The Boundary Mistake 90% Christians Make and How to Fix It
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Have you ever wondered why that person isn't respecting your boundaries?
Perhaps you think you need to find a better way to communicate them or maybe you believe that there are just some people that are boundary proof.
Well in today's video, we are going to dive into the ONE mistake that will cause your boundaries to fail every time AND what you can do to fix it.
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The Church teaches us to be wimps and live without boundaries. Your videos are excellent. I bring a verbal hammer to every situation and am willing to use it.
What kind of Church is that? Is It The Church or is It You? We in Christ are conquerors and stand strong. Are you Washed by The Blood of The Lamb?
I’m blessed! My church teaches a class on Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud. It’s awesome!
I agree 100%
@bruce8961 it’s the American church and the application of scripture and the gospel. And yes I’m a spirit filled blood washed born again Bible believing Christ follower.
so true, try being groomed for pastoral ministry, they take it up a bunch of notches ..yikes! leadership frowns on hearing "NO"
I am 100% guilty of this. Mainly at my last job. What interesting is, me not sticking to my boundaries, got me fired.
My need was (and is) that the person stops asking me for money due to a seemingly monthly emergency they have that always comes up. I've stuck to my guns this last time though, and even though they keep pushing for me to give them money for an emergency, I keep reminding them that I have financial things I need to take care of for myself and family, and cannot help them this time. As far as I'm concerned, I won't be able to help them ever again since their asking never seems to end. Let them find another way, and I pray for them that they will find it.
Funny, I'm driving to purchase a vehicle while listening to this... I should Have seen if you would come along and help 😂😂😂... Great video and have definitely goofed on maintaining boundaries in my life in certain instances. It's been said, our greatest strengths are also our greatest weaknesses. The desire to show mercy and compassion allows others to cross lines that should not he crossed. It's hard to find the balance.
No way? That is too funny! I hope you get a good deal 👍
@PBAdventures146 I agree completely with you when you said: "The desire to show mercy and compassion allows others to cross lines that should not be crossed. It's hard to find the balance."
@@Kris_Reece My Dear Ma'm These all videos are full if Excellence Always.❤️💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮🤍🙌🏻
It's *my* job to enforce my boundaries. I have to love and respect myself enough to hold the hard line, regardless of how my emotions are manipulated or triggered. Learned this late in the game but it was well worth learning. Like being forced to watch a 15 minute Dr Gundry commercial to watch your video. Nope. Hard pass.
My threats were hollow until one day I blocked. BOOM! It was over. He was blocked. Man shoes put on the front porch because the boundary breaker would just stop by. It's been 2 years no contact now.
Congratulations!!!
I am correct in assuming this was a man?
I am shocked that there are only 600+ likes but thousands of views for this video. Ms. Reece, the content of this video is absolutely awesome. The conciseness and the simplicity is amazing. Thank you for your heart to help and to continue to speak truth to support emotional healing. God bless you.
This was timely. My daughter just called and wanted a cab from the mental health unit and to come to my house. I said no, you need to go to rehab first.
She hung up on me and called a friend of hers who had told me she shouldn't come home but go to rehab. We got in agreement - or so I thought. He's picking her up right now and taking her to his house. He had told me he wouldn't let her back until she went to rehab. So much for his boundaries. He keeps moving them. So I will stand firm and not let her here until she goes to rehab. I'm actually relieved because she was doing meth and is super paranoid and argumentative. Goes through all my stuff constantly, too. Thinks I'm hiding something because she's so paranoid. The last time she stayed with me I didn't think I could stand another day of it and then she left. I was so glad. Peace returned to my house.
That's very very Sad! 😞
We apreciate you sister...not a lot like you on the internet,to tell the truth as it is..
Real Talk, cause now more than ever, we need this, cause we looking like suckas out here.
Literally just found this channel today, or it found me. It’s either algorithms or God; I really hope it’s the latter leading me as I’ve been praying today for guidance in what action to take. To have Godly guidance and not worldly guidance is what I’ve been praying for. Thank you so much 🙏🏻
Spot on! Some way, my neighbor made it my monthly responsibility to take him on errands at least twice a month. As I got busy this became a burden, and nothing I said to himself changed his expectation that I would drive him around on errands. Finally, I became I’ll and physically unable to continue. But even then he fought back (another “male” neighbor intervened), and then he finally stopped trying to make any sort of arrangements where I could continue chauffeuring him around. “Shaky Boundaries” This neighbor wasn’t related or even friendly with me, he hasn’t contacted or spoken with me since then. When he initially asked for my help, I thought it was a one time thing. They had a working car, and he hung around with guys who had cars. But anyway, thought I was doing better - back to the drawing board. Thanks Kris
3. Take my needs&fear to Lord,and wait for His meeting needs and/or healing fear, at His timing
This was so on time for me! I have something going on this weekend with the family member of mine that constantly breaks my boundaries along with my children’s. 😣 Blessings to you Kris 🕊️
I’m currently having issues with my sister. She gets drunk and messages me some one liner about a family member that will rope me in and then quickly develops into volatility projecting and persecution of my faith. My new inner boundary is to not speak to her in the evenings because that’s when she drinks.
Kris, I set boundaries, but the person doesn't respond to them, nor respect them. Over and over again. They will even twist it and go further into their narcissistic manipulation and come out "smelling like a rose", especially with other people. Being firm can help in certain situations, but setting boundaries is exactly what the narc doesn't want at all! It only makes that person do "his thing" even more. For me, it is a "no win" situation. He almost always wins in a greater way, even if I win a little bit. I'm exhausted and can't accomplish what I need to do in the relationship. March 13th is our 25th wedding anniversary. I'm not sure I can make it past that, to be honest.
Invite God in on your behalf and keep praying, speak Psalms 34 and ask God for guidance, Let God fight the battle, in this God is allowing me to rest in peace as God taken over and nothing my spouse does against me prospers, God is a protector 🙏
Oh, my i feel like we share the same story! Press on trusting God and believing tgat someway, somehow He’ll deliver you! My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ righteousness. He’s pleading my cause and the judge, His Father will respond just in the right time to unable me to go on as life unfolds… Keep faith…
I too live a life like this and it is very draining. I've prayed and waited on the Lord to help and show me what he wants for my life, our life. I continue to pray my husband returns to living for our Lord and Savior. One boundry that I can't seem to get across is his constant need to hang out with his brother for hours many times a week. His priority is his brother over me. Hunting, shooting guns, planting plots or just riding around on the side by side. Some days he's gone most of the day. I could see once a week but when I say something he seems to do it more. His attitude is you may as well get use to it. His brothers wife must not mind it (she doesn't talk to us) they are in their 60s. We've had marriage struggle and have made some improvement over the last 5 months but will not give in to this at all. I hate it very much but don't no how to get him to compromise on this. I could handle once a week although I still feel like that's not normal. He's pretty much a narcissist from what I see. Because of all the separation I find myself having anxious attachment making him want to push away more. I'm working on this also. We have moved back to same bedroom when we started working on things 5 months ago. That was very hard to adjust to, but we are now comfortable with that. It's helped us so much and we are talking and being more open. BUT, this one thing is really hanging in our way. Please help me know how to change this or is it something that can't change? If I stand up against it completely I'm afraid things will go backwards and I'm loving the time I do get with him that I haven't had for years. I know it takes time for us to heal and change. I know God has his timing for everything. I've waited many years to have a good marriage. Please help me. LOVE YOUR VIDEOS❤
With disrespectful, abusive folk it's important not to declare your boundaries but to keep it very subtle and quiet and to yourself entirely.
Once you make your boundaries known then it triggers the abuser to push and try to violate the boundaries.
It's a tough process......but if you stick with it you will get stronger.
Make a quiet plan...and leave!
think my need is to help alleviate her pain because I hurt for her and the tears do me in, my fear is that I will feel like a failure as a Christian for not loving her well enough. This friend has become obsessive and suffocating, wanting me to be her everything with 100% access all the time, always pushing to be closer friends. It started affecting my health, emotional well being and my relationship with my hubby. I am learning how to set and enforce boundaries. And finding that sometimes I really don't like her a whole lot and feel bad for that too...😞
Love her enough to let her choose her path and love yourself enough to choose yours. If those paths are different, it's not your fault that she walked the opposite direction you are choosing to travel. Don't fear missing out on the road you don't even want to be on. Instead, enjoy your journey and how you get to be where you are happiest!
Also, don't feel bad for having good instincts. If she physically hit you, you wouldn't second guess walking away. Words and actions of others can hit us too and it's ok to walk away and protect yourself. You deserve better and there are better friends out there.
NO is one letter less than YES but twice as powerful.
Thank you SO much Kris! I appreciate your videos so much. So informative, practical, and loving. ❤
Thank you for watching.
As I say before I say it again. You are blessed by God's wisdom. Keep me in your prayers. God bless you my dear Kris. Amen.
I like the way you explained this. AHA moment for me. God Bless you Kris. I've been blessed by your videos.
I love AHA moments 🙂
You are helping me a lot I need to do what you say.
I've set some boundaries but some people don't get it. At the moment this woman popped back up and I have ignored her, told her to go away etc. She seems to think she can yell at me, belittle me and accuse me. I found a group of people I was comfortable with and then she shows up.
I just need support so I listen to you. Thanks.
I'm glad the videos are helpful :)
where does she show up?
@@Lauren-vd4qe If I wrote the whole story you would laugh at me like I was crazy. She used to pop up in the parking lots waiting in her car until I pulled up almost late, she figured that out. I found some recovery groups where I didn't think she would show up, but she does. She figured where I'd be one day and parked her car, approached me and started yelling at me. I told her to go away. If she were an honest person, we'd talk but she refused to meet me away from the crowd, so I ignored the whole thing. There is a lot more and it is frustrating for me to have to deal with her. She does not think she is wrong, or maybe I'd just forget. I don't know.
go to the police and get a protective order against her; its called harassment, shes demented and she sounds crazy enough to threaten you, if u dont go out with her shes going to call the police and claim you attacked her, hurt her, this could get ugly very quickly, create a police file on her immediately before she does the same to you. some pple are crazy; she sounds like it @@markh4926
@@markh4926If she shows up where she knows you will be, leave. Keep leaving every time she does this, if she keeps following you, it's called stalking and can be reported to police. Get a restraining order. Anyone who follows you around to confront and harass you is dangerous.
Boundaries vs dying to self, giving to the poor, suffering for Christ. Mental health vs spiritual relationship. Is there room for both? Can I have one without having to exclude the other? My pastor says everything we think we own really belongs to God, so it isn't ours to keep. Holding on to what we have is greed. I end up feeling guilty that I haven't given everything I have to the poor. Even if I give to one poor person it isn't enough. I have to give to every poor person. Aaargh, it's too much. Is this what it means to lose oneself for the sake of Christ?
Runing, or away walking away ftom those purposly hurting, provoking, intentionall, for any reaction from us, so we respond in mean ways to walk away is a good thing, prayer is a good thing
Your videos are a breath of fresh air... The Lord led me to find videos about Narcissism because I was dealing with one without knowing it, she goes to church, but in church is called a "Jezebel spirit" .. she is very cunning, highly manipulative, playing the eternal games of victim hood... But God... I went gray rocking 9 months ago, and I will not go back... she does not have boundaries, but because the Holy Spirit' s Presence is with me, and she is afraid of me unmasking her demonic games, she has left me alone.... I just wait on the Lord to unmask her, He knows more than me... I pray for her everyday for her repentance, but I have my boundaries.. she used to showed up to my house uninvited with stupid trinkets that I did not keep (she told me that she knows how to do witchcraft), yeah, but I'm covered by the Blood of Jesus... the Presence of the Lord in my life has improved everything... Thank you for letting Jesus to use you in this way... much education is needed at church level against these ravenous wolves disguised as sheep... their only purpose is to benefit from other church members and to destroy the flock... satan workers and agents, indeed...
Woe to him that coveteth an evil covetousness to his house, that he may set his nest on high, that he may be delivered from the power of evil!
Habakkuk 2 : 9
Great teaching today❤
This so good!!! Thank you!
Any advice on how to endure a narcissist that uses grandchildren as a weapon against grandparents?
I hope Christian counselors start addressing this. I keep reading and hearing more and more about it. Prayers going your way.
Thank you Minister Reece God bless you ♥️🙏🏾😇
I don't need much , so I don't have a problem .❤ I've been growing in this . But she has to except my boundaries , if not she will branch off and that's ok ❤
Spot on 👍
😢I'm that toxic mom and my daughter Shauna has Multiple Sclerosis and can't work. She's waiting for her disability. She has been dependent on my income. Because of this she and I have been living in the same room. Our house burned down 2 years ago. She and I have agreed that we need to be apart. If I get my own apartment then I won't be able to pay her needs,cigarettes, phone loans and other things. I know that I was a abusive mother. I am torn between between helping her and affording my apartment and all the money for it and my bills and other needs. I know she loves me and I admit my flaws and need to work on amends to her.
Wow, can you create a video on what boundaries we as Christians must have. New subbie here
Welcome! Yes, definitely check out the videos on the channel. You'll find several on boundaries for Christians.
One video that I've watched more than once by Kris Reece is called "The Trait GUARANTEED to Attract Manipulators". I've found that one helpful, although I don't think it's strictly for christians.
3:13 respecting yourself
1. Identify my need
Another great video, thanks Kris and God Bless🙂
Amen
yes its exhausting
Very timely word
YOu are speaking about what covert religious narcissists wouldn't do, respect boundaries.
2. Identify fear
This is gold
Thank you.
Thanks!
Thanks 😊
Thanks
Is the only boundary option for stonewalling and refusing to communicate by my husband “walking away”?
Right on point 👍
great point
Proverbs 22:22
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate:
I had people in church tell me that " why do i want kids now?"
🙄😗
Kris , what do I do if it's a sibling who lives with mom and I uprooted everything 5 years ago to care for her. He has lived with her all of his life , he has ALWAYS been jealous / envious of me , He demands to be paid for giving mom her medication and keeping an eye on her until I get back from a part time job and I unfortunately started paying hom ( for mom's sake and so that I wouldn't have to quit my job ) I've tried getting outside help and he saboutages it all the time! I have done all I can not to fight for mom's sake ...I pray and cry and understand God's plans and timing are perfect but what do I do to really have him respect my boudries , understand mom'scurrent needs , etc ??
We call it, Non-Negotiables. I’m better than breadcrumbs.
How can I deal with narcissistic parents which at this moment I live with them I was there caregivers I want to have peace but there things that they do that makes me want to leave and go no contact how can I honor them like the scripture says
so you live with them and you WERE their caretakers? so now they are able to take care of themselves?
I can relate to this myself. Living with 2 narcissists is very draining..
By leaving and making them grow up.
Wow
Where is this taught in the bible, Kris Reece? I would say....nowhere! It's a bunch of lies, for people who do not know their bibles. It's that simple, Kris Reece!
please help me. I need it.
A thirsty horse will go to the watering hole that has water.
So what do you do when they don't respect boundaries? My devious narcisst sister never does. I get bombarded with emails every day or phone calls, demanding that I talk to her.