Uncovering The Sociopathic Narcissist's Tactics
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- Опубликовано: 13 июн 2024
- Of the many types of narcissism, the sociopathic pattern can be among the most difficult. Dr. Les Carter explains what sets this form of narcissism apart, and gives keen insights for staying safe from their exploitive manipulations.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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I think it's important to understand that long-term exposure to the narcissist/sociopath will eat away at you in an insidious way. You may think you can handle it but you may be losing your mind without knowing it. Don't trust yourself to make important decisions during this time. Best advice, get away as soon as you can.
So true!!!!!!
Omg this is right on. I was losing my mind. I did make an important decision and it was disastrous for my financial future.
@@TWILLIE639 I made a few disastrous financial decisions during this time too. I think Angela Merkel said it best, "Fear is a bad adviser."
Yes definitely get away ASAP
Yes this is correct. The perspective you get when you abort contact is astonishing, looking back at how you were so discombobulated and confused when under the spell of the narcissist. Just leave.
1 no moral compass
2 1st impressions are not accurate
3 sense of self importance
4 ppl exist to be used.
5 truth can be twisted
6 no remorse when caught acting out
7 projection
8 actively try to trigger your issues
9 exploit others
10 angry which is uncontroled
11 don't learn from past behavior
12 not loyal to you
13 persuasive speech to get what they want
14 want to confuse you
15 not accountable
16 any positive emotion they show is fake
17 feel special or want to be seen as special
🙏🏻
Sounds like my family…
Demand to be special and if you don't comply they WILL torture. You might even learn what it really means to hate, for the first time in your life. And presto! the magical trick of projective identification is complete. (the s'path exiting stage left whilst laughing, because they are SICK).
THANKS FOR MAKING THIS LIST.
Ed Green....you sure have all those correct.
It's always glaringly obvious in hindsight...
Brilliant to see them listed as you have.👏
When I tell him “no” I get punished in every way possible. Currently working on my escape plan. Pray for me🤲🏼
Good for you. Be strong and be safe….
Hope things are going good
❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
🙏
A year later did you escape?? My day is Tuesday from work. Crazy boss.
"You are healthy, you're just dealing with a very unhealthy individual" has been such a lifesaving realization for me this year.
No contact was my only option. Emotional abuse is real.
I am working on going no contact myself. It is the number one boundary I need to set.
"When possible, get away, these people are poison".
Thank you.
take away "when possible"
My “favorite” is the unstable fake and loud laugh. Its the awkward attempt to appear happy. Its more like visiting a scary clown. 😂🤡☠️
My ex hub narc used to do that awful guffaw 😖
Omg. I thought I was just imagining this.crazy scary fake laugh
Guffaw Guffaw Guffaw...It's like a bad smell. Even when it's gone you can imagine it!
It's disgusting isn't it. I've known one sociopath in my life and I didn't even think a human being could be like that. My summation at the end of it was they are basically like a machine---a broken machine at that. Look pretty normal, can act pretty normal but they are NOT. In other words a walking, talking ACTOR. Which is very dangerous especially if you add the 'don't care' and 'no responsibility for their actions' part.
Yes their lives are one big ACT
Yes, VERY dangerous! Our jails are filled with sociopaths and I was married to one for 23 years! Good actors for sure!
@@catherinewilson1079 If only the jails were filled with sociopaths instead of mostly non-violent (often drug) offenders. More accurate to say that nearly every position of power in society is filled with sociopaths, which is far worse!! Hope you are healing well ❤
You said it, Dr. C. "These people are poison." Many people may be on the continuum of narcissistic behaviors, but those with sociopathic narcissism burn everything in their wake. This was my abuser. Mentally, emotionally, and physically tortured all the while, he maintained a personal outward charm.
You get it.
Ya same with my brother. He has a new victim/girlfriend who my dad (his flying monkey) told me this relationship is different, it's going to go the distance. Uh, no. Not possible. He definitely love-bombs so he's been doing that, & this silly woman is apparently putting several tens of thousands down on his mortgage. Just wait till the shine wears off and he feels crappy about himself and starts verbally and emotionally abusing & criticizing his shiny toy when it falls off the pedestal and gets cracked. He can't help himself and I KNOW him, he does the same crap with literally everyone. He's an abuser and they never change, they just repress it for a while. In the meantime, he's all smiles and charm...I can literally see him playing the fake part that he can't maintain. It's like an actor at work, when they go home the "character" stays with them for a while, until they revert to their normal personality.
Same here. Doctor Carter's description in this video, describes them to a T. It's eerie, but TRUTH!
These ppl are dangerous as they get pleasure from other's pain. Escape but quietly.
They know how to fool people. It's twisted and sick. I had to go no contact to save my mental and physical health.
It’s amusing to me that so much effort and thought is expended by the narcissist on little things that really don’t matter to normal people. It’s like they’re in a mental prison. Constantly obsessing on or calculating weird little moves. They may have no empathy but they sure look stupid when you can see those little gears turning
Yes. And they act so surprised when we go NO CONTACT.. They just don't understand that we don't enjoy being abused or used in any way.
That's why you have to break contact with them, especially the sociopathic ones. They're the ones who are the most overwhelming to deal with. And even when you go no contact they will not let it go. The fact that they can't let go proves how dangerous they can become to your well being and overall life. If a relationship/friendship ends it has to end on their terms, not yours.
@@treelover1050 yes tree lover. Healthy selfcompassion, healthy boundaries and integrity to our inner child. When we feel shitty around a person is cause they're leeches. After 3 years in healing i can sense the energy and also see the redflags quite quick, all the while choosing myself in a healthy way, as in gentleness - healthy boundaries, and integrity to my inner child, and choosing to connect with safe enough people..... the comment of them being poison is true. they be toxic its in their energy. no matter what type of narc they are. Lets keep choosing ourselves in a healthy way, and empathic safe enough people to connect with.💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 with gentleness humor love and respect. :) We keep healing. Were worth it. Lets externalize the toxicity , and be gentle on ourselves keep healthy boundaries so our inner child feels safe and integrated..... God speed everyone !
Constantly. Then it went from 0-60 in less than a week and we went from buying a car jointly a month prior to no contact except through email
@@sebastienbolduc5654 I've cried in law enforcements shoulders from Friday last week, until yesterday, filed a TRO, DENIED this morning. I spent a couple hours typing that damn paperwork up, dates, times, exact like they asked for. Still denied.
This video is 100% what I experienced. A doctor asked me if I was married to a narcissist. And I found your videos that I could watch safely. Thank you for everything. You are in the rescue business.
I was terrified of my mother. She acted harmless but did all those things. I didn't understand what was wrong, but it's a relief to know at last.
It’s like they’re anti-anti. No regard for anyone else but absolutely require other people to fulfill their needs. I think a narcissist would have the worst time being alone. Everything that defines them is based on other people. Without other people, they wouldn’t be a narcissist. It APPEARS that they don’t care about anyone else but they can’t live without them
I don't know what my brother is, i just know he projects as easily as he breathes, seems to rationalize and justify those projections such that he actually believes they are the truth, has no empathy and has a serious "vainglorious" aura when he is not glaring at you or shaming you for....whatever you're doing or saying. At this time, i am referring to him as a narcissistic psychopath and a psychopathic narcissist. He uses 3rd parties/triangulates/plays victim a lot. He is very convincing - self-assured - and always grifting for free income almost like it's his entire reason for being, or a full time job. Also - provocation. It's like ping pong balls coming at you constantly, not BIG things - little things, all the time, stupid petty things just to be nasty.
My mom is the same way. Sadistic. Gets pleasure from my pain. Emotional vampires.
Same here. Truly sadistic mother, miscreant, grifter for a brother. Lying, cheating, and stealing are just the tip of the iceberg. No conscience. 🤮
Do you have the same brother that I have?
My ex husband uses third parties, and third person references...
@@annking8633 my mom was "mean-spirited" at times, even when i was a child she taunted me for having feelings - but she was ok at times and her mom had many similar traits, so i guess she came by it honestly. I think she was a relatively harmless psychopath/vulnerable narcissist (harmless to everyone but her immediate family); she died in June & was a kitten compared to my hyena of a brother. My grandmother was less obviously ill, i guess it gets worse as it passes down the family line, if it's not treated or at least acknowledged because my brother is extremely evil and sick. The way he projects is mind-boggling and he's literally been a liar and a thief all his life. Got caught stealing my cousin's favourite hot wheels when he was 4, used to steal money out of my mom's wallet when he was a youth and also got caught and brought home by the police trying to fish nickles out of a wishing well in the local mall when he was a kid. Stole from employers, used me, and is now grifting my dad for his and my future inheritance. He's not disabled, i am, but my dad financially supports him as if he is completely incompetent.
Sometimes it is very hard to see and accept a very unpleasant truth, but we have to deal with reality, not the way we wish things were.
Yes, perfectly said. I'm coming to grips with this and it is heartbreaking.
growing up with a sister like this was literal hell. I've spent my entire adult life trying to heal.
Me too!
I hear you. All I can say is that we live in an era where they have been exposed. Mental health clinicians (at least in the USA are making some serious inroads to help victims recover.
Same, and she asks why are you always angry? People feed off of me for starts!
They drain you off all is left to give
I feel you my father sister and mother are like this
They definitely aren't loyal. and they have no problem speaking trash about you when they think you aren't listening. Their ability to lie is what gets me. Run.
They also have no problem speaking trash about you when you ARE listening! 😖
I moved closer to family after 20 years away and within a year discovered that my Mother and older Brother were the masters at triangulation. That the family was their show and if you didn’t conform to it then you were the problem. There are lots of ways to swim through the world and I suppose my way was an affront to theirs. Team Healthy and 3 years No Contact. Life is too precious to be subsumed by these people, now to control the ruminating. That bit is the hardest.
I’ve had too many of these my 71 years. Way before there was a name for them. I’m alone now and attempting to heal. Please listen and pay attention to these videos. You can not win against these people. You can only get away and run as fast as possible. Don’t look back. Block every form of communication. Every time you allow communication you will be strengthening their hold on you. Don’t Do it. You must save your life or they will destroy you if you go back.
Such people will make a plea for your sympathy, they so want you to feel sorry for them. They will come across as such poor souls who've had such a rough time, so in need of your understanding. They are masters of gaslighting and manipulation, and incredibly dangerous. There is no depth of cruelty they will not sink to, if they think they can get away with it. Trust your instincts, and run.
Thank you for putting out this video! Everyday sociopaths are difficult to interact with - they always have manipulation and scheming on their minds. Some turn it into an art form. I have no idea why anyone would CHOOSE to hang around these types.... Once you deal with a few you know them all. And they don't change.
The people who hang around with them are witches and narcissists
@@karriesaunders8597 We've ALL hang out with and dated sociopaths....they're so common!! Opposites attract ( lol). My point was that once you realize what you're dealing with, why would you CHOOSE to spend time with them?? Unfortunately, you can't help working with them, but at least you can choose to avoid them whenever possible.
@@elisabeth4342 I've had people recently be absolutely horrible to me because they don't know the truth,say oh I've known such and such for decades. I said you do not know them, however I think these people that claim to know and be friends with sociopaths are really not nice people at all,nearly all the people that are friends with the ones I know just have bad energy.
@@karriesaunders8597 I know the feeling. Imagine people close to you treating you absolutely horribly even when they DO know the truth..... I've been there too. And I'm sorry you have to go through that. I think all the craziness of the lockdowns brought out the impatience, apathy and meanness that was lurking below the surface in these types. Even in people we thought we could trust - thought we knew better.
Is there a reputable experienced therapist you could talk to? Even if it's only for a few sessions? It might help to have a completely objective take on your individual situation - someone with a GOOD ear who will listen carefully to everything you gotta say! It's important that you have genuinely good people on your side! Good luck!
@@elisabeth4342 hi,I can't afford any sessions and quite frankly there is nothing wrong with me,that family are pure evil. They all lied and made excuses,even someone said to me that the ex knows what they are like but she chose to cover up all the crap she told me,turncoat. I wish the truth would come out,I struggle everyday trying to work with our child on my own while that lot claim extra government money and lie and cheat the system in all ways they can. I know they were trying to get me in bother but I'd fight them tooth and nail after what they did to me and our child. One letter to an evil family member in 10 years and AFTER I helped their child out for three years and they claim I terrorised their family. Wtf. Truth obviously didn't sit well and it was a short letter too.
I have finally separated myself from my relationship with my 27 year old son who has behaved just as you described since he was a child. It has taken years of trying to get him psychotherapeutic help which he would not engage in and experiencing repeated episodes of hope, disappointment and heartbreak. He has burned all of his bridges and it's hard to imagine a future for him where he will build loving connections with a family and friends. Being his mother became a threat to my emotional stability and mental health. He knows I love him but will no longer tolerate his manipulation, shaming and angry outbursts.
Some of these people truly are Murderers. Never arrested and get away with it because they slowly torture their victims to death. My 95 pound, sweet, frail, adorable, elderly mother has never had any problem with helping her prey through death’s door. Yep, I am afraid of her. ☠️
It's true. My son went to live with my MIL in Vegas when he turned 18, against our wishes because we knew how she was and within two months he was calling us to come get him because he was suicidal. They are monsters. She has tried to destroy every person in the family. No remorse!
@@chelleb3055 I really do Understand. Sending wishes for peace and healing to you and your loved ones. ❤
Their tactics is to change and update their tactics to catch you off guard.
Thank you Doc for this one 🙏!
It's gained momentum from Monday through Friday last week. I went from allowing him to drive me after a surgical procedure, he dumped me off at my home, higher than a kite after feeding me dinner. By Friday he had me abandoned and isolated by ALL means of any $$$, he shredded my new debit card, it expires tonight at midnight, but he has blocked the money so I can't access $10 at a grocery store, all over a FEMA check that arrived the same day his D papers were served. He's livid over both, while fully expecting both. There were NO surprises in his papers. He's trying to buy me out of our home. I don't care, and I don't want it, but HALF IS MINE STILL. I am mortified at the indifference in him after we hit 40 years together on 10/13. Exactly the date my papers were ready at the lawyers office to end this nightmare.
@@Indy__isnt_it This is a heck of a strain for anyone to be in. Hang in there when the legal work is done peace is at the end of the tunnel.
So true. They're smart enough to adapt and weaponize any thing you say or do. Evil and pathetic.
@@marieldavison5121 TY, your reply is much appreciated. This crap is tough!
@@itm4173 they aren't smart,it's the demonic presences they are using to guide them.
Precise description. All narcissists seem sociopathic to me. I've known so many.
A couple of weeks after my mother passed away my narc/sociopath brother texts me to inform me that he needs to rent out “his half” of the family home because he needs a retirement income. A retired chemical engineer who lives in a 1M+ home needs more money. Keep in mind that while I was here caring for our mother who had Alzheimer’s he had carefully taken control of her assets and was spending through her life savings. It took court action to put a stop to it. So yes they can be held accountable but only by a judge here on earth or God Almighty. Yet he needs more money, go figure. Even now months after our mother’s passing he still hasn’t distributed any of the remaining money from her account.
He’s been this way our entire life. He was born first and therefore, in his mind, thinks he’s entitled to everything. He even had a weight problem growing up because he absolutely demanded the largest portion of food at mealtime . He would eat it simply because he knew we wanted it.
I was our mother’s sole care provider for exactly a decade. He only came to sit with her a few weeks during the first five years allowing me a chance to go on vacation. The last five years mom’s care was too extensive for his ability to care for her so since he couldn’t change a diaper I didn’t go anywhere. If I had not been able to keep our mother out of a nursing facility we would have lost her estate. So throwing me out is his way of saying thanks.
Why do I share such personal information to strangers? It’s just to show you how despicable their behavior can be and to prove they don’t have morals. He is probably still tracking my social media for things to use against me. 👋👋 “brother”
Every point that you mention here is spot on Doc! I thank you for helping me understand more about my brother’s behavior. I had turned a blind eye to it for the first 50 years of my life but I can’t anymore.
I understand sharing this sort of thing, because I've been through just this sort of thing. The injustice done to my late mother by narc sister is very bitter and taking time to work through. Hearing how others lived through similar betrayal does not feel nice, but it lets me see how the situation wasn't my fault and is part of a larger societal problem of narcissistic behavior. It's amazing how o turned a blind eye to my sister's horrible behavior our whole lives, thinking she'd grow out of it. Well 50 years in, i think it becomes clear that's just who they are, unfortunately
@@limitedtime5471 Absolutely! I see this medium as a giant group therapy. Something that’s hard to find these days. At least it has the potential to be and when we can’t talk through these things here we can ask Dr. C right?
The sooner we can identify, point out and isolate people with narcissistic behaviors the better off we will be. I really don’t think they can rehabilitate themselves as they simply don’t see that they’re doing anything wrong. Asking “what’s wrong with you” simply doesn’t work.
In the case of my brother his journey to this “dark side” began when our mother needed to divorce our dad for his own narcissistic tendencies. My brother was 10 at the time of the divorce and he never let our mother forget how this hurt him. He isolated himself from our other brother and me so much that it was common to hear mom tell him during arguments “you’re part of this family too”.
know that you stand in integrity! no one can take that away from you ever!😘
@@astrialindah2773 ❤️❤️ oh but how these narcs will try to keep you pinned down!
Sharing is venting of compressed emotion. Without it we would pop our top.
The first trick the socio-pathic Cluster-B ever learns is: Denial
Very true!
Agreed.
Oh, you have concrete, undeniable, irrefutable evidence of the misdeed/crime/horrible thing/terrible treatment, etc. ??
Doesn't matter. They will never admit to anything, ever.
If you think you might possibly maybe hear them admit to something ....it's followed by bullcrap such as - because you, because this, because that, but this, but that, but you.
Or there's the bogus apology...."I'm sorry, OKAY ?", thinking that should get em off the hook.
Having the skills to look out for these types of people needs to be taught from an early age. But then, it would teach these types of people how to fly under the radar & further manipulate at the same time. Ugh.. there's just no getting away from these pieces of crap.
Lord dee mercy, by gosh, a figure of speech, im sorry, this is horror, i thought the narcissist was like,the big why, but man, the Doctor good heart is good , this stuff hurts, later gator, aunt linda,
Thank you Dr.C, I’ve been waiting on this one and you described it perfectly. The ability to lie with sincerity, the projection, the vengefulness, the refusal to take responsibility for anything-it’s hard to believe these people actually live, but they do, I know from hard learned experience. Thanks again. Ear scratch for Gus ❤
Thanks, Sandy, and Gus thanks you!
“Realize that narcissists have an addiction disorder. They are strongly addicted to feeling significant. Like any addict, they will do whatever it takes to get this feeling often. That is why they are manipulative and future fakers. They promise change, but can't deliver if it interferes with their addiction. That is why they secure back up supply.” - Shannon L. Alder
My 45 yo adult child is everything you have described. Due to self-inflicted health problems, they live in our house. My mental, emotional, and now physical well-being is deteriorating by the day. You advised, “Get away!” I am going to work very hard to do this. I so long to be a person of peace 🙏
🙏
🙏
@Maja Haugen They put bologna in their shoes. That's my theory.
@Maja Haugen No they are born this way
If she is anything like my hateful full of herself, daughter. You should try to move, mine is her age I'm 67 and recently moved to her state because my husband passed away, oh my God she controls every thing down to me getting my my mail, I'm so sorry I am here & left my home. She threatened me the other day , telling me I'm old now & she will knock me on my butt. Yes they are to much* God Bless You Good Luck*
On point Dr C - as always. Good to see Gus chillin' :) ... I feel very bad for truly innocent people who get caught in these ppls' webs. Very very very bad outcomes for them. Once you understand this type, you never ever fall for it again, and it makes you very wise to any form of manipulation. The weapon used against you becomes your discernment tool.
Well stated, Dominique.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you Dr. C :)
Poor Ole Gus has it as rough as my dog...
@@mightymouse1005 Livin' their best lives 🐶😊
Thank you for saying that!
Given everything he’s put me through, my initial thought was that my brother was a psychopathic narcissist but then I remembered that he was a story teller and gossiper even as a kid. He’d make things up and then do his best to gaslight others into buying his narrative. Now he pushes rules, boundaries and even American laws to see what he can get away with. And, he has a stupid number of people eating out of the palm of his hands. He’s practically a cult leader when it comes to triangulating. That’s two out of three of the dark triad.
A cult leader is a perfect description of a sociopathic narcissist. It is mind boggling how they can manipulate people to the point where those people refuse to accept hard proof evidence that contradicts the lies.
What does your brother do for living, if you don't mind me asking.
mom & Brother cancelled Bakery ( my WEDDING Cake)! and laughed when I discovered RECEPTION IS RUIN. What fun they had that evening!
@@jdm8503 And when their victims don’t follow the script the narc-psy will find a way to remove them from the equation. One way or the other.
@@randygreen007 That is actually a blessing. Stay away from these types at all times
@@jdm8503 when that’s an option I absolutely agree. Zero contact is the only way to keep your sanity and dignity because they want nothing more than your complete failure. It’s a game for them.
Hey Doc. Appreciate ya so much! 🤗
Healing from this extreme abuse requires ongoing self therapy. It is very difficult, even when we know and are informed, our brains cannot completely connect with the fact they even exist and can perpetuate their agendas!
1. Truth is a toy to be played with. (Wow) 👎
2. Move forward in an informed way. 👍
Great vid, doc.
It’s hard to think of my family this way, it’s a hard pill to swallow. It’ll leave me with very few people in my life, but that seems way better than the torture they’ve put me through
They are always in fight mode!
This is my mother. She’s super smart, manipulative as hell, and willing to shamelessly exploit people (family included) for her own benefit. She rages like no one else I’ve ever met; wide-eyed, pupils dilated, bulging veins, frothing at the mouth, red in the face screaming at me and whoever else isn’t toeing her line. She’s done this to teachers at my school (and my siblings’ schools when we were younger), grocery store workers, even people at church. She’s a scary lady.
This is also a manager I had for about 8 months earlier this year. He was smarmy and personable at first glance, but shortly thereafter he turned vicious against me and nearly all of my coworkers (except his “golden child” in the office). Our HR department was ineffective and told us to “assume positive intent” even after he sent one of my coworkers to the ER with aggravated heart problems. I was the second person that ended up needing help through the ER. He got nasty with his manager soon after that and was “volen-told” that he was not a good fit for our clinic and that he should resign, which only escalated him that much more. He was escorted out of the building. We were scared of retaliation even more after that.
I know exactly what you are talking about. You are in prayers and prayerfully you are in a better environment now, where you are respected and treated like a human being.
These narcs are truly demons and so very demonic! I took a pay cut just to get away from my previous job. I learned then and there that I would never ever allow anyone on a job to treat me with disrespect or dehumanize me. I don’t care how big my salary is. At the end of the day, my spiritual, emotional, and physical well being are priceless!
HR is gaslighting you they always seem to circle the wagons around their flying monkey agents doing their bidding. One of my co-workers told me years ago she was thinking of bringing a rifle into the clinic where I worked! Luckily I don't have to work under those conditions anymore it comes on gradually you just don't always realize the mental damage it is doing. Thanks for sharing.
"I'll write the rules but they don't apply to me" 🤣🤣 I know comedy is not your goal here but I always appreciate your dry, understated descriptions. This is part of why I always come back to you to learn more.
You're the male figure I never knew existed until I found you a few years ago. Thank you for validating and explaining 52yrs of my reality. Finding authentic care hits different. You and others gave what I didn't know existed and couldn't access anywhere but here. I heal by hearing truth. A lifetime of isolation, confusion, loss, trauma, fear & pain is now compassion and understanding for myself as much as for others. I find peace by appreciating what I've overcome... my intuition is my guide no matter what anyone says or does. I can't thank you enough. You're a blessing to the world❤and me personally 🙏🙏🙏
Nikki. Thanks for taking the time to be an encourager. It really means a lot to me. Best wishes!
"No" is a complete sentence. Sometimes I forget that.
Something I find strange is how a narcissistic spouse will go on about how worthless and rotten their spouse is thinking it makes them look good while the victim of the narcissist is ashamed to let people know how bad it is knowing people will think them weak and pathetic for remaining
It took me 58 years before I KNEW how to define my abuse. My mother's got evil into her SOUL but she's passive & stealthy as well as COVERT! And it started on my birth Friday the 13th. Zero empathy from mom since birth.
My husband is a mechanic and by the time a customer gets their vehicle back that customer already hates my guts! He’s not just talking too much, he’s data collecting. He doesn’t have the intellectual capacity to come up with new ideas. So he talks to others to get ideas on different issues. He gets the best ideas from his mother because she loves to cause me pain and discomfort, but any random stranger will do.
Wow. I grew up with some narcissists who could be vindictive and then righteous about their vindictiveness. It was nearly always my fault. I fought back blindly at times and sank into depression at others. It was so confusing and scary but I couldn't put what was happening into words. This happened long before terminology for this kind of abuse surfaced. I suffered from suicidal ideation from the age of 10 onward. The scapegoating would wax and wane but was there for anyone to make use of whenever the need arose. I believed we'd all evolved from that but it never vanished and I had to leave before it killed me. I believed I was what they both called me and treated me like - 'garbage' and 'trash'.
I just want to let the community here know that it is possible to get out and get free and rebuild your life. I'm in the process now and while it can be hard, I wouldn't trade this rewarding challenge for the old nonsense. You can break from the narcissists' gravitational pull and fly higher and lighter and where you want to go.
The "righteous about their vindictiveness" really strikes a chord for me--often the self-righteousness seems strongest when the behaviors and accusations are at their nuttiest! It may be for this reason that my closest most cherished friends are the kind that reflect on things and even question themselves about their own attitudes and beliefs: "Am I being fair [to so-and-so]?" "Am I overly invested in thinking my friend is in a bad marriage?" They are humble enough to know they may have blind spots like the rest of us.
AMEN 🙏
I can relate, so sorry you had to go through such a tough childhood. As children, we sometimes assume it's on us, which creates so much self doubts and often depressive patterns. But you're absolutely right, we will heal and take our wings and fly to happy people and places. Stay strong!
@@gobigirl1 Yes. If there's anything positive to come out of such experiences, it's that we finally learn what is actually healthy and we can make our own choices.
@@sandrathomas2893 Thanks.
Who else feels sociopaths are the perfect subject for Halloween? 🎃 💀
Happy Halloween Dr C!!
🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🙂
Are dictators sociopaths? If so, the perfect costume would be a beret and sunglasses along with a jock with a potato in it. 😂
In my opinion almost all dictators and people in power are narcissist and sociopaths, They are the ones who crave constant power and admiration and have no empathy it makes a lot of sense as to why the world is so messed up we need empaths in power
Sociopathic narcissists are poison. It is all about me to the MAX!!! Those people must be avoided at all costs. We must remain committed to our decency , integrity, authenticity and peace. Thank you dr Carter. God bless you❤
8:51 is my absolute favourite, made me laugh out aloud. I love Dr Carter’s response to “there’s not many people like me” when he said… “I’m thinking, thank God for that” lol, best response ever Dr Carter!
Yes.. haha.. Dr C is very funny!
GET AWAY!!!! Make arrangements (secretly is probably best) and GET AWAY
Dear Les, this is welcome information. I’ve learned so much from you about narcissistic behavior. The Word of God has gotten me through life and I am a survivor. Finding your channel has helped me beyond measure as I’m now dealing with a narcissistic manager and corporate is involved. I think I do have pts from these individuals since my father was a diagnosed narcissist and a psychiatrist. Lol. Try that on for size. I’m 75 yrs old and sane. Thank God for you, sir.
I'm sure you are familiar with II Tim 3: 1-7. Avoid such men as these.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes I am! To God be all the glory!❤️
It's absolutely spiritual warfare!
Your soul is your mind, will and emotions.
What do they attack? Your mind will and emotions...
@@sandrathomas2893 I totally agree, Sandra. Spiritual warfare even among your own family members who tolerate you rather than love but call themselves Christians. I believe God is calling out these ppl.
Yeah they are special alright and unique! lol. Never seen anything like them. This ex-narc spouse was psychopathic, too. Quite unique! I am so grateful he did not kill my 2 kids or me. 24 married years with him. Was so beaten down, but I was rescued. Glad I am done with that one! Thank you for helping us all to unravel what happened and show us how to never get in those poison spider webs again.
So glad you got away and are safe!
So happy you are out with your children safe! I got away with my kids safe too. It was a horrible experience. He wanted me dead and have my kids. He tried to get me to sign some huge amount of life insurance on me! Anyway God ORCHESTRATED some turns in the whole thing and we got away and safe. Its absolutely horrifying what they do to others.
@@keariewashburn4680 unbelievable. shocking, really. glad you all are safe! Yes God rescued us, too!
never an apology they yell and scream everthing is ur fault never accountable for their bad behavior how do they sleep at night no conscience
One way to know that you're dealing with a narcissist is when they take, and take, leaving you feeling depleted. Whereas, you'll receive less, and less or nothing in return.
💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Coming from a place where I didn't identify what this behaviour was, I'm now a fully aware member and student of your advice. Thank you for all your hard work and time in the endless quest on working this toxic behaviour. I'm so shocked how many people have this behaviour type 🏆🔊🌵
Thank you for posting vital information regarding the dysfunction/abuse of the malignant narcissist/sociopath/ASPD. This information is highly applicable to the last seven plus (7+) years of my life ! Personally, I have been having to interact with the malignant NPD/ASPD for too long, and it is exhaustive. I need a break and to finally have peace.
2 Timothy 3:1-4,13
1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
13 But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.
Watched this video over 100 times. My wife is a > 96% on spectrum Sociopath. So accurate it’s crazy. Memorize one word NO! So funny
That’s there explanation to why I was so confident and wasn’t afraid to take a lie detector test. They literally responded “well even if you pass you fail.” pouting.
My 10 year old granddaughter who fits the description you just gave.
Moral of the story: Don't coddle them, because they'll turn on you too.
OMG!! I thought my ex was a person with NPD. But now, after hearing this, I realize he is a sociopathic narcissist. Every word in this matches him to a T! I can't believe I didn't see it before!
Oh my goodness. this year through therapy I learned how my mother is a narcissist but watching this one, Dr C I can see she is 100% a sociopathic one! The drive she has to get her own way, the level of abuse, selfishness and aggression she hurls at me when I try to put a boundary in or say no to her demands is totally overwhelming and to say she is 85 yrs old it is utterly shocking. The more I think back to childhood but more recent decades primarily I can now see her for what she is but at 54 I’ve taken so much abuse I am utterly broken, exhausted, decode of self and emotionally dead to everything. I find no joy in anything and don’t believe I ever did as I was totally consumed by her. Your channel as always is a huge place for validation and therapy and this year has been such a help to me. Thank you 🙏 ❤
Thank you so much Dr. Carter. I have been watching your channel for several months and your information has helped me to identify the toxic people that have abused me for the last 35 years. These were people who were elder to me and a boss (authority figure) who abused me. I was able to leave my job which was at my church’s preschool if you can believe. I also left my church because of the control this person had over many members of the church. I went absolutely no contact. The other people are my in-laws. I have finally told my husband that I can no longer sustain any type of relationship with them because I have allowed all of these people to rob me of my peace. Thanks to you and my counselor, I can put a name to all this toxicity and take back my respect. I often wondered what was wrong with me and why I felt like the old timey pressure cooker. I would inappropriately spew my anger and wonder why I reacted the way I did which was not how I was prior to this abuse. I am working hard at reclaiming that person I was 35 years ago. Thank you again. God Bless you and your work.
As close to Hell on earth as one can get is how I describe my experience. The situation was compounded when 2020 came. All the confusion and disruption around the world, my Mom entered a nursing home due to severe dementia, I had to put my cat down, and he made all more impossible to deal with to the point my health took a big dive. The beginning of this year, I prayed to God to remove him from my life. With God's help, I am free and have gone no contact. The more information and knowledge gained from you and others has helped immensely. I am healing and doing better each day. I am grateful for the fortitude coming back to me to forge ahead. I am not the same because of what I went through and I believe I'm not supposed to be the same. I will be stronger and wiser for overcoming the experience - and that is precisely blowing up the plan he had for me. It is not lost on me how dangerous these types can be.
Hi Dr C, another insightful video today, thank you. Would you please consider covering the Sadistic Narcissists some time? People who enjoy hurting others greatly, usually in "unconventional" ways that are not outwardly easily recognized as abusive?
great suggestion.
My mother is a Sadistically Catholic COVERT Narc. I'm 58 years old & it seems she gets her life force extended by creating harm or misery in my life. Evil since my Fri the 13 the birth!
My x.
Steal kill and destroy just as the bible states.
@@keithstewart7514 I'm 58 born on Friday the 13th too( March) with covert " born again" narc mom.
Geeezeee I hope it wasn't the date lol
@@sandrathomas2893 I've never been superstitious... Probably bc I'm a south paw ALSO. It works for me anyways...
Thank you for these videos. I was nearly murdered a few nights ago by my ex and everything I'm finding out about him now after 6 years is chilling. I knew there was something wrong but not to this extent. The look in his eyes said it all...and in some ways, I'm glad he showed his true self or I'd continue on with the cycle.
There is always a reason why things happen. I needed this reality check.
On exploitation: my brother's wife told me that the reason I am an alcoholic is so that she can laugh at me. Even though I had a drinking problem long before she came around. She said I owed it to her to tell her all the embarrassing drunken stories I have specifically so that she can belittle me for it. And I was supposed to be excited about this.
I'm only just realising how damaging and poisonous these people are. You think you can just shrug it off, protect yourself with knowledge, but they are insidious and very good at what they do. Now I look out for the slightest signs, and if something doesn't feel right, that's it, no second chances.
I don't know what I would do without you, Dr. Les Carter. Ive listened to so many of your videos to help me recover from a Narcissist in a friendship. Wow. Talk about a hurtful ending. As I speak, we are no contact, but she has turned many people away from me and likely is slandering me to anyone who will listen. I initially felt absolutely devastated by the slandering/lying. Perhaps I've gone crazy through all this, but now, I am shrugging my shoulders and no longer care what anyone thinks! I didn't try to get to that point. It just happened. Anyway, your videos are incredibly educational and helpful for the process....a process I wouldn't wish on anyone! Hopefully, with learning, I can arm myself to never repeat what I've recently endured.
I have listened to all the posts from Dr C that I can find, I think this one is 100% my husband of 30 years. I’m exhausted.
Fantastic explanations and summary, Dr. Carter. You are wonderful. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for your ongoing professional, helpful, and caring support of this community!
Thank you, Dr. Carter. You(and Gus) have been one of the (if not) the main contributor to my healing process and I am incredibly grateful to you. I'm sure just about everyone here can say the same. I first stumbled across one of your videos a few years ago and you have been a guide through the painful process of unveiling, understanding and accepting the realities of narcissim. This video answered many questions as to whether or not the narcissists I'm dealing with are also sociopaths.
I've recently realized that it's ok to disconnect emotionally from these people without feeling guilty. I also realized that it's ok to give up hope for them to have some kind of introspective transformation. For decades, I have held onto the hope that, if I treat them with dignity, love, respect, kindness, openness, tolerance and patience, this will inspire them to reciprocate those same values; but the reality is that, that moment is NEVER coming. In fact, instead of revering those qualities, they use those values to wound and manipulate you. My only regret is that I didn't understand this thirty years ago.
I can't thank you enough for your dedication to shedding light on this darkness.
Just found myself saying "oh my god" out loud while watching this video because it all makes sense now, this is what I was dealing with. Thank you Dr. C, I needed this
They tried to setup the doubt and the idea of an unfair win from the start when they seen I didn’t get what they were getting at. They came in mad at me that I was getting slandered, and walked into some money without knowing it.
He is completely accurate with each example, and information that he shares. As a former clinical counselor dealing with addictions, and the criminology component of the sociopathic pattern of narcissism can be challenging for anyone.
I did not know that anyone understood that he actually took JOY in hurting me. It was so confusing. I was isolated and my religion taught me that I could not say 'no' to my husband. By God's grace I came out and and I am getting stronger.
My father was a pastor . He died in 2002, and I said the relationship instantly got better. I just connected the dots that he was a narcissist. He had NO EMPATHY, my covert narc husband can at least pretend, but my dad had zero. I called it " no love". He had a sadistic streak, was cruel to animals and would laugh at their pain . His favorite thing to talk about was what instrument, stick or switch made the best spanking paddle, and he practiced regularly on us😢!! I've been doing a lot of research about narcissism after my daughter was disowned by her father, and realized he met all the narc traits . She's so angry, and so am I!! How could he represent God and be a soulless monster?? He set me up to go right into the arms of another narc!! Just endless control !!
I hope you've seen the video, How Religious Narcissists Will Gaslight You.
I knew we were going to approach this topic since both my father and oldest sister are sociopathic narcissists.
Great video Dr Carter, you are so right about 'NO' the way I rid myself of my ex narc was to defy him, he threw everything in his arsenal at me but I still defied him. A year on I still struggle with what the monster did to me but to defy him was my way out. Thanks again your videos really help with the post narc struggle.
Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy from California. So true for sure Dr. Carter. There are only two sides to anything, their side and the wrong side. They know nothing about being loyal. One wonders what will they tell God when He judges them. You have just described the person that got into my pc and my spouse. Thank God He is still on the Throne. Thank you so much for a very informative and educational video Dr. Carter.
"Therefore, you wind up being a person of peace." I love that. Thanks. Hi de hi to Gus. x
Noticed this feeling as embarrassment, as empathy rings true. Now, time to chew in this, appreciate.
That's my sister! Spot-on. I collect tools and tips, but don't plan to allow any encounters in the future. I just live my quiet life here in the Grey Rock Hotel! LOL
This Describes my Malignant Narc husband!
I was married for more than 20y with a man exactly like this... I struggle to trust men and people in general.
They are 'odius' - a new word I learned today - that describes narcs. If I say or want to do anything beneficial for myself my ex's or their monkeys will call me arrogant or prideful. So mad if I find my way back to myself. I listen to you everyday so much thanks! 🕊️ Peace. Praying with Psalms audio RUclips has strengthened my spirit! Take care.
my cousin is like this, he always present himself as a charitable person but use it as a decoy to scam. he always have scheme and always lie. hes probably the worst person i have ever met.😢
Holy smokes batman! Thank you. I'm not crazy! I'm not deluded. I'm not paranoid. It is what it is. Thank you for telling it like it is. #radical acceptance in the real world.
So Glad I got away from this Demonic person, he couldn't destroy me,My faith in almighty God protected my sanity, he couldn't manipulate me, so he left in BUT came back 2 yrs later, this time I could REJECT him ,& say Bye bye Not interested Any more, the Lord gave me the Upper hand & Strength.🙏🏼🙏🏼
My disabled father is causing my sibs and I all kinds of problems. Our mom is diagnosed but untreated Alzheimer's, yet he refuses her care because her job is to care for him. It is a horribly dangerous situation that despite financial control we can't get them into a safe environment. Both have revoked drivers license, but continue to drive, risking others. Now he calls extended family to talk about how uncaring we are to them, who in return call us to shame us.
Thank you, Dr. Les. You are so right. You described the narcissist I was with for 2 years before I figured it out. AND HE IS A SOCIOPATH but it took me breaking up with him and all of the devastinig fall out before I realized just how poisonous he really is. It wasn't til the last few months of the relationship that I finally realized that IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT HIM---TOTALLY. And when I would happen to be in the limelight, he punished me. It is so clear now but it was not while I was going through it. I still shudder at how fooled I was and how I wasted 2 years being hooked up with him. But, as I see some of the other posts, I feel like I am lucky as I got out. Thank you so very much. May God continue to give you wisdom and insight. You and Gus are so appreciated. I would have probably been talked into taking him back had it not been for all of these informative videos. THANK YOU--YOU SAVED ME
Thank you Thanksgiving. For Everything.
I'm trying to write some sort of summary for me, so far.
Don't pick up other people's garbage.
And I mean that in every way possible. Litterarily, practically, physically, mentally, spiritually, conciousnessly, energetically and whatever else.
This is how I have come to understand some of what goes on in a person's narcissistic twistedness and abusiveness.
They have written a play for themselves. And the story is: power, controll and destruction.
In the play some of their favorite parts are:
- the victim
- the martyr
- the saviour
For them to be able to stage themselves as this, it requires you to play the oppositional part.
The Truth of REALITY will not get through. The truth of how they see themselves and how they really are, WILL show through. And the Uglyness of how they see you. They will not see, but you can. So this is some of how I am now learning and coming to understand some of this, trying to put it together with my own words here.
How they see themselves as:
A victim. Meaning they are completely innocent and in their mind justifies their behaviour.
A martyr. "Oh, what they have sacrificed". Meaning you are a burden and they are the ones giving up everything for you. Meaning you are to blame and shame for whatever goes wrong in their lives. Not being accountable for their own hurtful actions/behaviour.
A saviour. Your saviour. Implying you’re some sort of destroyed helpless incapable rescue project and they are standing above you looking down at you. Devaluing you. Your thoughts, your feelings your ideas, your perceptions your experience s. Shaping you to be incapable of your own decisions, incapable of knowing what is Good and best for you, incapable of knowing your own needs or what is helpful for you or not helpful for you etc.
And this is so that they can elevate themselves ON SOMEONE ELSES EXPENSE!
And at the same time it also means, it requires you to ACCEPT to play the role they assign you to.
And its such a soup of crap they're putting together, all so that they can keep THEIR WRONGDOINGS going.
And
Keep you down.
Keep you down.
Keep you down.
Pitty does not help. It's condecending!
Release yourself.
Up!
Take a look in the mirror.
Look at your face.
and
Wash away what is not yours.
Thank you Thanksgiving. For Everything.
Siri
It's pretty secure not to stir in their soup of crap for sure.
Holy cow, Siri. This is astounding.
Very well put 👏
They're quite capable of stirring their own crappie soup. You don't need to be one of their flying monkeys that does it for them ❣
@@aaronkwolfe Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving🎃🍭
Reading your post confirms my instinct to go seek medical attention. I don't know how long a body holds out to severe stress such as fear of stalking, while isolated at the same time. I finally reported it again yesterday. And for the first time in FIVE years someone actually listened and cared, followed by a second. Both seasoned veterans at the sheriff dept, you could hear it in their voices. I was assured help quicker by having all the basic info recorded for my safety.
But, having serious panic attacks just reading the signs, even though the past 14 months has taught me a lot, it can't change my position right this second, and it's actually come to, after 40 years, I have no doubt today, he WOULD pull the trigger on a weapon he recently obtained, 2 years ago. Be safe every1. TY again Dr C.
"When Possible, Get Away" 💯
The family member that I am closest with has all these signs of narcissism and sociopathic tendencies I’m a disabled adult I can’t work, so I live with this person, and every day that I’m with her is slowly eating away at my soul I wish I knew how to escape
My sister and my son are both narcissists. The damage done to me by my sister is in calculable. My son used our grandchildren as tools, taking away any possibility for a relationship b/c we were holding him accountable for his actions (finally). Because we have had to separate ourselves from both of them, we have no family, we're isolated and unable to enjoy family holidays, birthdays, etc. I still attend family events in which my sister is in attendance, but just pretend she's not there. It's incredibly, deeply sad, and the holidays are now something dreaded rather than celebrated. In a sense, they "won". The victims of these monsters always seem to lose.
My daughter didn’t want to talk to her father anymore, the last time he let her down…sad I know every time she gives him another chance he only hurts her. The only thing that’s a for sure is he will lie and harm and future fake. It’s so sad I wish she didnt have to learn this. Their is no hope he will never be a good person. Sociopath monster.
My narcissistic mother and sister used these tactics on me. I need to lookout for them to keep myself safe.
Thank you this is helping ME. 😁 Im unhinging myself from a saddistic narcissist. Safe in my own spot after 5 years of his grooming. I swear looking in his eyes there IS NO SOUL NO ONE IS THERE. It IS HARD WORK..and honestly, it scares me that with my past CPTSD how HE TARGETED ME FROM THE BEGINNING. Thank you
Exactly it's the understanding of how they tick and why which helps clear up some of the confusion and instant anger you feel. It helps you navigate the millions of mind bending scenarios they throw at you. It's really heartbreaking and immeasurable pain when it's a parent.
Thank you Dr Carter!
Always learn more about this unfortunate issue that has darkened the doorstep of many kind hearted souls.
Walking away was the best action I took with this personality. This family member is married to a psychopathic narcissist. A very toxic combination.
I thank God everyday for peace~
Hello to Gus! Such a sweet boy!!
Expert impression managers while scheming and calculating 24/7.
Shocks you to your core!
I thought i could tell when his cycles of abuse were going to happen, but even then he'd surprise me and throw me off guard. 🍒
OMGoodness Dr.C again you are spot on! Thank you for your videos and the education and validation they provide! My narc absolutely fell into this category of dysfunction. The biggest lesson I learned from my relationship with him was that I will NEVER again discount my intuitive voice. I had a strong feeling when we were dating that something wasn't right. Unfortunately, I discounted it and ended up placing myself in a position to be hurt GREATLY. It has been an extremely painful learning experience. Today I am doing my very best to build my resiliency and practice boundary settings. Myself being prone to anxiety & depression this has been a daunting task at times. But I believe in hope and surrounding myself with good hearted people who are aiding in my recovery, one day at a time! God bless you and the work you do!!! 😊