Neal Brennan's Childhood (w/ Jimmy Carr)
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- Опубликовано: 12 фев 2024
- Jimmy Carr & Neal Brennan discuss Neal's childhood. From The Blocks #podcast with Neal Brennan
Full episode: • Freaky Friday. Jimmy C...
Watch Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix: www.netflix.com/title/81036234
Theme music by Electric Guest (unreleased).
#podcast #standup #comedy #friendship #childhood #mentalhealth 
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I totally get the warm plates thing. There are those few instances where your parents did a nice thing, and you cling to that memory because it means that they must have cared.
Meh. She liked having warm plates and wasn’t so psychopathic she only put her own in the oven to warm. My mum (who’s lovely- dad not so much) would put plates into warm even though I always said I didn’t like it. I have trouble eating very hot food but she’s always do it anyway ha
I don’t believe there should be an expiration date on empathy for someone else’s difficult childhood. There is a great scene from Nobody’s Fool where Paul Newman walks into his childhood home and you can see the fear in his eyes. He’s 70 and he’s still terrified by his father who is long dead. It’s heartbreaking.
On a nature walk, my husband, 2 year old, and I passed by a man in his late 70s, and within a sentence or two after small talk about the weather, he told us about how his dad would beat the living daylights out of him. Told us our daughter seemed happy and healthy. I can't imagine what it's like to be betrayed by caregivers that way - sticks for a lifetime.
Also, I'm not really comfortable taking advice from JK Rowling on dealing with the aftermath of bad parenting.
Im 41 and have done years of mostly pointless therapy. Only recently have i heard about cptsd and narcissim and codepency and developmental trauma. FINALLY, after all these years, its starting to make sense why i feel so fucked up all of the time. If someone gets this all sorted before 41, all the better. But for the rest of us, time has little to do with it. Its making sense of something and hopefully healing- which has almost nothing to do with time.
That said- and i hope this is what they are trying to say- there should hopefully come a point where we can be over it and it isnt ruling our lives any longer. Fuck. I hope so.
To see Jimmy Carr tear up like that is so endearing, I hadn't seen this side of him before until now. Gah, comedians are my favorite people on Earth.
The other times I've seen him get truly emotional are talking about the late, great Sean Lock.
He doesn’t seem to want anybody to know it, but Jimmy is utterly lovely.
@@whatiwasgoingtosaynot true and I have proof
@@crustyandcruelwas it the tax thing because we all know about that
I’ve heard he’s been a dk to people in the past but anyone that’s kept going this long in the modern age- especially in UK where we WILL rip you apart- he must’ve turned a corner. He’s clearly well liked by many, maybe not all. But he loves to put in the persona of an unlovable guy and I think that’s what’s interesting about him and his performance
This is a great reminder to always try harder as a parent, you can always do better for your kids and nothing is more important than giving them a safe childhood.
but if you don't traumatise them then you wno't make a Neal Brennan. Protect comedy - neglect your kids.
I hate my kids
Literally every American child in public school has to worry about getting shot for 12 years which is already less safe than Neals childhood, and somehow THEYRE not respectful enough to their ELDERS lol
I said to one of my oldest friends recently, "our parents had NO RIGHT to traumatize us". I worked VERY hard to make sure my boys NEVER knew trauma. It was hard to change the generational trauma, and I did it.
@@geordan4951well you made em, maybe you just suck
I don't talk to my mom after she was cheating on my dad while he was on hospice care. My sister and I both caught her different times. She also knew about SA that happened to generations of kids in the family and the matriarchs hid it until this man had over 200 cases in 40 years (not hyperbole) across three US states. They knew it 39 years ago.
It drives me INSANE when people tell me I need to fix things with her. My daughter and I don't need to be anywhere near her. Nobody needs to justify why they don't talk to their parents. Not all parents deserve their children.
Preach
I didn't start therapy until I was 67 years old. It is never too late for healing.
I think it's less about the healing and more about making it other people's problem.
That's what I think they were saying, not that you shouldn't get help... but rather people have less sympathy for older individuals that keep using their past as an excuse.
I read this as Neal Brennan’s childhood WITH jimmy Carr. Like they grew up together😂
The good ending
I’ve counselled adults and adolescents for 15 years. At the start I was all trying to be cool anti Freudian idiot. But after so many years of counselling, everyone from anxious and abused children to street workers to cancer patients, pensioners, to heroin addicts and all in between. It is sadly so consistently overwhelmingly the case, that despite our best intentions so many of us are built as a product of our earliest and most consistent environments. I counsel cancer patients in their 70’s (or any age!) and they will chose to spend the vast majority of our time together talking about how cold and detached their parent was. Or how they resent how much they feel they’ve become them. One of my primary roles in counselling some of the kids is to do my best to help them NOT become a product of a negative and abusive environment. That they’re able to recognise a right to boundaries, love and self respect. Out of all the work I’ve done, counselling damaged and abused children is by far the hardest.
This is validating to hear. I am in treatment for cancer. I’m not in any support group or counseling. I do feel supported by many.
I feel ridiculous that mostly I am fixated on my trauma from childhood and relationships. I worry for my life, but I’m concerned with the same pain as always underneath the surface.
that’s the thing about childhood trauma, it continues to isolate you long after it’s “over”. It doesn’t matter how hurt you were, those are still your parents, and you want to protect them. It wasn’t that bad, well she warmed my plate, etc. you still are so deeply trying to hold onto this idea that actually my parents love me, you just don’t understand. I remember once my favourite teacher gently approaching me to ask if I had enough to eat at home, and I instantly got so defensive and combative about it. She was right, there was no food at home and I was hungry. But it’s complicated. You do the mental gymnastics because it’s psychologically so painful to live in the reality without our caveats and addendums and well actuallys. The way Jimmy is just stating facts and Neal is squirming is soooo familiar.
Great comment
My mom used to beat me. , Spatulas… Whatever was around. I remember one Christmas driving up to my grandparents house, me, and my sister in the backseat and my mom turned around and punched me so hard she knocked the wind out of me. I didn’t know what that feeling was, I thought I was dying.. and the more I was gasping for air the more upset my mother was at me.
I also remember protecting my mother when I had a doctors appointment and when he pulled my shirt up to listen to my lungs or my heartbeat, he saw all of the bruises on my chest and back. I told him that I was kicked playing crab soccer.
Well said
This person knows ❤️
I feel so bad for Neal. Had no idea the dad was such a monster. I can’t imagine my father telling tell he didn’t love me. So hurtful. Remember Alan Cumming telling a similar tale. Some real nightmares out there with kids. We love you ❤
what's worse is that they seemingly reconciled (to some degree) and started to have an understanding and a small appreciation for each other. and then his dad showed that he hadn't really grown that much and then just died, leaving a last final jab lol... it's not like in the movies with a neat gift wrap and bow you can fondly think back on. some stories just end without any real resolution and everyone is just left trying to clean up a mess and find the meaning in any of it. his dad is a real piece of work. and as petty and insignificant his dad is as a human being, it's still his dad... can't just ignore it💔
My dad used to grab my ankles and dangle me over the stairs upside down
If my mother ever realized there was a statute of limitations on having a crappy childhood, we’d still have a relationship.
Felt
I love this on so many levels between these two men who are emotionally intelligent and aware. My love and compassion goes out to both of you as I understand first-hand a difficult childhood. ❤Good on you both for opening up and sharing about it.
Neal -- you're thriving! Thank you. I had a terrible childhood too. It's never too late to let it go. A DEEP BOW TO YOU FOR YOUR RESILIENCE AND COURAGE TO CONTINUE.
Comedy with edge, comes from memories with the sharpest of scars.
That's a gorgeous line and all too true.
The warming of the plates isn’t about if Neal’s mother did that as a nurturing thing for her children. It matters that when Neal looks back he can identify that as something that made him feel loved. As children of abuse and neglect those things are important for us so that we aren’t just wallowing in the despair of it all constantly. It allows us a moment to breathe and sit in the light. There is the reality (Jimmy’s words) and our perception of the events of our childhood (Neal’s words and feelings). I argue that our perception is more important than the reality because it’s what will remain as our memories fade. It’s very important in healing to reconcile with our ultimate take away from these events and not wallow in the reality of them. Like they were basically saying, enough time has passed and we are safe now. It’s up to us to do the work in the years since we have been safe and removed from that environment. Great conversation gentlemen.
truth is what is important. He can hold both at the same time; recalling how he felt as a child (ego centric) when his mother gave him a warmed plate as an indication of her love - yet, as an adult, being able to identify and understand the truth (and reality) of the situation. It holds more power for the person to be aware of the past perception or memory - and also the truth. You can then process it how you wish best. Some people choose to ignore it and fade everything away with the use of ketamine. Others choose to grieve. Others choose to wallow for awhile. There is no right answer. But you must know truth first.
In that regard, he needs to know the truth of a warm plate was no "sign" to him from his mother of love. It was likely just her doing the routine she was accustomed to as part of dinner service and nothing else. And, that is sad. I hope he realizes that he should not defend his mother anymore - at least with this anecdote. It probably never occurred to him until saying out loud and Jimmy saying "well that's grasping at straws" ... at how ridiculous it sounds / was. I'm not sure if it actually sunk in either as they then moved onto other discussion points. I hope it does.
I came here thinking it was a Neil Breen interview, stayed because it's Neal Brennan.
My dad had that childhood. He’s 90. He still can’t talk about it. He just can’t. It’s hard to flush that shit out of your system. And shrinks want to keep going there interminably. I guess it pays the bills.
A virtual hug to you Neal. As a person with PTSD from childhood trauma myself, childfree on purpose... I empathize.
I think you can be 95, and say I had a really tough childhood.
Especially if you only really realise the true reality of it, at 90.
Two of the best comics in the world. I could listen to you two talk all day long. Grateful for you both.
Thank you for talking about friendship and boundaries. I had to end up lots of damaging friendship, feeling like a freak for doing so because it seems so rare. I don’t feel so isolated anymore, thank you both!
She heated up the plates so that the sauce / food wouldn't go cold.... it was all about the perfection (or rule) about presenting the meal itself - it was not about doing something 'caring' for the children. (my parent gets angry when I say I don't want a warm plate... because it then ruins the "proper way" to serve the meal). Sorry to burst the bubble about this.
Lot o' sad stuff but on the bright side, I hope one day I find ways to be this candid about my trauma; not only sharing it with a close friend to the point where he seems to get the big picture but also discussing it without bile on very public platforms.
Neal deserves a Nobel prize for not killing himself, seriously; most humans cannot withstand that much pain.
Ps, I also love how Jimmy showed his humanity in extending compassion towards Neal.
Your childhood will influence the rest of your life. In relationships or social situations, it effects everything. Till your dying day.
It sucks my mon stayed married to my awful dad for 12 years I kept begging her for years to divorce him sooner. It did permanent damage and no therapy nor meds helped .
@@WynnWynn-gl3fk I know, it messes with your head. I'm always surprised that people with a traumatic childhood have successful careers. They are extremely lucky. ❤️
I'm closing in on 40 and I've accepted I will 'never' get over my childhood. Now it's just about managing my life well enough and doing my best to regulate my emotions.
Sucks mental health-wise, but I'm far more empathetic and nicer to kids than I ever would have been, which helps in my job. At least I'm leaving a positive impact on their lives.
@@james2651 Exactly. I'm a very empathetic person. I never wanted children of my own. I was afraid history would repeat itself. But I always listen to my nieces and nephews. And children of friends. They know they can tell me anything and I will understand without judging. Those young people know they are loved. I always feel like a tight rope dancer without a net. All I can do is take good care of myself en know my limitations. But everybody is blessed with some kind of talent. Something you're good at and enjoy. I meditate. I'm not religious but I had a spiritual experience. It was such a miracle. Now I say to myself when I don't know what to do with my life, or traumatic memories are torturing me: I leave it to the universe. Like Mel Brooks said: Expect the worst, hope for the best. And, never compare yourself with anybody else. When I was young I swore to myself I would never become like my parents: indifferent, not even acknowledging my existence or any of my feelings. It's so ridiculous: my grandparents, aunts and uncles didn't even know my name. I hated their negativity. I'll never be like them. I think they were depressed and disappointed in life. I surround myself with positive people. That's all I can do.❤️I try to be the friend I wish I had.
I don’t have an expiration date on empathy for people with tough childhoods, but the direction of the empathy changes. At first, it’s an understanding that they weren’t given the love and support they deserved and the wounds are still fresh. As they reach their later years, I just feel sorry for them that they weren’t able to process and be freed from their trauma.
As an also ‘fucked up by my dad’ kid, I turned it around sometime around 27, almost 10 years ago. But my dad died at 22, so make of that what you will.
Ah, I see we are similar people
@@rubeuscubeus time heals all wounds something something my old brain forgets stuff now 🤷♂️
Tell your life's tragedies to others and they will perceive them as jokes and laugh. Thank you Neal for sharing your personal life. I learned a lot.
Jimmy reminds of the ventriloquist doll "Vincent" in Toy Story 4
Damn, Neal needs a lot of hugs
I’m at that point where I am trying to move on from my past and the shit I went through but it’s hard I can admit I am still angry about lots of things
I like Jimmy Carr. I bet he’s a great dad
I don't know why I love seeing British comedians interacting with American comedians so much. I'm a huge fan of British panel shows and Jimmy Carr on particular.
I can TOTALLY relate to this ❤
as someone whos mum kinda sucked i fully get him being like in her defense she warmed up the plates, and it really is grasping at straws but in those small moments of extra effort is where i think love is shown for some people. and you want your mum to love you :)
Exactly what I thought- same! ❤
I just realized it took me 40 years to let go.
The cocktail of a good comedian.
Neal you are amazing brother.
I didn't know Jimmy and Neal were good friends. Somehow this makes me happy for them both. I don't know why, but it does.
Yeah, I have said this forever. It is fine to blame your sh!itty parents for how your life turned out at 23 but it gets a little problematic at 34... or at 42. "Really? I get they were trash and you had a rough start but in the 15 to 20+ years after you didn't have any say here? None? Your hands were never on the wheel and it is just all their fault?" It isn't even about forgiving them or anything like that. (Some people don't ever deserve forgiveness and it would be wasted on them) It is about taking mastery over your own life. Your life should be yours, not just some extension of a parent's neglect or narcissism or whatever. We are all products of our environment and past, but that doesn't mean we are fated to be slaves to them. It is so hard to let go of hurt and trauma and that is exactly why we have to do it.
That is something I want to tell more people. Realy hard and I'm still learning but I think it's worth
Perfectly put. Obviously there's shit completely beyond our control that can affect us deeply, but it's still a choice to let that shit completely define you and everything you do. I think one of the most dangerous lies of the modern times is this pervasive idea that we're all just hapless victims of our circumstances, with no agency or control over anything. Any stupid shit we do is not really our fault, it's just our circumstances and conversely any success any of us ever find is not really an achievement of our own making, instead being just luck and/or privilege of some kind.
It's fine if someone wants to live like that, but I reject it utterly. I seek mastery over myself, I want to own my choices, both good and bad and make the most of what I've got. Like with all other things in life, I often fail, but that's when you pick yourself up, try again and try being better the next time. Or you can just quit, whine and blame everyone and everything else. The choice is yours, or so I choose to believe.
@@Jimiz666 Agreed. Accepting the role of victim absolves them of responsibility. Not saying that being victimized isn't a thing, but casting yourself in that role so you can avoid that hard work isn't something that happens to you. It is something you choose. Not a choice I would ever want to make. My life is mine. I've fought for it and suffered for it. I earned it. Sounds like you did, too.
Ok, I guess the warm plate might mean she cared, but it probably just meant that she wanted to do things properly.
That might be definition of caring
Don't give up Neal, your people skills are immortal and you know it. ❤
Warm plates is a great name for something
Not that it is a competition, but Neal has got nothing on my childhood.
Jimmy Carr is a people pleaser. He does this on every podcast he’s apart of
Congrats Neal on making it through. Most just become another statistic
People often tell me the same and I react the same way Neal does
I feel you. I hat a shit childhood and a shit youth. But the ABSOULTE WORST PART is the pity. Don't dare to pity me. Marvel at me! Look at what I MADE MYSELF out of this situation. Look at my rise and respect it! Look at this complet human being in front of you, consider its past and be impressed!
I wish all men talked like this. Not over stupid arbitrary stuff but calling you on your bullshit and praising you for being better.
I'm still floored that Dave Chappelle's good friend and often collaborater is friends with Jimmy Carr 😂
My mother was warm , it radiated from her coffee and cigarettes .
😂
You'd have to have been through some trauma in order to voluntarily speak to Jimmy Carr about comedy
I feel a sad sense of camaraderie with Neal
❤❤❤
Brutal
It is more important to be right than happy
If Carr thought that was upsetting, he's never heard my story.
Everybody knows Neal Brennan is the saddest man alive. Everybody knows that.
Gives me big Louie Anderson vibes. I never realized how similar their young lives were until now
Life isn't a competition however if it was,I could easily beat that. Hope he's ok
Holy fuck
Richard Pryor wins the "worst childhood" contest.
great movie 😂
Richard Ramirez, Edmund Kemper and Charly Manson all had worse childhoods than Pryor.
That's why they became serial killers.
You need to put most things behind you by the time you're 30 just to save yourself and move forward.
When I was living at one of the homeless shelters in my city I had a best friend who said something to me I will never forget. He said that no one's life is worse than anyone else's, it's how you feel, and everyone feels different about their lives. Now I agree with that for the most part, but I do think it's a bit indifferent to the notion of real privilege and you know, living in a war zone where bombs are constantly being dropped on buildings around you. However, he was someone who when he was 9 years old, was held at gunpoint by teenagers and forced to have intercourse with a dog so - I imagine he kinda had to adopt that view point to keep from un-aliving himself.
He probably lied to you😂😂 Homeless dudes and their made up ish 😂😂😂 if he were in china he'd tell you a panda rpd him
I'm 41 and I've only just realised in the last couple of years that I'm too old to still be blaming my upbringing for everything. And my childhood wasn't even that bad. My parent's only made kinda normal, humdrum mistakes. Nothing like Neil's.
Redbar is watching
Wrote my monster Mother a letter basically told her to move on, best thing I ever did.
Can I give you a hug man?
What happened to Jimmy Carr? Where did all this compassion come from?
Wow he ate warm plates! I cant imagine. We had no rules at all
warm plates are the tits.
She had 10 friggin kids! The poor woman!
It's OK to feel sorry for yourself, keep a small part of it because it allows you to see others instead of being a stone person.
And then there’s….The MENENDEZ Brothers
Neal, I empathize - this sounds like an Irish Catholic family from certain eras.
this just sounds like the average 19th century family
Momma Brennan had 10 kids in 15 years with Neal being the last in 1973. I'm sure as the baby he had it easy compared to the older siblings
Maybe i'm wrong, but i don't think that a father that admits the fact that he doesen't love you, it's worst that one that doesen't love you and makes you feel like you are the wrong one, at least you can move on knowing that if you need love, you can't go to your family and you are not the problem, seems somehow freeing.
Are theses guys having a competition to see who can have the skinniest neck?!
To me that sounds like normal childhood. I can only laugh these days
10? How do they hold it in until it's ripe after like, 7th?
Neal briefly alludes to Jimmy having a similar childhood. Was it bad? I didn't even know.
Ask the Amish...lol
prayer LORD pls bless neal to heal, and overcome his anxiety
in Jesus name amen
Im 62, my birth mother just died. I hadnt spoken to her since i was 15.
She chose pedophiles to have a man and sacrificed her children to the alter of her having a guy around.
It worked.
I was removed from her custody at 5. But they left her other kids and let her adopt.
So who kniws where that anger is supposed to go.
With her to hell?
I think it’s really interesting that men are allowed to complain about their childhoods. No, really. Male comedians & actors are allowed to have trauma without being sexualized for it or called playing a victim. Charlize Theron doesn’t complain about her childhood. I’m just saying. My dad was a violent alcoholic & if I talk about it, I’m sexualized for it. It’s disgusting.
Wait… there are ppl who would choose ‘happy’?
Jeez
Never present someone as having a difficult childhood, they will downplay it and it will put the backs up of anyone who has had a difficult childhood.
Ny childhood was worse and I'll i could think about was all the other people I know who's stories are worse.
Neal Brennans childhood doesn't sound that bad where I come from. I've heard much worse from many others, my own as well. Nice to see this side of Jimmy Carr
My dad was the same but he looked like Rob Zombie from the Astrocreep2000 album cover. My friends would call him Vaughn Zombie. He chased me through his property on the river with a chainsaw, hold guns to our temple and split my head open with a firepoker. He’s got long Covid now so I guess it’s all evened out🤷♂️
Has Carr had a facelift?
There's a statute of limitations on childhood trauma is a great line...
If it's that much of an issue, prove to YOURSELF that you're truky working on remedying it
About 100times easier then my life growing up...but each person has their own meaning of hard. I commend any man/woman who gets through it.
Neal, abused kids become cops, comedians, artists, soldiers, and serial killers because broken things have sharp edges.
Rowling ain’t nobody to take advice from. Shot hurts forever. But the basis is true. You can’t hold onto something forever if it’s killing you
TIL I had a 'harder' childhood than someone with a supposed "hard childhood"..🙄
both of them look a little "stringy", you know what I mean ?
Boohoo life is tough!
Isn’t this a comedy podcast?
No. It's a mental health podcast with comedians.
Everyone thinks they have it the worst. For example, I can’t even say what I went through on here. The comment would get removed