Ah. I'm fearful avoidant and made a career out of ghosting people at one point in my life where I think I did consider myself an expert...especially in my early to mid-twenties I was nearly oblivious to the fact that I was doing it.
Great, relatable topic, as always👍🏼 Along with regular ghosting, I have done preemptive ghosting ("I must make sure I never encounter this scary/aggressive/boundary-disrespecting person again!") and inadvertent ghosting ("Oh no! I've been in my head so much, I haven't called/texted this nice person that I really like in two years! How terrible...now my Fi hurts!) I kinda ghosted my last full-time (toxic environment) job. I caught covid and emailed my supervisor that I wasn't coming back while I was quarantined. Not proud of that, but I guess that was my conflict-avoidant way of dealing with the toxic situation there.
I actually hate being ghosted and therefore I don't ghost people very much at all, I just don't give very many people my number. Also, it really hurts when feeling the need to resort to cut someone I care about out of my life, which is why it usually takes a lot (and I mean a LOT) for me to do. It's an absolute LAST resort for me. I can however still relate to what you're describing bc I have wanted to *ghost* people SO many times! It just hurts my feelings so much when others do this to me that I usually can't bring myself to do it for longer than maybe a few days at most. 😅
As an INFJ I completely see this but have inner turmoils about ghosting. Personally I challenge myself to not ghost anymore. Things happen within your life that makes you think of the time you have left in this world, either with someone you care\love or within your own life. I’ve come to realize it’s my own immaturity that causes this and it has been a much better place on this beautiful blue marble when I stopped ghosting or, for that matter, cutting people out of my life. I knew it was my issue and have grow to realize it. I still struggle with it but the epiphany of my arrogance made me rethink this and I’m sooooo much happier for it. Thank you for the interesting video. You bring a heartfelt realism to each. Peace
I don't know if other INFP also do this but I also ghost people because I feel like I don't like their energy and something feels odd with them that I can't really explain. It just feels like this person is not the right person for me, not the person I wanna hang out with but I really don't know how to tell those people that when I can't really explain it myself. I think they would not understand and it would hurt them unnecessarily and I think they would interpret things in it that aren't there. I could not give them a real reason for my decision and they would probably argument against it and I would not have real arguments against their arguments to stand to my point so I would need to meet them again... So I just ghost them
No matter how brutal your words were, saying nothing and just ghosting will still hurt 1,000x more It's far more mature and respectful to just explain your feelings as clearly as possible first. If they don't listen or try to convince you otherwise then that's their problem and you're well within your rights not to have to explain yourself a second time
I just read myself in your words ,I thought I was just a super toxic, sketchy person because I can't give u the "why" I am acting like this I just KNOW something isn't right ,and I don't know where and u maybe havent done a thing,but I am done sharing air with you and crazy as it is, dumb as it seems to others ,it's easiest for me to just NOT. POOF,I'm gone
@@cbrown4293 Sorry, but that IS toxic. It shows utter disregard for other people's feelings. It's totally OK to say "I'm sorry, but this relationship isn't right for me and I don't have time to spend on things that aren't working in my life" and leave it at that, but ghosting is brutal and cruel because they have no idea what is going on or if you'll ever come back, and they end up ruminating on it because you offered no closure. So their feelings are hurt for a very long time rather than a short time
@@creatureofstyle I'm not disagreeing with you,because it FEELS toxic,simply saying ,I thought it was a shitty thing only I did which somehow makes it feel that much worse ya know ,so reading someone else's words ,toxic or not just felt ,even a tiny bit.....better. My conflict avoidance is a curse that I despise ,yet haven't been able to change. I will walk away like I never knew you ,no matter how long or closely I have,before I will engage in unrest ,or disagreement that I see no chance of meeting in the middle on. Not out of fear ,but out of need for my own spirit to not be bothered with it. Sounds shitty I know, I wouldn't have chosen this personality trait had I been given the choice🤷🏻♀️
@@cbrown4293 You always have a choice. Therapy and healthy relationships can help you break those bad habits and form new mental pathways Facing your fears helps immensely as well. Things are never as bad as you think and you only find out by experiencing that fact... meaning doing the thing you fear will be terrible so that you see it really wasn't as bad as you thought.... and even if it is as bad as you thought then you can learn something from the experience to help you do better with future experiences and make it less painful going forward. I'm a feeler too so I know it can be hard to set your feeling aside, but I personally find that it helps to look at these things like a science experiment to help detach yourself from the outcome I understand what you meant by not being alone in the way you handle things and having that help you feel a little better, but seeking to fit in in that respect may not be the healthiest mindset 🙃
Yes, we ghost but we also get ghosted. I think it's ironic because it has to do with empathy. I can read people's emotions to the point that I can feel them. Sometimes this is overwhelming. I can only deal with so many emotions from so many people from so many places reverberating on me. Yes guilty of having past relationships where I maybe, in hindsight, saw my girlfriend as a project to fix or change because I had an idealized version of her in my head. Of course I thought I was being helpful. The concept of selfless and selfish is sometimes difficult to analyze properly. Like am I just helping someone because it makes me feel better or am I actually helping them? Yes we are cursed with these conundrums as other types go about their daily lives.
Nice video, yes I have a history of this behaviour...I like your content very much and the way you explain really helps understand the nuances of the different elements associated with the INFP. As a side note, im also fearful avoidant and wondered if ghosting is more a fearful avoidant or an INFP thing.
lovely video, very relatable, thank you! It took a long time to cut out my best friend because of them not treating me well, and it took me even longer to get over it. Sometimes I still do lament when I think of the past but it's for the best.
Once I'm done, walking away is so easy. I don't know that it is to avoid conflict, that person is seriously d e a d to me. I don't care what they think or how they feel. It takes so much to get me there.
guys ghosting is unbelievably rude. it amazes me how INFPs think this is a "conflict avoidant" behavior when it feels like the most escalatory thing you could possibly do. you could literally tell me i'm an awful person you regret meeting me and i should kill myself and i would be 98% less hurt than if you randomly went radio silent. it seems like you don't care about the other person's feelings at all, not even enough to tell them you dislike them and ask them to leave, they are just an insect to you that you'll crush silently and not even give it the decency of an eviction notice
💯 I couldn't agree more. It's like ripping a bandaid off quickly vs ripping it off as slowly as possible so that every single hair underneath pull out one by one in the most painful way possible. With the first one (telling them you hate them) the pain is quick and sharp but very brief and you move on, with the second one the pain lasts an eternity and you see no end in sight From the perspective of an ENFJ that was ghosted by an INFP
I very seldom ghost but when I do it's only when talking clearly doesn't work. If I've tried over and over again to explain, connect, compromise, or whatever and the person still refuses to listen what am I dealing with them for? That's a pointless waste of time.
Love your take on this subject. For many YEARS I tested out as an INFJ. While I could relate to a lot of the similarities, there were differences I noted. In November of 2022, I retested and got the result INFP!! I have since retested multiple times, each time receiving the same result. The more I delve into the INFP personality type, the more at home I feel! While I am “guilty” of door slamming, your particular insight on this has me further embracing my INFP typing. I tolerated SO much before going into door slam mode, always making excuses for/giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, regardless of logic. Thank you so much for affirming that INFP is my true type! I get so much value from your videos. Very grateful for your content!! 👍🏼👏🏼😍
When I've ghosted important people in my life, it's because I've felt overwhelmed by my perception of their betrayal or disloyalty. Putting together a coherent, rational conversation seems impossible at the time, because of feeling so emotionally choked up. After some years have gone by, it's been possible to reconnect by just "moving on", but not by rehashing the original injury.
Got ghosted by a girl who claimed to be an INFP around 9 months ago after 6 months of exclusively dating and sleeping together. I’ve never reached out to her ever since, but on some days (like today), I can’t help but think about what motivated her to do this. As an INFJ I have strong morals against ghosting behavior, especially when dating for a long time, so that’s what kept me from reaching out to her. But this experience has been the most heartbreaking experience in my life so far, my confusion about it only made it worse. Hoped to find an answer here, but I can’t think of any way I could have possibly offended her 😅 Good video anyways!
Bless you. I can completely relate. I'm an INFJ also and was dating an INFP and she came across very sincere and we clicked instantly. Dated for around a month/6 weeks and it was very intense for both of us but very healthy in terms of making sure both of our needs were met and we were respecting each others boundaries/insecurities. She was very forthcoming about her feelings, and I felt like I'd met my soulmate because we matched on every level. After spending a great weekend and sleeping together, she ended it via text 2 days later stating that although she thought I was this amazing and stunning person 'inside and out' she didn't feel the click and wasn't ready for a relationship (despite having discussed what we were both looking for). It went against everything she had said and how she had acted prior (including over the weekend) and I never heard from her again. This was 3 months ago and I'm still very much dealing with the pain and confusion of not understanding what had happened when there was such a strong bond, that was clearly on both sides. I too would love an INFP insight into what happened as it sounds like you've been through something similar. I'm sorry you've been through it too! ❤
I don't have an insight, but I do have a feeling that this girl was dealing with an internal struggle that had nothing to do with you, despite playing out in your relationship. If so, there could be a strong chance that you couldn't help her no matter the situation. I'm sorry for your turmoil.
I'm not sure I draw a line in the sand. It's more like I can't help giving them the benefit of the doubt ONE MORE TIME. But my Fi just won't allow anymore self abuse, and without me realizing it, my Fi draws the line in the sand for me. Then I trip over it in such a big way, that I end up doing an INFJ-like door slam. I'm a wreck until the internal fallout settles. But after that I'm so relieved, and I realize that I still have to work on recognizing people who never intend to respect anyone's boundaries.
I think the Enneagram can add a lot to this discussion: INFPs tend to be Enneagram Fours and Nines, both of which are withdrawn types, and both of which stress into compliant types (Two and Six). Withdrawn types tend to move away from people. In the cases of Fours and Nines, this is to avoid feelings of shame, anger, and conflict. Normally, this doesn't play out as a door slam or ghosting; instead, it tends to be a desire to keep a little distance, a little privacy, and/or a little autonomy out of an intrinsic sense of mistrust. The issue that comes into play is that both Fours and Nines inherently have the compliant tendencies of their Stress Point (Fours disintegrate into Twos and Nines disintegrate into Sixes), especially when stressed-for INFPs, that's whenever our Fi feels threatened. Compliant types tend to move toward people, "complying" to others' expectations, desires, etc. If we do that too much, and especially if we are forced into that too much, we can put ourselves in a state of stress that isn't healthy for us. It makes it hard for us to think straight and behave appropriately. So, in order to correct this, our minds force us to reintegrate into our normal withdrawn types (i.e., Four or Nine) by ghosting whomever is the source of our stress. Naturally, the healthy solution to this is integration. For a Type Nine, it is facing conflict to assert their own needs and expectations of the relationship. For a Type Four, it is overcoming fears of judgement in relationships, to not let others control their lives. And for any INFP, it's integrating their Inferior Te function, to embrace their own objective conclusions and enact control. There's a lot more to this, but I'll leave it to each person to research integration patterns for their own respective types.
I do it when i know ive done enough either that or the person does not deserve me having a final confrontation with them. I used to be more upfront and i still give chances, but i recognize now you cannot do that with everyone. I admit earlier in time i would do so because it was fear of confrontation but now i decide who is worthy of that based on their behavior especially if its people ive had around for a long time and they start thinking im a doormat.
I see what you mean about INFP's giving too many chances to toxic people. The INFP that ghosted me has a very toxic person in his life that he should have cut out years ago. The people around him all see that but he doesn't seem to However in my case we had 1 thing happen that was painful for both of us and despite the fact that I owned my part afterwards and apologized, he's completely ghosted me. He hasn't apologized for his part, he just cut me out of his life I don't understand. Is this the idealized person situation. Did he have me on such a pedestal that one slip up on my part caused his image of me to break and instead of getting to know me and valuing me for who I truly am rather than who he imagined I was he just decided to throw the whole thing out? I was always good to him, did a lot for him, took care of him, respected him, prioritized him. It's left me crushed and confused. A year later I'm still missing him and trying to understand
I feel like you are talking about two different things. When I have had enough and have left an abusive or toxic relationship it was very clear and boundary setting and was set forever. Ghosting a lot of the times is just I don’t really even know someone or I just get too busy with Ne and forget I didn’t respond to someone until it’s weird or they get annoyed
You’re right, I freestyled this video and was only going to talk about ghosting but then my Ne took me to the related topic of ending toxic relationships 😂 to be fair they are related, and all of my toxic relationships have ended in a ghosting of some sort
@@psychcasserole In my experience, still being young enough to not have put down roots yet and treat people "more like a number" as you said, can occasionally be to an INFP's benefit if a person is truly not good for them and needs to be left behind. I think back to when I distanced myself from a friend when I was about fifteen, and compare it with another friend who I distanced myself from when I was in my early thirties. I didn't glom on to the first one as much, so it was a lot easier to leave her. I didn't get caught up in my Ne thinking what if I would be wrong to leave her because of this, or what if that's going on and my leaving would only hurt her. But I did that very thing with the second friend, and that made it harder for me to see the unhealthy dynamics that were going on between him and me. Both of them were without a doubt people that I was right to cut off, but by chance, being young made it easier to do that with the first one.
if people dont wanna be ghosted why treat someone to the point where they feel the need to disappear? STOP insulting other people then they wont run away whats wrong with respecting each other and been nice? its true id rather run away instead of standing my ground to argue and tell someone they insulted me, i just assume they know full well what they did and why im not there no more so whats the point in explaining? be nice like im been nice to you or im gone it doesnt cost much to never insult your friends.
I'm an ENFJ 2w3 and I got ghosted by an INFP. I still don't really know why. Especially since I heard a song he wrote where he talks about how good and kind I was to him, but that if I cared I would have stuck around. He was the one who violated my boundaries and wasn't treating me very well so I told him I needed space. He responded by ghosting me When he ghosted I saw that as an unspoken boundary and gave him space... did he expect me to show up on his doorstep unannounced? It's all so confusing
But also, I'm curious... If they insulted you, realized their mistake, owed their actions and apologized would you still ghost? Or once it's done that's it and you just cut them out regardless of whether they want to make it up to you
![YoungBoy Never Broke Again - Missing Everything [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dTYeMZGzOzw/mqdefault.jpg)
"(INFPs) go out of their way to let you know that they're not gonna let you know anything." Guilty as charged! 😆
Indeed 🤣🤣🤣
i do fading more than ghosting coz i don't want them to even notice that they're being cut out
I will ghost someone who betrays me. Quickly.
Ah. I'm fearful avoidant and made a career out of ghosting people at one point in my life where I think I did consider myself an expert...especially in my early to mid-twenties I was nearly oblivious to the fact that I was doing it.
Great, relatable topic, as always👍🏼 Along with regular ghosting, I have done preemptive ghosting ("I must make sure I never encounter this scary/aggressive/boundary-disrespecting person again!") and inadvertent ghosting ("Oh no! I've been in my head so much, I haven't called/texted this nice person that I really like in two years! How terrible...now my Fi hurts!) I kinda ghosted my last full-time (toxic environment) job. I caught covid and emailed my supervisor that I wasn't coming back while I was quarantined. Not proud of that, but I guess that was my conflict-avoidant way of dealing with the toxic situation there.
I actually hate being ghosted and therefore I don't ghost people very much at all, I just don't give very many people my number. Also, it really hurts when feeling the need to resort to cut someone I care about out of my life, which is why it usually takes a lot (and I mean a LOT) for me to do. It's an absolute LAST resort for me. I can however still relate to what you're describing bc I have wanted to *ghost* people SO many times! It just hurts my feelings so much when others do this to me that I usually can't bring myself to do it for longer than maybe a few days at most. 😅
I love that you’re making an effort to not ghost others 😊
As an INFJ I completely see this but have inner turmoils about ghosting. Personally I challenge myself to not ghost anymore. Things happen within your life that makes you think of the time you have left in this world, either with someone you care\love or within your own life. I’ve come to realize it’s my own immaturity that causes this and it has been a much better place on this beautiful blue marble when I stopped ghosting or, for that matter, cutting people out of my life. I knew it was my issue and have grow to realize it. I still struggle with it but the epiphany of my arrogance made me rethink this and I’m sooooo much happier for it. Thank you for the interesting video. You bring a heartfelt realism to each. Peace
I don't know if other INFP also do this but I also ghost people because I feel like I don't like their energy and something feels odd with them that I can't really explain. It just feels like this person is not the right person for me, not the person I wanna hang out with but I really don't know how to tell those people that when I can't really explain it myself. I think they would not understand and it would hurt them unnecessarily and I think they would interpret things in it that aren't there. I could not give them a real reason for my decision and they would probably argument against it and I would not have real arguments against their arguments to stand to my point so I would need to meet them again... So I just ghost them
No matter how brutal your words were, saying nothing and just ghosting will still hurt 1,000x more
It's far more mature and respectful to just explain your feelings as clearly as possible first. If they don't listen or try to convince you otherwise then that's their problem and you're well within your rights not to have to explain yourself a second time
I just read myself in your words ,I thought I was just a super toxic, sketchy person because I can't give u the "why" I am acting like this I just KNOW something isn't right ,and I don't know where and u maybe havent done a thing,but I am done sharing air with you and crazy as it is, dumb as it seems to others ,it's easiest for me to just NOT. POOF,I'm gone
@@cbrown4293 Sorry, but that IS toxic. It shows utter disregard for other people's feelings. It's totally OK to say "I'm sorry, but this relationship isn't right for me and I don't have time to spend on things that aren't working in my life" and leave it at that, but ghosting is brutal and cruel because they have no idea what is going on or if you'll ever come back, and they end up ruminating on it because you offered no closure. So their feelings are hurt for a very long time rather than a short time
@@creatureofstyle I'm not disagreeing with you,because it FEELS toxic,simply saying ,I thought it was a shitty thing only I did which somehow makes it feel that much worse ya know ,so reading someone else's words ,toxic or not just felt ,even a tiny bit.....better. My conflict avoidance is a curse that I despise ,yet haven't been able to change. I will walk away like I never knew you ,no matter how long or closely I have,before I will engage in unrest ,or disagreement that I see no chance of meeting in the middle on. Not out of fear ,but out of need for my own spirit to not be bothered with it. Sounds shitty I know, I wouldn't have chosen this personality trait had I been given the choice🤷🏻♀️
@@cbrown4293 You always have a choice. Therapy and healthy relationships can help you break those bad habits and form new mental pathways
Facing your fears helps immensely as well. Things are never as bad as you think and you only find out by experiencing that fact... meaning doing the thing you fear will be terrible so that you see it really wasn't as bad as you thought.... and even if it is as bad as you thought then you can learn something from the experience to help you do better with future experiences and make it less painful going forward. I'm a feeler too so I know it can be hard to set your feeling aside, but I personally find that it helps to look at these things like a science experiment to help detach yourself from the outcome
I understand what you meant by not being alone in the way you handle things and having that help you feel a little better, but seeking to fit in in that respect may not be the healthiest mindset 🙃
Yes, we ghost but we also get ghosted. I think it's ironic because it has to do with empathy. I can read people's emotions to the point that I can feel them. Sometimes this is overwhelming. I can only deal with so many emotions from so many people from so many places reverberating on me. Yes guilty of having past relationships where I maybe, in hindsight, saw my girlfriend as a project to fix or change because I had an idealized version of her in my head. Of course I thought I was being helpful. The concept of selfless and selfish is sometimes difficult to analyze properly. Like am I just helping someone because it makes me feel better or am I actually helping them? Yes we are cursed with these conundrums as other types go about their daily lives.
Well said, INFP brother or sister!
Nice video, yes I have a history of this behaviour...I like your content very much and the way you explain really helps understand the nuances of the different elements associated with the INFP. As a side note, im also fearful avoidant and wondered if ghosting is more a fearful avoidant or an INFP thing.
I’ll have to do a video on that very soon 😊
@@psychcasserole nice one 👍
i effing love you from one infp to another infp.
lovely video, very relatable, thank you! It took a long time to cut out my best friend because of them not treating me well, and it took me even longer to get over it. Sometimes I still do lament when I think of the past but it's for the best.
Once I'm done, walking away is so easy. I don't know that it is to avoid conflict, that person is seriously d e a d to me. I don't care what they think or how they feel. It takes so much to get me there.
guys ghosting is unbelievably rude. it amazes me how INFPs think this is a "conflict avoidant" behavior when it feels like the most escalatory thing you could possibly do. you could literally tell me i'm an awful person you regret meeting me and i should kill myself and i would be 98% less hurt than if you randomly went radio silent. it seems like you don't care about the other person's feelings at all, not even enough to tell them you dislike them and ask them to leave, they are just an insect to you that you'll crush silently and not even give it the decency of an eviction notice
Naval I’m so sad to hear that this behavior seems way to you, and it can be very hurtful. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
💯 I couldn't agree more. It's like ripping a bandaid off quickly vs ripping it off as slowly as possible so that every single hair underneath pull out one by one in the most painful way possible. With the first one (telling them you hate them) the pain is quick and sharp but very brief and you move on, with the second one the pain lasts an eternity and you see no end in sight
From the perspective of an ENFJ that was ghosted by an INFP
This is me 100%!!
Big time resonates with me. Thanks mate. From one INFP to another! 🙌🏻
I very seldom ghost but when I do it's only when talking clearly doesn't work. If I've tried over and over again to explain, connect, compromise, or whatever and the person still refuses to listen what am I dealing with them for? That's a pointless waste of time.
Yeah it becomes a waste at that point. Thanks for watching and for your comment 😊
I definitely ghost, if I'm ending a friendship/ relationship. But I do ask for what I need😊
Love your take on this subject. For many YEARS I tested out as an INFJ. While I could relate to a lot of the similarities, there were differences I noted. In November of 2022, I retested and got the result INFP!! I have since retested multiple times, each time receiving the same result. The more I delve into the INFP personality type, the more at home I feel! While I am “guilty” of door slamming, your particular insight on this has me further embracing my INFP typing. I tolerated SO much before going into door slam mode, always making excuses for/giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, regardless of logic. Thank you so much for affirming that INFP is my true type! I get so much value from your videos. Very grateful for your content!! 👍🏼👏🏼😍
Theresa I appreciate it so much and I’m glad to affirm your type 😊
You can lose a lot of people who love you that way
When I've ghosted important people in my life, it's because I've felt overwhelmed by my perception of their betrayal or disloyalty. Putting together a coherent, rational conversation seems impossible at the time, because of feeling so emotionally choked up.
After some years have gone by, it's been possible to reconnect by just "moving on", but not by rehashing the original injury.
Got ghosted by a girl who claimed to be an INFP around 9 months ago after 6 months of exclusively dating and sleeping together. I’ve never reached out to her ever since, but on some days (like today), I can’t help but think about what motivated her to do this. As an INFJ I have strong morals against ghosting behavior, especially when dating for a long time, so that’s what kept me from reaching out to her. But this experience has been the most heartbreaking experience in my life so far, my confusion about it only made it worse. Hoped to find an answer here, but I can’t think of any way I could have possibly offended her 😅 Good video anyways!
Bless you. I can completely relate. I'm an INFJ also and was dating an INFP and she came across very sincere and we clicked instantly. Dated for around a month/6 weeks and it was very intense for both of us but very healthy in terms of making sure both of our needs were met and we were respecting each others boundaries/insecurities. She was very forthcoming about her feelings, and I felt like I'd met my soulmate because we matched on every level. After spending a great weekend and sleeping together, she ended it via text 2 days later stating that although she thought I was this amazing and stunning person 'inside and out' she didn't feel the click and wasn't ready for a relationship (despite having discussed what we were both looking for). It went against everything she had said and how she had acted prior (including over the weekend) and I never heard from her again. This was 3 months ago and I'm still very much dealing with the pain and confusion of not understanding what had happened when there was such a strong bond, that was clearly on both sides. I too would love an INFP insight into what happened as it sounds like you've been through something similar. I'm sorry you've been through it too! ❤
I don't have an insight, but I do have a feeling that this girl was dealing with an internal struggle that had nothing to do with you, despite playing out in your relationship. If so, there could be a strong chance that you couldn't help her no matter the situation. I'm sorry for your turmoil.
@@julieolson1402true
Si is a good thing, remembering all good an bad
I'm not sure I draw a line in the sand. It's more like I can't help giving them the benefit of the doubt ONE MORE TIME. But my Fi just won't allow anymore self abuse, and without me realizing it, my Fi draws the line in the sand for me. Then I trip over it in such a big way, that I end up doing an INFJ-like door slam. I'm a wreck until the internal fallout settles. But after that I'm so relieved, and I realize that I still have to work on recognizing people who never intend to respect anyone's boundaries.
I think the Enneagram can add a lot to this discussion:
INFPs tend to be Enneagram Fours and Nines, both of which are withdrawn types, and both of which stress into compliant types (Two and Six). Withdrawn types tend to move away from people. In the cases of Fours and Nines, this is to avoid feelings of shame, anger, and conflict. Normally, this doesn't play out as a door slam or ghosting; instead, it tends to be a desire to keep a little distance, a little privacy, and/or a little autonomy out of an intrinsic sense of mistrust.
The issue that comes into play is that both Fours and Nines inherently have the compliant tendencies of their Stress Point (Fours disintegrate into Twos and Nines disintegrate into Sixes), especially when stressed-for INFPs, that's whenever our Fi feels threatened. Compliant types tend to move toward people, "complying" to others' expectations, desires, etc. If we do that too much, and especially if we are forced into that too much, we can put ourselves in a state of stress that isn't healthy for us. It makes it hard for us to think straight and behave appropriately. So, in order to correct this, our minds force us to reintegrate into our normal withdrawn types (i.e., Four or Nine) by ghosting whomever is the source of our stress.
Naturally, the healthy solution to this is integration. For a Type Nine, it is facing conflict to assert their own needs and expectations of the relationship. For a Type Four, it is overcoming fears of judgement in relationships, to not let others control their lives. And for any INFP, it's integrating their Inferior Te function, to embrace their own objective conclusions and enact control. There's a lot more to this, but I'll leave it to each person to research integration patterns for their own respective types.
I do it when i know ive done enough either that or the person does not deserve me having a final confrontation with them. I used to be more upfront and i still give chances, but i recognize now you cannot do that with everyone. I admit earlier in time i would do so because it was fear of confrontation but now i decide who is worthy of that based on their behavior especially if its people ive had around for a long time and they start thinking im a doormat.
I see what you mean about INFP's giving too many chances to toxic people. The INFP that ghosted me has a very toxic person in his life that he should have cut out years ago. The people around him all see that but he doesn't seem to
However in my case we had 1 thing happen that was painful for both of us and despite the fact that I owned my part afterwards and apologized, he's completely ghosted me. He hasn't apologized for his part, he just cut me out of his life
I don't understand. Is this the idealized person situation. Did he have me on such a pedestal that one slip up on my part caused his image of me to break and instead of getting to know me and valuing me for who I truly am rather than who he imagined I was he just decided to throw the whole thing out? I was always good to him, did a lot for him, took care of him, respected him, prioritized him. It's left me crushed and confused. A year later I'm still missing him and trying to understand
An infp i dated ghosted me , so my guess i wasn't good enought ,or bad at reading things 😅
I feel like you are talking about two different things. When I have had enough and have left an abusive or toxic relationship it was very clear and boundary setting and was set forever. Ghosting a lot of the times is just I don’t really even know someone or I just get too busy with Ne and forget I didn’t respond to someone until it’s weird or they get annoyed
You’re right, I freestyled this video and was only going to talk about ghosting but then my Ne took me to the related topic of ending toxic relationships 😂 to be fair they are related, and all of my toxic relationships have ended in a ghosting of some sort
@@psychcasserole In my experience, still being young enough to not have put down roots yet and treat people "more like a number" as you said, can occasionally be to an INFP's benefit if a person is truly not good for them and needs to be left behind.
I think back to when I distanced myself from a friend when I was about fifteen, and compare it with another friend who I distanced myself from when I was in my early thirties. I didn't glom on to the first one as much, so it was a lot easier to leave her.
I didn't get caught up in my Ne thinking what if I would be wrong to leave her because of this, or what if that's going on and my leaving would only hurt her.
But I did that very thing with the second friend, and that made it harder for me to see the unhealthy dynamics that were going on between him and me.
Both of them were without a doubt people that I was right to cut off, but by chance, being young made it easier to do that with the first one.
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if people dont wanna be ghosted why treat someone to the point where they feel the need to disappear? STOP insulting other people then they wont run away whats wrong with respecting each other and been nice? its true id rather run away instead of standing my ground to argue and tell someone they insulted me, i just assume they know full well what they did and why im not there no more so whats the point in explaining? be nice like im been nice to you or im gone it doesnt cost much to never insult your friends.
I'm an ENFJ 2w3 and I got ghosted by an INFP. I still don't really know why. Especially since I heard a song he wrote where he talks about how good and kind I was to him, but that if I cared I would have stuck around. He was the one who violated my boundaries and wasn't treating me very well so I told him I needed space. He responded by ghosting me
When he ghosted I saw that as an unspoken boundary and gave him space... did he expect me to show up on his doorstep unannounced? It's all so confusing
But also, I'm curious... If they insulted you, realized their mistake, owed their actions and apologized would you still ghost? Or once it's done that's it and you just cut them out regardless of whether they want to make it up to you