Toxic ex creates impossible scenario
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
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Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
Yeah I agree with you.
My ex filed a pro order and came back to the house, manipulated me for sex one last time with promises of reconciliation. And flipped her script the next morning, messaged my friends family and anyone she thought was pertinent to her smear campaign. While I'm being served shes blowing my phone up telling me that we can be in contact and to contact her immediately, sent all her ultimatums to my family to be delivered to me as I stayed no contact. Was coming into my home while I was gone or at work. Then dismissed the order the day before court. Sent me nudes from a women's shelter. Wouldn't let me see my son. But wanted to make it work? Then demanded counseling that she wouldn't participate in monetarily. Lied in those counseling sessions while she manipulated the counselor. The whole time she was cheating with numerous men while I was at work, gaslighting me that I'm "paranoid" "crazy" and obsessed. Came back numerous times to save our marriage and then would flip her game and file another one. She had people taking pictures of my Facebook, Instagram, and she was blocked the entire time. She has a history of cutting herself, mental health...but I'm a stalker? Everything they do covertly is projected onto you. It took months of diligent investigating to show the courts what the hell I was up against. THEY DO NOT CARE, ZHE IS A FEMALE.
unfortunately courts tend to do that and it can take a LONG time to finally get the truth out. But I think a lot of the time we just find a different way to deal with and cope with the situation. What's your custody arrangement now?
@@DSD true joint fifty fifty and only because I showed the court she was tantalizing me. It took two years. And I'm still getting harassed to this day via our family wizard. She likes to threaten going to court. Its like a bait tactic. So I just call the cops and send over the images of it and document it. But they never do anything like charge her with anything. And I've had numerous discussions with lawyers and they say you can apparently say that to people? Like,"I'm gonna sue you" or " I'm gonna take you to court" to me you shouldn't say your gonna do that and just go through the proper channels if you were going to do that. But she likes to send these all the time. And even when I don't respond to a lot of it she tries to use that against me as well. None of it has worked. Do not engage them at all. Everything will be twisted. Even if they are messaging you first and bait and switching. Three years of this hell and I'm finally starting to feel like I'm getting ahead. But the second I feel like I haven't heard anything out comes something from her. I just don't respond anymore. Everything goes through the proper channels, respectfully even if police don't listen and judges.
Man that cycle gave me a lot of trauma - the same thing I'd start to feel like things were calming down and then out of nowhere I'd get whacked. It got to the point that when it did "kinda" stop I started having anxiety because I knew something was about to happen... Now I'm just numb to it and it sounds like you're pretty much there yourself. It is amazing how it seems, most of the time, women can get away with that stuff but if you tried even a part of what she was doing they would throw the book at you.
💯💯💯💯💯 i never forget he said to me” I will make you break” jeez I had to leave him I honestly believe my health would be so bad by now if I stayed with him 🙏🏻💪🏻🤗
Yeah they really do want to break you and once you get “away” it drives them crazy because they no longer have that control..: glad you made it out!
They really do ruin our health. It’s “sick” to think a loved one wants to break us down, so it’s shocking to realize. I know my disability resulted from the confusion & stress I was experiencing. Keep putting your health first. ❤
@@DSD Thank you 😊🙏🏻
Nailed it! In the beginning, they want to break you. They count on you interacting like you did before, but you throw them off their game. Then they escalate until they are acclimated to you not reacting or breaking down, or they get bored & look for new games. Showing zero reaction is what works best. They want power over you even after they lose you, more than when they had you sometimes.
I was just talking to someone about the power of not responding or reacting to them.
@@DSD It definitely gets worse at first, then hopefully it calms down with as little reaction as possible. Mine went from fighting for money to sending candy apples 🍎
The have a unique capacity of finding new and unique ways to poke you in the eye... Or jaw...
@@DSD Yes! I need to look at it with humor from now on. It’s absurd!!
@erikavaleries it took me a LONG time to get to that point. It definitely helps.
Thank you for this video. I really needed. Had court today. I am so emotionally drained. He has supervised visits and was trying to stop them. He had a smirk on his face the entire time. The reports from the therapist said they need to continue. He had no concerns about how his behaviors have affected our child and of course I am to blame. The judge denied his request thankfully. Meanwhile I am left dealing with the aftermath. I was so close to breaking and finally gave in and put myself into therapy as well. I know we will get through this but today was rough.
Most of the time a NPD LOVES the drama of court - so for them winning isn't actually getting what they want winning is dragging you into the drama and making you HAVE to endure it. I can completely understand how draining that is. I would imagine it will take you a few days to bounce back from that.
You’re a legend Duane! Know that your knowledge, honesty and pure integrity in all this has transcended you from the crap you dealt with - watched your journey from the beginning; you’ve been instrumental in my recovery. I wish you so much happiness and good fortune always x
6 years here and still battling the fight for my right to be Mom to my daughters one aged out 2yrars ago and not a word even though she was14 when abducted.. so so sad
Don’t give up. Doing nothing and preserving yourself can work in the long run. Focus on healing you and wait it out ❤ I’m so sorry you have this situation.
It is devastatingly sad how much damage a toxic NPD can make situations and how they can ruin child parent relationships. It’s like a virus that takes hold and is difficult to fight.
@@erikavaleries thank you for being a sounding board and encouraging source of strength even if you don't think you are, you are ❤️
@@erikavaleries thank you Erika I appreciate your input
@@michellezoske4714 You’re so welcome. That’s very kind. I have a bunch of these “people” in my family and my past, and it takes years to accept the reality. Thank god there are channels like Duane’s to help us know we aren’t crazy or at fault. I can’t think of anything harder to go through, so be kind to yourself. It will become less shocking and you don’t have to totally get over it or let it go. We learn to live with it and the support online or in therapy helps a lot. Big hugs.
Great advice. Thank you for taking the time to make this video 👏
Thanks so much for watching and your support Melissa
How can you ever heal when the keep things going on in family court.. and if you don't respond, you will lose by default
I know that is the one way you have to engage. It’s a disgusting use of the legal system and they force us to engage.
You save my life, man.
Yea, my ex changed, she became abusive and manipulative, discarded me like trash twice . When I begged her not to leave, she just became more vindictive. Publically bashed me, tried to humiliate me, tried rubbing cheating in my face n every nasty thing you could think of, she even put me in jail with false accusations . Now she stays out this custody battle that I don't even see the point of, she's fighting to keep every thing the same, n I agreed. She's seeking child support. I agreed. But she refuses to sign anything. And since she had legal aid, it costs her nothing. But me a fortune
Seeing me fail is more then likely wiser she wants. But I see something deeper behind the mask. I see someone who is so afraid of losing in life. That they will destroy someone who actually loved them, just to get a sensation of winning.
Duane- please talk about the threat of supervised visitation. Happened to me 3 times. It’s scary but it’s bullshit if you’re right. It’s a scare to get you to quit. Don’t!!!!
It worked with me. I gave up. The false allegations, violence towards me (never reacted back). It took year's but it worked.
I really needed to hear this. Thank you
Glad it was helpful and thanks for watching my crazy little youtube channel!
Words of wisdom
Thanks Dwayne, great video for me. I ruminate about it every day.
@DSD How are you? what's going on with you? How is the lawsuit with your ex going? I pray she finds herself a millionaire or billionaire boyfriend get married and hopefully leave you alone forever. You deserve peace and happiness after you've been through.
Thanks so much man I really appreciate that! It’s actually my mom not the ex with the lawsuit so that’s fun. Yeah would definitely be nice to be done with all of these people! Hope you’re doing well!
Hello my brother!
The old mailman 😉
Greetings to you!!! 📫
I love you man
We all do ❤️❤️
Dr. Sam vaknin. Start learning
That's a name from the past - haven't seen him on my feed in a long time. The last I heard was the drama with him and Richard.
I learned so much from him.
🤗♥️
Thanks cindy!