Attachment & Mental Health
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 28 дек 2023
- Attachment & Mental Health
Support the Channel by shouting me and my team a coffee: www.buymeacoffee.com/DrSyl.AU
Thanks RUclips Members: / @drsyl
Thanks Patreons: patreon.com/DrSyl
Insta: dr_window_syl
❤ I LOVE to hear from you guys, please reach out!
** The information in this video is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images, and information, contained in this video is for general information purposes only and does not replace a consultation with your own doctor/health professional. If anything in this video was distressing please consider calling LifeLine 131114 **
Timestamps
00:00 - Introduction 
Кино
Hello Dr. Syl. Great to see you again. I have been hesitant to comment and I now realize you need to hear back from your followers, to know your efforts are worth it.~Your content is rich and thoughtful, and it challenges my ability to boil down my reactions to the most salient and succinct bullets.~You bring up so many interesting points! ~ I am an older lady, nearly 40 years your senior, with a propensity for divergent thinking (as in what the heck is she going on about). ~lifelong learner, an INFJ (M-Briggs). I have diagnosed PTSD, which manifests in anxiety and depression, controlled by meds and 3.5 years of seeing a psychologist weekly. All that is to say I am aware that the things I would like to say often don’t resonate with many folks, and then I find myself overthinking what I am typing. But to heck with all that. I enjoy your channel immensely, and will no longer let the fear of being an inadequate communicator get in the way of something I enjoy. At least on the good days. (btw I do have some thoughts on the topic of attachment that I hope to post later) Thank you, Dr. Syl.
When I first started therapy I was terrified of the world any everyone in it. I showed it with anger at anyone for not being perfect. After a few years I heard the Shantideva quote, “would you rather gather enough leather to cover the world or make a pair of shoes so you can walk comfortably through it.” That stuck with me. To me it meant I can’t change or control things that hurt me in the world, but I can make changes in myself to traverse this world with more inner peace. Just like I can’t change my childhood but I can luckily do the therapy and introspection required to cope and become settled.
Thank you for sharing this! I'm trying to explain with kindness to my family why I can't be around them, but without being hurtful about it. This expresses it so beautifully. 🖐️🙂👍🌹
Can I share your words with my group of abuse survivors?
@@sharonthompson672 absolutely! I’m glad it helped :)
When people talk about attachment styles, the focus is usually on the relationship with the parents and how good the parents were at meeting the child's needs, which makes sense because the early research started with mothers, and that's a very obvious place to look. Has there been any research on the impact of other caregiver relationships in childhood? A lot of children are taken care of by more adults than just their parents, they go to daycare or grandparents or childminders ect, and then from the age of 4 or 5 almost all children go to school. What happens if the child's environment when they're away from their parents routinely doesn't meet their needs? I wonder if that could also result in an anxious attachment. If the child spends several days a week in an environment which doesn't meet their needs, I wonder if the child might learn "my mum coming back doesn't mean I'm safe, I'll have to go back here again in the future." So therefore the mum coming back would never be fully reassuring, and the child would never feel completely safe because the safety of the parents was only temporary.
I'm from a family of eight. It first dawned on me how important maternal love is, and the immensity of the damage that is done when a mother (or incubator, as the case may be...) doesn't bond with her baby/babies. In high school psychology class, watching a movie about Harry Harlow's monkey experiment, and babies in orphanages rocking in their cribs to self-soothe because no one held, or cuddled them. 😢 I was numb. Just numb. My first epiphany. I was grateful the room was dark.
Ooh, I also was one of eight (7th) and my dad died when I was a baby. So I certainly didn’t have much individual attention, but I was always very secure in my mum’s live and also as a member of the big group. My guess is that there was more to it than just you mum’s inability to give attention. Was she a very cold character? Or did she maybe have her own mental health problems?
I fall into avoidant attachment, and have experienced a relationship with someone who has a disorganized attachment (BPD). It was incredibly difficult to navigate that relationship - truly felt like the longest two years of my life. The aftermath of it had me fighting not to become even more hyper-independent and isolated. Childhood neglect/abuse is no joke, our coping really does repeat itself in all relationships onward. Now I'm focused on moving myself into a secure attachment by nurturing the relationships I feel safe to express myself in and hopefully as I become more healthy the amount of those relationships will grow.
I would fall into anxious-avoidant to disorganized. I have C-PTSD, BPD, ADHD, Autism and suspected DID, thanks to my new psychologist who has been trying their best to get me to talk about my trauma. I've experienced every adverse event from infancy to well into my adult life. My father wanted me to have the whole collection it feels like. To me life has been inherently traumatic, there's no possible way for me to navigate it to the point of therapi-zing myself into a secure attachment. Mentally I'm stuck at being 18 while I'm turning 30 this year. A lot of people, even the professionals truly don't understand what that is actually like. Being an adult and being forced to function as one when mentally you can't is the hardest thing to live with, especially when the majority of people disregard what trauma can do to a person, they talk like it's just so easy to pick up all those responsibilities without ever being taught how to deal with them.
My attachment style is disorganized, but I don't have bipolar disorder. It does definitely come from trauma. Trouble is, you can't remember it so there's no way to label an emotion with context. Imagine the big knot in the Christmas lights in Christmas Vacation. That's what emotions are like for me. I'm not autistic, recently tested very well in a full neuropsychological exam. PTSD has created false ADHD in me, and it's a struggle on top of struggle, so I got tested. It isn't easy to teach a 45 year old how to feel things and understand them. I may never learn. Who knows.
What do you mean by "false ADHD"?
@@HigoIndico its the ptsd effecting the same parts of the brain as adhd. ”The ring of fire” i think But i can be wrong??
As a doctor in psychiatry and a new parent I loved this book - “Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers”by Gabor Maté and Gordon Neufeld. Made me think more about attachment vs sleep training in babies.
This is definitely easier said than done. When because of caregivers you have made so many poor decisions because there was no boundaries taught. I’m a lot older than most of your audience and after many years with psychiatrists and a brilliant clinical psychologist the journey is still difficult. When you say oh when you turn 18 it’s your responsibility I had no idea that anything was wrong until I was 19. I understand you’re still learning but I feel you sound like it’s easier than it is.
I took it more as he was saying the world sees it as at 18 you are the adult, and its your responsibility to handle all of your stuff, not just the mental health part. When he said thst, he seemed to be putting on the character of the world looking at a standard 18 yr old. The world is not going to look past the surface to see if there is a reason for these behaviors. The world is just going to see the person who needs to handle their stuff better. I think that's why his tone changed right after that saying that its not as easy as just saying that. Because his job is to look past the surface. Now, I could be wrong but I think that's what he was trying to convey with the change in tone of voice.
I'm almost certain I'm avoidant and my husband could be anxious. Things have been pretty bad the past 5 years between us. I literally never even heard of attachment styles until last week when my husband mentioned it. It is really making me think more when I just shut down in conversations and arguments. Sometimes I literally just do not have the energy to deal with it at all.
I was always given the impression that attachment issues was mainly if not only a BPD problem.
Dr. Syl...thank you so much for all of your hard work and study. Sharing the wealth of knowledge with us has been great! Im grateful for your time invested and the enlightenment I receive from each individual video you post. Thank you so much.
Thanks. Particularly interested in the difficulty to take responsibility when an adult due to past trauma.
im a nursing student and i also have found that its so hard to learn and educate at the same time, thank you for the videos
You seem to have such a sweet soul, I wonder what you be like as a senior psychiatrist, from the ones I met so far, they seem to have no personality and don't listen to well. The young ones have made the experience with dealing with my husbands bipolar a lot better even though my husband doesn't trust them. The senior psychiatrist was overdosing my husband on medication.
I have been so damaged by life that I don't have emotional attachments to anyone, I actually cut my sister out of my life, and my dad, and sometimes my mum, I am raising my son to be independent and not to rely on anyone, It is important to like yourself enough to be ok with being alone and not needing people. My husband is very emotionally attached to me and I think he would like me to be more emotionally attached to him but I put walls up for a reason.. I learnt that from my dad.
It seems cruel to me to marry someone and not be emotionally attached to them. I feel like you should be each other's partner and champion, a team, a refuge from life's hardships. Are you in counseling? What effect might you be having on your son's attachment style?
Yes, I agree about the part of over medicating patients.
I wish you all the best.
@@sharonthompson672 the only reason why we got married is because at the time everyone around us kept pressuring us to get married and have children. I wished people would stop pressuring other people. My husband has had about 3 psychotic episodes since our son was born, and many bipolar episodes.. My son has become one of the most resilient kid, he doesn't cry over stupid things which I think it a very good quality to have in life I believe. The only time he cried a tiny bit was when the psychiatrist at the hospital showed him
some compassion.. His father is a very sick man, and if I was emotionally dependant on him I would to become unwell and my son needs me to stay strong while his father has lost his mind.
I have anxious attachment without any doubts. My parents are very anxious, criticizing and overprotective. Before therapy I often felt lost. Now receiving a degree in psychology myself
🙂 Life is good❤
as an a level psychology student i thoroughly enjoyed this video as do i enjoy all your other ones. please never stop making content!
Interesting video. I guess I have anxious attachment style. I have a history of being anxious in most things! I do have an excellent mental health care team now though, so things are changing.
Do you know if the "attachment parenting " movement comes from this attachment theory you talked about? My oldest child is now 25. I used "attachment parenting " with him and his sisters when they were babies/toddlers because, from my reading, it seemed to promote the most robust mental health.Growing up, I saw what the opposite looked like. It wasn't fun and I wanted to protect my kids from that. I don’t know how much it helped my kids though. They have all had significant mental health challenges at various times. Maybe its just the genes trumping everything. Any thoughts?
Thank you for the video.
I appreciate your insights and the compassion you have for those suffering from various mental health issues.
So glad I listened today.
I have a Dismissive avoidant attachment style. Really trying to figure myself out the last few years. Couldn't continue living with a brain that gets incredibly muddied. Dissasociates or get very reactive with negative emotions and get cyclic bouts of apathy and anhedonia, I never questioned and just pushed through the 10 days to 2 weeks of feeling nothing. I still think that is the worst feeling. I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism in March last year and started medication. That changed my life. I am improving every day.
Thank you dr Syl "for this in between video"🎉
Dear Dr Syl,
I hope this message finds you well. I've been struggling with daily dysfunction for almost 3 years, (but actually since 14) despite my dedicated efforts in various intensive programs and rehabs. My current healthcare team has hit a dead end, leaving me feeling trapped. Recently, I had a difficult conversation with my physician about the possibility of euthanasia.
I'm reaching out to you in the hopes that you might take a moment to review my situation. Your insights could make a significant difference, and I believe your expertise might shed light on a path forward.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best regards
Robyn
I sincerely hope that one or two bad apples haven't spoilt the whole bunch in regards to your experiences and treatment of those with bpd.
I had secure attachment with my mom until about age 40. I had very secure attachment wirh my alcoholic and on rhe spectrum dad until 10 yo when he stopped drinking and stopped all contact with me for 2.5 years. Since then we have gone on and off commumicating for the next 40 years. Bc of my trauma with dad, when my mom's behavior became less communcative i quickly went into avoidant with her as well. As a parent myself , i struggle very much with my 11 yo daughter who calls out all my flaws harshly. All i want to do is sink into a black hole but i will never cut her out as my father did to me. I can see in my husband the desire to shut down as well bc our daughter is A LOT at this age. Very helpful Dr. Syl to meditate on my own upbringing and that of my parents as well.
When I'm severely depressed, I sometimes call out for my mother .... so Freud would love that. I suppose it's because I can't function and want my mother to help me as she did when I was a kid.
When I was working, one of my jobs was to mentor others. Yes, this took me away from my own learning but it really didn't because I found teaching demanded I know a subject very well and it reinforced the knowledge that I had. It also challenged me to describe a subject so it could be easily understood. One of the bosses I had always used the expression "Describe it like I'm a six-year-old". This taught me how to break down a subject into a simplistic form and, most of the time, enabled me to read the person who was teaching whether they understood the subject matter or not. It really helped me to learn while at the same time teaching others.
I think it is avoidant attachment style here. I had different caregiver since I was 4 weeks old. My Mom started working again and my Dad could´t take care of me, being very ill. Thank you for uploading this video. It explains a lot. :)
I loved this so much
I don't know if I agree with the reduction of humans to animals or being social as a main reason to be. I think we are more than just animals because we have higher brain functioning but we are animals too. And although we are social, we are also complex feeling and thinking beings who are capable of managing to have a social conscience.
I can remember how my performance phobia started with my Mum watching me at a swimming carnival as a kid. So I think I'm avoidant, anxious and secure at times. Mum was great at handling me back then and just said I was a bit neurotic! She focused on finding pools for me to practice swimming in, but I somehow knew it was psychological even at 8 years old.
Nice chat, so important to understand attachment. I’ve worked with parents who’ve abused their children and teaching them about attachment has sometimes been transformative. I’ve watched a parent who was entertained by their child’s stress become empathetic and emotionally aware. There is healing in knowledge.
I agree that attachment means having strong attachment to yourself and to have trust that when you call for help you will get it. I suffered some extreme abuse in early childhood and childhood, and I have a weird attachment style that you would probably call disorganized. As a coping mechanism I have developed this thing called spiritual psychosis which is not psychosis at all or even PTSD. I have imaginary friends and I’m in these super dramatic relationships with them that all revolve around supernatural things like God and ghosts and psychic abilities and Jesus and all kinds of religious things. This coping mechanism is adaptive in the sense that it prevents me from lashing out at real people and I get to work out my issues with imaginary caregivers instead of on my parents for example. It is also maladaptive because there is no real system of checks and balances. It can get really tortured in my head. However, my only real caregiver, a nurse practitioner, monitors it and sends me for a drop in session with a psychologist when I get too distressed. It’s a different councillor every time, so that’s not ideal, but I get by with it. I think my mind is very clever to have come up with this adaptation. I made it for myself out of a fundamentalist Christian upbringing and some self help books I got from the New Age store. My spirituality has saved my life over and over. And I am teaching myself to control it and to see myself as the deity and not be at the mercy of the inner demons. As I progress in getting better, the fantasy world becomes a kinder and more healthy place, and I gain the awareness that it is a fantasy world and therefore under my power to influence and govern. I have been assessed many times for psychosis and DID and I don’t have that. I have a supernaturalistic fantasy world and as I learn to be a whole person in the fantasy, I learn to be a whole person on the outside too. You can say that’s the wrong way to do it, but since you also say that it is my responsibility to get better and nobody is helping me do that, I’m going to do it my way. I have absolutely no use for psychiatry. My nurse practitioner has prescribed some good meds and I have a very nice imaginary girlfriend and also an imaginary BFF who listen to me talk about my feelings. I write hundreds of thousands of words in fiction and journaling. I channel an angel. When I feel like my head is going to explode I talk to the drop in person. I am getting better. I will never see another psychiatrist if I can help it. I do not like being treated as if I am broken and need to be shame welded into being socially acceptable. I want to actually get better and feel good, not look good or be a good patient and get pats on the head from some hyper intellectual doctor who has no idea what suffering actually feels like. All the people in my fantasy world have been through hell. They are outcasts and rejects like me. The love we share is real even if the fantasy is not. I couldn’t get that from a doctor.
Doctorrrrrr! Can you make a video about authoritative, permissive, authoritarian and neglectful parenting style affects on adolescent mental health!
Thank you Dr Sly
Amazing video and reflections!!! I love your videos!
Can you talk about causes of dependent personality disorder? This attachment discussion got me thinking about sort of over attachment or dependency and avoidance, especially related to trauma. Thank you!
Dr Syl, there’s a pod cast called Psychology in Seattle hosted by Dr Kirk Honda who is a psychology professor and therapist - (he you tubes too now, but I’m an old school listener) anyway, he does extremely detailed deep dives (several hours long) into many things including attachment theory - I feel you guys have similar attitudes etc and you might find his thoughts interesting.
I'd love to hear any anonymous examples you've had with dissociative identity disorder, previously more known as multiple personality disorder. I'd also personally like to hear your thoughts on what causes paraphilia and how it is addressed through your practice.
You've once again given someone out here the insight needed to get better both in your inpatient treatment facility and possibly even this RUclips channel of yours. I think it's worth mentioning that most of us may be the same way with having episodes of learning and teaching, it keeps the subject fresh and digestible over long periods of time.
Just keep doing this at your own unique pace Dr. Syl, that way the pressure hopefully doesn't get in the way of progress.
Good video! I was expecting though to tell how the other 3 type of kids behaved in the room when they entered the room with their mother. I guess the avoidant started to play immediatelly, and the anxious was maybe unwilling to start to play ?
It has been good 12 years that I saw such videos and I remember the reactions when the mother came back, but not how they behaved before the mother left. Also this "disorganised" type is new for me! I don't remember learning it. (Psychology has evolved a lot in 12 years.) Is it a mixture of anxious and avoidant?
I really enjoy your channel - it’s really helped me to understand the training doctors go through - I knew it was a lot but not as intense as what you describe …
I also used to work in the mental health field before my own mental illnesses got too bad for me to continue to work … watching your videos remind me of how excited I used to be to learn about mental illnesses and to work in that field … it’s a little sad for me but I love your enthusiasm …
Yes I understand, we all get blocks. That's ok too particularly when studying
I love the topic and have felt attachment issues, being and adult now I have dealt with other Grief for some time.
Love your videos .
Seeing your self inside out "daily activities" for growth and experience. Fall into a hole twice, third time walk around the hole.
Thanks!
Hi there, thanks for the comment. That’s a very generous super thanks. Did you mean to send that large amount? If it was an error please let me know at Medico.syl@gmail.com and we can organise a refund!
That was the correct amount. Wishing you the very best. Great channel!
@@SchizophreniaSurvivorNICE!!!
I’m very interested in this whole idea of attachment with regards to genetic and environmental origins. I think I have an anxious style, my first son has an anxious style too. My second son has an avoidant style like his dad. My third son has a secure attachment style and a different father who he has never known. I have such different relationships with each of them.
could you consider and discuss things like adoption and how that can affect mental health in the child and later adult. spending the first months/years in a hospital or in 'care' without a mother/father bond. how this affects your attachment and overall 'trust' of people etc. thank you for all you do. appreciate learning along with you.
More videos on this topic or similar please
,
I would like to know thoughts on what causes some children who have a strong positive connection to their caregivers but still find it really hard to be consoled even though everything is done right. Related to the anxious attachment in your example, some instances I felt ok and back to normal, but other times felt so traumatised by a parent leaving when they came back was super clingy and found hard to trust they would come back.. Through life I seem to have switched back and forth between anxious and secure styles. I wonder if some of us are just inherently sensitive to changes and find it takes longer to adjust though nothing has happened yet to make us so stressed?
I think I am anxious and somewhat disorganized. Ive been talking with my therapist about what can one do if your first memories were being abused? From 1.5 I can remember being neglected, pushed, physical, mental abuse. How can your brain ever be normal? It get wired completely different and I've dealt with depression my whole life. I've taken all kinds of meds, none worked, and actually made things worse. I keep attracting people who aren't good for me too. Is there anything that might help? I feel hopeless
Similar situation for me. Keep attracting bad relationships so I’ve stopped and I’m working my myself, appreciating myself, realising I deserve happiness, that being abused wasn’t my fault.
You can heal, absolutely - it’s a process though, like the process that harmed you initially.
Long term therapy, corrective experiences, beginning to notice your reactions to things, understanding ‘why’, acknowledging and grieving pain from your past experiences and learning to respond rather than react.
Please talk more about schizophrenia
What does a doctor do when a patient says they are having feelings of suicide? Is there a procedure that takes place, and is the patient care voluntary or involuntary?
My baby used to cry when we have people visit us(she hasn’t seen before or seldom seen). I think until she’s 10months old. Could that be anxious attachment?
Was that a joke dr Syl? Your last line!😮
derealization/depersonalization disorder video
The more you know, the more you know you don't know anything.