I FEEL THE SAME EXACT WAY!!! I need my alone time and being social all day long is exhausting. I am so worried I will never find someone I'd be comfortable with all the time and letting them see the "real me" when I am home alone and can look like crap and not feel like I have to be presentable or hide my flaws.
I always look like crap, hence the video haha I have come to terms with the idea that if I always look like crap then I will look even better on the rare occasions I wear makeup 😂
“ Friends to talk with “ I think u can take a time with yourself like for example talking on ur yt videos and for uploading videos u don’t have to do intro just take it easy every thing from u I love it 🫶🏻
Aww Maddie I'm so sorry you are feeling down. Of course not having Fig around would make you feel lonely. 😍 It's a pity you have so much pressure with your work but it's great that you have joined a gym which will help reduce your stress. I like listening to just chat to us in your videos so really hope you can keep this channel going. Your nails are gorgeous! I agree going for a hike with a friend would be my idea of a fun outing. Hope things improve for you soon. ❤️
Thank you, Dianne ❤️ I do like work but it just feels like a lot. I do think I will keep this channel going because I really appreciate this community and the support from everyone. I hope you have a good week!
😀💕xx thanks Maddie. My birthday is on 22nd. December and when I met my husband we soon discovered our birthdays were really close, his is on the 21st. That first year we were together his parents gave us a combined birthday and Christmas card, just the one card for us both. Bad move!! They didn’t do that again. I am not happy having my birthday so close to Christmas. Nowadays I’d rather avoid both. But this year we’re all going to a nice pub so I won’t have to cook and it’s a relief not to have to prepare the food. Thanks again for your vlogs.
Haha I would be pissed if that happened to me! Even though my birthday is a week away from Christmas I always got combined gifts (I know it sounds a bit greedy) but I hated it. Sounds like going out is a good idea, I might have to do that as well :)
I hear you- sending hugs. I just lost my dog 2 months ago today actually. I can completely relate about the loneliness. I, too, live in an apartment and she was such a big part of my world- my safe space. I don’t have a lot of friends after recovering from eating disorder. It’s been so important for me to just let myself feel sad- and so hard to feel it all.
If u r thinking about quit youTube it’s ur choice and what’s makes u comfortable and I get it it’s hard and u also work - I really love ur honest videos makes me feel that I’m not alone u can take a break from yt if u want or keep ur videos to anyone who will miss u like me (:
I think I will keep up with RUclips but maybe not post as often and the videos will be similar to this one. I appreciate this community so want to maintain it ❤️
We’re so similar. My cousin’s birthday is a week before Christmas. Take a break if you feel you need to. “Do something today that your future self will thank you for” undoing the hard work you put into recovery would be really disappointing. Try to meet yourself where you are, you seem to give yourself a hard time over many things:
Maddie, you're so so hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, you lost your greatest companion who was with you through everything and you're doing your best to find pockets of joy (nails, tattoos, walks, your writing) and to not go back to the depths on an Eating Disorder. Don't be so unkind to yourself, I promise you, you don't deserve it. Also, I could not relate MORE to the loneliness and friend debacle, and it sounds like you just haven't found your people. Honestly, I'd love to go on a hike with you, I despise drinking and I love staying home (when I'm not exploring or wishing to travel), and there's nothing wrong with you for wanting those or other similar things too. You don't have to be a drinker or late night partier, and it's not your fault that this is where you are, nor does it say anything negative about you. I'm always up to chat and be a voice at the other end of the line if you need it. I remember losing my first pet who was there with me through it all (ED, bullying, self harm, showers at midnight in tears, 4am exercise routines etc.) and it nearly broke me. She saved my life and will always be at the center of my heart, and it's perfectly okay that fig will always be at the center of yours. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm also so grateful for her presence in your life to begin with. Much love coming your way ❤️🩹❣️
Lindsey, thank you so much for your heartfelt comment, I really appreciate it. I feel like you can relate a lot to my story and I appreciate you sharing. I am often hard on myself and realize that I need to be kinder, but that has always been a challenge for me. I am actually grateful for work as it keeps me busy, so when I am not caught up in working, that’s when I feel down. I hope you are doing well and sending love back to you ❤️
I have almost no social life and spend most of my time at home so you are not alone. I lost a lot of friends due to mental illness and got used to being alone, then covid only amplified my hermit ways. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay in especially right now when you are grieving. Just know you have a whole community of people who support you and are there for you. Maybe I could convince you to do another live? It might feel like less of a task with the bonus of being a fun, social thing. Just a thought! Sending you lots of love. Be gentle with yourself. 💕
Covid definitely amplified the hermit life and then moving into my own place alone made it worse. TBH I don't mind being alone but sometimes I wish I had people around to talk to, especially on a Friday night. I am so grateful for this RUclips community so do want to keep up this channel. Doing another live is a good idea and something I have thought of! I would love to do one though! Take care, Dorothy ❤️
You sound how I feel, it’s hard having friends far away. And keeping up when you’re overwhelmed. I hope you meet some people at the gym classes. I love FaceTime for long distance. All my love xxx
i loved the rawness of this video maddie. thank you for your honesty and congrats for fighting against your ocd. i know how difficult that is. also i am so sorry about fig. i can relate to the feeling of loneliness. i don't like partying either but there are other ways to connect with people, i promise. i would LOOOOOOVE to go on a hike with somebody and i'm sure i'm not the only one. hope you're gonna feel better soon
Just hugs for you maddie. U be strong,u got this. I know the urge to relapse is there but dont give in. Fig wouldnt want that for you.... remember that. X
You’re totally normal for feeling ALL of your feels. What you’re going through, especially at your age, is also normal. You’re doing great Maddie. You have to be less hard on yourself. Love ya!!❤
I feel you on the different interests to people around you - I would always choose an early hike over a drink and everyone around me is here for getting shit faced. Isolating isn't it. Are there any hiking groups you can join where you are?
I don’t know about hiking groups - especially because there aren’t really many great hikes near Toronto. But I am hoping the new gym I have joined will help me meet some people :)
Ik ben inderdaad heel blij met mijn 2 vriendinnen met wie ik regelmatig ga wandelen. En altijd spontaan kan bellen voor een wandeling. Je bent goed bezig en je bent een mooi goed mens en op een dag ontmoet ook jij de juiste mensen die je positieve energie geven. Jij straalt ondanks jouw zorgen positieve energie uit. Sterkte Lieve madigan.
Thank you for your comment and kind words. It is nice to have friends to call and I am hoping to have some people like that in my life soon. Sending love to you and wishing you a great week ❤️
Hey Mad, its ok i understand u. I love u so much i wanna be ur friend. Im also having bad time i pushed everyone including family cus i try to have kids in ivf, its so hard ppl R way far at there jurny. I want kids too... it makes me so sad and hate ppl. But i love u and ur beautiful face, smile, hair, all will be ok. Huggs❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I always find so much comfort in watching your videos because they help me feel less alone in feeling all the crazy emotions and thoughts that come with ED recovery and with life in general. Know you aren't alone, and that by sharing your experiences so openly and honestly is such a big help and support to others going through similar things 💕
First I’d like to say that having best friends that are furry or four legged is natural and normal… my two best friends are furry! I think there are many, many people who have furry best friends… next I’d like to tell you that are also many people who would prefer to hike or bike than go to clubs and drink… as you get older most people out grow clubbing and drinking to excess… I’d also like to point out, and I mean this as a compliment, because you are not a superficial person getting your nails and hair done are not going to make you happy… you should think about getting a new pet… not as a replacement for Fig but to show another animal a good life, a warm place to live, healthy food, and a friend… my father always said that you shouldn’t let something die in vain… figs departure could give another animal a wonderful life… and fig would want that too ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Emily ❤️ I do really miss Fig and it has felt like losing a best friend. Thank you for pointing out that’s it’s okay to not like going out and drinking. You are right about superficial things not making me happy. I guess it’s like a bandaid. I don’t know about a new pet right now, things are busy enough with work and I think I still need some time… I hope you have a great week!
Woah you sounded just like me when you were talking about how you don’t really like going out with friends, and would much rather go for a hike. It’s absolutely ok to be struggling with your own feelings. Don’t feel guilty about it. We all have our own stories, and no story is more or less important than another. Sometimes we feel alone, but we are never alone. As a Christian, I truly believe that the God of the universe knows us all by name and loves us no matter what. Lots of love and hugs to you ❤️❤️❤️
I partly know how you feel, loneliness and shit. I worry so much about the future because I am afraid of being alone, I don't have a partner and probably will never find someone because, exactly the flaw thing you said, and the space thing. I have so many flaws and would like someone busy so I have a bit more space of my own. I am not a fun person to be around with, so finding someone will probably be impossible. The future is scary, loneliness is scary. I feel less alone with my cat Kiki, but she'll pass before me, which is a scary thought to think about. I am afraid of abandonment, so opening my heart to others is tough, because I'm afraid of getting backstabbed and abandoned. Getting attached to someone is scary, because I'll probably end up hurt in some way or another. The only person I'm attached to is my mother, and she'll pass before me so I'll eventually still end up all alone. So yeah, in some way or another I do relate. So we're stuck in this together I guess ;v; ((Didn't write this to seek for attention!!
It is hard and sad to feel so alone. I would urge you to try and get out there and join some type of club, gym, team etc. That is what I am trying to do and I will keep you all updated on if it is working or not! I am sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time as well. I'm here with you ❤️ Sending love.
I FEEL THE SAME EXACT WAY!!! I need my alone time and being social all day long is exhausting. I am so worried I will never find someone I'd be comfortable with all the time and letting them see the "real me" when I am home alone and can look like crap and not feel like I have to be presentable or hide my flaws.
I always look like crap, hence the video haha I have come to terms with the idea that if I always look like crap then I will look even better on the rare occasions I wear makeup 😂
“ Friends to talk with “ I think u can take a time with yourself like for example talking on ur yt videos and for uploading videos u don’t have to do intro just take it easy every thing from u I love it 🫶🏻
Aww Maddie I'm so sorry you are feeling down. Of course not having Fig around would make you feel lonely. 😍 It's a pity you have so much pressure with your work but it's great that you have joined a gym which will help reduce your stress. I like listening to just chat to us in your videos so really hope you can keep this channel going. Your nails are gorgeous! I agree going for a hike with a friend would be my idea of a fun outing. Hope things improve for you soon. ❤️
Thank you, Dianne ❤️ I do like work but it just feels like a lot. I do think I will keep this channel going because I really appreciate this community and the support from everyone. I hope you have a good week!
😀💕xx thanks Maddie. My birthday is on 22nd. December and when I met my husband we soon discovered our birthdays were really close, his is on the 21st. That first year we were together his parents gave us a combined birthday and Christmas card, just the one card for us both. Bad move!! They didn’t do that again. I am not happy having my birthday so close to Christmas. Nowadays I’d rather avoid both. But this year we’re all going to a nice pub so I won’t have to cook and it’s a relief not to have to prepare the food. Thanks again for your vlogs.
Haha I would be pissed if that happened to me! Even though my birthday is a week away from Christmas I always got combined gifts (I know it sounds a bit greedy) but I hated it. Sounds like going out is a good idea, I might have to do that as well :)
I hear you- sending hugs. I just lost my dog 2 months ago today actually. I can completely relate about the loneliness. I, too, live in an apartment and she was such a big part of my world- my safe space. I don’t have a lot of friends after recovering from eating disorder. It’s been so important for me to just let myself feel sad- and so hard to feel it all.
If u r thinking about quit youTube it’s ur choice and what’s makes u comfortable and I get it it’s hard and u also work
- I really love ur honest videos makes me feel that I’m not alone u can take a break from yt if u want or keep ur videos to anyone who will miss u like me (:
I think I will keep up with RUclips but maybe not post as often and the videos will be similar to this one. I appreciate this community so want to maintain it ❤️
We’re so similar. My cousin’s birthday is a week before Christmas. Take a break if you feel you need to. “Do something today that your future self will thank you for” undoing the hard work you put into recovery would be really disappointing. Try to meet yourself where you are, you seem to give yourself a hard time over many things:
Hannah, thank you for the comment ❤️ I like that quote as well. I know I need to be kinder to myself, so I will work on that.
Maddie, you're so so hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, you lost your greatest companion who was with you through everything and you're doing your best to find pockets of joy (nails, tattoos, walks, your writing) and to not go back to the depths on an Eating Disorder. Don't be so unkind to yourself, I promise you, you don't deserve it. Also, I could not relate MORE to the loneliness and friend debacle, and it sounds like you just haven't found your people. Honestly, I'd love to go on a hike with you, I despise drinking and I love staying home (when I'm not exploring or wishing to travel), and there's nothing wrong with you for wanting those or other similar things too. You don't have to be a drinker or late night partier, and it's not your fault that this is where you are, nor does it say anything negative about you. I'm always up to chat and be a voice at the other end of the line if you need it. I remember losing my first pet who was there with me through it all (ED, bullying, self harm, showers at midnight in tears, 4am exercise routines etc.) and it nearly broke me. She saved my life and will always be at the center of my heart, and it's perfectly okay that fig will always be at the center of yours. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm also so grateful for her presence in your life to begin with. Much love coming your way ❤️🩹❣️
Lindsey, thank you so much for your heartfelt comment, I really appreciate it. I feel like you can relate a lot to my story and I appreciate you sharing. I am often hard on myself and realize that I need to be kinder, but that has always been a challenge for me. I am actually grateful for work as it keeps me busy, so when I am not caught up in working, that’s when I feel down. I hope you are doing well and sending love back to you ❤️
Your videos are so authentic and that what makes them so unique and special. I’m so sorry you’re sad. Sending love and strength from Bristol UK XXX
Thank you, Kate, I appreciate it ❤️ Sending love back to you!
I have almost no social life and spend most of my time at home so you are not alone. I lost a lot of friends due to mental illness and got used to being alone, then covid only amplified my hermit ways. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay in especially right now when you are grieving. Just know you have a whole community of people who support you and are there for you. Maybe I could convince you to do another live? It might feel like less of a task with the bonus of being a fun, social thing. Just a thought! Sending you lots of love. Be gentle with yourself. 💕
Covid definitely amplified the hermit life and then moving into my own place alone made it worse. TBH I don't mind being alone but sometimes I wish I had people around to talk to, especially on a Friday night. I am so grateful for this RUclips community so do want to keep up this channel. Doing another live is a good idea and something I have thought of! I would love to do one though! Take care, Dorothy ❤️
You sound how I feel, it’s hard having friends far away. And keeping up when you’re overwhelmed. I hope you meet some people at the gym classes. I love FaceTime for long distance.
All my love xxx
Thank you for the comment ❤️ I also hope I meet some people at the gym classes :)
i loved the rawness of this video maddie. thank you for your honesty and congrats for fighting against your ocd. i know how difficult that is. also i am so sorry about fig. i can relate to the feeling of loneliness. i don't like partying either but there are other ways to connect with people, i promise. i would LOOOOOOVE to go on a hike with somebody and i'm sure i'm not the only one.
hope you're gonna feel better soon
Jule, thank you for the comment ❤️ I am glad that you liked the video and really appreciate your support. Take care.
I feel like this! You are not alone it's almost scarry how much I relate to almost every point you made!
It's nice to know that I am not alone in my thoughts, thank you ❤️
Im sending you hugs! I still miss my bunny. I lost my best friend when he passed away. It hurts.
It is hard to loose something we love so much. I am hurting with you ❤️
Just hugs for you maddie. U be strong,u got this. I know the urge to relapse is there but dont give in. Fig wouldnt want that for you.... remember that. X
Thank you ❤️
Love you Maddie!! Your videos are my favorite part of my weekend
Aww thank you ❤️
You’re totally normal for feeling ALL of your feels. What you’re going through, especially at your age, is also normal. You’re doing great Maddie. You have to be less hard on yourself. Love ya!!❤
Thank you, Deb, I appreciate it ❤️ Sending love back to you!
I feel you on the different interests to people around you - I would always choose an early hike over a drink and everyone around me is here for getting shit faced. Isolating isn't it. Are there any hiking groups you can join where you are?
I don’t know about hiking groups - especially because there aren’t really many great hikes near Toronto. But I am hoping the new gym I have joined will help me meet some people :)
Ik ben inderdaad heel blij met mijn 2 vriendinnen met wie ik regelmatig ga wandelen. En altijd spontaan kan bellen voor een wandeling. Je bent goed bezig en je bent een mooi goed mens en op een dag ontmoet ook jij de juiste mensen die je positieve energie geven. Jij straalt ondanks jouw zorgen positieve energie uit. Sterkte Lieve madigan.
Thank you for your comment and kind words. It is nice to have friends to call and I am hoping to have some people like that in my life soon. Sending love to you and wishing you a great week ❤️
Hey Mad, its ok i understand u. I love u so much i wanna be ur friend.
Im also having bad time i pushed everyone including family cus i try to have kids in ivf, its so hard ppl R way far at there jurny. I want kids too... it makes me so sad and hate ppl. But i love u and ur beautiful face, smile, hair, all will be ok. Huggs❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for the lovely comment, I really appreciate it ❤️ Sending lots of love to you!
I always find so much comfort in watching your videos because they help me feel less alone in feeling all the crazy emotions and thoughts that come with ED recovery and with life in general. Know you aren't alone, and that by sharing your experiences so openly and honestly is such a big help and support to others going through similar things 💕
Aww thank you. That’s the whole point of my channel - to help people feel less alone. I appreciate the comment, take care ❤️
First I’d like to say that having best friends that are furry or four legged is natural and normal… my two best friends are furry! I think there are many, many people who have furry best friends… next I’d like to tell you that are also many people who would prefer to hike or bike than go to clubs and drink… as you get older most people out grow clubbing and drinking to excess… I’d also like to point out, and I mean this as a compliment, because you are not a superficial person getting your nails and hair done are not going to make you happy… you should think about getting a new pet… not as a replacement for Fig but to show another animal a good life, a warm place to live, healthy food, and a friend… my father always said that you shouldn’t let something die in vain… figs departure could give another animal a wonderful life… and fig would want that too ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Emily ❤️ I do really miss Fig and it has felt like losing a best friend. Thank you for pointing out that’s it’s okay to not like going out and drinking. You are right about superficial things not making me happy. I guess it’s like a bandaid. I don’t know about a new pet right now, things are busy enough with work and I think I still need some time… I hope you have a great week!
Woah you sounded just like me when you were talking about how you don’t really like going out with friends, and would much rather go for a hike. It’s absolutely ok to be struggling with your own feelings. Don’t feel guilty about it. We all have our own stories, and no story is more or less important than another. Sometimes we feel alone, but we are never alone. As a Christian, I truly believe that the God of the universe knows us all by name and loves us no matter what. Lots of love and hugs to you ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for the comment and I hope you are doing well! I like what you said and appreciate your kind words. Sending love to you ❤️
I partly know how you feel, loneliness and shit. I worry so much about the future because I am afraid of being alone, I don't have a partner and probably will never find someone because, exactly the flaw thing you said, and the space thing. I have so many flaws and would like someone busy so I have a bit more space of my own. I am not a fun person to be around with, so finding someone will probably be impossible. The future is scary, loneliness is scary. I feel less alone with my cat Kiki, but she'll pass before me, which is a scary thought to think about. I am afraid of abandonment, so opening my heart to others is tough, because I'm afraid of getting backstabbed and abandoned. Getting attached to someone is scary, because I'll probably end up hurt in some way or another. The only person I'm attached to is my mother, and she'll pass before me so I'll eventually still end up all alone.
So yeah, in some way or another I do relate. So we're stuck in this together I guess ;v;
((Didn't write this to seek for attention!!
It is hard and sad to feel so alone. I would urge you to try and get out there and join some type of club, gym, team etc. That is what I am trying to do and I will keep you all updated on if it is working or not! I am sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time as well. I'm here with you ❤️ Sending love.
I loved this video Maddie.
Thank you ❤️
I'd so be your friend- sincerely, weirdo from England, UK ❤️❤️❤️
I love weirdos from England :)
💝
❤️
I know this sounds stupid but I wish we were friends
Not stupid, I would love some new friends ❤️