"Open your eyes, Pinkie!" I love this line. The whole scene is about Twilight's lowest point in the movie, where she distances from everyone and don't trust her friends to help her. I think this line references Tempest's song, which is all about "understanding that trusting others is foolish", showing the dark path of untrust that Twilight was getting into, just like Tempest did.
Twilight's stutter alone made me feel more empathy for her than the original tbh. The original just states it saying "it's all on me" while this rewrite implies it with the stutter, like something she didn't wanna say. Meaning she not only was suffering, but was trying to hide it, which hits harder. But that may be just me reading too hard into it xD
A little detail but I sorta liked that you edited out the gasps in the end. The moment itself is impactful enough and they're nothing but redundant imo
I’m honestly surprised the movie didn’t try to make Twilight more sympathetic like you did. Her Friendship Festival got fucked, the capital of Equestria and her hometown got taken over, ponies were captured and her parents were probably somewhere in the mess, and the princesses whom she has close relationships to were all stoned and could have been shattered so she’s currently the last acting princess of the country. This movie somehow felt like a more forced and contrived version of Lesson Zero with Twilight making a mess of things and her friends not noticing her growing stress. Except she had understandable, if not acceptable, reasons to do what she did and her friends sort of stayed daft to the absurd weight on her shoulders as they treated this as just another adventure. Kudos for improving this movie a bit.
I have to say, I LOVE how you had Twilight say "Open your eyes Pinkie!" I'm sure it's what you were going for, but that would have been absolutely PERFECT if that was in the movie because it would have segued VERY nicely into Tempest's song shortly later on.
Twily : open yo 👀 pinkie fry its always party and you isn't it? What's with you and party's when some religious storm Zeus monkey villain is out to become invincible.
I love that you added “Open your eyes Pinkie!” to mimic Tempests song and to add to showing how Twilight couldve been just like her if she went a different path
I don't know if I missed it when I watched the movie, but this rewrite does a great job of focusing on trust as a theme. Over the course of the story Twilight slowly becomes more and more distant from everyone including her friends to this very point. As always I found the rewrite to hit a lot harder than it has any right to 😅 I think this might be your best rewrite yet!! Absolutely gripping from the very beginning all the way to the end.
I feel the line of "maybe I would have been better off without friends like you!" Was unneeded. This could have been served so much better with a line like "Then maybe I should have done this by myself!" And then twilight teleports off so the rest are left in stunned science. It would have fit the girls better, and still kept the story beats intact.
While what you say is a far stronger ending than the original, the rewrite tries to keep the main elements from the plot intact, like Twilight ending up alone and regretful. It's just a reimagining of the scene in a bubble :)
I disagree. I think that the line as is in the movie is better from a narrative standpoint, and Twilight snapping under the pressure in this situation isn't actually out-of-character for her. Honestly, handling pressure extremely poorly is probably her most defining trait besides loving books.
@@stephenwells6434 You mean in a narrative that had flaws to begin with? If the focus was changed from twilight having trust issues, to twilight wanting to do it herself to get it done faster and 'better,' then it would have been a cleaner narrative. I also see you use "isn't actually" when twilight, the princess of friendship, says "And maybe I shouldn't have friends!" There's handling pressure badly, and downright forgetting learned history and memories.
This actually feels like the best rewritten scene I watched. This hits way harder than the official. Maybe when a movie is being made and I need a rewrite, maybe I should hire you if that's okay with you.
i love how the argument was extended, i feel it would have been more impactful if it was just a bit longer like this. don't get me wrong, i actually loved this scene, but this extended version is just *chefs kiss* it made twilight's line "maybe i would have been better off without friends like YOU" feel more warranted and made it more emotional. like everything was just boiling up until it spilled over, it felt a bit more natural.
The moment Twilight stutters isn't talked about enough. Like Pinkie realizes Twilight has been carrying the pressure of the mission all by herself and takes a second to acknowledge it "you're right." She even calms down for a second until Twilight fires back saying its not enough Then she remarks everyone's trying and its not only Twilight "against the world" showing she understands what that stutter meant
How come nobody else noticed Twilight's horn glowing at the end? I mean Pinkie was more shocked from the insults than the fact that Twilight almost lost control of her magic
Dang.. And this is the only scene i watched from the movie through youtube cause i was curious on that when it came out but gosh... This makes the drama 5x interesting
I love this movie and saw it in theathers, but this...this is INCREDIBLE. I hope in the future they can make more MLP friendship arguments more realistic like this and relatable.
As I expected, you knock it out of the park! This felt rather gripping to watch with the little touches you added, such as the word choice between Pinkie and Twilight. But I mentioned it before, I have mixed feelings on the movie itself and it's down to this: While I like some of the movie such as Tempest and the Storm King, I just find it hard to believe the stuff leading to this scene was plausible. This is set after Season Seven, in which the finale had a villain created by Starswirl and the pillars not trusting Stygian, leading to the Pony of Shadows. So the theme is kinda redundant. Plus, the fact that Pinkie and Rainbow are main contributors to Tempest finding them. WHY, when it comes to conflict between the Mane Six, these two tend to be used as plot devices. They have more than enough common sense to know the dangers of this adventure, especially since they are Equestria's last line of defense at this point. If this movie was out during the earlier seasons like two or three, I wouldn't be complaining as much, but here we are.
Yeah, I watched the movie a couple years ago and rewatched it recently to make this video. Needless to say, my thoughts on it haven't changed that much. Pivotal plot points rely heavily on conveniences or like you said characters making choices they really shouldn't at this point, which throws me off a bit. I think this movie was made for a wider audience who doesn't follow the show very closely. In some ways it feels like an early season premiere or finale, but placed way too late for it to fit in cleanly with the continuity. Still, at the end of the day I chose to turn my brain off for a while and enjoy the movie. Of course I had to turn it back on for this video lol
@@AlexMLP Interested in seeing how I re-edited it? I could upload it here, as an unlisted video, and send it to you. Because, I've got to thank you for making this, and I commend your writing.
Here's what i think would be better than Twilight lashing that out to Pinkie Twilight: "It's all on me. I'm the one Tempest wants. I'm the last princess" Pinkie: "Your also the one who doesn't trust her friends!" Twilight: "Doesn't? Who are you to say that i am the one who DOESN'T trust her friends? I didn't trust any of you since you guys messed up and put yourselves in danger!" Pinkie: "We wanted to make new friends Twilight! They were helping us!" Twilight: "I didn't trust any of those guys back there! Especially that Con-artist! I think you guys don't feel like i'm the one serious about our home right now and you feel like this is a vacation than a serious quest!" Pinkie: "Well, What did you wanted us to do!? Stay home and let you do this all by yourself so Tempest would capture you easily!?" (Twilight gasped then felt silent. she looked at the others. She then started to feel remorse) Twilight: (Close to tears) "Your right, Pinkie" Pinkie: "Twil-" Twilight: "Your right" (Flys off)
I've been playing with 15ai for a while and i gotta say its really hard to get the lines like you do It must take you ages to just get a couple ones, let alone the entire scene! I just gained a lot more appreciation for your work
Not really a fan of this scene in the movie, but you definitely improved upon it. Twilight calling out the rest of the mane six for having to save them is something that should've been addressed in the original movie.
@@Lucios1995 Well, all throughout the movie, the others were refusing to take the situation seriously and were doing things that got them into trouble, such as trusting a con artist or performing a sonic rainboom when they're trying to avoid attention. Twilight was fed up with their behavior by this point, which is why she snapped at Pinkie, but the movie doesn't really do a good job of making that clear. Twilight was in the wrong here, but her friends weren't entirely blameless either.
I think in the real world we would consider Pinkie and the others more in the wrong, but this is after 7 seasons of the girls learning about friendship. Introducing friendship to non-Equestrians is not a new concept in the show, they’ve done it before with the griffons, dragons and yaks. Given everything they learned, the Mane 6 SHOULD be trying to befriend the strangers. Capper helped because Rarity showed him kindness and generosity. The pirates helped because Rainbow Dash inspired them to be proud of themselves. The hippogriffs were about to help because Pinkie showed them fun, even after being refused help. Now did they do some stupid things along the way that led Tempest to them? Yes, and Twilight has every right to be mad. But she’s still ultimately in the wrong given the lessons she and her friends already learned and the “we’ve got this together” moral that her stress is making her forget.
@@stephenwells6434I mean if we can forgive Twilight for snapping at her friends because she was stressed, we can forgive Pinkie and the others for unintentionally leaving a trail for Tempest. It’s not like Pinkie meant to leave a strand of her hair in Klugtown and a drawing on the map (which only led Tempest to them because Rainbow Dash’s rainboom led them to the ship to begin with). The movie itself ultimately puts Twilight in the wrong because her friends were successful in their efforts.
@@tootsiepop13 I'm not saying don't forgive Twilight's friends. I'm saying that there is blame to go around. Twilight is not the only one at fault in this situation. Also, since you bring up Twilight forgetting the moral about trusting your friends, I'll respond by pointing out that her friends all forgot the moral THEY learned about being considerate towards their friend's feelings. They all know that Twilight doesn't handle stress well (hell, they turned her name into a verb for not handling stress well), and it was incredibly obvious throughout this film that she was under a lot of stress, and yet they remained completely oblivious to her issues until she blew up at them. Then, when she did blow up, they all abandoned her without a thought, even though it was clear IN THE MOMENT that she regretted her outburst. Also, it is worth noting that when Twilight and her friends reunite during the climax, both sides apologize to each other, not just Twilight.
Someone should actually voice act this. This has definitely more impactful dialogue than what the movie had, it really does show how Twilight’s at her lowest point where she doesn’t even trust anypony but herself to make the decisions. You really kinda feel for her though, she was the only one Tempest was after, and was the last princess left with magic, so you really gotta understand where she’s coming from. It’s really sad because again, nopony understood that, so I can see why she snapped at that point. Amazing dialogue writing. 10/10. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I watch the movie this year I understood twilight situation was in her plans for the festival was shut down due to Storm King invasion, Cantelot and her home was occupied, her family and characters of the show are captured, the princess are turn into stone becoming the last Alicorn in Equestria, her friends are like having a fun adventure like not taking it seriously Twilight really put on a lot of stress of the entire movie arc feels like twilight is like always saving her friends from making situations and trusting strangers trying to do best she can to save Equestria best rewritten of your video.
this is great I wanna compare to the first script and analyse why this works better but i dont know how writing works like idk why this is so much better
You've made this spectacularly. I'm sure we've had problems with the original script. The dialogue felt forced. Here, Twilight expressed her frustrations with the team on how they kept giving away their location and jeopardizing the mission.
You know, I'm not one for rescripting normally, but you actually kept in tone with the movie and made it... better somehow. Like... I had to watch a side by side comparison to find the differences. You made it seem more desperate while keeping it kid friendly.
[Narrator] Oh, dear! Twilight's just upset. I'm sure she didn't mean it. [Twilight Sparkle] Pinkie, I... [Narrator] But her words crushed poor Pinkie Pie, who's heart cracked like a peanut. [Pinkie Pie] (sniffles) I just can't talk to you right now.
Narrator: oh dear, Pinkie does not want to talk to Twilight right now. Mane 6:(to narrator; aggravated) shut up! Twilight: stop pointing out the obvious!
Alright, so after watching your other 15.AI MLP dubs, I have noticed you are great at writing/rewriting confrontation scenes. You can see where it needs to be, and a path that makes logical sense to follow in the duologue. Besides that, because these are weak scenes in general, it's easier to get a grasp of what the original writers were trying to go for. I thank you for bringing this great duologue to the beach fight, one more rewrite and the writers could have gotten the original scene this good. (Me: taking notes on how to write good confrontation, as dialogue comes fantastically to me, except for the arguments/fights)
Hi! I don't know if I can help, but here are a few fundamentals I've started to adhere to. Maybe you can get something out of them👍 1. When I write a confrontation I try to visualize it as a funnel, starting impersonal and getting more and more personal. My thought process is that the further an argument gets, the more unstable and emotional things become, meaning the characters start losing rationality about what the discussion topic is and start attacking one another directly. Things transition from the topic and move to the characters. 2. There must be shifts of power. For me, an argument can be viewed as two opposing forces taking turns to attack, while the other side has to defend. Before even writing I have a certain idea of who has an upper hand at what point. Playing with this idea of who's "in control" is what I'd say keeps things interesting. I always have the main points I want to tackle laid out, as well as who ends up "winning", which allows the writing process to go way smoother. 3. This might come down to writing style, but I love when lines aren't allowed to end. What I mean by this is characters interrupting each other or simply stuttering. Depending on how you use this you can convey who's in control, really good subtext, and maybe even deeper layers to the character. Not to mention the ability to slow down the pace. In this rewrite for example, Twilight says "I-" before changing to "WE are not ready for this.". My intention was for her to feel responsible for everything that's happened as well as putting all the pressure on herself. The fact that she stutters is what allows Pinkie to understand Twilight has been hiding all this and thus she's able to start a more personal approach. I'd say those are my main points, I hope you find them useful!
Looks good! But should've used at the end: "We’re over, Twilight. You may be the Princess of friendship. But tonight, you just showed everypony, that you're a disgrace in that title." - Idea from Sora Lucis Caelum.
This feels so much more authentic, which is weird, considering it uses AI audio (good job on that, by the way). It feels more like an argument friends would have. As many others have said, the "Open up your Eyes" bit was a great way of setting up the next song and how she could've gone down that route. Instead, she chose to reflect what she said and did to change. Great work!
Is it really that hard for the writers to be more fluid with their dialogue? Most arguments and emotional scenes in MLP are made out of chunks of lines, like entire paragraphs. I understand if it is due to time restraints, but rewrites like these clearly show that it is possible to do them far better 🤷♀️
The original scene was impactful on its own, even if the rewrite has heavier lines. The argument Pinkie and Twilight had has always been cited as one of the best ones in the series and although this rewrite has a more fluid dialogue, the original scene does its job just fine. So it's pointless to criticise the writers cause they basically did what they intended to do with this scene.
I am so happy to be able to watch this video and see what you guys think of this project I will send it over tomorrow morning I am going through all the information that we need for this job I am so grateful
I feel this rewrite does a great job of keeping Twilight sympathetic, yet also showing why Pinkie and the others are ultimately in the right. The very first song in the movie hammers in the mentality that “we’ve got this together!” and that is seen consistently in the film. The others keep offering friendship to the non-Equestrians, which is how they are used to giving and receiving help. Throughout the entire film, Twilight is the only one stuck in the “I’VE got this” mentality and that has shown to disrupt their efforts in getting help. Twilight is stressed as all hell and of course she would be cautious, but as Pinkie points out in both here and the original fight, Twilight doesn’t have to do it alone. They will only succeed if they trust each other and work together. This really brought out the true intentions of the original scene, which might be too subtle! Love it!
Twilight saying Open Your Eyes Pinkie reminds me of The SpongeBob movie where SpongeBob tells Patrick the same thing and even though Twilight is a bit of a jerk she has a point they're not in Equestria the places they're in aren't always going to work out they're in unknown foreign lands outside Equestria and she's the one who is aware of Stranger Danger since Twilight and Spike's friends didn't seem to know anything about Stranger Danger.
MOHAMMED GEEDI: I can honestly imagine Sir Topham Hatt having a heated argument with his wife Lady Hatt, his daughter Bridget, his son Stephen, and his mother Dowager Hatt in the sequel to "Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure." (If Mattel goes bankrupt and Hasbro revives the original Thomas the Tank Engine back to normal, that is)
MOHAMMED GEEDI: I can also imagine Scoop having a heated argument with Muck, Benny, Dizzy and Roley in the humanized version of "Snowed Under: The Bobblesberg Winter Games." (With the exception of Lofty, since he is the only machine on Bob's Can-Do-Crew to get angry with Scoop or argue with him)
MOHAMMED GEEDI: And last but certainly not least - I can imagine Lightning McQueen having a heated argument with Sally, Mater, Flo, Ramone, Sheriff, Sarge, Fillmore, Luigi, Guido, Lizzie, Red and Mack in the humanized version of "Cars 2."
Well, the movie itself isn't worth watching, (in my opinion) but you actually manage to make this scene with the dialogue made sense or at least, be more in deep in the characters.. Which was the movie missing. Good job, mate! 👍 (l'm not Australian, but l've always wanted to say that line 😂)
To be honest, I thought I was already subscribed to you. I already viewed your previous works and all of them make me say, “Wish Hasbro did this like you.” Also, I was wondering if you could do the scene where Spike stands up for Thorax, but instead of a song, he argues normally?
This was a good rewrite, but I personally think even this isn’t enough to save this movie. The buildup to this fight in both the movie and this rewritten scene just feels really contrived, especially with everyone acting pretty OOC throughout the film. Pinkie and Rainbow kept putting everyone at risk, Twilight messed up by stealing the pearl, and none of her friends seemed to share Twilight’s concerns that their home was literally in danger. What’s worse is that the movie leans heavily towards the whole trope of “Twilight is the Big Bad who needs to be taught a lesson”, which is ridiculous considering all of the characters really should be beyond this sort of pettiness and childlike attitude at this point. And no, this movie being a “starting point” for new fans is not an excuse. Again, this was a good rewrite of the argument, but the movie itself was so trash that it’s in need of a massive overhaul.
The movie was when I started disliking Twilight, after that, I don't know what happened, it's like she got some kind of brain damage that changed something in her. So for me, 2017, is when MLP:FIM, died, or when it should've anyway
I love twilight and the rest of them, i want all of them to be getting along with each other. Twilight just been having all this stress, she didn’t really have no choice. She do care about her friends.
I know she shouldn’t have lied to them and attempt to take their Pearl, but they don’t even try to understand WHY. They’re all up in their high horses(no pun intended) and don’t even try to see that she’s the only one who’s focused on the mission and not treating it like an adventure. Like you said, even with the help they’ve gotten, Tempest is one step closer to finding them thanks to their idiotic shenanigans!
What were you thinking?! I mean, STEALING their Pearl?! It was the only way to save Equestria! Except it WASN’T! The Queen was going to say “yes”! We did what you told us, and that’s what made her realize we were ponies worth saving. [Gasps]! Unless… you didn’t really want us to show her the best time ever! You just wanted to distract her! [Gasps]! I never would’ve done it, but this isn’t Equestria! We can’t just dance around with con artists, make Rainbooms in the sky, and expect everything to work out! It’s NOT enough! WE are NOT enough! No, Twilight! WE stuck together. WE were gonna get the help we needed. The only thing that stopped us was YOU. Well, I’m doing the best I can! It’s all on me. I’m the one Tempest wants. I’m the last Princess… You’re ALSO the only one who doesn’t trust her FRIENDS! Well, maybe I would’ve been better off WITHOUT FRIENDS LIKE YOU!!! [Gasps]! [Whimpering]. Pinkie… I… I just can’t talk to you right now.
Oooo. This is cool. Could u do some more MLP scene rewrites please? I think they are awesome. Like Maybe the scene where Applejack tells Apple Bloom that she doesn’t think the Great Seedling is real
yo! I’m loving your content, and I just got a quick question-how do you make the text on-screen scroll up when a new line is said? another question: can I rewrite other EQG scenes like this, stating in the description that it’s inspired by your videos?
Hi! First of all, I'm glad you enjoy my stuff :) As for the text, it's actually a png of the script I write on Google Docs. In the editing process, I just zoom to the current line that is being spoken, and then keyframe down to the next one. All of this is happening on a layer underneath the footage, so it gives the impression of "scrolling" And of course you can write your own scenes! I'm thankful you find these inspiring. I look forward to your work!
If Strawberry Shortcake (2003) had Coco Calypso and Seaberry Delight singing SSOTS by IZ*ONE, can you do a Line Redistribution of this but with the rest of the girls?
Do you know the camp fire scene from avatar the last airbender? I've always had a problem with how the dialogue was written in that scene and it's supposed to be the most important character moment in the series. I was wondering how you would rewrite the dialogue in that scene.
I noticed at 1:36, the script says it as “Well, maybe I’d have been better off without friends like you!,” but the audio still has Twilight saying it as “Well, maybe I would have been better off without friends like you!” Was it intentional or did you forget to change it?
@@carloso5910official i just wrote "I'd" instead of "I would" in the rewritten script thinking it wouldn't really matter lol Correct me if i'm wrong, english isn't my mother tongue after all 😅
IMPORTANT:
This video is blocked in the Netherlands and Belgium due to copyright issues. Use a VPN to watch it!
ok bro
Copyright for pictures?
@@monicaeditsare you brazilian?
@@monicaeditsi am from brazil and i like monica
I'm in The Netherlands and I can see it without using a VPN.
"Open your eyes, Pinkie!"
I love this line. The whole scene is about Twilight's lowest point in the movie, where she distances from everyone and don't trust her friends to help her. I think this line references Tempest's song, which is all about "understanding that trusting others is foolish", showing the dark path of untrust that Twilight was getting into, just like Tempest did.
Then I would be either twi or flutters
Tempest was getting to her here, that's why her horn sparks when she yells at pinkie
@@whYLiE09 wha
@@mistylover7398 huh?
@@whYLiE09 MA LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🦵
Twilight's stutter alone made me feel more empathy for her than the original tbh.
The original just states it saying "it's all on me" while this rewrite implies it with the stutter, like something she didn't wanna say. Meaning she not only was suffering, but was trying to hide it, which hits harder.
But that may be just me reading too hard into it xD
A little detail but I sorta liked that you edited out the gasps in the end. The moment itself is impactful enough and they're nothing but redundant imo
Yeah i also think they were a bit too much
I’m honestly surprised the movie didn’t try to make Twilight more sympathetic like you did.
Her Friendship Festival got fucked, the capital of Equestria and her hometown got taken over, ponies were captured and her parents were probably somewhere in the mess, and the princesses whom she has close relationships to were all stoned and could have been shattered so she’s currently the last acting princess of the country.
This movie somehow felt like a more forced and contrived version of Lesson Zero with Twilight making a mess of things and her friends not noticing her growing stress. Except she had understandable, if not acceptable, reasons to do what she did and her friends sort of stayed daft to the absurd weight on her shoulders as they treated this as just another adventure.
Kudos for improving this movie a bit.
I have to say, I LOVE how you had Twilight say "Open your eyes Pinkie!" I'm sure it's what you were going for, but that would have been absolutely PERFECT if that was in the movie because it would have segued VERY nicely into Tempest's song shortly later on.
Twily : open yo 👀 pinkie fry its always party and you isn't it? What's with you and party's when some religious storm Zeus monkey villain is out to become invincible.
"OPEN YOUR EYES PINKIE"
Ooooohh "Open Up your Eyes" suddenly feels like a great callback...
Twilight: Open your eyes Pinkie!
Tempest: Am I finally getting through?
Twily : for now lol
Notice how Pinkie never says "i" or "me" while Twilight does whenever she can.
Nice detail to show the darkest point in Twilight's arc👌
I love that you added “Open your eyes Pinkie!” to mimic Tempests song and to add to showing how Twilight couldve been just like her if she went a different path
"open your eyes pinkie!" That line is actually my fav😩
I don't know if I missed it when I watched the movie, but this rewrite does a great job of focusing on trust as a theme.
Over the course of the story Twilight slowly becomes more and more distant from everyone including her friends to this very point. As always I found the rewrite to hit a lot harder than it has any right to 😅
I think this might be your best rewrite yet!! Absolutely gripping from the very beginning all the way to the end.
I feel the line of "maybe I would have been better off without friends like you!" Was unneeded.
This could have been served so much better with a line like "Then maybe I should have done this by myself!" And then twilight teleports off so the rest are left in stunned science.
It would have fit the girls better, and still kept the story beats intact.
While what you say is a far stronger ending than the original, the rewrite tries to keep the main elements from the plot intact, like Twilight ending up alone and regretful. It's just a reimagining of the scene in a bubble :)
@@AlexMLP I understand that (after all you used the visuals.)
I am merely airing my own complaint.
You did good work and I like it.
@@arikatheprincessofhearts2043 no
I disagree. I think that the line as is in the movie is better from a narrative standpoint, and Twilight snapping under the pressure in this situation isn't actually out-of-character for her. Honestly, handling pressure extremely poorly is probably her most defining trait besides loving books.
@@stephenwells6434 You mean in a narrative that had flaws to begin with? If the focus was changed from twilight having trust issues, to twilight wanting to do it herself to get it done faster and 'better,' then it would have been a cleaner narrative.
I also see you use "isn't actually" when twilight, the princess of friendship, says "And maybe I shouldn't have friends!"
There's handling pressure badly, and downright forgetting learned history and memories.
This actually feels like the best rewritten scene I watched. This hits way harder than the official. Maybe when a movie is being made and I need a rewrite, maybe I should hire you if that's okay with you.
😅
This is so much more compelling AND ties into Tempest’s own story WHAT!?! That’s amazing!!!
i love how the argument was extended, i feel it would have been more impactful if it was just a bit longer like this. don't get me wrong, i actually loved this scene, but this extended version is just *chefs kiss*
it made twilight's line "maybe i would have been better off without friends like YOU" feel more warranted and made it more emotional. like everything was just boiling up until it spilled over, it felt a bit more natural.
Love how you followed some beats but added more depth and a more natural flow to it!
Wow, this is a lot better than the original dialogue
The moment Twilight stutters isn't talked about enough. Like Pinkie realizes Twilight has been carrying the pressure of the mission all by herself and takes a second to acknowledge it "you're right." She even calms down for a second until Twilight fires back saying its not enough
Then she remarks everyone's trying and its not only Twilight "against the world" showing she understands what that stutter meant
How come nobody else noticed Twilight's horn glowing at the end? I mean Pinkie was more shocked from the insults than the fact that Twilight almost lost control of her magic
I think it's to indicate that Twilight has reached her breaking point, but idk
@@BJSolar02yeah twilight was totally about to reach her breaking point
You know, if this was script was in the movie, i'd make the scene so much sadder than it already was.
I do love angry pinkie in this scene, beautifully drawn.
Dang.. And this is the only scene i watched from the movie through youtube cause i was curious on that when it came out but gosh... This makes the drama 5x interesting
I love this movie and saw it in theathers, but this...this is INCREDIBLE. I hope in the future they can make more MLP friendship arguments more realistic like this and relatable.
As I expected, you knock it out of the park! This felt rather gripping to watch with the little touches you added, such as the word choice between Pinkie and Twilight. But I mentioned it before, I have mixed feelings on the movie itself and it's down to this:
While I like some of the movie such as Tempest and the Storm King, I just find it hard to believe the stuff leading to this scene was plausible. This is set after Season Seven, in which the finale had a villain created by Starswirl and the pillars not trusting Stygian, leading to the Pony of Shadows. So the theme is kinda redundant.
Plus, the fact that Pinkie and Rainbow are main contributors to Tempest finding them. WHY, when it comes to conflict between the Mane Six, these two tend to be used as plot devices. They have more than enough common sense to know the dangers of this adventure, especially since they are Equestria's last line of defense at this point.
If this movie was out during the earlier seasons like two or three, I wouldn't be complaining as much, but here we are.
Yeah, I watched the movie a couple years ago and rewatched it recently to make this video. Needless to say, my thoughts on it haven't changed that much.
Pivotal plot points rely heavily on conveniences or like you said characters making choices they really shouldn't at this point, which throws me off a bit.
I think this movie was made for a wider audience who doesn't follow the show very closely. In some ways it feels like an early season premiere or finale, but placed way too late for it to fit in cleanly with the continuity.
Still, at the end of the day I chose to turn my brain off for a while and enjoy the movie. Of course I had to turn it back on for this video lol
@@AlexMLP Exactly. There are good points in the movie, but there's too many flaws that distract me from enjoying the entire thing.
Going back to rewatch the original scene, and comparing it to your rewrite...I can't say which one does the job better.
Hope you did at least enjoy it :)
@@AlexMLP And to think, a year later, now I'm re-editing the film to use this scene instead, for when I rewatch it
@@SmokeTheHorsehog i can't believe it's been a year (i feel old lol)
@@AlexMLP Interested in seeing how I re-edited it? I could upload it here, as an unlisted video, and send it to you. Because, I've got to thank you for making this, and I commend your writing.
@@SmokeTheHorsehog sure!
Here's what i think would be better than Twilight lashing that out to Pinkie
Twilight: "It's all on me. I'm the one Tempest wants. I'm the last princess"
Pinkie: "Your also the one who doesn't trust her friends!"
Twilight: "Doesn't? Who are you to say that i am the one who DOESN'T trust her friends? I didn't trust any of you since you guys messed up and put yourselves in danger!"
Pinkie: "We wanted to make new friends Twilight! They were helping us!"
Twilight: "I didn't trust any of those guys back there! Especially that Con-artist! I think you guys don't feel like i'm the one serious about our home right now and you feel like this is a vacation than a serious quest!"
Pinkie: "Well, What did you wanted us to do!? Stay home and let you do this all by yourself so Tempest would capture you easily!?"
(Twilight gasped then felt silent. she looked at the others. She then started to feel remorse)
Twilight: (Close to tears) "Your right, Pinkie"
Pinkie: "Twil-"
Twilight: "Your right" (Flys off)
I've been playing with 15ai for a while and i gotta say its really hard to get the lines like you do
It must take you ages to just get a couple ones, let alone the entire scene! I just gained a lot more appreciation for your work
Not really a fan of this scene in the movie, but you definitely improved upon it. Twilight calling out the rest of the mane six for having to save them is something that should've been addressed in the original movie.
What do you mean "for having to save them"?
@@Lucios1995 Well, all throughout the movie, the others were refusing to take the situation seriously and were doing things that got them into trouble, such as trusting a con artist or performing a sonic rainboom when they're trying to avoid attention. Twilight was fed up with their behavior by this point, which is why she snapped at Pinkie, but the movie doesn't really do a good job of making that clear.
Twilight was in the wrong here, but her friends weren't entirely blameless either.
I think in the real world we would consider Pinkie and the others more in the wrong, but this is after 7 seasons of the girls learning about friendship. Introducing friendship to non-Equestrians is not a new concept in the show, they’ve done it before with the griffons, dragons and yaks.
Given everything they learned, the Mane 6 SHOULD be trying to befriend the strangers. Capper helped because Rarity showed him kindness and generosity. The pirates helped because Rainbow Dash inspired them to be proud of themselves. The hippogriffs were about to help because Pinkie showed them fun, even after being refused help.
Now did they do some stupid things along the way that led Tempest to them? Yes, and Twilight has every right to be mad. But she’s still ultimately in the wrong given the lessons she and her friends already learned and the “we’ve got this together” moral that her stress is making her forget.
@@stephenwells6434I mean if we can forgive Twilight for snapping at her friends because she was stressed, we can forgive Pinkie and the others for unintentionally leaving a trail for Tempest. It’s not like Pinkie meant to leave a strand of her hair in Klugtown and a drawing on the map (which only led Tempest to them because Rainbow Dash’s rainboom led them to the ship to begin with).
The movie itself ultimately puts Twilight in the wrong because her friends were successful in their efforts.
@@tootsiepop13 I'm not saying don't forgive Twilight's friends. I'm saying that there is blame to go around. Twilight is not the only one at fault in this situation.
Also, since you bring up Twilight forgetting the moral about trusting your friends, I'll respond by pointing out that her friends all forgot the moral THEY learned about being considerate towards their friend's feelings. They all know that Twilight doesn't handle stress well (hell, they turned her name into a verb for not handling stress well), and it was incredibly obvious throughout this film that she was under a lot of stress, and yet they remained completely oblivious to her issues until she blew up at them. Then, when she did blow up, they all abandoned her without a thought, even though it was clear IN THE MOMENT that she regretted her outburst.
Also, it is worth noting that when Twilight and her friends reunite during the climax, both sides apologize to each other, not just Twilight.
Yeah, this is way better than what we got.
holy sheet! this improved the scene tremendously!
Someone should actually voice act this.
This has definitely more impactful dialogue than what the movie had, it really does show how Twilight’s at her lowest point where she doesn’t even trust anypony but herself to make the decisions. You really kinda feel for her though, she was the only one Tempest was after, and was the last princess left with magic, so you really gotta understand where she’s coming from. It’s really sad because again, nopony understood that, so I can see why she snapped at that point.
Amazing dialogue writing. 10/10. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I watch the movie this year I understood twilight situation was in her plans for the festival was shut down due to Storm King invasion, Cantelot and her home was occupied, her family and characters of the show are captured, the princess are turn into stone becoming the last Alicorn in Equestria, her friends are like having a fun adventure like not taking it seriously Twilight really put on a lot of stress of the entire movie arc feels like twilight is like always saving her friends from making situations and trusting strangers trying to do best she can to save Equestria best rewritten of your video.
this is great I wanna compare to the first script and analyse why this works better but i dont know how writing works like idk why this is so much better
You've made this spectacularly.
I'm sure we've had problems with the original script. The dialogue felt forced.
Here, Twilight expressed her frustrations with the team on how they kept giving away their location and jeopardizing the mission.
I'm on Twilight's side her friends were goofing off with strangers and they got what they deserved
OPEN YOUR EYES PATRICK!
We blow bubbles.
We eat ice cream.
We worship a dancing peanut for cornsake!
WE DON'T BELONG OUT HERE!
What do I call it... Worship! ❤❤❤
Patrick, you’ve been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for 3 years straight! What do you call that!?
You know, I'm not one for rescripting normally, but you actually kept in tone with the movie and made it... better somehow. Like... I had to watch a side by side comparison to find the differences. You made it seem more desperate while keeping it kid friendly.
[Narrator] Oh, dear! Twilight's just upset. I'm sure she didn't mean it.
[Twilight Sparkle] Pinkie, I...
[Narrator] But her words crushed poor Pinkie Pie, who's heart cracked like a peanut.
[Pinkie Pie] (sniffles) I just can't talk to you right now.
Twily : 😮💨😔😒
Narrator: oh dear, Pinkie does not want to talk to Twilight right now.
Mane 6:(to narrator; aggravated) shut up!
Twilight: stop pointing out the obvious!
Green eggs and ham show reference
Alright, so after watching your other 15.AI MLP dubs, I have noticed you are great at writing/rewriting confrontation scenes. You can see where it needs to be, and a path that makes logical sense to follow in the duologue. Besides that, because these are weak scenes in general, it's easier to get a grasp of what the original writers were trying to go for.
I thank you for bringing this great duologue to the beach fight, one more rewrite and the writers could have gotten the original scene this good.
(Me: taking notes on how to write good confrontation, as dialogue comes fantastically to me, except for the arguments/fights)
Hi! I don't know if I can help, but here are a few fundamentals I've started to adhere to. Maybe you can get something out of them👍
1.
When I write a confrontation I try to visualize it as a funnel, starting impersonal and getting more and more personal. My thought process is that the further an argument gets, the more unstable and emotional things become, meaning the characters start losing rationality about what the discussion topic is and start attacking one another directly. Things transition from the topic and move to the characters.
2.
There must be shifts of power. For me, an argument can be viewed as two opposing forces taking turns to attack, while the other side has to defend. Before even writing I have a certain idea of who has an upper hand at what point. Playing with this idea of who's "in control" is what I'd say keeps things interesting. I always have the main points I want to tackle laid out, as well as who ends up "winning", which allows the writing process to go way smoother.
3.
This might come down to writing style, but I love when lines aren't allowed to end. What I mean by this is characters interrupting each other or simply stuttering. Depending on how you use this you can convey who's in control, really good subtext, and maybe even deeper layers to the character. Not to mention the ability to slow down the pace. In this rewrite for example, Twilight says "I-" before changing to "WE are not ready for this.". My intention was for her to feel responsible for everything that's happened as well as putting all the pressure on herself. The fact that she stutters is what allows Pinkie to understand Twilight has been hiding all this and thus she's able to start a more personal approach.
I'd say those are my main points, I hope you find them useful!
@@AlexMLP Thank you! These were really good points and I shall keep them in mind when writing some dialogue. Helped me understand better too!
I like this version, it feels like a deleted scene that could have been used for the movie.
THIS WRITING IS SO GOOD!!!
this is so good every detail make it more in depth i want more scenes like that
Looks good!
But should've used at the end: "We’re over, Twilight. You may be the Princess of friendship. But tonight, you just showed everypony, that you're a disgrace in that title."
- Idea from Sora Lucis Caelum.
Twily : 🫨😮💨😔 just leave then
bit too harsh
This sure was quite a tough scene to watch, even if it's rewritten.
This feels so much more authentic, which is weird, considering it uses AI audio (good job on that, by the way). It feels more like an argument friends would have. As many others have said, the "Open up your Eyes" bit was a great way of setting up the next song and how she could've gone down that route. Instead, she chose to reflect what she said and did to change.
Great work!
This was great!
Wow just wow 👏 it BEAUTIFUL 😍
"I just can't talk to a hetty right now."
Oh my goodness, that was really good.
Yoo this channel is gold haha. Keep these rewritten up!haha
Is it really that hard for the writers to be more fluid with their dialogue?
Most arguments and emotional scenes in MLP are made out of chunks of lines, like entire paragraphs. I understand if it is due to time restraints, but rewrites like these clearly show that it is possible to do them far better 🤷♀️
👍
The original scene was impactful on its own, even if the rewrite has heavier lines. The argument Pinkie and Twilight had has always been cited as one of the best ones in the series and although this rewrite has a more fluid dialogue, the original scene does its job just fine. So it's pointless to criticise the writers cause they basically did what they intended to do with this scene.
I am so happy to be able to watch this video and see what you guys think of this project I will send it over tomorrow morning I am going through all the information that we need for this job I am so grateful
Imagine if Pinkie made Twilight so angry she'd eventually blast Pinkie and the others with her magic.
That would’ve been fucked up.
@@RyanZacharko True, I'm just saying if Twilight's anger went over the top, that's what would happen.
1:34 *Wow Pinkie snapped🩷🩵*
This was perfect
I feel this rewrite does a great job of keeping Twilight sympathetic, yet also showing why Pinkie and the others are ultimately in the right.
The very first song in the movie hammers in the mentality that “we’ve got this together!” and that is seen consistently in the film. The others keep offering friendship to the non-Equestrians, which is how they are used to giving and receiving help. Throughout the entire film, Twilight is the only one stuck in the “I’VE got this” mentality and that has shown to disrupt their efforts in getting help.
Twilight is stressed as all hell and of course she would be cautious, but as Pinkie points out in both here and the original fight, Twilight doesn’t have to do it alone. They will only succeed if they trust each other and work together.
This really brought out the true intentions of the original scene, which might be too subtle! Love it!
The original playwriting should be inspired and adapted by Lauren Faust and Rebecca Mantle.
Twilight saying Open Your Eyes Pinkie reminds me of The SpongeBob movie where SpongeBob tells Patrick the same thing and even though Twilight is a bit of a jerk she has a point they're not in Equestria the places they're in aren't always going to work out they're in unknown foreign lands outside Equestria and she's the one who is aware of Stranger Danger since Twilight and Spike's friends didn't seem to know anything about Stranger Danger.
I honestly would’ve preferred this over the original scene
MOHAMMED GEEDI: I can honestly imagine Sir Topham Hatt having a heated argument with his wife Lady Hatt, his daughter Bridget, his son Stephen, and his mother Dowager Hatt in the sequel to "Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure."
(If Mattel goes bankrupt and Hasbro revives the original Thomas the Tank Engine back to normal, that is)
MOHAMMED GEEDI: I can
also imagine Scoop having a heated argument with Muck, Benny, Dizzy and Roley in the humanized version of "Snowed Under: The Bobblesberg Winter Games."
(With the exception of Lofty, since he is the only machine on Bob's Can-Do-Crew to get angry with Scoop or argue with him)
MOHAMMED GEEDI: And
last but certainly not least -
I can imagine Lightning McQueen having a heated argument with Sally, Mater, Flo, Ramone, Sheriff, Sarge, Fillmore, Luigi, Guido, Lizzie, Red and Mack in the humanized version of "Cars 2."
Well, the movie itself isn't worth watching, (in my opinion) but you actually manage to make this scene with the dialogue made sense or at least, be more in deep in the characters.. Which was the movie missing.
Good job, mate! 👍 (l'm not Australian, but l've always wanted to say that line 😂)
Very good version should have been in the movie the intens drama realy good dark scene are rare in mlp!👌🏆
I wonder what would have happened if twilight used her magic on pinkie. That would not have ended well.
To me this re write made Twilight's screw up sound even worse.
You could also say it was more fitting.
Im wishing this was the actual scene
Apologize to each other! - Jacob, Joseph: King of Dreams (2000)
End of argument! - Papá, Coco (2017)
this is better than original if im gonna be honest!
This scene makes me mad. There's too much yelling.
To be honest, I thought I was already subscribed to you. I already viewed your previous works and all of them make me say, “Wish Hasbro did this like you.”
Also, I was wondering if you could do the scene where Spike stands up for Thorax, but instead of a song, he argues normally?
That's a good scene to rewrite. One could use the lyrics as guidelines
This was a good rewrite, but I personally think even this isn’t enough to save this movie.
The buildup to this fight in both the movie and this rewritten scene just feels really contrived, especially with everyone acting pretty OOC throughout the film. Pinkie and Rainbow kept putting everyone at risk, Twilight messed up by stealing the pearl, and none of her friends seemed to share Twilight’s concerns that their home was literally in danger. What’s worse is that the movie leans heavily towards the whole trope of “Twilight is the Big Bad who needs to be taught a lesson”, which is ridiculous considering all of the characters really should be beyond this sort of pettiness and childlike attitude at this point.
And no, this movie being a “starting point” for new fans is not an excuse.
Again, this was a good rewrite of the argument, but the movie itself was so trash that it’s in need of a massive overhaul.
The movie was when I started disliking Twilight, after that, I don't know what happened, it's like she got some kind of brain damage that changed something in her. So for me, 2017, is when MLP:FIM, died, or when it should've anyway
Oh shit
this was actually chilling to me
I love twilight and the rest of them, i want all of them to be getting along with each other. Twilight just been having all this stress, she didn’t really have no choice. She do care about her friends.
I know she shouldn’t have lied to them and attempt to take their Pearl, but they don’t even try to understand WHY. They’re all up in their high horses(no pun intended) and don’t even try to see that she’s the only one who’s focused on the mission and not treating it like an adventure. Like you said, even with the help they’ve gotten, Tempest is one step closer to finding them thanks to their idiotic shenanigans!
That's right, destroy pinkies soul on a Saturday afternoon 😂
Awesome
Pinkie could've replied with "...maybe you are..." when she left.
Very good.
I like it both ways
Daaaaaaaaaang!
What were you thinking?! I mean, STEALING their Pearl?!
It was the only way to save Equestria!
Except it WASN’T! The Queen was going to say “yes”! We did what you told us, and that’s what made her realize we were ponies worth saving. [Gasps]! Unless… you didn’t really want us to show her the best time ever! You just wanted to distract her!
[Gasps]!
I never would’ve done it, but this isn’t Equestria! We can’t just dance around with con artists, make Rainbooms in the sky, and expect everything to work out! It’s NOT enough! WE are NOT enough!
No, Twilight! WE stuck together. WE were gonna get the help we needed. The only thing that stopped us was YOU.
Well, I’m doing the best I can! It’s all on me. I’m the one Tempest wants. I’m the last Princess…
You’re ALSO the only one who doesn’t trust her FRIENDS!
Well, maybe I would’ve been better off WITHOUT FRIENDS LIKE YOU!!!
[Gasps]!
[Whimpering].
Pinkie… I…
I just can’t talk to you right now.
What twilight said abt the end makes me sad bc it makes me remember y ex best friend
Said that....
So much better
Dang I felt so bad😢
Oooo. This is cool. Could u do some more MLP scene rewrites please? I think they are awesome. Like Maybe the scene where Applejack tells Apple Bloom that she doesn’t think the Great Seedling is real
yo! I’m loving your content, and I just got a quick question-how do you make the text on-screen scroll up when a new line is said?
another question: can I rewrite other EQG scenes like this, stating in the description that it’s inspired by your videos?
Hi! First of all, I'm glad you enjoy my stuff :)
As for the text, it's actually a png of the script I write on Google Docs. In the editing process, I just zoom to the current line that is being spoken, and then keyframe down to the next one. All of this is happening on a layer underneath the footage, so it gives the impression of "scrolling"
And of course you can write your own scenes! I'm thankful you find these inspiring. I look forward to your work!
@@AlexMLP thanks so much for responding-that script png technique is genius.
I can’t wait to rewrite another EQG scene like this. thanks again!
If Strawberry Shortcake (2003) had Coco Calypso and Seaberry Delight singing SSOTS by IZ*ONE, can you do a Line Redistribution of this but with the rest of the girls?
Skarloey and Rheneas Argue in Season 9
Sick!
Can you Rewrite The Wedding Rehearsal Confrontation Scene in A Canterlot Wedding Part 1??? I'm talking about the whole thing.
Ouch
Why didn't you write for the movie???
1:41 could've used a roblox oof
Do you know the camp fire scene from avatar the last airbender? I've always had a problem with how the dialogue was written in that scene and it's supposed to be the most important character moment in the series. I was wondering how you would rewrite the dialogue in that scene.
Def do more of these rewrites they are great
I noticed at 1:36, the script says it as “Well, maybe I’d have been better off without friends like you!,” but the audio still has Twilight saying it as “Well, maybe I would have been better off without friends like you!”
Was it intentional or did you forget to change it?
@@carloso5910official i just wrote "I'd" instead of "I would" in the rewritten script thinking it wouldn't really matter lol
Correct me if i'm wrong, english isn't my mother tongue after all 😅
@@AlexMLP I thought it was a writing mistake or you were gonna actually have Twilight say it but you forgot
I thought it would be differenter
Why rewritten?
I don't Think This would make the scene any better. I don't see any improvement in there
How could I improve it then? For the future:)
@@AlexMLPwell maybe you should've had twilight saying WELL MAYBE I'D HAVE BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT FRIENDS LIKE YOU! In 1:36
@@starside1015I think that one was a typo