Two Roman soldiers at the foot of the cross, having finished their grim chore, were talking. "I can't help but think this was a great man." the first says. "Meh," says the second. "he didn't publish anything." note; this joke is about academia, where the saying "publish or perish" is gospel. Jesus, who wrote nothing, is worth more than a portfolio of professors.
As an atheist I truly enjoyed it as well. Like how you Christians fail to see the irony of worshipping a carpenter who committed suicide by having himself nailed to a piece of wood 😂 or the fact that you all think he’s going to return one day and you wear chains around your necks with crosses on them like that’s what your favorite martyr would want to be reminded of as soon as he arrives 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"I read that in London, a man is stabbed every few minutes. Poor guy!" That's a variation on an old joke, going as far back as the 1960s and '70s, when certain American cities began having bad reputations for their high crime rates, especially New York City. For instance, one version of the joke says, "In New York City, a man is mugged every few minutes (or seconds, depending on who's telling the joke), and whoever that guy is, he's in pretty bad shape." "Saturday Night Live" did their take on it during one of their "Weekend Update" segments (I don't remember what year or season it was). Here, the old line about someone being attacked by street thugs every few seconds is followed by an on-the-site reporter actually interviewing the "victim" of these assaults, and every few seconds, the interview is interrupted by muggers beating him up and robbing him.
"What's black and white and red all over? A nun having her period." There have been many different punchlines for this old joke down through the years. Here's a few of them: "An embarrassed zebra." "A skunk with diaper rash." "A skunk wearing a red bathrobe." "A newspaper." (In case you don't get it, the word "red" sounds like "read" in the past tense)
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy. “Magic beer,” he says. “Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?” Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile. “Amazing!” the man says. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. He downs it, leaps off the roof -and plummets 15 stories to the ground. The bartender shakes his head. “You know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
When you asked what's yellow and can't swim I was thinking a bus full of children 😂😂I really appreciate the laugh's even tho I feel wrong for laughing.
Why couldn't Mexico field an Olympic team? Because everyone who could run/jump/swim was already in america. (older variant of a joke on your list) In like manner, I've liberal friends who decry Trump's border wall, saying it won't work, that people can climb over it. "Good," I said. "So it's like an entrance exam." (I don't have many liberal friends)
Will you please do a joke about my death? I promise I won’t get offended. (My death was confirmed by Romeo at the end of giant consequences, but I’m not telling you how I died)
..hahahaha 🤣 ..Yo my man Mr Grim these jokes are mega an also they cheer us all up which is what alot of us need with the state of the world today ...massive respect from me and many youtubers 👌
This dude in vrchat asked if I wanted to hear dark humour and I said probably then he said "whats the difference between George Floyd and kobe bryant" So I said idk Then he said "one of them got air"
I got 2 "why don't they play chess in England"Because They got no queen! Whats the differents between a tesla and a box of dead babys? I don't got a tesla in my garage!:)
What's the same between a missing woman and a piece of cheese? They're both thinly sliced, wrapped in plastic, kept in the fridge, and go good on a sandwich.
How was that? Dark enough for ya? Here's another: two nuns are walking through a dark alley in a rough part of town, when all of a sudden two guys jump from the shadows and force themselves upon the women. One nun starts to pray; " O lord, forgive them, for they know not what they do." The other nun turns to her and says; "Mine does."
Appartement is on fire On the first a black family on the second arab family and on the third a dutch family. Who survives the fire? The dutch cuz mom and dad are working and the kids are at school
There were these two kids that died jumping off a cliff. And to murder weapons were a chair and a stick for some reason I hear that they couldn't climb the stairway to heaven I heard one of them fell down and the other sat there and cried.
What was your favorite joke from this video?
Someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds... poor guy.
That one got me.
@@livewire2759 Good choice 🦾
The Jesus one omg
@@nolannorvell2618 Amen 🙏
Baby in the microwave got me bad🤣
dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it
True 💀
It's also like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
@@turtlesarecool Even more true
@@turtlesarecool geez brutal
@@maryzmijski6087 kinda like cancer :)
What is green and if you click a button it turns red?
A frog in a blender.
Haha, heard this one in high school. Good times.
That got me off the guard
what is red and if u click it turns grey?
@@ryugafandom630 what
@@foodinthestreet8265 *SUBSCRIBE BUTTON*
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
These jokes are darker than the people i sold for labour camps.
I am honored I guess 🤣
@@TheGrimJoker yes u are
Impossible maybe the archives are incomplete
....
@@TheGrimJoker .....
Me: Dark Humour is like mother's love.
Orphaned kid: How!?
Me: You won't get it.
That's cruel 🤣
😂
😂😂😂😂😂
OH GOD THAT HIT ME HIT ME LIKE A NORTH KOREAN MISILE HOLY CRAP
So cruel 💀
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer
It never gets old
💀
Now that was a good joke. hahahaah
bro 💀💀💀💀
Why can't orphans go on field trips?
They need a parent's signature.
😵
Brutal.
why do orphans miss half of their football games ?
cause they need home games
Ahhh hell nah 💀💀💀
💀💀
-Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
-Because they taste funny.
1:21
Gotta say, poor cannibal had a crappy girlfriend.
I see what you did there
That reminds me. I didn't exactly understand that joke about the cannibal dumping his girlfriend.
@@michaelpalmieri7335 He ate her and then 💩 her out .
@@michaelpalmieri7335 the joke is that he ate her and shit her out of his ass and wiped it
It was nice eating the girl friend
whats a kidnappers favorite kind of shoes.
White vans.
Oh God, I'm in tears! The cotton picking joke was one of my favorites.
Haha, glad you liked the video 😄 Be sure to check them all
Explain that joke to me
@@nishantdhama650 Back to the time when African Americans were slaves, picking up cotton was a job they used to do. It's a slavery joke.
@@nishantdhama650 ok class, today's lesson, Slavery
same
I kicked a soccer ball at a kid in a wheelchair
I yelled “Rocket League!”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
As a Christian the Jesus joke got me wheezing 😂😂😂
Yes I doped my cookie😡😡
Two Roman soldiers at the foot of the cross, having finished their grim chore, were talking.
"I can't help but think this was a great man." the first says.
"Meh," says the second. "he didn't publish anything."
note; this joke is about academia, where the saying "publish or perish" is gospel. Jesus, who wrote nothing, is worth more than a portfolio of professors.
The same for me!
@@monkeymya2396 doped it? With what? Haha
As an atheist I truly enjoyed it as well. Like how you Christians fail to see the irony of worshipping a carpenter who committed suicide by having himself nailed to a piece of wood 😂 or the fact that you all think he’s going to return one day and you wear chains around your necks with crosses on them like that’s what your favorite martyr would want to be reminded of as soon as he arrives 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"I read that in London, a man is stabbed every few minutes. Poor guy!"
That's a variation on an old joke, going as far back as the 1960s and '70s, when certain American cities began having bad reputations for their high crime rates, especially New York City. For instance, one version of the joke says, "In New York City, a man is mugged every few minutes (or seconds, depending on who's telling the joke), and whoever that guy is, he's in pretty bad shape."
"Saturday Night Live" did their take on it during one of their "Weekend Update" segments (I don't remember what year or season it was). Here, the old line about someone being attacked by street thugs every few seconds is followed by an on-the-site reporter actually interviewing the "victim" of these assaults, and every few seconds, the interview is interrupted by muggers beating him up and robbing him.
Thanks for the history lesson, I love it 😍
The child in the microwave was too cold 😂😂😂💀💀💀
You need to cook him for longer if it's too cold 🤣
@@TheGrimJoker LOL
These jokes are so dark a cop almost shot it
👮♂️
Dark humor is just like a life, some people don't have one.
I agree
@@TheGrimJoker I liked the American one they shoot the ones that go to school
A that is so fire ❤️🔥🔥🔥🔥☄️☄️☄️🧯🕯️
"Who would win a fight? Pasta Or Your Dad?"
"THE PASTA, CUZ YO DAD PASTA AWAY"
That was very good 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"What's black and white and red all over? A nun having her period."
There have been many different punchlines for this old joke down through the years. Here's a few of them:
"An embarrassed zebra."
"A skunk with diaper rash."
"A skunk wearing a red bathrobe."
"A newspaper." (In case you don't get it, the word "red" sounds like "read" in the past tense)
That joke reminded me of this joke: "What is black and white, black and white, black and white, and red? A nun falling down the stairs."
I immediately said to myself “a dead Panda” 💀
Those are messed up but I can't help laughing 😆
What do you call 2 black people in a red sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat
Why did the Guitar teacher get arrested?
*For fingering A-Minor*
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Magic beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. He downs it, leaps off the roof -and plummets 15 stories to the ground.
The bartender shakes his head. “You know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
I knew this one, very good 😄
The guy who stole my diary just died
My thoughts are with his family
Cute one 😍
I have a dark joke I found on a popsicle stick.
Joke: Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't get home.
What starts with "M" and ends with "arriage"?
Miscarriage
Wow, that joke never gets old
And neither does the baby
Me: turns of fan to hear everyone else more clearly
Everyone else on the helicopter:
👀
2:49 tho-
Was it true no?
@@TheGrimJoker so true
How many infants does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you can throw.
Whats yellow and cant swim?
A school bus full of children
The only sin mathematicians commit is dividing opposite by hypotenuse.
My IQ increased by 7 points
I don't get it.
@@michaelpalmieri7335 maybe because you were not yet taught trigonometry
Haha magic man say funny words
I'm new to dark humor so I'm trying to find out what's dark humor or "dark humor" you sir are dark humor
Hope you will enjoy all my videos 🤭
Went into the suicidal shop, saw a guy hanging around.
🤣🤣🤣
Some girl was on a wheel chair, she said “I’m going to run over your toes”
Too bad I’m on the stairs
🤣
What do babies and grenades have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them through a window
They also both explode and demolish a whole neighborhood
When you asked what's yellow and can't swim I was thinking a bus full of children 😂😂I really appreciate the laugh's even tho I feel wrong for laughing.
Don't feel bad, there is no judging here 😎
Me too lol
Oh shit😂🤣
Why couldn't Mexico field an Olympic team? Because everyone who could run/jump/swim was already in america. (older variant of a joke on your list)
In like manner, I've liberal friends who decry Trump's border wall, saying it won't work, that people can climb over it. "Good," I said. "So it's like an entrance exam." (I don't have many liberal friends)
What's the difference between Anne Frank and Santa Claus? The way they go through the chimney
ooooohhhhh 💀
Will you please do a joke about my death? I promise I won’t get offended. (My death was confirmed by Romeo at the end of giant consequences, but I’m not telling you how I died)
People call it Suicide, I call it a Real Life rage quit.
Fun fact: The arms of Emo kids can breathe underwater.
..hahahaha 🤣 ..Yo my man Mr Grim these jokes are mega an also they cheer us all up which is what alot of us need with the state of the world today ...massive respect from me and many youtubers 👌
Thank you homie 🤜🤛
@@TheGrimJoker no problemo Grim ✌
@@TheGrimJoker no problemo bro 👌✌
Little Willy on the track heard the engine squill
Now the train is coming back, there’re scrapping Willy off the wheel 😉
I came back here again as you have so good jokes
Glad to hear that, enjoy! 🤗
Have you heard about the artist who got murdered?
The details are sketchy.
huehuehuehue
The BEST jokes ever. Heep it up Grim Joker...love it
Thanks, I appreciate it 🙏
Yes...best collection yet.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim? Neither has he.
New favorite channel
Do you know why kids with diabetes have nightmares?
Because their parents wish "Sweet dreams"
What about orphans with diabetes? 😱😱😱😱
@@TheGrimJoker Do you know what is similar between the priest and the Christmas tree?
Their balls are only used for decoration
This dude in vrchat asked if I wanted to hear dark humour and I said probably then he said "whats the difference between George Floyd and kobe bryant"
So I said idk
Then he said "one of them got air"
Oh man that is as dark as my soul
What's the difference between a paratrooper and a paraplegic? Apparently the parachute.
What`s the difference between a pedagogue and a pedophile?
Only one of them loves children
This channel is fkn gold💯
🪙
What do you call a black priest?
Holy s***
hahahahaha
3:24 is very bad
What do you call a blank piece of paper.
Human rights.
at first i'm like
"oh, that was it?"
then i re-read it
"OH MY FUCKING GOD"
I got 2 "why don't they play chess in England"Because They got no queen! Whats the differents between a tesla and a box of dead babys? I don't got a tesla in my garage!:)
You need more subs bro 😂
I know right? 😎
This was bomb
💣
What's the same between a missing woman and a piece of cheese?
They're both thinly sliced, wrapped in plastic, kept in the fridge, and go good on a sandwich.
How was that? Dark enough for ya?
Here's another: two nuns are walking through a dark alley in a rough part of town, when all of a sudden two guys jump from the shadows and force themselves upon the women. One nun starts to pray; " O lord, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
The other nun turns to her and says; "Mine does."
That was morbid 😄
@@slappybigalow8971 LOL !!
I got a dark joke to tell. Why was 10 scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11
I have that joke in one of my videos 😁
What is flat and black and white?
A ran over panda.
There is a very thin line between dark jokes and lame jokes with disgusting elements.
Jesus one tho 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
✝️
I liked the London one at the beginning
Why cant emo's high five a tree?
Cause the tree's will always leave them hanging
Why do orphans miss half of their sports seasons?
they dont have home games…..
I don't know why but i always laugh when people's children gets hurt.
What's black and white and red all over?
*A newspaper*
How does a Muslim get a head in life ? From a Christian.
LOOOL 😂😂
Nah bro, what's yellow n cant swim?
A school bus full of kids
The video : what’s yellow and can’t swim
Me: A SCHOOL BUS
The video: a goldfish 😭😭😭😭
a lot of good ones x'D
What flour do orphans get?
Self-Raising Flour.
🤣
Yo Grim these jokes are mega class bro hahahaha 🤣😅😂🤣😅😂🤣
Love it
POV: you’re watching this during bible study
So dark. Love it😂
whats yellow and cant swim? a schoolbus full of children
While watching this I was listening to my favorite underground Rapper, XXtentation
i love this
As much as I love weed?
@@TheGrimJoker probably
I got another version of the first joke from my friend
What’s long and yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children
Please tell me what is the difference between black humour and dark humour?
I just keep hearing all of these in Tony Jezelnek's voice lol
W ad!!!! Loved the vid. HEAD????
What's the first thing a blonde does in the mourning?---goes home
The jesus one is savage💀😭😂
The American humor gets me everytime 🤣🤣 it's true tho
The best humor is the true humor 👌
Which joke?
What’s the difference between a chihuahua and a girlfriend
One gets mad for no reason all the time, the other is a dog
Appartement is on fire
On the first a black family on the second arab family and on the third a dutch family.
Who survives the fire?
The dutch cuz mom and dad are working and the kids are at school
The subliminal message is epic 🤣
@DennisBakker I don't get it
@@camerondavis8240 the black and arab familys dont work and kids dont go to school
what's yellow and can't swim? A school bus
true
Dayum I love dark humor when it gets pitch black
There were these two kids that died jumping off a cliff.
And to murder weapons were a chair and a stick for some reason
I hear that they couldn't climb the stairway to heaven
I heard one of them fell down and the other sat there and cried.
I lit a kids wheelchair on fire and called him hot wheels
Dark humor is like plague, everyone should've got it
Dark humor are like human rights, not everyone has any
the asian one tho🥶
😈
Ngl in first bit i would rather say
What's yellow and can't swim?
*A bus full of kids*
A emo kid tried to high five a tree but the tree left him hanging
😵
in the garden like the grave yard