From the North West/ West Scotland. Describing a woman putting on airs and graces. 'Look at her, fur coat and no knickers'. And my favorite Churchill one was when he started to walk out of the Gentleman's toilets in the House of Commons without washing his hands. 'Winston, at Eton we are taught to wash our hands after a piss.' 'Well at Harrow we are taught not to piss on our hands.'
Alanna saying ‘wanker’ earned a thumbs up by itself lol - much like our variety of real ales or cheeses, our insults have matured and diversified into a source of national pride almost. A well delivered British insult is a thing to savour. Excellent appreciation Alanna 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I often feel though that the deepest British insults are often the ones the recipient doesn't really realise are quite so deadly...and they're as often as not delivered quietly deadpan and straight-faced...
Oh yes Mark Roberts! On social(ish) media I've sometimes used excariating British put-downs - when justified - and they haven't been completely understood as such. Cue baffled head scratching. But, quite rightly, I've also been on the receiving end of others' comments and have been equally nonplussed. Just as it should be. Vive la différence.
I've always had a soft spot for 'You couldn't organise a shag in a brothel' and it's close cousin 'You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery' such poetry. Keep up to the good work. 😁
Churchill was a gold mine for insults. Another one was: Churchill was in the lavatory (washroom/bathroom) in the House of Commons and his secretary knocked on the door and said "Excuse me Prime Minister, but the Lord Privy Seal wishes to speak with you." After a pause, Churchill replied "Tell his Lordship: I'm sealed on the privy and can only deal with one shit at a time."
The best one I ever heard was Churchill answering Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." to which Churchill replied: ""Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it." Insults don't come much better than that.
I'd heard about some 'sledging' between Auzzie and English cricket players (could be wrong about the countries) PlayerA to PlayerB: Looks like you're putting on a bit of weight there. PlayerB to PlayerA: Yeh, everytime I f*** your wife, she gives me a biscuit.
@@suttoncoldfield9318 Another good one was Ian Botham coming out to bat: Hey Botham how's your wife and my kids? Botham replied the wife's fine but the kids are retarded.
@@lordhelpus3955 IIRC, it was even worse than the Lady Astor insult. "Winston you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk", to which he replied: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly." Wow! I wish I could come up with quips like that - but I suppose it's easier when you're drunk!
I haven't laughed so much in ages as when Alana was reeling off the insults one after another. I'm a Canadian who's lived in the UK for 30+ years and I have to admit I use most of these regularly!
@@ShinySilvery - I hadn't got that far in at that point... 😉 It just highlights another difference between the UK and US - Americans tend to take everything far too personally - then return next day and shoot you up for speaking... 🤣
This one is rather coarse, apologies..As a kid in the 70s I came home from school after getting in to a fight with another child. I told my Dad who knew the kid and he said " Don't worry about that little prick, the best bit of him dribbled down his mother legs." Without doubt the best insult I have ever heard.
I love that you nailed the fact that we can use exactly the same insult and phrase both in an 'endearing' way with friends/people we know well and actually as a proper insult...we get extremely creative throwing insults when we are driving and there's absolutely nothing endearing about how we mean it 😂
I heard that in Ireland 40 years ago "choose a window, you're leaving".. along with "Are you talking to me or chewing a brick? Either way you're going to lose your teeth"
Honestly as a Brit I always assumed half of these were in common use throughout the Anglosphere... this has enlightened me to the unique diversity of insults we have available
This was hilarious. One of my personal favs; " as much use as a barb wire toilet roll". Everyone has that nano second of wincing as they process the comment.
I like using 'pranny', 'twonk', 'moose' and 'don't get out of your pram' (which means calm down. It comes from children getting out of their pram to throw a hissy fit).
Some Canadian insults -- 'one brick short of a load' 'crazy as a bag of hammers' 'as sticky as sh....' 'what a hoser' (for some reason many of our insults have to do with hockey)
"Daft as a brush" has also long been popular in the North, but "thick as two short planks" and "daft as a box of frogs" are equally useful. I like "three tokens short of a pop-up toaster".
"makes me very happy" What would Alana's taking part in a wet t-shirt competition (for charity, naturally) do for you, then ? Golly gosh...................................;-)
Oh, thank you, I have never heard that one before, that is one to remember when management are running around like headless chicken when something has gone wrong at work.
My dad used to say “if brains were chocolate, you wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie” which was effective and also similar to the chocolate teapot there are “as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle” I enjoy your obvious delight at these phrases more than the phrases themselves. Keep the observations coming, yours, Billy no mates 😆
I love calling people a “donut” or a “silly sausage” here in Canada. I get the strangest looks. Hearing this made me particularly homesick. Great videos as usual!
Mainly a London thing but you can refer to an attractive woman as a 'sausage' as in tasty, fanciable etc. Not a silly sausage though, that would be silly.
I once heard a lady with Special Needs use the classic "lick my arse", when she gave someone the finger. Everyone knew exactly what she meant, especially the "dickhead" who had insulted her 🤣
There are so many ways of calling someone's intelligence into question - 'He's about as bright as a two watt bulb' is one that always made me smile, though this may be fast becoming old fashioned due to the phasing out of traditional lightbulbs !
"Take a long walk off a short pier." Then a few decades ago, a couple of writers were working on a space based sitcom, and they felt given the situation, the characters would likely swear. The slight hitch was that it was to be broadcast before the "watershed", when there are strict limits on swearing and "adult" content. Their workaround was to devise their own: smeg (not to be confused with an Italian domestic appliances manufacturer) - which also gave rise to the show's general purpose insult: Smeg head.
Blackadder: “He’s about as effective as a cat flap in an elephant house”. As a southerner living in Liverpool my favourite here is “he’s such a biff”, similar to “prat”. PS: gotta love some Malcolm Tucker. Plus British Alanna breaks my brain, but in a good way.
Bif is a shortened version of the Irish "Biffo" which means "Big ignorant fucker from Offaly" which former Irish Taoiseach Brian Cowan was often called (he was from Offaly)
"Bif" long antedates Brian Cowan; it refers to the condition spina bifida. I never heard it used to insult an actual disabled person; it was used to an able-bodied person as a general insult with the sense of "prat" or "idiot". Similar was "spaz", from "spastic". Do people still say these, they're so un-PC?
Many years ago, I worked with a young lady from Ukraine, who had married a Brit, and whose personal favourite English word was "Numpty" - it sounded really weird, but kinda interesting, in her accent!
In the UK all these insults are just part of daily routine, no one thinks twice about them, but listening to you describing them is hilarious and makes me appreciate how good we are at the art of insults, using such diverse vocabulary.
I don't know how true this is for Canadians, but a lot of people are a bit shocked at how much the British swear; specifically how casually we are happy to drop C bombs at each other, with a suffix as an adjective, to describe inanimate objects or just as an expletive when you stub your toe etc. etc. We really are extremely foul mouthed. I think it's wonderful, personally!
It really does vary a lot though. I know people who swear very rarely or only mildly, and people who really don't like it when other people swear around them.
I'm Canadian and I rarely hear swearing in public here where I am. People are generally considerate of others' sensitivities. By contrast, I went to New York and was shocked at how much public swearing went on. Never heard anything like that in other parts of the US or Canada.
The ones I like: They fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery. They were out of the room/behind the door/at the back of the queue when brains were being handed out. Couldn't find his own arse with both hands and a map.
Love “40 watt”, and the Harry Enfield throwback, “Tim nice but dim”. In a conversation when you’re trying to get someone in charge it’s always fun to start with, “I’d like to speak to the organ grinder please, not the monkey” 😬.
In the days pre-decimalisation (yes, I do remember that far back…), “tuppence short of a shilling” was a popular insult. Quite frankly, “wanker” does it for me…indeed, I used it only this morning to a gentleman on the phone who told me he was from Microsoft and that I had a virus on my PC…”piss off, you scamming wanker!” Great video, Alanna, keep ‘em coming!
In Scotland there's a convention of typing phonetically to convey the accent giving us such gems as Bawbag which has the added benefit of defeating most profanity filters.
Forgot about "he's as thick as mince"! Also, the other day, someone pointed out the damage to the paintwork on my car and I said it had "more chips than a fat bloke's dinner plate". I was quite proud of that one... 😂
Now, THIS is my level!! 👍 Can't believe you missed out cock-womble, jizz-weazle, gobshite, twat and wank-puffin... 😂 The BBC comedy "Bluestone 42" has some particularly creative swearing in it too... Not sure if it's still on iPlayer but well worth a watch. Also, find myself uttering "wind your neck in", "have a word with yourself" and "what a ball-ache" quite a lot. Especially at work! For the "as much use as...", "a screen door on a submarine", "condom machine in the Vatican" and "an ashtray on a motorcycle" always make me chuckle. I love the endless variety of insults we manufacture in the UK! Makes me proud of my country... 😂 🇬🇧
Did you have Billy big bollocks? It means someone who is acting tougher than they actually are. "Don't come over here, having a go all Billy big bollocks!"
Throwing the toys out of the pram as in 'thrown his toys out of the pram' or 'tossed his teddy out' is said more about someone as opposed to them direct. 'Chucked a wobbly' covers it too.
My Dad would sometimes describe a person as being ‘ like a fart in a trance’ and he once said that the broadcaster Simon Mayo did not have two brains to rub together. My favourite is f**kwit. I have also heard that adding the word ‘ virgin ‘ at the end of your insult makes a comeback even more difficult.
Thank you Alanna, very entertaining hearing 'pub talk/banter' being delivered in a N American accent. I have fond memories of a group of about a dozen Canadian ex-soldiers who virtually lived in my local pub in portsmouth for a week when they were over for the D-Day 50 commemorations in 1994.
Hilarious. "Who rattled your cage" is a fav of mine
From the North West/ West Scotland. Describing a woman putting on airs and graces. 'Look at her, fur coat and no knickers'.
And my favorite Churchill one was when he started to walk out of the Gentleman's toilets in the House of Commons without washing his hands.
'Winston, at Eton we are taught to wash our hands after a piss.'
'Well at Harrow we are taught not to piss on our hands.'
I’m Swedish living in the uk for most of my life and I absolutely love British insults and they’re so satisfying
Thanks so much for watching!
One of my favourites. About as much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
🤣🤣
Ya beat me to it!
That sounds like it was taken from Blackadder?
@@steviebudden3397 No it pre-dates Blackadder. That's from the late 70's.
Cried with laughter at this one although I have heard it myself!
"He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the sole"
Basically unbeatable if someone is ever so slightly incompetent
😂
Lol
"Couldn't shoot himself in the foot if he had a shotgun taped to his ankle."
LMFAO never heard that one before @Steven Beech 😂😂😂 #savage
Or he couldn't organise a Piss Up in a Brewery
''Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery'' ....one of the most useful phrases ever made!
Couldn't organise a bible meeting in the Vatican.
my version is couldn't organise a disagreement on a battle field
Alanna saying ‘wanker’ earned a thumbs up by itself lol - much like our variety of real ales or cheeses, our insults have matured and diversified into a source of national pride almost. A well delivered British insult is a thing to savour. Excellent appreciation Alanna 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
There are some choice expressions in the "Angry British Drivers" video. Makes one proud to be British.
I often feel though that the deepest British insults are often the ones the recipient doesn't really realise are quite so deadly...and they're as often as not delivered quietly deadpan and straight-faced...
Bit she pronounced it, "wenker"?
Oh yes Mark Roberts! On social(ish) media I've sometimes used excariating British put-downs - when justified - and they haven't been completely understood as such. Cue baffled head scratching. But, quite rightly, I've also been on the receiving end of others' comments and have been equally nonplussed. Just as it should be. Vive la différence.
It's actually pronounced "oi! wankaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
If somebody is nervous about something it could be said that 'He's as nervous as a nun at a penguin shoot'!
Referring to someone who doesn't understand (being a bit dim) 'the lights are on but there's nobody home'.
I've always had a soft spot for 'You couldn't organise a shag in a brothel' and it's close cousin 'You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery' such poetry. Keep up to the good work. 😁
Couldn't organise an organisation in an organisation class for training organisations to organise
The village is missing its idiot is my favourite.
Churchill was a gold mine for insults. Another one was:
Churchill was in the lavatory (washroom/bathroom) in the House of Commons and his secretary knocked on the door and said "Excuse me Prime Minister, but the Lord Privy Seal wishes to speak with you." After a pause, Churchill replied "Tell his Lordship: I'm sealed on the privy and can only deal with one shit at a time."
'as thick as two short planks' is another one
The best one I ever heard was Churchill answering Lady Astor:
"Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." to which Churchill replied: ""Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."
Insults don't come much better than that.
Lady Astor again. Winston you are drunk.
Churchill: Madam you are ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober.
I'd heard about some 'sledging' between Auzzie and English cricket players (could be wrong about the countries)
PlayerA to PlayerB: Looks like you're putting on a bit of weight there.
PlayerB to PlayerA: Yeh, everytime I f*** your wife, she gives me a biscuit.
@@suttoncoldfield9318 Another good one was Ian Botham coming out to bat: Hey Botham how's your wife and my kids? Botham replied the wife's fine but the kids are retarded.
@@suttoncoldfield9318 Australia Vs Zimbabwe
@@lordhelpus3955 IIRC, it was even worse than the Lady Astor insult.
"Winston you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk", to which he replied: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."
Wow! I wish I could come up with quips like that - but I suppose it's easier when you're drunk!
He couldn't punch his way out of a paper bag. He couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding.
Now you're showing your age. I haven't heard that one in decades.
@@donsmith4044 I always knew it as a wet paper bag.
the wheel's still turning but the hamster has left the cage.is a way to describe someone who is stupid.
A few years ago Twitter said that out of all it's accounts, those based in Glasgow swore the most. I was so proud I cried.
Sounds about right lol
@@AdventuresAndNaps about white?
I've never been so proud to be Glaswegian lol
I haven't laughed so much in ages as when Alana was reeling off the insults one after another. I'm a Canadian who's lived in the UK for 30+ years and I have to admit I use most of these regularly!
One of my personal favourites…
‘He couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.’
couldn't organise an orgy in a brothel
@@loquayrocks
The cruder version I learned is “couldn’t arrange a hard on in a whore house!” 😹
Banter - not an insult...
@@BassandoForte
Which is allowed in this context, as clarified here 6:08 by Alannah herself…
@@ShinySilvery - I hadn't got that far in at that point... 😉
It just highlights another difference between the UK and US - Americans tend to take everything far too personally - then return next day and shoot you up for speaking... 🤣
This one is rather coarse, apologies..As a kid in the 70s I came home from school after getting in to a fight with another child. I told my Dad who knew the kid and he said " Don't worry about that little prick, the best bit of him dribbled down his mother legs." Without doubt the best insult I have ever heard.
My favourite I've heard to describe a gnarly looking bloke is "He looks like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle".
😂 Classic!
" if brains were chocolate you wouldn't fill a Smartie"
I love that you nailed the fact that we can use exactly the same insult and phrase both in an 'endearing' way with friends/people we know well and actually as a proper insult...we get extremely creative throwing insults when we are driving and there's absolutely nothing endearing about how we mean it 😂
By far the best insulting name I heard when in the military was an individual who’d been nicknamed “Thrombo” because he was a slow moving clot
We used to call somebody Harpic because the were clean around the bend. 😁 From an old TV advert.
"Have a word with yourself" is another great condescending one
my ex used to say "go and have a little chat with yourself"... always shut me down
I’ve never heard that before. Writing it in my notebook right now
As are 'quiet now', 'stop showing off in front of your friends' or 'pipe down'
@@chapettewhat5158 It's more like telling someone to go and reassess their attitude and stop being a jerk.
One of my favourites is: “he/she’s several sandwiches short of a picnic”
A few others not sure whether they are english or australian, "not the sharpest tool in the shed", "the lift doesnt go to the top floor"
The Australian version of this one is "A snag (=sausage) shy of a barbie".
@@radamspse I've seen "not the sharpest tool in the shed" followed with "and all the tools are lump hammers"
I'm English born and bred and often use two planks short of a building block
I like when you were born the dr slapped your mother
"ya got more chance of nailing a bubble to the wall, pal" - theres another one for you!
also, you can use these to create complete sentences to tell people off: "go on then, sod off, leave me here like billy no mates.."
"Slower than a week in jail" is a personal favourite 😂
Alanna has definitely lived in a pub since arriving in Britain,her knowledge is too advanced!💗👍🇬🇧
A Scottish one - "pick your windae, your leaving".
I heard that in Ireland 40 years ago "choose a window, you're leaving".. along with "Are you talking to me or chewing a brick? Either way you're going to lose your teeth"
I was at a party in the 1990's and heard the host say to a gatecrasher ''You're leaving. Door or window?''
Unlike you Jocks, you're going nowhere. lol
@@imperialdebauchery5988 from your name I assume you sip a lot of tea.
@Charles Taylor YESSS! Forgot about that one - must remember!
Useful as a chocolate fireguard comes to mind.
“ I’ve seen more fat on a chip “ 👍😂😂😂
I've seen more fat on a bone dice.
"I've seen more fat on a butchers pencil". Used to common around here.
One of my favourites that fits into the standard format is, "As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike".
😂
Honestly as a Brit I always assumed half of these were in common use throughout the Anglosphere... this has enlightened me to the unique diversity of insults we have available
One of my favourites is …… your like a lighthouse in the desert, you may be bright but your no fucking use to anyone. 😁👍
The happiest I have ever been having someone throw insults at me for 9 minutes. You really are mastering life in the UK.
😂
I can only imagine what life would be like without the word ‘moron’.
A condescending insult similar to “threw his toys out of the pram” is
he “spit his dummy out”
That's a good one!
In Australia we would say, "He's having a dummy spit"
or 'Threw the toys out of the pram'
This was hilarious.
One of my personal favs; " as much use as a barb wire toilet roll". Everyone has that nano second of wincing as they process the comment.
Another excellent phrase 'As randy as a dog in an artificial leg factory'
When you put them all in a list like this I can't deny that we do have a lot of great insults.
I like using 'pranny', 'twonk', 'moose' and 'don't get out of your pram' (which means calm down. It comes from children getting out of their pram to throw a hissy fit).
When you bleeped out your favourites...”I laughed my bollocks off”....well said Alanna.😆👍😆
Some Canadian insults -- 'one brick short of a load' 'crazy as a bag of hammers' 'as sticky as sh....' 'what a hoser' (for some reason many of our insults have to do with hockey)
My personal favourites are “They have a face like a smacked arse” and “you piss in the wind”
You look like you dropped a pound and found a penny 🤨
Also "Face like a bag of spanners"
I have also heard: ‘ a face like a welders bench’ and ‘ a face like a burglars dog’.
My only Australian contribution to this highly entertaining discussion: “A face like a dropped pie”
Face like a half chewed Lion bar
"If tha brains were dynamite tha woudn't have enough to blow tha bloody cap off" - one of my favourites from Yorkshire.😁
"Daft as a brush" has also long been popular in the North, but "thick as two short planks" and "daft as a box of frogs" are equally useful. I like "three tokens short of a pop-up toaster".
I Welsh there is something similar, which translates as “daft as a wheelbarrow”!
😂
A rather crude one, but "thick as pigshit" always comes easily to my lips...
Daft as a brush with two hairs on.
A few cans short of a six pack.
My favourite Glagow put down - " Awa an boil yer heid! "
(Go away and boil your head!)
Hearing Alanna swear and insult with a Canadian accent makes me very happy. If she insulted me I would die laughing. Great video!
"makes me very happy"
What would Alana's taking part in a wet t-shirt competition (for charity, naturally) do for you, then ?
Golly gosh...................................;-)
@@marvinc9994 Don't be rude, dude.
@@rthompsn2007 Well said.
@@rthompsn2007 Don't be rude, dude......... agreed , using language like golly gosh in front of a lady , disgusting. :)
"As popular as a turd in a swimming pool" or "As popular as a fart in a spacesuit".
A personal favourite for someone who gets overly emotional or couldn’t handle a situation: ‘Went to bits quicker than a leper in a wind tunnel’
I absolutely love that one, I've never heard it before,
That's brilliant. I'm gonna use it
lovely
Oh, thank you, I have never heard that one before, that is one to remember when management are running around like headless chicken when something has gone wrong at work.
I used to try an sneak a similar
My dad used to say “if brains were chocolate, you wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie” which was effective and also similar to the chocolate teapot there are “as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle” I enjoy your obvious delight at these phrases more than the phrases themselves. Keep the observations coming, yours, Billy no mates 😆
In a similar vein : if brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your hat off.
@@Rockdoc2174 😂
@@Rockdoc2174There's also "If brains were taxable you'd get a rebate"
On a similar theme ‘as much use as a chocolate fireguard’ is one of my most used.
Or ashtray on a motorbike.
Stay safe,
😎❤✌
I love calling people a “donut” or a “silly sausage” here in Canada. I get the strangest looks. Hearing this made me particularly homesick. Great videos as usual!
Ahh silly sausage is a good one! Forgot that
Mainly a London thing but you can refer to an attractive woman as a 'sausage' as in tasty, fanciable etc. Not a silly sausage though, that would be silly.
“Are you taking the piss” was misquoted by a Spanish exchange student we had working with us in the office. She said “Are you taking my piss” 🤢🤣
and said in her accent would have been so much better.
Welcome to North East :)
I once heard a lady with Special Needs use the classic "lick my arse", when she gave someone the finger. Everyone knew exactly what she meant, especially the "dickhead" who had insulted her 🤣
if we're insulting you, we like you.... if we're polite. run
There are so many ways of calling someone's intelligence into question - 'He's about as bright as a two watt bulb' is one that always made me smile, though this may be fast becoming old fashioned due to the phasing out of traditional lightbulbs !
I like the lights are on but no one is home
There's an older version of that among ex-service men and women "Dim as a NAAFI candle."
I like to use a phrase I heard in Blackadder 2 in my childhood "the mouth opens, the eyes move, but Mr Brain has long since departed"
You're a like a fart in a colander that can't get out
"Take a long walk off a short pier."
Then a few decades ago, a couple of writers were working on a space based sitcom, and they felt given the situation, the characters would likely swear. The slight hitch was that it was to be broadcast before the "watershed", when there are strict limits on swearing and "adult" content. Their workaround was to devise their own: smeg (not to be confused with an Italian domestic appliances manufacturer) - which also gave rise to the show's general purpose insult: Smeg head.
I always felt uncomfortable whenever they said that - 'cos it actually sounds like 'smegma' which is something disgusting!
@@SteveParkes-Sparko It was supposed to
@@nigel7277 in that case, they didn't really make it up, did they?
Red Wharf absolute Classic
"Joy hoover" - someone who is depressing/sucks the joy out of the room.
They say fun vacuum in America.
See also: "energy vampire"
You can tell it is summer in the UK, Alanna wearing a jumper 🤣 great video as always. ♥️ How you can smile while swearing 🤣 brilliant.
I've always liked the Darwinian term 'wank stain' when describing someone's usefulness to mankind.
I like the phrases, "couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery" or "Couldn't organise a prayer in a mosque" for people who are incompetent.
You make a better door than a window, when someone is standing in front of you so that you can't see something.
Blackadder: “He’s about as effective as a cat flap in an elephant house”. As a southerner living in Liverpool my favourite here is “he’s such a biff”, similar to “prat”. PS: gotta love some Malcolm Tucker. Plus British Alanna breaks my brain, but in a good way.
Bif is a shortened version of the Irish "Biffo" which means "Big ignorant fucker from Offaly" which former Irish Taoiseach Brian Cowan was often called (he was from Offaly)
About as useful as a handbrake on a boat
Are you saying Alanna's twisting your melon, man?
@@hughtube5154 yup, should probably just chill m' bean
"Bif" long antedates Brian Cowan; it refers to the condition spina bifida. I never heard it used to insult an actual disabled person; it was used to an able-bodied person as a general insult with the sense of "prat" or "idiot". Similar was "spaz", from "spastic". Do people still say these, they're so un-PC?
“You think you’re a big man, but a wee shirt fits ye!”
Many years ago, I worked with a young lady from Ukraine, who had married a Brit, and whose personal favourite English word was "Numpty" - it sounded really weird, but kinda interesting, in her accent!
I love numpty! A lot of fun to say, too
In the UK all these insults are just part of daily routine, no one thinks twice about them, but listening to you describing them is hilarious and makes me appreciate how good we are at the art of insults, using such diverse vocabulary.
I don't know how true this is for Canadians, but a lot of people are a bit shocked at how much the British swear; specifically how casually we are happy to drop C bombs at each other, with a suffix as an adjective, to describe inanimate objects or just as an expletive when you stub your toe etc. etc.
We really are extremely foul mouthed. I think it's wonderful, personally!
Research says people that swear a lot have a big vocabulary, not sure if that's true but if it is my vocabulary must be mahoosive.
It really does vary a lot though. I know people who swear very rarely or only mildly, and people who really don't like it when other people swear around them.
you could call someone a Berk which is cockney rhyming slang "Berkshire Hunt"
In Australia, the "C" word is used as a term of affection!
I'm Canadian and I rarely hear swearing in public here where I am. People are generally considerate of others' sensitivities. By contrast, I went to New York and was shocked at how much public swearing went on. Never heard anything like that in other parts of the US or Canada.
I'm Australian and can confirm that we also swear heaps!!
"you can combine a few if you are feeling creative" or driving, driving is the mother of creative insults here
As useful as a handbrake on a canoe is personal favourite of mine.
😂
Or a trap door in a canoe!
The ones I like:
They fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery.
They were out of the room/behind the door/at the back of the queue when brains were being handed out.
Couldn't find his own arse with both hands and a map.
Love “40 watt”, and the Harry Enfield throwback, “Tim nice but dim”. In a conversation when you’re trying to get someone in charge it’s always fun to start with, “I’d like to speak to the organ grinder please, not the monkey” 😬.
“You haven’t got a pot to piss in!”
“Or a window to throw it out of!”
Have you noticed how polite Canadians sound even when they are trying to sound insulting.
In the days pre-decimalisation (yes, I do remember that far back…), “tuppence short of a shilling” was a popular insult. Quite frankly, “wanker” does it for me…indeed, I used it only this morning to a gentleman on the phone who told me he was from Microsoft and that I had a virus on my PC…”piss off, you scamming wanker!” Great video, Alanna, keep ‘em coming!
Alanna saying WANKER, 🤣😁😂🤣 My sides . Gurl that's awesome 👏
I love how you can describe someone being particularly dumb with “the thing about Rodger is the lights are on but no one’s home”
In Scotland there's a convention of typing phonetically to convey the accent giving us such gems as Bawbag which has the added benefit of defeating most profanity filters.
It's like that is it fannybaws?
I don't know what you are saying but it sounds mighty saucy...
@@Isleofskye Is that said to the dictionary man?
@@eadweard. Plagiarism at its finest, Sir :)
You are spot-on, my friend. by Hugh Laurie's character...
@@eadweard. awa' and take yer face for a shite...
😉
One that needs unpacked as a narrative: 'That's not worth an arse-load of roasted snow.' visualisation is everything with that one.
Forgot about "he's as thick as mince"!
Also, the other day, someone pointed out the damage to the paintwork on my car and I said it had "more chips than a fat bloke's dinner plate". I was quite proud of that one... 😂
Keep ya wig on is one of my favs to use when someone is being impatient
Now, THIS is my level!! 👍
Can't believe you missed out cock-womble, jizz-weazle, gobshite, twat and wank-puffin... 😂
The BBC comedy "Bluestone 42" has some particularly creative swearing in it too... Not sure if it's still on iPlayer but well worth a watch.
Also, find myself uttering "wind your neck in", "have a word with yourself" and "what a ball-ache" quite a lot. Especially at work!
For the "as much use as...", "a screen door on a submarine", "condom machine in the Vatican" and "an ashtray on a motorcycle" always make me chuckle.
I love the endless variety of insults we manufacture in the UK! Makes me proud of my country... 😂 🇬🇧
"You're about as useful as a split condom" is my favourite🤣
"Blimey, guv, she said wanker."
Did you have Billy big bollocks? It means someone who is acting tougher than they actually are. "Don't come over here, having a go all Billy big bollocks!"
Ahhh I forgot that one!
Omg.....
I was wetting myself laughing at this one.
Thank you for making my week!
As a billy no mates myself I will pass this onto my work colleagues!
Such a lovely young lady saying "w****r i am shocked. F*****g loved it lol.
“Who’s running it?”
Mark.
“Mark!? He couldn’t run a bath”. There’s variations of that sort of one too lol
... a pissup in a brewery
... a nursery in a brothel
... a shovel in a shithouse
Yep. There are many
"Couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat" is a personal favourite.
As is cockwomble.
My dad used to say... "As much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking competition..."
Throwing the toys out of the pram as in 'thrown his toys out of the pram' or 'tossed his teddy out' is said more about someone as opposed to them direct. 'Chucked a wobbly' covers it too.
"He's spat the dummy" is a good tantrum one.
Alternatively, "threw his rattle out the pram".
Ironically - I've used this so much since January 6th... 🤣
Threw a wobbly
@@BassandoForteThat is being too kind. He has definitely lost the plot.
One from childhood in the S. Wales valleys: "He's got the skin of his arse on his forehead" (meaning "He's in a grumpy mood")
There’s some rhyming slang phrases that are quite useful, “He’s a bit of a James Hunt” springs to mind. 😉
Actually, that is also the supposed origin of the insult "berk" short for Berkshire hunt! So a "wise" man in a pub once told me.
@@ExpendableRedshirt that’s probably right. I can remember my father saying someone was ‘a bit of berk’ many years before James Hunt became famous.
"Smells like a Richard the third"
Going for a pony (pony and trap, cr*p)
This video had me wetting myself laughing!!! All very accurate(ish)!! Thanks for the brief comedic interlude into an otherwise dull day 😂😂SUBBED!!
That cut to "Edit Alanna" was oddly reminiscent of Lesley Knope making her own news reports.
Some of us liked it for a different reason. :)
“If he had a brain, he’d-be dangerous”
Or as Billy Connolly said on Parkinson - “as useful as a fart in a spaceship”
I think Connolly said "about as welcome as a fart in a space-suit", but I could be wrong.
@@ftumschk you're right, I remember the other guests crying with laughter (I think it was either Mary or Barbara Woodhouse)
@ftumschk: I stand corrected, and @Simone Sugarwasn’t one of them
Angie Dickinson ( police woman )
My Dad would sometimes describe a person as being ‘ like a fart in a trance’ and he once said that the broadcaster Simon Mayo did not have two brains to rub together. My favourite is f**kwit. I have also heard that adding the word ‘ virgin ‘ at the end of your insult makes a comeback even more difficult.
Another simple format is, Sandwich short of a picnic, A biscuit short of a packet, a few results short of a classified round up.....
Thank you Alanna, very entertaining hearing 'pub talk/banter' being delivered in a N American accent. I have fond memories of a group of about a dozen Canadian ex-soldiers who virtually lived in my local pub in portsmouth for a week when they were over for the D-Day 50 commemorations in 1994.