Transgender Psychiatrist Discusses: Passing Privilege, Concealment, Disclosure, & Gender Transition

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  • Опубликовано: 7 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 76

  • @Steve-i6p
    @Steve-i6p 20 дней назад +14

    I am a cis guy, and remember my puberty years as hard going - wanting to be liked, to fit in etc... and that was hard. To have issues with gender and sexuality on TOP of those would have been too much to bear. No wonder young people in these situations struggle with depression and other mental health issues! As someone who lives with mental health issues later in life, I know how utterly daring this can be. Just want to offer love and support to anyone going through the scenarios in this video. Please take care of yourselves! Fantastic video as always. I always learn something new or different on this channel. Thank you !

    • @monicadaniels784
      @monicadaniels784 19 дней назад +2

      Thank you for being you and having such an outlook.

    • @Steve-i6p
      @Steve-i6p 19 дней назад +3

      @@monicadaniels784 Thank you, but I'm just trying to learn more about other people, and different lives. My life and opinions have been relatively straightforward in a traditional sense, but I feel I want (and need to) adapt to other people's situations. I don't want to be blinkered!

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +4

      @@Steve-i6p Thank you! My best friend is a cis man who has known me before and after my egg cracked. He has been a huge part of my journey and I feel truly blessed to have his support. Through our friendship he’s learned a lot about trans people and their experiences. Our cis allies are like gold. Thank you.

    • @Steve-i6p
      @Steve-i6p 19 дней назад +2

      @@DrJamieTalks We are all allies to each other; we are one big community - we all need each other. Thank you for your reply, and all your videos. I have learned so much from them. Enjoy your weekend!

    • @monicadaniels784
      @monicadaniels784 19 дней назад +2

      @@Steve-i6p Knowledge of others is more likely to lead to giving others the benefit of the doubt and perhaps an understanding that people have reasons for why they are like they are. I applaud someone with an open mind.

  • @dorothyann100
    @dorothyann100 20 дней назад +12

    Wow! I Life is tough enough, and we all have our secrets. But I cannot begin to imagine such struggles.
    I did mention one time before, (not sure if you recall,) a family in my childhood neighborhood, where the father committed suicide. The wife found him, completely dressed as a woman. I cannot imagine the lifetime of suffering, where death seemed the only option for her coming out. It breaks my heart to this day. 💔 It is what has led me to be open to getting to know you and other trans creators, in order to understand and not judge what I could never know or experience. We all need to learn to listen to each other, and respect each other’s experience, and humanity. ❤ I have so loved getting to know you.

    • @Chloedawnknauer
      @Chloedawnknauer 20 дней назад +5

      @@dorothyann100 It always shakes my soul when I hear that a person can not see a way out.
      I would also like to thankyou for taking the time to learn and understand we are no different then anyone else. We love we laugh we cry, and want to be respected, just like anyone would
      Thankyou so much for your support.

    • @dorothyann100
      @dorothyann100 20 дней назад +6

      @@Chloedawnknauer It’s the very least I can do, Dear Chloe, iI try, as best I can to share my feelings with others as well; especially my children.

    • @dorothyann100
      @dorothyann100 20 дней назад +5

      @@Chloedawnknauer God bless you in abundance dear Chloe. ❤️

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  20 дней назад +4

      @@dorothyann100 Yes, I do remember the story you shared. So tragic. 😢 Your allyship is both welcome and deeply appreciated. We are a small community and needing of all the support and love we can get! 💕☺️

    • @dorothyann100
      @dorothyann100 18 дней назад +1

      @@DrJamieTalks With all my heart 💝 😘

  • @Castle6064
    @Castle6064 19 дней назад +11

    Thanks for this information. It explains so much to me. I am 60 years old. I have been out to my wife for the last 2 years or so and my kids 18 months or so. I have had a period of very bad depression culminating in June having a breakdown. My beautiful wife, bless her, brought me to the doctor and I started working with a brilliant young counsellor. Since early August I came out to my closest friends and now the egg is completely smashed and I am free. Name legally changed from Alan to Alana and I am free of the darkness in my brain. With my counsellor I have done and continue to reflect on how the hiding of my gender has has influenced the decisions i have made during my life, all of which have had dark out comes. I am not really connected to the LGBTQIA community, so, information like this gives my thoughts validity. Please continue your great work. There are many wonderful content TG creators on YT. Many of who, while explaining important topic, ramble and use word salads. Which my ADHD brain is too impatient to follow or listen to. Hearing information from a trained professional, who is used to explaining, properly researched topic in a concise way is brilliant. Again Thank You. Alana

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад

      @@Castle6064 You’re welcome, Alana! ☺️I’m so happy to provide helpful content. If you’re on Facebook there are a lot of trans women support groups which is one way to expand your digital community. Keep us posted on your gender journey and what transition steps you choose to take. Our joy shapes the world. 😊🏳️‍⚧️💕

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +1

      Thanks Alana. I'm happy my presentations are clear and concise! It sounds like it has been a very eventful 2 years. Sending you strength and support!

    • @ReikkiKyraJonsun
      @ReikkiKyraJonsun 13 дней назад

      ❤❤❤❤

  • @monicadaniels784
    @monicadaniels784 19 дней назад +4

    Sometimes I think the desire to pass is looked down on. I admire those folks who don't care. I feel bad for those who want to but don't. I don't feel bad for wanting to blend in (a better way to express 'passing,' I feel) as I never spent my life wishing for a future where I would think about gender 24/7 when interacting with society. That was not my personal goal. I'm not ashamed of being trans, but it is just a small part of me. Decades in hiding and pretending to be what people expected, I think I've paid my dues to decide the way forward for me. One never knows how well one blends in, but I'm comfortable with myself in public. Thankful for that!

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +3

      @@monicadaniels784 Live authentic. There is nothing wrong with passing. I want to pass. When I pass, the world sees me as I see myself. Being transgender in a transphobic world is the real dilemma we face. Inner peace is what’s important. Happiness is what’s important. If passing does that for you, pass on! 😊🏳️‍⚧️💕

    • @monicadaniels784
      @monicadaniels784 19 дней назад +1

      @@DrJamieTalks Totally agree!

  • @firbolg
    @firbolg 19 дней назад +3

    I never quite understood why I couldn't feel attraction towards women, unless I became friends with them and why I hated one night stands and the sort. Then, at the age of 39, I discovered I was demisexual and a lifetime of questioning my sexuality and constantly feeling like I'm a freak and a weirdo became "Uh, that explains a lot!" but even so, I can't even imagine what the queer community has to undergo. At most, I'll get well-meaning people say that I'm just a romantic... or other men saying I'm not "manly" enough maybe to hide their own inadequacies and fragile egos. Worst it got was my cousins bringing me to a brothel for my 18th birthday but to their dismay, instead of losing my virginity, I had a very pleasant conversation with the lady of the night in question and I'm forever thankful for her kindness and understanding.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +2

      @@firbolg It’s amazing how helpful labels can be in understanding ourselves. When I first learned about the term non-binary, my whole world was rocked. I finally had a word that helped me understand my experience. It was transformative and freeing. Happy you’ve found yourself. 💕

    • @firbolg
      @firbolg 19 дней назад +1

      @@DrJamieTalks Indeed, Doc! Thank you for your kind words!

  • @Chloedawnknauer
    @Chloedawnknauer 20 дней назад +11

    My journey has been bitter sweet, my egg cracked about 4 years ago and i started changing slowly over time. I first started with dress. I took on a more androgynous appearance and added more feminine elements as time went on. The only thing i worried about was dress at work, i was a teacher in a military environment and had to maintain standard even as a civilian, so I would dress drab on the outside😉
    The only time I had to think fast was once after a laser treatment early in the process it was noticed I was waring a light foundation i was asked why. I simply said i was getting laser for a skin condition and i had to use a mecicated skin creme.
    One insedent that set me back was when a yuonger transgirl around 25, ask why at my age (66) i was bothering with transition. That raly hurt and it took about a week to come out of the house again.
    I took my first international as Chloe late summer. That was the best experience i have ever had. I was in Germany and in Holland, and those two countries are 10 times more inclusive when anywhere here in north america. It was so nice simply being. It super charged all aspects of who I am.
    I was an embryo developing slowly over a lifetime until the egg cracked and now this ugly duckling is becoming the beutiful swan she was alway ment to be.

    • @dorothyann100
      @dorothyann100 20 дней назад +1

      @@Chloedawnknauer Thank you so much for sharing your story. May God bless you in abundance.

    • @Chloedawnknauer
      @Chloedawnknauer 20 дней назад +1

      Thankyou I'm just happy to help
      Dharma is as play here I'm quite sure
      Tashi Delek

    • @dorothyann100
      @dorothyann100 20 дней назад +1

      @@Chloedawnknauer Oh now I remember you Chloe.. I remember your interview with Dr. Jamie where I heard your story. Hello 👋

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  20 дней назад +2

      @@Chloedawnknauer Thanks for sharing your experience, Chloe.

    • @ReikkiKyraJonsun
      @ReikkiKyraJonsun 20 дней назад +3

  • @dochics1053
    @dochics1053 20 дней назад +3

    When I wore the wrong makeup I got a lot of bad looks , so now I wear makeup that Is unnoticed so I feel better ❤

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад

      @@dochics1053 Glad you find makeup you like

  • @davidmicheletti6292
    @davidmicheletti6292 20 дней назад +4

    At a certain point in life you learn to not care as much about what others think. Live life with love and respect of everyone. Navigate a small space for yourself to exist. Then welcome others to your little space. Repeat
    In my youth I felt very intimidated by life, then something happened, I pulled the tie from my ponytail and let my hair fall down as I looked in the mirror. I softly smiled at the sight of who I am. Not perfect not that bad either. ❤

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  20 дней назад +2

      @@davidmicheletti6292 I love the image you’re painting here. Beautiful! 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

    • @dorothyann100
      @dorothyann100 20 дней назад +2

      @@davidmicheletti6292 Totally agree. So many of us feel like outcasts for one reason or another. I know I always did. But eventually we learn to love ourselves and find our tribe. ❤️

  • @serenasynthesis
    @serenasynthesis 17 дней назад +1

    I am torn in two directions myself. I had such a hard path to get to where I am, almost five years in my own gender journey. I want to be out to every last person I see, but being out is a very othering process. I feel very strongly that I want to help my trans siblings, brothers, and sisters... but on the other hand I live in a world that contains other humans who are ready to victimize anyone they can in order to chisel any advantage they personally can obtain in this world.
    Overcoming challenges in life means that a person has to "own up to shame" so to speak, even if the concept of "shame" is so inappropriate. For transgender people, we should not experience shame for who we are, but society decides that this is something shameful... and even now, many people in society consider us to be "liars" because many of us have adjusted our identity to make ourselves more comfortable. Someone overcoming addiction may also face a similar stigma, where many in society may decide that they were "weak" to succumb to such addiction and may very well exhibit that same "weakness" in the future, that they're not to be trusted...
    It's such a shame that society forces so many different people into the closet. I want a world where we can be honest, where I can celebrate how people have truly exhibited growth and are finding joy and happiness. Being concealed with passing privilege sadly means that I can't show other people that it is possible to grow into your joy and happiness, that one can embark on their own journey to find themselves and that there can be treasure *while on the journey*, because no one's journey truly ends.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  17 дней назад +1

      I walk with you on your journey. Just keep your heart open and the universe will put people in your path to support. 🩵💕🤍💕🩵

  • @charlieb6210
    @charlieb6210 20 дней назад +2

    like an adolescent, my transition has been one of discovery. going into it I really didn't know what I wanted. most of my focus was on what I didn't like- what caused gender dysphoria. now that I am getting close to two years in, it seems like I am adding more focus on what I do like. I feel lucky in that what I want for myself is a more androgynous appearance. I feel less pressure to fit into a gender stereotype. I just want to feel comfortable in my skin and confident in myself. cope? only time will tell- and I'm okay with that. ♥

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +1

      @@charlieb6210 Sounds like you’re on the path of authenticity! YAY! 😃

  • @deathguitarist12
    @deathguitarist12 19 дней назад +2

    Sorry for the incoming wall
    Im in a bit of an odd spot with this. No one really talks much about the middle ground between earlier transition where people know you are trans and the later part where you are so stealth that you are in the closet on the otherside.
    Im to the point where i am reliably but not consistetly or unfailingly passing. In otherwords im passing as long as they arent like studying my face too closely. My voice tends to be what gives it away more than my appearance.
    I more easily relate to those who are stealth than those who are earlier in transition. But like also most people in my life have known me for all 8 years ive been socially transitioning (and 3 medically). So fully and truly being stealth is impossible.
    Because i have reached the point i have physically i am feeling like i am being pushed out of the larger trans community for being on the other end of things. I dont well relate to their problems anymore. Between their jealousy, envy and sometimes down right creepiness i dont feel much like I have place there anymore. But i also dont much fit with the folks on the otherside who have gone back in the closet the otherway around because i am not fully stealth. Ive had rhe same coworkers, friends and remaining family for the past 10 years.
    It was a really weird day for me when i reached the point where i realized that stealth was even an option for me. I never expected it was a decision i would have to face. The thing that keyed me into to that was some earlier transition ladies who were dming me expressing outright jealousy at my appearance. I felt so disgusting for it. Like i was being simultaneously objectified, put on a pedestal and othered all at the same time. Then i had others complaining to me about how they were jealous that i didnt have to use makeup. It really hurt my feeling which sounds crazy since thats so many peoples goals. But like these were people i considered friends doing all of this. Like knowing they felt this bothered me. Still does.
    Its like im being torn in different directions. Do i chose to make myself visible and serve as a beacon/guide for those who needs that sort of representation, despite feeling like im being pushed away and othered? Or do i chose to give into the inviting pull to the otherside even though i dont feel like i belong there either. The stealth folks have told me that all of those experiences are why they no longer spend time in the larger trans community. Like they are literally inviting me into their world and spaces but it feels like im not worthy i guess for lack of a better word. Especially since im not stealth and while i have been doing a ton of voice training, its not something that i have fully integrated into my life due largely to performance anxiety. And this is after i had a couple of folks basically dragging me kicking and screaming into their post transition space.
    I feel bad for even feeling this way because for so many people what i am complaining about is their goal. But i never put pressure on myself for that to actually be a goal. I never beleived i could reach that point and accepted it long ago. But like here I am. I wasn't prepared for this because I honestly didn't see it coming.
    Idk I'm rambling a bit here, but this is a topic that's been on my mind lately so this video was quite timely. There is just a different turmoil when you are at the cusp between those two worlds.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  18 дней назад +2

      When I was a teenager (I was a weird one), I began meditating, and even had a meditation master. At that point in my life, I felt pulled in a number of different directions. It affected me emotionally and psychically. One night, I dreamed of my master. In the dream, I was having a house party. The master was there (to my horror). I didn’t want him to see this! I tried desperately to prevent him from seeing the party around us. At that point he took my hand, looked into my eyes, and said, “Don’t feel bad. You can do anything you want.”
      I give you permission to do anything you want.

    • @marradka2584
      @marradka2584 6 дней назад

      I am a trans person who has not yet attained passing privilege. I admire you rather than be jealous of you. I think you should enjoy what you have earned and achieved. And I would prefer to know that there are stealth trans women out in the world. Some stealth women have said that they can “forget that they are trans.” And in a way I think you represent a success story. Your stealth friends group is like your level-2 support-group. I feel like my transition is never ending. The idea that transitioning can actually be completed is something that I didn’t always know was possible. I find it disappointing when I see people like you feel guilty or uncertain about whether to embrace stealth. You become less visible, but you aren’t invisible. And it gives me a sort of peaceful feeling to imagine there could one day be an end to my transition. And I would be sad if someday I can be stealth but then deny myself the ability to enjoy it. I understand the jealousy and as someone who has taken on a non-conventional transition path, I also don’t always relate to other trans women.
      Being “successful” makes you more of a role-model than being visible;

    • @deathguitarist12
      @deathguitarist12 6 дней назад

      @@marradka2584 Thank you for the kind words. Yeah you can absolutely be completed with transition. Be weary because long comment incoming, because I think I have something valuable to share with you on this. The TL;DR of everything below is that being to the state of done is something like 80% psychological and 20% everything else. Your brain takes a long time to catch up with where your body actually is. I see a lot of trans folks who ruminate on the physical, who I really wish they could see themselves through my eyes, because I can see all of the things about themselves that they can't see.
      Its definitely a mental shift when you get there. Earlier in transition you spend so much time learning how to live in your real gender role. You are learning your sense of style, how you chose to present yourself, what works for you, and what doesn't, you are learning how to move through the world in your affirmed gender. Its a lot to learn, a lot to adapt to. You have to learn and adapt to new social roles and dynamics (one of the best parts btw). Most importantly you have to learn to love yourself for all the things transition both does and doesn't bring you. You eventually start seeing yourself in the mirror all the time.
      Eventually you've done all those things and you are just settle in and living life and really not thinking about it much anymore. Being done with transition is, in my opinion, far more of a mental shift than anything else. One thing that I have found important that I had to learn for myself was not to gate keep that from myself. E.g. for the first several years I didn't want surgeries. And now I do. Now literally I am just running out the clock until they happen. There really isn't anything else for me to do anymore other than enjoy myself and more importantly to me, share all of the things I learned along the way for those who are struggling with all of what I mentioned above.
      So yeah, if you really think about what being done with transition means to you, you might find you reached it and didn't realize you reached that point. No joke, literally the only reason I figured that out is because someone who was far more post transition than my self prodded me to realize it. It took a full 2 months from the moment she told me that I was there to the point that I actually understood it and accepted it myself. My longwinded comment here was all of the things I had to piece together and realize to come to peace with that fact.
      I am still trying to figure out what my role going forward in the community will be. I absolutely love tending to the baby transes and helping them learn and find their way (even with the things I mentioned in my first comment). Something I need to remind myself of is that they are still learning and having to undo a lot of social programming while taking in new stuff..... Wait does this make me a "trans mother" type figure. FFS I just connected that together.

  • @MC_Fractal
    @MC_Fractal 16 дней назад +1

    I'm an older trans woman on HRT, and so far my gender presentation still appears masc. But estrogen is beginning to soften and round the masculine edges of my physique, and there will come a time when I'll no longer be able to present (I call it 'back-passing') as I do now. That will come with a host of problems, but I'll also be presenting more fully as my real self whether I blend in or not.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  11 дней назад

      Some of us never fully pass. That's okay. Each trans person has a unique combination of minority stressors. For some, they are more external - i.e. discrimination, non-affirmation, and victimization. For others. the stressors are more internal - i.e. internalized transphobia. Managing minority stress, while striving for authenticity is key. Sounds like you're on the path.

  • @marradka2584
    @marradka2584 7 дней назад +1

    I’m MTF. And I don’t know if I will ever atain passing-privilege. I have experienced it a few times and it feels good. I think people exaggerate the bad part so f being stealth (like the risk of being outed, and the nagging fear of being outed).
    For me, the constant anxiety of presenting as my gender but failing to pass is not worth living for. Like you said, it requires us to restrict our lives and limit where we go, who we socialize with, and almost every part of life. For me, failing to pass means I had a hard time finding roommates when I was younger; and I couldn’t persue any of the careers that I wanted when I finished college. After I grew breasts and changed my borth-certificate to F, I briefly tried to live as a trans man because I was able to pass sometimes as a trans man; but that quickly fell apart because I’m female and I don’t get much joy from being male. I want a vaginoplasty and then to be a former trans man who is now female again but with the scars of my years on T.
    I understand that the need to dress as our genders and to live in other ways as our genders. I’m pretty far into my transition, all I have left to do are surgeries. I’m 47 and I started my transition when I was 14.
    I still can’t shake the feeling that that anything that isn’t permenant is just make believe, and that I’m not really biologically female. I have some of the most supportive friends. I’m trying to get vaginoplasty now. I’ve watched girls and then women for my whole life and been jealous of them. To me being with cis women and being read as cis passing and experiencing what it’s really like to be a female is everything. I have a few times kind of gotten to experience passing
    as fem around cis friends.
    Having tasted passing-privilege I crave it and breakdown at least once a day over being unable to know what to do about being trans.
    I’ve done everything there is to do, grew boobs on hormones, play with makeup with my friends, and updated all of my documents (name and gender). Of course my closest friends no what my genitals are because we talk about dating, and I talk about how my transition is going.
    I’ve been lucky to always have a few close cis friends over the years. I guess it’s just so lonely.
    I think there’s something worse than stealth. Ok honestly being outed if your stealth is horrifying.
    I think there’s an identical version for people who are visible, and it’s the constant insecurity of does this person my friend secretly not see me as really female. It’s happened to me before. I don’t get invited to my friends wedding; my genitals matter to some and even I feel jealous of vaginas. It feels like torture to wake up every day andceithcthexeribgcgebitals.?. But I think the hardest thing of all is that I never got to have a normal career or normal family life

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  6 дней назад

      Thank you for sharing. Your story really touched me. So many of us strive just to exist in the world as our authentic selves and be accepted. I hope whatever transition steps (medical or otherwise) you still aspire to are realized. I've also been blessed to have some really great cis female friends who support me. I've also made some trans friends who bring me a lot of joy. At 47, you have a lot of life ahead of you. May it be filled with love and happiness.

  • @marti7343
    @marti7343 19 дней назад +1

    When I was a kid, I did not think there was anything to conceal. I just thought I had some kind of perversion and there was no one out there to talk about it. In fact, I was too embarrassed by it all to even try. I then came to the conclusion that my perversion was not a perversion at all, but just something that had to do with my male sexuality. I just went about my life first living as a boy and then a man, never thinking that my issues may be gender related. I always wanted to explore my gender, but never did until much later. When the dam broke and I started to transition it seems all these ideas I had about my gender and sexuality as I young person had to do with my gender incongruity.
    Nearly all of us start out concealing. Then for some of us, this is no longer viable because the dysphoria and desire to be other than our birth gender becomes too strong. You do not want to live stealth anymore. You want to live everyday as yourself.
    What about us who do not pass? You are not concealing. For the most part, you have stopped concealing and have disclosed to a number of people. But, you still do not pass. For some people, it does not seem to matter. I find because I do not pass, I feel forced to conceal and not disclose for fear of stigma and ridicule, not to mention losing relationships. Even in some close relationships, I find it hard to be who I am and revert back to what everyone thought I was before exploring my gender out of fear of disappointing them and making them uncomfortable. I think if I passed, I very well would feel much differently.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад

      As I touch on in the video, when we don’t pass, there is no concealment. We must face the minority stress of being out. For those who choose to remain out, they will often try to control their external environment, prioritizing safety. The literature suggests that connecting with queer community is protective against minority stress. However, what you’re describing is similar to what I talk about in the first half of the video, which is navigating concealment and outness where some know your identity and others don’t. If you don’t think you’ll ever pass, you need to decide whether its better to be “all out” or partially concealed as you are now. Minority stress is hard. Concealment is hard. Which one would you rather face? Or said differently, what path may lead to authenticity and happiness?

    • @marti7343
      @marti7343 18 дней назад +1

      @@DrJamieTalks My style is naturally not extremely feminine, so that helps with concealment when I have to. I am two years on HRT, completed laser hair removal, just started electrolysis, had voice training lessons, and had a hair transplant a couple of months ago. I expect to see many additional changes to what I have experienced up to now. I hope that makes me more passable. FFS is a possibility, but it is a reach for me. I won't even mention GRS yet. I will never get rid on my height, square shoulders, and broad chest. 😥 These are things I have to cope with. I hope as more changes occur the psychological impulse to conceal will dissipate, at least with people close to me. Perhaps conceal is not the right word - pretend I am something I am not is a better expression. People reassure me by telling me there are all kinds of woman. That helps a bit.
      I am so, so much happier having started to transition.
      Jamie you are the best. Glad to see you doing so well and looking so great. ❤

  • @blusau8561
    @blusau8561 19 дней назад +4

    I’m mtf and started hrt about a year before coming out. Originally I didn’t have a plan for coming out, I was just winging it. I was “boy mode-ing” but letting my hair grow. About the one year mark I couldn’t really hide the changes and longer and friends and family started to ask if I was trans or they would hint around the subject without out right asking. That turned out to be the best time to come out. The thought was already in their mind and all I had to do was confirm their suspicions.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +2

      I too felt like a huge burden was off my chest after I came out. I was fortunate to find mostly support. I realize not everyone has this experience. I'm happy things have worked out well for you too! :-)

  • @robynrox
    @robynrox 20 дней назад +4

    When I began my transition, I thought I would eventually gain passing privilege. And to a certain extent, I have, until I use my voice. But I just don't have vocal dysphoria (at least, not to the extent necessary to be strongly motivated to train my voice), and therefore I figure that I do have a sort of hybrid identity. That's the authentic me. That said, it does make it harder to access employment, so there might be a financial incentive to train my voice, although it's been some time (years in fact) since I've been on the market.
    Also I did see a group of people who needed some help to support a heavy object when I was out on a walk recently. I went over to them and asked them if they wanted help. So they basically had this lady walking up to them with my baritone voice. They must have known that I was trans. They accepted the help I offered and then we parted ways. They seemed grateful for the help. In that way, and through other, similar activities, I do feel that I have represented my community well, and it made me feel good to have lent a hand.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +2

      @@robynrox Thanks for commenting, Robyn. I hope you didn’t hurt your kitty lifting that heavy object! 😅 Be careful! That said, authenticity is the absence of concealment. Sounds like you’re living out and proud. Ideally, this is how all of us should live. Let’s hope society lets us. 🏳️‍⚧️

    • @Chloedawnknauer
      @Chloedawnknauer 19 дней назад +2

      @robynrox I commend you for doing what's right.
      Like Jamie put it in a past presentation, what kind of an ancestor do you want to be.

  • @dochics1053
    @dochics1053 16 дней назад +2

    At a young age I new I was female going to thrift stores buying female clothes then threw them away went back,,.now I feeling gender fluid it's back and forth, what's going on now ,,I am leaning towards female through like to stay..so what you say about it?? I would like to have a reply please confuse in my brain

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  11 дней назад

      Our personal understanding of our gender can shift as we unpack our genders. This is a normal process.

  • @christinalloyd9566
    @christinalloyd9566 19 дней назад +2

    When I was starting my transition I very quickly discovered that almost 100% of the people in my life rejected me. For a very long time now I won't disclose my past to ANYBODY not even my partner. For me that is the only way I can survive. I guess it does have an effect on my mental health but it is way better than the alternative. I don't believe there is a single trans person in history that hasn't suffered with mental health issues. It is par for the course.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +1

      I’m sorry you experienced so much rejection. For me, transition has helped improve my wellbeing and mental health. I hope you’ve found love, connection, and lasting happiness. 🏳️‍⚧️😊💕

    • @christinalloyd9566
      @christinalloyd9566 19 дней назад

      @@DrJamieTalks Thanks for your kind words. I have no friends at all nowadays. I literally trust no one. My partner keeps my kind of sane. I've never disclosed to him that I'm trans and he has never asked in the 5 years we have been together. I know he knows but we have never talked about it.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +1

      You can consider me a digital friend. :-)

  • @TestGearJunkie.
    @TestGearJunkie. 10 дней назад +1

    I can't really claim I pass 100%, I don't think many people can, but I get by. Very few people, other than family and a couple of *_very_* close friends, know for sure who I am. Personally, I don't consider myself 'trans' - to me, the term means transitory, so I was trans when in the active process of transitioning, but now I'm out the other side, I'm just a woman the same as any other. I will never actively tell anyone who I used to be, it's none of their business. You won't see me in any trans groups or on any Pride marches or similar events, I just want to blend into the background. I wouldn't say anything here, except that again, apart from a handful of people, nobody knows who 'TestGearJunkie' is.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  10 дней назад

      Your personal medical information is nobody's business unless you want it to be. :-)

  • @ReikkiKyraJonsun
    @ReikkiKyraJonsun 20 дней назад +2

    ❤❤❤ good topic & advice as always xxxReikki Kyra

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад

      @@ReikkiKyraJonsun Thanks! 😊 How many days now?

  • @lspoulin
    @lspoulin 20 дней назад +4

    I feel with the right makeup and clothes, I have passing priviledge, as long as I don't speak, I have people smiling, opening door for me, changing my tires, saving me a spot in line. However, I'm willing to sacrifice that away to defend transpeople. I've been bullied all my life, I have friend that have died, I've been raped and my friend was sequestrated by a serial-rappist for 4 days and I had to save her live.... I don't give a flyfing fuck about dropping my priviledge to do the right things and defend trans people. I don't care, justice is not worth my little safety and confort.

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад

      @@lspoulin TRANS RIGHTS! 🏳️‍⚧️✊

  • @se232rw
    @se232rw 18 дней назад +1

    What do you all think of passing priviledge and disclosing medical history on a date?

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  17 дней назад

      It’s a personal choice. I don’t trans people should have to share their medical history with everyone they meet. The real issue arises with the other person. I would say do what feels safe to you. I’m on the aromantic spectrum so I can’t give any personal stories to share. 🙂

  • @davefisher1840
    @davefisher1840 19 дней назад +2

    This was excellent and everything you said is so true! 🫶🏾🌻🦋

  • @KamillaMirabelle
    @KamillaMirabelle 20 дней назад +2

    I'm at the point where i never know who just knew and who doesn't 🫣 i still have the "the know" mind set.. but i also experiences people who by the relationship to me knows before meeting me, that i'm transgender, and they having a hard time finding me when meeting because they clocked me as a woman 😅 and also the other way around 🫣
    I do not disclose to anyone unless i need to.. it is just not important for other people to know, unless i date them or they need to know because of other things..
    I am me with all of the alphabet i got, and being trans is some part of me, not all of me..

    • @DrJamieTalks
      @DrJamieTalks  19 дней назад +1

      @@KamillaMirabelle Thanks for this comment. I am very happy the world sees you as you know yourself. It’s been interesting for me since I’ve transitioned slowly right before my patients eyes. Many new patients don’t clock me as trans and I don’t share that personal information. Sometimes, a patient may find out from another patient (I live in a small community) and I try to make those productive conversations. The surprise I sometimes receive does give me a touch of euphoria. We are, after all, only human. 😊🏳️‍⚧️

    • @KamillaMirabelle
      @KamillaMirabelle 19 дней назад +1

      @@DrJamieTalks i know that feeling of not being clocked 😅 but sometimes it would be nice to know.. like when you are interested in a handsome and sweet man at work 🫣😅 and wondering why he may look your way 🫣