Signs You Have Avoidant Attachment Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Self Help
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002. In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com 💻 Online course based on this video can be found at AllCEUs.com/At...
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Video by Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes on integrative behavioral health approaches including counseling techniques and skills for improving mental health and reducing mental illness.
AllCEUs.com provides multimedia counselor education and CEUs for LPCs, LMHCs, LMFTs and LCSWs as well as addiction counselor precertification training and continuing education on many of the videos on this channel. Unlike other providers like CE4Less, AllCEUs includes a weekly LIVE Stream Webinar with your unlimited continuing education and professional development membership.
👌More videos can be found on this topic at: ruclips.net/p/PLcB3trehXswjSvwE8zV5YPISXOHgkH5I5&si=0YM6L9M7iZoG8d9K
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"Given up on other people." Oh God, 100 times, yes. All my relationships and friendships have happened because the other person kept pushing and didn't give up on ME. It's terrible.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use first to create secure attachment? Here are some videos on that: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
@@DocSnipeshuh I didn't realize this is what went into avoidant attachment I just thought it was like if you think someone getting to needy or dependant on you start pushing away or gets like uncomfortable with it
so the things you listed there's a spectrum to them certainly right
@@DocSnipesThank you for your videos! ❤🙏🏽 I consider myself secure & emotionally mature/available yet have ended up in too many dysfunctional relationships. Although my parents seemed "normal" when I was young, I learned it was less than ideal during & after their divorce by age 15. As an adult I've discovered some reasons why relating to their own childhoods. Thought I'd break the cycle bc I know what NOT to do, plus my interest & studies in psychology. Despite my struggles contributing to growth in character, incl empathy & compassion, I feel that's made me vulnerable to tolerating & staying w/ less than ideal partners (is that codependent if I have boundaries & express needs?). The last one of 5-6 yrs is a DA (in hindsight) whose issues ultimately were of more value to him than I was.
At 50+ idk if I'll ever find my person. Not seeking "perfection" yet refuse to settle for unhealthy toxic behavior which seems to be rampant. I don't actively seek out dates or rebounds, fwiw. Why do you think I've had so much trouble or bad luck? Fwiw, people compliment my beauty & I'm honest, humble & kind... I've been taken advantage of in the past yet haven't let bad experiences harden my heart yet. I wonder if my intelligence (or wisdom) scares off potential friends or dates (esp in a small Southern city)... Should I just be phony like everyone else seems to be? 🤷🏽♀️😞 TY❤
My mother yelled and screamed at me when taking a minute to "help me" learn to ride a bike. She got mad and went in the house so I taught myself by using a tree to lean the bike against and push off the tree until I got the balance.....to this day she says it is her proudest parent moment and praised me for independence.....my choice was to be yelled and screamed at or teach myself, no brainer....but how sad.
That is sad indeed and I am sorry you’ve experienced it. Maybe this video on recovering from trauma will help: ruclips.net/user/liveURdSr6btIGg?feature=share
I've been a dismissive avoidant for most of my life. Managed to largely heal in recent years through self therapy. I believe this all started with my covert narcissist father and emotional neglect. I didn't feel seen and basically gave up trying. I'm also INFJ and felt shamed throughout my teen years for my personality. I'm horrified that I've spent so much of my life as a DA 😢
I am sorry about that and I am grateful for you watching the video. Here is the video on overcoming childhood neglect: ruclips.net/video/q9BboNjerZc/видео.html
OMG I'm in my early twenties, recently into self healing process and found out that I have avoidant attachment behaviour for all my life, and came here, going through the comments I was shocked to see yours because I was raised by a covert narcissistic type parents and I'm an INFJ too😳.
More power to you❤️
Infj here with DA too. My last two partners had anxious attachment
INFJ and secured here (former anxious). I've also experienced childhood neglect and bullying on my younger years but healed myself and did alooooot of inner work. I know it's hard to see the sunshine now but trust me it'll get better ❤ I don't know if you're a religious person but if you are, trust and have faith on God it'll help ❤
Omg my dad was a malignant narc and it’s been hell trying to understand why I struggle with sustaining healthy relationships. Therapy +2 yrs. Man. I least I feel seen now.
I have no doubt that my attachment style is Dismissive Avoidant for sure. The one major thing that never makes sense to me is that I truly do not ever remember feeling unloved or uncared for by my parents. I'm not saying they were perfect, but if there was any emotional neglect going on, to this day I was at least mercifully unaware of it.
I wonder how much of this (at least in the case of a DA) is simply the temperament you're born with which could have made it difficult for a parent to connect even if they really tried to.
I also wonder if parents (perhaps like mine) could've been neglectful but in a loving way if that makes sense? In other words....I wonder if they could've actively downplayed our distress, constantly redirected, and encouraged self reliance not out of neglect, but out of misguided concern to help soothe us and make us feel empowered in hopes of lowering our anxiety levels and ironically raising our confidence??
What matters is not the intention of your parents but how your child self knowingly or unknowingly perceived their actions! I know for a fact my parents love me to death but they never knew how to deal with my moments of sadness. They'd let me calm down by myself and giving me that space was an act of love in their eyes. But to me, it was neglect. I needed comfort, assurance, but I didn't get it! And tada, unsurprisingly I grew up to avoidantly attached. Perhaps you find yourself in a similar situation?
@@usernameerrorxx
Perhaps.....
But as a parent myself now, one of the scariest things I've heard is when you said:
"what matters is not the intention of your parents but how your child self kmowingly or unknowingly percieved their actions."
🤦 It's really unsetteling to know that your child not only might totally misinterpret your intentions, but also not be emotionally mature enough to communicate those misperceptions to you so you would know where to correct your behaivor. I guess we don't know until they are at least 18 if our approach was totally wrong for them?🤦
True.
Also you can develop the attachment style later in life not always during childhood
Perhaps a marriage that can cause the same trauma that leads to avoiding
My theroy is Sharing your feelings doesn't make you weak. Vulnerable, maybe, to someone who may have unhealthy relationship's in the past.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
That is not a theory but a simple opinion
Thank you for helping me and my partner to find out bout our attachment styles and how to work with those. We become more aware and understanding and also loving because of knowing that we didn’t have best parenting care. That makes me love him even more and we both try to heal each other wounds.
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. Here are some videos on building secure attachment: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Not accurate information. Avoidant have high self esteem but low self worth
Doc, I want to say thank you because your videos literally changed my life. Last year, I just stumbled upon one of your videos about C-PTSD. Before that, I had NEVER even heard of such a thing. I didn't have any clue why the last 37 years of my life had been so difficult, and why no amount of SSRIs or talk therapy ever worked for me. You gave me the vocabulary to put into words what I have been living all of my life. I was able to get the correct diagnoses and meds that I need. I was able to start DBT and EMDR in February of this year. So your videos are not just informative for the sake of getting CEUs, they're invaluable for those who are struggling but don't have the last few pieces of the puzzle to explain what's going on with them. Again, thank you so much and God bless!
I am grateful to have been able to be of service :)
Best video on avoidant attachment I’ve ever seen…I’ve seen many. Thank you for your work
You’re so welcome. Thank you for your kind words and thank you for watching. If you’re interested in creating secure attachment you can find videos on that at:
ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Thank you, Doc Snipes, for this explanation of the Avoidant Attachment style. I wished I knew this info a long time ago.
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. You can find videos on developing secure attachment at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
I have avoidant attachment. This makes sense. Narcissistic parent did not allow us to have needs or show emotion. I have ADHD and only got diagnosed at 38 or so.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the videos. I don’t know if you’ve seen the videos on ADHD on the channel: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=ADHD
Your channel is so under rated. I love the way you explain things
Thank you for watching! :)
I'm really happy I found your videos. I have finally uncovered an issue that I've had for years. Of being abandoned by my parents and dealing with that and my personal relationships. My mother was extremely strict and not emotional. My dad was also very non-emotional and an alcoholic. I've spent a lot of my life alone. And I'm very extroverted but I'm also introverted in those manners because I have trust issues. I witnessed a lot of abused growing up and I've also been SA a few times in my life I do not have many friends and every time I meet a guy he just disappears 😢 and the guys that don't disappear I guess they see the sign on my forehead and they don't treat me right because they know that I have separation issues
Thank you for sharing your story-it takes a lot of courage to open up about these deeply personal experiences. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a heavy burden for a long time, dealing with abandonment, emotional neglect, and trauma, all of which have understandably affected your relationships and trust in others.
Growing up in a home where emotional support was lacking and witnessing abuse can leave deep scars, especially when it comes to forming healthy connections with others. It’s not uncommon to feel conflicted, being extroverted in some ways but introverted when it comes to trusting others or letting them get close. The fear of being hurt or abandoned again can lead to patterns where either you pull away or, unfortunately, attract people who take advantage of those vulnerabilities.
It’s important to remember that the struggles you’ve faced don’t define your worth or what you deserve in relationships. It’s possible to heal from these wounds and create healthier, more fulfilling connections. This might involve working on setting boundaries, recognizing your own value, and finding ways to rebuild trust-both in yourself and in others.
Therapy can be incredibly helpful in navigating these issues, but if that’s not an option right now, continuing to educate yourself through resources like these videos is a great step. You can more easily find videos like this and tips and strategies to start developing secure attachment at: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
Surrounding yourself with supportive, understanding people, whether that’s friends, a support group, or an online community, can also make a big difference. I’d appreciate it if you were to share what you’ve found most useful from the video.
You deserve relationships where you are valued, respected, and loved for who you are. Healing is a journey, and you’re already taking important steps by uncovering these issues and seeking to understand and address them. Be patient with yourself, and know that it’s okay to take this process one day at a time.
Greetings! Thanks for posting this video! It is of immense help to me...personally I have faced certain dysfunctional family relationships and also disappointment in love and friendships. I am now very reluctant to associate with people intimately! These tips will help me in healing and living life with more positive and trusting discernment! God Bless All! 🥰🙏
@ 12:39 “They need to feel like they’re empowered, so they need to be the one to set the pace of things”
You kindly & coherently explained this in a way that gave me relief. I’ve always felt guilty for always wanting to be in charge & taking control, that way, nothing catches me by surprise… in relationships of course. Thank you 😮😮😮
I legit cried at this
This is super helpful
I'm really touched that the video resonated with you, and I'm so glad you found it helpful. It’s powerful to recognize attachment patterns, and feeling those emotions is an important step in the healing process. Be kind to yourself as you continue this journey of understanding and growth-you're taking steps toward healthier relationships with yourself and others, and that’s no small feat.
I’d love to hear what you found most helpful from the video-your feedback is invaluable. If you’re interested in more tips on this topic or want to explore my full video library, feel free to use my Ai: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. If you ever feel overwhelmed, remember that it’s okay to take things one step at a time. You've got this!
Thank you so much for very Helpful Information Doctor. I will Try to erase the illness with the ways you have advised in this video. May you be Blessed with All Good Things.
You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of service. How will you start? Also, if you're interested in more videos on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
I found this video interesting because I was diagnosed with AAD about 10 years ago (I am 75) All my adult life I have blamed myself for 3 failed marriage and emotional distance from the rest of my family (1 sister and 2 cousins). From the age of 4 I traveled all over the world until getting married at age 22. I tended (at least at first) to make 1 or 2 very close friends. My sister, 5 years younger always had a ton of friends from the first day of school. Usually, when we left somewhere we had very little warning. I think my parents didn't tell us we were leaving because they though it would be easier on us. The worst one was when I was 12 and lived in Normandy. I was very intensely involved in horseback riding/jumping. We went to the stable on Thursday and on Friday my parents told me we were going back to the US on Sunday by ship. My mother took me to the stable on Saturday to say goodbye to the 67 horses and my instructor, Odette. It broke my heart but it also taught me a lesson. Don't get attached and you won't get hurt. I have spent most of my adult life blaming myself for the failures of my marriages, etc. When I got this diagnosis a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders! It wasn't my fault, it was just the way I am. Since then I am much much happier. I know I cannot sustained a relationship and that is fine. I found this interesting though because other than maybe a little 'neglect' because I was so solitary, I had a wonderful childhood (other than all the broken hearts). Thanks.
I am sorry about the broken hearts. Thank you for watching and for sharing your story. Other videos that might help can be found at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secureattachment
Non-native English speaker here. I was shocked for a minute, when Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes said: "That tends to be a disaster." talking about relationships between anxious and avoidant style people. I have an anxious attachment style, and I knew things between my ex-gf and me were never going to work . Her avoidant attachment style triggered feelings of anxiety, insecurity, jealousy, etc. in me. I lived in hell during those four months. I had to break up with her, swallow the bitter pill of going back to being alone/lonely even though I loved her so much, and I still do, but felt that was the right thing to do. It's been a month since then, and although I've made little progress in terms of moving on, the pain is still unbearable .
I am sorry about your relationship and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
And here is the video on Healing after a breakup: ruclips.net/video/8OZdTwfb2Mk/видео.html
This was so accurate ❤ Thank you! 🙏🏻
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
This is all me. My husband complains that I'm so cold and unloving. I was an illegitimate child. Although my mother loved me, she was not THERE for me. She worked two jobs and I mostly felt like a burden to her. I fended for myself. Got myself to school, cooked for myself etc. I had friends, but it wasn't enough. Now that I'm 52, all my trauma has come to a head in my life. It's debilitating. My mother cries and said "I did the best I could."
I am sorry that happened to you. You did the best you could with the tools you had a the time
Thankyou for this video. Was feeling very overwhelmed and now i know what to do about this. Thankyou, really. 😢
You’re welcome 😊
Pretty good! I feel affirmed, many of these tools i've been using. Might anxious and avoidant coexist in one? I am/was clingy as hell. Once i experienced how self sabotaging that gets, i renounced that. Avoidant rules, i resigned from dating. But the longing to cling remains unrequited
Thank you for watching the video and thank you for your answer. When it comes to attachment, they can all coexist. For example, you can be securely attached in a relationship, avoidant attached in another and anxious attached in another.
I am an avoidant attachment girlie. Also, I consider myself an emotional person but throughout my life I never knew how to express it. And when I expressed it, I would either keep it to myself and "forget" about it, or put it on others. As a kid i never felt safe to talk about my emotions. I couldnt even identify it. Whenever I pissed my dad off he would chase me, so I would run to my room and lock my door for safety. I would cry and pretend nothing happened the next day for the sake of respecting my parents. I guess thats the reason why im dismissive with issues. I tend to runaway from conflicts of romantic relationships and friendships. On the other hand, my mom would constantly ignore me, so that could be the reason why I gave up on people. I currently broke up with my boyfriend because he is an anxious attachment. He was so clingy and repeatedly pissed me off. I really couldnt help with his insecurities. I blame my parents for making up who I am because they were emotionally negligent. Thats why i am the way I am and I am trying my best to fix it.
Currently crying buckets. Thank you for your help, Doc.
You’re most welcome. Thank you for watching the video and for watching.
Will there be a future video for Anxious-avoidant attachment style? Because that is a whole other beast lol
Doc, you have literally changed my life with your videos on attachment. Massive thanks for the information.
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the videos on the channel
Avoidance is me. Or, that's what I do. I gave up on people and I'll never make friends again.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
This a great video. Very helpful and simply put. Thank you for educating and helping us. ❤
You are so welcome!
Thanks for sharing this, Dr. Just to clarify, if a person has total distrust for anyone due to childhood betrayal from a primary caregiver, would this fall under this spectrum of avoidant attachment?
Hi, I think definitely this negative experience can give rise to Avoidant Attachment! I personally have faced certain dysfunctional family relationships and also disappointment in love and friendships. I am now very reluctant to associate with people intimately! This video is of much help in healing! 🥰👍
I think so. Either severe emotional neglect or physical abuse also
Thank you for all you do 🙏
You are so welcome. Thanks for watching.
@@DocSnipes girrrrl... You'd be watching you too if u were me :)) love your spirit
I also think that it’s not just parenting that does this but it could be a Community environment like school or church for example. Because my parents did some of this but I felt mostly rejected at school.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video
Thanks for addressing these troublesome conditions. My question is if you’ve done counseling for childhood abuse and neglect and never consciously recognized avoidant tendencies, can you later develop avoidant tendencies from repetitive adult experiences like bullying, gaslighting, silencing, dismissal, betrayal and abandonment?
Yes
@@catcat9582 - thanks. I thought so.
I found out I have adhd a few months ago and it was very freeing to feel normal or at least normal for a person with adhd. Both of my parents have undiagnosed adhd. My father would get explosive angry when frustrated and my mom was never emotionally available unless it was towards her many significant others. I always felt unheard and rejected by my parents, sister, and peers until I just quit trying to communicate. I felt like I was always their emotional support person but had no one to support me emotionally. Can having two emotionally unavailable parents with ADHD be the root cause for my avoidant personality as well?
Thank you for watching the video. Yes, it can.
Thank you for this video, it shed a lot of light on my own patterns and has given me some profound insight.
true 200%, unbelievable
This explains alot😳
Thanks for watching!
I’m done with people in 40’s now! 😂 Joking I’m getting to know people and and I think in my narcissistic relationship I seemed anxiously attached but honestly I have no attachment problems I don’t believe I do at least I think a lot of people do though I’m starting to see that it’s a very strange world out there! I mean honestly how hard is it to change an attachment style?
Is it possible for someone to have Anxious Attachment and Avoidant Attachment at the same time?
Yes
Look at fearful avoidant or disorganised attachment styles which are a combination of both avoidant and anxious attachment.
Do you have videos on getting rid of relationship anxiety or does this video work for that?
They tend not to verbalize feeling but may act them out. So I try to tell them " it seems like when x happens you tend to_______.
Thanks for watching and commenting.
Fantastic content. Sadly if in relationship with someone who is higher in the avoidant spectrum, it's really difficult for even a secure person to remain in relationship with them long term. I did my best as a secure person but the avoidant qualities in my partner were almost impossible to manage as they did not have self awareness, even when gently guided over time to the concept of attachment. The avoidant has to be aware of the issues and sadly I don't think avoidants are as willing to self reflect as anxious types. This relationship has left me broken but I've learned a lot so that's a positive ultimately.
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching
Wow that’s deep.. Hope your healing.. Sometimes we try to fix people so much that we’re breaking
Wow! Thank you!
You’re most welcome. Thanks for watching the video
Thanks ❤️ ❤️
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
Appreciate the concise yet very effective summary of Signs, Causes and Interventions. Feeling unsafe, ignored and unworthy of love hence dismissive, minimising and superficial in relationships is so true and key to trusting.
Thank you. I appreciate you watching the video
I think I have anxious and avoidant attachment
Great helpful well structured, thank you.
Maybe would be helpful a video with soecifuc examples of situations in love relationships "how to" move from avoidant to secure.
I have the avoidant attachment style plus I’m a Capricorn. Y’all can only imagine how fucked up I am.
I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
This is so good. Thank you - I’m understanding why I give up so soon on things I try at.
This is the best video I have seen so far about avoidant attachment. Much thanks to you for sharing such valuable information
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. You can find videos on developing secure attachment at ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Omg this me. Avoidant is what I use to protect myself. At least I know now that I’m not crazy. Time to work hard to improve this. Thank you for this video.
It's great that you're gaining insight into your attachment style-understanding it is the first step towards growth. Working on improving your attachment style can be challenging, but it's also incredibly rewarding. Remember to be kind to yourself during this process and seek support if you need it. Whether through therapy, self-reflection, or reading, you're taking a positive step forward. Additionally, if you're interested in more videos on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
Also, I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video.
No one can beat doc Snipes in explaining these psychological approaches! Thank you!
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video
At my age, I just decided it is a 1000% easier to be friendly with people and interact with them about once a month. Than to really invest in a close relationship. I have my significant other that i've had for thirty five years. That is enough for me because I don't trust people. My experiences are people are abusive. Cruel, and just plain a*******, give me an animal any day over a human.
I am sorry your experiences with people are abusive and I appreciate you watching the video
it's kinda nice just listening to her talk about this. I feel heard. lol
I appreciate you watching. Other videos that might help can be found at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=avoidant
NORMALLY, I am a Secure attachment type. But if my mate turns out to engage routinely in Anxious attachment behaviors, I've historically responded by pulling away, exhibiting increasing Avoidant/Dismissive-style behaviors.
Is this just a normal response of even Secure types to Anxious types, or does it mean I'm Avoidant overall?
Your experience of shifting from a secure attachment style to an avoidant/dismissive style in response to a partner's anxious attachment behavior is not uncommon and doesn't necessarily mean you're avoidant overall.
Attachment Styles and Relationship Dynamics
In relationships, the dynamics between different attachment styles can significantly influence how individuals interact and respond to each other. Anxiously attached individuals often seek frequent reassurance and have strong fears of abandonment. When faced with this behavior, it's understandable that you might respond by pulling away, especially if the anxious behavior becomes overwhelming. This is a characteristic of the avoidant attachment style, where individuals often distance themselves to maintain their independence and to avoid feeling trapped or overwhelmed by their partner's needs.
Shifting Attachment Styles
However, it's important to remember that these attachment styles are not fixed and can change over time and with conscious effort. If you find yourself consistently shifting towards an avoidant style in response to anxious behavior, it might be beneficial to communicate your feelings with your partner and work together to find a balance that suits both of your emotional needs.
Seeking Help
In some cases, professional help such as counseling or therapy might be beneficial to navigate these dynamics and foster healthier attachment behaviors.
It's also crucial to remember that everyone has the capacity for secure attachment, which involves being responsive to your partner's needs while also maintaining your independence and self-care.
In conclusion, your response to your partner's anxious behavior doesn't necessarily mean you're avoidant overall. It could be a normal response to the dynamics of your relationship, and with communication and effort, it's possible to navigate these dynamics in a healthy way.
I feel aweful, my parents broke me 😢 and this reflects me
I am so sorry this happened to you. I don’t know if you’ve seen the video on healing the inner child: ruclips.net/video/IKJPtpaNP2A/видео.html
Also, here are the videos on developing secure attachment: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Can someone explain Or give an example of a parent that is not meeting the needs of a child like I feel like I’ve met the needs of my kids but I don’t think we always do like maybe we miss if they’re depressed does that mean we’re not meeting the needs??? Can someone explain this more what needs like are we just talking about basic food love and care along with other things like getting them involved in activities and being with their friends I mean isn’t that meeting their needs? How many needs is such a big word can we be more specific on what needs to look like I guess is what I’m wanting to know
Here is one of the videos I have done on nurturing secure attachment ruclips.net/video/ziekq3DJFDo/видео.html I also have several on child development
ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=child%20development
Thanks!
Thanks so much!! Your support is greatly appreciated. 😀😀 👍👍👍
Hello, thank you for the video. What about avoidant personality disorder ? That’s a very distressing condition with very few, to none help available. Could you make a video about that ? Thanks !
@@astraetluna 👋🏼✌🏽🖖🏽twin time💓💞☝🏽🌌💖
A securely attached person may recognize it, but would they really want to hang around someone who constantly keeps them at a distance?
What does it mean "poor emotional awareness"? In practice, can u pls give an example
Can someone go from anxious attachment to avoidance attachment, or vice versa? Because I feel like I started out as anxious but due to unrealistic expectations set by me, I drove people away and then after becoming disappointed by their rejection, I am now avoidant, like I just don't even care anymore about trying to form relationships.
I am sorry about that. You can have anxious-avoidant attachment or you can be anxiously attached to a person, securely attached to another and avoidant with another. Here is the video on anxious-avoidant attachment : ruclips.net/video/sJDg9I-LeMM/видео.html
This is so so me.
I've been dating someome who is very obvious an avoidant. We've been dating for 7 months and out of nowhere he said he doesnt see me in his future...he said he cant make me a priority. But the last 7 months have been great. It caught me so off guard and now I'm so heart broken.
Same exact thing just happened to me. I started in January and just ended two days ago. How have you been coping?
Are these people loners ?
Thank you for watching the video. They crave connection but fear being hurt. What did you find most helpful from the video?
Yeh its been so helpful ☺️ very informative!! Thnx🏖
You’re most welcome. Thank you for watching
Damn. I knew it. This is me.
Thanks for watching the video. What tips will you use to create secure attachment?
Here are some videos on that: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
I sent this to my ex who I've still been talking to. He blocked me. I'm also anxiously attached. Guess what he is!
I am sorry your boyfriend blocked you and I appreciate you watching the video
My life 😟
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Videos on creating secure attachment can be found at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Ty
Do secure attachment people actually exsist? :(
Parents be messing their kids up man smh 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Don't have time for relationships? That has to be THE most self defeating thing EVER! HOW RIDICULOUS. BUT you can keep letting these machines dictate your actions. Machines. Smh.
Ally life i was in avoidant dismissive bounding styles involved relationships or friendships so tired of this permanent mirroring and triggering all of the time. At 40, you just really kind of stop trying not because you dont deserve it or want intimacy its just you're aware of this vicious cycle and see the red flags
What triggers me are these eternally denials of so-called optimistics. Its not about staying positive its about being realistic and I can sign to the fact that avoidant and anxious style do catastrophal. If you don't believe it try it yourself. I myself dont need sny more dramas
Amazing🤔👍
Just found you! Now subscribing! Thanks!
I appreciate you watching.
Best person for avoidance attachment is someone with secure attachment. Wouldn't that just bring the secure attachment down? Like why would they want to lower their self to be with someone insecure.
A person who is securely attached doesn’t fear being with one who is anxiously attached.
But pragmatically it would be a waste of time. Like dating a paraplegic. You could manage it but you don’t have to. So you don’t
I am secure, and my ex had a DA (Dismissive-Avoidant). Unfortunately, after one year, I had to move on since she wasn't able to meet my needs. I gave her some time to work on her traumas and wounds, but she said she couldn't because she preferred to remain the way she is. What I am trying to say is, even a secure person can have a hard time with a DA. She is an awesome woman, but it didn't work out. I also found myself getting pretty anxious during our relationship, haha. Wishing her all the best!
I feel like I once had anxious attachment and was clingy but after a series of bad relationships in my teens I became dismissive avoidant. As a child my parents moved our family 20 times . I went to 16 schools k-10 before quitting school because of social and academic difficulties. Both my parents were alcoholics. Dad was violent and narcissistic which affected our family too much.
That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you
I’m actually looking for videos about gaslighting and not being allowed to talk about things…. got any? 😊
I will be 42 next month, I never had a relationship my entire life, no friends by choice, and I'm extremely uncomfortable with touching others.
I've basically have an imaginary wife/lover for the past 25 years as it's the only thing that brings me any feelings of happiness. I have tried finding someone else for a solid 10 years, but never made a single connection. All it did was made me exhausted, stressed out, anxiety driven, and incredibly tense. I didn't enjoy a single moment doing any of that, just constantly miserable and self-loathing.
I'm also a fantasy masochist, don't know if that's related or just personal development.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness
Emotional support animal, German shepherd
¡Gracias!
De nada! Gracias por estar aqui y por ver el video. :)
This was me most of my life.
Very Impressed with your video.
I appreciate you watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
What I didn't know about myself...🤔
I had supportive parents but I relate to this attachment style.
Thanks for watching. What tips will you use first to develop secure attachment? Here are some videos on that: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
@@DocSnipes thank you!
Unlimited CEUs for $59 at AllCEUs.com. Based on this channel's videos and the proceeds support our continued mission to make these resources available.
When I was a child, my parents would give me "spankings." This was fairly normal back in the 80s and 90s. From 3 years old, to around 12 yo. I would have to pull down my pants (bare butt) lay over the couch, and would be struck with all of the force my parents could muster with a 3 inch wide, maybe 4 ft long leather belt, that I swear could have been specifically designed for beating kids butts. Agian, fairly normal at the time. I was told how many "swats" I would receive, depending on what I did wrong. I wasn't allowed to flinch, attempt to protect my butt, or cry while I was beaten. If I flinched or cried, then that "swat" didn't count, and they got a do-over. So I just had to lay there, take the beating without moving, and bite down on my bottom lip to prevent myself from crying. This happened on a weekly basis for years, amongst other things. Of course, there were other problems in my childhood as well. My early relationships with women weren't very successful, and I don't even date anymore. But when I was still trying, I could usually get the girls I wanted, but never keep them. "Dating you is like dating a robot", and "you are completely void of normal human emotions" are some of the many things that girlfriends have said to me about the subject. My friends used to call me Mr. Spock when I was younger, despite the fact that I'm not on the spectrum. I truthfully think I have more emotions than the average person, though I very rarely express them. And I would never tell a person in real life, what I would leave in a comment where I'm anonymous. I actually had to learn how to show facial expressions for the sake of trying to flirt with women, though in the beginning it felt very unnatural and contrived. I've gotten much better at it now, and it actually feels genuine. I've been told several times that I have a good smile. Though, I do think that some things are too deeply ingrained to ever change. I never have been and never will be violent towards women. But I'm always on my guard. The very first hint of a girlfriend doing something that I see as a betrayal, I flip out and sabotage the relationship. Sometimes, I think I'm addicted to being angry. So much so, that sometimes I actually get irritated if I'm dating someone who *doesn't* do anything to wrong me in some way. One girlfriend said to me "no woman actually stands a chance with you, does she?" And she was right. I've stopped dating, and claim because women aren't worth my effort anymore. There is some truth to that, there's good and bad people on both sides. But really, the problem is me, and it always has been.
I am sorry you have gone through that and I appreciate you watching the video. Here are more videos on developing secure attachment:
ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
And some videos on anger: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=anger
I just found you and I think I'm disorganized attachment. I'm kind of freaking out haha I'm so scared that I'm going to do the same think to my children. How can I tell if I am? How can I make sure my unstable relationship tendencies don't bleed into my relationship with my children ( and husband) ?
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. You can find videos on developing secure attachment at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
You can also join my free 1h Live Q&A on Monday at 10AM EST and I will answer your question for free
this is what Hoarders have
Thanks for watching!
And i thought i am so unique and rational.
It’s a common reaction to feel surprised when recognizing avoidant attachment traits, especially if you've always seen yourself as independent, unique, or rational. Many people with avoidant attachment styles pride themselves on being self-reliant and logical, so it can be jarring to realize that some of this independence may be driven by underlying fears of vulnerability or rejection. Avoidant attachment doesn’t mean you aren’t unique or rational; it simply means that some of your behaviors, particularly in relationships, might be influenced by a desire to protect yourself from getting hurt.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be a powerful tool for exploring these thoughts and behaviors. It helps to challenge assumptions like, “Needing others makes me weak” or “Emotions get in the way of rational decisions.” Instead, CBT can guide you toward balancing independence with healthy emotional connections, allowing for both rationality and openness.
How might recognizing avoidant tendencies help you embrace both your independence and your emotional needs in a way that feels balanced?
Also, what strategies have helped you stay true to yourself while still opening up to deeper connections with others?
Can a person be Anxious-Avoidant Attachment style?
Every insecure attachment ideally needs a secure person. There aren’t enough to go around lol
Thanks for watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=attachment
Amazing video
Thank you so much for watching. How are you planning to create secure attachment?
Thanks 🙏🏼! This is great 👍!
Thanks so much for the support!! It is greatly appreciated. 😀😀
What about disorganized attachment?
why did i get 9/9 💀
Thanks for watching
Bulleted item lists + CC does not work well
👋😎😸
Thanks for watching. If you’re interested in videos on developing secure attachment, you can find them at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Thank you so very much for these videos
that hits home. to late now to fix it. it's my life at my age of m 53
Thank you for watching the video. You can find videos on creating secure attachment at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
😢 you nailed my childhood
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video