I wish this was my experience. Every girl I've met on hinge has been never one to give me a second date. I'm as introverted as they come. But that hasn't been something that turns the ladies on.
I mean - what about all the extroverts who get 0 results on hinge though? I ask because lots of guys struggle to get any results on online dating, not just introverted guys. But also, I think a good argument could be made for the fact that extroverts will generally do better on online dating because they're better at small talk.... But introverts can learn to do this too.
It’s true , introversion and confidence are two different things. I don’t go out much and have social interactions, but I’m confident on myself when talking to people. I’ve developed my social confidence little by little. We do better in the right environments where we have the peoples full attention.
Wow extremely good video Damien. And this is imo extremely important for men to understand where they fall. Like you more or less said, you don't judge a fish's ability to excel in land ... but in water. I think dating apps are notoriously toxic for this because most women who put themselves on there and stand out are the really social butterfly looking for social talkers. Like you will never find almost the introverted intellect homebody type of women. I find I connect extremely well with these women and I have met a few recently. But yeah they are completely invisible usually. And they very interestingly seem to pick the social extroverted guys. Or at least guys who are their polar opposite in terms of personality. But truthfully when you look deeper, you wonder if it really works out between the two of them or if they just didn't pick them because they didn't know better. Hard question to straightforward ask of course :) But when you look at the facts and evidence, this is where it seems to point out. What resonates to me is one of your earlier video when you said that an extrovert and introvert shouldn't get together in a ltr.
I agree. I have found more extroverted friends seem to lack confidence in social situations that they don't have experience in. Or think there is only one way of doing things, whether it be social interactions or problem solving for school.
Damien, what you say really resonates with me, I'm a total introvert, prefer to be alone or have one on one time with people, prefer to have people over to the house vs go to a noisy restaurant everytime. In fact noisy or distracting locations are incredibly hard for me unless I know the person closely, my mind is all over the place and find it hard to focus on the conversation, whereas if we were on a quiet beach having the same conversation, complete different story. It's a catch 22 as most social situations are in loud environments but I'm absolutely more at home at a photography group or what you say yourself, flying FPV drones would be awesome (What I miss about the GC, so many different groups!!) I'm totally convinced I can do the cold approach however without any mates around, just don't have many in my age group in this retirement village, it's a challenge, I want to get good at it!!
Thank you for this video. Sounds very encouraging. You went through really important traits. Introverted people can focus on these things to develop their social skills and confidence.
This is such an unhealthy mindset you have - I'll be my left testicle you're a staunch red-pill, MGTOW or black pill? Have you EVER considered that EVERY man alive who gets married to a woman over 25 (which will be most men alive) will be marrying a woman with a sexual history of her own? Like.. tha'ts totally normal - and healthy. EVEN the CHADS who settle down eventually will be technically marrying a woman who has already slept with other guys like him.
@@SchoolOfAttraction There is a big difference between accepting that a woman has sexual history and accepting that she had unhealthy relationships that damaged her psyche. I would be totally OK with marrying a woman that slept with even a hundred guys - if each and all of this guys were behaving healthily, loving and caring her, but affirming their boundaries at the same time. But that's not how the stereotypical "chads" are behaving...
Another interesting question - you yourself said that girls after 25 are more likely than younger girls to find an introvert attractive, because it requires some level of emotional maturity. But, if you prefer to date younger girls, and if you are an introvert, how would you set up your strategies to more easily find younger women who prefer introverts?
It's a good question, but one im less clear how to answer - There's really isn't anything to change - just because it's less common, just means you have to hunt that little bit longer...
Thanks Damien I am like you in one respect - social confidence often mistaken for being an extrovert which I am not , Are you saying that a woman would be super happy with an introvert if he looks like say Daniel Craig and has no interest in / chance with other women? :Basically Mr. Craig has eyes only for her :) A related request - if possible, please consider making a video if moderin women still value the man providing a container for the relationship (or not)? Also please include what providing a container and what it doesn't. Thank you!
I suppose the reason I haven't yet is because most dating content out there is more easily adopted by extroverts in the first place. But I could make a specific video about it
Sorry for being always critical of your videos, but I think that the problem with this video is in its naming and - as extension - premise. If this would be named "7 Reasons Why Introverts _CAN BE_ Attractive To Women" instead of "_ARE_ Attractive To Women", I would have no problems with it. The unfortunate naming makes it seem like a median (or maybe even average?..) introvert is more attractive to a woman than a median extrovert - which is not the reality most people are seeing. For example, I am really good with the deep talk, discussing interesting topics or co-crafting fantastic narratives - like talking with a woman on a date about magic systems in fantasy. And at the end of a date, I can easily make the woman my friend - but the idea of dating me triggers a visceral "eww, no" reaction from the girl. Why? Because I don't have skills that are much more important to a woman, like teasing and flirting. A woman can easily date a man who can flirt but can't do deep talk, but not vice versa. So, this is a big difference. ARE introverts attractive to women? Generally, no. CAN they become attractive to women? Yes, of course. If I somehow manage to learn this (extremely complex for me) skill of bantering and teasing, I would become very attractive. But without this skill that most introverts lack, they are not attractive at all. If I can make an RPG methaphor, being an introvert is like picking a character with trait "-50% experience gain, +25% to basic stats". The start of the game would be really rough, but when you are close to level cap, you would be much stronger than a "normal" character.
Would you consider yourself the median for an introvert though? Most introverts aren't seeking dating help for starters - Most introverts are just regular guys with regular guy dating patterns. So you struggle to flirtand banter - those are things you can easily learn -but you can't make yourself an extrovert. Women on the whole would much rather date an introvert - but they don't want ton date a guy extrovert or introvert who is socially uncomfortable or insecure - that isn't what most introverts are though... I supect the difference here between us, is what you consider to be the 'average' for an introverted guy.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Yes, and most regular guy dating patterns are very lackluster, otherwise there would not be a statistic about 30% of men not having sex in the last year. Yes, I'm not average, because I'm seeking help instead of coping with it. But are you denying that if we take all of the insecure and socially inept guys, there would be more introverts than extroverts between them? Of course, you can be an extrovert and still be shy. But corellation is not causation - most shy guys are not extrovert. That's why I'm saying that women don't like dating introverts - they like dating a smaller subsection of introverts. Of course, you can move to this smaller subsection, but it's not "easily learn", it's a hard work - and that's why your video title seems tone-deaf.
It seems like "introvert" is being used here as a proxy term for "Someone who is socially aware", which is strange since introverts are on the whole much less socially aware than extroverts are, due to their inclination towards spending less time being social and developing those abilities. Throwing this edit in after I watched a bit more of the video, but are there any actual people who think introverts are calmer and more confident in conflict? Introverts are usually introverts because they're bad at managing conflict and want to avoid the risk of it. This is really coming off like some "Sigma male" tier analysis.
He was definitely talking about intro vs extro ALL OTHER FACTORS BEING EQUAL (like level of neuroticism, social skills, etc.) Then - yeah, that may be true. However, this is rarely the case, to be REAListic. Introverts will simply not exercise those muscles as much. Just like you'll probably never be as good a programmer if you have to force yourself to sit to program as someone who has to force himself to separate himself from the computer.
@@exnihilonihilfit6316 You can't say "all other factors being equal" and then say "Women like introverts because of X factors" when those are the exact factors that were being equalled in the first place.
Introverts aren't introverts because they are bad at managing conflict and are avoiding it lol. That's a ridiculous idea. You're talking about it like it's some kind of psychological condition. Yeah, if you're conflict avoidant then you'll suck at stuff like that. But being an introvert has nothing to do with it. And one more thing, you don't "become" an introvert due to anything. It's a natrual tendency.
@@anthonyskrzypczak9437 That's a chicken or the egg type argument. Whether they became bad at conflict managment because they're introverted or they became introverted because they're bad at conflict management it doesn't change the fact that introverts are bad at conflict managment.
So introverts aren't all socially aware - they'll on average be less socially aware than extroverts, but that's only becasue of practice.... It's like how attractive men are more socially skilled than unattractive men on average - That's mostly just becuase of lessons learned growing up, not becuse there's a genetic link between looks and social skills. But we often only look at the really shy guys when we think of introverts - i.e. the extreme cases... But most introverts aren't extreme at all, they're just regular guys, who get exhausted by crowded environments, small talk, being overly social for too long a stretch - guys who like doing stuff on their own more than average. But they're 'normal' in that you'd never see them as being unusual in any particular way. That's what the average introvert looks like. So when you say that introverts avoid the risk of conflict - you're thinking about more extreme cases.... Also - I've known many extroverts who are shy and insecure over my career... They weren't actually introverts, they were just very low self-esteemed men as a result of things that have happened in their lives - but they had previously always thought of themsevles as introverts. But if you look at the actual scientific literature - there's nothing about introverts being conflict avoidant.
This seems like a very judgemental statement, but I think the core idea might be true. Introverts are more attractive to emotionally mature women, who have impulse control and value loyalty, instead of pining for a new shiny thing. And, unfortunately, a lot of women with this trait are either past their prime or are emotionally damaged by previous relationships - and both of this circumstances make them non-ideal partners. So, therefore, it's harder to an introvert to get a girl in her prime who is not emotionally damaged.
I'm speculating introverts tend to be beta orbiters relegated to the friendzone until the woman gets tired of shallow Chad's and Tyrones and need to settle for a Mr. GOODENOUGH (Lori Gottlieb book) to wife her up as she approaches the WALL. Problem is many women at this stage may have already sustained a lot of psychological damage from failed relationships, and unachievable mate hypergamy expectations. Basically she settled for you, you were not her prime pick of an alpha. Some studies have shown that marriages with virgin brides are less likely to end in divorce than marriages with women who have high body counts.
If you could have one of 2 skills... a) Women want to date you long term b) Women want to only have sex with you - Option b can sound most appealing, but option a would lead to the happieset life long term. You do know most women aren't out there shagging every man in town right? Just like with guys, it's a small % of women doing all the shagging. So a woman you get into a relationship with may have slept with 5-6 guys. That's a pretty small number.
@@SchoolOfAttraction The problem is - to have a skill a, you need to have a skill b. Otherwise you will be friendzoned =-) I agree that this is the case, but the tendency I mentioned is still here - an extrovert is more likely to get a younger and less psychologically damaged partner.
You could replace introverts with losers and it'd all still be the same. There's no point for women to give "introverted" guys a chance after they've been ran through by chads and tyrones in their peak youth when they were much tighter and playful.
Except that's not what happens in real life - at least not as a result of somone being introveted... Again, remember introvert does not equal poor social skills... That's a completely different thing. . If you're shy, or nervous, or poor social skills, or have a boring lifestyle, that's not related to your introversion... Here's an example... 1) I love food - it's an introvert interest of mine - so on dates, I often try to introduce women to new cuisines - show them the interesting places, nobody thinks to eat at unless you are in the know. I'll cook for her when she comes over to my place the first time. 2) I'll take her rock climbing - another introvert interest of mine Those are just 2 examples - but there are plenty of interesting lifestyle things that many introverts are interested in that are interseting to women. I often work with men who just don' thave much intersting goin gon in their lives - and that's okay - but it's not an introvert thing. I urge men to start exploring different lifestyles and hobbies - not so much to attract women - but to have a life that they personally find more inspiring.
@@SchoolOfAttraction that's about right. It seems like one of those normie bare bones surface level pop love advice videos that others do to draw people in. I expected better from you mate.
I wish this was my experience. Every girl I've met on hinge has been never one to give me a second date. I'm as introverted as they come. But that hasn't been something that turns the ladies on.
I mean - what about all the extroverts who get 0 results on hinge though? I ask because lots of guys struggle to get any results on online dating, not just introverted guys.
But also, I think a good argument could be made for the fact that extroverts will generally do better on online dating because they're better at small talk.... But introverts can learn to do this too.
It’s true , introversion and confidence are two different things. I don’t go out much and have social interactions, but I’m confident on myself when talking to people. I’ve developed my social confidence little by little. We do better in the right environments where we have the peoples full attention.
I think girls like guys who are very outgoing and party everyweek . They find us boring .
Wow extremely good video Damien. And this is imo extremely important for men to understand where they fall. Like you more or less said, you don't judge a fish's ability to excel in land ... but in water. I think dating apps are notoriously toxic for this because most women who put themselves on there and stand out are the really social butterfly looking for social talkers. Like you will never find almost the introverted intellect homebody type of women. I find I connect extremely well with these women and I have met a few recently. But yeah they are completely invisible usually. And they very interestingly seem to pick the social extroverted guys. Or at least guys who are their polar opposite in terms of personality. But truthfully when you look deeper, you wonder if it really works out between the two of them or if they just didn't pick them because they didn't know better. Hard question to straightforward ask of course :) But when you look at the facts and evidence, this is where it seems to point out. What resonates to me is one of your earlier video when you said that an extrovert and introvert shouldn't get together in a ltr.
Thanks bud - yeah it really is useful to know who you are so youi can play to your strengths
I agree. I have found more extroverted friends seem to lack confidence in social situations that they don't have experience in. Or think there is only one way of doing things, whether it be social interactions or problem solving for school.
Damien, what you say really resonates with me, I'm a total introvert, prefer to be alone or have one on one time with people, prefer to have people over to the house vs go to a noisy restaurant everytime. In fact noisy or distracting locations are incredibly hard for me unless I know the person closely, my mind is all over the place and find it hard to focus on the conversation, whereas if we were on a quiet beach having the same conversation, complete different story. It's a catch 22 as most social situations are in loud environments but I'm absolutely more at home at a photography group or what you say yourself, flying FPV drones would be awesome (What I miss about the GC, so many different groups!!) I'm totally convinced I can do the cold approach however without any mates around, just don't have many in my age group in this retirement village, it's a challenge, I want to get good at it!!
Yeah ti'si so much harder to get into some of the more fun aspects of dating like going to bars etc without a good group of mates
Thank you for this video. Sounds very encouraging. You went through really important traits. Introverted people can focus on these things to develop their social skills and confidence.
So you're happy with getting leftovers of Chad and Tyrone after they've been ran through and made loose?
Is that how low your self-respect is?
@@reez1728 Well, every person is specific. I mean that you should focus on what you can do best, take your niche, and develop in this way.
This is such an unhealthy mindset you have - I'll be my left testicle you're a staunch red-pill, MGTOW or black pill?
Have you EVER considered that EVERY man alive who gets married to a woman over 25 (which will be most men alive) will be marrying a woman with a sexual history of her own? Like.. tha'ts totally normal - and healthy. EVEN the CHADS who settle down eventually will be technically marrying a woman who has already slept with other guys like him.
@@SchoolOfAttraction There is a big difference between accepting that a woman has sexual history and accepting that she had unhealthy relationships that damaged her psyche.
I would be totally OK with marrying a woman that slept with even a hundred guys - if each and all of this guys were behaving healthily, loving and caring her, but affirming their boundaries at the same time.
But that's not how the stereotypical "chads" are behaving...
I just love that introverts can be less draining and likely helps being an introvert too.
Another interesting question - you yourself said that girls after 25 are more likely than younger girls to find an introvert attractive, because it requires some level of emotional maturity.
But, if you prefer to date younger girls, and if you are an introvert, how would you set up your strategies to more easily find younger women who prefer introverts?
It's a good question, but one im less clear how to answer - There's really isn't anything to change - just because it's less common, just means you have to hunt that little bit longer...
Thanks Damien I am like you in one respect - social confidence often mistaken for being an extrovert which I am not ,
Are you saying that a woman would be super happy with an introvert if he looks like say Daniel Craig and has no interest in / chance with other women? :Basically Mr. Craig has eyes only for her :)
A related request - if possible, please consider making a video if moderin women still value the man providing a container for the relationship (or not)? Also please include what providing a container and what it doesn't. Thank you!
Make a video of how to date as extrovert, I love your video but I am more extrovert on the scale
I suppose the reason I haven't yet is because most dating content out there is more easily adopted by extroverts in the first place. But I could make a specific video about it
Sorry for being always critical of your videos, but I think that the problem with this video is in its naming and - as extension - premise.
If this would be named "7 Reasons Why Introverts _CAN BE_ Attractive To Women" instead of "_ARE_ Attractive To Women", I would have no problems with it.
The unfortunate naming makes it seem like a median (or maybe even average?..) introvert is more attractive to a woman than a median extrovert - which is not the reality most people are seeing.
For example, I am really good with the deep talk, discussing interesting topics or co-crafting fantastic narratives - like talking with a woman on a date about magic systems in fantasy. And at the end of a date, I can easily make the woman my friend - but the idea of dating me triggers a visceral "eww, no" reaction from the girl.
Why? Because I don't have skills that are much more important to a woman, like teasing and flirting. A woman can easily date a man who can flirt but can't do deep talk, but not vice versa.
So, this is a big difference. ARE introverts attractive to women? Generally, no. CAN they become attractive to women? Yes, of course. If I somehow manage to learn this (extremely complex for me) skill of bantering and teasing, I would become very attractive. But without this skill that most introverts lack, they are not attractive at all.
If I can make an RPG methaphor, being an introvert is like picking a character with trait "-50% experience gain, +25% to basic stats". The start of the game would be really rough, but when you are close to level cap, you would be much stronger than a "normal" character.
Would you consider yourself the median for an introvert though? Most introverts aren't seeking dating help for starters - Most introverts are just regular guys with regular guy dating patterns.
So you struggle to flirtand banter - those are things you can easily learn -but you can't make yourself an extrovert. Women on the whole would much rather date an introvert - but they don't want ton date a guy extrovert or introvert who is socially uncomfortable or insecure - that isn't what most introverts are though...
I supect the difference here between us, is what you consider to be the 'average' for an introverted guy.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Yes, and most regular guy dating patterns are very lackluster, otherwise there would not be a statistic about 30% of men not having sex in the last year.
Yes, I'm not average, because I'm seeking help instead of coping with it. But are you denying that if we take all of the insecure and socially inept guys, there would be more introverts than extroverts between them?
Of course, you can be an extrovert and still be shy. But corellation is not causation - most shy guys are not extrovert.
That's why I'm saying that women don't like dating introverts - they like dating a smaller subsection of introverts. Of course, you can move to this smaller subsection, but it's not "easily learn", it's a hard work - and that's why your video title seems tone-deaf.
It seems like "introvert" is being used here as a proxy term for "Someone who is socially aware", which is strange since introverts are on the whole much less socially aware than extroverts are, due to their inclination towards spending less time being social and developing those abilities.
Throwing this edit in after I watched a bit more of the video, but are there any actual people who think introverts are calmer and more confident in conflict? Introverts are usually introverts because they're bad at managing conflict and want to avoid the risk of it. This is really coming off like some "Sigma male" tier analysis.
He was definitely talking about intro vs extro ALL OTHER FACTORS BEING EQUAL (like level of neuroticism, social skills, etc.)
Then - yeah, that may be true.
However, this is rarely the case, to be REAListic. Introverts will simply not exercise those muscles as much.
Just like you'll probably never be as good a programmer if you have to force yourself to sit to program as someone who has to force himself to separate himself from the computer.
@@exnihilonihilfit6316 You can't say "all other factors being equal" and then say "Women like introverts because of X factors" when those are the exact factors that were being equalled in the first place.
Introverts aren't introverts because they are bad at managing conflict and are avoiding it lol. That's a ridiculous idea. You're talking about it like it's some kind of psychological condition.
Yeah, if you're conflict avoidant then you'll suck at stuff like that. But being an introvert has nothing to do with it.
And one more thing, you don't "become" an introvert due to anything. It's a natrual tendency.
@@anthonyskrzypczak9437 That's a chicken or the egg type argument. Whether they became bad at conflict managment because they're introverted or they became introverted because they're bad at conflict management it doesn't change the fact that introverts are bad at conflict managment.
So introverts aren't all socially aware - they'll on average be less socially aware than extroverts, but that's only becasue of practice.... It's like how attractive men are more socially skilled than unattractive men on average - That's mostly just becuase of lessons learned growing up, not becuse there's a genetic link between looks and social skills.
But we often only look at the really shy guys when we think of introverts - i.e. the extreme cases... But most introverts aren't extreme at all, they're just regular guys, who get exhausted by crowded environments, small talk, being overly social for too long a stretch - guys who like doing stuff on their own more than average. But they're 'normal' in that you'd never see them as being unusual in any particular way. That's what the average introvert looks like.
So when you say that introverts avoid the risk of conflict - you're thinking about more extreme cases....
Also - I've known many extroverts who are shy and insecure over my career... They weren't actually introverts, they were just very low self-esteemed men as a result of things that have happened in their lives - but they had previously always thought of themsevles as introverts.
But if you look at the actual scientific literature - there's nothing about introverts being conflict avoidant.
Its all true
So basically after she's ridden every other guy you get the women
This seems like a very judgemental statement, but I think the core idea might be true. Introverts are more attractive to emotionally mature women, who have impulse control and value loyalty, instead of pining for a new shiny thing.
And, unfortunately, a lot of women with this trait are either past their prime or are emotionally damaged by previous relationships - and both of this circumstances make them non-ideal partners.
So, therefore, it's harder to an introvert to get a girl in her prime who is not emotionally damaged.
I'm speculating introverts tend to be beta orbiters relegated to the friendzone until the woman gets tired of shallow Chad's and Tyrones and need to settle for a Mr. GOODENOUGH (Lori Gottlieb book) to wife her up as she approaches the WALL.
Problem is many women at this stage may have already sustained a lot of psychological damage from failed relationships, and unachievable mate hypergamy expectations. Basically she settled for you, you were not her prime pick of an alpha. Some studies have shown that marriages with virgin brides are less likely to end in divorce than marriages with women who have high body counts.
If you could have one of 2 skills... a) Women want to date you long term b) Women want to only have sex with you - Option b can sound most appealing, but option a would lead to the happieset life long term.
You do know most women aren't out there shagging every man in town right? Just like with guys, it's a small % of women doing all the shagging. So a woman you get into a relationship with may have slept with 5-6 guys. That's a pretty small number.
@@SchoolOfAttraction The problem is - to have a skill a, you need to have a skill b. Otherwise you will be friendzoned =-)
I agree that this is the case, but the tendency I mentioned is still here - an extrovert is more likely to get a younger and less psychologically damaged partner.
You could replace introverts with losers and it'd all still be the same.
There's no point for women to give "introverted" guys a chance after they've been ran through by chads and tyrones in their peak youth when they were much tighter and playful.
no no no .. dont do that, dont give me hope
I think this only applies to attractive introverts
Have fun with extroverts when you're young, settle down with an introvert when you're old.
Kool
but i thought, nvm
No sheet Sherlock. After like 2 dates, the girl breaks up because they're bored of us being so quiet and all that.
Except that's not what happens in real life - at least not as a result of somone being introveted...
Again, remember introvert does not equal poor social skills... That's a completely different thing. . If you're shy, or nervous, or poor social skills, or have a boring lifestyle, that's not related to your introversion...
Here's an example...
1) I love food - it's an introvert interest of mine - so on dates, I often try to introduce women to new cuisines - show them the interesting places, nobody thinks to eat at unless you are in the know. I'll cook for her when she comes over to my place the first time.
2) I'll take her rock climbing - another introvert interest of mine
Those are just 2 examples - but there are plenty of interesting lifestyle things that many introverts are interested in that are interseting to women.
I often work with men who just don' thave much intersting goin gon in their lives - and that's okay - but it's not an introvert thing. I urge men to start exploring different lifestyles and hobbies - not so much to attract women - but to have a life that they personally find more inspiring.
Sadly it only applies to introverts who got good looks and money
Yup thats true
You're confused . You're a beta introvert .
Haha I don't even know that that is :P
@@SchoolOfAttraction that's about right. It seems like one of those normie bare bones surface level pop love advice videos that others do to draw people in.
I expected better from you mate.
You and your buddy here are more like a fungus, growing under my foot. Bottom of the food chain lol. Get the hell out of here and learn some manners.