Therapist Reacts to THE ADAM PROJECT
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- Опубликовано: 15 май 2023
- How do you show your kids that you’re struggling? What can you learn from your younger self?
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright are taking a look at sci-fi/comedy/drama The Adam Project. They dive into the lessons we can learn from our younger self as well as lessons parents learn from their kids. Jonathan shares healthy ways parents can let their kids know that they’re struggling so they can empathize with their parents. He also talks about reflecting on your past experiences through journaling. Alan praises the exceptional performances by the exceptional cast, especially Walker Scobell for being the perfect match to Ryan Reynolds. And the exceptional performances get him in the feels.
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Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, Alan Seawright, and Corinne Demyanovich
Edited by: David Sant
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis
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One thing I really appreciated about this movie is that it had a story to tell… and it just told it. There’s no setup for future sequels or spin-offs and it doesn’t end on an ambiguous cliffhanger. That felt weirdly refreshing and old fashioned at the same time.
YES SIR! ABSOLUTELY!
The netflix formula to just kinda end a story but let enough open plots for "possible sucess" has just ruined so many stories to be told
Exactly! It feels like a RUclips short film that isn't actually short, if you know what I mean. :D It really is refreshing to see someone not trying to milk their IP for more profit for once.
The movies that do that are the best ones by far. Too many movies these days just can't commit to an ending.
Yup no loose ends
Exactly, that old fashioned type of story telling in movies needs to come back more it is refreshing to see every now and then but definitely something to miss and a reason to go back to certain movies of the past. There's a reason why Ferris Bueller's day off is considered a classic still and it failed as a TV show, it was already great as is.
Either time travel or cloning exist because that kid is an even funnier copy of Ryan Reynolds
Hahha yes
Right? He's so well cast!
Apparently, the kid was a huge fan of the Deadpool movies. So when he audition for this, he just did a Deadpool impression.
Yeah, I heard the same, that he's like a Ryan Reynolds superfan or something. This must have been the role of a lifetime for him.
And now he's playing percy jackson in the upcoming series. Also perfect casting he'll be amazing
This movie is so underrated, it's a goofy Ryan Reynold's time travel film but it's also wildly heartfelt. And also the CASTING is perfection
Totally agree!
I'd say the sci fi part hurts the film. Is not great sci fi and it puts some bias on people before watching a heartfelt familiar drama
Why does casting have to be in all caps? Get tf off tiktok its rotting your brain
Um... A LOT of SF literature is about interpersonal relationships and morality/making things right. This film fits in very well with classic SF.
@@michaelmcdoesntexist1459 i strongly disagree
For Walker Scobell's first movie, he does an incredible job of channeling a young Ryan Reynolds, and even gets to have some impressive emotional scenes. I can't wait to see him as Percy Jackson.
Yeah, he really has potential!
He did an interview with Ellen DeGeneres where she asked him what it was like to play the young Ryan Gosling, and he just looked at her and said in this disappointed tone of voice, "Reynolds." Also, look for the skit of him filming an ad for Kraft Mac and Cheese - it's hysterical!
@@CinemaTherapyShow I know your thing is movies, but would you consider doing the Percy Jackson show when it comes out? (The show, not the movies, screw the movies). While I'm not positive how the show will handle it, the author is a writer for the show and the characters in the book have ADHD and Dyslexia, and I'd be interested to see your perspective on how the show handles them.
@@Randomvideos3200 and he also has LGBTQ characters, especially one who struggles with his sexuality due to coming from time where you’d be killed for being gay
@@Randomvideos3200 and I’d say he handles loss and grief pretty well
I am either close to tears or full on crying every time I watch the “I love you and I’m proud of you” scene with Older Adam and his dad😭
Right in the feels.
I just lost myself from seeing it again, I know i need that from my own dad right now, i think we all do.
RIGHT! I don't think I have ever, in my entire 39 years of life, heard either of my parents say they're proud of me. I 100% live vicariously through movie/TV characters who DO get that from their fictional parent and it turns me into a blubbering mass of goo and tears.
I love the emphasis on allowing your children to love you but not allowing them to feel like they need to fix your problems, and ACTIALLY SAYING THE WORDS, even when you have never stated that they need to fix it they will feel like they do if you don't explicitly say what their role is they will try to fill every role to please you and make you happy at the expense of themselves so it needs to be SAID
I work with clients in the postpartum time and I try to instill this in them even with newborns. No need to hide when you’re having a bad day, don’t fake it til you make it because babes KNOW and it’s confusing if your energy + micro expressions aren’t congruent with your tone/smile etc but let them know that it’s not theirs to take on and that they’re safe and loved.
I have to remind my daughter (10) all the time that she isn't responsible to fix me when I'm angry or sad or anything, that it's okay to let me feel those things and just be there if she wants until I process my feelings myself. I try SO SO SO hard not to parentify her like my mother did to me, and it's hard seeing how easy it could be if I wasn't so aware of it.
This movie was surprisingly enjoyable. For Walker Scobell’s first film, he did incredible and really stood out. Loved the chemistry between the older and young Ryan, and the comedic jokes here were amazing. We need more father-son relationship films to be like this all the time, IMO.
Totally agree!
The final scene where they all hugged each other and played the final catch together,always gets me. Great analysis.
Same. 😭 Thanks for watching!
Didn't expect a reply from you guys. Totally made my day!
Walker, the kid who plays young Adam, has officially been cast as Percy Jackson in the new TV series coming on Disney+! He's going to be hilarious as Percy, I bet he'll have fans laughing the whole time. If he brings this same snarkiness to Percy, he'll kill it.
So hyped for Percy Jackson to finally get a (good) adaption.
Almost exactly 8 years ago, i lost my best friend in a car accident. My then 6 year old daughter came to me as soon as i got home after hearing the news, and asked me if i was okay. And i said no and broke down. And she just held me. And i had to laugh in spite of myself. I thought “this is totally backwards right now”, but i couldn’t stop myself. Aaaand now i have something in both of my eyes at the same time lol
This is so precious 💕 I'm sorry for your loss though
@@synthlord16 thank you. Yeah, she’s pretty great. Very empathetic, but her teenager shows its teeth every once in a while and I want to smack her lol.
Kids are very empathetic. They may not fully understand why mommy or daddy is upset. But they can tell when their parents are struggling to keep it together and it's so sweet seeing them try to comfort their parents. 🩵💙
@@BlazeDupree1525 she’s a good kid 😊😊
“Goodwill hunting” should be the name of a trope where a bitter or jaded individual just gets slowly worn down by words of affirmation! Jeeze it’s so hard to not get emotional watching scenes like that! 😢😢😢
@ ROARTHERAPPER
I'll be forever grateful to my AL Anon sponsor for doing that for me. Changed my life.
we could call it getting "Goodwill Hunted"
@@taybug77 FACTS
My son actually reframed my entire life. After visiting my parents my father stood up and paced by the booth we were sitting in exclaiming “Your embarrassing me! Stop laughing so loud!” and I was complaining that every time we were together he was ashamed of me. My son said “mommy he has social anxiety!” He was under 10yrs old. I was shocked…I’d never realized that and suddenly had to reframe every interaction I’d ever had.
Wow.
Um.
I think ... my dad ...
Would you thank your son for a random stranger on the Internet?
This movie came out 6 months after my Mom died unexpectantly. Never got to say goodbye, but this movie helped me actually cry after months of being in shock. The ending scene where the kid remembers to hug his mom is exactly what I imagine for myself. So healing. ❤
“Don’t judge yourself for knowing what you know before you knew it”
Great quote. Don’t be upset at your past self because you learned something rather than already knowing it.
As a person with daddy issues, when i watched this movie i balled like a baby becuase all i wanted was to spend time with my dad, he’s here physically but not here emotionally. He’s just distant. The line “he needs you” got me.
It wouldn’t be a cinema therapy episode without a high chance of laughing and crying all in the span of 30 minutes. Love you guys 😂
You're so right! Love you too and thanks for watching! 😄
Always feel good, coming from work, watching an episode and feeling relieved afterwards because of those tears rolling down our cheeks. Much love
Definitely, and I think this is one of theirs I've seen that got the most tears out of Alan, for very understandable reasons ❤
@@annavg7294 YUP, and I must say... It was the movie "Inside Out" that turned ME into a tearjerker-seeker. BEFORE then, I was under the false impression that tears were useless, and I rarely cried anyway... but it took until age 30 (when I saw "Inside Out") for me to feel first hand the feel-good brain endorphins that often get released with crying. The line that "did it for me" was when Joy was stuck in the pit and said "Do you remember when she used to stick her tongue out when she was coloring?" Man, did that line and scene give me an emotional sneak-attack. I have hypotheses on WHY it took that long to notice that crying can release endorphins, but wow after that movie, I realized I was (unusually for me) CRAVING MORE TEARJERKERS and initially had the reaction of "What on Earth?!?"
I had to do some research to figure out what neurotransmitters and hormones were going on in my head LOL. But after I read up on the legitimate mechanisms... I plunged right into pursuing more movies that might trigger that result in myself, lol.
@@sathvamp1 I have to admit that this was lowkey funny to read
Part of why Walker (the kid) is so good is that he had already memorized the entire script of both Deadpool movies, so he knew exactly how to act like Ryan Reynolds. Most of it is still just that he's an awesome actor tho
Fun fact: Walker Scobell is indeed a younger Ryan Reynolds. In interviews with the two of them, Ryan admits they spent a good amount of time together and he apologises to his parents (sorry not sorry, typical Ryan) about corrupting him with his sass. He agrees with everyone, he turned out to be a younger clone of himself for this movie.
"I think it's easier to be angry than to be sad." This line hit me hard 😢
I used anger to deal with things that made me sad when I was younger...because being sad meant crying my eyes out...crying meant not being able to speak and that was something I *never* allowed myself to be: unable to speak. I still struggle with this at times.
I've made a lot of progress ❤️
So much easier to be angry than sad. When you're angry, you feel like you're in control. When you're sad, you just feel lost. After growing up in an abusive home, I had so much anger for so long. After a breakdown, PTSD diagnosis, years of therapy and just living with everything...I've learned that the anger can help you until it can't. And eventually you have to feel the sad. And then you can move forward.
When I tell you this movie made me sob and have forgiveness for my younger self....ugly tears were had
1. Ryan Reynolds's delivery is so touching in this. For someone known for his comedy, he has some range.
2. The parent/child dynamics have depth I didn't expect in this movie.
3. The reunion of Jennifer and Mark after 30 going on 30 was something I needed.
Also, when Jonathan said, "Are you remembering what life has taught you?" 🥺❤️ #CryingwithAlan
It wasn’t a complex, thought-provoking, exquisitely written movie, but I genuinely enjoyed just chilling for 2hrs and laughing along the way. Ryan Reynolds is always a win. 😌 The casting directors certainly struck gold when they cast Walker as younger Ryan. Their mannerisms and looks are uncannily alike!
He had to say it to the adult Adam because that is the version that has been lying to himself the longest: "Dad doesn't love me", "Dad doesn't care about me because he was never there for me," "I can't make Dad proud of me no matter what I do," and "I don't need Dad. I can do it myself." Affirmations of love hit harder in adults because we push those feelings away more.
As a kid I used to think my mom was the kindest person in the world. A naive person, yes, but someone who could never do wrong to hurt others and her heart always in the best place. As an adult I understand that isn't always true, but I love her all the same. I saw her fight against cancer, against poverty, against a toxic family life and other things. And, I appreciate her facade of strength shattered down years ago cause that means I was able to fight some of those fights with her. Me and my sister know our mother isn't perfect, but she knows we cover her flanks all the time.
"God, its like I traded my brain for those muscles. Its a shit deal" :D and I still use "dont you just wanna hold him underwater until the bubbles stop?" This movie was great, I definitely cried more during the second watch trough because there wasnt Rian raynolds as a jedi to distract me from my feels.
I also get easily distracted away from feels lol. Which can be frustrating since I've turned into a tearjerker-seeker... "Inside Out" was the one that turned me, haha. That was the first time I felt firsthand the feel-good brain endorphins that often get released with crying. But I soon discovered it was difficult to find movies that could do the same thing to me that "Inside Out" did. The NEXT successful one was "Interstellar" but I was distracted during THE most notoriously tearful scene... by a salad I was eating lol. I remember thinking to myself half-consciously "Why are my eyes watering and dripping off my nose?" LOL. Then I was like, "OH it's because it's a sad scene... and darn, I'm half missing it since I'm trying to eat this darn salad!" LOL.
I'm normally a very quiet person in general, and I can attest that the "verbal punch in the face" technique works wonders lol. Sometimes just the shock of the quiet person suddenly being loud is enough to snap people out of the little mental spiral that happens in arguments.
This movie got me when it first came out, but it got me even more now since my dad passed from a car crash at the beginning of this year. I relate so much to both adams, there is nothing id love more then another day with my dad, but i can live with the memories of staying up way later then I should have watching him play video games like assassins creed, watching movies and tv shows, and the long car rides where we could just talk about life, the universe and everything in between. I love this movie so much. It means a lot more to me now.
I think younger me was always pretty confident that he could handle something. But then I encountered enough situation’s that I wasn’t sure how to handle that taught me to be afraid of everything and to doubt myself. I actually came across a journal entry where I was so stressed that if I forgot my martial arts outfit before going to practice, that I was just going to receive a wave of disappointment from my instructor and my parents alike. I was pretty sad to read that, because I was even more anxious than I am now. But to get kind of close to the epicenter of my anxious thought process really made me rethink how to develop myself and start healing some more from my anxiety.
"They don't need perfect, they just need you" is great. I also think of "I can be the perfect me for this time in my life, and I can also want to change and grow at this time in my life. One thought does not have to exclude the other."
That kid is just AMAZING in this movie. Usually it's Ryan Reynolds who steals the spotlight in a movie, but that kid stole not only the spotlight, he stole the whole theatre. Absolutely amazing performance from him. I have NEVER been so impressed by a kid actor in any movie i have seen in my 36 years on this planet. I really really hope he will be able to navigate around the usual downward spirals around famous kid actors and become a megastar. He absolutely deserves it.
In recent months, a big part of me has changed and I've forgotten a lot of things I'd learned over the past few years, mainly about self-improvement, instead i got pretty severe anxiety and have been trying to relearn what I lost. I really wish I could meet my younger self, no matter how awkward it would make me feel. To tell the me two years ago that he would make it to start transitioning. To tell the little girl at summer camp that the bullying isn't her fault, that she's autistic, has ADHD and isn't actually a girl on top of that. To see them happier, crazier and not nearly as tired and nihilistic as me just a few years later.
PS.: As a writer, I'm grateful for finally knowing what the dynamic would be like when people meet their younger self. It's just siblings. And I love it.
This movie made me Cry, my dad passed away so Suddenly and It really hurts. And I'm really young. Seeing a kid go back in time and meet his dad made my cry! I don't care whatever criticism this gets for somethings but this is a movie close to my heart!
I watched this with my 13yo niece and when Jonathan said the dramatic stuff slaps she said "well that's over". I couldn't help it but I started cracking up. The good-natured disdain of the young for the old.
The first time I watched this movie I literally said out loud "I wasn't expecting this ending to feel like this" and then I just started crying.
Man, yup- that reminds me of my reaction to the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" - For THAT one, it was AFTER the movie when I had one of the hardest cries of my life (it tied with "The Land Before Time").
at 21:05 when it just focuses on Alan and his face was priceless.... all the feels being felt there :)
Can’t help it! -alan
@@CinemaTherapyShow not gonna lie, I looked exactly the same at that point. When I saw your face in the corner it made me laugh through my tears :) such a wonderful scene
I am always a huge fan of the empathy that comes with watching reactors 💗The movie "Inside Out" was the one that basically turned ME into a tearjerker-seeker! it took until age 30 (when I saw "Inside Out") for me to feel first hand the feel-good brain endorphins that often get released with crying. After that movie, I realized I was (unusually for me) CRAVING MORE TEARJERKERS and initially had the reaction of "What on Earth?!?" I had to do some research to figure out what neurotransmitters and hormones were going on in my head LOL. But after I read up on the legitimate mechanisms... I plunged right into pursuing more movies that might trigger that result in myself, lol.
@@CinemaTherapyShow I think it's awesome when a movie can do that to us! To date, the two that have triggered THE most tearful reactions from myself were "The Land Before Time" and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."
Why do I always cry with Alan? I've watched the movie and I cried. Now, I watch it again with this internet dads and I cry again. Great, great job guys!
Thanks for crying and watching with us!
I must say... It was the movie "Inside Out" that first turned ME into a tearjerker-seeker. BEFORE then, I was under the false impression that tears were useless, and I rarely cried anyway... but it took until age 30 (when I saw "Inside Out") for me to feel first hand the feel-good brain endorphins that often get released with crying. After that movie, I realized I was (unusually for me) CRAVING MORE TEARJERKERS and initially had the reaction of "What on Earth?!?" I had to do some research to figure out what neurotransmitters and hormones were going on in my head LOL. But after I read up on the legitimate mechanisms... I plunged right into pursuing more movies that might trigger that result in myself, lol. It turned out to be a surprisingly frustrating endeavor actually since it was difficult to find movies that could do the same thing to me that "Inside Out" did, but I did find a handful. But what was also frustrating was how (and YOUR POST is what made me think of this) it is apparently virtually impossible for me to cry to a RE-watch of ANYthing.
But the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" came close! For THAT one, after the movie, I actually had one of the hardest cries of my life (it tied with "The Land Before Time"). Then, when I started watching reactions to that one, I caught myself actually starting to tear up, so I thought "Wow is this going to be my first "repeater tearjerker"?). But...upon a full re-watch on my own... not much happened. Am still searching for a repeater tearjerker for myself, lol.
As adults we don’t hear those words “I’m proud of you” “I’m here for you” “I love you” as much as kids and its when we most need to hear them.
Oh wow. I need to watch this movie now.
The part you showed telling the son he loves him, and saying “I love you” over and over again, just hit me.
It's worth a watch!
Oh gosh, if you are anything like me, I would suggest getting into the habit of watching the full movie yourself BEFORE watching reactions to them... I have found it SO much more rewarding when I do that ;) I've recently developed a taste for tearjerkers (it was the movie "Inside Out" that turned me, lol), but soon discovered it was virtually impossible for me to cry to a RE-watch of ANYthing and almost-unheard-of for me to cry to reaction since the full context isn't there. BUT there were TWO exceptions to that 2nd rule for me: I HAVE cried to a reaction of "The Land Before Time" as well as "My Girl."
I remember when I first watched this I went into it thinking "ooh I love wacky time travel stories and ryan reynolds is funny this is gonna be great" and came out of it crying. I then proceeded to force my entire family and most of my friends to see it too so that I wouldn't be alone in the experience
Hehe I actually really love "surprise tearjerkers"... but then again I've somewhat recently become a tearjerker-seeker--- The movie "Inside Out" was the one that turned me :P. It took until age 30 (when I saw "Inside Out") for me to feel first hand the feel-good brain endorphins that often get released with crying.
After that, I plunged right into pursuing more movies that might trigger that result in myself, lol. It turned out to be a surprisingly frustrating endeavor actually since it was difficult to find movies that could do the same thing to me that "Inside Out" did, so I sort of needed to "stumble upon" them. But I did find a handful so far. The next one after Inside Out was a surprise to me.... Interstellar. I knew NOTHING about that movie when I watched it (it was actually required material for an online science class). I remember trying to eat a salad (hence was somewhat distracted) during THE most emotional scene in that movie and thinking to myself "Why are my eyes watering and dripping off my nose?" LOL.
I watched it because I'd heard that the kid who plays young Adam, Walker Scobell, was playing Percy in The Percy Jackson tv show and I wanted to see how good of an actor he would be. I also watched the movie "Beast" for the same reason with Leah Jeffries playing Annabeth. Both of them are phenomenal young actors, and the show as an adaptation is fabulous so far. (As I'm typing this, the last episode hasn't come out and I haven't seen the second to last episode of the season, and I've only heard people being thirsty about Hades)
This was one of the best pieces of entertainment to come out during the pandemic, in my opinion. And it scratched that funny, light hearted Ryan Reynolds itch, but ooooof I did not expect the feels. My dad died in a plane crash when I was 18 and my brother was 16. This was an unexpected therapeutic movie and I adore it.
I never fail to burst into tears when he tells Adam how much he loves him. No matter how many times I’ve watched it, I always cry. I’m a mess 🫤🫤🫤
I have watched this movie at least 5 times, and it gets me every. single. time. I’m so glad y’all did a video on it!! I loved that in the scene where Marks character was talking to technically both Adams, but his eyes never left older Adam. It just shows that he knew that his grown son needed to hear those words and that overall healed his younger self
I was not expecting this movie to be as good as it was! Everyone was so good, I love the scene with Ryan and Jennifer, you can tell he’s trying so hard to keep it together that entire time. They don’t say it but every time I watch this movie it makes me wonder if something happened to her not long after, maybe a few years after the dad died because the way he talks to her feels like he’s finally telling her what he always wanted to but never got the chance so he’s doing it now. He always talks and looks at her with tremendous guilt.
That scene with the 3 of them at the end is done perfectly. The way Adam is trying to brush it off but he won’t, he knows he needs to really listen and hear him. I totally get what your daughter meant, I had a similar thought too, lol. And that was a great point you made but also future Adam was the one that needed to hear it more, young Adam still very much loved him, no second thought that his dad loved him, he defends him and can’t even rack his brain as to why future Adam is so mad at first. His resentment didn’t grow until later.
Little Ryan saying "I think it's easier to be angry than it is to be sad. And I guess...when I get older, I forget there's a difference."
It shatters me. My family is going through a rough time, and I mean rough by everyone is out for everyone trying to turn everyone against one another and all I thought I felt was anger. I made myself only feel anger, but as I went on, I had to realize that it was just sadness. And I had to find a way to let myself feel sad even though I didn't want to, because sadness=weakness. And I was most definitely wrong.
I cried so hard at that last scene and immediately called my dad to tell him I loved him.
We love to hear that!
AWWWWwww! That reminds me of my own reaction to the movie (based on a TRUE story FYI) "Into The Wild." It didn't help that I was across the country in grad school at the time, far away from my parents. Give it a watch... definitely worth it but give yourself some time afterwards ;)
12:15 i love this scene, it's actually a better version of the one in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. He's so intent on concerning his father for not being there and not listening, and so Mark Buffalo is there and he listens, and it stops Adam short, because he was more focused on that than on expressing the needs he has in that moment.
I love this movie. It does reflect on how when we get older we learn to appreciate our parents more. The scene in the bar with future adam and his mom was brilliant
Interviews with Ryan after the movie came out had a discussion about Ryan’s rather rocky relationship with his dad, and how his dad died before he could see that his son turned out ok, become a good person. So the ending with Ruffalo hugging him and telling him he loves him, he’s proud of him is the moment Ryan never got with his dad, and the tears and reaction are so deep and real.
Maybe some time you guys should talk about wounded inner children in characters; this guy could not more obviously suffer from this.
Also, your meme editor needs a raise.
Our editors are the best!
I like that it's pointed out that we're angry or sad, and sometimes we forget the difference. It's like Captain Picard noted in TNG, "I think... when one has been angry for a very long time, one gets used to it. And it becomes comfortable, like... like old leather. And finally, it becomes so comfortable that one can't ever remember feeling any other way."
This is the first video of yours that I’ve legitimately cried through (and I’m still crying as I type this comment).
I want and need nothing more in my life right now than to hear those kind and loving words from my dad (from both parents, really, but especially from my dad). He’s not dead, but he’s not in my life anymore (it’s complicated). Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him… I really do miss him… I miss him so much…
Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with us.
I remember crying while typing a comment after I watched "The Miracle of Cell No. 7" (the Korean version)... THAT was THE hardest movie I EVER watched. I actually had to take a break from watching any new movies for 2 days after THAT one...!!
@@CinemaTherapyShow I remember crying while typing a comment after I watched "The Miracle of Cell No. 7" (the Korean version)... THAT was THE hardest movie I EVER watched. I actually had to take a break from watching any new movies for 2 days after THAT one...!! You two should review that one ;)
i remember when i first saw the movie i was like "this movie would be perfect for cinema therapy to cover" but then i thought "oh, they probably wouldn't, it's not a huge movie like iron man or avatar" and then i saw this notification- you have no idea how excited my autsitic brain is rn
I really appreciate that you mention the "not to say here's all my business and I'm going to treat my kid like my therapist", because listening to what you were saying before, part of my mind was a little concerned that this was the type of talk that my mother (or parents like her), that totally invert the role of the parent and the child (i.e. when she was having a hard time, especially with her own mother, her siblings, or even my father, she would come weep in my arms, tell me everything "they'd done wrong to her", expect to receive comfort, to the point where, when I was twelve, she told me that as far as she was concerned I was her "true mother"...) would use it as ammunition to justify their behavior.
"See, a license therapist is saying that it's normal for parents to talk to their children about their problems!"
No, that's not at all what's being said. What he's saying is that it's normal for parents to be human and let their children know that they are having a hard time - to let them know that they are grieving, experience pain like normal human beings, etc.
But it's equally important for them to let their children know that it's not their responsibility to make their parents feel better, and that they've got access to resources (their spouse, fellow adult friends, therapists, doctors, etc.) in their adult world to be able to deal and cope with it.
In a certain way, it's important for children to know that it's okay not to be okay. And for them to learn where to go looking for support when it isn't.
This is the part that was missing from my childhood. My mom created a very fusional bond between us where she kept saying that "no one but I" could understand her like I did, that she couldn't speak to her own spouse and share her thoughts and feelings as openly and without boundaries as she did with me.
She created a narrative where we were both the "heroes of our own movie" filled with untrustworthy people that and we had to stick together no matter what, and my job was to tend to all her emotional needs and be an extension of herself. I was her "best friend", her "confidante", her ally in a world filled with cruelties and people out to get you (that "Mother Knows Best" song from "Tangled" hit ridiculously close to home).
Unfortunately for her, she is no longer a part of my life, but yeah. There's definitely a difference between displaying your humanity to your children and letting them have realistic expectations regarding what life as an adult is going to be like... And making your children your main source of unconditional emotional support to the point where they learn to ignore their own needs, and fail to identify their own struggles, because they're always trying to fix their parents' lives and protect THEM from pain.
Reading about you is like reading about myself and my Mom. When I tried to set boundaries and have a healthier relationship with her she felt like I was rejecting her and then messiness that I'm not going to get into happened and now she's not part of my life. I miss her, but I'm not prepared to deal with the baggage. My dad also died when I was 21 so having feels on multiple fronts right now.
@@trinathebookworm8977, exactly! In my case, my parents are still together and my father ended up being the "child of the divorce" between myself and her... Still holding out hope his daughter and wife will reconcile one day, despite the rupture having occurred more than a decade ago.
And I keep telling him that one of the main issues, with my mom, is that each time I tell her "no", or have a different opinion than hers, she hears "I hate you and you're worthless", suffers from her own trauma, and I love her enough not to wish for her to suffer or us constantly being at war with each other.
I've no interest in sacrificing my own well-being and safety so she can finally hear "I love you" in her mind.
I do need healthy boundaries between us, and to be loved for who I am, not for being an extension of herself.
If when I say: "I love you, but I exist outside of you and may not reflect who you are all the time" it makes her hear "you're a monster and I'm trying to destroy who you are" and she responds with violence as if her survival depended on it...
I can't stay there to let us both suffer.
That's what people don't understand, sometimes... You're not just choosing to stay away for your own protection, but because you acknowledge that your parent has a personality disorder that prevents them from seeing or acknowledging they are being loved, and they perceive you as someone they have to go to war with to protect themselves each time you can't be there to meet their own needs.
Staying away is not "selfish".
My father may not 100% understand my choice and may think I'm "exaggerating" by calling my mom's behavior abusive, but he seems to understand my motivations to enforce a "no direct contact" rule between us, at least. .
He gets that I'm genuinely afraid of her and of the fact that she denies I'm scared.
Like, dude... When your kid tells you "Mom, you scare me", the healthy parental reaction is not to double down on invading their personal space by laughing at their fears, saying their kid is just "being mean and ungrateful" while refusing to even hear about why they fear you, and trying to make them feel inadequate and ridiculous for backing away!
But she does. According to her, there's no need for us to go to therapy together because there's no communication issues between us.
Obviously... I mean, if one of the two people communicating is saying "I feel like I'm not understood when trying to directly talk to you", then no communication issue exists.
So yeah, we can still love those that hurt us, and miss the good times we did have together, while being painfully aware that going back to them would cost us too much and bring us both more suffering.
So happy you guys did this one! I remember thinking (and actually commenting at one point) that I would love to see you analyze it. The dynamic between Ryan Reynolds and Walker Scobell was perfect, and overall it was just a really good movie and surprisingly heartfelt. (Can't wait to see Walker in Percy Jackson!)
Thanks for watching!
So glad to see you two take this one on. I lost my father at a young age, and this movie literally helped me unwrap some of that. The Bar scene literally has improved my relationship with my mom. Yes, it's not the world's best movie, but as you said, the dramatic scenes SLAP! (you right in the face)
We tend to forget that Ryan Reynolds can deliver well heartfelt moments. This video got me from the get go.
I did not cry this much when I first watched this movie. I didn’t realize how different Mark Ruffalo (idk his character’s name) treats the 2 Adams and it kinda reminds me of Onward where they both miss their Dad but it’s just 2 very different relationships. Younger Adam just needed to be with his Dad again whereas Older Adam had so many complex emotions about his father. I relate sm to the “you hate him because he died” it’s just easier to protect yourself that way. Anyway I definitely appreciate this movie more after this video so thank you.
Hey! I love watching your videos! Your videos got me through grief when I lost my mom. I would wait to watch these wonderful videos. I am also a psychologist! I recommend your channel to my clients too! You guys are so amazing ❤
Thank you for sharing your story and for sharing our channel. You're so kind! :)
Comedians are a true gift. Ever notice that comedians can do drama, but drama folks can't do comedy? I think to be in comedy you have to have a lot of darkness and pain in you (plus the ability to do impressions, sometimes) that can be brought out. Love them.
Alan & I are both crying, damnit. Cinema Therapy, you've done it again. Took me back to a conversation today with my kiddo. I didn't have a good father but I made damn sure my kid had one. Men everywhere - it's ok to be vulnerable, you are someone's little boy, you are loved and cherished and you matter. I'm sorry you don't hear it enough.
Thanks for reminding me of this movie!! I have ADHD so I totally hyperfocused on this movie when it came out (aka rewatched it 13 times in one week) and I already forgot about again. Time to rewatch it about a million times again
Fellow ADHDers here. We get it!
“She been there for me my whole life and I wasn't able to be there for her” 💙 I felt that
the ONE complaint I had about this movie was that the mom's perspective was a big thing for the first chunk of the movie, but when they introduced the dad it became all about him and abandoned her character journey right at its climax. I wish we could have had just 1 more scene with her and her son from the current timeline to wrap up her progression as well as give him an extra nudge towards the realizations he has that help him help his future self to heal his relationship with his dad.
I was misty eyed by the ending. It reminded me of my relationship with my father, and spending decades running from the things in me that reminded me of him. A wonderful provider, and an emotionally unavailable father.
I’m SO glad you guys decided to cover this movie, this was such a fun emotional movie. They turned a decent concept into such an engaging character story, so simple yet effective. Not just the young and old Adam and his father but also Zoe Saldana all had really good emotional arcs. And it was funny. I feel like if released on big screen like 20 years ago this would be a fondly remembered and beloved movie. Now it just gets released into the streaming service pit to be forgotten and disappear.
Love this movie! It was a great surprise. The mini Ryan is going to be the new Percy Jackson, he’s amazing, I’m looking forward to seeing him in his future roles. The way he portrayed Ryan was just incredible
I watched this movie two months after my Dad passed without knowing much about it. It was rough but still a great movie ❤️
I was always scared to journal when I was younger because I knew my mom would read it while at school. I wish I did because I was so depressed that I don't remember much of my childhood. I journal now and it is amazing highly recommend journaling to anyone who wants to start. Also I can't wait to watch Percy Jackson.
So I can't express how emotionally broken I am right now. My dad died in 2016 and it hasn't been easy to say the least. The "I love you son" scene made me ball; I closed my eyes and imagined my own father's voice. I can't express how that felt, because I wasn't able to remember what his voice sounded like until I watched that scene. Thanks for watching this movie.
I was no way expecting this movie to hit me so hard in the feelings. Also! Young Adam is played by Walker Scobell and this is his first main role and he's cast as Percy Jackson in the disney remake (which is perfect bc he's actually the same age and not a 20yo)
What you say at 5:26 made me tear up. My mom has always had health issues to deal with like spinal surgery and cancer. There are six of us kids so it's been hard, but we have the support and the help and we reach out to people. My mom has always told us what's going on, showing us her CAT scans and such, she never sugar coats it. When she cries when talking to someone about it, I'll go over to her and give her a hug. She's not alone. We aren't alone. Support, strength, and love is what we need. My youngest brother is 7 and she found out she had cancer the first time when she couldn't breastfeed him. I see my mom as a superhero because she is vulnerable and strong at the same time. She tells us that her biggest motivator is to live long enough to see us kids grow up. Thank you for these types of videos and for helping me find ways to stay strong and deal with certain situations. ❤
I needed to get this out so thank you. ❤❤
I love this insight into grief, and how perspective can change your thoughts on a situation. I’d love to see a Therapist Reacts to Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.
I have the extremes with my parents - one bottles everything and keeps it together the other has used me as a therapist since I was 13 😅
Oh man, i cried in this movie even as a man blessed to still have his father, a great father who does tell me he loves me, is proud of me and much more
I think this movie was just a lot of fun. It's goofy, some things don't make any sense, and for me that's perfectly fine. Really great performance from Walker Scobell, I'm so excited to see him as Percy Jackson.
theres an intersting idea about him forgetting so much of the details that "matter" from his childhood.
as someone with Childhood PTSD, i have close to no memories from when i was a little kid... when my Xmom tried to reconnect that fact devastated her cause she can only remember the rose tinted things... things that dont exist for me, and never will
and without a time traveling i cant jsut get those back, if they even exist. so its a matter of both of us coming to terms with the fact they wont and living in the moment
its an extremely touching scene
"making up games is the most British important job you will ever have"
-Bandit Heeler (bluey)
Every animator or those who make a living doing children's entertainment and every great artist will tell you to never lose that childhood sense of wonder. Every time i watch an animated movie even ones like loving Vincent (a must see for those who love art and animation) still brings back my sense of 5 yr old wonder. My inner child never left. I wish more adults could be like that because adults are just kids in grown up bodies. Its ok to jam out to electric mayhem and play the in the rain as an adult.
Can you guys tell the editor, every time Jono says something with ",you know?" at the end of it to flash up one of those placards? I love it, it's hilarious. Like I mean every video from here on out.
Ughhh this was such an emotional movie when I first saw it, and it’s not at all what you expect going into it. I was expecting crazy sci-fi and typical Ryan Reynolds goofiness, but the story, pacing, and comedic breaks is just so well dome throughout ❤❤❤❤❤
Yeah, it's surprisingly emotional!
@@CinemaTherapyShow Story related to my watching of this movie- The movie "Inside Out" was the one that basically turned me into a tearjerker-seeker! BEFORE then, I was under the false impression that tears were useless, and I rarely cried anyway... but it took until age 30 (when I saw "Inside Out") for me to feel first hand the feel-good brain endorphins that often get released with crying. After that movie, I realized I was (unusually for me) CRAVING MORE TEARJERKERS and initially had the reaction of "What on Earth?!?" I had to do some research to figure out what neurotransmitters and hormones were going on in my head LOL.
But after I read up on the legitimate mechanisms... I plunged right into pursuing more movies that might trigger that result in myself, lol. It turned out to be a surprisingly frustrating endeavor actually since it was difficult to find movies that could do the same thing to me that "Inside Out" did, but I did find a handful so far.
I have a "want to watch but don't have access to yet" list of movies.... and when I saw you guys posted a reaction to it, and especially when another reactor posted his reaction (along with a description that revealed it was the first movie on his channel that made him cry)... I bumped "The Adam Project" up to #1 on my list, so FINALLY watched it last night haha.
"It's easier to be angry than to be sad."
Anger is often addictive.
While you are angry, you keep looking for excuses to stay mad because the crash from that adrenaline high can be devastating.
Children are more observant than we give them credit for.
I desperately want a hoodie that says ‘crying with alan’ so that I can put it on every time I get the Cinema Therapy notification, knowing that I’m going to snot all over it. ❤
We're in the middle of merch planning. Not starting with a hoodie just yet, but we'll be making more if the first round is successful! Stay tuned for announcements here on the community tab and our socials. :)
Crying with Alan makes me feel better about my life.
When he say "you are my future", I lost it. As a son and a father this hits so hard and deep. I watched it just so I could understand you commentary and I cited. Then watching you guys discuss it, I cried again. This type of film should not hit the feels so hard, thanks for discussing.
Love you guys and the commentary here just is so on point! Are there other approaches besides “verbal punching”? Just in my experience, that’s how my folks approach things with each other and it turns into a verbal boxing match in almost all cases. I can’t think of one where it didn’t start a fight. Because the person punched always punches back (verbally).
My favorite part of this movie is that Adam‘s dad recognizes the adult Adam immediately. As a mom, even though it’s impossible, I would recognize my children right away, no matter what version of themselves they were. I think Adam‘s mom recognizes him too in the clip at 4:11. The connection a parent has with their child is unworldly; you would just know.
I’m yet to see this movie (and I want to now after seeing this ep) but the writer in me appreciates the moments (although not the hitting) between 8:10-8:35 when Louis is essentially in two different dad modes with each version of Adam at the same time. Reassuring little Adam that he is okay after getting punched but also reprimanding adult Adam over the time travel.
I am speechless. For real here. I have no words to describe what I've seen in this video like at all. It was so good.
Thanks for watching!
I worked with a fast food manager once that would say "Wow" in a very animated but almost genuine way... in a similar manner to the "Hey!" Jono said he uses.
I called him out one time for running a social experiment or something. He said no, but his dad was a clinical psychologist and did that all the time in his youth, and he adopted the method.
This movie hit me hard because I lost my dad at 13, and I could not put into words how much I miss him and want one more moment with him. You talk about movies that make you FEEL, this one did exactly that for me.
As a person, I actively offer and (in equal measure) crave sincerity. All of my friends have learned to accept my gushing nonsense even when it makes them want to curl up into a ball and cringe away from the world. I love my people so thoroughly that there's no way I could keep it all inside, I think I'd explode. When I get a genuine compliment or have a no holds barred truthful conversation, there's not a thing on earth that can stop me crying like a baby and hugging them like my life depends on it. It took me 19 years to let myself be vulnerable and goddamn it I am so glad I got here. Excuse me while I weep for another half an hour, it's been a long day and I really needed it.
I watched this movie with my best friend and her family soon after it came out. It hit really close to home because I lost my dad when I was like 10 and my mom had to take the hit of work, five kids, and doing all the stuff she normally relied on my dad for. My solution at first was to pretend like I was okay when I wasn't which inevitably made it worse because my mom knew I was struggling but she didn't know how to help because I acted like it wasn't there. I watched it again with my family about a month ago and I kept on looking at my mom to see her reaction because this was a similar situation to ours minus the time travel and science fiction stuff.
The internet dads showing dad movies, to me, a not-very-good-but-trying-his-best dad, is always the shot in the arm I need to stay on track.
22:44 "Why isn't he saying this to the little boy?' - my guess is: because there are too many adults out there who will never hear this from their own parents but desperatly need it. Even if it's just a substitute.
Welp, damn 😢 wasn't expecting to cry tonight! I have a few loved ones I wish I could go back in time and talk with again ❤😢
As always, thank you Alan & Jono for your discussion on the film!
You're so welcome!
THE ARIANA HAIR WHEN JONATHAN SAID YEAH IS KILLING ME PLEASE 😭😭😭😭 9:41
When you said "Don't judge yourself for not knowing what you know before you knew it", I immediately thought of another RUclipsr, Mama Doctor Jones, and what she says in every one of her reactions to "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant": "You do the best you can with the information you have at the time" (it varies slightly, but that's the main point).
Ryan Reynolds has now worked with both actresses who played Elektra. Jennifer Garner here and Elodie Yung in The Hitman's Bodyguard.
20:40 minute mark. I haven't hugged my parents since 2016. That scene hits hard.
Watching this episode "it's easier to be angry than sad" is basically what I am dealing with. I've gotten more sad and less angry because I was always sad.