Being Raised in a Cult (Mormon) STILL Affects Me
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- Опубликовано: 2 июл 2024
- #JustCultThings
What things have stuck with you since leaving a cult? Let me know in the comments! And don't forget to SUBSCRIBE (:
What makes the Mormon church a cult: • Mormon Church = Cult? ...
• Is Mormonism a Cult?
Why can't I leave the church alone: • Video
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Love you, keep doing you!
🥺♥️ Made my day. Thank you! xo
Yes you have a lot of courage.
@@ExmoLex sister may be you still have some lords spirit left in you.
@@dalipgupta8275 😄
Does the check-mark by your name mean that you're the real deal?
Harriett Tubman left slavery, but she "couldn't leave it alone."
Love that! 💖
@@NissaMaezHartman I have a photo meme of Harriett Tubman with that quip on it. I posted it to the Utah Valley Post Mormon Group. I wish we could post such things here in the RUclips comments. (I didn't come up with the idea, I got the meme from somewhere else.)
@@ioanekirarahu951 Thank you for sharing that, though. It's wonderful, and I plan on using it!
Nice
Not at all applicable. Tf 🙄
I wasn't raised Mormon (converted at 23) but one of the worst lessons I ever had was a woman who flat out said "it is NOT your body. It's God's." I probably won't ever forget the discomfort from it.
Our body is a temple. Praise Jesus
Well, if it's God's body, God's body likes a ton of stuff I didn't know he was into.
It explains how I got to try meth and heroin without getting addicted and it costing me less than energy drinks or supplements.
Man, God IS awesome, he can do ANYTHING
I've been out of the church for at least 6 years now. I'm gay, and engaged to my boyfriend who Ive been with for 3 years now, and still, I still get hymns stuck in my head, and I still have the instinct to pray over big decisions. Even though the last time I stepped foot in an LDS church, was in 2015. I love coffee, and I still think about it any time I make, or order some.
I do want to thank the poor barista that took my first coffee order at a Starbucks in Wisconsin. I asked her for a coffee, she asked me what kind and I said "don't know, something good" she looked at me like a space alien and gave me an au lait with mocha, and Ive been ordering it ever since haha. My total also came to $6.66. I'll never forget.
I don't think I'll ever shake the culty stuff.
Are you now an atheist? Agnostic?
Luckily prayer is not exclusive to Mormons.
Good that you left that mormon cult, but the life style your having will take you to hell 🥺 please think about, God is not religion, it is a relationship between you and God, don't go back to the mormon cult, but go back to Jesus, he is coming back, don't be left behind 🥺
@@loveandpeace8148 I would prefer God leave me alone. I certainly don't need to spend an eternity worshiping a sadistic narcissist. If I were granted eternity, I could pick a million other things to do with it.
😂😂😂
I left 23 years ago, and it still affects me. Yup.
It affects those of us who live with them too. This week my car was hit by a MrmonPriesthood authority. He refused to show proof of insurance and threatened blackmail (my insurance) if I called police. Im sure he'll have general conference turned up for the weekend though. Unless ya live with them all over one can not comprehend the Narcissism/control LD$ renders. Gotta love Utah
For me I think it’s just a constant sense of anxiety and guilt for no reason whatsoever
That.
I want to hold your hands and talk about it. 🥺
Yup
I have that all too. Except it’s many reasons that make no sense
When I just arrived to the mission field, I had difficulties with falling asleep. The hymns were playing in my head. To fight that, and finally have some rest, I started singing Baby Got Back by Sir Mixalot to myself. Slept like a baby after that.
This is a great story 😂
It will fade with time. I was in the cult for 44 years but will be celebrating my 10 year anniversary of being free this summer! It will never completely go away but it does get better.
Don’t tell someone it will fade with time. You don’t know that. Just because it happened with you, don’t mean it will here.
Right? Unless one lives in Utah where very few separate church & state. These warnings and opinions are ness. I wish I would have known before going to the temple and thousands of $$$ later #ImOut
I left the church over 16yrs ago and there is still so much mormon in me that it feels crazy. I am bi, and I married a woman. But the things that I liked about my wife were that she doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, she doesn't like tattoos and only has one pair of piercings on her ears. She never uses cursed words at all. And that was just so important to me for some reason. It is so hard to get away from that kind of thinking.
@@yeboscrebo4451 it's not about that for exmos. It's okay to not like tattos. It sucks to know you don't like tattoos *because you were indoctrinated*
@@yeboscrebo4451 I find it bizarre that people have a problem with tatoos.
@@nancyselland3860 they’re dirty looking, expensive, unprofessional, it seem the more you have determines your level of psychosis, higher chances of infection and hepatitis, and some people don’t want to be touched by these scroungy looking tattoo artists...
@@yeboscrebo4451 Thanks so much random man; your opinion is noted.
It's totally ok to find those things attractive. Smokers and heavy drinkers especially. It's a lifestyle I don't want to be around.
I haven't set foot in church in 11 years. Proud to say last fall I forget it was Gen Conference till I saw it on Reddit. Mormon stuff does pop in my head from time to time.
When I had recently acknowledged my atheism, I watched a video about atheism that really helped me work through some things. I felt so much better, and my brain automatically went to “God must have known I needed that video.”
I get it, especially the prayer thing.
Omg... imagining a grandparent saying “balls!” as a swear has me rolling 🤣
And yes, I grew up in a pretty strict Christian family.... and I definitely still have remnants that I wish I could get rid of. It’s hard.
Balls is my 85 year old grandfather’s favorite “swear” 😂
Go British and say Bollocks
@@barbaral743 Bellend too or my favourite... knob! haha
You are a refreshing beacon of reason!
I still struggle with judging Mormon thoughts too! It’s so frustrating, and always try to do two positives per one negative I think. Why do our brains have to be like this??
I could tell you but you probably wouldn't believe me. If you want me to try to explain let me know?
I heard someone say "what if our brains arent evolved to identify the truth, but to protect our sanity?" [It may have even been from one of Lex's videos but I watch a lot of exmo/exchristian]
@@yeboscrebo4451 men do it too. It's a human brain thing.
Thoughts are not within our control. What we do with those thoughts is within our control. When you have a thought that disturbs you (which is inevitable) just thank it for showing up and take whatever action aligns with your values. The Mormon church teaches thought stopping techniques to over ride you intuition. Stop thought stopping but recognize that thoughts are not inherently good / bad and say nothing about you personally.
@@bonniea.1941 your first thought is what you've been conditioned to think. your second thought is what you really think. neither make you a good/bad person until you act on them.
Most relatable is those fucking hymns being stuck in your head. So many years and they still occasionally get in my head.
Sometimes my sister is playing hymns on the piano and I start humming and singing then I stop myself hoping my Mormon family didn't hear. For some reason I feel embarrassed.
same. I hate it sm
I'm always getting praise to the man stuck in my head and I have no clue why but I hate it
What's even worse is when it's just a few lines, you don't remember the rest so it gets stuck on a loop. At least when you remember the whole thing you can kinda run through it I yout head to exorcise it. The only thing I found that works is lots of catchy pop/rock music you have to sing along to, headphones make it even better.
Out for over 25 years and I still get the damn hymn earworms. I've found that making a game out of changing the lyrics to something very non-mormon makes it less annoying + helps get the tune out quicker.
For me one of the biggest things was learning that it's ok to say "no" when someone asks for help. (I know that sounds rude 😂) However, the cult caused me to develop an unhealthy NEED to people please and serve, serve, serve....
Now, I help when I can and don't have to do a balancing act because I have promised to help 5 people move on the same weekend 🤦🏼♀️
If you feel the need to thank someone before a meal, silently thank the farm workers and food supply chain workers for all the hard work and sacrifice they put in to make sure we're all fed. You'll fulfill the need to say "thank you" to someone that may not hear it...but at least they exist and really DO deserve the credit.
Yes, thank Jesus, Juan, Carlos . . .
@@michaellines2063 LOL
Best RUclips comment ever
Thank Jesus daily for everything
It’s 2022 and I just saw this. I was a convert and have shared the feeling that this brain washing will never end. I’ve been out for more than 40 years and I’m still angry about all the things you talked about in this video. Thanks for posting this.
Before eating, Japanese people say “itadakmasu” it’s an expression of gratitude meaning I receive this food gratefully. To acknowledge that you have food and whoever worked to prepare the food. A thought it was a beautiful replacement for the rote Mormon meal prayers.#new traditions ☺️❤️
Itadakimasu is a great expression and idea
When you say "Eat my doggie's mess" it sounds the same to most Japanese and they get very impressed that you know this Japanese custom.
My wife is Japanese and we do that every meal.
I am still Christian, though I have left the LDS church. I still pray before meals. But I agree, meal prayers and prayers in general are rote, repetitive, and often not heartfelt; or they are the opposite and just so long that the people listening zone out and are thinking of other things in the meantime. Still trying to figure out a good balance. But I still say the typical Mormon thing because it’s so engrained: “Dear Heavenly Father, thank thee for this day, thank thee for this food, ask thee to bless it to nourish and strengthen our bodies, please help us to have a good day. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.” Especially if I’m in a hurry. And it took me forever to think that I could at least say “thank you” instead of “thank thee” every time. It made God feel more personal when I could just say “you” or when I could say “Hey God, it’s me” kind of thing. One of the things I first noticed after leaving the church (like you do a garment check or pay attention to someone wearing a tank top) is how people outside the LDS church pray. And I would be very picky or very in awe at how they would pray. I still feel a lot of effects from being in the cult, but in the kinds of things you mentioned, it’s been a lot more smooth in me feeling comfortable with (like wearing tank tops or being around people who occasionally cuss or who even drink coffee!).
@@chameleonsandcaramel5979 The "thee" part I always found weird. Especially studying more about languages and not even really finding any reason for it, other than when Joseph Smith wrote the Book of Mormon, he tweaked his English to sound more "Biblical". Never understood why we had to go into this "quasi 1600s half-Elizabethan" speech when praying.
I’m in the process of leaving the christian church right now, and the only thing that keeps me in is a huge fear of hell. I’d love to leave it all behind but the fear of eternal condemnation is so ingrained in me.
I pretty much stopped believing in Hell after reading near death experiences of people who "went to hell". They varied so incredibly much from malevolent beings pinching them, to beings with gray formless arms grabbing at them, to vast darkness with sad people, to gigantic shapes (like triangles and hexagons) tormenting them.
Interesting comment. You refer to your "fear". Let me tell you what Joseph Smith's son, David, said many years after his dad's death: "The believe and be saved, disbelieve and be damned teachings of the churches is a lever by which cunning men cause the gullible to obey them."
Don't be gullible. Don't fear because someone in a white shirt and tie tells you to quake in your shoes. I can't help but feel Smith's son developed this belief at the foot of his mother. She should know what her hubby was up to.
Also, do you fear what you were doing about 100 years ago? Thought so.
Eiley I totally understand how that can feel. I left a Christian church in 2012 and it still effects me. I occasionally get night terrors or panic attacks STILL about hell and feel an insane amount of guilt for “dragging down to hell” everyone in my life who I’m not trying to “share the truth with”. It does get better but it’s something I actively work on almost 9 years later.
it depends on why you are leaving the Christian church..if it's because you no longer believe in God, then it's fair to say that if there is no God there is no Satan..no heaven no hell. You are probably a very good person who tries to do good in the world? You wouldn't go to hell anyway, in the church or out of it. But you don't need to worry because there is no hell.
Read the book Heaven and Hell by Bart Ehrman to learn how the Christian ideas about the afterlife came about in the first place. (They are all made up,)
I totally remember the things I used to pray about and now I'm like.... SMH. If only people knew how often and honestly I prayed alone multiple times a day for 20+ years, they would know how devout I was and not see me as someone who was weak for leaving. It's hard to think those closest to you could think you left because you weren't "valiant", instead of someone who opened their eyes.
People find it so easy to judge, it's a shame that they don't see that they're wrong.
Exactly... and unfortunately, I had those same judgemental thoughts about others leaving the church, like "they weren't reading the scriptures enough... too bad" and now I am on the recieving end. Maybe it's Karma..
Kinda the opposite for me. I don’t believe at all, I was never the ‘devout’ person. (Maybe when I was 10???) Even though everyone around me believes I am. I’m the young womens president, I’m good at bullshitting talks, and I’m always smiling and laughing, even though I used to scream in my mind at church, begging God to let somebody know I was hurting. Yes I’m still in the church, but judging how my parents reacted when my oldest brother left the church, they’ll probably say stuff like: “You loved church so much! How did things change??”
It’s called lying. And I’ve been doing it for a decade. Because the church made me feel like I could never express when I was unhappy, and if I was, it was probably because I was sinning or falling off the ‘straight and narrow path’. I’m getting better at expressing to my friends when I’m not doing great, but it’s a slow process. Can’t wait to leave the church when I turn 18!
Also! You’re really strong op! It’s a big and hard change to leave the church! And I’m glad you took the steps to make your life happier ^^
I wasn't raised in it, but was a 'convert', and I struggle still with some things. I can only imagine how hard it must be for someone who was raised in the Cult!
Same here. I was a convert, but after 6 months I started questioning a lot. 6 months later the jig was up, I was inactive and a year later I resigned. After 3 yrs sometimes I still cross paths with missionaries outside and we still talk, but a part of me still has some pent up anger. The anger isn't focused on the missionaries, but the cultural brainwashing force behind them. That said, I am still cordial with them but feel sorry they had been raised that way. Still, I encourage them to question, research, and think for themselves instead of a corporation.
Converted at 12 and more or less left when i was 24
@@unluckyone1655 The fact that you escaped makes you one of us lucky ones!
I tried to leave the church 30 years ago, while in my late 20's. Didn't succeed until a couple years ago, when I found the Mormon Stories. The key to not having these things bother you, is to stop resentting the fact you do it. If you can get over the resentment, you can then move on to the point where you no longer do it. it's a process. As you can see, I have been working on this for many years.
This is a real good one, that’s what Brain Washing is all about. It is also very dangerous to your Life Existence.
I have a question. Are you forced to be in the church or like what do you mean you tried to leave? Do they not let you leave?
@@chasewilliams3128 - what I mean is, trying to overcome their brainwashing was not easy. Although my family does not hold it against me, having most of them in the church does not help. And if you Just stopped going to church, it does not work, because they tracked you down and pester you. You can resign of course but if you still think there might be some truth to it, you won't do that. What I mean by I finally left it, I don't think there's any truth to it anymore. Interestingly enough, even if you do resign from the church or are excommunicated, you still are counted as a member. The LDS church loves to brag about their numbers.
I do believe in God but not any kind of organized religions. May I ask what you believe in?
I also get stuck on the praying before meals, so we made a new habit. We go around the table and say one thing we like about ourselves. I'm used to praising gawd for anything good that happens, so hopefully my kids learning to appreciate themselves, will help them to be happier and healthier.
That sounds like a great tradition. I just have to freeze and stare at my food while my families praying or else I'll be called disrespectful.
Great idea! Being true to our soul, self respect, and being one with the almighty is not taught in LD$ I left after 40 yrs & saw/see the destruction of women, people of color, LGBT, and families all around me.
That’s why “Nothing” created you.
So that you can revel and glory in yourself!
Didn’t Lucifer say something along those lines?
@@lamontfaulkner5090 Nope that was God not satan. To thineself be true Yes. But this whole world wide web does not understand just one definition of your god. Freedom of religion!
Yesss! I’ll see tattoos and be like “ohh” and then remember I have them too 😂 I was just raised to think people who have tattoos are inherently bad people and sinners
Growing up in the Mormon church and leaving it has really worsened my trust issues and self loathing.
I got complemented a lot for being a great youth leader, having a nice voice, and being a good Mormon boy growing up. And now leaving it I’ve realized how much of my self esteem was co dependent on those compliments. And now I’ve realized how fake they probably were, just trying to keep the youth happy in the church.
Born and raised Mormon In small town Utah. Escaped 15 years ago and I still remember a lot of the hymns.
Also, When I first left the church I literally felt nauseous when I started wearing tank tops. I’d be out in public convincing myself that everyone thought I was a slut.
I left 6 months ago and I only went out in a tank top once. I felt super self conscious
Its a heavy burden to go through - you can't relax and feel everyone is staring at you and thinking bad of you, except they aren't. I also felt that for a good while after leaving, and wouldn't even let someone post photo's of me in a tank top, 2 years on, because i wasn't publicly out. The indoctrination goes deep - and i also thought i might send my ancestors to outer darkness because now the temple ordinances I did for them would be cancelled with me leaving the church. 4 years on, i still think about that. So, it is interesting how your thinking gets stuck with you from your upbringing and how long it takes to become new. Great comments and great video reflecting that.
I’m a LDS member still, and oh man… the Utah Mormons… they are the worse I can’t lie.
Oh my goodness!! I was raised in the mormon church and every single one of these things you talked about is right on the nose! Just a side note... you should have seen the disgust on my mom's face when she realized I had gotten a couple of tattoos. She has told me more than once that my chair at the family table in the celestial kingdom will be empty. 🙄
Thank you so much for making this video!
I’ll likely never get the songs out of my head. My mom led the primary music for most of my growing up years. They are well ingrained 😂
I left the church about 7 months ago at age 14. I told my parents how judgmental they can be to people who swear or show shoulders of have tattoos but they keep denying it. It's annoying because I live in the same house as them and I still have to follow all the Mormon rules even though I'm an atheist. Good thing I have atheist friends. I also go to an LGBT club after school and have an Ex Mormon friend there. They 're amazing to talk to about all my struggles and it's great to go on the ex Mormon teen sub Reddit to vent. There's a lot more ex Mormon teens than I thought and youtubers like you are really helping younger kids get out of the cult earlier before indoctrination hits too hard. After years of doubts I came across your videos and binge watched them, finally realizing that the church I was in wasn't true. Thanks :3
Kyla, you are so strong for someone so young. It really takes courage to make this decision in small town Utah. I lived in Park City for 11 years and am a gentile but I worked for the State in Heber, Coalville and Kamas so I understand perfectly. I will say that your parents raised a wonderful seeming woman who is no afraid to question and I support you whole heartedly in your quest for growth! Go seize the world Girl-you got this!
I love your honesty! Keep it coming.
Recently I was on a hike with a friend, and I thought of a word that just suddenly reminded me of a hymn, and it just felt like this huge weight dropped on me as the hymn played in my head and I just could do nothing about it. I felt so powerless. It made me realize just how much the indoctrination is deeply ingrained in my brain, and I want so desperately to root it out.
Some of the things you mentioned were things that got better for me over time, but hymns and primary songs just really stick with me. Also, the kind of perfectionism the church teaches you is the very worst kind of perfectionism possible, and it’s legit getting in the way of my ability to form healthy relationships and that fucking sucks so hard.
Thanks for sharing your experiences! It’s always nice to be reminded that I’m not alone 🙂
I lost my faith in my early teens, and left completely in my late teens, so I think it's probably different than leaving it as an adult. There were a lot of the beliefs that I really never got ingrained into me because as a kid I never really understood them and as a teen, I never fully accepted, agreed with or truly believed in them, so I think as an adult, or for someone who's already gone on missions, etc. a lot of those beliefs and cultural norms stay with people longer.
For me, it's more the guilt and constantly feeling unworthy of everything. If I ever make a decision based on self care or putting my needs as a priority, even if it's something important and life changing, I feel guilty, as if I've hurt someone deeply or acted out of pure selfishness. I don't think that will ever leave me. I think I've let myself be put in a lot of abusive situations or let myself be manipulated by others because of that.
You just told my story too
It has been over forty years and I can still sing the songs and know the words. I still do a garment check, but it is now to know that if a person wears garments, they can’t be trusted - period! If they are wearing garments I usually just don’t interact with them. I am still a Christian and I have found a home in the Greek Orthodox Church with my wife. Lex, you are doing a great job and I appreciate all you do to open other’s eyes. I can only hope that you continue doing the work, as I know you aren’t making anything significant. Please know you are helping others and you are appreciated....
Thank you so much for posting
I wasn’t unsubscribed but this is the first notification I’ve gotten in a while.
Some commenters just argue to argue. According to some people you aren’t allowed to talk about your life experiences if you know longer are a part of it? Since when? I still talk about my trips out west and to Canada. I guess since I haven’t been to Glacier National Park since 2019, I can’t talk about it anymore 🤦🏼♀️
If you need a swear coach not only was I in the military for 10 years but my family treats it as an art form.
I’m glad you got out of the cult. Deprogramming is very very hard. Doing videos can help.
My biggest struggle after leaving the LDS religion for me is the conditioning to wear garments. From a young age we we taught to wear tanks under our shirts and I feel naked without one on.
Keep fishing. You will get more bites
In my UT Co. people intentionally want their Gs to show a little. It shows their worthiness in society
I'm so going to start getting really offended when I hear "Mormon Swearing". I already don't swear (with the real words) in front of them, because I know they'd be like WTFrick... and be upset with me... why can they use their Mormon versions in front to me? 😂. But really... I'm going to start giving them a dose of their own.
"oh my heck" is my personal favorite.
As a former LDS member that left the church almost 12 years ago (holy crap have i been free that long?) I can tell you it gets better, but some of that stuff never completely goes away. I still get hymns stuck in my head, I still occasionally judge peoples appearances, although I don’t think the modesty stuff was drilled into me as badly being a young man in the church as opposed to a young woman. I heard a quote once that really helps me with all of that though. “The first thing you think is what you were programmed to think, the second thing you think, is who you really are.” That has helped me so much with the snap judgements brainwashed into me by the church. And I think it has helped me move beyond that faster. Now when I’m around people with tattoos and piercings I feel safer. It’s a process, but it gets better! Never stop being you!
I was not raised in a cult. I came across your story from someone else’s channel, that popped up on my feed... so your channel wasn’t being hidden today. I will share your channel, and the things I never knew, I never it was this bad... I am Native American, and there was this one guy who was Mormon, but he would come to our traditional dances, and try to pretend he was allowed to be there. It was kind of sad. He was raised traditional, and was there trying to make his Mormon beliefs part of our beliefs... even yelling out... “Stop abortions”, the old timers would just shake their head, and you have to realize they were forced into Catholicism. Thanks for sharing...
Lex, I have my small monthly donation to you on autopilot. I don't even think about it because it's so little, I don't even notice it. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm ready to move on from all the exmo content and just try to live my new life, but just keep the donations going because of the content creators like you who have helped me so much. But then you make a video like this and I feel so much validation and LEARN so much. You point things out that are also true about me, and I don't recognize them as indoctrination until you draw my attention to it. Coffee, tank tops, piercings... okay, so maybe it's a bit more normal to notice a facial piercing (is it?), but I can't look at a person with a tank top or a coffee and not notice that first. My Mormon radar is so well-tuned and always on. It's my normal. You just held up a mirror to me and pointed out something I'd never seen. You continue to help me in my deconstruction and introspection. Thank you so much.
Could not have said it better.
Found your channel this week keep it up. My family will always be in the church, so I'll never be totally out of it.
The other day I heard someone say "Oh God" and in my head I said "the eternal father".
I've been out for almost 4 years.
Everytime my therapy session starts or ends I think we're about to pray. Every goddamn time
Maybe Christ can heal you completely
This is the best cult I've ever been apart of. As well I have a tattoo, love what you are doing❤️ Makes my testimony that much stronger🙌
OMG these are SPOT ON 😭
The music is really the big one for me. We have an ornamental pear tree that I can see from my office window. Every spring, it starts to bloom, and "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree" is in my head for weeks. Music was my safe place at church, often the only thing that made sense to me. I don't think it will ever go away, it's too ingrained.
All of these things. I still struggle with finding community and feeling like I belong.
Thank you for your videos! I was not raised but the 10 years I was in still haunts me. I’m extremely happy I found your videos, they have helped me so much. I am still struggling today with my trauma and guilt that is tied to the LDS.
I was still subscribed, but my notifications were turned off 🙃
Thanks for the reminder ✔
Allow me to make you feel better. I left 23 years ago and I still have a recurring nightmare about someone being able to trick/convince me to go to church. When I get there I have a felling of dread and desperately need to get away. When I start to leave people get in my way and try convince me to stay. They're always super nice about it but their intentions always have a sinister feeling. Sometimes I manage to get away and my dream instantly becomes pleasant and relaxing, other times too many people are in my way and I wake up gasping for breath. It may sound funny, because it kind of is, but these nightmares have given me the strongest feelings of fear and hopelessness of any nightmares I've ever had. Luckily I don't have your issue about praying. One of the things that made me realize the church is full of shit is that prayers never worked for me. There are times when someone that has never been a member says something negative about the church I get defensive about it until I remind myself that I have said worse things. I'm still working on feelings of anger, hatred, and betrayal that came from the realization that the church was lying about pretty much everything. It's gotten much better lately since I've found channels such as yours. I don't feel so alone anymore. Keep up the good work. (Sorry for the long comment)
We're not alone. Our new family is there for you
Keep up the good work, videos like this helped me out a lot.
I’ve been out of the Mormon church for almost 3 years now. And almost everything you say I can relate to 😂I love watching your videos, learned so much from you that has helped me not feel guilty.
Oh my heck! I am constantly amazed at your courage.
hi Exmo Lex!
You have a new subacriber!
I'm not even an ex mormon or really part of any religion but I still love your channel so much and find your videos so interesting!! I felt compelled to comment after u said that all of that was embarrassing for u to share and just thank u, cuz it really is so eye opening!!
I have turned “pray over it” to “meditate over it”. There is value in creating a quiet place for your mind to work through the options, you just replace God’s voice with your own. I hate that I still have the snap judgements of people and sometimes go too far to embrace because I I’m battling implicit bias; when in fact, some relationships are just not meant to be and forcing it to compensate is just as wrong as forcing it to appease God.
Don't be embarrassed! You are still processing and adjusting to your new life. You had, what? 25 years of indoctrination? It will take some time to overcome that. You are very brave and you should not be hard on yourself.
Was raised Southern Baptist in the 70's and many of the things you bring up are things I heard/saw as well. Am Anabaptist now and believe the exact opposite of what was forced down my throat such as hell/rapture. Used to live in Twin Falls, ID years ago and would like to hear what you have to say about school kids attending LDS "seminary" during school hours for credit off campus. Thought this was against the Establishment Clause. When I asked about it as a substitute teacher, found I was no longer being considered for teaching assignments.
Love the channel and am happy I found you!
I really enjoy watching your videos! So glad you have escaped that nonsense. Also, your eyelashes and make-up are awesome. I have not been in a cult (although arguably any religion is cult-like) but was a committed Christian in the Church of Scotland for years. Through a variety of reasons and research, I am now an atheist/ occasional agnostic. I still find it difficult not to pray every night when I close my eyes to go to sleep, and now try to word it, "I am grateful for..." rather than, "Thank you Lord for..." I still sing hymns and Christian songs sometimes, because I loved them! I sometimes just let myself sing them, choosing to believe that they are comforting myths like adult lullabies. Part of the reason I lost my faith is because I love watching videos and reading about other religions, and after watching stuff about scientology, mormonism and the FLDS it occurred to me that Jesus could have been just as fake. Just because it happened a long time ago doesn't make it any more valid. It was a long journey from there but that's when my first seeds of doubt were sown.
I have a few of these too!! I swear a whole lot when I'm talking, but when I'm texting, typing out "omgosh" is STILL just a knee-jerk reaction for me.
I also tend to notice and feel the littlest sneer of judgement when I see a TBM act in a way that I wouldn't have acted when I was a member: swearing, shopping on Sunday, watching R-rated movies, etc.
I don't know if I'm jealous that they are doing things I didn't get to do for so long, or if it's just leftover self-righteousness. Or if I'm just mad that they are ignoring some rules, but are still following ones that perpetuate the hatred toward other groups. Probably all of the above.
I recognize how silly it is to care about that stuff, but dang this stuff sticks with you.
There's even a song from one of the animated stories from the BoM cartoons that I still hum when I get scared. Ugh.
The key to not having this bother you, is to stop resetting the fact you do it. If you can get over the resentment, you can then move on to the point where you no longer do it. it's a process.
Demon-tier-supporter sighting!
I don't know about you but I actually get scared less. I don't have God/priesthood to protect me any more but I also don't have the evil spirits attacking me when I turn off the lights.
@@andrewenderfrost8161 - Please tell me more about these spirits that attacked you in the past and how you got them to stop?
I’ve been binging every video & I love the evolution of your hair.
As an excommunicated Morman who was shunned and erased from family in 1983 I am so happy to find your channel.
Bravo 💜
Strange. For some reason RUclips unsubscribed me. But I’m subscribed again. Keep up the great work!
I was trying on a skirt at a store one day. The dressing room attendant tried to talk me out of it because it was too short. It was interesting seeing her reaction to herself as she admitted she was an ex Mormon but still felt the need to keep with their dress standards and impose them on others.
Getting called out publicly for not being modest enough is the worst. I once got sent home from a Young Men’s & Young Women’s activity because I had cap sleeves instead of full sleeves on a shirt. It was a member of our bishopric, I will never forget the shame and anger I felt. I was initially supposed to go home, change and come back. I just didn’t go back.
Hi lex I relate alot to this video. What you said in this video is basically how I grew up
I feel this in my bones. I see you fam
Double checked, I'm subscribed. I have had RUclips unsubscribe me before though! I always check now, but I still wonder why the hell that happens..
Left Feb 2022 but wasn’t attending during Covid. Two things resonated.
Hymns. I still get hymns in my head. And when they come on my playlist when I hit shuffle, I still really enjoy them. I chuckle though when super Mormon themes come out in those songs.
Prayer. As an approaching atheist, I still get the impression to pray over anytime I get anxious even though I don’t believe. When we go to a TBM home we wait for their lead out of respect but it feels weird now to pray. That urge to consult an imaginary being certainly has been engrained and I don’t see that leaving.
Came across your content through Mormon stories. Thank you for sharing your experiences, thoughts and validation.
I do all those things too. You are not alone in being affected by the church so long after leaving. It was so nice to hear that you feel a lot of the same things I do.
Lex, You are a fine young woman. I am greatly encouraged by young people like yourself taking up the cause of reason! You are doing outstanding work. Please continue. We need you!
I left the church almost 8 years ago. And it was really intense for me when it came to drinking alcohol or even a girlfriend drinking alcohol. I was soooo deeply affected about it! It made me feel soooo uncomfortable. I had to unlearn my stigmas about it over the course of 3 years. Same thing as it pertained to ideas about sex.
Also, the way still Mormons act as though I am to be saved.
Thank you for this one Lex. Great topic. I’ve been wondering lately how long will it take (if ever) to not feel like the Mormon cult hangs over my head and defines who I am.
The part about immediately noticing tattoos really got me. I was raised as a conservative Jew and everytime I find out someone else is Jewish I immediately look for tattoos and piercings and colored hair (which I have all of!) because we are supposed to made in the image of God and shouldn't change ourselves. It's such a hard thing to break.
It’s been only a month. Ya. This may take me a minute. Or a lifetime. Thanks for sharing Lex.
ex lex is back in the van? cheers lex, nice to see a new vid.
Miss Lex I think you are a special young lady. Came across your RUclips via tic toc. I applaud your courage and sincerely wish you and your family well.
I haven't been forced to go to church in 30 years, and it's been over 20 since I got my letter (proof that I'm not "inactive" I am simply not Mormon). I still can't wear sleeveless tops or shorts, whatever the weather. I have stopped automatically appraising people, but I do still get anxiety attacks around men wearing Mormon-esque suits, among other things.
I'm sixteen and I was raised in the cult. only about a year ago did I finally escape both the cult and my very abusive mormon household. After suffering from assault, severe undressed mental health disorders (since the church blames poor mental health on a lack of faith), and an awful home life, your videos help me deal with so much of my trauma. Thank you for providing a safe space for not only exmos, but those of us who's lives were uprooted and overturned by a seemingly inescapable environment. I'm still harassed by them to this day, even though I've moved to a new address and removed my name from church documents. It's still scary. But your videos help me feel so heard, understood, and safe. I seriously can't thank you enough. Keep up your amazing work. 💗💗
Boy is that the truth! Gosh darn it the dang program sticks!😂 you are doing great 👍 keep your car as long as you can 🛺 and thanks for sharing all your knowledge and feelings as it helps me think about things
Oh MY GAWD!! I’ve never seen one of your videos before but I feel like you and I could be best friends!! YES, I relate to ALL of this! I grew up in the IFB which is a cult also, seriously they made a 20/20 about it. I had a huge life altering test to take today and I got out of the car to go in and i immediately thought lord help me pass, then rolled my eyes and laughed at myself cuz I’m an atheist too. I think from now on my I’m just going to refer to myself as lord so I can talk to myself like the boss I am. Lol
Brave lady! Great channel!
All of this. I relate to every fucking word. Thank you so much for creating this videos
I think all of us former devout Christians struggle with the prayer thing. That's always my first instinct. Till I realize, who the hell am I praying to? I basically think the only good thing about "prayer"is that you're voicing your problems so you can figure them out- try to maybe be your own therapist! Lol
Yeah I was in school yesterday and lost my phone then just started praying in my head.
omg ya, i’m trans and i still feel guilty about not associating with my agab bc they hyped up my gender so much while i was in the church
I am transgender as well and feel the same way.
Sorry but how can you call yourself a "Christian" if you committed such a vile thing to your body #IJS
@@jessiewyatt526 i don’t call myself a christian lmao, and if i did I still wouldn’t give a shit about your opinion
So I'm autistic, and I started going PIMO as a young teen, so I'm not really as affected by the mormon cult as I could have been (thank god)... but the praying thing still sticks.
Not when I'm about to eat food, that just always felt like a hassle, but definitely when I feel desperate about something or want answers. Not that I've ever actually gotten a proper answer, but sometimes I've found things after praying about it. It's that confirmation bias. I often find things when I simply yell about not finding it too, it does not even have to be a prayer.
Oh man, the prayer thing... Every time I lose something and I feel like I’ve looked everywhere, I get the mental ping to pray to find it, and I then have to tell myself that praying won’t do any good
I've done that many times, as an ex-catholic and atheist. I also struggle with anxiety and sometimes find myself unconsciously starting to pray the hail Mary and the rosary when major bouts of anxiety start. Shows just how hard it is to get out of habits, I suppose!
I can relate so much! I’m just now coming to terms with it.
I left the church over ten years ago and STILL hear church hymns and primary songs in my head all of the time. Still trying to figure out what triggers this 😅 as for prayer, this was a hard thing for me to overcome as well. I find myself still having the urge to pray when things get difficult, but like you, I consider myself an atheist. I’ve started meditating to try and replace this habit and so far so good!
I have been a “Latter Day Aint” for 27 years now. The best analogy I can give you is that it is like getting over a broken heart. The guilt, the Mormon swear etc. will slowly fade like a heartache does. If you keep tabs on it on a daily basis you think you’ll never get over it, but as the weeks, months, years and decades pass it gets better. After a while you’ll notice that certain things diminish. I still get a hymn stuck in my head occasionally but it helps to make up alternate words for them. I figure at least that way it can be entertaining. For example, Popcorn Popping on the apricot tree can be irreverently changed to “Popcorn laced with PCP”. OR… “We all have work, let no one shirk” could easily be changed to “So get to work, you lazy jerk”. Anything to make you feel that you are in control instead of being controlled. Don’t be under the illusion that eventually it will be as if you were never a Mormon. Everything we go through in life stays with us in one way or another, but it gets better.
Ahhh I very much relate to the judging thoughts! A big one for me is thinking every thought I have is “from the spirit.”
OMG! Totally understand you dear! So hard to get rid of it! jeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz
Thanks for the video! It made me think about legacy items that trigger my emotions and how do you get out of your car with the shelf so close?
Oh I can relate. I left 21 years ago and was born into the church. I most definitely struggle with the Mormon way trying to sneak itself back into my brain. Primary songs definitely get stuck in my head, and I still say darn or crud etc 😂 I also remember when I was younger my mom found my sisters bikinis stuffed away in the back of their drawers and she took them and burned them! When I got older I hid my thongs in my drawer and she found them and cut them up! Stuff like that is taken VERY seriously! I could have been doing so many other things that I would consider worse but you would have thought i was possessed by satan 🤦♀️ then you get to confess all of this to your bishop. it’s sad really. The ridiculous rules make it to where we have a better chance of snapping than being completely perfect.
Seriously. The church is cutting off its nodes nose to spite its face and they don't even realize it. Doing things like that to a child, just makes them rebelle and do the opposite.
@@janicewinsor4793 ABSOLUTELY!! It made me want to split!! As a parent of a teenager now I do things so differently and can see a big difference. My son talks to me about EVERYTHING and is such a good kid. Doesn’t cuss and doesn’t do drugs or drinks. He is 14 years old and at that age in the LDS Church I would have considered doing more than he is at this point being held back from living like a normal kid. I am so proud of him and I am so glad I left the church before making him grow up the way I did. I can’t say it was all bad because I learned a lot about how to be good and love others but I didn’t need a church for me to teach my child good morals and he is apparently following in those footsteps! Thank you for your positive reaction to my comment. Lately I have gotten Mormon comments to my reactions to these videos and it’s nice to get a thumbs up! Lots of love 💖💖💖😊😊😊🤩👏👏👏👏👏👏
Hecka good video. Hecka good.
I'm calling Amen to everything you just said...
I wasn’t raised in Mormonism but I can empathize with the manipulation and gaslighting. My family held “Christian” values and so I also dealt with toxic purity ideologies and struggled a lot with internalized misogyny. Sometimes still do.
I don’t know if we will ever forget our wounds from the trauma we’ve endured but I know that time brings understanding and peace. You are helping so many people by sharing your story. Thank you. ❤️😊