Same here. And i imagine even if i met someone nice, i wouldn't trust or believe they want to be with me, I'll keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
This is definitely my attachment style, but perhaps not as extreme as the case examples of it. I don't really relate to the idea of trying to pull someone back in once they begin to move away, in fact I'm fairly quick to give up and jump to negative conclusions, whether that be that the other person hates me, or that the other person is bad and that I should separate from them. The ways in which it's hardest to deal with is the fact that I feel like I can't handle things on my own, yet I feel I can't rely on others; so I'm both quick to get attached, but also quick to close myself off if I feel the other person has messed up, or is incapable of being what I need. The best way I could describe this attachment style is "turbulent to cope with uncertainty", and it typically stems from a turbulent parenting style.
I'm a secure FA. I've been working on my self-esteem and confidence for many years and now I feel very secure in myself, but I still don't trust others very much. So now I'm almost leaning DA. I've done this push and pull a lot in earlier relationships and I can be hard with the critisism, but not because I want to hurt the other but because I want a reaction and ultimately make the other person care and connect to me. Mostly the ppl I've dealt with have been DA. That's why....
I didn’t even know that this was a thing or I had this but before knowing this.. I just decided that I won’t fit in any close relationship and I will just keep everyone on a surface level so that no one gets hurt cause I thought I had a very low social battery and I tend to withdraw easily (needs a lot of alone time yet don’t want to be lonely) and show that I do not care but deep inside I keep thinking about them but I will never approach again for their sake as well.
You know I've known I had attachment issues for awhile now...but it's only really been recent that I've been able to even openly acknowledge that I struggle with depression and anxiety. My impulse is to do everything in my power to avoid acknowledging any kind of mental illness on a daily basis.
I am an FA. I have a degree of empathy I teach psychic and intuition. It comes from having to be hyper vigilant. I disagree with many of these statements.
Same. It sounds like she’s generally explaining BPD and not FA. I have a ton of empathy and cut for years because I would turn inward on myself instead of taking it out on others.
right on! It's exactly what I'm asking.. why I never hear or read advice on how to behave, or say or do to maybe not to help but allow a FA an option to trust or accept their partner. I'm SA and my partner FA... I will not leave him , but may I have some advice?
Watched your dismissive avoidant video and now this one. Love the way you take the time to describe these attachment styles! Many times I find myself getting confused when I listen to other presenters describe complicated things. They will just keep on throwing more words out until all of the attachment styles sound the same! Your way of covering the important features of the attachment style w/o all the extra fluff makes it much more clear. I subscribed as soon as I saw your first video.
I don’t say it to them, but I definitely find myself saying it in my head during moments of extreme anxiety when it comes to trying to manage my feelings for them. I will bring up all their flaws (in my head) as an attempt to think less of them to help detach myself when I feel like I’m growing too attached especially when I’m unsure if my romantic feelings are being reciprocated.
thank you for this video - I am wanting a relationship - a guy who loves me but I'm afraid - afraid to lose my independence and afraid to not make good boundaries ❤️
Thank you so much for this video. I am a FA and recently made a friend who is also FA. We got really close and she really opened up to me, now a month later and it feels like she can barely look at me. We were so connected and now so distant, so scared of making it worse and pushing her away for good😳 going through some stuff myself at the moment which can make me unaware. Just don’t know weather to still message her or leave her be for a while?
I crave love and acceptance but I’m scared of being hurt so I withdraw from all people because they can’t be trusted
Same here. And i imagine even if i met someone nice, i wouldn't trust or believe they want to be with me, I'll keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
@@h.s.l6875 YUP
This is me I suffer
Spot on description! Fellow FA here!
@@jaydr6988 what should I say or do for to my partner for him to trust me?
This is definitely my attachment style, but perhaps not as extreme as the case examples of it. I don't really relate to the idea of trying to pull someone back in once they begin to move away, in fact I'm fairly quick to give up and jump to negative conclusions, whether that be that the other person hates me, or that the other person is bad and that I should separate from them. The ways in which it's hardest to deal with is the fact that I feel like I can't handle things on my own, yet I feel I can't rely on others; so I'm both quick to get attached, but also quick to close myself off if I feel the other person has messed up, or is incapable of being what I need. The best way I could describe this attachment style is "turbulent to cope with uncertainty", and it typically stems from a turbulent parenting style.
This is my style but I'm exhausted.
I'm a secure FA. I've been working on my self-esteem and confidence for many years and now I feel very secure in myself, but I still don't trust others very much. So now I'm almost leaning DA.
I've done this push and pull a lot in earlier relationships and I can be hard with the critisism, but not because I want to hurt the other but because I want a reaction and ultimately make the other person care and connect to me. Mostly the ppl I've dealt with have been DA. That's why....
I didn’t even know that this was a thing or I had this but before knowing this.. I just decided that I won’t fit in any close relationship and I will just keep everyone on a surface level so that no one gets hurt cause I thought I had a very low social battery and I tend to withdraw easily (needs a lot of alone time yet don’t want to be lonely) and show that I do not care but deep inside I keep thinking about them but I will never approach again for their sake as well.
You know I've known I had attachment issues for awhile now...but it's only really been recent that I've been able to even openly acknowledge that I struggle with depression and anxiety. My impulse is to do everything in my power to avoid acknowledging any kind of mental illness on a daily basis.
I am an FA. I have a degree of empathy I teach psychic and intuition. It comes from having to be hyper vigilant. I disagree with many of these statements.
Same. It sounds like she’s generally explaining BPD and not FA. I have a ton of empathy and cut for years because I would turn inward on myself instead of taking it out on others.
These videos are so annoying. Where is the “advice” part. It just repeats the issues over and over. Really helpful.
Where are the advices >
right on! It's exactly what I'm asking.. why I never hear or read advice on how to behave, or say or do to maybe not to help but allow a FA an option to trust or accept their partner. I'm SA and my partner FA... I will not leave him , but may I have some advice?
Watched your dismissive avoidant video and now this one. Love the way you take the time to describe these attachment styles! Many times I find myself getting confused when I listen to other presenters describe complicated things. They will just keep on throwing more words out until all of the attachment styles sound the same! Your way of covering the important features of the attachment style w/o all the extra fluff makes it much more clear. I subscribed as soon as I saw your first video.
I have this attachment style. Never had any committed relationship. Always physical em away. Am I fucked?
I lack consistency. Sometimes, I feel like I only use people tbh. When I don’t need them anymore, it seems pointless to keep them around…
Most of what she is describing is BPD
There is a lot of overlap with BPD and CPTSD I think
Im not a therapist but this sounds so much more like a dismissive avoidant no?
I don’t say it to them, but I definitely find myself saying it in my head during moments of extreme anxiety when it comes to trying to manage my feelings for them. I will bring up all their flaws (in my head) as an attempt to think less of them to help detach myself when I feel like I’m growing too attached especially when I’m unsure if my romantic feelings are being reciprocated.
Thank you!
thank you for this video - I am wanting a relationship - a guy who loves me but I'm afraid - afraid to lose my independence and afraid to not make good boundaries ❤️
Thank you so much for this video. I am a FA and recently made a friend who is also FA. We got really close and she really opened up to me, now a month later and it feels like she can barely look at me. We were so connected and now so distant, so scared of making it worse and pushing her away for good😳 going through some stuff myself at the moment which can make me unaware. Just don’t know weather to still message her or leave her be for a while?
I don't think I have low self esteem but I can get insicure at some point when dating
I know someone who’s like this. They KNOW they are scared 😞
I feel like a psycho chameleon.
I am :(