No Contact with a Narcissist | How I felt when my wife went no contact
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 28 июл 2022
- If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivations.com/breakt...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
---
Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Platforms I am on:
TikTok - / raw_motivations
Instagram - / rawmotivations
Facebook - profile.php?...
Podcast - anchor.fm/rawmotivations
RUclips - / rawmotivations
#narcissism #narcissist #npd 
Развлечения
Be very careful who you choose to love, marry, and have children with. Life is too short to have this much conflict, manipulation, and need years of therapy to recover from a “relationship”.
Absolutely! For me, it was a painful and costly lesson. But I know better now & when you know better, you do better.
That was succinctly put. "to recover from a "relationship"", yeah, that resonates.
Thank you so much.🌷🌷
You can’t expect everyone to follow Jesus unless you date ugly nerds in church
The book that helped so much with my healing was “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life”.
Highly recommend!
SO many women need to adopt that mindset. You’re not losing him: you’re gaining you.
I read that book. iTs a big influence in my decision to leave my husband
Yes! This helped me understand he will always be a liar and cheater so I could leave for good.
Most of the women who come to me after narc abuse talk in sessions about the profound relief mingled with guilt when the narc moves on to his new target/supply. They feel sorry for her because they know what he’s like and what she’s in for…but they’re also glad he’s taking that malevolence & emotional stuntedness somewhere else.
Yes l do feel guilty about that poor girl but l don't care enough to inform her.
After 5 years of abuse I left my narc, who then stalked me for 4 years. Once I learned he moved to another state and had a new partner I felt such peace of mind, yet felt great empathy for what his new supply was going to endure.
@@user-bj1wf6hn6y It wouldn't do any good to try and warn the new person. They are just going to think you're full of sour grapes. They have to learn on their own. If they have healthy boundaries, they won't fall for it.
The girl half his age that he picked over me is at least as bad as he is, possibly worse. So I at least had the peace of mind of that after awhile. Still very mixed w/ getting tossed for such a train wreak. It's the next one I'll feel bad for, but I'm over my rescue mission complex enough to stay out of it.
@@user-bj1wf6hn6y In my experience, it has only ever backfired when I try to warn someone of who they are involved w/. If it's a friend, you could lose that friend. If you don't know them, they have no reason to really believe you. If you feel convicted to warn the next person, at least your conscience is clear that you tried, and what they do w/ that information is up to them then.
That “she’s not going to leave” is what gives Narcs a false sense of security. Then we actually do leave and all hell breaks loose! Lol 🙄
Even if they already have a new supply
@@akeemhudson9769 YES! He already had met his new supply. I was so happy when he told me and I gave my blessing and wished him all good things. I thought that was the end of it. Not quite.
You you gone or back to him! I’m gone frv
@@Yathome00Could you elaborate a tad more on what happened?
I am going through this right now and in the middle of my escape.
@@nickieglazer7065 The stalking happens(in my case). It's been 13 years. And the intermittent stalking is still continuing. Every few month's or years. Just far enough apart where you can't legally do anything about it. But close enough to psychologically F with your head and your healing processes.
Thanks for admitting that you were emotionally abusive to her. Many people will downplay their actions but the fact that you don’t shows responsibility and it counts :)
He just got done saying that he always has to look like the Mr Nice Guy.
@@nancywutzke5392 I’m saying I appreciated his word choice
This happened to me after 3 years of marriage... my husband told me he wasn't "happy" after I caught him being shady.... So I left, and then he won't move forward with divorce. This makes so much sense! They know they did you so bad, and don't want their image to be tarnished....
Please be onest. Narcissist can't be cured. Never ever
No they can’t be healed. They’re sociopaths so take him for what he is on this RUclips and don’t subscribe
They can heal, otherwise heaven and hell wouldn’t exist
No, they can’t heal, that is their nature, they are narcissistic, if they change it’s not real, they are not being their genuine self… you will be living with a fake.
I believe they can’t because that is their personality, nature…. No one can change who they are. I met narc ex husband when we were both 25…. We are now 63, been separated for eight months now…he hasn’t changed one bit in all those years, he’s getting worse with age actually.
I must be honest, it's very hard to not judge or dislike you because many of us have been merciless destroyed by narcissists. However, what I do appreciate about your content is the insightfulness and honesty. I know it's a mixed bag, but it is what it is.
You sound like me! I remember saying that on another channel (another aware narcissist). I still have bitter feelings toward my narcissist, but it doesn’t flow on to others anymore. It’s in fact the opposite, and I quite respect and appreciate a couple of them. I am new to this channel tho.
Those are OUR triggers and we need to recognize that.
Agree! I do appreciate the learning opportunity though.
@@BrekMartin I believe I also appreciate his honesty but to not come back to that mothefucker
If you must be honest, so must I. Don't worry about judging or disliking this man. He is on RUclips. He probably isn't a proper Narcissist because if he was, he wouldn't be able to articulate his emotions because frankly a Narc doesn't have much emotions or the ability to hear other people or respect their needs. This man earns his income by the video's he produces. He is probably an asshole with Narc tendencies and he might eventually grow up - because he's not a proper Narc. He is what he is.
17 month's in therapy?!
That's it???
Narcissist's in therapy don't get better, they just learn how to be sneakier.
“The Body keeps the score”. Lundy Bancroft. “Forgiving what you can’t forget”, Lysa Terkeurst.
Thank you Ben for your transparency. Bless you and blessings to your wife.
Lisa Terkeurst has a great series of videos and interviews on forgiving what you can't forget and healing after the devastation of an affair. She does not focus on narcissism at all, which can be healthier too. Too much focus on how they were a narcissist can get unhealthy after awhile. Esp. because so many of the channels that cover it make them out to be plotting monsters that know exactly what they are doing. I think in most cases, they really don't. They have a disorder, they are full of unhealthy coping mechanisms, and they tend to see themselves as the victim. It's very toxic, and you need to get away, but they are largely clueless. Focus on being a victim and calling yourself a victim can be really unhealthy too.
I’ve read “The body keeps the score” by Bessel van der Kolk and it was crucial to my healing. Is there another one?
Why Does He Do a that is by Lundy Bancroft
This is more about your wife leaving than the experience of no contact on a narcissist
Great video! As empaths, it's hard to wrap our heads around the narcissists thinking process. But listening to you & Lee has brought insight & understanding to it all! I was unknowingly with a narcissist for 13 yrs - we've been broken up since Dec 2019. He moved to another state & I've been no contact since then! He now has a child with the new supply! I'm finally free & healing more every day! Thank you for all you do to bring awareness to all of us survivors!
Thank you I appreciate it.
And tell the world, how long do you think that relationship with the new partner going to last?!?! They can only pretend for so long in a new relationship. They get bored, and eventually the poor partner don't know any of the truth as to why you both broke up. Good luck to them both, the new partner gave you a new contract gift 'FREEDOM' don't look back move forward xx
Sounds like my marriage, together 10 years, no contact almost 4 years, it's still hard sometimes
@@demolitor2359 Try cutting soul ties with the narcissist,it really is very freeing and healing 🦋
@@angelakeely5859 I don't know what a soul tie is
I was discarded so I always want to know more so how no contact affects a narc who did the discard. I imagine it’s not as disappointing to them as if they were dumped, but I also think he really didn’t expect me to actually go no contact (5 years no contact now!) I realized recently the whole “relationship” was just a series of me reverse hovering myself back to him, so I don’t think he expected me to go straight no contact.
I would like to know the same. It's similar to my story.
A lot of times the nurses will go back. It might be six months or it might be six years but more than not they normally go back. When they go back and they’re met with being blocked it could be very frustrating because then they just lost that supply and they also lost control of another person.
Yeah it’s just the narcs world and we’re all in it
I mean even saying we reverse Hoover ourselves I odd. Like it’s US that’s weird.
I get what you mean by it and yes I’ve done that And yes it’s unhealthy but they also manipulate us to come back by pretending to change - even IF we create and hold boundaries
THEY are the really messed up ones
It’s like the world needs to flip on its head and bend to their will
Up is UP down is down
Gravity is gravity
So we have to say well
Up is really down so therefore I was doing this to myself
As a nurse I have to say that it's been very difficult to go no contact because his "victim" "poor me" "help me" persona had me at Hello. He knew how to push those buttons & its been so hard not to be there for him (as if there was anything I could have done to help him anyway 🙄).
@@tickety-bootoyou1850, Did you eventually go no contact? I hope so as you deserve so much better in life than being all triangulated up with the fairytales and lies of a narcissist. One sob story after another and it eventually gets old. One lie after another, and no evidence or desire to change his ways through therapy and a support group helps alot is basically a no win situation for you.
One adult cannot control another adult human beings behavior. That realization brought me a lot of peace..if and when he cheats he has to look in the mirror at night not me.
This brought me peace too.
Even as I speak now, my mind is arguing with itself by finding doubt in ghosting my Narc. I do understand that because I'm still in a Trauma-Bond my mind is playing tricks trying to see the good in my Ex as it goes through withdrawal. As I became more learned in his cycles of abuse, I became stronger and my boundaries helped. I could predict like clockwork when the likelihood of discardment would occur, so when I discarded him I'd got control of my life and of the situation because I would have felt powerless and even more hurt had he done it to me again. He's blocked now so there's no way he can reach me while I concentrate on myself. And I will keep him blocked. 🍒
I've learned that the person at the end of the relationship is who they really are. We fall for who they pretend to be then we're abused by the narc they truly are. It's a rollercoaster of emotion that keeps us hanging on until the end. 10 months of no contact here & counting. Blessings on your healing journey 🍒.
Was discarded by my ex fiance narcissist 11 years ago and went right into no contact mode immediately. I was devastated and lost, but I knew my recovery had to start that day. He hovered and stalked me, broke into my home and made numerous attempts to contact me during the years, but I ignored all of his advances, and eventually changed my phone number. No contact is difficult to maintain, but I knew I could not go through that pain again. I had enough and accepted his disengagement and discard. Best thing I ever did. Detached and went no contact with my malignant younger narcissist brother two years ago. Iife has never been better 👍.
I’m exactly where you were 10 months ago… how are you doing now?
@katarina1396 I have good days and bad. Just the other night I was crying on my bedroom floor, but then I pulled myself together and got on with things. And I kept no contact and him blocked. Thank you for asking.
@@cherrybacon3319 thank you for getting back to me. My heart goes out to you and sending my hugs. This is a lonely and long journey. I didn’t know getting out was going to be more difficult. I look up to my God for strength each day.
I saw that change the last time I separated from him and I took him back, it lasted less than 2 weeks! Well never trust him again.
I'm so grateful to God! So unbelievably grateful he removed that demon from my life.....yes l feel badly about his next victim but l am just so happy that's not me anymore! Now he can ruin someone else's life.
Can't believe she's back with the narcissist, very sad for her.
Praise God that we have eternal life, and we choose where we go.
Listening to your video made me realize how many mistakes i made .... If only i knew all this information 8 years ago.... I might have been able to help my family.... I was uneducated and did everything wrong
I stayed for the mental abuse
I pretended i didn't know that he was cheating on me
I did everything he asked
And took on the whole household and stayed with the kids so that he can do his hobbies and weekend trips ....
I did all the above because i loved him ....
Sometimes i get really angry at myself .... I did the exact opposite of what i should have done .... sometimes i feel so pathetic
Don't judge yourself so harshly, remember that your actions came from a place of love, and enduring the abuse perhaps might have been at the time the best option you felt you had. I've been through the same process. It's about them, not about you. It's hard, but necessary to owe ourselves the love we so freely give to others. Reality is harsh. When the flashbacks of the abuse I endured from him and his roommate come to mind, I feel rage and sadness. It manifests itself in the body, too. So, I've been advised to let it out. I have also realised that I have a unique skill set. I recommend listening to Dr Ramani to find once again the strength to not allow a narcissist to erase the most beautiful side of you, your empathy. A quote that has been helping me now is: "everything you do from now on, do it for you, and not for them." It's hard, I understand, but this community is also a source of solace. We owe it ourselves, even though we do falter. I'm trying. We're much stronger than we think.
@@josievaccaro thank you 🥰
@@josievaccaro well said.
I know for a fact mine was waiting on me to end the marriage so he could be the “good person.” I didn’t want his family to believe what he had already convinced them of me so I put up and shut up until it became unbearable. The sound of his key turning in the door made me cringe. Before filing for divorce I started going to individual therapy & the moment I stopped caring what his flying monkeys thought because I began realizing they were gonna believe his version regardless. That gave me the courage to initiate and leave. Working on my healing, my boundaries, my self talk, my self love. ♥️
I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
And now, this 'self-aware narcissist' is being the 'good person' by telling us all how weve been fucked over by narcs. Perfect way to get another multiple stream of source of supply ... and attention. People here are even thanking him for his work. A lot of narcs have turned to 'teaching' via RUclips. Please dont think they've changed ... they're just great at finding ways to ACT ... it doesn't mean they've learned to FEEL as we do, they learn to ACT as if they FEEL. But it's important to remember it IS an act. The narcissist has ALWAYS been self aware. Now they are ACTING like it's been a sudden revelation to them that they're narcissists. No. The narc has always known what they were doing. Theyve always known they were exploiting... it's we, the exploited who are experiencing the revelation that we've been exploited. We DIDN'T know before, that we were being exploited ... this revelation is happening to individuals and on a collective/global level. We're being shown how the world has worked so far ... because it's about to change ... because it has to change. Narcs enjoy the power of exploiting others so much so that they cant help but SHOW US HOW THEY DO IT. It's coming from a place of "If you really cant see how I tricked you into believing I'm a decent person like you, then you're obviously a stupid person so I'm going to have to explain it to you, pay attention dummies". And here we all are, in the "Narcissism for Dummies" class of 2023.
My children told me he cried when he realised I had left. But it has not been enough of a wake up call to get him into therapy. I don’t know why he had moments that seemed to be conviction of sin and he sounded like he believed that and would share what he needed to change. But he wouldn’t change it, he wouldn’t seek help to change it from a therapist. And he wouldn’t stop using the victim story with every Christian leader instead of owning that he needed help. He made statements like “Oh well I guess I am not one of those God has decided to save”. I could not reach him and everyone else he turned into flying monkeys. Despite being angry and working through my hurt, there is no way I want him to go through life believing that. What a tragedy. So glad you woke up. Maybe some of them will later.
Psychologists said many narcissists seek help because then they will have to admit they are the problem. They will say something is wrong and they want to change so you don’t leave them and do others feel guilt. They always seem to find someone else, including God, to blame for their actions.
It’s ultimately up to God to shepherd him…it’s not up to you - you planted seeds and he has free will. That’s manipulation sweetheart. It hurts you and if you have faith you want that for them…but Jesus wants people set free.
The thing is that no matter how much therapy, how much insight and how many apologies, if the narcissist is unable to genuinely change their behaviour to be non-abusive then there is no point in anyone having a relationship with them, not even as friends or relatives. Your wife chose to return to you, but how does she, your therapist, or anyone, know whether you are still lying and presenting an image of yourself as this aware, nice guy just to manipulate your wife and everyone around you? As a narcissist you could just be mirroring your wife and therapist and telling people what they want to hear in order to look good. It would be helpful to know exactly how you have genuinely changed your behaviour in a consistent way to counteract your former abusive behaviours.
Not going to happen. (Even Sam Vaknin acknowledged that: "Cold Therapy/ C- PTSD work only potentially recovers "cognitive empathy" (for others) and there is no "healing the discarded inner child," for someone who "embraced the false self, in early childhood..." which makes sense. However developing more self- focused "conscious awareness" can keep people from taking actions, that harm themselves, and others... so who is to say that becoming more "aware and present," doesn't help them and thereby others, around them? (But like using "religion, as a mask" to 'shield' oneself, there must BE an ongoing 'vigilant' conscious effort to avoid "using people..." or it's just another 'tactic' to "fake themselves out..." as well, as others?!)
Ben, you are doing an amazing job, and the fact you are just doing this channel helps so many victims who are still walking in the dark. Love the new opening sequence ♥️
The honesty hurts. It’s needed but hurts and hits so hard. I appreciate your approach. Thank you.
You are so welcome. I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
A great book also is It Didn't Start With You-How Trauma Rewires Your Brain
Wowww. My husband told me he would stay in his car and shower at the gym!!! Word for word.
Mine did that. It's the same demon for sure.
Thank you, I shared it with my soon to be ex of 23 years. Your insight has been a comfort to me during this sad time in my life.
Thank you so much! You’ve made me decide to go no contact with a guy I’ve been in a holding pattern in a situationship with, who I’ve realised uses coercive control tactics to keep me chasing his validation. He’s Currently ramping them up more than ever now because I’ve been trying to hold my ground and set boundaries. So this video has helped me realise what I need to do.
I appreciate this video. It brings new perspective.
When I left, I decided that there would be NO reconciliation, even if he did a 180. I know that I'd have triggers about the past, and would intermittently get angry about it.
Knowing this and staying anyway is commitment.
Thank you for sharing that. I hope the best for your healing !
I'm coming to realize that lately
Games Narcissists Play I've mentioned before that I wouldn't want to go back to any of the highly narcissistic exes (a couple died many years ago so it's impossible with them) from my past, even if one did do the healing work on his childhood trauma issues!
I want to add that their narcissism seemed to be much further along the spectrum than people like Ben Taylor and Lee Hammock though.
In fact, the last one was more sociopathic, hence why it's best not to even entertain the idea, which I have no desire to do anyway. 😊
I commend you for your work and ur wife's work! For me I had to get divorced. He is older and is unwilling to change. I am unwilling to live abused and demeaned. I know who I am and what I am worth. He lost a great person that was honestly looking after his best interest, supported him and loved him, but I also love myself !. Got divorced, went no contact and never looked back. A 65 yrs old person now posting ridiculous pictures with a new person that has so much plastic surgery done that looks like a clown from out of space. Did I mentioned his entire family enables him ?...he plays the victim all the time. Do I miss him ?, not really, too busy building a fantastic life. Still not sure if he was a true narcicist/bully/ victim or just a run of the mill low life con artist. The lies were his natural default and constant cheating. So dumb, he though he was so smart no one could see thru the lies. One-way or another I am out and about ... his absolute lost, my absolute win !!!
To get help is for the brave ones..congratulations !. I am positive you will have a beautiful and fulfilling life if you keep the course ! Blessings and yes keep going to Church. Surround yourself with good strong people, not enablers who will strunt your growth. Many many blessings and congratulations again on your work and honesty !
Just curious, was he the youngest of his siblings? Was he raised as a spoiled brat? Entitled, enabled, and rescued throughout his life by his parents and siblings?
I was so happy to just be free and not walk on egg shells anymore.
I wish the person I met and thought was the one would do what you did Ben.
I would drop everything and join in with therapy x
You are on fire for us thanks again xx
Keep going Ben you are a hero and so is she xx
Ben! It just hit me! You need to do a TED talk!!!
This is valuable.. it clarifies a lot for me.
Great video, thank you for being transparent and vulnerable about your past behavior and thoughts.. it helps us understand
I've done what your wife did but I have no hope just going with the universe at the moment, thanks for all your insight it gives me strength. I comment as I watch so sorry for the random comments. Just thanks xx
Thank you so much for your videos I admire your courage to help people on the other end, knowing they will probably be hateful. Its very helpful and I really appreciate you and your efforts.
Wow, Ben! I have listened to 100s of your videos (okay, I don’t even know how many there actually are 😝, but LOTS of them)! This is the first time I’ve heard this one, and all I can say is “wow!” Kayla is an amazing woman for all she has been through, and I’m not sure, if I had been her, I would have responded in the end the way she did and let you back into my life! That said, because I HAVE listened to your videos and joined the NARCapp and have the Fantasy to Reality journal 🤗, I know a lot about your journey and your honest desire and ability to do the work necessary to heal yourself and your marriage. ❤For that I admire you and thank you for all you are doing to bring awareness, healing and change to so many like myself! ❤
This is one of the best informative videos you have uploaded. As well it’s comforting and reassuring to hear videos from your point of view as though it shows us how our narcs think… to know her side… and her battles… I think allow us to feel more…. Not alone… and cheer on strength to stand our ground
You and lee don’t seem like bad mean guys at all you guys seem like really great loving charismatic guys you guys don’t seem narcissistic at all. Thank you Ben, Lee for your videos are really inspirational as eye opening for a lot of people out there.
Hi, I am a new subscriber. I give you a lot of credit for doing what you're doing, Ben. At least you're self aware and trying to help others💙
This is very interesting. Thank you
Good video Ben
Well done Ben...proud of you. It's good you can see your inner self on what you are doing.
My suggestion to the platform viewers walk away if you're partner don't want to be healed. If they want to change their ways they need to seek therapy on their own. X
Love the honesty.
Refreshing.
Thank you so much for sharing your inspiring story! You're a miracle! 🙏😇
Thanks again Ben xx
I’m my case I didn’t what was a narcissist. And he abused me all the way possible. Thank good a friend of mine open my eyes by telling the word he is a narcissist, I wasn’t sure of what was the meaning of a narcissist until I started digging and and learning about it. I stopped being submissive and reacting back to his gaslighting, and it got worst and physically violent. I had to go to the police and report him. I got a restraining order against him, but it is still hell, because we have to communicate through the talking parents app for only things regarding our children, and he is still insulting me, screaming at me, talking bad about me like if someone else is going to read our messages.
What can I do? I try not to engage but he doesn’t stop
Ben I just want to say I learned so much! Thank you for putting you self out there and help me and others.
Don't engage. Remember that old adage, "The less you say the better off you are." When he says horrible things to you over the app., please ignore his remarks, because when you say little to nothing you have control of the conversation and situation, and the less likely he will hook you into an argument. Most importantly out of all this is you are loving yourself and promoting self healing. Only keep your conversations strictly about the children and nothing else.
Both of you are doing a great job each in your own way. 👌🏻 Keep moving forward 🙏
Thank you! Wish you the best
Your wife seems like a patient, strong, lovely woman. Thank her for suggesting those books.
Thank you it helps in Jesus name I'm free and healed
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. 👋♥️
You are so welcome!
Great video
I have real respect for you that you've made the changes
This video is awesome. You are going to help me and a lot of victims (hopefully their abusers) get help. I'm going to research those books you listed. There is another great book out that domestic violence shelters recommend also. It's called "Why does he do That? By Lundy Bancroft. Your wife may have read it already or knows about it. Keep up the great work !!!!
That is a great book as well. My wife has read that and it was part of her healing process as well
@@RawMotivations Yes . . . after I read the book, I stopped having sex with my ex. Like the author had advised. My ex became very angry and sexually assaulted me. That was the first time he was ever sexually violent with me. Well that was the straw that broke the camel's back and I left the state with my two cats. I put some important stuff in a storage unit and the rest I left behind. It has not been easy but I'm so glad I finally got away from him. I've been away from him for over 2 years now.
@@lindaschultz7900, 👍.
Great narc talks on RUclips w Dr. Les Carter, Sam Vaknin, Dr. Ramani, Jim Boller.
I left my ex-husband one time and filed the divorce. She came back and tried to work it out, but nothing has changed. This is the 2nd time I found the divorce, and I'm going through it definitely. Nothing has changed, and in fact, he became vindictive, evil , cruel, doing things, and smearing my name all over the place. To be honest, I don't think he gave a damn* about me and my children that he created that he didn't care. He tried to the store his stepchildren. We was all mentally traumatized and emotionally scarred by him. Thus divorce It's coming up and I'm very happy that I finally got oUT!
Do you actually feel love (for her) or is this connection between you still a "cognitive" and rational feeling learned in therapy... Thanks for your videos and honesty...
This is helpful to hear. When I left he never hoovered and therapy only enabled him to act worse so, divorced and no contact for 5 years now. Happy in my new life.
This is some really good information. From Your view & Kaylas (that little bit helps so much) Ben I know you had mentioned before Kayla was unable to get on to share at one point in the NARC App. Please let her know we would love to have her on. Maybe she could just take time to share her self without questions to begin with because I know that’s overwhelming all at once. Just from what you shared in that little bit from Kayla has gave me some encouragement Do let her know, that I know that she could bless so many when she finds the time and if she feels like that’s what God’s leading her to do. Send her much love from us all in the community. KAYLA YOU ARE strong, brave, and beautiful. Thank you both
She will be on end of the month in the NARCapp!
@@RawMotivations awesome thanks
Thank you so much for sharing what was ‘in your mind’ in your relationships (your thought process) - these videos are REALLY REALLY helpful. I’m most grateful for you and the work you have done for yourself, and are doing. To WANT to change is a HUGE and BRAVE thing that most people, in general, never choose. 🤗🙏❤️
Good that you are now honest about it, about your feelings and actions.
Marriage is a huge responsability.
People deny Apostle Paul's advice.
I thought I was doing good for the kids. I also knew the narcissist wasn’t lying when he said he’d never leave. He didn’t want to lose control of all the money. For years I would say stuff but he just did what he wanted. When I was planning on leaving I knew I had to be surprising abou it or I would have trouble. He got more high handed and my therapist said “what are you waiting for?” Seeing his face when 5 guys he didn’t even know showed up to help me move was awesome. If he had gone to church he would know them and would have smeared me with them too.
Thank you for sharing. At the same time, it seems unfair your wife came back to you.
Thank you for the insight. I realized for myself that my sister might have the same mindset. She made my life a living hell with gaslighting and her explosive rage. But she always acted like the hero and victim but would say how I villainized her and I always play at the victim (when I was telling the people close to the situation about what she did to me.) She has openly lied and would twist and fabric what I did. I'm just gonna let her live in her lie with the people who enable her and such. It's been a year and my life got better, not worse. I also realized she is projecting onto me that I act like a victim when she is always the victim in everything. Literally, her son getting treatment for cancer and she was pissed off how dare people post pictures of their vacations when they know my child has cancer... Now I know, red flag. It was not I am sad I can't go on adventures and instead my son is going through hell. It was how dare other people enjoy life while I am suffering. O.o
You must be a rare breed. There are not many narcs who can do what you're doing: they're too stubborn. Your faith must be very strong to be able to overcome like you have been, yes? Do you feel truly born again? I'm expecting a yes. I 'm proud of you, brother and all my best regards to you! Are you able to reach and help other narcs?
After a few years together, my X left me for a rebound guy. My X told me that her family was toxic. After she told me. I knew what I was getting into. I hoped that she would change her insecurities and behavior. I had my own issues of trust after getting hurt over time with past relationships. I told her about it. After a few years of roller coasters, manipulation and controlling. I felt betrayed. True Love is BS.
Hey Ben, alot of how you described your past bad behavior is what I have seen in my wife.
You’re one in a million. Most people who suffer from NPD don’t follow the path of the higher self.
My mother was the narcissist / my dad the enabler - he also knew the abuse was happening when I asked to move temporarily, I got kicked out , most of my family turned against me and I have stood my ground when it came to my child .. as of this moment it's not one person I am leaving it my whole family I grew up with . I don't know how to come down from this pain .. my son loves his grand parents but he's only 2 , my husband can't quite comprehend and says they sucked anyways. -.- no matter what I'm not doing anything right. My parents went no contact with me once they found out I wouldn't allow them to take my son for the weekend after to forcing us to leave and threatening cps just to hurt me .
Thanks for being vulnerable and real about yourself. It's hard to be honest with ourselves about our flaws sometimes. How did your therapist react to you being on youtube and starting a business on narcissists?
Btw thats a nice photo on the outro. Just thought I'd mention it.
That’s a really good question. My therapist has actually been really supportive about it sometimes has given me advice and even recommended some of my stuff for other people to hear.
My marriage started to fall apart, around December 2021. Yes, the pieces started falling into place. The red flags were flying in the wind.
2023 was the longest year of my life. Man, it was chaotic. She really messed me up systemically over the years, and all those things took front stage.
I think this was the devaluation to final discard phase. Here she brought in the law. The character assassination smear campaign was already implemented by her. Friends and family started to distance themselves from me. I was locked up twice within 2 months , from October 2023. she already had a new supply lined up from February 2023 . So yes, chaotic.
BUT she never wanted to file for a divorce, don't know why?
I ended up filing for divorce, now she's playing the victim. why didn't she want a divorce if I was abusing her?
I fought for my marriage. Kept on doing things for her, still don't understand why. Well, until Oct 2023
Thank you for your honesty cuz I just couldn’t understand, nothing made any sense. But I will stay narc free for the rest of my life 😂 Respect for what you are doing, it must have been hard work 👍🏻
One question: How come narcs have same pattern? Culture doesn’t seems to matter…
The devil's playbook.
🙋 If someone complains and/or argues and speaks on how they are not happy or ok with their partner cheating then i don't understand how then just coming back from some time apart its interpreted as oh ok their ok with me cheating?????? WHAT!? 😮
Biggest show is the narc living in the car. My ex lived in the car for a week (could have been bs) when I met him because he didn’t get paid from a new job in a new town. I was his coworker and helped him find an apt (1st mistake). When we were divorcing he cleaned out our retirement account but told my son he was living in his truck, which made my son very mad at me for saying he had to leave the house for cheating with my teenaged sons friend. He went to AA and told everyone I threw him out for being an alcoholic and he was living in his truck. He got a new girlfriend and a gay lover/roommate out of the “living in my car story”. I found out from my lawyer he had used all our hotel points living in hotels until he moved in with the gay guy. Is the living in my car trick in the psychopath book? It should be because it works on everyone.
After being raped by my narcissist husband, now ex, I developed CPTSD and left him and our sons because he refused to leave when I served divorce papers. By me leaving, I stupidly thought he'd develop a conscience and leave the marital home allowing me to be with our children. He didn't, so I moved back, when he went to work one day I changed the locks and took all his clothes to his place of work. I was told by my kids he was then living in a crummy bedsit. And I felt guilty for that. Then months later a woman phoned me, said he'd been living with her for months and they were planning to renovate a cottage together. She wanted to know when I was moving out of our house because he needed his money. She also told me she thought he was 'leading a double life' and asked if we were getting back together. He was, in fact, trying to get back with me every time he came to supposedly see the children he tried it on with me. He was due that evening at 7pm, he arrived with a bottle of wine and his guitar, tried to get me drunk to get me into bed, neither of which happened because I made sure it didn't. When he was getting nowhere he told me he had to leave, he had a gig, he really thought he was a superstar singing in pubs etc. He loved being centre of attention. When he got to the door, I said "Oh by the way, your girlfriend Rose, telephoned me today, she wanted to know if we had plans to get back together ..." He switched from Mr Nice to Mr Nasty in less than a second, slammed the door shut and YELLED in my face that she was none of my business, it was none of my business what he does. I said it was my business when he got another woman to try to force me and our children out of our home. Then he switched to Mr Nice again, knelt on the floor in front of me, told me he was sorry he got involved with her, that she was 'always winning competitions' that she had 'issues' etc... then he asked me to punch him ... "Come on, punch me, I deserve it!". I knew he was trying to bait me into a physical fight so he could tell people I hit him first and was 'crazy'. But I didnt fall for that. But I felt so disgusted and sick that he'd come round, tried it on with me, said nothing about another woman, even my SONS knew about her and didnt tell me, which nearly killed me because I felt so betrayed by all three of them. While he was kneeling on the floor he actually started punching himself in the face, which was so bloody bizarre to see. I just spat in his face, opened the door and told him to leave. No doubt he went back to Rose and told her I'd punched him. I vomited after he left and I shook from head to foot. My kids returned from wherever they'd been, they walked out when their father arrived to see them. I couldn't even look at them in the same light again. They knew about the other woman, had visited her, got to know her. She told me that on the phone. And they never said a word to me about her. But, a few months later, I asked my youngest son about her, told him I knew about her, asked what she was like ... he just casually said "She's ok, she's got big boobs." My other son told me "Dad needs a younger model." They were both still at school. As far as I'm concerned narcissism runs in the family, it's learned behaviour passed down from father to son. If a man doesn't respect you, neither will his sons because they also come to see you only as a source of supply. I was and still am, nothing more to any of them than a source of supply. Weirdly, after that encounter with Rose I had a sudden flashback to several years before when my husband came home from work and handed me a single, porcelain rose telling me someone at work gave it to him. It just felt really creepy to me. I said I didnt like fake flowers and he placed it on the window ledge in front of the sink where I'd see it when washing the dishes. I'm 70 now, divorced 30 plus years, my oldest son ghosted me for years before coming back asking for money after which he ghosted me again. He has 4 children, none of whom I was ever told about or introduced to when they were born. My youngest son, 44, visits me from time to time, I see signs clear signs of narcissism in both my sons. Such is the truth of narcissism. There is a misogynistic component to it and they all play the empathic female victims to the hilt. Just like it took me a long time to see my husband for what he is, it's also taken me a very long time to see my sons for what they are. I'm 70 on 3rd July and I will be homeless on the 4th. My ex husband owns two homes as far as I'm aware, my oldest son also, and my youngest just moved into his own rented apartment. I'm the one who held down the responsible jobs until CPTSD took over and now I'm the one who has nothing and is homeless. Ask me how I feel today, I'll tell you I feel a mixture of heartbreak yet again, but I would rather be homeless and move into a hostel than ever again see all three of them. I've been isolated for 30 years, I know I've loved my family but have never been loved by them. When a man hates his own Mother, he cant love any woman and he cant show his kids a good example. Sons learn to follow in their father's footsteps no matter how many times their Mother corrects them. They don't want to know because they dont respect their Mother. But they will play on her heartstrings when they need to. I'm in the process at 70 of KNOWING I've had enough of all 3 of them and taking the guilt I've been carrying because I felt I had a duty to my children to be here for them. I know I have to cut ties with all three of them and I WILL do that ... but it's so painful. This karmic cycle is coming to an end and I have no time for NARCISSISTS or misogynists in my life and no more time to try to educate them. They have to WANT to learn. And they don't. To the person making this video, I wish I could believe you've changed with therapy, but I'm afraid I don't. I believe narcissists use people to make themselves look good and to learn how they SHOULD behave in order to get by in life. That doesn't mean you actually FEEL that behaviour, it's more that it becomes an act you can put on for the public, but in private, you're still a narcissist and we, your audience of victims have become your new supply. You now get your attention from showing us how narcissism works. You get your attention now from multiple victims but you dont really care about any of us. I see people here thanking you for your 'work'. I can't do that because I've been way too damaged to thank any narcissist or to wish them well. I see them for the totally selfish people they are and I KNOW they do NOTHING for anyone but themselves. I know they're incapable of remorse because their brains are not wired that way. Now MY brain is rewired in such a way that I no longer feel compassion for the narcissist, nor do I feel contempt or malice. I just feel much the same way as I do when I look at a picture of any animal ... I can point to them and say "That's a lion, that's a tiger, that's an elephant, that's a monkey." I can now point to human beings and say "That's a woman, that's a man, that's a narcissist woman, that's a narcissist man" all part of the same species but with different traits. Toxic exploiters and naive victims who even become so 'grateful' for the 'lessons' weve learned. Narcissists like to feel they're teaching people lessons. That's how they justify their behaviour and let's face it, there's a niche in the market now for gullible people to turn to 'self-aware narcissists' for help. Wonderful twist to the exploitation of victims. Personally I just wish all narcissists would out themselves and then leave the planet and the rest of us who dont have such a desperate need to be centre of attention, in peace.
How long did she leave for? Did she talk to you during that time? Thank you for sharing - it helps to understand how the narc’s brain works.
It was 4+ months. Only contact was a weekend swap with our daughter mainly
Mine always told everyone “I left”. I would get infuriating mad at that! He joined an online dating service, put a 2 year lease on a separate condo, bought our daughters a dog(he knew I didn’t want a dog at that time), wrote up the divorce decree FOR the lawyer and had moved out of the house and bought himself a new car(mine was 11th years old and I had no money to buy a new one. I was a stay at home mom at the time and felt helpless.
I filed for divorce because he kept texting every minute of every day to go file. So I did!
But I left him. Yep…and he became the King victim of his new church group. Dated a few women in that group…
Contradiction in this approach, because you don't recommend couple-therapy, although you get it yourself, but inspite of it, good that you stand up for your bad narcisstic behaviour and try to change!
You can't help me with my problem no one can or will help me!
Oh Gosh... I left so many times and i came back to him so many times... he would actually laugh at me when i would say i would never talk to him again, because few weeks later, i would always call him. Always me going back to him. But as of last week, i just cannot see myself going back to him anymore. I just can't. He's probably not going to take me seriously until maybe six months down the track when he realizes i'm not coming back to him. I suspect he'll probably going to have a complete meltdown once he realises I'm gone for good. He did the whole victim thing as well. Just like you. Unlike you, though, i don't think he'll ever get help.
It's how you look; the mask. Thank you.
Man you really didn't deserve this wonderful woman who even cares if you live in a car
Not interested in going "back" to someone who had no regard for my life.
I have a similar question as in I was discarded and he didn't seem bothered at all to get in touch. So, going no contact I feel doesn't affect him. I'm assuming he got what he wanted and had his backup plan. So, I feel it's pointless and how can I get peace? I'm assuming it would affect him if it were his roommate who seems to be his first option.
You're basically old news and they know they can't get supply out of you anymore. So after the discard they have already moved on. Same thing happened to me.
Your peace, closure and growth come from you not from another person.
What helped me with staying no contact and hanging out with my support system.
@@pinkpugginz I moved far away to another state. That helped me immensely. My abuser changed his phone number thinking I would fall apart. The bank called me to let me know he changed his number. It did bother me a little but I got over it. I just went to my journal and started reading about all the terrible things he did to me and that kept me away from him.
The same thing happened to me AND our children.... He went no contact with all of us .... As if we were the biggest mistake of his life...
It is hard to live with that unfortunately Its very common.... BUT sooner or later the new supply will be treated just as you were .....
The person you were with was a bully .... Self blame and trauma bond is the hardest to get over ... So please look into those 2 results of your relationship.... Once you stop blaming your self for everything that went wrong in your relationship and then slowly get iver the trauma bond all that pain you feel will go away... God bless your journey
Theyre such cowards. God will repay.
How did you go about you changing for your wife I am with a narcissist person we been on and off for about 13 years we have 4 children we broke up got back together in October we recently broke up in March I told him to get out because he kept being disrespectful I feel broken and even through the pain I still want my family I know he needs help idk what to do then my children don’t make it easy because they keep saying I miss daddy I want him to come home it’s just crazy
What made you open to going to therapy in your marriage before she left? Did you get more serious about therapy after she left?
My Narc wife abandoned me. I am on the healing journey now.
OMG I kept leaving and coming back to find evidence that another woman had been there I'd leave again wondering what he was thinking now I think I know
Why do you get married?
That’s so sad to here becuz I think that’s exactly how that was with my ex covert narcissist with his daughters mother. I had no idea. They still FaceTimed and he talked to his daughter. But after the accident she moved to PA and married. I would have never dated him if he wouldn’t have been on terms with her prior to the accident. I think she figured him out after the accident. Why she didn’t call me to tell me, I will never understand.😓
It's great that you grow and try to change Ben. But please give others a chance to change too. If your wife hadn't given you a chance after she left, how would she have realized that you were changing and growing? No contact should not allow that she aknowledges that you were changing. Sometimes it sounds contradictory that you say it worked for you and your wife but your advice to others is that the Narcs will never change so everybody else should go no contact for ever, except in your case!🤷🏼♀️❓
Exact opposite from my hub....would hurt his ego, rep
Hey, I gotta question…and I mean I really gotta know so be honest with me here…??? Does everyone these days believe that having a bad relationship means the other party is a narcissist? I mean has anyone every really looked at the statistics and the percentage of people with NPD?
Perhaps looking at some stats would provide everyone with a different perspective on this stuff. For starters, quit picking low-hanging fruit. And if it ain’t sweet-put it back. Don’t blame the fruit because it’s sour . Just put it back. You don’t gotta figure out WHY it was sour. And you don’t have to try another bite. Just put it back. Because in my mind-the problem is not with the sour fruit it’s with the person who keeps eating it. Good night!
Hello, did I miss something? I heard Ben talk about the circumstances, his thoughts and intentions. But I never heard him reals talk about how he felt after she went no contact. when in the talk did it happen?
Anders, I heard him say when hexwas gone he didn't care because he could do what he wanted. All he cared about was himself.
Great video! I am sorry to do this here, but I am looking for some support. My husband is a narcissist. I am working on leaving him, we have two children together. I feel like I’m going to break. I have been under constant financial stress, he does not work consistently. I babysit other peoples kids just for some extra income. We have a car and a truck. Our truck isn’t running because it needs some work done. He has neglected the maintenance on it. I worked hard to find us another car a few months ago. I found one for a great price and it was a great car. Well my husband driving irresponsibly just wrecked it yesterday. I don’t know what to do. I sent my daughter to her grandparents 6hours away and I was going to use that car to go over there to for a while. I need help. I feel hopeless. We live out of town about 5 miles and I have to walk into town to get groceries for my other kids. I also have my stepson in the house. Does anyone know how I can get support? Thank you!
Listen to yourself. That is the way out. Your intuition will tell you what to do.
Do you have family you can stay with?
He didn't want to be the one that's divorced I was telling him in 2017 I was going to see an attorney he did everything he put to drive him crazy but still doing so because he wants to say he divorced me which is a normal thing for a narcissist I think he is definitely covert so he wants to look like an innocent victim
I asked my Ex-Narc to go to therapy and He needed to get some help. I know that He has a lot of issues, from his past and present. He laughed at Me and said not a chance. He won't even go through therapy or get help. He's Bi-Polar and Narcissstic Personality Tendencies. He doesn't even care abt Me to even try or go through with it. Its a joke to him.
You’re like .01% getting better