This is so inspiring. My mind has been consumed with thoughts of him. It's been 6 months since he left, and the pain feels like a physical ache. The laughter, the memories, the adventures they're all gone. I've tried to distract myself, but the harder I try, the more I think about him. How do people truly move on? The memories are still so vivid, and I miss him more than words can express.
Absolutely agree, been strung along for 6 months and then discarded. They told me they loved me and what not, wanted to commit and then suddenly said they’re not ready. They didn’t respect my wish for no contact couple of times and expected to be friends with me, whilst dating two other ladies. I am so grateful, that I cut them off completely and have my mental peace again. Never again.
If someone comes back and doesn't give you a genuine apology and genuine effort and show that they have actually changed and are taking the initiative then they're just going to revert back to how they were and take advantage of your "kindness". If you have to do the work for both people then nothing has changed.
@@CorvidLove I've been in very few relationships mainly flings and the one person that had avoidant tendencies came back years later to apologize but at the same time was deceiving me so it didn't work out in that sense. It was complicated and he wasn't single.
@@CorvidLove in the past id say yes, but i think it has imporoved in time, with therapy and growing up and realizing no one is that important, we define our worth
It's important to remember that if/when they do come back, they're going to want to go back to the honeymoon phase. They will NOT pick up where things left off.
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment... ONLY ONE WAY
They come back if they sense you have no boundaries. I doubt they come back to a secure person who has kindly set boundaries. Soooo, if they don’t come back, it’s cuz you have come across more secure and won’t put up with them again. Congrats!!!
That's good to know! 3 months ago I was praying she would...Now I'm hoping she doesn't, but is regretting what she did. I'm doing great,.thanks to your videos Ryan 👍🏻
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment.
Thank you, coach Ryan. You are the first sane reasonable voice to talk about the subject without promising people to get the person back. You are being very realistic with your audience and that is wonderful and stands out from all the others. You are so right that it is about ACCOUNTABILITY for both sides of the relationship. If one or both persons can’t change and be accountable, then it’s best to move on.
This is a perfect video. I constatlly am googling "do avoidaints come back" all the time & tons of media online/threads suggest they do. I do ageee that this is a more sane and grounded take on that, and certainly more helpful
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment.
@@暗香晚风 This is truth. While I do believe he is sorry, you are right he never changed. Pushing myself to let go was the most painful but best decision for me at the same time
@@p4160 I know how you feel, it is the deepest pain....But we must persevere. This is not just a matter of dignity. We can't give in to him anymore, it's a vicious cycle!
Yes, for all the good you did for the avoidant, they didn't give you any reward or explanation. They left you with nothing but deeply pain and even rubbed salt into your wounds.
Everytime I miss him.. I tell to myself, I have to separate how I feel about him VS how he make me feel (being abondoned, ghosting, never explained, inconsistency, asking my worth) And above all, I am worthy and deserve for someone that really wants me to stay beside of him. Move on from DA is the best.. Don't give him an access to enter my life again. If you want to go the door is open.. But I appreciate someone that say something before go If you want to stay, pls work on yourself become secure person. Don't ruin someone heart
are you missing the time when you didn't have all the wounds happen yet, or are you missing what you think their potential is? Because if you get rid of those two scenarios you see what you're left with simply who they were and how they treated you. No man is going to put the wrong foot forward just for fun.
Great job. Always think about how they make you feel. Anxious, de-valued, unsure, with no security, wanting more, unclear how they actually feel, unsure of their commitment to the future. Did I say ANXIOUS. AGITATED. IRRITABLE
“If you want to go the door is open.. But I appreciate someone that say something before go... ” ？？ well, I expect you will continue to keep in touch with him, thank him for the breadcrumbs, and be "avoided" by him again... until you wake up on your own Ok, The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, Breadcrumbs are deceptive.... he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment
I felt this 😢it is so hard to move on from this. I have nightmares almost every night. It’s so crucial 😢I know this relationship will be so hard to get over that I’m dreading going thru this. I loved him so much but he rejected it.
I don't need avoidant women to come back. I just let them be happy in their own turf. They can't make any partner happy. Avoidant behavior means only trouble. Nothing else.
She won’t come back because she knows with me the degree to which she will have to face up to herself, avoidants can’t do that at the best of times. That abs the fact that I dumped her before she could dump me because I saw it unfolding. I’ve been with one of these people before. They’re not like us humans !!
It blows my mind the amount of people making videos about how very likely is for an avoidant to come back. It is quite the opposite, specially when you exposed them and call them out on their appalling behaviour. Moreover, their emotional unavailability made easy for them to rationalise you were not a good match, regardless of how long they strung you along. Also, while they have supply of branches to monkey around, they won't need to confront the pain they caused. And of course, unless something really big happens to them (family death, narc abuse, a big collapse), they will neither look inwards, -they very rarely do-, nor will risk rejection, if they ever feel regret for losing you. Avoidants very rarely come back. And what a gift that is.
my ex gf has come back before but she finally realizes that there's something wrong. In fact she just started texting me again after about 6 weeks. I didn't plead, beg, or any of that - I was sad though that she thought destroying our family was worth it instead of talking to me and us trying something to repair it. We have been together for 12 years and have a daughter. I noticed when shit gets crazy in her life she starts the love bombing which happened last year but within 3 months it went back to the usual. I'm just now finally aware of what she is after she broke it off with me by a text message on a monday morning as soon as i got to my office at work
I discovered mine was DA and confronted him. He said "Please don't see me as a loser" I assured him I would or could never as I loved him. Sent him a text message which shows he received but he has not read it. Won't take my calls. Day 3 and that nagging feeling of being Dumped haunts me. He has not blocked me but I think it's time for me to Just walk away and close that door.
Yeah, I'm probably not going to hear back from my avoidant ex. I lashed out in anger towards them after they said they need to leave because of how much emotional distress the relationship was causing them
I did the same thing. I was soooo hurt. Looking back I think he wanted me to do that, so in his head it was me that was the problem and me that broke up with HIM. I think avoidant partners know they’ll have to take accountability and try to reflect and repair, which is why they don’t come back. Who knows, I give up 🤷♀️
@@maureenm6137 Funny enough, I mentioned something similar when I was lashing out. I told them something along the lines of "I'm just saying things to confirm your biases"
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment.
Lashing out will absolutely make them leave and honestly, rightfully so. I think we forget how to talk to our partners sometimes and even if we're angry, we should know how to be in control of our anger and emotions. Any type of emotional volatility will push me right away.
They said Im not coming back- Are they done for real this time? And no they are not doing us a favor to heal us they are running away from doing their work.
I have to say, you are so great! How could you endure his torture so many times? But that's not me. I only endured him twice-- Those were sudden, decisive and heartless breakups！！ So, there was NOOOO third time.
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment... ONLY ONE WAY
Count your blessings she's gone. 🎉🥳 That leaves you free for a secure person with no drama. See the bright side, the glass is half full not empty when it comes to parting ways with avoidants 👀
@@tomika1313 no. Don't chase the avoidant. Ask a question to yourself: Why do you want to chase a person who can discard you like trash??? Have your dignity, self worth, honor and pride. You deserve better than this
It’s been months since my DA ex discarded me. We had a fight because i brought up how she hurt me and it resulted in her saying if i’m such a horrible person break up with me. I was floored and lashed out saying you don’t care about me and we got into a horrible fight saying we don’t want each other and other mean things out of spite . She said she got family issues going on and said she needs space and i havnt heard from her since
My situation is similar small dispute over a travel arrangement. She said hurtful things. I forgave & she still walked away. Said she no longer wanted to be in a relationship. Been over 9 mons now & no word from her
A year has 365 days, and you only started NC 150 days ago. That leaves over 200 days that you were still in regular contact with your ex that dumped you? Assuming you were probably the one initiating the contact I think because of this the odds aren't in your favor here and you may need to give it more time. However I feel like you can't move on because of it so it's a tough situation. The thing is you can only break NC once, if she says no, then you should really never do it again. But can you really do that? Are you prepared to whatever outcome you might get from her whether positive, negative, ignoring or even blocking you? You could do it in a way to rip the bandaid off, one final rejection is all you need to fully move on. But it sounds to me you might not have the willpower to do this, or you only learned about No Contact 200 days after the breakup.
@@K.A.T_klimtsmuse It 's the hardest thing but worth it. For me I had to try texting a few times to realise it's pointless, so don't beat yourself up if you write, just don't expect much back. And fundamentally it doesn't matter if you write or don't regarding whether they want to come back or not. It doesn't matter at all so don't be too hard on yourself, you don't need this additional stress. The basic stress is bad enough. We need to give up this sense of control with this no contact stuff. It doesn't matter. And if you write just don't write a long one, max 5 words so you don't come across desperate. Short and funny is the best.
@@tomika1313 thanks for your advice! I know he will split with me eventually if we continued coz had doubts. yes I know exist so many rules of contact 0 and that if you don’t text they will regret and maybe come back. At the end if they don’t text it’s because they don’t want to and maybe they think it’s best to don’t reach to start again with the stress and discussions. I used to send him videos when we had a fight of me talking to him .. personal and he always replied to those but we were in a relationship. I don’t know now coz the last I sent to him after split was a video of our moments and pics like a farewell but saying the good tings of our relationship and he IGNORED IT That was the date I stopped writing Anyway long distance relationship he told me clearly he won’t marry or support me to move there so was clear enough he wanted just from far. That’s why I think he won’t come back
Yes. This happened to my ex. He's a FA/DA but definitely became more avoidant after his ex cheated on him multiple times. It took him years to even think about getting into another relationship again after her.
Why would a avoidant keep you on socials. It makes 0 sense, why not shut the door completely when you want nothing to do with me. Ik I shouldn’t care but damn, I really thought I was making progress with her, I knew she was an avoidant although she didn’t know she was. Then she just disappeared
Yeah my ex also follows me on IG I’ll unfollow him eventually… it’s been only 3 weeks I’m hurt. He doesn’t post anything anyway .. I do post sometimes rarely. I also don’t see myself blocked on WhatsApp. Anyway I doubt he will come back. He doesnt want marriage or future so why would he contact
They love a little love, but not too much. Receiving a text from you is like a quick phone charge before the battery dies-just enough to keep going. Just enough to avoid feeling like a zero. Sad, but that's how they feel. They fear getting too close and can’t change this alone. Ironically, they can only heal in a relationship, yet they push it away, keeping themselves stuck.
He kept coming back every 3or 4 weeks but never to get back together only to reconnect and chat or call at the beginning he wanted a makeup sex but then when i asked for clarification he said it wasn't to be together it was just cool hhhh the last one I said i don't want to share any sort of energy with him cz i was exhausted specially after him telling me in our last call that he asked for my forgiveness i asked for what he's reply choked me he said cz i discovered i used u emotionally but until when ? I forgive him but don't want him in my dms anymore I'm Fugging done
Avoidant, anxious and secure men have always tried to come back into my life. Key word is try because regardless of attachment, I rarely try again with an ex. As for wanting to hurry into a new relationship, maybe some but not me. It takes me years to let someone new come in. I think those who constantly need a parter usually have a deep insecurity within themselves and don't like being alone. I see that with all insecure attachments. I guess I'm the FA/SA oddball because relationship hopping is strange to me.
Same here. The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment... ONLY ONE WAY
Probably not because it would take a lot for them to acknowledge and reflect on their actions which reinforces their ongoing sense of shame … at least form my experience
Sometimes it doesn't work out because it's just not a good fit regardless of all the trauma. It doesn't always have to be this soul wrenching experience. If you're upset you have your own wounds to heal through.
They’re scared of opening up. Even to a therapist. Only if the will to change the same old same old weighs heavier than their traumas, then they will change.
@@neen9438 they want to change but are unable to change - they are broken, it's like trying to bench press 100kg when your left arm is half the length of the other -- impossible....would you keep trying? no.
You need self reflection and self criticism to get better. Those two things, avoidants are avoiding, like the devil holy water! My wife started making her drivers license, at one of her practices I went with her and the driving instructor. She was nervous, had a hard time keeping the car in line. Had many problems when starting the car from zero (too fast clutch release). That was not the real problem, we were all beginners. The problem was, when she asked the instructor with big eyes and a big smile: "Did I drive well?". The instructor was very humble and intelligent, he told her the things I also observed as faults, in a very kind matter. SHE DIDN´T LIKE TO HEAR THAT. At home the same, big eyes, big smile at me: "did I drive well?", I was like walking on eggshells when I replied that it was okay, she has to release the clutch gently until it touches, you can feel that, and then very slowly release the pedal. She got mad, as if I attacked her, it seemed for me as I´ve triggered her ego. I didn´t like that reaction. I didn´t see any self awareness/reflection, just ego. We got into a fight. Few days later she left, is ghosting me (16days) over Christmas and her birthday.
May the Lord bless you with the grace and forgiveness to stop condemning the hurt children of this world and actually start helping them ahead of your paywall. Please stop making inflammatory hurtful marketing content and instead make it helpful and hopeful. Give it away for free here and you will be blessed with more abundance than you dreamed.
This is so inspiring. My mind has been consumed with thoughts of him. It's been 6 months since he left, and the pain feels like a physical ache. The laughter, the memories, the adventures they're all gone. I've tried to distract myself, but the harder I try, the more I think about him. How do people truly move on? The memories are still so vivid, and I miss him more than words can express.
A spiritual counselor? That sounds fascinating. How can I reach out to him?
His handle is Father Tosin Ayodele . He specializes in rekindling the spark in broken relationships.
Thank you so much for sharing this I really appreciate your honesty and openness.
Be grateful if they just go.
Absolutely agree, been strung along for 6 months and then discarded. They told me they loved me and what not, wanted to commit and then suddenly said they’re not ready. They didn’t respect my wish for no contact couple of times and expected to be friends with me, whilst dating two other ladies. I am so grateful, that I cut them off completely and have my mental peace again. Never again.
If they go, you have been blessed 😅
Sending love and healing vibes to everyone
If someone comes back and doesn't give you a genuine apology and genuine effort and show that they have actually changed and are taking the initiative then they're just going to revert back to how they were and take advantage of your "kindness". If you have to do the work for both people then nothing has changed.
@@CorvidLove I've been in very few relationships mainly flings and the one person that had avoidant tendencies came back years later to apologize but at the same time was deceiving me so it didn't work out in that sense. It was complicated and he wasn't single.
@@CorvidLove in the past id say yes, but i think it has imporoved in time, with therapy and growing up and realizing no one is that important, we define our worth
@@Ojvyfz and this is true for all life situations not just with romantic relationships but generally all human interactions - so true!
@@tomika1313 right
It's important to remember that if/when they do come back, they're going to want to go back to the honeymoon phase. They will NOT pick up where things left off.
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment... ONLY ONE WAY
Avoidant attachment needs to be studied as a personality disorder. There’s no way it isn’t
I think avoidance is usually comorbid with like bpd, heavy depression anxiety, aspergers, adhd. They are on the spectrum a bit in my opinion.
They come back if they sense you have no boundaries. I doubt they come back to a secure person who has kindly set boundaries. Soooo, if they don’t come back, it’s cuz you have come across more secure and won’t put up with them again. Congrats!!!
Thank you. She showed up unannounced like nothing happened, smiling, playful, and cocky. I’m like no. This has to be more real than that.
That's good to know!
3 months ago I was praying she would...Now I'm hoping she doesn't, but is regretting what she did. I'm doing great,.thanks to your videos Ryan 👍🏻
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment.
Thank you, coach Ryan. You are the first sane reasonable voice to talk about the subject without promising people to get the person back. You are being very realistic with your audience and that is wonderful and stands out from all the others. You are so right that it is about ACCOUNTABILITY for both sides of the relationship. If one or both persons can’t change and be accountable, then it’s best to move on.
Good. I'm glad he's afraid of rejection. Cause rejecting him is all I'll do if he even thinks about coming my way.
😂
Why would anyone want an avoidant back ? 😂They come back and do it again
This is a perfect video. I constatlly am googling "do avoidaints come back" all the time & tons of media online/threads suggest they do. I do ageee that this is a more sane and grounded take on that, and certainly more helpful
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment.
@@暗香晚风 This is truth. While I do believe he is sorry, you are right he never changed. Pushing myself to let go was the most painful but best decision for me at the same time
@@p4160 I know how you feel, it is the deepest pain....But we must persevere. This is not just a matter of dignity.
We can't give in to him anymore, it's a vicious cycle!
If he doesn't want to change and just gives us a few crumbs? We'd rather have him go.
@@暗香晚风 yes it is sad and hurts so much .I am being ghosted 3rd time . This time I won't go back
So, one must take care of them as if they were kids, and in return they offer nothing? How toxic is that? Selfish, one sided and manipulative.
And there’s still a possibility they will leave anyway.
Yes, for all the good you did for the avoidant, they didn't give you any reward or explanation. They left you with nothing but deeply pain and even rubbed salt into your wounds.
Be happy they are gone. Trust me you arent losing anything good.
Everytime I miss him.. I tell to myself, I have to separate how I feel about him VS how he make me feel (being abondoned, ghosting, never explained, inconsistency, asking my worth)
And above all, I am worthy and deserve for someone that really wants me to stay beside of him.
Move on from DA is the best.. Don't give him an access to enter my life again.
If you want to go the door is open.. But I appreciate someone that say something before go
If you want to stay, pls work on yourself become secure person. Don't ruin someone heart
are you missing the time when you didn't have all the wounds happen yet, or are you missing what you think their potential is? Because if you get rid of those two scenarios you see what you're left with simply who they were and how they treated you. No man is going to put the wrong foot forward just for fun.
Great job. Always think about how they make you feel. Anxious, de-valued, unsure, with no security, wanting more, unclear how they actually feel, unsure of their commitment to the future. Did I say ANXIOUS. AGITATED. IRRITABLE
“If you want to go the door is open.. But I appreciate someone that say something before go... ” ？？
well, I expect you will continue to keep in touch with him, thank him for the breadcrumbs, and be "avoided" by him again... until you wake up on your own
Ok, The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, Breadcrumbs are deceptive....
he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment
I'm crying. This is so painful.
I know it’s the worst feeling ever
Sounds like they don’t come back when they are cowards.
Doesn’t matter bc even if they come back they circle repeats and continues. They are broken
I have never been able to heal the damage she left behind that has haunted me for almost 40 years now
I felt this 😢it is so hard to move on from this. I have nightmares almost every night. It’s so crucial 😢I know this relationship will be so hard to get over that I’m dreading going thru this. I loved him so much but he rejected it.
I don't need avoidant women to come back. I just let them be happy in their own turf. They can't make any partner happy. Avoidant behavior means only trouble. Nothing else.
Love the new content, keep it up Ryan need to learn more!
Thank you coach! I knew in my heart that my Ex will not comeback, I caught him lying, cheating…Plus I healed now listening to your best advices.
I needed this
They don’t come back - but they’re happy to crumb😂
1. Fear of rejection and confrontation
2. They monkey branch
3. Partner scared them away
4. No contact was never used
She won’t come back because she knows with me the degree to which she will have to face up to herself, avoidants can’t do that at the best of times. That abs the fact that I dumped her before she could dump me because I saw it unfolding. I’ve been with one of these people before. They’re not like us humans !!
They have deep anti-social tendencies (similar to narcissists). As soon as you get a whiff of that, just run.
It blows my mind the amount of people making videos about how very likely is for an avoidant to come back. It is quite the opposite, specially when you exposed them and call them out on their appalling behaviour. Moreover, their emotional unavailability made easy for them to rationalise you were not a good match, regardless of how long they strung you along. Also, while they have supply of branches to monkey around, they won't need to confront the pain they caused. And of course, unless something really big happens to them (family death, narc abuse, a big collapse), they will neither look inwards, -they very rarely do-, nor will risk rejection, if they ever feel regret for losing you. Avoidants very rarely come back. And what a gift that is.
my ex gf has come back before but she finally realizes that there's something wrong. In fact she just started texting me again after about 6 weeks. I didn't plead, beg, or any of that - I was sad though that she thought destroying our family was worth it instead of talking to me and us trying something to repair it. We have been together for 12 years and have a daughter. I noticed when shit gets crazy in her life she starts the love bombing which happened last year but within 3 months it went back to the usual. I'm just now finally aware of what she is after she broke it off with me by a text message on a monday morning as soon as i got to my office at work
I’m so grateful for you. Thank you for posting all of these.
Ive always come back to him, but not this time
When you leave them first when you see through their shenanigand and they feel hurt they dont come back. 😂😂😂
I'm pregnant by an avoidant. I just know I will have to take care of the baby on my own
I’m sorry to hear that
Sadly yes you will, I have a 2 year old by an avoidant never committed .
You can go the market and buy a bottle of champagne, drink it and think you just saved yourself from a shit life behind these sick people.
I discovered mine was DA and confronted him. He said "Please don't see me as a loser" I assured him I would or could never as I loved him. Sent him a text message which shows he received but he has not read it. Won't take my calls. Day 3 and that nagging feeling of being Dumped haunts me. He has not blocked me but I think it's time for me to Just walk away and close that door.
Sign an agreement with your avoidant for the consequences of breaking up, cheating and monkey branches before break up. IT WORKS! ❤
Thank you , just what I had to confirm
Yeah, I'm probably not going to hear back from my avoidant ex. I lashed out in anger towards them after they said they need to leave because of how much emotional distress the relationship was causing them
I did the same thing. I was soooo hurt. Looking back I think he wanted me to do that, so in his head it was me that was the problem and me that broke up with HIM.
I think avoidant partners know they’ll have to take accountability and try to reflect and repair, which is why they don’t come back. Who knows, I give up 🤷♀️
@@maureenm6137 Funny enough, I mentioned something similar when I was lashing out. I told them something along the lines of "I'm just saying things to confirm your biases"
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment.
@@暗香晚风 I'm on this journey now! I'm learning how to show up and love myself in the ways that I know I deserve. Blessings and healing for everyone here
Lashing out will absolutely make them leave and honestly, rightfully so. I think we forget how to talk to our partners sometimes and even if we're angry, we should know how to be in control of our anger and emotions. Any type of emotional volatility will push me right away.
Last minute and a half is so important ❤❤❤❤ thank you
They said Im not coming back- Are they done for real this time?
And no they are not doing us a favor to heal us they are running away from doing their work.
It's been a year. Nothing. I have done no contact as of my last text she never replied to. She just ghosted me. Said nothing.............
They also don’t come back if they’ve decided to be with men now instead.
Really great video. Thank you very much! 🙏
Is it possible for two people to be avoidant and continuously cycle in a relationship throughout the years?
I have lost count how many times we argured and broke up and got back together ..
Probably time to go
@@Ojvyfz Already have..
@@尼古拉斯-Nicholas yah
I have to say, you are so great! How could you endure his torture so many times? But that's not me. I only endured him twice-- Those were sudden, decisive and heartless breakups！！ So, there was NOOOO third time.
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment... ONLY ONE WAY
What Avoidants Hope For When You Go No Contact by Chris Seiter mind blowing
She did not come back, it’s more than a year of no contact
Count your blessings she's gone. 🎉🥳 That leaves you free for a secure person with no drama. See the bright side, the glass is half full not empty when it comes to parting ways with avoidants 👀
Don't wait for her
Broke up a year ago. 150 days no contact. Shall i reach out to her?
@@tomika1313 no. Don't chase the avoidant. Ask a question to yourself: Why do you want to chase a person who can discard you like trash??? Have your dignity, self worth, honor and pride. You deserve better than this
@@1224polo Going to post this on my fridge and read it every time I ache for my DA. Thank you.
It’s been months since my DA ex discarded me. We had a fight because i brought up how she hurt me and it resulted in her saying if i’m
such a horrible person break up with me. I was floored and lashed out saying you don’t care about me and we got into a horrible fight saying we don’t want each other and other mean things out of spite . She said she got family issues going on and said she needs space and i havnt heard from
her since
So similar.
My situation is similar small dispute over a travel arrangement. She said hurtful things. I forgave & she still walked away. Said she no longer wanted to be in a relationship. Been over 9 mons now & no word from her
Thank god they do not always come back pffff 😁😉
She broke up with me a year ago. 150 days no contract. Shall i reach out? I am fully chilled now don't care if i get ignored
A year has 365 days, and you only started NC 150 days ago. That leaves over 200 days that you were still in regular contact with your ex that dumped you? Assuming you were probably the one initiating the contact I think because of this the odds aren't in your favor here and you may need to give it more time. However I feel like you can't move on because of it so it's a tough situation. The thing is you can only break NC once, if she says no, then you should really never do it again. But can you really do that? Are you prepared to whatever outcome you might get from her whether positive, negative, ignoring or even blocking you? You could do it in a way to rip the bandaid off, one final rejection is all you need to fully move on. But it sounds to me you might not have the willpower to do this, or you only learned about No Contact 200 days after the breakup.
@@ijv5567 love this reply thank you lots of food for thought and spot on!
@@K.A.T_klimtsmuse It 's the hardest thing but worth it. For me I had to try texting a few times to realise it's pointless, so don't beat yourself up if you write, just don't expect much back. And fundamentally it doesn't matter if you write or don't regarding whether they want to come back or not. It doesn't matter at all so don't be too hard on yourself, you don't need this additional stress. The basic stress is bad enough. We need to give up this sense of control with this no contact stuff. It doesn't matter. And if you write just don't write a long one, max 5 words so you don't come across desperate. Short and funny is the best.
@@tomika1313 thanks for your advice! I know he will split with me eventually if we continued coz had doubts.
yes I know exist so many rules of contact 0 and that if you don’t text they will regret and maybe come back. At the end if they don’t text it’s because they don’t want to and maybe they think it’s best to don’t reach to start again with the stress and discussions.
I used to send him videos when we had a fight of me talking to him .. personal and he always replied to those but we were in a relationship.
I don’t know now coz the last I sent to him after split was a video of our moments and pics like a farewell but saying the good tings of our relationship and he IGNORED IT
That was the date I stopped writing
Anyway long distance relationship he told me clearly he won’t marry or support me to move there so was clear enough he wanted just from far.
That’s why I think he won’t come back
Does it make a fearful avoidant worse if they are involved in a long term relationship with a narcissist that cheated on them regularly?
Yes. This happened to my ex. He's a FA/DA but definitely became more avoidant after his ex cheated on him multiple times. It took him years to even think about getting into another relationship again after her.
Generally avoidance is inhumane and they are not suitable for love.
well I blocked her last time, I guess she will never come back lol
Why would a avoidant keep you on socials. It makes 0 sense, why not shut the door completely when you want nothing to do with me. Ik I shouldn’t care but damn, I really thought I was making progress with her, I knew she was an avoidant although she didn’t know she was. Then she just disappeared
Yeah my ex also follows me on IG I’ll unfollow him eventually… it’s been only 3 weeks I’m hurt. He doesn’t post anything anyway .. I do post sometimes rarely. I also don’t see myself blocked on WhatsApp. Anyway I doubt he will come back. He doesnt want marriage or future so why would he contact
They love a little love, but not too much. Receiving a text from you is like a quick phone charge before the battery dies-just enough to keep going. Just enough to avoid feeling like a zero. Sad, but that's how they feel. They fear getting too close and can’t change this alone. Ironically, they can only heal in a relationship, yet they push it away, keeping themselves stuck.
He kept coming back every 3or 4 weeks but never to get back together only to reconnect and chat or call at the beginning he wanted a makeup sex but then when i asked for clarification he said it wasn't to be together it was just cool hhhh the last one I said i don't want to share any sort of energy with him cz i was exhausted specially after him telling me in our last call that he asked for my forgiveness i asked for what he's reply choked me he said cz i discovered i used u emotionally but until when ? I forgive him but don't want him in my dms anymore I'm Fugging done
3-4 weeks?? Keep your dignity, please stop having sex! Tell him you are not a prostitute
Avoidant, anxious and secure men have always tried to come back into my life. Key word is try because regardless of attachment, I rarely try again with an ex. As for wanting to hurry into a new relationship, maybe some but not me. It takes me years to let someone new come in. I think those who constantly need a parter usually have a deep insecurity within themselves and don't like being alone. I see that with all insecure attachments. I guess I'm the FA/SA oddball because relationship hopping is strange to me.
I agree ❤
Same here.
The lesson is heavy, the pain is so deep! So just apologizing is not enough, he must be willing to repent, learn a new life, and seek psychological treatment... ONLY ONE WAY
It is very difficult for me to start a new relationship. I will not lie to myself,
@@暗香晚风How long you were in a relationship with your avoidant ex?
@@暗香晚风you will heal, but it takes time and pieces of you ..I understand you completely
Sending you light and love
Do they ever come back after a rebound/monkey branch fails?
Yes but if they do all that I hope you don't want them to come back.
Probably not because it would take a lot for them to acknowledge and reflect on their actions which reinforces their ongoing sense of shame … at least form my experience
They can just to see if you are there to take them back.
Are they the same with platonic realtionships also@@caljul07
@Sandy79279 yep they do with platonic as well. I have personally experienced this
Sometimes it doesn't work out because it's just not a good fit regardless of all the trauma. It doesn't always have to be this soul wrenching experience. If you're upset you have your own wounds to heal through.
Why don’t they get therapy
They do but they dont want to change and stay the perpetuum victim.
They’re scared of opening up. Even to a therapist.
Only if the will to change the same old same old weighs heavier than their traumas, then they will change.
Stubborn. At least that's what my avoidant friend said
@@neen9438 they want to change but are unable to change - they are broken, it's like trying to bench press 100kg when your left arm is half the length of the other -- impossible....would you keep trying? no.
You need self reflection and self criticism to get better. Those two things, avoidants are avoiding, like the devil holy water!
My wife started making her drivers license, at one of her practices I went with her and the driving instructor. She was nervous, had a hard time keeping the car in line.
Had many problems when starting the car from zero (too fast clutch release).
That was not the real problem, we were all beginners.
The problem was, when she asked the instructor with big eyes and a big smile: "Did I drive well?".
The instructor was very humble and intelligent, he told her the things I also observed as faults, in a very kind matter.
SHE DIDN´T LIKE TO HEAR THAT.
At home the same, big eyes, big smile at me: "did I drive well?", I was like walking on eggshells when I replied that it was okay, she has to release the clutch gently until it touches, you can feel that, and then very slowly release the pedal.
She got mad, as if I attacked her, it seemed for me as I´ve triggered her ego. I didn´t like that reaction. I didn´t see any self awareness/reflection, just ego. We got into a fight.
Few days later she left, is ghosting me (16days) over Christmas and her birthday.
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