The song I'm singing at the start is "Savior" by Noctica, which I've considered doing a deep dive on some time since it has a lot of super relatable themes for me in it: ruclips.net/video/kzsYYRHV0PE/видео.html BTW on review, I realised I use a lot of Aussie slang that might confuse the heck outta some of you so feel free to timestamp bits you want me to translate hahaha XD
I don't really have an inner world or imaginary friends. I used to think up stories in my head but haven't done so for a very long time. I do have what I'm told to describe as a dissociated part of myself (the Destroyer part of DestroyerMariko lol), but even that's not as influential or present in my life as it used to be.
I understand you about therapy.. it's really hard to get the right help we need even outside Australia, believe me 😅Having a schizoid personality disorder and struggling with depression is no easy walk. for years I've been jumping between periods where I can control my depression, my anxiety, and my instinct to be all alone. Then there come times when I can't manage all those things (work, family, colleagues.."friends"..) and I can't even get out the door. Most people think we're lazy, but we're not... it's the profound inability to be among people. Thanks for your vids 😃
I wouldn't call it an "inability" to be among people, just a very strong disinterest and exhaustion at the idea. I also find the anhedonia for life in general makes it hard to do anything. Why bother? I didn't ask to be here. If the world insists on me existing, why should I go out of my way to do much more? They're not exactly giving me any meaningful incentive lol. Also I'm sure my parents have tended to think I'm lazy, but they don't actually know what I do with my time. It's not like I'm just sitting on my butt twiddling my thumbs in my room all day! But regardless, at this point people should just appreciate the effort to keep myself alive instead of demanding more from me. I feel you on the schizoid + depression combo x_x
Hi there, Im so glad I found your channel. I haven't been diagnosed with SzPD yet but I do have a lot of the traits (everyone is different but I can relate to a lot of the things you say). I have to catch up on some of your videos. In this one very early on you mention "complex mental illness". I wonder what you mean by that. In my case im just diagnosed with recurrent depression and personality disorder in observation. I've been seeing a psych for therapy for 6 months now (before that I visited multiple doctors and attended a 6 month programme as we call it here in Croatia "daily hospital). All of it has been useless for me including medication. I don't want to self diagnose but when I can relate to ADHD, ASD, multiple personality disorders (paranoid, schizoid, avoidant, OCPD, a little bit of covert narc tendencies and quiet borderline) CPTSD then you know im f*ed up. Sometimes I like to describe myself as being a schizoid kid (from early childhood) that due to "not fitting" into this reality/world/our society developed all the other issues. And then it was just issues upon issues building up. 90% of the time I don't trust in what I say to my therapist because I've reached this point where I have no clue what comes from where. The only thing that to a degree resonates with me the most iz Schizoid because the traits were present since I can remember. Lol...I kinda lost my train of thought now. I guess I would like to hear what you mean by complex mental illness and therapy for SzPD. As I said I do have some traits of other PDs but I was mostly always aware of them and knew they were problematic. The schizoid part though...ughh...jusz nope. I feel like thats who I am, like its not a problem and I don't mind it but it is causing me issues. I just want to thank you agaib for the videos. Really really glad I found your channel!
So let's say you've lived with mental illness for 15+ years and been in and out of therapy to a point now you probably know how they are going to treat you and logically you probably know just about everything about scitsoid and you've been to the petrol station and nothing bad happened cause you coped. You also know your environment has impact. So I'm thinking you're now become an expert in knowing about yourself. So can you now logically think your way out of your illness?
I understand schizoids dont want to change. So any therapy would not make a schizoid change. But, "know thy self" is gonna be useful for anyone including a schizoid. Studying spd would be very useful for you to get deep insights into yourself, which may potentially empower you. You might even achieve psychological and spiritual ascendancy 🙂
Subjectively I don't _feel_ like I need to change, but objectively I can see that the current status quo of my life is garbage. I keep trying things because doing nothing means things stay garbage. But it sure is tiring. As for studying schizoid, ugh nah I'm not interested enough, and I've already got a masters degree and that's enough academia for me.
The song I'm singing at the start is "Savior" by Noctica, which I've considered doing a deep dive on some time since it has a lot of super relatable themes for me in it: ruclips.net/video/kzsYYRHV0PE/видео.html
BTW on review, I realised I use a lot of Aussie slang that might confuse the heck outta some of you so feel free to timestamp bits you want me to translate hahaha XD
What is your inner World like? Do you have imaginary friends? do you make introject copies of people and then interact with their introject?
I don't really have an inner world or imaginary friends. I used to think up stories in my head but haven't done so for a very long time. I do have what I'm told to describe as a dissociated part of myself (the Destroyer part of DestroyerMariko lol), but even that's not as influential or present in my life as it used to be.
I know every non descript government envelope I receive gives me a mild heart attack EVERY TIME
"MyGov PTSD" is the realest thing I've heard in a long time LOL
I understand you about therapy.. it's really hard to get the right help we need even outside Australia, believe me 😅Having a schizoid personality disorder and struggling with depression is no easy walk. for years I've been jumping between periods where I can control my depression, my anxiety, and my instinct to be all alone. Then there come times when I can't manage all those things (work, family, colleagues.."friends"..) and I can't even get out the door. Most people think we're lazy, but we're not... it's the profound inability to be among people.
Thanks for your vids 😃
I wouldn't call it an "inability" to be among people, just a very strong disinterest and exhaustion at the idea. I also find the anhedonia for life in general makes it hard to do anything. Why bother? I didn't ask to be here. If the world insists on me existing, why should I go out of my way to do much more? They're not exactly giving me any meaningful incentive lol. Also I'm sure my parents have tended to think I'm lazy, but they don't actually know what I do with my time. It's not like I'm just sitting on my butt twiddling my thumbs in my room all day! But regardless, at this point people should just appreciate the effort to keep myself alive instead of demanding more from me. I feel you on the schizoid + depression combo x_x
Hi there, Im so glad I found your channel. I haven't been diagnosed with SzPD yet but I do have a lot of the traits (everyone is different but I can relate to a lot of the things you say). I have to catch up on some of your videos. In this one very early on you mention "complex mental illness". I wonder what you mean by that. In my case im just diagnosed with recurrent depression and personality disorder in observation. I've been seeing a psych for therapy for 6 months now (before that I visited multiple doctors and attended a 6 month programme as we call it here in Croatia "daily hospital). All of it has been useless for me including medication. I don't want to self diagnose but when I can relate to ADHD, ASD, multiple personality disorders (paranoid, schizoid, avoidant, OCPD, a little bit of covert narc tendencies and quiet borderline) CPTSD then you know im f*ed up. Sometimes I like to describe myself as being a schizoid kid (from early childhood) that due to "not fitting" into this reality/world/our society developed all the other issues. And then it was just issues upon issues building up. 90% of the time I don't trust in what I say to my therapist because I've reached this point where I have no clue what comes from where. The only thing that to a degree resonates with me the most iz Schizoid because the traits were present since I can remember.
Lol...I kinda lost my train of thought now. I guess I would like to hear what you mean by complex mental illness and therapy for SzPD. As I said I do have some traits of other PDs but I was mostly always aware of them and knew they were problematic. The schizoid part though...ughh...jusz nope. I feel like thats who I am, like its not a problem and I don't mind it but it is causing me issues.
I just want to thank you agaib for the videos. Really really glad I found your channel!
I made a video reply for you: ruclips.net/video/NmHw0I3OqF8/видео.html
So let's say you've lived with mental illness for 15+ years and been in and out of therapy to a point now you probably know how they are going to treat you and logically you probably know just about everything about scitsoid and you've been to the petrol station and nothing bad happened cause you coped. You also know your environment has impact. So I'm thinking you're now become an expert in knowing about yourself. So can you now logically think your way out of your illness?
Nope. Enjoy: ruclips.net/video/Nircxy8fc0g/видео.html
I understand schizoids dont want to change. So any therapy would not make a schizoid change. But, "know thy self" is gonna be useful for anyone including a schizoid. Studying spd would be very useful for you to get deep insights into yourself, which may potentially empower you. You might even achieve psychological and spiritual ascendancy 🙂
Subjectively I don't _feel_ like I need to change, but objectively I can see that the current status quo of my life is garbage. I keep trying things because doing nothing means things stay garbage. But it sure is tiring. As for studying schizoid, ugh nah I'm not interested enough, and I've already got a masters degree and that's enough academia for me.
yaas slay queen