I have ADHD and Autism and my partner has Autism. This has been the best relationship I’ve ever had. We get each other on so many levels that he is now my safe person and I am his. Two neurodivergent people as a couple for us is great. ❤
I'm autistic and my partner is adhd and while it's been the best relationship I've had there's a ton of challenges that come with us being practically opposite, such as him constantly talking and moving and me having sensory.issues. We also have challenges communicating because of his difficulty with active listening and me being very direct and honest. He also talks a ton before getting to the point which is difficult to deal with. He also is perfectly fine having someone around constantly and I need significant alone time.
I love that you both are this for each other, what a wonderful thing! While my husband is neurotypical, the paternal side of my family is a gaggle of autistic people. I am the only female, but those guys are my soulmates in ways nobody else could be. Especially my brother who says he's honored to be my safe person! 🥰
Omg, my partner has said a few times to me that I am mean (which is something I've heard in the past from friends and acquaintances). What my friends/acquaintances never went on to say is that (and this is what my partner says) "you often come across as very mean, but I know you dont intentionally mean to be mean" 13:32 it's nice to have someone finally get me, to an extent if you know what I mean. Cuz most people just up and leave.
My autistic spouse is way more social Than I am, he's deaf and autistic and he still wants to communicate with all sorts of people all the time. So sometimes we travel to an event or something separately. So I can sneak away when I want to. I will go to things with him with earplugs and noise canceling headphones and We just both do our own thing and get what we want out of these events and experiences and it works out. I personally get enough socialization during my full-time job.So outside of that I don't need any more neuro.Typical socialization.I enjoy being with my autistic family and get recharged with them.
I saw a comment on a video once that absolutely blew my mind. To paraphrase, they theorized that people with autism aren't ego driven. We give and take truths as they are. We aren't big on titles or hierarchies. We hold ourselves to high standards. We strive for fairness to all. Unfortunately we can appear egocentric on the outside and people have to be really close to us in order to see that we (in general, of course) aren't. I have put so much thought and journaling into that concept. It's been absolutely fascinating to explore!
I definitely struggle in relationships with a lot of these things. I try to manage myself as best I can and explain my needs so they don't come off as offensive (many people find the need to withdraw and take alone time offensive for some reason) but I feel like it's very difficult to find a partner willing to understand the differences and work with me on them, rather than expecting me to fundamentally change myself to fit their expectations of normal entirely. If I ever had a partner that I said "I need to take tonight to myself, I'm feeling really burned out." and they just said "Sure babe, text me when you are done, I'll find something for myself to do." I would be a happy man.
I guess my need for alone time in a relationship is even stronger than yours … one day is not enough for me. And I am female. 😂 Took me decades to find out that I am not a bad partner or parent, I just need solitude to regulate and because partners or kids don’t accept this for whatever reason, here comes the autistic rage … 😆
0:02 "...tell it to your face." Lmao, had to process that one for a sec... Too true! Those treacherous, backstabbing expressions - or lack there of - are always causing a barrier to being understood.... 😐
I really like listening to Orion because he makes me feel validated with the way he talks. Like, I unintentionally talk loud, go into random 'rants' and tangents, and can be perceived as boisterious or angry/bitchy even. Though it seems like its just an AuDHD thing.
I have autism and ADHD. My boyfriend of 13 years has ADHD. It works for us but that doesn't mean that it would work for everyone. Do what works for you.
You're my #1 go-to source, and you absolutely cripple me with your intentional and unintentional autistic Aussie humor. I was losing it at 20 min XD I save most of your videos for future reference. Great stuff.
I was diagnosed adhd as a child and I have 2 neurodivergent kids (young adults now) with autism. I have always had a deep understanding of my kids. I love listening to you because I relate so much. It really makes me question my original diagnosis. Thank you for doing what you do. 🙏🏻
Depending on how old you are they used to think that you could only have autism or ADHD, not have both. They would diagnose based on which one was the most obvious to them. These days we know that approx 70% of Autistic people also have ADHD (the percentage of people with ADHD who are also autistic is much lower). If you feel like you need more answers then it might be worth looking into.
wow. I've always been honest. i know this is probably why I have problems in relationships. my religious upbringing trained me this way. it is almost counterproductive for me to tell any kind of lie (guilt/self hate ...) but if i want a friend, maybe i need to learn how to do this in a practical way.
I'm somewhat in the middle between autistic and neurotypical. I guess I'm expressing some of the genes. I experience both worlds, living with an autistic partner and kids. In my experience, the one idea that works the best is that we're all different and we have to explore each other to find that middle ground, without expectations other than honesty and compassion. And circumstances change over the years, this is a lifelong process. May love prevail. ♥️
I hate that too. I think the only value worth pulling from it is that just because I believe something to be the truth, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is. In other words, I’d be careful not to misunderstand my truth for THE truth.
Alone time, non-negotiable. The honesty…causes me to be hated, both at home, and at work. I’ve tried censoring myself, and I can’t. It’s not that I’m obsessed with honesty, but at an extremely young age, I realized that I was terrible at lying. Also, honesty often kept me from physical punishment. At least that’s what I always thought. Now, we know better. 🙂 (You should NEVER be “brutally honest” with children. They don’t need that)
Brutal honesty is never necessary. It's a misconception that people can't be honest and kind at the same time. In the case of a child the kindness is being honest to them at their level of understanding.
Thank you for the insights. I wish there were neurotypical people on RUclips explaining how their brain works, too. From scratch, for an audience of absolute beginners, as you do. I assume I'm neurotypical because I think the evidence for certain neurodivergent traits in me is to weak, but I live as long as I can think with the thought "Human beings are weird." Including me. Therefore thank you again for explaining!
I've never felt comfortable lying. Truth, no matter how "bad" it is, is 100% the way to go. As a child I learned that people don't like the truth. To help combat the uncertainty and awkwardness caused by verbalized truth, I picked up the habit of asking back the question "do you want that sugar coated or straightforward?". Most of the time I had decent success in socializing and reading body language when I used this question. Though a few people were completely off put by it. 19:29
8:41 THIS. it has nothing to do with them personally being in the way but as a circumstance of socialization and work, etc. they are in the way (like other external stimuli) of our special interests.
My primary reason for lying is to get out of trouble for being AuDHD. Reasons for being late, not having done certain tasks, not being able to attend school/work/social events, etc. I think this is quite common. The common denominator is that autistic people typically don't lie to achieve something or get ahead, but rather to avoid repercussions for being who we are and having the challenges we do. One of the benefits of getting diagnosed is that I have to lie less, because now I can tell people close to me "computer says no because of AuDHD".
@18:53 can I walk this back a little bit? It might not be the autistic person’s intent to hurt, but it might not be the allistic person’s intent to hurt, either when they do things that very much hurt autistic people. Intent definitely matters but the effect does, too. I remember in one video you were talking about a school function where they did not provide an inclusive space for your son. I very much doubt that they had the intent to hurt your son. Most likely they are so wired in their own NT way of viewing the world that they didn’t properly consider what they needed to do to be inclusive. Nevertheless, it still hurt him and that still matters. NT or ND is besides the point if you’ve hurt someone. I’m not suggesting that you believe otherwise, I’m just saying. I’m also not denying ND people have it worse, it’s just that NT are still human beings too and can still be hurt.
41 year old Canadian guy. Struggled my entire life. I feel like I have a chance now thanks to you. Ive spent the past year and a half trying to figure myself out after losing the love of my life. That's what pushed me to self improvement. Hearing you speak felt like being spoken to for the first time in 41 years. It was hard to take. But for the first time I don't just feel like Im garbage. Thank you.
Dead air.. yeah my partner makes me feel slow and gets upset when I don't answer him immediately, which adds stress every time we talk because I feel rushed to respond and I just can't most times. I also don't mask much which gets my in trouble, especially with my partner.. he's always telling me to smile and asking me what's wrong no matter how much I tell him I'm okay I just need quiet time.
21:21 Orion, do you know what this is called? I just love it. Breaking down the barrier between creator & the audience in a 'lets just drop the pretense that we're all holding a wilfull suspension of disbelief because we're autistic & don't do that naturally so its just a waist of spoons anyway' kind of way. But of coarse the term is way less deep than that.. Its something about 3rd person or audience or something? You know what im talkin about, don't ya? Anywho, the way you almost take it to a deeper level or something is so refreshing & really does something great for my brain. It's like it breaks the spell of being locked into a particular construct or mode or way of thinking, but in a mini satisfying way rather than a life shattering revelation kinda of way; like when you realize your understanding of the way something works was just kinda a shell of rules/too white & black/just a local snapshot rather than the big picture sort of understanding & your melted with the shame of your actions that were baised on well intentioned ignorance....
So it's like instead of the feeling you get when you finally get a joke that's gone over your head, you feel the excitement of a renovation in your brain where there are new doors to connect some of the compartments that had always been always adjoining, but before you had to take the long way round to get from point A to point J. I believe I'm getting harder to understand rather than clarifying my meaning, but I think this ramble is helping me so... ✈️
I love your content. It was part of how I came to accepting it was really possible I was autistic (woo, next week is my consult for an evaluation) after years of concern. My mother brought up that she was concerned when I was a baby but never really had an evaluation. I’ve been thinking on it heavily for nearly 7 years now, but that’s not the point. From your other videos, I had an immediate upset on the differing intro (never seen the podcast channel) but then by the end. I actually really like the intro. Love your work man.
I’m so thankful for your content on this channel! 😊 I’ve just ended my relationship. We started dating almost five years ago, and at that time I had no idea what my needs were. It was fine in the beginning, for the two-three first years. But I just couldn’t anymore, the masking of my autistic traits and trying to keep up with him were too much. I learned so much about myself during this time, listening to your channel and others. I’m so close to burnout now and I feel misunderstood in all this. I don’t even have energy or love for my passions right now and feel empty and anxious because of it. Hopefully I’ll recover soon!
This video made me aware of your podcast. I am now listening to it (and will need to rewind) and i enjoy your content geared to being only heard. The cadence of your voice is relaxing.
@14:50 Oh my goooooood! This is sooo true. My partner, early in our relationship, totally loved how open and direct I was on things. When we started couples therapy, that's one of the things she said she loved about me. But now... Nope. If it's not what her truth is, it's dismissing her reality.
For what its worth: I've recently learned that there is merit in validating your partner's (incorrect/inaccurate/unhealthy/biased/phobic/etc. perspective prior to providing my contrarian opinion. Secondly, sometimes she doesnt even want feedback, but needs to speak to someone in order to help herself think and figure out how even she feels about the topic at hand. Being quiet is hard for me as an ADHD interrupter, but i'm on a path to having my wife feel more seen/heard/met/safe in our conversations, and I hope you dont mind me organizing my own thoughts via writing a response to your comment, which provoked my perspective sharing. Best wishes and good luck with your communication journey.
Thank you so much for what you said about truth and lies! It’s so uncommon that I hear anyone express it the same way I think of it. It’s so annoying in our society lately the way more and more people are saying things like “speak your truth” or “ his truth” “my truth,” when I know that the truth is not subjective like that ( there can be various perspectives or interpretations, but that’s different). I also never saw the point of saying “ fibs” or “ little white lies” as though that makes it not as bad to lie. I don’t believe it’s okay to just be mean to people, but I think there is almost always a kind way to say something truthful.
Truth can be subjective or objective. It depends on what you are talking about. Gravity is not subjective. Everyone experiences it. But my experience living in the world is often subjective. For example people's experiences taking medicine is often subjective.
I've been with an autistic man in my 30s, not knowing that I am AuDHD, then. I suspected to be autistic, but I dismissed the idea because he was so different to me and after 5 years I split up. I was gutted because he was the only man by then who made me feel quite safe, but he is extremely rigid, his PDA extreme and I just couldn't handle that, any longer. Now I'm married to a guy who is not fully neurotypival, but mentally stable and healthy and he's the only man who has all the patience and love for me, I've never had, in my life. My family and partners were all Narcissists and strongly neurotic, they weren't able and willing to keep up with my issues
Your statement Im responding to I use not the term alien,I'm not fitting in like I don't belong here ,I couldn't say that around people I'm use to, the explanation was I feel like I don't fit in this life I feel like I'm in another time I don't fit in, saying your all the ones crazy, you just find that shutting off because nothing you say is getting across to them it makes sense to me , they don't make sense to me, anger the compassion the guilt for not having the patience I would really like to have for these types of challenges I'm 45 and I've been dealing with this since I was three that is the farthest back I can remember when I started feeling completely different from everyone , it got worse by the time I was five the abuse started , I call it freezing up they took this as disrespect and I would get slapped for it, short story on this being raised in a home West biblical principles and they were all ministers they did not believe in doctors so that was out of the situation going to undiagnosed and being called everything you possibly could be especially from church people , trust me being called demon possessed was never one of the things I ever could get over as a child I almost started believing what they were saying, that affected me , being in church with the lights and all the different sounds and all the different peoples voices I literally thought I was going out of my mind music didn't stop I love music but the level was always causing problems live in a house full of musicians and preachers there was never a time to get regulated but thank you so much for your RUclips channel it really has helped me feel like I'm part of a body that I never got to have , then you go and have kids, and you have to mask their whole life , when there are some very nasty people with some nasty agendas that could use your diagnosis or your disability against you for raising your children , that's more trauma , my youngest just moved out of my home last Summer true blessing , to have a community that can help me explain to my children the things that they did not understand about me because I had so much , I feel like I have been released out of prison , thank you thank you so much for this , God bless you everyone thank you for your courage thank you for your testimony ,❤
I love the depths of this episode. My spouse also has autism. your words. In this particular podcast has helped me. Remember that my spouse and I both have all of these needs, all of these symptoms , diagnostic criteria and we need to be patient with each other and try to prevent problems . when there are problems we just need to Use the golden rule and go from there.Thanks orion
My partner said she doesn't need to help me with anymore stuff. She still thinks my ASD diagnosis is a sham. Starting to feel really numb about it all.
Do you guys also struggle with saying what you really mean in a discussion? And afterwards you think of others words you could have used to get it across in a nicer way?
My partner is autistic I think but he also has neurotypical expectations - for me (AuDHD) and himself… he doesn’t accept that he has some kind of neurodiversity.
It's might not be a good idea to maje too many snall children having need fir a lit of alone time then. If you don't hace tje energy to support your partner raising your children?
Yeah and most tactfulness is either not saying the thing or saying half a thing which is pretty close to a white lie especially if the person asked about the thing.
It's called unclear communication. Trying to tip-toe around the truth by being 'tactful' leads to confusion and misunderstanding so if someone asks me what I think, I'll going to give them an honest answer. They may not want to hear it or want a different answer but that's on them and they're free to go ask someone else. If I ask someone's opinion and they are clearly obfuscating then I lose trust in them and become suspicious of their motives.
I hear you all - it’s the different braun wiring. My husband is ASD, and has no filter. Neurotypicals tend to place high value on being encouraging and supportive along with honesty. Truth spoken with love is of higher value than so called brutal honesty.
@@CSMynx We speak truth with love, not from a place of hurtful intent. I don't consider honesty as 'brutal' but if I am in doubt that the person asking can handle the truth of my opinion I'll not say anything at all and ignore them rather than lie. With those people who I value and I'm closest to I'll always tell the truth. We are encouraging and supportive too. Fixing issues for other people is one of my love languages - I'll be honest and also offer suggestions to improve the issue/problem. This is not always appreciated by NTs 😄
What would happen if the neurotypical partner becomes one of the autistic person’s passion and special interest? ?! … ?!??? Cassandra might have their autistic partner as their #1 passion and special interest. Hmmm! They might need to not have all of their emotional eggs in one basket? 😮😅 Make some other great friends & get some emotional relief.
My daughters husband is autustic and he has been masking it for 10years. He is very moody and never invites anyone to there home. My daughter still does not know. I think it is a disgrace . Things could have been so much easier if we all knew. His whole family wears masks. So to all of you trying to hide it it only makes things worse. The truth sets you free . You did not choose to be autustic but you can choose to be honest. My son inlaw has destroyed our family
Why do I feel so much more "normal" when I hear you speak? Why do I wish there were hundreds of thousands of neurotypicals listening to this rather than neurodivergent?
I have ADHD and Autism and my partner has Autism. This has been the best relationship I’ve ever had. We get each other on so many levels that he is now my safe person and I am his. Two neurodivergent people as a couple for us is great. ❤
I'm autistic and my partner is adhd and while it's been the best relationship I've had there's a ton of challenges that come with us being practically opposite, such as him constantly talking and moving and me having sensory.issues. We also have challenges communicating because of his difficulty with active listening and me being very direct and honest. He also talks a ton before getting to the point which is difficult to deal with. He also is perfectly fine having someone around constantly and I need significant alone time.
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I love that you both are this for each other, what a wonderful thing! While my husband is neurotypical, the paternal side of my family is a gaggle of autistic people. I am the only female, but those guys are my soulmates in ways nobody else could be. Especially my brother who says he's honored to be my safe person! 🥰
Omg, my partner has said a few times to me that I am mean (which is something I've heard in the past from friends and acquaintances). What my friends/acquaintances never went on to say is that (and this is what my partner says) "you often come across as very mean, but I know you dont intentionally mean to be mean" 13:32 it's nice to have someone finally get me, to an extent if you know what I mean. Cuz most people just up and leave.
My autistic spouse is way more social Than I am, he's deaf and autistic and he still wants to communicate with all sorts of people all the time. So sometimes we travel to an event or something separately. So I can sneak away when I want to. I will go to things with him with earplugs and noise canceling headphones and We just both do our own thing and get what we want out of these events and experiences and it works out. I personally get enough socialization during my full-time job.So outside of that I don't need any more neuro.Typical socialization.I enjoy being with my autistic family and get recharged with them.
I saw a comment on a video once that absolutely blew my mind. To paraphrase, they theorized that people with autism aren't ego driven. We give and take truths as they are. We aren't big on titles or hierarchies. We hold ourselves to high standards. We strive for fairness to all. Unfortunately we can appear egocentric on the outside and people have to be really close to us in order to see that we (in general, of course) aren't. I have put so much thought and journaling into that concept. It's been absolutely fascinating to explore!
You are my primary positive brain man. Thank you for all your help and support 🤗I’m blessed to have you in my life.
I definitely struggle in relationships with a lot of these things. I try to manage myself as best I can and explain my needs so they don't come off as offensive (many people find the need to withdraw and take alone time offensive for some reason) but I feel like it's very difficult to find a partner willing to understand the differences and work with me on them, rather than expecting me to fundamentally change myself to fit their expectations of normal entirely. If I ever had a partner that I said "I need to take tonight to myself, I'm feeling really burned out." and they just said "Sure babe, text me when you are done, I'll find something for myself to do." I would be a happy man.
I guess my need for alone time in a relationship is even stronger than yours … one day is not enough for me. And I am female. 😂
Took me decades to find out that I am not a bad partner or parent, I just need solitude to regulate and because partners or kids don’t accept this for whatever reason, here comes the autistic rage … 😆
0:02 "...tell it to your face."
Lmao, had to process that one for a sec...
Too true!
Those treacherous, backstabbing expressions - or lack there of - are always causing a barrier to being understood.... 😐
I really like listening to Orion because he makes me feel validated with the way he talks. Like, I unintentionally talk loud, go into random 'rants' and tangents, and can be perceived as boisterious or angry/bitchy even. Though it seems like its just an AuDHD thing.
I have autism and ADHD. My boyfriend of 13 years has ADHD. It works for us but that doesn't mean that it would work for everyone. Do what works for you.
You're my #1 go-to source, and you absolutely cripple me with your intentional and unintentional autistic Aussie humor. I was losing it at 20 min XD I save most of your videos for future reference. Great stuff.
Finally, someone else who says and feels they are an alien here😁. I thought it was just me.
I was diagnosed adhd as a child and I have 2 neurodivergent kids (young adults now) with autism. I have always had a deep understanding of my kids. I love listening to you because I relate so much. It really makes me question my original diagnosis. Thank you for doing what you do. 🙏🏻
Depending on how old you are they used to think that you could only have autism or ADHD, not have both. They would diagnose based on which one was the most obvious to them. These days we know that approx 70% of Autistic people also have ADHD (the percentage of people with ADHD who are also autistic is much lower).
If you feel like you need more answers then it might be worth looking into.
It's just the affection and intimacy I worry about
:(
Adore your work Orion.
wow. I've always been honest. i know this is probably why I have problems in relationships. my religious upbringing trained me this way. it is almost counterproductive for me to tell any kind of lie (guilt/self hate ...) but if i want a friend, maybe i need to learn how to do this in a practical way.
I am dating someone who has autism and this video podcast helped me a lot to learn how to support him. Thank you.
watching this to better understand certain people and wanted to say thanks!
Its a freaking hard knock life & we are fortunate to have you helping us through this muddled life. Thanks!
I'm somewhat in the middle between autistic and neurotypical. I guess I'm expressing some of the genes. I experience both worlds, living with an autistic partner and kids. In my experience, the one idea that works the best is that we're all different and we have to explore each other to find that middle ground, without expectations other than honesty and compassion. And circumstances change over the years, this is a lifelong process. May love prevail. ♥️
I hate that whole "my truth, your truth" thing that has gotten popular lately. It doesn't even make any sense.
It makes sense in some circumstances.
I hate that too. I think the only value worth pulling from it is that just because I believe something to be the truth, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is. In other words, I’d be careful not to misunderstand my truth for THE truth.
Alone time, non-negotiable. The honesty…causes me to be hated, both at home, and at work. I’ve tried censoring myself, and I can’t. It’s not that I’m obsessed with honesty, but at an extremely young age, I realized that I was terrible at lying. Also, honesty often kept me from physical punishment. At least that’s what I always thought. Now, we know better. 🙂 (You should NEVER be “brutally honest” with children. They don’t need that)
Brutal honesty is never necessary. It's a misconception that people can't be honest and kind at the same time. In the case of a child the kindness is being honest to them at their level of understanding.
Thank you for the insights. I wish there were neurotypical people on RUclips explaining how their brain works, too. From scratch, for an audience of absolute beginners, as you do. I assume I'm neurotypical because I think the evidence for certain neurodivergent traits in me is to weak, but I live as long as I can think with the thought "Human beings are weird." Including me. Therefore thank you again for explaining!
I've never felt comfortable lying. Truth, no matter how "bad" it is, is 100% the way to go. As a child I learned that people don't like the truth. To help combat the uncertainty and awkwardness caused by verbalized truth, I picked up the habit of asking back the question "do you want that sugar coated or straightforward?". Most of the time I had decent success in socializing and reading body language when I used this question. Though a few people were completely off put by it. 19:29
8:41 THIS. it has nothing to do with them personally being in the way but as a circumstance of socialization and work, etc. they are in the way (like other external stimuli) of our special interests.
My primary reason for lying is to get out of trouble for being AuDHD. Reasons for being late, not having done certain tasks, not being able to attend school/work/social events, etc. I think this is quite common. The common denominator is that autistic people typically don't lie to achieve something or get ahead, but rather to avoid repercussions for being who we are and having the challenges we do. One of the benefits of getting diagnosed is that I have to lie less, because now I can tell people close to me "computer says no because of AuDHD".
@18:53 can I walk this back a little bit? It might not be the autistic person’s intent to hurt, but it might not be the allistic person’s intent to hurt, either when they do things that very much hurt autistic people. Intent definitely matters but the effect does, too.
I remember in one video you were talking about a school function where they did not provide an inclusive space for your son. I very much doubt that they had the intent to hurt your son. Most likely they are so wired in their own NT way of viewing the world that they didn’t properly consider what they needed to do to be inclusive. Nevertheless, it still hurt him and that still matters.
NT or ND is besides the point if you’ve hurt someone. I’m not suggesting that you believe otherwise, I’m just saying. I’m also not denying ND people have it worse, it’s just that NT are still human beings too and can still be hurt.
41 year old Canadian guy. Struggled my entire life. I feel like I have a chance now thanks to you. Ive spent the past year and a half trying to figure myself out after losing the love of my life. That's what pushed me to self improvement. Hearing you speak felt like being spoken to for the first time in 41 years. It was hard to take. But for the first time I don't just feel like Im garbage. Thank you.
Dead air.. yeah my partner makes me feel slow and gets upset when I don't answer him immediately, which adds stress every time we talk because I feel rushed to respond and I just can't most times. I also don't mask much which gets my in trouble, especially with my partner.. he's always telling me to smile and asking me what's wrong no matter how much I tell him I'm okay I just need quiet time.
I hope you are safe.
@@delphoeneevenhuis5199 Yes. I'm slowly trying to explain things.. he does love me but we're so opposite.
21:21 Orion, do you know what this is called?
I just love it. Breaking down the barrier between creator & the audience in a 'lets just drop the pretense that we're all holding a wilfull suspension of disbelief because we're autistic & don't do that naturally so its just a waist of spoons anyway' kind of way. But of coarse the term is way less deep than that.. Its something about 3rd person or audience or something?
You know what im talkin about, don't ya?
Anywho, the way you almost take it to a deeper level or something is so refreshing & really does something great for my brain. It's like it breaks the spell of being locked into a particular construct or mode or way of thinking, but in a mini satisfying way rather than a life shattering revelation kinda of way; like when you realize your understanding of the way something works was just kinda a shell of rules/too white & black/just a local snapshot rather than the big picture sort of understanding & your melted with the shame of your actions that were baised on well intentioned ignorance....
So it's like instead of the feeling you get when you finally get a joke that's gone over your head, you feel the excitement of a renovation in your brain where there are new doors to connect some of the compartments that had always been always adjoining, but before you had to take the long way round to get from point A to point J.
I believe I'm getting harder to understand rather than clarifying my meaning, but I think this ramble is helping me so... ✈️
I love your content. It was part of how I came to accepting it was really possible I was autistic (woo, next week is my consult for an evaluation) after years of concern. My mother brought up that she was concerned when I was a baby but never really had an evaluation. I’ve been thinking on it heavily for nearly 7 years now, but that’s not the point.
From your other videos, I had an immediate upset on the differing intro (never seen the podcast channel) but then by the end. I actually really like the intro. Love your work man.
8:18 Another great word for it is in my opinion : Enthusiasms 🤗
I don't have a partner, but I am hopeful. Maybe telling them the right things about me in the beginning will make a relationship seem less scary.
Thanks!
The little fit that was thrown to the guy sitting across from you is me daily 😅😂❤
I’m so thankful for your content on this channel! 😊 I’ve just ended my relationship. We started dating almost five years ago, and at that time I had no idea what my needs were. It was fine in the beginning, for the two-three first years. But I just couldn’t anymore, the masking of my autistic traits and trying to keep up with him were too much. I learned so much about myself during this time, listening to your channel and others. I’m so close to burnout now and I feel misunderstood in all this. I don’t even have energy or love for my passions right now and feel empty and anxious because of it. Hopefully I’ll recover soon!
This podcast is refreshing, I'll tell ya. It's a Bingo!
Thank you!!!
This is spot on. I sent it to my partner. I hope he actually listens.
Thank you.. my ex spouse of 23 years. Tried to break me. Nope, I left him instead.
This video made me aware of your podcast. I am now listening to it (and will need to rewind) and i enjoy your content geared to being only heard. The cadence of your voice is relaxing.
@14:50 Oh my goooooood! This is sooo true. My partner, early in our relationship, totally loved how open and direct I was on things. When we started couples therapy, that's one of the things she said she loved about me. But now... Nope. If it's not what her truth is, it's dismissing her reality.
For what its worth:
I've recently learned that there is merit in validating your partner's (incorrect/inaccurate/unhealthy/biased/phobic/etc. perspective prior to providing my contrarian opinion.
Secondly, sometimes she doesnt even want feedback, but needs to speak to someone in order to help herself think and figure out how even she feels about the topic at hand. Being quiet is hard for me as an ADHD interrupter, but i'm on a path to having my wife feel more seen/heard/met/safe in our conversations, and I hope you dont mind me organizing my own thoughts via writing a response to your comment, which provoked my perspective sharing.
Best wishes and good luck with your communication journey.
Thank you so much for what you said about truth and lies! It’s so uncommon that I hear anyone express it the same way I think of it. It’s so annoying in our society lately the way more and more people are saying things like “speak your truth” or “ his truth” “my truth,” when I know that the truth is not subjective like that ( there can be various perspectives or interpretations, but that’s different). I also never saw the point of saying “ fibs” or “ little white lies” as though that makes it not as bad to lie. I don’t believe it’s okay to just be mean to people, but I think there is almost always a kind way to say something truthful.
Truth can be subjective or objective. It depends on what you are talking about. Gravity is not subjective. Everyone experiences it. But my experience living in the world is often subjective. For example people's experiences taking medicine is often subjective.
I've been with an autistic man in my 30s, not knowing that I am AuDHD, then. I suspected to be autistic, but I dismissed the idea because he was so different to me and after 5 years I split up. I was gutted because he was the only man by then who made me feel quite safe, but he is extremely rigid, his PDA extreme and I just couldn't handle that, any longer. Now I'm married to a guy who is not fully neurotypival, but mentally stable and healthy and he's the only man who has all the patience and love for me, I've never had, in my life. My family and partners were all Narcissists and strongly neurotic, they weren't able and willing to keep up with my issues
Your statement Im responding to I use not the term alien,I'm not fitting in like I don't belong here ,I couldn't say that around people I'm use to, the explanation was I feel like I don't fit in this life I feel like I'm in another time I don't fit in, saying your all the ones crazy, you just find that shutting off because nothing you say is getting across to them it makes sense to me , they don't make sense to me, anger the compassion the guilt for not having the patience I would really like to have for these types of challenges I'm 45 and I've been dealing with this since I was three that is the farthest back I can remember when I started feeling completely different from everyone , it got worse by the time I was five the abuse started , I call it freezing up they took this as disrespect and I would get slapped for it, short story on this being raised in a home West biblical principles and they were all ministers they did not believe in doctors so that was out of the situation going to undiagnosed and being called everything you possibly could be especially from church people , trust me being called demon possessed was never one of the things I ever could get over as a child I almost started believing what they were saying, that affected me , being in church with the lights and all the different sounds and all the different peoples voices I literally thought I was going out of my mind music didn't stop I love music but the level was always causing problems live in a house full of musicians and preachers there was never a time to get regulated but thank you so much for your RUclips channel it really has helped me feel like I'm part of a body that I never got to have , then you go and have kids, and you have to mask their whole life , when there are some very nasty people with some nasty agendas that could use your diagnosis or your disability against you for raising your children , that's more trauma , my youngest just moved out of my home last Summer true blessing , to have a community that can help me explain to my children the things that they did not understand about me because I had so much , I feel like I have been released out of prison , thank you thank you so much for this , God bless you everyone thank you for your courage thank you for your testimony ,❤
I love the depths of this episode. My spouse also has autism. your words. In this particular podcast has helped me. Remember that my spouse and I both have all of these needs, all of these symptoms , diagnostic criteria and we need to be patient with each other and try to prevent problems . when there are problems we just need to Use the golden rule and go from there.Thanks orion
Great intro! Covered all the bases! 😂
Interesting, this "channel" was completely unknown to me until now despite the fact that I've been watching the main channel for a while
My partner said she doesn't need to help me with anymore stuff. She still thinks my ASD diagnosis is a sham. Starting to feel really numb about it all.
Dump her
Do you guys also struggle with saying what you really mean in a discussion? And afterwards you think of others words you could have used to get it across in a nicer way?
As a man on the spectrum always feared women would see my issues as a weakness to horrified by or exploit
My partner is autistic I think but he also has neurotypical expectations - for me (AuDHD) and himself… he doesn’t accept that he has some kind of neurodiversity.
but I think we are learning to camouflage. we learn to say what people want to heat
Can both a general interest in true crime and an interest in specific crimes be considered a special interest? Thank you!
Someone invalidated me when I told them that was my special interest.
A neurotypical partner is the yin to the Yang ☯😁 opposite attraction
💙
It's might not be a good idea to maje too many snall children having need fir a lit of alone time then. If you don't hace tje energy to support your partner raising your children?
It‘s called tactfulness. You can be truthful and tactful at the same time.
Yeah. What for most people comes naturally and we have to demolish our brain to comprehend...
Yeah and most tactfulness is either not saying the thing or saying half a thing which is pretty close to a white lie especially if the person asked about the thing.
It's called unclear communication. Trying to tip-toe around the truth by being 'tactful' leads to confusion and misunderstanding so if someone asks me what I think, I'll going to give them an honest answer. They may not want to hear it or want a different answer but that's on them and they're free to go ask someone else. If I ask someone's opinion and they are clearly obfuscating then I lose trust in them and become suspicious of their motives.
I hear you all - it’s the different braun wiring. My husband is ASD, and has no filter. Neurotypicals tend to place high value on being encouraging and supportive along with honesty. Truth spoken with love is of higher value than so called brutal honesty.
@@CSMynx We speak truth with love, not from a place of hurtful intent. I don't consider honesty as 'brutal' but if I am in doubt that the person asking can handle the truth of my opinion I'll not say anything at all and ignore them rather than lie. With those people who I value and I'm closest to I'll always tell the truth. We are encouraging and supportive too. Fixing issues for other people is one of my love languages - I'll be honest and also offer suggestions to improve the issue/problem. This is not always appreciated by NTs 😄
What would happen if the neurotypical partner becomes one of the autistic person’s passion and special interest? ?! … ?!???
Cassandra might have their autistic partner as their #1 passion and special interest. Hmmm! They might need to not have all of their emotional eggs in one basket? 😮😅 Make some other great friends & get some emotional relief.
My daughters husband is autustic and he has been masking it for 10years. He is very moody and never invites anyone to there home. My daughter still does not know. I think it is a disgrace . Things could have been so much easier if we all knew. His whole family wears masks. So to all of you trying to hide it it only makes things worse. The truth sets you free . You did not choose to be autustic but you can choose to be honest. My son inlaw has destroyed our family
Why do I feel so much more "normal" when I hear you speak? Why do I wish there were hundreds of thousands of neurotypicals listening to this rather than neurodivergent?
This doesn't sound like a fulfilling relationship. It sounds like a lot of settling for the NT partner.
Thanks!