5 social norms I ditched as a neurodivergent
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Social norms are something we tend to adhere to without giving it much thought, but often, these unexamined social norms can rob us of our peace and our authentic self.
In this video I break down 5 social norms that I experimented with letting go of and it turned out - I have never felt lighter or more happy. I'm not suggesting you should ditch these social norms too (unless you want to), but there's probably some social norms that you're following that are draining you of your time, energy and resources.
Consider this your invitation to start letting them go!
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I am in my early 70’s and can tell you that with age you begin to realize that social norms are no longer important
Oh yea that 1980's social norm...2.3 kids, happy wife, happy life.......what an Effing joke....
@Claud1able Maybe that is your experience - I suspect that isn't everyone's experience... As a child I did think that the importance of social norms were debatable and that was because my parents travelled and my siblings and I experienced different cultural norms in various countries. As I've got older I've realised the importance on erring on the side of conservatism in that there are sometimes good reasons for traditions and it's advisable to test the worth of a norm/tradition before ditching it. Often our personal values dictate whether we think a social norm is worth observing.
@@401Blues I think you make a good point. I encouraged my daughters to question social norms and whether those norms would be beneficial or not to their lives. I can't see either of them choosing marriage as an option and one has declared she isn't going to 'breed'. I guess the balance is respecting other people may place different values on social norms whilst not caving in to the pressure to adopt practices or views that may harm ourselves?
@@kristinr5551 Ah, do any of us have it all worked out? I've made mistakes and changed my mind on several important issues. Some people don't have a home to go home to... I thought homelessness was a big issue in the USA? Don't worry, I'll track the blue bassist down and we'll go hunting for clues and discover what happened to the 0.7 of his missing chile! 😏
I'm 54 and have never conformed to social norms. I always knew I never wanted marriage,kids or any part of the production line that is modern life in the west.
"Whatever I'm leaving the house to go to had better be more interesting or valuable than the time that I could spend sitting on my couch with my dog"
AMEN to that!! 100%!!
Why do anything besides sitting on your couch with your dog? Not worth it.
@@doctorberkowitz 🤣🤣🤣🤣
In terms of fashion, I'm in my 60s and I still wear the exact same kinds of clothes that I did when I was 13. Sneakers, faded blue Levi's 501s, t-shirts that say nothing and hoodies. It works, it's always worked and it always will work for me. In other words, I'm blissfully oblivious to fashion.
I dress like this if I can afford to and I love it. I’m younger than 40 and I miss that I used to be like that in my teens. You sound Chill, cool, practical & comfy 🍁
Good for you! It's freedom!😻
It’s because we’re NOT BOOMERS! They have the years messed up. I’m 61. NOT the same generation as my parents. X always dressed strange, rugged, 2nd hand etc, and I still FIT in the same clothes I wore when I was 13
✨🥰✨
T-shirts that say nothing - I like that. I don’t like to be advertising something all the time.
@@ARichardP It's always bugged me to be displaying someone's product or some statement. I also never liked the feeling of the print on my shirts and found it uncomfortable. The only exception was if I picked up a shirt at a really good concert. I could wear that with pride.
I will not wear uncomfortable fabrics or clothes that look good but feel uncomfortable. No way!!
Agreed! Too many clothes today are made with cheap, uncomfortable fabric. I refuse to spend good money on fabrics I can't stand to have next to my skin.
I need natural fabrics... wool, cotton, ramie (nettle), linen (flax), bamboo, etc. No nylon, no acrylic, no polyester. The only exception is that when I DO wear socks, the socks have enough elasticity to stay up, which occasionally comes from elastic instead of just from the knit/crochet pattern. For my normal workday I wear sweats and either a hawaiian shirt or a flannel shirt.
Thank you for sharing!
Clothing hauls 1:15
Hustle over self-care 4:20
Making sleep secondary 6:15
Busy social calendar 7:07
Friendships being forever 9:19
*Hauls, it took me a sec to realize you meant shopping and not hallways full of clothing 😂
@@YourMajesty143 Right, thank you! Corrected. I relied on subtitles
Thank you! I dont do most of them anyway so you saved me 10 mins
@@nataliyakorovkina3716 - No problem, thanks for the giggle! 💕
Thanks
I ditched Christmas. What a relief! The pressures of this holiday drained my soul.
I totally agree about your quitting Christmas..
So much stress and worry..
That's me next 25th of Dec!
I ditched Christmas several years ago, and am thinking Thanksgiving is next.
Me too, several years ago. I ditched all holidays basically. I like to make gifts. But, I don't do much, or haven't due to illness and ADHD and pet illnesses. But, once I get my studio set up, I will make things. Most will be to sell. I'm talking about gifts all year, not just for a holiday.
Me too!!! A healing decision ❤
I shared with a lifelong friend when I realized I was neurodivergent…and I haven’t heard from her since. It shocked me. But I decided to just let that be. I have newer friends I shared this with who have remained close and expressed loving curiosity. Holding on to them.
I would consider that the lifelong friend has simply not had enough life experience to know how to respond to you. I feel your pain. It’s like once I shared with someone that my brother was in the process of dying of a brain tumor and they just seemed visibly repulsed. There was no empathy whatsoever. I am sure that as life goes on, they will gain some better understanding of various situations we all will go through.
Dude, wtf? Her loss, truly!
I’m so sorry. I have had a friend tell me that neurodivergence was fake. Why are people so upset by this?
Seems like you’re really jumping to negative conclusions, I’d hate to have a lifelong friend like you.
I’m so sorry. And I’m glad you found such great friends. I too had a similar experience. My life fell apart, my whole world was undone. I was talking to my closest friend and told her through tears that I wish I could feel just for a day how it would be to be able to just focus and get things done. She scoffed at this and told me it’s not real to not be able to focus and that I could do what I needed if I cared more. This hurt. I knew from that second that I had to let go of that friendship.
I had a falling out with a group of three other female friends about 7 years ago. In retrospect, it wasn’t a healthy group, but I took it hard. Went back to therapy to sort through it. I just felt a lot of shame.
Then I met a new group of three other women. They’re all supportive, non-judgmental, fun, chill, and interesting. We’ve gotten really close over the last 6 years or so. Unsurprisingly, one at a time, all four of us have been diagnosed as neurodivergent as adults, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. 😂
I know how hard that can be. But I’m glad you found your peeps!
That makes me feel better. Maybe I just need to find neuroivergent people
Great...
Where did you meet them?
That's awesome!
Social events are annoying because I not only lose that day or evening but I lose the next day when I feel totally hungover from the energy it takes. So I lose two days that could have been used working towards my goals and interests. I've never found it is really all that worth it.
I feel this so much!!!!!!!
I relate to this. As you say you lose not only the day, but for me I can feel anxious the day or days before (depending on how big the event is), I can't relax really until it's over, and then I tend to need a day to adjust after it.
Is the juice worth the squeeze? That’s what I ask now. All I had to do was drop the rope as I was the cruise director. Whoa….game changer.
I'm GenX, and the most important thing I've learned from my millennial/GenX kids is the joy of cancelling plans or being cancelled on.
I've never done heroine, but I feel like the euphoria would be similar.😂
I worked for years to keep a friendship with a family member, which was very toxic for me. So this year I walked away from continuing to try to have a relationship. Today I am so much better off
I kicked a social norm in my twenties. I stopped the annual torture of Christmas cards. Keeping a list. Worrying if I was forgetting someone. Agonizing over someone on the list that I don't really interact with anymore. Choosing an appropriate card that is "nice enough." Sitting still and addressing them all.
Me too. I wish I could do that but I can’t
@@michaelbuelow9275 me too!!! Luckily everyone else also stopped, so I don’t feel guilty! If the odd person sends me one, I will send them one back, but that’s IT.
I think millennials got rid of any cards, nightclubs ect.
Xmas cards for me I still desire to do because it i sthe one time when I like to reach out with some message of kindness and connection. I am very isolated and all my friends and family are scattered. NO one sends me any cards though. I know when I die, no one will show up to the funeral there probably won't be a funeral actually and all my stuff will go to the thrift store. I have no kids... It sucks though, having to "hustle" to stay connected... Very depressing.
@@outoftheforest7652 If Christmas cards makes you feel some connection, by all means continue. If you want some suggestions for filling the void, let me know.
I quit wearing makeup and I feel so much better!
This middle aged male prefers women without makeup. (Fun fact: Originally make up was for movie stars and street ladies)
@@GaryCameron780 Thankyou! And LOL!
I’m also middle aged and have had to work way too hard to conform to societal norms all my life. I recently learned I’m AuDHD and realized that makeup feels like a (or another) mask. I’m ditching the masks and giving myself space to be authentic.
@@freezo244 I feel for you ❤️ I found it scary at first, worrying about what ‘they’ would think and say. In the end, it was not much of an issue. It’s my face and my choice and I just feel better without ‘stuff’ on my face 🤷🏼♀️
@@majonkie I was my mother’s go-to person until her passing six months ago (at 100 yo!). She lived in an upscale adult community, and she always told me, “You look so pretty today” when she could tell I had on makeup. She never said this when I didn’t have it on. Also, “Your makeup looks really good” or straight up, “You look so pretty with makeup on.” 🫤 My adult daughter *hated* it when she’d say that to me, and she would assure me I’m cute without it. But I never felt I could go see my mom without makeup and nicer-than-jeans clothing. Unfort, this did keep me from visiting her as often as I otherwise would have. Now that I think about it, not wearing makeup has become easier since her passing (love you, mom!). I think I’ll stick with that. Thank you for listening lol
@@GaryCameron780 fun fact: originally makeup was worn in Egypt thousands of years ago by men and women, for spiritual and practical reasons
and sorry to burst your bubble, but probably what you think is no makeup is actually... makeup
I was diagnosed with autism and adhd last year. I'm currently 48. It was a huge relief because I feel like I found the missing piece of myself I've been searching for my whole life. My social maturity is all over the place. If I'm at work or someone brings up an interest, I will talk your ear off. If I'm somewhere new, in a crowd, or overwhelmed the selective mutism comes out. Over the years, I reached a point where I told myself it is not my responsibility to break an awkward silence. If I don't feel like talking, I won't and that is OK. I won't chase friendships. I let them form and end organically. If i have a gut feeling about someone i listen to it. I struggle to read people but that gut feeling has never been wrong. The only person I need is myself. Once I learned that I haven't felt lonely since. I'm agoraphobia so I don't like leaving my comfort zones. When I do, I try to go with someone I trust because it eases my anxiety. I also make sure I have me time to rest after those outings. If I got to go alone, I have some earplugs on my Keychain, or I wear my noise canceling headphones. Those headphones have been one of the best investments I've made in a long time. I have very sensitive hearing, and in noisy environments it's like I'm deaf because my brain tries processing every sound. People who talk negatively when I'm around never even realize I hear every word as if they said it right to me. If I don't want to do something, I won't do it. Any pressure just causes me to dig my heels in and mountains will move before I change my mind.
As for clothes I don't care about fashion. I like comfortable and practical. If the fit of something is off, or I don't like the material I won't wear it. I try to buy shirts without tags, but if they have them I always cut them off. When I find something comfortable, I will usually buy it in bulk. I much prefer just reaching in the drawer to get the next shirt and not wasting energy wondering if something matches. I like the color gray, so almost everything I own is gray. I hate suits. They don't fit right and are not comfortable. I hate dress shoes and I'll usually buy work shoes that are common for doctors or service staff. I actually prefer wearing reinforced toe workboots most of the time. They are required for my job, and I find them more comfortable than tennis shoes. I also never leave the house without a hat. My brother turned me on to flat caps for times when baseball hats aren't acceptable.
I'm at a point in my life where I don't care much what people think of me. I try to say what needs to be said and don't care if people feel offended. I don't like lying or liars. I try to be a good person, but I'll be a monster if i have to. My sense of humor is described as outlandish. When people don't get it I tell them it's to amuse me, not them. My family and friends accept me for who I am. I won't waste energy on those that don't like me or think I'm a creep. Life is too short to worry about what other people think.
Hi there.I am so curious how you handle Agoraphobia as I got it during the Pandemic well 4 yrs now.Hoq do yiu treat it or work w it?
Thanks.😮
I’m having a MASSIVELY DIFFICULT time trying to release myself from the BIG IMPORTANT CAREER= self-worth. My wife works and we have enough money and I do lots to contribute to our life….but as a male with a couple degrees and always being pushed to achieve, I simply cannot get over guilt of “underperforming” in life.
I can relate 😕 sorry to hear, that you struggle with that!
I also find it hard to detach myself from my expectation „now you have 3 degrees so you better earn at least xyz…“ - it’s hard to accept that the effort and years for those degrees might have been somewhat worthless when I‘m no longer staying in my field etc.
I only JUST got over that pressure, and am so so happy with having demoted.
I had to leave a well paid, working lots of hours, because of arthritis.
I work in a worse paid job and only 3 days a week. I feel better, but the trade off is I've built up dome debts, desperately trying to clear them, it'll happen. It's a big adjustment though.
@@TheWhiteermine Ahh, the dreaded sunk cost fallacy.
When I changed careers, the people who had previously spoken with with me because my career was 'interesting' and 'exciting ' and 'glamorous ' moved off so quickly when I explained the new career which was an EMT....I was still the same person ...my job did not define me.....they really helped me see this....the problem was theirs!!
We are not consumers. We are are guardians of the galaxy. We just need to find our wings.
I know a number of people who seem to think that having a busy social calendar is all important. I find it exhausting. I used to feel guilty or even ashamed if I didn’t go out all the time. Less so now. It’s just hustling for worthiness.
Maybe it's more a modern US thing, or maybe I'm just not consuming the same social media, but I didn't know that the concept of buying a large clothing haul every season was considered a social norm 😮
It’s a thing. Women go out, buy bags of new clothes, model it in a video. My niece in law does this. She also does Trader Joe’s hauls 😶
@@freezo244Trader Joe's hauls too?? I'm 39 and was raised in the US, and I'm so curious to know if my complete lack of awareness of these trends is an age thing, a living-abroad thing, both or neither. At any rate, I'm so confused - it would never occur to me to go grocery shopping and post it on the internet. And a shopping spree every season? How do people pay for this? Again, fully confused.
@@Tulpen23 😅 I’m with you, but then I don’t use social media except for yt. I don’t think TJ hauls are common, but I had to hand it to her for coming up with it, I guess. My mom was the one who watched it. She said she had two bags full of groceries, took each item out and talked about her recommendations for using it. Thing is, she doesn’t even cook. Second wife to my nephew, mid-40’s, she flawlessly dresses and grooms herself for her lengthy FB and Insta posts, and between them they have 5 kids and plenty of money. I thought the grocery haul was a nice twist on her usual clothing hauls, which my mother also watched, both fascinated and horrified. I try not to judge, but it’s challenging. Hope that helps!
Right? How do people even afford that? Financially, but also all that time spent shopping, and presumably sorting out the old stuff to sell/donate. I had no idea it was a thing.
@@YourFriendTomFromMyspace MySpace. Those were good times. Lol.
I feel like I’m always the one that has to reach out in order to keep friendships going. It’s exhausting. And why can’t they reach out? Why does it always have to be me reaching out or it’s crickets? 🦗
I’m not doing it anymore.
I guess the big question is how do you actually feel when you are around them? They might not be reaching out to you for reasons you are unaware of. I'll give you an example: I had a small group of friends, three of us, and one of those friends was always the one to make the call for our monthly/bi-monthly get-together. For me, it would always get to the point where I would think, I need to call them. I need to call them. I need to call them. And I just wouldn't get to it. And then my friend, sure enough, would call and I would feel so bad for not having initiated again. However, behind the scenes, I was dealing with some crushing fatigue, and I mean extreme. I didn't tell my two friends about that, other than I was dealing with some fatigue, but not the extent of it. Why? Because both those ladies were super duper high achievers and I just wasn't comfortable sharing that with them.
My point is, if these are people you feel good around, and you value the friendship, it might not be a bad idea to just sit down and ask if there's something going on.
Don't be afraid to be alone. You make space for new people! Be brave, better people are on their way.😘
@@user-ry1vi1jc7o That’s a really good point. Thank you. ❤️
@@feliciaschoenfeld5177 Thank you! ❤️
THIS ^^^^^^ I am always having to carry the water of all my friendships. Calling, writing letters, making plans... NO ONE initiates anything. I have few friends anymore that even live nearby. So you would htink that even calling once in a while would be something they would do. I am so invisible. I love writing letters but I guess I am the "toxic" person everyone else dumped or something..
I used to always feel like a failure because I never had that childhood friend that stuck around like a sister. Unfortunately, I have had a lot of 'friends' that fell off the face of the earth or showed their true character of being just horrible, so then I felt abandoned on top of it. Now looking back, I just want to give myself a hug. Knowing where I am now, I didn't need them in my life to be a success, and honestly, I am so much better off with not having to 'keep up' the friendship and facade. It's freeing.
This felt very relatable 😢 I’m glad we both have moved on and choose ourselves and peace. We’re fine as we are!
I’m growing my gray hair out after dying my hair for 25 years 🎉 Celebrate your authenticity guys!
I went grey early and haven't bothered to colour it. People think I've purposely had my hair streaked grey and they think it's cool which amuses me as I didn't realise it was a fashion. I'm just thankful I've not gone bald!! 😲
Letting go of East coast norms when I moved to the west coast took me 15 years. It took another 10 years to kick dirt over the Gen X pressure. I’m so much happier now!! Thanks for the reminder to think about the why and act on it.
Been living on the USA east coast for over 20 years now, but I feel like I'd probably fit in better on the west coast, but from what I hear, living there is very expensive and only getting more so
Do you mind if I ask for an example of what an east coast norm might be? I’ve lived in the upstate Ny and Massachusetts area most of my life, with a little Texas in between. But I wonder what an east versus west coast norm might be. Sorry if that’s a stupid question, thanks in advance for your time :)
@@Emiliapocalypse this is just my take and I'm not sure if it's really unique to the East Coast vs most of the USA, but here we go🙃. The east coast just seems to have a more puritanical vibe to it compared to more freedom of expression in the west. Anything that's remotely "new-age spiritual" is viewed as woowoo.
People don't dress up much and dress in a more casual or conservative way. I remember my mom saying she felt out of place among the other moms in my class, because she's stylish and dresses in a unique way, whereas the norm here seemed to be frumpy clothes and one-piece bathing suits for women over 30.
Plant based/vegan is more widespread on the west coast, not so much here.
Also east coast people are very obsessed with their sports teams and whatever game is coming up😅
On the subject of clothes, there’s the sensory sensitivities of fabric and itchy labels.
Yes!!!
This! I'm so thankful that I've never had jobs where I had to wear the corporate suit type attire. I cannot stand stiff non-stretchy fabrics. 😝 A long-sleeve buttoned up shirt is like a straight jacket.
Our hospital recently got bought out by a more "corporate" hospital that requires us to wear the scrubs they buy for us (in a certain color) and the only choices they gave us are made out of polyester and rayon... so plastic, basically... a material I would never buy for myself. Everyone who knows me knows that I DESPISE polyester and all un-natural, man-made fabrics. One of the workers understood my problem, especially after I quietly told him I have ADHD (and probably undiagnosed autism), so he asked the lady if there was any other scrubs they could order from that had more natural content and she replied with a firm no. Up went my anxiety!
Then the other lady chimed in about how their scrubs are breathable and moisture wicking, blah, blah... 🙄 I just kept shaking my head and saying, "No, no they're not, they're not to me." I was getting more and more upset at the prospect of having to wear unbreathable plastic, and I just burst into tears and blurted out, "I have ADHD and I can NOT stand the feel of this fabric... I guess I'm going to have to look for another job." The first lady completely changed her tone, softened her face, and seemed to understand and said, "we'll find something for you, we'll find something..."
I don't know if maybe she had a grandchild with ADHD or what, but I felt so relieved yet so stupid at the same time!! I was so embarrassed and kept apologizing. I hate feeling like they are probably thinking, "oh, she's special, and we have to cater to her problems." Ugh! I just hate having these STUPID, meaningless corporate BS things forced upon people! It's like they're taking our individuality away and making us _conform._ Does this make me a better worker or care for my patients more? NO, IT DOES NOT. JUST STOP IT ALREADY!
No kidding! I've been cutting labels out of my clothing for years. I can't concentrate at all when some part of my clothing is irritating me.
@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane: I can totally relate to your feeling. We are not jelly they can put in a mould. I would have the same reaction. And the crying is because it is unfair and you feel powerless to their stupid mindless rules. Sending comforting energy your way.
I promise you, maturity is not a product of neuro divergence. So many people have made home a happy nest, sworn off horrible fabrics, and prioritized their good health and inner peace.
@@gaillewis5472 That is very true! And it's so important for everyone to get to that stage where we trim away the aspects of our lives that aren't serving us, and especially that we stop paying any mind to "fashion" and what we imagine others will think! So true! However, people here are talking about the neurodivergent aspects. I am unable to concentrate when a clothing item is irritating me, and the amount of irritation is often something neurotypical people don't even feel--or if they do feel it, they are able to tune it out. The difference with us (in my case it's ADHD) is that we can't tune it out. I'm reminded of the fairy tale "The Princess and the Pea." Only of course we are ordinary people, not "of the blood royale." 😆
Very certain that wasn't what she was saying.
Maturity is however touted against the neurodivergent on everything that they are not doing "Right".
1. Dress wear-social wear clothing not on par.
2. House / home is not spotless- seems One doesnt care or better yet One is mentally unstable. 😂
3. Dress for success, Wear age appropriate clothes.
4. What should be displayed in house, on the house, around house, on One's self, how One speaks, gestures, works, plays, interacts with other Ones on standards One can not achieve at Other's pace but One must achieve to arrive at maturity.
It is not said nor implied that due to the absence of your above mentioned " things or behaviours" excludes you but rather because we are held to a different standard and would be allowed to deviate from that standard without the accusation of being immature.
One now realises One can choose and the freedom of thought and physicality is amazing❤
@@tawjeparker7203 Fair point. I forgot that I don't care about that stuff 🤣
9:42 this made my head spin so hard I'm almost nauseous, just this week I decided to stop working so hard to maintain a friendship that's honestly not good for me anymore, and hearing this only increased the relief that came with letting go of this weird and taxing relationship.
Glad you reached that point!🤩
Caren this totally resonated with me. I’d also add not watching reality TV, ditching the need to have makeup on all the time and being happy doing what feels good rather than what other people my age are doing - specifically going to tea dances - which my hobby and I love but feels like it’s just for really old people 😅 😅
I burnt out big time from my prior workplace. I’m at a much healthier company now but still have to be reminded that I don’t need to work myself to death.
Friendships are not forever as most things are not. Sadly it takes a lot of life experience to finally figure that out.
❤
Absolutely spot on… being around others at “social” events drain me… and I’m often asked what’s wrong with me? Answer: absolutely nothing. It’s ok in small doses, but it’s not normal behaviour for me. Thanks so much for this video which shows being neurodivergent has its own rules and it’s ok. 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
I agree so much. I don’t have ADHD, but the truth is, that sometimes or most of the time, I simply do not care about social norms. Such as the ones that you cited.
Tom Sisson
You've hit on so many pertient points that relate to my ife. All my life I've felt guilty for needing more sleep than *normal people*. I no longer apologize for that. It is THE #1 most critical thing for my health. I also ended a couple friendships when I relaized it is OK and you owe only yourself that kind of allegience and I don't need as many relationships now that I'm older. I used to AGONIZE saying no to socail invitations. hahah well that has changedx dramatically. I never figured this stuff out when I was younger because I was obsessed with perfection, attention and validation from my job and others, running 24/7 on adrenalin. I'm happy I made this far and finally enjoy parts of life.
Yes, it's been such a relief for me to let go of guilt for the fact that I need more sleep! Although my sleep schedule is still messed up and fluctuates constantly, I'm not sure it's even worth trying to fix it anymore
Same, regarding sleep. Now that I am not working, I find that I really have to pay attention and set reminders for myself to take breaks, and I'm trying to remember to even let myself take a nap, but that rarely happens. I'm still as an engine running on high in neutral, as I feel I always have to better myself intellectually, so there's always a lot of information gathering that I do rather compulsively. Some recent fatigue is a big motivator for me to allow myself to rest. But it's a challenge still.
This goes along with what you said in another video - measuring your life against who's scorecard? That and this video really made a big impact on me
Yes, that's right. ❤ I, too, have to stop overworking myself and stop doing household chores before bed. And I still have to let go of friendships that no longer resonate with who I am now. Stop fighting for something that consumes my energy and others don't appreciate it.😔
Most of these examples start with a gut feeling of just not fitting well. As soon as any motivation seems basically driven by fear, threat or coercion it'll mostly drain more energy than it's worth, especially in the long run. And many of them are indeed far less "mandatory" than generally assumed. Great vid, thanks for posting!
I have this rule (norm) for myself: if I say I Must, it's not okay. If I can rephrase to I Want To, it's good.
I moved from Toronto, but kept the same phone. A Lot of my “friends” immediately lost interest. Oh well.
I still rock!🌬️🕊️
This is so real! When I stopped taking dance classes, all the "friends" I had there forgot about me? I never changed my number?? It's already taxing to keep friends while being neurodivergent, why should I have to chase after people to maintain a friendship alive when the other side is clearly not as interested?? No sir, it's their loss, we still rock 💅🏻✨
A lot of friendships are activity-based - around a shared hobby or interest but don’t endure beyond that. It’s the same for most people but can be very disappointing indeed.
Well, long distance relationships are difficult, especially if social media is not your thing (I find social media a bit pointless). Sorry, but I’d probably lose interest as well if a friend moved away. Common interests and activities are what keep a friendship together, IMO, and distance makes it so tough. Don’t feel badly. I’m sure you rock. Find new friends. That’s exciting!
Awesome observations! I have moved a lot and have had lingering sadness surrounding friends that I used to be close to and feeling like I need to reach out to them. Also more recent friends who seem to have moved on to different interests. I LOVE this idea of just gently letting go - no blaming of myself or them - which keeps me open in the here and now. I don’t want to live totally adrift with a sense of detachment either so this is a topic definitely to think about. How much can I give to others and how much I need to care for myself first.
You absolutely nailed it on the topic of fashion. I'm almost 70 and all my life I was into fashion. Obsessed starting in childhood. I no longer find it a nescessary cognitive load (I will be using this phrase forever now) I'm retired now and so obviously my focus have shifted from professional wear to casual. It's so much more fun to wear what is comfortable and flattering rather than what you *must* wear. (Thanks for the flashback to working at Liberty House and Frederick and Nelson; no pants and always stockings no matter what... arrrgghhh the things we've put ourselves through!I've also come to terealize that NO ONE CARES what you wear so that has helped release my angst LOL
I was in 8th grade and remember wearing pantyhose (LEGGS! LOL) and I had frelling 5 inch heels. All girls had these spike heels.. I wear dumpy KEENS no heel at all!!
well maybe 3 inch heels! LOL
I buy always second hand. So I can change and combine as ever I want without damaging domestic production and the environment. I search good quality and can wear nice things I could not afford otherwise. NO CHEAP PLASTIC CRAP 👍
Lots of food for thought here. I decided not to take fashion seriously because I have pictures of myself in the 70s and 80s. It was ridiculous! Plus, I need to be comfortable first and foremost.
I need lots of alone time just in order to be able to function.
I love the idea of allowing myself to gently let go of relationships that I have out grown. Does that include family?! I feel so much obligation in my life. It’s very draining sometimes.
Right there with you.
I'm done with career climber/ hustle culture/maximum productivity mode.
Done with an unbalanced calendar - if there is an event I DO want to commit to, then I make sure it is balanced with an empty day.
Done with shame for messy house and for resting when there is more to be done (newsflash - there is ALWAYS something to be done).
Just lusting for STUFF is such a waste of thoughts
Regarding seasons, friends and fashion, the nice thing about aging is not giving a f*#k about things that are not really important. Regarding sleep - spot on! I will give up a lot for a proper night’s sleep.
The friend segment truly resonates.
I totally agree with everything you mentioned. Growing up in an socially isolated family here in Germany and being a nerdy introvert, with many technical hobbies, I had been socialized late in life. This had the huge advantage that I questioned the social norm and skipped all the wasteful traditional nonsense, which is pretty much all you mentioned. The beauty of that is that if you don't feel the urge to play a certain role in public life, you can live totally focused on the things that matter to you and your loved ones. Of course I also value harmony with everyone around me, but even a person who loves to please friends and people in the work environment, get stuff done but also make them laugh and create an enjoyable environment, there are limits to how much of a credit I am willing to give at the start. I also don't need to be everybody's darling or a social butterfly, that would be highly unauthentic.
Due to social media, so many people think that they have to display a certain lifestyle that they might not even enjoy deep inside but they do it because they believe they have to. They waste lots of human, financial and time resources just to be not happy and fulfilled because the have not been in touch with their own soul, and seem to have to learn this basic connection you need for your inner balance. Be the best of yourself but in your own way, be loving, sweet, helpful, passionate, creative, powerful and find out what you want and what truly makes you happy and not what impresses others!
Im currently adopting a minimalist lifestyle and adapting my mi dset to think that way. In the summer, i have a handful of comfortable shorts and a handful of basic tshirts. In the winter i have a couple pairs of pants and flannel shirts i wear out. At home its PJs and a tshirt. My kids dont have too many clothes either. Enough, but not too many. I make meals that cover nutritional needs, i mealplan, i meal prep. Its so much better to just be prepared. Dont waste money. We ADHD'rs are prone to impulse shopping. All of these things have helped me.
We are living breathing beings not corporate robots. But Global corporations treat people like products & like fast-fashion, once out of date, we are discarded. Now our high-tech mechanized society, driven by only competition, greed & supremacy has begun to collapse because it is delusional. The world is undergoing a collective shift away from artificial-toxic superficiality that has caused our poisonous destruction. Artificial corporate 'one size fits all' extremism & hyper-productivity & endless obsessive consumerism has traumatized most of humanity, especially highly-sensitive neurodivergent & vulnerable people. Humanity is now collectively seeking a much deeper truth, letting go of toxic artificial appearance & avoiding addictive social events & refusing harmful over-productivity at work. We now seek alternatives to survive & are discovering our own personal uniqueness & have begun to create healthier empathetic safe & free lifestyles outside of corporate cults. We are letting go of poisonous make-up, artificial food & chemical environments because they are anti-life. Humanity is calling out to heal & recover from our poisonous artificial delusions & rediscover our natural organic life force. What do we actually need, what does our body & heart tell us, what does our life mean? We all need to start consciously living in reality, knowing first & foremost we exist amongst 6 billion humans on a planet of trillions of life forms. And human beings are not products to be groomed into buying & selling products that become obsolete every few months, polluting the world. We are not consumers. We are are guardians of the galaxy. We just need to find our wings.
So relatable. In my 20s, I pushed myself to go out with people my age and attend events I really didn't want to go to. I was full of "I should be doing this" but felt happiest when I was on my own, at home with my dog, engaged in some creative solitary activity such as art, writing or music. The older I got, the less I cared what other people thought of me and felt less pressure to be out and about, enduring the 'You're a hermit!' remarks. Regarding sleep? I ignore people proudly declaring they only got 4 hours of sleep last night. I need at least 8 or I am a zombie the next day. Also, I ditched those evil high heels long ago and I'm perfectly happy being 5'3" even though this culture considers that short. Nothing wrong with that.
yes. contact-and-dialog awareness drains you out very fast. i hate it. when turn everything off for 15 minutes even your work won't fall apart.
I'm in this same spot, trying to figure out what works and what I need to let go of. Your story is so similar to mine which is a breath of fresh air as I don't feel completely alone on this little strange island. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 40"s, I'm now 54, and having a hell of a time with menopause and the hormone issues that seem to exacerbate my ADHD brain. I'm working on allowing surface level friendships go, even though these are my "besties" from childhood. I now see these close relationships are one sided and that I have always been the nurturer and the one to take care of everyone else and keep things together. I'm completely exhausted and feel emotionally depleted at this time. As anyone who has the combo of ADHD and hormone issues can tell you, life is rough. I love your content and you are incredibly on point for what's going on in my life which has been very helpful. I wish you all the best!
Aw, thank you for saying that. And I know what you mean - ADHD and menopause is brutal!
I totally agree. I just roll with whatever today brings now.
Hi Caren. Thank for the video. I'm not American and looking from the outside it looks to me like an American problem with the wardrobes! In have 40 year old clothes I still wear. I too don't like small talk, I want something deeper. I'm a bit older and only recently diagnosed with ADHD after I had a massive burnout. However, in my recovery, I have realized that the ADHD may actually be a childhood trauma issue. As a child I had an unstable mother and a father that didn't know how to handle her. So I now believe that my ADHD was the hyper vigilance I needed to have to survive or stay safe as a child. Constantly looking at others to gauge the situation to feel safe or later on life, to fit in. My ADHD has given me a huge drive to achieve , which I have done, but at the cost of love and self compassion for myself. Love the friendship story. I have too tried so hard to keep friendships going, however now I realize that it probably is the rescuer in me that was working. (The little child trying to be safe and comply). Love to chat more on this.
All of this resonates. I’ve been trending toward minimalism, functionality, and focusing on making the most of everything I have rather than the “always wanting more” mentality. I welcome “more” only when it’s more of the right things - more functionality, peace, alignment, etc.
Clothing: not only no-time, but waste of money and there are already too much clothing on the planet.
I feel the same way about all of this! I wonder though,is this neurodivergence or just normal? Social norms are a construct. The pressure to do all these things that give and gave us anxiety and misery is what we were taught to do. I am not sure anybody is that happy doing them,but they go along. It’s such a relief to hear you and read people’s comments!!!
I think its healthy maturity, I don't see what is neurodivergent about any of these choices
Opinion: In the main, older and wiser. As a retired boomer I'd say you're doing great!
Thank you 🙏
Thank you for this. I'm in my 50's as well, and I've happily ditched those same "norms" over the recent few years. It's made such a drastic difference. It's made the second-half of my life so much more lovely and peaceful. 🙏🕊🦋
Thank you for taking the time to make these videos. Just nice to hear and see what I have dealt with and felt for countless years isn't me being a shitty human being. Having been diagnosed last year was such a omg moment.
Caren, In the 'Kibbe Body Type' system, you are 'Flamboyant Natural'.
This means you rock a looser/ relaxed style if clothing.
Not everyone looks smart like this.
BUT I AGREE with all your ideas.
Sleep is absolutely critical to people with ADHD. My medication is completely ineffective if I have had a 💩 sleep.
In today’s reality everyone needs to realize that a lot of “social norms” are actually manipulations implemented by the fashion industry.
When I got super honest with myself I cleaned HOUSE. I had a few people that I had completely grown apart from that had completely different values. Yeah I am glad I don’t waste any time on anything or anyone that doesn’t feel like it’s a great fit. I just don’t have that much time and I value myself a lot more. Thank you! And oh! I sent in my passport renewal after getting inspired by that video too :). Next is the international passport. Thanks for your videos, they’re great and help spur me to action 😁
Yay!!!! I’m so glad!!!!!
I wear the same two comfy dresses every time I leave the house. I find it simple and comforting. It takes me 5 mins to get ready to leave the house. Put dress on, go to the bathroom, brush hair (no products or styling, just a quick brush), brush teeth, shoes, leave house. I work from home, so am in sweats at home, so I haven't worn these dresses out. My friends know I'm weird and I am sure some other people do too, but since I am not working in public, who cares.
All of us need to stop thinking we are special. Ditch away. So what. And if someone can’t handle what you’re doing then maybe we should have compassion for their ‘neurodivergence’. Everyone is special ❤
Yes! Don’t care about fashion trends at all. Because of ADHD I largely forget what’s in my wardrobe reserve so it feels new when I grab it out.
Elasticated waistbands all the way. Much more comfortable and no chance I’ll forget to zip it up 😅
In my 20s and 30s I pushed myself socially (turned out I was masking hard) and looked down on people with “simple
Lives” but from my 40s onwards I’m simplifying everything
I have no kids and barely any friends and I am an only child. I have over the last few years worked tirelessly to downsize. I have a ton of family papers and things that I am trying to distribute and I am trying to get my possessions down... Mind you I live with someone who has a ton of his own stuff (he used to own a metaphysical shop ) and had two previous breakups and won't let go of a lot of junk. It is frustrating.. I struggle with clutter but I can be organized but I just mentally can't deal with it all. I don't want it to take me more than 5 minutes to get ready. Clothes and basic makeup..... simple!
Because of your ADHD you forget what is in your wardrobe? I'm sorry, but .......Seriously? So do I and - as far as I know anyone with a large wardrobe would do so -- without an ADHD label.
So much validation in this short video! #genxrules ❤ Clothing hauls: I've been giving myself permission to keep what I love, let go of what I don't, and get new things if I want to, but not based on anyone else's ideas of what my fashion statement should be. (I'm 51 and still have a few favorite items that I bought second hand in high school!) I celebrate achieving my goal of wearing glorified pajamas to work. 😊
Social calendar: I'm self-employed, so I have a lot of flexibility to begin with, but when the pandemic restrictions kicked in, it was such a relief to not have to make excuses for staying home in my cozy introvert space. 😂
Friendships: A year ago I ruthlessly deleted 90% of my FB friends list. I figure if I'm not motivated to connect with them and/or they're not making an effort from their side, I don't need to feel guilty about letting that relationship go.
This past weekend I culled some more of my clothes and got rid of a garbage bag full. My mum (who died in 2010!!) had NICE designer clothes but I have put on menopause weight and will never again be able to wear her clothes. I have been keeping them because they were nice pieces! and When I tried consigning them though, they were "not in style" (despite being timeless stuff). I am trying to downsize, (all my things) and this is the 2nd big culling in 10 years. I don't "Shop" but to get replacement things and they are never designer (actually I get black stretch knit staples.. leggings and tops ) from the Dollar General.. *cause I am poor). I look back at all the FANCY NICE expensive clothes I had growing up... and now I am slumming it.. I still look OK, the clothes do hold up relatively well and are COMFORTABLE and I can easily accessorize.
My friend has a Poshmart account and is helping me sell stuff.
Hello my friend! Lola here, your channel is doing so great, so proud of you! I can easily see you thinking that way about friendships. You are a naturally kind, generous, soul and I can see you value everything in how you treat others. What you say is so true because I've struggled with the same. Big hugs to you girl! Miss ya!
Aw, thank you so much Lola! I appreciate you saying that. Hope you had a great bday!!! Xo
The friendship one really resonates right now. A friend of mine won't return calls unless it's in a text and has been really weird. I've been feeling like something is wrong with me and I've been ruminating on what I did wrong, or wondering how the other person has suddenly morphed into a jerk, lol. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom/ insight. It'll help me to let this person/ friendship go with love and peace❤
I enjoy socializing, but not being good at small talk can result in being left out of the conversation for a whole evening, especially if more than 4 people are present. As I got older, I began to regard this as a waste of precious time that I could be using for a treasured hobby or in the company of someone I have rapport with. So, do I miss the beer? Yeah, a little, but that's the way it goes.
This is good advice for Everyone, not just any different group.
I need a coach and, I can probably eventually become one myself. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 60 almost on my birthday June 6th of last summer. Anyway, since then I have began to realize that I am more than likely autistic. So, I am so happy to finally know especially after 39 years on Benzos and seizure meds to help with the SYMPTOMS of ADHD and AUTISM. I have been able to completely quit the seizure meds months ago and I am currently down to 1/2 a benzo a day from 4 in the beginning. 2 mg at that. Anyway, I am trying to learn to rest enough to avoid burnout as much as I get it or...whatever it's called when you have to much stimulation in one day even....I will check out your Coaching classes and will probably subscribe however I am looking for a coach locally. There are not enough yet because they stay booked.
Look into "mom on the spectrum"
I think you did a great job with this. I would note that now that you are married, you have a desire and need to invest in that friendship and not quite as much time or need for other friendships.
Gosh, such earth-shattering revelations about one's life. Whew. You should write a book about how you conquer these adversities.
I so agree with all five; besides, if you keep wearing your clothes long enough they become ‘retro’ Oh, and I love both spending time inside and sleeping, and those are looked down upon by so many people (lazy.) And a lot of my conversation is chatting with people I meet in a coffee shop. Probably won’t see them again, but it works for me. This is a great video, because it reminds me that these things are OK, and I don’t have to perform for other people. Which took me a long time to learn, because I was brought up to be such a people pleaser. 🦋
Wow! We’re almost the same person! I always hated all these norms. I’m a Boomer, and felt so resistant and abused by being raised with these ideas. When Covid came, I actually rejoiced that I could stay home comfortably in my comfortable clothing with only my husband. Now instead of chafing against all these uncomfortable ways of living, I’m comfortably living my life. I too thought it was just because I was growing old, or rather, I embraced growing old and used it as an excuse to live the way I feel happiest.
Caren, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much for being you and putting yourself out here where others can benefit ❤
This is such a helpful video. Thank you so much. I am someone who believes in the "Ascension process" (we're on an evolutionary journey with vibrational shifts happening) and all that you spoke of is so true for me. The part about friendship was really hard at first, but now I have much more peace accepting that friendships sometimes come and go organically and there does not need to be any hard feelings.
We are living breathing beings not corporate robots. But Global corporations treat people like products & like fast-fashion, once out of date, we are discarded. Now our high-tech mechanized society, driven by only competition, greed & supremacy has begun to collapse because it is delusional. The world is undergoing a collective shift away from artificial-toxic superficiality that has caused our poisonous destruction. Artificial corporate 'one size fits all' extremism has traumatized most of humanity, especially highly-sensitive neurodivergent people. Humanity is now collectively seeking a much deeper truth, letting go of toxic artificial appearance, addictive social events & harmful over-productivity. We are seek alternatives, discover our own personal uniqueness & have begun to create healthier empathetic safe & free lifestyles. We are letting go of poisonous make-up, artificial food & chemical environments because they are anti-life. Humanity is calling out to heal & recover from our poisonous artificial delusions & rediscover our natural organic life force. What do we actually need, what does our body & heart tell us, what does our life mean? We all need to start consciously living in reality, knowing first & foremost we exist amongst 6 billion humans on a planet of trillions of life forms. And human beings are not products to be groomed into buying & selling products that become obsolete every few months, polluting the world. We are not consumers. We are are guardians of the galaxy. We just need to find our wings.
My T-shirts never go out of style. 😊
The last is the best - we put so much pressure on friendships. Things change - I do keep a lot of “distant” friends without always trying to rekindle previous closeness. Text is great for that\
Never paid attention to clothing. My strategy is to get things that will last decades. I got some clothes I bought almost 30 years ago. Some of them were downgraded to "workshop" or "garden" clothes, but still not buying stuff just to buy it.
Never liked filling my calendar with social events, couldn't care less.
And I know for a fact (realised it when I was 12yo) that most of friendships are temporary. That doesn't mean I haven't put all my energy into them, but I knew this won't last the lifetime in most cases. Lifetime friends are really rare thing ... and if someone got them ... great. The thing is to find new people to make friends with ....
I have a closet full of clothes, shoes and purses that I don't use or wear and I tend to wear the same couple shirts and pants that I've owned for years on repeat. I get overwhelmed by the abundance and stick to a very narrow selection as a result. Meanwhile, those items sit in my closet unused until I eventually donate or sell them and buy more on my next shopping binge cycle. I honestly don't care about trends or seasonal wardrobes at al until I am in a spend/avoidance cycle. 🤑 I also guard my sleep habits. "Oh, that gig is from 9pm-2am. Sorry, I can't make it. When is the next one from 1pm-5pm? " ( my husband is a musician and hears this all the time.) If something interferes with my normal sleep cycle even on a weekend I decline. I do think someone of them evolve with age at 47 I value keeping an open schedule and being alone in ways I could not appreciate in my 20s.
I'm the SAME WAY ABOUT SLEEP!❤ also the pants thing lol. Yay for working from home! That is definitely some good wisdom about friendship too.
I am with you 100% on the sleep and social calendar norms. This is all great!
I'm in the same position as you, and about the same age. I think it's a combination of the ADHD diagnosis and some realizations, reaching the age of just not giving a f*** anymore, and also Covid teaching us how much silly crap we were doing. During Covid, everyone dropped the social norms, and it was... fine? The world didn't end when we stopped.
Good point!
I was so glad to stop shaking hands and kissing people when coming and going (thank you COVID) Too bad most people are reverting back to those hassles
I have no idea what quality sleep is. Haven't been allowed to even get a semi decent amount of sleep and my schedule is always changing. Of course, I don't even know/understand self-care. I was raised that doing anything for yourself was selfish and you had to spent all your time doing things for others. Let me tell you....that is SO draining, especially when no one appreciates you or cares. I do almost no personal care, and even find the idea of it stressful and full of anxiety.
Maybe you can look at it from a health perspective? Bryan Johnson does the most research how to slow down ageing because lot of the ageing process is not "normal". Its based in our culture: hustle, no sleep, drugs, bad food, no excercise. Good Sleep is his number 1 in his list to slow down ageing. ruclips.net/video/Wk9p3dhMYdk/видео.htmlsi=Bwv4wtPBre-YupWo
this was a great watch, thanks!
I really love this channel (discovered yesterday). I'm not sure the first few here are social norms... I think these are products of place, time, race, privilege, and class. Most people do not buy fast fashion. A lot of people do not get to choose what they wear. Norms are something a very large group take part in, not just a select few of a certain group. The first few really tie into capitalism, free markets and exploitative labor more than anything. A good example of a social norm: shaking hands when you meet or asking "how are you?" These are the unwritten rules for large swaths of society across race and class. These things... these are just white women in the US (including myself) who were raised to think the most important things in life are: don't take up space, look good while doing it, and always be happy.
It seems to me that even worse than some of the standards that were upon my generation, having grown up in the 60s and 70s, are the norms being fed to people now and enforced against their will. I say it that way because when I was growing up people weren't forced to change their mindset under threat of being socially cut off, at least not to the extent it is now.
I would just say be careful that your thoughts are your own. There are a whole lot of things now that somebody somewhere or some group of people somewhere (that have nothing to do with us) have constructed, that we would never have come up with or believed in on our own . And I believe these things make a person more unhappy and oppression-minded.
The question is: what did you do to that poor dog on 0:52 seconds?
This is so relatable! Thank you for sharing this! ❤️
Yeah I worked at Zellers in the 80's too. Dress code: nylons. Broke my leg. Was wearing a sock on the leg without a walking cast. Had my young male supervisor tell me I had to wear nylons. Not sure how he thought I should do that - cut off one leg??? I rolled my eyes at him and ignored.
That is absolutely insane!!!
@@CarenMagill I know, right? Idiot.
I worked at Zellers in the 90s, and we wore regular clothes with a blue smock. So much better than nylons!
Oh wow! I resonate with everything in this video. In recent years, especially after the worldwide fraud in 2020, I’ve been prioritizing alignment over just simply achieving. This includes alignment in my business relationships. I believe these decisions has brought much more fulfillment in my life as a whole.
As far as friendships goes, too many people have an unnecessary feeling of obligation to continue to hold on to friendships and relationships that have simply drifted. There is nothing wrong with moving on from friendships, or even minimizing interactions with people that have different priorities and/or interests. You can still wish someone well and not be a big part of their lives.
The letting go of old friendships that have run their course, was the one tip that will be useful for me, and I appreciate you mentioning that one. I've felt guilty when old friendships started fading, and have tried to keep them alive, but the other person/s haven't bothered to make an effort to keep in touch anyway, so why am I wasting my time with them? ... Luckily I've never had any of those other social norm habits that you mentioned, never felt I needed any of them. But I'm a guy, so I guess we're weird anyway, along with the ADD issue 😀 Thanks for sharing your knowledge on this subject, it's helping me figure this out, after decades of thinking I was just kinda wacko 😄
I gave up on fitting in and ditched all norms when I was 16, decades ago. Later, people who once called me crazy asked me how I did it. What they failed to understand is that I didn't decide to follow the road not taken--I made my own. Being known as an outlier is now my delight.
Love it! I've been alone since 2006 not by choice but the upside of sleep & no buyers remorse living below poverty line. Love not having a car too.
This was a great video, especially the bit about friendships. That's been a particularly sore point for me and your perspective was very releaving. Thanks for sharing!
Did I just see a Mastiff Dog? Now I'm distracted again LOL!
She’s a pug!
This was a very eye opening video. I couldn't relate with any of the points you brought up.
I'm 57, and don't watch TV and am not on IG, Pinterest or FB. I love YT, but am very selective.
Your video did make me feel a little "out of it" though. 😅 (Maybe that's a good thing.)
I have been a homeschool mom for 25 years and do struggle with feeling like I could have done a better job at that. 😏 But my kids all graduated college in 3 and a half years with scholarships and high GPAs, so that makes me feel better -I guess.
When I tell my friends that I think I might have ADD, they all seem supportive or confess that they have struggles too. So either I have wonderful friends or I'm not picking up on the social cues of their disapproval. 😮
Thank you for making your videos. They help me. (I think I'm just a little backwards.🤗)
Thank you ! I feel freer already listening to this . Particularly the friendship and sleep parts. ❤
I agree with the fashion one! I have a hot pink dress I bought when I was in my 20's. I'm almost 47 and I just wore it to a wedding a couple years ago. It's my go to every few years if I want to make a statement. A few statement pieces that last a life time, and the rest comfortable, easy clothes.
Slow down and easy life over hustle culture is so peaceful.
I love my sleep, and always have. I find time for it 100%.
I feel like we had a similar experience socially when we were younger. I make sure I keep my social calendar light. I LOVE a boring life now!
It is always sad when a friendship breaks up, but there are many times people are just a season.
Sometimes we drift apart, and come back together later in life. Sometimes it's just a season. I look back with love on the times we had, and let them live their life's.
Wow you just checked all my boxes - subscribed! Every single thing spoke of and you’re doing I’m doing & in order to explain it to people I started making videos so I don’t have to reexplain to people that have different values.
Before I was diagnosed, I had a psychiatrist who would start every session with, “you having any social life?” It was because of my lack of friends and social anxiety, which, it turns out, is a result of undiagnosed autism. This was back in the 80s, and this same doctor saw me as a kid and documented my autistic traits. It was hard growing up when there was no understanding of neurodivergence.
totally adhere and have already ditched all norms you talked about. fashion, uncomfortable clothes, early flights, i have a super free calendar, and ditched some friends with whom incompatibility was weighing on me.