The grief is really about the realization we didn’t show up for ourselves. We prioritized someone or something else (in a meaningless way). Never again!!
Once we realize it wasn’t real, does increase the pain for sure, but for me begged the question? Why did I not see in this person what everybody else saw? Perhaps maybe because the way I viewed them was imaginary and I didn’t want to see the ugly. I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that one out.
Grief really does open the door to reality as you begin to question if what you had with the narcissist was real or not. After realizing all the good moments we had were all part of the love bombing phase, I began to wonder if love really exists. What I once thought was genuine, now all feels like an illusion.
This vicious person that shows up after the mask is off almost make you shiver that you actually at one point laid down with someone that is cold, heartless & brutal!
What makes me shiver is the fact that I still laid down with the person after realizing that I ain't mean s#it to them. I still had hope. That thought sends chills down my spine. Because I can see that I had no regard for myself either...I accepted scraps. Wtf? I had no compassion for myself whatsoever, otherwise I would have moved on after the first and biggest red flag.
Yes that vicious person that shows up is real and the one we saw at first is fake- still shiver but he’s deceased now just a short time after I left and he remarried! God corrects the books if we hold on! ❤️❤️
Grief is necessary for moving on with your life. Without grieving the loss, you will gaslight yourself with false hope. Personal experience...it does get better!!! Hang in there❤
Grief was/is my most painful part of my healing journey. I didn't want to face "ALL" the red flags I chose to ignore. I didn't want to face all the wasted time investing in a facade. I didn't want to face that all I served to him was a utility tool. The good news I want to share with others is that coming out the other side gives a stronger sense of self we see more of our value. We become stronger. We see more beauty to ourselves.(inside and out) . We see more of our strengths. We see that we defeated evil.
Yes, yes, yes! And, I can now buy whatever I want without worrying that she will call it tacky. I hadn't even realized that the friendship had affected me that much!
Totally agree with Dr. Ramani timing. My ex narc bf passed away 2 days ago of cancer. I cried like a baby. Since I went NC few yrs ago, he has tried to get me to call, text, email, even sent me a card, but I've had my walls up with a hardened heart & the bitterness of what he & his family did to me. When I heard that he had passed, I cried & it felt like the bitterness melted from my heart and I felt "free" to live again. I think his family saw his true narc character in the end. I was so bitter for so long bcuz I was the villain & he was always the victim. I feel so much relief. Time heals all wounds & I pray I grow from what I experienced. ❤
I was married to a narcissist female and I lived and breathed that woman 24/7. She would belittle me, make me feel like a child, withhold sex and use me as a wallet. Yet, she got me into international travel, and actually enjoying nicer things in life. However, it was me that finally asked for the divorce. She crumbled. begged me to stay, that she would change. Then she just stopped crying and started going through the kitchen asking me what I wanted for my apartment. like nothing. The first night alone in my bare apartment I bawled like a baby...It's been 16 years and that woman still lives rent free in my head sometimes.
Its been better since for sure. Im married to a lovely woman. We are in a happy place. Im very nostalgic so sometimes I pull out memories and just kind of look at them like a artifact...@@cymbolichuman433
When you see them 'flip that switch' from crying to laughing or in your case asking what you wanted, it's very jarring. Normal people don't really do that. I went thru the same. xoxo
I recently came to the conclusion that grief is so much more a part of healing from abuse than I ever thought or heard it would be. And given how shut down our emotions are or become during the abuse, it makrs sense that the dam holding back the grief is enormous, complex, and powerful.
On the bright side, after finally healing you're never the same. You know all you need to know about the red flags, the traps, the abuse cycles, the hoovering, flying monkeys, gaslighting, silence treatment, ghosting, enablers, and every other dirty trick they're likely to use against you or anybody else that might need help. We're stronger thus we know that not everyone we see has the same conscience level or empathy we do, so we're ready to protect ourselves and never fall into that time-consuming trap again. One thing we'll need to work on after healing is how to learn to trust people, because we MUST - for the sake of our own healthy human interactions at some point. But it is perfectly doable as long as we're surrounded by good people who truly love and appreciate us as we are. Stay strong!
Really needed this today. Cried for an hour and a half last night because of the overwhelming grief, and it takes a lot to make me cry. It’s reassuring to know I’m actually healing.
This is me right now. After immersing myself with hundreds of RUclips videos and hours of reading Quora since his cold discard a week ago. I hope I have cried all my tears and the rest of my day becomes a little more peaceful. Sending love.
Yes, grief is a part of healing. It took me a good 2 years to grieve. There are still areas that I will have to grieve but I feel the worst part is over.
1 year no contact with my family of origin and feel like I’m just starting the next level of grief. Seeing the reality that this is my story, always has been, and it does separate me. The loneliness and deep reality that it was always this way is so palpable, I feel guilty for how I show up with my own family, husband, and our little kids. Lost in what I never had and forgetting what’s right in front of me.
You are grieving the entire time, you just aren’t able to see it. Thank you again, Dr. Ramani for all the validation, compassion, the vision we can’t see. 😊
I think radical awareness proceeds radical acceptance. Understanding the “un-reality” of my narcissist relationship grew inside me without me seeing it, but then erupted like a volcano. So much radical awareness at once, I am scared and running for safety. But seeing all that was lost and destroyed so suddenly is a shock to my entire being. Looking back at the wasteland of my former life centered on the narcissist and grieving the knowledge that I can never go back. It’s like the place where I lived being entirely covered in black lava rock. A place that I now know was just a fantasy. I guess that is the radical truth, so I have radical acceptance of the truth and the grief that comes with it.
So true! Whenever I have any doubts, I always try to have a reality check, so I revisit the ACTUAL facts that happened and are still happening, and how the narcisist is treating me RIGHT NOW... And I understand that I am not wrong in my decision, I only need to be patient with myself, in my new learnt reality ❤
I have a lot of guilt. I hurt so many ppl dear to me cuz I stayed in that relationship for so long 💔 I'm not sure if I've forgiven myself yet. Yes..it was my choice, my life, my children. I have to own that. It's hard and activates my shame.
You grieve the relationship that never really existed. You grieve the hours, days, week, months, and years spent invested in an illusion. You grieve the loss of mutual friends, and family, that the narc has turned against you. The grief is overwhelming pain, but it will also set you free
I (we) have lost my daughter to this mental disease. It's been so hard saying goodbye. The realization that we have a narcissistic child has been devastating. Please do more talks on this specific issue. THANK YOU for all you have done on the subject of narcissism , it has helped me through the darkest period in my life.
Grief is heartbreaking and mind bending, it hurts terribly but together with radical acceptance brings us to reality and reality is good. I really needed to hear it today dr Ramani ❤ thank you. 🙏 God bless you❤
Yup! For me it's the grief of longing for his addictive smile and bright happy eyes. Yet, when we were together six out of seven days he'd scream, shriek, break things, pout, rage at me for failing to read his mind to avoid upsetting him and keep up with his ocd cleaning standards. If I was lucky he might grace me with a bright happy smile once a week. It's insane how laid back I am. I only ask to not be yelled at, hit, and snarled at. For me relationships aren't so much about my wants which are few but more about what I don't want. I don't like being scared or hurt. Thank you for this video today Dr. Ramani. I don't know why but it's been a rough day for me. I actually cried at the memory of his rare smile and kept asking "Why?!" I wonder what was so hard for him to not want to scream at me, break stuff and hit me? He always said I was overdemanding and perfectionistic when I'd beg him to stop being violent. I just don't get what set him off. Why is a bleeping misplaced cup or running out of orange juice reason to get violent? I don't think I'll ever understand. I wish I'd never met him! Hugs to all survivors of narcissistic abuse.
That smile do I know that well. I hadn’t seen it in so long and then when I did again I was like WTF. It was like watching a psychopath emerge. Creepy AF. This is the predatory smile reserved for victims
I finally understand it's radical acceptance, wow! I thought it was depression like a friend was telling me or a chemical imbalance causing the grief and sadness, but it's radical acceptance! You explained 100% of what is needed for someone to be ready on their own terms to absorb the reality of what was done to them was all a facade, a made up reality for another person's use or objective. That's a hard truth to accept, but once it's realized, then comes the release... the eruption of ALL the emotions... and then the healing begins. Thank you so very much!!! This video connected all the dots, precisely!!! What a relief... not depression at all, but emotions that were internalized, medicated. My goodness, I wish all the people on anti-depressants could realize it's emotions that have been stuffed so far down that need to be released instead of medicsted. Anyway, thank you for your videos, they are very helpful♡ and much appreciated♡ ~~ Diane🙏🏼
I’m only 21 and just left a narcissistic-relationship of four years and grief truly is the best explanation for the emotional turmoil i’ve been going through. My head knows that the relationship would ruin me completely if it continued but my heart feels like it’s been ripped out- which is made even worse knowing I am the person that needs to enforce the no-contact and radical acceptance. Thank you for these videos. They have been so spot on for all the healing stages i’ve been going through. ❤
Do you realize how many of us here would love to have had these lessons so early in life!! Not that anyone really wants to experience such abuse at all. But, since we're all here, there's no going back.. most here I think I can say are quite a bit older. The knowledge hasn't been around for that long and openly discussed. Please take the lessons to heart. Your future depends on it. Have a wonderful life ❤
A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldn't just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring her back
My family has been torn apart by a narcissist and there is so much tension and a continual 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'. It's been so freeing to realize that grief, and not trying to fix the situation, is key to living my life on my terms instead of constantly over-analyzing and trying to predict or stop the inevitable collapse of our narc. So while I can see what's coming, I no longer feel responsible to stop it. I can finally grieve and move on and let the cards fall where they may.
Very much growth seen here. So hard but your acceptance is admirable. Right, nothing you can do anyway. Live your own life before it's wasted on such vampires ❤
Last night, I came across a video on YT in which a sociopath was saying how much fun she always had as she deliberately trapped people into a labyrinth of anxiety, uncertainty and confusion. It was scary but at the same time a real eye-opener. Imagine how evil it is to make the people who like you suffer just for fun.
That's right, and we are shocked and traumatized that such predators are so common. All sociopaths and psychopaths are narratives. These narcissistic patterns of lying, stealing, inability to love or care, rage, need to control, dominate, to be served, etc are closely associated with sociopathy.
Thanks so much Dr. Ramani! ❤ Your RUclips videos & Healing program has literally changed my life, I'm grateful beyond words. The radical acceptance & grief after realizing I was the family scapegoat has been the hardest part of my healing journey, but worth it. It took finally going no contact with my very toxic family to see things clearly.
I feel you. I was the scapegoat too. Very painful to accept the people I exhausted myself to please, never did and never will love or respect me. I am in this stage now.
I have experienced multiple times of radical acceptances over the past 5 years. It not only happened in relationships but also in every aspect of my life, such as chasing an ideal goal, wanting a fancy job, and wishing for a marriage with someone who could understand me. However, year after year, I kept releasing those wishful thinking and replacing them with realities I once refused to look at. The process was painful, and sometimes I miss my old self, though she was ignorant.
Grieving After Narcissistic Relationship Is Important For Healing Grieving Restores The Self To A Point Of Equilibrium. Clearing The Way For Some New To Emerge With You.
Thank you dear Dr R. for your great timing! Grief is still a part of my life and my 16 months of healing. But now I'm sure that it's necesary to live my life like I want to and not like my Ex did. I mainly grieve about our dreams and the magical moments that we shared although I now know he couldn't have changed because he didn't really care. He only cared about getting his supply!
Having experienced my fair share of "traditional" grief/loss, it is altogether shocking and obvious that grief and betrayal are so closely linked. Thank you for the reminder that this inability to unsee or unknow combined with grief is a sign of healing. LOVE Dr. Clayton (her book is POWERFUL) and I cannot wait to read your new one! I hope you continue to work together! #StandUpTherapy #RadicalAcceptance #GainingBalance KEEP BREATHING EVERYONE! ❤
This is where I am now. My “head” understood radical acceptance but now the rest of me seems to be catching up. This is definitely a process within itself. To get to radical acceptance (for me) means so many deeply hurtful instances are re-playing in my mind. I am seeing these memories now without justification; with knowledge that yes, all of these things were betrayals - period. I have read Dr. Clayton’s book and do much of it mirrored my experience. I am starting to finally “believe me” and I can confirm that the grief is pouring out. Thank you for this validation and for the bit of hope that this will help with time.
Thank you for this. After 6 years of discards, illusions and trying to be perfect for him but at the same time independent (cause he wanted me that way) I finally, after this last discard when he dramatically said "I love you. Take care!", truly admitted to myself the thing that started my naive soulsearching in this relationship many years ago: that he in fact did not love me. I told him so: that I knew he did not love me, and that was good for my radical acceptance, because his love was what I was trying to "continuously create" or maintain - just like he wanted and needed (cause as Vaknin says, they can only feel their "love" in the moment and not when you are apart, cause of object constancy). And saying it out loud, making that barrier between us, released the real grief I already thought I grieved during our breakups. This grief is not filled with wishful thinking, trying to think positive or putting the blame on myself (cause it gives at least a feeling of control and opportunity in this narc labyrint). This grief is low, heavy and calm. It also releases me from the burden of the blame he put on me that it was my core issues and personality that made him leave even though he "loved me". Of course it isn't. For me this was the hardest thing to realize, cause I always thought he was just disturbed but deep down loved me, as he also told me so often. And I took the blame although I knew I did it to preserve love. Funny enough this is of course my core issue with my dad and sisters. Realizing this is so hard, I wish it for nobody ever. Thank you so much DrRamani, for all comfort you have given me. ❤
This is wonderful. Grief really does open.the door to reality. Whatever fantasy you hang on was keeping you tied into toxic beliefs and toxic people For many it is also the relief that it wasn't you who caused the chaos and realizing how badly you were victimized.
Family and friends mean well when they spot someone that is not good for us? But it is a process that we all have to go through on our own. It’s great to have friends and family to talk to and listen to, but at one point you have to step away from the Talking Heads as I called them to realize what is really going on with you and the relationship you’re in. To be able to hear your voice and your guides and what they are telling you. Obviously, when your family, friends, Therapist tell you someone in your life that you want a relationship with is toxic? At some point you have to really step back from everyone and look into it yourself with your eyes wide open. In the end, the only one that can close the doors, shut down, and walk away from a relationship is you and no one else.
The last "whatever u would like to call it," was a horror show & I had a helluva time getting rid of him, and we didn't live with each other. When he finally got a clue, and he finally "left, " I was relieved. He tried to get back with me, but it was a no go. I couldn't stand for him to touch me. I don't think it's grief that I feel. It's just indifference.
I really appreciate your truthful telling of what you might have done wrong as a therapist. Still, I find that sometimes people need to be nudged, because they are so caught in their fantasy. Think you Dr Ramani.
It’s been 2 years. My grief process has been excruciating, but definitely necessary. I don’t think I’ll ever be victim to narcissistic abuse again. As you said, “my body just won’t let me.” I can’t unsee it.
I have tried so hard to explain this grief to others. I’ve been through this radical acceptance with an ex-husband and my narcissistic mother. The narc mother also help me accept why I often attract narcs and why I also entertain them. The grief in accepting that is painful too. ❤
Is he your narc? My daughter is mine. It was her dad, but she makes him seem easy. I wish there were more support for parents. My daughter is 34, and it took some real tragedy to bring me to this heavy grief. I hope your son gets help. My older daughter has, and she turned her BPD around. It turns out three of my children are on the spectrum. I wish I understood that. I wish the best for you and yours.
This video was so heavy, the grief is so heavy. It lingers. It’s in your face, then it hides, but it’s always there. Even after a long period of healing the grief is still present. At first it feels like a boulder, the world is on your shoulders. And then over time it shrinks, smaller and smaller, and becomes a pebble in your pocket. You can go about your days and it doesn’t faze you. But then, one day, you reach in your pocket and you feel that pebble of grief. And like a frying pan to the face suddenly it’s the boulder on your shoulders again. The process repeats and repeats. I don’t know if the pebble ever shrinks to a grain of sand, or becomes so light it’s all but invisible. These relationships leave lasting scars. And like Dr Ramani always says; once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
I found the radical acceptance helped me to stop cycling through the grief cycle If you are not doing radical acceptance your denial keeps you in a grief cycle but it is usually felt as anger or anxiety The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance... If you do not do acceptance you go right back to denial, anger... etc. round and round on the merry go round of madness much like the abuse cycles seen in abusive relationships
It was all a facade…. And they knew it. I can’t believe I fell for this… there’s also a lot of shame that comes with it and a process of forgiving yourself
Most painful thing I’ve ever been through, but I learned a lot about myself, how and why he got away with abusing ,m e ,and I am determined, NEVER to let ANYONE treat me like that again ! Such a price to pay to a stronger self !
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I really needed to hear this. The truth hurts so much but I know it’s the only path to my healing and freedom. So, I grieve for many reasons and commit to it for however long this will take.
Thank you so much for this!! Thought I had gone thru this process already (which may have been just one of the first stages I needed to go through for change), but this last round really did a number on me. But I was reaching a level of acceptance I hadn’t experienced before and grief as well, but it didn’t feel as uncontrollable as before. I’m thankful now for the situation that happened recently to bring me to this stage. Praying for courage for next steps
Grief is saying, "If only " Happened for me a couple of months ago & really couldn't understand why /how I could be grieving after being divorced for a few years Happy to know it was grief & it had to do with my healing Great video DrRamini & extremely relevant
Omg Dr Ramani. Thank you so much for this video. I cried when I listened. I'm so grateful for your videos. I couldn't understand why I had so much grief. Thank you!!!❤❤❤
This is so true. It’s sore and sad and it hurts. I miss my mum to talk it through with, I miss her so much and this channel is the next best thing. Good luck and hugs and all the love in the world to you all. ❤
I compare the grieving process to unraveling several knotted chain necklaces. I Thank you Dr. Ramani♡. Having survived narcissistic abuse from childhood to adulthood and throughout a lifetime, let me just say, this grieving process takes time and patience with yourself. Consider yourself lucky if yours only lasted a couple of years🙏🏼 But once you see the true reality of what dynamic was at play in your relationship, oh, the wonderful wisdom carried forward in life. The red flags and goosebumps are no longer dismissed so easily. The shades of deception no longer are drawn ... we see clearly ... we see the light✨️♡✨️
Still grieving, I even grieve for their grief at losing me & my little one even though their "unforgivable" dangerous behaviour had me flee. They just have one space, but I had to leave my whole life to begin again. Forgiven, but no longer too stupid to forget. I'm so grateful for the gift of life, yet tears & sadness remain. Forever changed. Love is the prize & my little one just gave me the biggest heartfelt hug for my birthday. Grateful 🙏🏻😢❤⭐️
❤❤Grief is a normal part of any loss! This one is just another loss in our long life of losses! The reality is it never was real and that intensifies the grief! Never can rush anyone in the process because it’s pushing and yes we still or at least myself will push back on pushing!!Grief can sneak up at times when we least expect it! I still get triggered and it’s been since 1991 for the first one!
This is so important; thank you for saying all of this. Having experienced this very thing, it's so much clearer to me now that I'm OK. And everything will be fine.
I'm in that overwhelming sadness and grief stage of healing. Some days I'm great but some days I can't function and I just want to stay in bed all day. I've cried so much! It feels strange because I'm so glad to be away from him after 11 long years but I just feel so sad. I guess it's coming to the realization that none of it was real, the radical acceptance of what it was and WAS NOT. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your teaching helps so much to understand the crazy we've had to deal with.
Yes Dr Ramani 💕it’s when you accept it was all toxic and and I was being betrayed for too long! I am taking my power back which was taken from me. 🙏❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Dr Ramini. After 20 years of being with a man who slowly took control of my life, finances , freedom, company I kept etc and who had me doing everything for him , I finally about 'coercive relationships'. I left him, but unknowingly afyer 2 years single l met a man who seemed charming, kind and everything i hadn't felt before. Sadly....he was the reason I finally learned about narcissism. It's been very difficult as I'd fallen for him , but knew things would never be true but felt utterly broken to be without him. But im getting stronger each day, I've got myself back and feel free again. Thank you for your video's, they are an amazing form of strength. Xx
I opted for having a career instead of children, but once I had ovarian cancer and was sad about losing my fertility and all those body parts that I loved… my mother said, that They don’t exist so I shouldn’t have any feelings about them. Just celebrated my 17th Cancerversary, still doesn’t matter, the grief remains strong, mother remains clueless.
When our choices are removed, it’s natural to feel grief. I’m sorry your choices were taken away. Of course your body parts matter! They always will….. Your mother is cruel with her comments. I hope your health is restored and your heart is healing. And, I hope you surround yourself with caring friends that hold compassion for your loss.
Finally got through the grieving process. This video meant so much to me. It all makes sense now why I grieved even though I didn't feel that i really loved HIM, but I loved the idea of what I thought he represented to me. What I really grieved was my dream of a perfect relationship. I'm much better now and in a good relationship. I'm not forgetting what I've learned, though. Life is a journey with many lessons and I'm going to survive it and grow. So are you.
The grief resulting from radical acceptance is horrendous and overwhelming, but it is the only way to healing and ultimately truly living, loving, and thriving.
I JUST thought to myself a little over a week ago "I feel like healing is a series of grief, loss and realizations". Dr. Ramini you are truly a breath of fresh air. You have been a true inspiration and guiding force in my healing. I do the work I need to do to rebuild and thrive, and it's so nice to have such great resources along the way. Thank you so much.
Dr. Ramani, this hit me particularly hard. So many of the things in a narcissistic relationship are so similar to being in a relationship with a closeted gay man. Is there a relationship between the two? I spent 18 years with a man, never knowing until later (he never had the guts to tell me) that he was gay. I recall the gaslighting, the lies, so many things over the years that made me question myself and everything I knew. The grief has been so overwhelming at times in spite of it being over 20 years. Thank you.
The differences in narcissist types is what confuses people a lot I think to understand who they're really dealing with because there's some much worse than others. But if they get to this point like I did. The realization of reality and illusion , grasping that was the most hurtful , and that falls within myself of my own questions and choices in life. A reality check with in ourselves.( Self) and to understand that in fact it is a game, nothing was true, living a lie.. it's a reality that you have just wasted that time for absolutely nothing, the ups and downs the erratic emotions that nightmare we put ourselves through for someone's pleasure to enjoy our pain. I remember the day like yesterday and was 3 years ago. I never knew about narcissistic people. But answered my life long questions about my mother as well. They were different types of Narcissists. Both evil but different ways. Even after years of every emotional pain that exists, I still made it through and today I am grateful to understand, to get it and now protect my children and myself for the rest of the days I live
After many a video, after 27 years of in and out dancing with my narcissist, my eyes opened up today, and reality feels overwhelming, I can barely breath in this moment!
Thanks again Dr. Ramani for an excellent reminder that processing grief and recognizing it’s many different presentations helps immeasurably on our journey back to our authentic selves, stronger and wiser. The road seems riddled with potholes of grief and loss, but like rainbows after rain, our hearts learn to smile again and find healing after pain! Hope springs Eternal! ❤Thanks again as always!
Even worse grief I think is ambiguous grief. Like my daughter has been made into a flying monkey against me (her own mother) by narc mother in law. I grieve over losing my daughter while she is still alive.
Dr Ramani, just when I thought I couldn't love you more... Thank you!! Hurts like hell to realize I never really had a father, but I am comforted to hear this pain means I am healing. ❤
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. I really needed to hear this message regarding grief. Finally went no contact (at age 64) with my narcissistic mother who sabotaged my relationships with my daughters. I am grieving deeply but I am strong in my resolve. I'm truly grateful for your channel!! 🕊
I am freeing myself from the guilt of not wanting to be grateful for my narcissistic fathers and siblings. I have been forcing myself to do it as I have been told to thrue self development and I completely gaslighted myself. Thank you for helping me on becoming more and more aware
I have just recognized that Feeling grief and accepting this feeling is a very important process to go in the next stage, Thanks to myself for not losing this precious feeling going through all those monsters. This feeling, and the ability to feel this is very crucial, maybe more than I know right here.
Thank you Dr Ramani. This is where I am in therapy dealing with the grief of “loss” of my narcissistic mother who is still alive but now I see her for what she is and the hurt she caused me I am now in grieving for the loss of the love that I needed from my mum but never got. Your videos alongside therapy are a true sense of relief and understanding. Thank you
My husband had to be hospitalized and bed ridden for a significant time during middle school when he grew probably more than 4". He made it to 6'5" but will always remember his trial.
My existence served my mother's deep-seated need to be worshipped and obeyed; her insecurities were my responsibility and she only equated love with control. It's been a lonely and long road, but i regained myself 🥰
Thank you Dr. Ramani. The way you presented grief is beautiful. Thank you for your ZEAL! - Healing growing pains: “Ow!” “I’m feeling better” “Ow!” “I’m feeling better, I’m felling better & better…” ❤
Grief is what gave me the strength to finally walk away a few months ago. I slowly spent less and less time with him, to where I was able to take a step back and look at the situation. I don’t know how I put it up it for so long. Thanks to you Dr.Ramani, I was able to understand the relationship for what it was and that gave me the strength to leave safely.
I was afraid of the grief, until the narcisst finally crossed my line and I admitted to myself the truth of our relationship. I lived in ignorance and denial for so long that I started losing my true self. It hasn't been easy, but I would never go back. And I like myself again. I'm still grieving and I will always miss some people who I felt close to at one time, but I'm much happier and healthier in "knowing".
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
The grief is really about the realization we didn’t show up for ourselves. We prioritized someone or something else (in a meaningless way). Never again!!
Grief of wanting what you had but knowing it wasn't real increases the pain proportionally.
True indeed, but once you make peace with that reality, it's very freeing.
Fr 😭
I didn't even CARE if it was real or not, as long if he could keep up the facade of mostly civil behavior.
Once we realize it wasn’t real, does increase the pain for sure, but for me begged the question? Why did I not see in this person what everybody else saw? Perhaps maybe because the way I viewed them was imaginary and I didn’t want to see the ugly. I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that one out.
Indeed 💔
The truth will set you free. But first it’s going to upset you!
Ain't that the truth!!!
So true!
Grief really does open the door to reality as you begin to question if what you had with the narcissist was real or not. After realizing all the good moments we had were all part of the love bombing phase, I began to wonder if love really exists. What I once thought was genuine, now all feels like an illusion.
Quandra stay away from me I'm blocking you guys and Amira
True, but I believe there is REAL love even it is not that common as people normally think, The common ones are mostly illusions.
This vicious person that shows up after the mask is off almost make you shiver that you actually at one point laid down with someone that is cold, heartless & brutal!
What makes me shiver is the fact that I still laid down with the person after realizing that I ain't mean s#it to them. I still had hope. That thought sends chills down my spine. Because I can see that I had no regard for myself either...I accepted scraps. Wtf? I had no compassion for myself whatsoever, otherwise I would have moved on after the first and biggest red flag.
@barbie6695, you're not alone. We've all done the same thing, trying like hell to make things work.
Yes that vicious person that shows up is real and the one we saw at first is fake- still shiver but he’s deceased now just a short time after I left and he remarried! God corrects the books if we hold on! ❤️❤️
Boy am I learning this
Exactly
Same here
Grief is necessary for moving on with your life. Without grieving the loss, you will gaslight yourself with false hope. Personal experience...it does get better!!! Hang in there❤
Grief was/is my most painful part of my healing journey. I didn't want to face "ALL" the red flags I chose to ignore. I didn't want to face all the wasted time investing in a facade. I didn't want to face that all I served to him was a utility tool. The good news I want to share with others is that coming out the other side gives a stronger sense of self we see more of our value. We become stronger. We see more beauty to ourselves.(inside and out) . We see more of our strengths. We see that we defeated evil.
Yes, yes, yes! And, I can now buy whatever I want without worrying that she will call it tacky. I hadn't even realized that the friendship had affected me that much!
Evil is exactly right! Only those who have lived with one would know the meaning of evil.
Your timing on this video was absolutely divine.
I'm crying. I'm literally crying.
This was just perfect!
Gratitude Dr. Romani
Totally agree with Dr. Ramani timing. My ex narc bf passed away 2 days ago of cancer. I cried like a baby. Since I went NC few yrs ago, he has tried to get me to call, text, email, even sent me a card, but I've had my walls up with a hardened heart & the bitterness of what he & his family did to me. When I heard that he had passed, I cried & it felt like the bitterness melted from my heart and I felt "free" to live again. I think his family saw his true narc character in the end. I was so bitter for so long bcuz I was the villain & he was always the victim. I feel so much relief. Time heals all wounds & I pray I grow from what I experienced. ❤
@@cindyrobinson3882bless you xxx
I was married to a narcissist female and I lived and breathed that woman 24/7. She would belittle me, make me feel like a child, withhold sex and use me as a wallet. Yet, she got me into international travel, and actually enjoying nicer things in life. However, it was me that finally asked for the divorce. She crumbled. begged me to stay, that she would change. Then she just stopped crying and started going through the kitchen asking me what I wanted for my apartment. like nothing. The first night alone in my bare apartment I bawled like a baby...It's been 16 years and that woman still lives rent free in my head sometimes.
Whatever that nightmare was... It will get better.
Its been better since for sure. Im married to a lovely woman. We are in a happy place. Im very nostalgic so sometimes I pull out memories and just kind of look at them like a artifact...@@cymbolichuman433
You made the break; that's what's most important.
Do not marry another, my dad married 3 of them. He died a sad death because of them.
When you see them 'flip that switch' from crying to laughing or in your case asking what you wanted, it's very jarring. Normal people don't really do that. I went thru the same. xoxo
I recently came to the conclusion that grief is so much more a part of healing from abuse than I ever thought or heard it would be. And given how shut down our emotions are or become during the abuse, it makrs sense that the dam holding back the grief is enormous, complex, and powerful.
This is my struggle right now.
Same
Same
😢 Same here.
Same here.😢
You are outwardly beautiful and a soothing presence to my soul. I'm grateful for you
On the bright side, after finally healing you're never the same.
You know all you need to know about the red flags, the traps, the abuse cycles, the hoovering, flying monkeys, gaslighting, silence treatment, ghosting, enablers, and every other dirty trick they're likely to use against you or anybody else that might need help.
We're stronger thus we know that not everyone we see has the same conscience level or empathy we do, so we're ready to protect ourselves and never fall into that time-consuming trap again.
One thing we'll need to work on after healing is how to learn to trust people, because we MUST - for the sake of our own healthy human interactions at some point. But it is perfectly doable as long as we're surrounded by good people who truly love and appreciate us as we are. Stay strong!
It's "ALWAYS" NOT YOU! When your involved with a psycho.
Really needed this today. Cried for an hour and a half last night because of the overwhelming grief, and it takes a lot to make me cry. It’s reassuring to know I’m actually healing.
This is me right now. After immersing myself with hundreds of RUclips videos and hours of reading Quora since his cold discard a week ago. I hope I have cried all my tears and the rest of my day becomes a little more peaceful. Sending love.
@@onlythereal5124Thanks! You too❤
Yes, grief is a part of healing. It took me a good 2 years to grieve. There are still areas that I will have to grieve but I feel the worst part is over.
1 year no contact with my family of origin and feel like I’m just starting the next level of grief. Seeing the reality that this is my story, always has been, and it does separate me. The loneliness and deep reality that it was always this way is so palpable, I feel guilty for how I show up with my own family, husband, and our little kids. Lost in what I never had and forgetting what’s right in front of me.
You are grieving the entire time, you just aren’t able to see it. Thank you again, Dr. Ramani for all the validation, compassion, the vision we can’t see. 😊
I think radical awareness proceeds radical acceptance. Understanding the “un-reality” of my narcissist relationship grew inside me without me seeing it, but then erupted like a volcano.
So much radical awareness at once, I am scared and running for safety. But seeing all that was lost and destroyed so suddenly is a shock to my entire being. Looking back at the wasteland of my former life centered on the narcissist and grieving the knowledge that I can never go back. It’s like the place where I lived being entirely covered in black lava rock. A place that I now know was just a fantasy.
I guess that is the radical truth, so I have radical acceptance of the truth and the grief that comes with it.
I know , I know , I know. Still crying.
When you think the abuse is over but it turns out it will never end.
Dr Ramani it’s painful to know but needed! You are helping so many people! Sharing TRUTH! ❤
They give us perpetual feeling of guilt. Grieving is part of healing to stay healthy.,guilt is more difficult to deal.
So true! Whenever I have any doubts, I always try to have a reality check, so I revisit the ACTUAL facts that happened and are still happening, and how the narcisist is treating me RIGHT NOW... And I understand that I am not wrong in my decision, I only need to be patient with myself, in my new learnt reality ❤
I have a lot of guilt. I hurt so many ppl dear to me cuz I stayed in that relationship for so long 💔 I'm not sure if I've forgiven myself yet. Yes..it was my choice, my life, my children. I have to own that. It's hard and activates my shame.
I had the guilt after ending it.... it does get better after time you will see it wasn't a mistake once your healed from it.
Dr. Ramani, your show really does help people heal. Thank you so very much for this free therapy you give us.
You grieve the relationship that never really existed. You grieve the hours, days, week, months, and years spent invested in an illusion. You grieve the loss of mutual friends, and family, that the narc has turned against you. The grief is overwhelming pain, but it will also set you free
I (we) have lost my daughter to this mental disease. It's been so hard saying goodbye. The realization that we have a narcissistic child has been devastating.
Please do more talks on this specific issue. THANK YOU for all you have done on the subject of narcissism , it has helped me through the darkest period in my life.
Grief is heartbreaking and mind bending, it hurts terribly but together with radical acceptance brings us to reality and reality is good. I really needed to hear it today dr Ramani ❤ thank you. 🙏 God bless you❤
Yup! For me it's the grief of longing for his addictive smile and bright happy eyes. Yet, when we were together six out of seven days he'd scream, shriek, break things, pout, rage at me for failing to read his mind to avoid upsetting him and keep up with his ocd cleaning standards. If I was lucky he might grace me with a bright happy smile once a week. It's insane how laid back I am. I only ask to not be yelled at, hit, and snarled at. For me relationships aren't so much about my wants which are few but more about what I don't want. I don't like being scared or hurt.
Thank you for this video today Dr. Ramani. I don't know why but it's been a rough day for me. I actually cried at the memory of his rare smile and kept asking "Why?!" I wonder what was so hard for him to not want to scream at me, break stuff and hit me? He always said I was overdemanding and perfectionistic when I'd beg him to stop being violent. I just don't get what set him off. Why is a bleeping misplaced cup or running out of orange juice reason to get violent? I don't think I'll ever understand. I wish I'd never met him!
Hugs to all survivors of narcissistic abuse.
Hug back at you! xoxo
That smile do I know that well. I hadn’t seen it in so long and then when I did again I was like WTF. It was like watching a psychopath emerge. Creepy AF. This is the predatory smile reserved for victims
I finally understand it's radical acceptance, wow! I thought it was depression like a friend was telling me or a chemical imbalance causing the grief and sadness, but it's radical acceptance! You explained 100% of what is needed for someone to be ready on their own terms to absorb the reality of what was done to them was all a facade, a made up reality for another person's use or objective. That's a hard truth to accept, but once it's realized, then comes the release... the eruption of ALL the emotions... and then the healing begins.
Thank you so very much!!! This video connected all the dots, precisely!!! What a relief... not depression at all, but emotions that were internalized, medicated.
My goodness, I wish all the people on anti-depressants could realize it's emotions that have been stuffed so far down that need to be released instead of medicsted.
Anyway, thank you for your videos, they are very helpful♡ and much appreciated♡
~~ Diane🙏🏼
Awesomeness. Yes. Even like after surgery, the pain before the corrective healing.
I’m only 21 and just left a narcissistic-relationship of four years and grief truly is the best explanation for the emotional turmoil i’ve been going through. My head knows that the relationship would ruin me completely if it continued but my heart feels like it’s been ripped out- which is made even worse knowing I am the person that needs to enforce the no-contact and radical acceptance. Thank you for these videos. They have been so spot on for all the healing stages i’ve been going through. ❤
Felt!! This is definitely me. We got this girl! I also ended a 4 year relationship with a narcissist.
Do you realize how many of us here would love to have had these lessons so early in life!! Not that anyone really wants to experience such abuse at all. But, since we're all here, there's no going back.. most here I think I can say are quite a bit older. The knowledge hasn't been around for that long and openly discussed. Please take the lessons to heart. Your future depends on it.
Have a wonderful life ❤
A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldn't just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do I reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white, and she is a great spiritual counsellor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
My family has been torn apart by a narcissist and there is so much tension and a continual 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'. It's been so freeing to realize that grief, and not trying to fix the situation, is key to living my life on my terms instead of constantly over-analyzing and trying to predict or stop the inevitable collapse of our narc. So while I can see what's coming, I no longer feel responsible to stop it. I can finally grieve and move on and let the cards fall where they may.
Very much growth seen here. So hard but your acceptance is admirable. Right, nothing you can do anyway. Live your own life before it's wasted on such vampires ❤
Last night, I came across a video on YT in which a sociopath was saying how much fun she always had as she deliberately trapped people into a labyrinth of anxiety, uncertainty and confusion. It was scary but at the same time a real eye-opener. Imagine how evil it is to make the people who like you suffer just for fun.
Wow! Yup.
That's right, and we are shocked and traumatized that such predators are so common. All sociopaths and psychopaths are narratives. These narcissistic patterns of lying, stealing, inability to love or care, rage, need to control, dominate, to be served, etc are closely associated with sociopathy.
Thanks so much Dr. Ramani! ❤ Your RUclips videos & Healing program has literally changed my life, I'm grateful beyond words. The radical acceptance & grief after realizing I was the family scapegoat has been the hardest part of my healing journey, but worth it. It took finally going no contact with my very toxic family to see things clearly.
I feel you. I was the scapegoat too. Very painful to accept the people I exhausted myself to please, never did and never will love or respect me. I am in this stage now.
I have experienced multiple times of radical acceptances over the past 5 years. It not only happened in relationships but also in every aspect of my life, such as chasing an ideal goal, wanting a fancy job, and wishing for a marriage with someone who could understand me. However, year after year, I kept releasing those wishful thinking and replacing them with realities I once refused to look at. The process was painful, and sometimes I miss my old self, though she was ignorant.
Grieving After Narcissistic Relationship Is Important For Healing Grieving Restores The Self To A Point Of Equilibrium. Clearing The Way For Some New To Emerge With You.
Thank you dear Dr R. for your great timing! Grief is still a part of my life and my 16 months of healing. But now I'm sure that it's necesary to live my life like I want to and not like my Ex did. I mainly grieve about our dreams and the magical moments that we shared although I now know he couldn't have changed because he didn't really care. He only cared about getting his supply!
Having experienced my fair share of "traditional" grief/loss, it is altogether shocking and obvious that grief and betrayal are so closely linked. Thank you for the reminder that this inability to unsee or unknow combined with grief is a sign of healing. LOVE Dr. Clayton (her book is POWERFUL) and I cannot wait to read your new one! I hope you continue to work together! #StandUpTherapy #RadicalAcceptance #GainingBalance KEEP BREATHING EVERYONE! ❤
Might be your best video yet. Thanks so much. ❤
This is where I am now. My “head” understood radical acceptance but now the rest of me seems to be catching up. This is definitely a process within itself. To get to radical acceptance (for me) means so many deeply hurtful instances are re-playing in my mind. I am seeing these memories now without justification; with knowledge that yes, all of these things were betrayals - period. I have read Dr. Clayton’s book and do much of it mirrored my experience. I am starting to finally “believe me” and I can confirm that the grief is pouring out. Thank you for this validation and for the bit of hope that this will help with time.
Thank you for this. After 6 years of discards, illusions and trying to be perfect for him but at the same time independent (cause he wanted me that way) I finally, after this last discard when he dramatically said "I love you. Take care!", truly admitted to myself the thing that started my naive soulsearching in this relationship many years ago: that he in fact did not love me. I told him so: that I knew he did not love me, and that was good for my radical acceptance, because his love was what I was trying to "continuously create" or maintain - just like he wanted and needed (cause as Vaknin says, they can only feel their "love" in the moment and not when you are apart, cause of object constancy). And saying it out loud, making that barrier between us, released the real grief I already thought I grieved during our breakups. This grief is not filled with wishful thinking, trying to think positive or putting the blame on myself (cause it gives at least a feeling of control and opportunity in this narc labyrint). This grief is low, heavy and calm. It also releases me from the burden of the blame he put on me that it was my core issues and personality that made him leave even though he "loved me". Of course it isn't. For me this was the hardest thing to realize, cause I always thought he was just disturbed but deep down loved me, as he also told me so often. And I took the blame although I knew I did it to preserve love. Funny enough this is of course my core issue with my dad and sisters. Realizing this is so hard, I wish it for nobody ever. Thank you so much DrRamani, for all comfort you have given me. ❤
I was diagnosed with ptsd from narcissistic abuse. You are really helping me.
This is wonderful. Grief really does open.the door to reality. Whatever fantasy you hang on was keeping you tied into toxic beliefs and toxic people For many it is also the relief that it wasn't you who caused the chaos and realizing how badly you were victimized.
Family and friends mean well when they spot someone that is not good for us? But it is a process that we all have to go through on our own. It’s great to have friends and family to talk to and listen to, but at one point you have to step away from the Talking Heads as I called them to realize what is really going on with you and the relationship you’re in. To be able to hear your voice and your guides and what they are telling you. Obviously, when your family, friends, Therapist tell you someone in your life that you want a relationship with is toxic? At some point you have to really step back from everyone and look into it yourself with your eyes wide open. In the end, the only one that can close the doors, shut down, and walk away from a relationship is you and no one else.
The last "whatever u would like to call it," was a horror show & I had a helluva time getting rid of him, and we didn't live with each other.
When he finally got a clue, and he finally "left, " I was relieved. He tried to get back with me, but it was a no go. I couldn't stand for him to touch me.
I don't think it's grief that I feel. It's just indifference.
I really appreciate your truthful telling of what you might have done wrong as a therapist. Still, I find that sometimes people need to be nudged, because they are so caught in their fantasy. Think you Dr Ramani.
It’s been 2 years. My grief process has been excruciating, but definitely necessary. I don’t think I’ll ever be victim to narcissistic abuse again. As you said, “my body just won’t let me.” I can’t unsee it.
I have tried so hard to explain this grief to others. I’ve been through this radical acceptance with an ex-husband and my narcissistic mother. The narc mother also help me accept why I often attract narcs and why I also entertain them. The grief in accepting that is painful too. ❤
I had to section my adult narcissistic son last week for a psych eval. He's impatient now. Radical acceptance takes on a whole new meaning. 😢
Is he your narc? My daughter is mine. It was her dad, but she makes him seem easy. I wish there were more support for parents. My daughter is 34, and it took some real tragedy to bring me to this heavy grief. I hope your son gets help. My older daughter has, and she turned her BPD around. It turns out three of my children are on the spectrum. I wish I understood that. I wish the best for you and yours.
This video was so heavy, the grief is so heavy. It lingers. It’s in your face, then it hides, but it’s always there. Even after a long period of healing the grief is still present. At first it feels like a boulder, the world is on your shoulders. And then over time it shrinks, smaller and smaller, and becomes a pebble in your pocket. You can go about your days and it doesn’t faze you. But then, one day, you reach in your pocket and you feel that pebble of grief. And like a frying pan to the face suddenly it’s the boulder on your shoulders again. The process repeats and repeats. I don’t know if the pebble ever shrinks to a grain of sand, or becomes so light it’s all but invisible. These relationships leave lasting scars. And like Dr Ramani always says; once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
I found the radical acceptance helped me to stop cycling through the grief cycle
If you are not doing radical acceptance your denial keeps you in a grief cycle but it is usually felt as anger or anxiety
The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance... If you do not do acceptance you go right back to denial, anger... etc. round and round on the merry go round of madness much like the abuse cycles seen in abusive relationships
I cried the whole time listening to this
It was all a facade…. And they knew it. I can’t believe I fell for this… there’s also a lot of shame that comes with it and a process of forgiving yourself
Most painful thing I’ve ever been through, but I learned a lot about myself, how and why he got away with abusing ,m e ,and I am determined, NEVER to let ANYONE treat me like that again ! Such a price to pay to a stronger self !
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I really needed to hear this. The truth hurts so much but I know it’s the only path to my healing and freedom. So, I grieve for many reasons and commit to it for however long this will take.
I was gaslighting myself for being more sad, then relieved over this VERY toxic relationship ending
Thank you so much for this!! Thought I had gone thru this process already (which may have been just one of the first stages I needed to go through for change), but this last round really did a number on me. But I was reaching a level of acceptance I hadn’t experienced before and grief as well, but it didn’t feel as uncontrollable as before. I’m thankful now for the situation that happened recently to bring me to this stage. Praying for courage for next steps
I have been grieving for 8 months post discard (having been married for 33 years). It is incredibly painful but helping me to get clarity and closure.
I needed this today. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
Grief is saying, "If only "
Happened for me a couple of months ago & really couldn't understand why /how I could be grieving after being divorced for a few years
Happy to know it was grief & it had to do with my healing
Great video DrRamini & extremely relevant
Omg Dr Ramani. Thank you so much for this video. I cried when I listened. I'm so grateful for your videos. I couldn't understand why I had so much grief. Thank you!!!❤❤❤
Yep, look at the grieving process; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Thank you, doctor, for the validation
This is so true. It’s sore and sad and it hurts. I miss my mum to talk it through with, I miss her so much and this channel is the next best thing. Good luck and hugs and all the love in the world to you all. ❤
I compare the grieving process to unraveling several knotted chain necklaces. I Thank you Dr. Ramani♡.
Having survived narcissistic abuse from childhood to adulthood and throughout a lifetime, let me just say, this grieving process takes time and patience with yourself. Consider yourself lucky if yours only lasted a couple of years🙏🏼
But once you see the true reality of what dynamic was at play in your relationship, oh, the wonderful wisdom carried forward in life. The red flags and goosebumps are no longer dismissed so easily. The shades of deception no longer are drawn ... we see clearly ...
we see the light✨️♡✨️
Still grieving, I even grieve for their grief at losing me & my little one even though their "unforgivable" dangerous behaviour had me flee. They just have one space, but I had to leave my whole life to begin again. Forgiven, but no longer too stupid to forget. I'm so grateful for the gift of life, yet tears & sadness remain. Forever changed. Love is the prize & my little one just gave me the biggest heartfelt hug for my birthday. Grateful 🙏🏻😢❤⭐️
❤❤Grief is a normal part of any loss! This one is just another loss in our long life of losses! The reality is it never was real and that intensifies the grief! Never can rush anyone in the process because it’s pushing and yes we still or at least myself will push back on pushing!!Grief can sneak up at times when we least expect it! I still get triggered and it’s been since 1991 for the first one!
This is so important; thank you for saying all of this. Having experienced this very thing, it's so much clearer to me now that I'm OK. And everything will be fine.
I'm in that overwhelming sadness and grief stage of healing. Some days I'm great but some days I can't function and I just want to stay in bed all day. I've cried so much! It feels strange because I'm so glad to be away from him after 11 long years but I just feel so sad. I guess it's coming to the realization that none of it was real, the radical acceptance of what it was and WAS NOT. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your teaching helps so much to understand the crazy we've had to deal with.
This is so helpful, about grief and walking into reality. Thank you!
Yes Dr Ramani 💕it’s when you accept it was all toxic and and I was being betrayed for too long!
I am taking my power back which was taken from me. 🙏❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Dr Ramini.
After 20 years of being with a man who slowly took control of my life, finances , freedom, company I kept etc and who had me doing everything for him , I finally about 'coercive relationships'.
I left him, but unknowingly afyer 2 years single l met a man who seemed charming, kind and everything i hadn't felt before. Sadly....he was the reason I finally learned about narcissism.
It's been very difficult as I'd fallen for him , but knew things would never be true but felt utterly broken to be without him.
But im getting stronger each day, I've got myself back and feel free again. Thank you for your video's, they are an amazing form of strength. Xx
I opted for having a career instead of children, but once I had ovarian cancer and was sad about losing my fertility and all those body parts that I loved… my mother said, that They don’t exist so I shouldn’t have any feelings about them. Just celebrated my 17th Cancerversary, still doesn’t matter, the grief remains strong, mother remains clueless.
When our choices are removed, it’s natural to feel grief. I’m sorry your choices were taken away. Of course your body parts matter! They always will….. Your mother is cruel with her comments. I hope your health is restored and your heart is healing. And, I hope you surround yourself with caring friends that hold compassion for your loss.
We don't understand till we understand
It's a peaceful, purposeful grief.
Finally got through the grieving process. This video meant so much to me. It all makes sense now why I grieved even though I didn't feel that i really loved HIM, but I loved the idea of what I thought he represented to me. What I really grieved was my dream of a perfect relationship. I'm much better now and in a good relationship. I'm not forgetting what I've learned, though. Life is a journey with many lessons and I'm going to survive it and grow. So are you.
you describe so perfectly what im going through at the moment. im so looking forward to your book!
Thank you Dr Ramani ,I am still grieving after my 2and half year relationship 🫠
REAL healing!
The grief resulting from radical acceptance is horrendous and overwhelming, but it is the only way to healing and ultimately truly living, loving, and thriving.
I JUST thought to myself a little over a week ago "I feel like healing is a series of grief, loss and realizations". Dr. Ramini you are truly a breath of fresh air. You have been a true inspiration and guiding force in my healing. I do the work I need to do to rebuild and thrive, and it's so nice to have such great resources along the way. Thank you so much.
Dr. Ramani, this hit me particularly hard. So many of the things in a narcissistic relationship are so similar to being in a relationship with a closeted gay man. Is there a relationship between the two?
I spent 18 years with a man, never knowing until later (he never had the guts to tell me) that he was gay. I recall the gaslighting, the lies, so many things over the years that made me question myself and everything I knew. The grief has been so overwhelming at times in spite of it being over 20 years. Thank you.
The differences in narcissist types is what confuses people a lot I think to understand who they're really dealing with because there's some much worse than others. But if they get to this point like I did. The realization of reality and illusion , grasping that was the most hurtful , and that falls within myself of my own questions and choices in life. A reality check with in ourselves.( Self) and to understand that in fact it is a game, nothing was true, living a lie.. it's a reality that you have just wasted that time for absolutely nothing, the ups and downs the erratic emotions that nightmare we put ourselves through for someone's pleasure to enjoy our pain. I remember the day like yesterday and was 3 years ago. I never knew about narcissistic people. But answered my life long questions about my mother as well. They were different types of Narcissists. Both evil but different ways. Even after years of every emotional pain that exists, I still made it through and today I am grateful to understand, to get it and now protect my children and myself for the rest of the days I live
After many a video, after 27 years of in and out dancing with my narcissist, my eyes opened up today, and reality feels overwhelming, I can barely breath in this moment!
Thanks again Dr. Ramani for an excellent reminder that processing grief and recognizing it’s many different presentations helps immeasurably on our journey back to our authentic selves, stronger and wiser. The road seems riddled with potholes of grief and loss, but like rainbows after rain, our hearts learn to smile again and find healing after pain! Hope springs Eternal! ❤Thanks again as always!
Even worse grief I think is ambiguous grief. Like my daughter has been made into a flying monkey against me (her own mother) by narc mother in law. I grieve over losing my daughter while she is still alive.
Dr Ramani, just when I thought I couldn't love you more... Thank you!!
Hurts like hell to realize I never really had a father, but I am comforted to hear this pain means I am healing. ❤
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. I really needed to hear this message regarding grief. Finally went no contact (at age 64) with my narcissistic mother who sabotaged my relationships with my daughters. I am grieving deeply but I am strong in my resolve. I'm truly grateful for your channel!! 🕊
I am freeing myself from the guilt of not wanting to be grateful for my narcissistic fathers and siblings. I have been forcing myself to do it as I have been told to thrue self development and I completely gaslighted myself. Thank you for helping me on becoming more and more aware
Just ended a 12 years relationship with a narc 😭😭😭I feel like I am dying, the only person is helping me out are you Doctor, thank you 😭😭😭😭
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I have just recognized that Feeling grief and accepting this feeling is a very important process to go in the next stage, Thanks to myself for not losing this precious feeling going through all those monsters. This feeling, and the ability to feel this is very crucial, maybe more than I know right here.
Thank you Dr Ramani. This is where I am in therapy dealing with the grief of “loss” of my narcissistic mother who is still alive but now I see her for what she is and the hurt she caused me I am now in grieving for the loss of the love that I needed from my mum but never got. Your videos alongside therapy are a true sense of relief and understanding. Thank you
My husband had to be hospitalized and bed ridden for a significant time during middle school when he grew probably more than 4". He made it to 6'5" but will always remember his trial.
My existence served my mother's deep-seated need to be worshipped and obeyed; her insecurities were my responsibility and she only equated love with control. It's been a lonely and long road, but i regained myself 🥰
Thank you Dr. Ramani.
The way you presented grief is beautiful.
Thank you for your ZEAL!
- Healing growing pains:
“Ow!”
“I’m feeling better”
“Ow!”
“I’m feeling better, I’m felling better & better…”
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Grief is what gave me the strength to finally walk away a few months ago. I slowly spent less and less time with him, to where I was able to take a step back and look at the situation. I don’t know how I put it up it for so long. Thanks to you Dr.Ramani, I was able to understand the relationship for what it was and that gave me the strength to leave safely.
Precision in the timing of this~ my Thanks 🙏🏽
I was afraid of the grief, until the narcisst finally crossed my line and I admitted to myself the truth of our relationship. I lived in ignorance and denial for so long that I started losing my true self.
It hasn't been easy, but I would never go back. And I like myself again. I'm still grieving and I will always miss some people who I felt close to at one time, but I'm much happier and healthier in "knowing".
Thank you for this video❤
History is repeating itself from the same abusers abusing the same persons.. nothing's changed for decades