r/Cursedcomments | STICK A STRAW IN IT

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  • Опубликовано: 15 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 6 тыс.

  • @bobblehead2720
    @bobblehead2720 4 года назад +1722

    Character: Damien
    Special Ability: Wheeze
    This ability induces a happy effect on enemies (less damage and less defense) and critical hits with this move will stun enemies.
    Catch Phrase: The namien is Damien.

    • @chad7917
      @chad7917 4 года назад +2

      Can you survive the Cosby?

    • @dragongaming5397
      @dragongaming5397 4 года назад +34

      Character: Karen
      Special Ability: Manager summon
      This ability allows Karen to call upon the Manager, doing damage to herself, and lowering her enemies defenses. Critical hits will light the enemy on fire.
      Catch Phrase: I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!!

    • @milfcakes
      @milfcakes 4 года назад +5

      would damien make a great bnha character

    • @dragongaming5397
      @dragongaming5397 4 года назад +2

      @@milfcakes maybe... what would his quirk be?

    • @milfcakes
      @milfcakes 4 года назад +2

      @@dragongaming5397 probably wheeze would make a good quirk

  • @stanbtscowards874
    @stanbtscowards874 5 лет назад +10465

    *_“ARE YOU BREATHING HARD, OR HARDLY BREATHING?”_*

    • @thedankest3183
      @thedankest3183 5 лет назад +161

      "yes plz let me go"

    • @happyloafs8383
      @happyloafs8383 5 лет назад +117

      "Can I do both?"

    • @grzesiatko
      @grzesiatko 5 лет назад +160

      ARE YOU CHOKING STRONGLY OR STRONG CHOCKING

    • @jayden.02
      @jayden.02 5 лет назад +10

      Huhhhhh I’m no

    • @temachii3194
      @temachii3194 5 лет назад +17

      Well.. breathing hard is breathing heavily. While hardly breathing is almost not breathing at all, i think?

  • @sometffurry
    @sometffurry 4 года назад +2211

    "I, too, overflow with brown and white liquids in daddy's presence."
    Damien: *hyperventilating*

  • @pixelized_cloudz7802
    @pixelized_cloudz7802 3 года назад +247

    "Come with me. I will explain how big things enter small holes"
    Damien: *Fear.jpg*

    • @gone_mad-tryagainlater
      @gone_mad-tryagainlater 2 года назад +1

      Read this comment just as I got to that point in the video

    • @lehampterae9360
      @lehampterae9360 Год назад +1

      ​@@gone_mad-tryagainlater how. That also happened to me

    • @KGSpectrum
      @KGSpectrum 9 месяцев назад

      ​@@lehampterae9360r/cursedcomment

    • @shaynamiklas6802
      @shaynamiklas6802 9 месяцев назад

      I'm dying, reading this! 😎👌😂🤬🤣😂😭🤚

  • @S_Boomer98
    @S_Boomer98 4 года назад +2649

    "They call me Squirtle for a reason..."
    They call *me* Blastoise.

    • @kiwi4609
      @kiwi4609 4 года назад +59

      r/cursedcomments

    • @Someone-he8xu
      @Someone-he8xu 4 года назад +51

      they call me wynaut for a reason...
      the reason: wynaut

    • @victorphillip227
      @victorphillip227 4 года назад +12

      They call me a dissapointment also a mistake

    • @Someone-he8xu
      @Someone-he8xu 4 года назад +14

      @@victorphillip227 i call u asshole, is that a problem?

    • @각논압베가일
      @각논압베가일 4 года назад +9

      Okay Boomer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  • @kaelisprime9087
    @kaelisprime9087 5 лет назад +6127

    CursedComments be like:
    99% Sex jokes
    1% Actually original Cursed jokes

    • @beascoutly8735
      @beascoutly8735 5 лет назад +127

      we live in 2019 what do u expect

    • @mrgopher1734
      @mrgopher1734 5 лет назад +39

      Yep and I hate it

    • @DJB.
      @DJB. 5 лет назад +29

      it’s reddit

    • @holoe
      @holoe 5 лет назад +28

      "where's our foreskin"

    • @mxoAs
      @mxoAs 5 лет назад +8

      ruclips.net/video/QuNhTLVgV2Y/видео.html

  • @happilyhadesbound
    @happilyhadesbound 5 лет назад +4495

    "oop time for lunch!"
    Damien no

    • @PentaromaLMA0
      @PentaromaLMA0 5 лет назад +13

      Damien yes

    • @arianimates6228
      @arianimates6228 5 лет назад +2

      ,, alright now time for the heart mmm ,,

    • @georgesbleps897
      @georgesbleps897 5 лет назад +7

      Wow I love your username and profile photo

    • @kaeyaalberich3597
      @kaeyaalberich3597 5 лет назад +5

      Omg I saw your username name and profile pic and I already love you (you wanna fangirl together, lol?)

    • @TheoZaHero
      @TheoZaHero 5 лет назад +3

      If we're talking TF2, not even the Pyro is that cursed.

  • @yourbenevolentsaviorgill5547
    @yourbenevolentsaviorgill5547 3 года назад +85

    The sheer dread when damien heard "i too overflow with brown and white liquid in daddy's presence"was just priceless

  • @numerousbees6356
    @numerousbees6356 4 года назад +2942

    Damien's laugh is everything, makes this video good

    • @showedkiller4561
      @showedkiller4561 4 года назад +23

      You now have a stack of likes

    • @numerousbees6356
      @numerousbees6356 4 года назад +16

      @@showedkiller4561 didnt think i would get that many to be honest

    • @lux1933
      @lux1933 4 года назад +12

      And i miss it

    • @the_bearded_drengr
      @the_bearded_drengr 4 года назад +13

      3:00 is hilarious.

    • @catherinevaz6139
      @catherinevaz6139 4 года назад +7

      His laugh is so contagious! The videos are funny but his laugh makes them even better!

  • @RegalRoyalWasTaken
    @RegalRoyalWasTaken 5 лет назад +698

    "Listen, Momo's got a big mouth."
    *immediately breaks down wheezing*

    • @dontheuseless9007
      @dontheuseless9007 5 лет назад +11

      My French teacher legit looks like Momo, we call her Momo behind her back

    • @mook_butt8037
      @mook_butt8037 5 лет назад +8

      F*ck boi Phoenix see, now I’m cracking up, because all I can think of is Momo doing Eddie Izzard’s bit about learning French (funny enough, one of my French teachers actually used those sentences in a lesson).

    • @dreamdust2997
      @dreamdust2997 4 года назад +2

      @@dontheuseless9007 lol

    • @theinnacurate
      @theinnacurate 3 года назад

      @@dontheuseless9007 I feel bad for you

    • @TheironkageGG
      @TheironkageGG 3 года назад

      Smash or pass
      Pennywise:
      Momo:

  • @petar20
    @petar20 5 лет назад +1762

    "Eye cleanse"
    Seek professional help please.

    • @meoowwwwwwww255
      @meoowwwwwwww255 5 лет назад +12

      actually, i have to do that every fricking month
      *momo's happy smile that isnt sarcastic*

    • @seantaggart7382
      @seantaggart7382 5 лет назад +5

      NO! I HAVE OXYCLEAN IN MY EYES
      no for real was just watching my blanket and well got oxyclean on my tongue I cleaned it thou

    • @radleyc7678
      @radleyc7678 5 лет назад +2

      666 likes

    • @kingstaze9696
      @kingstaze9696 5 лет назад

      I'm proud to be like 666
      Edit: Damn it wasn't, YT is slow, like me.

    • @mook_butt8037
      @mook_butt8037 5 лет назад

      Darius_Skucas oh damn you, I had actually managed to scrub my brain of those vile images from those bleach fanatics.

  • @doggobind
    @doggobind 4 года назад +445

    3:52
    Oh no, I'm going to have the scream the entire Bee Movie script.

    • @catz_circus
      @catz_circus 3 года назад +12

      HOW

    • @artzyperson2179
      @artzyperson2179 3 года назад +12

      Mine is "You follow this person too?"

    • @adenosinetriphosphate2494
      @adenosinetriphosphate2494 3 года назад +4

      69 likes

    • @Vectorlarity
      @Vectorlarity 3 года назад +10

      Mine is literally: “Ok”

    • @wyatterminator3761
      @wyatterminator3761 3 года назад +13

      “My (25M) girlfriend 26F baked all the beans, now I consider to end our relations? What do I do?”
      Hello,
      My girlfriend and me have done dating for 5 month. I thought "This girl is very good," and became of love with her.
      Yet even so, on this Monday, I comed home and found she as baked all my beans.
      Yes, all. Oh brother.
      In my cupboard I store several bag of bean, to make soft and to bake on some days, to have a bit of baked bean on my dinner. Or, heck, a lunch too some days.
      But on the Monday I find this girlfriend baked all the beans. I say "Why do you bake my beans", and she say something as "I bakes them good to save time, so I bakes them all now."
      I am astonished and full of dissmay. I say "I canfr not eat all the beans", she say she is froze many of the beans so as we can unfrozen the on a later day and eat some at a time.
      But, if a bean is froze and unfrozed, the very good and very nice flavor of bean is gone far.
      A bean is best if baked fresh as a Sunday Pie. Not to be froze and unfroze!
      I told my girfriend I am so sad of this, as to my opinion the baking of the beans and to freeze them has ruin all my beans. She say I am "gone haywire" by my enragement and sad manners.
      But I hates what she did to my beans.
      On the days before Monday I thought "Will we marry the girlfriend? Well it might be so."
      But now I am so sad she baked them beans. I am consider to end our relations and not be the boyfriend and girlfriend any more. But, is my idea wrong? Could my girlfriend make promise to not bake the beans? I do not know what doing to do and how to feel forgiving on her.

  • @bolouu4119
    @bolouu4119 5 лет назад +1379

    no one:
    absolutely no one:
    Damien: I'll spray that right in my eyelids

    • @gigifabulous
      @gigifabulous 5 лет назад +4

      Idk, I personally don't really like cum in my eyes. Last time I'll ever get a facial.

    • @gigifabulous
      @gigifabulous 5 лет назад +2

      @@warmapplepie4702 I guess it's just not for me. I'd rather swallow.

    • @warmapplepie4702
      @warmapplepie4702 5 лет назад +2

      @@gigifabulous it's okay. You're just trying to be your mum. Making a decision.

    • @gigifabulous
      @gigifabulous 5 лет назад +2

      @@warmapplepie4702 Yeah I guess. My mom makes pretty good decisions though. She divorced my dad, for example.

    • @michaelfahy3347
      @michaelfahy3347 5 лет назад

      @HEADSHOTZ and where's the punch to this god-awful joke?

  • @Lazy_Woolf
    @Lazy_Woolf 5 лет назад +7075

    “Come down today, to try some corn or we will sacrifice your newborn”
    ~Cornelius Cornwall
    Edit 6/25/21: Why is this still getting attention I made this comment a year ago 😭

  • @Bigfoot_With_Internet_Access
    @Bigfoot_With_Internet_Access 5 лет назад +1840

    "I'd consume anything that comes out of her"
    Weird flex, but ok.

    • @evillittleboy
      @evillittleboy 5 лет назад +17

      we just make sure she isn’t sick and she’ll be fIne.

    • @imdunwithyu4027
      @imdunwithyu4027 5 лет назад +15

      “please don’t poop”

    • @lifeisalie1999
      @lifeisalie1999 5 лет назад +15

      One day she has to blow her nose
      does he just come and suck her nose like to get it out for her?

    • @nonchalantce0720
      @nonchalantce0720 5 лет назад +3

      Hopefully she doesn't get blisters

    • @HelloHello-vk5ob
      @HelloHello-vk5ob 5 лет назад +5

      Just Some Bigfoot With Internet Access well I guess you can have a really Bloody Mary now

  • @kikiyarah27
    @kikiyarah27 4 года назад +44

    10:22 someone had the chance to reply with "she doesn't either."

  • @vasililiev9481
    @vasililiev9481 5 лет назад +457

    2:59
    Damien: *STRUGGLING TO BREATHE* YOU WHAT

    • @artlover5060
      @artlover5060 5 лет назад +7

      I ruined your 69 likes, you're welcome.

    • @chaos5926
      @chaos5926 5 лет назад +2

      oml Bakugou I didn't know you watched EmKay

  • @xorith4202
    @xorith4202 5 лет назад +2297

    Jesus had the worst internet. Took 3 days to respawn

    • @PokeFan17000
      @PokeFan17000 4 года назад +81

      r/cursedcomments

    • @quiescent5631
      @quiescent5631 4 года назад +15

      ur a hero

    • @homtrick4241
      @homtrick4241 4 года назад +45

      Anti vax kids use hardcore survival mode in mine craft

    • @mcstriker
      @mcstriker 4 года назад +11

      Jesus was on hardcore, tk'd 2 of his teammates by accident and had to wait to respawn.

    • @9minutesago895
      @9minutesago895 4 года назад +2

      Jesus were in the end potato internet you disciple of a isosalees blue

  • @nneptuneaa
    @nneptuneaa 5 лет назад +1121

    my last text:
    “i cry that waluigi isn’t in smash.”

    • @huyup123456
      @huyup123456 5 лет назад +14

      I live in my sister's pussy.

    • @necromancer6405
      @necromancer6405 5 лет назад +5

      K.

    • @the.fairyonearth
      @the.fairyonearth 5 лет назад +5

      Mine was "Meanie >:((" in responce to my best friend not telling me about her plans today lol.

    • @briar2877
      @briar2877 5 лет назад +7

      mine is "nah I'd rather not"

    • @arizmack6341
      @arizmack6341 5 лет назад +5

      “Are you here yet?” My annoyed response to my friend being late to pick me up

  • @hongri4peaches
    @hongri4peaches 3 года назад +81

    3:52
    I really wish I wasn’t roleplaying with my friend earlier.
    “(Silent screaming noises)”
    (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

  • @nidhalsormali3051
    @nidhalsormali3051 4 года назад +851

    "I too overflow with brown and white liquids in daddy's presence"
    Hen tye fans: yeahbbb

  • @SalmiakSter
    @SalmiakSter 5 лет назад +408

    My last text reads: "Do you need someone to come save you?"
    That one would be interesting...

    • @remu6676
      @remu6676 5 лет назад +10

      Mine was I didnt die, which would be very interesting

    • @authorofone
      @authorofone 5 лет назад +8

      That one fits when you’ve kidnapped them but are also very considerate

    • @chrispykreme5865
      @chrispykreme5865 5 лет назад +1

      mines; grab the dog

    • @lucikka3674
      @lucikka3674 5 лет назад +1

      Mine was... I want to tell you that I am her daughter, and she is dead.
      I forgot about that

    • @jello9739
      @jello9739 5 лет назад +1

      "I won't talk about my pimples"

  • @zohakuten2336
    @zohakuten2336 5 лет назад +207

    "It wont be boring when your family finds you dead in a ditch"
    -unholy screaming-

  • @dizzyingcha0s432
    @dizzyingcha0s432 3 года назад +43

    I’ve been having a really ***really*** bad week and just watching these videos make me smile when it’s hard to.
    :)

    • @marolterr
      @marolterr 2 года назад

      Get back into the torture chamber gacha child

    • @LILYPAD2763
      @LILYPAD2763 Год назад +1

      I hope your week got better

  • @BBlader
    @BBlader 5 лет назад +107

    7:00
    “You know I like Iron Man the most!”
    “Don’t worry, you’ll get to meet him soon enough.”
    ....ohhhhhhh... that one HURT!

  • @jvm2468
    @jvm2468 5 лет назад +593

    3:56 the last thing i texted was “HONK” and i can’t breath

    • @autodisaster6374
      @autodisaster6374 5 лет назад +21

      Do I detect Gamzee?

    • @zerogravity4558
      @zerogravity4558 5 лет назад +26

      My last text to someone was... (brace yourself) "mayo is spicy"
      promise on my life!

    • @Blood_of_Sun
      @Blood_of_Sun 5 лет назад +13

      My last text is “wut” lol

    • @finnn8779
      @finnn8779 5 лет назад +11

      mines just “fun fun” which like... yikes?

    • @hescoming4697
      @hescoming4697 5 лет назад +5

      _NATURAL CHIP COMPANY~!_

  • @Silverwind87
    @Silverwind87 4 года назад +262

    "I'm gonna blowgang my brains out."
    Don't, he'll film you!

  • @idkitsme5434
    @idkitsme5434 4 года назад +14

    Was in the middle of an anxiety attack and I decided to click on this and hearing all the jokes in a calmish jokey tone and it calmed me down, thank you :)

  • @zyrinthian
    @zyrinthian 5 лет назад +1413

    No one:
    Damien: E Y E B A L L C L E A N S I N G

    • @SirusRotv
      @SirusRotv 5 лет назад +6

      Actually me as well

    • @cannedaligator1293
      @cannedaligator1293 5 лет назад +4

      Don't forget to get the inside when your done put it back your head

  • @exudeku
    @exudeku 5 лет назад +214

    Damien: *VOICE ACTS*
    viewers: *happi noise*

  • @mono414
    @mono414 5 лет назад +152

    “What if Santa sucked out all your calcium?”
    EmKay: wouldn’t be the first time he did that
    *h o l u p*

    • @full-timelesbian1075
      @full-timelesbian1075 4 года назад +7

      @@aalievanderplaats5406 for me, it was a soul
      he tried, but I don't have one

    • @shaynamiklas6802
      @shaynamiklas6802 9 месяцев назад +1

      The Tooth Fairy already got all of my calcium. He then tried for my soul, but it is currently in pawn shop, purgatory, until this body loan expires. Lol.

  • @ThePeach_PieHQ
    @ThePeach_PieHQ 4 года назад +24

    5:37 **tilts head to right then back to normal** Hell yeah! Reduce reuse recycle!

  • @nonchalantce0720
    @nonchalantce0720 5 лет назад +486

    My dad just said to me now
    Dad: You have no sense of shame
    Me: I only have a sense of shit

    • @xkomachionozuka3010
      @xkomachionozuka3010 5 лет назад +3

      очень смешно...?

    • @pantystocking5859
      @pantystocking5859 5 лет назад +2

      Сперма принадлежит животу, если ребенок найден, переваривайте его, пока веселитесь

    • @pantystocking5859
      @pantystocking5859 5 лет назад +1

      Вы хотели бы яблочный пирог с этим

    • @BlockMasterT
      @BlockMasterT 5 лет назад

      Я могу говорит по-русскм??
      That’s just their username.

  • @Jose-ee2se
    @Jose-ee2se 5 лет назад +627

    "I'd consume anything that come out of her"
    Me:Dont let her lose teeth than..

    • @synphilia4776
      @synphilia4776 5 лет назад +27

      Perfect for when you just want something crunchy to snack on :)

    • @peachicedtears
      @peachicedtears 5 лет назад +17

      a tooth is 36 calories

    • @Jose-ee2se
      @Jose-ee2se 5 лет назад +7

      @@synphilia4776 tooth chips

    • @Jose-ee2se
      @Jose-ee2se 5 лет назад +4

      @@peachicedtears that is 1,152 calories or about 2 people's teeth

    • @dumbass2240
      @dumbass2240 5 лет назад +5

      how about those quintuplets you got her pregnant with

  • @kamidenki
    @kamidenki 4 года назад +362

    My last text:
    “Rape dispenser”
    o h g o d

  • @baliyae
    @baliyae 4 года назад +8

    I just love Damien’s laugh. It’s so awesome!

  • @barcode1512
    @barcode1512 4 года назад +308

    3:56
    I’m currently laughing my ass off because the last text I sent was “bruh”

    • @Tw0Dots
      @Tw0Dots 4 года назад +21

      Mine was “Ok.”
      So I’m gonna scream out *OOOOOKAY!* as I finish. Nice.

    • @elementhearts9810
      @elementhearts9810 4 года назад +12

      mine was 'lol' hahah

    • @lara-ox3pm
      @lara-ox3pm 4 года назад +16

      mine was literally "screw this make your own food from now on" because nobody would answer my question in a groupchat
      which means i left it

    • @cheeseygod5995
      @cheeseygod5995 4 года назад +7

      Mine was Oof- Just plain "Oof-"

    • @alaaxte_soul6515
      @alaaxte_soul6515 4 года назад +7

      Mine is I'm bored.....

  • @FirstNameLastName-mr2xy
    @FirstNameLastName-mr2xy 4 года назад +197

    It's funny how the antivax memes live longer than the antivax kids

  • @unnamedvisitor1649
    @unnamedvisitor1649 4 года назад +355

    The last text I sent was "Am here." And I would rather not.

  • @colorofhereyes
    @colorofhereyes 3 года назад +70

    3:52
    "The trees cant be harmed if the lorax is armed"

    • @theduckie701
      @theduckie701 3 года назад +2

      xD

    • @memez_r_life6692
      @memez_r_life6692 3 года назад +1

      I mean, unless the person trying to harm the trees is willing to commit arson or has a nuclear weapon at their disposal.

    • @peloozoids
      @peloozoids 2 года назад +1

      "idk"

    • @ThemindofSimon.
      @ThemindofSimon. 2 года назад

      oh okay so I just scream the definition of a penis alright
      "A penis the male genital organ
      of higher vertebrates, carrying
      the duct for the transter of
      sperm during copulation. In
      humans and most other
      mammals it consists largely of
      erectile tissue and is used also
      for urination!"

  • @daylight4043
    @daylight4043 5 лет назад +192

    "I'm sorry for all I've done."
    I'm still pulling the plug dad

  • @damienburroughs2119
    @damienburroughs2119 5 лет назад +63

    "And as always, I'll be seeing yah."
    that is either the best stalker warning, or it is passive aggression lvl. 2

  • @rengay4419
    @rengay4419 4 года назад +206

    my last text: "Im going to the funeral Friday so i cant come"
    I-

    • @stubmytoe
      @stubmytoe 4 года назад +1

      ruclips.net/video/MkUg0mz5DkU/видео.html

    • @heyoitsfinn3784
      @heyoitsfinn3784 4 года назад +1

      Mine was “welp I’m going to swim bye” 😂😂😂

  • @peterthegamer4497
    @peterthegamer4497 3 года назад +6

    4:05
    The guy who peed on the dragon: this is what you get! *MY SUPER LAZER PISS*

  • @Ant-Eater
    @Ant-Eater 4 года назад +91

    Me: *Drinks orange juice that's left on the counter*
    Everyone else at the pee test:

    • @doomcgamer1217
      @doomcgamer1217 4 года назад +8

      Hol up

    • @bandit5747
      @bandit5747 4 года назад +8

      lemonade* if your pee is orange, you need to drink water in an hour or you'll be dead.

    • @bl1nkx28
      @bl1nkx28 4 года назад +1

      OHMYGODWHY

    • @alliexcx5576
      @alliexcx5576 4 года назад +1

      omfg

    • @charliefinnmichael4770
      @charliefinnmichael4770 3 года назад +1

      I can out curse you:
      Me: *drinks the Hawaiian punch on the counter*
      Everyone else at the pee test:

  • @drklgnds1838
    @drklgnds1838 5 лет назад +912

    "Is it ok if the dog comes too?"
    Ok

  • @screamingfluffycat
    @screamingfluffycat 5 лет назад +33

    0:59
    *Sings*
    "Come with me, and you'll see, a world of pure imagination"

  • @spamuel98
    @spamuel98 3 года назад +9

    Foreskins are actually used for skin grafts and makeup. Though I'm not clear on the "why," they apparently help.

  • @titanusrodan2890
    @titanusrodan2890 5 лет назад +147

    "Hey, I'ma stop and get some lunch"
    Damien's thumbnails: *_no_*

  • @norgatez7432
    @norgatez7432 5 лет назад +140

    no one:
    EmKay: ThAtS gNaRlY

  • @grassis_green8848
    @grassis_green8848 5 лет назад +103

    3:55
    “Goodnight Mom, I love you “

  • @omerkaymak4471
    @omerkaymak4471 4 года назад +9

    Damien has the purest laugh ever

  • @WatchfulHeaven1
    @WatchfulHeaven1 5 лет назад +808

    "I'd consume anything that comes out of her"
    Me: Man, periods will be a weird thing in that house.
    Edit: What is wrong with the human race?

    • @voideyes6000
      @voideyes6000 5 лет назад +82

      Fruit punch week?

    • @melissachai
      @melissachai 5 лет назад +12

      @@voideyes6000 oh heck

    • @WatchfulHeaven1
      @WatchfulHeaven1 5 лет назад +40

      @@voideyes6000 Hey, Buddy, Pal, Chum, friend. PLEASE never say ANYTHING close to that for the rest of your life or he isn't just going for her juices

    • @WatchfulHeaven1
      @WatchfulHeaven1 5 лет назад +5

      @@Jan7kowa11 What? it's a possibility.

    • @newmilo3736
      @newmilo3736 5 лет назад +16

      They took a trip down to the red river

  • @vukicar
    @vukicar 5 лет назад +624

    Nobody:
    Absolutely nobody:
    Damien: T H A T I S G N A R L Y

  • @leirgab9809
    @leirgab9809 5 лет назад +270

    All i want for Christmas is...
    *emkay’s laughter*

    • @ShooshBrosGaming
      @ShooshBrosGaming 5 лет назад +8

      I thought that said “EmKay’s daughter.” 😂

    • @hazeltree7738
      @hazeltree7738 5 лет назад +1

      @@ShooshBrosGaming Hey that's all I want for Christmas (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    • @hazeltree7738
      @hazeltree7738 5 лет назад +1

      @@warmapplepie4702 Yup, plus they cry a lot so nobody knows why they're crying!

    • @hazeltree7738
      @hazeltree7738 5 лет назад

      @@warmapplepie4702 Make sure to fillet them and remove the bones first.

    • @pleaseignorethischannelamn5242
      @pleaseignorethischannelamn5242 5 лет назад

      Same to be honest

  • @leeklover
    @leeklover 3 года назад +11

    My last text was just:
    “Ok” it was the end of a conversation

  • @themomslytherin4540
    @themomslytherin4540 5 лет назад +420

    My last text
    “Alphonse Elric is the only anime boy who can do no wrong”

    • @brinbyyy
      @brinbyyy 5 лет назад +4

      nice profile pic

    • @jundey8598
      @jundey8598 5 лет назад +4

      Mines: you have to watch the video to understand

    • @almond6658
      @almond6658 5 лет назад +4

      I love your pfp
      I'm a panic fan...

    • @amonkey4707
      @amonkey4707 5 лет назад +3

      I hope the spanish teacher gets sick

    • @oliveoil7717
      @oliveoil7717 5 лет назад +2

      mine is pUsSY

  • @user-je3qr2bw1m
    @user-je3qr2bw1m 5 лет назад +99

    someone: i consume everything that comes out of her
    me: damn okay make sures shes not on her period

  • @danmoriarty6980
    @danmoriarty6980 4 года назад +62

    3:56 mine was a picture of Vsauce saying “that’s cool, but even cooler is human urine”

    • @charliefinnmichael4770
      @charliefinnmichael4770 3 года назад

      How tf you scream out a picture? Like do you scream out the text?

    • @thekk5253
      @thekk5253 3 года назад +5

      @@charliefinnmichael4770 no you scream the color of each pixel at the speed of light

    • @charliefinnmichael4770
      @charliefinnmichael4770 3 года назад

      @@thekk5253 ohhhh okay thanks

    • @Simplisti.
      @Simplisti. 3 года назад +1

      mine was the lyrics of rap god...

  • @tachankaisourtruesaviorand8930
    @tachankaisourtruesaviorand8930 4 года назад +19

    7:15 he’s beginning his transformation into mr stay puff marshmallow man

    • @CalvinNoire
      @CalvinNoire 3 года назад

      Can someone explain what that is?

  • @gandalfpotter2149
    @gandalfpotter2149 5 лет назад +99

    3:55
    “Why am I a part of this”

    • @val-mz1ej
      @val-mz1ej 5 лет назад +4

      mine was god damned 'oh fuck i'm gonna die'

    • @xenolizardz
      @xenolizardz 5 лет назад

      Mine is "-lenny face intensifies-"

    • @sylveoncovers4603
      @sylveoncovers4603 5 лет назад +1

      Mine was "don't worry, they can't kill us now"

    • @yaint77
      @yaint77 5 лет назад

      GandalfPotter21
      “I’m not sayin it s t o p s, fuck that guy and his nose”

    • @daxamillion9896
      @daxamillion9896 5 лет назад

      Mine was "I hate that shit"

  • @yanglinzhao9933
    @yanglinzhao9933 4 года назад +64

    5:48 imagine trying to shave in that
    7:52 damn you could become a voice actor

  • @Spaceman-wx1jn
    @Spaceman-wx1jn 4 года назад +325

    Me: Digs through to try and find a snack.
    *Everyone at the funeral*

    • @MrBigroe113
      @MrBigroe113 4 года назад +7

      Spaceman 3000 are you going to cook the body by cremating it?

    • @emowindigo7162
      @emowindigo7162 4 года назад +2

      Can I have some?

    • @Spaceman-wx1jn
      @Spaceman-wx1jn 4 года назад +2

      @@emowindigo7162 Sure! But you might have to dig one up to incase it's all bones.

    • @Spaceman-wx1jn
      @Spaceman-wx1jn 4 года назад +2

      I mean who knows, might dig up Papyrus.

    • @emowindigo7162
      @emowindigo7162 4 года назад +1

      I love a challenge.

  • @arandomdumbass2779
    @arandomdumbass2779 3 года назад +2

    (2:41) my cousin actually wrote a ryhme similar to this and it goes:
    "Hello,try our corn,
    or we will sacrifise your newborn"
    and if you sing it with the right tune it sounds like a really old threatening commercial.

  • @suppacoo7268
    @suppacoo7268 5 лет назад +446

    3:00 Me when I run one inch.

  • @gabrielmellino6219
    @gabrielmellino6219 4 года назад +169

    Damien: That’s awful
    The comment: That’s...why I’m here

  • @pulim-v
    @pulim-v 5 лет назад +18

    3:52 mine was:
    "I can't send an audio i'm in a van with like 10 ppl"

  • @ema-chan8737
    @ema-chan8737 4 года назад +10

    8:47 루루 (LULU) WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE??!?

  • @laurenwilliams6438
    @laurenwilliams6438 5 лет назад +16

    “Dude, I was so hungry I ate a clock”
    “Wow. That sounds very time consuming”

  • @movedtodial-up5111
    @movedtodial-up5111 5 лет назад +378

    this was my last text:
    “i have no choice”

    • @NathanKent01
      @NathanKent01 5 лет назад +12

      well fuck bro, you good?

    • @lulashlyn728
      @lulashlyn728 5 лет назад +10

      Lillin mine was “I will not suffer alone”

    • @SudsyMedusa53
      @SudsyMedusa53 5 лет назад +10

      I got off easy. "Happy spooktober!"

    • @newmilo3736
      @newmilo3736 5 лет назад +10

      Mine was "Kaden, wtf"
      Kaden is an ex of mine......

    • @nathankurtz8045
      @nathankurtz8045 5 лет назад +9

      Mine was "Homework done, packing and coming over."

  • @Hal90007
    @Hal90007 4 года назад +92

    "I'm Damien." - Damien

  • @onepiece-ih8ob
    @onepiece-ih8ob 4 года назад +4

    Damien laughs at his own jokes and it's amazing

  • @TailsIsDisappointed
    @TailsIsDisappointed 5 лет назад +73

    I got an A+ on my math quiz once.
    The depressed kid got an AK.

    • @plasmaticlmao
      @plasmaticlmao 5 лет назад +1

      Oh jesus

    • @tuggah1235
      @tuggah1235 5 лет назад

      Yea that was me sorry fam

    • @holoe
      @holoe 5 лет назад +1

      "You've been nice to me, so I'd warn you to leave"

    • @starryu__
      @starryu__ 5 лет назад

      w a i t w h a t

    • @TheNBNB
      @TheNBNB 5 лет назад

      dam man das crazy
      R/HOLUP

  • @prestonhammond2451
    @prestonhammond2451 4 года назад +16

    4:31 they usually give the flag to the surviving parent. So... That kid lost both of his parents. F

  • @wardedthorn6523
    @wardedthorn6523 5 лет назад +14

    3:50 My last text was, "Ah, sorry honey."
    That's a big oof right there.

  • @DHMISDuckGuy
    @DHMISDuckGuy 2 года назад +1

    3:52
    “Are you sure you’re not just saying that because I’m kneeling on your spine?”
    I’m gonna cry

  • @PretzlcoatlTheFirst
    @PretzlcoatlTheFirst 4 года назад +21

    3:54 I just thought about this and looked into my texts “there’s no clean pan”
    Hmm

  • @slushiegoreluna
    @slushiegoreluna 5 лет назад +133

    My last text was “Ok”. God damn that would be a really aggressive ok.

    • @balls3198
      @balls3198 5 лет назад +4

      Mine was see you soon bro

    • @decimace
      @decimace 5 лет назад +1

      Mine was “I’m leaving”

    • @ryry..
      @ryry.. 5 лет назад

      Mine was “no”

    • @laurelcello
      @laurelcello 5 лет назад +1

      haha mine too

    • @Hi_Ping
      @Hi_Ping 5 лет назад

      One more time. Mine was Reddit

  • @Last_Chan
    @Last_Chan 5 лет назад +42

    I got a bible study ad right after this
    *How ironic*

  • @Cubeboi1
    @Cubeboi1 4 года назад +3

    His wheezing is making my day

  • @Infirti
    @Infirti 5 лет назад +73

    Me: *get notification from Emkay*
    *i have been summoned*

  • @ghostietheghost8182
    @ghostietheghost8182 5 лет назад +10

    2:59
    I swear to God that Damion comes up with the best reactions, I legitimately sat here for a good 3 minutes laughing at that noise he made 😂😂

  • @NYCT0PH1L14C
    @NYCT0PH1L14C 5 лет назад +166

    3:53
    “Hi”
    *They never responded*

    • @joob4582
      @joob4582 5 лет назад +1

      Took 2 hours to finish it

    • @suzuclips9061
      @suzuclips9061 5 лет назад

      “now be quiet” was mine lmao

    • @joob4582
      @joob4582 5 лет назад

      @@suzuclips9061 mine was "I shat myself before bed mom"

    • @authorofone
      @authorofone 5 лет назад

      SuzuClips when you’re a necrophile

  • @xenomorphbiologist-xx1214
    @xenomorphbiologist-xx1214 3 года назад +12

    Another comeback for “are you working hard or hardly working?”
    Do you think when you act or just act like you’re thinking?

  • @HopePapernacky
    @HopePapernacky 4 года назад +67

    The last thing I sent was “if bread is ‘pain’ in French, I must own a bakery”

  • @cerealsauce4639
    @cerealsauce4639 5 лет назад +41

    3:55
    OK
    LAST THING I TEXTED WAS
    “This is gay” I AM DYING

  • @Tyrant.162
    @Tyrant.162 4 года назад +137

    "Your loss is our sauce!"
    if you are referencing god da- i mean dang jameskii, i swear

  • @PDMwastakenapparentley
    @PDMwastakenapparentley 3 года назад +2

    Whenever the intro plays I sing “IIIIIIIIM MR KING DICE, IM THE GAMEST IN THE LAND” from cuphead and now you can’t unhear this

  • @isthatplastictaste
    @isthatplastictaste 5 лет назад +65

    3:00
    *WhEeZe*
    *wHeEzE*
    *"You WHAT??"*

    • @KateCantDraw
      @KateCantDraw 4 года назад +6

      WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS MOMENT IT'S MY FAVORITE?!?!??!?!?!

    • @epictoad.1
      @epictoad.1 4 года назад +3

      Huzzah huzzah YOU WHAT

    • @jameschambers3981
      @jameschambers3981 4 года назад +1

      @@epictoad.1 its more like huswuh

  • @imnut2971
    @imnut2971 5 лет назад +14

    Damien: *wheezes*
    My sadness: Aight imma head out

  • @themedineer2508
    @themedineer2508 5 лет назад +333

    "This isn't a PewDiePie video"
    -me 2019

    • @MeCooper
      @MeCooper 5 лет назад +7

      I did not say that.

    • @whentherefuseissus6209
      @whentherefuseissus6209 5 лет назад +3

      Yeah, i didn't say that, DUmb, you're a poopy head

    • @MeCooper
      @MeCooper 5 лет назад +4

      @@whentherefuseissus6209 🥺 Ok, I will commit die

    • @teencrisis4750
      @teencrisis4750 5 лет назад +7

      😂 what is this reply section

    • @q_w0ckk
      @q_w0ckk 5 лет назад +1

      Oh thanks for the friendly reminder :)

  • @Lavendelle
    @Lavendelle 4 года назад +3

    3:55
    That means I have to scream “I’m done with your ship art and sent it to you!”
    What the

  • @mariekirpalova9329
    @mariekirpalova9329 5 лет назад +231

    The last cursed comment
    Girls: Hahaha
    Men: ouch
    Me: aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOLYFUCKINGSHITTHATFUCKINGHURTSMYBALLS

  • @trillixx3600
    @trillixx3600 5 лет назад +37

    Man eats a child
    The snack that smiles back chil-dren

    • @bigbunny6573
      @bigbunny6573 4 года назад +1

      Did you known as part of the ritual; after they cut off the foreskin, the rabbi sucks on it sucking some of the blood as well...off the baby not the piece they cut off
      Everyone that has had their foreskin removed has been raped by a jewish rabbi.... Reparations anyone?

    • @evillittleboy
      @evillittleboy 4 года назад +2

      h u z z a h

    • @fluttershy1529
      @fluttershy1529 4 года назад +1

      Big Bunny rabbi: delicious

    • @Sarah-rc9ik
      @Sarah-rc9ik 4 года назад +1

      Snap that childs back gold fish

    • @evillittleboy
      @evillittleboy 4 года назад

      Child Eater
      Crunchy too.

  • @ChimkneRamen
    @ChimkneRamen 5 лет назад +5

    i love hearing damiens laugh, it makes me happy

  • @katalystkatapatheticalyssa5987
    @katalystkatapatheticalyssa5987 11 месяцев назад +1

    "Working hard or hardly working?"
    I'm existing.

  • @barrysteakfriessimp_real
    @barrysteakfriessimp_real 4 года назад +18

    3:52 "ey kakyoin, did you lay this egg?

  • @luhu6868
    @luhu6868 5 лет назад +59

    My last text: “so america has a womb? soviet must wear protection.”
    *sigh* I was having a unholy chat with my friend

  • @ceryswnn
    @ceryswnn 4 года назад +14

    8:47 the cat is actually from a RUclips channel called kittisarus (he’s called lulu).

  • @holycheese8481
    @holycheese8481 3 года назад +2

    This is the only thing making me smile after breaking my arm, getting really sick, and after my friends not calling me for 5 months 👍🏻