The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.
Once again you've described behaviours and characteristics of narcissism that I think we've all experienced at some point in the workplace. Thank you for these videos.
There's this annoying behavior I noticed among former coworkers of mine. When someone would start to explain an idea or speak on a topic, these other people would kind of cut you off and say "Yea, yea, yea..." and then hijack the conversation and continue on with a "better" explanation about what you were trying to say. Like they knew what you were on about and it just annoyed them to even have to hear you speak about it in your own words.
I enjoyed listening to your calm outlining of the 10 types. I found the 10th one most eye opening --- the dominating, controlling type who controls through fear and the use of the rules. With this type, we are up against the personality disorder and the regulations themselves -- a one-two punch. I've listed the ten types to visualize and help remember them: 1) The work colleague 2) Toxic negative workplace narcissist (Complainer, Criticizer) 3) Obstinate type , 4) Communal narcissist 5) Center of attention 6) Reluctant to be a team player/an unhealthy competitor 7) The charmer 8) The malignant workplace narcissist (smiles to your face, talks behind your back, treats you like you are invisible, uses innuendo to abuse you to your face) 9) The Know-It-All, enjoys ruining things and 10) The rule-based, fearmonger, dominator. With all types of narcissist, I believe it is of great importance for targets to have a hobby, an artistic project, or other creative endeavor going on in which no one else has any say in what you do, wherein you can create your own narcissist-free oasis, ideally on a daily basis.
These low vibration narchs recharge their batteries during conflicts , negative energy prefered over positive . That's why the goons try to find an Empath , an easy target to provoke .
@@kuangtien3980 Push back, and then go gray rock or no contact as soon as possible. Let's not be fooled by their gibberish. They are the way they are largely because their destructive behavior has no serious consequences. Never give them your best self. If at all possible, get away from them and stay away.
I can agree with a lot of the things you have just mentioned in this video. Because I’ve in countered this myself. I’ve have left jobs in the past and have even cut ties completely with people in my life that I have thought where my friends. I’m not going to lie I’m happier being by myself and enjoying my hobbies on weekends and whenever I can, to me that’s bliss. Thanks you
I'm glad to learn there are kinds of narcissists have not yet met... I wish I would not have met any of them and I hope I will spend the rest of my life without experiencing all the other types!
I've worked in the voluntary sector for over 25 years in belfast and all of my roles I've had to deal with different types of narcissistic behaviour. I've had to leave them all because proving the behaviour to HR was impossible. Tables were always turned on me
Wow, I can relate to this so much and think of specific people but that last one described is truly the worst. I have experienced this one at one of my former workplaces and is the reason why I left. I found this video very validating. Most of us spend a lot of time in workplaces and having to endure this type of abuse is just plain horrible as it destroys people’s careers and can ruin someone’s health! Thank you for explaining these types! 🙏
I find it fascinating how you really seem to know your subject. You either have a lot of experience or do a lot of research because I've met all ten types you mention in this video and you've nailed every one of them. But on another point, you mention Nurse Ratched in the video as an example, perhaps you might like to do an analysis of her in a future video?
This describes so many work place situations I have experienced. I have experienced every kind of these traits from fellow coworkers multiple times. Very very good video!
I had a no. 9 type manager (sadistic and capricious bully) for four long arduous years , and at least two no. 10 type female colleagues (in healthecare). He thankfully quit, and at once the workplace became miraculously more harmonious and agreeable. My sleep and physical health improved, and the two "nurse ratchett"-types currently behave somewhat more civil toward me. Rashes i had on my hands have long since dissapeared..The things i have seen in work life have contributed to a great deal of cognitive dissonance. Ten years ago i completed my studies, and entered the workforce an inocent lamb. How i got through these last ten years i do not know. Yet we all go through it to get by in society, some with more clarity than others. Thankyou for contributing to an important discussion on a taboo topic.
Thankyou Darren for describing such behaviours. Here are some other examples I have come across. 1. I have experienced situations enough to be able to say " Be very careful where you work". Because certain w/place Narcissists will assume control over your personal life with coersively controlling behaviours. Their flying monkeys are on the 24/7 payroll. They know all your movements and assert their authority over your choices of personal activity or the disapproval of what you do outside work. 2. The W/place Narcissist that operates through an industry and connections to destroy your reputation if you leave their company. You wil be punished by trying to break away from the toxic culture. 3. Be careful who is employed to work at a personal property. They may be doing much more than you realise whilst providing assistance on the premises. I could draw on an example of one person sent in to data gather and build a relationship with residents for the Narcissist. Then at the right timing the Narcissist appears to assist preying on those "they" believe are vulnerable to execute their deceptive narrative because the figurehead that exists is naive and vulnerable. 4. A Narcissist employed in a position where they have access to strictly confidential information about you. Using that trusted position and breaching/violating the access of a personal file in an attempt to present themselves as a person of "good" intentions and attempting to manipulate themselves into a personal relationship with you. They will use flying monkeys to infiltrate every area you interact with and interweave smear about you to humiliate you for rejecting them, thinking they are in love and you are a merely a challenge that they can wear down. They will use anybody and have convinced themselves in their delusion that they have done nothing wrong persisting with a "stalking" quality of activity because they believe they have superiority over you. Should the day of accountability come, their removal from the place of employment would be an unbearable disgrace and shame upon them. Narcissists think you think like they do. Its just a game on repeat for them. A very, very erroneous assumption. ⚠️🤔
Bingo. That was my last employer behavior. They had me so stressed 😩 out I didn't know if I was coming or going. I had two stress acttacks at work one found afib issues with my heart ❤. The other stress issue induced a seizure. I worked for employer 25 years and knew what I was doing and understood how the agency was connected to other agencies. I then retired. I do miss my work but I don't miss the management. I do suffer from anxiety issues but iam working on it.
I worked 30 years in the po as a disabled clerked. I experienced harassment, discrimination, physical and mental abuse daily. I was hated. The more I kept to myself the more they hated me. What is wrong with people. The reason the gave me was "I didn't deserve my job".
Understand that those people have weaknesses. They are insecure and their behavior temporarily makes them feel better. I'm wishing you the best! Let acceptance be your ally. Do your research and let every opportunity for you to learn skills negotiating through interactions with such people. That's my advice for anyone dealing with hateful conduct.
My problem with these descriptions is that they also describe everyday people but with the assumption of bad intentions. E.g. some people procrastinate because they have been damaged and struggle to focus (burn out), some people complain a lot because they are exasperated by the problems there, some people like to share a lot because they are talkative or share because they are trying to connect with people by sharing, people that often drop projects or don't complete them might have ADHD and actually work really hard, you might be ignoring/avoiding somebody because they are a narcisist that has damaged you. The NPD needs to involve parasitic/predatory behaviour without any desire to genuinely nurture and contribute as an equal.
Mmm rings a few bells. I struggle to cope with a colleague I think might have narcissistic tendencies. I used to dread being around her. Could be insidiously hurtful. A few techniques really helped the situation though; I try to never show any emotional response with her. I never discuss my private life around her in case I give away any information that she could use to hurt me. I am as concise as possible when I need to communicate. Not rude or cheeky. Flat. Poker faced. I try to simply say no to her whenever possible. Just the word, 'no'. Then the silence does the rest. I definitely sense she knows I can handle her now. She often avoids me and doesn't try to control me anymore. Of late I have noticed one or two others following this approach too. It sounds awful reading back over this but work can be challenging enough without her unprovoked nastiness. Needs must. Seems no matter where you go, there is always 'one'. Hope this helps others.
Narc Cheating goes on with work colleagues. Especially PA's and Secretaries. The Narc treats his work cronie with perks, like time off, nice lunches has her/him dancing to his tune. She is the workplace supply. He covers for her lateness etc. However he does not have anymore feelings for his work supply wife/ husband than his wife/husband sitting raising his children at Home. He uses these people to make his life easier in the work place and boost his/ her ego so he can look better and seem successful. Really they probably hate their jobs too. They probably think they should not have to work at all!
You are 100 % right ✅ They like to make other person feeling failure 😢 work place Narcissist will be the company's worst nightmare 😢 they not there to build but to ruined it yes they abuse their power . Very useful channel 👍 and Thank you 🎉❤ God bless you 🙏🏻 ❤🧚♂️❣💥🎉💫
Six months into a new job, a toxic narcissist was apparent from day 1. By day 3 she was already crossing boundaries, interrupting my conversations and queries with other people, even telling me that I had to put pronouns after my name as policy, when that wasn't the case at all. This was the first of two attempts to weaponise DIE policy. She is an incessant chatterbox and noisy with it, disrupting those who are conversing, having arguments on the phone, generally whooping and playing it up with others on the floor. just being a pain in the arse. I am in the criminal justice field and risk management is part of my job to keep the public safe. How can I concentrate on my reports when she is making a racket all the time? There is another problem though: it is not just her that is creating the issues, it is the others on the team too - those who are nice, hard working people who I get on with who are the problem too: they are enabling her behaviour. Whenever she interrupts, they listen. Whatever she demands, they comply. Whenever she is rude, they ignore. Whenever she plays up, they sympathise. So the problem lay with them too. It takes a two pronged approach to deal with this. My approach now that she is totally ignoring me (good, I see that as a blessing - as well as an opportunity to diarise her bullying behaviour for ignoring me) is to just stop helping out with work from those who do enable her behaviour when they are over-stretched themselves. So if they choose to entertain this narc they have made that choice. If they want to shorten their lunch hour, go home a bit later because they have allowed this narc to take up so much of their time, so be it. I will still have my full lunch break and go home when I am finished with my own work. I am making a point of doing so - even with a full caseload. Seems selfish when these same enablers have helped me so much with settling in and allowing me to shadow them, but something has to give and it means they have to think hard about whether to entertain her or have lunch and do all of their own work and not have me to depend on to take some of their work off them to add to my own which I do diligently, quietly and efficiently with few interruptions except essential ones (which also includes a bit but not too much chatter during the day - just to be social). I have managed to create enough waves in this situation recently too (since she stoked a row a month ago, implying that I was racist when I was nothing of the kind), that has resulted in the team being allowed to work a day from home (whereas before we had to be in the office 5 days per week). So that whittles my contact with the narc to 3 days per week (I made sure my supervisor doesn't place me on the same day off as the narc) so that means one day in the office when she isn't there, and one day at home where she is obviously is not there). So the subtle pressure I am putting on the rest, who constantly pander to her attention seeking is the next stage in my strategy to put an end or at least drastically reduce her toxicity: they will soon realise that the problem lay with her. After all why should they pass over work to an extra pair of hands when they are over-stretched with their own work, to accommodate a time-wasting narc in her incessant attention grabbing behaviours. Answer: they can't. They make their bed; they lay on it. Seems like I'm a control freak. But as it happens, this narc has caused others to leave before me - including my predecessor who couldn't stand her either. If things don't change and she isn't put in her box, I will be the next to leave. It seems that management have done little to help themselves in this situation, so I am pulling out all of the stops available to me to do their job for them.
9... i worked with that one for a year, everyday was hell.. they couldn't get me fired so tried the damndest to make me quit.. but i stuck it out.. and they almost got fired they tried so hard... 😂
Hello Mr Darren Magee! Could you please do a video on C-PTSD as a result of narcissistic abuse. Let us know what that might look like in a victim/survivor. Thank you! I'm really enjoying your videos. Good to see something good coming out of N.I to help people. From Helen, just down the road here in Lisburn! :)
Hi Helen, I made a video on CPTSD, and one on narcissistic abuse syndrome if you’d find those helpful? Glad your enjoying the videos, and understanding my accent lol
@@DarrenFMagee Yes, that would be very helpful to help me build my narcissist survival toolbox! Thank you for this video, it will help me be on the lookout at work. Narcissists are everywhere.
@@DarrenFMagee please do cover this. for almost a year before I knew what to call it, I endured so much at the hands of my "supervisor" whose superiors thought she was just grand, but working in the department was living hell because of the toxic environment. Two of my colleagues in the department went into therapy in that time to deal with the harassment and stress of the environment. People from other departments who had to deal with her regularly eventually sued the organization for the harassing behavior exhibited by this woman. I desperately needed tools to cope. It is only after I searched "how to deal with difficult people at work" that I realized what I was dealing with -that it had a name, but I could do just so much. I started looking for a new job but couldn't just leave. It seems much less workable to employ, for example, the grey rock method with someone at work, with whom I have to interact with multiple times a day. I stopped sharing any information about my private life but I think the retaliation just got worse. I went to HR and they were aware of the situation but because of politics, the HR director could not do much, and no action was taken for a long time - until another colleague threatened a harassment suit.
I realised in past days that one of my new workmates might be the 8th or 9th type. I do not understand why she started to ignoreme. She also knows everything. At least she thunks so. And she is so cute… grurr.. I do not kniw if she is really a narcissist, but as I doubt it, I try to figure out to handle the situation so that she cannot affect me too much. Grey Rock, perhaps, and I do not tell her my ideas. I felt that she’s a kind of a person who steals her victim’s words or ideas.
No 8 was the x narc in my life for 50yrs and he took his close female colleague to lunch and to dinner had her in my home without telling me. He was demoted taking a large drop in salary and perks. I tried to find out why this happened but I never got an answer. Until the day I eventually got HIM to leave I never got an answer to this or the night he came home from a night out with work colleagues when my first born was only weeks old with lipstick over the collar and shoulder of his shirt. I never got an answer to that. The night he came home without his shirt I never got an answer then either. However three months later he arrived home with a shirt looking like it was well laundered or who knows it could have been bought new. No explanation. No accountability, lack of responsibility, lying, cheating at a very hard time in my life when I had lost my Father 3mnths before my 1st. Son was born and was trying to look after my Mother as she had a heart complaint. He showed no compassion. I know ( big hard men) as they are called here, who have cried at the birth of their children. The Narc in my. Life even in those very early days was showing signs. Here in N.Ireland we are always the last to know about things happening. Woman were NOT conditioned or guided. You married you kept a good home, you reared your children well and you OBEYED YOUR HUSBAND. This coupled with a man who was Narcissistic, well, women in particular were easily groomed and moulded into the person their husbands wanted them to be. Women are getting more empowered every day now. You are doing a marvellous job Darren in fore warning them and awakening them to the plague we have these days of Narcissism. Thank you for listening to me.
Govt work seems to be riddled with these characters regardless of country. I’d add in any “protected” profession in the public/private partnership arena, good example being network rail.
I think it's disappointing for you to categorize a narcissistic personality just because someone takes time off of work. After suffering narcissistic abuse in both the workplace and in a personal relationship it is guaranteed that someone would want to take time off and recover from the stress and damage it has caused. There are many multinational corporations that are narcissistic and advocate or encourage individuals to be that way.
So now asking a coworker a question or asking a question at a meeting is narcissism? Wow, I guess there's no limit we're all just supposed to be dumbed down drones according to you because is there any normal workplace really?
The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.
Once again you've described behaviours and characteristics of narcissism that I think we've all experienced at some point in the workplace. Thank you for these videos.
Thank you I'm glad you found it helpful
U right fr fr hahahaha
There's this annoying behavior I noticed among former coworkers of mine. When someone would start to explain an idea or speak on a topic, these other people would kind of cut you off and say "Yea, yea, yea..." and then hijack the conversation and continue on with a "better" explanation about what you were trying to say. Like they knew what you were on about and it just annoyed them to even have to hear you speak about it in your own words.
I enjoyed listening to your calm outlining of the 10 types. I found the 10th one most eye opening --- the dominating, controlling type who controls through fear and the use of the rules. With this type, we are up against the personality disorder and the regulations themselves -- a one-two punch. I've listed the ten types to visualize and help remember them: 1) The work colleague 2) Toxic negative workplace narcissist (Complainer, Criticizer) 3) Obstinate type , 4) Communal narcissist 5) Center of attention 6) Reluctant to be a team player/an unhealthy competitor 7) The charmer 8) The malignant workplace narcissist (smiles to your face, talks behind your back, treats you like you are invisible, uses innuendo to abuse you to your face) 9) The Know-It-All, enjoys ruining things and 10) The rule-based, fearmonger, dominator. With all types of narcissist, I believe it is of great importance for targets to have a hobby, an artistic project, or other creative endeavor going on in which no one else has any say in what you do, wherein you can create your own narcissist-free oasis, ideally on a daily basis.
I’m glad you found it helpful, thank you for your kind comments
These low vibration narchs recharge their batteries during conflicts , negative energy prefered over positive . That's why the goons try to find an Empath , an easy target to provoke .
@@kuangtien3980 Push back, and then go gray rock or no contact as soon as possible. Let's not be fooled by their gibberish. They are the way they are largely because their destructive behavior has no serious consequences. Never give them your best self. If at all possible, get away from them and stay away.
@@jolly7728 l am safe , l escaped Monday .....no contact ,........lock and load.......God Bless !!
@@kuangtien3980 Yes, and be well!
I can agree with a lot of the things you have just mentioned in this video. Because I’ve in countered this myself. I’ve have left jobs in the past and have even cut ties completely with people in my life that I have thought where my friends. I’m not going to lie I’m happier being by myself and enjoying my hobbies on weekends and whenever I can, to me that’s bliss. Thanks you
I'm glad to learn there are kinds of narcissists have not yet met... I wish I would not have met any of them and I hope I will spend the rest of my life without experiencing all the other types!
Please dont ever remove these videos they are truly helpful.
I've worked in the voluntary sector for over 25 years in belfast and all of my roles I've had to deal with different types of narcissistic behaviour. I've had to leave them all because proving the behaviour to HR was impossible. Tables were always turned on me
You did the right thing! You are so much better than that! 🤍🕊
Social work???
I worked for #7. It was exhausting, but also caused lots of anxiety because you never knew when the next crazy scheme was going to be thrust on you.
I recognize all these people that you mentioned!!
Thank you I'm glad you found it helpful
Wow, I can relate to this so much and think of specific people but that last one described is truly the worst. I have experienced this one at one of my former workplaces and is the reason why I left. I found this video very validating. Most of us spend a lot of time in workplaces and having to endure this type of abuse is just plain horrible as it destroys people’s careers and can ruin someone’s health! Thank you for explaining these types! 🙏
I think I've met all ten. Thanks for this video
You’re welcome I’m glad you liked it
Yip. Me too
Is currently dealing with two malignant and one communal in the work place.
Thank you, for your professional input.
Much appreciation!
Nailed them all. Thanks for uploading this
You’re welcome I’m glad you liked it
I find it fascinating how you really seem to know your subject. You either have a lot of experience or do a lot of research because I've met all ten types you mention in this video and you've nailed every one of them. But on another point, you mention Nurse Ratched in the video as an example, perhaps you might like to do an analysis of her in a future video?
Thank you for your feedback, and for your suggestion
This describes so many work place situations I have experienced. I have experienced every kind of these traits from fellow coworkers multiple times. Very very good video!
I worked with a colleague who absolutely loved seeing not so experienced staff or new staff squirm.
I work in mental health and I feel it attracts the darker personalities.
All ten - spot on!
Spot on
I had a no. 9 type manager (sadistic and capricious bully) for four long arduous years , and at least two no. 10 type female colleagues (in healthecare). He thankfully quit, and at once the workplace became miraculously more harmonious and agreeable. My sleep and physical health improved, and the two "nurse ratchett"-types currently behave somewhat more civil toward me. Rashes i had on my hands have long since dissapeared..The things i have seen in work life have contributed to a great deal of cognitive dissonance. Ten years ago i completed my studies, and entered the workforce an inocent lamb. How i got through these last ten years i do not know. Yet we all go through it to get by in society, some with more clarity than others. Thankyou for contributing to an important discussion on a taboo topic.
Thankyou Darren for describing such behaviours. Here are some other examples I have come across.
1. I have experienced situations enough to be able to say " Be very careful where you work". Because certain w/place Narcissists will assume control over your personal life with coersively controlling
behaviours. Their flying monkeys are on the 24/7 payroll. They know all your movements and assert their authority over your choices of personal activity or the disapproval of what you do outside work.
2. The W/place Narcissist that operates through an industry and connections to destroy your reputation if you leave their company. You wil be punished by trying to break away from the toxic culture.
3. Be careful who is employed to work at a personal property. They may be doing much more than you realise whilst providing assistance on the premises. I could draw on an example of one person sent in to data gather and build a relationship with residents for the Narcissist. Then at the right timing the Narcissist appears to assist preying on those "they" believe are vulnerable to execute their deceptive narrative because the figurehead that exists is naive and vulnerable.
4. A Narcissist employed in a position where they have access to strictly confidential information about you. Using that trusted position and breaching/violating the access of a personal file in an attempt to present themselves as a person of "good" intentions and attempting to manipulate themselves into a personal relationship with you. They will use flying monkeys to infiltrate every area you interact with and interweave smear about you to humiliate you for rejecting them, thinking they are in love and you are a merely a challenge that they can wear down. They will use anybody and have convinced themselves in their delusion that they have done nothing wrong persisting with a "stalking" quality of activity because they believe they have superiority over you. Should the day of accountability come, their removal from the place of employment would be an unbearable disgrace and shame upon them.
Narcissists think you think like they do. Its just a game on repeat for them.
A very, very erroneous assumption. ⚠️🤔
Bingo. That was my last employer behavior. They had me so stressed 😩 out I didn't know if I was coming or going. I had two stress acttacks at work one found afib issues with my heart ❤. The other stress issue induced a seizure. I worked for employer 25 years and knew what I was doing and understood how the agency was connected to other agencies. I then retired. I do miss my work but I don't miss the management. I do suffer from anxiety issues but iam working on it.
Grateful to God for being Retired....It seems like the world is run by Narcissist and there are way too many of them in this world.
Thank you for making me feel sane.
I worked 30 years in the po as a disabled clerked. I experienced harassment, discrimination, physical and mental abuse daily. I was hated. The more I kept to myself the more they hated me. What is wrong with people.
The reason the gave me was "I didn't deserve my job".
Understand that those people have weaknesses. They are insecure and their behavior temporarily makes them feel better. I'm wishing you the best! Let acceptance be your ally. Do your research and let every opportunity for you to learn skills negotiating through interactions with such people. That's my advice for anyone dealing with hateful conduct.
It is so true. And these abusers are pathetic.
My problem with these descriptions is that they also describe everyday people but with the assumption of bad intentions. E.g. some people procrastinate because they have been damaged and struggle to focus (burn out), some people complain a lot because they are exasperated by the problems there, some people like to share a lot because they are talkative or share because they are trying to connect with people by sharing, people that often drop projects or don't complete them might have ADHD and actually work really hard, you might be ignoring/avoiding somebody because they are a narcisist that has damaged you. The NPD needs to involve parasitic/predatory behaviour without any desire to genuinely nurture and contribute as an equal.
And the know-it-all who just interrupts people and has to have the last word.
Mmm rings a few bells. I struggle to cope with a colleague I think might have narcissistic tendencies. I used to dread being around her. Could be insidiously hurtful. A few techniques really helped the situation though; I try to never show any emotional response with her. I never discuss my private life around her in case I give away any information that she could use to hurt me. I am as concise as possible when I need to communicate. Not rude or cheeky. Flat. Poker faced. I try to simply say no to her whenever possible. Just the word, 'no'. Then the silence does the rest.
I definitely sense she knows I can handle her now. She often avoids me and doesn't try to control me anymore. Of late I have noticed one or two others following this approach too. It sounds awful reading back over this but work can be challenging enough without her unprovoked nastiness. Needs must. Seems no matter where you go, there is always 'one'.
Hope this helps others.
Willful ignorance to later claim plausible deniability
Narc Cheating goes on with work colleagues. Especially PA's and Secretaries. The Narc treats his work cronie with perks, like time off, nice lunches has her/him dancing to his tune. She is the workplace supply. He covers for her lateness etc. However he does not have anymore feelings for his work supply wife/ husband than his wife/husband sitting raising his children at Home. He uses these people to make his life easier in the work place and boost his/ her ego so he can look better and seem successful. Really they probably hate their jobs too. They probably think they should not have to work at all!
I endured 10 years at a church that the Pastor displayed all 10 of these types. I had to go, still can't understand how he keeps so many deceived.
That are often accomplished actors
@@DarrenFMagee yes, agreed.
You are 100 % right ✅ They like to make other person feeling failure 😢 work place Narcissist will be the company's worst nightmare 😢 they not there to build but to ruined it yes they abuse their power . Very useful channel 👍 and Thank you 🎉❤ God bless you 🙏🏻 ❤🧚♂️❣💥🎉💫
Six months into a new job, a toxic narcissist was apparent from day 1. By day 3 she was already crossing boundaries, interrupting my conversations and queries with other people, even telling me that I had to put pronouns after my name as policy, when that wasn't the case at all. This was the first of two attempts to weaponise DIE policy.
She is an incessant chatterbox and noisy with it, disrupting those who are conversing, having arguments on the phone, generally whooping and playing it up with others on the floor. just being a pain in the arse. I am in the criminal justice field and risk management is part of my job to keep the public safe. How can I concentrate on my reports when she is making a racket all the time?
There is another problem though: it is not just her that is creating the issues, it is the others on the team too - those who are nice, hard working people who I get on with who are the problem too: they are enabling her behaviour. Whenever she interrupts, they listen. Whatever she demands, they comply. Whenever she is rude, they ignore. Whenever she plays up, they sympathise.
So the problem lay with them too. It takes a two pronged approach to deal with this.
My approach now that she is totally ignoring me (good, I see that as a blessing - as well as an opportunity to diarise her bullying behaviour for ignoring me) is to just stop helping out with work from those who do enable her behaviour when they are over-stretched themselves. So if they choose to entertain this narc they have made that choice. If they want to shorten their lunch hour, go home a bit later because they have allowed this narc to take up so much of their time, so be it. I will still have my full lunch break and go home when I am finished with my own work. I am making a point of doing so - even with a full caseload.
Seems selfish when these same enablers have helped me so much with settling in and allowing me to shadow them, but something has to give and it means they have to think hard about whether to entertain her or have lunch and do all of their own work and not have me to depend on to take some of their work off them to add to my own which I do diligently, quietly and efficiently with few interruptions except essential ones (which also includes a bit but not too much chatter during the day - just to be social).
I have managed to create enough waves in this situation recently too (since she stoked a row a month ago, implying that I was racist when I was nothing of the kind), that has resulted in the team being allowed to work a day from home (whereas before we had to be in the office 5 days per week). So that whittles my contact with the narc to 3 days per week (I made sure my supervisor doesn't place me on the same day off as the narc) so that means one day in the office when she isn't there, and one day at home where she is obviously is not there). So the subtle pressure I am putting on the rest, who constantly pander to her attention seeking is the next stage in my strategy to put an end or at least drastically reduce her toxicity: they will soon realise that the problem lay with her. After all why should they pass over work to an extra pair of hands when they are over-stretched with their own work, to accommodate a time-wasting narc in her incessant attention grabbing behaviours. Answer: they can't. They make their bed; they lay on it.
Seems like I'm a control freak. But as it happens, this narc has caused others to leave before me - including my predecessor who couldn't stand her either. If things don't change and she isn't put in her box, I will be the next to leave. It seems that management have done little to help themselves in this situation, so I am pulling out all of the stops available to me to do their job for them.
Omg interview survivors the go keep on going.. yes I would like to say u hit the nail on the head.. take topics and show your words is life.
9... i worked with that one for a year, everyday was hell.. they couldn't get me fired so tried the damndest to make me quit.. but i stuck it out.. and they almost got fired they tried so hard... 😂
Hey your spider plant is back!!!
Yes he was on holiday for a while lol
@@DarrenFMagee anywhere nice?
Hello Mr Darren Magee!
Could you please do a video on C-PTSD as a result of narcissistic abuse. Let us know what that might look like in a victim/survivor. Thank you! I'm really enjoying your videos. Good to see something good coming out of N.I to help people. From Helen, just down the road here in Lisburn! :)
Hi Helen, I made a video on CPTSD, and one on narcissistic abuse syndrome if you’d find those helpful? Glad your enjoying the videos, and understanding my accent lol
TEN!!??
one already has the damage of 10.
😣
BUT HOW DO WE DEAL WITH'M???
Thank you for your comment. Maybe dealing with workplace narcissists is something I'll cover in a future video if you think it would be helpful.
@@DarrenFMagee
Yeah I think that would help folks immensely!
@@DarrenFMagee Yes, that would be very helpful to help me build my narcissist survival toolbox! Thank you for this video, it will help me be on the lookout at work. Narcissists are everywhere.
@@DarrenFMagee please do cover this. for almost a year before I knew what to call it, I endured so much at the hands of my "supervisor" whose superiors thought she was just grand, but working in the department was living hell because of the toxic environment. Two of my colleagues in the department went into therapy in that time to deal with the harassment and stress of the environment. People from other departments who had to deal with her regularly eventually sued the organization for the harassing behavior exhibited by this woman. I desperately needed tools to cope. It is only after I searched "how to deal with difficult people at work" that I realized what I was dealing with -that it had a name, but I could do just so much. I started looking for a new job but couldn't just leave. It seems much less workable to employ, for example, the grey rock method with someone at work, with whom I have to interact with multiple times a day. I stopped sharing any information about my private life but I think the retaliation just got worse. I went to HR and they were aware of the situation but because of politics, the HR director could not do much, and no action was taken for a long time - until another colleague threatened a harassment suit.
I realised in past days that one of my new workmates might be the 8th or 9th type. I do not understand why she started to ignoreme. She also knows everything. At least she thunks so. And she is so cute… grurr.. I do not kniw if she is really a narcissist, but as I doubt it, I try to figure out to handle the situation so that she cannot affect me too much. Grey Rock, perhaps, and I do not tell her my ideas. I felt that she’s a kind of a person who steals her victim’s words or ideas.
No 8 was the x narc in my life for 50yrs and he took his close female colleague to lunch and to dinner had her in my home without telling me. He was demoted taking a large drop in salary and perks. I tried to find out why this happened but I never got an answer. Until the day I eventually got HIM to leave I never got an answer to this or the night he came home from a night out with work colleagues when my first born was only weeks old with lipstick over the collar and shoulder of his shirt. I never got an answer to that. The night he came home without his shirt I never got an answer then either. However three months later he arrived home with a shirt looking like it was well laundered or who knows it could have been bought new. No explanation. No accountability, lack of responsibility, lying, cheating at a very hard time in my life when I had lost my Father 3mnths before my 1st. Son was born and was trying to look after my Mother as she had a heart complaint. He showed no compassion.
I know ( big hard men) as they are called here, who have cried at the birth of their children. The Narc in my. Life even in those very early days was showing signs. Here in N.Ireland we are always the last to know about things happening. Woman were NOT conditioned or guided. You married you kept a good home, you reared your children well and you OBEYED YOUR HUSBAND. This coupled with a man who was Narcissistic, well, women in particular were easily groomed and moulded into the person their husbands wanted them to be. Women are getting more empowered every day now. You are doing a marvellous job Darren in fore warning them and awakening them to the plague we have these days of Narcissism. Thank you for listening to me.
#3 pretty much describes the vast majority of staff in the NI civil service.
Govt work seems to be riddled with these characters regardless of country. I’d add in any “protected” profession in the public/private partnership arena, good example being network rail.
What’s the name of the film you mentioned please? I didn’t get it and I would like to watch it. Thank you very much.
From what you're saying, you met my co-worker...
The queen bee of the facility.
There are about 10 people in my work environment. Seems like description applies.
That's why i rarely speak. Only listen..
I think it's disappointing for you to categorize a narcissistic personality just because someone takes time off of work. After suffering narcissistic abuse in both the workplace and in a personal relationship it is guaranteed that someone would want to take time off and recover from the stress and damage it has caused. There are many multinational corporations that are narcissistic and advocate or encourage individuals to be that way.
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3 min into this my thoughts... I can do it better than you. A one up is what I call it from a narcissistic
I think number 9 is my boss...
So now asking a coworker a question or asking a question at a meeting is narcissism? Wow, I guess there's no limit we're all just supposed to be dumbed down drones according to you because is there any normal workplace really?