i'm Aromantic and seeing your video made me feel so much less weird, knowing that i'm not the only person that just wants SUPER close friends is awesome, thank you 💖
I have seen a lot of videos and comics about asexuality but everyone ignores aromantics, be they sexual or asexual. Romance is pushed so heavily in our world. Most music, books, movies, etc revolve around romance or have heavy romance themes. When someone is 40 and single it is seen as weird and when you're 60 and single that's just considered sad. I don't have an interest in romance. I thought I would outgrow this but I have been this way for years. I remember when I was little I had a crush on a boy and I once thought I was panromantic but that doesn't seem likely. I just don't care about romance. I write romance and ship but the thought of kissing someone or holding their hand romantically is gross. I like the idea of having a really close friend who I can tell anything to, live together with, hold hands with, freely hug, go to fancy restaurants with, and such but I don't consider that romance. It doesn't feel romantic to me. I have thought of entering a romantic relationship so I can get those interactions easily - it's hard finding people who want to be only friends but be so close - but it seems unfair and calling people my significant other is uncomfortable.
Posey The world being so pushy with romantic relationships really does make it difficult for aros...but there's open minded people who are totally fine being in a romantic relationship with an aromantic! Also, queerplatonic (or just plain platonic) relationships are becoming more accepted, and that definitely sounds like something you might enjoy
I'm aromantic asexual too. Never had a "crush" before, and I'm going on 25. I just don't understand desiring somebody...never experienced such an emotion. Then again, I'm Schizoid, so I don't really desire any relationships at all, not even friendships or family. I wonder what proportion of aro-aces are Schizoids...
kandiiyuutaamu A person with "Schizoid Personality Disorder" is what you would call an extreme introvert -- they do not like socializing at all. They don't like to spend time with anyone, neither friends nor family. They prefer to be alone and do solitary activities by themselves 100% of the time. This includes not wanting to engage in sexual activities with another person. They are fiercely independent and hate relying on anyone else for anything. It's labelled as a "personality disorder" in the DSM only because Schizoid individuals are "abnormal" in the sense that they are uncommon in society -- most people like relationships and socializing, even "regular" introverts. But to me, it shouldn't be called a "disorder" because more often than not the Schizoid individual is not distressed by their Schizoid-ness (and if they do feel distressed, then they're not really Schizoid -- they most likely have Social Anxiety Disorder).
vanizorc I suppose so, I mean not every person wants to have or be involve in a conversation with other people if they don't feel the need or desire of talking to anybody. There are times that most people should spend quality time on their own and do not wish to be interrupted by unnecessary hindrances.
kandiiyuutaamu But the difference is that Schizoids NEVER want to spend time with anybody else. Ever. They are at their happiest when alone, and view having to socialize with others an undesirable experience, so they won't socialize -- not even once in a while. (Unless of course it's really necessary, like in the workplace.) It's this "extreme" introversion that makes this a "disorder".
Oh God. This is the first time I've met someone who feels exactly like me. I also am asexual aromantic, but still I love being close to people. I once explained it like this: Some people see "love" as a sexual thing. Some as a romantic thing. But I don't need them. I need a different type of love. That one you have with your closest friends or family, without seeing any sexual insinuations in cuddles, long hugs, little kisses, caring about eachother. I don't know if this type of love has a name tho. I am often scared of getting too comfortable with people who are not ace/aro, because I don't want them to think I am romantically or sexually attracted to them. I like when some friend who is 100% not attracted to me and understands me accepts this kind of love I am giving them and lets me be very close to them. I also love when people trust me with their secrets and worries etc, because it seems like they don't mind being close and sharing this intimate side of us, like for example telling things you've never told anyone about yourself because you feel comfortable and close to this person. I am getting frustrated and scared and angry all mixed together when people try to make me think that it is not true or when even if they know about my preferences they try to break me to romance and sexual stuff. I am socially anxious so this is only making things worse. I also feel extremely alienated and lost when I tell someone I'm ace/aro and they try to tell me I'm not or I'm lying or I'm probably traumatized or it's just a phase or I haven't met the right person(which makes me, the mos peaceful person you'll ever meet want to break their noses somehow) OR are immidiately turning away from me and leaves, breaks any contact like they just discovered I am some serial killer. Like what the hell have I done to make you abandon me?! What is it all about? I just don't get it. Thank you, you are an amazing girl.
I don't know how people can call you heartless when you obviously have sooo much compassion and warmth for people. You're right, that's really not how that works. :)
When you said that just because you desire a connection with someone, it doesn't mean you desire a romantic connection, wow I can totally relate. I, too, thought I was gay because I was experiencing a desire to connect with people, but the idea of dating never crossed my mind.
Wow, just wow. I normally never leave a post on anything but I just wanted to say thank you for talking about your experience. You almost made me cry and I never cry haha. For the longest time I have tried to figure out what I am and what was wrong with me. I also was, and still am, surounded by people who had romantic relationships and talked about them constantly, and I always wanted to find someone and have a romantic relationship, still do, but for some reason never understood why in the back of my head it felt like it wasn't possible. I used to tell people that I couldn't love and they wouldn't understand. They never really believed me and told me that I was young, but I knew somehow that It wasn't possible, I felt like my emotions were 'bottlenecked' or blocked somehow. It wasn't until about a few months ago I saw a tumblr post talking about the diffetences in asexual and aromantic that I learned that I might be aromantic. There is so little explanation on the subject that I never really understood it. So thank you for clearing it up some for me. Now I think I might be asexual as well but idk really. Sorry for the long comment, I just wanted to say thank you for making me feel less human.
I knew I was Ace for quite a while, but that still didn't explain everything to me. I only recently discovered the term Aro, and no lie, I full on sobbed out of relief. I was SO HAPPY that I wasn't the only one like me. I'm not wrong, or broken, just maybe a little bit different. Thank you so much for sharing your journey, and I'll see you in tumblr-land!
I really respect you for this video! As an aromantic, it is amazing to not be alone. Few people even know what aromantic is - they just don't believe that it exists (which is pretty sad). Keep being you and being strong :)
Yeah, it's kind of weird that society expects you to have these kinds of feelings for someone when you have no natural inclination to do so. I almost feel angry that I'm expected to do something that I can't make myself do. But in some ways, I wish I was like everyone else.
OMG. sorry about the long rant like comment). You said that you write erotic fanfiction? I'm a writer myself, but I've never really written in the romance genre. Up until the last 2 years when I had this great idea and was really trying to write Romance for the first time. I've written in a lot of genres but I've never had such a hard time writing before. I assume it's because I'm writing about romantic and sexual attraction, which is something I've never experienced before. And as I tried to understand what it was that I wasn't getting, I realized that I didn't really understand romance or attraction that well. I can spot the difference between romantic and platonic when I watch or read, but I don't really understand the difference apart from physical desire, which is not the only factor in a romantic relationship. I'm just generally confused as to what romance is supposed to be (I think this confusion falls under quoi-romantic?). So I was wondering if as an Ace person you could help explain romance to me? Or how you write romance? Thank you!!
+alice mariah virginia rose "I like the idea of romance. I think couples are cute. I would love to experience romance myself actually. But I don't; it just doesn't happen. " That's how I am. Same with the asexual part. I can even fantasize about it but in reality I have no desire than for maybe making out.
I've watched this video multiple times over the past years and it has spoken to me on such a deep level. I'm bad at putting this stuff into words so having someone spell it out so clearly gave me a lot more self confidence because I got to know myself better and what I need in my life. thank you a lot!
I'm slowly identifying with asexual aromantic labels. I have been in some short relationships but in all of them I felt like I didn't love them properly, and I have realised that I really just wanted them as a close friend rather than as a lover. It's been a terrible time not just for me in hating myself and feeling wrong, but also to the people that gave so much of their time loving me with nothing in return. I really appreciate this video, makes me feel like there is a place for me and to help accept my feelings and live how I want to live. Thanks :)
+Alec Brady yep I was the same way haha 🙈😂 don't care now happy with who I am and not having to hide it :) felt bad on the people I went on dates with as it was just platonic same with my relationship did it for society's sake to try and fit in and be normal xD normal is overrated going against what they want and content to do so.
I've been thinking I might be aromantic for a while now, which is how I found this video: you've basically described most of my thoughts and feelings. Thanks for helping me :D
A year ago I searched aromantic up on youtube there was nothing at all and I was really disappointed. When someone showed me your videos I was so overjoyed that there's good quality videos on aromantic that are interesting and good for representation. You're so amazing!
Thank you so so much for making this video. All the aces I've met are kind of serious people who aren't super energetic about the be friends with everyone thing. You remind me of me and watching you makes me feel more confident about being myself. Don't feel inhuman, it is so clear that you have a shit ton of love in your heart. Warm hugs and fuzzies.
What?? No shitposting?!? UNACCEPTABLE!!11 But seriously, you did a really good job. You are sooo articulate, and you seem very confident. I'm envious. On the topic of sexual aces and romantic aros... The way I would explain it to someone is this: Consider someone who is not a gamer, and yet still partakes in some games casually. It may be that they do it only socially, or maybe they just get the occasional itch for some good old Mario. Maybe gaming is really important to their significant other, so they play with them because seeing them happy makes them happy as well. There are so many reasons you can take part in something and not enjoy it the way that other people do.
Ugh FINALLY. I feel the exact same way. I have grown slowly more comfortable with my aromanticism but last year I would spend hours and hours bawling alone in my room because I felt like I was "broken." You couldn't have found a better word. My friends made me feel like I was broken with how they flaunted their romantic relationships in front of me and acted like I was weird and how pushy everyone is about me being in a relationship. I WANTED to feel that. I still do. Sexual attraction, romantic love, I WANT it badly. But I just don't feel it. I just can't. I never have. And that totally breaks my heart more than I could ever say. I know I won't be able to tell most people in my life because they would never understand, and most LGBT videos about stuff are solely about asexuality, explaining how even though they don't feel sexual attraction, they "can still love romantically." Which makes me feel like I can't love, which is really fucking emotionally damaging to me and a hundred percent not true. I love my friends and I love my family and I love my dog and I love myself and I love my school and I love my passions and a thousand other things, with way more love inside me going towards all those things than romantic people could comprehend. Other LGBT info out there just totally invalidates asexuality and aromanticism as a part of the communityfor a lot of reasons which I get, because I never went through my life having to hear slurs directed at a part of me and violence has never been committed against me. In addition, if I were ever to experience romantic feelings, I sense that it would be towards a male, making me possibly grayromantic or demiromantic (same for sex, hetero/graysexual or demisexual. crosses fingers, still holding out hope). Which in a lot of people's eyes totally shuts me out of that community because they don't consider it queer enough. Again, I totally get the sentiment! But it does make me feel invisible, invalidated, and alone. I'm just so glad I finally saw a video with someone speaking honestly about the heartbreak and the bad shit that comes along with being an aromantic in a romance-obsessed society, and an asexual in a sex-obsessed society. What has always bothered me most and made me cry the most was this irritating feeling of not being able to know what everyone else was talking about. I wouldn't care if I never found love again if I could just feel it one time to just KNOW what the experience is even like. Instead, people talk about this intrinsic part of themselves and their lives so openly and so constantly and I feel more alone than ever when they do (which is all the time, and really exhausting). Because I just can't relate at all. I have nothing to say. I just feel like such a broken person, and everyone and everything around me makes me feel like I'm missing something super important that I can't have a real human experience without. Like I'm not even a real human because I don't have this. Like I'm deficient in some crucial way. "I feel so inhuman because people make it sound like to be human you need to love people in that way, and I just don't, which is really scary." Ugh exactly! Assholes. And I know that if I even tried to talk to anyone about it I would be dismissed and/or treated like a sub-human, because it's happened before. You just totally mirrored how I felt last year in this video. I feel so much better. Thank you so much. (Did cry a little, but in a good way.) You seem like a really amazing person!
+Maddie Cupak Hi Maddie, thanks for sharing all that. I have felt all of those same things for so long and did destructive things to myself to try and pretend I was something different and suppress the truth of what I have known about myself. It is extremely, extremely hard. I really like how the girl in the video said "I'm not a heartless bitch." I think, if anything, people like us need MORE love because of all the shit we go through. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for your comments, and that you're not alone.
Thank you for posting this video!! It made me feel a lot better.... sexuality/romantic feelings are more fluid than everyone thinks and everyone falls on a different scale, and can change throughout their lifetime. You're not alone!
Thank you for making this video! You explained aromantic so well. I always hear that it means you aren't romantically attracted to anyone, but I never knew what romantic attraction was. How you described your feelings towards your friends/people you're close to makes so much more sense. Keep up the great work!
Tearing up right now, I think I finally figured out my sexuality because of this video. So many things are starting to make so much more sense now, and many of the things you talked about I feel exactly the same way. thank you. THANK YOU.
I am so glad to have happened upon this video. I recently discovered that I am Asexual Aromantic. for most of this year, I thought I was bi, but after a month and a half of having a gf, I was confused as to why I didn't feel the fluttery feeling when we talked, or why I didn't want to kiss her or anything else. When I found out about AceAro, I knew I had to tell her. We ended up breaking up (horrible, she didn't take it well at all). But now I feel at peace; I like being single. Thank you so much for posting this video. ^_^
I'm a lithromantic as I found out recently, so basically I feel romantic attraction, but once my feelings are reciprocated I lose my feelings for them, and if I do end up in a relationship with them I get really bad anxiety, so I'm incapable of a romantic relationship, and I mean I don't really care about relationships, friends are the best thing, but as being a teenager it's kind of sad to think I can't really get married or ever even "normal" date, when I'm older I probably won't care, but now it's pretty upsetting
This! This is me! Finally, thank you. I'm in a relationship at the moment and have almost constant anxiety, I can't eat or even stand up around them, the anxiety kills. I don't want to cuddle or kiss my partner. Before we got together I did really like them and that's why I'm kicking myself now. Really interesting to hear from someone in the same situation!
+izzy rose later in the year also I had a crush on my friend and one day she randomly told me that if I wasn't lith she would date me. After that I could even sit next to here hug her and stuff like that, I was basically repulsed by anything even remotely romantic that I could do with her. So um ya that's just another example.
Interesting. I think I could possibly be quoiromantic. I feel like I don't really understand whether I am having a squish or a crush on someone, and I clearly can't cope having relationships. I feel like i'm never truly going to feel 'defined'.
Thank you so much for making this video. As an aro ace, I really related to this. I've seen many great videos from other youtubers about asexuality, and a few about being aromantic, but it's amazing finally seeing content from an actual aro ace. I only figured out my sexuality and romantic attraction a year ago, and it was hard believing that I was broken as I was not feeling the same way as other people. Thank you again for sharing this. I think I speak for most other aro aces who's seen it when I say, that I felt a lot less alone after having watched your video
I've only recently realised that I am Aromantic. Being able to identify myself was such a huge confident boost because I realised that I wasn't weird for not experiencing crushes or not desiring relationships. But despite the fact I'm comfortable in my Aromantic identity, I'm constantly battling myself to run and tell every exactly who I am and hiding that part of me in fear of judgement. It also sucks that there isn't a huge community for Aromantics and Asexuals, and if there is a community for us we're usually lumped together and not seen as separate identities.
A. Rogue I can really relate to wanting to tell people! And yeah, a lot of the purpose of these videos is to make that community because a lot of the feelings of isolation can really be hurtful, so there really needs to be a place for aromantics and asexuals to sort of...gather, I guess?
I am aromantic myself what I found not so long time ago and in my case it's like I really like seeing romantic stuff, like other couples, movies, books, writing role plays and it always is so cute and oh, but I don't really want it myself. However, I'm in need of deep emotional connection, like friendship but more. And, when it comes to romantic relationships, it would work for me, because like there would be a person who loves you, cares for you, needs you, you need them, and all of the good stuff, and no one would get mad, or forgotten, or left behind... because when relation is called "friendship" you can't get angry that they love someone else in they same way, or on another level, or that they don't spend much time with you, and some stuff you'd do or say would be seen as strange by society if you call yourself friends... so romantic relationship would just put an end to this and make everything normal, letting erm, us? being together in platonic way on both sexual and romantic level.
Dávid Busai Yeah some time ago I made some research and I just loved term "squish" xD it's really well worded "D and yep, I don't mind having a squish ^^ I even have one for 9+ years hah
I just wanted to say thank you so much for posting this. Ive watched it several times over the past few months, and it makes me feel less alone. I'm still incredibly confused, and I still feel like a loser for bing a 19 year old who's never had a crush (whatever that even is...) and never having kissed anybody. I feel awkward and out of place when guys hit on me. My lack of experience makes it even harder for me to figure out where I am on the spectrum, and because I don't know, it makes me feel like I can't come out to anyone. I don't want to be alone forever, but I also don't want to have the pressure of a romantic and/or sexual relationship. So again, thank you so much for making this video and reminding me that I'm not the only one.
Thank you so much for sharing this video. I used to feel broken and alone and feeling like something was wrong with me because of all the things you were saying about not feeling those romantic feelings toward anyone. And now I realize why: I wasn't broken, there's nothing wrong with me I'm just aromantic/asexual and that's okay! And it all makes sense now, I feel so much better about myself now that I know there are others out there like me, I'm not alone in the world. I did feel a bit like a monster, especially after talking to my girl friends when they talked about love and relationships and sex and I didn't feel much of anything; it really is a terrible, isolating feeling when you've never felt those types of feelings for anyone. You made me feel so much better about what has been happening to me, you really described my situation to a T about just wanting friends but not romantic relationships :). Now I'm just wondering how I'm going to tell my family and friends why I'm so different from everyone else....... :/
Holy shit, are you me? I'm also cupioromantic. Other aromantics often say that cupioromantics are just denying their aromanticism, and that we're just being unrealistic/unhealthy but I don't think I agree. I think we aren't fully aromantic, perhaps just a little grey. We feel *something* in there. Its like the tiniest little glimmer of romantic attraction in the darkness. Its like being given few crumbs of a "mindblowing delicious" cake cooked by a famous baker, not enough to get actually taste it but enough to ALMOST taste it. And its really disheartening and frustrating. Cause now we are curious and want to experience the cake's full flavor, but we only have that crumb and that's it. And then everyone else around you is eating full slices of the cake, and talking about how it's the best thing they've ever tasted, and you feel a little sad and jealous and want that cake even though you didn't really taste much.
I relate to this so much. I misidentified for a long time because I didn't have the terms, but I've learned a lot over the past couple of years, and am really glad I found this video. Thanks!
I can relate to this video so much! I'm not a cupioromantic (is that how you spell it?) and I rarely enjoy romance in fiction like you do, but apart from that everything you said is exactly how I feel. Every time people around me engage in a conversation about romance I become instantly isolated. I want to talk but I just can't. It's hard to explain but it's a bit like they're speaking in a foreign language that I barely know, so when I try to contribute I can't because I don't speak the language well enough. I always feel like I'm broken, like my brain is deformed. For the entirety of my teenage years I thought I was a cold-hearted bitch because I didn't feel what other people feel. I thought I was a failure as a human being because no one had ever loved me romantically and I had never loved anyone else. I thought I was unlovable, unlikable, unwanted, especially because I was really unpopular in school. The worst part is that I can't talk to anyone about it because aromanticism is so uncommon and so unknown. No one understands me and I can see it in their eyes that they think of me the way I thought of myself when I was younger. It can feel so lonely sometimes. To make matters worse I'm asexual too, so double everything I've just said. Sorry for the long post and thank you anyone who read all of it. It's just that you're the first person I've seen who TOTALLY GETS IT the way I do. Your video is funny, informative, emotional and just fantastic. Thank you so much for posting this and have a brilliant day!
I relate to a lot of what you say. I always felt different or weird about me personally wanting super close friendships rather than dating since being in the scene of strongly sexually orientated people and friendships with people that don't want to get to that level and instead get it in other relationships. ....waw, that was weird to say.
Omg you are SO sweet! And this helped me so much I think I am aromantic. I have just never really like anyone. And never kissed or dated. You are awesome!
I only learned about the term 'aromantic' really recently and then I found your video. I just started crying (totally unexpected) when you talked about just being friends with everyone but that's EXACTLY how I feel. A good friend of mine recently asked me out and I rejected him because I didn't feel any of the 'butterflies' or 'sparks' or anything I thought you're supposed to have a relationship and I feel so bad because I love being friends with him. I love make friends and I rather have really good close friends than 'dating' someone. I've never heard anyone else say the things I have always thought of and say the words that I've been trying to say but could never describe or put in words. I don't know how to tell people this (like that good friend of mine who asked me out) or anyone really. Or what if I'm wrong and I'm not aromantic after all? (But I pretty sure I'm not?) But I'm really glad I found your video and it helped a lot a lot. I don't your tumblr link but I would love to talk more and ask for advice? Thank you!
Em H Even if you're not aromantic, it's great that you can relate! There's many different "shades" of aromanticism; maybe you're grey-romantic, who knows! Human sexuality and romantic orientation is subject to change, and so even if you feel aromantic now but not later-hey, that's fine. As for talking to friends about it, I find a great way to test the waters is to put forward the idea that a fictional character you both know could be aromantic themselves, and depending on your friends' reactions you can judge whether or not to tell them and how much they may already know. I'm glad you found the video and if you have any questions I (finally) put the Tumblr link in the description-it's easier to send me asks there so if you need anything let me know!
You are so beautiful and so strong I support you 100%♡ I really hope you get a lot of support from your friends and family too because this must be hard for you and you deserve the support so much because you seem like such a lovely sweet person x
Thank you so much for this video!!!!!!! It is my first introduction to cupiosexuality and cupioromance. As hard as it is to explain to people about asexuality, it was even harder when I tried to explain that in theory I wanted a sexual and romantic relationship but I also didn't want it…? Your story and examples mean so much to me. I think I can clarify a couple of things to my friends because of it. Thanks an infinite times over!!!!!!!!!
+Rebecca Lindgren YESS!!!! "As hard as it is to explain to people about asexuality, it was even harder when I tried to explain that in theory I wanted a sexual and romantic relationship but I also didn't want it…" It IS really confusing when you want it but you don't want it. I can say that to you and trust that you get it, but I doubt other people will. It's actually been super painful, especially with me being close to 50 and only now finding others with the same makeup.
I just want to hug you. Partially to comfort and also cause I understand the feeling of thinking your broken as an asexual. You're precious though. Lots of good vibes your way
I'm actually really happy after watching this video, my whole life I've felt really different from most other kids my age and I didn't understand the whole "crush" thing on other boys or the urge to do certain things. All my friends are like that and I just have recently been feeling extremely left out because I just can't relate with what they talk about. At first I thought I was bisexual because I can say "that is a good looking boy/girl", but that's all, I didn't feel anything else ever and its made me really confused. I've been learning more about asexuality and aromantic lately and the more I read about it the more I see myself. This video did it for me I think, I relate with it more than anything and I think I can really understand why I don't feel the same way almost everyone else does and that I'm not just some girl that is incapable of emotions. So I just want to say thank you so much this helped me a lot.
+Alexis Estey I know exactly what you mean. I always just assumed I was a late bloomer, but now at the age of 19, I'm starting to think that this is a permanent thing. I can totally relate to what you just said.
I just went through the same thing. I'm a gray- asexual aromantic. I've tried to fall in love with people but it never worked. I knew about asexuality but that didn't quite fit since I've had been sexually attracted to people in the past. Finding out about aromantism was a big AHA!- moment for me and I feel at such peace right now.
oh wow, i didn't know cupiosexuality / cupioromanticism is a thing but that's exactly me! thanks so much for making this video it's really helped me understand aromanticism better! :)
I've went through this exact same journey with sexualities and found that I am comfortably grey-asexual aromantic and it's going good.Thank you very much for this video and I agree that queerplatonic relationships are the best. I wish you the best!
Thank you so much for making this video! Now I'm completely sure that I'm aromantic. I still don't know where I am in the aro spectrum, but I'll figure that out eventually. ^^
This makes a lot of sense to me...I have always kind of struggled in romantic relationships and sexual relationships as well. I identify as pansexual because I have based my past "romantic and sexual interests" purely on emotional development. I am a very emotional person and sometimes I can't figure out what I am even feeling let alone understand it. I can experience sexual attraction but usually it happens after feelings which I consider romantic to have been established from my part. I can see a very attractive man and woman and recognize they are pretty or handsome, I can see a more androgynous person and I am smitten and allured with them but I won't feel sexual attraction. I also...don't fall in love easily. I can love someone and care about them deeply but I won't be "in love" with them and that has always frustrated me and confused me and taken a toll in my past relationships. I enjoy sex and I can get hot and bothered but I have noticed it is usually with someone I trust and have very close intimate emotional connections with. I think I have only been in love once. I also see romantic relationships as something nice but I don't feel it is a necessity. I am a very affectionate person when I want to be, I am a very touchy feely person with friends and close loved ones. I desire affection but platonic affection like mentioned in this video, with friends or family; I also have to be the one to initiate or ask for it..asking is hard sometimes though because I don't know sometimes how to express what I want or need from someone. But that's another topic for another time. I am wondering if maybe I fall under the aromantic spectrum. I am very "romantic" people tell me but the thing is I don't see it as ROMANCE like COURTSHIP. I see it as just...expressing pleasantries for those I appreciate to have in my life. I like to sing/serenade someone if I feel like it, I like to cook and buy nice things for someone I care about, I like to cuddle and hold hands and kiss (non sexually) and say sweet things to those I care about. And this can be completely separate from someone I have ROMANTIC and SEXUAL feelings for which would be the one person I'd expect to be in a relationship with. A big problem in my relationships was jealousy, I didn't feel jealous over them and they were very jealous of me and my close friends because I was very clingy and I cuddled my friends and they would get jealous and furious and to my mind it didn't make sense to me because I didn't see it as abnormal. I thought and still do think it should be normal to be like that with close friends if they allow it and enjoy it too. So I do understand the whole "I wish platonic romantic relationships were more popular" because I also would enjoy that. Another thing for me is, sometimes I just want to be shown affection and told I am appreciated and loved but I don't desire anything romantic. I have always been put off when talking to someone for a short period of time and they tell me they have feelings for me...because I am slow in opening up to people so I feel that their attraction and or feelings towards me are superficial. Which sounds terrible I know, but I can't help but feel that way. People say I come off as cold, reserved and quiet until they get to know me. Which to most people translates as "anti-social" but no I am not anti-social. I just don't have such a strong desire or need to talk and make mundane chitchat with people, I am easily bored with people as well..but when I meet someone who I really can talk to about anything and enjoy spending time with them, that is when I have reached my peek. I want to shower with love that person and have them understand it is completely platonic unless mentioned otherwise, but it seems that isn't the social-norm. Hmm. Anyway, great video!
Shadow's Peak I can definitively see that now! Thanks, I have been reading about demisexuality and it sure does help me understand my emotional/sexual attraction. So I guess I'd be considered Demipansexual/Pandemisexual according to what I read. Hmm, have a good one (:
Love is not or should not be based on need or needs anyways, then it is not actually love in the first place. When there is love there is, when there is not there is not and then needs plays the main role in a relatiinships. Love over goes/comes all needs. Generally speaking people have lost the capacity to love and thinks that fullfilled needs are same as love. Love is something that is felt in the heart, it over flows and only wants to give if anything. Love makes one content and needs nothing.
I 100% agree with you! I'm aromatic asexual too when I was young I used to force myself to be romantically interested in guys because of how the media acknowledged only heterosexual romantic relationships in the media. Although I regret doing that to myself I felt broken otherwise and felt I had to fit into an expectation of the "norm" in societies terms. Luckily I found out I'm not alone and have tried my best to except who I am.
I am aromantic and am happy being single. U have a playful personality with both genders and ppl always misunderstand. I have to explain that I just want a friendship type of relationship but no, they look at me in a weird way cause they can't understand.
I sometimes really want to just sit down a person who is married with kids or currently dating and ask them... "why do you want to have sex, what does it feel like o have sex for you that makes you want it, why do people supposedly want to kiss each other for long periods of time why do people want to look at pictures or videos of naked or half naked people? " but then I know they would either question this supposedly common knowledge of everyone over 14 or look at me like I'm stupid or nuts. I tryed to ask in more subtle ways but haven't got any satisfactory answers
This is the only video I've managed to find with an aro/ace person in a "romantic" relationship and I'm RELIVED. I know I'm ace, and I'm like 90% sure I'm aro too but I want to get married and have kids? Attraction=/= love and I feel like, though it'll be different than a traditional marriage, I can deeply care about a person enough to make it work!
Thank you SO SO MUCH for this video! I've been really struggling with this and watching this put all of the pieces together for me- THANK YOU. You described how I feel so perfectly, and I am so happy I'm not alone
I'm lithromantic, never thought those words would come out of my mouth.. It's one of the strangest things and I ask myself everyday, why? I always have been interested in boys 'thinking they're cute or handsome' but when I show them affection, I get it back. And than I start to feel weird and things keep moving faster and with in 2 days I'm a mess and physically cannot go on, I always thought it had something to do with being 13 and not being mature but yet I know it's something else I know that I'm not normal because of these signs. IS ANYONE ELSE LITHROMANTIC? IF SO COMMENT AND HELP ME OUT!!!
+Shaz Capade Good on you for having the courage and pardon the pun balls to come out and raise awareness to others about what it's like to be an Aromantic Asexual. Thank you for sharing most inspiring. We aren't a different race for heaven's sake we are still people that can be happy and function normally without romance and sex haha not the be all or end all to have no desire for it 🙈😂 family and platonic love is great too :) you can still live a successful life. Wish I had stopped hiding who I was for so long by forcing myself into dating and a romantic relationship that I wasn't that happy in as that's what society wants and is driven by did more harm than good at the time xD
I'm confused if I'm either bi or an asexual... I'm an aromantic so that makes it even more confusing since I'm okay to be with either girl or boy but I'm not too sure since I didn't have any romantic feelings to any of them. Also I really am very indifferent at the idea of intercourse...
Alien is an apt term for it. Always been called out as psychotic or lying. I don't think others can relate to my intensity or being very caring toward them apart from sexuality, and I blame our hypersexualized society for that. I know what I feel and I never feel sexual, turned on or interested in anyone's bodies. About twice a decade I meet minds that are 'sexy' and they come in all genders & expressions; so that happens.
I'm having a really tough time being asexual aromantic. My girlfriend is VERY sexual and constantly needs affection. I really care about her and I want her to be happy, but I don't desire her in the ways she does me. I don't know what to do. :(
Talk to her. Like tell her how you feel and compromise to do things so both of you can be in a happy relationship. Also if she doesn't know what being aro and ace mean just show her links to different pages, or videos. I guess communication is the best thing.
***** It's totally possible to have a relationship that's commonly considered to be romantic or is romantic, even if you're aromantic! It's like not craving chocolate but eating it with someone you're really good friends with.
***** Why not have one? Every person, aromantic or not, has their own reasons to date or not date. It's not really something one person could answer! My reason for dating is because I like being close to people-especially my girlfriend because we were super close before dating-and cuddling is really nice.
I'm somewhere on the cupioromantic spectrum, because the love I feel isn't romantic, it's closer to motherly love than anything and I still desire romantic relationship :/ There isn't even a word to describe that.
PLEASE help me.. I can feel the love and relationships feel no need for sexual activity I feel an alien in my own body I don't want to be here anymore please help me
I suggest doing some research on asexual and aromantic spectrums to see what definition fits you best! I think you are asexual and maybe on the aromantic spectrum but I don't quite think so??? I am very confused about myself being on the aro spectrum
Me and my siblings are part of the LGBT+ community and its great to have their support, but neither of them are Aro/Ace spectrum so i always feel left out :/
+TheTitaniaOfAnime It's never too early, as long as you're confident. I'm young too! If you want, you can tell me your signs, but if you don't want to, that's fine.
I'm 13 too, and I feel that way as well. I also feel agender, I'm still working it out and once I confirm it I will come out but I'm still working things out. You're not alone!
Lots of aroaces call their relationships queer platonic relationships and call their partners queer platonic partners. idk if you've heard of that but lots of people are in relationships like that and there's a word for exactly what you described and I wanted to make sure you knew aha😊
Hey Erin (Aron? im sorry) my name is brooke (flirtatiousfruitcake of tumblr) I just watched your video and I wanted to let you know you have helped me so much in understanding myself a little bit more. If you ever feel like talking Id love to make a new friend Cx message me whenever
Gender Pool i dont now if im aromantic. I never had a boyfriend, and i never feel that "love" my friends describe. That is because i didnt find the 'right person' yet or because im really aromantic? [sorry for the bad english, correct me if i made any mistake]
It's really up to you to decide whether or not you're aromantic! Not feeling the love other people describe doesn't mean that you're aromantic because people feel romantic love in different ways. I'd suggest defining what romantic love means to you, and then sitting down and thinking about whether or not you feel that kind of love, if that makes sense :)
Kaileigh Watland I have like aesthetic attraction, I find many people beautiful, but it's more of an appreciation. I don't have an urge to get with them. It's different for everyone though lol.
Kaileigh Watland I am both and for me personally the attraction is different. I value others for their friendship not whether I can screw them or not. In fact I did for years have a very strong libido but for some reason lost it around 2006 when I started travelling for work. So I can often see both sides of the issue. Greatest thing that ever happened in my life was losing that libido that typically amounted to a lot of distractions prior to 2006. Now, the biggest problem I have is women accepting that they remain in the " friend/sister zone " and that they have nothing I need to feel wanted. I don't seek extra friends to give me value in life - I found it within myself. I don't have a NEED to be with someone just to have an itch scratched nor do I cling onto other as if I am nothing without them. Sometimes this comes across as being a little cold HOWEVER I am not a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. They also have a different mindset ( lack of empathy and compassion and other factors ) which makes them predatory. I had a female friend over Saturday night for a few drinks and after me telling her my position multiple times over the years we have remained platonic friends, she asked me 3 questions during the evening.1. " Why wont you just f--k me ? " 2. " Will you massage my boobs ? " 3. " What will you do if I refuse to go home and just sleep here with you ? " So just being comfortable as I am does not mean WE ( as Asexuals and Aromantics ) are not subjected to issues caused by those that insist on our help scratching their itch. It really pisses me off at times when all I want is a chat and a friendly drink without obligation or unwanted demands. CHEERS
Vanna Del Rey Yeah I`m pretty much like you. Thinking of joining a group so I can actually talk with people without then insisting I have a problem simply because I don't feel like screwing.
***** I've thought I've had crushes before, but looking back they were all weird obsessions with people. I basically spun around and pointed my finger at someone to fixate on, and followed cues from my peers as to who I should crush on. Of course, I never realized it at the time, but hindsight is 20/20. I actually met my girlfriend at a con (whoops) and no, she's not aroace!
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
i'm Aromantic and seeing your video made me feel so much less weird, knowing that i'm not the only person that just wants SUPER close friends is awesome, thank you 💖
I have seen a lot of videos and comics about asexuality but everyone ignores aromantics, be they sexual or asexual. Romance is pushed so heavily in our world. Most music, books, movies, etc revolve around romance or have heavy romance themes. When someone is 40 and single it is seen as weird and when you're 60 and single that's just considered sad.
I don't have an interest in romance. I thought I would outgrow this but I have been this way for years. I remember when I was little I had a crush on a boy and I once thought I was panromantic but that doesn't seem likely. I just don't care about romance. I write romance and ship but the thought of kissing someone or holding their hand romantically is gross. I like the idea of having a really close friend who I can tell anything to, live together with, hold hands with, freely hug, go to fancy restaurants with, and such but I don't consider that romance. It doesn't feel romantic to me.
I have thought of entering a romantic relationship so I can get those interactions easily - it's hard finding people who want to be only friends but be so close - but it seems unfair and calling people my significant other is uncomfortable.
Posey The world being so pushy with romantic relationships really does make it difficult for aros...but there's open minded people who are totally fine being in a romantic relationship with an aromantic! Also, queerplatonic (or just plain platonic) relationships are becoming more accepted, and that definitely sounds like something you might enjoy
you just described my life.
I'm aromantic asexual too. Never had a "crush" before, and I'm going on 25. I just don't understand desiring somebody...never experienced such an emotion. Then again, I'm Schizoid, so I don't really desire any relationships at all, not even friendships or family. I wonder what proportion of aro-aces are Schizoids...
vanizorc What is a Schizoid???
kandiiyuutaamu A person with "Schizoid Personality Disorder" is what you would call an extreme introvert -- they do not like socializing at all. They don't like to spend time with anyone, neither friends nor family. They prefer to be alone and do solitary activities by themselves 100% of the time. This includes not wanting to engage in sexual activities with another person. They are fiercely independent and hate relying on anyone else for anything. It's labelled as a "personality disorder" in the DSM only because Schizoid individuals are "abnormal" in the sense that they are uncommon in society -- most people like relationships and socializing, even "regular" introverts. But to me, it shouldn't be called a "disorder" because more often than not the Schizoid individual is not distressed by their Schizoid-ness (and if they do feel distressed, then they're not really Schizoid -- they most likely have Social Anxiety Disorder).
vanizorc I suppose so, I mean not every person wants to have or be involve in a conversation with other people if they don't feel the need or desire of talking to anybody. There are times that most people should spend quality time on their own and do not wish to be interrupted by unnecessary hindrances.
kandiiyuutaamu But the difference is that Schizoids NEVER want to spend time with anybody else. Ever. They are at their happiest when alone, and view having to socialize with others an undesirable experience, so they won't socialize -- not even once in a while. (Unless of course it's really necessary, like in the workplace.) It's this "extreme" introversion that makes this a "disorder".
Hmm.....okay does this man that people with schizoids would like to think themselves like ghosts or invisible people?
Nothing has ever resonated so fully with me; thank you for making this. It's helped a lot.
Oh God. This is the first time I've met someone who feels exactly like me. I also am asexual aromantic, but still I love being close to people. I once explained it like this: Some people see "love" as a sexual thing. Some as a romantic thing. But I don't need them. I need a different type of love. That one you have with your closest friends or family, without seeing any sexual insinuations in cuddles, long hugs, little kisses, caring about eachother. I don't know if this type of love has a name tho. I am often scared of getting too comfortable with people who are not ace/aro, because I don't want them to think I am romantically or sexually attracted to them. I like when some friend who is 100% not attracted to me and understands me accepts this kind of love I am giving them and lets me be very close to them. I also love when people trust me with their secrets and worries etc, because it seems like they don't mind being close and sharing this intimate side of us, like for example telling things you've never told anyone about yourself because you feel comfortable and close to this person. I am getting frustrated and scared and angry all mixed together when people try to make me think that it is not true or when even if they know about my preferences they try to break me to romance and sexual stuff. I am socially anxious so this is only making things worse. I also feel extremely alienated and lost when I tell someone I'm ace/aro and they try to tell me I'm not or I'm lying or I'm probably traumatized or it's just a phase or I haven't met the right person(which makes me, the mos peaceful person you'll ever meet want to break their noses somehow) OR are immidiately turning away from me and leaves, breaks any contact like they just discovered I am some serial killer. Like what the hell have I done to make you abandon me?! What is it all about? I just don't get it.
Thank you, you are an amazing girl.
This kid is great, and I am honoured that she represents aromantics so warmly and beautifully.
I'm sorry to be a bit nitpicky here but they use they/them pronouns, not she/her!
李爱琳 Isn´t she just asexual and not agender?
FlorianVs99 No, I'm agender too! I have other videos discussing this and my pronouns are indeed they/them
Gender Pool Yes, I am sorry. I wrote that comment after just watching this single video so I didn´t know.
FlorianVs99 It's no problem at all!
I don't know how people can call you heartless when you obviously have sooo much compassion and warmth for people. You're right, that's really not how that works. :)
When you said that just because you desire a connection with someone, it doesn't mean you desire a romantic connection, wow I can totally relate. I, too, thought I was gay because I was experiencing a desire to connect with people, but the idea of dating never crossed my mind.
Wow, just wow. I normally never leave a post on anything but I just wanted to say thank you for talking about your experience. You almost made me cry and I never cry haha. For the longest time I have tried to figure out what I am and what was wrong with me. I also was, and still am, surounded by people who had romantic relationships and talked about them constantly, and I always wanted to find someone and have a romantic relationship, still do, but for some reason never understood why in the back of my head it felt like it wasn't possible. I used to tell people that I couldn't love and they wouldn't understand. They never really believed me and told me that I was young, but I knew somehow that It wasn't possible, I felt like my emotions were 'bottlenecked' or blocked somehow. It wasn't until about a few months ago I saw a tumblr post talking about the diffetences in asexual and aromantic that I learned that I might be aromantic. There is so little explanation on the subject that I never really understood it. So thank you for clearing it up some for me. Now I think I might be asexual as well but idk really. Sorry for the long comment, I just wanted to say thank you for making me feel less human.
I knew I was Ace for quite a while, but that still didn't explain everything to me. I only recently discovered the term Aro, and no lie, I full on sobbed out of relief. I was SO HAPPY that I wasn't the only one like me. I'm not wrong, or broken, just maybe a little bit different. Thank you so much for sharing your journey, and I'll see you in tumblr-land!
I really respect you for this video! As an aromantic, it is amazing to not be alone. Few people even know what aromantic is - they just don't believe that it exists (which is pretty sad). Keep being you and being strong :)
Yeah, it's kind of weird that society expects you to have these kinds of feelings for someone when you have no natural inclination to do so. I almost feel angry that I'm expected to do something that I can't make myself do. But in some ways, I wish I was like everyone else.
ye i used to almost make myself have crushes on peolpe i subcontiously hated because of this
OMG. sorry about the long rant like comment). You said that you write erotic fanfiction? I'm a writer myself, but I've never really written in the romance genre. Up until the last 2 years when I had this great idea and was really trying to write Romance for the first time. I've written in a lot of genres but I've never had such a hard time writing before. I assume it's because I'm writing about romantic and sexual attraction, which is something I've never experienced before. And as I tried to understand what it was that I wasn't getting, I realized that I didn't really understand romance or attraction that well. I can spot the difference between romantic and platonic when I watch or read, but I don't really understand the difference apart from physical desire, which is not the only factor in a romantic relationship. I'm just generally confused as to what romance is supposed to be (I think this confusion falls under quoi-romantic?).
So I was wondering if as an Ace person you could help explain romance to me? Or how you write romance?
Thank you!!
+alice mariah virginia rose "I like the idea of romance. I think couples are cute. I would love to experience romance myself actually. But I don't; it just doesn't happen. " That's how I am. Same with the asexual part. I can even fantasize about it but in reality I have no desire than for maybe making out.
I've watched this video multiple times over the past years and it has spoken to me on such a deep level. I'm bad at putting this stuff into words so having someone spell it out so clearly gave me a lot more self confidence because I got to know myself better and what I need in my life. thank you a lot!
I'm slowly identifying with asexual aromantic labels. I have been in some short relationships but in all of them I felt like I didn't love them properly, and I have realised that I really just wanted them as a close friend rather than as a lover. It's been a terrible time not just for me in hating myself and feeling wrong, but also to the people that gave so much of their time loving me with nothing in return. I really appreciate this video, makes me feel like there is a place for me and to help accept my feelings and live how I want to live. Thanks :)
+Alec Brady yep I was the same way haha 🙈😂 don't care now happy with who I am and not having to hide it :) felt bad on the people I went on dates with as it was just platonic same with my relationship did it for society's sake to try and fit in and be normal xD normal is overrated going against what they want and content to do so.
I've been thinking I might be aromantic for a while now, which is how I found this video: you've basically described most of my thoughts and feelings. Thanks for helping me :D
Glad I came across this - I'm an aro ace and this video is amazing. Found myself crying at the end. Thank you for posting this.
A year ago I searched aromantic up on youtube there was nothing at all and I was really disappointed. When someone showed me your videos I was so overjoyed that there's good quality videos on aromantic that are interesting and good for representation.
You're so amazing!
Thank you so so much for making this video. All the aces I've met are kind of serious people who aren't super energetic about the be friends with everyone thing. You remind me of me and watching you makes me feel more confident about being myself. Don't feel inhuman, it is so clear that you have a shit ton of love in your heart. Warm hugs and fuzzies.
What?? No shitposting?!? UNACCEPTABLE!!11
But seriously, you did a really good job. You are sooo articulate, and you seem very confident. I'm envious.
On the topic of sexual aces and romantic aros... The way I would explain it to someone is this: Consider someone who is not a gamer, and yet still partakes in some games casually. It may be that they do it only socially, or maybe they just get the occasional itch for some good old Mario. Maybe gaming is really important to their significant other, so they play with them because seeing them happy makes them happy as well. There are so many reasons you can take part in something and not enjoy it the way that other people do.
Ugh FINALLY. I feel the exact same way. I have grown slowly more comfortable with my aromanticism but last year I would spend hours and hours bawling alone in my room because I felt like I was "broken." You couldn't have found a better word. My friends made me feel like I was broken with how they flaunted their romantic relationships in front of me and acted like I was weird and how pushy everyone is about me being in a relationship. I WANTED to feel that. I still do. Sexual attraction, romantic love, I WANT it badly. But I just don't feel it. I just can't. I never have. And that totally breaks my heart more than I could ever say. I know I won't be able to tell most people in my life because they would never understand, and most LGBT videos about stuff are solely about asexuality, explaining how even though they don't feel sexual attraction, they "can still love romantically." Which makes me feel like I can't love, which is really fucking emotionally damaging to me and a hundred percent not true. I love my friends and I love my family and I love my dog and I love myself and I love my school and I love my passions and a thousand other things, with way more love inside me going towards all those things than romantic people could comprehend. Other LGBT info out there just totally invalidates asexuality and aromanticism as a part of the communityfor a lot of reasons which I get, because I never went through my life having to hear slurs directed at a part of me and violence has never been committed against me. In addition, if I were ever to experience romantic feelings, I sense that it would be towards a male, making me possibly grayromantic or demiromantic (same for sex, hetero/graysexual or demisexual. crosses fingers, still holding out hope). Which in a lot of people's eyes totally shuts me out of that community because they don't consider it queer enough. Again, I totally get the sentiment! But it does make me feel invisible, invalidated, and alone.
I'm just so glad I finally saw a video with someone speaking honestly about the heartbreak and the bad shit that comes along with being an aromantic in a romance-obsessed society, and an asexual in a sex-obsessed society. What has always bothered me most and made me cry the most was this irritating feeling of not being able to know what everyone else was talking about. I wouldn't care if I never found love again if I could just feel it one time to just KNOW what the experience is even like. Instead, people talk about this intrinsic part of themselves and their lives so openly and so constantly and I feel more alone than ever when they do (which is all the time, and really exhausting). Because I just can't relate at all. I have nothing to say. I just feel like such a broken person, and everyone and everything around me makes me feel like I'm missing something super important that I can't have a real human experience without. Like I'm not even a real human because I don't have this. Like I'm deficient in some crucial way. "I feel so inhuman because people make it sound like to be human you need to love people in that way, and I just don't, which is really scary." Ugh exactly! Assholes. And I know that if I even tried to talk to anyone about it I would be dismissed and/or treated like a sub-human, because it's happened before.
You just totally mirrored how I felt last year in this video. I feel so much better. Thank you so much. (Did cry a little, but in a good way.) You seem like a really amazing person!
+Maddie Cupak Hi Maddie, thanks for sharing all that. I have felt all of those same things for so long and did destructive things to myself to try and pretend I was something different and suppress the truth of what I have known about myself. It is extremely, extremely hard. I really like how the girl in the video said "I'm not a heartless bitch." I think, if anything, people like us need MORE love because of all the shit we go through. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for your comments, and that you're not alone.
queerplatonic, that's the word for it, by the way
Thank you for posting this video!! It made me feel a lot better.... sexuality/romantic feelings are more fluid than everyone thinks and everyone falls on a different scale, and can change throughout their lifetime. You're not alone!
Thank you for making this video! You explained aromantic so well. I always hear that it means you aren't romantically attracted to anyone, but I never knew what romantic attraction was. How you described your feelings towards your friends/people you're close to makes so much more sense. Keep up the great work!
Tearing up right now, I think I finally figured out my sexuality because of this video. So many things are starting to make so much more sense now, and many of the things you talked about I feel exactly the same way. thank you. THANK YOU.
I am so glad to have happened upon this video. I recently discovered that I am Asexual Aromantic. for most of this year, I thought I was bi, but after a month and a half of having a gf, I was confused as to why I didn't feel the fluttery feeling when we talked, or why I didn't want to kiss her or anything else. When I found out about AceAro, I knew I had to tell her. We ended up breaking up (horrible, she didn't take it well at all). But now I feel at peace; I like being single. Thank you so much for posting this video. ^_^
I'm a lithromantic as I found out recently, so basically I feel romantic attraction, but once my feelings are reciprocated I lose my feelings for them, and if I do end up in a relationship with them I get really bad anxiety, so I'm incapable of a romantic relationship, and I mean I don't really care about relationships, friends are the best thing, but as being a teenager it's kind of sad to think I can't really get married or ever even "normal" date, when I'm older I probably won't care, but now it's pretty upsetting
This! This is me! Finally, thank you. I'm in a relationship at the moment and have almost constant anxiety, I can't eat or even stand up around them, the anxiety kills. I don't want to cuddle or kiss my partner. Before we got together I did really like them and that's why I'm kicking myself now. Really interesting to hear from someone in the same situation!
+izzy rose later in the year also I had a crush on my friend and one day she randomly told me that if I wasn't lith she would date me. After that I could even sit next to here hug her and stuff like that, I was basically repulsed by anything even remotely romantic that I could do with her. So um ya that's just another example.
Interesting. I think I could possibly be quoiromantic. I feel like I don't really understand whether I am having a squish or a crush on someone, and I clearly can't cope having relationships. I feel like i'm never truly going to feel 'defined'.
Lguppyhead IRL maybe your anxiety is something you need to work through instead of cowering behind a label
Lguppyhead IRL I know like I will sometimes get really upset being aromantic asexual that no one will ever propose or I will never have kids.
This video made me laugh and cry. Thank you so much for making a video that I as an AroAce can relate to :)
Thank you so much for making this video. As an aro ace, I really related to this. I've seen many great videos from other youtubers about asexuality, and a few about being aromantic, but it's amazing finally seeing content from an actual aro ace. I only figured out my sexuality and romantic attraction a year ago, and it was hard believing that I was broken as I was not feeling the same way as other people. Thank you again for sharing this. I think I speak for most other aro aces who's seen it when I say, that I felt a lot less alone after having watched your video
I've only recently realised that I am Aromantic. Being able to identify myself was such a huge confident boost because I realised that I wasn't weird for not experiencing crushes or not desiring relationships. But despite the fact I'm comfortable in my Aromantic identity, I'm constantly battling myself to run and tell every exactly who I am and hiding that part of me in fear of judgement. It also sucks that there isn't a huge community for Aromantics and Asexuals, and if there is a community for us we're usually lumped together and not seen as separate identities.
A. Rogue I can really relate to wanting to tell people! And yeah, a lot of the purpose of these videos is to make that community because a lot of the feelings of isolation can really be hurtful, so there really needs to be a place for aromantics and asexuals to sort of...gather, I guess?
I am aromantic myself what I found not so long time ago and in my case it's like I really like seeing romantic stuff, like other couples, movies, books, writing role plays and it always is so cute and oh, but I don't really want it myself. However, I'm in need of deep emotional connection, like friendship but more. And, when it comes to romantic relationships, it would work for me, because like there would be a person who loves you, cares for you, needs you, you need them, and all of the good stuff, and no one would get mad, or forgotten, or left behind... because when relation is called "friendship" you can't get angry that they love someone else in they same way, or on another level, or that they don't spend much time with you, and some stuff you'd do or say would be seen as strange by society if you call yourself friends... so romantic relationship would just put an end to this and make everything normal, letting erm, us? being together in platonic way on both sexual and romantic level.
Szczurzysława so you don't mind having "squish" :D That's the aromantic version of "crush" if I know it right.
Dávid Busai Yeah some time ago I made some research and I just loved term "squish" xD it's really well worded "D and yep, I don't mind having a squish ^^ I even have one for 9+ years hah
I just wanted to say thank you so much for posting this. Ive watched it several times over the past few months, and it makes me feel less alone. I'm still incredibly confused, and I still feel like a loser for bing a 19 year old who's never had a crush (whatever that even is...) and never having kissed anybody. I feel awkward and out of place when guys hit on me. My lack of experience makes it even harder for me to figure out where I am on the spectrum, and because I don't know, it makes me feel like I can't come out to anyone. I don't want to be alone forever, but I also don't want to have the pressure of a romantic and/or sexual relationship. So again, thank you so much for making this video and reminding me that I'm not the only one.
Thank you so much for sharing this video. I used to feel broken and alone and feeling like something was wrong with me because of all the things you were saying about not feeling those romantic feelings toward anyone. And now I realize why: I wasn't broken, there's nothing wrong with me I'm just aromantic/asexual and that's okay! And it all makes sense now, I feel so much better about myself now that I know there are others out there like me, I'm not alone in the world. I did feel a bit like a monster, especially after talking to my girl friends when they talked about love and relationships and sex and I didn't feel much of anything; it really is a terrible, isolating feeling when you've never felt those types of feelings for anyone. You made me feel so much better about what has been happening to me, you really described my situation to a T about just wanting friends but not romantic relationships :). Now I'm just wondering how I'm going to tell my family and friends why I'm so different from everyone else....... :/
Holy shit, are you me?
I'm also cupioromantic. Other aromantics often say that cupioromantics are just denying their aromanticism, and that we're just being unrealistic/unhealthy but I don't think I agree. I think we aren't fully aromantic, perhaps just a little grey. We feel *something* in there. Its like the tiniest little glimmer of romantic attraction in the darkness. Its like being given few crumbs of a "mindblowing delicious" cake cooked by a famous baker, not enough to get actually taste it but enough to ALMOST taste it. And its really disheartening and frustrating. Cause now we are curious and want to experience the cake's full flavor, but we only have that crumb and that's it. And then everyone else around you is eating full slices of the cake, and talking about how it's the best thing they've ever tasted, and you feel a little sad and jealous and want that cake even though you didn't really taste much.
i'm asexual aromantic too i only want friendship
laughing out loud Same
I relate to this so much. I misidentified for a long time because I didn't have the terms, but I've learned a lot over the past couple of years, and am really glad I found this video. Thanks!
You said it perfectly and now I'm crying too.
I can relate to this video so much! I'm not a cupioromantic (is that how you spell it?) and I rarely enjoy romance in fiction like you do, but apart from that everything you said is exactly how I feel. Every time people around me engage in a conversation about romance I become instantly isolated. I want to talk but I just can't. It's hard to explain but it's a bit like they're speaking in a foreign language that I barely know, so when I try to contribute I can't because I don't speak the language well enough.
I always feel like I'm broken, like my brain is deformed. For the entirety of my teenage years I thought I was a cold-hearted bitch because I didn't feel what other people feel. I thought I was a failure as a human being because no one had ever loved me romantically and I had never loved anyone else. I thought I was unlovable, unlikable, unwanted, especially because I was really unpopular in school.
The worst part is that I can't talk to anyone about it because aromanticism is so uncommon and so unknown. No one understands me and I can see it in their eyes that they think of me the way I thought of myself when I was younger. It can feel so lonely sometimes.
To make matters worse I'm asexual too, so double everything I've just said.
Sorry for the long post and thank you anyone who read all of it. It's just that you're the first person I've seen who TOTALLY GETS IT the way I do. Your video is funny, informative, emotional and just fantastic. Thank you so much for posting this and have a brilliant day!
I relate to a lot of what you say. I always felt different or weird about me personally wanting super close friendships rather than dating since being in the scene of strongly sexually orientated people and friendships with people that don't want to get to that level and instead get it in other relationships. ....waw, that was weird to say.
Omg you are SO sweet! And this helped me so much I think I am aromantic. I have just never really like anyone. And never kissed or dated. You are awesome!
This is so perfect
I feel that I am an aromantic asexual and you explained it so perfectly
I only learned about the term 'aromantic' really recently and then I found your video. I just started crying (totally unexpected) when you talked about just being friends with everyone but that's EXACTLY how I feel. A good friend of mine recently asked me out and I rejected him because I didn't feel any of the 'butterflies' or 'sparks' or anything I thought you're supposed to have a relationship and I feel so bad because I love being friends with him. I love make friends and I rather have really good close friends than 'dating' someone.
I've never heard anyone else say the things I have always thought of and say the words that I've been trying to say but could never describe or put in words. I don't know how to tell people this (like that good friend of mine who asked me out) or anyone really. Or what if I'm wrong and I'm not aromantic after all? (But I pretty sure I'm not?) But I'm really glad I found your video and it helped a lot a lot. I don't your tumblr link but I would love to talk more and ask for advice? Thank you!
Em H Even if you're not aromantic, it's great that you can relate! There's many different "shades" of aromanticism; maybe you're grey-romantic, who knows! Human sexuality and romantic orientation is subject to change, and so even if you feel aromantic now but not later-hey, that's fine. As for talking to friends about it, I find a great way to test the waters is to put forward the idea that a fictional character you both know could be aromantic themselves, and depending on your friends' reactions you can judge whether or not to tell them and how much they may already know.
I'm glad you found the video and if you have any questions I (finally) put the Tumblr link in the description-it's easier to send me asks there so if you need anything let me know!
You are so beautiful and so strong I support you 100%♡
I really hope you get a lot of support from your friends and family too because this must be hard for you and you deserve the support so much because you seem like such a lovely sweet person x
Thank you so much for this video!!!!!!! It is my first introduction to cupiosexuality and cupioromance. As hard as it is to explain to people about asexuality, it was even harder when I tried to explain that in theory I wanted a sexual and romantic relationship but I also didn't want it…? Your story and examples mean so much to me. I think I can clarify a couple of things to my friends because of it. Thanks an infinite times over!!!!!!!!!
+Rebecca Lindgren YESS!!!! "As hard as it is to explain to people about asexuality, it was even harder when I tried to explain that in theory I wanted a sexual and romantic relationship but I also didn't want it…" It IS really confusing when you want it but you don't want it. I can say that to you and trust that you get it, but I doubt other people will. It's actually been super painful, especially with me being close to 50 and only now finding others with the same makeup.
I just want to hug you. Partially to comfort and also cause I understand the feeling of thinking your broken as an asexual. You're precious though. Lots of good vibes your way
I'm actually really happy after watching this video, my whole life I've felt really different from most other kids my age and I didn't understand the whole "crush" thing on other boys or the urge to do certain things. All my friends are like that and I just have recently been feeling extremely left out because I just can't relate with what they talk about. At first I thought I was bisexual because I can say "that is a good looking boy/girl", but that's all, I didn't feel anything else ever and its made me really confused. I've been learning more about asexuality and aromantic lately and the more I read about it the more I see myself. This video did it for me I think, I relate with it more than anything and I think I can really understand why I don't feel the same way almost everyone else does and that I'm not just some girl that is incapable of emotions. So I just want to say thank you so much this helped me a lot.
+Alexis Estey I know exactly what you mean. I always just assumed I was a late bloomer, but now at the age of 19, I'm starting to think that this is a permanent thing. I can totally relate to what you just said.
I just went through the same thing. I'm a gray- asexual aromantic. I've tried to fall in love with people but it never worked. I knew about asexuality but that didn't quite fit since I've had been sexually attracted to people in the past. Finding out about aromantism was a big AHA!- moment for me and I feel at such peace right now.
oh wow, i didn't know cupiosexuality / cupioromanticism is a thing but that's exactly me! thanks so much for making this video it's really helped me understand aromanticism better! :)
I've went through this exact same journey with sexualities and found that I am comfortably grey-asexual aromantic and it's going good.Thank you very much for this video and I agree that queerplatonic relationships are the best. I wish you the best!
+Ace 44 ps totally subscribing and following you on tumblr,url astro-theology~!
+Ace 44 I think I"m grey-asexual aromantic too. I have no idea how in the world I'd find the kind of relationship I want (because I do want that).
Thank you so much for making this video! Now I'm completely sure that I'm aromantic. I still don't know where I am in the aro spectrum, but I'll figure that out eventually. ^^
Wow thanks for the vid, the end hit me cause I felt t he exact same way, and it's cool find other people who feel the same.
This makes a lot of sense to me...I have always kind of struggled in romantic relationships and sexual relationships as well. I identify as pansexual because I have based my past "romantic and sexual interests" purely on emotional development. I am a very emotional person and sometimes I can't figure out what I am even feeling let alone understand it. I can experience sexual attraction but usually it happens after feelings which I consider romantic to have been established from my part. I can see a very attractive man and woman and recognize they are pretty or handsome, I can see a more androgynous person and I am smitten and allured with them but I won't feel sexual attraction. I also...don't fall in love easily. I can love someone and care about them deeply but I won't be "in love" with them and that has always frustrated me and confused me and taken a toll in my past relationships. I enjoy sex and I can get hot and bothered but I have noticed it is usually with someone I trust and have very close intimate emotional connections with. I think I have only been in love once. I also see romantic relationships as something nice but I don't feel it is a necessity. I am a very affectionate person when I want to be, I am a very touchy feely person with friends and close loved ones. I desire affection but platonic affection like mentioned in this video, with friends or family; I also have to be the one to initiate or ask for it..asking is hard sometimes though because I don't know sometimes how to express what I want or need from someone. But that's another topic for another time. I am wondering if maybe I fall under the aromantic spectrum. I am very "romantic" people tell me but the thing is I don't see it as ROMANCE like COURTSHIP. I see it as just...expressing pleasantries for those I appreciate to have in my life. I like to sing/serenade someone if I feel like it, I like to cook and buy nice things for someone I care about, I like to cuddle and hold hands and kiss (non sexually) and say sweet things to those I care about. And this can be completely separate from someone I have ROMANTIC and SEXUAL feelings for which would be the one person I'd expect to be in a relationship with. A big problem in my relationships was jealousy, I didn't feel jealous over them and they were very jealous of me and my close friends because I was very clingy and I cuddled my friends and they would get jealous and furious and to my mind it didn't make sense to me because I didn't see it as abnormal. I thought and still do think it should be normal to be like that with close friends if they allow it and enjoy it too. So I do understand the whole "I wish platonic romantic relationships were more popular" because I also would enjoy that. Another thing for me is, sometimes I just want to be shown affection and told I am appreciated and loved but I don't desire anything romantic. I have always been put off when talking to someone for a short period of time and they tell me they have feelings for me...because I am slow in opening up to people so I feel that their attraction and or feelings towards me are superficial. Which sounds terrible I know, but I can't help but feel that way. People say I come off as cold, reserved and quiet until they get to know me. Which to most people translates as "anti-social" but no I am not anti-social. I just don't have such a strong desire or need to talk and make mundane chitchat with people, I am easily bored with people as well..but when I meet someone who I really can talk to about anything and enjoy spending time with them, that is when I have reached my peek. I want to shower with love that person and have them understand it is completely platonic unless mentioned otherwise, but it seems that isn't the social-norm. Hmm. Anyway, great video!
That's exactly what demisexual is.
Shadow's Peak I can definitively see that now! Thanks, I have been reading about demisexuality and it sure does help me understand my emotional/sexual attraction. So I guess I'd be considered Demipansexual/Pandemisexual according to what I read. Hmm, have a good one (:
I loved that video. I never understood my way to feel love, i thought that my heart was dry. Now I can rethink about my experiences
I relate to this so much! You're wonderful, thank you!
Love is not or should not be based on need or needs anyways, then it is not actually love in the first place.
When there is love there is, when there is not there is not and then needs plays the main role in a relatiinships. Love over goes/comes all needs.
Generally speaking people have lost the capacity to love and thinks that fullfilled needs are same as love.
Love is something that is felt in the heart, it over flows and only wants to give if anything. Love makes one content and needs nothing.
Thanks for addressing being both and you described it really good
I 100% agree with you! I'm aromatic asexual too when I was young I used to force myself to be romantically interested in guys because of how the media acknowledged only heterosexual romantic relationships in the media. Although I regret doing that to myself I felt broken otherwise and felt I had to fit into an expectation of the "norm" in societies terms. Luckily I found out I'm not alone and have tried my best to except who I am.
It's not hard to be an ace when you're like me and you despise everyone.
The weird thing to me is that while I can imagine what it would be like to have romantic feelings I dont experience them myself.
I am aromantic and am happy being single. U have a playful personality with both genders and ppl always misunderstand. I have to explain that I just want a friendship type of relationship but no, they look at me in a weird way cause they can't understand.
I sometimes really want to just sit down a person who is married with kids or currently dating and ask them... "why do you want to have sex, what does it feel like o have sex for you that makes you want it, why do people supposedly want to kiss each other for long periods of time why do people want to look at pictures or videos of naked or half naked people? " but then I know they would either question this supposedly common knowledge of everyone over 14 or look at me like I'm stupid or nuts. I tryed to ask in more subtle ways but haven't got any satisfactory answers
Susie Arnold wow yeah I can completely understand that buddi
This is the only video I've managed to find with an aro/ace person in a "romantic" relationship and I'm RELIVED. I know I'm ace, and I'm like 90% sure I'm aro too but I want to get married and have kids? Attraction=/= love and I feel like, though it'll be different than a traditional marriage, I can deeply care about a person enough to make it work!
Thank you SO SO MUCH for this video! I've been really struggling with this and watching this put all of the pieces together for me- THANK YOU. You described how I feel so perfectly, and I am so happy I'm not alone
I'm an Aromantic Asexual. The relationship you had was most likely a QPP (Queer Platonic Partnership), look it up. :D
i am feeling this video so freakin hard rn :D seriously, i am exactly like you
Really well said and pretty funny at times as well haha, thank you! :)
I'm lithromantic, never thought those words would come out of my mouth.. It's one of the strangest things and I ask myself everyday, why? I always have been interested in boys 'thinking they're cute or handsome' but when I show them affection, I get it back. And than I start to feel weird and things keep moving faster and with in 2 days I'm a mess and physically cannot go on, I always thought it had something to do with being 13 and not being mature but yet I know it's something else I know that I'm not normal because of these signs. IS ANYONE ELSE LITHROMANTIC? IF SO COMMENT AND HELP ME OUT!!!
+Shaz Capade Good on you for having the courage and pardon the pun balls to come out and raise awareness to others about what it's like to be an Aromantic Asexual. Thank you for sharing most inspiring. We aren't a different race for heaven's sake we are still people that can be happy and function normally without romance and sex haha not the be all or end all to have no desire for it 🙈😂 family and platonic love is great too :) you can still live a successful life. Wish I had stopped hiding who I was for so long by forcing myself into dating and a romantic relationship that I wasn't that happy in as that's what society wants and is driven by did more harm than good at the time xD
you are such a sweet person! *sends huggs*
I'm not aromatic just a sociopath
I'm confused if I'm either bi or an asexual...
I'm an aromantic so that makes it even more confusing since I'm okay to be with either girl or boy but I'm not too sure since I didn't have any romantic feelings to any of them. Also I really am very indifferent at the idea of intercourse...
I am in a romantic relationship with a guy. However, I identify myself as asexual. Your video made me feel much better.
Alien is an apt term for it. Always been called out as psychotic or lying. I don't think others can relate to my intensity or being very caring toward them apart from sexuality, and I blame our hypersexualized society for that. I know what I feel and I never feel sexual, turned on or interested in anyone's bodies. About twice a decade I meet minds that are 'sexy' and they come in all genders & expressions; so that happens.
I'm having a really tough time being asexual aromantic. My girlfriend is VERY sexual and constantly needs affection. I really care about her and I want her to be happy, but I don't desire her in the ways she does me. I don't know what to do. :(
Talk to her. Like tell her how you feel and compromise to do things so both of you can be in a happy relationship. Also if she doesn't know what being aro and ace mean just show her links to different pages, or videos.
I guess communication is the best thing.
Thank you so much!! I'll be sure to follow your advice. :)
***** It's totally possible to have a relationship that's commonly considered to be romantic or is romantic, even if you're aromantic! It's like not craving chocolate but eating it with someone you're really good friends with.
carol danvers Why would a asexual aromantic person have a boyfriend/girlfriend? seriously question, I'm a little clueless about that.
***** Why not have one? Every person, aromantic or not, has their own reasons to date or not date. It's not really something one person could answer!
My reason for dating is because I like being close to people-especially my girlfriend because we were super close before dating-and cuddling is really nice.
This was beautiful. Thank you.
The type of relationship you're describing with ur girlfriend is called a queerplatonic relationship! :)
+Amanda France It was for me too!!
I'm somewhere on the cupioromantic spectrum, because the love I feel isn't romantic, it's closer to motherly love than anything and I still desire romantic relationship :/ There isn't even a word to describe that.
PLEASE help me.. I can feel the love and relationships feel no need for sexual activity I feel an alien in my own body I don't want to be here anymore please help me
I suggest doing some research on asexual and aromantic spectrums to see what definition fits you best!
I think you are asexual and maybe on the aromantic spectrum but I don't quite think so???
I am very confused about myself being on the aro spectrum
Step beyond BFF, would that be BFFWB (Best friends forever with benefits)?
what they were describing is called a queer platonic relationship
just found this video. thanks. sounds very familiar.
Me and my siblings are part of the LGBT+ community and its great to have their support, but neither of them are Aro/Ace spectrum so i always feel left out :/
I feel broken too, and dont cry you are not alone but i was crying when I found out
I'm trying to figure myself out still but I really connected with this ❤️
you should look up the term QPR (queerplutonic/quasiplutonic relationship)
How do you tell someone this without being seen as weird?
Is it too early at the age of 13 to label myself as aromatic asexual? I've been suspecting i am for a while now.
+TheTitaniaOfAnime Of course not. :-)
+TheTitaniaOfAnime
It's never too early, as long as you're confident. I'm young too! If you want, you can tell me your signs, but if you don't want to, that's fine.
I'm 13 too, and I feel that way as well. I also feel agender, I'm still working it out and once I confirm it I will come out but I'm still working things out. You're not alone!
nope! I'm around the same age and I identify as aro ace!
I'm 12 turning 13 and I don't know and i think I am too 😊
Lots of aroaces call their relationships queer platonic relationships and call their partners queer platonic partners. idk if you've heard of that but lots of people are in relationships like that and there's a word for exactly what you described and I wanted to make sure you knew aha😊
Can anyone recommend a chatroom or something for aromantic/asexuals? Thanks :)
Hey Erin (Aron? im sorry) my name is brooke (flirtatiousfruitcake of tumblr) I just watched your video and I wanted to let you know you have helped me so much in understanding myself a little bit more. If you ever feel like talking Id love to make a new friend Cx message me whenever
Gender Pool i dont now if im aromantic. I never had a boyfriend, and i never feel that "love" my friends describe. That is because i didnt find the 'right person' yet or because im really aromantic?
[sorry for the bad english, correct me if i made any mistake]
i dont *know ...
It's really up to you to decide whether or not you're aromantic! Not feeling the love other people describe doesn't mean that you're aromantic because people feel romantic love in different ways. I'd suggest defining what romantic love means to you, and then sitting down and thinking about whether or not you feel that kind of love, if that makes sense :)
Thx for replying, but I was doing some research about it and I discovered I'm cupioromantic..
Thx anyway \o\
They look like Mable Pines and it's amazing
I have a question if someone is both aromantic and asexual does that mean they feel no attraction at all?
Kaileigh Watland I have like aesthetic attraction, I find many people beautiful, but it's more of an appreciation. I don't have an urge to get with them. It's different for everyone though lol.
Kaileigh Watland I am both and for me personally the attraction is different.
I value others for their friendship not whether I can screw them or not.
In fact I did for years have a very strong libido but for some reason lost it around 2006 when I started travelling for work.
So I can often see both sides of the issue.
Greatest thing that ever happened in my life was losing that libido that typically amounted to a lot of distractions prior to 2006.
Now, the biggest problem I have is women accepting that they remain in the " friend/sister zone " and that they have nothing I need to feel wanted.
I don't seek extra friends to give me value in life - I found it within myself.
I don't have a NEED to be with someone just to have an itch scratched nor do I cling onto other as if I am nothing without them.
Sometimes this comes across as being a little cold HOWEVER I am not a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath.
They also have a different mindset ( lack of empathy and compassion and other factors ) which makes them predatory.
I had a female friend over Saturday night for a few drinks and after me telling her my position multiple times over the years we have remained platonic friends, she asked me 3 questions during the evening.1. " Why wont you just f--k me ? "
2. " Will you massage my boobs ? "
3. " What will you do if I refuse to go home and just sleep here with you ? "
So just being comfortable as I am does not mean WE ( as Asexuals and Aromantics ) are not subjected to issues caused by those that insist on our help scratching their itch.
It really pisses me off at times when all I want is a chat and a friendly drink without obligation or unwanted demands.
CHEERS
Vanna Del Rey
Yeah I`m pretty much like you. Thinking of joining a group so I can actually talk with people without then insisting I have a problem simply because I don't feel like screwing.
yes but i still think someone is aesthetically beautiful but i'm not attracted at all :/
It can, but there are also things like aesthetic and platonic attraction!
i only feel somewhat romantically attracted to one person and they arent real
awesome video by the way ♡♡♡
There should be a name for that
you are not heartless in fact your pure sweetness.Love you.
Im aromantic just didnt know the word no wonder im a virgin still....
How do I message you? I would love to talk to you slash ask you something at some point!
Andi Farley Shimota You can message me through here or on my tumblr at kujiraghost.tumblr.com! I reply faster to Tumblr messages
Can anyone recommend a chatroom, or somewhere I can just talk to other aros/aces? thanks :)
AVEN the asexuality and visibility network has chat rooms
Question… Have you ever had a crush? Is your girlfriend aromatic/asexual? How did you meet her?
***** I've thought I've had crushes before, but looking back they were all weird obsessions with people. I basically spun around and pointed my finger at someone to fixate on, and followed cues from my peers as to who I should crush on. Of course, I never realized it at the time, but hindsight is 20/20.
I actually met my girlfriend at a con (whoops) and no, she's not aroace!
Queerplatonic? (in reference to your beyond best friends)
This is beautiful