Morayo,you seem to be taking sides here.The fact that she took care of him in his last days,then she has the rights to give him her last respect and be at the burial
Taking care of him while he was sick till he passed is understandable. That is humanity any kindhearted person can do that. Let's face the fact. How can you live with a man for such a long period of time, had kids for him, and still call yourself a lover? A lover / mistress has no legal rights to a married man. It is unquestionably abnormal. In the first place, it is immoral and a sin against God. She is nothing short of zero priority. As a legal practitioner she should have known a lot more better.
A companion is not a wife please . Why the children will thank her for caring for their Dad it makes her nothing. The man didn’t divorce the wife for a reason ; let’s not forget the man is very educated as a doctor . You think if he wanted a divorce he didn’t know where to source for one . Helen entered one chance and she should have known better . After all the so called companionship the man didn’t do the needful . The courts will definitely not recognize her and if the man didn’t put her in his will ( which I doubt he did ) then it’s game over
@@stellapjackson there is no discretion . The man was married under the marriage Act which frowns at bigamy . The child may be accommodated with DNA proof of course . She gets nothing because she is unknown in the court of law
The dead disrespected himself by not spelling out how he want things done through a will or be open. The first wife comes in then the Helen prest then the children by seniority. African culture burial differs. I agree with the lady that doesn’t support polygamy. A will by the dead will define everything culture or no culture or tradition or no tradition. But according to laws of the land, Helen Prest is not a wife if he didn’t marry her traditionally . If Ajayi paid her bride price even without a church wedding then she is a wife. If the first wife was not properly divorced , she remains the wife. Because he didn’t return the bride price. So the dead decieved Helen prest playing a dirty game pls forgive me for the truth has to be said. Living together or co-habiting or companionship is not recognized in nigeria. So the dead was mischievous. All he needed to do is write a will even including who should be there. Because his life was complicated. Simple. Let’s say the truth.
Your right this Helena prest is a was not supposed to be at the funeral in the first place. Her children are the one who were supposed to attend the funeral not her
In as much as I do not support and will never support polygamy, estranged relationships are not new. A woman can hold a marriage certificate and/or ring while another woman maybe the one that has a man's heart. Once there is separation or estrangement and a man decides to move on with someone else, caution must be applied. Thank you!
That still doesn't make the woman his wife. The court that made marriage certificate didn't make it for decoration. The first wife remain s the legal wife in the eye of the law.
Did he move??? Movement is not only physical. He was still visiting the home he once shared with her. He was honouring his obligations to her....eg.attending funeral of his ex wife's mum as his son in law. All these things will be brought before the court. Physical movement is not the sole determinant. Men must be more careful
I disagree with the host, you need to learn more about Yoruba culture... There is no Yoruba culture that says the older children are the only ones to perform the last respect for the father but ALL the children of the man.... Lets leave the legality of the second wife to be challenged, ascertained or struct-out by any court of competent jurisdiction but its undeniable that the child of the second wife have legal rights to the man's properties... You people think that the second woman is dumb to have referred to herself as a "companion" in court? No! she is not, she knew that she does not have the certificate to back her legality but only the roles she played in the man's life while alive, coupled with the fact that they have a child together..... I do not support polygamy, I'm a product of that same system and there's nothing I can do to change that.... My submission is that those men involved in polygamy should be bold enough to take necessary steps to avoid this show of shame after their demise....
Not a second wife . Let’s not get carried away . The Marriage Act does not recognize polygamy in fact it prescribes a jail time for bigamy . The court doesn’t recognize her but as for her child of course with DNA proof . Helen is spooky how can you not inform his family of his ailment then you go and snoop in his office in the name of certifying his birth . Bro the man didn’t divorce his wife for a reason . Helen was just a side chic
I agree with Morayo Helen Prest was a companion so she has no stake in the man's burial her role ends after the death of the man it happened to me and I accepted it why didn't she fight for that right when he was alive
No one was against the child, however the mother was an intruder, going by the conversation on this platform the first wife has been married to the man for more than 30 years before she intrude, what an immoral, careless and wicked behaviour. During the burial she should have humbled herself and even before then, nothing should stop her from praising the first wife for her patience and focus. The first woman patience and dedication should serve as a good example that builds a society. Please let’s have a deep thought about this. Flaunting another woman’s husband on the street of Nigeria or on social media doesn’t justify that what she did was right. Did you expect the first wife to be fighting the two of them on the streets as people do nowadays. Can you imagine what she would have gone through with her children? and this she would have gone through for several years thank God that at the end her patience paid off. That great woman had the opportunity of fulfilling her vow to her husband, the vow of “till death do them part”. She single handedly advised and supported their children through their studies etc while the husband was busy in another woman’s hands partying and sexing. We should all learn from this, life should be more of self control, such immorality is the beginning of corruption in our society, what is she going to teach her only child, to also steal and destroy? I also heard someone talking about culture, we should do away with evil cultures, that is cultures that destroys our society. Western world also have cultures but they got rid of evil cultures and they embrace the cultures that promote their societies. Wake up Nigerians, that nation Nigeria has suffered enough in the hands of minor, big errors and wrong behaviours, most people are confused they don’t know wrong from right anymore. Thank God Motunrayo still knows what’s right and she stood by it. I’m not surprise it was very difficult for God to find one righteous person in Sodom & Gomorrah. Anyway, may God have mercy on us.
Everything she said applies to Igbo culture as well. If the bride price is not paid, there is no cultural marriage. The first son, if grown, assumes the role of the father when his father dies, not even the first wife. He also inherits his father's homestead.
Dr Ajayi created a mess! @morayo, you are absolutely right. Folks should look at the Helen Prest story from a Yoruba culture and legal perspective. Other cultures are not relevant for this particular case as all parties are Yoruba. He separated from his first wife, no divorce, and moved on with others. He and Helen had a “relationship” that was undefined by them- no marriage- customary or otherwise. Helen was just a baby mama & mistress who decided to add Ajayi to her name, is she even a lawyer? Dr Ajayi took care of Helen and her kids while he was alive. Does that make them his biological kids? DNA The children by the first wife have every right to stop Helen from the burial. If their father didn’t define the relationship, it’s not their responsibility to, especially if the paternity of Helen’s children are in question. The first wife never remarried or had other relationships. Helen has played her role as a companion and probably handsomely paid while the man was alive. She needs to pick up her self respect and let the legal owners take charge. ( I forget, she has none! Why else would she stay with a married man who does not even pay her bride price?😔) If DNA proves the paternity of her child then that child should have a share of his properties, if not, Helen should tell her child who the father is. All side chicks should take note. Define your relationships ( baby mama, lover, mistress, sugar daddy) or get married legally or traditionally ( wife).
Thank you. People must realize that Africa is not Europe. Igbos don't recognize concubines and children born out of Wedlock!!! Mind you Polygamy is recognized. Even if you are the 5 thousand wife, you have a right. Get the man to pay your bride price. Case closed.
Flawed assertion, Obiajulu. The woman a man comes home to at night must not necessarily be his wife if you consider legalities. There's a big difference between a concubine/partner and a legally documented wife regardless the longevity of cohabitation with the former. Let's be guided.
Don't mind obianuju. Let her husband go and meet another woman in bed after his work let's see if she will accept that the woman automatically is now her husband s wife. Her statement didn't hold water.
It is Yoruba culture “ Eni bi mo fun ni ti kuro lale eni”. Interpreted - A woman that has a child for you is no longer just a concubine. You may not agree with this if you are from other cultures but the people here are Yorubas. In the Igbo culture, for example, whether you have children for the man or not, you get zero recognition until your bride price and traditional ceremonies have been performed.
@@paulesedebe9269 please let's us know if the man introduced her to the children or his family Helen is only a carer and she shouldn't make any force even with the child she has for him the first son in Yoruba culture is the head especially since he's a man
If Helen Prest was on /off with the man ,and the first wife was 30yrs living apart from the man ,then there is something wrong with his relationship with his women
Obiagulu, I adore you girl. You are always strong with your views regardless what the subject is. Keep doing what you are doing we are 100% behind you.
God will be the final judge on who the real wife is. God does not recognise divorce, so it does not matter what any man has to say. Malachi 2:14-16. Mark 10:9, Matthew 19:9. What is most important is when this man stands before the Lord, 1) who will God say is the real wife and 2) Where is this man going to spend eternity?
Very sensitive issue which has been happening for years and lessons still not learnt in most situations. Bottom line is as a man tidy your house if you find yourself in this kind of situation it is only fair on all parties including your children and an unselfish act if you claim you love them all at various stages of your life (there is embarrassment lurking when you pass if you don’t). As a wife that has been divorced or separated respect your late ex-husband and children, being fair in your dealings even if still the legally separated wife, you will gain respect and more with peace of mind which is key whilst grieving . As a “companion” , ensure you secure yourself in the man’s life time as you would have been there taking care of him and possibly have children (lovey dovey and public recognition is not enough) and respect the previous women and their children. I WOULD SAY THOUGH, ALL PARTIES AVOID THIS KINDA SITUATION IF YOU CAN, NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
It is funny that Morayo spoke at the end about each person taking taking a stand, but seemingly cut in abruptly when everyone with a different opinion to hers was speaking including the man who dialled in.....
But seriously, are we saying those married men who sleep with women and have a child with them, have wives already, this is so funny to me, cause someone is there for the man doesn't make her a wife!
I see both first and second wife as the same. Legal wife that is absent is not supposed to be present. Wife without wedding certificate is a carer. A carer can be accepted or rejected.
Even side chicks come to burial to pay their last respects and they come in humility cos they know they're not the legal wife. The woman wasn't married means she wasn't married be it 25 years or not but she can attend the burial but not as a legal wife.
Please do not bring emotions into Law. If you like stay with a man 100 years if you are not married under the English Act you can't enjoy the privileges of the Act. However they should have applied customary law if he paid bride price barring that then common law would apply. Pouring sand is irrelevant that is just ceremonial. Helen Prest should have done her due diligence.It is what it is.
Yes Sir. Somebody should have asked them if they would accept a side chick that their husbands have been dating secretly for many years to become his wife. The answer they will give will be God forbid. Lol! The courts that made marriage certificate made it for a reason. It's not for fancy. Morayo is right.
@@femibamgbose4757 It is unfortunate that women who will not take this kind of situation supporting it. What if the woman left cos of Helen do u expect her to be happy? Apart from Nyma thatbis a Muslim Obianuju and Tope will not take it but yet they support it.
I wish Tope, Obiajulu and Nima experience what the first wife of Ajayi experienced. The woman was abandoned with the children and you as women are still justifying Helen Priest.
Moturayo ur own side is wrong.Helen Prest is the man's wife.Moturayo u are one sided.that's not yoruba culture. What legal are u saying. Yoruba culture Helen is a wife to the man i beg.Madam Moturayo u are 100% on the wrong side.
@@dorcasowofolaju3837 If a man lives you and your kids for 30yrs ..what business do you have going for his burial.. not just that,you still push your stupidity further by fighting in his burial..its alright
I am reading through all these comments while watching and I see some people have gotten it right a bit 1. If you want to look at it legally, the first wife and the man can be considered separated because they haven't been living together for about 35 year. 10 years apart before he meant the other woman. 2. The other woman has a right legally as a life time partner and companion. Traditionally, in yorubaland, any woman that has giving birth for a man, is no longer seen as a concubine, rather she has become a wife. Except the man rejects her.
The problem is that the same people creating the confusion did not create it while he was alive . Did they have to wait for him to die before bringing the heavens down?
Nyma was on top of her game. All the fight is about property. Whether the first wife like it or not, according to Administration of Estate Law of Lagos State and Wills Law, all dependants of the deceased when he was alive will be entitled to his property.
You said it right but Helen can’t be a part of it . Her daughter may be with DNA proof . Don’t forget the marriage certificate Nyma (who happens to be a lawyer is )dismissing is a legal document. I expected Nyma to stay on the side of the law but instead she got swayed by her religious beliefs in polygamy . This is not polygamy : it is a wife and side chic issue
First love never rely on properties, however, she has the right to reap where she sewed though. If that man was nobody the 2nd woman wouldn’t have noticed him, furthermore the 2nd woman is reaping where she did not sew.
Morayo serf. You don’t let people finish their point but you are always quick to say hold on let me finish. Please let people fully explain their points before interrupting, and don’t be so quick to shut them up when you are talking.
She's d moderator and time is the key issue here. She is trained to get as many opinions in as possible within the time alloted for the program, so guys bear with her.
Absolutely, I cringe when they constantly interrupt one another, finish a statement for the other. They are so much in a rush to respond without waiting turns. 2 ears and I mouth are for a reason.
Well I believe that whatever happened in life, we learn a lesson from it. In my life, I was the first wife, but went back to school while my parents were looking after my children but to crown it all my husband happened to pregnant a bread seller who successfully gain his way in but I walk away to give them time. I travelled, Raised my children up alone etc but after the man passed away only to find out that my son was his next of kins.
If the man had divorced the first woman before his death, would it have been said that the man had no wife? I think the problem is that we allow marriage act to have supremacy over traditional marriage
Once Morayo seizes on an opinion, she tries to bully her way through. I don't know what Yoruba culture Morayo is quoting. She is just plugging the stories given to her by the first wife and her children. The doctor has left the first wife for 35 years before he died. Another wife has been living with the man for 25 years, and she is here blabbing that she is not a wfe. And Morayo should learn to allow others to speak, without butting in every minute.
Is living apart the same as divorced? Is living together same thing as marriage? Not cohabiting is a ground for divorce but if both decide not to divorce, you can't impose dissolution upon them! The man here is the real culprit!
But Helen can only be recognised as a common law wife if there was no subsisting marriage between the man and his wife. The English law only recognises one marriage at a time.
Morayo is absolutely on point. If she's not married, she has no business at the burial. The fact that she had a child does not mean she is automatically a wife. That relationship is on quick sand. Fine the child will be recognised but the mother won't be recognised as a wife.
That's it, even in my tradition as long as you aren't married, you can't participate. Even if your daughter wants to get married, it'll not be done until your bride price is paid.
@@lolaadeleke3582 the law is an ass. For someone to hide the present health status of a man from his family to get his death certificate has planned her actions before and has support. So am not surprised 😒. If not, how will you know that the sickness is unto death if it hasn't been prearranged. But I pity her, for me i can never be proud of a mother like that except they are in the same game.
Helen is a cohabiting partner in law not a wife. Marriage is when you paid bride price to the family traditionally or you marry the woman in court apart from that if you live with the man as partner is called cohabiting not wife.
How can 2 married woman making an argument that side chick is a wife? There are processes to be considered married in every culture in Nigeria, just living with a man even for 100 does not make you wife!
I'm surprised at the strange views being expressed here. One thing is certain" why did Dr Ajayi not marry Helen after 25years"?Knowing theres another empowered wife somewhere with certificate and 5capable children? And to the claim that the 1st wife refused to sign divorce papers, please this isn't a valid position in law. There is what is called substituted service. Marriage isn't a life jail sentence so an unwilling party cannot be locked in a marriage. Bottom line is that Dr Ajayi left a mess, Helen didnt show she was a lawyer. What is playing out was not unforeseeable and the 1st wife is standing on all her rights which her late husband created.
Where was d first wife 30yrs ago? Does it mean d first wife is not seeing any man or av not seen any man for d past 30yrs? Am just imagining wot d first wife has been doing for d past 30yrs if not waiting for husband to die so dat she can inherit his property.
Marayo, honestly u ladies/women are so sound. This is a standard of education every parent should try to give his or her kids. I enjoyed ur debate, all over u are great
Obiajulu, its a waste of time to be with a man when you are not doing same constitutionally right. Whatever you think you are doing is total BS.Do the right thing and do it the right way.
Is not all polygamous are not good it depends on the husband the way he handles it home wife and the children. My father had children with three women and father make sure we children are very very close to extend no one know who's mother is this. And in our village people always say can't you see the children of so so person how they all unite you won't even know they are from different mother. We help each other and we are all doing very very well in life.
Yoruba culture, African culture and we don't know them well. This is when you need YK on the show What I see here is that the information the family gave the host is what you are holding as truth. Go and test it in the court like Nyma said.
The whole drama was caused by d deceased. Well cohabitation with a man doesn't mean marriage in Nigeria and I'm sure what played out during d burial is a continuation of the rift that had been there since d man left his first wife and kids to go start another family...
Morayo, your statement is wrong. The fact that she's 22yrs old doesn't mean she too will not be a Doctor??? You don't know her future. Don't say what's she doing here??? That's rubbish! What you're saying is totally wrong. Whether she had 10 kids & all are professors, who cares??? As long as there's a child, she has the same rights as long as the DNA matches! May God help us all
Saying she wasted her years is her choice. She chose to waste her year by living with a man she isn’t married. why didn’t he marry her? Are we trying to disrespect what marriage stands for? Are we trying to say it only takes being with a man, (whether another person’s husband or not) is enough.... I really don’t get it. Morayo seem to be the only one seeing these facts
Exactly. God will be the final judge on who the legal wife is. God does not recognise divorce, so it does not matter what any man has to say. Malachi 2:14-6. Mark 10:9, , Matthew 19:9. What is most important is when this man stands before the Lord, 1) who will God say is the real wife and 2) Where is this man going to spend eternity?
Morayo let her biases get in the way of the conversation and it swayed things in an awkward direction. You cannot just run with one side of a story, regardless of the source.
She is actually doing her job. You noticed the three other ladies are of the same opinion and their discussion cannot be one sided. It won't even be interested and discussable. Morayo always sound bias because she is the moderator and she has to make sure the two sides is being discussed. I stand to be corrected tho.
A marriage is more than a certificate. In the Western countries, companionship is recognized more so, where they have lived together for a long period of times.
Basirat Lawal.. companionship is recognised but not when you are legally married to another woman. Moreso next of kin or nearest relatives are clarified legally in such relationship. Please don't mislead people.
Is that the reason why Helen wanted to bury the man alone, did everything preventing the children from seeing their father's corpse. She still has one more burial to contend with...her first husband
How come death certificate can be handed over to anybody without proper documentation? Singularly, the certificate gives the companion total control of his assets,and God help his kids if he didn't leave a will
What are you arguing. You are supposed to know that second wives always want to face the first wife and their children out, and in this case it is obvious that the children don't have access to their father. God is the judge of all poligamy. Please take recognition of the fact that this second wife was married to another man before. Once beaten twice shy.
When you are not backed by law ... Its what its....doctor ajayi and 2nd woman are educated fellows. But knows the right thing to do to legitimaized their relationship. They both failled to do for 30 good years people . At this point the law of the land take over the culture and the rest . The daughter will be accepted if proving and the 2nd woman should be compensate beautifully. The leason is always have a legal backing in all your dealings. Thannks all ya .
Nyma, you're a lawyer naw! No one is disputing the position of the child, the question is................... traditionally, legally or religiously is she a Wife............NOOOOOOOO! simple
The man didn't divorce the first wife,didn't publicly acknowledge Helen as a second wife by any legally acceptable/recognisable means. For this reason, she was just a long term live-in companion who eventually had a kid for him.That may not qualify her as part of the family unless there's strong proof to show otherwise.
How can a woman be in a relationship w a man n not do all it takes to be recognized by d family. I've not heard anyone of d hosts say even one member of d family stand or speak out for her.
The fact that the wife was still married to that meant a lot; a patient and strong woman. The fact that her children were well brought up was an evidence of her concentration that if their father was lost she did not allow the kids to suffer it. How many women can single handedly raise up kids to that level after a husband choose to neglect the home for prostitutes. Parading prostitute round the streets doesn’t justify that he was doing the right thing. He was enjoying his life at the expense of his children and real wife. Love is when you can control yourself and do what is right.
Morayo,, we are human beings As a matter of fact, yoruba ppl do says " Eni ti o bini ko to eniti o woni. Eiither legal wife or not , this side chics or whatever you called her has a child for him. She was with him for good 25years, taken care of him also the one signed the death cert. what if the woman's name is included in house and the business? Do you think the court will say it should be given to the 1st wife.
The Nigerian culture is strange. Ssome of these women seem to be blaming the first (legal) wife, for not being with her husband, even after 5 children for him, and as the reason why she should not have been at his funeral, because he was living with another woman who was "nuturing him"? Marriage is not just black and white and a case of "just move on". It takes 2. Amazing. Am I missing something.? I would have thought the women would support the FIRST and still legal wife. I guess it's the world we live in now. Right is wrong, and wrong is right.
Did the man paid Helen dowry to her family, if the man did not pay she is not a wife but a companion. In the western marriage if the man has not divorced the 1st wife they are still married. If he pays the 2nd wife dowry the man has committed bigamy
Firstly, is there any common law marriage in Nigeria? What are the legal laws of the land? Does recognization overrule the law of the land? 🤦🏾♀️ 🤦🏾♀️too many gray lines between the laws and cultures in Nigeria🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
A companion is a companionship, the woman with three children meeting a man with 5 children separated for 30years. The children must be above 50years and has relationship with their father. The woman with one child with him can not fight 5 children, If the man loved the concubine, he supposed to have done her own things in her name. Is not easy to divorce a woman with 5 children. Again you just argue forgotten that,the first woman met that man with nothing. If this woman left her own man with 3 children, it màybe she was not divorce also.but just used this man's name because he was richer than her children s father. In this modern time who will marry a lady with 3 kids. She just wanted to be called a wife. Normal woman will not do like that. If the man's family loved her ,things would have escalated.
The first wife has the right because they have not divorced. Side chick has to support her daughter. Did the side chick have good relationship with her mans children? You ladies have to be very careful what you say. Because you are married too and have children. Morayo is right.
Yes Sir. Somebody should have asked them if they would accept a side chick that their husbands have been dating secretly for many years to become his wife. The answer they will give will be God forbid. Lol! The courts that made marriage certificate made it for a reason. It's not for fancy. Morayo is right.
Customary law? Did he pay her bride price? If he did, then we have polygamy.If he didn't then she is merely a concubine...In Igbo culture, she is not recognized!! The first son, has ownership of the burial and his father's properties!!! The one born out of Wedlock has no rights... Igbo 101!! Infact, even if the man is not divorced, his first son is in charge. Girls, open your eyes. If you want this kind of relationship, make sure you have things hidden away in your name!!!
Welldone Ladies! I think I understand where Morayo is coming from with her point however the companionship that brings happiness & peace has a right to pay the last respect too. Nevertheless the point that the so-called ‘legal wife’ allows ‘concubine’, side-chick’, ‘companion’ to perform their last respects hasn’t got anything with being Yoruba/Igbo/Efik/Hausa. Late Chief Dapo Williams in UK wouldn’t even allow the his children to pay last respects and she’s not even a Yoruba lady. even the boy the deceased had before they married was not allowed at the grace side with her not to talk of the one he had when they were together. That woman didn’t allow her husband’s children to bury him except her own one daughter with him, (ko je ki awon omo e sin) it depends on how God fearing you are. Thanks Ladies for always trying to be factual
Good lesson for all these younger ladies that think they can come and snatch a man from his youthful wife because she's aging. I'm always "Team first wives and their children" with Morayo. It's possible that the caregiver pushed the wife aside and took over. At the end of the day, she and her kids came back strong and as the first class members of the family. The other woman was never a wife but a "caregiver" in this case. The late Mr Ajayi never recognized her as a legal wife for the past 25yrs of their affair. The first and legal wife has every right to decide the "caregiver's" fate at the funeral and otherwise. Her innocent child or children will always be recognized and loved as family members.
Why didn't the first wife fight when the man was alive. Obviously, she didn't move on. She could have gotten a better life for herself instead making a fool of herself.
Just came across this 1. Nyma, Tope and the other lady made it seem like marriage is having to care for the man as an overgrown baby and the person that does that caring is the wife. No! Marriage is not about caring to the need of one person, it is a contract, an agreement, in fact, a social, spiritual contract, a two way service street. Both parties to a contract have rights and obligations to make it work. The caring goes both ways so you can use that to support your argument. 2. Nyma, Nigeria as a country does not recognize civil union. The Yoruba culture does not! It is the consent of the bride's parent and Owó-orí (dowry) makes a marriage a marriage under the Yoruba customary law (and Islamic law as well - there must be permission from the brides Wali and the bride get her dowah) not the fact that the unmarried woman/concubine has a child for the man. Forget the pop culture of live-in baby mamas - that does not make a marriage. The child is and will be recognized (and under S. 42 of the Nigerian constitution) but the woman has no place. Helen's child has a right to be there and not Helen. 3. A case in point is Late Ganiyu Oyesola Fawehinmi, a Muslim who understands what having more than one wife is. He had a woman who had a daughter for him and the woman lived in his house during his lifetime. In Gani's will, he did not treat her as his two married wives. While he made provisions for his 2 wives, and the lady's daughter along side his other children, he 'paid off' the live-in baby mama and directed she leaves his house in which they both reside until his death. This is the position (fate) of a live-in lover of a married man - in the Yoruba culture, (Islam too) and Nigerian law. A live-in lover CAN NEVER be a wife no matter how long. 4. I share some of your sentiments @Nynma and others, but Morayo was right. Helen was not a wife and should have stayed in her place and allow the family acknowledge her however they want to. She had no right under the law and culture to play a lead role
You can have two marriages. Why are we not talking the truth. There is no bigamy in Africa if a man marries two wives. That is Oyinbo law. A man can marry a wife in church , traditional marriage and still marry a second wife legally under customary law. The church and Govt will not marry them. Only customary court will marry them. So Helen prest if married by paying of bride price is married to the man as a second wife. But lif he did not it is not a marriage but co- habitation. Simple. That is the truth. Correct. So during the burial You start with the wives. Then the children according to seniority. All this argument and complication is the dead mans fault. God will ask him when he faces judgement. A simple will would have settle issue. MEN LISTEN AND ARRANGE, LEARN YOUR LESSONS AND FEAR GOD FOR YOU WILL FACE JUDGMENT FOR LEAVING BEHIND CONTROVERSY AND QUARREL
It is appalling that this discussion is by women; essentially you guys are saying there is no need for legality in marriage. With all your so called education. Put yourself in the ‘shoes’ . Thank you Morayo for that stand
Even if the deceased left a will, the will is not read before the burial. This idea that the unmarried person cannot be allowed to show their last respects is very disrespectful. The graveside is not the place to show discord. My father died recently, my mum had died years previously and my dad had remarried. On the day of the burial, I was first to pour sand, and I just did as told. As my father was a retired vicar, the clergy then followed, then my step mother and then my younger sister from my mother. I queried the line up after, but was told this is tradition. My dad’s will was not read until after his burial. I am very glad that he left a will. This is of paramount importance.
Morayo a beg leave these ladies.... I pray they experience what they’re supporting...... then they’ll know how sweet or otherwise😏They also forgot this same woman denied them access to their father’s dead body because she had the DC until the intervention of law.... so what are you guys saying...?
It dosen't matter how long they separate, marriage is marriage, she is still wife if the man wanted to give his common law friend anything he should put that in place, if he really care about he would divorce his first wife and remarried! So this man was just sleeping with her she puts herself in it, leave married people alone!
The truth is that Morayo doesn't understand the Yoruba culture in-depth because of what I termed as "conflict of law." The time Morayo spent in the USA is creating this conflict. She is half American in her thinking. So, don't blame her. Have a great weekend, everyone.
She’s right! You don’t know your culture. As a concubine you better not go and pour sand on that man’s grave or they may beat you there. You need to attend burials to see how it’s done.
Morayo, I love you to bits😘. On this issue, the first wife has been separated for 10 years before the 2nd relationship started. I think if you have been separated for 2 yrs, you can get divorced, only God knows why the late doctor did not file for the divorce. However I think the first wife is being vindictive in this case. She had gone on with her life for 35years why come out now and cause trouble for the burial of the man? Coming from a well known family I think she disgraced her family name by what she and her children did in this case🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
She is just not coming out now.She didn't leave the man rather the man left her.She was never remarried to anyone and she only learnt of his death she and her children were never informed of the man's failing and deteriorating health thats is why they are reactingin this manner, but it was okay forher to bring her childrenfrom previous marriage and even parade them as children to the deceased yet the first wife children got married and the deceased never showed up at their weddings. Let's put ourselves in that sitiation no one will be happy.Many things went down that aren't known to the public
What does the Yoruba culture say about wife(s) participation in spouse burial? In Bini culture, wife(s) are not allowed at husband graveside let allow perform dust to dust. All burial rites are performed EXCLUSIVELY by the decease's child/ children. It does not matter the legality of the marriage .The wife(s) DON'T come to the burial place.What happened at the Ajayi's burial is the negligence of Ajayi's family members
Helen Prest is knowledgeable enough to know what she wanted from Dr Ajayi.She knew he would not divorce his wife for her & so she was contented with having a child as a register of attendance .I would like to know if Dr Ajayi made a will that includes Helen's child,if not,"she don enter one chance" in this relationship.
Nyma, Tope and Obiajulu's opinions shows real mature minds. I am so impressed. 👍🏽
Morayo,you seem to be taking sides here.The fact that she took care of him in his last days,then she has the rights to
give him her last respect and be at the burial
Taking care of him while he was sick till he passed is understandable. That is humanity any kindhearted person can do that. Let's face the fact. How can you live with a man for such a long period of time, had kids for him, and still call yourself a lover? A lover / mistress has no legal rights to a married man. It is unquestionably abnormal. In the first place, it is immoral and a sin against God. She is nothing short of zero priority. As a legal practitioner she should have known a lot more better.
A companion is not a wife please . Why the children will thank her for caring for their Dad it makes her nothing. The man didn’t divorce the wife for a reason ; let’s not forget the man is very educated as a doctor . You think if he wanted a divorce he didn’t know where to source for one . Helen entered one chance and she should have known better . After all the so called companionship the man didn’t do the needful . The courts will definitely not recognize her and if the man didn’t put her in his will ( which I doubt he did ) then it’s game over
He doesn't have a will. Court will use their discretion to share his estate
@@stellapjackson there is no discretion . The man was married under the marriage Act which frowns at bigamy . The child may be accommodated with DNA proof of course . She gets nothing because she is unknown in the court of law
Well said ......
Maroyo sounds like a friend to the first wife.
My thoughts exactly, she's so emotional about it
I so agree with you.... She took the whole thing too personal
She’s just factual... the Helen babe was out of line... you don’t act like some didn’t exist before you esp when your union was never legalized.
Very annoying
Its the first wife club thing...🤷🏾♀️
The dead disrespected himself by not spelling out how he want things done through a will or be open. The first wife comes in then the Helen prest then the children by seniority. African culture burial differs. I agree with the lady that doesn’t support polygamy. A will by the dead will define everything culture or no culture or tradition or no tradition. But according to laws of the land, Helen Prest is not a wife if he didn’t marry her traditionally . If Ajayi paid her bride price even without a church wedding then she is a wife. If the first wife was not properly divorced , she remains the wife. Because he didn’t return the bride price. So the dead decieved Helen prest playing a dirty game pls forgive me for the truth has to be said. Living together or co-habiting or companionship is not recognized in nigeria. So the dead was mischievous. All he needed to do is write a will even including who should be there. Because his life was complicated. Simple. Let’s say the truth.
You are absolutely correct. She (HelenPrest) should have demanded a recognized ceremony, she belittled herself with her status.
You absolutely correct, he is responsible for everything.
Dr Ajayi & Helen jointly caused this. She willingly hung on to him. Was it love or money?🤔
Your right this Helena prest is a was not supposed to be at the funeral in the first place. Her children are the one who were supposed to attend the funeral not her
In as much as I do not support and will never support polygamy, estranged relationships are not new. A woman can hold a marriage certificate and/or ring while another woman maybe the one that has a man's heart. Once there is separation or estrangement and a man decides to move on with someone else, caution must be applied. Thank you!
That still doesn't make the woman his wife. The court that made marriage certificate didn't make it for decoration. The first wife remain s the legal wife in the eye of the law.
Did he move??? Movement is not only physical. He was still visiting the home he once shared with her. He was honouring his obligations to her....eg.attending funeral of his ex wife's mum as his son in law. All these things will be brought before the court. Physical movement is not the sole determinant. Men must be more careful
I disagree with the host, you need to learn more about Yoruba culture... There is no Yoruba culture that says the older children are the only ones to perform the last respect for the father but ALL the children of the man.... Lets leave the legality of the second wife to be challenged, ascertained or struct-out by any court of competent jurisdiction but its undeniable that the child of the second wife have legal rights to the man's properties... You people think that the second woman is dumb to have referred to herself as a "companion" in court? No! she is not, she knew that she does not have the certificate to back her legality but only the roles she played in the man's life while alive, coupled with the fact that they have a child together..... I do not support polygamy, I'm a product of that same system and there's nothing I can do to change that.... My submission is that those men involved in polygamy should be bold enough to take necessary steps to avoid this show of shame after their demise....
Not a second wife . Let’s not get carried away . The Marriage Act does not recognize polygamy in fact it prescribes a jail time for bigamy . The court doesn’t recognize her but as for her child of course with DNA proof . Helen is spooky how can you not inform his family of his ailment then you go and snoop in his office in the name of certifying his birth . Bro the man didn’t divorce his wife for a reason . Helen was just a side chic
I agree with Morayo Helen Prest was a companion so she has no stake in the man's burial her role ends after the death of the man it happened to me and I accepted it why didn't she fight for that right when he was alive
Well said... Yoruba culture recognizes all children...ALL!!!
No one was against the child, however the mother was an intruder, going by the conversation on this platform the first wife has been married to the man for more than 30 years before she intrude, what an immoral, careless and wicked behaviour. During the burial she should have humbled herself and even before then, nothing should stop her from praising the first wife for her patience and focus. The first woman patience and dedication should serve as a good example that builds a society. Please let’s have a deep thought about this. Flaunting another woman’s husband on the street of Nigeria or on social media doesn’t justify that what she did was right. Did you expect the first wife to be fighting the two of them on the streets as people do nowadays. Can you imagine what she would have gone through with her children? and this she would have gone through for several years thank God that at the end her patience paid off. That great woman had the opportunity of fulfilling her vow to her husband, the vow of “till death do them part”. She single handedly advised and supported their children through their studies etc while the husband was busy in another woman’s hands partying and sexing. We should all learn from this, life should be more of self control, such immorality is the beginning of corruption in our society, what is she going to teach her only child, to also steal and destroy? I also heard someone talking about culture, we should do away with evil cultures, that is cultures that destroys our society. Western world also have cultures but they got rid of evil cultures and they embrace the cultures that promote their societies. Wake up Nigerians, that nation Nigeria has suffered enough in the hands of minor, big errors and wrong behaviours, most people are confused they don’t know wrong from right anymore. Thank God Motunrayo still knows what’s right and she stood by it. I’m not surprise it was very difficult for God to find one righteous person in Sodom & Gomorrah. Anyway, may God have mercy on us.
Yes thanks I agree with you
I am just wondering why Morayo is so emotional about this issue she must be a friend to the first wife
Or she has issue with Helen
No I don't think so. Is because she is first wife
I thought it was just me ...
Everything she said applies to Igbo culture as well. If the bride price is not paid, there is no cultural marriage.
The first son, if grown, assumes the role of the father when his father dies, not even the first wife. He also inherits his father's homestead.
Why not?🤷♀️
If you like ,Pray that you labor , only for a stranger to inherit..😏
If the 1st wife refuse a divorce, after some years in separation the court will give automatic divorce- check the divorce law
But the man didn’t request for a divorce?
Thank you and God bless you beautiful ladies of yourview for celebrating my mum
Alhaja Maryam Shelle Mustapha
It is good to always define your relationship,giving structure to avoid all these issues
Dr Ajayi created a mess!
@morayo, you are absolutely right. Folks should look at the Helen Prest story from a Yoruba culture and legal perspective. Other cultures are not relevant for this particular case as all parties are Yoruba.
He separated from his first wife, no divorce, and moved on with others.
He and Helen had a “relationship” that was undefined by them- no marriage- customary or otherwise.
Helen was just a baby mama & mistress who decided to add Ajayi to her name, is she even a lawyer?
Dr Ajayi took care of Helen and her kids while he was alive. Does that make them his biological kids? DNA
The children by the first wife have every right to stop Helen from the burial. If their father didn’t define the relationship, it’s not their responsibility to, especially if the paternity of Helen’s children are in question.
The first wife never remarried or had other relationships.
Helen has played her role as a companion and probably handsomely paid while the man was alive. She needs to pick up her self respect and let the legal owners take charge.
( I forget, she has none! Why else would she stay with a married man who does not even pay her bride price?😔)
If DNA proves the paternity of her child then that child should have a share of his properties, if not, Helen should tell her child who the father is.
All side chicks should take note. Define your relationships ( baby mama, lover, mistress, sugar daddy) or get married legally or traditionally ( wife).
Thank you.
People must realize that Africa is not Europe.
Igbos don't recognize concubines and children born out of Wedlock!!!
Mind you Polygamy is recognized. Even if you are the 5 thousand wife, you have a right.
Get the man to pay your bride price. Case closed.
May you live long o!!!!
@@angelicakweku5293 even Europe the legal wife has the right in as much as she wasnt divorced
Absolutely!
I love you. you just open my eyes wider thanks to you
Obiajulu I love your shirt and complete look. Beautiful!!!!
Nyma is a full package regarding culture I greet you ma
This is why it is imperative having a Will to avoid foolishness.
It's so interesting watching these women pretend to know everything about everything
Don't mind them
Flawed assertion, Obiajulu. The woman a man comes home to at night must not necessarily be his wife if you consider legalities. There's a big difference between a concubine/partner and a legally documented wife regardless the longevity of cohabitation with the former. Let's be guided.
Don't mind obianuju. Let her husband go and meet another woman in bed after his work let's see if she will accept that the woman automatically is now her husband s wife. Her statement didn't hold water.
It is Yoruba culture “ Eni bi mo fun ni ti kuro lale eni”. Interpreted - A woman that has a child for you is no longer just a concubine.
You may not agree with this if you are from other cultures but the people here are Yorubas. In the Igbo culture, for example, whether you have children for the man or not, you get zero recognition until your bride price and traditional ceremonies have been performed.
@@paulesedebe9269 please let's us know if the man introduced her to the children or his family Helen is only a carer and she shouldn't make any force even with the child she has for him the first son in Yoruba culture is the head especially since he's a man
@@paulesedebe9269 l
If Helen Prest was on /off with the man ,and the first wife was 30yrs living apart from the man ,then there is something wrong with his relationship with his women
Obiagulu, I adore you girl. You are always strong with your views regardless what the subject is. Keep doing what you are doing we are 100% behind you.
Morayo, you are so wrong, Helen has every right to be there as much as the first wife. Her child has every right like the other children.
God will be the final judge on who the real wife is. God does not recognise divorce, so it does not matter what any man has to say. Malachi 2:14-16. Mark 10:9, Matthew 19:9. What is most important is when this man stands before the Lord, 1) who will God say is the real wife and 2) Where is this man going to spend eternity?
Congratulations Morayo on 10years of Marriage, wishing you many more Blissful years
Morayo you are very wrong oooooooo, try and change your mindset.
Very sensitive issue which has been happening for years and lessons still not learnt in most situations. Bottom line is as a man tidy your house if you find yourself in this kind of situation it is only fair on all parties including your children and an unselfish act if you claim you love them all at various stages of your life (there is embarrassment lurking when you pass if you don’t). As a wife that has been divorced or separated respect your late ex-husband and children, being fair in your dealings even if still the legally separated wife, you will gain respect and more with peace of mind which is key whilst grieving . As a “companion” , ensure you secure yourself in the man’s life time as you would have been there taking care of him and possibly have children (lovey dovey and public recognition is not enough) and respect the previous women and their children. I WOULD SAY THOUGH, ALL PARTIES AVOID THIS KINDA SITUATION IF YOU CAN, NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
I hope this program is still all about ‘Your View’ and all view matters.
Exactly! People she not said Morayo she’s bias...
It is funny that Morayo spoke at the end about each person taking taking a stand, but seemingly cut in abruptly when everyone with a different opinion to hers was speaking including the man who dialled in.....
But seriously, are we saying those married men who sleep with women and have a child with them, have wives already, this is so funny to me, cause someone is there for the man doesn't make her a wife!
I honestly think the mistake the man made was not divorcing the first wove and not writing a will before he died.
And that was a foolish mistake. What is wrong with men sef
@@chiamakamadu2715 very foolish and irresponsible mistake
I see both first and second wife as the same. Legal wife that is absent is not supposed to be present.
Wife without wedding certificate is a carer. A carer can be accepted or rejected.
Even side chicks come to burial to pay their last respects and they come in humility cos they know they're not the legal wife. The woman wasn't married means she wasn't married be it 25 years or not but she can attend the burial but not as a legal wife.
Thank you... humility
Please Prest is a lawyer, what was she looking at. Why didn't she compel the man to pay bride price on her
Did the second wife recognised the first wife
Please do not bring emotions into Law. If you like stay with a man 100 years if you are not married under the English Act you can't enjoy the privileges of the Act. However they should have applied customary law if he paid bride price barring that then common law would apply. Pouring sand is irrelevant that is just ceremonial. Helen Prest should have done her due diligence.It is what it is.
Yes Sir. Somebody should have asked them if they would accept a side chick that their husbands have been dating secretly for many years to become his wife. The answer they will give will be God forbid. Lol! The courts that made marriage certificate made it for a reason. It's not for fancy. Morayo is right.
@@femibamgbose4757 It is unfortunate that women who will not take this kind of situation supporting it. What if the woman left cos of Helen do u expect her to be happy? Apart from Nyma thatbis a Muslim Obianuju and Tope will not take it but yet they support it.
@@ogonnaokechukwu1761 you're right. They will never accept it.
She did not leave on her own o, the man left with his mistress.
Thank you, Nima and your other colleagues, kindly educate Morayo on Africa culture.
I'll love to come on this show someday to discuss Endometriosis... Love you ladies!!
Please do
Morayo, put your emotions aside and discuss objectively. That's what makes a good interviewer!
I wish Tope, Obiajulu and Nima experience what the first wife of Ajayi experienced. The woman was abandoned with the children and you as women are still justifying Helen Priest.
Owofolaju Dorcas lol how is that helen faults
Moturayo ur own side is wrong.Helen Prest is the man's wife.Moturayo u are one sided.that's not yoruba culture. What legal are u saying. Yoruba culture Helen is a wife to the man i beg.Madam Moturayo u are 100% on the wrong side.
@@dorcasowofolaju3837 If a man lives you and your kids for 30yrs ..what business do you have going for his burial.. not just that,you still push your stupidity further by fighting in his burial..its alright
Obiageli and the lawyer there really really impressed me. Well done.
I am reading through all these comments while watching and I see some people have gotten it right a bit
1. If you want to look at it legally, the first wife and the man can be considered separated because they haven't been living together for about 35 year. 10 years apart before he meant the other woman.
2. The other woman has a right legally as a life time partner and companion.
Traditionally, in yorubaland, any woman that has giving birth for a man, is no longer seen as a concubine, rather she has become a wife. Except the man rejects her.
Moriam, God bless. You have said it all
The problem is that the same people creating the confusion did not create it while he was alive . Did they have to wait for him to die before bringing the heavens down?
Any Lady dat will mistakenly av a child wit Morayo husband will find herself in a deep Mess and Regret!
Thank you Barr. Mrs. Alhaja
I always love Nyma's views on traditional discuss.
Nyma was on top of her game. All the fight is about property. Whether the first wife like it or not, according to Administration of Estate Law of Lagos State and Wills Law, all dependants of the deceased when he was alive will be entitled to his property.
You said it right but Helen can’t be a part of it . Her daughter may be with DNA proof . Don’t forget the marriage certificate Nyma (who happens to be a lawyer is )dismissing is a legal document. I expected Nyma to stay on the side of the law but instead she got swayed by her religious beliefs in polygamy . This is not polygamy : it is a wife and side chic issue
First love never rely on properties, however, she has the right to reap where she sewed though. If that man was nobody the 2nd woman wouldn’t have noticed him, furthermore the 2nd woman is reaping where she did not sew.
Morayo serf. You don’t let people finish their point but you are always quick to say hold on let me finish. Please let people fully explain their points before interrupting, and don’t be so quick to shut them up when you are talking.
Whalahi that's the only problem I have with Morayo..cutting people short. Unfortunately she can't change. She's used to it.
She's d moderator and time is the key issue here. She is trained to get as many opinions in as possible within the time alloted for the program, so guys bear with her.
B.Esho thank u for these comment.she should try to change,is bad.
Absolutely, I cringe when they constantly interrupt one another, finish a statement for the other. They are so much in a rush to respond without waiting turns. 2 ears and I mouth are for a reason.
Well I believe that whatever happened in life, we learn a lesson from it. In my life, I was the first wife, but went back to school while my parents were looking after my children but to crown it all my husband happened to pregnant a bread seller who successfully gain his way in but I walk away to give them time. I travelled, Raised my children up alone etc but after the man passed away only to find out that my son was his next of kins.
Lucky you,clap.
If the man had divorced the first woman before his death, would it have been said that the man had no wife? I think the problem is that we allow marriage act to have supremacy over traditional marriage
In Urhobo culture of Delta state, it is the children that buries the man and not the wife,
Very interested argument, ladies well done
Once Morayo seizes on an opinion, she tries to bully her way through. I don't know what Yoruba culture Morayo is quoting. She is just plugging the stories given to her by the first wife and her children. The doctor has left the first wife for 35 years before he died. Another wife has been living with the man for 25 years, and she is here blabbing that she is not a wfe.
And Morayo should learn to allow others to speak, without butting in every minute.
Is living apart the same as divorced? Is living together same thing as marriage? Not cohabiting is a ground for divorce but if both decide not to divorce, you can't impose dissolution upon them! The man here is the real culprit!
I also didn't know what yoruba culture she was quoting.
Naah ...she was not legally married to him nau and as so she remains unrecognised...dont date a married man..e get why
Morayo is biased! Helen is a common law wife by virtue of being/living with him
She sounds so biased, it is ridiculous
Common law in Canada it in the abroad not naija... better to get that pali. Be a legal wife and stop hanging in stupid love
But Helen can only be recognised as a common law wife if there was no subsisting marriage between the man and his wife. The English law only recognises one marriage at a time.
Very very biased
IF NOT THAT SIDE CHICS HAVE SUPPORTERS CLUB , HELEN PREST IS SUPPOSED TO STEP- ASIDE !
Morayo is absolutely on point. If she's not married, she has no business at the burial. The fact that she had a child does not mean she is automatically a wife. That relationship is on quick sand. Fine the child will be recognised but the mother won't be recognised as a wife.
That's it, even in my tradition as long as you aren't married, you can't participate. Even if your daughter wants to get married, it'll not be done until your bride price is paid.
Thank you o
You and Morayo forgot that the court that the adult children were so eager to run to, gave Helen the right to be at the burial
@@lolaadeleke3582 the law is an ass. For someone to hide the present health status of a man from his family to get his death certificate has planned her actions before and has support. So am not surprised 😒. If not, how will you know that the sickness is unto death if it hasn't been prearranged.
But I pity her, for me i can never be proud of a mother like that except they are in the same game.
In African culture, only payment of bride prize is what makes people married
Helen is a cohabiting partner in law not a wife.
Marriage is when you paid bride price to the family traditionally or you marry the woman in court apart from that if you live with the man as partner is called cohabiting not wife.
How can 2 married woman making an argument that side chick is a wife? There are processes to be considered married in every culture in Nigeria, just living with a man even for 100 does not make you wife!
I'm surprised at the strange views being expressed here. One thing is certain" why did Dr Ajayi not marry Helen after 25years"?Knowing theres another empowered wife somewhere with certificate and 5capable children? And to the claim that the 1st wife refused to sign divorce papers, please this isn't a valid position in law. There is what is called substituted service. Marriage isn't a life jail sentence so an unwilling party cannot be locked in a marriage. Bottom line is that Dr Ajayi left a mess, Helen didnt show she was a lawyer. What is playing out was not unforeseeable and the 1st wife is standing on all her rights which her late husband created.
Where was d first wife 30yrs ago? Does it mean d first wife is not seeing any man or av not seen any man for d past 30yrs? Am just imagining wot d first wife has been doing for d past 30yrs if not waiting for husband to die so dat she can inherit his property.
Marayo, honestly u ladies/women are so sound. This is a standard of education every parent should try to give his or her kids. I enjoyed ur debate, all over u are great
Obiajulu, its a waste of time to be with a man when you are not doing same constitutionally right. Whatever you think you are doing is total BS.Do the right thing and do it the right way.
Is not all polygamous are not good it depends on the husband the way he handles it home wife and the children.
My father had children with three women and father make sure we children are very very close to extend no one know who's mother is this.
And in our village people always say can't you see the children of so so person how they all unite you won't even know they are from different mother.
We help each other and we are all doing very very well in life.
My take on this matter is the man's fault he didn't put lots of things in order before he died , what an inresponsibilities 🙄
Yoruba culture, African culture and we don't know them well. This is when you need YK on the show What I see here is that the information the family gave the host is what you are holding as truth. Go and test it in the court like Nyma said.
The whole drama was caused by d deceased. Well cohabitation with a man doesn't mean marriage in Nigeria and I'm sure what played out during d burial is a continuation of the rift that had been there since d man left his first wife and kids to go start another family...
Morayo, your statement is wrong. The fact that she's 22yrs old doesn't mean she too will not be a Doctor??? You don't know her future. Don't say what's she doing here??? That's rubbish! What you're saying is totally wrong. Whether she had 10 kids & all are professors, who cares??? As long as there's a child, she has the same rights as long as the DNA matches! May God help us all
I agree with Nyma,what do you stand to gain or lose by pouring sand......
Saying she wasted her years is her choice. She chose to waste her year by living with a man she isn’t married. why didn’t he marry her?
Are we trying to disrespect what marriage stands for? Are we trying to say it only takes being with a man, (whether another person’s husband or not) is enough.... I really don’t get it.
Morayo seem to be the only one seeing these facts
Exactly. God will be the final judge on who the legal wife is. God does not recognise divorce, so it does not matter what any man has to say. Malachi 2:14-6. Mark 10:9, , Matthew 19:9. What is most important is when this man stands before the Lord, 1) who will God say is the real wife and 2) Where is this man going to spend eternity?
Morayo let her biases get in the way of the conversation and it swayed things in an awkward direction. You cannot just run with one side of a story, regardless of the source.
She is actually doing her job. You noticed the three other ladies are of the same opinion and their discussion cannot be one sided. It won't even be interested and discussable. Morayo always sound bias because she is the moderator and she has to make sure the two sides is being discussed. I stand to be corrected tho.
A marriage is more than a certificate. In the Western countries, companionship is recognized more so, where they have lived together for a long period of times.
Basirat Lawal.. companionship is recognised but not when you are legally married to another woman. Moreso next of kin or nearest relatives are clarified legally in such relationship. Please don't mislead people.
This is Africa and we are unique.
Is that the reason why Helen wanted to bury the man alone, did everything preventing the children from seeing their father's corpse. She still has one more burial to contend with...her first husband
Its obvious that Morayo is a friend to the first wife.
I agreed with you..
obviously!
Uju, I love your final words on this issue.
How come death certificate can be handed over to anybody without proper documentation? Singularly, the certificate gives the companion total control of his assets,and God help his kids if he didn't leave a will
What are you arguing. You are supposed to know that second wives always want to face the first wife and their children out, and in this case it is obvious that the children don't have access to their father. God is the judge of all poligamy.
Please take recognition of the fact that this second wife was married to another man before. Once beaten twice shy.
When you are not backed by law ...
Its what its....doctor ajayi and 2nd woman are educated fellows. But knows the right thing to do to legitimaized their relationship. They both failled to do for 30 good years
people . At this point the law of the land take over the culture and the rest .
The daughter will be accepted if proving and the 2nd woman should be compensate beautifully.
The leason is always have a legal backing in all your dealings.
Thannks all ya .
YES THE WHOLE STORY WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER SERVED WITH A WILL!!!!!!
Nyma, you're a lawyer naw!
No one is disputing the position of the child, the question is................... traditionally, legally or religiously is she a Wife............NOOOOOOOO!
simple
But socially, she is a wife
Neymar is very passionate about polygamy because of her religious beliefs. While Morayo seems scared of polygamy.
Maroyo is biased, she must be close to someone close to the 1st wife. She seems to have some privileged information.
The man didn't divorce the first wife,didn't publicly acknowledge Helen as a second wife by any legally acceptable/recognisable means.
For this reason, she was just a long term live-in companion who eventually had a kid for him.That may not qualify her as part of the family unless there's strong proof to show otherwise.
I disagree with you ma'am
How can a woman be in a relationship w a man n not do all it takes to be recognized by d family. I've not heard anyone of d hosts say even one member of d family stand or speak out for her.
True
Some men are divorced and remained and still recognise the divorced woman with the children.
The fact that the wife was still married to that meant a lot; a patient and strong woman. The fact that her children were well brought up was an evidence of her concentration that if their father was lost she did not allow the kids to suffer it. How many women can single handedly raise up kids to that level after a husband choose to neglect the home for prostitutes. Parading prostitute round the streets doesn’t justify that he was doing the right thing. He was enjoying his life at the expense of his children and real wife. Love is when you can control yourself and do what is right.
Morayo,, we are human beings As a matter of fact, yoruba ppl do says " Eni ti o bini ko to eniti o woni.
Eiither legal wife or not , this side chics or whatever you called her has a child for him. She was with him for good 25years, taken care of him also the one signed the death cert. what if the woman's name is included in house and the business? Do you think the court will say it should be given to the 1st wife.
The Nigerian culture is strange. Ssome of these women seem to be blaming the first (legal) wife, for not being with her husband, even after 5 children for him, and as the reason why she should not have been at his funeral, because he was living with another woman who was "nuturing him"? Marriage is not just black and white and a case of "just move on". It takes 2. Amazing. Am I missing something.? I would have thought the women would support the FIRST and still legal wife. I guess it's the world we live in now. Right is wrong, and wrong is right.
Did the man paid Helen dowry to her family, if the man did not pay she is not a wife but a companion.
In the western marriage if the man has not divorced the 1st wife they are still married.
If he pays the 2nd wife dowry the man has committed bigamy
Marriage certificate is not a guarantee that you're entitled to his properties
Firstly, is there any common law marriage in Nigeria?
What are the legal laws of the land? Does recognization overrule the law of the land?
🤦🏾♀️ 🤦🏾♀️too many gray lines between the laws and cultures in Nigeria🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
A companion is a companionship, the woman with three children meeting a man with 5 children separated for 30years.
The children must be above 50years and has relationship with their father.
The woman with one child with him can not fight 5 children,
If the man loved the concubine, he supposed to have done her own things in her name.
Is not easy to divorce a woman with 5 children.
Again you just argue forgotten that,the first woman met that man with nothing.
If this woman left her own man with 3 children, it màybe she was not divorce also.but just used this man's name because he was richer than her children s father.
In this modern time who will marry a lady with 3 kids.
She just wanted to be called a wife.
Normal woman will not do like that.
If the man's family loved her ,things would have escalated.
The first wife has the right because they have not divorced. Side chick has to support her daughter. Did the side chick have good relationship with her mans children? You ladies have to be very careful what you say. Because you are married too and have children. Morayo is right.
Yes Sir. Somebody should have asked them if they would accept a side chick that their husbands have been dating secretly for many years to become his wife. The answer they will give will be God forbid. Lol! The courts that made marriage certificate made it for a reason. It's not for fancy. Morayo is right.
Customary law?
Did he pay her bride price?
If he did, then we have polygamy.If he didn't then she is merely a concubine...In Igbo culture, she is not recognized!!
The first son, has ownership of the burial and his father's properties!!!
The one born out of Wedlock has no rights... Igbo 101!!
Infact, even if the man is not divorced, his first son is in charge.
Girls, open your eyes. If you want this kind of relationship, make sure you have things hidden away in your name!!!
Welldone Ladies! I think I understand where Morayo is coming from with her point however the companionship that brings happiness & peace has a right to pay the last respect too. Nevertheless the point that the so-called ‘legal wife’ allows ‘concubine’, side-chick’, ‘companion’ to perform their last respects hasn’t got anything with being Yoruba/Igbo/Efik/Hausa. Late Chief Dapo Williams in UK wouldn’t even allow the his children to pay last respects and she’s not even a Yoruba lady. even the boy the deceased had before they married was not allowed at the grace side with her not to talk of the one he had when they were together. That woman didn’t allow her husband’s children to bury him except her own one daughter with him, (ko je ki awon omo e sin) it depends on how God fearing you are. Thanks Ladies for always trying to be factual
Sis Morayo, your dress is so pretty
This is Africa. Legalising a relationship is obligatory.
Good lesson for all these younger ladies that think they can come and snatch a man from his youthful wife because she's aging. I'm always "Team first wives and their children" with Morayo. It's possible that the caregiver pushed the wife aside and took over. At the end of the day, she and her kids came back strong and as the first class members of the family. The other woman was never a wife but a "caregiver" in this case. The late Mr Ajayi never recognized her as a legal wife for the past 25yrs of their affair. The first and legal wife has every right to decide the "caregiver's" fate at the funeral and otherwise. Her innocent child or children will always be recognized and loved as family members.
Why didn't the first wife fight when the man was alive. Obviously, she didn't move on. She could have gotten a better life for herself instead making a fool of herself.
Just came across this
1. Nyma, Tope and the other lady made it seem like marriage is having to care for the man as an overgrown baby and the person that does that caring is the wife. No! Marriage is not about caring to the need of one person, it is a contract, an agreement, in fact, a social, spiritual contract, a two way service street. Both parties to a contract have rights and obligations to make it work. The caring goes both ways so you can use that to support your argument.
2. Nyma, Nigeria as a country does not recognize civil union. The Yoruba culture does not! It is the consent of the bride's parent and Owó-orí (dowry) makes a marriage a marriage under the Yoruba customary law (and Islamic law as well - there must be permission from the brides Wali and the bride get her dowah) not the fact that the unmarried woman/concubine has a child for the man. Forget the pop culture of live-in baby mamas - that does not make a marriage. The child is and will be recognized (and under S. 42 of the Nigerian constitution) but the woman has no place. Helen's child has a right to be there and not Helen.
3. A case in point is Late Ganiyu Oyesola Fawehinmi, a Muslim who understands what having more than one wife is. He had a woman who had a daughter for him and the woman lived in his house during his lifetime. In Gani's will, he did not treat her as his two married wives. While he made provisions for his 2 wives, and the lady's daughter along side his other children, he 'paid off' the live-in baby mama and directed she leaves his house in which they both reside until his death. This is the position (fate) of a live-in lover of a married man - in the Yoruba culture, (Islam too) and Nigerian law. A live-in lover CAN NEVER be a wife no matter how long.
4. I share some of your sentiments @Nynma and others, but Morayo was right. Helen was not a wife and should have stayed in her place and allow the family acknowledge her however they want to. She had no right under the law and culture to play a lead role
5. And please Nyma, acknowledgement during lifetime applies to the child not the unmarried lover. That's the law
You can have two marriages. Why are we not talking the truth. There is no bigamy in Africa if a man marries two wives. That is Oyinbo law. A man can marry a wife in church , traditional marriage and still marry a second wife legally under customary law. The church and Govt will not marry them. Only customary court will marry them. So Helen prest if married by paying of bride price is married to the man as a second wife. But lif he did not it is not a marriage but co- habitation. Simple. That is the truth. Correct. So during the burial You start with the wives. Then the children according to seniority. All this argument and complication is the dead mans fault. God will ask him when he faces judgement. A simple will would have settle issue. MEN LISTEN AND ARRANGE, LEARN YOUR LESSONS AND FEAR GOD FOR YOU WILL FACE JUDGMENT FOR LEAVING BEHIND CONTROVERSY AND QUARREL
Nice topic but everyone is talking at the same time. Respect each other's views so we can enjoy the programme.
It is appalling that this discussion is by women; essentially you guys are saying there is no need for legality in marriage. With all your so called education. Put yourself in the ‘shoes’ . Thank you Morayo for that stand
Lawyer Nima fall my hands with her emotional stand.
If you are away from your marriage for 2yrs in the UK it's automatic divorce
I love Yaqub!! They need to bring him on the show!
Morayo I so.much love you, but please don't let always be sentimental
Even if the deceased left a will, the will is not read before the burial. This idea that the unmarried person cannot be allowed to show their last respects is very disrespectful. The graveside is not the place to show discord. My father died recently, my mum had died years previously and my dad had remarried. On the day of the burial, I was first to pour sand, and I just did as told. As my father was a retired vicar, the clergy then followed, then my step mother and then my younger sister from my mother.
I queried the line up after, but was told this is tradition. My dad’s will was not read until after his burial. I am very glad that he left a will. This is of paramount importance.
Morayo a beg leave these ladies.... I pray they experience what they’re supporting...... then they’ll know how sweet or otherwise😏They also forgot this same woman denied them access to their father’s dead body because she had the DC until the intervention of law.... so what are you guys saying...?
It dosen't matter how long they separate, marriage is marriage, she is still wife if the man wanted to give his common law friend anything he should put that in place, if he really care about he would divorce his first wife and remarried! So this man was just sleeping with her she puts herself in it, leave married people alone!
The truth is that Morayo doesn't understand the Yoruba culture in-depth because of what I termed as "conflict of law." The time Morayo spent in the USA is creating this conflict. She is half American in her thinking. So, don't blame her. Have a great weekend, everyone.
That's my opinion too.
Half American without the accent, I beg she be ibile.
She’s right! You don’t know your culture. As a concubine you better not go and pour sand on that man’s grave or they may beat you there. You need to attend burials to see how it’s done.
Morayo, I love you to bits😘. On this issue, the first wife has been separated for 10 years before the 2nd relationship started. I think if you have been separated for 2 yrs, you can get divorced, only God knows why the late doctor did not file for the divorce. However I think the first wife is being vindictive in this case. She had gone on with her life for 35years why come out now and cause trouble for the burial of the man? Coming from a well known family I think she disgraced her family name by what she and her children did in this case🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
She is just not coming out now.She didn't leave the man rather the man left her.She was never remarried to anyone and she only learnt of his death she and her children were never informed of the man's failing and deteriorating health thats is why they are reactingin this manner, but it was okay forher to bring her childrenfrom previous marriage and even parade them as children to the deceased yet the first wife children got married and the deceased never showed up at their weddings. Let's put ourselves in that sitiation no one will be happy.Many things went down that aren't known to the public
What does the Yoruba culture say about wife(s) participation in spouse burial? In Bini culture, wife(s) are not allowed at husband graveside let allow perform dust to dust. All burial rites are performed EXCLUSIVELY by the decease's child/ children. It does not matter the legality of the marriage .The wife(s) DON'T come to the burial place.What happened at the Ajayi's burial is the negligence of Ajayi's family members
Helen Prest is knowledgeable enough to know what she wanted from Dr Ajayi.She knew he would not divorce his wife for her & so she was contented with having a child as a register of attendance .I would like to know if Dr Ajayi made a will that includes Helen's child,if not,"she don enter one chance" in this relationship.