GENDER DISAPPOINTMENT | THREE BOYS AND I WANTED A GIRL
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- Опубликовано: 27 апр 2017
- This video is for anyone who has experienced the horribly conflicting emotions of gender disappointment.
I always thought I'd have both girls and boys. Instead I've wound up with three lovely boys. Accepting that I wasn't going to be a mum to a girl was a big, emotional adjustment. This vlog tells my story.
Here is my blog post on gender disappointment after we found out we were having our third boy:
SAYING GOODBYE TO THE IDEA OF A GIRL - sorry-about-the-mess.co.uk/201...
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I'm Chloë. I live in London, UK, with my three boys, aged six and under, and my boyfriend, Sam. And my absolute favourite thing in the world is documenting our family story through words, videos, and photos.
I started my blog when my firstborn was a baby. I was 25, and my whole world had changed with an unplanned pregnancy. I felt lonely and bored and was hoping a blog might help connect me with like-minded parents whilst also giving me a much needed creative focus.
Our sudden ascent into parenthood was messy, life with kids is messy, and so is the state of my head at the best of times- hence Sorry About The Mess.
Things are much more settled in our life now. I've gone on to have two more children, and you'll mainly find me chatting about house renovations (we bought a fixer-upper), my motherhood experience so far, and plans for our upcoming wedding!
As well as blogging and vlogging, you can find me chatting away daily on Instagram.
The digital record, that's for me, really. So I'll be able to look back and recall every fibre of the happy moments, the everyday moments, and the big life events that make up our family story.
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FIND ME HERE:
Blog - sorry-about-the-mess.co.uk
Twitter - / mostlychloe
Instagram - / mostlychloe
I have 3 girls I’m pregnant again because we been trying for a boy since the first and finding out the baby was a girl I cried at the ultrasound. Because the baby before this one was a boy and I lost him at 14 weeks. It was so depressing finding out I was having another girl and I’m so worried I’m not going to be attached to my daughter. Because I have all these girls and this is my last try. But thank you for sharing your story. I hope I can heal from this
You have explained it absolutely perfectly.... we always said 4 children. Our first 3 were boys. I knew that every pregnancy has a 50/50 shot but I just figured one had to be a girl. We just recently found out that baby #4 is in fact a boy. I originally wanted to wait to find out until birth but then I decided that if it was in fact a boy, I wanted to know now so I had time to process it. And I tried to explain it without the term disappointment. Hubby asked me if I would be disappointed if it's not a girl and I tried to explain that it's not disappointment. I completely love and adore all 3 of my boys, but it was more that I would feel a sense of loss of the idea of the daughter I will never have. Everything you said is exactly my thoughts. When I found out that our last is in fact a boy, the emotional turmoil was and is real. We just found out 3 days ago so I am still going through this loss of a person that has actually never existed except for in my head. I notice families more in public and seeing their children whether it be all girls, boys, or mixed. I try to imagine life with all boys and no little girl. On top of my own emotions, I have other people and their comments which I feel makes it much worse like I let people down which is crazy. People commenting like oh man.... a 4th boy and yet they only have 2 and they are both girls. It's like why is your situation any better than mine??? It's makes me more upset. Thank you for making this video. I definitely needed to hear it so I knew I wasn't alone in my emotions and thoughts and I'm happy to hear that I will process them and accept my fate.
Nodding along with everything you've written. You definitely aren't alone in your thoughts. It won't feel this raw forever.
Stefanie Weber I wonder how you feel now! I am so upset to find out I will get a third boy at the moment and only somewhere deep I hoop maybe to have a girl as a fourth child though four children was not my plan and scares me as well. Your situation I understand so well!
@@ChloeBridge imagine how bad women feel in India or Pakistan if they carry a girl... Specially if they know they are going to be abused if it is one.
Hi Stefanie, thank you for your story. I just found out yesterday I am having my 3rd boy. I teared, and this morning I flat out cried. My husband is happy either way. This child was not planned so I figured God must want me to have a daughter....that was the only way to me it would make sense. My oldest is 5 and my 2nd was only 7 months when I conceived this unborn baby. I'm so thankful I found this video because it explained everything I am feeling. This will be my 3rd C-Section and I wanted to tie my tubes right then and there if it was a girl. Now I don't know if I want to attempt a 4rth, but I also am not sure I want to tie my tubes anymore just in case. People are also rude when you announce the gender when it is the same one. It is a blessing to have healthy children. God knows what we can handle, and who knows it might be a blessing to not have a daughter for whatever God's reasons are. Congratulations on your 4 sons! God is good. 💙💙💙💙
@@Ms777Lena not really I am from India and the death or abusing of girls is very less the society has changed a lot..... They respect girl child, but I don't know about Pakistan I think even girls over there got the right for education and many more, I don't know in what way you were trying to convey your message maybe I took it wrong
I clicked on to watch this Chloe and didn't think I would actually watch all 20 minutes of it. But I sat here and listened to every word. You said we should read your blog post cause it's probably more eloquent than you rambling- this was incredibly eloquent, well put, and almost needs to be a resource for those who experience these emotions.
I really agree with what you said about not calling it disappointment as the word disappointment has a lot of implications associated with it. But I admire you for being honest and opening up your feelings as it will help so many people.
I don't have any experience of this rather than an initial shock as I genuinely believed we would be having three girls and initially that is what I wanted if someone had asked me. But after a few hours I was excited and ready to begin the journey of being a boy mum. But I can imagine in a way it's like mourning a life you imagined and now aren't going to have. It doesn't mean you are 'disappointed' with your current life or the beautiful children you do have, it's just grieving for the things you won't have.
Well done for being so incredibly honest xx
Katie Ellison haha yes sorry about this MAMMOTH video. I did try to cut it down but it still ended up a beast. I don't usually sit through 20 min long videos either so it's really nice to hear that it is engaging enough to do so! 😂 x
I know this video is 3 years old but I hope you know how much this helped me. I just found out I’m having my second boy after being convinced I was having my girl, had a name and everything. I have hyperemesis gravidarum in pregnancy (severe nausea vomiting that lasts up to 20 weeks or more, sometimes the whole 9 months) and it’s debilitating and put me in the hospital. I will not be able to handle more pregnancies and hubby doesn’t want more than 2. Everything you said is me, I grieve not having someone to wedding dress shop with, I worry that I won’t see my grandkids as much as I would if I had a daughter calling me to come help her, I’m sad that I won’t have a mother-daughter adult relationship and I’ll be alone. But I need to feel this and grieve it to move on. I’m starting to get excited about the brotherly bond and I will admit being a boy mom so far with my first has been absolutely precious and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I pictured how our family dynamic would shift and now it’s not. I know one day maybe I will understand why I was meant to have my boys, and it’s okay that today is not that day. Already the few ppl we have told have said “oh you’ll get a girl next time” or “oh I was hoping for girl” and I’m glad we aren’t revealing to everyone yet because hearing that right now makes it hard to cope. I also feel like families with all girls, ppl will say it’s sweet as opposed to all boys they assume must be a madhouse and hard and i need sympathy, and I don’t like that stigma. I’m just going to do everything I can to have the best bond with my boys (and their potential wives one day) so I never feel like I missed anything.
Same boat currently pregnant with my second boy. I’m still so upset about it. When my sister passed I promised to name my first daughter after her and I will not be able to hold true to that, not to mention I was also convinced this was going to be a girl. I hate when people say oh next time you’ll get your girl, like you this is our last as well.
@@brittyrosebud90 I’m so sorry for your loss. Could you do a twist on her name to give your son a middle name in her honour? My comment was written before my 2nd was born and I will say now I absolutely ADORE having my two boys, I’ve taken the title of boy mom and embraced it and run with it! Their bond is beautiful :)
Not true I’ve heard many people with all girls say people have said negative things to them as well for not having a boy. We still live in a patriarch society it wouldn’t make sense if people saw boys in a negative light. Gender doesn’t matter the issue is society makes us think we won’t have a complete or perfect family unless we have one of each gender, and that’s just simply not true.
I,? Sorry to hear that, I'm expecting my second boy
Why do think that ur going to be left alone when ur sons are adults? A mother-son bond is just as strong as a mother-daughter bond, if not stronger. Just be the best mom that u can be to ur boys and they will naturally want to spend time with u in the future
Thanks Chloe. I am going through this right now and finding it very hard as I have felt conflicted emotion over this pregnancy and some emotional disconnect since the beginning. Listening to this vlog was so validating of what I have been feeling.
I'm on the same boat. 3 boys...I wanted a girl so bad. But am glad my baby boy is healthy and his due date is March 31st
You brought up so many points that I relate to! I loved listening to this and feeling like you have helped organize my thoughts for me. So much appreciated and well said.
Thanks a lot for making this video. I am pregnant and going through this right now and to hear how you dealt with it really helps a lot!
YOU. ARE. AMAZING. Thank you for being so brave and so eloquent; this is a vlog that needs to be watched.
Meet The Wildes thanks Amber, that's really kind of you. I'm glad it's 'out there', people have already said it's been helpful and that was my reason for doing it.
Found out I’m having a boy and really truly wanted a girl. I am so sad. I only want one baby and I was hoping for a girl, I think alot of women want at least one girl. My whole family put it in my head that I was having a girl so for the past 10 weeks I had spent picking out girl names, looking at baby girl clothes, started preparing for the nursery in small ways like finding a girly crib or cute bedroom decor to add to my registry. Today I got the news and so it was hard to accept that everything I imagined was no longer an idea. I’m just trying to move on over it so I can look forward to my baby boy
Hugs i truly know how you feel .. i only wanted 1 or 2 max kids to be honest .. 3 if i was rich to be frankly honest so i could hire a live in nanny lol .. i have a boy and found out havinf a 2nd boy and still processing the news
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I can't believe how eloquently you reflected my own exact emotions and made me feel normal for feeling this way. So grateful I watched your video xxx
Your video has 100% summed up how I felt about 'gender disappointment'. I call it gender loss. I desperately wanted a girl and was told by a psychic I was having a girl with my first pregnancy. To my shock and undoubtedly 'disappointment' I found out I was having a boy. My experience of sons in other families made me feel like he would never love me as deeply or care for me as deeply as a daughter. With my relationship with my mum we are so so close and not to have that with a daughter of my own makes me really sad. I can't help how I feel. I will grieve the idea forever unless I have a girl. I'm only 25 and this is my first child so there is nothing to say I won't have a girl in the future but in all honesty I'm scared to have another child incase I have a boy. I know anyone reading this who is struggling to conceive will hate me but these are my feelings and I can't help how I feel. Like you say you have to face them head on and deal with them.
Thank you so much for making this video. I feel less alone with my thoughts xx
I'm glad my video was comforting to you. I can emphathise with many of your thoughts. Thanks for leaving a comment : )
Rachael if I'd have found out I was expecting a boy I would have felt just the same as you. Don't feel bad. I'm having a girl but I'm 35 so am only planning this one child.
If you have a supportive husband and good health you can have as many kids as you want. Just keep trying 😉
Just because you have a girl doesn’t mean you will be close to her… I’ve seen girl/mom relationships where they weren’t close and boy/mom that were super close. You have a lot bias’s which in reality even if you get a girl it might not be how you imagine it. Based on your strong feelings if you are that afraid to have another boy perhaps you shouldn’t have anymore children at all.
I found this so interesting, I rarely watch vlogs as I find blog posts so much easier to process, but I found myself watching and nodding along to so much of it. It's so good to hear an alternative term to gender disappointment as I never felt this described my feelings, but adjustment fits. With my 3rd boy I felt pretty much the same as you and have continued to get similar comments and have the same sorts of conversations with people on a daily basis. Then I had the lovely ones, where I was told I was blessed or that they felt that families of all the same gender are special. It was refreshing to hear his response and it did help me to change my mindset and from then on I didn't really give people the chance to reply negatively, but would say we're lucky to have an all boy family. I've always wanted a large family and struggled with people thinking it was trying for a girl, it wasn't that beyond my third, it was just having this big family that we wanted. When my 4th had Edward's Syndrome and we found out it was a girl I was completely floored, it felt cruel somehow to have a girl and have her taken away like that. We had some incredibly cruel responses, like maybe I couldn't carry a girl and it hurt a lot. After that I never particularly wanted a girl, I didn't want to replace the daughter I lost. I felt I'd always have her with me. Now we're on baby number 6, our last baby and it's a girl and I'm actually having to readjust my thoughts, I had a brief moment of thinking "oh, it won't be me and my boys any more!" and while I was thrilled, it felt strange too. I don't like people thinking we were just trying for a girl and I don't want the boys to think they were any less wanted. Excuse the long reply, there's so much I could say about this! X
Hi Corinne, thanks so much for watching and commenting! I remember your Maple, and saw recently on your instagram that you are expecting a girl and since then I've been thinking of you and the sort of adjustment you must have gone through / be going through. I, too, have had comments debating as to whether I can carry a girl / why we 'keep making boys', etc - I've had three miscarriages, and every time I get a comment like that, it hurts just a little bit.
I don't think people realise how those little comments can hurt, how it can feed into your deepest fears. I had a miscarriage too, I think before Maple, and I assumed it was a girl. For what it's worth I think it's a nonsense idea. I am definitely worrying more this time, I assume something will go wrong and I keep reminding myself that there's no reason that this baby shouldn't arrive safely. And I still think families with all the same gender of children are super special! x
Loved this Chloe you are so well spoken and I totally agree with everything you said! Thanks for being so honest, and also for correcting the term 'disappointment' I will remember that when I discuss the subject in the future. I felt such a amount of pressure from people when pregnant second time round to be having a girl and although yes I did want to experience being a mum of a girl too I also hate that anyone could have considered another boy as not being anything other than wonderful x
Tigerlilly Quinn i
So true .. completely agree with you
I think the reason for this is because society makes us think you must have one of each gender to be a complete family. Even if you had 2 girls their will be some people who won’t think it’s wonderful.
Here I am crying because I'm having a girl and not a boy. Everyone wanted a boy too and now no one is excited about my pregnancy. I feel horrible for feeling this way especially because it's my first baby, but I'm sure I'll love her no matter what.
Lesliam Urico you will love her! Those feelings can take a little time to get used to but with me, once they are here I can’t imagine them not being ‘them’ if that makes sense x
Thank you for your video. Ive always wanted a little girl and i was sad when i found out my first was boy but thought i have a second chance as we decided on having 2 children. I just found out that my second baby is a boy. Its hard to accept and realize that your dreams of having a daughter will never happen. Your video gave me some comfort and appreciate you being honest and talking about it. Alot of people dont understand and just say aslong as baby is healthy which of course is a given but you still have to deal with all these emotions and the guilt that comes with feeling what you feel when you find out its the opposite of what you dreamed you would have.
Thank you for being so open and honest 💙
What a fantastically honest video. I'm sure this will really help so many people. Thanks for sharing.
Fermerswife thank you for watching! I filmed in in the hope that someone might watch and take comfort from it, so I do hope so!
Aw this video made me subscribe because of your honesty Chloe, and in such a loving way x
This video is a perfect description of my feelings! I have two boys, they are 5 & 3. But I also have two step children, SD is 7 & SS is 5. My husband and I met when his daughter was 2, his son was 6 months and my son was 7 months. I wanted my first son to be a boy. With my second son I didn't really care either way because I knew it would not be my last child. A week and a half ago my husband and I found out that we were having another boy! I had tried to act unbiased about it, but deep down I had always planned to have a girl of my own. I already thought about naming her after mine and my husband's grandmother's, I had saved stuff from my childhood for her and all of our children even wanted a little sister... I was so nervous about the scan that I almost refused to find out the gender. As soon as I saw that he was in fact a boy I couldn't help the tears 😥. I truly feel so ashamed to feel upset about it. Suddenly the boxes of dolls and trinkets for my future daughter hiding in my closet seemed to be sitting on my chest weighing me down. I wanted to leave immediately, but couldn't so everyone saw me crying. I didn't want to tell anyone at all. Of course when we announced it everyone gave us a "Oh I'm sorry, I was hoping you'd have a girl this time, but congrats!" Of course I would feel like a fraud for being upset by anyone's reaction, so I just smile and said thank you! I try to talk to my husband and he kind of understands but not really. He has a daughter and plenty of sons. He thinks it should kinda be the same, but it's just not. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death. I have been in her life since she can remember. But she's not then brown eyed curly redheaded perfect mixture of my husband and I that I have been dreaming about for years. I can't wait until these feelings pass and I can really enjoy my pregnancy again. Thank you for making this video! I wish more people would speak out about it and I definitely vote for a name change because gender disappointment does not accurately describe this feeling.
I understand all of this. I also have a bag of baby girls clothes from my own childhood up in the loft. It's been there ever since I was pregnant with my first, getting more and more dusty year on year! x
Thank you! I’m going through some similar emotions. Different circumstance, but similar emotions. Thank you for being real, I feel normal because I’m not alone
I'm so thankful for this. I just found out yesterday that this is my fourth boy and final pregnancy. It is raw and painful. So many people have said what shame already. I feel like I'm dissapointing people. Everyone thought it was a girl. Our other three boys were actually mad that it's not a girl. Ughhh really hoping it gets better.
Rowan Rigby I hope it gets better for you XX
Did it get better!?
Girl i know how you feel even my 3 year old wanted a sister .. everyone in our families were rooting for a girl and i just cant face them so nervous to disappoint
@@alvinash3328 my baby is 3 years old now, and I could not be more in love. I may still adopt a girl someday, but oh my goodness, we were meant to have a fourth boy ❤❤❤
@@alvinash3328 You shouldn’t be worried about disappointing them… you should be worried about disappointing that child.
I’m going through this right now and it’s awful. I wish I didn’t have a gender reveal bc I wish I would have given myself time to process it on my own before facing people... people don’t realize how rude they are being.
Love this video. Well done for being so honest. When I was pregnant with my second I was utterly convinced he would be another girl. I had in my head this idea of two girls because for some reason I saw us as an all girl family with two girls to dress up and do girly things together etc. This despite not caring the first time round whether we had a boy or girl. We found out at the 20 week scan that he was a boy and I'm glad I did as it gave me time to get used to the idea. Not quite the same I know but thought it was interesting the similar feelings.
Oh yes definitely similar feelings there. Everyone assumes that everyone's ideal combination is "one of each", but it's a lot more complex than that.
You hit the nail on the head oh my goodness! I too have 3 boys ..we are trying for 1 more but EVERYBODY is hoping for a girl and to be honest I am too but I've experienced the "disappointment" too and had to "get over it" and I LOVE that you used the word mourning because that's exactly what it is! And those crazy awkward public conversations happen all the flipping time! It's frustrating ..just YES! everything you said YES!!
All the best for your pregnancy. I still get the awkward public conversations weekly, I don't think it's ever going to end! x
Love this vlog Chloe, thanks so much. I have 2 sons and this really resonates with me.
I really needed this. You so perfectly articulated so much that I’m feeling now in learning about a second boy. Thank you 💙
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We have 4 sons ❤
I always wanted a big family so if I don't end up with a daughter it's just not meant to be. I'd have another son in a heartbeat.
I’m still having the emotional turmoil 4 years later. When does it go away. I’m in therapy already and no change.
I need to watch this... Adding to my "watch later".. While although I have a baby girl now, I did start with 3 boys! I need to watch this and curious the whole story/video!!
I have two boys, I'm really sad I didn't have a girl, Is adopting a baby girl better than trying for a third baby ?
Imagine if a father made a video about being disappointed in having a girl, what the outrage would be 😢
Great video thanks! I imagined our second would be another boy. Was completely surprised when we found out it was a girl and as you say I had to go through a bit of adjustment period - emotional and practical stuff ( we live in a 2 bed house so they will have to share a room etc) . It wasnt disappointment at all- I agree that sounds horrible, for me it was just getting used to something quite different to what I had imagined.
Also cannot believe the things people have said to you ( ' the that's a shame' comment!!! In particular) it seems crazy that people would think and say these things.
Gemma Hart that one comment was the most brazen one we had, but there were lots of 'milder' versions. And actually I still get funny comments even now, I don't think it ever ends when you have all of the same sex.
I just found this channel and I'm trying to take in every positive words spoken by you. I I'm a mom of 3 boys N im expecting my 4 child. I just found out it's another boy! Talk about emotions I'm feeling. I had all these plans for a girl in my head and it's like she just died. I'm trying to reach deep to look at the positive but like u said the talks from people doesn't help. My husband said it's God's plans, but in my head I feel like he doesn't like me to not give me my dream. Funny every where I look people are having girls lol. I know I love my child inside of me, it's like it's not about him. It's about that daughter I always wanted. I'm somehow trying to close this chapter N just accept the reality that I'm a mom with boys. My 10 year old cheers me up N told my all the girls in his class are bad! They have attitude with the teachers N talk behind their backs. I have good boys so I'm going to try N see my blessings!!!!
You're in the stage when all the emotions are at their most heightened. I found that stage really hard and I'm sorry you are going through that right now, but it won't always feel like that x
Jevan fox hi there.... I am exactly in the same boat as you.... pregnant with boy number 4!!! I had reasons to believe this 4th child was a girl..... how are you now two years from then?
Love how honest you are ❤️❤️
Oh my gosh. You put into words exactly how I feel. We did an early blood test that isn't 100% accurate but I think we are having our third boy. My ENTIRE family think we are having a girl and want a girl. Nobody knows we did the blood test and we have told them all we won't find out until 21 weeks. I actually had an aunt say that if this baby is a girl then we need to have a baby shower. It frustrates me because I think all babies should be celebrated. Who cares if this baby is a third boy!?! I also had the "I won't get to help my daughter pick out her wedding dress" moment. Assuming she'd get married or assuming she wouldn't elope.
Agree with you 100% about names too.
Wow, thank you for posting this video! It's the first time I've listened to somebody talk about a subject that just seems so taboo and also the first time I feel able to respond and say I totally relate to this! I always felt utter shame about the fact that for the longest time, growing up and imagining my life, I never imagined that I would be a mother of boys. When the time came and I was expecting my first child I felt totally convinced I was having a girl, because somehow that was what I inherently believed was my destiny. But at the same time, I felt this crazy irrational fear of what if its a boy...I felt I'd never be able to bond with boys. So then it got interesting. We decided not to find out the sex of our first baby. I gave birth to a baby girl. I was ecstatic. Two years later I gave birth to my second baby girl. I felt as though I had won the lottery. It was the dream I always dreamed of.
But then came the unwelcome opinions of others. Whilst proudly pushing my two baby girls around the supermarket I'd get people come up and ask the sex of my newborn who was bundled up in a snowsuit. When I said she's a girl, so many people would tilt their heads and say "ohhh. Well you can always keep trying for a boy!" I was so angry. How dare they assume what I wanted and talk to me as though I even had any choice in the matter?
In the end I had my response prepped and would smile back and say "actually, no..I have exactly what I always dreamed of thank you very much!"
So there's this assumption that everyone, especially those of us who stop at 2 children, all want one boy and one girl. I couldn't understand this. So ultimately it doesn't even matter what you have or what you wanted when it comes to other people forcing their judgemental assumptions on you.
To this day I still feel shame about my feelings of gender preference and fear of having boys, although I have no doubt that I would have loved a son equally after being given some time to adjust.
I'm so glad this is finally being talked about. I'm happy to know there are others out there who have struggled with issues surrounding gender expectations and its great that we can be honest, accept how we felt/feel and work through these emotions 😊
Hi,think im in the same boat. I have 3 boys 10, 6 & 3 and currently pregnant at 16 weeks. My Ob Gyne thinks he saw boy bits today. Im a little sad so im not really sure...
What was it?
I'm on baby number 2. My first was a boy and this one I really don't know what it's gonna be I wanted a boy at the start then a girl at 12 weeks now I'm not sure and I don't know how I should feel x
Just found your video, and just found out we are having our second and last boy... I was so sure itbwas a girl. You put into words exactly how I feel, I love this child so so sooo much already, but I also have these sad feeling for the idea of that little girl I know I won't have anymore.
I totally understand how you feel as i am going through the same just found out im having a 2nd boy and this is my last pregnancy due to health reasons and emotional/etc i am mourning the loss of my girl dream
This is such a lovely, and honest video Chloe. I really think it will help people in a similar situation.
We may have ended up with different line ups but I can associate with SO MUCH of this. When Everly was born I was convinced she would be a boy, and it was weeks before I could look at her and not feel like she was an imposter. And it wasn't that I didn't want a girl, I was over the moon to have one, she just wasn't what I had expected. And we found out the third time around for those exact reasons; I wanted to do all my mulling over and getting used to whatever it may be, before I actually had a baby in my arms.
And I do think we felt more protective of Quinn too, not because anyone seemed disappointed that she was a girl, but simply that people didn't seem very excited about her. It made us more possessive of the early baby days with her, and seemed to make us more excited about her arrival than it felt like we'd been for the other two.
I complete agree about the mourning period. I definitely experienced that with all my children; that point where you have to give up "the other option" you've been picturing alongside the reality. x
Thanks Lucy. Having a gender scan with Otto was 100% the right thing for me, for the same reasons you've mentioned. Although I found it so strange to know so far in advance!
I've been there. Girl mom here. Two girls! For a while I used be SO sad about it but now I'd honestly kinda want the third to be a girl too as crazy as that sounds. Lol. Girls are so much fun!
This resonates so deeply with me, I plan to try one more time for my lil girl. Fingers crossed and love to you all 😄😄😄
oritsela good luck! I give up!! I want my tubes removed after this.
You described this so well. Im wondering.. what is it that is the good thing to say when someone has several of the same gender and they wanted the other? I know at least two people who will definitely have trouble adjusting to having another baby of the same gender if that's what their next babies are and I have no idea what im meant to say. I have to say something as these people are best friends/ family. You said sometimes you'd meet a rare stranger who would say something refreshing... What's this?
Im one of four girls... I never felt like my mum or dad wished we were the opposite gender but I'd allllwaaaayyysss hear people say 'oh your poor Dad!' everytime we or mum said we were all girls! So I understand what your saying about the comments !
Yes, I get the "poor you" comments all the time, and my kids are starting to notice. In answer to your question, any comments are probably unwarranted unless the person has brought the subject of gender disappointment / readjustment up themselves. If they haven't mentioned it, they probably don't want to hear your comments. If they bring it up themselves then they are likely open to having an honest conversation about their feelings. It all depends on whether they want to do so. If you are not sure, the best thing you can say is "Congratulations, how wonderful!" x
Just found out we are having our third boy .. I cried and basically threw a fit at my gender reveal.. I’m over it and happy to have my baby boy now but I was convinced this third baby was a girl
Congratulations on your baby boy. I adore my 3rd boy so much despite struggling when we first found out he was a boy xx
I'm pregnant with my second boy and I'm going through the dissapointment right now. I wanted a girl so bad and my family wanted a girl. I found out Saturday and I cried when we left the ultrasound studio. I'm just trying to come to terms with it. I'm gonna be done with babies for a while.
I felt similar when my second was born and he was another boy. But actually, I realised another boy was amazing because my two older boys are so close - perhaps it would have been just the same with a sister, but I do enjoy watching their brotherly bond grow x
Your words are helping me so much as I go through this too.. ❤thank you
I had 3 boys and I agree with you. My first born child I thought was going to be a girl. Not that I wanted a girl or not, just thought he was going to be a girl. My second child I thought was going to be a girl, but thought it would be nice to have a boy so my first boy had a brother. Of course this was in the 1970's when you couldn't find out the gender. I was pregnant with my third child and wanted a girl and again thought either way was okay. My husband didn't want any more children after my third son's birth. Our last two sons had problems at birth and he was worried we would go through that again. I told my husband I wanted one more child. The whole time I was pregnant I accepted the fact that this child was going to be a boy. All I wanted was a healthy baby. To all our surprise the baby was born a beautiful healthy girl.
I hear you and understand. I have four boys.
Same 🙂
Oh man im going through this right now. Having 2 boys. Cried and showed what i felt in my gender reveal. Felt so guilty. But i'm better now.
So thankful to read and to watch your story! Though honestly it doesn’t help much at the moment as I heard only yesterday it’s a third boy for me having already two of 14 and 12... planned so long and as I realize now without even allowing myself to think of another boy, so hopeful it to be finally a girl for myself, I never expected to feel so devastated. My boyfriend was so angry to see me crying and so upset as it’s his first child. But he always talked of a little girl and partly convinced me! I lived many years content with two sons and was both times completely content with the gender. This time is so terrible and I feel utterly alone. And worst of all it feels like I suddenly stopped enjoying this pregnancy and don’t want it anymore and can’t even look and think of baby boys and feel no love only deep grief. I keep thinking I am 38 and never wanted four children or getting another child after what? 40!? So the comment about next time a girl is making it even worse. Is it normal to have these harsh feelings and is er a way to restore this love and happiness about the baby from before finding out? I almost regret I found out! I really see no future any more...
lyalyuk the first few weeks after we found out about our 3rd boy were the hardest. Some really raw feelings there. But there definitely is a future, I love my 3rd boy SO much, he brings me joy every day xx
Thank you for this video. I’m pregnant with my second after having a boy already and I do feel the pressure from everyone to have a girl. I don’t know what I’m having yet but I don’t want to tell anyone because it’s almost like a disappointment to them if I have another boy. But I would love another boy! My son would love a brother.
It’s nobody else’s business what gender of children you have and it’s rude for them to make you feel pressured… you should tell them it’s wrong.
I needed to see this so badly.
I am currently going through this i have 2 boys and have just found out yesterday im gaving another boy. I am going through all the emotions as all i ever wanted was 2 boys and a girl and i have to mourn that this will not be the case now and try and move on for my boys!
I just found out I'm having another boy and I haven't stopped crying since I've always want a girl and now that will never happen and I feel cheated to be honest being a boy mom hasn't been fun or easy for me and I just can't believe I have to do it all over again.
Thankyou for your honesty. I'm considering having a 3rd child after having 2 girls and of course I want a boy desperately. After watching this I realize I need to readjust my feelings of having a girl before I even start or don't do it at all. As you said I'd be lucky to have any baby, many people can't. So Thankyou
I know the feeling hi have 3 boys currently pregnant with #4 im ready for the news for it to be a boy ive been crying non stop i love all my boys.i just have to get use to it
Anyway in my situation I don't know what to say I have two girls and expecting the third I can't stop shading tears,am just down I regret going for scan
You are not alone dear
Im 9 weeks pregnant and dreading finding out the gender i want my girl 😢
same literally same. found out im having my 3rd boy
Notice how only a few women are dissapointed not to have a boy
Mark Robson the bond between women is unique. It’s perfectly natural for a woman to long for a daughter. Men do the same when it comes to having sons
I agree i have three boys and not disappointed by a single one I just wish they had a sister. I'm also exactly the same number 1 was a surprise, number 2 was a much wanted rainbow and number three I was desperate for girl.
Thank you so much for this video ❤
Thank you
Thank you for your honesty. It's has helped me. x
Glad it's helped x
Thank you for talking about this. Just found out our third is a boy and it’s been tough. Us boy moms have to stick together!
Pregnant with my second found out through Sneek Peak gender test at home. It's a DNA test through mothers blood sample as soon as 9 weeks. Really thought it was a girl. It's ok still trying to process and have my moments but, I'm happy they will be great friends. I've always wanted 3 kids but husband wants 2. But theres also options like IVF to choose gender can be expensive from 10k-20k if anyone really wants to choose the gender.
I only wanted one kid, and wanted a girl, i got a boy. The birth was SO awful, i was only 16, so i swore id never go through that pain again. He's 12 now, but im still guttered ill never have a girl.
Oh my gosh I had the same feelings!! I absolutely love my boys don't get me wrong but I long so badly for a girl. I have 3 boys and we are trying for a girl. If the next one is a boy it would be amazing because my youngest would be having a brother friend.
A brother friend is a nice thought - I'd like that for my youngest too.
I completely understand all the emotions you've talked about in this blog, I'm a mother of 5 beautiful boys but desperately wanted a girl, 8 years since the babies of the family my twin boys were born I'm pregnant again thanks to failed ius, it was a complete shock but something inside is telling me thus could be the girl I've longed for, but for all the reasons you've mentioned in this blog I've decided that I'm not going to find out the sex of my new baby and like I've told everyone who's asked its because i don't want to feel disappointed i don't wsnt my hope of a daughter to disappear at 20 weeks i want to keep the feeling of this could be the one for the whole 9 months and if it happens to be another boy when that baby is placed in my arms its instant unconditional love and i too will come to peace with the fact i will never have a daughter, until then there is still hope so fingers crossed x
I think if I got pregnant again I'd do the same as you and not find out - I think I'd be too scared to! Congratulations on your pregnancy, you'll have to come back and update me when he/she is born! x
Chloe Bridge i will definitely let you know, i loved this blog, it really hit home x
@@ChloeBridge just an update, on the 21st August I gave birth to a beautiful little girl xx
Lisa Galvin Ahhh congratulations!! Thanks so much for coming back to update xx
I have 3 boys, with the last one, I cried for about 3 weeks straight. My husband said that we could always try again. We never tried for anything, not even for a pregnancy. Anyway, it is funny because out of all of my kidsv this 1.5 year old ia the one who makes me laugh the most. I wonder if you would have tried the Shettles method if you could.
Fabiola Arauz I’ve tried the shettles method, twice! 😂...then found out the theory has been totally debunked. It’s the same with my youngest boy, he really is the apple of my eye and I’ve really enjoyed his baby / toddler years ❤️
@@ChloeBridge Oh gees! Thanks for sharing! I was considering it but now, heck no! More ppl should do vids debunking this method, I see a lot of ppl swear it worked but none saying that it did not. At least it is very probable to get grandaughters! All the best to you and your family!
I see a lot of people with one of each, or two boys and a girl saying it worked, but LOADS of people with 5+ of one gender saying timing has made no difference. The guy who came up with the theory thought he had identified boy and girl sperm but what he was really looking at, was capacitated and uncapacitated sperm. The capacitation process had not yet been discovered when Dr. Shettles developed his timing theory - perhaps I should do a video on it! x
Single mom, identical twins. I found out I needed to do this now if I wanted a bio child. So here we are, I did it. Doctors did everything possible not to end up with twins, but identical twins are not preventable. So at this point these will be my only children. I always thought I'd have at least one girl, through biology or adoption.... but being a single mom there's no way on Earth I'll be affording a third kid ever, especially since I had to go through fertility and three early losses before this pregnancy stuck. Soooo.... I'll never have my girl. And when it wasn't twins I didn't care, but now, as these will be it, I really do care. Same thing you said, it's adjusting to the idea of never having a daughter, not that I didn't want a son. But... I also agree with you, you have to think that stereotypical societal gender norms can't form the basis of who you think your child will or won't be.
I hate when we'll meaning people say things like boys are easier than girls. They have no clue what this could feel like😬 I am 51 now and my last baby at 40. I did have a miscarriage that I think was a girl. I named her Emily. I had to mourn loss of fertility because I had my tubes tied and I'm through menopause and lately when I see people with boys then a girl I have to say it still hurts. By the way I an from the USA.
Flock of goats 102 thank you for commenting xx
Just had our ultrasound yesterday with our third baby. And we have another boy. I was and am so sad. And like everything you said, I know that I will not have a chance to have a girl and to know what’s feel like to raise a girl. At the same time, I am super guilty that I am as excited for my third baby as I should with my first two. I am feel so down. I am also having gestational diabetes, and insulin shots, so I am going through quite a bit. I hope it is over soon. Because every single baby deserves a celebration.
That was always in my head too growing up i always thought well one day ill get married and have a couple kids of course one will be a girl and ill do this and this with her, and i cant wait to help her and teach her this and that, but just now realizing those foreshadowing moments may never happen. Im pregnant with our 3rd (last) after 2 boys and we find out the gender in a week!
and.. what is it ? either way. congrats babe !! xx
@@piotrlubczyk3558 its a boy!!!
@@alyssa13renee awwww thats awesome. my husband is out of 3 boys and they have a special bond, my mother in law is so proud of them and she should be !
When I had my first baby I did not know the gender because of no routine ultrasound, With my 2nd I was told a girl by ultrasound and baby was a boy. Then 16 years later I had another one and that has a boy too. The tears came. Then many years later I went to my first grandchild's gender reveal party and that one a boy too. My other son had a boy a year and a half later. Something happened this year. I have a new granddaughter. You never know.
Thank you for making this video!
really appreciate this, I have 3 girls and I'm pregnant a 4th time and we just found out the gender and I just remember last time with the third girl I had a take a couple days to gather myself because I really had the idea in my head of having a boy but she turned out to be all girl. I feel bad for feeling disappointed but it's just natural when we have one or more of the same gender.
My situation too,I can't stop shading tears
I got a harmony test and left the envelope in my car for weeks because I dreamed of having two girls. Deep down I knew it was a boy and I needed time to process before I saw it in writing.
And yes the name .......... Oh naming the baby after birth..... my son didn't have a name for 4 days and people were grilling me so bad. I just looked at him and cried everyday til I finally named him . I was disgusted that I didn't even have a name for him....
Yup happened w me . With my Surprusing 2nd pregnancy tho my whole family was negative. Friend gave me lots of girls stuff. I invited my family to gender reveal ultrasound. So awkward. I was so damn angry they said another boy. I cried so bad giving away all that girl stuff. Now sitting here a surprise pregnancy AGAIN . Hoping it's a girl. And honestly feel like I should hide it til I find gender out our selves privately. I love my son's so much I feel terrible for how I felt when finding out how unexcited I was he was another boy. I guess will happen if another boy as well. But our hearts want what they want. Love your video.
Ravey Hart congrats on your pregnancy! Remember you don’t have a duty to tell anyone the gender until you are ready xx
Thank you ❤ perfect video
Hi I’m pregnant tooo but I’ve had no boys at all I’ve had 5 doughters and this time after 7 year I’m pregnant again with my scan showing it’s a girl again 😔 I’m so emotional 😭 and upset but this feeling doesn’t go it’s a worse feeling ever
Thanks for leaving a comment Zoe, and sorry you are feeling so raw about it at the moment. I think the feelings are always the worst in those weeks and months after you find out x
Chloe Bridge thank u
Zoe Smith I feel you I just found out I’m having my third boy and can’t stop crying
ivelisse Rodriguez
Your so lucky 🍀 I’m still up set still crying why me why me but I’ve kept a brave heart and thinking positive I’m 38 if age but tired can’t do any more being pregnant 🤰 me and my husband have said this is the last one 🙄😱😫 because my older daughter has just turned 18
We was hoping for a boy but no it’s a girl 😫
Thanks so much for sharing this. It’s enlightened me to the sensitivity that parents may be feeling when expecting their children. I have a son and always wanted a son since growing up with three sisters and no brothers. But then l always wanted a brother and remember as l child fantasizing that l had a twin brother that decided not to come along with me out of the womb and l would tell people that story. I know silly eh. But l remember having to “mourn” the idea of never having a brother. I know it’s not comparable but l get to now have a mother and son experience. I think our desires don’t quite have to “die” but to accept that it can be fulfilled through another experience. Maybe through grandchildren, nieces or nephews, you know!
I found out yesterday im having my 3 boy... and I just feel so bad right now, and also feel like im not enjoying like before my pregnancy... I hope to swallow this soon and enjoy my last baby... thank you for making me feel better and being understand by you 💜 by the way, you have sooo nice boys!
Glad I could make you feel a bit better - you will get there! xx
How do you feel now? I am in the same situation and found out only yesterday
@@lyalyuk I feel proud! 😂Sorry I read this too late! I'm sure you happy too hahah
My little boy just turned 3 years old and I'm so proud ❤️
I am a little bit afraid in that "disappointment moment" for my reveal around december (currently 3. Month).
I have the best boy in the world and he was my wished first child (the big brother), now I am pregnant, everybody including me has a feeling, it will be a girl and that would be my perfect Match.
But I fear that I get disappointed when the doctor reveals another boy. However I definitely know I will love my 2nd boy. I will just have to cope with the fact that I might never have a daughter. Kid #3 is not an option. So Yeah, I can relate.
I have 2 boys and found out today that my third is also a boy (18 weeks). I am in shock! I was a dancer and always dreamed of bringing my daughter to dance class. Well That’s not going to happen. Guess it is hockey, socker or something else boring for me. I hate male sports!!
Oh and the fact that I was pregnant with multiple other people and they all ended up having girls also pissed me off lmao
How annoying is that and then they almost smirk at you like i wanted a girl i got a girl 😏.. 👊 So annoying
I have two boys and I had all the same feelings as you. I have an older brother and I had always imagined I would have a boy and a girl and their relationship would be just like ours. We found out the gender at 20 weeks with both my pregnancies - the first time I was happy to find out it was a boy as that was part of the 'plan' as it were. I understand why you don't like the term gender disappointment but I /was/ disappointed when we found out we were having another boy the second time. I love Gabe completely but he's 20 months old and I still don't think I have come to terms with the fact I won't have a daughter. We aren't planning any more children, we have always both agreed we would stop at two, so there really is no chance of a girl. Actually, watching your video and writing this comment has made me realise how much I am still affected by this. And I don't know what the answer is - I think it's probably a sadness that I will just always carry with me.
Completely get the sadness that you will always carry with you thing. Although even saying that makes it sound like it's this huge thing, when actually I am so so happy with my life and my family, there is just this small sadness for something that I now won't ever experience in my life (kind of make me face my mortality in a weirdly confronting way!), but it's not an overwhelming sadness that affects my life, if that makes sense.
Toby Goes Bananas // Sarah gender selection ?
"Family balancing "
Thank you for doing this video. I really needed to hear all of this after finding out we're having our second boy. xxx
I feel a fraud commenting on this given that I have both sexes but I cried when I found out my son was a boy. Purely because I was utterly convinced I'd have a girl and had no idea what to do with a boy. I am very girly and felt totally unprepared for life with a son. I never felt I could tell anyone as I thought they'd think I didn't want him. It's such a difficult topic because people who haven't experienced it don't seem to understand it. I did go on to have girls but I still remember how flat I felt after my gender scan with Charlie.
Beth Twinderelmo please don't feel like a fraud! The thing with these feelings is that there's no rhyme or reason to it and just because someone has one (or more) of each, it doesn't make those feelings any less valid or real.
Exactly in the same situation feel awful because I do have one of each and should be so so happy but still no idea what to do with a boy but I do love him also in my case having great bond with my sister I m sad for my daughter not to have that although I know she can be very close to her brother
Chin up
You did mention how much you love him.
We just found out that our first is a boy (we're excited!) but this is boy #12 in a row in my family...crazy! All of my sisters have 3 or more boys and we were expecting to break the trend and have the first girl. Not gonna lie we were shell shocked at first but now it's settled in. Sometimes it just takes time :)
Aw congratulations! : ) Very true about it sometimes taking more time than expected for it to sink in x
This is my first and it is a girl.
When I found out, I cried hard.
I never had a brother and in the culture I come from, boys are always prioritized.
I really wished to give my parents a boy and not be labeled as a girl birth family
Now I'm feeling better
I hope my daughter turns out to be a kind and strong woman
In the end, as long as they're health and happy, and your three boys certainly are very healthy and happy looking.
I have 3 boys and im pregnant with my 4th and last baby. Were praying this is finally our daughter
update
Yes update
Did you have a girl or boy?
My first three were girls. And I was done. Then 16 yrs later I just knew my change of life baby was a boy. At an early US they told me girl. So I got on with my life. Picked a name and bonded to my new daughter. Plot twist at the 20 week Ultrasound the baby was a boy. I had to mourn the loss of my daughter. I rewatched the ultrasound videos so I could bond with him as a boy. I understand how you feel.
Thank you, I needed this. Found out it's my third boy, then I had a lady saying you should bring your husband over to ask my husband how to make girls seeing they have two girls. People say such hurtful things.
Thanks for sharing. I just found out I’m having another girl, and I’m going through an “adjustment” period. I wanted a boy and so did my husband.
This is a great video Chloe, I can completely relate in so many ways. For me I wanted a girl from the first baby, mostly because I just expected him to be a girl because there hadnt been a boy in my family for over 25 years...it was one of those "things" that people said all the time, "our family dont carry girls" - and I believed that for some reason!
So I experienced that feeling twice over - we found out with my first two boys at early scans and I went through the loss feelings each time, and the guilt - for that reason I did the opposite and decided not to find out the sex with the third, because I thought that I wouldnt be able to feel those things when I had a gorgeous newborn in my arms.
Im not sure how much it worked - I definitely still struggled with those feelings but I think the initial blow was somewhat softened, but the feelings of all those silly things I'll miss still came along - and you know its silly to think about the weddings and stuff, but its hard not to.
But yeah - I feel so many of the same things - the dread of peoples stupid remarks and the feelings it stirs up, the worry about people thinking Im not happy with my boys, the guilt, the knowledge that I would never change my boys in a million years but also knowing that I still somehow feel sad about not having a daughter - its so complicated. xx
Sparkles And Stretchmarks thanks Hayley. Your blog post on gender disappointment always sticks out in my mind - I hadn't read anything as honest on the subject before x
People are usually dissapointed if there are more girls, if you have boys they aren't but you are so you are projecting. But I always wanted a girl and I am very happy to have one who is great 😁 so I understand. In my nation people never cared, everyone just decide on number of kids and that's it. I know only three women who pursued a girl, one remained on 4 boys, one got the girl as a fifth child and one ended up having 9 boys. Typiccaly we have only two kids, so this is considered strange 😊. In Montenegro, however, things are different. They genuinely dislike girls and have bad names for them but boys are loved and called heroes and eagles. I hate them because of that.
Thanks for the video. Your boys are gorgeous and healthy. I'm a mum of 2 boys who miscarried a girl at 21 weeks pregnant.
So sorry for your loss xx
Granddaughter in 20+ years look forward
That's what I was thinking, granddaughters. Boys are wonderful. You never know what your future holds so the boys are in your life now for a reason.
Honestly, that could also not happen. My sister's exes mom has only sons and only grandsons.
Yeah my mother in law had 3 boys and is honest when she says she found it hard... Oldest boy had 2 sons, middle boy had 3 girls! Im married to youngest son and we already have a boy and pregnant again hoping its another granddaughter. I was always told fathers that come from all boy families will have sons... But my. Family have proven that's 💩
I just found out yesterday that my 3rd child is another Boy. I never wanted a girl until this pregnancy surprisingly happened. I cried because I wanted to tie my tubes if this surprise baby was a girl and now I don't know. I'm thankful for a baby again and blessed. I just never expected to have 3 sons. Thank you for sharing ❤