When A Man Pulls Away, Never Do THIS!
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
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I let him pull away. If he wants to talk he will . But, I'm not chasing him. I won't hang around and wait. I raised my children.
Bravo!
Touche!
When a man pulls away, respect the dead and move on. I've called out some men on their bad behavior, but not all because it isn't worth my energy and time. I believe in karma and someone else will do this to them.
Indeed
Lol. I love it. Respect the dead. Keep on running. Karama always has an address.
I agree that we, as women, get overly attached quickly very often while dating without establishing our standards in relationships. I also agree with your insight that our culture almost completely devalues the emotional experience we have through sex and physical intimacy - especially as women. I greatly treasure your advice Jonathon - this was an outstanding video. 🌟
Thank you 🙏
Catherine
A good summary. We attach once your have had sex if you like the guy. As Jonathon says guys are in for sex without necessarily attachment. We can be suckers. Today the world is getting
More complicated and culture too. Once values and morals were a given almost - now???
Values seem unimportant to many. What would we do without Jonathon reiterating his info to make us better discerners of our meet ups! with actually total strangers.
A lot of faith walks those roads.
@Eleanor Martin I appreciate and agree with your insights. Thank you. 💛
The fellow I just ended my relationship with asked me the other evening…”So, are you going to keep me happy?”. He had been hinting at proposing for weeks but always had an excuse as to why we weren’t making plans. I looked at him and said, “Well…are you going to keep ME happy?!” He dangled the idea of us marrying like a carrot in front of a rabbit. I’m attached to him emotionally after being affection starved for years after a divorce, but I called it quits. I deserve better…we all do. Thanks Jonathon!
I'm 33 and I've watched several other dating coaches and many of your videos. I thoroughly enjoy how blunt you are and the advice you give, I really feel like the advice given to younger generations is quite toxic and feels wrong to me. I'm glad to hear this new fresh outlook on how to get away from the dysfunction of my age group.
Thank you 🙏
Agree. Spread the word to others to join the community.!
I'm 34 and love his channel! I almost feel "midlife" cuz I don't plan on having more children
Thanks Jonathan! Dont waste your life ladies - dating someone for years waiting for him to propose - follow Jonathan's advise about "before the P goes into the V".
Exactly 👍🏼
Jonathan, I saved this video in my file labeled “most important”. Thank you for identifying and putting such accurate words to the state of abundant dating opportunities leading to a disposable dating culture. I don’t even bother with what I can only refer to as “man shopping” on dating apps. The casual nature of men’s attitudes toward dating and sex is just too demoralizing for me. Even meeting men through my social circles has been disappointing. The last two men from whom I accepted dinner invitations both seemed to expect sex on the second date. When I didn’t put out there was no third. Short term dating strategy. Why bother. I’ll wait for the Universe to reveal what’s in store for me when it’s the right time..
I get it
I've become hopeless Jonathon. I honestly think the majority of men dont really want relationships. Certainly not after 50 years old. I think they have adapted to being single....
@@marianhofmann557 Yes it's how it seems to be realistically. My experiences parallel yours.
Thank you. Im a divorcee , single and not dating. I have my eyes on someone though. You’re giving me some great things to think about and apply.
Happy to help
The best is to get on with your life cause he is a player and you don’t need that …. Toxicity at the finest needs to be put away and stay away .
Well said Mary. Men are abusing the system and such types do not need chasing, in fact run!!
Yes women might like the guy but afraid if you question too soon they will run but may be the sincere one won’t. As Jonathon says don’t let it into the vagina, because he is right.
Some men, if no sex in three dates? Leave. They are the players. Junk booty calls. NO THANK YOU. As Jonathon says men will say anything how beautiful and all that to make you weaken to their desire.
Do not. If a player you lose out feeling attachment then take being used because of your attachment thinking he will see you are a good catch. Don’t be fooled!
@@eleanormartin6923 You've got it Eleanor! What you will experience with someone over time is internal. It's good when they show their true colors quickly. A lack of integrity is another common trait. It's a saving grace and a blessing. 🙏
Your voice of sanity and wisdom has a healing effect on my tangled nerves. Thank you very much!
My pleasure 🙏
Here's the problem I have right now, Everything you say makes sense and is right on the money, the issue is men need to step up to the plate and do 50% or more of what you are saying. Im a feminine woman and if I have to to do this amount of work just to get into relationship then I have to ask myself if the juice is worth the squeeze... Im already turned off. The underlying issue here is that men need to be taking the initiative or they will end up resenting the woman and just not being able to lead which leads to problems down the road if not initially as men are not attracted to masculine women long term. Marie is very feminine and follows your lead not visa versa. I feel everything you are saying as truth but this info would be greatly needed in coaching men how to love, date and marry even moreso than women, we already pay for therapists, love coaches, past life regression, emotional processing energy healing modalities, ad nauseum... What women need is for men to start healing themselves and stepping up to the plate with real drive instead of this manosphere, red pill bullshit while the woman is in the background trying to do all the ground work all the while getting emotionally attached by being transparent, emotinally honest and vulnerable.
Agree Alex. Well said.
Go Jonathan! Love your rants.
America is a youth and beauty obsessed culture.
Embrace aging. Celebrate your wisdom.
It's freeing to call these men with obvious agendas out on their bs and bad behavior and cut them off. They definitely react. Cannot handle a smart, assertive woman with a backbone that speaks her mind and sees right through them. Kick their butt! No one gets away with anything. There are consequences.
Many are arrogant, selfish, opportunistic, and hedonistic Transactional.
Women need to date like the Power Rangers. May the force be with you! Investigate like the FBI. 💥 Correct .Past behavior is future relevant behavior.
People only change if they want to.
I continue to enjoy my own life. Every day is precious. The voice of sanity and wisdom.
❤️🇨🇦
Thank you 🙏
@@JonathonAslay You're welcome. I do my best not to miss a performance. ❤️
I truly believe some men can't handle an assertive woman as well and can't stand to be called out on something. He used to dismiss me and shut up like a clam when I gave him my point of view. Didn't want to hear it. This is the first man I ever dealt with in this kind of situation. I never met anyone like him. He was a mind f*** ! There ARE good men out there but I hope I didn't miss the boat finding someone else because of my age but that's OK too.
@@trudyramgren8817 Agree. Seek quality aligned with yourself. When you meet a shark in the dating pool swim away.
They cannot handle a smart assertive woman that sees right through them. Some definitely want women to date down. Some will be with anyone to avoid being alone.
I have a divorced friend(was a battered woman) Ex is a Dr. Liar and serial cheater as well.
She calls them out at the first meeting.
during the polygraph. Directly states what she wants ,her standards and expectations.
First question: What do you respect about women? A tough assertive broad as well.
Can spot a con artist a mile away.
No success with online dating.
They'll clam up, will say what you want to hear, or react in a hostile manner. Every name under the sun. Commonly a bitch.
She smiles and says, That's right I'm a smart bitch
I'm interested in being with a compatible man. There's a probation period. Dating is a business. One lie or dealbreakers and I'm out. I have a zero tolerance for disrespect or abuse. I'm also allergic to bs.
She asks for exes references and runs a check on the guy. 99% of them run! 😁.
All the best and take care. 🇨🇦
@Sherri Flemming Thank you! 😊
As a woman, if you are going to show people how wonderful your life is, make sure it’s not for a man. Make sure you don’t fake it. If you have to pretend how happy you are to show a man, you’ve failed because that’s not what you’re supposed to focus on and you’ll also get hurt at the end
I agree w you and really want to do that (call him and call him out) but if he’s really narcissistic and has a NPD rage temper tantrum, it’s so emotionally draining, it’s maybe not worth my energy to call him out, but just to keep moving on, and consider it a blessing he seems to have ghosted.
I understand
The guy I met and really liked was not who I thought he was. Met at a party and started off great. Dated for 3 mos before I casually asked if I could call him my BF. Then he gave me the "Why do we need to put a label on it" answer. After that I felt the big time pull back and it's been that way ever since. I am not wasting my time. I have been looking elsewhere. Disappointed but I can't change him and I deserve better than this.
That sucks... ugh!
Wise to say goodbye to him.
This is the BEST talk you have ever made Jonathan.
So accurate in every point. One would expect this as normal!!! Integrity and sincerity- respect…….. so true.
Accolades to you. You are the best I’ve ever heard.
Elly from Australia.
I realize that he did the same things of pulling away and letting things fizzle with his previous relationships. Then he says, “I didn’t do anything to cause the breakup”. What a coward. I’m seeing the whole picture emerge now, post break. It’s making it easier to heal and move on. Radio silence speaks volumes. He doesn’t need me to call him out, he knows.
Exactly 👍🏼
Yep mine was a psychologist so he knows he knows that I know. I wish I had another lifetime to live over but I don't my dog knows more about intimacy or at least she did she's passed away now. Got to get me another dog soon.
Melissa he sounds like an avoidant attachment.
Keep on running. 🐔
I understand why. For me like I can see it through most people so guys feel very vulnerable around me and insecure it's like they know that I can see through them or something and it's a very delicate balance
Jonathan you are so real, I don't know how you got to be that way! I am that way, but I meet people my age in my sixties that act like they're in junior high when it comes to relationships. It makes me feel like saying well then I'm Rubber and you're glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks on you nana nana na.
You're in your 60s? And single? Lady what is wrong with you?
That's right..let the grown up child go away down the road ...l raised my son's already...need a SPECIAL giving man ..not a user ...a REAL MAN not a baby boy man.
Exactly
Yes people are using People . I totally agree .
I have pushed for honesty and transparency with my boyfriend .
He tries to avoid these chats . At 75 He isn’t very aware . He likes those surface dialogues . He can avoid saying the truth .
I understand... 🙏
40 years ago, I was in a relationship with a young man. He professed his love for me then after some months he suddenly just stopped calling me. Being an impulsive young woman, I drove to his house and rang the doorbell. He was surprised that I just showed up so abruptly.
I then said, "I think we need to talk! Tell me please, what's going on here?"
It turned out actually, that he was so in love with me that he had started planning our whole future life together (after just 3 months together!) and felt he wouldn't be able to provide what he thought would be a good life for me and so had given up.
We talked things over, I told him, "We need to slow down here. Take it slower. We're not so far along yet."
After that things got back on track with our relationship.
In the end after a year, I felt like he wasn't the one for me.
The point I'm trying to make is yes! Call them out! Sometimes guys start chewing on a future scenario way too early and scare themselves off with their own feelings of inadequacy.
Recently was with a man for 6 months. We were committed to each other, had the talk early on etc. Discussions about retirement together, trips planned etc. One week he was “sick” and couldn’t make it for our middle of the week stay. Was supposed to stay on Saturday and was unreachable the entire weekend. Completely out of character, he always texted/ called every day. I reached out 3 times that weekend to make sure he was ok. No answer or reply. He texted Monday morning and said he would call me. No call all week, I texted one more time asking why I haven’t heard from him. Last text from him was on Mothers Day wishing me a happy day, and he said sorry for ghosting you. That’s it. 6months with someone who reassured me that he really cared about me and was going nowhere, etc. I had been ghosted last year and he knew about that. He called that guy Mr Two Months and told me he is nothing like that guy and yet now he is that guy. The ghosting hurts so so much.
I have had guys do this to me just lately being on a dating website when i start to talk to them. I love you, I miss you, I want us to be together, blah, blah. I am like dudes you don't really know me. I actually find it quit annoying to be honest. I can see them saying this later on not when we first meet. *shakes head* I have been single a long time in my life due to not wanting to get with people who are not right for me. I was married only 3 years, but knew my exhubby 5 years. We met online this was 18 years ago. I have guys think it is more recent, because I am not jumping into things right away and I call them out on shit. I was with a much older guy than myself for 10 years. It was a mistake in ways, but i learned from it and just like any relationship I have been in. I have lots on my profile to explain who I am and what I am looking for. I have had to just ignore guys or cut them off. I asked a few did you even read my profile?? They see my pics and some forget the rest. I mention how I feel about long distant relationships and I get a whole spiel on well if you follow your heart, blah, blah.. I have one word for it all.. *ugh* lol
Love this video! Earlier this evening I dealt with this scenario. I let him know I was feeling disrespected, that it didnt feel good, and asked him to let me know what’s up- will see if he replies.
Even if after just 1 date, even if makes "no sense", if it was a very intense date with big sparkles etc, being ghosted afterward can and will hurt more sometimes than the end of a long term relationship that had the time to live its potential and finally die...What makes things hard is when the connection seems over the top and then is cut off suddenly, without real explanation. The brain can not process this, it makes it insecure because makes it doubt its reality.
That's because intense connection isn't real, and we give into impulses. But yes, you are right... it hurts nonetheless.
Agree with Jonathan. Did the guy seem familiar?
Just seeing this comment. Your words describe exactly my recent experience and it’s effect on my psyche!! Thank you! I don’t feel so alone. Another woman gets it!! 🙏❣️
200 hours to know someone... interesting concept. I think it takes a lot longer and it takes a lifetime to really know ourselves too.
I believe I said... to begin to know someone.
Jonathon, you have helped me more than you can imagine! You know your s*** lol! Listening to you reaffirms my thoughts on why guys pull away. With my ex, you hit the nail on the head. He only wanted fwb. A little teasing me here and there about how perhaps we could have something more but after being intimate he went back to the same old crap. It took me a long time to get over this but with your help, it helped putting the pieces together!! I appreciate you! ❤
Thank you, much appreciated 🙏
Thank you as usual! You’re a big help!
My pleasure
For my 19 year old who is navigating dating….and we watch your videos together, I’m going to buy your book for her as a present….but are there 2 other ones that would be good starters as well? I’m wondering if all the other ones you recommend are more geared to mid life people where they talk about after divorce. Thank you for your content!
I agree totally. Back story is important.
It gives you an idea where the behavior comes from or the lack of caring about certain behaviors. 😮
I agree with everything you say here. It' shard to find authentic transparent, trustworthy people nowadays even as just friends. But i know my worth, and will not settle for less. At my age, 63, i joke with friends that i have a better chance of getting hit by a bus; then meeting a good man🤣 But i still try to keep a little hope. Thank you for empowering women!
Spot on Brenda.
'Invested emotionally' means entirely in your imagination. Nothing at all in reality. Which is why we walk.
Ouch.
What is why you walk away? When you feel a woman gets attached? If so, why does that prompt you to pull away?
How so?
Reminds me of that meme it is so funny it says the next time he tells you he's not in a relationship with anybody ask him if anybody's in a relationship with him just to make sure.
Thanks so much for your passionate message.
Really tells your true concern and care for Real Healthy Relationships etc...
I pray GOD directs Real partners to Real partners, who will both be compatible etc...
And
Prevent them from fake, liers....etc
I don't recommend women disclosing first. I dated someone, and he agreed he wanted the same things I wanted. Big mistake telling him first. Some will say or agree when they don't.
Love you're advice, went out with my neighbor. I was wearing a heart shirt wasn't looking together someone, went check the mail. And neighbor said are you new to the neighborhood, Anyway lot of chemistry let my guard down cause I thought the universe brought it in. We went out he came on strong got me flowers, was thanking God. Felt him pulling away cause I didn't have sex with him on the first date. I'm 69 and getting scared I'll grow old alone, But I look forty, this guy was 68 imature
I agree with what you say. I used your advice and said. You don't understand, I'm not complaining, I'm just asking for more Love from you by checking on me to see if I m home ok and inside.
It's your caring and Love I need right now.
I haven't had a response yet 3 hours.
Yes, I complained that he wasn't checking on my welfare after I left with errand of my own and we talked or errands I did. I did text him and left a voice message. I will see. I know this is all very new to him. But I agree to do this. It's very important. Thank you!!
Resonated Jonathan that's exactly why I've stayed single. Too much effort and time goes into 99.9 waste of time ❤
This podcast is Rich with effective steps to take when the "pull away" happens. Thank you Jon.
He pulls away Another Men gets my attention
How so?
The minute any man decides consciously to give me the silent treatment or pull away my needs don’t stop I’ll give my attention to who deserves and want it. Life is short to wait on a childish man.
I want to add another comment about a dating coach I follow named Jake Woodard. He talks about male/female energy. I know you make fun of this topic but Jake states the currently dating market is a mess because too many men are passive and expect a woman to chase them. Jake despises Bumble and says it really devalues a woman's worth, which i feel is true because we have to reach out to the man. I am a confident, self aware woman, but still feel a man should pursue a woman. I can't date a passive, insecure man and I won't chase anyone ever. It is not who I am.
Passive can also mean, tired of making effort with no results, desirous of being equally wanted and testing women as to their real intentions. I prefer equal effort...
@@JonathonAslay I agree on the equal effort but some men truly want to be chased. it feeds their ego and self worth.I know a man who went back to an ex girlfriend because she begged him to take her back.
@@jenniferl1908 think of celebrities... do they have to make any effort?
@@JonathonAslay no because all celebrities are all narcissists. this is why are in show business. they need validation.
@@jenniferl1908 That's sad begging someone back. Give away your power. Unhealthy, lazy, weak and insecure men want to be chased. Also they learn from Red Pill, and toxic male date coaches.
Question for Jonathan and all divorced men with grown children who don't live at home anymore. Who do you put first in your relationship, your new partner or your children? if not your partner, which place does she have in your life?
They are both important...
THANKS FOR YOUR VIDEOS. I LIKE TO THINK THAT I HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT OUR
RELATIONSHIPS WITH OUR PARTNERS AND WHAT TO DO & SAY TO MAKE THEM STRONGER.
I love your approach and style to modernize dating. It’s refreshing and very sincere, we need more authenticity in this world; I personally am done with mind games. We’re all adults and I agree with you 100%, because it really shouldn’t have to be this complicated to fuse a genuine connection.
Love your rants Jonathon hugs friend.
I can't be bothered dating anymore. The last time I tried was 6 years ago. The attraction was there, but the guy was afraid of his own shadow/traumatized from a divorce/she dumped him & he still isn’t been with anyone for the past 10 years. I am happy with my family, friends, job & pets.
Gotcha
Your advice is the best Mr. Aslay I'm a retired 3 year widow that dated a man I previous knew, a co-worker from 2005. We went out only once last year and never went out again. In a few months I dropped him from social media because he would not answer my messages for another date.This month I saw him at the grocery, he asked for my # again. I will call him out on what happened last year.
Good for you...
Why bother? I wouldn't have given him my number. He dissed you. You asked to get together & he didn't answer. No answer IS an answer. NO answer = not interested!! Don't waste your time.
Thank you for saying “cruel” because that’s exactly what it is.
Exactly. It definately is. Be kind to yourself first!
You know what? I agree with those vows!
Greetings from the other side of the pond (Portugal) 😊
Hey, thanks!
Thank you for yet more powerful insights and truths. I am so glad I found this video.
Glad it was helpful!
Yes ❤very good informative video thank you for your work 👍💖😊
Thanks for watching!
After my ex dropped me off at the train station, he didn't call me for 5 months. He was 64.
Why did he do that?
I certainly hope you didn’t accept his call.
@@camellia8625 I did, but am glad I did. It gave me a chance to finally drop him.
64 and did that? Coward
I don't really blame him I usually got him pegged right away so I mean I'd probably play things differently if I was more invested so maybe I'm the one giving mixed signals you know
Yes the video resonated , thank you 🙏
You’re welcome 😊
I missed it. I am in Californina. 7am is kinda early for me. I was still 💤
It was prerecorded
He is also in CA. This one wasn’t Live.
thank you for being real and straight forward,
Johnathan, I would like to purchase your book-Self Love- where can I find it?
Www.jonathonaslay.com/jonathon-recommends
I did asked gently and calmly "I was just wondering why you were being distant lately" and he just got mad and wanted to break up...
He wasn't very invested
Ive had relationships with narcissistic men in the past (last one ended long before I knew it)...and I would love nothing more than to call him out on alot of things in front of those "friends" & family he trashes behind their backs...as well as he has trashed me to for past 3 yrs...but he's so toxic and preys on everybdy to gain pity for himself that its not worth my time or energy. He's a user thru and thru and I didn't deserve the way he treated me at all. Although I'm sure if I run into him sometime I probably won't be able to hold my tongue bc the world needs to know the truth. I just don't understand how they can take complete advantage of others and yet proclaim their innocence like they were an angel. NEVER again. I LOVE your blunt honesty and rationality...thank you! 💙
You're welcome 😊
He definitely has a personality disorder. If you called him out it would make no difference to him because of the narcissism. It has and is a lock tight defense mechanism. He'd learn nothing.
Excellent advice thank you 🙏
Thanks
Amen
🙏
I feel dating world in the US is very unreality. People don't talk about their income. Match.come took away the income listing. Everyone talk about how many places they have been traveling. Who care about where have you gone.
Income has nothing to do with getting to know someone. That's sad if you feel how much they make factors in your decision whether you want to take the time to get to know a person.