we didn't put so much weight on on genes or "blood" defining who we are so reveals like this wouldn't be so shocking or traumatic to people. Your parents are who raised you. Your culture is the culture you grew up in. Your identity is you and you are free to define yourself.
i bet the paternal donor was a handsome talented med student. Making a few extra bucks getting through school.
I feel like from a medical history perspective, you need to be telling your kids that they were conceived by a sperm donor once they are 18.
I’m surprised they used a different sperm donor for the sister.
Hi! Do you by any chance know how I could find out if I am a product of incestuous grape? My mom was keeping secrets until the day she passed away, and the guy who I thought was my father, well…he likely isn’t. We’re not on speaking terms and he wants me dead. I have zero connection to that side of the family and have very big doubts that I am related to those folks. I don’t look Mongolian at all but one of the great grandparents of the guy who I thought was my dad was definitely Mongolian. His mother had Asian eyes, and his sister, and one of his nieces. He has brown eyes and dark complexion. I look nothing like him. I was born with birth defects and my mother once mentioned being graped and another time talked about a very persistent pervert uncle who was trying to go somewhere “private”with her. I put two and two together in my mind. But how do I untangle this mystery for real? Do DNA tests tell you the likely reason for your birth defects of it relates to incest? If I learn that I have 0% Mongolian in me, does it mean that I’m not related to the guy I considered my father?
My Dna is 100 percent right what i was told as a child has came up in my dna results Ireland 38 percent , Scotland 27 percent , England & Northwestion Europe 24 percent , Germanic Europe 9 percent , Sweden & Denmark 1 percent , Portugal 1 percent. .
Why do you pronounce segments weird?
I found out I'm 47% Native American.
Identical by chance… would that impact criminal genealogy?
Very much so, especially because Law Enforcement cases often deal with DNA which is degraded and at a much lower amount than typical tests. So it is something always in the back of the mind of Investigative Genetic Genealogists as they review their matches, especially if a case has a low call rate. Similar to how all genealogists keep in the back of their mind the idea that somewhere in the family tree they are researching, someone may have different biological parents than those who raised them.
Ostad hi
I wish her ethnicity estimate had been shared….
During fertility women donate unused eggs.
I didn't like when she said the white part of my family!
You are too disruptive.
Her mother is Mexican is so bogus. Mexico is a multi-racial country and there is no single 'Mexican' ethnicity. It isn't like Germany or Japan.
Germany, really….most German’s are not 100% German…..there is a great amount of genetic diversity….french, polish, Russian, Dutch, danish, Norwegian, English, etc…..
I think she did mention that the results were what one might expect from Medixo, mainly Iberian and perhaps a bit indigenous.