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Gaming In the Quarantine Years
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- Опубликовано: 29 мар 2021
- This one's less of a video essay and more of a kinda meandering raw nerve; an attempt to work through (or at least put words to) a phenomenon I've been wrestling with for a while now. It may also just be a pretentious scribble, but it's one I worked real hard on.
"I'm not really playing games. I'm using these grinds to give me the sense of playing games." I didn't come here to be called out.
I did. I'm glad he said it. I needed to hear this emotion be put in words.
@@Spurcatul Same, that kind of thing happens to me often.
Slay the Spire has been my candy. I can beat it consistently, I get no pleasure from it anymore, but I want to keep on playing it.
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@@tomsko863 I do the same with the Hearthstone Solo Content. Its not very enjoyable anymore, but a good distraction.
You're complaining about your lack of haircut but really this elevates you from a video game critic to a video game philosopher
we need errant signal in a towel, greek style
He's becoming Alan Moore
Have philosophy degree; can confirm.
@@ogto The painting of those two greek philosophers walking and having a debate except it's Errant Signal and Noah Caldwell-Gervais
@@Overcrox superbunny hop laughing in the corner while wearing a VR headset
Guilt about being depressed when you have it so much better than others is a major component of depression.
That's how I understand it, something akin to imposter syndrome.
Guilt about everything is the state of mind induced by the society around you and the power system. It is supposed to make you "depressed" but really make you docile/passive and easy to manipulate, govern and sell to. It seems an entire generation is being brought up that way.
Then it's also a thing to be overly sensitive, entitled and privileged. Being sad and bored is one thing and does not equates to depression. This person definitely doesn't seem depressed, and if so it's a incredibly mild depression at that. What he seems to be is bored and unmotivated.
@@dexterdextrow7248 why do you feel the need to police and question what other people say about how they feel?
@@tasteface I don't, but I'm nevertheless allowed to say what I believe and "feel" as much as anyone else. Considering I was neither rude nor hostile I don't know why I shouldn't say what I like to, much in the way you can criticise my comment, as you did.
Say, why did you feel compelled to do that? Was it because you disagreed with what I said perhaps?
When it comes to severe mental illnesses I'm really not found of people self-diagnosing and normalizing incredibly debilitating conditions. That can be harmful to those who actually legitimately suffer from said condition. This goes for all illnesses. And on top of this it also won't be beneficial for the ones who does it, since it's often done as a excuse or attention seeking measure rather than a helpful tool to solve their problems.
"tv viewing with my wife has been replaced with tiktok" sounds like an absolute hellscape my guy
I feel that hard. I binged a few shows this quarantine switching streaming services every other month. But I don't feel much when watching their show anymore. Home entertainment doesn't do much anymore.
I understand. I don't see this video as self-indulgent or cringy. I got a lot of value out of it.
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me too, even though I don't really relate, I think deeply personal but thoughtful content is precious, more than all the copy-pasted algorithm-friendly formats that dominate the internet these days. It is the everyday "cringe" that is the substance of our lives and not the photoshopped selfies. It's how we connect and learn and truly share.
Chris: my comforting distraction was Fortnite
Me: my comforting distraction was Children of DOOM
I'm workin' on the next one
There's been a lot of video essayists goin' around each other's channels saying, in so many words, "I've really loved your stuff lately, keep your head up".
It's nice to see, but it's rough knowing how necessary it is for you lot to encourage each other this way now more than ever.
Post fortnite therapy is worth it, please, don't support fortnite in any way.
@@ErrantSignal Take it easy man, I think most people watching this could really feel your message here, no need to push too hard.
same but CO-VIDs
Not gonna lie, you were my distraction on the second monitor until about half way though the video. Then it got real. This is almost exactly how I've felt even since before the pandemic. I don't know what I'm gonna do with that yet... but you've given me something to think about for sure.
but yea i'm fine.
I've got Three Kingdoms on the left and this video on the right. I essentially judge the games I play at this point by how much I'm able to play it on one monitor with youtube/a podcast on another. I've wanted to commit to playing a deep single player narrative game for YEARS now and I simply don't. I play the same set of strategy games with the same set of factions with the same playstyles because... well just because.
I'm actually really happy this video came out because I'm 100% sure that this is a pretty damn pervasive feeling in general
these two commenters have been me since way before covid, but it hasn't helped.
i'm gonna call this errant syndrome
Exactly my experience with this video too.
@@andrew8185 I can't even work up the motivation to PLAY Three Kingdoms, or any of the other Total Wars for that matter. I feel like I have to learn how to play them all over again, and I feel like I don't even have the time or energy to do that when I'm not trapped at work or asleep.
I've found that taking a walk 1-2 times a day in the sunshine really helps. It's a small thing, but without the forced structure of jobs or social obligations maintaining your own daily structure is essential. It doesn't necessarily help with isolation but it makes a day feel like a day, not an indeterminate purgatory.
+1 to this! Even jogging for a bit in a winter evening helps - the cold ass wind helps keep me mentally fresh! :)
Yeah, go for a little walk if you can, or spend a few minutes in the yard stretching or something. Ive found working from home at the same desk my games are at ruins my drive for both unless i can punctuate them by being away from it to think elsewhere
walk the puppies as your daily commute
True :) He identified this issue and now needs to kicks his ass one step at a time to fulfil his needs to get out of this rut. I've also been there...
I also wanted to suggest meditation. Pick up an app like Headspace to get started and watch it transform your life. You think you need more stimulation, but what you need is quietness for the underlying themes and messages to come to the surface so they can play themselves out. This time can be a blessing in disguise.
All the best to everyone
100%. First thing I do in the morning is going out the door and walking while looking at the sunset. Having a set time for exercise also helps (and seeing your progress when you're consistent makes staying at home a little less sad as well)
The loss of tomato town weighs on us all
"It feels ridiculous to complain about."
Feel all the feels man.
If my own depression throughout life has taught me anything, and to be blunt: Life is not a pissing contest. You can be aware of other peoples problems and know they have it worse than you, but that doesn't mean your own problems shouldn't be addressed because they are deemed lesser or inferior. Sure some problems need to be addressed first as they take priority, but that doesn't mean your problems should never be addressed or aren't as serious. If a house is on fire, the priority is to get people out first, absolutely. But afterwards, the house is still on fire and that definitely needs to be addressed.
Also, like that repeated safety speech when you get on an airplane, "Put on your own oxygen mask first, then help other people." You're no good to anyone if you're unconscious.
Because related to that, I get the idea of giving it your all and constantly pushing to do as much as you can. But, there's a balancing act to that as well. Because what you're describing is still a valid form of burnout, but less 'totally exhausted' and more 'mentally depleted depression.' Being forced into an "All Room" in general causes it's own problems. (Problems I'm also trying to deal with.)
And even the most introverted of us who could spend hours in front of a screen for fun still need some social interaction, despite having to recharge/vent afterwards. If anything, this pandemic sheds light on just how important and powerful even the most minor and fleeting interactions truly are. Just briefly chatting with someone working at a fast food joint can give just enough push to get through the day. "You don't know what you got till it's gone," was one of the major quotes of 2020.
Lastly, and this is my new favorite line: "If being hard on yourself worked, wouldn't it have worked by now?" Only do what you can, with what you have, and take it one day at a time.
tl;dr Shit still sucks for everyone, remember to breathe, and take it one day at at time.
The road is long, and in the end, the race is with yourself
There’s a line in a song that really encapsulates this past year for me: “I’m fine, well I’m not fine, but not being fine has become background noise for me.”
@starlight hey can u link the song?
I just listened to that song, and loved it, so I listened to some more songs, and now I love them too. So thank you, random internet person!
What became a chance to catch up on media and chores turned into a prolonged sense of isolation that saps many of energy. I never had much energy but despite having all the time in the world, I am no less productive than I was before. Your problems may not be as extreme as others but they are problems non-the less. It effects everything.
I may be an extreme introvert myself but even I desire some form of other activity other than staying sedentary.
The studies from this pandemic will be studied for years to come.
6:18 "finding games that offer long easy effortless grinds" shows tony hawk pro skater rail grinding.
I caught that too 😂
to be fair, playing old games you know back to back is basically the same. Whenever I just need a distraction I just speed run Resident Evil 4 again.
You think your games are effortless grinds. Ive been playing Cookie Clicker for months now. It's about the only game I can really focus on. And by "focus" I mean "mostly ignore while also mostly ignoring a youtube video and mostly ignoring my cat".
I really appreciate this vid. And all the comments. Quarantine depression is real, and knowing that "we really don't have it that bad" doesn't make the feeling just go away. But it definitely helps to be honest and know other people are feeling the same things. ❤ to everyone, be kind to yourself
I learn to avoid idle games because they are super addictive to me.
I feel like I've been living the life you describe for years, social/general anxiety + depression that has led to my world contracting to home and work and the abandonment of the social sphere, whilst anhedonia has stripped the joy for most everything else. The only times you feel happy are when you're escaping into a different world or life. And now thanks to the anxiety and asthma I'm struggling to meet my work obligations as well. You know you have to do something to make this end, but you can't seem to find the solution or the will to follow it through. So I completely understand where you're coming from.
What I've learned in 2020 is that most people live a life that's so incomprehensibly different from mine that my lifestyle is nearly unconscionable to them, and it has made me afraid of if I'll ever know anything else if I can't even imagine what it might be like. Like even deeper than a lack of knowledge or will, I feel like I just plain don't have the ability to imagine or dream of a better life.
Gang gang.
@@Exarian too true..
"I have no right to complain"
aaaand that's how you get depressed. Good job.
Complaining is good. I love complaining.
@@JBX07 It's not actually complaining, it's putting forth that you indeed have a problem with your life. The "I have no right" saying is part of our innate low self esteem.
In fact priveleged people have one of the hardest problems since there is a social pressure of "you can't have problems" and they don't have to fight for survival. In the pyramid of needs they reach the top: the psychological needs, fulfilling life, meaningfull social/art interactions. There is very little helpful material about this, no clear goals and in times of pandemic, it's stupid hard to fill these.
In conclusion, check out healthygamer_gg (name is deceiving). Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
I'm willing to bet that, within a few years, most of the world lashes back against social media. The '20s will probably be remembered as that decade of introspection and local focus in response to the '10s as the decade of extrospection and global focus.
Social media is incenting us to focus on, care about and feel responsible for way too many things that our outside our spheres of influence. Depression has to be a common result of that.
It's almost like ***that's one of the main points of the fucking video***. The point is that, logically speaking, he's playing the Quarantine on easy mode! His job is safe, his wife lost her job for only a bit, his favorite activities are things that he can still do easily, he hasn't lost anyone close to the virus, he should be grateful!
But the wears and tears of the pandemic still weigh on everyone, himself included. I heard a lot of my self in his words here, it's... been a rough year, even when you're not losing loved ones and your employment situation is as good as can be. You have to get accustomed to that you're not necessarily sailing through it fine just because the worst of this year hasn't hit you directly.
You're describing how I've felt for the last ten years. Dude, I think you might be depressed.
Yes ! What he is describing sounds eerily similar to my experience in the last 3/4 years. Just a slow, inescapable descent where the only things I see are my four walls and the only new memories I make are from video games.
Every six months I speak to my dad and the only thing I can talk to him about is the same trip I took in 2015
Not to undermine your condition pal, of that of anyone else who has it, but I think that true depression is feeling like this under "normal" circumstances. Feeling like this after loosing a loved one, or a job, or a relation, or during a global pandemic is part of the human condition and natural reaction to the event. With this I don't want to say that it's not a mental health issue or that consulting a professional wouldn't help with it, i'm just saying that in this horrible times it's ok to feel so gloomy, and that many of us feel the same without being clinically depressed.
And, btw, it's a tough battle to fight, you have all of my sympathy and respect.
I felt that
@@Hero4Hire82 You're not wrong, but that doesn't mean the techniques of coping with depression won't help everyone with coping with _this_.
It's weird seeing the effect of my general lifestyle that I sorta just sunk to directly after I got free of the cult I was raised in is giving well-adjusted normal people so much trouble. Seeing how much this lifestyle hurts people who have known better just makes me wonder, what the hell is anything more than this like? What kind of life am I not only missing but failing to even comprehend?
What I've learned in 2020 is that most people live a life that's so incomprehensibly different from mine that my lifestyle is nearly unconscionable to them, and it has made me afraid of if I'll ever know anything else if I can't even imagine what it might be like.
”Stanley sat at his desk and he pushed buttons on a keyboard.”
"Stanley relished every moment that the orders came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job."
"And Stanley was happy."
I always enjoy your review about The Stanley Parable, and I think this might be a good time for you to play the game again.
As someone whose hairdresser is an electric trimmer that I keep under the bathroom sink I feel like I'm observing the pandemic hair phenomenon from another planet.
The problem I have is that I hate having a buzzed head - did that when I was a kid, hated it. So I like kind of a Jim Halpert level of scruff - not "long" but long enough that it requires someone to actually cut it, not just some trimmers. But when you can't get someone to cut it, you either end up having to go full buzz (which I don't want to do) or you become a Geico Caveman, as I have.
I just so happened to take the opportunity to grow certain parts of my hair out that needed fixing. Glad I did.
I'm viewing it from another planet too, but a different one. I haven't had a haircut in 21 years.
@@ErrantSignal you can use an electric razor with trim guards to split the difference. Maybe not the best looking cut you'll ever have, but a haircut all the same
Male pattern baldness gang!
... now, my Quarantine Beard, that's a different story.
The "work never ends" mentality thing is real. It is so so hard to differentiate my brain from what I Need to do and what I can do at this point, and the sensation of never actually having a break because everything is happening on the same devices and in the same space is something not a lot of people want to admit is an issue
Sleeping is now just fast travel to work. etc
lol cry me a river, been doing remote-only freelance work for the past 13 years (and by own choice)
Chris, you've articulated an enormous amount of the bubbling feeling over the last few months. Thank you for putting a video together that I can forward to people to explain where my headspace is at.
Of all of the "video games in quarantine" videos, this is the one I actually feel. I have no grand list of things to go down, no video games that I will remember forever, no free time to nurse a hobby that I genuinely love. For me, it's has been work and then nothing. No friends. No relationship. No roommate. No family. Just work, and then loneliness. My quarantine has been as privileged as yours in its safety and relative ease but I feel like I haven't been a person in months. I miss being able to care.
So... everyone else's new normal is closer to how it has always been for me?
I can't even think of a time when I had a place to go and energy to do so, or even if I did, anyone to do anything with.
I feel you...
I understand you, even feeling like the midlle path between your life style and the "normal" one. In one hand I like to have less contact with a lot of my friends, even liking them and their company, but I dont have to engage in some repetitive talks and stuff like that. In the other I would like to be able to have option to go to different places. But like errant I do have a pretty privileged social distancing. Even living near Porto Alegre in Brazil.
Honestly, I feel like I've been here since even before the pandemic. It's... troubling to think about. So I guess I won't! Thanks, brain.
It's only a problem when it starts being a problem. If you can maintain your current position it's not important that you "could" be doing "better"
Same. I live in the suburbs. Everything is far away, everything costs money to do, and getting money robs me of all my energy so I spend my free time doing basically nothing. Always.
@@guy-sl3kr oh man this hits so close to home... like literally home
@@guy-sl3kr Is it sad sunday or what? I can relate to all this.
If you'll allow me to get a bit political...that's capitalism at its most efficient. Extract productive labor from you until you're too exhausted to do anything but consume.
As someone who works freelance from home and spends 80% of their time at the same PC, I feel this entire video down to my bones.
Same here. I also moved to a new state halfway through the pandemic, so I haven't socialized in-person with any human being besides my wife since August 2020.
If it's any consolation -- to you and to Chris, if he reads this -- our staying home as much as possible has likely saved the lives of many people's loved ones, directly or indirectly. I wish there was a way to truly see and feel that statistic, though.
@@QuintessentialWalrus A few months before the pandemic, I worked at Walmart but lost my job and decided to do freelance, so I very probably would've ended up exposed to and spreading it. Twists of fate, I suppose.
As a Brazillian sitting in one of the most destroyed cities by the pandemic, listening to the "I'll get my shot when this video is done" part got me very happy for everyone getting the shots and very miserable for myself and my peers :( I'm so happy the world is very slowly coming over. But here... don't see all of this ending anytime soon.
As someone who has been working as a game developer for the past few years, especially in this year, I feel this more than you could possibly imagine. The mindless slog you feel when sitting in front of a computer all day with no proper outlets, no variety or spice to life, is simply soul draining in a way I often fail to fully express to other people. You've done a great job of expressing it here. I have no advice, but I can say that you are not alone in feeling this way. Here's hoping things can go back to normal soon. Good luck, and godspeed my friend.
This is an insightful and relatable video, but damn 3:57 is somehow the most startled by something that wasn't a conventional jumpscare.
MOOD
Than you for making this video this is exactly how Ive felt for a year straight. I'm glad to know I'm not apathetically suffering alone.
Jesus, I was playing Fortnite while listening to this and then it suddenly got real at the second half and I got depressed while playing and had to stop for a bit to think
I heard this somewhere: "Other people suffering more does not invalidate your struggles"
I think this is very true. Feeling guilty for feeling bad, because you don't have it as bad as others is a vicious spiral
Yes! Struggle/depression/mental health is not a competition of who's got it worst where someone else having it even worse than you means your problems don't matter. It's a threshold where EVERYONE who crosses it deserves to take care of themselves.
Can't believe Errant Signal did that to Tomato Town...
This is really interesting and identifiable for me because before the pandemic, for a solid 5 years, I was in this slump. I was born severely disabled, I'm now middle aged, didn't have a solid career, and was finding it hard to find work I could physically do. I used videogames to give me some sense of accomplishment? But mostly just stayed at home, not spending money, not wanting to talk to anyone because it's just more agonizing than being alone.
Then the pandemic hit and my life has improved in almost every way. It was mortifying how casually people talked about not caring whether people like me got sick, and there was a weird stretch where it was like certain people went out of their way to touch me at the beginning. Besides the societal hostility towards disabled people tho, the ability to do jobs from home meant I suddenly found a really good job, and their standards for hiring were somewhat lower than normal, but I've shown to thrive at the position.
I'm now making more money, and am enjoying playing videogames again, and I essentially owe it to the pandemic. I feel so guilty about this, and avoid talking about it with friends and family who've lost jobs or are just struggling to cope with a less active social life. I used to do stand up comedy, but even that was a lot more socializing than I really liked at bars--now I'm happy again and eager to get back to that, but still totally satisfied with the lack of human contact since it was my life for so long.
I don't really have a point to this. I've always wanted to start a streaming channel since all I did was game, but it was just depressed gaming. Now I actually feel like I could record myself ,ironically when I have less time, and actually get something out of it. I'm sorry you and others are going through it, but if anything my experience shows that there's value in that place and if you can get through it, there's a way to be good again after.
It's a great thing you found a remote job. The thing is that the pandemic forced a lot of slow business to adopt more web friendly policies. A very profitable side-effect for the correct group of people. In my country we have an online seller (an Amazon ripoff) whose stock is basically carrying our gross national product.
That's a great point about being able to think proactively and productively when you are not depressed, even if you have less time to physically do it. Gaming whilst depressed doesn't change the fact you are still depressed and likely using gaming as an outlet for distraction and escape rather than entertainment and experimentation.
Almost two years.
That... "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm _fine_!"
It hurts. Every time. It hurts so goddamn much.
"I RUclipsd too hard" idk why but this is way funnier to me than it should be
I'm watching this with a loop of the firelink shrine theme because it feels appropriate.
Don't give up! Skeleton
Souls games are the perfect representation of quarantine
@@Critchovic be safe, friend. Don't you dare go hollow.
Yes, the "youtube + gaming" numbing thing I've been doing is a terrible waste of time, depressing, and saping energy, and I'm glad he made this video because there's a lot of us, even though we're not the worst victims of the pandemic we must face our own reality.
If that can help anyone, recently I've been doing a post it every night with things I've got to do tomorrow. One of the hardest is just having breakfast, since it means I got to wake up early. Other things I note is things like whatever I would like me to do, but can't bring myself to do. Like drawing, piano, working on a project, cleaning my bike: even chores, I note everyhting. But not that much, most days there's like 4 things on the post-it note. I got to say the day after, when you got to cross out the things you had to do after doing them, even if it's not that much, it's really satisfying. Sometimes I just don't do it all, but whatever happen I put that fucking post it on my wall with the others. It's not a perfect solution but it helps a great deal as I've been more productive.
I've got to say, even if it's a little bit sad to think it like that, my main motivation is to think that if I don't get to do this stuff, I'll get to regret it later when I think about that free time I had and did nothing with.
That's a good idea, I'll try it too.
I know it’s not even been a year yet, but I come back to this video sporadically because it remains constantly relevant to my own life. Your relationship with games and work strongly echoes my own, and I greatly appreciate you sharing your story so honestly. It’s been a tough ten months, and this video habitually helps me contextualize my own experience.
Just because other people have things worse than you, does not invalidate your own issues. "Being stuck inside has made me depressed." And "Other people are losing everything they have right now, and that's horrible." can both be true simultaneously. Depression will tell you whatever it needs to in order to keep you in that state. Collectively, we're still grieving the year of our lives that we've lost, and that affects each of us differently. But, you're not alone. We're all there with you.
Jesus, the segment about abandoning what you were doing at some point and scooting 8' over to the other desk is literally what I did 15 minutes ago. I don't even have casters on my chair, so I have to pick up the one stool in this room and put it down at the other desk. And the slack notifications keep coming.
We're not working at home, we're sleeping at work.
@@bmitchem457 Dude. Ouch.
As someone without depression but with occasional depressive episodes, this is a textbook example of what I was going thru before. I started getting better after seeking help from a mental health professional, you don’t have to wait until the pandemic is over to start feeling better.
Everyone has said this already but this resonates. It's just one perspective of a global event but I'm grateful someone has so succinctly encapsulated the emotional content of it because this is me.
Speaking as someone with ADHD, thing 1 in a monitor while playing mindless stuff on another (mainly picross for the last month or so) is my way of 'paying attention'. If I don't distract my hands, my mind will do the job. However, I only found this out (and by that I mean seek specialized help) during the pandemic, because before it wasn't that out of control. I definitely feel you on this, and it's terrible, but I found that pushing myself to play stuff has given me more and more outlets. Audiobooks, for instance, are life savers.
Me, listening to this as I grind out daily missions in Genshin Impact: Yyyyyup.
Though this video does not reflect my experience with games, it made me reflect on the very common stubbornness you can meet online about people unable to be adventurous about games. It explains a lot of the "i'm too tired to engage" or "it demands too much of the player", and now it doesn't sound so confusing anymore. It just sounds depressing.
Suffering is not a competition. Don't feel bad about yours not "comparing" because things weren't "bad enough" for you. It has been an extraordinary and unusual time for all of us to deal with.
Man that bit about nursing a beer wishing for stuff to go back to the way things were is exactly where I am right now
1. you definitely have depression.
2. watching you talk about most games being too intense to experience makes me realize I have been doing what you've been doing for years and years because I'm scared to "feel".
yeah, I have major depression too. I was diagnosed last year, right when the pandemic started and toilet paper was a hard to find commodity. I started having super dark thoughts about how there's nothing to be happy about, and people being happy are clearly faking it. once the suicidal thoughts started, I finally figured out something was very wrong. I got medication and that helped a lot. I'm still pretty depressed but at least I can get out of bed and go to work and get things done now.
its been a rough 12 months.
Lmao diagnosing someone with depression over a RUclips video is absurd. People can have good and bad periods without being depressed ffs.
I ran out to the gas station on my work from home lunch break (gotta drive the car once every two weeks so it doesn't die) and on my way back there was literally a moment where I thought about going past my turn and just driving forever. So, uh, I know the feeling.
This video is a perfect represenation of how I felt during the pandemic. I wasted my life away, too afraid to see loved ones doing exactly as you did, finally only seeing them as they died in hospital. These were not healthy years for consumption, and it has not been until recently that I have been able to break that cycle of not feeling emotionally capable of investing myself in anything complex or something I truly enjoyed.
You got it exactly right, there isn't anything cringy or odd about this video, I think for a large subset of people this was just life.
I've always enjoyed the thoughtfulness of your video essay, the ways in which you routinely seem to meet games on their own terms. What I found very true and meaningful in this piece--beside the expressive quality of it for you--was the articulation of living in a psychic cul-de-sac. Repeating a fun Saturday night alone every day for a year means re-watching things again and again, wanting the comfort of the familiar but being slowly incapable of enjoying those things. It's bleak when DS9 is more a chore than a pleasant surprise; even worse when all of one's media comforts have been used so much you can't really see them anymore even when they're on. To think of our collective trend in media consumption over the last year in this light is, I think, deeply true.
Probably a significant majority of your audience feels this video. It is a crisis, but for most of us the intensity did not get turned up to 11, it got turned down to -1, and somehow that is really bad somehow, and if feels bad to feel it is bad because you also want to say Thank the Divine I am Not in the 10% who have a High Intensity Crisis.
Did you make a whole-ass unity scene of you room just for b-roll?
Kudos, man, that’s commitment
I feel like I just wanted a recording of my own 2020/2021 inner monologue, if I had a bingo card I would have filled the whole thing out.
That’s a sub from me chief
I really appreciated this! I have the same problem with simulation and turn-based strat games - like I bank hours in Roller Coaster Tycoon or the Sims 3 or Civ when I just can't face quiet time with my brain. Don't even ask me how much screen time goes to TikTok these days lol. I feel down on myself for not turning to media that challenges me right now. It's good to know other people are in the same boat.
Also - I didn't think this was messy at all, AND I got a serotonin boost from singing along to the musical bits. thanks for taking a risk today
This video resonates with me more than I care to admit.
Thank you for bringing to words the feelings of this isolation and pandemic better than I ever could.
I don't even play video games anymore, I just listen to music and watch RUclips videos
Watching a video: i should really be productive
Being productive: i'd rather be gaming rn
Gaming: this is exhausting, I think ill just watch a video...
watching a video: I should do something productive.....
Start over again
@@M_Sebu Work: I'd rather be doing anything else
Gaming: I am not good enough, this is tiring.
Netflix: Can't decide. Too much effort.
RUclips: Where will the recommended rabbit hole take me today...
@@cattysplat yup and here we are
I'm glad you spoke out and put into words this feeling. Other people's hurt doesn't invalidate your own hurt. Two years ago I had to get a spinal implant because of permanent nerve damage. That was a tough time, especially since I hadn't really learned this lesson yet. I was always "At least I can walk" "at least I'm not X" instead of mourning my own pain and loss of ability. I think it's the same way with the pandemic. I have suffered relatively little. I lost my job, but unemployment has filled the gap and been extended twice now. I've not had major loss close to me. My mental and social suffering from the pandemic isn't invalidated because of these things. Neither are yours.
I feel very similar to you. My realization was that even having family, friends, coworkers to talk to - they're WORTHLESS. They're absolutely oblivious or unable to understand the things I like. I miss all the random nameless people that shared interests and activities with me. The people I never knew, I lost them, and they were the love of my life.
Here's a thing about haircuts: hairdressers need to learn hundreds of cuts and techniques to account for most heads. If you chose to cut your own hair, you only need to learn to do one haircut, and the techniques associated to that. It is comparatively simple. It took me 2 or 3 tries to get it right, so I had a buzzcut for a month and a half. Guess what, no one noticed (we are in a Pandemic!)
That Fortnite song activates a fight or flight response for me.
You managed to put into words what I've been experiencing throughout this pandemic. I live in a relatively small island where our numbers haven't been very high at all, and lockdown didn't last as long, but I still felt a little depressed and numb, falling into bad routines of gaming and sleeping when I could have been using the time to develop better art skills or whatever. It's strangely comforting that I'm not the only person feeling that guilt, but I also feel guilty about finding comfort in someone else's shared misery. I really do hope things are improving for you. I hope we can all get through this with our lives and sanity intact. Best wishes.
You threw yourself into low-effort cozy, comfy games and I feel like I had the opposite response, while everything felt it was spiraling, when i was hopping from bad-screen to good-screen, bad-chair to good-chair, I threw myself back into DMC series, it gave me something to learn, massive skill ceilings to try to hit. Something to study and check myself against until I had no more heights to hit, especially DMC5.
This video is really good, it feels right. It feels.. how I feel.
Hey, that wasn't cringe. You voiced out what you wanted to say. That's freaking great. I'm happy you put together what I've been feeling as well.
I couldn't take the 2 meter walk from work station to game station in my home so I quit. Now I must try to make my freelance life work in order to sustain. It is stressful, I am playing a lot of Apex or Hunt to just to not think. It's somewhat comforting to know we are all in this together. So thanks for the video.
One thing that helped me a lot to combat this feeling was to get a weekly planner. I have plans like "pre-1963 movie night" or "trying to survive in Pathologic day" or "learning django weekend" and even if I don't do them, having plans and moving them when I don't feel up for them gives me something to look forward to and plan around.
I definitely feel you on my attention span seemingly diminishing for media other than grindy games. Every few days I add movies and shows to my to-watch list but rarely feel like watching anything over 45min.
That said, as a DS9 evangelist I'm very glad you've been watching that! If only we had holosuites now, we could be playing James Bond with Dr. Bashir.
"a ludic opiate I self medicate with" ... most eloquent thing I've heard in weeks
The guilt about being depressed about only being "inconvenienced" when other people are literally living through hell is incredibly relatable. You've described pretty accurately what I've been going through as well.
Dude, I wish I could chat to you about that instead of writing a comment below a video. Parasocial relationships are shit.
It got so introspective, I legitimately got into my own head and feelings. And then the fucking tomatotown song started and I laughed aloud on my zoom meeting. Thanks.
I watch all the vids but your 'Blips" series has been an absolute delight especially throughout quarantine. Please take care of yourself and thanks for the content
The part that really got me was "Doom Eternal frustrated me" as I had a similar experience with it earlier this year. I've noticed that if a game requires any sort of quick input or growing of my own skill at it, I'll quickly find it frustrating and not finish it, something that definitely happened before the pandemic but has gotten way worse since then. Now I only play what I already know or what I'm confident I can relax with. Great video, definitely helped me reflect on what's been going on with my own gaming as of late.
I bought Valve Index to keep me moving and not get too depressed. It helps me keep my room clean so I have space to play, and it helps me escape and gives occasionally things to look forward to.
I recognize the same feeling of seeking games for the way they make time vanish. Clicker/incremental games have been my poison before, and RPGs before that.
I recommend you getting a headset too if you have the room, the money and the PC. Your hair might get in the way of the headset though lol.
I also feel like my VR headset and being able to go to virtual clubs on the weekends in VRChat has kept me sane all throughout this pandemic. At least there is something to look forward to at the end of the week, which really helped and helps me to stay motivated. If you're the type of person who liked going to clubs or other music events in the Before Time(TM), I would really recommend it. It doesn't come close to the real thing obviously, but it scratches the same itch and you can also meet some nice people there.
Thank you for this.
the Slack knock brush notification sound evokes primal fear inside me
This has been 100% my experience, and it feels so good to know I'm not alone, or that it's alright to feel so down despite having such an "easy" time. I also work from home, then "entertain" myself in the exact same spot on the exact same computer. I actually started to cry watching this, because you said everything I've been feeling, but felt I couldn't say because, I've had it really good. I have always been an introvert, I loved staying home on the weekends playing games, so why is this hitting me so hard? I keep sleeping through today waiting for a tomorrow that's never going to come. I have such a hard time working on projects or doing things I used to enjoy and I don't know how to go back. Sorry, I guess this video really opened my eyes to the fact that, maybe I'm not fine.
It's been said by others, but thank you for making this and putting it out there. Hard same.
Watching this a year late with things like the great resignation the seemingly more crazy world news and every thing else seeming to catch fire, makes me think that the kind of depression described in the video has only mutated into this weird kind of nostalgia. Its weird because it seems that old activities are guarded by that mist of nostalgia, not letting them be enjoyed how they used to be, as the omnipresent looming end of times seems more and more real after every day it's televised. How can they be enjoyed when they at the end of the day they seem just as meaningless as everything else that's been trying to occupy our minds? It feels like entertainment lost its purpose at some point. At least for me.
I mean the worst part of listening to this video is seeing your experience and realizing that I haven't been affected by this pandemic because...this has been my life forever anyway. Like nothing in my life changed except I got to work from home and that has been a major plus in my mind, not a negative. Like I never missed the outside world because I haven't had a friend within 700 miles of me since high school.
Around October last year I got into such pandemic-depression that I started to binge on Tinder sex, cocaine and alcohol (like always, hedonism is the best hiding spot). I played both Far Cry 5 and New Dawn totally high and drunk. Played Metro Exodus and Troy Total War as much as I could in that state. In February, I gave up on all that. I put myself to the discipline of not doing stupid shit, sleeping early and not having apartment dates anymore. I'll get a girlfriend and try to start embracing positive and nice things. And I DO FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW.
I disagree with the part "what right to complain do I have?" We're humans. People are dying and the numbers just keep coming, but complaining about our situation won't make things worse or show disrespect. Complain, cry, whine, whatever. I follow this channel since the year it started and during this pandemic I watched all episodes again (Jurassic World is my favorite because of the intro). We've missed you, Chris. We're all in the shitter, but we're together. Reach out to me if you feel like talking. Nice to have you back.
2:48 - 3:48 I have also been relatively spared by the pandemic and i, too, am Fine(TM).
This resonates with me on a level beyond spiritual
I will always love this channel for notifying me of 'The Space Between,' the best game I played last year. Much respect.
Can I say thank you for this video. It really spoke to me in a relatable way. I also haven't suffered like many but have been just exhausted and full of ennui due to all this. I miss life and social connections where people aren't terrified of each other.
It's nice to hear someone articulate it so accurately. I'm trying to learn to love the things I used to again instead of just having distractions. Trying to be excited in life and find some balance again.
I want you to know, with the series of “I’m fine. I’m... fine. I’m fine.”’s I just wanted to offer you a hug haha
I understand completely, and I hope things get better soon. If they don’t, or you just want help, don’t forget that therapy exists :) it’s helped me a lot in this pandemic - and like you I haven’t lost nearly as much as others have
You absolutely *do* have a right to complain, fwiw. Isolation is literally a form of torture, so while others may be dealing with loss of loved ones etc, that doesn't invalidate the trauma you're experiencing.
You just summarized my relationship with Rocket League perfectly. But wohoo, c2 in doubles!
I've come to hate that game and it doesn't really give me any enjoyment anymore, which is a shame, because I loved it once. But it's there. And it doesn't ask much of me.
A 17 minute long video telling me why i haven't been able to pick up Hollow Knight and finish it but have been able to start sinking hours into elite dangerous. It is good to hear you are in... "good" health. Now excuse me while i disassociate for a bit
I don't know if you're still reading comments a week out, but thank you for every second of this video. My brother and I live across the country from each other, and have been engaging in disposable Skinner-Box media much the same way for the pandemic. I shared your video with him, and you gave words to the struggles we've felt but have been unable to describe.
I will also say that this video was the catalyst for me putting down my grind of choice to start playi9ng Disco Elysium in the past week. Thank you again.
This is going to hit home to A LOT of people. I think we’re all hitting a wall of fatigue after a year. @_@
Also we kinda need to see before and after pics when you do finally get a trim.
the lockdown months last year were the best in my life in decades. I could sleep all I wanted, I didn't feel miserable, tired, or like a huge weight was crushing me. I felt good, the last time I felt good was in the 90s I think. the moment things went back to kinda normal and I had to go to work again, I started feeling tense and nervous all day, not sleeping well, feeling miserable, I hate life and people again...
if I could just be in my room all day and not go out and not having to deal with people I would be happy.
I hate the streets noise, I hate the bus, I hate coworkers talking all day, I hate extroverted people, I hate the phone ringing... just let me be in my room, in silence, and sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.
I miss the lockdown.
The 'covid depression' you've described has been very real for me, and for many people I know - regardless of any self identified "introverts" or "extroverts". In some sense, I feel like its an emotional failsafe, for me personally. Playing through Dark Souls for a 8th time, or mindlessly playing Fall Guys with my brother while we look at memes on Discord keeps me from getting SO antsy that I crack and go out into the world, when the socially responsible thing to do is to stay in.
All that to say, many people who are overall privileged during this time of crisis, as you described, are feeling that same thing currently and will no doubt long term effects. Surely the emotional toll will be studied for years. Hang in there brother, many are in the same boat
"self-indulgent" or not the way you word and explore things is resonant and brings clarity that people could use, im certainly glad someone put this experience of engagement becoming exhausting into words :))))
Haha. Your covid life sounds like my pre-covid life. Haha. ha
This video essay summarized what I've been living through expertly. This is the year I decided to get into hidden item games after years avoiding them because "games journalism"... and thank you for bringing up Murder by Numbers which somehow managed to be legitimately great while also being what also being exactly what I needed this year.
For me, it helped to have 2 weekdays of voluntary media abstinence. But yeah, the 2 years before the varus I was just 100 percenting warframe while listening to podcasts. It gets better eventually. Stay strong. This genuinity is what o became a patron for.
I'm sitting in the same place. Topped with a side of pandemic caused unemployment. The depression is real.
Hope things get better for all of us.
when you started talking about not leaving the room and never "checking out of work" i felt that, i worked from home from march last year till december and i quit because i couldnt take it anymore, i was perpetually stressed out and couldnt decompress at all, i started hating the things i used to enjoy (watching movies,playing games) i managed to save up some cash so im still living fine now even without a job and i started to enjoy things again and its so good
at the time of release of this video, these feelings felt really distant. But now... I relate to this video immensly