@@crystalslade8056it gets better. Every compulsion give yourself time and practice exposing yourself to thoughts and not trying to stop them but sit in your anxiety. You will want to compulse or be assured but once the feelings of the thoughts go away and you actually let the thought exist without trying to avoid the feeling - it loses it’s power and it isn’t seen as a threat
Often my brain tells me that my relationship is wrong and I am going to break up, but also giving me the deepest sadness of leaving, because my relationship is in fact very important and meaningful to me. That’s the worst feeling
I just lost my boyfriend because of his fears. It is so sad, I wished he would find help. He left me many times but always came back. But then he started obsessing about the fact that I'm cheating while I was not, I love him deeply and had no desire or reason to cheat, but he could not stop controlling me and finding proof in absolutely absurd things and people I had absolutely nothing to do with. It is hard for everyone who is affected, not just the ones suffering from ROCD themselves. It's hard to loose a great partner because he wasn't able to see how great he is and that I wished for nothing else than us being together. I hope many find help and support here and can be happy and loved!
it feels like i don’t care anymore, it feels like the only way around this is to break up, i have no fear to breakup but i can’t physically do it. i love him. but i’m scared of loving him forever. i feel no want too anymore. and my thoughts are always like “you want to be with him” and then i’ll be like “no i don’t want too”. it feels so real, like SO REAL. what is real and fake anymore😭
How are you feeling lately. I am gojng through the same thing. It feels like i dont even have to calculate it anymore. I just lose the feeling. But still I know that ocd has a role in that.
Man, it takes up my thoughts morning, noon and night. It's a literal nightmare. She's the nicest kindest person on earth too. Wtf is wrong with me? I look for all the flaws and then they stick in my head. It's crazy. I don't know what to do.
Seriously been through this once and it drove me nuts, the concept of Soulmates,twin souls and karmic soulmate. They make me doubt my relationship, and that leaves me feeling broken and weeping. Going through that right now again and I feels painful
I relate to this so much, thank you! I am always down the rabbit hole, looking for "signs" that I need to leave. Then I finally left and I start looking for "signs" that I need to go back. Thank you so much!
I have ROCD and HOCD, its a completely hell to have your brain tell you and make you feel like you really are gay and that you don't love your partner, i love him so much, its so tiring
Rob it is so difficult when my ROCD also attaches to my history of toxic relationships and my mothers lack of a husband. So I go from "I need to leave I am in the wrong relationship" to "I need to stay in this relationship because I feel these desires to leave because of my past" but I have to remember it is all OCD.
Thank you Rob, I have been in deep pain over this and this has helped me see some clarity in it. Now I will get on with my day and check back with these videos whenever it’s necessary
Jeez... light bulb moment for me! I've always been like this, ended relationships and then thought what have i done when my emotions have calmed! I hadn't heard of this before until today. Feel a little less crazy now! 🤪
Hello Rob, i would like to thank you for your videos, it helps me a lot. Before, i was just trying to label the thoughts and the weird sensations without engage with them...and it was already a very hard work because the thoughts keep coming in my head without a rest. But, I realise now that i didnt work at all on my fears like « if i stay in this relationship and i am not in love anymore, my life will be a disaster ! » and i realise with your vidéo that it is very important to remove the sensitivity of the thought by diving deep into my fears. The problem is that when i try to face my fear, i feel immediatly a whoosh of anxiety. It is difficult to manage. Excuse me if i make mistake, i am french lol...un fortunately, there is not a lot of content about this theme in France, nor of therapists who know well the OCD. Thank you again for all your work and ressources !
Spot on! So relieved to find your videos, its great to find someone who knows exactly what you are going through and to know there are others who can relate. Thank you!
This was brilliant Rob! Thank you!! I feel I am making shifts in my recovery already, the anxiety and thoughts are still there for some of the day but I am doing better at accepting them and not ruminating or searching for an answer! I am also working on my irrational beliefs and changing those and am understanding and starting to believe more rational beliefs
Just a few weeks ago, I was doing okay. I was doing some compulsive kinda things .... but I was managing it. But all of a sudden my ex followed me and I got scared, had told him off in messenger and felt empty then all sorts of things and somehow I stumbled across the concepts of karmic soulmates and now I am just crying being terrified.
I know i'm late to the party, but does rocd also revolve around things that you feel like you have to do because of schooling my boyfriend has been busy which is fine with me sense I like being alone but i see everyone saying "leave because he's to busy " which has made me spiral into my worst rocd episode yet!!! Also thank you very much for this video !!
This is great thank you! Do you think 'obsessing' that my partner should have apologised for something, or should apologise more in general, be part of my ROCD? I want them to instantly apologise for ANY comment that upsets me. And I go on and on until I get a forced apology, which I'm not satisfied by. I then end up regretting my perseverance and feel bad. Would you say that falls into ROCD too?
Thank you very much Rob. This resonates a lot with me. It feels like my life depends on figuring out if my relationship is ok or not. Since my rocd started my life has been put on hold, and I feel like I HAVE to do something about it. It's weird that I can't keep doing the things I love because of this thoughts. Thank you for your wise words, I am really grateful to you for sharing this message. What do you recommend for Rocd Recovery? What exercises or material?
My problem is that he is a GREAT guy and my mind says I dont love him but I want to cry always because I WANT to love him I NEED to he is the best and I cant believe my mind tells me I cant
Scared SICK that I’m in the wrong relationship. It’s worse when I’m with her and amplified when we’re in public. Over the phone? I feel completely in love with her and would never want to leave.
I allways thinking that when i looking at youre videos.... it makes me feel good. Like a relif... is it not good that im looking? I have stopt google.... anf now I just look at youre videos, is this still a reacuranse?
But what if you genuinely don’t think it’s a good match? Are we not just gaslighting ourselves into bad relationships? How does this relate to early days of dating?
I know I have ROCD and I know OCD loves to make one hate doubt. I have watched videos on ROCD and had ERP therapy, but I have never had this question answered: how does a non- OCD person gauge whether a relationship is meeting their needs and decide whether to stay or leave? relationships end all the time. I have to imagine a neurological person would ruminate like someone with OCD - it's a serious decision not to be taken lightly. so what does a neurological person feel? what thoughts do they think? how do they make a decision about staying or leaving?
Thanks for the video! What if the theme isnt purely ROCD in the traditional sense, rather its the fear/feeling of living a life you dont actually want. Like you need to break up not because you are unsure if you love your partner but more because there are issues like intimacy/prospect of having kids and fear of not having choice? Of not being free. Hard to explain.
THANKS! What happens for the person with ROCD when they are unaware and break up with their partner? Do they feel relieved or do they start to miss them? My ex boyfriend seems to have it, so many doubts he brought up constantly, urges to breakup, looking for flaws... I thought it was avoidance although I saw the compulsive aspect. Because he apologized after being volatile. He ended it a month ago, I've been in no contact. Is there a chance he comes back to me? And how can I introduce ROCD to him?
I sent him an article with a video, and he seemed receptive, he even offered to send me a little gift. And haven't received nor heard from him since. I don't know if he has "just" rOCD, could have BPD or CPTSD, he's very avoidant and pushing me away, even as I feel he has love for me.
Can someone help me or give me advice? I have a beautiful lovely boyfriend and I love him but there is this other boy that i sometimes talk to that i used to have a crush on and sometimes i still get a bit of feelings for him but I really really don't want to like him and I hate it so much. I really want to focus on my boyfriend and I know I love him but it sometimes feels like I don't and I am going crazy. I don't know what to do, it feels like I need to break up or I am scared that I have the desire to go for that other boy and I just don't know what to do
I think the point is that you should not try to fight any feelings you might get for other people. Trying to push it away is only going to make it worse. The idea is to accept the fact that this may happen and that it's not the end of the world and doesn't mean you NEED to leave your bf. So the important thing is to stop hating yourself for liking someone other than your bf. It's normal, accept it, you don't have to act on it.
Hi Rob, at 8:03 you said the "Livin a lie"-theme of ROCD. Is it a common pattern? For example, the fear of having never loved the s/o that fight with inner rebuttals ("that time I swear I would have done anything for her so I was in love" etc)
@@OCDRecovery I actually had what I think she's been the worst OCD therapist in the world. She didn't know what OCD is. She put these (more, like if I would have not enough) doubts in my mind, doubts that got stuck. I'm not terrified, I only think I have to go away to not harm both me and my gf anymore. I don't know if, for me, ROCD has been only an excuse to calm down the fear of going out my comfort zone
I feel like I’m no longer attracted to and fallen out of love with my partner, even though I still have intimacy with them both physically and mentally, I still care about them, worry for them, our daily life with each other seems like every other days. But in my head, sometimes I feel like I want to breakup, I want to be alone, I want to be free and on my own. I also keep finding every little signs to improve that I am or am not still in love with them. Is it ROCD? Or am I just not in love with them anymore? And this been lasted for couples of months now, I’m exhausted.
What if you boyfriend has already broken up with you. How can you help your ex find this information and hopefully be able to rekindle the relationship? Is there anything I can do as an ex partner?
You can share Rob's video but that's about it. People suffering from OCD need to discover their problem themselves and want to be better. We can't force it on them as partners or friends. It truly sucks but that's life.
why is this labeled as OCD? Isn't it normal if you are panicky and unconfident to have problems like this? Nowhere in the world have I heard that there are subtypes of OCD besides on the internet.(there is no checking, counting, washing hands) Psychiatrists label things like this as panic, panic disorder.
@@ignazs.5816 no, not everything is a label just because It's uncomfortable. Everyone has problems, not everything is a mental illness. Not satistfied with your relationship, thinking you can do better? ROCD.
OCD is a thought/behaviour pattern. But the behaviour doesn't have to be physical (washing hands) but can also be mental (checking feelings, ruminating). The behaviour is compulsive (you feel like you HAVE to do it in order to relieve the anxiety). Of course all these things, "OCD", "panic disorder" are just labels that we use to designate certain (unhelpful and distressing) patterns of thinking and behaviour. It's not an "illness" as such, just an unhelpful and distressing pattern of thinking and behaviour. And this same pattern can occur around various "themes" so there's your subsets. But the pattern is the same.
I just desire to live my life with my current relationship and without fear.
same here!
How r things now I’m struggling rly bad
Me too but I am so afraid🤏🤏🤏
@@crystalslade8056it gets better. Every compulsion give yourself time and practice exposing yourself to thoughts and not trying to stop them but sit in your anxiety. You will want to compulse or be assured but once the feelings of the thoughts go away and you actually let the thought exist without trying to avoid the feeling - it loses it’s power and it isn’t seen as a threat
Same here
Often my brain tells me that my relationship is wrong and I am going to break up, but also giving me the deepest sadness of leaving, because my relationship is in fact very important and meaningful to me. That’s the worst feeling
Exactly I get so depressed thinking about leaving my partner they mean so much to me
Same for me. Really sad.
I relate too
I left my partner because of this. It still haunts me to this day 5+ months later.
TY for sharing. I struggle with the same.
I just lost my boyfriend because of his fears. It is so sad, I wished he would find help. He left me many times but always came back. But then he started obsessing about the fact that I'm cheating while I was not, I love him deeply and had no desire or reason to cheat, but he could not stop controlling me and finding proof in absolutely absurd things and people I had absolutely nothing to do with. It is hard for everyone who is affected, not just the ones suffering from ROCD themselves. It's hard to loose a great partner because he wasn't able to see how great he is and that I wished for nothing else than us being together. I hope many find help and support here and can be happy and loved!
it feels like i don’t care anymore, it feels like the only way around this is to break up, i have no fear to breakup but i can’t physically do it. i love him. but i’m scared of loving him forever. i feel no want too anymore. and my thoughts are always like “you want to be with him” and then i’ll be like “no i don’t want too”. it feels so real, like SO REAL. what is real and fake anymore😭
How are you feeling lately. I am gojng through the same thing. It feels like i dont even have to calculate it anymore. I just lose the feeling. But still I know that ocd has a role in that.
@@Mikail369 i’m so much better now!! i’m finally free of rocd and so happy that i stayed in my relationship🥰🥰
Man, it takes up my thoughts morning, noon and night. It's a literal nightmare. She's the nicest kindest person on earth too. Wtf is wrong with me? I look for all the flaws and then they stick in my head. It's crazy. I don't know what to do.
Same here it’s a nightmare how r things now
Same here
Seriously been through this once and it drove me nuts, the concept of Soulmates,twin souls and karmic soulmate. They make me doubt my relationship, and that leaves me feeling broken and weeping. Going through that right now again and I feels painful
100% relate
I relate to this so much, thank you! I am always down the rabbit hole, looking for "signs" that I need to leave.
Then I finally left and I start looking for "signs" that I need to go back. Thank you so much!
I have ROCD and HOCD, its a completely hell to have your brain tell you and make you feel like you really are gay and that you don't love your partner, i love him so much, its so tiring
Rob it is so difficult when my ROCD also attaches to my history of toxic relationships and my mothers lack of a husband. So I go from "I need to leave I am in the wrong relationship" to "I need to stay in this relationship because I feel these desires to leave because of my past" but I have to remember it is all OCD.
Thank you Rob :)
That 3 minute mark upto 4 1/2 is so spot on.
"tone that down" yes... definitely need that! on point on internal walking on eggshells
Thank you Rob, I have been in deep pain over this and this has helped me see some clarity in it. Now I will get on with my day and check back with these videos whenever it’s necessary
Jeez... light bulb moment for me! I've always been like this, ended relationships and then thought what have i done when my emotions have calmed!
I hadn't heard of this before until today. Feel a little less crazy now! 🤪
We have a ROCD webinar coming up which I imagine you will find a game changer! 📧 phil@ocdrecovery.com for info
Fantastic, where have you been! I’ve had this for three years now, and today, listening to this, I can feel it making sense. Thank you so much 👍🏻
All of this is great. What complicates things is if your partner wants children and you feel like you are wasting her child bearing years.
Thank you!!!
Hello Rob, i would like to thank you for your videos, it helps me a lot. Before, i was just trying to label the thoughts and the weird sensations without engage with them...and it was already a very hard work because the thoughts keep coming in my head without a rest.
But, I realise now that i didnt work at all on my fears like « if i stay in this relationship and i am not in love anymore, my life will be a disaster ! » and i realise with your vidéo that it is very important to remove the sensitivity of the thought by diving deep into my fears. The problem is that when i try to face my fear, i feel immediatly a whoosh of anxiety. It is difficult to manage.
Excuse me if i make mistake, i am french lol...un fortunately, there is not a lot of content about this theme in France, nor of therapists who know well the OCD.
Thank you again for all your work and ressources !
Wow. This was a great video. It’s exactly the answers I needed for my pattern of Rocd for many years. Thank you so much for making this video.
One of the better ROCD videos I’ve seen. Most involve reassurance.
Sadly they sure do! Glad you liked it.
Spot on! So relieved to find your videos, its great to find someone who knows exactly what you are going through and to know there are others who can relate. Thank you!
I’m struggling with this now and fixated on my marriage and questioning it
Such an honest and great video. I didn't know what ROCD is now, I understand. Thank you
Glad you enjoyed it!
This was brilliant Rob! Thank you!! I feel I am making shifts in my recovery already, the anxiety and thoughts are still there for some of the day but I am doing better at accepting them and not ruminating or searching for an answer! I am also working on my irrational beliefs and changing those and am understanding and starting to believe more rational beliefs
Great to hear.
Very well said. It's tough but I think it's possible.
My anxiety is so big. 😢
Just a few weeks ago, I was doing okay. I was doing some compulsive kinda things .... but I was managing it.
But all of a sudden my ex followed me and I got scared, had told him off in messenger and felt empty then all sorts of things and somehow I stumbled across the concepts of karmic soulmates and now I am just crying being terrified.
I know i'm late to the party, but does rocd also revolve around things that you feel like you have to do because of schooling my boyfriend has been busy which is fine with me sense I like being alone but i see everyone saying "leave because he's to busy " which has made me spiral into my worst rocd episode yet!!! Also thank you very much for this video !!
This is great thank you! Do you think 'obsessing' that my partner should have apologised for something, or should apologise more in general, be part of my ROCD? I want them to instantly apologise for ANY comment that upsets me. And I go on and on until I get a forced apology, which I'm not satisfied by. I then end up regretting my perseverance and feel bad. Would you say that falls into ROCD too?
Thank you very much Rob. This resonates a lot with me. It feels like my life depends on figuring out if my relationship is ok or not. Since my rocd started my life has been put on hold, and I feel like I HAVE to do something about it. It's weird that I can't keep doing the things I love because of this thoughts.
Thank you for your wise words, I am really grateful to you for sharing this message.
What do you recommend for Rocd Recovery? What exercises or material?
Trying to work it all out seems like the first part of the problem here.
OCD Recovery what do you mean?
Kevin Arleo stop trying to work it all out.
OCD Recovery something like accepting things as they are?
My problem is that he is a GREAT guy and my mind says I dont love him but I want to cry always because I WANT to love him I NEED to he is the best and I cant believe my mind tells me I cant
Plus I don't want to lose him, I really don't someone please don't I can't
@@donesiajolie3013same here, how are you doing?
i can relate so much to that.. :( u are not alone in this
Scared SICK that I’m in the wrong relationship. It’s worse when I’m with her and amplified when we’re in public.
Over the phone? I feel completely in love with her and would never want to leave.
I allways thinking that when i looking at youre videos.... it makes me feel good. Like a relif... is it not good that im looking? I have stopt google.... anf now I just look at youre videos, is this still a reacuranse?
But what if you genuinely don’t think it’s a good match? Are we not just gaslighting ourselves into bad relationships? How does this relate to early days of dating?
I am putting marriage on the cards and my ROCD flared to run once he agreed. What do i do? I feel crazy, he is perfect!
What is the solution??
So what if my relationship is perfect and everything I wanted and then one day these thoughts started coming. What do I do
I know I have ROCD and I know OCD loves to make one hate doubt. I have watched videos on ROCD and had ERP therapy, but I have never had this question answered: how does a non- OCD person gauge whether a relationship is meeting their needs and decide whether to stay or leave? relationships end all the time. I have to imagine a neurological person would ruminate like someone with OCD - it's a serious decision not to be taken lightly. so what does a neurological person feel? what thoughts do they think? how do they make a decision about staying or leaving?
Great question
What if she’s married but been separated? (Lesbian relationship)
Thanks for the video! What if the theme isnt purely ROCD in the traditional sense, rather its the fear/feeling of living a life you dont actually want. Like you need to break up not because you are unsure if you love your partner but more because there are issues like intimacy/prospect of having kids and fear of not having choice? Of not being free. Hard to explain.
All falls under ROCD and the topic of our upcoming ROCD webinar.
@@OCDRecovery Ok, when is this webinar coming out?
@@EmelieKittlesen 📧 phil@ocdrecovery.com will send you info.
@@OCDRecovery how can I view webinar please
@@crystalslade8056 📧 phil@ocdrecovery.com
Would you say you are fully recovered now? Did you do exposure and response prevention?
Yes and yes.
What cause this though?😢
THANKS! What happens for the person with ROCD when they are unaware and break up with their partner? Do they feel relieved or do they start to miss them? My ex boyfriend seems to have it, so many doubts he brought up constantly, urges to breakup, looking for flaws... I thought it was avoidance although I saw the compulsive aspect. Because he apologized after being volatile. He ended it a month ago, I've been in no contact. Is there a chance he comes back to me? And how can I introduce ROCD to him?
Share the video with him
I sent him an article with a video, and he seemed receptive, he even offered to send me a little gift. And haven't received nor heard from him since. I don't know if he has "just" rOCD, could have BPD or CPTSD, he's very avoidant and pushing me away, even as I feel he has love for me.
But how can I possibly differentiate between ROCD and actually being with the wrong partner ?
You can’t. Just go along with a rough idea for now.
Can someone help me or give me advice? I have a beautiful lovely boyfriend and I love him but there is this other boy that i sometimes talk to that i used to have a crush on and sometimes i still get a bit of feelings for him but I really really don't want to like him and I hate it so much. I really want to focus on my boyfriend and I know I love him but it sometimes feels like I don't and I am going crazy. I don't know what to do, it feels like I need to break up or I am scared that I have the desire to go for that other boy and I just don't know what to do
I think the point is that you should not try to fight any feelings you might get for other people. Trying to push it away is only going to make it worse. The idea is to accept the fact that this may happen and that it's not the end of the world and doesn't mean you NEED to leave your bf. So the important thing is to stop hating yourself for liking someone other than your bf. It's normal, accept it, you don't have to act on it.
Hi Rob, at 8:03 you said the "Livin a lie"-theme of ROCD. Is it a common pattern? For example, the fear of having never loved the s/o that fight with inner rebuttals ("that time I swear I would have done anything for her so I was in love" etc)
Federico Sopranzi you need to work on making peace with this, “is it common” tends to be the reassurance cycle
@@OCDRecovery ahahah I hate this
Federico Sopranzi you need to ask yourself “why exactly would that be so terrifying” because in reality it may be uncomfortable but never terrifying.
@@OCDRecovery I actually had what I think she's been the worst OCD therapist in the world. She didn't know what OCD is. She put these (more, like if I would have not enough) doubts in my mind, doubts that got stuck. I'm not terrified, I only think I have to go away to not harm both me and my gf anymore. I don't know if, for me, ROCD has been only an excuse to calm down the fear of going out my comfort zone
@@federicosopranzi9954 avoidance is not the answer, breaking up doesn't bring relief it just takes you away from your life goals.
This shit has haunted me my whole life
I feel like I’m no longer attracted to and fallen out of love with my partner, even though I still have intimacy with them both physically and mentally, I still care about them, worry for them, our daily life with each other seems like every other days. But in my head, sometimes I feel like I want to breakup, I want to be alone, I want to be free and on my own. I also keep finding every little signs to improve that I am or am not still in love with them. Is it ROCD? Or am I just not in love with them anymore? And this been lasted for couples of months now, I’m exhausted.
That is exactly how ROCD feels, it feels as real as it can get. We can help you with this.
@@OCDRecovery So the fact is I’m still in love with my partner? It’s just that the ROCD makes me feel this way?
What if you boyfriend has already broken up with you. How can you help your ex find this information and hopefully be able to rekindle the relationship? Is there anything I can do as an ex partner?
You can share Rob's video but that's about it. People suffering from OCD need to discover their problem themselves and want to be better. We can't force it on them as partners or friends. It truly sucks but that's life.
I wish I had seen this video a month ago :(
You’ve seen it now 😊
why is this labeled as OCD? Isn't it normal if you are panicky and unconfident to have problems like this?
Nowhere in the world have I heard that there are subtypes of OCD besides on the internet.(there is no checking, counting, washing hands)
Psychiatrists label things like this as panic, panic disorder.
When these thoughts are present and repetitive, as well as distressing, that's ocd.
@@ignazs.5816 no, not everything is a label just because It's uncomfortable.
Everyone has problems, not everything is a mental illness.
Not satistfied with your relationship, thinking you can do better? ROCD.
OCD is a thought/behaviour pattern. But the behaviour doesn't have to be physical (washing hands) but can also be mental (checking feelings, ruminating). The behaviour is compulsive (you feel like you HAVE to do it in order to relieve the anxiety).
Of course all these things, "OCD", "panic disorder" are just labels that we use to designate certain (unhelpful and distressing) patterns of thinking and behaviour. It's not an "illness" as such, just an unhelpful and distressing pattern of thinking and behaviour. And this same pattern can occur around various "themes" so there's your subsets. But the pattern is the same.