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“Appreciation without expectation”, there is definitely NOT enough of that going around. Some men are so entitled, they give you one compliment and then act like you owe them something. I know I’m cute sir, thank you and goodbye.
This is why I always feel awkward when men compliment me lol. When I see a girl whose outfit is cute and I compliment her I don’t expect anything. But 90% of the time a man has complimented me he expects that I at least owe him a conversation. It's uncomfortable.
@@shamidkpzd exactly, I remember being on the tube once and this girl kept looking at me the whole time, we got off and she said, you have perfect eyebrows, I said thank you so much and that was it. No harassment, no telling me “I’m ugly anyways”, just because I didn’t offer to be her bestie. Something has got to give and men really have to stop acting like entitled fools out here.
I’ve lived in NYC my whole adult life, and there have been a surprising number of men over the years who were able to give a random appreciative compliment like that. I’ve walked away from those encounters feeling buoyed up and happier. It’s giving without expecting anything in return, and it’s too rare. And it helps make up for all the fucking catcalling and animal noises that happen 75% of the time.
Megan is a nice example of how the (patriarchal) society wants women to be absolutely perfect (physically, academically, an every aspect), but ONLY if they dont know it. Only if theyre insecure and need constant validation from the society and constantly pleases the male gaze. Megan is very confident as every woman should be, and knows her worth. She dosent need outer validation and it makes her an independent individual, not inferior to societal validation. And it drives people crazy! I love her
@@thecomputerartist8517 and you know she's insecure because?? Fine if you don't want your daughter to follow in her footsteps but there is no need to make up a reason. If it's not your preference, stay in your lane and no one will fault you. Women can find happiness and confidence wherever they want.
@@thecomputerartist8517 #2, no. Just no. One can "show" whatever you want. It shouldn't translate to, "that's all you are. Why can't people wear what they want? Why does that bother you and a lot of other people?
@@sg-cg6lr the reasons humans are considered intelligent and advanced is because we have a frontal cortex which allows us to recognize patterns and create them. That’s what IQ tests examine. To assign traits to patterns is a sign of intelligence and is good for survival aka, recognizing that colorful snakes are dangerous or recognizing that people who dress scantily are promiscuous. Of course there are exceptions and if you have time to explore the person or thing you shouldn’t generalize. But from an outside perspective yeah Megan seems insecure given the way she exposes herself cause that’s a reliable pattern documented in books everywhere. If I’m wrong I’m wrong but I’ll never get to ask her. Can only go by her actions.
@@danellymani205 "dressing promiscuously" is a social value judgement, not a biological certainly like the patterns on a snake. This is a reach and an embarrassing overextention of what really is the theory of mental heuristics NOT evolutionary psychology. People are pattern seekers yes, but because of the sheer energy our huge brains need to function. We seek patterns to facilitate mental laziness. Much like you did just now. It's natural. What isn't natural is pinning your prejudices on a person's clothing and calling it biological fact. Even if she's wearing booty shorts, that does not mean she'd certainly bang you.
Men know how to approach women respectfully, many of them simply choose not to. This is more an issue of men not being held to a decent standard of behavior.
Cut that out. Woman are raising these "Men". My aunt raise the men in the family. 3 boys 3 girls. Girls became successful, the 2 boys went to jail, 1 boy held a low paying job. So yeah feminisms did work for the woman. Not the men. 1 killed himself this year. 1. Is bi now and broke. and again the one is holding a job. Most the woman are working at city hall or medical or whatever. And for me my mom took most of the rising of the two boys. My step father couldn't say much because it's not he's kids. Me a security guard, and my brother became a pimp/drug dealer before his death in his 40's. The point is men need men, to raise men, to be a men. That's how you get the "Men know how to approach women respectfully". Men don't know until other men tell them how to be man. duh!
pov: you're a returning niece, nephew or nibling and your fave internet play aunty just fed you another amazing educational and topical video essay. Khadija girl you never miss
@sharom I have an important question please answer bc we need to know! Is it your mommy or your daddy we need to thank for giving us you, because GIRL!!! Your face is a masterpiece!! Do us all a favor and just go somewhere and smile at the ppl. We need more beauty in our lives! And you? Honey you it.
@@sg-cg6lr OMFG THANK YOU WOW THIS IS THE CUTEST PARAGRAPH IVE EVER RECIEVED IN MY LIFE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY AWHH (hehe thank my mum bc shes my everything)
Amen. and if she does, she too will LIVE in the name of whatever SHE creates because THAT IS LIFE. Love you K (i dont want t spell your name wrong. RIP
@@lous2752 I hate that term, it sounds like something you'd eat at TGI Fridays. I love the idea of making sure all relationship terms have gender neutral equivelants, but I can't condone anything that's gonna make my brain think of popcorn shrimp when you're actually talking about a baby.
Megan thee stallion saying “I’m holding my Kitty like it’s a weapon” and the spiral it sent me down, is something I’ll never forget and don’t even get me started on the cultural rest that was WAP. As an African woman I’ve always struggled with marrying the idea of desirability and respectability and how that comes to play with seggsuality, feeling hot and owning it is epic but the judgment that comes with it as a consequence for some could be life altering. However seeing Meg do the dang thing though I find very empowering!
@@alex-ju2bd Truly, I see her under all of my favourite commentary youtubers, and Kennie JD's bad movies and a beat vids. Good to know there's a little family here.
@@ezekielrayfield1512 wow life changing advice........ How about you worry about your own life you commenting won’t make a difference at all you probably commented that cause you felt like a bad ass and I don’t hate you at all I don’t even think you tried to watch the whole video or even give it thought .
@@wyteboysin simply put, if you're being sexual you're presenting yourself as desirable without the need of objectification and without dehumanization, and the ability to simply stop or start over when you want to. When you're being sexualized, is non-consentual and people are imposing their views of you as a sexual being over you without your approval, and it never goes away - maybe with age, but that comes with negative backlash most of the time. Hope this cleared it up! It's just a little summary but I recommend looking more into it!
When Khadija was saying "I'm queer, I'm non binary, I'm dark skin, I'm American and Canadian with a Muslim background who is now more spiritual..." All I could think was - affirmative, you are beautiful being. ✨ I think we should all aim to just, be and be free.
@confusedqueer well at that point you’re just lost af and too low vibrational to even initiate creating a quality life outside of the superficial. You don’t know yourself if you don’t embody who you truly are... but follow trends, labels, and what everyone is ooouing and aahing at for the sake of validation and conformity. Those type are called cowards and followers.
I think your point about the types of people who would look down on Meg crossing all demographics is really good. It can be very depressing how judgemental and vocal woman can be about other women expressing themselves.
I shouldn’t be, but I’m always still shocked when I hear a woman speaking negatively about another woman’s goals or choices, but especially body… it’s just a big slap in the face and shows how desperate for approval they are 😦
@@Mochalolo1928 it's a lot of internalized misogyny coming from every direction, usually. I still remember the toxic things I thought growing up because of how the narrative was presented in the media (like how awful they were to Monica Lewinsky). I think a lot of woman don't stop and examine where those thoughts are coming from though.
@@PandaBearsXc i agree with you, but I also think a lot of misogyny/internalized misogyny can be traced back to men, men's standards, desires, validation etc.
I, too, have always been envious of women who owned their sexuality and were able to flaunt their bodies. I don't and never will look like Megan; I'm the short,, chubby friend who "kept her head in them books". This is what happens when "modesty" was both praised & mocked in a family, namely my family. I'm still struggling with this. I'll be 35 in 9 days and I'm still struggling with all of this
I hope you find the freedom to be your full self soon no matter what your family thinks. You only have one life, living it for yourself is the way to go 💖
I honestly don't think it's that hard for men to get. It's not a complex concept. Certain dudes just don't want to lose their ability to Cat call and objectify without impunity. There's some areas where men and women need to meet at the middle to make better sense of the way we deal with each other. This isn't really one of them. Men who hate on Meg and her contemporaries completely get the nuances. They just don't care. They're angry at the limitations being put on them and the idea that a woman's sexuality can exists without it being in service to them. Men who know better just enjoy the art and keep it moving.
This comment is a delicious meal of cynicism and confirmation bias. I think like this too.. But, I wish it weren't so? I fear there's too many of these men out there.
@@Misstressofdons I won't assume how many men know better vs do better. I'm just saying from my perspective, the men that don't do better almost always know better... does that make sense? What I'm getting at is that this isn't one of those issues where education is what dudes need. These dudes KNOW the problem with their behavior. They just don't care. I
@@FDSignifire I get it but I think it way more complex than you are making it out to be. I regularly fall into this trap many times when discussing these types of issue. But on the real, it is very unhelpful when we try to scale it. All it does is provide an easy answer to a complex problem. I mean just the simple idea if people know better, they will literally do better if they really "cared" is just fundamentally false. I mean just look at your own behavior. Can you honestly say that whenever you knew better but didn't do better it was because you simply didn't care? Plus we are assuming what people (men) categorize as better. You are assuming that they also hold the belief that catcalling is annoying and degrading towards women, and they are just like I'm doing it anyway. And in my experience that's not that case. Most cat callers and their apologists don't actually agree with that even when you tell them to their face how you felt about their actions. They believe YOU are the one that doesn't know better.
When conservatives were complaining about WAP, my literal first thought was how did you even see the video (since you're not into that sort of thing, right)?? And then if you happened to come across it, wouldn't you click off if it's against your moral values?? Ppl like Ben Shapiro (a self proclaimed devout Jew) made a segment about the video as an excuse to watch the whole video, imo. 🤣 Ben and Co. just say like to see that a** drop and we can move on 🙄
Right? It is so weird. They act like the entire world and media must be approved by them to be accepted by the rest of their peers. Self proclaimed quality control is what it is. It stems from the believe that their religion is the supreme religion and they must save everyone from hell, they might not care about the individuals they attack but they care about "the children" that might be doomed for all eternity from watching a music video.
@@TinyGhosty Although I agree with that I find it problematic that music videos like WAP can be shared on platforms like youtube freely without having to adhere to certain guidelines due to the content being published through a music company.
@@in_sun4746 RUclips for children is a thing. If parents cared enough to shield their children from mature content, then they would be shielded. It is stupid to believe the world must conform to "family friendly" standards anywhere and everywhere. Children protection controls are a thing, utilize them.
I have a very different relationship with desirability. I struggle a lot with wanting to be desired in a society that forces women to want that. A woman's priority in life has to be "be desirable or die trying" or else we don't get treated like human beings and there's no intellect or achievement or personality that can make up for a lack of physical desirability. I wish to be desired, I just wish this wasn't a requirement for me to be respected.
1) you are desired by someone, no matter what you look like. The dominant society tells us that only one thing is desirable, but this is a lie. There are how many billions of people in this world? One of them wants you exactly as you are. Probably a few more than one. That’s just basic statistics baby. 2) there are people you cannot please, because their problem is not with you. Their problem is inside their own heart. You are under no obligation to respect their opinions or follow their advice. You do not need them. They will try to scare you, tell you that you will be miserable and alone if you don’t do as they say. This is a lie. It always was. You can live a good life surrounded by the people who respect you. It might take time, schedule tetris, money, creative thinking, and a bit of luck: but you can do it.
@@sophiejones7727 It sounds like you're advocating for women to make better personal choices, which is fine I guess, but not really what OP was getting at. There's no way to completely ignore things that are woven into the fabric of the society we live in, and no one should have to struggle their way to self-love or self-respect. And unfortunately, most of us aren't lucky enough to be able to discount the opinions of shitty people who have more power than we do. The harm they cause is not negated by the fact that they are stupid or wrong. Also, desirability in this context doesn't literally mean "desired by at least one individual." Women who raise these concerns aren't typically talking about getting laid or finding a partner; they're describing how they are perceived by the world at large and what opportunities are afforded to them based on how they look.
@@sophiejones7727 That statement doesn’t apply to everyone. There are people such as myself, who has never been accepted and wanted into a relationship. Not everyone is desired.
I'm not black so maybe this discussion isn't for me but I struggle with being equally mad that I get disrespect and assumptions about how liberal I am with sexual access when I want to dress sexy but also mad that I don't get paid attention to or listened to if I'm not done up and appealing to the male gaze. Some days I wanna just be like "Imma be sexy and you're just gonna have to get over it" and other days I'm like "I don't have to be sexy if I don't want to. I have other valuable assets!" It's hard to find the balance that feels right.
I’m a lesbian and femme at that. The male gaze applies to lesbians too, especially the femme side otherwise we completely get ignored or reinforced to “femme it up” when dating masc presenting lesbians. It sucks.
We are multi faceted multi demensional beings!! Of course you had conflicting urges! You are human. It's a thing of beauty and intelligence you can hold two (semi) opposing thoughts in one being. It shows even more that you have more to you that just your face or your body. Duality not only exsists but it reigns. As it should.
Oh fr? I feel like i only get paid attention to when I dress masc. Im bi and when i dress femme men just see me as a little sex object or eye candy and when i dress masc they see me more as an equal... sadly
"Unless you demisexual, asexual, or aromantic" I love a shoutout (I'm the third one!) A small part of a great video but it meant a lot to me, thank you
Year, ace umbrella unite. Biromantic ace here! I still enjoy dressing what some people would consider "sexy" at times. For some reason, it really makes me feel good and confident. I enjoy trying on different pieces of clothing to examine my identity. It makes me comfortable in my body. I have had some classes of "feminists" tell me that I cannot be asexual (wow, so I can magically turn my sexual identity on and off at will?) and dress sexy because I'm still playing to someone's gaze, which really hurts and makes me downright sad. Thank you Khadija for being so awesome and recognising demisexuals, asexuals, and aromantics!
i absolutely adore Khadija’s attitude to, not only her own thoughts, but towards learning in general. their willingness to always learn and develop their understanding is so refreshing and admirable, i know it sounds weird but their outlook on life and wisdom is very socratic. if you showed me a book of Khadija quotes and told me it was a collection of thoughts by the greatest philosophers i would definitely believe you. every video of their’s feels like a journey of introspection and never fail to leave me with food for thought. edit: pronoun change
hey so just wanna say that Khadija uses they/them pronouns (last I checked their insta). But yeah I totally agree, their willingness to be so open and discuss with such honesty and vulnerability is so good to see!
@@alex-ju2bd I'd mix it up too tbh because I know they identify as a nonbinary either womxn or woman but a quck double check confirmed they only use they/them pronouns so thanks @Georgie H for the reminder
As a Brazilian, I've been through a similar problem with expressing femininity and sexuality because as a whole, women in Brazil are seen by others as promiscuous or inferior for how sexy they can be. I think most lanitas go through that too. It's a struggle to find a happy medium where you embrace your beauty and celebrate your body and your heritage, but also can get the respect you were supposed to receive anyway.
Do it!! You won't miss it (she commented from her RUclips account). Lol but really, I deleted Facebook and uninstalled IG and Snapchat a few years ago and even just that feels soooo much better. You really don't miss it as much as you'd think, you feel free and you have more free time :+)
being a woman is ghetto but I love it wouldn't change it fo the world! It always amazes me that women and women that are attracted to other women understand the line of appreciation without expectation but men constantly argue that this is something impossible. Its so frustrating but everything has been beautifully said love your videos!
I said this on Kim's vid too but even though 'good pussy and money' rap is fine, Megan doesn't ONLY rap about that. It'll be in that lens as it's the genre description, but she's capable of the nuance in songs like B.I.T.C.H. When all these people describe her music as one note, it's like okay you probably know some of her music but it seems like you listened to WAP and only heard the other songs, you stopped your analysis once you got the conclusion you wanted
This! It's like Megan has so many songs that's not about her cat (not that there's anything wrong with that) but people don't seem to listen to those songs, it doesn't suit their agenda!
I get the point that you are making. It would’ve been nice if she had a moment where acknowledged that many people tend to hyper-focus on explicit songs that female rappers create and do forget their more thoughtful pieces-however, I would still disagree with you on a whole though for several reasons. For one, while Khadijah seemed like she was about Megan as a whole, it was more so a stream of thought from this one music video and the thoughts she was feeling as a result of that. Majority of it was unscripted at that. I doubt she was thinking about the greater nuances of the conversation while discussing her thoughts as it stemmed from the original music video. And two, yes Megan does make nuanced music, but those aren’t the ones that are sparking debate over how woman should present themselves. B.I.T.C.H. And Crying in The Car didn’t make it to the news as people legitimately argued over whether this was an appropriate way to view woman. Her nuanced songs aren’t pulling attention the same way her songs about 😽and 🍆 are because they don’t stir controversy and that’s the point of the video almost. It’s talking about woman’s rights to make these kinds of songs to present their bodies and not have to be vilified for it. If anything, the one thing I would’ve wish Khadijah talked about was how Megan’s male counterparts could be just as explicit, but never get a microscope on them the way they do her and other women like her. This video wasn’t about whether she makes nuanced music. It was a discussion about her explicit music, how she chose to present herself in these explicit songs, and how it’s received. Especially since Megan took such a statement in her latest song. That in no way assumes Khadijah didn’t listen to any of Megan’s other songs. TL;DR : I get your point, but I argue that it wasn’t necessary to the conversation.
@@em8625 I wasn't meaning that Khadija specifically thinks of Megan in that phrasing, but rather that they were saying the exact phrase Kim used in her vid and so it reminded me of my thoughts on it. I do agree with you. It is the point of the video that those songs don't get attention or controversy. My annoyance is more at the people who think they know enough of her music to be experts on it in order to make criticisms that would be in a different form if they were listening to the content like they claim to. Which is also not at Kim either, as she doesn't listen to Megan's music, but those who told her that's what it is in the first place. I probably shouldn't have used 'you' to mean people generally anyways.
@@alphabettical1 Ah! I get what you mean, that’s a very good point. It’s a problem I do see with a lot of contemporary music analysis, meanwhile the people that are doing the work of breaking down entire discographies don’t really get that much attention. So I understand your frustration. Thanks for clarifying. 🙏🏿
Haha. So I see a lot of people asking about what the mouth 😽 scene at the end of the music video meant, and one of the popular interpretations (and likely meanings) is a representation of the phrase, “cat got your tongue.”
I also really appreciate Megan's "damned if you do, damned if you don't, so f it" attitude but there's also the boxes that Black artists are put in that non Black artists simply aren't. Rap has been the most popular genre in the US by sales for years, but radio, award shows and the music press still treats rap as an "other," not mainstream genre. And the expectation for Black women in the music industry is to be sexual or hypersexual - or be desexualized like Missy Elliot. There's very little middle ground. And with that hypersexuality there's also this loss of femininity - the way Megan was treated after the shooting, all transphobia directed at her. Artists who want success have to cater to the market and the market only recognizes some Black, women and Black women artists' self expression.
Just a couple of examples of some lovely black women in metal [which admittedly, there unfortunately aren't too many] - Cammie Gilbert, singer for Oceans of Slumber; The Decay of Disregard is a good one from them. She's also been a guest vocalist on one of Ayreon's albums [Ayreon is a HUGE collab project in the metal sphere; often with tons and tons of big names in metal participating on the albums; all the brainchild of this one musician dude, Arjen Lucassen]. Also Diamond Rowe of the band Tetrarch, she's the guitarist. They're a newer band, but they have a lot of potential. Negative Noise shows off a great solo she did; also there's a great Slipknot-esque riff in it, which is awesome. xD
@@Monie71793 Yeah, that's unfortunate; there are some solid black folks in metal - Tosin Abasi is a GREAT guitarist in the band Animals As Leaders, Benji Webb of Skindred is a great vocalist who blends a lot of styles together, Wrust is/was a band from Botswana that had a good sound at least for the song Hate 'Em All, Ice-T's rap/metal fusion band Body Count is really great, Manuel Gagneux, who created Zeal & Ardor is making fucking phenomenal music. I want shit like this to keep coming, it's such good stuff!
Did nobody get the references to Fight Club in Meg’s video!?!?!?!?! When she calls the politician and tells him, “we serve your food and take out your trash,” Fight Club reference!
That shirt? With that makeup? And those beads? *POPPING*. Orange is amazing on you, Khadija. Also really loved your commentary on not understanding where you fit in re: feminism. I never thought about it that way but it makes sense to me.
For the record a good communicator uses the words that are the best fit for their message and their audience. And most of the time the largest or "most intelligent" word is the wrong one. We need to stop thinking that just because someone knows big words means they're smarter or more worthy of being listened too.
this!! the most intelligent communicators are those that can explain their ideas to lots of people without using confusing and rare words. it's not those who have memorized the dictionary cover to cover or use large words to intimidate others.
This is only true to a certain extent, "big words" are not meant to make things more difficult to comprehend, if people understood the words, it would simplify conversations. This isn’t the reality that we currently live in of course, but it’s what we should strive for.
My university lecturers would actively discourage us from using big words or bigging up our language too much, and would tell us that if it didn’t add to the point you were trying to make then it was unnecessary. Like you say, the most intelligent language is the language which is most appropriate within the context of the situation. Sometimes that’s “big words” and sometimes it’s internet slang, it all depends who you’re speaking to.
women find it alot easier to appreciate beauty and vocalise it without expectation. We find it easier to say " you look so hot" to other women without expecting anything back, of course it depends on your sexuality where that appreciation sits, but you can be heterosexual and it is normalised to compliment and celebrate beauty of our sex. But men find it so hard to simply tell another guy " man you look very hot today" without others cringing or questioning whether they are being sexualised....dude sit down, let your friend tell you you look good
@@mammoneymelon i know it’s been two months since this comment but yes. i feel like this is why men assume women that are just being nice or polite to them are into them or want to sleep with them.
“You look hot today!” Is a bit too feminine. There is nothing wrong with that but it can come off as homosexual and eerie to most men. And obviously you haven’t been around when the guy talk because if our boy is looking fresh we say it; yo your cut is fresh bro, your drip is crazy, that supreme bag go hard!. Idk if you’re a woman or man but it seems like you probably haven’t been around men in comfortable spaces to even hear things like this
@@zairehamlett I am a woman and i see what you are saying, but have you stopped to ask why is it feminine to say "you look hot?" To be honest, i have heard on rare occasions men saying to each other-albeit slightly jokingly- " you look hot man" - and i think the guys i have heard say this honestly just don't care at all what people think. I agree that there is a kind of "too much" stigma associated with the words "hot" , "gorgeous" because they have quite an intense impression associated with it. But i don't know, i find that really interesting, why woman are allowed those words amongst themselves and if men use it its homoerotic?women are allowed to use more masculine expressions like "dude" , "hard" without people really caring about it. I have often heard men complimenting others on their hair cut, their fashion, their shoes, using words like fresh, good, hard...but those words arn't used by all men. when i have hung out with men and we have had to dress up for some sort of event where we had to be formal, alot of the men will compliment on a particlar thing the guy is wearing, or their hair saying they like the particlar article they wear but very rarely the overall image of the guy itself. Maybe its because men don't expect that from each other, It's just something i noticed. But obviously, a guy's perspective is very different and i would be interested to hear what you have to say about this
@@noelle9685 yeh i think there's a difficulty that arises there as well, just because a woman is appreciating a man's qualities does not mean she is flirting with him, especially if she's going out of her way to sound friendly (ie not flirty) when she says it. if a guy complimented me saying i looked beautiful i might for a second doubt his intentions but i usually brush it off after reasoning that ive got my guard up and i should just accept the compliment, whether he likes me or not is just out of my control and i don't owe them anything, and usually if its a friend then i can compare it to how they always act around me and i know its just an innocent comment.
I am strongly reminded of lots of conversations around what was termed "third wave feminism" in the late 90's. There was all sorts of discourse around the idea of women being empowered and claiming their sexuality, and how we were shedding the shame of previous decades. Madonna, Britney, Christina, hell, even that laughably bad movie Coyote Ugly was brought into that conversation, as I remember. It all sounded good, at least at the time, but ultimately it wound up looking like more of the same- young women were given a platform as long as they performed a sexuality that was preferred by the, oh, let's just say patriarchy, and were dragged for it the very first second a toe strayed out of line in any way. Hell, they were being dragged anyway, but the volume just went up once any of them dared to be human. Which brings us back to some of the same stuff you were talking about in your Video Vixens essay. Honestly, I don't have a good answer to this one. Even at the time, being in my late 20's in the late 90's, I felt the same tension you were talking about, Khadija, in this vid, between wanting to be seen as beautiful and sexual without being objectified. I'm not sure how we're going to get there, but I do think something very important is happening in the conversation. Before, back in the day, it was all about how to behave the "right" (wtf that means) to avoid being objectified, but really, I think the onus should be on those doing the objectifying- and that means all of us. How that happens, I'm not sure, but as you say, it's a continuing conversation.
@@livelyosaki80 no? not really. i thought she was moreso a young adult bc of how knowledgeable she is about online social circles and talking points. most people that i’ve met her age don’t really care for social media beyond facebook so i assumed she was somewhere between 18-22 bc that’s the age group i’ve seen most commonly talk about the stuff Khadija talks about. but i’m sure you, someone who’s never met me and knows nothing about me beyond a single youtube comment, knows much more about what I mean and what I think than I do! note the sarcasm.
@@marvelineous You are wrong. Her generation saw the evolution of social media and they were the first actifs on ig and twitter while the babies your generation was about to use it. What year was made this social medias? Like more than 10 years ago you can google do the maths. You think that your faves celebs influencer aren't like in their 30's or middle 20?? The difference is that she remind us her age not the others who talk about these topics. So our generation are still active less than teenagers of course but we are in the majority and it can impact us too cause we always had socialmedia we just move on other one like everybody every half decade lol. So yes you didn't say she "old" you right but your comment meant that she is way older to be affected and feel concerned like the younger folks by social which is false. So the generation Y ain't that far you know.
As a brown teenage girl in a brown society, it's like a sin. Always called out for being too LOUD and very RUDE to men. I remember my entire school having complex that i dont look a certain ways. Getting bullied and shit. I also remember that boys in my class used to make comments like ' so what, but u r ugly ' . Now as an 18 yrs old , I need to unlearn many things in order to learn what Beauty is and what really matters. And IMO, sometimes I think that women are made to feel a certain way( like being called ugly or sexualise them) so that they can make them self counsious and drop their confidence . So they others can overpower them. PS: my English isn't very good.i remember I was talking to a male friend about this ( he's not my friend anymore) and ge said that just because you are not getting that nale gaze that's why you are saying like this. And I was like wtffff. Women who gets that gaze complains about it but you always take it as a joke. In end, acc to people if you fit in the beauty standard , you are desirable and if you don't you are ugly. Also, you if u are in UGLY section. You can't express ur sexuality
The idea that any kind of aesthetic can make a person unworthy of respect is wild. Like, to me, it's not about making sexual expression/wanting to be desirable respectable, it's about realizing that those things never made anyone unworthy of respect in the first place.
It would have been interesting to look at a possible connection between her hyper sexual persona/physique and how she's perceived as some sort of villain and not the victim in the Tory lanez situation.. some of the most vile shit I've seen directed at her in blogs comments etc come from fellow black women.
Maybe the reason we're giving her the most scathing critique is because she is perpetuating the stereotypes that make life more difficult for us & our daughters. I have nothing against strip-hop music. I believe EVERY type of art should exist to the extent nobody is harmed in making it. However, every person becomes a reflection of the people we follow & the content we ingest. So we should learn to self-censor & think carefully about who & what we idolize. You don't need to eat broccoli & read think pieces all the time - everyone has guilty pleasures. But it's best to keep them in moderation if you want a healthy life
@@scarlet8078 Couple problems with this. First of all, the philosophy of "art should exist without harming people" is extremely inconsistent. Who decides what is harmful? How much harm can a piece of art do? How many people can it harm? How does the current political and cultural climate factor into it? These are just a couple questions I have about this theory within the first seconds of thinking about it that I KNOW you can't answer. Secondly, what do you mean, "make life difficult for us"? This type of feminism offends the exact people it needs to. Any type of positive social change is met with pushback, so I fail to understand this idea.
@@adriaanlips9479 Do we honestly think women being free of critisism for their sexuality is a positive let alone a REALISTIC change ? All of you are deluding yourselves. The sooner you women realize there's nothing truly to gain from being "sexually liberated" the better. It's a whole scam. The only people who truly benefit from this are the men who get easy access to women and their bodies as a result of this "social change."
Shanspeare made a video about her use of AAVE and how people correct her constantly, her relationship with her major and the expectations that come from that.
Thank you for recognising that ace, aro and demi people the discussion is different. As an acearo person, it's been very much a weird journey as well. There's definitely part of me that is just honestly and reflexively guarded against everything that is very sexual and that has made me a bit biased towards a certain type of feminism, but I also do like feeling beautiful and that appreciation without expectation you mention. And there is something powerful in owning your own body of course, but the lines are incredibly blurry to me
interesting! I’m not apart of the group of people you mentioned, but i would love to understand more! i feel like with this whole topic, owning your sexuality can also mean owning the fact that you aren’t interested in or want to be sexual in nature or in any sort of form as well? idk i’m still all new to this myself, thoughts?
@@cele4444 Yeah, I think accepting my sexuality (or lack thereof) has been part of it, but that's a lot more about accepting the gray areas than the abstract concept of not feeling sexual or romantic attraction. I think it's hard for allosexual and alloromantic people to understand how murky the waters get when you don't have the set rules set in society about love and sex. For a while there, I had these moments of crisis because I loved someone a lot but I don't want to have sex or be in a relationship but friendship is not modelled in society to encompass what I feel for them. And more murky waters appear when I think about how I dress and what messages I like to receive. I like feeling sexy... but I don't want to have sex. I hate when someone comes on to me with a sexual expectation, but I really appreciate people telling me I look good. I suppose it all boils down to becoming comfortable with contradictions and with living things that haven't ever been explained or shown to you.
@@cele4444 fellow aroace here to give a different perspective - I'm a very simple person; for me, yes I don't want to be seen in a sexual light. I don't mind if people compliment something about me, but I don't want it to be like in a sexy way; I want to look bad ass [which I know I don't right now, and I don't really make any efforts towards that goal, so that'll be an obstacle to tackle when I feel up to the challenge], but I don't want people to look at me and think "sexy". That thought unnerves me, personally, because to me "sexy" means sexually appealing, and I don't want anyone thinking of me that way. I'd honestly prefer people think I look like freak before I'd ever want them to think I'm sexy. I also don't know what it's like to not own the fact that I'm not interested in sex or romance, since I've very bluntly been like this my whole life, so I guess that's part of it? I know for some people it's a big deal, for me, I just didn't have a word for it until I was 19, but I was basically defining it before that. As for what Everybody said about wanting more or less a "special someone" - I kind of agree with that, but I've just kinda described it as like.. a biffle/BFFL [best friend for life], or likened it to something along the lines of how It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia framed it, in the show at one point, two of the characters referred to each other as "Heterosexual Life Partners" - in that they weren't sexually or romantically interested in each other, but they were basically each other's number 1 in life - even sexual partners didn't get in the way of that. [one of them much later turned out to be gay - also don't mistake this for a wholesome show, the main characters are horrible people, but the humor stems from the show acknowledging how horrible they are and they fall into like.. Refuge in Audacity with the horrible shit they do]. So, that's what I want for "serious relationships". Just like.. an uber-friend, essentially. idk, I don't need society to have a term for it, as long as I can put words together to essentially describe it, like, I feel like I can sorta get the idea across and that works fine for me [though if some word does come out - maybe if queerplatonic catches on or something? - that'd be fine, too]
I'm the same way 😭 I don't want to be seen as sexy ever because I'm demi and because of feminism, so I've had to completely change the way I dress to get rid of that kind of attention. I used to be very femme, wearing lipstick daily, having long hair, wearing dresses and skirts... and then 4 years ago I quit wearing makeup & shaving cold turkey, and started wearing only boring baggy clothing... and I haven't been hit on in public since 😭🙏 but I am starting to feel sad that I no longer feel comfortable wearing anything that makes me stand out in public because I just don't want the attention. I wish I could wear what I want without other people projecting their ideas into me 😢
You mentioned being from a Muslim background, I would love to hear more about that. Especially knowing how culture and faith mix in our households, how our clothes, and comportments are scrutinized by our communities and families. Do you identify as a Muslim, or did you leave the faith? I find it really interesting to know how others felt growing up with the pressure of our families and our own development of critical thinking.
@Fatimaxn Barry I saw several videos where they drink 😅 So I do believe they don't follow it thoroughly. Nonetheless, some do still feel spiritualy connected to Islam, even if they do not practice it anymore. Also, others cut completely their strings with the faith and identify as exmuslims. So I think it would be an interesting video to go more in dept :3 Edit : Pronoun change, I didn't know they went with they/their pronouns sorry 😥
Appreciation without expectation is how I basically got in a relationship... My now boyfriend send me a insta dm ( he randomly saw my profile, we didn't have mutuals) , very respectfully and basically said: "you're beautiful and love your style. Just wanted to say that, have a nice day." That was so attractive.. I sent him a message back and we've been in a wonderful relationship 4 years.. It was so strange, it's basically the first time I've felt both desired AND respected as a human being... I've been harassed by adult men from the age of 11-12, have dealt with sexual violence , I didn't know there was another way to be approached.. And that's kinda sad..he even said he didn't expect a message back, and he'd done that to not only women, but also men ( complimented their style) and knowing him he's serious...
Side note from this amazing video. I find the conversation about English very weird. Because when I was studying English my English teachers would want us to sound more British than American. Standard American English was seen as trashy and improper. I am interested in why that is since in the USA "standard American English " the "norm" and everything else is seen as bad. I want to say that I am from Bulgaria and would love to learn others' opinions since I don't know why it is that way.
As an American we definitley view British English as more “proper” but that’s just not how we speak, it could never be the “norm” here because this isn’t Britain, this is America. Just like if I went to Australia, my American English wouldn’t be the “norm” there. It also probably has something to do with where you reside, Mexicans probably learn a different form of Spanish than people in Spain. And South Africans learn a different type of Dutch than the The Netherlands. And because Its European and the original form it’s seen as better and more “proper”.
Same here (lerning English as a Czech), proper British grammar and pronounciation was the standard. There were sidenotes about American English, but that wasn't important to know. And so deep down I still consider American English to sound more "trashy", no matter what class / ethnicity the speaker is. It's a hard thing to shake
@@thetheodora2371 Yes it's funny because I have Euro colleagues who learned English from a British professor/ teacher, & it makes them much more difficult to understand than the ones who learned it from an American. It's mainly because the British use the long hollow vowel sound (like making "a" sound like "ahhhh") whereas Americans & other English speakers shorten the sound. When that mixes with the person's first-language accent, it can make the words hard to understand. Shorten your vowels & I promise you it will make a tremendous difference.
Hearing you so casually say “I’m fem, I’m non-binary, and I’m queer and I can be all those things at the same time” is so validating. I’m also all those things and it’s taken me a long time to understand that, and I’m even still wrestling with my gender identity and what gender/ gender expression means to me. I’m so happy you are able to say that with confidence, and I want to be able to do that as well. Thanks for always being willing to be open and vulnerable with us.
Thank you for just mentioning asexual/demisexual/and aromantic people when discussing these points, we are often left out when people discuss these topics since they don't always apply to us, but it's nice to be acknowledge and not just looked over as if we don't exist.
Queen hit us with the operatic vocals at the end. I was like, wow, class! Also, as a fellow member of the body ody ody ody crew, I can relate to Megan's feeling but in a different way. Because while the white politicians and Candace O's of the world judge her body, we inevitably feel judged if we look similar in a physical frame to Megan. So, there is that second-hand feeling of suppression that happens. I have been a curvey brown girl my whole life, and it has always been sexualized and politicized.
I feel like when it comes to how to handle feminism in sensuality and showing what you want, a separation of social expectation and self identity is important. We all naturally internalize the rules and expectations of society as we develop, and when those expectations are very controlling and patriarchical it can cause a lot of dissonance when we want to just show our bodies as we want. Moving from a framing of how others are going to interpret it, to how we ourselves do reduces that some from a personal perspective. Im not sure how to solve the objectification by others though, I agree with Megan that people are gonna do it either way, until our broader culture stops automatically viewing women as sexual. As for the English thing, I think the more you learn about English the less it matters how you speak it. Languages are not permanent things! They evolve and adapt CONSTANTLY, slang or a particular dialect are no less valuable than "proper" educated English. They're all just wierd sounds at the end of the day, given significance because we apply meaning to them. Does a certain word have a meaning used by a lot of people? Then yes it's a valid word. People just like to find ways to be better than others and they don't understand how actually ridiculous it is to police such things in the grand scheme of communication. The consequences of this I think can only be solved by a broader understanding amongst society of this though. I think a revamp in our education system would fix a lot of social problems. For as much as we're taught English, we don't learn how it changes which is important here. Great video as always! I love the discussions you have
@@dokessezeaka5159 thank you! I learned that after watching youtube videos on ancient languages and researching how old english turned into what we speak today. I wish I had been taught how flexible language is in my hs english classes.
Hard agree, on both points. It took me longer than i care to admit to realize that the harassment of women (and, let's be honest, anyone else whose body presents femme) who don't "dress pretty" enough and the harassment of women who look "too slutty" are two sides of the same coin. They both assume that woman's body isn't something that should be used for her (or their, etc., nobody's checking pronouns before they pass judgment) own enjoyment but rather should be curated to suit the presumed male gaze, be it sexy enough to be appealing or modest enough to alleviate any need for others to manage their urges. At its extreme, a friend said he was once told (before he transitioned) that he should beware of going braless when alone in his own home with a man--and the man in question was his father. On a lighter note, i think PBS just released a video about the ins and outs of AAVE as a sociolect, and i thought it was fascinating. While i'm absolutely not a prescriptivist when it comes to language, i think it can be amazing to learn about the ways people use language, like its origins and internal logic and the unspoken messages that go beyond the literal meanings.
@@itsbeyondme5560 there's literally proof that "sounding black" will lead to workplace discrimination, and that having an ebonics name (think Shaniqua, La'Kisha, etc) will lead to discrimination in nearly ever aspect of your life. One study found that just googling someone with a stereotypically black name was more likely to have results with advertising for arrest records and mugshots, and that the presence of these *does* subconsciously affect the perception of the person who looked them up to be more negative.
@@poralitical I don't believe it because that is false. I heard names like on your comments were hired from companies to store. I can't believe people believe this story. Go look into the real world than reading fake outrage on the news
@@Misstressofdons Here is the problem? Is the research bias or propaganda. There is a history of so called "fake science" throughout the years for example smoking. Companies had to create a "scientific" reports to counter against the truths of smoking. It was later they got lying to the public in the early 90s. It may sounds "scientific" , but at the end, it is a propaganda to support an ideology.
i simply love listening to you speak. it truly feels like my brain is being fed and nourished, as weird as that sounds. being someone who was born with a lot of privilege around people who refused to acknowledge that privilege, around people who weren’t as open minded as i am, and around people who aren’t nearly as curious as i am, it’s a blessing to have people like you on the internet speaking about a completely different perspective on life in order for me to reconcile my place in the world and to have a better understanding for people with different experiences. you are truly a blessing and your mind is just as beautiful as you are. thank you for this wonderful content.
Way off topic but it's nice to see a dark skinned person with tattoos. Really beautiful and you're inspiring me with the double nose piercings, I already have a septum piercing but I've been wanting nose rings and now I think I might take a deep dive.
Feminist theory can be thought of as a family of critical theories and approaches that enable us to understand complexity and interrogate power relationships. This family of theories can be, loosely, thought of as queer, anti-racist, liberal, intersectional, post-colonial, and indigenous feminism. Theory can help us to question underlying assumptions. There is a great deal to unpack in these theories and I think you are a great role model for both intellectual and cultural humility as you grapple with these ideas. I am a professor of social medicine and I have recommended your videos to my students who are struggling with issues of gender, racism, ageism, ableism, sizeism, etc ., that we address in the course related to the provision of equitable healthcare services. Thanks!
So excited !!!! I personally feel very conflicted about the relationship between feminism and hypersexualisation (featuring male gaze etc etc), looking forward to know what you think about this!!
“Appreciation without expectation” is such a profound thing to say. As someone who feels attraction, but zero urges to act on it, I find myself trying to explain to my friends how I feel about crushes, and that's a really good way to put it.
I love this. As someone who is attractive and knows it I know exactly what ur saying. I love dressing risqué simply bc I know I’m fine but the people taking it too far on top of being sexually abused I broke down and became more modest. It sucks that it’s like this bc people don’t respect boundaries and the constant disrespect.. I hate it. But I’m learning and working towards that complete not gaf attitude. Thank you for this video!! Definitely subscribed !! 💛
4:00 I also thought that phone call was reminiscent of a scene in Fight Club, where Tyler Durden and his club of resentful white men grab a politician and say basically the same thing to him. I haven't seen the movie in a while but the "do not fuck with us/them" was a quote both shared (not sure if Megan thee Stallion intended it as a direct reference or not). It really stood out to me as a response to the White Male Resentment that Fight Club embodies, and felt like a counterpoint to it. She was correctly pointing out that the working class men who agree with that Fight Club perspective aren't as oppressed as they think they are, and they don't actually run shit as much as they think they do. Maybe I'm reading intention that wasn't there but that parallel felt huge to me.
I often struggle to express myself as a sexual and sensual subject/being while dealing with the reactions of people who see me as a sexual object for men's gratification. "Appreciation without expectation" is a great description of what it's like to be desired in a way that is not dehumanizing, and it would be really nice to have more of that. But I don't wanna imply that I know everything Khadijah is dealing with in this area because I'm not affected by all the same intersections of identity that they embody. Speaking of appreciation without expectation Khadijah is just so beautiful, and when they sing their passion shines out like radiant light.
I'm the asshole people never see coming with diction, grammar, vocabulary in more than one language lol... I wasn't even trying and the reactions and the pushback have definitely been something when I was living in Europe. The expectations were that someone like me would be there speaking slang or mangling French (in France) and English (both in Britain and France) and I just wasn't. I had to learn to navigate a less "bookish" form of communication when I was in my early 20s to avoid being perceived as an asshole. People were always commenting on how articulate I was (as if it was such a shocking surprise). You're so right about the sexual desire vs sexual access...
I've always resonated with everyone you put out because I keep realising that our lives are too similar to ignore. 1. Taurus who also just turned 29 2. Grew up in a conservative African country before relocating (I now live in Berlin, Germany) and I now try to be more spiritual than Christian 3. I identify as pansexual 4. Constantly learning more about my brand of feminism and evolving with it. It's always so comforting to hear that I'm not the only one who has specific thoughts on various social issues coz when you already are a POC from a different background, your view of the world will never be the same as other people's. Thank you Khadija.❤️
Thank you for speaking on this, it’s definitely a topic that is not talked about enough. I think femininity is a spectrum in which every aspect is necessarily because patriarchy is a very complex multi layered system.
My husband showed me your channel. I returned home from hospital yesterday, recovering from a little surgery. You're making me LIVE. Love your whole vibe. It feels like I'm watching myself 🤣🙃😍
Thanks for mentioning aro/ace ppl. I was trying to listen to the "desiring attraction" part but my brain was just yelling "don't get it don't get it can't relate" UNTIL you gave that caviate about how not everyone feels that way. Then suddenly I could focus and get outside my own experience. Maybe that doesn't reflect super well on me but it's the truth haha.
Im a trans woman & Im glad I'm not the only person who feels cognitive dissonance about how to relate to different kinds of feminism. It feels very complicated to navigate because there is a lot of intersection and a lot of layers socially to how things relate to gender and sexuality
your comments on desirability and allowing yourself to enjoy compliments without expectation really resonated with me, thank you so much for the video!
I love Hip Hop Feminism. I read it in undergrad when I took a Black Feminisms class. That class was a safe haven and I think this book resonated with the parts of me that society taught me to hate.
the part about language and communication totally also reminds me of how women (& esp women of color) are expected to have higher social capabilities and be more emotionally intelligent in their communication with other people, which is a difficult skill in and of itself, but is especially hard for a lot of autistic or other kinds of neurodivergent people. i love this video,, amazing takes.
When I scroll through the comments in this channel I ALWAYS get this feeling of 'where are these people and why don't I see them in real life' 😭 Most of the commenters are so conscious, considerate and willing to understand the importance of feminism, aknowledging & fighting racism, lgbtfobia, and oppression in general. Like, you people are so awesome and thank you for being the difference 🤗
OMGGG! I distinctly remember the moment, as a child, where I consciously made the decision to always say “ask” and not “aks” (like my dad (black) did) because my mom (non-black) had implied that saying “aks” made one seem “less than” essentially and she would critique ppls use of it (usually black ppl). So I distanced myself from that, it literally changed the way I spoke. I relate heavy.
@@scarlet8078 I wonder if that does have something to do with it. Since black women are subjected to a different kind of pressure than black men, and our every action is heavily scrutinized by the public.
It’s pronounced “ask” because it’s spelled a-s-k. Nothing to do with class or “race”. It’s literally the just right way to say it. It can seem “low class” because frequently mispronouncing a three letter word makes the speaker seem dense. I changed the way I pronounced it as a child because I became literate and realized I was taught incorrectly.
I grew up in a suburb in west la (Culver City) and i work in south central LA and i get that all the time but also I believe it has helped me excel in my profession. I’m 30 and a case manager working with mental and behavioral health services.
I appreciate your vulnerability in reflecting about certain intersections for you relating to this discussion around the 12min mark. It really lent to the discussion in a valuable way.
Girl when you started talking about the resepectful comment - that spoke to me. Wanting to be desired and appreciating it, but not being afraid that this communicates a level of ACCESS that it does not. You spoke on this access in another video and I love that language around this. Trying to figure out how to have these conversations with my daughters now. I want them to love their body and own it. I also want them to understand how access is something that she herself owns, but everyone doesn't respect this.
U r just beautiful khadija.. everytime i see u, I'm just stunned by u.. BEAUTIFUL.. AND SMART , funny which makes u even more beautiful... thank u for the interesting content..
people really expect her to be glamed up and dressed up all the damn time? Has anyone actually seen Megan without makeup? SHES GORGEOUS OMFG like model material 🤩
Yes! I feel the same way. I just want to feel cute and get appreciation without expectation. Do I like compliments? Hell yes. Do I like getting harassed and receiving unsolicited opinions on how I look? NO! I just want to be appreciated and respected without being objectified to the point where I'm just another sexual vessel for some other person. Is that so hard? Like I just kinda wanna be a cool renescance painting, ok. That's why I like media that uses the female gaze bc it caters to that need for me. It's sensual and sexual but also graceful, beautiful, and respectful.
I don't take issue with her content or her confidence in her sexuality but I've not been as interested lately because personally I'm not getting anything different sonically or any stylistic versatility.
This! For those who don't understand that linguistic behemoth of a paragraph you said: once you've listened to a certain amount of Megan's songs, everything starts to sound the same and there seems to be no progression or evolution of her sound. Did I cover everything?
Agreed. Strip-hop music like a lot of what Cardi & Meg do just doesn't appeal to me outside the club, & even there, it all sounds the same to me if I'm honest. & I don't see myself in these women at all. But I'm glad it exists for those who enjoy it
As a non native English speaker the way you are talking makes it a lot more accessible to listen to. Especially in the podcast background discussion while I'm doing a mindless task kind of thing. So thank you for that !
"Appreciation without expectation"! Ugh thank you for putting this into words for me! I was trying to explain this to my sister for why I'm a little skeptical when men lead with "Hey beautiful black queen..."can'tshow compliment. She told me I hate men lol
I don't know the first thing about opera but to me your singing is incredible and poking at my soul! Side note: you mentioned something about guilt being a passive emotion in a recent video and I must express my gratitude for your insight. It stopped me in my tracks and my thought patterns are changing for the better. Thank you.
I just found your channel maybe two days ago and I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO STOP WATCHING. the way you phrase things, the way you are accepting of all opinions… I just… thank you… I’ve learned so much and I just wanted to put that out there
General disclaimer: Yall…they came for me with the copyright so I had to mute the audio. But imagine it was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard…lol
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Hey
Rasssclartttt ya vocal tech was actually fine dear. The vibrato was nice - not too forced but buoyant. 👏🏾 affi gas you up lil bit
It was beautiful
Didn't know you sang you sound fantastic.
“Appreciation without expectation”, there is definitely NOT enough of that going around. Some men are so entitled, they give you one compliment and then act like you owe them something. I know I’m cute sir, thank you and goodbye.
This is why I always feel awkward when men compliment me lol. When I see a girl whose outfit is cute and I compliment her I don’t expect anything. But 90% of the time a man has complimented me he expects that I at least owe him a conversation. It's uncomfortable.
@@shamidkpzd exactly, I remember being on the tube once and this girl kept looking at me the whole time, we got off and she said, you have perfect eyebrows, I said thank you so much and that was it. No harassment, no telling me “I’m ugly anyways”, just because I didn’t offer to be her bestie. Something has got to give and men really have to stop acting like entitled fools out here.
I’ve lived in NYC my whole adult life, and there have been a surprising number of men over the years who were able to give a random appreciative compliment like that. I’ve walked away from those encounters feeling buoyed up and happier. It’s giving without expecting anything in return, and it’s too rare. And it helps make up for all the fucking catcalling and animal noises that happen 75% of the time.
this!!!!!!!!!! I'm jst tired of this entitlement
Men shouldn't really compliment women at all tbh
Megan is a nice example of how the (patriarchal) society wants women to be absolutely perfect (physically, academically, an every aspect), but ONLY if they dont know it. Only if theyre insecure and need constant validation from the society and constantly pleases the male gaze. Megan is very confident as every woman should be, and knows her worth. She dosent need outer validation and it makes her an independent individual, not inferior to societal validation. And it drives people crazy! I love her
@@thecomputerartist8517 and you know she's insecure because??
Fine if you don't want your daughter to follow in her footsteps but there is no need to make up a reason. If it's not your preference, stay in your lane and no one will fault you. Women can find happiness and confidence wherever they want.
@@thecomputerartist8517 #2, no. Just no. One can "show" whatever you want. It shouldn't translate to, "that's all you are.
Why can't people wear what they want? Why does that bother you and a lot of other people?
@@sg-cg6lr the reasons humans are considered intelligent and advanced is because we have a frontal cortex which allows us to recognize patterns and create them. That’s what IQ tests examine. To assign traits to patterns is a sign of intelligence and is good for survival aka, recognizing that colorful snakes are dangerous or recognizing that people who dress scantily are promiscuous. Of course there are exceptions and if you have time to explore the person or thing you shouldn’t generalize. But from an outside perspective yeah Megan seems insecure given the way she exposes herself cause that’s a reliable pattern documented in books everywhere. If I’m wrong I’m wrong but I’ll never get to ask her. Can only go by her actions.
@@thecomputerartist8517 your daughter is going to follow the steps of whoever she wants, not like you have any control of it lol
@@danellymani205 "dressing promiscuously" is a social value judgement, not a biological certainly like the patterns on a snake. This is a reach and an embarrassing overextention of what really is the theory of mental heuristics NOT evolutionary psychology. People are pattern seekers yes, but because of the sheer energy our huge brains need to function. We seek patterns to facilitate mental laziness. Much like you did just now. It's natural. What isn't natural is pinning your prejudices on a person's clothing and calling it biological fact. Even if she's wearing booty shorts, that does not mean she'd certainly bang you.
Men know how to approach women respectfully, many of them simply choose not to. This is more an issue of men not being held to a decent standard of behavior.
Honestly agreed. Bar is buried in the ground and its tiring
Eh yes and no. Sometimes how you carry yourself speaks volumes. Not all the time but a lot of the times. There is accountability on both sides.
agreed.
Cut that out. Woman are raising these "Men". My aunt raise the men in the family. 3 boys 3 girls. Girls became successful, the 2 boys went to jail, 1 boy held a low paying job. So yeah feminisms did work for the woman. Not the men. 1 killed himself this year. 1. Is bi now and broke. and again the one is holding a job. Most the woman are working at city hall or medical or whatever. And for me my mom took most of the rising of the two boys. My step father couldn't say much because it's not he's kids. Me a security guard, and my brother became a pimp/drug dealer before his death in his 40's. The point is men need men, to raise men, to be a men. That's how you get the "Men know how to approach women respectfully". Men don't know until other men tell them how to be man. duh!
@@goodnightsir9671 so tell your friends to go raise their kids and stop turning women into baby mamas then.
pov: you're a returning niece, nephew or nibling and your fave internet play aunty just fed you another amazing educational and topical video essay. Khadija girl you never miss
This is random but you’re really pretty 😭 ❤️
@@deanbilly9073 awh thank you so much
@sharom I have an important question please answer bc we need to know! Is it your mommy or your daddy we need to thank for giving us you, because GIRL!!! Your face is a masterpiece!! Do us all a favor and just go somewhere and smile at the ppl. We need more beauty in our lives! And you? Honey you it.
@@sg-cg6lr OMFG THANK YOU WOW THIS IS THE CUTEST PARAGRAPH IVE EVER RECIEVED IN MY LIFE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY AWHH (hehe thank my mum bc shes my everything)
Amen. and if she does, she too will LIVE in the name of whatever SHE creates because THAT IS LIFE. Love you K (i dont want t spell your name wrong. RIP
I feel so welcomed and validated when you say ‘nieces, nephews and niblings’ 😩
What is nibbling?
@@mar-cl2gg it’s the genderneutral term to niece and nephew :)
@@lous2752 I hate that term, it sounds like something you'd eat at TGI Fridays.
I love the idea of making sure all relationship terms have gender neutral equivelants, but I can't condone anything that's gonna make my brain think of popcorn shrimp when you're actually talking about a baby.
@@poralitical lmao I think it’s cute
@@lous2752 Thank you for explaining! That is a very sweet term :)
Megan thee stallion saying “I’m holding my Kitty like it’s a weapon” and the spiral it sent me down, is something I’ll never forget and don’t even get me started on the cultural rest that was WAP.
As an African woman I’ve always struggled with marrying the idea of desirability and respectability and how that comes to play with seggsuality, feeling hot and owning it is epic but the judgment that comes with it as a consequence for some could be life altering.
However seeing Meg do the dang thing though I find very empowering!
you have impeccable taste in youtubers, i always see you under all my favourite channels!
"but the judgment that comes with it as a consequence for some could be life altering". Amen.
@@thecomputerartist8517 cringe...? Also power doesn't necessarily corrupt. It more likely magnifies preexisting qualities
@@alex-ju2bd Same.
@@alex-ju2bd Truly, I see her under all of my favourite commentary youtubers, and Kennie JD's bad movies and a beat vids. Good to know there's a little family here.
when they said: “being a woman is so *exasperated sigh* wtf existing is terrible” i felt that
It's hard finding a healthy medium with feminism for sure (no matter out walk of life). Damned if we do and damned if we dont.
@@Venom-uw4nv person in the video🤨⁉️
Yup 😭♥️
Stop being a feminist bam you be like 50 times happier
@@ezekielrayfield1512 wow life changing advice........ How about you worry about your own life you commenting won’t make a difference at all you probably commented that cause you felt like a bad ass and I don’t hate you at all I don’t even think you tried to watch the whole video or even give it thought .
There’s a difference between being sexual and sexualized!!
May I ask what the difference is please ? genuinely asking
@@wyteboysin me too
@@wyteboysin simply put, if you're being sexual you're presenting yourself as desirable without the need of objectification and without dehumanization, and the ability to simply stop or start over when you want to. When you're being sexualized, is non-consentual and people are imposing their views of you as a sexual being over you without your approval, and it never goes away - maybe with age, but that comes with negative backlash most of the time. Hope this cleared it up! It's just a little summary but I recommend looking more into it!
@@alejandraayala8815 (I replied to the comment above, in case it didn't notify you :))
She/he meant sensual vs sexual/sexualized
When Khadija was saying "I'm queer, I'm non binary, I'm dark skin, I'm American and Canadian with a Muslim background who is now more spiritual..." All I could think was - affirmative, you are beautiful being. ✨ I think we should all aim to just, be and be free.
This. All the labels is foolishness. Just be who you are and vibrate high. Human experience...
"im Human"
@@Dani-el9nf i like that!! “vibrate high”
@confusedqueer well at that point you’re just lost af and too low vibrational to even initiate creating a quality life outside of the superficial. You don’t know yourself if you don’t embody who you truly are... but follow trends, labels, and what everyone is ooouing and aahing at for the sake of validation and conformity. Those type are called cowards and followers.
So many oppression points
I think your point about the types of people who would look down on Meg crossing all demographics is really good. It can be very depressing how judgemental and vocal woman can be about other women expressing themselves.
Some women bring down other women in order to show they are superior or something like that..
@@diya1113 and to other men but ot has to start with women, men go off on what women do cause they will do it first sadly
I shouldn’t be, but I’m always still shocked when I hear a woman speaking negatively about another woman’s goals or choices, but especially body… it’s just a big slap in the face and shows how desperate for approval they are 😦
@@Mochalolo1928 it's a lot of internalized misogyny coming from every direction, usually. I still remember the toxic things I thought growing up because of how the narrative was presented in the media (like how awful they were to Monica Lewinsky). I think a lot of woman don't stop and examine where those thoughts are coming from though.
@@PandaBearsXc i agree with you, but I also think a lot of misogyny/internalized misogyny can be traced back to men, men's standards, desires, validation etc.
I, too, have always been envious of women who owned their sexuality and were able to flaunt their bodies. I don't and never will look like Megan; I'm the short,, chubby friend who "kept her head in them books". This is what happens when "modesty" was both praised & mocked in a family, namely my family. I'm still struggling with this. I'll be 35 in 9 days and I'm still struggling with all of this
Wishing you some chances to become more confident in the future, never too late 💓
@experience shut up
I hope you find the freedom to be your full self soon no matter what your family thinks. You only have one life, living it for yourself is the way to go 💖
You will find that place you feel yourself soon 💜💜💜op
@experience bro STFU
Yassss! The older black men who compliment you & go on about their day are everything!
* cough *
@@stubdteauzgautugaux *coughs hard* 😭😭😭
yesss✨✨✨
And shout out to older men of colour generally for this integrity of gentlemenlyness and true respect - Latin X, Indigenous, Asian, Arab, all ya'll
@@sperry8399 Haven’t the Instagram activists been over this already? Stop with the Latinx thing!
I honestly don't think it's that hard for men to get. It's not a complex concept. Certain dudes just don't want to lose their ability to Cat call and objectify without impunity.
There's some areas where men and women need to meet at the middle to make better sense of the way we deal with each other.
This isn't really one of them. Men who hate on Meg and her contemporaries completely get the nuances. They just don't care. They're angry at the limitations being put on them and the idea that a woman's sexuality can exists without it being in service to them.
Men who know better just enjoy the art and keep it moving.
This comment is a delicious meal of cynicism and confirmation bias. I think like this too.. But, I wish it weren't so? I fear there's too many of these men out there.
Precisely
@@Misstressofdons I won't assume how many men know better vs do better. I'm just saying from my perspective, the men that don't do better almost always know better... does that make sense?
What I'm getting at is that this isn't one of those issues where education is what dudes need. These dudes KNOW the problem with their behavior. They just don't care.
I
Uh, Megan's sexuality is always in service to men...that's what she chooses to do. It's not empowering women or showing that women are people.
@@FDSignifire I get it but I think it way more complex than you are making it out to be. I regularly fall into this trap many times when discussing these types of issue. But on the real, it is very unhelpful when we try to scale it. All it does is provide an easy answer to a complex problem. I mean just the simple idea if people know better, they will literally do better if they really "cared" is just fundamentally false. I mean just look at your own behavior. Can you honestly say that whenever you knew better but didn't do better it was because you simply didn't care?
Plus we are assuming what people (men) categorize as better. You are assuming that they also hold the belief that catcalling is annoying and degrading towards women, and they are just like I'm doing it anyway. And in my experience that's not that case. Most cat callers and their apologists don't actually agree with that even when you tell them to their face how you felt about their actions. They believe YOU are the one that doesn't know better.
When conservatives were complaining about WAP, my literal first thought was how did you even see the video (since you're not into that sort of thing, right)?? And then if you happened to come across it, wouldn't you click off if it's against your moral values?? Ppl like Ben Shapiro (a self proclaimed devout Jew) made a segment about the video as an excuse to watch the whole video, imo. 🤣 Ben and Co. just say like to see that a** drop and we can move on 🙄
Right? It is so weird. They act like the entire world and media must be approved by them to be accepted by the rest of their peers. Self proclaimed quality control is what it is. It stems from the believe that their religion is the supreme religion and they must save everyone from hell, they might not care about the individuals they attack but they care about "the children" that might be doomed for all eternity from watching a music video.
So true lol
If your child is listening to WAP and doing the dance, then it's really your fault as a parent.
@@TinyGhosty Although I agree with that I find it problematic that music videos like WAP can be shared on platforms like youtube freely without having to adhere to certain guidelines due to the content being published through a music company.
@@in_sun4746 RUclips for children is a thing. If parents cared enough to shield their children from mature content, then they would be shielded. It is stupid to believe the world must conform to "family friendly" standards anywhere and everywhere. Children protection controls are a thing, utilize them.
I have a very different relationship with desirability. I struggle a lot with wanting to be desired in a society that forces women to want that. A woman's priority in life has to be "be desirable or die trying" or else we don't get treated like human beings and there's no intellect or achievement or personality that can make up for a lack of physical desirability. I wish to be desired, I just wish this wasn't a requirement for me to be respected.
nice to hear your point of view, i definitely agree with your last point!
1) you are desired by someone, no matter what you look like. The dominant society tells us that only one thing is desirable, but this is a lie. There are how many billions of people in this world? One of them wants you exactly as you are. Probably a few more than one. That’s just basic statistics baby.
2) there are people you cannot please, because their problem is not with you. Their problem is inside their own heart. You are under no obligation to respect their opinions or follow their advice. You do not need them. They will try to scare you, tell you that you will be miserable and alone if you don’t do as they say. This is a lie. It always was. You can live a good life surrounded by the people who respect you. It might take time, schedule tetris, money, creative thinking, and a bit of luck: but you can do it.
@@sophiejones7727 It sounds like you're advocating for women to make better personal choices, which is fine I guess, but not really what OP was getting at. There's no way to completely ignore things that are woven into the fabric of the society we live in, and no one should have to struggle their way to self-love or self-respect. And unfortunately, most of us aren't lucky enough to be able to discount the opinions of shitty people who have more power than we do. The harm they cause is not negated by the fact that they are stupid or wrong.
Also, desirability in this context doesn't literally mean "desired by at least one individual." Women who raise these concerns aren't typically talking about getting laid or finding a partner; they're describing how they are perceived by the world at large and what opportunities are afforded to them based on how they look.
@@sophiejones7727 That statement doesn’t apply to everyone. There are people such as myself, who has never been accepted and wanted into a relationship. Not everyone is desired.
thiiiiiis
Evolving feminism.... This is it 💁🏾♀️
Like every area of life
Period
@A Rare Sophisticate Word.
I'm not black so maybe this discussion isn't for me but I struggle with being equally mad that I get disrespect and assumptions about how liberal I am with sexual access when I want to dress sexy but also mad that I don't get paid attention to or listened to if I'm not done up and appealing to the male gaze. Some days I wanna just be like "Imma be sexy and you're just gonna have to get over it" and other days I'm like "I don't have to be sexy if I don't want to. I have other valuable assets!" It's hard to find the balance that feels right.
As a masc presenting lesbian, i commiserate with you 😩
As a bisexual woman who adores women…i see yall…AND I AM LOOKING RESPECTFULLY 😳
I’m a lesbian and femme at that. The male gaze applies to lesbians too, especially the femme side otherwise we completely get ignored or reinforced to “femme it up” when dating masc presenting lesbians. It sucks.
We are multi faceted multi demensional beings!! Of course you had conflicting urges! You are human. It's a thing of beauty and intelligence you can hold two (semi) opposing thoughts in one being. It shows even more that you have more to you that just your face or your body. Duality not only exsists but it reigns. As it should.
Oh fr? I feel like i only get paid attention to when I dress masc. Im bi and when i dress femme men just see me as a little sex object or eye candy and when i dress masc they see me more as an equal... sadly
"Unless you demisexual, asexual, or aromantic" I love a shoutout (I'm the third one!) A small part of a great video but it meant a lot to me, thank you
ACE UMBRELLA UNITE!! - I'm the second (questioning the third)
yess we are so rarely acknowledged ;-;
I'm the second and third
demisexual here :D
Year, ace umbrella unite. Biromantic ace here! I still enjoy dressing what some people would consider "sexy" at times. For some reason, it really makes me feel good and confident. I enjoy trying on different pieces of clothing to examine my identity. It makes me comfortable in my body. I have had some classes of "feminists" tell me that I cannot be asexual (wow, so I can magically turn my sexual identity on and off at will?) and dress sexy because I'm still playing to someone's gaze, which really hurts and makes me downright sad. Thank you Khadija for being so awesome and recognising demisexuals, asexuals, and aromantics!
i absolutely adore Khadija’s attitude to, not only her own thoughts, but towards learning in general. their willingness to always learn and develop their understanding is so refreshing and admirable, i know it sounds weird but their outlook on life and wisdom is very socratic. if you showed me a book of Khadija quotes and told me it was a collection of thoughts by the greatest philosophers i would definitely believe you. every video of their’s feels like a journey of introspection and never fail to leave me with food for thought.
edit: pronoun change
hey so just wanna say that Khadija uses they/them pronouns (last I checked their insta). But yeah I totally agree, their willingness to be so open and discuss with such honesty and vulnerability is so good to see!
@@georgieh7351 ohh tysm i thought they went by she/they my bad, thank u sm for correcting me 🤕💕
@@alex-ju2bd I'd mix it up too tbh because I know they identify as a nonbinary either womxn or woman but a quck double check confirmed they only use they/them pronouns so thanks @Georgie H for the reminder
As a Brazilian, I've been through a similar problem with expressing femininity and sexuality because as a whole, women in Brazil are seen by others as promiscuous or inferior for how sexy they can be. I think most lanitas go through that too. It's a struggle to find a happy medium where you embrace your beauty and celebrate your body and your heritage, but also can get the respect you were supposed to receive anyway.
every time you say “when you put something on the internet it doesn’t belong to you” i just get closer and closer to deleting social media
Do it!! You won't miss it (she commented from her RUclips account). Lol but really, I deleted Facebook and uninstalled IG and Snapchat a few years ago and even just that feels soooo much better. You really don't miss it as much as you'd think, you feel free and you have more free time :+)
@@artemuycaro it’s honestly such a drag and i feel like it helps me w nothing
@@artemuycaro did you completely deactivate them? because i’ve done that before for ig but i always end up coming back 😭
No different than throwing out trash
“Appreciation without expectation.” YES!!
being a woman is ghetto but I love it wouldn't change it fo the world! It always amazes me that women and women that are attracted to other women understand the line of appreciation without expectation but men constantly argue that this is something impossible. Its so frustrating but everything has been beautifully said love your videos!
The first sentence you wrote, I need it on a mug. A t-shirt. A room decor plaque. *_Something_* 😭😭😭
“Understand the line of appreciation without expectation” ah if men could do this…
I said this on Kim's vid too but even though 'good pussy and money' rap is fine, Megan doesn't ONLY rap about that. It'll be in that lens as it's the genre description, but she's capable of the nuance in songs like B.I.T.C.H.
When all these people describe her music as one note, it's like okay you probably know some of her music but it seems like you listened to WAP and only heard the other songs, you stopped your analysis once you got the conclusion you wanted
This! It's like Megan has so many songs that's not about her cat (not that there's anything wrong with that) but people don't seem to listen to those songs, it doesn't suit their agenda!
I get the point that you are making. It would’ve been nice if she had a moment where acknowledged that many people tend to hyper-focus on explicit songs that female rappers create and do forget their more thoughtful pieces-however, I would still disagree with you on a whole though for several reasons. For one, while Khadijah seemed like she was about Megan as a whole, it was more so a stream of thought from this one music video and the thoughts she was feeling as a result of that. Majority of it was unscripted at that. I doubt she was thinking about the greater nuances of the conversation while discussing her thoughts as it stemmed from the original music video. And two, yes Megan does make nuanced music, but those aren’t the ones that are sparking debate over how woman should present themselves. B.I.T.C.H. And Crying in The Car didn’t make it to the news as people legitimately argued over whether this was an appropriate way to view woman. Her nuanced songs aren’t pulling attention the same way her songs about 😽and 🍆 are because they don’t stir controversy and that’s the point of the video almost. It’s talking about woman’s rights to make these kinds of songs to present their bodies and not have to be vilified for it. If anything, the one thing I would’ve wish Khadijah talked about was how Megan’s male counterparts could be just as explicit, but never get a microscope on them the way they do her and other women like her.
This video wasn’t about whether she makes nuanced music. It was a discussion about her explicit music, how she chose to present herself in these explicit songs, and how it’s received. Especially since Megan took such a statement in her latest song. That in no way assumes Khadijah didn’t listen to any of Megan’s other songs.
TL;DR : I get your point, but I argue that it wasn’t necessary to the conversation.
@@em8625 I wasn't meaning that Khadija specifically thinks of Megan in that phrasing, but rather that they were saying the exact phrase Kim used in her vid and so it reminded me of my thoughts on it.
I do agree with you. It is the point of the video that those songs don't get attention or controversy. My annoyance is more at the people who think they know enough of her music to be experts on it in order to make criticisms that would be in a different form if they were listening to the content like they claim to.
Which is also not at Kim either, as she doesn't listen to Megan's music, but those who told her that's what it is in the first place. I probably shouldn't have used 'you' to mean people generally anyways.
@@alphabettical1 Ah! I get what you mean, that’s a very good point. It’s a problem I do see with a lot of contemporary music analysis, meanwhile the people that are doing the work of breaking down entire discographies don’t really get that much attention. So I understand your frustration. Thanks for clarifying. 🙏🏿
But that’s all she raps about THESE DAYS
Haha. So I see a lot of people asking about what the mouth 😽 scene at the end of the music video meant, and one of the popular interpretations (and likely meanings) is a representation of the phrase, “cat got your tongue.”
That’s genius, I would have never made that connection
OH that makes sense
I also really appreciate Megan's "damned if you do, damned if you don't, so f it" attitude but there's also the boxes that Black artists are put in that non Black artists simply aren't. Rap has been the most popular genre in the US by sales for years, but radio, award shows and the music press still treats rap as an "other," not mainstream genre. And the expectation for Black women in the music industry is to be sexual or hypersexual - or be desexualized like Missy Elliot. There's very little middle ground. And with that hypersexuality there's also this loss of femininity - the way Megan was treated after the shooting, all transphobia directed at her. Artists who want success have to cater to the market and the market only recognizes some Black, women and Black women artists' self expression.
Just a couple of examples of some lovely black women in metal [which admittedly, there unfortunately aren't too many] - Cammie Gilbert, singer for Oceans of Slumber; The Decay of Disregard is a good one from them. She's also been a guest vocalist on one of Ayreon's albums [Ayreon is a HUGE collab project in the metal sphere; often with tons and tons of big names in metal participating on the albums; all the brainchild of this one musician dude, Arjen Lucassen]. Also Diamond Rowe of the band Tetrarch, she's the guitarist. They're a newer band, but they have a lot of potential. Negative Noise shows off a great solo she did; also there's a great Slipknot-esque riff in it, which is awesome. xD
@@TheKarret No one talks about Black people in Metal. Sounds awesome (I'm a Black girl who loves Rock).
@@Monie71793 Yeah, that's unfortunate; there are some solid black folks in metal - Tosin Abasi is a GREAT guitarist in the band Animals As Leaders, Benji Webb of Skindred is a great vocalist who blends a lot of styles together, Wrust is/was a band from Botswana that had a good sound at least for the song Hate 'Em All, Ice-T's rap/metal fusion band Body Count is really great, Manuel Gagneux, who created Zeal & Ardor is making fucking phenomenal music. I want shit like this to keep coming, it's such good stuff!
@@TheKarret Cool 😆
@@Monie71793 Yeeeee~~ \m/
Did nobody get the references to Fight Club in Meg’s video!?!?!?!?! When she calls the politician and tells him, “we serve your food and take out your trash,” Fight Club reference!
I caught that!
SHANSPEARE HAS A GOOD VIDEO ON THIS IT'S RECENT AND HAS LINGUISTICS IN THE TITLE
oh I lovee shanspeare
yes i love that video
That shirt? With that makeup? And those beads? *POPPING*. Orange is amazing on you, Khadija.
Also really loved your commentary on not understanding where you fit in re: feminism. I never thought about it that way but it makes sense to me.
For the record a good communicator uses the words that are the best fit for their message and their audience.
And most of the time the largest or "most intelligent" word is the wrong one. We need to stop thinking that just because someone knows big words means they're smarter or more worthy of being listened too.
this!! the most intelligent communicators are those that can explain their ideas to lots of people without using confusing and rare words. it's not those who have memorized the dictionary cover to cover or use large words to intimidate others.
Preach this speaks so many values
This is only true to a certain extent, "big words" are not meant to make things more difficult to comprehend, if people understood the words, it would simplify conversations. This isn’t the reality that we currently live in of course, but it’s what we should strive for.
My university lecturers would actively discourage us from using big words or bigging up our language too much, and would tell us that if it didn’t add to the point you were trying to make then it was unnecessary. Like you say, the most intelligent language is the language which is most appropriate within the context of the situation. Sometimes that’s “big words” and sometimes it’s internet slang, it all depends who you’re speaking to.
"big words" being "best words" is honestly just classist as hell. it's a way of saying "i was raised 'better' than you so i AM better than you"
women find it alot easier to appreciate beauty and vocalise it without expectation. We find it easier to say " you look so hot" to other women without expecting anything back, of course it depends on your sexuality where that appreciation sits, but you can be heterosexual and it is normalised to compliment and celebrate beauty of our sex. But men find it so hard to simply tell another guy " man you look very hot today" without others cringing or questioning whether they are being sexualised....dude sit down, let your friend tell you you look good
it really seems like men are just physically incapable of understanding that being nice ≠ trying to get someone to sleep with you
@@mammoneymelon i know it’s been two months since this comment but yes. i feel like this is why men assume women that are just being nice or polite to them are into them or want to sleep with them.
“You look hot today!” Is a bit too feminine. There is nothing wrong with that but it can come off as homosexual and eerie to most men. And obviously you haven’t been around when the guy talk because if our boy is looking fresh we say it; yo your cut is fresh bro, your drip is crazy, that supreme bag go hard!. Idk if you’re a woman or man but it seems like you probably haven’t been around men in comfortable spaces to even hear things like this
@@zairehamlett I am a woman and i see what you are saying, but have you stopped to ask why is it feminine to say "you look hot?" To be honest, i have heard on rare occasions men saying to each other-albeit slightly jokingly- " you look hot man" - and i think the guys i have heard say this honestly just don't care at all what people think. I agree that there is a kind of "too much" stigma associated with the words "hot" , "gorgeous" because they have quite an intense impression associated with it. But i don't know, i find that really interesting, why woman are allowed those words amongst themselves and if men use it its homoerotic?women are allowed to use more masculine expressions like "dude" , "hard" without people really caring about it. I have often heard men complimenting others on their hair cut, their fashion, their shoes, using words like fresh, good, hard...but those words arn't used by all men. when i have hung out with men and we have had to dress up for some sort of event where we had to be formal, alot of the men will compliment on a particlar thing the guy is wearing, or their hair saying they like the particlar article they wear but very rarely the overall image of the guy itself. Maybe its because men don't expect that from each other, It's just something i noticed. But obviously, a guy's perspective is very different and i would be interested to hear what you have to say about this
@@noelle9685 yeh i think there's a difficulty that arises there as well, just because a woman is appreciating a man's qualities does not mean she is flirting with him, especially if she's going out of her way to sound friendly (ie not flirty) when she says it. if a guy complimented me saying i looked beautiful i might for a second doubt his intentions but i usually brush it off after reasoning that ive got my guard up and i should just accept the compliment, whether he likes me or not is just out of my control and i don't owe them anything, and usually if its a friend then i can compare it to how they always act around me and i know its just an innocent comment.
Your 29????? Omg I though you were like 20. Your freaking beautiful!
I am strongly reminded of lots of conversations around what was termed "third wave feminism" in the late 90's. There was all sorts of discourse around the idea of women being empowered and claiming their sexuality, and how we were shedding the shame of previous decades. Madonna, Britney, Christina, hell, even that laughably bad movie Coyote Ugly was brought into that conversation, as I remember. It all sounded good, at least at the time, but ultimately it wound up looking like more of the same- young women were given a platform as long as they performed a sexuality that was preferred by the, oh, let's just say patriarchy, and were dragged for it the very first second a toe strayed out of line in any way. Hell, they were being dragged anyway, but the volume just went up once any of them dared to be human. Which brings us back to some of the same stuff you were talking about in your Video Vixens essay.
Honestly, I don't have a good answer to this one. Even at the time, being in my late 20's in the late 90's, I felt the same tension you were talking about, Khadija, in this vid, between wanting to be seen as beautiful and sexual without being objectified. I'm not sure how we're going to get there, but I do think something very important is happening in the conversation. Before, back in the day, it was all about how to behave the "right" (wtf that means) to avoid being objectified, but really, I think the onus should be on those doing the objectifying- and that means all of us. How that happens, I'm not sure, but as you say, it's a continuing conversation.
Khadija is… 29!?!?? this whole time i thought she was my age (18) or like 22 at most
29 its young
@@livelyosaki80 i didn’t say it wasn’t?
@@marvelineous Yes in a certain way
@@livelyosaki80 no? not really. i thought she was moreso a young adult bc of how knowledgeable she is about online social circles and talking points. most people that i’ve met her age don’t really care for social media beyond facebook so i assumed she was somewhere between 18-22 bc that’s the age group i’ve seen most commonly talk about the stuff Khadija talks about.
but i’m sure you, someone who’s never met me and knows nothing about me beyond a single youtube comment, knows much more about what I mean and what I think than I do! note the sarcasm.
@@marvelineous You are wrong. Her generation saw the evolution of social media and they were the first actifs on ig and twitter while the babies your generation was about to use it.
What year was made this social medias? Like more than 10 years ago you can google do the maths. You think that your faves celebs influencer aren't like in their 30's or middle 20?? The difference is that she remind us her age not the others who talk about these topics.
So our generation are still active less than teenagers of course but we are in the majority and it can impact us too cause we always had socialmedia we just move on other one like everybody every half decade lol.
So yes you didn't say she "old" you right but your comment meant that she is way older to be affected and feel concerned like the younger folks by social which is false.
So the generation Y ain't that far you know.
As a brown teenage girl in a brown society, it's like a sin. Always called out for being too LOUD and very RUDE to men. I remember my entire school having complex that i dont look a certain ways. Getting bullied and shit. I also remember that boys in my class used to make comments like ' so what, but u r ugly ' . Now as an 18 yrs old , I need to unlearn many things in order to learn what Beauty is and what really matters. And IMO, sometimes I think that women are made to feel a certain way( like being called ugly or sexualise them) so that they can make them self counsious and drop their confidence . So they others can overpower them.
PS: my English isn't very good.i remember I was talking to a male friend about this ( he's not my friend anymore) and ge said that just because you are not getting that nale gaze that's why you are saying like this. And I was like wtffff.
Women who gets that gaze complains about it but you always take it as a joke.
In end, acc to people if you fit in the beauty standard , you are desirable and if you don't you are ugly. Also, you if u are in UGLY section. You can't express ur sexuality
The idea that any kind of aesthetic can make a person unworthy of respect is wild. Like, to me, it's not about making sexual expression/wanting to be desirable respectable, it's about realizing that those things never made anyone unworthy of respect in the first place.
It would have been interesting to look at a possible connection between her hyper sexual persona/physique and how she's perceived as some sort of villain and not the victim in the Tory lanez situation.. some of the most vile shit I've seen directed at her in blogs comments etc come from fellow black women.
I think tee noir had a video about this
Maybe the reason we're giving her the most scathing critique is because she is perpetuating the stereotypes that make life more difficult for us & our daughters. I have nothing against strip-hop music. I believe EVERY type of art should exist to the extent nobody is harmed in making it. However, every person becomes a reflection of the people we follow & the content we ingest. So we should learn to self-censor & think carefully about who & what we idolize. You don't need to eat broccoli & read think pieces all the time - everyone has guilty pleasures. But it's best to keep them in moderation if you want a healthy life
Ah yes the femme fatale effect
@@scarlet8078 Couple problems with this. First of all, the philosophy of "art should exist without harming people" is extremely inconsistent. Who decides what is harmful? How much harm can a piece of art do? How many people can it harm? How does the current political and cultural climate factor into it? These are just a couple questions I have about this theory within the first seconds of thinking about it that I KNOW you can't answer. Secondly, what do you mean, "make life difficult for us"? This type of feminism offends the exact people it needs to. Any type of positive social change is met with pushback, so I fail to understand this idea.
@@adriaanlips9479 Do we honestly think women being free of critisism for their sexuality is a positive let alone a REALISTIC change ? All of you are deluding yourselves. The sooner you women realize there's nothing truly to gain from being "sexually liberated" the better. It's a whole scam. The only people who truly benefit from this are the men who get easy access to women and their bodies as a result of this "social change."
Shanspeare made a video about her use of AAVE and how people correct her constantly, her relationship with her major and the expectations that come from that.
Yes I loved video it's so good
Thank you for recognising that ace, aro and demi people the discussion is different. As an acearo person, it's been very much a weird journey as well. There's definitely part of me that is just honestly and reflexively guarded against everything that is very sexual and that has made me a bit biased towards a certain type of feminism, but I also do like feeling beautiful and that appreciation without expectation you mention. And there is something powerful in owning your own body of course, but the lines are incredibly blurry to me
interesting! I’m not apart of the group of people you mentioned, but i would love to understand more! i feel like with this whole topic, owning your sexuality can also mean owning the fact that you aren’t interested in or want to be sexual in nature or in any sort of form as well? idk i’m still all new to this myself, thoughts?
@@cele4444 Yeah, I think accepting my sexuality (or lack thereof) has been part of it, but that's a lot more about accepting the gray areas than the abstract concept of not feeling sexual or romantic attraction. I think it's hard for allosexual and alloromantic people to understand how murky the waters get when you don't have the set rules set in society about love and sex. For a while there, I had these moments of crisis because I loved someone a lot but I don't want to have sex or be in a relationship but friendship is not modelled in society to encompass what I feel for them.
And more murky waters appear when I think about how I dress and what messages I like to receive. I like feeling sexy... but I don't want to have sex. I hate when someone comes on to me with a sexual expectation, but I really appreciate people telling me I look good. I suppose it all boils down to becoming comfortable with contradictions and with living things that haven't ever been explained or shown to you.
@@cele4444 fellow aroace here to give a different perspective - I'm a very simple person; for me, yes I don't want to be seen in a sexual light. I don't mind if people compliment something about me, but I don't want it to be like in a sexy way; I want to look bad ass [which I know I don't right now, and I don't really make any efforts towards that goal, so that'll be an obstacle to tackle when I feel up to the challenge], but I don't want people to look at me and think "sexy". That thought unnerves me, personally, because to me "sexy" means sexually appealing, and I don't want anyone thinking of me that way. I'd honestly prefer people think I look like freak before I'd ever want them to think I'm sexy.
I also don't know what it's like to not own the fact that I'm not interested in sex or romance, since I've very bluntly been like this my whole life, so I guess that's part of it? I know for some people it's a big deal, for me, I just didn't have a word for it until I was 19, but I was basically defining it before that.
As for what Everybody said about wanting more or less a "special someone" - I kind of agree with that, but I've just kinda described it as like.. a biffle/BFFL [best friend for life], or likened it to something along the lines of how It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia framed it, in the show at one point, two of the characters referred to each other as "Heterosexual Life Partners" - in that they weren't sexually or romantically interested in each other, but they were basically each other's number 1 in life - even sexual partners didn't get in the way of that. [one of them much later turned out to be gay - also don't mistake this for a wholesome show, the main characters are horrible people, but the humor stems from the show acknowledging how horrible they are and they fall into like.. Refuge in Audacity with the horrible shit they do]. So, that's what I want for "serious relationships". Just like.. an uber-friend, essentially. idk, I don't need society to have a term for it, as long as I can put words together to essentially describe it, like, I feel like I can sorta get the idea across and that works fine for me [though if some word does come out - maybe if queerplatonic catches on or something? - that'd be fine, too]
I'm the same way 😭 I don't want to be seen as sexy ever because I'm demi and because of feminism, so I've had to completely change the way I dress to get rid of that kind of attention. I used to be very femme, wearing lipstick daily, having long hair, wearing dresses and skirts... and then 4 years ago I quit wearing makeup & shaving cold turkey, and started wearing only boring baggy clothing... and I haven't been hit on in public since 😭🙏 but I am starting to feel sad that I no longer feel comfortable wearing anything that makes me stand out in public because I just don't want the attention. I wish I could wear what I want without other people projecting their ideas into me 😢
You mentioned being from a Muslim background, I would love to hear more about that. Especially knowing how culture and faith mix in our households, how our clothes, and comportments are scrutinized by our communities and families. Do you identify as a Muslim, or did you leave the faith? I find it really interesting to know how others felt growing up with the pressure of our families and our own development of critical thinking.
@Fatimaxn Barry I saw several videos where they drink 😅 So I do believe they don't follow it thoroughly. Nonetheless, some do still feel spiritualy connected to Islam, even if they do not practice it anymore. Also, others cut completely their strings with the faith and identify as exmuslims. So I think it would be an interesting video to go more in dept :3
Edit : Pronoun change, I didn't know they went with they/their pronouns sorry 😥
My dads Muslim and my Mom is Christian. I'm agnostic. I'd like to know too.
yeah this would be super interesting to hear more about
@@jediyarahim-danford7592 but where are your parents from? I’m african
As a priest in the Church of the Algorithm, I bless this video with a comment.
and I as well
Amen to that
Amenn
amenn
Amen
Appreciation without expectation is how I basically got in a relationship... My now boyfriend send me a insta dm ( he randomly saw my profile, we didn't have mutuals) , very respectfully and basically said: "you're beautiful and love your style. Just wanted to say that, have a nice day." That was so attractive.. I sent him a message back and we've been in a wonderful relationship 4 years.. It was so strange, it's basically the first time I've felt both desired AND respected as a human being... I've been harassed by adult men from the age of 11-12, have dealt with sexual violence , I didn't know there was another way to be approached.. And that's kinda sad..he even said he didn't expect a message back, and he'd done that to not only women, but also men ( complimented their style) and knowing him he's serious...
Aww this is low-key cute 😫😫
I believe you're the smartest RUclipsr I know, honestly
She is in the same bubble in my mind with Joulzy, For Harriet, and Themis and Thoth.
@@lovesue86 I'll check them out!
@@cassleonmarino3437 fyi Joulzy is a bit colourist 🙃….
@@bloop4196 yikes
Ok Khadija... Let's take a closer look 👀
Because I am so here for Thee Stallion ❣️🐎
Side note from this amazing video. I find the conversation about English very weird. Because when I was studying English my English teachers would want us to sound more British than American. Standard American English was seen as trashy and improper. I am interested in why that is since in the USA "standard American English " the "norm" and everything else is seen as bad. I want to say that I am from Bulgaria and would love to learn others' opinions since I don't know why it is that way.
As an American we definitley view British English as more “proper” but that’s just not how we speak, it could never be the “norm” here because this isn’t Britain, this is America. Just like if I went to Australia, my American English wouldn’t be the “norm” there. It also probably has something to do with where you reside, Mexicans probably learn a different form of Spanish than people in Spain. And South Africans learn a different type of Dutch than the The Netherlands. And because Its European and the original form it’s seen as better and more “proper”.
Worth noting that the British also have dialects they consider 'trashy' too
@@alphabettical1 yeah I know that and that's what makes this conversation so interesting
Same here (lerning English as a Czech), proper British grammar and pronounciation was the standard. There were sidenotes about American English, but that wasn't important to know. And so deep down I still consider American English to sound more "trashy", no matter what class / ethnicity the speaker is. It's a hard thing to shake
@@thetheodora2371 Yes it's funny because I have Euro colleagues who learned English from a British professor/ teacher, & it makes them much more difficult to understand than the ones who learned it from an American. It's mainly because the British use the long hollow vowel sound (like making "a" sound like "ahhhh") whereas Americans & other English speakers shorten the sound. When that mixes with the person's first-language accent, it can make the words hard to understand. Shorten your vowels & I promise you it will make a tremendous difference.
Hearing you so casually say “I’m fem, I’m non-binary, and I’m queer and I can be all those things at the same time” is so validating. I’m also all those things and it’s taken me a long time to understand that, and I’m even still wrestling with my gender identity and what gender/ gender expression means to me. I’m so happy you are able to say that with confidence, and I want to be able to do that as well. Thanks for always being willing to be open and vulnerable with us.
Thank you for just mentioning asexual/demisexual/and aromantic people when discussing these points, we are often left out when people discuss these topics since they don't always apply to us, but it's nice to be acknowledge and not just looked over as if we don't exist.
I agree! I'm biromantic demisexual, and I was happy to be casually included in the conversation.
+++
same here!!
Queen hit us with the operatic vocals at the end. I was like, wow, class! Also, as a fellow member of the body ody ody ody crew, I can relate to Megan's feeling but in a different way. Because while the white politicians and Candace O's of the world judge her body, we inevitably feel judged if we look similar in a physical frame to Megan. So, there is that second-hand feeling of suppression that happens. I have been a curvey brown girl my whole life, and it has always been sexualized and politicized.
I feel like when it comes to how to handle feminism in sensuality and showing what you want, a separation of social expectation and self identity is important. We all naturally internalize the rules and expectations of society as we develop, and when those expectations are very controlling and patriarchical it can cause a lot of dissonance when we want to just show our bodies as we want. Moving from a framing of how others are going to interpret it, to how we ourselves do reduces that some from a personal perspective. Im not sure how to solve the objectification by others though, I agree with Megan that people are gonna do it either way, until our broader culture stops automatically viewing women as sexual.
As for the English thing, I think the more you learn about English the less it matters how you speak it. Languages are not permanent things! They evolve and adapt CONSTANTLY, slang or a particular dialect are no less valuable than "proper" educated English. They're all just wierd sounds at the end of the day, given significance because we apply meaning to them. Does a certain word have a meaning used by a lot of people? Then yes it's a valid word. People just like to find ways to be better than others and they don't understand how actually ridiculous it is to police such things in the grand scheme of communication. The consequences of this I think can only be solved by a broader understanding amongst society of this though. I think a revamp in our education system would fix a lot of social problems. For as much as we're taught English, we don't learn how it changes which is important here.
Great video as always! I love the discussions you have
comepletely agree. are you a pisces rising?
@@angelface333 lol im not sure, but I think according to this one chart I got a few years ago, it's Sagittarius. 😅
👏🏾👏🏾 You're second paragraph was amazing! I love that you recognized that language is constantly evolving and given meaning by the majority
@@dokessezeaka5159 thank you! I learned that after watching youtube videos on ancient languages and researching how old english turned into what we speak today. I wish I had been taught how flexible language is in my hs english classes.
Hard agree, on both points.
It took me longer than i care to admit to realize that the harassment of women (and, let's be honest, anyone else whose body presents femme) who don't "dress pretty" enough and the harassment of women who look "too slutty" are two sides of the same coin. They both assume that woman's body isn't something that should be used for her (or their, etc., nobody's checking pronouns before they pass judgment) own enjoyment but rather should be curated to suit the presumed male gaze, be it sexy enough to be appealing or modest enough to alleviate any need for others to manage their urges.
At its extreme, a friend said he was once told (before he transitioned) that he should beware of going braless when alone in his own home with a man--and the man in question was his father.
On a lighter note, i think PBS just released a video about the ins and outs of AAVE as a sociolect, and i thought it was fascinating. While i'm absolutely not a prescriptivist when it comes to language, i think it can be amazing to learn about the ways people use language, like its origins and internal logic and the unspoken messages that go beyond the literal meanings.
Yes! How we articulate as black people is used to measure us by white folk whether we like it or not 💁🏾♀️
Not really
@@itsbeyondme5560 there's literally proof that "sounding black" will lead to workplace discrimination, and that having an ebonics name (think Shaniqua, La'Kisha, etc) will lead to discrimination in nearly ever aspect of your life. One study found that just googling someone with a stereotypically black name was more likely to have results with advertising for arrest records and mugshots, and that the presence of these *does* subconsciously affect the perception of the person who looked them up to be more negative.
@@poralitical
I don't believe it because that is false. I heard names like on your comments were hired from companies to store.
I can't believe people believe this story. Go look into the real world than reading fake outrage on the news
@@itsbeyondme5560 well, that's the thing about scientific research. just because you don't believe it, doesn't make it any less true.
@@Misstressofdons
Here is the problem? Is the research bias or propaganda. There is a history of so called "fake science" throughout the years for example smoking. Companies had to create a "scientific" reports to counter against the truths of smoking. It was later they got lying to the public in the early 90s.
It may sounds "scientific" , but at the end, it is a propaganda to support an ideology.
i simply love listening to you speak. it truly feels like my brain is being fed and nourished, as weird as that sounds. being someone who was born with a lot of privilege around people who refused to acknowledge that privilege, around people who weren’t as open minded as i am, and around people who aren’t nearly as curious as i am, it’s a blessing to have people like you on the internet speaking about a completely different perspective on life in order for me to reconcile my place in the world and to have a better understanding for people with different experiences. you are truly a blessing and your mind is just as beautiful as you are. thank you for this wonderful content.
Way off topic but it's nice to see a dark skinned person with tattoos. Really beautiful and you're inspiring me with the double nose piercings, I already have a septum piercing but I've been wanting nose rings and now I think I might take a deep dive.
@experience What value does that outfit or haircut you like add to you as a person? It's a form of self expression.
@experience Why does something you wear have to add value to you? Can't it just be valuable or nice to the person who chooses to wear it?
Feminist theory can be thought of as a family of critical theories and approaches that enable us to understand complexity and interrogate power relationships. This family of theories can be, loosely, thought of as queer, anti-racist, liberal, intersectional, post-colonial, and indigenous feminism. Theory can help us to question underlying assumptions. There is a great deal to unpack in these theories and I think you are a great role model for both intellectual and cultural humility as you grapple with these ideas. I am a professor of social medicine and I have recommended your videos to my students who are struggling with issues of gender, racism, ageism, ableism, sizeism, etc ., that we address in the course related to the provision of equitable healthcare services. Thanks!
Omg. I love the field of social medicine, and you seem like an amazing professor, keep up the great work!
So excited !!!! I personally feel very conflicted about the relationship between feminism and hypersexualisation (featuring male gaze etc etc), looking forward to know what you think about this!!
absolutely same
“Appreciation without expectation” is such a profound thing to say. As someone who feels attraction, but zero urges to act on it, I find myself trying to explain to my friends how I feel about crushes, and that's a really good way to put it.
Yooooo I can’t wait for this one, I love Megan 😭 ♥️
I love this. As someone who is attractive and knows it I know exactly what ur saying. I love dressing risqué simply bc I know I’m fine but the people taking it too far on top of being sexually abused I broke down and became more modest. It sucks that it’s like this bc people don’t respect boundaries and the constant disrespect.. I hate it.
But I’m learning and working towards that complete not gaf attitude. Thank you for this video!! Definitely subscribed !! 💛
4:00 I also thought that phone call was reminiscent of a scene in Fight Club, where Tyler Durden and his club of resentful white men grab a politician and say basically the same thing to him. I haven't seen the movie in a while but the "do not fuck with us/them" was a quote both shared (not sure if Megan thee Stallion intended it as a direct reference or not). It really stood out to me as a response to the White Male Resentment that Fight Club embodies, and felt like a counterpoint to it. She was correctly pointing out that the working class men who agree with that Fight Club perspective aren't as oppressed as they think they are, and they don't actually run shit as much as they think they do. Maybe I'm reading intention that wasn't there but that parallel felt huge to me.
I often struggle to express myself as a sexual and sensual subject/being while dealing with the reactions of people who see me as a sexual object for men's gratification.
"Appreciation without expectation" is a great description of what it's like to be desired in a way that is not dehumanizing, and it would be really nice to have more of that.
But I don't wanna imply that I know everything Khadijah is dealing with in this area because I'm not affected by all the same intersections of identity that they embody.
Speaking of appreciation without expectation Khadijah is just so beautiful, and when they sing their passion shines out like radiant light.
0:00 - 1:27 sponsored by audible
1:33 - 3:32 intro / itinerary
3:33 - 7:40 initial th*t shit thoughts
7:41 - 12:53 note/disclaimer (+ kim foster/for harriet mention/shout out)
12:53 - 21:46 politics of desirability
21:46 - 31:23 thoughts on some brands of black feminism
31:24 - 31:28 closing thoughts
31:28 - 38:29 patreon's and khadija's beautiful singing voice
♥ take care beautiful people !
God bless your kind soul💕
Omg the singing at the end was amazing!!!!!!!!!
Agreed!!!
I know right!
I'm the asshole people never see coming with diction, grammar, vocabulary in more than one language lol... I wasn't even trying and the reactions and the pushback have definitely been something when I was living in Europe. The expectations were that someone like me would be there speaking slang or mangling French (in France) and English (both in Britain and France) and I just wasn't. I had to learn to navigate a less "bookish" form of communication when I was in my early 20s to avoid being perceived as an asshole. People were always commenting on how articulate I was (as if it was such a shocking surprise). You're so right about the sexual desire vs sexual access...
Your whole thing about “sounding smart” really hit. Wowww
I've always resonated with everyone you put out because I keep realising that our lives are too similar to ignore.
1. Taurus who also just turned 29
2. Grew up in a conservative African country before relocating (I now live in Berlin, Germany) and I now try to be more spiritual than Christian
3. I identify as pansexual
4. Constantly learning more about my brand of feminism and evolving with it.
It's always so comforting to hear that I'm not the only one who has specific thoughts on various social issues coz when you already are a POC from a different background, your view of the world will never be the same as other people's. Thank you Khadija.❤️
We've seen this before with Madonna, where expressing her sexual was "a drawback to feminism"
Thank you for speaking on this, it’s definitely a topic that is not talked about enough. I think femininity is a spectrum in which every aspect is necessarily because patriarchy is a very complex multi layered system.
My husband showed me your channel. I returned home from hospital yesterday, recovering from a little surgery. You're making me LIVE. Love your whole vibe. It feels like I'm watching myself 🤣🙃😍
Thanks for mentioning aro/ace ppl. I was trying to listen to the "desiring attraction" part but my brain was just yelling "don't get it don't get it can't relate" UNTIL you gave that caviate about how not everyone feels that way. Then suddenly I could focus and get outside my own experience.
Maybe that doesn't reflect super well on me but it's the truth haha.
Im a trans woman & Im glad I'm not the only person who feels cognitive dissonance about how to relate to different kinds of feminism. It feels very complicated to navigate because there is a lot of intersection and a lot of layers socially to how things relate to gender and sexuality
your comments on desirability and allowing yourself to enjoy compliments without expectation really resonated with me, thank you so much for the video!
"Illusion Of A Thong" Excellent band name
Omg it isssss
I love Hip Hop Feminism. I read it in undergrad when I took a Black Feminisms class. That class was a safe haven and I think this book resonated with the parts of me that society taught me to hate.
It’s the surprise opera in another language for me🎼🎤👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
the part about language and communication totally also reminds me of how women (& esp women of color) are expected to have higher social capabilities and be more emotionally intelligent in their communication with other people, which is a difficult skill in and of itself, but is especially hard for a lot of autistic or other kinds of neurodivergent people. i love this video,, amazing takes.
When I scroll through the comments in this channel I ALWAYS get this feeling of 'where are these people and why don't I see them in real life' 😭 Most of the commenters are so conscious, considerate and willing to understand the importance of feminism, aknowledging & fighting racism, lgbtfobia, and oppression in general. Like, you people are so awesome and thank you for being the difference 🤗
The way you said "I want to exude sensuality" in a sultry way is exactly how my brain thinks it sounds when I'm trying to be sexy..
OMGGG! I distinctly remember the moment, as a child, where I consciously made the decision to always say “ask” and not “aks” (like my dad (black) did) because my mom (non-black) had implied that saying “aks” made one seem “less than” essentially and she would critique ppls use of it (usually black ppl). So I distanced myself from that, it literally changed the way I spoke. I relate heavy.
My mother would always say to me, “It’s ‘ask’, not, ‘axe’.” I still pronounce it “axe” unless I concentrate. Lol
I have a white dad & my family was actually the opposite- my mom was the more proper speaker. Perhaps that's bc she had to be
@@scarlet8078 I wonder if that does have something to do with it. Since black women are subjected to a different kind of pressure than black men, and our every action is heavily scrutinized by the public.
It’s pronounced “ask” because it’s spelled a-s-k. Nothing to do with class or “race”. It’s literally the just right way to say it. It can seem “low class” because frequently mispronouncing a three letter word makes the speaker seem dense. I changed the way I pronounced it as a child because I became literate and realized I was taught incorrectly.
I don’t care what people have to say, I will always love and stan Meg 😙
I grew up in a suburb in west la (Culver City) and i work in south central LA and i get that all the time but also I believe it has helped me excel in my profession. I’m 30 and a case manager working with mental and behavioral health services.
Ok but can we talk about how gorgeous her rings always are in these videos 🥰🥰🥰🥰
I appreciate your vulnerability in reflecting about certain intersections for you relating to this discussion around the 12min mark. It really lent to the discussion in a valuable way.
now this one… i’m ready for!!
Girl when you started talking about the resepectful comment - that spoke to me. Wanting to be desired and appreciating it, but not being afraid that this communicates a level of ACCESS that it does not. You spoke on this access in another video and I love that language around this. Trying to figure out how to have these conversations with my daughters now. I want them to love their body and own it. I also want them to understand how access is something that she herself owns, but everyone doesn't respect this.
Old man compliments are typically the ones from men that I really get to enjoy.
exactly they’re so genuine with it
West African, Gambian, Muslim background. The name really gives me the African continent vibes. Not surprised. Kudos from Uganda.
U r just beautiful khadija.. everytime i see u, I'm just stunned by u.. BEAUTIFUL.. AND SMART , funny which makes u even more beautiful... thank u for the interesting content..
the "unless you're demisexual, asexual or aromantic there is a natural desire" part really affirmed to me that i am in fact demisexual
people really expect her to be glamed up and dressed up all the damn time? Has anyone actually seen Megan without makeup? SHES GORGEOUS OMFG like model material 🤩
I think you successfully put what I have been trying to say for a few years now into words perfectly: "appreciation without expectation"!
Love u queen!! Kisses from Uruguay, always doing my homework while watching your videos.
Yes! I feel the same way. I just want to feel cute and get appreciation without expectation. Do I like compliments? Hell yes. Do I like getting harassed and receiving unsolicited opinions on how I look? NO! I just want to be appreciated and respected without being objectified to the point where I'm just another sexual vessel for some other person. Is that so hard? Like I just kinda wanna be a cool renescance painting, ok. That's why I like media that uses the female gaze bc it caters to that need for me. It's sensual and sexual but also graceful, beautiful, and respectful.
I don't take issue with her content or her confidence in her sexuality but I've not been as interested lately because personally I'm not getting anything different sonically or any stylistic versatility.
This! For those who don't understand that linguistic behemoth of a paragraph you said: once you've listened to a certain amount of Megan's songs, everything starts to sound the same and there seems to be no progression or evolution of her sound. Did I cover everything?
@@FavourJaiyeola Yep! Exactly this
@Kendria Hudson That's great for you!
Agreed. Strip-hop music like a lot of what Cardi & Meg do just doesn't appeal to me outside the club, & even there, it all sounds the same to me if I'm honest. & I don't see myself in these women at all. But I'm glad it exists for those who enjoy it
Yea! It kinda gets redundant, as ir they’re been using the same ‘formula’ and it gets uninteresting in the long run.
As a non native English speaker the way you are talking makes it a lot more accessible to listen to.
Especially in the podcast background discussion while I'm doing a mindless task kind of thing.
So thank you for that !
Khadija, as always, thank you for sharing with us. I feel like I learn so much from your content.
"Appreciation without expectation"! Ugh thank you for putting this into words for me! I was trying to explain this to my sister for why I'm a little skeptical when men lead with "Hey beautiful black queen..."can'tshow compliment. She told me I hate men lol
I don't know the first thing about opera but to me your singing is incredible and poking at my soul!
Side note: you mentioned something about guilt being a passive emotion in a recent video and I must express my gratitude for your insight. It stopped me in my tracks and my thought patterns are changing for the better. Thank you.
Do you remember which video she spoke on that? (guilt) I'd love to go back and listen to that part
@@avasd59 I think it was the video about The Tyra Show.
Literally yes Samson and Delilah! I work as a ballet accompanist and I played that for a class this week! Love it! Beautiful
My behind sitting up here wondering why it hasn’t started playing. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ Let me go to bed. 😅😅
I just found your channel maybe two days ago and I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO STOP WATCHING. the way you phrase things, the way you are accepting of all opinions… I just… thank you… I’ve learned so much and I just wanted to put that out there