Cas, there are two things to consider when you go to your mom's house. One is to take some to-go containers, so that you can enjoy everything she's made, just not all at once. It gives you a chance during the week to contact her and say how fabulous The Leftovers were. Another thing to do may be to ask her to make some of her Specialties one year, and rotate some of the others so that they are always looked forward to with great anticipation. Your weight loss is a Triumph!
A friend whose love language is physical touch I gave her the softest plumpest bath towels for her ensuite bathroom in her favourite blue and white. She LOVED them and had tears in her eyes as she touched and rubbed and snuggled into them after unwrapping them. This was one of my first experiences choosing a gift after working out what someone's love language was. I'll never forget it. Another friend loves quality time and I organised a sewing day together at my house. She brought her projects and machine and I had mine as we drank coffee/tea, ate lunch, chatted and laughed as we sewed the day away, child-free so nobody had to put down tools. I organised, and paid together with two other friends, for a load of firewood to be delivered to a woman and her 4 boys who were huddling together at night in the loungeroom trying to stay warm. I knew her love language was acts of service as I had done some other smaller tasks and worked it out. Once you get to know someone's love language, gifts become so much fun to give because you have a better idea of what will light them up and feel loved no matter whether they are free or expensive - I mean that's the point, right? Someone gave me a pretty nail brush for my new bathroom. I don't even know if she knew I even used a nail brush as they'd never really been in my bathroom until I got a renovated one. It was the perfect gift for me - practical & pretty and mostly because I knew she had thought about what I might like. The smallest of gestures with the biggest love. Someone else was my secret santa years ago and put together a box of things including a pack of my favourite lollies. She had remembered it from a conversation with a group of us and I knew then that she'd taken the time to think of me. again not expensive, but I felt so loved.
It's funny, gifts were 0% on my list. Acts of service is the big one for me. Do the dishes and make me a cup of cocoa when I'm stressed, and I will feel the love.
Cas, skipping baking, finding other ways of economizing and doing less stressful activities is not cheating, but actually giving new life and excitement to enjoying Christmas with family and friends! We need to focus on the true meaning of Christmas!!!! Thanks for your thoughts and new refreshing ideas!
I am in tears after listening to this podcast. I now have no parents, grandparents, and my husband died 6 years ago. Just enjoy your parents while you have them because someday they won't be there. As for gifts, I'm a December baby, so about 5 years ago I received a wonderful gift -- a son-in-law. My daughter's boyfriend proposed on my birthday and I won't forget that. Unlike you I love to bake -- cookies, cakes, breads, mom's fudge, etc. I decorate very little and there aren't many gifts to buy. My Christmas card is a web page with a religious image that I choose for the year. All that I do gets done in about a week and the baked goods are shared with neighbors and other friends. Merry Christmas.
You know that decluttering method that asks 'does this bring you joy '....maybe apply that to Christmas prep. Does baking bring you joy? No? Then maybe buy what you need. Does the clutter of Christmas decor please you or aggravare you? Maybe only put up a small percentage of what you usually display...the stuff you truly love that holds meaning for you. Sometimes less has more of an impact when it comes to decor. Why not have a chat with family members and agree on not exchanging gifts. Perhaps set a date for get-togethers in the New Year instead of in the holiday season...it will give you something to look forward to. There are lots of ways to reduce the pressure and produce a more relaxed and enjoyable holiday season.
My love language is gifts 😅 I've always kind of hated that because it makes me seem materialistic when in reality I will be just as happy with a bouquet of flowers picked from a roadside ditch as I would be with a bouquet bought at the florist. It's not even about the gift, per se, it's about the fact that someone went out of their way to think of me and get me something.
How about saying, 'No' to Mum's food but also asking if she can prepare you some food to take home, so that you don't have to do as much cooking the next day.
One thing that a lot of people forget is that the Christmas season runs from the first Sunday of Advent through early February. A lot of families do Christmas in January instead because things cost less, or because they have a different faith tradition. The season is meant to be spread out so that it's not a huge one to three day bash and then New Years, and then nothing. And it's definitely not about the stuff, the parties, the sweets and movies and decorations. It's celebrating the Light God sent into the world through His Son, and all that goes along with it. Even Santa Claus is meant to point people back to that. Santa Claus is a reframing of the name Sint-Nicolaas, which would be Bishop Nicholas of Myra, who secretly did good deeds of love for the people of present-day Turkey. By lowering our expectations and choosing gratitude, by allowing life, family, and the season to have real meaning and avoiding the commerciality that it has become, we can declutter tons of stress and possibe anxiety right there. We weren't created to live in stress and panic all the time, just like we weren't created to live in clutter all the time. Simple and slow can be amazing blessings.
@@hippodinoreserve6090i agree with this comment if im not forced to eat everything in the one sittng. Let me bag that stuff up so i can eat it at my own pace at home, instead of being guilted into stuffing myself till I'm sick.
I completely relate to not enjoying physical touch. For me, I love physical touch from my husband, my kids, and my dog. Everyone else is off limits. It like my space is being invaded.
When first married we bought gifts for my hubbys family and their spouses. Once we all started to have children, we just bought for the kids and drew names to gift one family member within a set limit. By the way, there are 5 siblings! Now I just buy for my hubby, our son, his wife and two boys. Because of their ages and changing hobbies, this year they get gift cards, and one smaller gift to open. Everyone loves it! I like baking cookies, but hate cutting recipes in half ( as my hubby and I are both retired) somI still make cookies but I divide them up into three or four tins of mixed cookies and give them to my neighbour, youngest sister in law and one of my hubbys friends. These gift us each summer with veggies from their gardens. I cook my turkey the day before Christmas and reheat in oven the day of in gravy in the oven. Christmas Day I just cook the vegetables and gravy. Everyone loves it because we get to spend more time visiting, playing games, etc.
As a single woman, I have had to learn that Christmas is NOT about romance. Singles can get very depressed over their lack of love life because of all the commercials depicting happy couples and engagement rings.
Living in northern Australia its hot and humid here at Christmas plus the end of the school year with all the break up parties, concerts, graduations etc.. Watching tv depicting how northern Americans celebrate exhausts me. Some Australians try to copy this, but in my experience it never feels right (who in their right mind thinks drinking or gifting hot cocoa in the middle of summer is a good idea). Ive been perfecting the art of doing Christmas "imperfectly" for a decade and its turned out quite perfect. Less hot kitchens with baking and more bbqs and tropical fruit. Less airconditioned crazy shopping malls with fake snow scenes and more quiet activities and appreciating the best summer has to offer like our summer storms, falling asleep to cicadas singing and lots of swimming. Christmas is a great time of year and its even better if you slow down and savour it on your own terms and not let others dictate how to celebrate.
That's amazing! Watching how people on my own continent pretend to celebrate exhausts me, too. It's all fake marketing. Just putting on a show to pretend that is reality.
I am an extreme HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I get overstimulated SO quickly. Now that I have toddlers, they overstimulate me on a good day, but take me away from the safety of our home to someone else's house where they can get into stuff (and it's not childproof), there's lots of noise, other kids, and my kids have allergies and there are pets (etc. etc. etc.) and I shut down within an hour or less. And my husband works night shift, so the grandparents get upset if we don't take the kids to their get-togethers, but I literally CANNOT do it myself. So I've decided I don't much care if it offends my in-laws. They will always judge me for something anyway. But I am going to prioritize my mental health. If they want to come visit us, great. I'm not going anywhere with my children on Christmas. That WILL change when they get older, believe it. My husband does the back massage thing too (to his family members), and I always thought it was weird... lol.
This year will be the first year I won’t be stressing about hosting or doing anything for Christmas it will be a nice quiet xmas just my husband and kids, no tree up no decorations going up it will be a stress free xmas, Im over that season in my life my boys are all grown up already. Don’t have to worry about what to get my husbands family, or my family we have goals and one of them is to get out of debt so any extra money we have will be going towards our debt. And crossing fingers that by March of 2024 we will be debt free. 🎊 😊🎉 happy holidays to all.
When you first started out (this 73 year old lady) wanted to tell you "NO! You don't have to do any of it!😂" But then you showed me that you were a woman after my own heart. You have chosen wisely, Cas. As I tell my grown daughters with in-laws and outlaws, families are not easy and most of us are dysfunctional at some level (minor or major). I tell them that I finally learned to look at most family gatherings as a sitcom. It really helps. As for doing too much -we've all been down that road. You'll figure it out. Thank you so much for all your RUclips videos and Take Your House Back. I have learned so much. I love your personality and you have brought a lot of joy. God bless you and yours during this wonderful holiday season. I like the way you explained the Love Languages. P.S. Can you take some of your Mom's food home and tell her "I love this! I know you love me look at this great meal! Can I take it home and have some more tomorrow?"
I love how our families do things for Christmas. We’ve done it a few years now and it’s been great! My in-laws like to draw names Secret Santa style every year for all of the adults. We buy gifts for each of the kids. My family we just buy for the kids and it’s awesome. My husband and I sometimes buy each other gifts. I like gifts, my husband doesn’t really. He buys something he wants and he’s happy as a clam. I also love getting all of the gifts in November, saves so much stress in December!
Gift giving - For many years, we would buy presents for family members and friends all through the year. We would find unique and personal things at yard sales and estate sales. This saved a lot of $$$, time, and stress instead of buying stuff in November and December, when our budgets were stretched. This year, we still did that for family members birthdays, and holiday gifts for my parents. We only needed to buy a few more books for my dad and nothing more for my mother. The change this year is that my husband's side does not want to exchange gifts, because, honestly, they are lousy at picking stuff up for us and they see gift giving as an obligation instead of a joy. This has been hard for me. Gift giving is part of my love language, which is why I always take such care in choosing gifts for those I love. I even spent time compiling gift suggestion lists on Amazon, which they rarely used. So, no gifts for my hubby's side of the family and we likely will not even get together for the holidays. We will get together with my parents and I am looking forward to that. However, some of the magic of the holidays will be missing this year for me. I am trying to be okay with this, but it is not easy. Decorating - I actually am going to do a little bit of decorating, but I am not going overboard. We put up our outside lights back in September. It brings me joy to see them on. Gingerbread house - My teenage son and I have a tradition where we decorate a gingerbread house. Last holiday season we bought an already built house. That saved a lot of time and stress. We also did not complete decorating the gingerbread house until January. If felt odd, but that is what my son needed. I asked him if he wanted to build another gingerbread house this year and he said that he did. I am looking forward to doing this with him.
Yes, understanding people's love languages can be very helpful. As can understanding people's apology languages. While everyone should be able to do all five of each of these, it can help us understand what touches somebody's heart the most.
Thank you, dear and awesome Cas! May I add an idea concerning gift buying: When I was a teenager (looooong ago) I decided to never ever again go Christmas shopping in Winter. Since that time I kept listening to what people around me wanted or wished for, bought throughout the whole year and collected the things in a box or something similar. So I (usually) never run out of gifts for birthdays, Christmas or surprising or comforting someone and don’t have to spend a frightful amount of money in December. And one more goodie for me: While everyone is running around stressing out I sit at my desk enjoying tea and the Brandenburg Concerts, wrap my presents and fight off my cats from stealing the ribbons. All the best to all of you, enjoy the season and have a relaxing Merry Christmas! Love from Vienna, Austria 🤗
Cas, this was SO GOOD and much needed!! I love hearing about permission to do less! Also, knowing and understanding the 5 love languages is super helpful!! Merry Christmas Cas!! 🎄❤️
This sounds really funny, but I love that you give people "permission" to half-ass some things. I grew up with my dad saying "never half-ass anything. If you're going to do something, whole-ass it" 😂 which is great but it's caused me to just not do so many things because I don't have time to do them perfectly. Lately I've been insanely busy and overwhelmed and, after listening to you, I've been allowing myself to just do what I can and move on. It's so much better than not doing anything at all. And also to not overwhelm myself more than I already am with the extra Christmas activities. Thanks!
You're so right. We're never going to show up for most things in life if we feel like we have to "whole-ass" everything. Imperfection is beautiful, funny and so freeing.
Cas, Awesome video. My Hubby's love language is words of affirmation & receiving gifts. Mine is acts of service. Each year, I ask my Hubby to help me do something in the house instead of a gift. It's awesome! 😊
The moment you said acts of service is your mother's love language a light turned on in my head. I did not need the test to tell me that's my love language too and now I understand why I get so upset with a lot of things around the house. A lot of things now make sense to me, thank you!
Some great tips! Thanks for sharing. Sometimes I think we can over complicate things and procrastination is an enemy for many! I have a friend that loves to send and receive Christmas cards! She starts writing in November and gets them mailed Dec 1st! There are many things we can do early….waiting till Dec 1st to plan or even start can cause unnecessary stress. Somehow we go from Dec 1st to the 23rd in a blink 😂 Boundaries yes lower expectations yes better planning yes and remember the reason for the season !!
My mum got fed up with getting stuff she didn't need, but she loves angels, so every year I make her one, which she puts up in her growing Christmas display. I swear her house is starting to rival the local grotto!
Easy outdoor decoration that a neighbor does: Get a Grinch, put part of a string of lights up and dump the rest at his feet. To spread out Christmas our family would get together around "little Christmas" January 6th
I think part of simplifying the holidays is to look at what you are doing and try to go to less events. I have to remind myself, just because I took my family to the Christmas tree lighting, and the movies and lights at the zoo plus ... Those things will be around next year too and pushing to go to do all the stuff isn't going to make us any happier.
I'm soo glad you mentioned Weight loss. I'm having the same problem with my mom trying to feed me, even after she knows I can get sick from eating too much too.
My kids and I are just filling our stockings. Not major presents. Just what we can put in the stockings. Way less stress. I'm down to 3 totes of Christmas decorations. I plan on getting rid of more hopefully today.
Listened to this while setting up my christmas tree. Your videos have actually also inspired me to decorate more than just the tree and put little decor things up around the house. So there's that 😀 Your love language shows in all your awesome gifts on your website too. Thanks for all the awesome sheets and planners. And happy holidays!!
Last year I told all of my family not to buy me stuff. I'm at a point in my life where I don't need stuff. All the kids in my immediate family are adults now starting their own lives, spend the money on your kids and grandkids and my brothers and I go together and buy a gift card for a dinner theater that my parents like, and that is the only gift. That we buy
Hi Cass, I love listening to all your podcasts and watching your videos. You inspire me every single time😊. Just a thought, ask your mom, dad and stepmom to take the "love language quiz" with you (again). By doing this, they may realize something new in themselves and be more respectful to you as well. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Enjoy this season of Jesus' birth instead of stressing about it.
Cas....remember that you have just moved. That causes a whole new stress, with trying to decorate different areas than usual. Or whether to decorate at all. I feel that stress, of trying to do everything. I seem to be more organized this year, but still realizing lots more things I have to do. My husband and I like to entertain, but he'd like to add more parties each year. I'm the cook and cleaner for most of those. It's a lot. I have decided to buy more food, ready made, for these parties. I like your idea of gift languages. I also like the shorter vlogs and podcasts. You are my Go-To Lady! And, hey, you look like you've lost a ton of weight recently! How are you doing that?
Hi Cas , yes ! my hubby bouth tickets for Brian Adams 🤩 . We live in Europe and he's in Prague. Last year we where in Wienna to see him...me kid's (adults) just get funny socks 🧦 ...we don't follow trends , the time we spend together is prizeless .... Angelika 🙋♀️
I have learned so much from you and you have motivated me greatly. Yesterday I took excess towels to humane society, clothes to goodwill, throughout excess stuff. I originally purchased your guy’s special but after discovering you have been non-stop learning and doing from your RUclips videos. Your a god send and want to thank you so much👏💐🔥Will be watching the program videos as well.
I totally agree with everything you said! I crashed after Thanksgiving!😢 And we weren't even into the holidays yet! I applaud you for buying the sugar cookies! I, too, am giving up the neighbor gifts this year! All my friends are getting the same gift. I am not singing in the choir this year. I'm not putting up tons of decorations this year. I'm keeping it super simple.
This was so interesting. First of all, can I borrow your mother in law?….no…. Oh well, for your mom, maybe have a takeaway container or two in your bag, complement how wonderful everything is and ask if you can take some home to enjoy later. I remember when I was raising my 4 kids as a single working mom and feeling the stress, and the let down after the big day. I learned to counter this by buying myself a new book to read during that week between the holidays. The first year I retired, I was used to doing so much, and now I had time, and only one kid left, I did two crazy things. First, I decided to put outside lights on the house. I over did it. You could probably have seen my house from the space shuttle. The other equally bizarre thing I did was buy a stand mixer. I always wanted one, and I wanted to make Christmas cookies. So I looked up all these recipes on Pinterest, bought all the ingredients and started making cookies. 24 continuous hours later my friend came over and looked at every surface in my house covered with cookies and said “what were you thinking”, I told her, I wasn’t thinking anything, I was just making cookies! Good news is everyone in my family got a big bin of cookies with a bow on it for Christmas….. and I didn’t have any left hanging around for me to eat or still be there in July. Those were good self made memories, never to be repeated.
I do something creative over the week between it and new year. One year I started writing a book (completed) and the last 2yrs I’ve been creating new artwork on Photoshop. This year I’ll still be having fun renovating my house and probably be painting my dining table. ❤ Only had a few Christmases with family but didn’t enjoy them and the ex ruined any holiday. Glad I’m on my own. It used to stress me out until I realised it was one day and one meal that needed leftovers for the next day when the shops used to be closed on Boxing day.
I often wonder, what if I owned nothing. What if I had an empty home and did not own anything, what would I want to put in my home? I always think whilst looking around my home, well I wouldn't want that many cups or drawer sets or blankets, towels and I wouldn't want those stupid soft toys that i absolutely love sitting in the corner of my room. And I really would be glad I didn't have buckets of toys that my kids own sitting in my craft garage and in the new shed I brought to fit more. I would feel free and not overwhelmed. I have strong nostalgia to all the toys I had when I was young. I love toys! That is my weakness. One day, I plan on getting over that. Unfortunately, it's not today. I'm not saying I want my home to burn down, cause I don't have insurance on the stuff inside, but it would definitely help make those tuff decisions. Start fresh. Put in my home the things I want/need today.
The 'expectations' surrounding Christmas can certainly be overwhelming! I'm with you...I do not like a jam-packed schedule, but somehow it just happens, especially at this time of year. 💗🙏
I share baked cookies with 2 or 3 neighbors and give 1 gift to a neighbor and thats all we for extra Christmas stuff. No family parties, we dont have much family. No parties with friends. We only buy for our son now. My man buys groceries and clothes and whatever we need which is truely a gift! (There are men who flat out refuse to provide for their families!) I am truely grateful for my fiancé) I bake, cook and clean daily, I can only really bake and my family loves the food. In the summer I have a garden and grow food. I am working on a quilt for my son which I do not know if it will be done in time for christmas.... lol but why do we need to go above and beyond when surviving month to month financially ect is all we can do? Small gifts of love is what counts in our home❤
Don't bake cookies to decorate because when you pile them up with sprinkles and sugar they taste awful anyways 😂. Also some people do all those great things because they want to impress and be the best so by you not trying to keep up you are giving them the gift of being the best. It really comes down to how well our families behave on Christmas.
OMG! My ex in-laws LOVED to argue and debate about politics, etc., every holiday! I'd end up with a migraine, playing outdoors with my little neices and nephews to get away from it!
Yes - crashing now. Get very depressed afterwards because of fatigue snd stress of seeing people I don’t normally see. That then makes me resent and dread xmas even more the next year. Sick of the burnout.
Cas I sooo get it !!! My TWINS birthday is a few days after Christmas so it's DOUBLE the stress. I understand I do it to myself but I always want it to be the BEST 💓. Now they're all grown up but I still go crazy shopping for Christmas and for birthday. So while everyone else gets to finally EXHALE on 12/26 I have to amp myself up for TWIN birthdays a few days later 😵
We have been living in empty nest for 10 years. My son came home a couple of years. Him and his family live 3,000 miles away. I don't have the energy to decorate right now. I might put out our pre-lit tree & only put my very favorite ornaments. I might not.
Maybe let your son and his family decorate the tree... or not. Your choice. Always your choice. Maybe it's time for the women of the world to "Give Christmas Away". Let everyone else do it and see how it goes.
Cas, great topic & well done. I restarted the podcast to type, so this will be a leave early. Like you, I have weight related dietary issues and I know first hand how bad some food-pushers are. They mean to show love but they are actually bullying us. I should own that I am a working pastor which gives me many opportunities to say "No thank you." But occasionally I have to take a piece of whatever and discreetly toss it. But this is your mom and as a mom yourself you know how our kids have to cope with us being us. So here are some open questions I would ask if you came to my office for counsel. How would you want your child to approach you? What was it about how your sister approached you, a person whose love language is gifts, into embracing her love language of quality time? How does your mom talk about your weight struggle? (I pray the question took no more than one bow of tissues and an hour of time with your therapist.) And now one suggestion for this year that has probably shown up more than once. Choose a food or three your mom makes that you as a person who dislikes to cook would never make at home and ask for them specifically. Also, ask if she could make you a "Hello Fresh Box" you could make at home. Next year when Christmas in July is hot at the craft stores, have a heart to heart with her then. Blessings! I believe live in you and you are an absolute I spiraling for me.❤
Oh girl, you need to set some boundaries! As suggested previously, take containers, let your mum know you want to try everything, but can't right now so take it home. Then, let her know how much you love the food when you do eat it later 💜 I love that you have recognised love languages, and try to honour that, however you do need to tell some people that you don't like being touched, for instance. Do it on your terms.
Thank you so much for this video. I felt everything you said. I love the hallmark channel movies 😊, and i was watching one just like the one you described 😂. God bless.
Cas, can I borrow one of your problems? None of my nearby friends or family throw parties, ever. (Okay, one, but not regularly.) I do, I love to host parties. But I am doing it so much less now because it just began to feel incredibly unbalanced. I don't need tit-for-tat invites, but like, a 20/80 split would work for me.
With my nieces and nephews started a couple of years ago will buy Christmas gifts and then for birthdays will do an experience. My one niece months in adv chooses her place and oldest nephew has said he loves the gift of an experience to me
Thank you for your genuineness and sometimes tough love. We are all worth respect and care, and it's okay to simplify. I'd like to also share a little tough love with anyone who is willing to hear and challenge some current lingo. I can understand that the love languages can be helpful in understanding how we like to receive love, which can help in relationships as we are getting to deeply know others. But as I've understood and experienced more, isn't it more respectful and truly loving to show love to others in how they deeply NEED it, even if it's not the way they want? Sometimes the way we want love or want to show it isn't how we or the other person needs it at the time. While treating others the way we want to be treated is a good starting point, we can go further and treat others how God would treat them and show love according to their needs at different times, getting down to their deep needs. And while people can feel that different things are respectful vs. disrespectful, I believe there's also a base line of objective truth that exists in healthy relationships of what respect is that needs to be followed if we desire to prevent broken trust and relationships. And if someone is doing something to show love but is not considering their honest motivations or your actual needs too, then no matter how we excuse it, it's still disrespectful. It becomes more about them feeling like they are loving then actually BEING loving and considering someone else's needs along with their own. And while no one likes to hear it, it's actually part of our selfish human nature to love this way and isn't true Godly love, love which transforms us and others into new, better, and more whole people. True, Godly love respects and cares about the well-being of ourselves and others long-term to find true joy and peace, not just short term happiness and instant gratification. We are all different and need different things at different times, and I believe God can help us know how to love others as they need, along with kindly asking for what we deeply need too. It's a learning process for all of us, and it's okay to take it one step at a time, a little better every day. Not perfect, but consistent progress. Anyway, some food for thought for anyone interested. All of us matter. All are worthy of true and deep love and respect. You and each of us can do this. And you and others are worth the effort and change to be healthier and more whole. ❤
at work, we called that a white elephant gift... we don't buy much for each other anymore....and sometimes, we don't do full deco...last year, it was just the nativity...that is all....and a wreath on the front door....
Long time tradition in my town is that families holiday in town at a caravan park. If they want a spot next year they have to book it before they leave the park the year before as they all book out every year. Can’t understand it. Instead of being 5-10mins from the beach, they are 1-2mins from it and pay a premium for it. Moral of the story: Do what works for you! 😊
Buy for kids only , as adults we can buy all year long . I mean most gifts are affordable. Lol cant buy a new car for everyone ! I dont do christmas in yrs . Thanksgiving isnt turkey either . I do buy a turkey but cook on a week day and freeze the meat for later , 2 of us and 25 lb turkey ! I stay home as i dont have family , lol , i do . Family is the most stress .
I was once waiting for a table at a restaurant with my husband in their bar area. The bartender came up behind me and started to give me a backrub that was up near my neck and shoulders. I tensed up so hard and fast, he almost fell over as I twisted to get away from him. He apologized over and over (well past the time he should have stopped because that just kept the awkwardness going). So yeah, DON’T touch me. 😂 Also, you’re right about the back stroking. Ugh! I’m thinking ‘you don’t know me like that’ as I move away
I don't like the constant "hype" Or pressure to "goal set", "dream boards, expectations because it is a "brand new start." January is one of my less favorite months. October, with Halloween and "Halloween themed stuff everywhere is stressful for me.
I understand the experience type of gift, but if I do that I want to be part of the experience. It rarely works that way. I am older, and I have a routine that works for me. It took me years to figure it out. I focus on what I enjoy and what I can do. We do a gift exchange and I craft throughout the year. If I see stuff that screams a specific person’s name in March I buy it in March. Cut yourself some slack. You are still young and you have young kids. Focus on you and yours.
It is helpful to figure out the different ways people express themselves and I know some find variations of love languages useful for this; however, the concept of love languages - the idea that we have one or a primary way of expressing and receiving love and especially the idea that there are only those 5 - has no evidence behind it. It's a hypothesis (one that's made its inventor a lot of money at this point), but all attempts to prove it have come back inconclusive. People can still find it a useful lens without any evidence, but let's not treat it like fact or ignore that it's also been used to harm people (including by the inventor) who've told people in unhealthy marriages that it's their fault because they don't do their spouse's love language right, when we have good relationship research that wouldn't put that kind of blame on people for something there is no proof actually exists.
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Cas, there are two things to consider when you go to your mom's house. One is to take some to-go containers, so that you can enjoy everything she's made, just not all at once. It gives you a chance during the week to contact her and say how fabulous The Leftovers were. Another thing to do may be to ask her to make some of her Specialties one year, and rotate some of the others so that they are always looked forward to with great anticipation. Your weight loss is a Triumph!
I was about to mention the same thing with the to go containers
I agree takeaway dishes will help Cass eat less and save it for later.
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A friend whose love language is physical touch I gave her the softest plumpest bath towels for her ensuite bathroom in her favourite blue and white. She LOVED them and had tears in her eyes as she touched and rubbed and snuggled into them after unwrapping them. This was one of my first experiences choosing a gift after working out what someone's love language was. I'll never forget it.
Another friend loves quality time and I organised a sewing day together at my house. She brought her projects and machine and I had mine as we drank coffee/tea, ate lunch, chatted and laughed as we sewed the day away, child-free so nobody had to put down tools.
I organised, and paid together with two other friends, for a load of firewood to be delivered to a woman and her 4 boys who were huddling together at night in the loungeroom trying to stay warm. I knew her love language was acts of service as I had done some other smaller tasks and worked it out.
Once you get to know someone's love language, gifts become so much fun to give because you have a better idea of what will light them up and feel loved no matter whether they are free or expensive - I mean that's the point, right?
Someone gave me a pretty nail brush for my new bathroom. I don't even know if she knew I even used a nail brush as they'd never really been in my bathroom until I got a renovated one. It was the perfect gift for me - practical & pretty and mostly because I knew she had thought about what I might like. The smallest of gestures with the biggest love.
Someone else was my secret santa years ago and put together a box of things including a pack of my favourite lollies. She had remembered it from a conversation with a group of us and I knew then that she'd taken the time to think of me. again not expensive, but I felt so loved.
It's funny, gifts were 0% on my list. Acts of service is the big one for me. Do the dishes and make me a cup of cocoa when I'm stressed, and I will feel the love.
Amen to that.
Cas, skipping baking, finding other ways of economizing and doing less stressful activities is not cheating, but actually giving new life and excitement to enjoying Christmas with family and friends! We need to focus on the true meaning of Christmas!!!! Thanks for your thoughts and new refreshing ideas!
I am in tears after listening to this podcast. I now have no parents, grandparents, and my husband died 6 years ago. Just enjoy your parents while you have them because someday they won't be there.
As for gifts, I'm a December baby, so about 5 years ago I received a wonderful gift -- a son-in-law. My daughter's boyfriend proposed on my birthday and I won't forget that.
Unlike you I love to bake -- cookies, cakes, breads, mom's fudge, etc. I decorate very little and there aren't many gifts to buy. My Christmas card is a web page with a religious image that I choose for the year. All that I do gets done in about a week and the baked goods are shared with neighbors and other friends. Merry Christmas.
“Comparison is the thief of Joy.” (Re Social Media)
I appreciate that your podcasts are not a photo on screen with you speaking, but live action speaking. Thank you!
I don't even stress about Christmas, but the half-whisper tone of your voice is giving me SO much ASMR. Your voice is incredible. ❤😇
Yes! I just found her channel and it’s amazing how she can talk about addressing chaos in such a calming manner😌
You know that decluttering method that asks 'does this bring you joy '....maybe apply that to Christmas prep. Does baking bring you joy? No? Then maybe buy what you need. Does the clutter of Christmas decor please you or aggravare you? Maybe only put up a small percentage of what you usually display...the stuff you truly love that holds meaning for you. Sometimes less has more of an impact when it comes to decor. Why not have a chat with family members and agree on not exchanging gifts. Perhaps set a date for get-togethers in the New Year instead of in the holiday season...it will give you something to look forward to. There are lots of ways to reduce the pressure and produce a more relaxed and enjoyable holiday season.
I love this! I'm going to make a list of everything I do for Christmas and rate them on how much they bring me joy.
Excellent suggestions!!! If "it" doesn't bring you joy, don't do it.
😂 Can somebody please make a book of all Cas’s spontaneous word mashes? What the diggity dog!? You’re the best, Cas! Thank you for the encouragement!
My love language is gifts 😅
I've always kind of hated that because it makes me seem materialistic when in reality I will be just as happy with a bouquet of flowers picked from a roadside ditch as I would be with a bouquet bought at the florist. It's not even about the gift, per se, it's about the fact that someone went out of their way to think of me and get me something.
How about saying, 'No' to Mum's food but also asking if she can prepare you some food to take home, so that you don't have to do as much cooking the next day.
One thing that a lot of people forget is that the Christmas season runs from the first Sunday of Advent through early February. A lot of families do Christmas in January instead because things cost less, or because they have a different faith tradition. The season is meant to be spread out so that it's not a huge one to three day bash and then New Years, and then nothing. And it's definitely not about the stuff, the parties, the sweets and movies and decorations. It's celebrating the Light God sent into the world through His Son, and all that goes along with it.
Even Santa Claus is meant to point people back to that. Santa Claus is a reframing of the name Sint-Nicolaas, which would be Bishop Nicholas of Myra, who secretly did good deeds of love for the people of present-day Turkey.
By lowering our expectations and choosing gratitude, by allowing life, family, and the season to have real meaning and avoiding the commerciality that it has become, we can declutter tons of stress and possibe anxiety right there. We weren't created to live in stress and panic all the time, just like we weren't created to live in clutter all the time. Simple and slow can be amazing blessings.
I'm sorry to hear your mom doesn't respect your boundaries regardless of her love language
I think the dad is worse with the politics. I’d take the mom’s waffles and pancakes over dad’s political viewpoint any day.
The way she explained it here, in a calm and understanding tone, is exactly how she could tell the parents how she feels.
@@hippodinoreserve6090i agree with this comment if im not forced to eat everything in the one sittng. Let me bag that stuff up so i can eat it at my own pace at home, instead of being guilted into stuffing myself till I'm sick.
@@hippodinoreserve6090Mom's refusal to respect boundaries is classic narcissism.
I completely relate to not enjoying physical touch. For me, I love physical touch from my husband, my kids, and my dog. Everyone else is off limits. It like my space is being invaded.
When first married we bought gifts for my hubbys family and their spouses. Once we all started to have children, we just bought for the kids and drew names to gift one family member within a set limit. By the way, there are 5 siblings!
Now I just buy for my hubby, our son, his wife and two boys. Because of their ages and changing hobbies, this year they get gift cards, and one smaller gift to open.
Everyone loves it!
I like baking cookies, but hate cutting recipes in half ( as my hubby and I are both retired) somI still make cookies but I divide them up into three or four tins of mixed cookies and give them to my neighbour, youngest sister in law and one of my hubbys friends. These gift us each summer with veggies from their gardens.
I cook my turkey the day before Christmas and reheat in oven the day of in gravy in the oven.
Christmas Day I just cook the vegetables and gravy.
Everyone loves it because we get to spend more time visiting, playing games, etc.
As a single woman, I have had to learn that Christmas is NOT about romance. Singles can get very depressed over their lack of love life because of all the commercials depicting happy couples and engagement rings.
SO TRUE!!!!
Cas - be kind to yourself! Comparison is the source of all misery. It’s not burnout, it’s exhaustion, plain and simple😢Time for a long winter’s nap❤❤❤
Living in northern Australia its hot and humid here at Christmas plus the end of the school year with all the break up parties, concerts, graduations etc.. Watching tv depicting how northern Americans celebrate exhausts me. Some Australians try to copy this, but in my experience it never feels right (who in their right mind thinks drinking or gifting hot cocoa in the middle of summer is a good idea). Ive been perfecting the art of doing Christmas "imperfectly" for a decade and its turned out quite perfect. Less hot kitchens with baking and more bbqs and tropical fruit. Less airconditioned crazy shopping malls with fake snow scenes and more quiet activities and appreciating the best summer has to offer like our summer storms, falling asleep to cicadas singing and lots of swimming. Christmas is a great time of year and its even better if you slow down and savour it on your own terms and not let others dictate how to celebrate.
Yes. Lived in NW WA and Darwin for a long time. More iced coffee weather! Merry Christmas from down south.
That's amazing! Watching how people on my own continent pretend to celebrate exhausts me, too. It's all fake marketing. Just putting on a show to pretend that is reality.
I am an extreme HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I get overstimulated SO quickly. Now that I have toddlers, they overstimulate me on a good day, but take me away from the safety of our home to someone else's house where they can get into stuff (and it's not childproof), there's lots of noise, other kids, and my kids have allergies and there are pets (etc. etc. etc.) and I shut down within an hour or less. And my husband works night shift, so the grandparents get upset if we don't take the kids to their get-togethers, but I literally CANNOT do it myself.
So I've decided I don't much care if it offends my in-laws. They will always judge me for something anyway. But I am going to prioritize my mental health. If they want to come visit us, great. I'm not going anywhere with my children on Christmas. That WILL change when they get older, believe it.
My husband does the back massage thing too (to his family members), and I always thought it was weird... lol.
I’m so jealous that you’re family was onboard with experiences! My parents get it, but my husband’s family calls me the grinch.
This year will be the first year I won’t be stressing about hosting or doing anything for Christmas it will be a nice quiet xmas just my husband and kids, no tree up no decorations going up it will be a stress free xmas, Im over that season in my life my boys are all grown up already. Don’t have to worry about what to get my husbands family, or my family we have goals and one of them is to get out of debt so any extra money we have will be going towards our debt. And crossing fingers that by March of 2024 we will be debt free. 🎊 😊🎉 happy holidays to all.
Congratulations on working towards your goals! ❤ Happy holidays to you too from Australia.
Your plan sounds like a good one - sending wishes that you will reach your goal by March. Happy stress free Holidays this year!
@@dsmith9796 Thank so very much.
We draw a name in the family and buy on gift for this person. Love it and it so much less stress.
I wish I could give this a hundred thumbs up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you first started out (this 73 year old lady) wanted to tell you "NO! You don't have to do any of it!😂" But then you showed me that you were a woman after my own heart. You have chosen wisely, Cas. As I tell my grown daughters with in-laws and outlaws, families are not easy and most of us are dysfunctional at some level (minor or major). I tell them that I finally learned to look at most family gatherings as a sitcom. It really helps. As for doing too much -we've all been down that road. You'll figure it out. Thank you so much for all your RUclips videos and Take Your House Back. I have learned so much. I love your personality and you have brought a lot of joy. God bless you and yours during this wonderful holiday season. I like the way you explained the Love Languages. P.S. Can you take some of your Mom's food home and tell her "I love this! I know you love me look at this great meal! Can I take it home and have some more tomorrow?"
I love how our families do things for Christmas. We’ve done it a few years now and it’s been great! My in-laws like to draw names Secret Santa style every year for all of the adults. We buy gifts for each of the kids. My family we just buy for the kids and it’s awesome. My husband and I sometimes buy each other gifts. I like gifts, my husband doesn’t really. He buys something he wants and he’s happy as a clam. I also love getting all of the gifts in November, saves so much stress in December!
Gift giving - For many years, we would buy presents for family members and friends all through the year. We would find unique and personal things at yard sales and estate sales. This saved a lot of $$$, time, and stress instead of buying stuff in November and December, when our budgets were stretched. This year, we still did that for family members birthdays, and holiday gifts for my parents. We only needed to buy a few more books for my dad and nothing more for my mother. The change this year is that my husband's side does not want to exchange gifts, because, honestly, they are lousy at picking stuff up for us and they see gift giving as an obligation instead of a joy. This has been hard for me. Gift giving is part of my love language, which is why I always take such care in choosing gifts for those I love. I even spent time compiling gift suggestion lists on Amazon, which they rarely used. So, no gifts for my hubby's side of the family and we likely will not even get together for the holidays. We will get together with my parents and I am looking forward to that. However, some of the magic of the holidays will be missing this year for me. I am trying to be okay with this, but it is not easy.
Decorating - I actually am going to do a little bit of decorating, but I am not going overboard. We put up our outside lights back in September. It brings me joy to see them on.
Gingerbread house - My teenage son and I have a tradition where we decorate a gingerbread house. Last holiday season we bought an already built house. That saved a lot of time and stress. We also did not complete decorating the gingerbread house until January. If felt odd, but that is what my son needed. I asked him if he wanted to build another gingerbread house this year and he said that he did. I am looking forward to doing this with him.
Yes, understanding people's love languages can be very helpful. As can understanding people's apology languages. While everyone should be able to do all five of each of these, it can help us understand what touches somebody's heart the most.
Thank you, dear and awesome Cas! May I add an idea concerning gift buying: When I was a teenager (looooong ago) I decided to never ever again go Christmas shopping in Winter. Since that time I kept listening to what people around me wanted or wished for, bought throughout the whole year and collected the things in a box or something similar. So I (usually) never run out of gifts for birthdays, Christmas or surprising or comforting someone and don’t have to spend a frightful amount of money in December. And one more goodie for me: While everyone is running around stressing out I sit at my desk enjoying tea and the Brandenburg Concerts, wrap my presents and fight off my cats from stealing the ribbons. All the best to all of you, enjoy the season and have a relaxing Merry Christmas! Love from Vienna, Austria 🤗
I'm all for the languages of love, BUT when they overstep your boundaries, that becomes toxic.
Cas, this was SO GOOD and much needed!! I love hearing about permission to do less! Also, knowing and understanding the 5 love languages is super helpful!! Merry Christmas Cas!! 🎄❤️
This sounds really funny, but I love that you give people "permission" to half-ass some things. I grew up with my dad saying "never half-ass anything. If you're going to do something, whole-ass it" 😂 which is great but it's caused me to just not do so many things because I don't have time to do them perfectly. Lately I've been insanely busy and overwhelmed and, after listening to you, I've been allowing myself to just do what I can and move on. It's so much better than not doing anything at all. And also to not overwhelm myself more than I already am with the extra Christmas activities. Thanks!
You're so right. We're never going to show up for most things in life if we feel like we have to "whole-ass" everything. Imperfection is beautiful, funny and so freeing.
Cas, Awesome video. My Hubby's love language is words of affirmation & receiving gifts. Mine is acts of service. Each year, I ask my Hubby to help me do something in the house instead of a gift. It's awesome! 😊
The moment you said acts of service is your mother's love language a light turned on in my head. I did not need the test to tell me that's my love language too and now I understand why I get so upset with a lot of things around the house. A lot of things now make sense to me, thank you!
Some great tips! Thanks for sharing. Sometimes I think we can over complicate things and procrastination is an enemy for many!
I have a friend that loves to send and receive Christmas cards! She starts writing in November and gets them mailed Dec 1st!
There are many things we can do early….waiting till Dec 1st to plan or even start can cause unnecessary stress. Somehow we go from Dec 1st to the 23rd in a blink 😂
Boundaries yes lower expectations yes better planning yes and remember the reason for the season !!
Case, would you be able to say to your mother , “ that looks so good, but I am full now. Would you wrap that up for me to enjoy tomorrow?”
My mum got fed up with getting stuff she didn't need, but she loves angels, so every year I make her one, which she puts up in her growing Christmas display. I swear her house is starting to rival the local grotto!
Set some boundaries ahead of time. Don't wait until the day.
I’ve never been stressed by Xmas but have anxiety the whole rest of the year about everything else.
Easy outdoor decoration that a neighbor does:
Get a Grinch, put part of a string of lights up and dump the rest at his feet.
To spread out Christmas our family would get together around "little Christmas" January 6th
You are a very special person. Love from Italy ❤😊
I think part of simplifying the holidays is to look at what you are doing and try to go to less events. I have to remind myself, just because I took my family to the Christmas tree lighting, and the movies and lights at the zoo plus ... Those things will be around next year too and pushing to go to do all the stuff isn't going to make us any happier.
I'm soo glad you mentioned Weight loss. I'm having the same problem with my mom trying to feed me, even after she knows I can get sick from eating too much too.
My kids and I are just filling our stockings. Not major presents. Just what we can put in the stockings. Way less stress. I'm down to 3 totes of Christmas decorations. I plan on getting rid of more hopefully today.
Listened to this while setting up my christmas tree. Your videos have actually also inspired me to decorate more than just the tree and put little decor things up around the house. So there's that 😀
Your love language shows in all your awesome gifts on your website too. Thanks for all the awesome sheets and planners. And happy holidays!!
You should call it declutteting your holidays or simplifying your holidays.
This should be a must hear / watched prior to the holiday! Thank you! 🤗
That’s a White Elephant, we do it too and we love it - so much fun!
Great video Cas and I agree with you. I'm glad you included the love languages quiz. I'm all about Quality Time.
Last year I told all of my family not to buy me stuff. I'm at a point in my life where I don't need stuff. All the kids in my immediate family are adults now starting their own lives, spend the money on your kids and grandkids and my brothers and I go together and buy a gift card for a dinner theater that my parents like, and that is the only gift. That we buy
Hi Cass, I love listening to all your podcasts and watching your videos. You inspire me every single time😊.
Just a thought, ask your mom, dad and stepmom to take the "love language quiz" with you (again). By doing this, they may realize something new in themselves and be more respectful to you as well.
Merry Christmas to you and your family. Enjoy this season of Jesus' birth instead of stressing about it.
Remember CHRIST. The season of advent, create space, create silence. Peace be with you ❤️🙏🎄
Cas....remember that you have just moved. That causes a whole new stress, with trying to decorate different areas than usual. Or whether to decorate at all. I feel that stress, of trying to do everything. I seem to be more organized this year, but still realizing lots more things I have to do. My husband and I like to entertain, but he'd like to add more parties each year. I'm the cook and cleaner for most of those. It's a lot. I have decided to buy more food, ready made, for these parties. I like your idea of gift languages. I also like the shorter vlogs and podcasts. You are my Go-To Lady! And, hey, you look like you've lost a ton of weight recently! How are you doing that?
Hi Cas , yes ! my hubby bouth tickets for Brian Adams 🤩 . We live in Europe and he's in Prague. Last year we where in Wienna to see him...me kid's (adults) just get funny socks 🧦 ...we don't follow trends , the time we spend together is prizeless .... Angelika 🙋♀️
Thank you for this ❤
I have learned so much from you and you have motivated me greatly. Yesterday I took excess towels to humane society, clothes to goodwill, throughout excess stuff. I originally purchased your guy’s special but after discovering you have been non-stop learning and doing from your RUclips videos. Your a god send and want to thank you so much👏💐🔥Will be watching the program videos as well.
I totally agree with everything you said! I crashed after Thanksgiving!😢 And we weren't even into the holidays yet! I applaud you for buying the sugar cookies! I, too, am giving up the neighbor gifts this year! All my friends are getting the same gift. I am not singing in the choir this year. I'm not putting up tons of decorations this year. I'm keeping it super simple.
This was so interesting. First of all, can I borrow your mother in law?….no…. Oh well, for your mom, maybe have a takeaway container or two in your bag, complement how wonderful everything is and ask if you can take some home to enjoy later.
I remember when I was raising my 4 kids as a single working mom and feeling the stress, and the let down after the big day. I learned to counter this by buying myself a new book to read during that week between the holidays.
The first year I retired, I was used to doing so much, and now I had time, and only one kid left, I did two crazy things. First, I decided to put outside lights on the house. I over did it. You could probably have seen my house from the space shuttle. The other equally bizarre thing I did was buy a stand mixer. I always wanted one, and I wanted to make Christmas cookies. So I looked up all these recipes on Pinterest, bought all the ingredients and started making cookies. 24 continuous hours later my friend came over and looked at every surface in my house covered with cookies and said “what were you thinking”, I told her, I wasn’t thinking anything, I was just making cookies! Good news is everyone in my family got a big bin of cookies with a bow on it for Christmas….. and I didn’t have any left hanging around for me to eat or still be there in July. Those were good self made memories, never to be repeated.
I do something creative over the week between it and new year. One year I started writing a book (completed) and the last 2yrs I’ve been creating new artwork on Photoshop. This year I’ll still be having fun renovating my house and probably be painting my dining table. ❤ Only had a few Christmases with family but didn’t enjoy them and the ex ruined any holiday. Glad I’m on my own. It used to stress me out until I realised it was one day and one meal that needed leftovers for the next day when the shops used to be closed on Boxing day.
I often wonder, what if I owned nothing. What if I had an empty home and did not own anything, what would I want to put in my home? I always think whilst looking around my home, well I wouldn't want that many cups or drawer sets or blankets, towels and I wouldn't want those stupid soft toys that i absolutely love sitting in the corner of my room. And I really would be glad I didn't have buckets of toys that my kids own sitting in my craft garage and in the new shed I brought to fit more. I would feel free and not overwhelmed. I have strong nostalgia to all the toys I had when I was young. I love toys! That is my weakness. One day, I plan on getting over that. Unfortunately, it's not today. I'm not saying I want my home to burn down, cause I don't have insurance on the stuff inside, but it would definitely help make those tuff decisions. Start fresh. Put in my home the things I want/need today.
The 'expectations' surrounding Christmas can certainly be overwhelming! I'm with you...I do not like a jam-packed schedule, but somehow it just happens, especially at this time of year. 💗🙏
I share baked cookies with 2 or 3 neighbors and give 1 gift to a neighbor and thats all we for extra Christmas stuff. No family parties, we dont have much family. No parties with friends. We only buy for our son now. My man buys groceries and clothes and whatever we need which is truely a gift! (There are men who flat out refuse to provide for their families!) I am truely grateful for my fiancé) I bake, cook and clean daily, I can only really bake and my family loves the food. In the summer I have a garden and grow food. I am working on a quilt for my son which I do not know if it will be done in time for christmas.... lol but why do we need to go above and beyond when surviving month to month financially ect is all we can do? Small gifts of love is what counts in our home❤
Great video, thanks!
Don't bake cookies to decorate because when you pile them up with sprinkles and sugar they taste awful anyways 😂. Also some people do all those great things because they want to impress and be the best so by you not trying to keep up you are giving them the gift of being the best. It really comes down to how well our families behave on Christmas.
OMG! My ex in-laws LOVED to argue and debate about politics, etc., every holiday! I'd end up with a migraine, playing outdoors with my little neices and nephews to get away from it!
Yes - crashing now. Get very depressed afterwards because of fatigue snd stress of seeing people I don’t normally see. That then makes me resent and dread xmas even more the next year. Sick of the burnout.
Thanks - this is just what I needed to hear today! Merry Christmas ❤🎄
💚💚💚 this game brings back all the feels! Played this at big family gatherings.
Cas I sooo get it !!!
My TWINS birthday is a few days after Christmas so it's DOUBLE the stress. I understand I do it to myself but I always want it to be the BEST 💓. Now they're all grown up but I still go crazy shopping for Christmas and for birthday. So while everyone else gets to finally EXHALE on 12/26 I have to amp myself up for TWIN birthdays a few days later 😵
We have been living in empty nest for 10 years. My son came home a couple of years. Him and his family live 3,000 miles away. I don't have the energy to decorate right now. I might put out our pre-lit tree & only put my very favorite ornaments. I might not.
Maybe let your son and his family decorate the tree... or not. Your choice. Always your choice. Maybe it's time for the women of the world to "Give Christmas Away". Let everyone else do it and see how it goes.
Sugar cookies are my nemesis!!! I can bake everything under the sun EXCEPT sugar cookies! Absolutely buy them!!!
Cas, great topic & well done. I restarted the podcast to type, so this will be a leave early. Like you, I have weight related dietary issues and I know first hand how bad some food-pushers are. They mean to show love but they are actually bullying us. I should own that I am a working pastor which gives me many opportunities to say "No thank you." But occasionally I have to take a piece of whatever and discreetly toss it. But this is your mom and as a mom yourself you know how our kids have to cope with us being us. So here are some open questions I would ask if you came to my office for counsel. How would you want your child to approach you? What was it about how your sister approached you, a person whose love language is gifts, into embracing her love language of quality time? How does your mom talk about your weight struggle? (I pray the question took no more than one bow of tissues and an hour of time with your therapist.) And now one suggestion for this year that has probably shown up more than once. Choose a food or three your mom makes that you as a person who dislikes to cook would never make at home and ask for them specifically. Also, ask if she could make you a "Hello Fresh Box" you could make at home. Next year when Christmas in July is hot at the craft stores, have a heart to heart with her then. Blessings! I believe live in you and you are an absolute I spiraling for me.❤
Thank you! These are really great suggestions.
Set a limit on the amount allowed spent for each other.
Oh girl, you need to set some boundaries! As suggested previously, take containers, let your mum know you want to try everything, but can't right now so take it home. Then, let her know how much you love the food when you do eat it later 💜 I love that you have recognised love languages, and try to honour that, however you do need to tell some people that you don't like being touched, for instance. Do it on your terms.
Amen Cass!!🎉
Relax and simply enjoy your loved ones. Have fun!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! ❤🎉
Thank you so much for this video. I felt everything you said. I love the hallmark channel movies 😊, and i was watching one just like the one you described 😂. God bless.
I dreamt that I was your housekeeper . Holy parasocial subconscious relationship batman!😅
I one time dreamt that Dawn (Minimal Mom) was sitting on my kitchen counter cutting paper snowflakes and scattering all the paper scraps all over...
@@amybee40 bwahaha
Amen!!
I love this!
Cas, can I borrow one of your problems? None of my nearby friends or family throw parties, ever. (Okay, one, but not regularly.) I do, I love to host parties. But I am doing it so much less now because it just began to feel incredibly unbalanced. I don't need tit-for-tat invites, but like, a 20/80 split would work for me.
With my nieces and nephews started a couple of years ago will buy Christmas gifts and then for birthdays will do an experience. My one niece months in adv chooses her place and oldest nephew has said he loves the gift of an experience to me
Thank you for your genuineness and sometimes tough love. We are all worth respect and care, and it's okay to simplify. I'd like to also share a little tough love with anyone who is willing to hear and challenge some current lingo. I can understand that the love languages can be helpful in understanding how we like to receive love, which can help in relationships as we are getting to deeply know others. But as I've understood and experienced more, isn't it more respectful and truly loving to show love to others in how they deeply NEED it, even if it's not the way they want? Sometimes the way we want love or want to show it isn't how we or the other person needs it at the time. While treating others the way we want to be treated is a good starting point, we can go further and treat others how God would treat them and show love according to their needs at different times, getting down to their deep needs.
And while people can feel that different things are respectful vs. disrespectful, I believe there's also a base line of objective truth that exists in healthy relationships of what respect is that needs to be followed if we desire to prevent broken trust and relationships. And if someone is doing something to show love but is not considering their honest motivations or your actual needs too, then no matter how we excuse it, it's still disrespectful. It becomes more about them feeling like they are loving then actually BEING loving and considering someone else's needs along with their own. And while no one likes to hear it, it's actually part of our selfish human nature to love this way and isn't true Godly love, love which transforms us and others into new, better, and more whole people. True, Godly love respects and cares about the well-being of ourselves and others long-term to find true joy and peace, not just short term happiness and instant gratification. We are all different and need different things at different times, and I believe God can help us know how to love others as they need, along with kindly asking for what we deeply need too. It's a learning process for all of us, and it's okay to take it one step at a time, a little better every day. Not perfect, but consistent progress. Anyway, some food for thought for anyone interested. All of us matter. All are worthy of true and deep love and respect. You and each of us can do this. And you and others are worth the effort and change to be healthier and more whole. ❤
"Less is more" for me this year. 🙏🏻✝️
at work, we called that a white elephant gift... we don't buy much for each other anymore....and sometimes, we don't do full deco...last year, it was just the nativity...that is all....and a wreath on the front door....
I love to give gifts but don't like receiving gifts much.
Long time tradition in my town is that families holiday in town at a caravan park. If they want a spot next year they have to book it before they leave the park the year before as they all book out every year. Can’t understand it. Instead of being 5-10mins from the beach, they are 1-2mins from it and pay a premium for it. Moral of the story: Do what works for you! 😊
Love this❤
I can’t stand steal-a-gift!!!😢 Bad childhood memories.😭
Buy for kids only , as adults we can buy all year long . I mean most gifts are affordable. Lol cant buy a new car for everyone ! I dont do christmas in yrs . Thanksgiving isnt turkey either . I do buy a turkey but cook on a week day and freeze the meat for later , 2 of us and 25 lb turkey ! I stay home as i dont have family , lol , i do . Family is the most stress .
*nods*. good podcast. Thank you.
The person who touches people who don't want it needs to control herself. I would absolutely hate that.
I agree - if Cass has communicated in any way that it makes her uncomfortable bottom line it’s outright disrespectful 😢
I’m a zero in physical touch! I’ve never known of anyone who also got a zero. It makes me sooo uncomfortable when people try to stroke my back or arm.
Same here! Except from my kids.
I was once waiting for a table at a restaurant with my husband in their bar area. The bartender came up behind me and started to give me a backrub that was up near my neck and shoulders. I tensed up so hard and fast, he almost fell over as I twisted to get away from him. He apologized over and over (well past the time he should have stopped because that just kept the awkwardness going). So yeah, DON’T touch me. 😂 Also, you’re right about the back stroking. Ugh! I’m thinking ‘you don’t know me like that’ as I move away
We are doing the cookie thing buying the cookies already done just decorate them.
I don't like the constant "hype" Or pressure to "goal set", "dream boards, expectations because it is a "brand new start." January is one of my less favorite months. October, with Halloween and "Halloween themed stuff everywhere is stressful for me.
I understand the experience type of gift, but if I do that I want to be part of the experience. It rarely works that way.
I am older, and I have a routine that works for me. It took me years to figure it out. I focus on what I enjoy and what I can do.
We do a gift exchange and I craft throughout the year. If I see stuff that screams a specific person’s name in March I buy it in March.
Cut yourself some slack. You are still young and you have young kids. Focus on you and yours.
I totally relate to all u are saying!
...and bc of that, you had me cracking up so much.
Love you Cas ❤
Buying a class for my grandchild
Wow, so your mother loves you so much that she wants you to be physically ill eating all the stuff she fixed. That's a strange kind of love
Canadians and Americans seem to go way OTT with Christmas consumerism
It is helpful to figure out the different ways people express themselves and I know some find variations of love languages useful for this; however, the concept of love languages - the idea that we have one or a primary way of expressing and receiving love and especially the idea that there are only those 5 - has no evidence behind it. It's a hypothesis (one that's made its inventor a lot of money at this point), but all attempts to prove it have come back inconclusive. People can still find it a useful lens without any evidence, but let's not treat it like fact or ignore that it's also been used to harm people (including by the inventor) who've told people in unhealthy marriages that it's their fault because they don't do their spouse's love language right, when we have good relationship research that wouldn't put that kind of blame on people for something there is no proof actually exists.
Wow, that's a very good point! Thank you!