When You Can't Let Go of the Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 8 фев 2025
- When you can’t let go of the narcissist "I've been a victim three times of narcissism my mother my first husband and my biggest star of all con-artist second husband. I'm lucky I walked away with my life. Stupidly enough I fell head over heels with his charm especially at my first husband cheated on me and I met my second husband a week later. The rest is history after 13 years of calling me almost everything I have I'm back on my feet and started to operate my business again. And my sick mind I still love him so much and craving for the happy times we had. It's hard to let go. Everybody around me thinks I'm crazy."
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
For me it WAS the idea. I would never want to go back to my ex narcissist, but I am stuck on the idea of what I thought it was. In the beginning it was a fantasy life of beaches, summer ,promises and a future family. It was my innocence that I mourn. Not really her.
bmb6, Same.
bmb6 same here. Unfortunately I can relate to your pain. So sad.
Omg.... the beaches, the vacations the saving for the future together, the marriage plans, the house plans, the cards and loving gifts, the I love you’s ... the dreams and the fake love.
Same. Summer... beaches. Meteor showers.. magic.
What an exact expression of my feeling .it is my innocence that I mourn too .Not him anymore
It's that hug we needed when we were small. I've been chasing it for for over 60 years. :(
Are you still chasing the hug? This comment was 2 years ago... Did you get free from the abuse? Did you find real love yet?
This is he deepest pain ever felt. Now that my eyes have been opened I see just how many I have attracted into my life.
Really trying hard to let this man that I loved go but it's so hurtful being replaced, knowing he just threw me away.
Knowing this all comes from being raised by a narc mom makes me dig deep to heal but damn it's heartbreaking.
Is anyone real anymore?
Can so relate. Keep at it Lynde, WE are worth it!
Lynda, I can so identify with what you shared. I was also raised by a narc mother. She passed away when I was sixteen but the damage had been done. Plus I also endured years of a abusive by a step-father at the same time. There is so much anger and heartbreak from my childhood but as the video says I went forward as everything/I was doing okay. Unfortunately, now as an adult it still affects my relationships. As my eyes opened to what the truth was it broke my heart, now and for the child I was. Looking back on two marriages and other intimate relationships I realized to one degree or another I kept getting involved with a narc.Of course I didn't consciously do so, didn't even know what a narc/cluster B was. I've learned fairly recently as well how far back this went. Didn't any of them truly love me? Did any of them really care about me? It makes you question as you said, "is anyone real anymore?" I've been asking the same question. My last relationship of nearly four years ended just a few months ago, things were so off it led me to start looking for answers. That's when my eyes were opened. It hurt like hell knowing I loved him so much but as a narc he never did love me. Huge pill to swallow! Made me feel like, damn did anyone ever love me that I had been in a relationship with? So, Lynda I feel your pain deeply. I know what you are going through. It hurts a lot to let go, very difficult to let go when that's all you've known. Not sure where to go from here, but I can't close my eyes again. My heart is broken, but the reality is I can' keep pretending everything is okay anymore. So big hugs to you, and know that there are real people out there somewhere. I will keep trying to believe it too.
PeepersChameleon my story is ur story so, no need 4 me to repeat that...hope Lynde gets some solace from knowing shez not alone...
Lynde Thomas I'm going through the exact same thing right now I feel your pain.its heart breaking 💔
Lynde Thomas The hardest part really is feeling discarded like trash. My ex threw away a painting I gave him that I had worked on for a while. Symbolic of how little they actually cared about us, don't you think?
I know it's tough. One of the worst pains is losing the person you love with all your heart and they could careless if your alive or dead. This time last year I was a emotional mess. I would send emails to her saying how much i loved and how much I miss her but no response. She never replied back to me and what I know now she never will.
Now I'm seeing the big picture about what and who she really is and it took me a year to realize she never really loved me. For anyone going though this pain your not alone. I know it sucks because it doesn't go away it stays with you. I lived it and I'm slowly getting better. I've worked on myself more. Get to know yourself. Take it one day at a time most importantly LOVE yourself more. :)
This is the toughest, to come to terms that they never really loved us. Mine criticize me about my weight all the time, 9 yrs of hearing it its tough to build back my esteem for months broken up now...sigh, loving myself is a challenge but glad to hear that you are getting better, giving me some hope.
Thanks for sharing this.
RuLa ARamBuLa Thank you...going through it now
Im fighting This right now. Hate her, but am obsessed
Im going through this right now.
I've been narc free for 4 wks. I've stopped all contact. been watching narc videos non stop. it helps keep me strong & I'm starting to focus on my own goals again & my kids. I'm seeing a counsellor & starting the healing process from 4 years of narc abuse. Its hard to let go but your videos & other videos have helped me so much to see what was really going on. it was not my fault at all.
How are you now after some time?
@@davila3989 Was about to ask the same thx Michael; Trae?
This video helped me realize my core wound may be loneliness, which is shocking to me.
Thx...blessings...i believe we want our abusers to be sorry for hurting us and want their love and approval more than anyone.
Yess I left and still texting him sugar coating my words to make him see that he hurts me but he still don’t see it. And I’m so mad at myself for doing that if I could erase the messages back I would but it’s too late
@@Sun_rah1 we understand...it does get better,...work on urself...heal why u put up with it
I was deeply rejected as a child and am now still going through that on a relationship. I've left like 5 times at this point, but keep going back in. Its exhausting. I'm tired of the rejection. Need to get strong and go, again....
l won't never heal,
if l stay with my husband.
been waiting for a video like this.
never knew some one could feel soo incredible lonely and be married, feel he's emotionally abandoned me. but wants to string me along, he get's great pleasure from my pain levels. it feeds his sick soul.
Yeah it does; its demonic possession; your lost soul feeds thier empty soul...harsh to get; but its the damn truth..you feed THEM..while you are dying...there will be no thanks after they suck you dry..
I met my abuser at a support group. I didn’t even think about there being predators there. This video is so great.
there's soooooo much material in this video it's meant to be watched a trillion times . this is worth thousands of dollars in therapy . walking angel on earth xox thank you
IT IS hard to let go. And it's confusing. Because at first they obsessively want YOU, then you "fall for them" and then YOU are left with all the feelings they never returned, and it makes you feel like YOU need THEM.
It's so painful and damaging.
I've commented about my friend most recently (THANK GOD I had my head on straight and married a wonderful man!) but I have been a victim five times before her that I can recall. All of them have been damaging beyond belief. I tend to be taken in by sad or needy stories, immediately wanting the person to feel better OR feel they have a place to belong. I think the one I'm trying to let go of now is the second most difficult because I was coming out of vulnerability and into strength when I met her. I almost feel all the strength I gained went into her, and now she's discarding me at a low point because she feels the need for a new start and feels better about herself.
Anyway, I know my motives in friendship and I know they're healthy UNLESS I tangle with a disordered/toxic person then and only then do I myself begin to behave in ways I don't normally. The addiction to toxic people is very real in my life.
One of my goals is once my kids are in school, I'm getting therapy/counselling so this doesn't happen to me again. Every person is worthy of strong, supportive and healthy relationships that are reciprocated, including me. So I will be getting guidance on that.
I digress.
One of the biggest confusions in this case with my friend is it was both her AND me who said, "oh we are so alike!!!" Except I wasn't mirroring her, I just thought we WERE so much alike. Ugh. I cannot CANNOT believe I fell for it AGAIN.
First paragraph is exactly it. My exact situation. Especially when they fall first and then you finally open up and catch feelings too and they just change
EFT tapping is really helpful. There are hundreds of free RUclips videos you can follow along with. It has cured soldiers' PTSD and many other issues. I use Brad Yates videos and sometimes adjust the scripts to accommodate my Christian beliefs.
Talk therapy didn't help me and was super expensive. Cognitive therapy did help me quite a bit. But EFT/tapping was far faster. Don't judge it right away. I didn't get results until I'd done 30-60+ hours of tapping on various topics...then it started compounding in it's effectiveness. I tap about 5-15 minutes everyday now just to stay clear and Narc free.
That first paragraph is my last 3 relationships. They want you so bad but don't know how to love you back. They are selfish, have issues from their childhood, cheat then make you feel as if no one loves you but them. You believe the lies until you are left with no one and nothing.
wow that woman who said they are a more sophisticated model was spot on! They don,t have to beat you and call you names.I found myself saying "Oh at least he doesn,t hit me" Wow how sad that I felt like I had to boast about this,how embarassing. We move towards these idiots because we think through them we can solve childhood traumas.
You are right on as always the rejection has been devastating , but you have taught me that true love is not suppose to hurt. Knowledge is power and the more I learn about what has caused the trauma in my life the closer I will get to healing. Thank you Ms. Meredith.
Wow! After only five minutes in....... You nailed it again, I could have written this letter. 4 years of strict no contact and after all that time, I realized I had shelved the feelings that went along with the decision to withdraw contact. Just this past holiday I realized I hadn't been able to create the new nurturing relationships I want because there was no room with all the stuff I was holding onto! Four years with no presence in my life EXCEPT the room I gave her in my head. I never believed I had "irrational" loyalty to that extent! That trauma bond is powerful stuff!! Thank you!
I totally understand how this happens.
The core feeling is definitely my child hood wounds.
He pretends to be the loving caring person then turns it all around and picks at the wounds with abuse.
Sweet mean cycle is the biggest torture for me.
Future faking lures me in.
It is still showing up and I realized that I needed to be stronger. I needed to stay committed to my own boundaries. It's hard especially if you still have feelings for this person, even though they are incredibly insensitive. It is so frustrating because they tell you that you are the problem or that you need to heal your own wounds. They tell you that you are projecting your own stuff yet it's really them projecting. I hit a wall and finally said no more. I am done. I am recognizing the truth of the person and then seeing how they are not what I thought they were.
So well put, Meredith!
As I healed my brain with EMDR therapy, I recognized that I cannot heal anyone.
As a child, I thought that if I were a GOOD girl, I could show my daddy that I loved him and he would love me back.
With my first husband, a soft alcoholic, I couldn't heal him, and now, with my second (a covert narcissist), I've come to realize that I can't heal him, either!
So, with "radical self care" - I LOVE this term, Meredith, and use it a lot since hearing it from your videos - I've learned to heal that "lonely" part of myself. I believe that I can see the wound in individuals, recognize that it is there and is THEIRS TO HEAL.
I don't need narcissists to show me my wound any longer. It's healed!
Seems we live in society of throw away people. Rejection is my childhood hurt, as being adopted and not being told until 13 yrs of age, by a parent that wanted revenge on the other. And that did set a pattern of relationships in my life. Am now 70 years, getting stronger and smarter about handling others in my life. Thank you for sharing this information.
I think loneliness is my main wound. It has gotten better, but I dont feel ready to meet anyone yet. I do worry because im almost 50 now and feel like time is running out for me to be in a truly loving relationship. I think this feeling comes from not being able to look back in reference to what a healthy relationship is and not having a true grasp on where I am exactly in my life. .But I know I can never give up. Recovery has been a full time job since this started 10 months ago. And there doesn't seem to be anything else I can do except do the work because I seem to not be interested in much else since then
What you said, John, really resonates-especially with regard to age and not giving up having embarked pn this process.
For me, what helps is taking a big-picture approach. Understanding that our time on earth is limited-being realistic about that and knowing that as much as I crave a true, loving relationship, if it never happens, I have the promise of eternal love and happiness with my Father in heaven. Additionally, although I still feel lonely it's nothing like the feeling before the healing started-at least we now understand the pain and can reason with ourselves. I will err on the side of caution and trust God to reveal safe people. Having endured narc parents and four "relationships" with narcs, I will remain alone before I entertain another. God bless you.
Hope you have a good day Lynn. God bless you and thank you
yes it's a full time job and so worth it! :)
That is sad .I was raised by a narcissist and can totally relate. As long as you realize what had been going on , you have an excellent chance at a real loving relationship more so than the majority of people out there
I'm similar and 53. Some believe in many lives and with that belief system we can be motivated by improving this life in preparation for the next without the worry of limited time. Just a thought.
This is so true. I felt completely lonely after the narc discarded me again and again. Always after he lovebombed me and hoovered me back, the next step was discarding me. The first time I was totally and completely in shock and felt Horrible. Couldn’t understand it. Yesterday he was so romantic, Why ? Why discard me now? What did I do?
And I noticed a feeling I hadn’t felt for a long time...a feeling I felt since childhood....the deep lonelyness and worthlesness. Abandonend from love, thrown away like garbage, failed to be the wonderfull daughter, the child who was worth my mom.
I was very shocked that I suddenly felt like 4 years old again! And the shocking part was that the narc gave me that same feeling, which I had forgotten!
Now I know he was a narc, and my parents are narcs. Still recovering, still feeling alone, but I remind myself over and over again it was all fake, nothing was true and he used me for his fuel. It wasn’t real. And my gutfeelings weren’t crazy like he wanted to convince I was: totally crazy. He was totally crazy, not me.
Yea babe your going crazy
@@light9906 Gross. Get lost.
Roo stfu
I have tried to leave so many times and just keep going back.
I always go weak with his sweet words. The mental abuse just gets worse.
Wow....when you mentioned you thought he just had insecurity issues but were corrected that he was just a *sophisticated* narcissist my jaw dropped. I did the EXACT same thing with my husband and now my mind is blown that I missed it over the last 5 years. O_O THANK YOU for this!
meredith uve always said, its not love its addiction...this is so true and profound...but difficult for some of us to unwrap...! ♡ ty for all ur help...
I am disgusted and devastated but your videos(I can't recall how I found them) have made me see that I'm dealing with much more than a sex addict here. He is a manipulator and a liar and quite frankly a pervert and definitely falls somewhere in this personality spectrum. It's been a rough road, he stills makes me feel small and worthless somehow even though I know the truth. He isn't telling his family or anyone the truth and is fine with everyone hating me and blaming me for our break-up and feeling sorry for him! It's literally taking all my strength to stay afloat and in one piece for my children. Anyway, thank you, things actually make more sense to me now after watching some of your videos. I thought maybe I was going insane, the way he was blaming me. Stop playing a victim he'd say or I'm lazy or unmotivated or I haven't changed in fifteen years and he's made great changes in the last year and this happened all for the best. All to make me doubt myself and my self value. Sooo many mind games. I don't know where he falls on the spectrum but it sure isn't healthy! Thanks Meredith. (Sorry for the length!)
My ex was a pervert too, and I seem to keep attracting these womanizer types. :( ...I feel your pain X
Crystal Rolfe It's amazing how we all feel like we are talking about the same person.
Crystal Rolfe ugh. So sad for you. I am in the same shoes. I wish i could walk away. But with kids, i know this person would make my life hell.
I’ve noticed they always say stuff like “you don’t understand me”, or “stop playing the victim”, they are so manipulative and evil that they make it all feel like you are the one at fault and not them. They are masters at making us feel small and insignificant
Melisha Naidoo Wow! My ex's favorite phrases to me. But I realized recently that he was and is the victim. Victim to his childhood and enduring whatever abuse inflicted on him by his mother. Smh. And I didn't understand him until after he discarded me almost 5 months ago because I had no idea what a narcissist even was. I'm so grateful for Meredith and her teachings. And for beautiful unicorns like you who have come through the fire! Blessings to you
It hurts more when no one can understand you. Even my friends they just judge me and blame for staying with him. So sad how I look so stupid for them. No one can understand the pain.
@B F thanks. Hugs from ph.
These videos are so life saving. I just found out that I'm CPTSD & not PTSD only. Things are beginning to fall into place & making a lot more sense. I'm doing better than I thought I ever could. These videos lead me into the right direction & how I have discovered my husband was a narcissist. I was able to ask him for a trial separation. His answer is ghosting since 3/26. I must get my health in tact before I can do much of anything. You are so right about the idea. My mother was a narc & with her bare hands & caused an brain embolism. No closure! Now, my entire family is over. How does a mother handle it! Believe me, I don't want another man. I have been attacked by so many narcs, I doubt I want another man! Also, while I'm trying to heal & don't exactly know who I'm. People have been so mean to me & darn right abusive. No understanding, so I have been isolating.
people like you are helping me. 6 years and on my own now 7 months. I still experience panic when I go outside amongst people I feel different somehow, I understand what happened to me now but struggle a lot find it hard to structure my day end up just feeling isolated but its where I feel OK.
This message touched me more than most of the messages I have heard and makes sense.
Your statement of, recognize what it was about that relationship that attached you to that person. That it probably goes back to the initial feeling of invalidation, abandonment, etc, that our parents molded us into that we have grown to receive.
This was an a-ha moment for me! We must recognize where the original origin of abuse stems from to heal in these dysfunctional relationships! Amazing!
Thank you SO very much!! You have it down to a T!! That Core Feeling !!!
When I get in the space of wanting to see him I imagine what it would be like to be married to the creature.
This sends me back to reality.
You are so on point. After 15 years with my last narcissist, I realize he really is just a more sophisticated version of my father. It's really hard when you're calling out the Familiar. Thanks for all you do.
I'm going through this pathological loneliness right now. The pain is horrible
I want to get back to me.
Omg!!! Her story is exactly like mine!! I think a narc mother is the most devastating thing!! It so keeps you from seeing the truth because it's your most early and basic and necessary connection! Your advice is on the dot, Meredith!! Thanks a million!
You are SO SPOT ON when you say it stems from childhood...that lonely/rejected feeling is EXACTLY from childhood..wanting or desiring that person to stay & not leave or to try and have someone who is obviously unavailable...smh ...wow. & YES those SAME ppl will CONTINUE to show up in your life SOPHISTICATEDLY!!! SO RIGHT!! smh man oh man. We do have to take time to address these issues or thistle keep happening
Ugh! I found myself in my car at 2 am trying to find him after he showed up uninvited to a party I was at! He was drinking heavily and driving and it made me worry for him.
After chasing down a truck in the fog that turned out not to be his something snapped in my head and at that point I realized, whoa! Wait a minute, I’ve got way to much to loose to be acting like this insane person doing these crazy things. My life isn’t that bad that I need to be lowering myself to levels this low. I unblocked him and sent him a text saying just that and that I was going home and that this is goodbye forever. Re-blocked! God give me strength this time. Thanks for your words. Very helpful.
Wow, so valuable about the core issues of loneliness and rejection. Rejection is HUGE with me. I've been seeing this now for a few years and looking back at the past for times when I was rejected or felt rejected. Total trigger. Even with my dog if she didn't listen I felt so mad like how dare she. It's been and still is a struggle but seeing it has been the most valuable part. Thank you!
This is the best explanation of both sides that I have ever heard. It cleared up a lot that I have been wondering . I knew I wasn't crazy lol .
William Francis me too! I can finally say I am sane.
Pete walkers CPTSD from surviving to thriving has been a big help to me!
You are an angel. So full of knowledge and helping people heal. Thank you for your videos. Dealing with a break up with narc number 2. She mirrored me for 8 months with the typical love bombing, then an amazing vacation together then a discard out of nowhere. Then the triangle with another guy in the picture and the hole rest of the mess to follow. She was a very sophisticated model of my first narc. Im shocked how this vid explained my life. Been alone for 11 months now, hopeing to heal soon from this hurt but it seems relentless. Dealing with this extreme loneliness right now not wanting to date at all at the momment though. Longest time I have been without a girlfriend. I know I have to keep going and stay strong intell I do the inner healing and this pain goes away. I feel this is my only chance to have a healthy relationship, when I get to the point where I can stand in my power.
Wow amazing words. A wonderful friend sent this to me and I have people in mind already that need to hear this, as well. Your words really resonate and everything you addressed feels like I'm the person who wrote in. Finally, I'm single for 6 months after a 7 yr relationship. He is an abusive, sociopathic, narcissist. The writer hit it right on the nose as to me feeling like a crazy person. Looking back and knowing I allowed that abuse for so long is embarrassing. I most definitely held on to the good times and dismissed, repeatedly, the terrible times. Wanted that person to change for myself and our children so badly. Even though deep down knew that it wasn't going to happen. The loneliness wound is what I've been harbouring. Wanting that comfort of not being a single mom, a single person, surrounded by couples. Our first child together died and I was crazy for a long time, definitely co-dependent. Just didn't have the strength or mind set to get out for so long. Thank you so much for this video, it is so much appreciated. Thank you to whom ever wrote in. I am sending you a hug, good thoughts and hope that you find healing. I'm just now learning how to heal myself. This video is such a great help. Hugs to you Meredith.
I never even considered my childhood trauma. I lost my father when I was 8. I don't have many of his memories but I do remember always being afraid of him. His aggressive behavior and his overt nature of insulting my mother and all her family. He used to be so capricious with his emotions and physically abusive. I think he was an Overt Narcissist. And just now I got out of a 3 years old relationship with a covert narcissist. She fucked me up completely, and yet I feel so drawn to her. You're right, this was because of my childhood wounds of loneliness and of rejection. It's fucked up. Gosh I'm so fucked up.
Wow same here father died when I was 8 and treated my mom n family the same way ... wowwww
No! you are figuring out and not fucked up.
Mine are both parents . I finally saw it last year. I have been a scapegoat for too long. . I've lost aunts uncles , sister and brother to triangulation. So hard.
This DOES hurt like hell!!
omg trauma bonding. insane loyalty was exactly where i was..wow
Me too,
Insane loyalty to abuser while I abandon myself .....childhood pattern from early years for me
Meredith, you are amazing. I’m certain the Universe has allowed me to find you. Your videos are helping me sort through a lot of issues in my life.
I’m 60 years old now, wish I knew this stuff 20 years ago before I got tangled up with a narc.
Wow I've watch a heap of youtubers talk about narcissistic abuse but you really explain things so well, an informative thank you 😀
That’s why I have to be so careful about how I raise my children. I was emotionally abused as a child and I’m still trying to accept it.
Meredith,
On an unrelated note, I’ve watched every Narcissism RUclipsr under the sun, but you are by far my favourite as far as presentation goes.
So many of them are either too frantic or monotonous or just ramble indefinitely. But, you have a pleasant voice and pace and just the right energy, warmth and cohesiveness. Much appreciated.
Wow! Bless you! You’re an angel. Devastating loneliness! I had no idea that is what has been going on. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction. 😇
Wow. Thank you for telling me through this video what my deepest inner child wound was. I couldn't see that it was at the core of every abusive situation I was in... My eyes are opened.
So many golden nuggets Meredith 👌
You are a Truth Teller who walks her talk 💗 I appreciate your authenticity and transparency of truth
Your recovery tips are very helpful and effective
TY for sharing your experiences and those of others who are in similar paths, it's really helpful to understand the bigger picture.
I share similar experiences of a lifetime of repetitive shades of NPD boyfriend, as well as both male and female friends which I've become acutely aware of recently and finally see the pattern. I also relate to the more sophisticated model, which is quite shocking, to realize the humble self deprecating nice guy is actually a very clever, very calm, very calculating covert, very smooth manipulator. I questioned whether he is a split personality but the traits for NPD are an exact match. It is what it is and I have to accept the painful reality. I now see from a detached pov observing his behaviour. I can be outspoken by nature so it's been difficult not blurting out that I see him as he is but I suspect he knows I'm on to him, as I've pulled backed considerably and no longer yearn for affection. I've been slowly distancing myself throughout the shock of it all and now working on the cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding aspects. It's like invisible glue that keeps me bonded against my better judgement. TY for sharing Meredith, for successfully breaking free of NPD abuse and extending your caring heart, hand and wisdom to help others. I admire your inner strength and fortitude, you are a Gr8 Inspiration! a shining beacon of hope, resilience and determination 💗 Bless you 🙏
Hi Meredith, Thank you for sharing this concept. I am in the middle of ending a 32 year marriage with a covert narcissist. I never had a name or a concept of what I was going through until I got to your channel. I am in the very deep grieving stages of this divorce, but I do understand that I am mourning the IDEA of what we could have had, not the reality of what was! I don’t think it’s ever too late to get out of a bad relationship. My healing will take time and it hurts like crazy. The only thing that would hurt more is going back to this toxic relationship. Being kind to yourself and practicing self-love is the best way to get through it. Thank you for being here for all of us!
Its incredibly difficult to let go. I could never understand people who stayed. Now I know. Ouch.
I've watched only a few videos on your channel, but I instantly felt that they are going to help me survive and heal my mind. You are so thorough and spot on. And I am so grateful to the universe for letting me come across your "message" to people, I don't believe in coincidences. I grew up with one parent who is a narcissist, emotionally unavailable, alcoholic, abusive, and another who is full of insecurities and fears, overprotective, paranoid. However I did not only attract the same problematic relationships into my life as an adult, but I also recognized that I, myself, inherited all those traits. And so for me it's always been like trying to clash together the sides of two magnets that are of the same negative charge. I understand now that never healing the wounds of the inner child, and its innate craving for being loved, understood, safe and joyful, has never allowed me to become fully mature in relationships, no matter how mature and wise I've become in life in general. And that I would eventually end up with the same type of emotionally injured person and neither of us could truly be able to care for one another, because we are just two wounded kids crying out for their own needs, because we are not able to take care of our own selves, because our parents were unable to take care of us growing up or teach us healthy behavioral patterns... and now it's just a vicious cycle. I believe that many of us attract what and who we are, and that we most painfully react to other people's flaws that often we can't recognize in ourselves. There is a long road of learning and healing for me. And it is now or never. Thank you for being here and helping, I am sure, so many people. From the bottom of my heart I wish you great health, strength, and enthusiasm to reach out as many people as possible. Thank you.
I've been addicted to your videos the last couple of days because they're really helping me frame and understand abuse I went through and only got out of about a year ago. Thank you!
I love all of you. Im in it too. You are not alone. If any of you are turning inward and are afraid, you again too are not alone. I will always want you in this beautiful crazy world with me in this fleeting life.
OMG You are soooo right. I am so grateful that i found your videos. I think the my issue was the rejection from my childhood, my parents divorced when i was 12 years old. And my mum has rejected me when i wanted her. so this is pattern which kept repeating, when my ex narc boyfriend rejected me, i was the one chasing after him and wanting to sort out and talking to him about how to work out the relationship while he kept rejecting me..
In my experience It's like I saw a beautiful person loving me and that gave me confirmation that my mom was wrong. I am not the ugly and hated person that was her go to punching bag. Then when he changed I felt my mom was right again and I had to fight and show him that I am not what he thinks I am. I left 45 days ago haven't seen or talked to him since but there's this need to still show him that I'm beautiful and loving so he can see me again as he once did. I feel I need to that. If I let this time pass then I start seeing his evil intentions again and this is ALL part of the abuse.
Thank you... I wish I could describe how insightful and inspiring you’ve been with your videos. I wish I could equally describe the pain I’ve suffered by giving my unconditional love to someone who just saw me as a replaceable body... all I wanted to do was make them happy and show them God’s love. So many people just cannot believe reality. And we all have that in common..
I have issue with social SKILLS, Feel like the odd one out! after being narcissisticly abused, Just can't make a good impression or pick up new good friends
Sarah Lieberman me too.
Abigail Robbins I can't stand Facebook, I'm totally off that grid!!! I can't seem to maintain any close friendships either, as a song out now on the radio goes, I'm way too good at saying goodbye, unfortunately.
To everyone who has ever been crushed and eaten by the abuser and are alone now, let me say i fully understand.
I empathize with you, i just discarded my addicted female covert narc of 30 years only 4 months ago.
I too have been completely alone, but believe me i would rather be in pain alone than for the marc to be here.
I know u know what i mean. Just saying😃
I have social anxiety but I try to be sociable.
It has been approximately 4 months now, and I am doing much better , but this journey is very hard.
I just have to remind myself daily that she doesnt deserve me and i definitely DON'T deserve her...
I also do understand about trying to make new friends as
It is almost impossible for me.
I can't believe my luck! I'm so grateful I came across this video. Thank you so much for such voluble information!!! I feel like you saved my life!
You are not alone. I understand it. Thank you so much Meredith. Your channel is truly helpful. I can relate. I am looking forward to healing and staying focused on embracing loneliness. It is so important.
Wow, that was a really big one for me. Some really necessary insights and pointers. Thank you Meredith. Next year I will be 50 years old, and it's about time to get released from all the narcissists in my life. I'm already on my own, and went no contuct, but there is still a way to go. Thank you.
Thank you Meredith for putting into words what is so difficult to express. Not being able to articulate what i've witnessed and underestimating psychological abuse (compared to physical abuse), I felt unheard and powerless for such a long time. Your videos are helping me gain my power back💖
Whoever wrote the letter, just want her to know, she is definitely not alone 🤗 alot of us can relate. I still love my ex, but I know we can't be together, because he's not well and I have wounds I never quite healed from.
Your not alone and me too.
This is amazing! My mother was a narc, so I married one! I have been healing thru learning this truth! Thank God! Narc free now! I'm so much happier! Ty MM
this is really striking a chord! No matter how much I think I know myself and how much I learn, there is still another element that I haven't fully accepted. thank you for another great video.
Thank you so much for this video and all the other ones you share. And to everyone who has or is going through this thank you. You guys have no idea how much you help and I hope everyone is doing well no Matter what stage of healing you’re in. We are not alone ❤️
Inner child healing has been the key for me..its transformed my life and these days I am a much happier person with stronger boundaries..
These videos help me so much!!! Keeping me from being reeled back into a very charming overt narcissistic. My father was a narcissist and rejection is my inner child wound. Been in 3 narc abusive relationships and finally saw the pattern with this last one.
I miss "him" I just got comfortable and he felt like my home and I could go to him when I was down he'd pick me up from my home and we'd drive around and go Mountain hiking and just finding new places to see and new places to try..I miss that tremendously. Then he switched and used everything I confided in him, he cheated on me. My mom is a narcissist by the way
Hey guys! My mom and dad, sister and lovers have all been narcissists. I attract narcissist friends and even more devastating, at work..
I have no job, live in my car, and am completely alone in the world, and terrified to meet new people. Even walking around town, narcs target me.
Thank you for these videos because the loneliness is driving me insane. Thanks to everyone for being strong and sharing your personal story. I've been in my car for 3 years while dating an extreme narcissist. I can't even tell you how stupid and pathetic I feel, but I can't break down now. I need to get on my feet...
I almost can't stand people anymore... More like scared and can't trust them. I could go on and on. My mom always makes me the bad guy. I feel like I want to die but I'm still going and will continue to go as long as I can.
Please pray for me!❤️
Stay strong, there are good people out there! Take care of yourself and love yourself and these new people will appear :)
As soon as I can I must do sessions with you. I really resonate with so much that you say and when you say it, a light bulb goes off, when I think what you say it feels different. Maybe it is the lunar cycle making me have such a down day today. I have released many people from my life and have just this ONE person that also needs to go, however they are holding on for dear life. I have done a lot of discovery and coaching that released so much that allowed me to realize and release people, but I need more. Thank you for sharing what you know with us.
This is one of the best videos I've seen on the subject! Thank you for helping people to understand themselves more. People cannot begin to understand what this is like if they haven't been through it themselves and frankly, I get the feeling that most think you're nuts or over the top in some way. All these videos help to raise awareness to people and offer hope, when any sense of hope prior was so miniscule. There really should be so much more awareness around this subject, I guess it's cause they never really show it in the films, its always psychopaths, I think we need some narcissists in film & TV to help highlight this to people. So many go unaware and suffer, it's wrong.
It’s the loneness in me , my mother was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic & my father abandoned me to my grandma who was a ring master in a circus 🎪 with all her other boys , wow what I eye opener for me . My core self is lonely 😔😒
This is the first time I was able to connect the dots. it makes perfect sense. I totally get it now!!! This relationship with my narcissist brought back more memories of all the abuse from my childhood. Thank you very much!!! ❤
My goodness! What a great presentation. A really useful psychological roadmap tracing back to the original childhood trauma of a loneliness/rejection issue as a causative factor in narcissistic/Co-dependant entanglements. I really enjoyed this talk. Meredith , thank you so much.
Yes, the false hope... Thank you so much for this helpful video
Thanks xoxoxo much truly 😊❤️💋 Made a lot of sense to me now😊 Praying for all of us to be able to move forward and truly be happy 🙏😇💋
I see this abuse being played out with my wife and daughter, I view it as creating another narcissist the way her mother treated her. And yes I’m trying to excite the feeling that the good feelings of the past will never come back. Live in the NOW, not the past, or future.
Please continue telling us all the steps to healing completely then we all can find others that are healthy mentally and spiritually.
You're amazing, Meredith, and I'm so glad I found your channel. Thank you, you beautiful soul!
This video is extremely eye opening to my past couple relationships and leading all the way back to childhood, explains a lot, and i have some work to do. Thank you!
We all seem to want what we know we can't have. We only remember good times. Carley Simon. Diamonds and rust. Great song about that.
I go to AA after 20 years to remind me why I quit. Make a list of the evil. Keep it with you. Read it often.
Thanks for your video, it really helped especially during the stage I’m in. He has been “sort of” reaching out recently via text message and emails after over 4 months of radio silence. I’m so glad I came across your video because I realized that’s exactly what he is doing. He wants to keep me around so he can use what benefits him. He is my employer which adds a bit of complication to my decision about when to go no contact. After 5 1/2 years together and 5 kids between us I am still reeling. I’ve decided today that it is time for me to go no contact and quit my job with him. I’m scared to death but giving him that power over me in addition to my kids and I being the collateral damage of the cruelty of his abuse and the discard, is a price I’m no longer willing to pay. I understand the implications of this, the only thing hanging me up is what to do about a shared asset- an expensive joint car loan. I don’t want to use it as an excuse not to go no contact because I will do whatever I need to do to get healthy. However I don’t want to further complicate an already difficult situation by not asking a few questions before I make the move. Do I fight for what I deserve (not my first instinct) or do I cut my losses and roll the dice on him taking possession of the car and/or damaging my nearly perfect credit out of retaliation?
Your videos on narcism is healing me right now. I was seeing a man for 3 years and a week ago found out that he was married during the time that I was with him. I asked in the beginning of out relationship and he told me he was never married. So when I found out it was from a former coworker of mine that just brought it up in conversation and once I found out I immediately went up to him and told him. He then turned it around on me saying that why do I have to talk about him that his life is private especially with his job (that former co coworker worked with him as well ) and when I said to not turn it around that this is about him being married all he could say repeatedly is ' I'm so pissed' ... I called and called and texted and he wouldn't admit it talk on the phone. Until I threatened to open a can of worms if he doesn't speak. He then texted me back saying 'not married' ... 'was... But not' those exact words and then said 'im so pissed' again and nothing after that ... What hurts the most is that he's not sorry no remorse no empathy no signs of that just silence and he's pissed. And I know better but to think this is my fault it just hurts that I invested my time. The day that I found out was when I saw him and it was his birthday I found out that evening. I know there is no going back. I just wished this never happened. I'm the most open and understanding person ... Why couldn't he just leave me if he wanted to be with someone else or if he was already why start something with me ... These are answers that I need but most likely will never get....
I think my main inner wound in Rejection. Felt it in with my father. My first boyfriend was not a narcissist, but he did a couple things that made me feel rejected. Then I met my ex narcissistic boyfriend and he always made me feel not wanted and used. I would also feel lonely just being next to him. Still healing from that abuse. It has been 7 months. Not been dating. Just therapy, good friends, and working on myself. You made some great point on here. Thank you!!!!!!
Thank you. I have taken time to heal after 1,5 years glad I did
Dealing with my childhood wounds to avoid more abusers.
Moving forward.
Thank you Meredith! This is pure gold.
Soo needed to hear this. My father has just said to me that "everybody" experiences abusive relationships and when I said that's not true, he said 'well you CHOSE' to stay with him. :( ...I'm so grateful there are other people who have EXPERIENCED it and understand. Now I need to process the rejection issue... Really hope I can do the ayahuashca experience one day, although facing your issues sounds pretty terrifying...
when we met...I was in the throes of serious grief. My loving husband of 26 years had passed 6 months earlier.
OMG...It's finally someone is hearing me....Looking into my eyes soo " lovingly" with those warm, hypnotic brown eyes, it was like I never felt this way before....🙄😏🤔🤗
No one is in love with the narcissist but the IDEA of the narcissist. They can let go of them but they choose not to.
31 years is ABSOLUTELY insane loyalty.. when I think of leaving.. fears says but he can’t survive without you.. I have no good memories of us all awful ... it’s hard but I’ve got to!
This is an open minded coaching i didnt really realise that i am only a victim of my father who is narcissistic that I have to forgive myself.❤️ while im listening i am crying. Thanks to this coaching.❤️.
I feel like im in the eye of the storm right now. This guy has me by the throat. Im so ashamed for loving him how i do after all the hell hes put me through. I dont know how to quit him. Im numb with pain right now. And the loanliness is killing me. I dream if him and miss him so much. Wheres a red pill when you really need one?
I realized....that i will never have the DREAM with him....im still getting over this...but getting better every day
This video and what you share is so deep. I will chunk it and rewatch. It hit my core. Thank you for sharing and enlightening!!
This video is very valuable for my deep down wounds that I felt I had no way to approach. Thanks, Meredith.
Thank u for sharing your journey&being honest. Im a Virgo& hd Narcissistic parents,siblings,friends,lovers, 😷etc.im currently in between stages w a Leo.Bcz of my wisdom&knowledge of this growing up w parents. i learned at an early age how to detect tht in my love&friendships.Bt this Leo snuck me.Your videos really help&hs given lots of confirmation. Thank you.&Blessing's. 🙏😇🙏😇
Such insight,
I felt I was the parent raising my single mother because I was stronger and she was fragile, emotionally unavailable. My feelings were of no consequence, I was in survival mode. I became caretaker, people pleaser, scapegoat, doormat, in that order. My mother is still in learned helplessness and I'm still fiercely independant yet a mess emotionally 🤔
The wounded abuser attraction pattern kept repeating until now, no more! Time to break free.