I agree that it really doesn't matter if the person in your life is a narcissist or not. The fact that they are wrecking havoc in your life should be enough to simply detach and distance yourself from that person. However there are several behaviors that narcissists do that indicate that you are indeed dealing with a narcissist. They are as follows: Not respecting other people's boundaries Always blaming others and never holding themselves accountable for their bad behavior and mistakes Acting childish and inappropriate and always putting themselves first above everyone including their own small children. Raging like a lunatic and saying something extremely hurtful towards the target of their anger even if it means that innocent bystanders will also be hurt by what they say. Expecting you to simply "forgive and forget" whatever hurtful thing that they've done to you even if it caused you broken bones or devastation to your life (i.e. having an affair with your spouse). Treating others as if they are beneath them and that others should bend over and kiss their butt because they are so awesome Posturing themselves to be more knowledgeable than others. For example, I once had a conversation with a female narcissist who never married or had children. I was married and gave birth to two children. One time we had a conversation about pregnancy and morning sickness. This crazy narcissist proceeded to talk about morning sickness as if she knew everything about it when she was never pregnant. Yes, she was that ridiculous. Gaslighting you. Narcissists are notorious for spinning the narrative to blame you for something they did. They'll spin the truth to where you'll start doubting your own reality. This often results in trauma bonding. Magical thinking. Narcissists don't live in reality and they can find themselves in situations which can be to their own detriment. Many lack basic common sense to simply make the right decisions. Many end up in jail because of this. Always playing the victim. Covert Narcissists are extremely gifted at playing a person who is being persecuted by everyone. They have a long list of "crazy" exes who were soooo horrible to them. They expect you to believe them without questioning them. If you ask for evidence, they become irate and that could trigger a rage. One must always keep in mind that there are two sides to a story. Narcissists also tend to be extremely gullible especially if someone is feeding their narcissim. On the one hand they're extremely manipulative and exploit others. On the other hand they themselves can become victims of being conned by another narcissist who is more clever. They don't have the common sense to realize that the other person conning them is full of sh*t. They fall for the flattery mistakenly believing that they've scored a primary source of supply when in reality, they're being taken for a ride. So if you're dealing with a person who does these things, then yes, you are dealing with a narcissist. The best way to defeat a narcissist is to simply outsmart them. Learn their playbook and don't give them any more of your time that you have to.
Wow! I very much enjoyed reading what you wrote. It seems that you have had plenty of interactions with Narcissists. The best advice is to get away and stay away. I went through 3 back to back relationships with narcissist. By the end of the 3rd relationships I was totally emotionally worn out. My health suffered from the last relationship. It took me a hoid deal of time to finally heal. On my own I was trying to figure out why I kept being in these relationships which never offered me the stable relationship which I desired. Since I was the common element, I concluded that something in me made me choose narcissists and also attract them to me. I stopped dating after the last one. I started reading about the cluster-Bs. When I read about NPDs, suddenly it all fit The other thing that I realized was they reminded me of mother. How? They were at the same emotional level which I experienced from my mother growing up. An emotional detachment. Their need for having total control. Their need to always be right in everything. I came to the conclusion that my mother was a narcissist. Then, it made sense why these characters felt familiar at some level to me. I was always desperately trying to get an emotional closeness from my mother. Of course this was impossible. My mom was beautiful and a genius, naturally valedictorian of her college class. Corazon Aquino (11th President of the Philippines) came in second place.
Great summary! And so true!! Applies to romantic partners and “friends”as well as family members and bosses… etc. The thing you said about how they fall for flattery and BS is SO true!! it’s because they really have no way to “read the room”- they don’t have intuition or common sense like you say. They have just intellectually learned how to behave amongst us normal acting people… they learn it through watching television and reading books and looking at Hallmark cards. They’re actually very much like robots.
Over the past few years I´ve learnt to get rid of ANY negative people, no matter what. Those who have a negative impact on me will be "disengaged from". 😉😂
The amazing thing is, among siblings, the narcissist gets support from siblings. When you complain, they say don’t be so sensitive, this is how she is, she can’t change, etc etc. And, I used to believe them. Now I know this is how they protect themselves. If I’m being over sensitive, then they are fine.
They are covering their own asses. Affraid of the narc. Or they profit from beeing a golden child. The « don’t be so sensitive» pitch is just gaslighting. Best move is to just declutter these « servants», of the narc. They have no empathy. Treat them as they treat us, as a object to be desposed of. Don’t try to « explain» to them why you don’t like to be neglected, abused. Simply do the « no contact» .
HG! This is the best educational video on toxic people. Narc or not. That’s the best advice if you have somebody that is causing you misery get away from them it doesn’t matter what they are. But believe HG when he says you will not change a narcissist… you could waste your whole life thinking you’re going to. Don’t do it… get out and if you need help getting out ask somebody to help get you away and keep you away from Until your addiction has healed
I had never heard the word narcissist until a friend suggested that I was seeing one, and certainly didn’t know what one was, then I found HG and I have never looked back. Knowing what you are dealing with is the key to success, I would highly recommend the narc detector and consultations, both assisted me to reach freedom. Thank you HG, sending you love ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you very much for this video H.G. Following many narcissistic indicators in a person, I always look for the consistency of these indicators and whether there is a permanent lack of emotional empathy as the real clinchers in deciding whether someone is a narcissist. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it and that’s the beauty of your work as you would say. Hope you’ve had a great weekend x
Thanks HG for providing the narc detector, it certainly helped me to clear up any doubts that I had and also helped me better understand the behaviours. I also believe that if you get to the point where you feel like your walking on eggshells then it’s time to reconsider that relationship
I have been able to spot some without even having to take a narc detector. There is someone I suspect at work, whenever we are having a discussion they interject to talk about their achievements and what they are have done and where they have been and to try and portray themselves as more knowledgeable than everyone else, and they want you to nod along with them and never correct them even when they say something inaccurate or else they will try and talk over you and push you to accept what they are saying.
Thank you very much for another helpful video and want to mention that it makes it even more tricky when people are dependent on alcohol and/or other drugs! As you know, empathetic individuals can have issues with alcohol etc since it's way of coping with trauma and behave selfishly while under the influence. I used to be one of them, so don't judge anyone still caught up in the cycle. I noticed that a lot of people who manage to stop stay narcissistic (they're called dry drunks in 12-step language), then others revert back to being a generally caring person, but no one is perfect. Lol. I've also found that many people in those types of situations stay and keep hoping they'll stop, or push them to do so, to no avail, hence why it's best to end the "relationship," if possible, before too many more years go by. ❤
My dad got more narcie when he quit booze. Yes nasty dry drunks. Luckily I get happy and silly when I have alcohol...so keep my medicinal glass of wine with tea...I have sticky blood and it cures it. My great gran lived to 99 and had a small brandy every day. She was never grumpy. She was very healthy. I guess its horses for courses. But yes. What a shock for me as an adult when my newly dry dad wanted back into my life. Almost wrecked it. Never get towed behind a narcs own healing journey. Steer yr own ship n all that😮
I can't help but think efficency is key. Arseholes will be narcissitic. An actual Narcissist is far more systematic. Nothing is wasted. The cycle of love bombing, devaluing, disengagement, and hoovering is too relentless. It's a form of husbanding for the purposes of harvesting. Actual Narcissism is strategic and coordinated.
Brother, diagnosed as having a personality disorder, an umbrella term for a lot of things.. I believe he is a lower narc. Mother the same, but slightly better socially trained. Previous partner, middling, with a sadistic streak..All pervasive behaviours, over many years, always affecting my life in negative ways. I do believe they are all narcissistic, yet i have called them assholes on many occasions 😊
Most people are imperfect. Works in progress. But some unlucky people do get the short straws and find themselves in the relationship with many ass.holes. sometimes putting distance...even a whole country...between you and the pod of nitwit narcs is the best first step. And making sure you don't get drawn to a partner because they feel familiar. I live alone now. It's great. Once my mother passed I was able to disconnect totally from my toxic rellies. As soon as I see a red flag in any situation. Even a say physiotherapist...I cut n run. It works. Self.preservation self.care. and self love are very very key things. Good luck in the journey away from toxicity.
Thank you H G , for this information , its been most helpful . GOSO, as put in place amost from the start of my tenancy , due to the neighbours consistent behavior , and that of some of my landlords staff , who are at present , "running scared" of my next move .
But how do i know if I am one? Is remorse for my behavior simply internal facade and guilt management? Or is it megalomaniacal to apply everything to me?
@dyenahh If you are wondering "am I a narcissist?" you're not one, why, because 98% of narcissists are unaware and the other 2% know who they are but don't care, (says HG Tudor). Facade is to control others. Self reflection and evaluation, truth seeking, emotional empathy, accountability.. These are all traits you are displaying that are not present in narcissists.
Outstanding Video As Always but isn't this kind of like saying is that a... Great White or Carcharodon Carcarias? Barracuda or Muskelunge? Orca or Killer Whale?
An asshole's stripes are random. A narcissist's stripes are in patterns... ...both printed with invisible ink... ...HG's information is like the markers used to reveal that invisible ink.
The A-hole is insecure and maybe socially awkward. The narc is consistently focused on themselves. An A-hole can be kind and normal, the narc is conniving and had ultimate goals, as HG spells out..I e. Fuel, etc.
Although I agree with the frequency criterion’s usefulness in detecting a narcissst, it really doesn’t do the thing. See, both the narc and the asshole will have repetitiveness at their bad behavior. Even experts seem to not care or be able to distinguish between the 2. It’s like “at the end, who cares, if they’re bad for you, just choose to get out”. But if someone really wants to know, I’d say that the asshole doesn’t have the issue of the complex malformation of the self. Their defences are different. Their reactions in extreme cases as well. I mean, in my case, even the tantrum would be enough to know that it’s a narc I’m dealing with and not a douche.
If you've had enough experience and education about narcissism, it doesn't take long to determine. Observe the behaviours, recognize the patterns of them, then make an informed decision.
Is life any easier for co dependent Ipps? Who wins inthe end if all supplies are compared with one another.. which supply wins the narc heart and happy relationship?
Narcissists use the same play book : love bombing is the first step. They mirror you with cold empathy, your values, what you love to hear and your behaviour to make you believe they are like you. The aim is to receive your trust immidiately. They give you all of their attention. Nobody in your life has seen you yet. It is to good to be true. They like the same music, the films and the hobbies as you do. They ask you everything about your life in order to know how to hurt you later. It is important to get your trust early because you answer their questions more frankly and it is exhausting to pretend to love you for a longer period. There are many youTube Videos to learn about narcissism. You can only recognize what you know. Trust takes time. Be aware who earnes the entrance in your life your flat and your heart.
Excellently explained & timely reminder, thank you HG 🤍 I have to admit, I was recalling the baby in 'Meet The Fockers' being shown how to "demonstrate & say it 🤣
I have become quite good in ignoring toxic people and totally enjoy the peace that comes with that . This was the best advice ever .
ARCISSIST 😂
lol
😂😂😂!!!!
So are you interested in a job writing comedy??
That was very creative!
What an imagination ..
Thank you!❤😜
😂😂😂👍
@ZYX1984 it was low hanging fruit but I felt compelled to say the obvious I won't quit my day job don't worry 😉
😂😂😂...😂😂😂
I agree that it really doesn't matter if the person in your life is a narcissist or not. The fact that they are wrecking havoc in your life should be enough to simply detach and distance yourself from that person. However there are several behaviors that narcissists do that indicate that you are indeed dealing with a narcissist. They are as follows:
Not respecting other people's boundaries
Always blaming others and never holding themselves accountable for their bad behavior and mistakes
Acting childish and inappropriate and always putting themselves first above everyone including their own small children.
Raging like a lunatic and saying something extremely hurtful towards the target of their anger even if it means that innocent bystanders will also be hurt by what they say.
Expecting you to simply "forgive and forget" whatever hurtful thing that they've done to you even if it caused you broken bones or devastation to your life (i.e. having an affair with your spouse).
Treating others as if they are beneath them and that others should bend over and kiss their butt because they are so awesome
Posturing themselves to be more knowledgeable than others. For example, I once had a conversation with a female narcissist who never married or had children. I was married and gave birth to two children. One time we had a conversation about pregnancy and morning sickness. This crazy narcissist proceeded to talk about morning sickness as if she knew everything about it when she was never pregnant. Yes, she was that ridiculous.
Gaslighting you. Narcissists are notorious for spinning the narrative to blame you for something they did. They'll spin the truth to where you'll start doubting your own reality. This often results in trauma bonding.
Magical thinking. Narcissists don't live in reality and they can find themselves in situations which can be to their own detriment. Many lack basic common sense to simply make the right decisions. Many end up in jail because of this.
Always playing the victim. Covert Narcissists are extremely gifted at playing a person who is being persecuted by everyone. They have a long list of "crazy" exes who were soooo horrible to them. They expect you to believe them without questioning them. If you ask for evidence, they become irate and that could trigger a rage. One must always keep in mind that there are two sides to a story.
Narcissists also tend to be extremely gullible especially if someone is feeding their narcissim. On the one hand they're extremely manipulative and exploit others. On the other hand they themselves can become victims of being conned by another narcissist who is more clever. They don't have the common sense to realize that the other person conning them is full of sh*t. They fall for the flattery mistakenly believing that they've scored a primary source of supply when in reality, they're being taken for a ride.
So if you're dealing with a person who does these things, then yes, you are dealing with a narcissist. The best way to defeat a narcissist is to simply outsmart them. Learn their playbook and don't give them any more of your time that you have to.
Wow! I very much enjoyed reading what you wrote. It seems that you have had plenty of interactions with Narcissists. The best advice is to get away and stay away.
I went through 3 back to back relationships with narcissist. By the end of the 3rd relationships I was totally emotionally worn out.
My health suffered from the last relationship. It took me a hoid deal of time to finally heal. On my own I was trying to figure out why I kept being in these relationships which never offered me the stable relationship which I desired. Since I was the common element, I concluded that something in me made me choose narcissists and also attract them to me. I stopped dating after the last one. I started reading about the cluster-Bs. When I read about NPDs, suddenly it all fit
The other thing that I realized was they reminded me of mother. How? They were at the same emotional level which I experienced from my mother growing up. An emotional detachment. Their need for having total control. Their need to always be right in everything. I came to the conclusion that my mother was a narcissist. Then, it made sense why these characters felt familiar at some level to me. I was always desperately trying to get an emotional closeness from my mother. Of course this was impossible. My mom was beautiful and a genius, naturally valedictorian of her college class.
Corazon Aquino (11th President of the Philippines) came in second place.
Great summary! And so true!!
Applies to romantic partners and “friends”as well as family members and bosses… etc. The thing you said about how they fall for flattery and BS is SO true!! it’s because they really have no way to “read the room”- they don’t have intuition or common sense like you say. They have just intellectually learned how to behave amongst us normal acting people… they learn it through watching television and reading books and looking at Hallmark cards. They’re actually very much like robots.
Over the past few years I´ve learnt to get rid of ANY negative people, no matter what. Those who have a negative impact on me will be "disengaged from". 😉😂
The amazing thing is, among siblings, the narcissist gets support from siblings.
When you complain, they say don’t be so sensitive, this is how she is, she can’t change, etc etc.
And, I used to believe them.
Now I know this is how they protect themselves.
If I’m being over sensitive, then they are fine.
They are covering their own asses. Affraid of the narc. Or they profit from beeing a golden child.
The « don’t be so sensitive» pitch is just gaslighting.
Best move is to just declutter these « servants», of the narc. They have no empathy. Treat them as they treat us, as a object to be desposed of.
Don’t try to « explain» to them why you don’t like to be neglected, abused. Simply do the « no contact» .
Multiple a holes in one person.
Cut n run is a good tactic. If you cant run. Padlocks fences..and a guard dog work. 🐕
HG! This is the best educational video on toxic people. Narc or not. That’s the best advice if you have somebody that is causing you misery get away from them it doesn’t matter what they are. But believe HG when he says you will not change a narcissist… you could waste your whole life thinking you’re going to. Don’t do it… get out and if you need help getting out ask somebody to help get you away and keep you away from
Until your addiction has healed
It's important to know the difference, thank you for sharing your knowledge HG xx❤❤
I had never heard the word narcissist until a friend suggested that I was seeing one, and certainly didn’t know what one was, then I found HG and I have never looked back.
Knowing what you are dealing with is the key to success, I would highly recommend the narc detector and consultations, both assisted me to reach freedom.
Thank you HG, sending you love ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you very much for this video H.G.
Following many narcissistic indicators in a person, I always look for the consistency of these indicators and whether there is a permanent lack of emotional empathy as the real clinchers in deciding whether someone is a narcissist.
Once you see it, you can’t unsee it and that’s the beauty of your work as you would say.
Hope you’ve had a great weekend x
Both.
Thanks HG for providing the narc detector, it certainly helped me to clear up any doubts that I had and also helped me better understand the behaviours. I also believe that if you get to the point where you feel like your walking on eggshells then it’s time to reconsider that relationship
I have been able to spot some without even having to take a narc detector. There is someone I suspect at work, whenever we are having a discussion they interject to talk about their achievements and what they are have done and where they have been and to try and portray themselves as more knowledgeable than everyone else, and they want you to nod along with them and never correct them even when they say something inaccurate or else they will try and talk over you and push you to accept what they are saying.
Thank you very much for another helpful video and want to mention that it makes it even more tricky when people are dependent on alcohol and/or other drugs!
As you know, empathetic individuals can have issues with alcohol etc since it's way of coping with trauma and behave selfishly while under the influence. I used to be one of them, so don't judge anyone still caught up in the cycle.
I noticed that a lot of people who manage to stop stay narcissistic (they're called dry drunks in 12-step language), then others revert back to being a generally caring person, but no one is perfect. Lol.
I've also found that many people in those types of situations stay and keep hoping they'll stop, or push them to do so, to no avail, hence why it's best to end the "relationship," if possible, before too many more years go by. ❤
My dad got more narcie when he quit booze. Yes nasty dry drunks. Luckily I get happy and silly when I have alcohol...so keep my medicinal glass of wine with tea...I have sticky blood and it cures it. My great gran lived to 99 and had a small brandy every day. She was never grumpy. She was very healthy. I guess its horses for courses. But yes. What a shock for me as an adult when my newly dry dad wanted back into my life. Almost wrecked it. Never get towed behind a narcs own healing journey. Steer yr own ship n all that😮
Thank you HG ❤
Very helpful!!
I can't help but think efficency is key.
Arseholes will be narcissitic.
An actual Narcissist is far more systematic. Nothing is wasted. The cycle of love bombing, devaluing, disengagement, and hoovering is too relentless. It's a form of husbanding for the purposes of harvesting.
Actual Narcissism is strategic and coordinated.
Brother, diagnosed as having a personality disorder, an umbrella term for a lot of things.. I believe he is a lower narc. Mother the same, but slightly better socially trained. Previous partner, middling, with a sadistic streak..All pervasive behaviours, over many years, always affecting my life in negative ways. I do believe they are all narcissistic, yet i have called them assholes on many occasions 😊
Most people are imperfect. Works in progress. But some unlucky people do get the short straws and find themselves in the relationship with many ass.holes. sometimes putting distance...even a whole country...between you and the pod of nitwit narcs is the best first step. And making sure you don't get drawn to a partner because they feel familiar. I live alone now. It's great. Once my mother passed I was able to disconnect totally from my toxic rellies. As soon as I see a red flag in any situation. Even a say physiotherapist...I cut n run. It works. Self.preservation self.care. and self love are very very key things. Good luck in the journey away from toxicity.
Thank you H G , for this information , its been most helpful .
GOSO, as put in place amost from the start of my tenancy , due to the neighbours consistent behavior , and that of some of my landlords staff , who are at present , "running scared" of my next move .
I can confirm, I did the right thing to GOSO!
💯 NARC!!!
Thank you HG. Always great advice and guidance.
Thankyou hg. This was a good one. Im going to get yr red flag book today...40 yrs too late but wtf.😅
I love how you say asshole. 😊
But how do i know if I am one? Is remorse for my behavior simply internal facade and guilt management? Or is it megalomaniacal to apply everything to me?
internal facade? oxymoron?
@@iaindcosta only if we are really good at fooling ourselves: 'the heart is deceitful above all things. Who can know it?' Perhaps HG Tudor can.
@dyenahh If you are wondering "am I a narcissist?" you're not one, why, because 98% of narcissists are unaware and the other 2% know who they are but don't care, (says HG Tudor).
Facade is to control others.
Self reflection and evaluation, truth seeking, emotional empathy, accountability..
These are all traits you are displaying that are not present in narcissists.
I'd rather be a megalomaniac than the putsy of a single narc😅
Outstanding Video As Always but isn't this kind of like saying is that a... Great White or Carcharodon Carcarias? Barracuda or Muskelunge? Orca or Killer Whale?
An asshole's stripes are random. A narcissist's stripes are in patterns...
...both printed with invisible ink...
...HG's information is like the markers used to reveal that invisible ink.
@@djhrecordhound4391 Good 1...
Hilariously getting Suits commercials featuring Meghan Markle in them 😂
The A-hole is insecure and maybe socially awkward. The narc is consistently focused on themselves. An A-hole can be kind and normal, the narc is conniving and had ultimate goals, as HG spells out..I e. Fuel, etc.
Although I agree with the frequency criterion’s usefulness in detecting a narcissst, it really doesn’t do the thing. See, both the narc and the asshole will have repetitiveness at their bad behavior. Even experts seem to not care or be able to distinguish between the 2. It’s like “at the end, who cares, if they’re bad for you, just choose to get out”. But if someone really wants to know, I’d say that the asshole doesn’t have the issue of the complex malformation of the self. Their defences are different. Their reactions in extreme cases as well. I mean, in my case, even the tantrum would be enough to know that it’s a narc I’m dealing with and not a douche.
If you've had enough experience and education about narcissism, it doesn't take long to determine. Observe the behaviours, recognize the patterns of them, then make an informed decision.
Fuck it going for both since I'm a lazy over achiever 🤣🤙👍
Is life any easier for co dependent Ipps? Who wins inthe end if all supplies are compared with one another.. which supply wins the narc heart and happy relationship?
My narc turned out to be bi-sexual and kept this from me.....he was horrible and screamed at me several times....he was so controlling and arrogant.
My ex narc and her bunch are both
I grew up in a house of 4 1 egg donor and her progeny
Isn't it possible to be both?
My daughter is just figuring out that her former husband is a narcissist. I would like her to watch It's videos. Where should she start?🇺🇸
Can they not be both ?
Hey HG what wrench do you prefer to use for a stuck Cessna150 engine mount bolt?
❤🌹
Attractive shape❤❤, unattracive goosebumps😅😅
Or combine the two: nastiass
Donald J T level ten
Does that mean if 6, 1 empath, 1 narcissistic, 1 narc, 2 normal?
narcissistic are very small proportion, but generally 1/6 narcs, 3 normals and an empath or 2
That's 5😅
@user-ym3xf6xp4c 5, (or 6), I think another way of expressing it is 15%..
it is approximate, and accounts for the 3 or 4 in every class..
I can't see that 1 out of 6 people are a Narcissist. I know the number is high but I can't see it.
It seems about right to me
Narcissists use the same play book :
love bombing is the first step. They mirror you with cold empathy, your values, what you love to hear and your behaviour to make you believe they are like you. The aim is to receive your trust immidiately. They give you all of their attention. Nobody in your life has seen you yet. It is to good to be true. They like the same music, the films and the hobbies as you do. They ask you everything about your life in order to know how to hurt you later. It is important to get your trust early because you answer their questions more frankly and it is exhausting to pretend to love you for a longer period.
There are many youTube Videos to learn about narcissism. You can only recognize what you know. Trust takes time. Be aware who earnes the entrance in your life your flat and your heart.
Does it really matter?
💯... toxic is toxic 😢
Depends whos asking? I know something about YOU
Show more of the clothes please
Cookie cutter knowledge
A veritable feast for thought, HG, and to utilize in proper action. 🤍 🖤 🌹
Excellently explained & timely reminder, thank you HG 🤍
I have to admit, I was recalling the baby in 'Meet The Fockers' being shown how to "demonstrate & say it 🤣