The anxiety is worse right after you’ve reached out knowing you’ll not get a reply than the run up to messaging. We even KNOW how it’s going to feel after. It’s a fix that’s all.
I'm in week 6 with no contact with a DA. Very unlikely she will contact me because she has no issue with sleeping with multiple guys and won't feel what I'm feeling. If she does it will be many, many months later. They have no idea what they put us through.
*(old post, I know) But, you don’t know that she is sleeping with other guys, unless she’s telling you. Alexis actually covers this notion of anxious, “filling-the-gap” you create your own fears. I’ve been 8 weeks nc with my DA, I’ve thought the same many times, but I know it’s only own worst fears being projected. But who knows.. DAs do tend to be more flirtatious and sexually forward, my ex at least understands her attachment behaviours and has been working in them for years. 10 months old, but I hope you didn’t give up hope if you really did love her, because of your own fears. I’ve seen my ex a few times and I can still see that she loves me, I’m still very hopeful, but also realistic.
@norswil8763 awesome response. Firstly yes it's an assumption because I knew her as friends before we got together and she had no issue sleeping with complete strangers after just meeting them. I touched base with her 5 months into the break up. She was happy to hear from me but said no intention of getting back together. It's a year now and we hadn't spoken since. My ex won't recognise she is avoidant but I do hope she can find happiness. It was truly special what we had, but for avoidants that's more difficult to recognise, their independence comes first.
My only pushback is during the relationship I exhausted the card/letter writing, answering the phone whenever she called, making 90% of our plans, pretty much always having to ask her... So now, the only way I can maintain my spine if she were ever to come back, is to break the cycle.
We broke up in February but have been in contact off and on over the last few months it tapered off after June. She last contacted me 4 days ago through text I was short with her because a few days before that she said she didn’t want a relationship. She hasn’t contacted me for the last four days though but why did she randomly text me 4 days ago? Breadcrumbs or confused?
It's a catch22 because them leaving and ghosting you is creating inconsistency and insecurity. By breaking up with you, they are no longer meeting your needs.
i said some pretty horrible things to her, that she was evil, that i hated her, because of something that happened between her ex and myself. she refused to take any responsibility for the issues between he and I, I made a bad assumption because i saw them standing next to eachother and embarrassed us both at a club we both go too. I really want to reach out and apologize for that before going no contact but, she cant hear me right now, it will fall on deaf ears.
I broke no contact after about two months to apologize and communicate how the breakup changed me, and she blocked me. I then messaged her on instagram and I think she read it. Now I think she'll never come back
And if so ? You're not thinking wide enough. You're not thinking far enough, mate. If she'd / he'd be worth to be with you,she / he wouldn't have played such shit on you in the first place. There's about 8 billion people on this planet. Can you even imagine that number? And you're focusing on one (1!) single being that doesn't want to be with you. Let them go. It's hard. I know. You can't imagine what I've been through. But - it's their decision, it's on them to live with the consequences of their decisions - and in the end it's their loss and their mistake. Carry on - I'm sending you strength...
@@MPR2007unless there was a reason why he was dumped… people out here with blind rage towards the dumper no matter the situation. Shit people with shit behaviours and attitudes get dumped everyday, if your dumper was a quality person you’d better apologise otherwise they’ll have no reason to reconsider… and with that attitude you can enjoy a life of garbage relationships and foolish pride.
My ex reached out, and wanted to be friends but she already has a new relationship which she started a week after dumping me. We broke up 3 months ago and as far as i know they are very happy. I told her it was too soon and i couldnt give her an answer yet, what should i do?
And what if he is having sex with our neighbour? And also had sex with me after no contact. Now he sais he wants to stay away from commitment. So no sex with me. But still has sex with the neighbour. He knows how I feal about him. Any advice? He seems to be avoidant. I am definately anccious.
The anxiety is worse right after you’ve reached out knowing you’ll not get a reply than the run up to messaging. We even KNOW how it’s going to feel after. It’s a fix that’s all.
I'm in week 6 with no contact with a DA. Very unlikely she will contact me because she has no issue with sleeping with multiple guys and won't feel what I'm feeling. If she does it will be many, many months later. They have no idea what they put us through.
sounds like yuo're insecure and shouldnt be with her anyway.
*(old post, I know) But, you don’t know that she is sleeping with other guys, unless she’s telling you. Alexis actually covers this notion of anxious, “filling-the-gap” you create your own fears. I’ve been 8 weeks nc with my DA, I’ve thought the same many times, but I know it’s only own worst fears being projected. But who knows.. DAs do tend to be more flirtatious and sexually forward, my ex at least understands her attachment behaviours and has been working in them for years.
10 months old, but I hope you didn’t give up hope if you really did love her, because of your own fears. I’ve seen my ex a few times and I can still see that she loves me, I’m still very hopeful, but also realistic.
@norswil8763 awesome response. Firstly yes it's an assumption because I knew her as friends before we got together and she had no issue sleeping with complete strangers after just meeting them. I touched base with her 5 months into the break up. She was happy to hear from me but said no intention of getting back together. It's a year now and we hadn't spoken since. My ex won't recognise she is avoidant but I do hope she can find happiness. It was truly special what we had, but for avoidants that's more difficult to recognise, their independence comes first.
My only pushback is during the relationship I exhausted the card/letter writing, answering the phone whenever she called, making 90% of our plans, pretty much always having to ask her... So now, the only way I can maintain my spine if she were ever to come back, is to break the cycle.
tbh its been more than 6 months and I thought what we had was bigger than all of this but apparently not... I've given up
If you need coaching you can reach out to me., www.igetmyexback.com/whatsapp/
Any update?
Thanks Alexis , words of wisdom!!
We broke up in February but have been in contact off and on over the last few months it tapered off after June. She last contacted me 4 days ago through text I was short with her because a few days before that she said she didn’t want a relationship. She hasn’t contacted me for the last four days though but why did she randomly text me 4 days ago? Breadcrumbs or confused?
what if they are BPD?
It's a catch22 because them leaving and ghosting you is creating inconsistency and insecurity. By breaking up with you, they are no longer meeting your needs.
i said some pretty horrible things to her, that she was evil, that i hated her, because of something that happened between her ex and myself. she refused to take any responsibility for the issues between he and I, I made a bad assumption because i saw them standing next to eachother and embarrassed us both at a club we both go too. I really want to reach out and apologize for that before going no contact but, she cant hear me right now, it will fall on deaf ears.
I broke no contact after about two months to apologize and communicate how the breakup changed me, and she blocked me. I then messaged her on instagram and I think she read it. Now I think she'll never come back
And if so ? You're not thinking wide enough. You're not thinking far enough, mate. If she'd / he'd be worth to be with you,she / he wouldn't have played such shit on you in the first place. There's about 8 billion people on this planet. Can you even imagine that number? And you're focusing on one (1!) single being that doesn't want to be with you. Let them go. It's hard. I know. You can't imagine what I've been through. But - it's their decision, it's on them to live with the consequences of their decisions - and in the end it's their loss and their mistake. Carry on - I'm sending you strength...
DONT BEG, DONT APOLOGIZE shes the dumper
@@MPR2007unless there was a reason why he was dumped… people out here with blind rage towards the dumper no matter the situation. Shit people with shit behaviours and attitudes get dumped everyday, if your dumper was a quality person you’d better apologise otherwise they’ll have no reason to reconsider… and with that attitude you can enjoy a life of garbage relationships and foolish pride.
‘The Surrender Experiment’ Michael Singer. Read it. Release resistance ❤
Is it Ok to go NC if my ex bf is a FA & in a rebound ? Willhe get more closer to rebound if so? :(
My ex reached out, and wanted to be friends but she already has a new relationship which she started a week after dumping me. We broke up 3 months ago and as far as i know they are very happy. I told her it was too soon and i couldnt give her an answer yet, what should i do?
She treated you as thing not a human. She can switch "things"easily and treated you as garbage. Go away. Let psycho burnt in hell. Im sorry
Psychology: the P here is not pronounced in English ! ❤
And what if he is having sex with our neighbour? And also had sex with me after no contact. Now he sais he wants to stay away from commitment. So no sex with me. But still has sex with the neighbour. He knows how I feal about him.
Any advice? He seems to be avoidant. I am definately anccious.