Men Explain Why They Want to Stay Single
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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I don't hold grudge to women but i simply wish to remain single, i wont let sexual drives compromise me, staying true to my self has provided me with a lot of insights and a meaningful life, i will likely remain single for the rest of my life and it doesn't bother me at all, people need to choose for themselves what they want.
That’s awesome! You’re cool with experiencing zero genuine touch, affection, care, passion for the rest of your life. Good for you.
@@ShilenNyx It's never genuine.. Women trick you into loving them. The bond a man forms for a woman is not the same for a woman. You are still always replaceable. If you fall on hard times or show her weakness, she will start to think of leaving.
@@ShilenNyx I feel like you're saying this in an unkind way. So let me chime in too. High fives and hugs, talking to friends, being with family, focusing on hobbies and work. These all satisfy the categories for what you just said, ass jerk.
Most single men are out. If you build a society that doesn't work for the majority of men, the majority of men will not work for that society.
Your the percentage of men that never bred. It's as old as the hills.
The first comment presented got me. Before I married, my soon to be husband said, "you are perfect, just as you are". But as soon as we married he said, "now you have to change". Turns out he didn't like my lipstick color, music, books, friends, hair style, clothes, car, and so on. The marriage didn't last long, because I could not fundamentally become someone I was not.
most of my 'fiancée's' have done that too. its the individual, not the group. lying about who and what you are is unfortunately pretty common in today's world where there seems to be no consequences for anything you can blame on others.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. It couldn't work at all indeed. I hope you find someone who truly accepts you for who you are, and that you don't have to wait until you're married to find out you're not being accepted. Looking back at it now, was there some signs you could have picked up (but either missed or refused to see at the time) ? I hope that this experience will in the end make you better equipped to move away from people who try to fundamentally change who you are, and that you find someone that will be as accepting of you as you are of them.
Oh noooo see this is why I'm afraid of getting married. Wow you married him now you have to change. He said everything right to get you to marry him and now you have to change yourself??? Oh no. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
What did he like about you in the first place?
@@hastensavoir7782 It was probably just a ploy, turned out he liked my income better. Wiped out my savings, demanded my paycheck, etc. I got out before he did irreparable financial damage. It happens to both men and women. My case is not unusual.
I am 53 years old with no kids. I have always been single and I like it.
I believe that change happens anyways, with or without the person. Every year we are different from the past year, it’s natural. And if it’s not that partner “changing” you, eventually it will be someone else. We, as humans, learn from each other all the time. The major factor is to respect our differences and allow the “changes” to happen naturally.
Women feel it’s ok to change their men…hair, dress style, friends etc, but when men make those suggestions to women, we’re accused of being “controlling.”
Staying single for a man is not a crime. So it's the most prudent way to go these days. It's safe, no drama and you won't be treated like a doormat
I think the point he’s making is - If you’re with someone who treats you like a doormat - why did you choose that person, and a lack of trust in yourself for maintaining your boundaries (and I struggle with this myself, hence single until I trust myself enough to choose a good partner and uphold my own needs and boundaries… vs being a doormat.
The fact is thats how most woman know how to treat men now day. We are considered options. Aka doormats or atms. We want to be treated like people. Not a atm or a doormat. Sorry, woman have issues and i dont need any of it
@@sandyaswamy3778The reality is we're closed off because we feel there is no winning. If I were to become the emotionally connected guy, any and all of my deepest, darkest secrets will be shared with her friends group and her closest male coworker within the week. Why do we want participate, exactly?
@@sandyaswamy3778choosing that person is as easy as throwing darts at a dartboard blindfolded. The chances of getting a bullseye is slim to none, but you’ll probably hit somewhere on the board if you try enough times. (The bullseye being the unicorn). Sure, guys can set boundaries and learn to fight for respect, -but what’s the payoff? Not worth it for many men.
Fine. But no sex for you either.😂
Spent the last year getting to know her, found out she had mental health issues, depression, anxiety etc, medically diagnosed. Helped her out of that hole at leas a lot, showed her there is still hope, when she got out of it, as well as a toxic relationship, she went straight for a guy playing around, fling basically. Seen another one yesterday, and since this she said she doesn't want a relationship now, and basically ghosted me a few days so far, so yeah this is whe i dont care for a relationship anymore, too many that want to use us and discard us when they find a new toy. Committing is something fewer and fewer want to do.
Let me tell you something, sir: You are extremely LUCKY! She basically said that she doesn't want to see you means you are off the hook....a free man. Be happy she is not going to challenge anything in court. And let me tell you something else: The guy she is seeing now, he will most likely go through the same fate somewhere down the line. You may fell sour at this point, but soon you will realize you truly dodged a bullet. Imagine what would have happened with your life if you had actually married her. Remember this....
I feel bad for you. I had a similar experience. Also spent the last year with her and she was depressed and mentally ill. I wanted to help and tried my best, but after a year of putting in the effort she called it quits. She was a bit narcistic too because she talked all rainbows and negatives at the same time. She convinced me that she was sure about us by propousing me but the day after she pulled the ring out of my finger. I was very stupid and I am young and it was my first relationship. It took me too long to understand that she was manipulating me and that she didnt care. I dont ever wanna put that kind of effort again. I'd rather stay single then be with toxic people. I am still open to a relationship but I a have become stronger and I will date only if I find characters that will suit me. Women these days have gone a little crazy and I dont know if there are smart ones left. But before they appear, I will be happy to be single man.
What you just described is called female nature. Now combine that with a binding contract called marriage. For a man he is safer playing Russian Roulette.
As a man, 3 years ago, I started shit testing girl at the 4 month mark by sharing my emotions and become vulnerable.... so far, every single girls I did that dumped me the following week 😂... So I am still enjoying single life without having to do break up myself. I still hope to find my unicorn that won't break it off though... and until then hook up culture is awesome!
A past ex had brought up a few times how he didn't want to give up his free time doing the things he enjoyed and he was adamant about not losing his sense of self in a relationship. I gently reminded him that I was only going to add to the life he already had, not take anything away. When he was married, his wife began slowly complaining about how she wanted him to spend more time with her. Of course I'm only hearing one side, his side. I had accepted him where he was in his life but unfortunately he was not doing the same for me. This was where I had to call it quits.
"he was not doing the same for me" what ?
My story is similar, but I'm the man.
So you were the side chick?
@@rationalirrationality5691 No, he was married and divorced years before we met. I can see how my statement could imply that he was married while we were together.
He was not doing the same for me.... yeah that's or rather you were the problem.
I love how Jameson was the camera man at first and now is part of the podcast 🤩 yasss
Single for life. Thank you and goodbye!
Ive never been married and have no kids, I'm 41 everything in your videos I heard when i was 18. I'm glad you're out there speaking the truth of positivity and love.
Hey dear friend do you want to restore back your broken relationship in 48 hours there is a great love spell caster how help me↓
I also have that fear of judgment which stems from insecurity. It has stopped me from having a relationship for a long time . In the past I did not have good boundaries so I lost myself in relationships . I know I should not let the past prevent me from trusting that I can have a healthy relationship now as I’ve worked on myself and I do have good boundaries now .
Good for u babe
That's what we're calling it now, "losing myself in relationships".
Stop the BS. Call it what it is. You hooked up with multiple dudes.
You don't develop good boundaries. You get older and the attention dries up.
I just met a man (he's 51 and never married) who is definitely afraid to commit and seeking casual - I wished him well and said we aren't looking for the same thing. I've don't tons of personal growth and healing and want someone to not afraid to commit to me. You NEED to do work on your inner self to heal to be in a relationship.
well it might be he is afraid of commitment, or he simply doesn't want to give anyone it, especially at that age i could understand him. I wouldn't know why i would be in a marriage when i'd be 50, i'd probably seek sexual friendships aswell.
@@ray076NL what about just a normal relationship? What is so wrong with this ? Does it really need to be a wedding for two people to be happy and taking care of each other’s?
@@Prisy087 same answer, if a sexual friendship is enough for the man.
What the Hell.. Why would be commit at 51..? He seems pretty normal and level headed.. He can enjoy his freedom, date a few ladies and have fun.. The fact that he never married shows he is very comfortable to be alone.. :)
You ever think he's smart realizing marriage isn't worth it for men? Why would he enter into a contract that you benefit from it being broken? What could you offer him that he couldn't do himself that would make a marriage agreement with detrimental downfalls worth it?
The more we work on our own selves, the more our circumstances and overall lives change. The more we grow and invest into ourselves, the more we will see a transformation, especially how we better communicate with others. You got this, I believe in you and invest into YOU! Best investment you can ever do is in yourself for your family, others, and your future! 💯% back guarantee return on your investment! Have a great day! 🚀🎉❤️
I don't like being judged in a relationship because the judger doesn't usually want any judgement back. They dish it out but can't take it. I was married for 25 years, divorced for 6 before meeting someone new. It is a great relationship but I stay at my own home often, have my own separate interests, my own money. I will never marry again.
I just broke up with someone who I bent backwards for with no appreciation. In the future, I will change (for the sake of healthy improvement) again for my next partner, because I want to build a wonderful relationship. Just because I had a bad experience doesn't make me bitter. I interpret people who are resistant to change as bitter from past hurt.
Ditto friend.🙏❤️
How are you now?
@@olgacherkasova3522 Thanks for asking. I'm doing much better I feel like I have a solid footing. It took me 2 months to stop hurting so bad, that I felt physical pain in my chest. I just had to remember over and over again why I couldn't continue in the relationship. I have been dating some really wonderful men that treat me with so nicely and helped me see how little fucks he gave about me. Life is too short to spend it with an asshole.
I know for me, I'm very introverted, know I'm visually appealing to women, i go to the gym, im a published author, but my personality and things I like to do requires that I be alone for awhile. Plus I don't want kids or to travel a lot. A lot of women my age will call that boring because they like partying and vacations, but I'm working on myself everyday. So I'm not missing out, I just gotta be single for as long as I need to be.
I'm the same. Afraid guys will think I'm "boring"
Reading the comments, I think it's really unfair to speak about men being selfish or being afraid to commit. I was committed to my ex-gf. I gave her all I could, and always reminded her that I truly love and appreciate her. To my surprise, she blocked me without explanation one day. And when I drove 170 miles to see her and asked her why, she simply told me we were just incompatible. That to me is the greatest pain and embarrassment I've ever felt. If that's not commitment, idk what is. Please, stop villainizing us men and generalizing all of us. There are plenty of women who dont want to commit as well. But we are all independent beings, and we have feelings. Regardless of your gender (or who you may identify as), if you've been hurt and are reading this comment, please continue to be kind and generous to yourself and to others. Keep on loving, and keep on searching. I hope all of you have a happy ending.
You simply dodged the bullet. She is not going to treat her next number any better. She just added another to the score (Pet Shop Boys, Domino Dancing). Call yourself lucky...
after two longterm relationships in my 54yrs i have no interest in being in a relationship again…i have succeeded in many facets of my life when a women wasn’t included…i now have the experience to know that i can be happy when i’m single…i’m not less for it, i am more….
♥️
I also think, like women too, a lot of men have been hurt by women but have not healed from it. I think it really makes them afraid to really be vulnerable and build something special with someone.
It’s hard for men bc there’s such a stigma around “being vulnerable.” Most don’t even bother, or don’t have the intelligence/ introspection to formulate their feelings into words. The difference between men and women is most men had a failed relationship in their earlier days BECAUSE they were vulnerable about certain things, more often than a LACK of vulnerability. A lot of modern women ask for vulnerability from men too early in my opinion because of this massive shift away from masculinity, and when they get it they have no clue how to react or use the information as ammo for the future. Most often, their first instinct is to run because they’ve never had to deal with a man’s problems. Part of being a man is being stoic/ logical and solving your own issues, so why would I waste my energy telling my struggles to someone who isn’t equipped to deal with them. Most men realize it takes a certain type of woman to accomplish this task successfully and it isn’t your average woman… So in the mean time they’ll build walls around their heart until the right one comes around, if she will at all… You’re only going to get a man to open up to you after he trusts you for A WHILE. And when that time comes I ask you… how will you react?
@@Josh-dp6iu So well said and communicated...I feel a lot of compassion for men these days, because there is so much negativity cast, but the reality is: we need our men to be powerful, and who God made you to be!!!!! Thank you for sharing!!!! -And you're right that it takes a more mature person to be able to have the capacity to navigate gentle and loving responses. I think those who value maturity are drawn to it in others too!
Women, too!!!!!
@@Josh-dp6iu i dated a guy who was hurt by "a lot of wrong women" but still couldn't open up to me, although he knew I wasn't like them and a good person.. I gave him everything, helped and supported him emotionally and even financially after his mom passed away. When we talked about us and went separate ways, after only 2 month he had a gf although he said to me he can't be in a committed relationship because of xyz. I find it super strange and used as a therapy, sorry. To me it sounds like he was the problem but blamed all other women. If someone knows he she has commitment issues then don't even try to get involved in dating and relationship until you're healed and ready. Also talk about it in the very beginning. His reason "but ppl with commitment issues has a right to be happy too" is stupid. Be happy with your own first and don't use ppl to be happy. I worked on myself a lot, happy single, never had a relationship and going towards 30. I gave him and another guy a chance which didn't work out bc both weren't ready while I am.. nowadays many men (women) are afraid of a commitment bc everyone is hurting each other. And I already have enough being new in this dating game and work on myself again 🤷♀️
I simply desire a level of freedom that I could never have in a relationship.
Nothing wrong with that, i choose the same path.
My 17 year marriage ended almost a year ago and I don’t see the appeal of being in a relationship again. I’m finding myself again and don’t want change or compromise to accommodate someone again. I’m actually happy. Why mess it up?
I love Matt voice whenever I hear his voice I feel so calm❤️✨
Scarring and deep. Absoluteley. It's not for the faint of heart and unmotivated. To search for the one is to take a deep dive into one's self.
I enjoy your videos and this panel is a great set up with varied opinions. Just bravo! These videos keep me optimistic, there is someone out there for me. Where we accept eachother for who we are. Great work!!
Either you are in a relationship or not, you shouldn’t have to change yourself for who you are for anyone, if they can’t accept you for who you are, you know where the door is to go find someone else you’re better off matching with
facts
Men are not changing their minds about marrage just as women are not willing to give up their freedom. Marriage is on the decline, not just in America, everywhere there is advanced civilization. We just need to accept the fact that its not coming back.
birth control was the first step to the degradation of the family and marriage bond. now is social media and socioeconomic lifestyle competition. women always want the better deal. you are valued in society by your job and socioeconomic status and men feel like they can be played every time. women can say whatever socially, it will always be accepted.
after having been married once and now being single, I am having so much more fun single I doubt I will ever let another woman into my life. I simply choose to be single now that I have discovered how much more fun it is to live without compromises.
I don't want a relationship that doesn't force me to grow, evolve, up my game. There is a reason they are called your better half- by being with them you become a better person in return. What is the other option? Be stagnant?
Being comfortable and happy
Are you young? That sounds a little naive or inexperienced.
im totally agree with you, together in relationship we could be learn and grow up, 🎉
To be honest not all men want to stay single. This also true for women. It is a choice we have to make. What I hate about being single for me is feeling lonely and I would even say that my mom thought that I was gay. But the truth is I love women and very particular about them. Being single and not having anyone to talk to or to understand you is not fun. It is a waste of life and time on earth. We are made to be relational beings.
Why would we want to persuade someone who is "struggling" with the idea of commitment and not just choose someone who's ready?
Because he is one -of -a -kind ;) One Ive searched for for decades ;)
@@sara24242 there is no the one. There are multiple ones.
because women in general like the unreachable badboy, it's a challenge.
@@sara24242 he clearly isn't if he is not open to you
Because the best attraction is emotional attraction. He has no emotional attraction for you if you only come to him after he's ready. That's One.
Two, he will question "Does she only come to me because of my success? Will she stay with me when I'm in my lows?"
If you come to and help him while he's struggling, but he has the potential to be successful, he will thank you and will feel "indebted" to you.
It is risky, indeed. The man might fail, or the man might leave you after he's ready, but that's the risk that you're going to have to make for a long-lasting relationship.
It’s not about afraid of being vulnerable……it’s about TRUST. Can I or should I trust this person?
Dating is just not worth the effort anymore.
I've put in a lot of effort over the past 3 years into striking up conversations, swiping as much as I can, asking out as many women as possible IRL, I put my best foot forward on dates and it's always the same I can only I get ghosted, rejected and friendzoned.
After weeks of endless swipping and one word replies, I can only get subpar women and poor matches. Why am I putting in so much effort if the results are always the same?
I'm better off alone.
I feel the same except I’m a woman. Dating today is HORRIBLE and I absolutely hate it😢I’m staying single forever😅
Nobody is going to change me
Nobody is going to control me
Nobody is going to bully me
Nobody is going to tell me what to say, what to do, who I hang out, where I work, checking on me every few minutes
I hate over clingy, over protective people.
Overprotective people are us silly the people that have had overprotective parents
You are not micromanaging me
You are not picking my friends
You are not going to talk down to me
You are not going to tell me what to where
You are not going to shove your beliefs down my throats
You are not guilt tripping me
You are not going to tell who I talk too
You are not telling me what is best for mebrcuae
I think the idea of love is very illusive. Im a bachelor and loving it. I dont want that extra element I need to build my life around when Im rocking it. This not fear or commitment issues...its just me not motivated by the offer.
I dont know why its only being talked about in terms of men. As a woman I am equally as afraid of all of these things
@Syrollesse...they are responding to a certain post.
I see it this way. I was a real insecure loser at one point. Had a horrible childhood, nobody liked me, and I was most definitely a shrimp of a guy that every woman thought was a sissy.
That was in my 20s
Once I hit my 30s, and I changed alot, many women flocked to me. But not necessarily the right ones. I had a few bad relationships and didn't understand, but I do now.
Dating is a mindgame. Looks, body language and finances have everything to do with it.
That is an eye opening point. I don’t trust myself. That’s deep.
I salute man still put his value high, for the next serious, and take distance with any woman. Always be professional with others.
I think you over analyzed that first comment Matthew. Sometimes people are just happy the way they are. Nothing to do with feeling they're the rock star in their own little life
I’m a woman, I don’t understand the fear about changing, as I believe we change as we grow, we learn new things from people we are close to, and that changes us for the better. The reason I don’t want to commit is that I don’t trust that the other person will put in continuous effort to maintain the quality of life I took care to create for myself, and I’ll either end up working for the both of us or compromising on my life quality. Being single the only drawback is lack of security I guess, as in if I got injured at home nobody will be there to notice and help me. Other than that life feels great.
Men actually feel the same way. It's trust issues. How do I know when I make this commitment that you're not going to cheat on me, divorce me, take away my assets and a good chunk of my paycheck all because you were trying to "find yourself"?
A lot of men dont want to end up divorced and paying child support and alimony for children that may not be theirs. Why even approach and try to talk with women when one social mistake can lead to you being called a harraser or have a legal charge against you? Its best to just leave her alone.
For me it's the inability to see my value past my body dysmorphia, I'm "too fat to love"; I am on a fitness journey to lose 100 lbs (15 lbs in so far), and until I feel like I hit that arbitrary goal I'm not going to be physically attractive enough to date.
I used to think that. But I was wrong. And being loved makes weight-loss easier (at least for me.)
Best of luck to you on your journey ! The first pounds are the hardest, and you've already lost 15, you seem to be on a great path !
@@leonamay8776 I agree, but there are other forms of love you can receive, be grateful for and that can help you on the way. Friends and family can be supportive, caring and it will definitely help ! It could also be a relationship indeed, but it doesn't have to be. That being said it's great to hear that it helped you !
Man, that's just in your head! Get rid of that belief and story, it makes you obviously no good. Why and how is this serving you? Why do you need this type of protection?
No One Should Change For Another
I Want You For What You Are
Let Me and You Discover Each Other
And Love You For Why God Brought Me Too You
I'm scared of relationships I run away I fair breaking people's hearts
Get out of my head guy's 🤯 This has been my life, for 24 years. It's only since walking away, that I realized how much of "me", had been cut away. I was on a constant merry-go-round of emotional uncertainty, but because she kept saying "I love you", I kept lying to myself. My sisters knew something was wrong, and tried to get me to open up but I kept it all locked away, because even Thinking about talking, made me feel like a failure. I had my eyes opened a little over two years ago, when I was presented with an opportunity to start my own business. I was so pumped... I was able to leave a toxic job, I was focused and excited about something again. So when the initial rush was over, and the abuse started again, I decided to stand my ground. I finally asked "What have I done/not done? Why do you treat me like this?". The answer?... "I don't know". I left, but that just about broke me. Two years later, after a lot of ongoing work, I can accept that I was being used as entertainment by this woman. I can accept that my reasons for not talking, were foolish, and harmful. I understand that these were the actions of an individual, and harbour no resentment towards women.... but I'm terrified of letting another one in 🤷♂️😔
No, I was taught as a man you're the leader and you only accept a woman coming into your life who accepts your complete leadership.
I've never changed once for my family and my wife of 11 years loves this about me. I've helped many friends gain a grasp on their failing relationships the same way.
Fearing rejection as a man shouldn't exist if you're living a righteous life for yourself.
Now if you lead by relinquishing some leadership to your wife by having her handle certain task cool, all I'm going to say is that I've never had a bad experience from talking total leadership in any relationship and the ones that didn't work out were from women who just weren't ready to trust a man or didn't recognize that dynamic. They'll always come back saying that it's tough to find after the fact.
I hope all of you guys find someone who complements you as a man and get to experience wholeness in your relationships with a woman because it's such a beautiful thing. A woman wants to follow you if she sees your belief in yourself.
Bless you all brothers.
This video is missing the point they are too scared to state the elephant in the room. Men want to be men. Some women want the man to become almost like a woman and of course a lot of real men dont want that
If a man is on his purpose, being single is the best way to live life. Committed relationships are barriers to goals and dream killers!
In my experience a woman wants to come into a relationship and shut down all of my interests and things I like to do.
Don’t generalize then. It was only bad experiences no one should try to change everything you are and all that you like
I am sorry that happened to you @McNuggitt~
As a woman, I don't want that from a man as well. I feel you on this.
This video was about why it's hard for guys to commit. When I was looking for someone, I didn't have any issue with commitment, on the contrary, that was what I was looking for : someone I could share thoughts, a conversation, experiences, cuddles underneath a warm blanket, to whom I could make practical jokes and bad made-up-on-the-spot puns, and with whom I could ultimately build a relationship, have a family, a future together. But I gave up on those thoughts for some time now, I'm not on "the dating market" anymore, mostly because the current dating market sucks. It may suck for everyone in a different way, but it sucked to much for me.
I tried many apps, and I did manage to get a few matches in the years I've been using them, and a couple of dates. Dating apps are the worst of the worst though, but I kept going because I had more success that way than in real life. I've been socializing in events aimed at doing activities that I enjoy to meet like-minded people, and I met a lot of women I was interested in. I manage to make really great friends, my besties are now two women I met that way (don't worry with the context of this post, it's healthy and true friendships, there is no romantic interest from either side). But trying to even get a date with a woman is a pain. There are many reasons for this, I can't get into all of them but here is a few :
- unhealthy gender roles and expectations, I'm expected to play because I'm the man in the relationship. I want to find a partner, not a live Barbie doll, and I'm me, not a live Ken doll. For instance, showing emotions, vulnerability to a woman is mostly an instant turn off most of the time, and I can't relate to someone on any level if I can't be vulnerable with them at some point. It also could be the expectations that I will always make the first step, and that the woman shouldn't do anything. I also want to feel loved, desired, I also want to see the interest in the other person's eyes and actions.
- playing games, or showing no interest, or playing hard to get, I don't know exactly what it is. It boils down to meeting women who are not being invested in the conversations I try to have with them, not trying to connect at all. I'm sure some time it's just because they are not really interested. And when that happens (which is most of the time) I understand quickly and move on, but there has been some times where there clearly had been some mentions of interest before (either IRL or a match on an app). If someone doesn't show interest, I lose interest myself : the don't either because they are not interested, or if they communicate that way, I don't and don't want someone who does.
- I know I'm valuable, but I'm not good enough for most women since I'm in a big city where there is always better one street away. I'm a simple man, I don't seek perfection either, and I'm not perfect. But I know I have value : I'm very well educated, capable of having intelligent conversations, but I also can have plenty of fun. I have my interests, my passions, I enjoy my life. I try to do my best to be what I want to see in this world and to be compassionate and caring towards others. I'm not the most eccentric person, not the best-looking, and (even though it costs me to have formulated this sentence, I don't usually do it so this next thing may appear as a contradiction but believe me it's not) I'm on the humble side, I don't gloat about my qualities or my accomplishments and I'm not trying to "sell myself" when I'm meeting a woman, or at any time for that matter. So on first impression, a woman can easily judge that on some superficial points : my salary, my looks and my general vibe for instance, better can be found elsewhere. And it's true, it will always be true, even if I did try to showcase myself more, and not only for me but for everyone : there is always better. And why would a woman dig dipper when you can make a quick judgment and go to someone else in an instant because you're chased all over ? I know that not all women are like that, and that it may come from insecurities. It's healthy to have interactions with others, to try and look for the man you're looking for, do what it takes to find the perfect man for you, if it's not me, it's not me, I want someone who choses me anyway. I think this boils down to women having an abundance of choice, and me not wanting to "look my best" at first, but just be who I am from the get go. Rejection is more painful that way, but I'd rather have my true self be rejected than be accepted for being someone I'm not, it'd hurt more on the long run.
- I have standards too and I'm not attracted to many women, and as I've lived my life and I've had more experiences, my standards have gone higher and women who seem to meet them have been rarer and rarer. I even had the "luxury" to say no myself and reject someone once ! It's a luxury to have had an option, but it's making a stance for what I value to be able to say no. I hope I did in a kind enough way though.
What I realised was that I struggled so much to only find someone who was slightly maybe interested in me. Even looking for that, I was failing hard : a handful of women showing some kind of interest, a couple of first dates, that's mostly it. I know that I couldn't even get to chose a woman that would be great for me, because in reality I can't have a choice. However, I have standards. But I can see, from my experience and my (women) friends' that I'm in no situation to make a choice and that I don't particularly attract anyone. How can I find someone who's right for me when I can't find anyone who's willing to look my way ? For a long time I thought the problem was me : I've tried to understand what was wrong with me, to change, to better myself, with no results. The only result was self-loathing because if no woman even looks at you, what's your problem ? At some point I'd been single (truly single, I don't mean messing around, I mean nothing) for 8-9 years and asked myself that question : "what's wrong with me ?". I've change my mind, and I've chosen to live my life alone, to be in a relationship with myself, and for that relationship to be the best one ever. Now, I'm sure some of the "problem" is on me still, and I do want to grow, to better myself as the years go by. But it's not a problem anymore. I'm focused on me, my life, my passions. It's not an issue if I don't share all of my experiences with someone, I've come to make peace with that idea. I'm enjoying my life and don't need anyone to enjoy it ! I'm still socially active, I have friends whom I love very much, and friendships are work too, and one that I'll gladly take part in.
However, the dating world is not for my kind. I'm much happier since I made that decision !
To be honest. From having read all that you have written. I would say its your attitude that is your problem. And I'm not meaning this in a mean or nasty way. But in the beginning, to a woman, we need to be impressed. You have to WANT to impress us. And we need to see you actively trying to impress us. Otherwise we are bored.
To turn up and just say "this is me and I'm enough" isn't enough. In fact it almost borders on an arrogance of "I don't have to try".
In most cases women want to feel pursued and if this isn't coming across, unless you have something extremely good going for you (could be looks or money) we will just switch off.
It works both ways. Women also feel they need to impress. To look good, be alluring and charming and captivating in company.
But with a man we need him to show us what he is bringing to the table. If you turn up empty handed with a resentment about paying for things or having to go the extra mile to keep us interested that is a major turn off. Women can sense these things straight away. And if you are negative from the beginning about having to make efforts and be charming we can't be bothered either.
It is unfortunately a game. And we all have to play in the beginning in order to get what we want. Probably the worst dating advice ever is "just be yourself". Because often we are not aware of some of the less appealing sides of our personality. So, to put this all across straight away to a new person who has at that point zero investment in us is majorly detrimental and will immediately stunt your chances. I would advise to keep big opinions off the table in the beginning. Display only positivity never negativity. And don't complain about gender roles etc. Unfortunately we are to some extent born with those. And this is why men and women can never be the same.
I do hope you find some better luck. But to an extent that sometimes depends on learning more about ourselves and adapting those less appealing qualities in a dating situation.
Unfortunately not many women will really want to tell you the brutal truth of why we lost interest in the early days. So hopefully what I have mentioned will shine a light on how we think.
I can relate to this on so many levels. This is me. Me currently and moving forward.
@@annierosser47 I'm thankful for your honest response, and I didn't see any mean or nasty intention in what you wrote, don't worry. I don't have any mean or nasty intention either with my response, and even if I'm finding that I'm not in tune with what you're saying, I will definitely take your response into account and think about it more.
I can't speak for men in general, but I don't need to be impressed. I'm extremely uncomfortable if I try to go away from what I feel is being genuine, which I feel is a good thing for every relationship I have... except romantic ones at the beginning apparently. I know it works like that for many people, but why should I be less genuine in a dating scenario ? It doesn't mean that I'm just passive, that I don't do anything, that I don't pursue anyone. To keep the same exemples (but it goes above this specific one) I can pay for things because I genuinely enjoyed someone's company or want to do an act of kindness to them. And I do ! But I do so sincerely, not because I want to be impressive. I did try on some occasions to do so wanting to impress, and it was very uncomfortable, stressful, and in the end not very productive or effective.
It's just not possible for me to do those things when it doesn't come from a place of sincerity : I don't want to be "manipulative" and couldn't if I wanted to ; and that's how trying to impress someone feels to me. The same goes for making to much effort to pursue someone. What's the difference between making a lot of effort pursuing someone, and harassing someone ? If a woman doesn't seem to be interested, I move on, I don't harass/"make great efforts to pursue her".
I know harassment isn't necessarily what you had in mind, but that leads me to a point where we may differ in our ways of seing things. I don't want to be a harasser. I don't even want to go near the edge of being one. Some men may not care (obviously since harassers do exist) but I do. And it's not a hypothetical image of what a harasser is that I wish to avoid, it's just that I hear and respect a "no". Whether it is a direct "no", or an implied "no" when someone doesn't show any interest. The possibility of being "one of those guys" is constant when I'm interacting with a woman, even more so since I'm talking to more and more woman and hear more and more of their personal experiences with creeps. The goal is not even to have a different approach for men and women when facing a "no" ! I just don't bother people who don't want to be bothered.
Something else you said that I agree with is that I don't want to be resentful, it's not productive for anyone, and certainly not attractive to anyone. And it means taking a break from trying and just focus on something else, I don't know how I could avoid resentment and anger otherwise ! And to be fair I don't speak those opinions very often (with my close friends, with the help of internet semi-anonymity, or the fact that I'm just saying that to strangers). I won't be that negative or complain when first meeting someone or on a first date that's for sure !
I also hear that one may not be aware of the less appealing side of one's personality and that it may be important to avoid putting that out there to someone who has no investment in us. What's the difference between trying to impress someone and putting on a mask ? I don't want to put on a mask, even though it may attract more people, once it eventually falls off, what was behind it from the beginning might not appeal to the other, and all the time invested a waste... or the investment is sufficient so that I end up in an unhappy marriage where we stay together anyway because of the kids or something. How would you avoid putting on a mask ? Having that in mind, that's one of the reasons why I also don't want to be impressed. Someone who will try to impress me (and not do so out of sincerity) is a turn off, and that's valid for any kind of relationship. It doesn't mean I'm can't be impressed ! I'm very impressed by my friends for how great they are for instance, and they don't have a mask (that I'm aware of at least ^^'). I was very impressed with me exes for different reasons but that feeling never left me because there was no impressive mask to put down that revealed something else.
I've heard about that "game", and really it's not a game I want to play. If that means that relationships are not for me, that's ok with me. In the end it's too bad for that someone I could have been partnered with. I'm interacting genuinely with other human beings, and have made some amazing friendships that way, with caring people that I feel very lucky to have met and to currently have in my life. I'm sure you're right, I just don't want to play that game.
@@collingray2212 Hey Colling ! Good luck to you, and best wishes ! I'm sure we're not alone having those kind of experiences and those types of feelings.
@@Djmaxgamer well it sounds as if you are resolute on giving up the search. I can understand that. It's an exhausting process, for men and women alike.
The biggest problem with online dating will always be the huge amount of time wasters. The ones who sign up with no serious intentions or just to "dip their toe in the water" and disappear again. I've encountered a lot of those. Infact I myself was one last year after breaking up with my bf. I wasn't really ready to move on but I wanted to chat to guys online just so I had company and a sense of options if I needed them. There will be a lot of girls like that online. Who are not really over their ex and just needing the attention. So don't take every rejection too personally. I always think love happens when you are least looking for it. The more you try the harder the search seems to become.
It's probably best to take a break from it if it's really stressing you out or making you feel depressed.
the sad true is some single guys are fooling them self
in to thinking their going to end up with a attractive intelligent women one day
and the reality this isnt going to be the reality for many of them if you can come in to a self realization this is a powerful
tool to help you move on from minds ego illusion that many are traped in its all very good and well in life saying you want this you want that
but the question that needs to be ask am i capable of geting this becuase the reality is many people are chasing after a pipe dream that never going to happen
becuase their consumed by their ego that fooling them
This woman has such a beautiful voice!
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I'm in a Light-lationship: visit her 2 times a week, do whatever togheter and keep doing my own things alltogheter. No need for heavy lifying at 48. Be smart, do not over invest or compromise beyond you capabilities
I find it funny how when guys want to be single it's "fear of commitment" but when women want to be single it's about "raising your price" and "not settling"
Why no one talking about Steve Scruffy look! Making him look like a bad boy for real.
You should interview Leonardo Dicaprio
i tried to change my partner so much because the way he was living was not healthy, i was always trying to show him that there is something better, that he can and has the potential to be better. At the end he finished our relationship (8years) even though we loved each other so much, we cried and kissed till the very last, because he knew he is not able to give what I want and can't make me happy. İ still find it difficult to understand cause all i wanted is for him to be better. Why did he still chose his unhealthy environment i don't understand it.
I am so interested in your beautiful library 📚
I disagree……not “change” Adjust. Life is about adjusting…..in a relationship you want a person that builds you up and expands who you are. Not make you “less than” you were before you met them.
I love all your videos .I hope one day You do a video about gay relationships
Yes not accepted in your core. Not being seen as enough will make a person repel to change.
The first successful relationship should be that with yourself, feeling complete and happy on your own.
I believe that in a relationship with someone else COMPATIBILITY plays a fondamental role. Chemistry does not equal compatibility. Love in not enough.
So spot on, on every level!! Love watching you!
INSALLAH stay single
Exactly brother
I’m single ‘cause I have high standards, and a lot of women my age have major issues. No thanks, I’m not gonna help you with your issues either. People should grow together, not drag each other down.
It's funny I remember going out with someone who asked me to say 'bless you' when they sneezed......now I bless everyone even if I don't know them and they sneeze.......lol......now I feel it's rude when no one says 'bless you' to me, think I've said once 'excuse me, can you please say 'bless you' to me ha ha ha 😁
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I am in the Army, always on overseas deployments, especially in Eastern Europe with NATO. At this moment, there is no chance of settling down.
Around the 6:34 mark what you’re saying ignores any implication that the significant other could be manipulating their partner into changing things about themselves that aren’t necessary
He addresses that later where the real issue is needing to be better with the people you choose. You should have enough self power that you would never let someone manipulate you. Obviously easier said than done, but that’s the true root of the fear. Not trusting yourself to stand in your power, see the red flags, and only choose someone good for you
Dude is so deep into relationship that he has failed the ability to see things from the perspective of a man. At first he just gave advice to women (from a man's perspective). But now....it sounds that dude has changed into a woman......😒😒😒
Clearly he’s not speaking about the other person manipulating the other. That’s a separate or sub topic of this conversation.
These are videos are great but he never brings up how much freedom women lose in marriage and that since women have been able to earn their own money they have been less interested in marriage and the divorce rate has gone up. The truth is women often lose a lot more freedom, also it's been shown that single/divorced men over time tend to fare worse than single women. So it's curious how much emphasis is placed on men being the only ones afraid of losing their "freedom".
Oh, absolutely. I know sooo many women that lose themselves in relationship / marriage. It scares me
They don't "lose their freedom" - their priorities change and they become more invested in their relationship and building a family. You see it as a loss but in reality it's just a shift.
I think if u have self love Then h can love knowing if your not being treated right you’ll walk away. I believe healthy relationships u can bring out the best in each other and still have me time🦋
How strange I was just thinking of the film “Before Sunrise” today and at 2:57 the sequel film Before Midnight was mentioned! 😱
I don’t want to remain single but dating, but the dating market these days is such shit that it makes finding/getting a descent woman feel like it’s not near worth the stress or even impossible.
It's exactly the same the other way around pal...
Not from what I’ve witnessed.
If you subscribe to Andrew Tate, then that's a good thing for women.
Many people are shit. I am also just trying to find a decent and respectful man, a man who knows what he wants. It will happen, we just shouldn't lose hope
@@adrianagranda9554 I just had a conversation with a man yesterday and while discussing dates, he suggested that I pay for his meal. Because as someone who " has his own business and is a chef" he feels like i should pay for his time.
I wasn't sold on that when he confessed about his drug business where he sells Marijuana, mushrooms & *coke*. And that's when those red flags went off for me and I said no thank you. Cause coke isn't legal anywhere! He tried to play it off like it was okay and he has high value clientele with a revenue of $500,000. 😒😒😒
Your expected to please people when you need to look after your self everyone can look after them self
Meanwhile my ex keeps saying that he doesn’t want a relationship and yet he always try to be with a girl… pathetic
Maybe being afraid of change is being afraid of not being good enough. I find that I am asked to change too much about myself in order to be in a relationship and I can't be bothered.
I ask people to change around me constantly and I change constantly myself. It's called development. Stagnation is just boring. Enjoying life, meeting new people, new experiences. EVERYTHING HAS AN IMPACT ON YOU. Imagine still liking the same make up style you were doing when you were 16 years old at 45.😂
Men choose to remain single that's there choice if people can't handle it that's there problem
I love Matthew's answers
why did he ask me out and when I told him I was busy but tomorrow worked better then never respond back?
I just feel broken and don't want to put that on anyone. I feel it's unfair of me to put someone throught that. I don't hold a grudge against women. I have an amazing sister and I know there is awsome women out there. But I feel I don't want to break them. Feel like I manage well enough on my own.
28 years single. Dating is just a path of life.
Hello guys your all great job 👏👍❤️
Dating, marriage, having kids and divorce are all bad deals for men.
I don't like breaking people that fall for mes heart
Nah, I'm changing for noone ever again....
In my case it's much simpler then what was mentioned.
I've built a good life.
I own my house, I have a few toys ( older cars ), my 2 dogs and i don't want that ripped away from me.
I've watch so many of my friends have to start from scratch due to having there partner take the lot.
I'm a 34 year old male for context.
One of the problems I've seen in men is that they don't demand change enough. If women want change why wouldn't men be able to make their own demands. Woman actually respect men better for it. Or just say take me or leave me. She'd probably take him.
I get scared of rejection
Absolutely genius man
I’m just trying to save money by staying single
Plus getting married is not always the best and once your married your forced to earn more and more money by your future partner
Some of the disingenuous arguments made here are shocking. Damn near whole video could just boil down to them saying "men are cowards" and call it a day.
Maybe 🤔 you should do a another video to this one is why women stay single. I know I am staying single right now because of some trauma that I have been thru and I want to get some of my stuff sorted out like my finances.
We can't become people pleasers we ruin our lives become a people pleaser
For my personal reason, see Groucho Marx (probably butchered) - “I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members”.
I also don’t like the concept of commitment (for me); “an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action”. I want to be where I am, doing what I want, with whom I choose, because I want exactly that. Not because of some duty or expectation. That cheapens in my eyes what is there.
Note, that is not a value judgement on anyone who does want commitment. But my immediate reaction to an obligation is to push back. I’m not saying it’s right, but it is how I react.
I do appreciate that this puts me at odds with most people, and that’s another reason I can’t imagine committing; I don’t want that person to compromise their own values. Why would I want someone who does that?
I just do not see the appeal of living with the same person until one of us kicks the bucket first, constantly butting heads over the stupidest shit, talk about a prison sentence. Does no matter whether you get with someone who likes similar things to you, is completely opposite, you always end up resenting each other because in order to live your life with someone, someone is compromising more and not leading a life they want so the other can. Rarely works, rather be alone and do my own shit :)
When she, the only woman present, shares her take then follows it up with "does that make any sense? am i sounding to harsh?" 😭
Personally I just don’t to waste time on something I know could end easily and sometimes I can’t do anything to fix it, I feel like women and having children will hold me back from becoming amazing, I don’t trust myself enough to stay on my grind while in a relationship, I don’t have to answer to anyone or think of someone else when I’m making decisions
It’s not uniquely a guy’s dilemma to not let someone in. Only difference is Heartbreak only needs to happen to a Guy once before he shuts down the vulnerability needed for commitment forever. Women seem to just keep banging their heads against the wall.
For me, it has nothing to do with women, and everything to do with modern laws surrounding marriage, divorce, alimony, etc.
She's gorgeous 🥰