This is a massive problem in Indian culture, where arranged marriages are the norms. Since emotional intimacy in the husband-wife relationship is discouraged, because an arranged marriage has no place for emotional intimacy, women often exist in lonely and loveless marriages. Also, since Indian culture treats the mother-son bond as sacred, the woman experiences no stigma in emotionally enmeshing her adult son. So mother-enmeshed sons marry, the wife is disaffected, enmeshes the son, his wife is lonesome, and the cycle of dysfunction continue, generation after generation.
Sounds like the family dynamic in Indian culture is highly dysfunctional to the point of being toxic. Here's the thing: if a tradition doesn't make sense you break it. This manipulative tactic of reverting back to mandatory legacy traditions every time the disaffected expresses their grievances is toxic in every sense. I had to set this Latina woman straight when she began complaining about her daughter's desire to want to go to college and create her own identity. She was adamant about her daughter staying with her to help run the family business because "in my culture this is how we do it..blah blah blah". I told here flat out to get real and stop being ridiculous because your kids are not your retirement or insurance plan, so put on your big girl pants and figure it out yourself.
Great video, my mother due to being abused emotionally and physically as a child... She uses me for her needs... her need for validation, her need for love, her need for emotional support, her need for friendship, her need for companionship. If I don't give her the attention she wants she plays the victim, and paints herself as a bad person/mother etc... or if I disagree with how she does something, or if I give an alternate idea, she says I always have to say something to disregard her, she makes me the bad guy, she disregards my emotions and overrides them with hers. If I talk to her about my personal issues, she somehow makes relates them to her somehow.. She makes it about her, she always finds a way If I'm not happy with something she's done or express disagreement, she guilt trips me about all the things she done for me because she loves me, and that I don't love her, and that I'm selfish and lazy. I've brought this up with her but of course she vehemently denies such involvement, and maintains she is in fact the victim, and finishes with some tears and sniffles and short words or ignoring me and walking around very sad head hung down My mom has told multiple times in the past that I am her sole reason for living, my brother too, although he has a closer relationship with my father.. and my father has his own Vietnam War PTSD/Daddy/child abuse/emotionally unavailable/alcoholic issues to deal with on top of my moms abuse as a child My father is emotionally unavailable but never physically separated, never abused my brother or me. He just never gave my mother a relationship, never taught me how to be a man... and cheated on her at least once (maybe more, we never found out more than once)... so I became my mothers emotional tampon for everything, which really was never a change from the usual behavior to begin with. So my father treated me for what I was, an emotional tampon, even if he wasn't doing it on purpose A mother that was/is chronically depressed and extremely religious, with an emotionally unavailable father. It's like wiping gunk off my eyes, I always thought my relationship with my parents was normal.... I didn't know that parents were suppose to emotionally support their children. My father never told me to take action like a man, and my mother put me on a pedestal. I didn't understand the concept of love... I thought love meant there were conditions required to receive or give love.. I thought women hated sex, because I never saw my parents touch each other, even though she "wanted it" like she told me *shiver* disgusting thoughts... (because my dad never wanted to sleep with my mother, and she put her sexual frustration onto me, to receive validation) I thought that being a sexual masculine MAN was bad.. for example my mother caught me with porn and screamed at me and cried.. She became extremely emotionally irrational... I remember being afraid to look or touch girls because I didn't want to offend them or hurt them, girls that wanted me to kiss them and play with them and hug them. When I had a girlfriend she often involved herself in our relationship, I know the only reason she never walked in on us having sex is because my mother wanted a grandchild, because GOD KNOWS she LOVES just "happening" to show up to ask a question or touch my shit. FUCK. Thanks for reading. Signing off
David, I would really like to talk to you.. I'm dealing with this for over 3 years with my boyfriend. My email is rainfeather74@gmail.com. I really could use some advice. Hope to hear back from you...
Sheesh I hope I got rid of her u can't let ur mother run ur life and get in ur way of ur relationship with a woman to create a happy family if that's what u want. It's real screwed up to u and the woman and ur kids. U shouldn't feel guilty for that crap. It ruins so many relationships.
Had to break up with someone just like this. Even after being together for nearly 3 years, he still couldn't see me more than 2 days a week, because he had to look after his mother first. It was causing me too much stress, as even when we had a week off together, he still had to go to his mother's hospital appointments with her (despite Covid-19 restrictions). There were three people in the relationship at that point, and I had enough. When I broke up with him, despite having been incredibly patient with him for so long, he called me unreasonable. Didn't make the process any harder once he said that. It was definitely the right choice for me, as he had by then refused to see he was being emotionally abused, and still cannot see it.
My mother tried to enmesh with me and I was too smart to see it or want to be part of it. She hates me, especially when I’m happy and living my life to my own definition.
Excellent Video. Thank You! The man I was with put his mother over me and was very enmeshed with her. It was like he was really married to her, and no one could compare. He couldn't really connect or communicate with me, because he'd feel guilty and had conflict over being disloyal to his mother. He told me without any regard for me or my feelings that - "I think she put a spell on me." I think she did and it started when he was a very young child. What a Dilemma. I wasted so much valuable time on this man. He most likely will stay loyal to her for the rest of his life, but I hope not. He deserves to have his own life - his autonomy and to be able to make his own choices for what he wants - not what she wants. She is a Child Abuser and has no love for him to do this to him and that's the Truth.
This has become pathogenic parenting and multiple generations of children are being harmed because of this. Dysfunctional family systems and addictions are some of the traits that I have observed. I have spoke to more families that this behavior seems more prevalent happening between mothers and their adult sons. Adult sons have addictions and have addictions to pornography. Many are expressing their husbands have even been arrested for pedophile acts with their own children. These mothers when they age take back their adult sons causing divorce and stealing grandchildren. She then believes she is to parent the adult son and the son and his spouse children after divorce. This behavior is the real pandemic .
Dated and had a child with someone like this. I initially thought it was great how much he loves his Mother until I saw how EXTREMELY close they were. He lived with his Mother , brother , sister and great grandmother. He would spend the night at my place but call his mom 3 time's a day, he also couldn't go to church with me because he had to go with her. The sister and brother did nothing around the house at 21 yrs old ( twins) no job or school and mentally / physically capable of doing so. He would have to call his mom's prescription in even though she could do it herself, pull the trash to the curb ( brother and sister at home no jobs) and help Mom with car note and she had a boyfriend. Needless to say when I ended up pregnant he ran home permanently ( I was 7 weeks when we broke up) . Our son is now 8 and he pays less than $200 a month in child support and has NOTHING to do with our son. He's a pastor of a church that he and his Mom has attended there whole life.
Sounds like my first marriage plus they were alcoholics. I was pregnant and his mother was always on my case for any little reason. I was only 18 years old and she would say the most cruel and mean things to me and my husband would never defend me. Every evening at 7 the phone would ring and it would be her calling drunk to chew me out for something. I had pictures taken of my little boy and spent 18 dollars on a banana stroller and she called me up to yell at me for wasting money. Before we got married, I thought he was going to finish his college but no, instead, he went ahead and bought us a house right in town down the street from his parents! He went to work for his dad’s business and I had to go work in his mom’s restaurant. On Monday’s, both businesses were closed and we would have to go with them to town to get groceries. I would put an item in my cart, and she would take it out and pick the appropriate priced item (in her opinion)! Needless to say, but I about went insane with all of this. I was lied to about where we were going to live and about the life I thought we were going to be living with him finishing his degree and then eventually me going to college as well. Who buys a house without even telling their fiancé? It was cursed from the beginning. My mother tried to make me stay with him because she was embarrassed about a divorce in our family. If I hadn’t been pregnant I wouldn’t have married him but I felt like I had to. My mom tore my phone off the wall and had my brother-in-law disconnect wires from my car so I couldn’t leave but I eventually got the hell out of there with my little boy. My husband never got the clue that he was supposed to be devoted to me and not always do what his damned mother wanted. She ended up dying at age 57 due to her alcoholism. I think he was majorly messed up from his parents always being drunk and fighting which they did not every single night of their lives! Why he couldn’t break away and be his own man, I’ll never understand.
For someone who is overseer of people at church, he should know this bible verse: "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8
Describes my younger brother without a doubt. In my dysfunctional family, I was the scapegoat. But through the enmeshing my brother did not take any accountability for his behaviors and was a well groomed Narcissistic Sociopath
Often you will find that the mom had a brother who was in a similar relationship with their mom... it's unlikely that the immediate family will share this information with you, but after several years you may discover that there have been many generations of mother/ son bonds in the family ancestry.
I also was married to a man like this. At 53 years old he was still home with mom, sleeping in his twin maple bed. He was a very wealthy man, but lived like a child. He could do nothing for me, unless he did something equal for his very spoiled & pampered mother. The marriage was over in less than a year, & we had lived with my furniture, so he went right back to his little maple bed, & stayed there with his mother until she died at nearly 100.
Aulezus Andrews yes!!! I thought I was the only one! He runs into another room and when I casually walk by/in the room he stops talking....his mom talks so much crap about me. They talk every day and she lives in the UK....3000 miles away 🤦🏻♀️
Is there a particular reason why no one looks more closely at the failure of one's father? If the father were actually close with his wife and loved her, then she wouldn't be so emotionally neglected (or abused) in the first place. The responsibility really lies primarily on the shoulders of one's father. The mother and her children become victims to his abuse. The built up rage and sadness inside the mother needs to be diffused somewhere just as the build up sadness and rage in the enmeshed-son goes somewhere. The question is why are these lost fathers creating such a chain reaction? If they loved their wives more than alcohol and rage the whole marriage would be different.
Hello, I have created a few videos that go into this- ruclips.net/video/5dYHtrO4Wo8/видео.html ruclips.net/video/ekNGQzSjF-4/видео.html ruclips.net/video/DcVly9uA6xE/видео.html ruclips.net/video/BzDyp3Y5nD8/видео.html ruclips.net/video/zqNxwupxAyY/видео.html ruclips.net/video/fbuUpZ8b2eo/видео.html There is, of course, the part that the father plays in all this. Irrespective of if he was around or not, he had an effect. Also, you are talking about a certain dynamic. Not all men in this position are alcoholics. Moreover, what has to be looked into is why the mother would have ended up with a man like this. There is likely to be what is going on for her, at a deeper level that caused her to unconsciously be drawn to a deeply wounded man. The answer to this is likely to be found in her childhood. What was it like? What did she come to associate as love? Does she even know, at the core of her being, that she deserves to be treated with love and respect? As always, it's about awareness, not blame.
@@jbeauty4150 Not true. Hurt people hurt people. Built up rage has to go somewhere, this is human nature and is the same for men and women. (Look at the Will Smith situation. If he was in a loving marriage he wouldn't be acting out).
The only way for a husband to meet these kinds of childhood needs in his wife is to become enmeshed with her.- to take over the role of her parents. (I see this in fundamental Christianity where the man “leads” the wife). That’s not an adult romantic relationship, that’s a parent-infant/toddler relationship. The wife would need emotional mirroring, validation, and unconditional love. If the husband had that capacity he wouldn’t be in that relationship to begin with. He also needs the exact same thing from her! This is a relationship of two emotionally immature people incapable of self love or loving others. It’s better for the wife to meet her own emotional needs first so she can be emotionally available to her husband. A good therapist can help her do that. Same goes for the husband. Anything else is just another form of codependency which just leads to more resentment, projection, emotional suppression and more unmet needs.
My dad wasn’t loving towards my mother but my mother never had a relationship like this with my brothers. It’s down to the mother being a narcissist. Which is probably why the husband has such a poor relationship with the mother in the first place.
This is my husband. It is our 4 year anniversary today. We are living separately. He treats me badly when he spends time with them. Like, really badly. The closer he gets the them (the whole unit), the worse he treats me. We never had a sex life. He wouldn’t even come to bed with me. I thought it was me. I think the neglect and distancing is better than the anger and nastiness. That’s the worst part of all this. You think, who is this person and why are they treating me like an enemy? And then you find out it’s because you are an enemy. Thanks to the enmeshment with his mother. What’s hard for me is I love him. But I don’t deserve to live in that situation. So I had to set that boundary and separate. I made the right choice for my well-being. But I wish it were different. He started going to therapy. I don’t know though. I don’t have hope anymore. I wish it were different. It’s truly heartbreaking.
Omg you sound so much like me! 😢 I've been into my marriage for a year, and, even we never had a sex life. 🙁 He treats me differently around them, too. And now, he makes me feel invisible and as if I'm his enemy.
Answer: my ex-husband who mother smothered him. Ireland Catholics, yes her Dad did same to her. It was obscene he's never gone back to her, and never grew up. His aunts begged me to bring him back to the US with me so we did. He would've been better off staying at home, never grew up.
My husband has been giving his parents millions of our small business. At 81 he just told me she gets 2,000$ for life from us? Not okay. Never worked a day in her life.
I may be kind like this. Regardless it is probably too late for me now to fix. I'm in my 30s and no woman ever interested in me and I never had real friends. So I guess at least I have mom.
Hello Joseph, thank you for sharing. Ultimately, you are on your own path, so it's your choice how you live. From your comment, it is clear that a very small part of you wants to change but a bigger, stronger part of you doesn't. You say 'it is probably too late for me now to fix.' A number of things came to mind when I read that and what followed. One - a lot of men in this position don't even realise it, and you have a sense that you may be like it. You even found this video. Two - a lot of men who realise what is going on are in their forties, fifties and older. So, as bad as you think it is to be in your 30's, you could be a lot older. Lastly, you say 'at least I have mom.' This is true, you do. However, what you also know is that your mom won't live forever, and I don't say this to be mean or cruel, I say it because it's true. My advice would be to start working through the pain that is inside you as soon as you can and to build your own life. you will probably need to reach out for support to do this. As if you put this off and wait until your mom is no longer around, you could end up being in a very bad way and you won't have anyone around to support you. You may have been abandoned by others but don't abandon yourself. You deserve your own life. I wish you the best.
Mother-Enmeshed Man - How To No Longer Be A Mother-Enmeshed Man - www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09P4R7SBN/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vamf_tkin_p1_i9
This is a massive problem in Indian culture, where arranged marriages are the norms. Since emotional intimacy in the husband-wife relationship is discouraged, because an arranged marriage has no place for emotional intimacy, women often exist in lonely and loveless marriages. Also, since Indian culture treats the mother-son bond as sacred, the woman experiences no stigma in emotionally enmeshing her adult son. So mother-enmeshed sons marry, the wife is disaffected, enmeshes the son, his wife is lonesome, and the cycle of dysfunction continue, generation after generation.
Also prevalent in the Hispanic culture.
I was looking specifically to say what you said. Geez that hits home with any Indian with any reasoning ability. You said it so perfectly.
@Beelzebub_6th On a lighter note, you guys make some really nice electronic music.
Sounds like the family dynamic in Indian culture is highly dysfunctional to the point of being toxic. Here's the thing: if a tradition doesn't make sense you break it. This manipulative tactic of reverting back to mandatory legacy traditions every time the disaffected expresses their grievances is toxic in every sense. I had to set this Latina woman straight when she began complaining about her daughter's desire to want to go to college and create her own identity. She was adamant about her daughter staying with her to help run the family business because "in my culture this is how we do it..blah blah blah". I told here flat out to get real and stop being ridiculous because your kids are not your retirement or insurance plan, so put on your big girl pants and figure it out yourself.
Great video, my mother due to being abused emotionally and physically as a child... She uses me for her needs... her need for validation, her need for love, her need for emotional support, her need for friendship, her need for companionship. If I don't give her the attention she wants she plays the victim, and paints herself as a bad person/mother etc... or if I disagree with how she does something, or if I give an alternate idea, she says I always have to say something to disregard her, she makes me the bad guy, she disregards my emotions and overrides them with hers. If I talk to her about my personal issues, she somehow makes relates them to her somehow.. She makes it about her, she always finds a way
If I'm not happy with something she's done or express disagreement, she guilt trips me about all the things she done for me because she loves me, and that I don't love her, and that I'm selfish and lazy.
I've brought this up with her but of course she vehemently denies such involvement, and maintains she is in fact the victim, and finishes with some tears and sniffles and short words or ignoring me and walking around very sad head hung down
My mom has told multiple times in the past that I am her sole reason for living, my brother too, although he has a closer relationship with my father.. and my father has his own Vietnam War PTSD/Daddy/child abuse/emotionally unavailable/alcoholic issues to deal with on top of my moms abuse as a child
My father is emotionally unavailable but never physically separated, never abused my brother or me. He just never gave my mother a relationship, never taught me how to be a man... and cheated on her at least once (maybe more, we never found out more than once)... so I became my mothers emotional tampon for everything, which really was never a change from the usual behavior to begin with. So my father treated me for what I was, an emotional tampon, even if he wasn't doing it on purpose
A mother that was/is chronically depressed and extremely religious, with an emotionally unavailable father. It's like wiping gunk off my eyes, I always thought my relationship with my parents was normal.... I didn't know that parents were suppose to emotionally support their children. My father never told me to take action like a man, and my mother put me on a pedestal. I didn't understand the concept of love...
I thought love meant there were conditions required to receive or give love.. I thought women hated sex, because I never saw my parents touch each other, even though she "wanted it" like she told me *shiver* disgusting thoughts... (because my dad never wanted to sleep with my mother, and she put her sexual frustration onto me, to receive validation)
I thought that being a sexual masculine MAN was bad.. for example my mother caught me with porn and screamed at me and cried.. She became extremely emotionally irrational... I remember being afraid to look or touch girls because I didn't want to offend them or hurt them, girls that wanted me to kiss them and play with them and hug them.
When I had a girlfriend she often involved herself in our relationship, I know the only reason she never walked in on us having sex is because my mother wanted a grandchild, because GOD KNOWS she LOVES just "happening" to show up to ask a question or touch my shit.
FUCK.
Thanks for reading. Signing off
Thank you for your comment. It sounds like you have a good understanding of everything. I hope you keep going until you are able to break away.
So helpful to have your experience written out this way. Thank you for sharing your story!
Wow, yr mum sounds like my mum. Thanks for sharinging yr story. A lot of people seem to have kids for all the wrong reasons.
David, I would really like to talk to you.. I'm dealing with this for over 3 years with my boyfriend. My email is rainfeather74@gmail.com. I really could use some advice. Hope to hear back from you...
Sheesh I hope I got rid of her u can't let ur mother run ur life and get in ur way of ur relationship with a woman to create a happy family if that's what u want. It's real screwed up to u and the woman and ur kids. U shouldn't feel guilty for that crap. It ruins so many relationships.
Had to break up with someone just like this. Even after being together for nearly 3 years, he still couldn't see me more than 2 days a week, because he had to look after his mother first. It was causing me too much stress, as even when we had a week off together, he still had to go to his mother's hospital appointments with her (despite Covid-19 restrictions). There were three people in the relationship at that point, and I had enough. When I broke up with him, despite having been incredibly patient with him for so long, he called me unreasonable. Didn't make the process any harder once he said that. It was definitely the right choice for me, as he had by then refused to see he was being emotionally abused, and still cannot see it.
My mother tried to enmesh with me and I was too smart to see it or want to be part of it. She hates me, especially when I’m happy and living my life to my own definition.
Good for you. She needs to meet her needs the proper way and leave you alone.
Excellent Video. Thank You!
The man I was with put his mother over me and was very enmeshed with her. It was like he was really married to her, and no one could compare. He couldn't really connect or communicate with me, because he'd feel guilty and had conflict over being disloyal to his mother. He told me without any regard for me or my feelings that - "I think she put a spell on me." I think she did and it started when he was a very young child. What a Dilemma. I wasted so much valuable time on this man. He most likely will stay loyal to her for the rest of his life, but I hope not. He deserves to have his own life - his autonomy and to be able to make his own choices for what he wants - not what she wants. She is a Child Abuser and has no love for him to do this to him and that's the Truth.
This has become pathogenic parenting and multiple generations of children are being harmed because of this. Dysfunctional family systems and addictions are some of the traits that I have observed. I have spoke to more families that this behavior seems more prevalent happening between mothers and their adult sons. Adult sons have addictions and have addictions to pornography. Many are expressing their husbands have even been arrested for pedophile acts with their own children.
These mothers when they age take back their adult sons causing divorce and stealing grandchildren. She then believes she is to parent the adult son and the son and his spouse children after divorce. This behavior is the real pandemic .
Dated and had a child with someone like this. I initially thought it was great how much he loves his Mother until I saw how EXTREMELY close they were. He lived with his Mother , brother , sister and great grandmother. He would spend the night at my place but call his mom 3 time's a day, he also couldn't go to church with me because he had to go with her. The sister and brother did nothing around the house at 21 yrs old ( twins) no job or school and mentally / physically capable of doing so. He would have to call his mom's prescription in even though she could do it herself, pull the trash to the curb ( brother and sister at home no jobs) and help Mom with car note and she had a boyfriend.
Needless to say when I ended up pregnant he ran home permanently ( I was 7 weeks when we broke up) .
Our son is now 8 and he pays less than $200 a month in child support and has NOTHING to do with our son.
He's a pastor of a church that he and his Mom has attended there whole life.
Wow damn
Sounds like my first marriage plus they were alcoholics. I was pregnant and his mother was always on my case for any little reason. I was only 18 years old and she would say the most cruel and mean things to me and my husband would never defend me. Every evening at 7 the phone would ring and it would be her calling drunk to chew me out for something. I had pictures taken of my little boy and spent 18 dollars on a banana stroller and she called me up to yell at me for wasting money. Before we got married, I thought he was going to finish his college but no, instead, he went ahead and bought us a house right in town down the street from his parents! He went to work for his dad’s business and I had to go work in his mom’s restaurant. On Monday’s, both businesses were closed and we would have to go with them to town to get groceries. I would put an item in my cart, and she would take it out and pick the appropriate priced item (in her opinion)! Needless to say, but I about went insane with all of this. I was lied to about where we were going to live and about the life I thought we were going to be living with him finishing his degree and then eventually me going to college as well. Who buys a house without even telling their fiancé? It was cursed from the beginning. My mother tried to make me stay with him because she was embarrassed about a divorce in our family. If I hadn’t been pregnant I wouldn’t have married him but I felt like I had to. My mom tore my phone off the wall and had my brother-in-law disconnect wires from my car so I couldn’t leave but I eventually got the hell out of there with my little boy. My husband never got the clue that he was supposed to be devoted to me and not always do what his damned mother wanted. She ended up dying at age 57 due to her alcoholism. I think he was majorly messed up from his parents always being drunk and fighting which they did not every single night of their lives! Why he couldn’t break away and be his own man, I’ll never understand.
For someone who is overseer of people at church, he should know this bible verse:
"But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8
Describes my younger brother without a doubt. In my dysfunctional family, I was the scapegoat. But through the enmeshing my brother did not take any accountability for his behaviors and was a well groomed Narcissistic Sociopath
Often you will find that the mom had a brother who was in a similar relationship with their mom... it's unlikely that the immediate family will share this information with you, but after several years you may discover that there have been many generations of mother/ son bonds in the family ancestry.
I also was married to a man like this. At 53 years old he was still home with mom, sleeping in his twin maple bed. He was a very wealthy man, but lived like a child. He could do nothing for me, unless he did something equal for his very spoiled & pampered mother.
The marriage was over in less than a year, & we had lived with my furniture, so he went right back to his little maple bed, & stayed there with his mother until she died at nearly 100.
What did he do once she died
Omg
WOW 😮
My husband keeps running to his mom when we have arguments 🤦♀️
Leave as soon as you can because it only gets worse
What Is A 'Mother-Enmeshed Man'? In one word: Poison. RUN! Mom will ALWAYS come first.
When she call him in the room he leaves out of there real fast
Aulezus Andrews yes!!! I thought I was the only one! He runs into another room and when I casually walk by/in the room he stops talking....his mom talks so much crap about me. They talk every day and she lives in the UK....3000 miles away 🤦🏻♀️
Is there a particular reason why no one looks more closely at the failure of one's father? If the father were actually close with his wife and loved her, then she wouldn't be so emotionally neglected (or abused) in the first place. The responsibility really lies primarily on the shoulders of one's father. The mother and her children become victims to his abuse. The built up rage and sadness inside the mother needs to be diffused somewhere just as the build up sadness and rage in the enmeshed-son goes somewhere. The question is why are these lost fathers creating such a chain reaction? If they loved their wives more than alcohol and rage the whole marriage would be different.
Hello, I have created a few videos that go into this-
ruclips.net/video/5dYHtrO4Wo8/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/ekNGQzSjF-4/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/DcVly9uA6xE/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/BzDyp3Y5nD8/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/zqNxwupxAyY/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/fbuUpZ8b2eo/видео.html
There is, of course, the part that the father plays in all this. Irrespective of if he was around or not, he had an effect.
Also, you are talking about a certain dynamic. Not all men in this position are alcoholics.
Moreover, what has to be looked into is why the mother would have ended up with a man like this. There is likely to be what is going on for her, at a deeper level that caused her to unconsciously be drawn to a deeply wounded man.
The answer to this is likely to be found in her childhood. What was it like? What did she come to associate as love? Does she even know, at the core of her being, that she deserves to be treated with love and respect?
As always, it's about awareness, not blame.
@@jbeauty4150 Not true. Hurt people hurt people. Built up rage has to go somewhere, this is human nature and is the same for men and women. (Look at the Will Smith situation. If he was in a loving marriage he wouldn't be acting out).
The only way for a husband to meet these kinds of childhood needs in his wife is to become enmeshed with her.- to take over the role of her parents. (I see this in fundamental Christianity where the man “leads” the wife). That’s not an adult romantic relationship, that’s a parent-infant/toddler relationship. The wife would need emotional mirroring, validation, and unconditional love. If the husband had that capacity he wouldn’t be in that relationship to begin with. He also needs the exact same thing from her! This is a relationship of two emotionally immature people incapable of self love or loving others.
It’s better for the wife to meet her own emotional needs first so she can be emotionally available to her husband. A good therapist can help her do that. Same goes for the husband. Anything else is just another form of codependency which just leads to more resentment, projection, emotional suppression and more unmet needs.
My dad wasn’t loving towards my mother but my mother never had a relationship like this with my brothers. It’s down to the mother being a narcissist. Which is probably why the husband has such a poor relationship with the mother in the first place.
This is my husband. It is our 4 year anniversary today. We are living separately. He treats me badly when he spends time with them. Like, really badly. The closer he gets the them (the whole unit), the worse he treats me. We never had a sex life. He wouldn’t even come to bed with me. I thought it was me. I think the neglect and distancing is better than the anger and nastiness. That’s the worst part of all this. You think, who is this person and why are they treating me like an enemy? And then you find out it’s because you are an enemy. Thanks to the enmeshment with his mother.
What’s hard for me is I love him. But I don’t deserve to live in that situation. So I had to set that boundary and separate. I made the right choice for my well-being. But I wish it were different. He started going to therapy. I don’t know though. I don’t have hope anymore. I wish it were different. It’s truly heartbreaking.
Omg you sound so much like me! 😢 I've been into my marriage for a year, and, even we never had a sex life. 🙁 He treats me differently around them, too. And now, he makes me feel invisible and as if I'm his enemy.
Did the therapy work?
Whenever she is mad at me or someone she runs off and my boyfriend runs after her.. it’s a lot but I think I have to cut ties
Answer: my ex-husband who mother smothered him. Ireland Catholics, yes her Dad did same to her. It was obscene he's never gone back to her, and never grew up. His aunts begged me to bring him back to the US with me so we did. He would've been better off staying at home, never grew up.
Bingo
Excellent!
Hello vinny, thank you for your feedback.
I wonder if the man over 55 actually can see this or if they just give up at a certain point in life , so sad but it’s his choice!!!!
My husband has been giving his parents millions of our small business. At 81 he just told me she gets 2,000$ for life from us? Not okay. Never worked a day in her life.
Brilliant
Thank you for your feedback.
Soul ties prayer and fasting
I may be kind like this. Regardless it is probably too late for me now to fix. I'm in my 30s and no woman ever interested in me and I never had real friends. So I guess at least I have mom.
Hello Joseph, thank you for sharing.
Ultimately, you are on your own path, so it's your choice how you live. From your comment, it is clear that a very small part of you wants to change but a bigger, stronger part of you doesn't.
You say 'it is probably too late for me now to fix.' A number of things came to mind when I read that and what followed.
One - a lot of men in this position don't even realise it, and you have a sense that you may be like it. You even found this video.
Two - a lot of men who realise what is going on are in their forties, fifties and older. So, as bad as you think it is to be in your 30's, you could be a lot older.
Lastly, you say 'at least I have mom.' This is true, you do. However, what you also know is that your mom won't live forever, and I don't say this to be mean or cruel, I say it because it's true.
My advice would be to start working through the pain that is inside you as soon as you can and to build your own life. you will probably need to reach out for support to do this. As if you put this off and wait until your mom is no longer around, you could end up being in a very bad way and you won't have anyone around to support you.
You may have been abandoned by others but don't abandon yourself. You deserve your own life.
I wish you the best.
🤮 Joseph you are wasting your life. You’re nothing but a glorified babysitter and bedside nurse. Get a life.
Moms don't live forever.
That is such a selfish thing to do to your sons.