OCD symptoms i thought were personality traits lol
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
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hello hello lil cherubs! in today's video i'm talking about some of my OCD symptoms that i didnt know were OCD at the time, and just they were fun lil silly personality quirks and traits. hope u enjoy xoxo nikki nasty
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OCD + religious trauma is a feral combo when it comes to fear of being impregnated
Omg so glad I found this comment. I will not be watching cuz this is one of my biggest triggers omg
Yes omg, I once took an after-day pill while still a virgin cuz I thought that maybe I was about to breach the laws of biology by the sheer force of panic lmao
or getting an std
for me it was constantly repenting and apologizing for everything I did and thought in my head in case I died so I wouldn’t go to hell
+being threatened that pregnancy will ruin your life and you can never come back from it at a early age😵
No cause having undiagnosed ocd as a child is INSANE. Like. Bad things would happen to my friends and I’d be like “I JUST CURSED THESE MFS THIS IS ALL MY FAULT”
youre so right its such a weird experience. i would send emails to my mom to confess the most random things cause i was so embarassed to do it but felt i had to. she doesnt even remember me doing that now but to me its still so vivid because i remember how intense those moments were for me
Fr and I’d think the wrong things and be sure I cursed them, like my brain would randomly be like “I WISH [FRIEND] WOULD DIE” and I’d be convinced they were going to die because I thought that 😭 it’s so stupid but I still sometimes struggle with it
Wait that is not a normal thinking?!?😢
@@engelberthovel8566Literally same though. And the whole “step on a crack” superstition thing got me so bad when I was young, lasted into high school
no fr, I remember having this intense fear of germs when I was 7, and I would constantly call my mom on the phone seeking reassurance that I wasn't going to get sick
The Virgin Mary and her whole birth story had me freaked out about pregnancy since I was a child. I was convinced immaculate conception was gonna get me.
"get you" I'm so sorry what you went through but I love the idea that there's an active chase 😭
I was raised Muslim and was still afraid of being the next Virgin Mary. This shit runs DEEP
SAME.
As a fellow ocd girlie I really love when you talk about your experience. genuinely makes me and im sure the rest of us feel seen and a bit more normal! peace and love
Omg as a fellow ocd girlie are you also h3 family?🫶 (the peace and love lol)
Omg all the ocd family girlies are here! 🫶
Yes! Agreed 💖
stfu bc before i saw this comment i was about to comment “love seeing a ‘fellow ocd girlie’”
yesss, one of the things i struggle with is feeling abnormal, hearing what others are going through makes me feel less alone in my journey ❤❤
The worst part of my compulsions is knowing logically my habits/rituals don't actually effect reality, but not being able to think about ANYTHING else until I do them. And then the anxiety just grows.
It really does run my life.
no literally me like i know it doesn’t make sense but i can’t stop
how do i make it stop im so tired of being anxious constantly
@@faithlessthewondergirl I always thought I was alone in feeling this way. I'm so sorry you're going through it too.
@@fionagallagherapologist5968 I'm so sorry 😞 I don't know how to make it stop, but I know what is helping me make it better. There is a channel called @ocdandanxiety that has some videos that can explain it better, but basically it's about sitting in your discomfort little by little everyday. He explains that OCD is like a rubber band that we have to stretch until it breaks. Hold on, I'll see if I can link the video that explains it better lol.
@@fionagallagherapologist5968 ok so idk how to link stuff, but honestly just search for the channel called ocdandanxiety and you will find all kinds of videos that can potentially help you. At the very least, they made me feel understood for once.
nicole, i need you to know that your video “this is what ocd looks like” actually changed my life. I, like the majority of people, assumed it only involved cleaning or organizing and when I saw one of my favorite creators talk about the same obsessive thoughts that i struggled with, i broke down and reevaluated the control it had over my life. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest, it inspired me to be vulnerable and honest with myself
this exactly !
💗
i think she made one 2yrs ago
fr!! and I also never realized me taking tests online “am I a psychopath” AT THE LEAST x2 a day OR ELSE. wasn’t a quirky personality trait……
It’s also funny because I’d also obsess over not having ocd. so I’d take so many tests, if they told me I did, I’d take it again. If they told me I didn’t, I’d that that shit again.
the religion point is very potent for me. as a kid, i would associate my negative experiences (anything from stomach aches to period cramps to more intense experiences or problems) with me being sinful or not praying enough. i would often repeat “please help me god” in a whisper during panic attacks. ahahaha religion
So fucked ☹️
Very relatable content unfortunately
On the flip side, I started getting a extremely bad OCD thought that was so bad that if it stayed, I would not have been able to live with it. I prayed and literally poured my mind out like it was a therapy session and l immediately felt this overwhelming peace and my mind was completely calm, which NEVER happens as someone with OCD, and I was able to go to sleep peacefully without my daily panic attack I have every night. That specific compulsion I've only had once or twice ever since and if I just pray it goes away immediately again. All my other OCD thoughts/compulsions I still have unfortunately but this one is so so so bad that God knew that I wouldn't have survived this one. I know that scrupulosity is a type of OCD and I really feel for you but don't write off God entirely because he wants to help
@@Prairiewench That's really wonderful that you've been able to experience relief from something so awful through prayer. In spite of my religious trauma, I still pray on occasion and believe in God. I do find it distasteful whenever people try to recommend religion to people who weren't asking for it or have implied negative experiences from it. I get where you're coming from, but the corruption of institutionalized religion has done irreparable damage to many people.
@user-xr7ci8tf3e Look who's talking
does anybody else get obsessed with the thought that they have deeply suppressed childhood trauma?
I do, it really stresses me out.
That has been the biggest struggle I’ve had for the past couple years, the idea of being 40 and suddenly remembering something awful about my childhood is TERRIFYING to me
Is that a thing? I thought I was just being stupid.
Yes, especially if you have some vague, questionable short memories but not enough of them to make out what's going on
All the time 😢
As an OCD haver, when you said one of your biggest obsessions is whether you’re a good person or not I felt so incredibly seen. Like you said, it’s ultimately subjective but I’m still constantly fixating on my morality, being on the right side of history, ensuring that the humanitarian efforts I make are adequate or “just right”. Part of it feels performative which is dismaying because I don’t and don’t wish to partake in these demonstrations/activism out of that guilt, but because certain causes and ethics truly matter to me! And the “Catholic guilt” is so real 😭 Thank you for being so vocal about your experiences! We love you Nicole (in unison)
ALSO when you mentioned the immense fear of pregnancy as a child I resonated so much… I would feel a pulse in my stomach, ask my mom to feel it with her hand to subtly hint my concern to her, research symptoms whenever I felt nauseous as a literal 12 year old. I’m blessed to have been able to acknowledge the irrationality of it all before it became irrefutable but omfg it was sooo the worst 😣
omg I am struggling with this rn 😭
same omg!!! i always feel so guilty when someone brings up when everyone posted the black square for BLM a few years ago but it genuinely felt like if i didn’t i was a bad person and was racist!!
@@spookeymo I feel like denial is a huge part of coming to know a certain disorder you may have, a few years back while doing research I was so unsure about whether I had OCD and felt super hesitant, not only because of the stigma surrounding self-diagnosis but also because of the way OCD has been misconstrued among the media 😭😭 now that I’ve come to accept it I strive to make people aware that it’s much more than just excessive cleanliness
THIS. I always feel like I’m doing too much when I’m trying to be a “good” person and my brain is like “you’re so fake for that”😂
i’m jealous that ur able to have a social media career, my OCD makes me obsess of even posting a story to the point of misery
yes... im constantly going back and deleting my comments, posts and everything. social media is hard for me because of ocd
THIS I wanna be an artist but it’s so mentally tiring because I’m like “what if this is problematic and I have no idea and I’m actually a horrible racist” when it’s…like a pic of a cute mlp character 🧍♂️it’s like I can’t post anything without some kind of ocd trigger
@@raisintran5178 i only startedd posting art late last year, and i keep getting obsessions like that too!!! its exhausting but i manage... starting small on tumblr helped because its a relatively chill community there rn
Have you guys found treatment? Or a treatment that has worked for you?
@@Marinaaduran ERP is the only way in my opinion. with constant exposure i am now able to maintain a steady online presence (as an artist especially)
You’ve helped me realize that I might have OCD. I’ve done research recently and it makes so much sense. I’m now seeking out professional help ❤ The amount of thoughts I have and how much they control me isn’t normal. And I can get control of it.
Thank you Nicole
OCD has definitely taught me that the real control is in the letting go. I'm so glad you've been able to become aware of it!!
@@sp0Oky2004this helps so much with anxiety too thank you wow
I also have OCD. Recovery is hard but so worth it. I wish you the best of luck!
Same. Just got diagnosed and had no ideaaaa
A diagnosis is important.
12:21 this part about misophonia is so so real for me. Specifically the rage. I was so badly effected by misophonia as a child and no one believed me. I’d be stuck at the table with the kids about half my age and they would chew with their mouths open loudly on purpose. Because it bothered me but our parents didn’t believe me. I was just so filled with rage for so long because no one believed me. This was so validating
Same here. Any mouth or wet sounds drive me insane, especially dogs eating/drinking. I love dogs but I don’t ever want to have one because of it :/
this !! i feel like peoples misconceptions about it being a judgment thing made it worse in so many ways. i still feel so ashamed to talk about it because when i did i was told i was making it up or being rude.
I’ve broken up with boyfriends, and fought with my parents countless times over this. The chewing (and more sounds) are more than a discomfort, it’s genuine anger!
@@kirstynhawkins oh my god yes, the shame is so real.
@@Textilenerd123 I’m really sorry you haven’t been taken seriously. It’s sucks to have to experience traumatic events because we aren’t believed
I dont have ocd myself, but i suffer with panic disorder and the taking other people's anxieties as your own and suddenly having an irrational fear of them yourself is SO REAL
Yesss
fr
Me with my blackhead remover tool, in front of my vanity mirror, ready to give in to my compulsions (I have dermatillomania as my OCD rn) but I’d started with health related ocd. I’m really happy you’re speaking on this, I wouldn’t have gotten diagnosed if I hadn’t become my own advocate and realize what I was going through was not normal. As you’ve mentioned OCD was always described as a cleanliness or organization thing, so even as a teen, who was was displaying OCD symptoms, it never occurred to me that my anxiety wasn’t just anxiety.
me too, I never knew it was a compulsion until now!
i got diagnosed with ocd because i developed dermatillomania after going on adhd meds! (apparently adhd meds can worsen ocd and it did for me oops) i had always had it but so much of it could also be tied into other things i have going on (adhd, autism, ptsd, generalized anxiety) so it wasn't until it was worsened by my meds and the dermatillomania started that it all came together into a diagnosis
@@pbkathleen it’s actually interesting that you say this bc now that I think on this, my dermatillomania didn’t start until after I started taking adhd medication. Oops 😬
But as teen, my OCD was rOCD based (relationship related) and it didn’t hit me until fairly recently that I’d realized this.
I struggle with dermatillamania as well! I've been redirecting my brain to pick at my teeths (Floss/pick) instead of my face anytime I spend too much time staring at my skin in the mirror. Is it working? Kinda, but damn I hate that my brain is dependent on *something* to fixate on to the point of damage.
@@lelalu101 I feel you, because I also focus on my teeth too. Only one doesn’t negate the other. My dermatologist advised me on buying a picking pad and focus the skin picking on that instead so I’m not harming my face.
The titles lately have been absolute GOLD. And she’s glowing as usual
I love ur pfp!! 🤭
@@shakiraquarles6487 thank you!
i really wanna know what her lip product is
for my fellow OCD girlies in the comments: I just finished the book Because We Are Bad by Lily Bailey, it’s about her experience growing up from childhood- early 20s with OCD and I really loved it. I’ve been wanting to recommend it to someone, but I don’t have any friends with OCD. So here we are, I highly recommend it!
THAT BOOK IS SO GOOD AND I NEVER HEAR ANYONE TALK ABOUT IT. it’s literally the best representation of OCD i’ve ever seen in a book.
@@superbloom_3 omg I’m so glad you agree!! I have such a hard time finding ocd representation in books that are actually interesting to me. do you have any other recommendations? if not no worries, I don’t either lol
@@Lornadermisinthewalls i’ve only ever read 1 other book with good OCD rep, it was called Obsessed by Alison Britz and i remember enjoying it though i read it so long ago i can’t really remember what happens hahah. sadly i haven’t read very many more and the ones i have read have been super bad and just been that stereotype of being super organized and washing your hands. i really wish we had more and better OCD representation in books!!
have you guys read turtles all the way down? my high school teacher actually recommended it to me years ago and yeah it’s a teen book and cringy at times but I ended up breaking into tears during it because it was the first representation of what I was going through that I had ever read.
thank you for the rec imma check that out
I was also diagnosed in 2021... my OCD builds through severe health anxiety. "Oh no, I have diarrhea, I must have colon cancer!" I was fully convinced I was dying somehow... even with the validation of a doctor, I needed second opinions. Thank you for being vulnerable
I have this too! I'm always paranoid I have some awful disease :(( It's rough out here
i def struggle with severe health related ocd, its been rough i've had a few health scares and my brain will always lead me to the worst possible outcome to the point where i cant sleep or eat at the thought of it being true. it kills me, the ruminating and all the 'goodbye' letters i've made at the thought that this is it for me. it drives me insane!!!! im looking forward to whenever i can start therapy in hopes of getting this settled once and for all because i cant even begin to look at my body comfortably without thinking im riddled with every possible c word out there.... (( i also feel like religion plays such a huge role in ocd because why has Catholicism convinced me that god chose this path for me and the lack on control stresses me out that im a bad person i deserve this. like whats up with that...) here's to us hopefully finding peace and hope past this. it's such a horrible feeling.
I do this too, even if there’s literally nothing happening I’m like oh god I must have cancer or something! And I do this all the time it literally stops me sleeping so then I’m like oh no I didn’t sleep enough guess I’m going to die now, and now I’m thinking maybe it could be ocd lol
Wowwww the health anxiety part of this is really relatable, I have quite bad health anxiety and it can be about the randomest things (and also what you mentioned.) The goodbye letters, shit I've thought about writing those but never did, I was planning my funeral and what I would write to people I knew in my life, fuck. I don't think I have ocd but this is too real
Edit: funny part for me is I have health anxiety but I'm also scared of going to the doctors despite having the nicest doctor ever :(
@@magentafox1657 omg I do that too like I’m literally planning for my death like I’m going to be gone tomorrow 💀
ah yes i'll never forget when i realized that the "hobbies" that perpetually stressed me out and caused a sense of impending doom were, in fact, not hobbies
As someone who has had a bad OCD day, this video is a blessing ❤️
Same here!! But we’ve got this!! ❤
same!
babe wake up. nicole posted
I don't have OCD, but I am neurodivergent and anxious, and craving routine and repetition was a super common thing for me for so long and I'm so glad you're talking about it, especially now that you've gotten a lot better!
God, I I relate so much to the "Im faking ocd" obsession. I'm glad to see there's better representation coming out about it
Not only did I have a hysterectomy, but I also struggled with pregnancy OCD. For months after my surgery I would still take tests thinking somehow I was now pregnant. I have absolutely NOTHING left, but it didn't matter.
I got my tubes tied and I take tests every. Single. Month. And I didn’t even realize that ocd was part of that. (I have OCD, just didn’t realize that)
@@laceydean8426 the more “protection” you have against being pregnant, the more the OCD thinking can convince you that the protection will fail you, and that you will be the outlier or exception to the rule. Nothing will ever feel enough without being lucky enough to find real help to cope with these thoughts. Which I do not have 😭 my comment is just to say that I get it though, I understand why you still feel that way even after tubes being tied, or like the parent comment says, even after a total hysterectomy. Our brain will never let it be enough. I hope we all learn to cope so we can make room for more peaceful thoughts one day ❤️
Dudeeee moral perfectionism has been consuming my life since I can remember. So glad you and people in these comments are being so vulnerable because so many of us live in our heads with these thoughts and it's nice to be validated
SAME, it's horrible and so time consuming
I was late diagnosed with Autism and Adhd and i feel as though I went through a similar process of wondering wtf was wrong with me/thinking everyone else experienced these things, to getting assistance and acceptance. Autism and OCD can have similar characteristics (ranging in severity of course), and stopping compulsions and hyperfixations is near impossible. Proud of you girl
I think OCD and suspected autism for me really go hand in hand, like fixating on not understanding people
I'm autistic and am looking to get an OCD diagnosis (I've realized my symptoms fit the bill so well I'm practically a stereotype) and it rly does have a lot of overlap. I had no idea someone could just develop OCD as an adult, I thought it was just one of those things you either do or don't have. I also never considered I might have it until multiple people close to me brought it up because of the overlap with autism, I assumed my compulsions were just autism things related to sensory overload and the need for structure was a direct overlap so I didn't question that either. Being so scared of getting sick that I refuse to go outside most days or eat at any restaurants that I don't have a long history of no issues with is Not an autism thing however and it's causing me so much more pain than my worst autism symptoms ever have lol
the most relatable title ever published
My OCD manifests as religious/spiritual and magical thinking mostly, and I’ve been struggling so bad. It’s so nice to know i am not alone
never alone ❤ no matter how crazy or bad you feel, so many people are out there having the same obsessions, even if that's hard to believe. it's your brain, not you! ❤
Same I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore.
Trust me you're not alone, in terms of intrusive thoughts I've pretty much had everything and anything bad you can think of so I really do get it and trust me it's the OCD not you.
I love seeing more people talk about OCD! I have OCD and trichotillomania and people do not take it seriously. We need more real representation of OCD!!
Also the praying thing gave me flashbacks 😭 I used to have to name everyone I loved in a prayer before bed or I couldn’t sleep
Right like I’ve struggled for so long with trichotillomania and I’ve NEVERR heard anyone talk about it before. I almost cried hearing Nicole mention it
@@eitan3655I have it too! I find trich to be the hardest one to get rid of. I’ve managed to get a handle on my worst OCD traits and they haven’t bothered me for years, but trich is very addictive in nature. Let’s hope we can all conquer it!!
I have trichotillomania as well and it’s currently the hardest part of my OCD, it honestly felt great to hear someone else speak about it 🫶
omg thank you for mentioning that about pre-bedtime rituals. i used to apologise for every single thing or person that had ever died or suffered in increasing detail 😬
@@kennedie7031 It was the worst 😩 I also used to pray every morning that I wouldn’t throw up (I have emetophobia), and that nobody in my family would get sick… I thought this was normal behavior lol
it’s so crazy hearing you talk about getting ready for school, specifically the ponytail. there were so many middle school mornings that ended in a sobbing breakdown after I brushed my hair until it was greasy trying to get it “just right” 😵💫 my attendance was trash. medication and my mom saved my life
I knew I had OCD since my early teens, mainly because of my chronic perfectionism (daily eyebrow plucking, obsessing over my outfit, bitting my nails/cuticles & ALLWAYS having to look picture perfect in my mind, to the point of it affecting my daily life & casing me huge distress), hypochondria, ritualistic behaviours, overthinking pretty much everything lol, etc. I got officially diagnosed in my mid-20s, & after a lot of hard work I've had it under control for a long time now. That being said, when I tell you that at my current tender age of 47, after watching your video, I finally feel properly seen & only wish this video existed back when I was a struggling & extremely confused young woman - it's an understatement! 💗
nicole, i genuinely cannot explain how amazing and not alone it makes me feel to hear about your experiences with ROCD. As someone also in a long term and safe relationship, I have struggled with it immensely. I am constantly afraid that i’m in an bad relationship and nobody is telling me, and i’m too unaware to see it, even though my boyfriend is the most genuine and caring man i have ever met. i also did a lot of reassurance seeking for a while (before i got help through NOCD!) he also has OCD, we got diagnosed around the same time, so we have been working through it together. Makes it a lot easier when he knows how debilitating the thoughts are. You are one of my favorite youtubers, and have been for a while now. Hearing you talk about OCD honestly is like a breath of fresh air. thank you for everything you do for the little ocd gals out there.
ROCD has been so AWFUL for me. It’s always great to hear other people talk about it.
this video literally made me cry. i was diagnosed with ocd about 2 years ago and other mental illnesses i have never truly heard other people talk about it as their own experiences. im still learning some of the thoughts i have so often are linked to my ocd. i didn't even know about relationship ocd until this video but it describes how i feel a lot in terms with being around people of the opposite sex. i just want to thank you for using your platform for this. it is so helpful to those either experiencing the same or similar things or loved ones trying to learn more about the mental illness
nicole, you helped me get an OCD diagnosis!
ive struggled with severe, severe anxiety my entire life, anxiety meds were ineffective, and i would spiral if i was out of therapy for more than a few weeks. i was horrified by my thoughts and actions and i was convinced that there was something very, very wrong with me. however, through watching your videos (and talking to my mental health professionals, ofc!) i was able to realise that severe anxiety as OCD and get treatment!!! seeing another young adult be SO open and honest about their experiences with OCD really helped me lose a lot of the shame i feel around my disorder.
(Zoloft is my best friend i love my zoloft)
I have ASD (autism spectrum disorder), and this helped me realise how often I have ocd symptoms show up. ASD basically includes other mental illnesses or disorders such as; ocd, depression, anxiety etc.
the part about praying for everyone and starting over when you messed up is legit an EXACT experience I had as a kid. every night for I wanna say 10 years I recited the same long ass speech about people who I wanted to pray for, and also begged over and over for no nightmares. this was paired with a beanie I HAD to wear to bed and a smooth river rock that I held against my head to “take the bad dreams out.” if anything was ever out of place i could not fall asleep
I used to pray for no nightmares and no dreams at all as a kid. Crazy to hear from someone who had a similar experience. Thanks for sharing
❤
khloe's "ocd is a blessing" will forever be the dumbest thing she's ever said.
i've had sensory overload related OCD since i was 8. and this is usually the "just right" ocd. because for me, it's ACTUALLY sensory issues, and ocd comes in, to try and make it calm and right. and literally no one have ever understood how painful it is. OCD alone, is the reason i have wanted to d!3 many times. it is not a blessing it terror.
thank you for putting into words what I was thinking about for the whole video. cause it's both for me too in most cases
Thats her perspective. Its not dumb, its how she sees her OCD
There's nothijg wrong with her viewpoint. Take what serves you leave what doesn't
@@_Rennxo ok troll
@@_Rennxo Tbh most therapists I've spoken to think that whole thing was a publicity stunt because the way they described OCD isn't accurate. People with OCD don't like or enjoy their compulsions (that's an integral part of the diagnosis) she just enjoys being neat and tidy which is good and all but doesn't constitute an actual disorder.
Same kinda my sensory ocd is I can’t eat certain foods because I don’t like the feeling of that food not even the toast just the texture and touching certain things made me feel sick and like I wax gonna hurt someone or myself by eating or feeling something because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and if I made someone mad I felt like a burden because I can’t not be “perfect “ but therapy has helped because ocd caused me to want hurt myself
Got diagnosed with OCD last month after 31 years of living in survival mode. So much of what you spoke about in this video was so similar to my experiences growing up (the worry that I was inherently a bad person, the idea I could "predict" things happening, the feelings of "OCD contagion", so to speak). It feels bittersweet; both validating and sad that it happened to begin with.
Thank you for sharing your experiences; your first OCD videos got me to start considering I might have it. I'm in treatment now and I'm starting to get better :)
Wishing you so much well !!
I have ocd that turned trichotillomania and I was diagnosed in the fourth grade, and you are quite literally the ONLY representation I’ve seen for my ocd self in the past decade since my diagnosis. You talking about this is so cathartic in so many ways ❤❤❤
Was never diagnosed with trich but god did I struggle with it for my entire life. It means so much that people talk about it because I felt so so much shame and thought everyone would hate me if they knew.
I might talk to my therapist after this... THE PREGNANCY ANXIETY IS SO REAL THO LIKE WHY?!?!?!
i was diagnosed with ocd when i was 12 back in 2017 and i swear if i had content like this back then it would've made it less daunting. back then what i found on youtube were people saying "i had ocd but with enough willpower i got rid of it", which obviously did not help. thank you for sharing your experience, i'm sure it makes so many people, like myself, feel seen
hearing someone talk about the whole thing of like. sort of "imprinting" on an issue if you hear about it and that turning into a fear is. So Refreshing. one of my biggest issues with both anxiety and suspected OCD is the idea of a "cognito hazard", where learning about something is dangerous. i felt like such a fucking faker because i would develop a trigger or fear after hearing it from somewhere else and be convinced that i was just stealing their trigger. i hate how OCD doesnt make any fucking sense. its always very comforting to hear your experience with OCD, its affirming in that i 1) can see more and more i struggle with OCD and 2) it brings me a lot of ease to see that OCD can be treated.
loved how amazingly honest you are in this. im autistic and have some OCD traits and hearing you talk so so openly about how some of the spirals feel like addiction is so facinating. it feels so similar to when i get into a hyperfixation, even when its on something i dont enjoy or something potentionally harmful, you just cant stop it and part of you doesnt even want to. its so scary not feeling in control of your life or body. im so glad medication and therapy is helping!! the same is helping me. thank you for speaking out about such an important topic 🥹❤️ wishing you all the best
I don't usually watch videos about OCD bc it triggers me;; but your video was so relatable, and i felt heard so i kept watching-- thanks for making this video
holyyyyyy shit im a minute in and your therapy experience + feeling a major regression is so relatable it's insane - for me its been my ability to socialise because my OCD thoughts are around being accidentally offensive (which sounds a bit silly but is extremely debilitating and stretches into fears around loss of bodily autonomy in a psychosis even though i dont have a psychotic illness) and even in my therapy sessions im convinced im going insane, it feels so good to be seen.
❤
as a fellow ocd girly partaking in ocd summer, I can't tell you how much I appreciate these videos on a personal and spiritual level AHAHAH. you being so vulnerable in these videos helped me so much and pushed me to get my diagnosis. I have so much love for you and your videos. on behalf of Australia, we love you over here
girl I just followed for ur chronically online girl and now I learn you have ocd too? THANK YOU for sharing your story, people’s testimonies pulled me out of a suicidal spiral.
thank you so fucking much. this is awesome.
OCD kids deserve free therapy 4 life
AS SOON AS I SAW THE TITLE AND THUMBNAIL I IMMEDIATELY TELATED CUZ AS A GIRL WITH OCD, WHEN I WAS 8 I ALSO PARANOID I WAS MAGICALLY PREGNANT AND MY MOM HAD TO GIVE ME THE TALK CUZ SHE THOUGHT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW IT WORKED EVEN THO I SAID I DID BUT DIDN'T WANNA EXPLAIN TO HER HOW IT WORKED TO PROVE I DID CUZ I DIDN'T WANT HER THINKING I DID THE DEED
As a girlie who has suffered with ROCD this is amazing to hear from one of my fave RUclipsrs. OCD has controlled my life for so long and through therapy I’ve learned so much about it. This is so relatable and amazing thank you!
as someone with ocd this is so real, back when it was at its worst i would’ve loved this video thank you for making it i love your videos so much
at the start of the year i spent a month in out patient for depression and anxiety
i was SEVERELY in denial about my ocd diagnosis because i legit did not want to think about having it
turns out all my issues derived from socd (a very not fun type)
your vids on ocd has really helped me realize i am in fact not a freak and other people's brains work just like mine
i will forever be so grateful for anyone with misophonia to use their platform to talk about it. literally my whole life i’ve hated myself for being so upset at everyone around me for the sounds they made bc of how much pain it caused me, and even though i know im not the only one, i spend everyday thinking im crazy and overdramatic. it’s nice to get that reminder that im not, and other people are going through the exact same thing too
as a combination of hyper/inattentive adhd, i definitely relate to the symptoms but it's so fascinating to see how they overlap in some ways! the relationship ocd sounds so accurate. glad youre doing better :) ive been getting treatment and i have quite literally never been better
There was SO many parts of Catholicism that inspired troubling compulsions as a kid. Our priest had a Vatican exorcist talk to my confirmation class, and the canon demon lore he dropped led to me saying “you’re not allowed to possess me” at least fifty times a day 😂 took me until my twenties to watch horror movies involving demons without being scared I would attract demons
Yes! OR - in the name of Jesus, I REBUKE YOU 😂
im so sorry :(
I'm sending this video to my therapist because I cried about everything you explained literally this morning and you put it into words and I don't feel crazy now.
hey girly i have ocd too and it’s very misconstrued so i appreciate this video so very much as well as all your other content on ocd
Something that has helped me with the good person vs bad person thing. A “bad person” wouldn’t question if they are being bad. They wouldn’t worry about it. They wouldn’t care. The fact you care shows you aren’t. Thank you for making so many people feel seen.
it's so interesting to hear you talk about your OCD not manifesting into trichotillomania because I was diagnosed with trichotillomania in 2nd grade and I got diagnosed with OCD last month. alot of the thoughts you're talking about are absolutely things that sent me into a spiral and I would do things that I thought would help (they did not) and I thought this shit was normal. i was SO worried that I was annoying for needing reassurance that I would constantly think about it and never ask so that people wouldn't be annoyed and then spiral about whether it not they liked me or if I was annoying anyway regardless about whether I asked for reassurance that I was not... getting an answer NEVER helped. to this day I am worried about people thinking I'm self centered or a bad person because I talk about myself in conversations... that's literally how conversations work and I still think about it in every conversation I have
thank you so much for talking about ROCD! that shit is soooo hard to unpack and talk about with other people. i think the “violating the predestined path” is such a common theme that people don’t often speak about
the way you describe ocd is genuinely the most honest and open i’ve ever seen and i WISH i had this kind of content when i was diagnosed with ocd because i fought the diagnosis so hard bc it wasn’t what i THOUGHT ocd was. i feel so relieved hearing you talk about some of the things that i’ve dealt with because it makes me feel less crazy. i didn’t know the reassurance thing and i’m so glad u said it here because i struggle with it SO MUCH! like “i know you’re not mad but i need you to tell me three times for it to be true bc my brain isn’t gonna let me drop it until you’ve said it” I’ve had so much help with my ocd through out the past few years after diagnosis but genuinely knowing you’re not alone in it and in the compulsions is more healing than the actual therapy sometimes.
Your videos about ocd and describing the symptoms opened my eyes to some of the “uncommon” symptoms. I got diagnosed a little over a year ago, and knowing how my brain functions and being medicated have drastically improved my life.
sooooooo appreciate this video. I figured out I have OCD last week and I've felt pretty alone. I've had misophonia since I was super super young, and my doctors have said "its adjacent to OCD" but it didnt click until last week. Even talking with my therapist, having this new massive challenge has been so difficult for me to process and think about. it's such an isolating thing, so I really appreciate you talking about it!
looking forward to seeking treatment and possibly medication, but for right now im still processing stuff! love reading everyone comments here , def feeling less alone! I've been checking out the NOCD blogs and OCD reddit and its good to know there are other people with this and beating it!
Thanks
Your videos about your experiences with OCD have helped me so much as I've been learning to understand my own experiences with OCD, I don't think you know just how much these videos have positively affected the way I deal with my mental health. Genuinely, thank you.
thank you so much for making this video. i’ve been suffering from severe ocd for nearly my entire life and it DESTROYED. my relationship with my entire family. it is so hard especially when it feels like no one understands. therapy really did save my life as well!!
I constantly apologize for existing because I get convinced I’m a horrible person my boyfriend started telling me to redact my apologies to help hold me accountable it’s been helpful to see how much I’m apologizing just for existing
I’ve said it before but it bears repeating, your “this is what OCD looks like.” Video changed my life. Everything you talked about put into words with things I had been struggling with for years and didn’t know how to describe and was ashamed of. I sought out getting tested and was diagnosed, I’m now on medication and doing much better. However, every day is a struggle with OCD, and I’m beyond grateful someone I look up to is so outspoken about it. It is so validating and reassuring seeing someone talk about the things I struggle with, and it is so incredibly brave to talk about it so openly. Thank you!
i just wanted to say thank you for being so open about your journey with ocd as it's really helped me as i struggled through the worst episode of my life into finally getting diagnosed, and now getting treatment and therapy and genuinely feeling so much better
Thank you. So much. For mentioning trichotillomania. I’ve struggled so long with this and I’ve practically never heard anyone mentioning it.
I saw your last name and thought you might be Iranian, just looked it up and you are! I’m also half Iranian. I have dermatillomania and have had a similar OCD experience to what you’re describing. I’ve come across a few Iranians now who have this particular type of OCD and struggle, which in a weird sort of way I find comforting that it might be behaviour that’s inherited and learnt - like a reminder that I’m in many ways very normal for the conditions/culture that I was brought up in. Thanks for continually sharing your story, sending you lots of love x
your ocd videos have made me realize so many things about myself. i really appreciate it. i don’t know if i’ll ever settle on what exactly is up with my head but i’ve never thought about a lot of the things i do in the way that you describe them and it all makes so much sense. will be fighting the compulsions harder
I don't think bad people worry that often about whether they are a good person or not; you're a good person Nicole 💚
this is so true
i know you meant this to be nice, but it is actually very unhelpful because it feeds into the delusion she struggles with that people fall into categories of "good" or "bad", it's just reinforcing that it is something that is real
Also a lot of people have mental obsessions like feeling like you have have to think certain things to feel good! It’s very confusing and hard to explain how it works in your head but yeah. I know you didn’t mean anything bad but just to explain further!!
@@izzymybissin410I have this issue. I get stuck in my head wondering if I am thinking the right or wrong things and if I am a bad person now.
Idk why but the "chronically online girl has ocd" thing u said at the end was really wholesome. I struggle with ocd thank you for helping me notice a lot of the signs
I suffered from ROCD all last year. Unfortunately my ex wasn’t as supportive as your boyfriend, but it’s okay. I’m nervous to get back in the dating pool because I feel like I’m going to go crazy again and mess another good thing up. Hearing you talk about your experience is so comforting, especially hearing that you have such a supportive partner, and friendships that actively help you. I know things won’t always be like this.
Yeah, some people are just not good in terms of support. Sorry that your ex was one of those people.
nicole, if it wasn’t for your video about OCD, i don’t think i would have ever gotten help and a diagnosis. i’ve never been able to put into words what goes on in my head, but your video really helped me. i finally was able to talk to my therapist about it and open up to my partner about it. thank you sm ❤
It's amazing to see someone talk about ROCD. Many of my intrusive thoughts center around my relationship not being "right" (despite it being VERY healthy), and coupled with other intrusive thoughts about cheating on/assaulting my partner make me feel like digging myself into a hole.
Yeah, I feel you. I don't think I have OCD, but I DO have anxiety and RSD.
I just want to say thank you for speaking about how living with OCD is for you. It is so comforting to hear someone speak so openly about things that I relate to. Always love your videos!!
this is such a good video!!! tbh i hadnt realized that i also struggle with "just right" ocd until you mentioned the need to buy something or change something or rearrange something. thank you so much for these videos, as someone with ocd it really helps to know im not the only one going through all this :)
Your story has been the closest to my own experiences that I have found. It is so validating to find someone that is different then the common story about OCD out there. I constantly question my experiences, and it doesn't help that there is misinformation out there. Thank you so much for being brave and deciding to publicly talk about your OCD.
I don't have OCD but thank you for informing me and others about your experience
Thank you for making this video!! I’ve just discovered your channel :) Since I was 17 I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, adhd, and most recently OCD 👹 I’m constantly trying to learn about my brain and how it functions
Oh and I forgot dealing with trichotillomania since about 12 years old lol biting hair, nails, skin picking, pulling out lashes and eyebrows..etc. there are currently no specialists in my area to help with that one /:
I really appreciate your videos on OCD! I've had it my whole life, but got diagnosed a few months ago and learning to cope with it. My current irrational fear is....being a bad person and getting cancelled for it, so I overanalyze everything I do and panic and it's...cringe.
Thanks so much for the reassurance tip!!! I do that soo much and I wasn't sure how to stop it. It's definitely killing me thinking of the embarrassment...
this is also a fear that ive had and it's lead to severe avoidance of people overall onlinw
I haven't seen/heard anyone else talk about their religious OCD, but I relate so much. Same with appearances and pregnancy fears. I remember throwing my brush at the mirror in rage because I couldn't get my hair to look the way I wanted, and every time I felt my heart beat/blood circulation in my stomach I would freak out as a nine year old. It's genuinely so comforting to hear your experiences in that I know I'm not alone in the things I have gone through. Thank you for sharing your experience
even tho I don't have OCD this video was so relatable, especially stuff about religion. I have struggled with depression for most of my life, and growing up catholic didn't help so as I got older I distanced myself from religion. nobody understood why I did it and everyone was trying to convince me that religion would make me feel better and I needed to return to it. so you saying the same thing was really reassuring and refreshing to hear. thank you for being so open about everything
and thanks for being so transparent about your ocd struggles 😽😽
I LOOVE YOU for talking about your experience i too have ocd and i cannot express enough how important it is to have these conversations, thank you genuinely.
Exhausting is absolutely the perfect way to describe OCD
Tysm for being so open and honest about this it makes me feel less alone ❤
you’ve inspired me to actually act on my constant questioning/hyperfixating on if i have ocd. legitimately every single topic you covered is something i struggle with daily and it’s so overbearing that i literally cannot sit alone with my thoughts- i constantly need something to distract me. i was worried about seeking help because i feared that i was “making it up” or that i would sound insane. thank you for this dissection, i didn’t think anyone else was fighting the same struggles as me :)
Our stories are so similar. The thoughts and feelings and compulsions you have are almost identical to mine, just with different things. The thing with food chewing sounds? I was convinced my food was going to be poisoned. Repainting your nails everyday? I had to clip my cuticles and skin around my nails every day, even if it bleeds. “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” freaking you out and making you think you were pregnant? “Monsters Inside Me” convinced me I had a life threatening parasite at all times.
It’s rough out here for the girlies 💀
I don't have OCD, but I struggle a lot with anxiety and have been since I was a teenager (hormones changing just made it worse). I even remember when you first posted about you having OCD and I began wondering if I had it. I have reached out to professionals many times and it has gotten better. I especially appreciate you being so vulnerable about this because technically, you're not obligated to be. But mental health and mental illness can be so isolating when there aren't videos like this going in-depth about it. So thank you for this Nicole! I love watching your content
Thank you for talking about this! So many people misunderstand OCD and it's so important for people to see what OCD really looks like. Whenever I tell someone that I have OCD I have to explain that no I'm not super neat I just have these debilitating obsessions about my health and relationships.
As someone with just right OCD this was so so validating 😭😭😭 I can’t thank you enough
oh lordly lord. i feel lost in the intrusive ocd thoughts landscape. its a strange type of hell hole. but i feel ya. i think i need some therapy for that lol cause i get so angry at the world for "putting thoughts in my brain" and want to control everything people say/do so i dont end in a spiral.
SAME!!! I've been so bad to my mom just because I thought she was the reason why I was so "moody". Like girl no.
I was diagnosed with OCD in 2020 & everything you're talking about resonates with me. It's always crazy to look back at your childhood & now knowing when OCD was present & we just didn't know, at the time, it was OCD.
I relate to you so much about constantly asking my friends in middle school/ high school about my appearance. If my bangs weren't sitting right or my outfit didn't look right, I just had to know. It came to a point that they would tease me about it cause it was an everyday thing.😭 At the time, I thought it was normal to constantly need to know what my appearance looks like. Obviously, I would have never guessed it was OCD!
Thank you for making these kinds of videos.
22:29
I have OCD but never knew this was a symptom!
There are a million situations I could think of but one of them as a kid was, I remember making my dad drive to several different Claire’s stores for the Pirates of the Caribbean medallion necklace! I NEEDED IT. He called stores for me over several days & finally found it for me. 😭
And I still hate online shopping because when I’m set on getting the thing I need it now. I also had what I would say is somewhat of a shopping addiction as a teen to the point that my friends noticed but it was for the same thing. As soon as I had my mind set on something I wanted it & needed it now. I would spend hours looking for specific things that I needed going to different malls & areas for shopping across my city.
For years, my relationship with my loving partner has been strained due to these constant cycles of me doubting our relationship over and over again. When you mentioned ROCD I looked into it more and nearly cried at finally having a possible answer answer for this. Thank you Nicole
My OCD has flared up the past two weeks and has actually taken advantage of my sense of identity, so I think this video has perfect timing haha. Hope you're doing well!
Im going through that right now.
@Aimeeorangeburg Oml really?? Sorry, ik it's not fun but like, finding someone else going through it is a little exciting. My OCD makes me feel so alone sometimes. I think I'd still rather you weren't feeling the same, I hope you're doing alright.
@@sp0Oky2004 no i totally get that I've been responding to half these comments because I finally feel seen! But yeah idk what it is but I've just been feeling off recently, like my thoughts are more near the surface which is good but I'm so depressed and am failing to recognize myself. This happens periodically for me though so I should be fine in a couple days!
Nicole, thank you so much for talking about your OCD experiences. My symptoms started at 19 and I lived with it for four years before finding out I have OCD through a youtube video (shoutout Nathan Peterson). I know this video will help a lot of people find out they have OCD
It took me many years of denial in childhood. I finally accepted that I have OCD when John Green came out and said that he had OCD and wrote turtles all the way down. I had doubted it my whole life because of like gaslighting and that thought of thinking I was faking it. But when he talked about his experience and then I read the book I was like oh yeah for sure. The way I explain it to doctors now knowing more about myself is that my particular cluster of ASD or autism spectrum disorder is autism ADHD and OCD. And the reason I explain it like that is because a lot of people don't realize that OCD is on the neurodivergence spectrum. And the reason I think this is important is because if you're autistic if your neurodivergent but specifically autistic the synapses in your brain never die this can cause a multitude of different problems for different people because it is a spectrum and I think the more it's acknowledged in the more it's accepted people will begin to understand how important it is for acceptance and accommodation. So thank you for telling your story.🧡
watching this video with my hands in my hair, compulsively pulling at and plucking hairs 👁️👄👁️ i mean everything like legitimately every you brought up, are some of my most repetitive thought processes and traits hit way WAY WAY too close. i’ve never been diagnosed but i’m legit scheduling an appointment RIGHT now. and then going tf to BED. thank you for posting this.
literally watching this with tweezers in my hand unable to stop plucking,,, 😬😬😬
hey, i’m back to say my appointment is on wednesday 🤠
Oh my God I was diagnosed with OCD at 5, and only now I realize my constant rearranging of my room is part of my OCD!!! Most of the times I feel horrible after taking everything down “before rearranging it” because I feel that it will never feel JUST RIGHT, so I can’t even rearrange and my room becomes a dumpster for months.
Tysm for sharing your experience it has been extremely relatable, eye opening (for the things I didn’t know were OCD related), and interesting to see someone else’s perspective and life with it!!
Lmao I do this an just claim, "it's the feng shui of it all" when I literally needed to do it or else I couldn't sleep