I Was Financially Abused For Years In Marriage And I Thought It Was Normal
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- Опубликовано: 9 май 2024
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I understand your message, Owami, but I want to share my own experience. I used to earn more than my husband, but I didn't want to tell him because I was worried about how he would react. However, when I finally told him, he was very supportive and said that we were a team. Two years later, he started earning three times more than me, but he remained humble and supportive.
In my opinion, it's important to caution people against getting involved with someone who can't handle their finances. It's not about how much they earn, but rather how they manage their money. For example, my husband was debt-free and very good with his finances when we met.
Therefore, my advice is to date or marry someone who is financially disciplined, has a clear vision and is working towards it, and is also mature and secure in themselves. It's not about the amount they earn, but rather how they handle their money and their life goals.
👌🏾💯👏🏾
Your case is extremely rare sis, so rare it should be kept in genius world record books FR!
Embrace that man, he, s one in a.million
Yes it's true but she's sharing her story and experience hence she said most man not all .I was also financially abused my husband would literally take my whole salary. So when you meet them they are not written in the forehead that financially discipline or abuses
Well true! Also the trying to proof to our partners how much we love them has crippled us😢😢😢
And after he pays with my money, I would say "thank you baby". 😂😂😂 As women our level of delulu is unmatched 😂😂
Lol😅
😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 God we are good people honestly 😅😅😅
We are beings scammed by that gender of satan
Iyho! Jonga I experienced financial abuse in my past relationship, i was so skinny guys, i looked sick :( because i literally leaved to make sure that man was ok. If ufuna imali, he would even tell me how much and i JUST COULD NOT SAY NO. He grew wings ke sana if you know what I mean and whatever job he got - it was beneath him. He would go and work, the following week he has resigned because that job is not for him hehehehehe and I would continue to support him. But the day he decided to leave me, i felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Jonga i was so excited that the relationship has ended yhu yhu after that ndingemhle, i gained weight and started glowing. Sana never again!!!!!!!!!
LOL you are talking about me shame
I was there once. Never again. A man must make money, period. Most of them have nothing other than money to offer anyway
Owamie, you were a good wife. Never beat yourself up for it!
I was thinking the exact same thing. He lost a good one
@thobengcobo5973 and he knows it too, that's why he's on hobo tours on RUclips
@@MsSwanlake As for hobo tours😂😂 he’s bitter hleng
No basadi this is not a definition of a good wife in our culture...mosadi is supposed to be taken care of not taking care of her husband financially under the guise of being a supportive wife.
@@dumisanindlovu4396 I wholeheartedly agree with you. We’re saying she was a “good wife” because she made a lot of financial sacrifices to ensure that he feels like a man, which she didn’t have to. Like you said a wife isn’t supposed to financially take care of her husband.
If we are being honest, most black South African women have experienced this level of financial abuse. My ex did the same to me. Just listening to Owamie’s story is so triggering. When he got an opportunity to work abroad, I literally did everything that I could to help him secure that job because I refused to have a stalker on my hands. Now I’m free and almost 5 years sober. Drunk in love for who?
I remember my mothers sister telling me to just stay in a marriage and be using alcohol as a coping mechanism because she's been doing so for 18+ years and it apparently worked for her. Maara she has multiple co existing conditions from the husband stressing her. Women suffer alot in the hands of men shem
Yes very true I think 90% of women have fallen for in this trap
@@miriamkhumalo5702mina i love money. I dont give anyone money . The only person i sent money is my mother ONLY. A man asking me money is a turn off for me shame.
My aunt my mom my sister etc… I said not me. My baby daddy comes through
Singing " I have been through hell and back" on your behalf ninja 😂
Nobody by my side… 🎶
😂😂😂😂@@olebogeng7558
Nobody to console me
😂😂😂😂
😅
I wish they would teach this to women in church. Praying for marriage does not change a financial abuser. Whey would they change if it's so nice.
The church is where they preach that women should be slaves, why would they teach them about financial abuse. Lol, indoda phambili, he is her king, she should obey. That’s church for you
The men (and women) leading the church are financial scammers, too. Why would they preach against themselves?
🤣🤣😪😪Been there... done that with a boyfriend🤧....dumped him....and now I have a permanent, ridiculous narcissistic stalker.😵💫
🙆♂️
Why am I laughing 😂
I swear its like you go from bad to worse 😩 , it just never gets better yooh
Yazin bad to worse ayyyy I grew up seeing my parents working working together in every angle tried yeeyiii 😮 bitten once twice shy now lm Hitler with my moola
And I just never get why they become stalkers after😢
I've been single for 13 years. I am a gentle soul and man take advantage of it.
Almost 40 now, only have one person I can call my ex who was kind and respectful, others are almosts cause I can detect nonsense from a distance, plus I don't do casual sex. If we not married let's remove sex from the table, most men guilt trap you when you are strict sexually, they make it sound as though you are selfish, cause them are made differently and need sex....wewee...wee.. blah..blah.. and my answer is you need to discuss that with God, I don't think he is that stupid or selfish. These men!! Sex is for them but the outcome is for us!!!! Yhooo thathani loo sex yenu oko ndingenasana, ndiphela ngokuyinqwenela.
Can't wait for women to embrace celibacy worldwide! Just want to see what the excuse will be.
Lo life sisikorokoro mnxxx 8:24
@user...den stop being a gentle soul😶
Boundaries. Learn to set them and build healthy relationships.
You can’t say men take advantage of you hun. They can’t do that without your permission. If you have boundaries, no one should take advantage of you.
I Pray all Young Girls find this video.. 🕯
I will share this video all over and make sure that it reaches the masses.. 🙏🏾
This notion of being a Mbokodo is NOT on.
This is a tough lesson we all hsve to learn as women and some learn it early, others learn late.
Either way, Thank You for sharing.. 🙏🏾
Wena Owami u are a real one let me tell this is most women's story but not all are bold enough to share
This is truth at its best
Ey sana
currently in the same situation, I feel financially abused and I
also console my self ka gore'' he is a good guy with good heart'' i feel exhausted!
Yooo sis! Big hugs 🤗
No ways. Good guys sometimes dish the crap at hope and they are saints to the outside world.
Chomi Mlahle 💀
Don't do it , you will resent him. Chances are he will never change becoz he knows he has backup. Talking from experience
Listen to your gut feeling.
"the validation you have to give a broke man" 🙌
Ninja your divorce was a blessing in disguise to you 🤝🤩
Speaking of Xhosa mothers. My grandmother was married then my grandfather passed away. She then got a boyfriend, apparently that guy would knock at night and my grandmother would ask before opening "uyiphethe imali?" Meaning "Did you bring money"😂😂 If guy has no money, girl is not opening that door... 😂
😭😭😭😂Girl ulapha kanti
🤣😂The part of Xhosa moms got me shame
A woke mama does that
Asoze😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
I love when you post personal story times, I never skip them ❤
Same here❤
🥰🥰🥰
Same here, I learn a lot from her experience ♥️
You and me both ❤
me too
Some partners are ungrateful, gotta be selfish in a relationship and be your first priority. Never ever help out a guy financially, he will never use his money again, he will save his and chow yours.
Someone should host Owamie on to Hell and Back please😊
True and our fav Ray also needs to be exposed he’s the only scammer in Queen Ninja’s life now 😂
You’re right she should get the twins to interview her lol 😂
@boitumelolamola2959 i agree. The cent twins will do her alot of justice really
Never regret leaving poverty
NEVER
Ninja that was me in 2010, buying him clothes n paying for rent, immediately after he got employed, he was gone.
Wow
Owami is the big sis we never had hle. The details on how we become popeye in love and what to look out for👌👌👌👌priceless
He'll make less than you, he'll still cheat & beat you up.
Just imagine,knowing that you can afford to spoil yourself and someone is manipulating you to think is for your own good.😮
Just imagine 🥹
Advice from my mom. "Never let a man know all about your finances." Men are providers for a reason.
💯✅
A lot of women have gone through this, and it's so sad because men are on podcasts going on about women not bringing anything to the table.
Like yoh 😂😂😂
Nurses and taking loans for their partners 😂🤦♀️
It’s common thing/story here in Botswana 😂
Here Nigerians are scamming nurses
No ways coz that’s the norm in SA, what are they discussing in the hospital
Queen Ninja you bought him a playstation🤣🤣😂 only love can hurt like this😂
😂😂😂😂
He was even so annoyed in those couple vlogs, and you will be trying so hard to show up as a sweet wife
I always go back to those when she does such videos. But guys men are generally like that-nonchalant on couple videos I’m talking real manly alpha-male men
Ey big guy has lived shame 😂 😂 😂 the worst part is him coming here to youtube with your enemies and talking shit verry slowly at that ! Rhaaa sies man.
Slowly 😂😂😂
Acting all humble😂😂😂,. N the interviewer thinking speaking slo is humility 😭🤣
Extremely slowly sana😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂I can imagine tlhe
Old Owamie and old me same WhatsApp group Sana. Some times it's like you are exposing me. Yhooo ndake ndamuncu for love
Babe 🥹🥹😭😭😭
Yhoooooo
This is why im single for 7 years,im scared i will become dizzy inlove again.😂😢😢😢
😂😂😂 it’s the “again” for me
It's not safe to say "not my man", it took you 9 years to see the true colors and I think we really should learn from you.
Bathong, it's like a movie😂😂. May our little girls watch this and learn. Relationships are supposed to be partnerships. If you get to a point where you are doing above your hundred consistently then stop and reflect. This is sad hle.
You were not dumb 👑 Ninja you were inLove,he was dumb for cheating on you 😢
He really saved her by doing that. She's flourishing now
@@ntokotoPM true
Thank you so much for sharing .
I'm a young girl in my early twenties , and I appreciate your transparency.
There is so much wisdom to what you've shared
You are not alone my sister, nna I will never forget the day I used up my mother's hard earned money for my registration fee at VUT on a boyfriend and only realised the money was finished at R1500 from R4500, I even had to settle for Sedcol cause how do I go back home without registration receipt yet the money is finished???
Boys don't deserve less street smart girlies 😅 they deserve dikgeleke tsa basadi, I'm far in life with honours In progress now but damn girl I was dumb to the core.
Bathong Thato? Yanoong, did you not register that year.
@@LM-he7ebI did but ko college 🫣 it's a while back so that was one moment I realized being young and dumb should never involve boys 😅
😂😭Your reaction
@@LM-he7ebI did but opted for college luckily nsfas offered a bursary so I convinced her in that way. Took me a while to get my degree thereafter but that's definitely something I'm not proud of at all. That boy had me under his arm I tell ya 😂
@@TheeMsutu😂😂😂
There are so many points in this video and I wish I could comment on all of them. 😂 Buying him clothes for work so he can look decent 🤣🤣🤣 I wonder how bad he was looking
😂😂😂
Can we talk about how beautiful Owamie looks,the contrast of the top to the background +makeup is incredible ❤️
Love your stories, they're always informative, manipulation is real and the manipulative men can waste even 20 years of your life but we fall, we learn ans get up keep fighting Ninja😊
Owami it's not that the other people he speak with like lies, these type of men have their own way of appearing or sounding innocent to other people and they make you look like you are making up stories. The struggle is real girl, I'm currently in the same situation and the worst part of it is that even my own family sees him as this good guy
LEAVE!!!
Probably because of the polish you rubbed on him to make him shine. I hope you find someone who invests in you. ❤
he was in his Soft guy era mus 😂😂😂😂, before the the soft guy era trend even trend on tik tik.
drizzle drizzle sana😂
Drizzle drizzle nono😂😂😂
ai no you were dizzy dizzy🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂i bet he misses the money
I'm thinking the same thing he misses his lotto😂
I’ve heard this story before because I’m a long term ninja. Everytime I hear it, I’m like yoh! 😅😂
😂😂😂😂😂 babe i can’t forget
We are camping 🏕 here 💃🏽
😂I still don’t believe our Queen was once delulu. Am happy that she out of the whole nonsense ❤
The story never stops shocking me too😂
Me and you same WhatsApp group. It’s like I’m hearing it for the first time.😂
😭😂Kwa Xhosa!! I remember my mother was telling me that her mother (my grandmother) would ask a man who is shelaring her before he even enters the gate if "uyiphethe imali" if not she would tell him to go back 😂. I always laugh at this story, so yes Owamie there is some truth in what you said you heard about Xhosa women. 😂I'm not gonna bekezela too, I'm taking a page out of my grandma's book, "uyiphethe imali" if not boy be😂
😂😂 I wrote this before reading comments only to find that you shared too😂😂 yoh umakhulu sana
😂😂😭Akadlali
🤣💕 as it should be
The Blogger they blog about❤🙌
Eish guys, when we are younger we marry for love. We have pure intentions, as I got married at 21, I really didn't care about how much he makes. I was just happily building our family. Hard & painful lesson to learn... Now at over 30, I know better & do better.
Chomi just pray for him, don’t allow the devil to break your marriage.
@@Letstalkaboutit2323 Really 🤣🤣🤣
@Letstalkaboutit2323😂😂😂😂
Oh Owamie I remember when you were working on your birthday then he surprised you with a Cake😂😂So Ma'am that was your money🫢🤭😂and I remember a plant he bought for Lil studio and you said you have beeeeeen asking for it😢oh Owamie you have suffered in that Marriage😭😭
😂🤭eish our Queen has seen the most shame
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Im crying yoooh
Owamie you endured a lot in that marriage 🥺🥺
I once took out a 40k loan so I could pay my bf’s tuition which was 20k coz Wits wouldn’t allow him to register while owing but he ended up buying me an iPhone 13 Pro max so I guess he paid me back and we still together 😂
I love this
Don't do wifely things as a gf. You will see flames.
Male ninja signing in 🎉
Hay my Ninja💃🏽
Forgive yourself for selling your self short because you were too afraid of diapleasing people,but let this be the end, forgive yourself for confusing deal breakera as human imperfections, you now know what is needed is not perfection but maturity.❤❤❤
girl i think u were bewitched. thank God for your life and deliverance. this was an eye opener for me too
@lerato... U are right abt de bewitched part👍
This behaviour I saw it in my mum but with her siblings. She never said no and they'll milk her dry. This is because my grandmother would say she loves her more because her husband my grandfather loved my mum and made him support them. She was trying to buy their love and make up for my grans mistake instead of telling her upfront that it's evil.
me personally i would rather waste my money on family than a stranger i call my lover/boyfriend.
This episode had to be on To hell and back 😂
lol yesss
😂😂😂
I’m on the process of detaching because wow, the guy spend most of the time in my place and doesn’t help with anything…I used to spend about 1K on food when I was alone and now I’m on way over 2K. Moguy even use my toiletries. On pay day I have to cook my food for both of us, he never orders. When we go to his place he literally has nothing!!! CHERRY ON TOP he says he doesn’t know nice places for dates as he never took anyone out on a date and his exes would accept that!!!!!
Woow go out there live mtase ahona mpilo la
Helaaang 😂😂😂
Don’t detach friend, he is your soulmate
@@Letstalkaboutit2323lol I’m better off alone, the guy is just low down stingy.
ukjwayela amasimba shem
Yhoo Owami I'm listening to your story its exactly what I went through for me it was even worse,It got to a point of physical abuse. Thank you dear for sharing your story. Stay blessed ❤
I even ran out of 'yoh'😂😂, it keeps getting wild'er
Him cheating on you was a blessing in disguise for you Ninja cause if he didn’t cheat you’d still be in that marriage. Look how far you’ve grown without him❤
This was me until a few days ago. 😭😭😭 literally everything you are describing. Worst thing I'm about to graduate and all my savings are gone. And all the bad treatment I received is still somehow my fault.
Wishing you all strength ❤️🙏
❤
Wow. So, I'm not alone? Most of what you've shared, happened to me too & that's why I'm single. By choice. I refuse to be in such a situation again. Loafers. A man who can't look after a woman is not a man. Useless. I can't even waste my respect on such a loser. Let's value ourselves my sisters & shake off these "come to eat."
I once sent money to an ex so i can relate to this. I learnt my lesson as time went on because he was lazy and abusive. Thankfully, i never married him and i dumped his ass soon as the red flags showed.
That moment when you have to become a mother to the broke man and he decide for you how to spend you money😮
I'm so sorry sisi but you are a very wise woman.Not forgetting umuhle maan...yasss gul!
Took a debt to close off his debt…Tell me you are a homemaker without telling me you are a homemaker. The good ones, we are wired that way and we ain’t going to stop being who we are because of those that can’t handle us, rest assured going forward we will love and care again. Wiser but we won’t lose our DNA!!!
It’s not about being “a good one” my love. It’s about lacking boundaries and not really being aware of your true worth
I was wondering if you were aware that your ex was a psychopath. I think that he did used you. So much and he knew that he was not going anywhere in life and he wanted to sabotage your progress. I'm so glad you left.
That's why I'm insured with Single world. Yhoooo my level of craziness would not allow me to do all you've mentioned.😢
I've been saying "Yho" throughout this video. Yho mahnn Owamie, I'm soryy you had to go through that. hayi mahnn this guy was abusive Dammit!
Good about being single is that I can spend my money on me without having to explain to anyone.
I'm so sorry you went through that. It's called coercive control. I was in that kind of situation as well but the person was my younger sister.
It's mindfuckery. I remember I could do anything for her and she felt entitled to my resources.
She was a big baby.
Kahlebo, I think I have to watch, I'll use earphones and no one will know what's going down.....now pass me the teapot and the largest cup, let's sit down, relax and learn, phela as men we also want to join the girl talk conference
😂😂😂😂Xhosa woman here….Hai Owamie we are not told to find men with money , if you said to not tolerate bad treatment then I would agree.
Not staying through financial abuse is part of not tolerating bad treatment. Hai asibekezeli tuu ke shame
Hayi guys ngeke this whole situation ithi umntu makabe selfish & we have been trained to be selfless. It's not only Venda mothers Owammie even amaXhosa most of those who emphasise money are the one's who grew up in the cities not rural women. In rural areas it's hard work for your family and extended family. Someone who grew up in Ciskei or Transkei is totally different from someone who grew up eGqeberha/ Cape Town Different values as much as the culture is the same. 8:24
That slow guy exploited this lady since day 1, even made her pay her own lobola. Yho 🙀🙀🙀🙀
Yoh Owami this is so true, mina i always meet men who think i have money and they are not even afraid to say wena unemali mos thanks for sharing
😂😂😂uyabanika? Nawe kodwa
@@mandyishername 🤣🤣🤣sis i would never my dear m already suffering with paying black tax if i gave more people money i would walk around looking like a featherless chicken, they always leave
😃😃😃after big guy pays owamie would say thanks bbe knowing very well it was her card😂😂😂😂I’m finished
😂😂😂😂
I remember the day of the foundation, it was a vlog during lockdown, you were wearing black leggings!
Real ninjas
All this things make ppl strong in life, Queen Ninja dont beat urself up about the past those negative energies will pull u down.
You too looked so happy. I enjoyed your videos so much !
You had to go through that to be here today!
❤❤❤
I enjoyed this storytime because im having flashbacks of Owamie's vlog. It's how you always appreciated him in the vlogs yet it was your hard earned money. Im glad you moved on.
Thanks for the lessons, we learn everyday 😊
Dating someone who earns less than you is not the issue. The problem is the partner or your savior mentality.
Amen
I know we are the same age and i also once been in a relationship where i had to wear the pens🩳🩲🩲 in the relationship and i ended up dumping him for that coz it was a thing where by now because i earn more i have to do everything in the household with the guy that is staying in my yard so now people are like wena your going to die alone coz o rata zaka is not about loving money i choose to be free i can't afford to burden myself like that am happy alone now🌬
I have sooooooo much respect and love for Venda women, they are responsible, respectful, humble, hardworking and highly ambitious 🤗❤❤❤
This is too deep, I must say I learned a lot from it as a 42 year old woman.Thank you for sharing my Queen ❤❤❤
Good on you for sharing your
story and enlightening others. This is purpose. ❤
We live and learn. God bless you Owami and what's ahead is better than what has passed.
Thank you for sharing owami. You’re the best. Highlighting realtime issues. ❤🫶🏽love and light to you including healing. I’m also July 6 turning the big 30. Cancerian signing in ✅😘
Thank you Owamie. This is wisdom! Nuggets!
I remember the brick background
Indeed you're the great Boldly Owamie, courageous woman. I love you all the way from 🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪
Thank you so much for sharing. I went through all of that and more in my marriage of six years.
I was just happy that he was not physically abusive.
He kept my bank cards, basically I had no access to my money. Worse, he was unemployed whilst I was working for him and being a submissive wife. Yhoooooo!!!!
This needs a tiktok live m sure a lot of us relate
You're beautiful Owamie, never regret doing good in the only way you know how. let's learn from others as well & not fall on the same ditch. You were married to a parasite, he didnt love you at all. Thank God for pulling you out of there❤
Owamie that guy was using you. He never loved you. He deliberately chose you coz he knew of the nursing students stipend. The funeral part is heartbreaking. Him and his family were in on it, pure trash!!
I'm so sorry you went through this girl 😢
Thanks mrs owamie this is the best advise in RUclips so far,we appreciate your honesty
Honestly this guy have put you through the most
kere he was the drizzle drizzle gang🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
Yoo🙆🙆🤣
N still is mayb 😂😂😂😂
Thanks for sharing your story❤❤❤