For her to be so young and well informed about marriage is commendable. It is so important for people here in America to understand that we have been tricked in thinking marriage is a Disney story. It is more a duty.
Your parents did their job well ( teaching you about life) Several youths of your age don't know what you know. They weren't taught.....a thing about marriage. God bless!!
People today (unfortunately) define happiness as the pursuit of pleasure. People 250 years ago defined happiness as the pursuit of virtue and the personal growth that comes along with it.
pffft! Whatever! Keep it in church, man! - - - - OH WOW! I just read you are also DIVORCED?!?! LOL!!! Can you say "hypocrisy"?? Leave it to a "holy quoter" to "do as I say, not as I do." HAHAHAHA!!!
Happiness is a moment. It's a feeling. It comes and goes. Ebbs and flows. Success is hard work. Success is boring. Success can be monotonous. Success takes consistency. Unfortunately, those items don't make us "happy". I don't like to work out every day. It's not always fun. I'm not happy when I'm in the thick of it. However, the results are phenomenal. I feel fulfilled and confident that I kept my word. My skin looks great. My body looks great. It inspires others. People chase happiness too much and it's why they never succeed in anything.
That part about working out and not always being happy hits me right in the core(pun intended). While I may run out of new exercises to do from time to time it has provided me excellent results over the last 9 months.
A hedonistic society is a hostile environment for traditional marriages. Words like duty, honor and loyalty are considered quaint relics of an outdated world and used more as a punchline these days.
"People always focus on the wedding and not marriage." This is so true. That's true a sense of duty is lacking in most marriages. You're right most people have a romanticized idea about marriage.
I gladly took on the duties of being a husband out of love for my wife, and it is a joy to give her everything a husbands should, and more as well. She does the same and I feel truly loved by her as a result.
People need to read a book titled “His Needs, Her Needs”. I can not remember the author or publisher but it was from the late 70s or early 80s. Short book, quick read, but hammers the points quite succinctly and directly. We have lost this all today.
@@RebeccaBarrett Rebecca, may you please make a video discussing paternity fraud and how it is a pervasive issue that destroys families. Furthermore, it has poisoned the dynamics and interactions between men and women. This is a serious problem that many women perpetuate, and it's damaging society. Legislation and mandatory paternity testing for newborn infants should be in order to prevent this.
Marriage is about your DUTY to try and help the other person be HAPPY - and that goes for both sides. Married 48 years here, and I ran that by my lovely wife, and she agrees. Love is that state of mind where another person's happiness is ESSENTIAL to your own. If you're not there, you're not in love, and you shouldn't get married.
You are absolutely right about complacency killing marriage and a relationship. I was married for 29 years and that's exactly what pushed us apart. There was no one directly to blame for it, it was a mutual decision. Then I hear you talkin about these various things to do to work on keeping the marriage and I believe I failed some of that.
I love Megan Moon!!!! I really resonate with her experience. I actually feel more comfortable in Asian countries and feel like American, idk, it grates on me in a very uncomfortable way. I love Asian values for things like what Megan talked about and I'm glad you did this video!
Hello Rebecca: I have spent a lot of time in South Korea and I am literate in Korean. In addition I have lived in Japan. Something I find very attractive about those north east Asian cultures is recognition of the group and it isn't all about the individual. In both countries, I feel very, very safe.
Young people today just seem oblivious to what it takes to be a normal person. As an older guy I went into marriage knowing full well that marriage is a partnership it's team work. Help compliment each other but also be accountable for your own actions. I'm 45 and was married for 22 years.
I was a married 22 years. She never once cooked. Not even poured the milk on my Cheerios. Not to mention no sex for over 5 years. Divorced over 10 years now, 64 years old, lonely, heck yes, but I do have peace.
I'm not married BUT at age 42, if I had to guess, marriage isn't supposed to be "sexy." It's work and the husband and wife are a TEAM that are supposed to take care of each other while raising their own children to go out in the world and win. If I had to guess, the real relationship/marriage starts AFTER "The Honeymoon" phase. Or, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about...*guitar riff*
Stay that way. After the honeymoon phase, as the man it becomes your duty to make her happy. And you should get your happiness from that, get used to working your ass off, porn, sadness, alcoholism, etc. Just say no!
You’re the chef. Your marriage is the meal you make of it. Same with the rest of your life. Afaik “happiness” isn’t available on Amazon… Self rescue is sexy!
I believe Earl Nightingale said something like this “I searched for joy and found duty. And behold duty is joy.” This isn’t an exact quote, but it works for all aspects of life, especially marriage.
The thing is many people, especially women, want a WEDDING rather than a real marriage. Just because you want a wedding doesnt mean youre ready for marriage
Marriage is about survival. No one wants to go on forever if they are miserable. Most people today don't seem too happy. Morals and ethics have largely been forgotten.
The foundation of a society that is worth being part of is structured by rules derived by morals and ethics. Happiness is a measurement by which you can determine on an individual level if society is working for you. Get enough unhappy pissed off people amd changes are made. In my opinion, a good life has a lot to do with a good, strong, happy family. Behind closed doors, without morals and ethics and fair rules families don't thrive. Why bring a child into the world if life always sucks? Happiness is related to morals and ethics.
No, it is not people who always focus on the wedding and not the marriage, it is women that focus on the wedding. Most men could not care less about the wedding, and would rather invest the money on a house, or something of value which will hold its value.
I'm totally agree with her that's our Asian culture. The west forgot what is marriage 😂 also feminism is a choice in Asia but we don't demonise traditional role or feminism that's the difference
This is absolutely all true. The problem with modern marriage is that people think that it’s just an extension of that initial infatuation that you have with someone. They think or hope that that will just continue on for the rest of their life. Unfortunately that’s not really sustainable. So people are looking for others that they have that intense infatuation feeling with, not for people that they will have respect and love for long term. I think if more people viewed marriage this way, the divorce rate would be lower and people would get serious about looking for a partner earlier in their life.
Duty trumps your own personal happiness. It's not about love, it's about sacrifice and putting in the work. Amazing video, and Megan Moon is my new hero :) Please invite her on your show for to discuss these incredible thoughtful insights. We need more women in America being exposed to these marriage truth bombs.
I think we so easily forget that it is more blessed to give than receive. Though there needs to be balance, giving in a relationship gives more joy than receiving, in general.
I completely agree on that. It's kind of a duty in many Asian countries. It's about wanting to work through things together and commit to one another. People still value gender roles. I'm dreaming of making a cute lunch box for my hubby haha! Let me know if that sounds desperate but that's actually what I want to do! Making coffee and other stuff too. I'm usually afraid of bringing this up in a relationship haha
thatsmore due to family values in asian countries. ps you would be agreat wife (if these is correct) hope you find great hubby who would take care of you just like that
@@marcies1297 and quite frankly i will also be very happy to help my girl with typical masculine things like changing car tires for her(even if i have to drive a lot to get to her),change oil etc i would never let my girl carry heavy luggage(unless she wants too carry it) also would be very happy to do so
Can you hear the serenity in her voice? She is calm and in touch with purpose. Duty requires work and in working for duty with care comes happiness and joy. Real Love comes from Service and Devotion.
As always, Rebecca, I enjoyed your video. I wish to respond to the following excerpt of what you said in conclusion: “… we can't have our cake and eat it too. What I'm saying is that if you want marriage to work, you have to understand that it's about duty, and duty trumps your own personal happiness…. [Marriage is] not about love, it's not about happiness, it's not about all of these things that Western society wants people to believe that it is….” Why do you believe that love and happiness and duty cannot exist in tandem in a marriage? Of course you can have it all, but it requires work. If marriage is only about duty, then, in my view, that’s a loveless, joyless, unfulfilled marriage. I wouldn’t want it. Your sense of marital duty did not come in a vacuum. I entreat you to examine your journey to obligation. If you do, you will conclude that your love and happiness for your husband preceded your duty to him. Duty in a relationship, a marriage comes later. You are dutiful to your husband because you love him, and it maximizes your happiness. What is wrong with the pursuit of personal happiness in that context? A marriage that is solely about duty is a moribund relationship. As a man who has been married for over two decades, my experience tells me that you can have it all.
8:28 Oh my gosh Ameera! I don't necessarily agree with all of her stances on politics, but she always looks so happy when she's talking about like her husband and her family and stuff.
Duty only; there is no happiness in most marriages I know. treat marriage as a life sentence with the possibility of parole, if you don't like that then; the only winning move is not to play
Marriage is most definitely about duty. The hope of course is that fulfilling that duty will bring you happiness. Sometimes it will and sometimes it won't. People who believe marriage should be about happiness are really missing what marriage is all about. And I do believe those people would be better off not marrying. They'll be disappointed and so will the person they've chosen to be with.
Such a great video. So true! People need to realize that marriage is work. Loved it! Btw...I was watching a video the other day from one of the DW hosts and you were one of the women that people are now calling "trad wives" and I got so excited! I thought, "Yay! Hopefully more people seek her channel out now!"
Thank YOU. Another "spot on" video. If both people GIVE to each other, then there always seems to be happiness. The more you give, the more you get. Even though doing big things are nice. It is the little things that you do every day for your spouse. Yes, me and my wife are both happy fulfilling our roles and duties of a marriage. Now, if a woman wants to have children and a family, then raising the children and maintaining household responsibilities becomes a career. Yeah, getting a baby sitter while you work is not really the right thing to do. Generally, you can't simultaneously have two careers. Yes, it is a choice. Again, Thank You.
Rebecca, this was an amazing video by the both of you. I feel like this video not only relates to marriage but also somebody that’s looking to get into a serious long-term relationship. Great job on the video and I really do hope more people get to see it. Thanks for the amazing content it has helped me quite a bit. 😊
The supreme irony of modern marriage is that the more the institution has drifted away from its transactional and elitist roots the more unstable it has become. The idea of an egalitarian marriage based on love, affection and passion is fanciful female notion that is the very reason women initiate the vast majority of divorces.
There’s just one thing I would already add to this: TELL your spouse you appreciate these things that they do for you. Tell them you see the little things. This perpetuates a beautiful cycle.
I have been long married with an Asian woman. Much of what she says seems so true, but it is not just about the choice of love or duty or balancing the two. Joyful duty is the key to our higher purposes such as care for others and outreach to others, especially to reach out to the poorest of the poor.
Honestly looking back at my marriage it was a struggle but I'd honestly say it died after her first infidelity, I wish I had been a wiser man because if I was I would've not blamed myself so much and just left her saving me a lot of heartache and tears but as it stands it took a second affair(I honestly believe she cheated more looking back but I can only prove two affairs) from her for me to leave. I was nothing but a ball of rage for a long time after that, the only thing I'll say is thank god I had the gym because if I didn't have a way to vent all that anger I don't know what I would've done.
People speak against porn concerning men. What about all these romance novels, hallmark channel, and other venues for women. That is the same as porn for women. It tricks women into thinking the fairy tale is attainable, but far from the truth. Been married 37 years. My parents for 52. My wife’s, about the same. Marriage is a dedication, it is a sacrifice, a service, work, a love, a wanting of each other. Not a fairy tale. Is TV true or fake. Jump back into reality people, not TV. Remember, happiness is based on happenings. Love is based on your heart and is reciprocal. PS: a commenter said look at that PS5 in the background. I am sure, an intended meaning. Well, my wife and I would play games for hours on the TV. We competed against each other, yelled at each other, tried to cheat, hurled insults, and so on. All with love in the end. Arthritis and pain nixed her abilities to further the pursuit. When she could no longer play, new venues were explored and I quit playing on the TV. Sold the games.
Another thing that we in "The West" in general is what love actually is, as Rebecca points out, Love is a verb. Loving someone, is not the same as being 'in love' with them. Love is Duty. Love is Work. We need to rediscover that in Marriage. Couples(especially young couples) in the west, have to understand that, at certain points during the life of a marriage they must fall 'In Love' with each other over, and over again. Neuro chemically speaking, being 'in love' is identical to having a manic episode, the brain can't sustain that. Despite the importance it plays. I think that if we remember these two things the divorce rate would drop significantly.
I never thought of indifference being the opposite of love. I would say that hate is the extreme opposite of love while selfishness is the other extreme opposite of love. I feel that love and indifferent are in the middle of that spectrum but still distal yet are easy to fall into and out off. Hmm things to ponder on. Great video!
Dropping bars!!! I’ve come to understand marriage is more about duty than being happy and was just breaking that western romance myth with a friend as she’s going through a divorce
I have a slightly different perspective on this… maybe… I do think that people in the western world often are getting married without fully getting to know each other and fully understanding what is important for both sides… and when things get bumpy, they jump to conclusion that “it is not going to work” and end up with a pretty rough divorce BUT I think that (good) marriage is about BOTH duty and happiness. It is like being part of a great sports team, or a great music band. Yes, one does think about what is good for the band, often, and that means sometimes doing things that are tedious, not exciting- -benefiting mainly one’s partner. But a great band makes one a much better musician overall, and allows one to achieve things that are impossible to each solo. An that brings a great deal of happiness and fulfillment. So the “net result ” of a marriage, how one feels about the “deal” they are getting, should be very positive. And if it is not, one should put a sincere, hard effort to make it so, and that means looking at themselves first.
Unless you want kids there's no reason to get married. Might as well just sign over half your possessions to her if that's all you want to do. I do agree that complacency/roommate is where relationships go to die slowly, unless you refuse to let it. Which is better is probably debatable.
Where’s all the people that say “ well that’s not the same thing as a job” ? More women like this need to speak up. Women will only listen to women about how to fulfill their roles. Same goes for men teaching men.
Even that will fail without God, true marriage is a duty and love for God. When both the husband and the wife strive towards loving God they are better adapt to give love and serve each other and their kids
It's a duty and a responsibility for a good society. Without sinning and just thinking about you're self. If you ask you're self, why are we created? What will you answer. Ps love you're content much respect..
Criss Rock put it best. "You are in service to each other. The service biz. You knew she couldn't cook. She knew he doesn't do dishes. But the love & sex is good. You trade for those things. You do that sex cooking & dishes. Some days your on lead Guitar. Some days your on tambourine. If you're on tambourine? Play it right. Play it like Tina F'ing Turner. Tambourine mth'r F'er Tambourine! Tambourine Mth'r F'er Tambourine!"
I was thinking of the bit when he said marriage fails because you’re not “coming and going” anymore. Lol. It’s a lot more about the tambourine though….
For men, marriage is about duty. For women, marriage is about happiness. The man's job is to create the space, comfort, and wealth for women to be able to express her femininity. A man who fails to deserve that does not deserve marriage nor love.
My marriage is very difficult now. My wife is more of a feminist now. We are constantly battling against each other. I believe in structure and duty. She's all about feelings, emotions and love. The idea of marital roles disgust her, even though she does most of what I require. She thinks the grass is greener on the other side. I tell her she sounds like she wants to be single. I really don't know if we're going to make it. Her ego makes it particularly hard to deal with her.
To me: being a husband is a duty and makes the wife happy. Likewise being a wife probably feels like a duty yet, makes the husband happy. We’re too selfish for marriage. Bottom line
I feel more accomplished when I work for something. My happiness appears when I feel more accomplished. I would like to get married, but I would also like my stuff(That I worked hard for) to be protected. I sometimes question if I'm ready... I mean, I understand completely what I need to do, but there have been Obstacles that get difficult for me to get over. Has anyone else had this feeling?
Being happy in anything in life is 90% due to your mindset if your healthy employed and not living on the street you should both thankful and happy Far far to many people but especially women aren't happy solely because they make themselves unhappy
I'd liked to believe that Marriage takes Work and plenty of it for a Life term. With Both a Man and a Woman fulfilling their Roles, they are bringing Responsibility and Stability in their Marriage. People tend to strive for Happiness in a Marriage that can easily be cut short due to their Spouse wanting to see what they can get out of it rather than what they can do for their Lover. If anything, Stability is a Goal to strive for, and that alone can produce 10x the Happiness than the Typical Happiness people tend to find through Scrap.
Marriage is a partnership. You discuss with your partner beforehand what the deal is. What you hope to achieve. What your expectations are. How you hope to get there. Like any partnership. Quit making every intergender situation a mind fcuk.
For her to be so young and well informed about marriage is commendable. It is so important for people here in America to understand that we have been tricked in thinking marriage is a Disney story. It is more a duty.
I know! It’s so encouraging to see and hear more women share their experience about marriage. We need to bring back duty to marriage 👏
I like that comparison!
I love a good romantic comedy myself but after the happy ending, there comes life.
Right? It's like inculturating herself into a society in which feminism hasn't taken root causes her to think clearly or something!
Your parents did their job well ( teaching you about life) Several youths of your age don't know what you know. They weren't taught.....a thing about marriage. God bless!!
Keyword = "TRICKED"
"The purpose of marriage is not to make us happy but to make us holy. And in being holy we find our happiness."
I completely agree
People today (unfortunately) define happiness as the pursuit of pleasure. People 250 years ago defined happiness as the pursuit of virtue and the personal growth that comes along with it.
@@RebeccaBarrett I wish I could remember the source of the quote but I remember it profoundly changing my view on marriage after my divorce.
Very good!!
pffft! Whatever! Keep it in church, man! - - - - OH WOW! I just read you are also DIVORCED?!?! LOL!!! Can you say "hypocrisy"?? Leave it to a "holy quoter" to "do as I say, not as I do." HAHAHAHA!!!
Happiness is a moment. It's a feeling. It comes and goes. Ebbs and flows. Success is hard work. Success is boring. Success can be monotonous. Success takes consistency. Unfortunately, those items don't make us "happy". I don't like to work out every day. It's not always fun. I'm not happy when I'm in the thick of it. However, the results are phenomenal. I feel fulfilled and confident that I kept my word. My skin looks great. My body looks great. It inspires others. People chase happiness too much and it's why they never succeed in anything.
I 100% agree!
Well said.
That part about working out and not always being happy hits me right in the core(pun intended). While I may run out of new exercises to do from time to time it has provided me excellent results over the last 9 months.
Agree
@@cl8wnm5n agree🎯💯
A hedonistic society is a hostile environment for traditional marriages. Words like duty, honor and loyalty are considered quaint relics of an outdated world and used more as a punchline these days.
That is so true. It’s very countercultural these days.
You are right on. Just add respect.
They are relics of a bygone era, and modern women are the ones that killed it.
Agree
You said something but said nothing.
It’s responsibility not happiness that gets you thru the tragedies of life.
That brilliant insight courtesy of Jordan B Peterson, one of the western worlds foremost intellectual
A family trumps everything. I got a hand-drawn Christmas card from my son and that is a level of happiness above all others.
I dreamed that life was joy.
I woke and found that life is duty.
I acted, and found that duty is joy.
People with no concept of accountability are getting into marriages and failing. High divorce rates show that.
Tia true 😔
"People always focus on the wedding and not marriage." This is so true. That's true a sense of duty is lacking in most marriages. You're right most people have a romanticized idea about marriage.
Ironically, anyone can have a marriage ceremony, and they can repeat it annually if they want. All you gotta do is marry yourself! It's EASY!
Exactly
Point🎯💯
I gladly took on the duties of being a husband out of love for my wife, and it is a joy to give her everything a husbands should, and more as well. She does the same and I feel truly loved by her as a result.
People need to read a book titled “His Needs, Her Needs”. I can not remember the author or publisher but it was from the late 70s or early 80s. Short book, quick read, but hammers the points quite succinctly and directly. We have lost this all today.
Yes, very good book. My husband and I read it. Thank you for the recommendation
@@RebeccaBarrett
Rebecca, may you please make a video discussing paternity fraud and how it is a pervasive issue that destroys families. Furthermore, it has poisoned the dynamics and interactions between men and women. This is a serious problem that many women perpetuate, and it's damaging society. Legislation and mandatory paternity testing for newborn infants should be in order to prevent this.
Marriage is about your DUTY to try and help the other person be HAPPY - and that goes for both sides. Married 48 years here, and I ran that by my lovely wife, and she agrees.
Love is that state of mind where another person's happiness is ESSENTIAL to your own. If you're not there, you're not in love, and you shouldn't get married.
Jesus Christ can this video go viral 🤦🏽♂️ there are several generations in America that need to watch this video
Marriage should be balanced duty and happiness in order to be healthy.
You are absolutely right about complacency killing marriage and a relationship. I was married for 29 years and that's exactly what pushed us apart. There was no one directly to blame for it, it was a mutual decision. Then I hear you talkin about these various things to do to work on keeping the marriage and I believe I failed some of that.
It's about the happiness of doing stuff for your husband
I love Megan Moon!!!! I really resonate with her experience. I actually feel more comfortable in Asian countries and feel like American, idk, it grates on me in a very uncomfortable way. I love Asian values for things like what Megan talked about and I'm glad you did this video!
Hello Rebecca: I have spent a lot of time in South Korea and I am literate in Korean. In addition I have lived in Japan. Something I find very attractive about those north east Asian cultures is recognition of the group and it isn't all about the individual. In both countries, I feel very, very safe.
Young people today just seem oblivious to what it takes to be a normal person. As an older guy I went into marriage knowing full well that marriage is a partnership it's team work. Help compliment each other but also be accountable for your own actions. I'm 45 and was married for 22 years.
I was a married 22 years. She never once cooked. Not even poured the milk on my Cheerios. Not to mention no sex for over 5 years. Divorced over 10 years now, 64 years old, lonely, heck yes, but I do have peace.
I'm not married BUT at age 42, if I had to guess, marriage isn't supposed to be "sexy." It's work and the husband and wife are a TEAM that are supposed to take care of each other while raising their own children to go out in the world and win. If I had to guess, the real relationship/marriage starts AFTER "The Honeymoon" phase.
Or, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about...*guitar riff*
It's actually very simple, man, especially for you. *trumpet fanfare* DO! NOT! GET! MARRIED! . . . . E-V-E-R!!!!
Agree
Stay that way. After the honeymoon phase, as the man it becomes your duty to make her happy. And you should get your happiness from that, get used to working your ass off, porn, sadness, alcoholism, etc. Just say no!
@@MrCyclingobsession Good lookin' out, brother.
You’re the chef. Your marriage is the meal you make of it.
Same with the rest of your life. Afaik “happiness” isn’t available on Amazon…
Self rescue is sexy!
Preach 🙌👏
I believe Earl Nightingale said something like this “I searched for joy and found duty. And behold duty is joy.” This isn’t an exact quote, but it works for all aspects of life, especially marriage.
The thing is many people, especially women, want a WEDDING rather than a real marriage. Just because you want a wedding doesnt mean youre ready for marriage
Marriage is a duty! But I hope to marry and it still be fun while maintaining the three pillars (friendship, partnership & romance )
Marriage is about survival. No one wants to go on forever if they are miserable. Most people today don't seem too happy. Morals and ethics have largely been forgotten.
Happy, morals, and ethics - in what way do any of those relate to each other?
The foundation of a society that is worth being part of is structured by rules derived by morals and ethics. Happiness is a measurement by which you can determine on an individual level if society is working for you. Get enough unhappy pissed off people amd changes are made. In my opinion, a good life has a lot to do with a good, strong, happy family. Behind closed doors, without morals and ethics and fair rules families don't thrive. Why bring a child into the world if life always sucks? Happiness is related to morals and ethics.
@@trex283 - Very well said! Thank you!
No, it is not people who always focus on the wedding and not the marriage, it is women that focus on the wedding. Most men could not care less about the wedding, and would rather invest the money on a house, or something of value which will hold its value.
I'm totally agree with her that's our Asian culture. The west forgot what is marriage 😂 also feminism is a choice in Asia but we don't demonise traditional role or feminism that's the difference
I’m half way in this video. And Megan Moon is spitting straight facts.
She does 🙌
This is absolutely all true. The problem with modern marriage is that people think that it’s just an extension of that initial infatuation that you have with someone. They think or hope that that will just continue on for the rest of their life. Unfortunately that’s not really sustainable. So people are looking for others that they have that intense infatuation feeling with, not for people that they will have respect and love for long term. I think if more people viewed marriage this way, the divorce rate would be lower and people would get serious about looking for a partner earlier in their life.
Correct!! That's why I never want to get married again!! I can't take care of a man🙄
I have enough duties and responsibilities in my life.
Duty trumps your own personal happiness. It's not about love, it's about sacrifice and putting in the work. Amazing video, and Megan Moon is my new hero :) Please invite her on your show for to discuss these incredible thoughtful insights. We need more women in America being exposed to these marriage truth bombs.
I think we so easily forget that it is more blessed to give than receive. Though there needs to be balance, giving in a relationship gives more joy than receiving, in general.
I completely agree on that. It's kind of a duty in many Asian countries. It's about wanting to work through things together and commit to one another. People still value gender roles. I'm dreaming of making a cute lunch box for my hubby haha!
Let me know if that sounds desperate but that's actually what I want to do!
Making coffee and other stuff too. I'm usually afraid of bringing this up in a relationship haha
thatsmore due to family values in asian countries.
ps you would be agreat wife (if these is correct) hope you find great hubby who would take care of you just like that
Omg yikes...this is your dream? Makinng someone a lunch? This channel is beyond oppressive for women
@@marcies1297 everone can be what they want if someone wants to be house wife/husband its their wish ,you or me are not superior/inferior than them
@@marcies1297 and quite frankly i will also be very happy to help my girl with typical masculine things like changing car tires for her(even if i have to drive a lot to get to her),change oil etc i would never let my girl carry heavy luggage(unless she wants too carry it) also would be very happy to do so
@@marcies1297 start investing in dildos, box wine and catfood, you gonna need tons.
Salute Megan! So glad reasonable ladies are out here
Can you hear the serenity in her voice?
She is calm and in touch with purpose.
Duty requires work and in working for duty with care comes happiness and joy.
Real Love comes from Service and Devotion.
Love it! Finally, some sensible women speaking.
As always, Rebecca, I enjoyed your video. I wish to respond to the following excerpt of what you said in conclusion:
“… we can't have our cake and eat it too. What I'm saying is that if you want marriage to work, you have to understand that it's about duty, and duty trumps your own personal happiness…. [Marriage is] not about love, it's not about happiness, it's not about all of these things that Western society wants people to believe that it is….”
Why do you believe that love and happiness and duty cannot exist in tandem in a marriage? Of course you can have it all, but it requires work. If marriage is only about duty, then, in my view, that’s a loveless, joyless, unfulfilled marriage. I wouldn’t want it.
Your sense of marital duty did not come in a vacuum. I entreat you to examine your journey to obligation. If you do, you will conclude that your love and happiness for your husband preceded your duty to him. Duty in a relationship, a marriage comes later. You are dutiful to your husband because you love him, and it maximizes your happiness. What is wrong with the pursuit of personal happiness in that context?
A marriage that is solely about duty is a moribund relationship. As a man who has been married for over two decades, my experience tells me that you can have it all.
8:28 Oh my gosh Ameera! I don't necessarily agree with all of her stances on politics, but she always looks so happy when she's talking about like her husband and her family and stuff.
Duty only;
there is no happiness in most marriages I know.
treat marriage as a life sentence with the possibility of parole, if you don't like that then;
the only winning move is not to play
Marriage is most definitely about duty. The hope of course is that fulfilling that duty will bring you happiness. Sometimes it will and sometimes it won't. People who believe marriage should be about happiness are really missing what marriage is all about. And I do believe those people would be better off not marrying. They'll be disappointed and so will the person they've chosen to be with.
Such a great video. So true! People need to realize that marriage is work. Loved it!
Btw...I was watching a video the other day from one of the DW hosts and you were one of the women that people are now calling "trad wives" and I got so excited! I thought, "Yay! Hopefully more people seek her channel out now!"
Thank YOU. Another "spot on" video. If both people GIVE to each other, then there always seems to be happiness. The more you give, the more you get. Even though doing big things are nice. It is the little things that you do every day for your spouse. Yes, me and my wife are both happy fulfilling our roles and duties of a marriage. Now, if a woman wants to have children and a family, then raising the children and maintaining household responsibilities becomes a career. Yeah, getting a baby sitter while you work is not really the right thing to do. Generally, you can't simultaneously have two careers. Yes, it is a choice. Again, Thank You.
Rebecca, this was an amazing video by the both of you. I feel like this video not only relates to marriage but also somebody that’s looking to get into a serious long-term relationship. Great job on the video and I really do hope more people get to see it. Thanks for the amazing content it has helped me quite a bit. 😊
Thank you so much Marcos, I appreciate it
The supreme irony of modern marriage is that the more the institution has drifted away from its transactional and elitist roots the more unstable it has become. The idea of an egalitarian marriage based on love, affection and passion is fanciful female notion that is the very reason women initiate the vast majority of divorces.
Yes - women initiate 80% of US divorces. And if she is college educated, it's 90%.
💯🎯agree
There’s just one thing I would already add to this: TELL your spouse you appreciate these things that they do for you. Tell them you see the little things. This perpetuates a beautiful cycle.
Marriage is about having a kind feminine woman like Rebecca Barrett to stick by you and support you. You also do the same to her of course!
Look at that PS5 in the background though!!!
I have been long married with an Asian woman. Much of what she says seems so true, but it is not just about the choice of love or duty or balancing the two. Joyful duty is the key to our higher purposes such as care for others and outreach to others, especially to reach out to the poorest of the poor.
Honestly looking back at my marriage it was a struggle but I'd honestly say it died after her first infidelity, I wish I had been a wiser man because if I was I would've not blamed myself so much and just left her saving me a lot of heartache and tears but as it stands it took a second affair(I honestly believe she cheated more looking back but I can only prove two affairs) from her for me to leave. I was nothing but a ball of rage for a long time after that, the only thing I'll say is thank god I had the gym because if I didn't have a way to vent all that anger I don't know what I would've done.
You need to find happiness in your duty. (I typed this comment before watching the video)
People speak against porn concerning men. What about all these romance novels, hallmark channel, and other venues for women. That is the same as porn for women. It tricks women into thinking the fairy tale is attainable, but far from the truth. Been married 37 years. My parents for 52. My wife’s, about the same. Marriage is a dedication, it is a sacrifice, a service, work, a love, a wanting of each other. Not a fairy tale. Is TV true or fake. Jump back into reality people, not TV. Remember, happiness is based on happenings. Love is based on your heart and is reciprocal. PS: a commenter said look at that PS5 in the background. I am sure, an intended meaning. Well, my wife and I would play games for hours on the TV. We competed against each other, yelled at each other, tried to cheat, hurled insults, and so on. All with love in the end. Arthritis and pain nixed her abilities to further the pursuit. When she could no longer play, new venues were explored and I quit playing on the TV. Sold the games.
Scott you nailed it!
@@RebeccaBarrett thank you for the reply. I did add further while you responded if you want to read.
Hallmark movies are like porn? That is the most stupid thing I've heard in a while.
Another thing that we in "The West" in general is what love actually is, as Rebecca points out, Love is a verb. Loving someone, is not the same as being 'in love' with them. Love is Duty. Love is Work. We need to rediscover that in Marriage.
Couples(especially young couples) in the west, have to understand that, at certain points during the life of a marriage they must fall 'In Love' with each other over, and over again. Neuro chemically speaking, being 'in love' is identical to having a manic episode, the brain can't sustain that. Despite the importance it plays. I think that if we remember these two things the divorce rate would drop significantly.
I never thought of indifference being the opposite of love. I would say that hate is the extreme opposite of love while selfishness is the other extreme opposite of love. I feel that love and indifferent are in the middle of that spectrum but still distal yet are easy to fall into and out off. Hmm things to ponder on. Great video!
I love this!!
It's about duty. By fulfilling your duty in the marriage you'll be happy.
Being able to fulfill your duty, should bring you happiness,
Lying and emotions alone is not how love is supposed to be expressed. John the apostle said let us not love merely in words, but in deed and in truth.
My wife “did what she had to do” for herself by dating another man and then leaving me for that person-to pursue her happiness of course!
Sorry to hear.
Idk how I landed here, but I'm glad I came ☺️
I've only been watching your videos for a week, and I feel like I've learned a lot. Thank you.
the ps5 in the back ground is peak👌
I love your positivity!
Jolly good job Rebecca, another fine video. Keep up the good work young lady.
Ahhhh I love Megan Moon! ❤️💙
Shout out to you guys scoring a PS5 this year. We see that flex. Next to the tree 😁
Dropping bars!!! I’ve come to understand marriage is more about duty than being happy and was just breaking that western romance myth with a friend as she’s going through a divorce
I have a slightly different perspective on this… maybe…
I do think that people in the western world often are getting married without fully getting to know each other and fully understanding what is important for both sides… and when things get bumpy, they jump to conclusion that “it is not going to work” and end up with a pretty rough divorce
BUT
I think that (good) marriage is about BOTH duty and happiness. It is like being part of a great sports team, or a great music band. Yes, one does think about what is good for the band, often, and that means sometimes doing things that are tedious, not exciting- -benefiting mainly one’s partner. But a great band makes one a much better musician overall, and allows one to achieve things that are impossible to each solo. An that brings a great deal of happiness and fulfillment. So the “net result ” of a marriage, how one feels about the “deal” they are getting, should be very positive. And if it is not, one should put a sincere, hard effort to make it so, and that means looking at themselves first.
Unless you want kids there's no reason to get married. Might as well just sign over half your possessions to her if that's all you want to do.
I do agree that complacency/roommate is where relationships go to die slowly, unless you refuse to let it. Which is better is probably debatable.
It's both, It's a duty to reach the goal of happiness, the real question is "Is it about selfishness or partnership?"
It all starts with the individualism of Western culture versus the family orientation of Eastern culture.
ya in the east you get a virgin. in the west you get a 35 year old manish woman with herpes
Where’s all the people that say “ well that’s not the same thing as a job” ?
More women like this need to speak up. Women will only listen to women about how to fulfill their roles. Same goes for men teaching men.
Oh my gosh I love her shirt! Nebraska ❤
Even that will fail without God, true marriage is a duty and love for God. When both the husband and the wife strive towards loving God they are better adapt to give love and serve each other and their kids
It's a duty and a responsibility for a good society. Without sinning and just thinking about you're self. If you ask you're self, why are we created? What will you answer. Ps love you're content much respect..
Criss Rock put it best. "You are in service to each other. The service biz. You knew she couldn't cook. She knew he doesn't do dishes. But the love & sex is good. You trade for those things. You do that sex cooking & dishes. Some days your on lead Guitar. Some days your on tambourine. If you're on tambourine? Play it right. Play it like Tina F'ing Turner. Tambourine mth'r F'er Tambourine! Tambourine Mth'r F'er Tambourine!"
I was thinking of the bit when he said marriage fails because you’re not “coming and going” anymore. Lol. It’s a lot more about the tambourine though….
Both. Doing your duty is what brings you happiness.
How immature are people that marriage is just about happiness. 🤦♂️
For men, marriage is about duty.
For women, marriage is about happiness.
The man's job is to create the space, comfort, and wealth for women to be able to express her femininity. A man who fails to deserve that does not deserve marriage nor love.
The opposite of this video is Adele song - easy on me, when you choose to focus on your happiness than marriages duty.
So glad this message is getting out there!
My marriage is very difficult now. My wife is more of a feminist now. We are constantly battling against each other. I believe in structure and duty. She's all about feelings, emotions and love. The idea of marital roles disgust her, even though she does most of what I require. She thinks the grass is greener on the other side. I tell her she sounds like she wants to be single. I really don't know if we're going to make it. Her ego makes it particularly hard to deal with her.
Marriage is about duty and joy. One can fulfil duty towards spouse and share joy with them, regardless of whether life is upwards or not.
Happiness is a temporary emotion that results when both people perform their duties.
To me: being a husband is a duty and makes the wife happy. Likewise being a wife probably feels like a duty yet, makes the husband happy. We’re too selfish for marriage. Bottom line
I feel more accomplished when I work for something. My happiness appears when I feel more accomplished. I would like to get married, but I would also like my stuff(That I worked hard for) to be protected. I sometimes question if I'm ready... I mean, I understand completely what I need to do, but there have been Obstacles that get difficult for me to get over. Has anyone else had this feeling?
Being happy in anything in life is 90% due to your mindset if your healthy employed and not living on the street you should both thankful and happy
Far far to many people but especially women aren't happy solely because they make themselves unhappy
It's so cool
how she's also
expecting now
I know right? I believe they are expecting twins
I just want to say you look so beautiful and I pray for a healthy rest of your pregnancy and a smooth transition into motherhood ♥️
Thank you, I really appreciate that
I needed this reminder.
I'd liked to believe that Marriage takes Work and plenty of it for a Life term. With Both a Man and a Woman fulfilling their Roles, they are bringing Responsibility and Stability in their Marriage. People tend to strive for Happiness in a Marriage that can easily be cut short due to their Spouse wanting to see what they can get out of it rather than what they can do for their Lover. If anything, Stability is a Goal to strive for, and that alone can produce 10x the Happiness than the Typical Happiness people tend to find through Scrap.
Marriage is a partnership. You discuss with your partner beforehand what the deal is. What you hope to achieve. What your expectations are. How you hope to get there. Like any partnership. Quit making every intergender situation a mind fcuk.
Marriage is when you're happy to be dutiful to someone.
It’s about a woman’s happiness, and potential financial gain in divorce.
congrats on the 50k
Hearing women talk like this is so inspiring. Maybe marriage might still be a viable option
It's about stripping a man of his resources
Happine$$$ through $$$$$
What do you do for a living??
Where is my upgrade in life????
Duty??? What is thaaaaatt???
I just saw Her video last month and I think you two would be a great collaborate
Am glad that you had this very informative session video on point