"If you're mean to your child, they won't grow up hating you, they will hate themselves " DUDE THIS WILL BE MY MANTRA IF I EVER DECIDE TO BE A PARENT ONE DAY
@@CuteBrainiacGirl I bet in her world, where she was always surrounded by other child stars grasping for the spotlight, it seemed to her that she came into the game late
So true. The uneasy reality of child stardom though is it’s easy to make a child look older but far more challenging making an early teen look younger. Take the stranger things kids for example. The show aged up the characters quickly because once the actors hit their teens there was no going back. Casting directors want to hire as young as possible to get maximum use and profit
Jennette is truly a walking example of healing and setting healthy boundaries. She deserves nothing but the absolute best in this lifetime. I really hope she is always surrounded by love and doing what matters to her.
I'm in my 30's and I still view my parents as more... capable maybe? When things go wrong I still call my parents and expect them to tell me how to fix it 😂 I still have a hard time viewing them as flawed as I am but that's probably down to more life experience.
I had a literal breakdown when I came to this realization in a very painful way. Now I find it kind of silly to think that my parents were somehow perfect beings but that's just how I thought for a long time.
@TheBostonYanks So basically she gave her opinion on a show she did, and you got your feelings hurt because it wasn't a positive one... Hmm, that says a lot about you!
@TheBostonYanks that show was a really bad experience for her same with ICarly. Those shows are triggering for her and remind her the bad experience she had behind the scenes. I recommend listen to her podcast especially the one is call stage parents
@TheBostonYanks Lol calling yourself not obsessive in excessive and repetitive paragraphs replying to comments not even directed at you…. Who’s kid is this?
I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD, so basically grew up always being wrong (and often not understanding how or why), because of this, I never really developed any sense of internal validation. So the conversation about discovering what your internal validation is (vs looking for external validation) actually is really hit home. It's one of the things I'm working on now in therapy (I'm in my 50's and this is the first time I'm considering internal validation). Thank you for the conversation.
I grew up being told tht I had ADHD told I was to smart for dumb classes but to dumb for smart classes when in school till I graduated early before my sister did in 95 while she graduated in 96 and I have been a volunteer firefighter and rescue since I was 18 and out of high school
@@josiahrickens4556 Living a great life is the very best revenge for your parents, who had absolutely no idea what they were doing when they raised you up. They were just humans too. Forgiveness goes a long long way. And change. By both sides. I found that keeping my promises to Myself was important. Because I would not take care of myself in order to please others. To thy own self be true. and "No" is a complete sentence.
Thank you so much for this comment. I don't want to overshare my private life over a yt commentary, but I just wanted to say that it really resonates with some parts of my life, and this new narrative really helps understanding, forgiving and is extremely useful ♡ take care
I was hoping to hear Jennette talk more all the way through and hear her story. The same happened when she was on Toxic Mothers and Lea Walters talked so much about herself, and Jennette just listened intently. She is such a good listener too. Can interviewers listen more. You learn so much when you allow your guests to open up without interruption or disturbing their flow.
- Lol !! I was literally thinking the same thing . I appreciate the flow, but I wanted to hear more from the guest & I wanted her to open up more about her mom & personal issues .. It was a good convo, but I feel like I needed to hear more from Jennette on a different level .
I had never seen a Mayim Bialik program nor watched a Jennete McCurdy interview until today and I loved this, actually. I think it really added and that it had everything to do with how Jennete responded well.
I was just thinking the same thing when I saw your comment!! Talking about eating disorders & she's like "I have a story..." This show she's supposed to be interviewing Jennette, not herself. She even said "no ones life is worse than mine. No one has it as bad as me". She needs more questions & listening than talking about herself
My mother’s death was a relief. I never liked her as a person. Even as a child I knew she was manipulative, emotionally, and physically abusive. She was a human being and I respected her as such but not sure I ever loved her. I know that may sound awful. I do wish she had sought out help with her mental health much much sooner.
No darlin, that does not sound awful. If I wasn't a carbon copy look alike of my mother, I would swear there's no way I could have ever came from that woman. I experienced my mother the same way as you describe yours. As I grew up physically, she along with the Doomsday CULTure she raised me in, made sure that I wouldn't develop as a person. I could never make sense of what they presented to me as my ( because it was their ) reality. I had never signed up for the competition that her behavior eventually proved to be. What I came to find from researching abusive relationships is that her characteristics were found under the categories of a malignant narcissist, bordering on sociopath. My mother is still alive. As long as she is, I will remain on tactical alert untill she departs.
My mother was one of my best friend's. I married young, but we spoke every day. I told her everything. My husband and I invited her for everything we did. I woke one morning, Valentine's Day, at 41 and found my husband dead. I was in shock, beyond devastated, barely able to function. He was my world since we were kids. Just 4 weeks later my 61 yr old mom was diagnosed with terminal lung & brain cancer. I spend my in shock days as a new traumatized widow, with our 5 grieving kids, watching her die, handling her end of life care because my sister was 'busy'. It felt like the world was ending around me. Then her will was read. She gave everything to my sister and her boyfriend, who lived off my mother their entire adult lives, and gave me, her oldest, suddenly widowed with 5 kids with primary income gone, life blindsided, with no explanation. Sometimes you know nothing about the world and the people around you. Sadly, you can only truly trust yourself.
I have BPD and DBT changed my life. Helped me figure out that the addiction/self-harm/eating disorder cycles were symptoms of a much bigger, more concrete issue...turned out my core identity was empty. I had to learn to like things, to choose things, to want things, to think about myself as someone who is deserving of choice. It changed everything and I'll always advocate for those kinds of therapy.
I did DBT too, for anxiety and anger issues, and it was the BEST THING EVER. In order to change your perspective you have to be OK with being corrected a lot, but it's SO worth it.
I'm old enough to be Jennette's grandmother lol. I'm so impressed with her intelligence, candid manner and insights. I want to read everything she writes now. Thank you!
It happens with moms and sons, too. This sounds similar to emotional incest, a type of abuse in which a parent looks to their child for the emotional support that would be normally provided by another adult.
I’m sad to hear that’s your experience. Hopefully your adulthood will be full of healthier attachments. Therapy can help you do the work to untangle the mess enmeshment creates. Without the work, many survivors find it difficult to create healthy attachment in life. Good luck to you.
My mother has always treated me either like her spouse or like her mother, not her daughter. I remember being about 9 years old, wanting to play, but couldn't because she wanted me to listen to her problems, like job issues, the house renovation, and so on. She even expected ME to giver her advices!!! She treated me like an adult when it came to her problems, but she treated me as an incapable child even when I was adult if it came to make choices for my own life. That's absolutely insane.
just telling people they need to set boundaries is not clear. Removing all NEGATIVE people and stepping away from negative communicators is clear. Often people cross talk as a way of abusing and controlling others, manifesting and projecting their own hyper vigilance and more on to you as a coping skill. This really helped me- Thanks!
I cried the whole time. I had no idea this would be a trigger but hearing you guys talk about all the toxic things It made me realized how toxic my own family is too.
I really enjoyed getting to know Jeanette. She is delightful. On I Carly she played the character Sam. Part of Sam's persona was that she was always hungry and thinking about food. I would like to have asked her how that affected her food disordered thinking. She is a strong woman.
I’m sure the creator was aware and did that on purpose. He wrote weird episodes after the other actress had his abortion at 13 years old. Dan Schneider
Mayim... I've over 60 and I so agree that when I close my eyes I still see and feel like a teen. I feel that inside, but the out side just laughs at me. You are not the only one who has those quirky thoughts about body image or even those odd thoughts you express so well. Thank you for this podcast. You and Jonathan... and of course your guests... add a bright spot to my days.
I'm in my 30's and feel this way. It's funny because when I look at teens I can see the baby faces and lack of life experience but at the same time I can still see through the eyes of my teenager/young adult self. I think the weirdest thing though is that I'm actually loving the sort of invisibility that getting older gives you. There's so much less pressure with each year and I feel like age gives a confidence that I could never have as a younger person.
I absolutely agree. These are certainly human experiences. I still feel 16....but that has been true for the majority of my life. Now I hardly recognize the person in the mirror.! But I like myself and feel comfortable in my skin. This body doesn't match my mind. And that's ok. I am completely grateful for the good and bad times. Forgiveness is key.
Just turned 60 this year and it still doesn’t compute. I’m in agreement with you: these shows are uplifting and thoughtful and thought provoking in good ways. I’m cheering you on also, Mayim and crew! Keep going. You’ve got something unique and useful.
My gran says she gets a fright when she sees herself in the mirror, as she expects to see how she thinks she looks, like she once did. I think it's a shame as I think she looks beautiful but I also understand how difficult and untalked about ageing is. Most people I've talked to say they feel just like they always did but society ignores them more... at least in western culture.
Two famous people i never expected to see in the same interview. of course that is not the point. Mayim, thank you for putting all the effort into these interviews with your calming nature and expertise. It's very special to see an interview where the host is learning just as much from the person being interviewed as they are learning about themselves from the host. And I like that I learn little tidbits about myself. The anxiety episode with Grace taught me a lot about myself.
Love the opening piece around enmeshment, although it can definitely be more nuanced. It’s not always the “best friend” parent it can also be the more “authoritative” parent too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not black or white. I remember desperately wishing I had a mom like Lorelei and Rory from Gilmore girls because my mom was so severe, moody, authoritative, and controlling. She constantly made me think that I couldn’t do things on my own or make my own decisions but then would resent me for being so needy and desperate for her validation and “help.” She constantly took all of the air out of a room. I wanted a mom that I could talk to and who seemed to actually ‘like’ me, not ‘like’ me only if I did what she wanted. Enmeshment can look different for each person but I liked how you stated it in a really clear way that I think everyone can understand. Jennette holds herself so well and I know that this book is deeply healing for lots of other people out there, including myself, to hear similar stories around abusive mothers especially when it’s not palatable to talk about.
My mom was authoritative, judgmental and overbearing... but then she'd flip and try to be my "friend." Of course, what she considered us being "friends" was her dumping all her grief, fears, frustrations, resentments, emotional dysregulation, gossip, and stress on me. And manipulating information out of me to use against me later to control and humiliate me with... or use me a a tool to control or humiliate someone else. If I tried to set boundaries to get some peace, she'd say I was cruel, unloving, and spoilt. With friends like that who needs enemies?
@@themaggattack Ugh, ditto. I would always feel so humiliated and ashamed for thinking that "this time it's different" and then have it all blow up in my face as it always did.
One day they will put proper subtitles for every video and further in the future they will put proper translations for each video, making it more accessible to all.
This has to be my favorite interview to watch of all time. The type of immediate connection you can feel with someone who shares trauma is so validating and makes for such honest and accepting discussions. Seeing these two women who I have grown up looking forward to hearing about makes my day so much brighter.
Jonathan, thank you for hitting the nail on the head re: so many of us don’t know what we want other than what we’ve been told by family/society. We have learned to look to the outside world for direction and affirmation of who we are rather than going within .
Jennette is very mature beyond her years. This interview, and Jonathan and Mayim’s interview with her own podcast is must-see 💕 I ended up squealing after watching this episode. Mayim’s happiness and laughter on this day is contagious and radiates a complete opposite on her aura when she interviewed Glennon Doyle, where you can feel her anxiety. Here, she’s just very happy, and it’s palpable 💕
Jonathan was wonderful in this episode. Thank you for letting him have more mic time. I am so impressed with how Mayim has shown so much authenticity and vulnerability in sharing with Jennette who tells her story eloquently and with such bravery.
This whole podcast series has given me so much to research and look into about myself. And one thing Mayim said sounds so much like something I said to myself-- life is just a series of coming to terms with one thing about yourself after another
"With alcohol, with drugs, the rule is, you put it down, don't pick it up, no matter what. [...] But I have to pick up food three times a day and twice for snacks, you know. We live in our decease." Yes! Yes! Exactly! Spot on! Couldn't have said it better myself.
This is the common thought, but I think it’s wrong. The measure of healing from addiction isn’t your ability to abstain. Addiction has little to do with the substance you’re addicted to. It has everything to do with seeking comfort from pain and filling voids (missing community, control, loss, death). To support this, any escape will do. A food addict may switch to running to get the dopamine fix that binge eating used to fix; cigarette smokers often become attached to food as a replacement. Alcoholics often become militant Christians.They may have healthier lives, physically. Nonetheless, they’re still addicts. Freedom from addiction comes when you resolve the issues you’re using your drug of choice to numb out or replace. Like with relationships, you’re healthy when you have healthy boundaries and an amicable relationship with your former fix, not when you’re avoiding them at all costs and living in fear of them.
The fact that she refuses to even say “iCarly” in any interview without saying it in a mocking/uncomfortable tone just tells me she has a lot to work through in that department. It’s nice to see her comfortable talking about something she hid for years. I followed her since I was a preteen/teen and it’s crazy how much her outside personality has changed compared to who she actually is as a person. The real Jennette is coming out and I’m sure she has plenty more to offer.
*Long story alert* There was a baseball player named Tony Horton. He was playing for Cleveland in 1970 when he had a nervous breakdown on the field at Yankee Stadium. A few months later after a suicide attempt he quit the game. He's still alive but since then has not had anything to do with baseball. He won't speak to former teammates, he won't do interviews, he cut himself off from the game entirely. He did let a friend speak on his behalf at a fan convention, the friend said that Horton went into business and has done well, but will not make public appearances. So here's the takeaway: Jeanette McCurdy doesn't even need to utter the word "iCarly" ever again if it's too painful. She doesn't ever again need to do this podcast or that show. If, in the name of mental health, she got some regular job and spent the rest of her life doing that, good for her. She doesn't exist for our entertainment.
I think she did mention “iCarly” title once. Even in a positive way. She mentioned the title and not the usual “The kid show I was on.” I don’t think she flinched or anything. She was actually laughing talking about it. I think it’s because she met that guest there and it was probably funny to her that they had a crossover. Although that was probably one of the few positive talks of that show.
@@bhhb4326 I remember her saying it once on her podcast. To me, she sounded like she had to force herself to say it and was kind of doing a slightly embarrassed laugh. I suppose that’s open to interpretation, but I think we’re thinking of the same thing, lol.
The Mormon talk really is refreshing to hear more people are connected to the Mormon indoctrination but made it out. Still healing here from the expectations and glad to see someone come out the other end.
I discovered through therapy that my mom was enmeshed with me! Never heard of the word before but it encompasses everything in my relationship with my mom! Wish I knew more about this when I was in my teens!
I've had both of these realizations recently: At 33, I have no idea who I am, only that I'm not who I thought I would be. And, while it's perfectly normal and healthy to have an idea of how and what you want your child to be, children do not exist to fulfill their parents' expectations.
I've read Jennette's book, and I was horrified honestly with how much of it I could relate to, and watching this, I'm even more horrified. Even watching you two bond so much over these things is relatable. I didn't have an eating disorder, and I'm a nobody (never been famous), but my mom was very emotionally abusive, and my dad enabled it. I was also homeschooled and my family was intensely Christian. We weren't Mormon but I can still relate to the whole kind of hierarchy thing within the church and our family not quite being at the top. I've thought about writing about my experiences like Jennette did, but I'm not famous or anything so nobody would actually give a shit, lol Sooo much of what you guys said had me nodding and saying "wow" to myself. Sometimes the voice in my head still tells me that I didn't really go through anything all that traumatic, but then I hear things like this and it's validating. You two are incredible! Edit: Come to think of it, I don't know if I would call it a disorder but I did fixate on food a lot as a kid. We were poor, so we didn't often have the best or a lot of food in the house. I would wake up and wonder if today would be a "good eating day" or not. I would watch kid shows on PBS and I would be angry at kids if they had food to eat when I didn't. I remember fantasizing with my mom about all the good things to eat that we wished we had and crying because we just had saltine crackers, and asking the kids at school what they ate for dinner. My mom used to buy a jar of peanut butter that was supposed to last all week long, and my brother would eat it all in one night. My mom would scream at him for being a thief and tell him he was going to hell for stealing from his family. He was probably 4 years old at the time that this started. I still focus a lot on food these days...just in a different way. Oh, and I was accused of being anorexic in high school. Turns out I was just malnourished...
@@AmeliaOak So is mine. I wrote for my own healing. Never shared it with anyone else - at least not yet. I may someday but thats not why I wrote it down. I wrote it down to remember to not repeat the cycles of my family dysfunction. I wrote it to heal myself. Your story and your feelings are not less valid because you're not famous. Even if you write it and put it in a box and never look at it again you've shared it somewhere and maybe in writing it healed a little bit of yourself
@@AmeliaOak I'm glad to hear that. In case no one has told you, you are worthy of healing and love and laughter and all the good things in life. Dont let your brain that was programmed by the people who hurt you tell you otherwise. Light and love on your journey!
“The more I love something, the less I use it”. omg I was the same way but I’m learning not to do that! I relate to all of this so much. I’m so glad I found both your podcasts.
I loved this interview!!! I used to watch iCarly with my daughter whom I swore I would never be enmeshed with. I also did a “one woman show” in Hollywood about my very Mormony upbringing and began my emancipation/individuation process from my mother (still living) at age 42. I’m now 51. My dear mom did not have cancer but lost my older brother at 4 to cancer. I was her sounding board and confidante...She literally lived through me and admitted that later. We’ve come a LONG WAY! Also leaving my faith and marriage at the same time was crazy pants! But I’ve done it! We have to have ways to express these things. I also choose to do that creatively. Love this interview with two amazing women (and a thoughtful, considerate man :) who can articulate issues so well! It encouraged me to keep going with my healing! Thank you!!! 🙏♥️
Yes, Jonathan! :) I'm giving you snaps of agreement on so many things you said. I just heard that quote for the first time the other day and it was such an eye opener. The version that I heard went "A child who is abused doesn't stop loving the caregiver(their abuser in this case), they stop loving themselves." It's a strange phenomena, but a key to understanding in order to unravel in moving forward.
@@candyskinner6710 For me, I wouldn’t say that is why. As a child you don’t know any different. You genuinely believe that this person has your best interest at heart and you are supposed to follow their rules. So if they are telling you that you are x, y and a then it is kind of difficult as a child to have the fortitude to recognize, identify and the opportunity to say hey, you abusive grownup l, are actually wrong. I am not what you say I am and I actually don’t deserve to be treated this way. It’s a bit of brainwashing if you will…that takes a LOT of time to undo.
I enjoyed watching Jeanette McCurdy with my young nephew on Nickelodeon during a rough period in her life - she was always funny and the kid had a crush on Sam Puckett - it's great to see her all grown up and so articulate - Thanks Mayim and Jonathan for bringing her story to our forum❤
I didnt watch ICarly and was only slightly aware of Janette before BUT Ive seen few interviews with her and now read her book and I am so in awe of the person she became after everything she experienced, she is an amazing writer and a real role model for the younger generations, not because of her sting on the Icarly show but of how she grew and transformed and fought for herself and now is following her dreams of being a writer and director. Loved the book and I look forward to read and see more from Janette!
I just finished Jennette’s book and came directly to this episode because I wanted more. So inspiring! I want this 2 women to be my best friends hahahaha
I am so bad about not using stuff that I love in hopes to not use it up too quickly and have it longer to the point of letting it spoil. I did not know other people also dealt with that. Thank you.
What is so interesting about her relationship with her mom (around the 20:00 mark) is the parallels to Mormonism. Being raised Mormon we were taught we were nothing without Mormonism, our identity was Mormonism. People at church would talk about how they would have no idea who they would be or what bad things they would get up to if it weren’t for the church. Jennette’s relationship with her mother has, from this ex-mo’s perspective, seemed to take on a lot of the dependency from Mormonism.
Best podcast yet, and they're all good. I adored Sam in iCarly (my son watched it and I tagged along) and felt a little disappointed for Jeanette that her acting career didn't flourish after that show ended. It seems like that was a blessing for her, though. You never know what's going on behind the scenes in a public person's life. She seems like a really strong, resilient person and this was inspiring. Thanks!
Hearing out loud the "I have to live in my disorder every day" hit me so hard... Like tears hard. The word IN means so much compared to WITH in that statement... My SO is a recovering addict who has been able to be clean for over 5 years. I am currently still struggling to understand how to navigate my own binge and overeating disorder... Our paths to recovery are so different.
Can you bring her back again now that is been a year? Would love to know how she is doing but on your channel. I love how you both have a conversation and doesn’t feel like interviewing. Iam happy I found this channel! So informative!!! Thank you! 💛
I’m just in the middle of listening but I love this search for self-identity. Extremely relatable outside the industry. I only recognized I was lacking a self identity around 24 years old… going on 30 and I’m just starting to concretely put the pieces in places to help me reach my goals as discussed in this episode. The journey to self-discovery is extremely relatable all around in my opinion. Thank you for sharing your authentic selves with the world 💝
@TheBostonYanks Do you consider it self gratification or vindication or both during your constant efforts of trying so hard to get others to think and feel the way you do about something?
@TheBostonYanks So I guess the question I have with that statement is, how do you define a person? By their response to a single post or by a professional or personal relationship with them? It seems like you're upset because she spoke up for her self when her work was being bashed at the time. Do you feel like if you went through each and every comment to express your feelings about her or give your opinion on who she really is as a person that it would be productive? Because I can assure you, it won't wavier people's perception. People tend to want to judge people for their self. You're in the comment section being the judge and jury for cancel culture and yet admiring her impressions and such in the next. Usually if someone doesn't like someone they simply don't listen or seek out everything they do..So if you like her at some level, why not show/have a little forgiveness or compassion on some of her faults and stop debating if she's this picture perfect person that you have in your head. I don't think she's portraying to be anything more than she is, so why spend your precious time tell others otherwise?
@TheBostonYanks Well I think you need to spend a little time then to work on your life and find your happiness. She will work out her issues at some point but you can't help someone who doesnt want your help and your energy would be best spent finding your happiness and fulfillment. It's difficult being a child star that is now a grown up and having to face a world who for the most part still look at her as a fictional character. But add to that, the one she was trying to please the most was using her to fulfill their own dream and now she's having to pick up those pieces. What most people dont understand is that a job is a job..she was young and her mom wanted her to try a thing..so she went along with it..she probably liked it at some point but not to keep doing over and over again and yet she was yelled at until she did it...So just because you do a job that people like you in that position or your preformace doesnt mean you owe them respect. And now she wants to be successful at something else and everyone keeps talking about 10 years ago...it doesnt mean she owns shit to any single person who likes or doesnt like her previous project. She's doing what shes doing creatively, for her self..if you like it, then cool and if not cool. She isn't a waitress that needs to act a certain way to everyone she's serving and doesn't need to cater to any fans emotion about her past work. If shes toxic to many...or to some extreme, sure call her out..but dont even expect people to always listen at that point because people who are actually cancled have too many fans for that to even matter sometimes...but in all fairness let those people who she upset stop supporting her and move on.
This was such a great conversation! I found myself shouting, "Oh my goodness, YES! IKNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!" I wanted to comment on the "Parent Pedestal Push-Off" for a moment. I experienced this, with a unique twist, when my mom passed almost 15yrs ago. During the first couple of years after my mom passed, I realized more about my father that had been previously "decorated" by my mother. My surviving parent is the one who fell off the pedestal. My mom was no longer there to assist my perspective of my father and I was, now, having to learn who he truly was. I had to discard the idea of my father and it hit me like a brick when I started discovering his true character. My father and I had a falling out for about 5 years and it has taken the last 10 to try and rebuild according to who he is. It has taken a lot of self discovery to allow myself to choose if, when and how much of my father I will allow into my life. I am extremely grateful to you, Mayim, for what you do. I connect with you on so many levels. Thank you 😊
#enmeshment When you define it as one person having an emotion, the rest of the family revolves around that person. I grew up with it and then recreated it in my own family. It's a terrible way to live. Thank you for your compassion and giving us the interview.
I am in rhe stage of truama recovery that feels like i am not present in the world and that i am not allowed to exist. I love and appreciate you so much Miyam and Jennette for being so vulnerable so not only you can benefit, but also so you can spread such delicate, truly relatable awareness of these struggles. Thank you for sharing the discussion. I have surely benefited
I didn't have my 1 and only child until I was 30. Totally relate to alllll of this. No rush. Enjoy. You would be a great mother. You've come soooo far!!
I salute Jennette so much for being open about what was behind the scenes in her personal life and how getting help got her to the awesome writer and director she is today! While I do think it is kinda sad that Jennette isn’t doing acting anymore, the most important thing is that she gave up acting to get her life back on track rather than having to spend another day being trapped in the body of someone that’s been told that they’re not capable of figuring out their own identity when they truly are capable of really showing that need to make these big decisions and choices in life that aren’t going to be easy, yet doing so will truly show their inner self in the end.
I was maybe 10-ish when it hit me how toxic and just how badly my parents shouldn’t be parents. Your parents really do affect your mental well being. I’m disconnected from both of them and am a better parent for it. I feel sympathy for the little girls we were.
Tears to my eyes when i read symphathy for the little girls we were..i could feel that for myself as well 💛 Its understanding what someone has been through because you know the feeling too well 💔
When I realized my parents are not perfect I felt extreme shame that I suddenly saw their faults and had negative thoughts about them. It took a long time to get over this feeling.
Loved your book JM! ❤️ a page turner, can’t wait to see/read “Henry Road”!!! Thankful for your letting us in on your journey. Young women can learn SO MUCH from your story. You are brave and talented. Never forget that. ❤️ U Mayim, for featuring her!
Can I just state I’m so glad you and Jonathan started this podcast. I’m happy I found it and so glad you had Jennette McCurdy as a guest. Great messages where received today 🧡
"Everything is broken and we're all gonna die. Thanks for listening!" BUAHAHAHA I almost fell out of my seat! This is my first listen to this podcast and I am absolutely hooked. The honesty and the willingness to explore what can be so painful is cathartic - and to connect it cerebrally is helpful for practical improvement. And what an incredibly awesome woman Jannette grew to be. We don't have the same experiences with our moms, but a lot of the things she said regarding the after effects and continued self maintenance mirrored my own. Is it strange to be so proud of a fellow human I don't know? Maybe. But I am.
I’m watching this and the podcast for the first and can’t help noting this is how archetypes podcast wished it could do. Fabulous! This just made me love you 😘
36:43 I literally have notebooks and paper from 25-30 years ago because they are too nice and if I were to write in them it has to be 100% the perfect thing - which I’ll never come up with. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only loony that does this.
I DLed Jeannette McCurdy's book today and listened to several hours of it at work and was entranced. She is such a good writer. And I have been a fan of Mayim Bialik since Blossom and knew about her podcast, watched every episode of The Big Bang Theory and have seen her movie with Simon Helberg. I even saw her episode with McCurdy on my 'for you' page but couldn't watch it. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, with a narcissistic father and a mother with BPD, then I married a woman with BPD and had a child with her who had BPD. I watched this podcast today and it was a revelation. Seeing Jeannette and Mayim interact was beautiful. And made me realize I should probably start working through my own shit. Just . . . thank you. For willing to be here.
I'm so happy you two do this podcast. It really opens up my eyes to what it's like behind the scenes for actors. It's hard to remember sometimes that famous people are just regular people too
I'm an 80's child and found Mayim Bialik's channel originally from her interview with Anthony Green - a talented lyricist and musician - which was a fantastic video on mental health and wellness. As an undergraduate counsellor in training, I'm really enjoying entertaining, candid, and informative content being produced. Now I found Jennette's book, looked up an interview and found this channel again. I didn't watch Blossom or iCarly, but I'm interested in authentic conversations about mental health and wellness. Its a bizarre and interesting feeling to have these intersectional experiences from the 90's and vicaruiously with the two of you meeting as former child actors thanks to the channel! Thank you for the content.
I can relate somewhat. Born in a city atmosphere near all my friends then moving to the country when I was 12 made me isolated. Ironically school was my safe haven but struggled through the late elementary and all through high school because of the verbal and mental abuse at home. Im 55 now and still alive. It takes alot to find emotional strength to live life after many traumatic and abusive situations we all endure. Jenette is my hero. A wonderful advocate to the cause
My life was plagued with mental, physical, emotionally, and sexually abused. My mom passed in 2012. I was her caregiver, for the last 3 months of her life. I'm 57 and have been in therapy for the past 8 years.
This was another awesome program. Thank you Jennette and Mayim for opening up and being so candid! I can relate so very much. Few words, other than thank you!
“The more I love something the less I use it” I resonated with this so much Thank you for talking about this Feeling bad when you shouldn’t .. Should be a crime Especially if you’re parents are making you feel that way I just want to hug you both This made me cry
Started my day off with this and I absolutely loved it. I was so excited when I saw this after listening to Mayim and Jonathan on her podcast a while ago. Bialik Breakdown is the only breakdown I love and I am so happy this podcast exists. This episode was so beautiful and inspiring. Thank you so much Jennette and Mayim for talking about these things you have experienced. Thank you so much for this episode and podcast . Can't wait for another episode .
Thank you!!! I’ve been bulimic for over 18 years and had an ED for over 30 years and what you described as financial anorexia is the story of my life! I can’t take things ending. I can’t handle it. Even a lotion I bought! Your podcast has been a game changer for me, someone in medical school and with a psychology degree and yet never heard any of this and it is all making sense! I’d love if you’d do a show focused on what has worked specifically for you based on your issues. 👌🏻❣️❣️
This was so eye opening for me - I’m 60 and just now figuring this all out. To see the both of you, and especially Jennette,at her age, be so clear on the dynamics of her relationship with her mother is inspiring. Mine was also one of enmeshment - which I learned listening to you! I also just left my dysfunctional (enmeshed) marriage of 30 years, and I have been so lost. It was my choice to leave, but your description of the pain of that loss, and the disorientation, really hit home. I could spend all day, all week, all year listening to you guys. If you start a group, I want to join! And the thing about restriction! OMG! I had no idea that was a symptom! I have done that my whole life!
I’m in DBT now and love that there are applicable exercises and guidance. I’m also dealing with recovery from a variety of addictions and even disordered eating and forms of self harm. I also have a really close attachment pain with my dad. I had to take care of my dad and my grandmother my entire childhood and young adulthood.
I loved watching this! Jennette and her story has always fascinated me. Mayim is so fun to watch. I feel like her and I would have a great time together just hanging out.
Great interview. I have teenagers, and we used to watch iCarly (and later Sam & Kat) often -- they were big on Nickelodeon when they were growing up. I wondered what happened to Jennette after that. I'm glad she's finding her peace and finding new ways to be creative. I wish her lots of happiness in her future endeavors. I also hope this starts a lengthy friendship between Mayim and Jennette... they really do have a lot of unique connections and similar experiences.
This is, unexpectedly, one of my favorite episodes so far, though I can't put my finger as to why. Perhaps it's because I sat through every single episode of iCarly and Sam & Cat in the background with my kids, and I had always seen beyond her character(s), and have always wanted to get to know her a bit better. As an aside, I love Mayim's bit on envious/jealousy. She describes the difference the EXACT same way I describe it to my kids. (When my kids were 6yo, they had to deal with us parents honing in on their grammar nuances.) Near the end, the part about being mid-40s and wanting people to call us but no wanting to go out anyway, etc. Feeling like we are still 15, and so on. So spot on! Maybe we will meet some day! I can relate on so many levels. And the fact people nearing 30 could be our kids. Yikes!
I resonated deeply with the truama talk and personal need vs. sociatial pressures. I have depression that comes and goes,but is more probable during low light weather. One of the ways I self-soothe to get out of my depression is helping others. I never thought this could become a bad habit, until i was suffering a sound sensitive migraine, and willingly let someone vent they're day to me. I felt like i was drunk at that point,because having the constant noise in my ear,while trying to concentrate and be "a good friend", even when they could see I was crying, and doing breathing excersizeing to regulate my pain. Turns out that was the first red flag to an unhealthy friendship, and after they had used me to get at my savings,and had thier fun mentally manipulating me, they gas lighted my boyfriend and me to break up, and it ended up with us parting as anything more then just friends. So for me this whole session minus the child acting has resonated deeply with me.
I didn't realize that a lot of the journaling I do seems like the DBT work she mentioned. While working on my codependency and doing some serious identity reflection I made a list of 100 things that make me happy, I love doing, and enjoy. I had to keep removing things because I realized that a lot of what I was putting down was based on wanting to be liked by certain people, influenced by what I saw on social media, ect. With each item I literally had to ask myself, "If I was alone, could tell no one that I did this, or never post about it would I still do this and would it make me happy?"
Such inspiring, intelligent minds. There’s also something healthy that can come from such sadness if you make it through the other end. Love hearing about both of your stories and will find myself binge researching you both now ❤️
I really appreciate this conversation, especially about being honest with yourself and your goals. It took a long time for me to realize this, but I have been grateful ever since.
"If you're mean to your child, they won't grow up hating you, they will hate themselves " DUDE THIS WILL BE MY MANTRA IF I EVER DECIDE TO BE A PARENT ONE DAY
And when they learn to love themselves they will hate their parents
@@Gigilovehugs spot on
@@Gigilovehugs I wish it always was 'when', but it's more like 'if'.
@@lisarodriguez6966 are you saying if someone learn how to love themselves?
@@Gigilovehugs yes.
"i started acting very late in life, i was 12" that is the most child actor thing i've ever heard in my life
How would you feel if your parent, who is supposed to protect you ended up pimping you to a child molester?
painful! poor bb.
I mean, she was on tv almost immediately!!
@@CuteBrainiacGirl I bet in her world, where she was always surrounded by other child stars grasping for the spotlight, it seemed to her that she came into the game late
So true. The uneasy reality of child stardom though is it’s easy to make a child look older but far more challenging making an early teen look younger. Take the stranger things kids for example. The show aged up the characters quickly because once the actors hit their teens there was no going back. Casting directors want to hire as young as possible to get maximum use and profit
Jennette is truly a walking example of healing and setting healthy boundaries. She deserves nothing but the absolute best in this lifetime. I really hope she is always surrounded by love and doing what matters to her.
A year after this people need to read her book, it's sad but a great book.
And she will.
@@feezible REading her book helped me realize I've been lying to myself. I've endured abuse too, but had buried it deep down.
Book was great. She was fighting for happiness from 6 years old
I hope she reads this comment, and believes it to her core. I want this for her too, and for all of us. 💗
The moment you realize your parents are just people is incredibly life changing.
I'm in my 30's and I still view my parents as more... capable maybe? When things go wrong I still call my parents and expect them to tell me how to fix it 😂 I still have a hard time viewing them as flawed as I am but that's probably down to more life experience.
Oh by fifteen I already knew this. But at some point you gotta stop blaming your problems on your parents.
This resonates with me, too.
Facts
I had a literal breakdown when I came to this realization in a very painful way. Now I find it kind of silly to think that my parents were somehow perfect beings but that's just how I thought for a long time.
Jennette came out of this ordeal as a down to earth, thoughtful, and mature woman. Really impressive interview!
@TheBostonYanks So basically she gave her opinion on a show she did, and you got your feelings hurt because it wasn't a positive one... Hmm, that says a lot about you!
Really? Feels hard to believe but I need proof.
@TheBostonYanks that show was a really bad experience for her same with ICarly. Those shows are triggering for her and remind her the bad experience she had behind the scenes. I recommend listen to her podcast especially the one is call stage parents
That’s what we see because of her hard work. We don’t know how long or how much it took for her to get to this point
@TheBostonYanks Lol calling yourself not obsessive in excessive and repetitive paragraphs replying to comments not even directed at you…. Who’s kid is this?
I just got done binge listening to "I'm glad my mom died" last week. Excellent book. Incredibly sad but also very relatable. Finished it in one day.
same. LOVED the book. Nothing better than truth well told.
I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD, so basically grew up always being wrong (and often not understanding how or why), because of this, I never really developed any sense of internal validation. So the conversation about discovering what your internal validation is (vs looking for external validation) actually is really hit home. It's one of the things I'm working on now in therapy (I'm in my 50's and this is the first time I'm considering internal validation).
Thank you for the conversation.
Wow, I didn't connect these things - ADHD and validation. Was diagnosed in my mid-thirties. Have been working on validating myself
I grew up being told tht I had ADHD told I was to smart for dumb classes but to dumb for smart classes when in school till I graduated early before my sister did in 95 while she graduated in 96 and I have been a volunteer firefighter and rescue since I was 18 and out of high school
Me too
@@josiahrickens4556 Living a great life is the very best revenge for your parents, who had absolutely no idea what they were doing when they raised you up. They were just humans too.
Forgiveness goes a long long way.
And change. By both sides.
I found that keeping my promises to Myself was important. Because I would not take care of myself in order to please others.
To thy own self be true.
and
"No" is a complete sentence.
Thank you so much for this comment.
I don't want to overshare my private life over a yt commentary, but I just wanted to say that it really resonates with some parts of my life, and this new narrative really helps understanding, forgiving and is extremely useful ♡ take care
I was hoping to hear Jennette talk more all the way through and hear her story. The same happened when she was on Toxic Mothers and Lea Walters talked so much about herself, and Jennette just listened intently. She is such a good listener too.
Can interviewers listen more. You learn so much when you allow your guests to open up without interruption or disturbing their flow.
I assume she was saving up her content because at the time unbeknownst to us she was in the middle of writing her book
Read her book! It is incredibly well written.
- Lol !! I was literally thinking the same thing . I appreciate the flow, but I wanted to hear more from the guest & I wanted her to open up more about her mom & personal issues .. It was a good convo, but I feel like I needed to hear more from Jennette on a different level .
I had never seen a Mayim Bialik program nor watched a Jennete McCurdy interview until today and I loved this, actually. I think it really added and that it had everything to do with how Jennete responded well.
I was just thinking the same thing when I saw your comment!! Talking about eating disorders & she's like "I have a story..." This show she's supposed to be interviewing Jennette, not herself. She even said "no ones life is worse than mine. No one has it as bad as me". She needs more questions & listening than talking about herself
Omg this was a crossover I did NOT expect
Me neither! But I am SO glad! I love Jeanette. So excited you had her on!
You should listen to Jeanette’s podcast. It’s great, too!
My mother’s death was a relief. I never liked her as a person. Even as a child I knew she was manipulative, emotionally, and physically abusive. She was a human being and I respected her as such but not sure I ever loved her. I know that may sound awful. I do wish she had sought out help with her mental health much much sooner.
❤️
No darlin, that does not sound awful. If I wasn't a carbon copy look alike of my mother, I would swear there's no way I could have ever came from that woman. I experienced my mother the same way as you describe yours. As I grew up physically, she along with the Doomsday CULTure she raised me in, made sure that I wouldn't develop as a person. I could never make sense of what they presented to me as my ( because it was their ) reality. I had never signed up for the competition that her behavior eventually proved to be. What I came to find from researching abusive relationships is that her characteristics were found under the categories of a malignant narcissist, bordering on sociopath. My mother is still alive. As long as she is, I will remain on tactical alert untill she departs.
No one is owed respect for existing. Narcissists are always deaths for celebration
My mother was one of my best friend's. I married young, but we spoke every day. I told her everything. My husband and I invited her for everything we did. I woke one morning, Valentine's Day, at 41 and found my husband dead. I was in shock, beyond devastated, barely able to function. He was my world since we were kids. Just 4 weeks later my 61 yr old mom was diagnosed with terminal lung & brain cancer. I spend my in shock days as a new traumatized widow, with our 5 grieving kids, watching her die, handling her end of life care because my sister was 'busy'. It felt like the world was ending around me. Then her will was read. She gave everything to my sister and her boyfriend, who lived off my mother their entire adult lives, and gave me, her oldest, suddenly widowed with 5 kids with primary income gone, life blindsided, with no explanation. Sometimes you know nothing about the world and the people around you. Sadly, you can only truly trust yourself.
@@betsybabf748 I’m sorry that happened to you. Hoping you and your children have since found a supportive community.💝
I have BPD and DBT changed my life. Helped me figure out that the addiction/self-harm/eating disorder cycles were symptoms of a much bigger, more concrete issue...turned out my core identity was empty. I had to learn to like things, to choose things, to want things, to think about myself as someone who is deserving of choice. It changed everything and I'll always advocate for those kinds of therapy.
Dbt has been something I've always been off about. The house was way to chaotic
Dbt has been something I've always been off about. The house was way to chaotic
Dbt has been something I've always been off about. The house was way to chaotic
I did DBT too, for anxiety and anger issues, and it was the BEST THING EVER. In order to change your perspective you have to be OK with being corrected a lot, but it's SO worth it.
I have BPD as well 😊 I’ve only had one year of DBT, but it has helped me see things differently. I hope to continue!
I'm old enough to be Jennette's grandmother lol. I'm so impressed with her intelligence, candid manner and insights. I want to read everything she writes now. Thank you!
It happens with moms and sons, too.
This sounds similar to emotional incest, a type of abuse in which a parent looks to their child for the emotional support that would be normally provided by another adult.
Thats what my mom did to me. I remember being 8 or 9 years old and her telling me I was her best friend.
I’m sad to hear that’s your experience. Hopefully your adulthood will be full of healthier attachments. Therapy can help you do the work to untangle the mess enmeshment creates. Without the work, many survivors find it difficult to create healthy attachment in life. Good luck to you.
@@eponymoususer8923 thank you.
@@sugarsore as a child my mother taught me that if someone asked me who was my best friend I should say she was.
My mother has always treated me either like her spouse or like her mother, not her daughter. I remember being about 9 years old, wanting to play, but couldn't because she wanted me to listen to her problems, like job issues, the house renovation, and so on. She even expected ME to giver her advices!!! She treated me like an adult when it came to her problems, but she treated me as an incapable child even when I was adult if it came to make choices for my own life. That's absolutely insane.
just telling people they need to set boundaries is not clear. Removing all NEGATIVE people and stepping away from negative communicators is clear. Often people cross talk as a way of abusing and controlling others, manifesting and projecting their own hyper vigilance and more on to you as a coping skill. This really helped me- Thanks!
I cried the whole time. I had no idea this would be a trigger but hearing you guys talk about all the toxic things It made me realized how toxic my own family is too.
Facts. It’s sad to see how toxic one’s family is.
I really enjoyed getting to know Jeanette. She is delightful. On I Carly she played the character Sam. Part of Sam's persona was that she was always hungry and thinking about food. I would like to have asked her how that affected her food disordered thinking. She is a strong woman.
She talks about this exact thing on cbc's "q". It was a really good interview, you should check it out. :)
I’m sure the creator was aware and did that on purpose. He wrote weird episodes after the other actress had his abortion at 13 years old. Dan Schneider
Mayim... I've over 60 and I so agree that when I close my eyes I still see and feel like a teen. I feel that inside, but the out side just laughs at me. You are not the only one who has those quirky thoughts about body image or even those odd thoughts you express so well. Thank you for this podcast. You and Jonathan... and of course your guests... add a bright spot to my days.
I'm in my 30's and feel this way. It's funny because when I look at teens I can see the baby faces and lack of life experience but at the same time I can still see through the eyes of my teenager/young adult self. I think the weirdest thing though is that I'm actually loving the sort of invisibility that getting older gives you. There's so much less pressure with each year and I feel like age gives a confidence that I could never have as a younger person.
I absolutely agree. These are certainly human experiences.
I still feel 16....but that has been true
for the majority of my life.
Now I hardly recognize the person in the mirror.! But I like myself and feel comfortable in my skin. This body doesn't match my mind. And that's ok. I am completely grateful for the good and bad times.
Forgiveness is key.
Just turned 60 this year and it still doesn’t compute. I’m in agreement with you: these shows are uplifting and thoughtful and thought provoking in good ways. I’m cheering you on also, Mayim and crew! Keep going. You’ve got something unique and useful.
My gran says she gets a fright when she sees herself in the mirror, as she expects to see how she thinks she looks, like she once did. I think it's a shame as I think she looks beautiful but I also understand how difficult and untalked about ageing is. Most people I've talked to say they feel just like they always did but society ignores them more... at least in western culture.
Two famous people i never expected to see in the same interview. of course that is not the point. Mayim, thank you for putting all the effort into these interviews with your calming nature and expertise. It's very special to see an interview where the host is learning just as much from the person being interviewed as they are learning about themselves from the host. And I like that I learn little tidbits about myself. The anxiety episode with Grace taught me a lot about myself.
Love the opening piece around enmeshment, although it can definitely be more nuanced. It’s not always the “best friend” parent it can also be the more “authoritative” parent too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not black or white. I remember desperately wishing I had a mom like Lorelei and Rory from Gilmore girls because my mom was so severe, moody, authoritative, and controlling. She constantly made me think that I couldn’t do things on my own or make my own decisions but then would resent me for being so needy and desperate for her validation and “help.” She constantly took all of the air out of a room. I wanted a mom that I could talk to and who seemed to actually ‘like’ me, not ‘like’ me only if I did what she wanted. Enmeshment can look different for each person but I liked how you stated it in a really clear way that I think everyone can understand. Jennette holds herself so well and I know that this book is deeply healing for lots of other people out there, including myself, to hear similar stories around abusive mothers especially when it’s not palatable to talk about.
My mom was authoritative, judgmental and overbearing... but then she'd flip and try to be my "friend." Of course, what she considered us being "friends" was her dumping all her grief, fears, frustrations, resentments, emotional dysregulation, gossip, and stress on me. And manipulating information out of me to use against me later to control and humiliate me with... or use me a a tool to control or humiliate someone else. If I tried to set boundaries to get some peace, she'd say I was cruel, unloving, and spoilt. With friends like that who needs enemies?
@@themaggattack Ugh, ditto. I would always feel so humiliated and ashamed for thinking that "this time it's different" and then have it all blow up in my face as it always did.
@@themaggattack yes. Totally relate.
One day I will be fluent in English and I will see all these Interviews without the auto-generated google subtitle. I'm Brazilian.
One day they will put proper subtitles for every video and further in the future they will put proper translations for each video, making it more accessible to all.
English is my first language and I still need them to understand !! Dont ever beat yourself up
Boa sorte! 👍
This has to be my favorite interview to watch of all time. The type of immediate connection you can feel with someone who shares trauma is so validating and makes for such honest and accepting discussions. Seeing these two women who I have grown up looking forward to hearing about makes my day so much brighter.
Jonathan, thank you for hitting the nail on the head re: so many of us don’t know what we want other than what we’ve been told by family/society. We have learned to look to the outside world for direction and affirmation of who we are rather than going within .
Jennette is very mature beyond her years. This interview, and Jonathan and Mayim’s interview with her own podcast is must-see 💕 I ended up squealing after watching this episode. Mayim’s happiness and laughter on this day is contagious and radiates a complete opposite on her aura when she interviewed Glennon Doyle, where you can feel her anxiety. Here, she’s just very happy, and it’s palpable 💕
Jonathan was wonderful in this episode. Thank you for letting him have more mic time. I am so impressed with how Mayim has shown so much authenticity and vulnerability in sharing with Jennette who tells her story eloquently and with such bravery.
This whole podcast series has given me so much to research and look into about myself. And one thing Mayim said sounds so much like something I said to myself-- life is just a series of coming to terms with one thing about yourself after another
"With alcohol, with drugs, the rule is, you put it down, don't pick it up, no matter what. [...] But I have to pick up food three times a day and twice for snacks, you know. We live in our decease."
Yes! Yes! Exactly! Spot on! Couldn't have said it better myself.
This is the common thought, but I think it’s wrong. The measure of healing from addiction isn’t your ability to abstain.
Addiction has little to do with the substance you’re addicted to. It has everything to do with seeking comfort from pain and filling voids (missing community, control, loss, death).
To support this, any escape will do. A food addict may switch to running to get the dopamine fix that binge eating used to fix; cigarette smokers often become attached to food as a replacement. Alcoholics often become militant Christians.They may have healthier lives, physically. Nonetheless, they’re still addicts.
Freedom from addiction comes when you resolve the issues you’re using your drug of choice to numb out or replace.
Like with relationships, you’re healthy when you have healthy boundaries and an amicable relationship with your former fix, not when you’re avoiding them at all costs and living in fear of them.
The fact that she refuses to even say “iCarly” in any interview without saying it in a mocking/uncomfortable tone just tells me she has a lot to work through in that department. It’s nice to see her comfortable talking about something she hid for years. I followed her since I was a preteen/teen and it’s crazy how much her outside personality has changed compared to who she actually is as a person. The real Jennette is coming out and I’m sure she has plenty more to offer.
I am a 66 year old man, and I watched that show all the time. I thought it was hilarious. And I don't watch much TV.
*Long story alert*
There was a baseball player named Tony Horton. He was playing for Cleveland in 1970 when he had a nervous breakdown on the field at Yankee Stadium. A few months later after a suicide attempt he quit the game. He's still alive but since then has not had anything to do with baseball. He won't speak to former teammates, he won't do interviews, he cut himself off from the game entirely. He did let a friend speak on his behalf at a fan convention, the friend said that Horton went into business and has done well, but will not make public appearances.
So here's the takeaway:
Jeanette McCurdy doesn't even need to utter the word "iCarly" ever again if it's too painful. She doesn't ever again need to do this podcast or that show. If, in the name of mental health, she got some regular job and spent the rest of her life doing that, good for her. She doesn't exist for our entertainment.
@@NJGuy1973 I never said she did. I’m happy for her and she can do whatever the hell she chooses. Just an observation.
I think she did mention “iCarly” title once. Even in a positive way. She mentioned the title and not the usual “The kid show I was on.” I don’t think she flinched or anything. She was actually laughing talking about it.
I think it’s because she met that guest there and it was probably funny to her that they had a crossover.
Although that was probably one of the few positive talks of that show.
@@bhhb4326 I remember her saying it once on her podcast. To me, she sounded like she had to force herself to say it and was kind of doing a slightly embarrassed laugh. I suppose that’s open to interpretation, but I think we’re thinking of the same thing, lol.
The Mormon talk really is refreshing to hear more people are connected to the Mormon indoctrination but made it out. Still healing here from the expectations and glad to see someone come out the other end.
Religion is a code or cypher people use to talk about their families to others and Mormonism is an American verison.
I love how Mayim is just being her, and she’s just so energetic and giddy. These interviews are just so wholesome and I hope they continue.
Enmeshment just explained my whole childhood to me.. wow. My mind is absolutely boggled.
I discovered through therapy that my mom was enmeshed with me! Never heard of the word before but it encompasses everything in my relationship with my mom! Wish I knew more about this when I was in my teens!
I've had both of these realizations recently: At 33, I have no idea who I am, only that I'm not who I thought I would be. And, while it's perfectly normal and healthy to have an idea of how and what you want your child to be, children do not exist to fulfill their parents' expectations.
Now your life has started 🌠 🌃
L😊
@@TheKillahKylagh a yg
Profound. I’m 51 years old and identify with your comment so much!
I love that we can access such quality content so freely. Thank you so much for making these!
I can't believe I only just discovered this podcast! This is quickly becoming my favorite listen. ❤🌸
Mine as well! I’ve never liked podcasts, but I love this one.
I've read Jennette's book, and I was horrified honestly with how much of it I could relate to, and watching this, I'm even more horrified. Even watching you two bond so much over these things is relatable.
I didn't have an eating disorder, and I'm a nobody (never been famous), but my mom was very emotionally abusive, and my dad enabled it. I was also homeschooled and my family was intensely Christian. We weren't Mormon but I can still relate to the whole kind of hierarchy thing within the church and our family not quite being at the top. I've thought about writing about my experiences like Jennette did, but I'm not famous or anything so nobody would actually give a shit, lol
Sooo much of what you guys said had me nodding and saying "wow" to myself. Sometimes the voice in my head still tells me that I didn't really go through anything all that traumatic, but then I hear things like this and it's validating. You two are incredible!
Edit: Come to think of it, I don't know if I would call it a disorder but I did fixate on food a lot as a kid. We were poor, so we didn't often have the best or a lot of food in the house. I would wake up and wonder if today would be a "good eating day" or not. I would watch kid shows on PBS and I would be angry at kids if they had food to eat when I didn't. I remember fantasizing with my mom about all the good things to eat that we wished we had and crying because we just had saltine crackers, and asking the kids at school what they ate for dinner. My mom used to buy a jar of peanut butter that was supposed to last all week long, and my brother would eat it all in one night. My mom would scream at him for being a thief and tell him he was going to hell for stealing from his family. He was probably 4 years old at the time that this started. I still focus a lot on food these days...just in a different way. Oh, and I was accused of being anorexic in high school. Turns out I was just malnourished...
Write it down. Write it for yourself. You have no idea who you may help by being truthful with your experience
@@gloriouslyimperfect my mom is alive though
@@AmeliaOak So is mine. I wrote for my own healing. Never shared it with anyone else - at least not yet. I may someday but thats not why I wrote it down. I wrote it down to remember to not repeat the cycles of my family dysfunction. I wrote it to heal myself. Your story and your feelings are not less valid because you're not famous. Even if you write it and put it in a box and never look at it again you've shared it somewhere and maybe in writing it healed a little bit of yourself
@@gloriouslyimperfect I love this, and I actually have written some of it down for myself. I journal a lot because it’s cathartic.
@@AmeliaOak I'm glad to hear that. In case no one has told you, you are worthy of healing and love and laughter and all the good things in life. Dont let your brain that was programmed by the people who hurt you tell you otherwise. Light and love on your journey!
“Seeing myself as my higher power sees me” WOW I can’t explain how much that hit me in my heart and soul
It’s an AA maxim
Christina Crawford really paved the way for us to share these stories. My mom was exactly like Jennette's.
Was....hope you healed
Yes , so grateful for CC. My mom was like her too.
i was a DBT case manager working with youth and DBT saved my life. Loved this interview so much.
Jennette is the bravest person ever and she certainly is contributing to the society and helping and inspiring millions of people
She's just great ‼
“The more I love something, the less I use it”. omg I was the same way but I’m learning not to do that! I relate to all of this so much. I’m so glad I found both your podcasts.
I loved this interview!!! I used to watch iCarly with my daughter whom I swore I would never be enmeshed with. I also did a “one woman show” in Hollywood about my very Mormony upbringing and began my emancipation/individuation process from my mother (still living) at age 42.
I’m now 51.
My dear mom did not have cancer but lost my older brother at 4 to cancer. I was her sounding board and confidante...She literally lived through me and admitted that later. We’ve come a LONG WAY!
Also leaving my faith and marriage at the same time was crazy pants! But I’ve done it!
We have to have ways to express these things. I also choose to do that creatively. Love this interview with two amazing women (and a thoughtful, considerate man :) who can articulate issues so well! It encouraged me to keep going with my healing! Thank you!!! 🙏♥️
Yes, Jonathan! :) I'm giving you snaps of agreement on so many things you said. I just heard that quote for the first time the other day and it was such an eye opener. The version that I heard went "A child who is abused doesn't stop loving the caregiver(their abuser in this case), they stop loving themselves." It's a strange phenomena, but a key to understanding in order to unravel in moving forward.
It’s safer to hate yourself than to hate the person that society dictates you are supposed to love.
@@candyskinner6710 damn. 😭 this is so healing
This quote really spoke to me thank you
@@candyskinner6710 For me, I wouldn’t say that is why. As a child you don’t know any different. You genuinely believe that this person has your best interest at heart and you are supposed to follow their rules. So if they are telling you that you are x, y and a then it is kind of difficult as a child to have the fortitude to recognize, identify and the opportunity to say hey, you abusive grownup l, are actually wrong. I am not what you say I am and I actually don’t deserve to be treated this way. It’s a bit of brainwashing if you will…that takes a LOT of time to undo.
I enjoyed watching Jeanette McCurdy with my young nephew on Nickelodeon during a rough period in her life - she was always funny and the kid had a crush on Sam Puckett - it's great to see her all grown up and so articulate - Thanks Mayim and Jonathan for bringing her story to our forum❤
I didnt watch ICarly and was only slightly aware of Janette before BUT Ive seen few interviews with her and now read her book and I am so in awe of the person she became after everything she experienced, she is an amazing writer and a real role model for the younger generations, not because of her sting on the Icarly show but of how she grew and transformed and fought for herself and now is following her dreams of being a writer and director. Loved the book and I look forward to read and see more from Janette!
I just finished Jennette’s book and came directly to this episode because I wanted more. So inspiring! I want this 2 women to be my best friends hahahaha
Me too I loved her book and wondered it Mayim had ever talked to her .
I am so bad about not using stuff that I love in hopes to not use it up too quickly and have it longer to the point of letting it spoil. I did not know other people also dealt with that. Thank you.
I thought it was just me!
Saaaaaaame!!!
Very common hoarding/OCD trait
Same here. My clothes get old and out of fashion while still brand new because I wear them only on occasions.
This is mind blowing. I’ve also done this my whole life. Wow.
What is so interesting about her relationship with her mom (around the 20:00 mark) is the parallels to Mormonism. Being raised Mormon we were taught we were nothing without Mormonism, our identity was Mormonism. People at church would talk about how they would have no idea who they would be or what bad things they would get up to if it weren’t for the church. Jennette’s relationship with her mother has, from this ex-mo’s perspective, seemed to take on a lot of the dependency from Mormonism.
Best podcast yet, and they're all good. I adored Sam in iCarly (my son watched it and I tagged along) and felt a little disappointed for Jeanette that her acting career didn't flourish after that show ended. It seems like that was a blessing for her, though. You never know what's going on behind the scenes in a public person's life. She seems like a really strong, resilient person and this was inspiring. Thanks!
Consuming media from women who look like real life women is so healing for my ED. 🖤🖤
Hearing out loud the "I have to live in my disorder every day" hit me so hard... Like tears hard. The word IN means so much compared to WITH in that statement...
My SO is a recovering addict who has been able to be clean for over 5 years. I am currently still struggling to understand how to navigate my own binge and overeating disorder... Our paths to recovery are so different.
Can you bring her back again now that is been a year? Would love to know how she is doing but on your channel. I love how you both have a conversation and doesn’t feel like interviewing. Iam happy I found this channel! So informative!!! Thank you! 💛
Now that her book came out, I just saw her on Drew Barrymore's show and it was a great conversation, too!
I’m just in the middle of listening but I love this search for self-identity. Extremely relatable outside the industry. I only recognized I was lacking a self identity around 24 years old… going on 30 and I’m just starting to concretely put the pieces in places to help me reach my goals as discussed in this episode.
The journey to self-discovery is extremely relatable all around in my opinion.
Thank you for sharing your authentic selves with the world 💝
I really admire Jennette's courage for sharing her story and so openly!
I'm glad your talking to Jennette. I've been following her story. She's a lovely woman.
@TheBostonYanks Do you consider it self gratification or vindication or both during your constant efforts of trying so hard to get others to think and feel the way you do about something?
@TheBostonYanks So I guess the question I have with that statement is, how do you define a person? By their response to a single post or by a professional or personal relationship with them? It seems like you're upset because she spoke up for her self when her work was being bashed at the time. Do you feel like if you went through each and every comment to express your feelings about her or give your opinion on who she really is as a person that it would be productive? Because I can assure you, it won't wavier people's perception. People tend to want to judge people for their self. You're in the comment section being the judge and jury for cancel culture and yet admiring her impressions and such in the next. Usually if someone doesn't like someone they simply don't listen or seek out everything they do..So if you like her at some level, why not show/have a little forgiveness or compassion on some of her faults and stop debating if she's this picture perfect person that you have in your head. I don't think she's portraying to be anything more than she is, so why spend your precious time tell others otherwise?
@TheBostonYanks irrelevant question
@TheBostonYanks Well I think you need to spend a little time then to work on your life and find your happiness. She will work out her issues at some point but you can't help someone who doesnt want your help and your energy would be best spent finding your happiness and fulfillment. It's difficult being a child star that is now a grown up and having to face a world who for the most part still look at her as a fictional character. But add to that, the one she was trying to please the most was using her to fulfill their own dream and now she's having to pick up those pieces. What most people dont understand is that a job is a job..she was young and her mom wanted her to try a thing..so she went along with it..she probably liked it at some point but not to keep doing over and over again and yet she was yelled at until she did it...So just because you do a job that people like you in that position or your preformace doesnt mean you owe them respect. And now she wants to be successful at something else and everyone keeps talking about 10 years ago...it doesnt mean she owns shit to any single person who likes or doesnt like her previous project. She's doing what shes doing creatively, for her self..if you like it, then cool and if not cool. She isn't a waitress that needs to act a certain way to everyone she's serving and doesn't need to cater to any fans emotion about her past work. If shes toxic to many...or to some extreme, sure call her out..but dont even expect people to always listen at that point because people who are actually cancled have too many fans for that to even matter sometimes...but in all fairness let those people who she upset stop supporting her and move on.
@TheBostonYanks you seem like her stalker or something… it’s pretty creepy, dude.
Listening to this Podcast really helps me through the day.
Came back to this after finishing Jennette’s book. Love both of these women ❤
This was such a great conversation! I found myself shouting, "Oh my goodness, YES! IKNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!" I wanted to comment on the "Parent Pedestal Push-Off" for a moment. I experienced this, with a unique twist, when my mom passed almost 15yrs ago. During the first couple of years after my mom passed, I realized more about my father that had been previously "decorated" by my mother. My surviving parent is the one who fell off the pedestal. My mom was no longer there to assist my perspective of my father and I was, now, having to learn who he truly was. I had to discard the idea of my father and it hit me like a brick when I started discovering his true character. My father and I had a falling out for about 5 years and it has taken the last 10 to try and rebuild according to who he is. It has taken a lot of self discovery to allow myself to choose if, when and how much of my father I will allow into my life. I am extremely grateful to you, Mayim, for what you do. I connect with you on so many levels. Thank you 😊
#enmeshment When you define it as one person having an emotion, the rest of the family revolves around that person. I grew up with it and then recreated it in my own family. It's a terrible way to live. Thank you for your compassion and giving us the interview.
I am in rhe stage of truama recovery that feels like i am not present in the world and that i am not allowed to exist. I love and appreciate you so much Miyam and Jennette for being so vulnerable so not only you can benefit, but also so you can spread such delicate, truly relatable awareness of these struggles. Thank you for sharing the discussion. I have surely benefited
Mayim. Thank you autocorrect 😅
I didn't have my 1 and only child until I was 30. Totally relate to alllll of this. No rush. Enjoy. You would be a great mother. You've come soooo far!!
I had my one and only child, just 3 months shy, of turning 33. She is now 24 1/2.
I salute Jennette so much for being open about what was behind the scenes in her personal life and how getting help got her to the awesome writer and director she is today! While I do think it is kinda sad that Jennette isn’t doing acting anymore, the most important thing is that she gave up acting to get her life back on track rather than having to spend another day being trapped in the body of someone that’s been told that they’re not capable of figuring out their own identity when they truly are capable of really showing that need to make these big decisions and choices in life that aren’t going to be easy, yet doing so will truly show their inner self in the end.
I was maybe 10-ish when it hit me how toxic and just how badly my parents shouldn’t be parents. Your parents really do affect your mental well being. I’m disconnected from both of them and am a better parent for it. I feel sympathy for the little girls we were.
Tears to my eyes when i read symphathy for the little girls we were..i could feel that for myself as well 💛
Its understanding what someone has been through because you know the feeling too well 💔
When I realized my parents are not perfect I felt extreme shame that I suddenly saw their faults and had negative thoughts about them. It took a long time to get over this feeling.
Loved your book JM! ❤️ a page turner, can’t wait to see/read “Henry Road”!!!
Thankful for your letting us in on your journey.
Young women can learn SO MUCH from your story. You are brave and talented. Never forget that.
❤️ U Mayim, for featuring her!
Hands down the best Jeanette Mc Curdy interview ever. Excellent series.
This episode spoke to me tremendously. And Mayim - I'm 46 years old and still don't really know who I am.
Can I just state I’m so glad you and Jonathan started this podcast. I’m happy I found it and so glad you had Jennette McCurdy as a guest. Great messages where received today 🧡
"Everything is broken and we're all gonna die. Thanks for listening!" BUAHAHAHA I almost fell out of my seat! This is my first listen to this podcast and I am absolutely hooked. The honesty and the willingness to explore what can be so painful is cathartic - and to connect it cerebrally is helpful for practical improvement. And what an incredibly awesome woman Jannette grew to be. We don't have the same experiences with our moms, but a lot of the things she said regarding the after effects and continued self maintenance mirrored my own. Is it strange to be so proud of a fellow human I don't know? Maybe. But I am.
Omg! SAME!
I’m watching this and the podcast for the first and can’t help noting this is how archetypes podcast wished it could do. Fabulous! This just made me love you 😘
I think it is very healing that we can laugh or find humor is the way we cope. Jennete and Mayim Laugh and cry about their life. Ladies thank you!!
This episode made me question and think a lot. I appreciated the humor sprinkled in.
36:43 I literally have notebooks and paper from 25-30 years ago because they are too nice and if I were to write in them it has to be 100% the perfect thing - which I’ll never come up with. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only loony that does this.
I DLed Jeannette McCurdy's book today and listened to several hours of it at work and was entranced. She is such a good writer.
And I have been a fan of Mayim Bialik since Blossom and knew about her podcast, watched every episode of The Big Bang Theory and have seen her movie with Simon Helberg. I even saw her episode with McCurdy on my 'for you' page but couldn't watch it.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family, with a narcissistic father and a mother with BPD, then I married a woman with BPD and had a child with her who had BPD.
I watched this podcast today and it was a revelation. Seeing Jeannette and Mayim interact was beautiful. And made me realize I should probably start working through my own shit.
Just . . . thank you. For willing to be here.
I'm so happy you two do this podcast. It really opens up my eyes to what it's like behind the scenes for actors. It's hard to remember sometimes that famous people are just regular people too
I'm an 80's child and found Mayim Bialik's channel originally from her interview with Anthony Green - a talented lyricist and musician - which was a fantastic video on mental health and wellness. As an undergraduate counsellor in training, I'm really enjoying entertaining, candid, and informative content being produced. Now I found Jennette's book, looked up an interview and found this channel again. I didn't watch Blossom or iCarly, but I'm interested in authentic conversations about mental health and wellness. Its a bizarre and interesting feeling to have these intersectional experiences from the 90's and vicaruiously with the two of you meeting as former child actors thanks to the channel! Thank you for the content.
You guys…this podcast means so much to me-you don’t know. Thank you.
I can relate somewhat. Born in a city atmosphere near all my friends then moving to the country when I was 12 made me isolated. Ironically school was my safe haven but struggled through the late elementary and all through high school because of the verbal and mental abuse at home. Im 55 now and still alive. It takes alot to find emotional strength to live life after many traumatic and abusive situations we all endure. Jenette is my hero. A wonderful advocate to the cause
My life was plagued with mental, physical, emotionally, and sexually abused. My mom passed in 2012. I was her caregiver, for the last 3 months of her life. I'm 57 and have been in therapy for the past 8 years.
This was another awesome program. Thank you Jennette and Mayim for opening up and being so candid! I can relate so very much. Few words, other than thank you!
“The more I love something the less I use it”
I resonated with this so much
Thank you for talking about this
Feeling bad when you shouldn’t ..
Should be a crime
Especially if you’re parents are making you feel that way
I just want to hug you both
This made me cry
Started my day off with this and I absolutely loved it. I was so excited when I saw this after listening to Mayim and Jonathan on her podcast a while ago. Bialik Breakdown is the only breakdown I love and I am so happy this podcast exists. This episode was so beautiful and inspiring. Thank you so much Jennette and Mayim for talking about these things you have experienced. Thank you so much for this episode and podcast . Can't wait for another episode .
I just finished your book Jennette and I can so relate! My mother is very toxic and I cut contact with her 14 years ago. The best decision of my life.
Thank you!!! I’ve been bulimic for over 18 years and had an ED for over 30 years and what you described as financial anorexia is the story of my life! I can’t take things ending. I can’t handle it. Even a lotion I bought! Your podcast has been a game changer for me, someone in medical school and with a psychology degree and yet never heard any of this and it is all making sense! I’d love if you’d do a show focused on what has worked specifically for you based on your issues. 👌🏻❣️❣️
Waiting for the day that Jim Parsons will sit across from mayim to be interviewed.
I have literally never questioned "who I am", so I never understood where people were coming from with that. This was enlightening.
You are blessed!
The moment they started talking about "enmeshment" I knew this was gonna be tough to listen to- which made me listen all the closer.
This was so eye opening for me - I’m 60 and just now figuring this all out. To see the both of you, and especially Jennette,at her age, be so clear on the dynamics of her relationship with her mother is inspiring. Mine was also one of enmeshment - which I learned listening to you! I also just left my dysfunctional (enmeshed) marriage of 30 years, and I have been so lost. It was my choice to leave, but your description of the pain of that loss, and the disorientation, really hit home. I could spend all day, all week, all year listening to you guys. If you start a group, I want to join! And the thing about restriction! OMG! I had no idea that was a symptom! I have done that my whole life!
This is easily becoming my favorite podcast. So thoughtful, so useful.
I’m in DBT now and love that there are applicable exercises and guidance. I’m also dealing with recovery from a variety of addictions and even disordered eating and forms of self harm. I also have a really close attachment pain with my dad. I had to take care of my dad and my grandmother my entire childhood and young adulthood.
I LITERALLY JUST LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF! THANK YOU!!! ❤
I loved watching this! Jennette and her story has always fascinated me. Mayim is so fun to watch. I feel like her and I would have a great time together just hanging out.
Great interview. I have teenagers, and we used to watch iCarly (and later Sam & Kat) often -- they were big on Nickelodeon when they were growing up. I wondered what happened to Jennette after that. I'm glad she's finding her peace and finding new ways to be creative. I wish her lots of happiness in her future endeavors. I also hope this starts a lengthy friendship between Mayim and Jennette... they really do have a lot of unique connections and similar experiences.
She explained more in her podcast Empty inside especially the episode Stage parents.
This is, unexpectedly, one of my favorite episodes so far, though I can't put my finger as to why. Perhaps it's because I sat through every single episode of iCarly and Sam & Cat in the background with my kids, and I had always seen beyond her character(s), and have always wanted to get to know her a bit better.
As an aside, I love Mayim's bit on envious/jealousy. She describes the difference the EXACT same way I describe it to my kids. (When my kids were 6yo, they had to deal with us parents honing in on their grammar nuances.)
Near the end, the part about being mid-40s and wanting people to call us but no wanting to go out anyway, etc. Feeling like we are still 15, and so on. So spot on! Maybe we will meet some day! I can relate on so many levels.
And the fact people nearing 30 could be our kids. Yikes!
I resonated deeply with the truama talk and personal need vs. sociatial pressures.
I have depression that comes and goes,but is more probable during low light weather. One of the ways I self-soothe to get out of my depression is helping others. I never thought this could become a bad habit, until i was suffering a sound sensitive migraine, and willingly let someone vent they're day to me. I felt like i was drunk at that point,because having the constant noise in my ear,while trying to concentrate and be "a good friend", even when they could see I was crying, and doing breathing excersizeing to regulate my pain.
Turns out that was the first red flag to an unhealthy friendship, and after they had used me to get at my savings,and had thier fun mentally manipulating me, they gas lighted my boyfriend and me to break up, and it ended up with us parting as anything more then just friends. So for me this whole session minus the child acting has resonated deeply with me.
I didn't realize that a lot of the journaling I do seems like the DBT work she mentioned. While working on my codependency and doing some serious identity reflection I made a list of 100 things that make me happy, I love doing, and enjoy. I had to keep removing things because I realized that a lot of what I was putting down was based on wanting to be liked by certain people, influenced by what I saw on social media, ect. With each item I literally had to ask myself, "If I was alone, could tell no one that I did this, or never post about it would I still do this and would it make me happy?"
She seems like a sweet spirited soul ❤️
" Everything's broken & we're all going to die. " LOL- Mayim, I wasn't expecting you to say this😅
I mean she’s right 🤣
Listened this morning & really enjoyed it. I love that you’re having guests I wouldn’t even think of being ones that I might enjoy listening to.
Such inspiring, intelligent minds. There’s also something healthy that can come from such sadness if you make it through the other end. Love hearing about both of your stories and will find myself binge researching you both now ❤️
I feel that Jonathan needs to contribute more. When he does it’s always great.
I applaud Mayim and Jonathan for all you do❣️ Mayim’s statement about “The why we stay….” So powerful! ;D
I really appreciate this conversation, especially about being honest with yourself and your goals. It took a long time for me to realize this, but I have been grateful ever since.