Stop lending people money ( friends and family )
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- Опубликовано: 30 дек 2020
- Lending friends and family money is dangerous and even more dangerous is starting a business with a friend or a family member in good faith.
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1. Changes the Relationship
- In my entire family, I’m one of the youngest ( but also the oldest because I learn from a lot of old people )
- And the first time I ever lent anyone money was my cousin
- I lent him somewhere around $700 to $1000 around four years ago ( 6-7 years older )
Here is why and the facts:
- He had a job but was having a problem staying above water with all the bills ( something about a phone bill I remember)
- And he also had a girlfriend or something like that
- And the idea was, hey I’ll borrow this money from you and pay you back on weekly bases to finish fast ( and he did that for a while )
Then something else:
- He knew I was a photographer at the time ( aka I had a camera and could take pictures )
- And ask me to help him with his wedding and he would pay me
- I did the wedding and sent him the pictures and boom
The results:
- He stopped calling and never paid me the loan or wedding
- When I spoke to his mom, my aunt, she said that she was embarrassed and he was also embarrassed but he just doesn’t have the money
- So it went from me looking up to my older cousin to me just disappointed
Ending:
- He texts randomly every few months or years and tells me his going to pay me back ( but that’s yet to happen )
- We use to speak frequently but now we don’t
- It changes the relationship ( debtor is always a slave to the lender)
2. I recommend you don’t do it ( but do it right if you're going to do it ) and prepare to lose the entire relationship
- You need a contract, text is cool for verbile agreements but they are not enough
- If you are going to lend a family member money you need to have a promissory note ( a contract that declares that the person agrees to pay you and is notarised )
What happens is this:
- When you signed this contract your family member puts in their social security, id, and address and agrees to pay you this money
- And accepts all the consequences if he gets sued
- Now this doesn’t sound like something you do with friends and family does it ( that’s why I say just don’t even lend them money)
The worst that can happen is this:
- They pay you but they are no longer the friend or family member you use to love
- Or they don’t pay you and sue them, and then you’ll have a different type of problem
- It's just best to avoid it overall
3. So What do you do instead
- I have a brother that always have great business ideas and always needs money to do them
- He doesn’t have a job, has 3 kids, and still lives with his mom
- Does the sounds like a good person to lend money to (no), but you might want to lend them money to help them get out of that
Quote: you can't help someone that doesn’t help themselves or doesn’t want to be helped
What I do:
- Whenever he or any family member askes me for my money, which is rarely ( I say I don’t lend people money, and I don’t have extra money but If I do get something I can help you )
- So usually once or twice a year I might send $20 his way or someone else's way
- But this doesn’t change the relationship
But also keep in mind:
- If everything you visit a family, you have to give them money
- Sometimes you just don’t even go because you feel like its something you need to do
- But that’s bs, go and if they ask to say, I just don’t have any money right now ( confrontation is good sometimes )
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Had a former friend I worked with ask to borrow $10 to buy
two $5 lottery scratch tickets, and he'd pay me back payday (in 10 days). I gave him
the $10, and he won $500 on each ticket. I drove him to cash the tickets in, and went back to his house.
When he was getting out of my car, I mentioned the $10 he owed me. He said that it was HIS money, and
he had said that he'd pay me back payday..... After I cussed him out, he gave me my $10 back, and he lost a good paying job because I was his ride to work (in another city) which I stopped doing.
Satisfying!😂🎉 sorry for that experience tho
@@TNT31414
Well, ya learn lessons in different ways....lol
Right
Wow!
You let someone borrow money once or twice, they'll always call you when they're in a bind. SAY NO!
People act weird, when you ask for your money back. Like there offended that you didn't give it to them 😆
Lol facts
So true!
Facts
Yes, or they wish you died
They be like “ I got you Thursday” and on Friday you gotta hit them up like “ yo what’s good”😡
I just lost one of my close friends for 20+ years this month over money.
Lesson learned. Don’t lend money and don’t do business with family or friends
My friend of 20+ years owed me $300 back in high school. I let it go to keep the friendship. Now I think she's deliberately not paying me $14 for tickets she never really borrowed she said she was going to pay for. And after she left my house she went out to eat! It's the principal.
@@sarahlinebarger7915 try living with a friend and they not paying you rent for a year because they acting broke but going out in secret partying on the side
@@Panda_J1 so shady. You have more patience than me. I never borrow money from friends. I just do without.
Same I had a fall out with a friend….back friends and same thing happened but I let it go this time because I knew better. But yeah my fav word is gonna be no and my fav sentence is gonna be damn I’m broke too.
Yep. My good friend/ex roommate already owes me like $1500.. I forgave it and didn’t expect it back.
Now he asked for another $1100..
This is true, stop lending friends. No friends I lent ever paid me back and that too means ending a friendship. You'll just end up disappointed and sometimes it's so hard to shake off that heavy feeling. If you can't say 'no' tell instead you just have enough budget for your day to day expenses. If you think you can afford to lend just give enough money you can afford to lose in that way you treat it as a gift. Don't ever feel guilty for saying no, they are not your responsibility. This is what I've learned in the past 20+ yrs with friends who ask to borrow from me and learned that 99% won't pay you back anymore. Trust me.
I was stupid to tell my sister how much I have in my savings, a week later, she asked me to borrow her $2,000. I will never mentioned to anyone how much money I have ever again. Lesson learned
Did you lend her the money 😂
Damn I did the same mistake with my close cousin. 4 days later she asked me for 600 euros 🤦♂️ lesson learned as well
Same thing happening to me, I let my Aunt supposed to be my best-friend borrows money from me, I told her I was planning to purchase a big house soon a week later in May she asking me for 2k..remind you she a RN making a lot of money,I thought I’m gonna get my money back within no time..now I’m unemployed worker from Amazon and with a special needs child, and very sickly parents and a lil sister that need taking care of.. After her borrowing money from me she barely call or text me back and I’m always calling her first, it always something terrible dramatic happening to her or it a lot excuses now it Sept I still don’t see no money..oh yea!! she did send me 500 dollars in Aug but that it.. at this point i need to let it go, it been stressful for me 😔I’m tired😢
@@whysoseriousiamnot9772 never never tell your income your savings your bonus. Nothing
I did the same
I have borrowed $3,000 my car was in desperate need of repair Me being a person of pride it took a lot to even ask. I told them I would Pay them $350 a Month over the course of 10 months.
I paid in full and on time plus Took them out to Dinner. I would never borrow what I know I can’t pay back
Thats awesome.
It's always a gamble when you loan ppl money. The best thing to do is simply say no, those who know your heart will respect your answer and those who don't respect your answer don't respect you as a person.
Thanks for commenting really appreciate alot. correspond to my administrator Cindy pat on WhatsApp to assist you earn profit on cryptocurrency or BTC
Happened to me twice im done lending this person money. 😠 I literally had to ask for the money back like why am I begging for something I'm rightfully owed.
My mom keeps doing this to me even though she has a man with a job. This last time I told her “No, because family doesn’t pay back”
Whenever anyone hints (they won't come out and ask) about money issues and yes, we all have them. I tell them I don't have it. Period. I don't give money either. I'm not a bank. I don't understand why I'm the one everyone comes to with their hands out. I never borrow from anyone either. I just do without. If I can't afford it, I don't buy it or borrow for it.
Or don't fall for the bait, meaning when they start saying their having a hard time, playing the violins in the background, let them vent, but don't fall for it.
One thing I dislike about lending money, or anything, to a person is that person now knows you're "mandated" to help him/her soon after in order he/she pays you back. Basically, that person has no intention to pay back and wants to squeeze you a little more out of anything - another loan, a ride, a big favor. Once you get fed up or stop helping out, that person has an "excuse" for not paying you back just because you were a "jerk" or "I needed you in time of need."
I don't lend money anymore.
What happened ?
@@TommyBryson because people around me don't care about anybody else. They're selfish and only see their own issues.
You can't even talk to family and friends about your financials. If you do you just about see the wheels turning in their heads.
Money does not have friends or cousins
😂
😂😂😂😊
My brother has owed me $250 for the last 5 years, my best friend owes me $700 for the last year
I wish I did it different
Big time, offer help not money and only give when you can gift it
It took a family member years to pay $20 back but before they paid it was a pleasure to say no when they asked for more afterwards lol. My limit is $50 except for my grown daughter of course
Your cousin didn’t pay you back because ( In his mind) you don’t need that money! He valued more the money than the relationship with you.
What a joke.
It's bad to lend people money
Banks can handle it.
And payday loan stores too.
I agree Tommy! Do not lend money to family! It’s not worth it. And think of it this way: it is better for your family member to get mad that you did not lend them money (you didn’t lose money), than to give the loan, then that person gets mad at you for requesting them to repay you (and you lost money).
I was in this situation and I knew I had to lend only as much money as I would be willing to simply give this person, and I had to be willing to accept that I may never ever see that money again and be 100% okay with that and not have that impact my relationship with that person. It's a tricky thing, mixing business/money and family
I still remember my brother not paying me back for a ticket he received. This was 35 years ago.
Lol it sticks forever
They can find me to borrow money. But they cannot be around when it came time to pay me my money. Then they act like it did not happen.
I agree with you. I lend money to my cousin one day morning and he said he will return it that night, he makes sure that he will return it and I am expecting. It's been two months ago from now and I did'nt heard anything from him
I never give money out if I’m going to expect it back, if you don’t give it back, then that just became your bday present/Christmas gift and don’t ask me for anything else. I will acknowledge the fact that you didn’t pay me though.
I loan my brother $185, he ask after my wife pass. It been about 8 yrs he still haven't pay me. Now he can't never borrow anything from me rest of his life!
I rather lie to my family and friends by telling them I don’t have money than to give it to them and have them f me over
From the title I can tell that tommy had that uncle that always asked for a dollar 😂
😂hahaha
Never let people know your financial status.
I have a secret for happiness : never ever lend money to anybody
Lent one of my friends 23k 7 years ago for his business love the guy but haven’t seen a cent ... he’s embarrassed clearly but just sucks with money worst mistake ive ever made
There's a guy who couldn't or wouldn't even pay me back $45
This is also why it's kind of hard to be a Drug Dealer giving drugs on credit..
👀 😂 😂 😂
I rarely had issues with getting back what I gave out.
This came right on time because just the other day I was searching for videos on this topic. This has been my problem in 2020. I'm so glad you touched on this. Thank you!
Thanks for commenting really appreciate alot. correspond to my administrator Cindy pat on WhatsApp to assist you earn profit on cryptocurrency or BTC
I have the lowest income of my siblings and somehow they always have money problems that I need to help them out with while going out to fancy dinners and being on jet ski's on vacation. 🤨
Great video. I learnt my lessons from the past and have made the decision never to lend money to family or friends, even with a contract. If the amount is small and I can afford them I will just give it to them, but let them clearly know that there will not be a second time. So far none of those I have given to has come back for a "refill" :-)
Good way not to enable bad behavior
Someone owes me $150 and she just forgot about it. I’m letting it go but I won’t forget it. I told family and friends if u need money say u need it. The moment u say borrow I expect to get it back. Then they looking at me sideways when payment is due.
You should remind them and then forgive it if you want too, but let them know you know
Great advice man, thanks for all the wisdom you share.
New Year Eve Drinking Game. Every time Tommy says “basically,” you take a shot.
Thanks for the great content.
I can't remember a time where I borrowed money from a family member but I know I have lent money to family member and generally speaking I don't believe in doing it ever
Yup lol
I've lend money to a relative and didn't get my money back I sued and won my case and now he got a lien on his house the next step is garnishing his check weekly I'm just waiting for this pandemic to slowdown but never again.
That’s tough
Did u take them to small claims court ?
@@linabeans6328 yes I did.
Great video bro 👍🏿 been soaking up the knowledge like a sponge 🧽 thank you for your service.
Got you bro
Amazing advice👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
i have fam in mexico i have had to stay away from, they think that dollars grow on trees here in the us!!😒😒
Thanks for commenting really appreciate alot. correspond to my administrator Cindy pat on WhatsApp to assist you earn profit on cryptocurrency or BTC
Same here I hear from my parents, sister, other relatives. Same story with immigrants too. But it's not lending, it's charity. Lending money is when they need to cross the border - then they cross the border and disappear.
Golden advice. Thanks Tommy
Thanks for commenting really appreciate alot. correspond to my administrator Cindy pat on WhatsApp to assist you earn profit on cryptocurrency or BTC
I learned this from experience, I lended money to my "best friend" and it has been a torture to try to collect my money back and I actually had to make him sign a contract to protect myself. I would have prefer not to do that.
LOL.. got the same issue... I got a childhood friend that owe me $1000 he told me pay me back in 2 weeks... 2 month later still nothing.. I hint about money he told me he got issue.. he said will pay back 2 weeks... 3 week later nothing.. suddenly he told me he brought some item and eating in expensive food..... I try to hint to him again... about money.. he got angry... then I told to him I need money.. he pay me back acting cocky.. this is crazy ... look if your brought give me $10 a week... but don't silence and buy stuff..
Experience is a tough way to learn, but at least now you know.
This is too trueeeeeee
Facts 😎
Great advice
In reality I always say no and basically if they really need the money bad, they can go take out a loan from I don’t care at a high Interest rate. And lastly that solves everything
Damn Tommy I just thought about this as soon as you uploaded
Lol comment ideas bro and I’ll get to work 😎
I lended a relative 1,400 and he only gave me 1,000 back. It is better no to lend money to relatives nor friends.
At least you got some back 😅
Tommy is the realest
Never ever tell or let family or friends know your net worth, act poor.
That’s sad, when you have to hide things from family. I’ve seen those situations
I’m saying this in an affirmative tone for certain situations
Great topic! Happy new year 🎊🎊
Happy New Years !!!!!
Solid advice! Bro, invest instead hahah 👊🏼 Happy new year man
Great video! Happy New Year! 🎊
Time to memorize this!
Big time 😎
Dude ! You got to 300k ! Congrats👏👏👏👏 !
Ayeeeeeeeee
Need to show this video to my mom or Dad.
I agree. I used to be this unconditional lender where if I had it, I felt like I can trust you, I would lend a person money. If someone was hungry, I didn't mind treating them, giving them food, or giving them a few dollars. I never put any conditions on it. But, it was a hard lesson for me when the people that borrowed money didn't pay me back. I never asked people that I treated to a meal to return the favor. Hungry is not funny at all.
I agree....I lost a 20+ year friendship over money. Sad
Happy new year.
Thanks for commenting really appreciate alot. correspond to my administrator Cindy pat on WhatsApp to assist you earn profit on cryptocurrency or BTC
I noticed you made your 300k goal congrats!!!
Ayeeeee yup, what should the goal be for 2021 and thank you for the support 😎
I lent family member about $2000 for rent, his wife asked. Then when I started asking for money she ignored my calls. No payment came for 10 months. When I demanded my money it ended up in a shouting match with my cousin, and he escalated to threats … no good deed goes unpunished. never again!
They tell you their problems as if you supposed to give a dam. What the hell your problems have to do with me.😂 The AUDACITY!!
Happy new year everyone 🙌🎊🎊🎊
Love how you are like since you won't listen to me. Here's how you actually loan out money.
Reasons if I am doing anything with people I know I'm just gonna give them the money or just say no.
Exactly, gifting is better. And lol it’s always good teach the other side too
I have borrowed money from my mother and ALWAYS paid her back. Thankfully I don’t have to borrow anymore. My brother borrows from her and feels no need to pay it back.
Truth!
Thanks for commenting really appreciate alot. correspond to my administrator Cindy pat on WhatsApp to assist you earn profit on cryptocurrency or BTC
I haven’t watched the video yet, so I’m going purely off the title. I made a rule years ago to never lend anyone money. I’ll help you, I’ll kick you some cash. Whether you choose to pay me back or not is a reflection of your character. But I don’t lend money. I help people.
Lol literally same advice
Never give anything away you can’t afford to lose
I don’t lend money because if the person dies, I wouldn’t get my money back. 🤷♀️
Tommy can you please do a video on SPACS?? Maybe a bit of what they are, pros and cons to an investor. I recently started looking but I would love an opinion on them in your words.
Take a shot every time he says “basically” 😆
Unless they had a genuine case of bad luck.. like a tornado, hurricane, earthquake, etc. destroyed their home and they’d just lost their job or something, it’s an absolute NO.
Because there’s something up with their finances and they can’t even keep up with their normal commitments so you’re never seeing that money back!
that happened to me last 😊month, my cousin asked me for 80$ and I sent it to him but the next day when I called him he avoided answering the call and didn't talk to me for weeks when before he always called me everyday wanting to go somewhere smh lol
Did you get a new camera? Video looking smooth
You post good stuff bro !!!!
Never a dULL Video destroy That Like BuTTON💥💥
I lent money to a cousin with a time frame for payback. Time came and I did hear a word out of them. That’s when I knew they would never pay me back. I told them they wouldn’t have to pay me back and that it was a gift. However, I told them I would never lend or give them money again, period.
Exactly so
Damn just straight up get me together
😎
this video is speaking nothing but the truth I've learned from personal experience with this luckily I'm an asshole so I ain't got no problem telling people to go screw off but I do try to help when I can
I was lent to my friend 1000€ almost a year and half ago then he paid me back 550€ n said to me i can’t pay anymore because i don’t hve enough income and work and i forgive him.
Dude i need to cut off with a friend and your situation is very similar to mine.
Hey Tommy do you recommend a Roth IRA account and a separate Investment account with M1 Finance?
Do not lend money unless its in a contract. Because they will not pay.
Your relationship was already damaged but money made it obvious. People who borrow money either they don’t have the money so they can’t pay back or they have but,have habit of borrowing and not giving back
I loaned a cousin $120 to fix his car. Swore he would pay me back even text me sometimes “hey cuz I have t forgot about your money I’ll have it soon” a month later he text me “call me cuz” I called and he asked me for $3,500!! I said no I don’t have it he asked me to take out a loan from a bank the. Asked me to ask my mother!!! Wow I couldn’t believe it he didn’t even pay my $120 lesson learned - lost a family member that day
Don’t lend but if forced, small amounts. Consider it a penalty you paid when they don’t repay it but now you never have to loan money again. Of course they will now avoid you. If larger amounts get two hundred percent collateral from them. You both should have risk, not just you.
I loan a friend 300.00, and two months later they were on a cruise, and that was 15 years ago and I am still waiting ,for my money, lol
i need a real new job in my city
I’m living in with my aunts for Christmas. It was 50$ each. They believe that giving gifts is a show of appreciation and love. I want to listen to your advice but I also don’t want to be kicked out 😭😭 what should I do?
Edit: I just that you meant stop lending to people in general ( in a casual manner) only do it around birthdays and holidays?
I think lending and giving is different. Buying someone a gift and lending money is different. You can still buy gifts around the holidays I think he just meant to lend it on random occasions because they're probably not gonna give it back
I have my 5740$ that I borrowed two of my friend since 14months without the assurance I will be repaid back soon or ever. Not a good experience for me.
Hate lending money
Better to gift 🎁 and not have to worry about it
@@TommyBryson yes I think that does make sense
Bro said we gonna start this year off right! 😂
💯💯💯😩😩😩
I cannot stop lending money, in order to stop I'd have to start first, which I have no intention to do
My daughter wrecked both of my cars and owes me 3000 when I ask for my money back she throws violent tantrums
Does she still live with you ?
@@TommyBryson yes unfortunately shes 27 yrs old I just dont want to see her on the streets.She only pays 60$ and complains about that being so much.Im completely over it tho.She threatens I will lose my house if she leaves and no one will be here if something happens.At this point I'd rather risk it all to have peace. Then her drain the life out of me.Im only 45 I said I never want kids bc of her.
I have never borrowed money from anyone at all
I don't lend money anymore,or co-sign, especially after I had to pay back, a 20,000 loan, it took me 5 years to pay that loan back,lesson learned
About co signing. Never again. It ruined my credit.
@@tommyparkerparker I did build my credit score back up
philanthropists: hahahahahahaha
no.