@@mathieuxlaflamme2322 are you d u m b or can't read? Two parents WHO HATE each other have no business being together. If he can't even love the child what would be the point of being there? Having the kid feel like shit and settle for some AH who don't love or cherish them in the future? Having a kid who has no sense of self worth or love? The mom's a cheating 403 she'll find someone else soon. Better to have a step parent that can probably love them than a dad who hates them.
@@mathieuxlaflamme2322he clearly hates her and would likely throw that hate onto his child, it's better he's not there at least until he gets his emotions under control. It's better to have an absent parent than one that hates your existence.
@mathieuxlaflamme2322 as someone who has experience... i agree with the op... my farther has no business in our lives monetarily or otherwise. There will be some who need the support, but the majority would never wish for contact if it was avoidable, wich it can be if people get work... now thats a different problem. (For the record, the one(s) in the wrong can be the man and/or woman)
That kid is his. He owes a debt to that kid. He cannot meet that debt by paying the minimum amount of child support and neglecting him/her. His limits do not matter. He needs to exceed them and take care of his obligation to his son/daughter.
Harsh but true. If you know you won't be a positive force it's best to leave. Sucks for everyone involved (except ap partner) however he did the right thing. Imagine growing up not knowing why your father can't really look at you or be supportive.
'You're wrong for not giving this child a father' no, that's on her. She's only upset because the other guy didn't want to be a dad. If he did, she wouldn't call you
True, even if the baby was the affair partners, he's clearly not interested in being a dad and would've left regardless. The wife now has a kid that reminds her of her betrayal to OP and OP wants nothing to do with her or his kid.
He absolutely did the best thing being the "spermdonor." I was unwanted and I paid for it until he died that was 49 years of no life,no nothing I don't know if my mom could have helped me maybe he was to strong for her. He wasn't to strong for me and that was her doing. But heading a guy says, " I would not be a good person to be around that kid" is self knowledge and the best for the kid ever. He knows himself and the damage parents do
@@DaroriDerEinzige her body her choice. She vould have chose not to have the baby. She did, she tried to trap one of the 2 men. The op didn't want to have a child with her and as much as people preach the sins of the father/mother are not the sins of the child he would never be able to see that without a bunch of therapy. Imagen being that child spending half your life with a parent that only see that bad about you.
When a man cuts off his own family because of his cheating wife. He is not wrong for giving up his parental rights. I think the anger/hate/disgust he now has for his exwife and his own family is indicative enough and would hurt that child during his/her developmental stage in life.
If he believes he's not going to be a good adult caretaker/guardian for that child, then it is WISE of him to acknowledge it & let someone else fill that role.
So why is it wrong if he dosnt want to have contact will help pay... but if a women wants to not have the kid in the first place he has no say at all. Why is it whatever makes a women happy? Dosnt the system know women want to be equal to men so he should be able to tell her no your having the kid right? Or is it only equal if it benefits them.
@elemisharichardson-rey9260 I'm saying most men up in leave. It's very common. That's why there's more single mothers than single fathers. I was raised by my father, so it's not bad. I'm just saying the majority are not like that. Also, her body her choice. If you want to carry a human around for 9 months, destroy your body, and give up your career, then go for it. It's a form of control, you want to control her body and mobility for over a year that could essentially kill her. Yes you can give your two cents but it's not up to you. It's not your body, simple.
All right. I agree with the man you've been cheated on and this woman is trying to get you back in. I mean, yeah, you're a sperm donor but you can't look at the kid the same way as you do your other children. If you have them, you acknowledge it, you've told everything on this. I wanted to keep records of everything. So that yeah, when their child, when the child is older and he try reach reaches me out for you, you can show all this and said that at the time and even as you're growing up, I will not be able to look at you as my child. I'll be looking at you as the cheater's child and I won't have been able to I love you or support you in the way you need it. I mean, that's the best way you could do it
But he didn’t want to take care of his child. He asked for the minimum of child-support. That child will have no dad and the bare minimum to live of. To his child he is an asshole.
And sometimes to be the good guy you've got to be the bad guy. If you don't think you can handle the responsibility of being a father because of how the ex cheated and you won't no contact with her as long as you're paying your child support I think you're good to go. I guarantee his reaction to the kid would have been a 1000% different if she had not cheated😊
I hope the kid is okay, i know some ppl are say the dude did the right thing cuz he knows his own limits and probably wouldn't have been a great father to the kid, but damn that sucks for the kid :/, every kid deserves to grow up supported.
@@janjanisbored those people are so wrong. Poor guy didnt want kids? He shouldnt have had unprotected sex. And if it was protected, then you deal with it like someone decent and raise your kid... I just cant grasp how people can let their hate of a woman make it okay for a child to be abandonned by his dad. Just how sociopathic is that?
@mathieuxlaflamme2322 I agree with you, personal I don't respect what the guy chose to do, at the end of the day he is making excuses. That child has gotten the worst end of the stick because of his parents actions. I can't even fathom how hard that must be for them.
Trust me when I say this: kids with two parents that hate eachother grow up WAY more messed up than kids with only one parent. They don't deserve the torture of being the middle ground in a damn war zone.
Tons of kids don't. So what? Life sucks that way. Before you insult me, yes I know first hand how that baby will feel. Honestly you don't think about it much unless it's brought up.
@@drunklink350 using your experiences as the universal correct one isn’t the way to go about things, especially when children who need support from both maternal and paternal parental figures are involved. The law, science and consensus all agree that kids need both forms of parenting in their life. Like I said, OP owes nothing to the ex, he was cheated on and was given a child he didn’t want at that point. Regardless of circumstance, as the kids father, he owes him some phone calls to say “I’m your dad, and I’m sorry I wasn’t the right person to raise you.”
@@ItsJustJek being told by your dad that he doesn't want you or feel up to being around you is worse than never knowing them. I've been there, it's horrible. Almost every single kid who had a parent not WANT to be parent can tell you they wished they never met them if that's how they felt. And children don't need their parental mother or father, they just need a decent figure to take their place. Someone who wants to raise them, not someone who's disinterested. That'll do more damage. Also, they can absolutely use their own experience to say whether or not it's a good idea. They went through it. They know better than most how it would feel. Having a perspective from someone who went through it is better than someone who hasn't.
If the family wants to be involved in the kids life, have at it. He acknowledged his shortcomings,believe him and leave him alone. Be the paternal side the kid needs and step up and show love.
Good for him, he acknowlegde that never will love that child and dont want to traumatize with that. The child is inocent yes, but this is the women fault
If he doesn't want to be father, that's fine. But if he doesn't want to be a good father to the kid because ex cheated on him, he is shitty person and is punishing the wrong person.
The kid deserves a father. Ya well the father deserves a loyal wife. I feel bad for that kid. Born to selfish people who only cared about their own happiness above all. Hope he doesn’t turn to a serial killer.
It’s very intelligent to know that you could not, would not be a good person in the child’s life. I give you high marks for honesty. Hopefully this child will have someone in their life to guide them. Not sure of the Quality of the mom. But maybe she will find a good man and marry him. And hopefully stay true and not have an affair. I do feel for the child. Hopefully the mom will let op’s family help and also show love to this child.
@@jeyzeus No he should, it's better the kid grow up without him. Why would you want him to raise a child he will never bond with. He won't love or treat it like it should. The best move he did was distance himself instead of subjecting the child to neglect because of him
That exact scenario happened to one of my friends. When he was like 20 he tracked down his dad, and he had a bunch of receipts proving that the mother was sleeping with multiple men at the time of conception. Now my friend doesn't talk to his mom anymore and he actually has a decent relationship with his father. They just got done going on a fishing trip to Canada together.
he knows it would not be good for him to be around that kid, she knows that him being the father figure for that kid would not be good for either of them and is doing what is best for himself and the child
How are yall blamingthe dad? It may be his kid but its not like he has any reason to attempt to raise them. Plus he doesn't even think he would be a good influence which is why he doesn't want to help raise that child.
Because he made the choice to punish his child for their mother's sins? His ex being a bitch and screwing him over doesn't make it right for him to screw his kid over. And thats obviously a half assed excuse he is telling himself to try and alleviate whatever minor guilt he feels for screwing the kid out of a father.
"it may be his kid" there's the reason right there!!! That's a deadbeat dad right there. Yes she cheated, that's a great reason to divorce but it doesn't give him an excuse to abandon his child
@@manper421 there is a point when being a deadbeat dad may be good, like when you yourself know that you would harm that childs development, call him whatever you want, he is still in the right.
@@manper421 I just want you to know I *really* don't like you. You see men as ATMs and maids. That's not equality. If the genders were reversed, you'd be saying, "YAAASS SLAY QUEEN, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH."
@@mizu7662 owning slaves/slavery is still legal buddy. Abortion isn’t though. Hell weed is illegal and it kills less people than alcohol. Legal and illegal changes depending on what part of the world You’re in and the time period. So what are we really arguing? Right and wrong, legal and illegal, Moral and immoral shit dont matter unless you can physically defend it and uphold it. Foh
As much as I don’t like him abandoning him child. I get it. If your parents hate and resent each other eventually there will be fall out towards the kid even if it’s unintentional.
It's 100% your right to do so! I bet if you wanted to be a father and she wanted a termination....you would have no say!! You do NOT have to be a father if you don't want too weather she (or anyone else) likes it or not!!!
If she thought that kid deserves a father she shouldn't have cheated in the first place. She ruined any opportunity for that kid to know their father because she couldn't keep it in her pants.
I think he should have given the kid and parenting a chance. Yes, he was wronged, but he put that baby in her. There are mature ways to deal with separated parents. That child deserves it's fathers love, or at least the chance to see. ❤❤
Look forget about the child, this man sounds broken and most women won't know what it is like being treaed like the villain even if you are not the victim. I get it the child is innocence but he has nothing to live for. His ex cheated and his family tried to force him to stay in touch with her? I couldn't do it.
@hootsaidtheowl 🤦🤦🤦 You're misunderstanding, no where did I say/imply he wasn't the child's paternal father, nor am I hating on the mother, or even condoning him abandoning his son.
@@hootsaidtheowl listen... I get where you're coming from, but take it from me when I say from experience that dealing with parents that hate each other and are toxic to each other is so much worse than having an absent parent. I would much rather one of them just was not a part of my life than to have been in the situations I was in/exposed to. It's one thing when parents who don't like each other can be civil and come together and raise the kid properly; they can co-parent properly and the child has the support of both parents. But that requires the parents to be emotionally healthy. That is not the case all the time when infidelity is involved. If they cannot co-parent properly and they're just constantly being petty and hateful and spiteful and resentful to each other, the child gets caught in the middle. No matter how they try to slpice it they always get caught in the middle and those experiences cause an immense amount of trauma -- .Not to mention, this is the model that that child grows up with for relationships, which is completely and totally unhealthy.
What he did is both wrong and right, cutting a father figure from a child’s liege is wrong for all the reasons you would think, however, it’s even more wrong to be the father figure in a child’s life when you dislike the child, it would just be a toxic and damaging relationship to the kid
How did his wife get a paternity test and the baby wasn't born yet even if they found out her week of conception it could be the outside lover's child they still need a DNA test
At least you’re willing to do the right thing and pay child support. just get ready for the conversation with the kid when they’re old enough on why you weren’t around. make sure you have the evidence to back up your claim about your cheating ex-wife.
She's wrong for cheating on her husband, he shouldn't have to pay any child support, even if he was the sperm-donor. There should be an exception for cheating spouses.
Oh yes, a person is having unprotected sex with two giys at the same time, but the person who legally promised to only be with one who couldn't manage to trap the side guy ran back to guy who kept his promise is the one who is bad. The best thing is for the ex-husband to take sole custody. How could a child look up to her.
Well he’s right he’s not the best person to be around the kid; his ex created the situation not him and his family doesn’t need him to be in the kids life they can go to his ex for that
All I hear is that everyone involved in this story is selfish and self centred. OP, ex wife and AP. The child didn’t cheat on you. Cause of my line of work I know many women who are raising a child after their men cheated on them. You are directing your resentment and anger towards the wrong person. Yeah, maybe he did the right thing by removing himself from this child’s life because he’s not fit to be the father. But it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a shitty person and is getting praised for doing “ the lesser evil “. He’s basically being praised for abandoning the kid, cause it’s better than him being around and resenting/abusing the kid. Like… is the bar really that low. It’s just sad. There could be a lot more said, but what’s the point when everyone is happy with hating everyone and everything, doing damage everywhere they can and then just going “ I didn’t abuse them, I’m a good guy “. People really have to do better…
He's an absolute POS. If you know your faults as a man how about work on them for a child you help create? That kid has nothing to do with the animosity you hold towards that woman. Be a man, fix yourself and step up.
So is she. Shitty parents the lot. He was innocent she didn’t care. Now he feels the same way. Honestly you cannot separate mother and child. Some people would see the similarities and abuse the child. Or insult the mother at every turn which would only hurt the child.
OP I would advise you if you start over and get a new wife and a new kid I will invite you to put up a will and possibly leave something so no one can fight over your property if you decide to leave everything to your second child or your second wife that you might have
He is wrong. He shpuld be a father to his child. What does him hating her have to do with caring for a person he made. That he has to see her for handover? She is a pos and deserves no help but end of day its his son.
...he is being honest. He understands he is the sperm doner and he also understands that he has a financial responsibility to the child, but doesnt believe he will be a good influence for the child... thats the best he can do: remove himself. I definitely understand why she is upset, but...her choices put her in the position she is in.
The child indeed is innocent. And actually if he is really the father, it means he is actually punishing an innocent child for the mother's sins. This is low-key pityful and childish.
Yes, the child deserves to have a father, unfortunately they also deserve not to have a cheating whore for a mother, so I guess life is just unfair sometimes.
Ok, she cheated. Get over it, you're punishing the kid not her. Do dad things, show interest in the kid. Did your dad abandon you? You wouldn't of liked it if he did. Don't be that person. Be apart of the kids life. You might be a great dad and love every minute of it.
You should reconsider your position. Maybe your ex finds someone to be the kids positive male role model. If not, all you're going to do is teach that kid that his dad never cared about him. The kid, will spend their entire life trying to understand what they did to deserve it.
Be there for the child not her you can do this, I'm a father of 3 teens and I'll never regret it. Give yourself time to heal and give your child a chance.
This. I don’t agree with people suggesting he explains he was cheated on when the child becomes an adult. The child will feel they were cheated too out of a father but he will be to blame. I am watching a slightly similar situation now and it makes no difference what he says to that child you are always a stranger. The child may want to get close with you but can’t due to years of resentment and fear of abandonment. Sucks for them if that child is all you left. Hopefully, you never need that child’s help.
@@Justlistening2 You can't separate the two. He will always have to see her to be involved with the child. That's what she wants. To force him to deal with her. Should he suffer his whole life for some kid he doesn't want? The kid would be a latch key kid. When she realizes he won't budge she'll probably abuse the child as well. I've that type of behavior before.
@@elemisharichardson-rey9260 I agree with you to a degree. In this I’d suggest, court ordered visitation with neutral counsel to assist with the visitation process.
He did the BEST thing for that child. Having 2 parents who HATE/RESENT each other is WORST than having one absent parent.
He can be there without being with her. Wtf you mean an absent parent is better than having both?
@@mathieuxlaflamme2322 are you d u m b or can't read? Two parents WHO HATE each other have no business being together. If he can't even love the child what would be the point of being there? Having the kid feel like shit and settle for some AH who don't love or cherish them in the future? Having a kid who has no sense of self worth or love? The mom's a cheating 403 she'll find someone else soon. Better to have a step parent that can probably love them than a dad who hates them.
@@mathieuxlaflamme2322he clearly hates her and would likely throw that hate onto his child, it's better he's not there at least until he gets his emotions under control. It's better to have an absent parent than one that hates your existence.
@mathieuxlaflamme2322 as someone who has experience... i agree with the op... my farther has no business in our lives monetarily or otherwise.
There will be some who need the support,
but the majority would never wish for contact if it was avoidable, wich it can be if people get work... now thats a different problem.
(For the record, the one(s) in the wrong can be the man and/or woman)
Incorrect but I can understand the feeling
Sounds like buddy knows his limits and knowing that you aren't the best role model is a hard thing to say and acknowledge.
That kid is his. He owes a debt to that kid. He cannot meet that debt by paying the minimum amount of child support and neglecting him/her.
His limits do not matter. He needs to exceed them and take care of his obligation to his son/daughter.
@@EMTedroni I think it would just be better to pay the money and not f*ck up your kid with your own stupidity.
@@EMTedroniNuh uh
@@EMTedronia kid is better off without a parent than with a parent who doesn’t want them.
@NegativeZenn Then said parent needs an attitude adjustment.
Poor child. They are here through no fault of their own. And look at the sad things we do to them.
All the blame should be on the mom for ruining it
Cheating can and does destroy lives.
At least he’s being honest with himself and the world.
Still a piece of trash. That child should not be made to suffer like that. He can be a father to the child while doing nothing for the trash mother.
Harsh but true. If you know you won't be a positive force it's best to leave. Sucks for everyone involved (except ap partner) however he did the right thing. Imagine growing up not knowing why your father can't really look at you or be supportive.
'You're wrong for not giving this child a father' no, that's on her. She's only upset because the other guy didn't want to be a dad. If he did, she wouldn't call you
True, even if the baby was the affair partners, he's clearly not interested in being a dad and would've left regardless.
The wife now has a kid that reminds her of her betrayal to OP and OP wants nothing to do with her or his kid.
The kid is his from the paternity test. He confirmed it.
Comprehending skills weak on you
Yeah, men's actions are always a woman's fault.
@@LarennPBel its his, i know, but SHE left HIM to be with someone else. She wanted the new guy to be a father but he refused so she went back
He absolutely did the best thing being the "spermdonor."
I was unwanted and I paid for it until he died that was 49 years of no life,no nothing I don't know if my mom could have helped me maybe he was to strong for her.
He wasn't to strong for me and that was her doing. But heading a guy says, " I would not be a good person to be around that kid" is self knowledge and the best for the kid ever.
He knows himself and the damage parents do
... Yeah, mate, that child will pay all his life too now.
Thing is, use a rubber. Paying minimal child support isn't really "standing up" or anything.
@@DaroriDerEinzige her body her choice. She vould have chose not to have the baby. She did, she tried to trap one of the 2 men. The op didn't want to have a child with her and as much as people preach the sins of the father/mother are not the sins of the child he would never be able to see that without a bunch of therapy. Imagen being that child spending half your life with a parent that only see that bad about you.
When a man cuts off his own family because of his cheating wife. He is not wrong for giving up his parental rights. I think the anger/hate/disgust he now has for his exwife and his own family is indicative enough and would hurt that child during his/her developmental stage in life.
100% agree
If he believes he's not going to be a good adult caretaker/guardian for that child, then it is WISE of him to acknowledge it & let someone else fill that role.
So why is it wrong if he dosnt want to have contact will help pay... but if a women wants to not have the kid in the first place he has no say at all. Why is it whatever makes a women happy? Dosnt the system know women want to be equal to men so he should be able to tell her no your having the kid right? Or is it only equal if it benefits them.
Because most men leave 😅
@@MWard-kp3dk In this case he is right to do so.
@elemisharichardson-rey9260 I'm saying most men up in leave. It's very common. That's why there's more single mothers than single fathers.
I was raised by my father, so it's not bad. I'm just saying the majority are not like that.
Also, her body her choice. If you want to carry a human around for 9 months, destroy your body, and give up your career, then go for it.
It's a form of control, you want to control her body and mobility for over a year that could essentially kill her. Yes you can give your two cents but it's not up to you. It's not your body, simple.
All right. I agree with the man you've been cheated on and this woman is trying to get you back in. I mean, yeah, you're a sperm donor but you can't look at the kid the same way as you do your other children. If you have them, you acknowledge it, you've told everything on this. I wanted to keep records of everything. So that yeah, when their child, when the child is older and he try reach reaches me out for you, you can show all this and said that at the time and even as you're growing up, I will not be able to look at you as my child. I'll be looking at you as the cheater's child and I won't have been able to I love you or support you in the way you need it. I mean, that's the best way you could do it
Kudos to the guy for manning up and taking responsibility .
But he didn’t want to take care of his child. He asked for the minimum of child-support. That child will have no dad and the bare minimum to live of. To his child he is an asshole.
You are kidding, right?
So.many people would be better off if they thought things out AND kept their pants on!
And sometimes to be the good guy you've got to be the bad guy. If you don't think you can handle the responsibility of being a father because of how the ex cheated and you won't no contact with her as long as you're paying your child support I think you're good to go. I guarantee his reaction to the kid would have been a 1000% different if she had not cheated😊
I hope the kid is okay, i know some ppl are say the dude did the right thing cuz he knows his own limits and probably wouldn't have been a great father to the kid, but damn that sucks for the kid :/, every kid deserves to grow up supported.
@@janjanisbored those people are so wrong. Poor guy didnt want kids? He shouldnt have had unprotected sex. And if it was protected, then you deal with it like someone decent and raise your kid...
I just cant grasp how people can let their hate of a woman make it okay for a child to be abandonned by his dad. Just how sociopathic is that?
@mathieuxlaflamme2322 I agree with you, personal I don't respect what the guy chose to do, at the end of the day he is making excuses. That child has gotten the worst end of the stick because of his parents actions. I can't even fathom how hard that must be for them.
@@mathieuxlaflamme2322 hush
Trust me when I say this: kids with two parents that hate eachother grow up WAY more messed up than kids with only one parent. They don't deserve the torture of being the middle ground in a damn war zone.
@@mathieuxlaflamme2322 He didn’t want to share his dna with a cheater but she hid that tidbit about herself.
Not to say OP should move back and raise the kid, but all kids deserve to at least hear from their dad and to have at least a conversation or two.
Tons of kids don't. So what? Life sucks that way.
Before you insult me, yes I know first hand how that baby will feel. Honestly you don't think about it much unless it's brought up.
Agreed. He doesn't have an obligation to his ex. But the kid needs him in his life. Like once a month.
@@drunklink350 using your experiences as the universal correct one isn’t the way to go about things, especially when children who need support from both maternal and paternal parental figures are involved.
The law, science and consensus all agree that kids need both forms of parenting in their life. Like I said, OP owes nothing to the ex, he was cheated on and was given a child he didn’t want at that point. Regardless of circumstance, as the kids father, he owes him some phone calls to say “I’m your dad, and I’m sorry I wasn’t the right person to raise you.”
@@ItsJustJek being told by your dad that he doesn't want you or feel up to being around you is worse than never knowing them. I've been there, it's horrible. Almost every single kid who had a parent not WANT to be parent can tell you they wished they never met them if that's how they felt. And children don't need their parental mother or father, they just need a decent figure to take their place. Someone who wants to raise them, not someone who's disinterested. That'll do more damage.
Also, they can absolutely use their own experience to say whether or not it's a good idea. They went through it. They know better than most how it would feel. Having a perspective from someone who went through it is better than someone who hasn't.
@@ItsJustJek Well the mother should have thought of that before going to the streets.
If the family wants to be involved in the kids life, have at it. He acknowledged his shortcomings,believe him and leave him alone. Be the paternal side the kid needs and step up and show love.
Having 2 parents that fight all the time and tell you how bad the other is is torture.
Good for him, he acknowlegde that never will love that child and dont want to traumatize with that.
The child is inocent yes, but this is the women fault
You would have been a great father to the child, if the mother would have been a decent wife.
Literally nothing we are told about OP remotely justifies that stance.
If he doesn't want to be father, that's fine. But if he doesn't want to be a good father to the kid because ex cheated on him, he is shitty person and is punishing the wrong person.
@@BossRoss045 L take. Its his kid. He needs to fulfil his responsibilities to him.
The three of you can shut the f up when something like this happens to you you can talk then until then I support his statement
@@mathieuxlaflamme2322if a woman can terminate the baby men should be able to walk away from an unwanted one.
Oo in the right. He was cheated in then baby trapped. Good for him just cut out all bs
The kid deserves a father.
Ya well the father deserves a loyal wife.
I feel bad for that kid. Born to selfish people who only cared about their own happiness above all. Hope he doesn’t turn to a serial killer.
Better not to be there at all than beeing bad company to the kid. It's good to know your weaknesses and limits. That's the right decision.
It’s very intelligent to know that you could not, would not be a good person in the child’s life. I give you high marks for honesty. Hopefully this child will have someone in their life to guide them. Not sure of the
Quality of the mom. But maybe she will find a good man and marry him. And hopefully stay true and not have an affair. I do feel for the child. Hopefully the mom will let op’s family help and also show love to this child.
I'm 60 never had a father my stepdad is the best one he passed in Mar 24,2022
Does she think that child would think she is a good person if told she cheated on his father?
He should talk to the kid when he is older and maybe bring some evidence of the mother cheating if they told him something else different
Why? You think kid will forgive him for being shitty parent because his ex cheated on him? You don't punish kid for mother's mistakes.
@@jeyzeus No he should, it's better the kid grow up without him. Why would you want him to raise a child he will never bond with. He won't love or treat it like it should. The best move he did was distance himself instead of subjecting the child to neglect because of him
@@tryme9740 Reread what I wrote, your comment makes 0 sense and has nothing to do with what I said.
@@jeyzeusso you don’t know how to read huh?
That exact scenario happened to one of my friends. When he was like 20 he tracked down his dad, and he had a bunch of receipts proving that the mother was sleeping with multiple men at the time of conception.
Now my friend doesn't talk to his mom anymore and he actually has a decent relationship with his father. They just got done going on a fishing trip to Canada together.
Op id honest he fulfilled his part of the contribution and it's not likt op burned the bridge why should he suffer?
he knows it would not be good for him to be around that kid, she knows that him being the father figure for that kid would not be good for either of them and is doing what is best for himself and the child
A kid needs a dad. Ur able to help him so u need to do that.
At least you were honest with her.
How are yall blamingthe dad? It may be his kid but its not like he has any reason to attempt to raise them. Plus he doesn't even think he would be a good influence which is why he doesn't want to help raise that child.
Because he made the choice to punish his child for their mother's sins? His ex being a bitch and screwing him over doesn't make it right for him to screw his kid over. And thats obviously a half assed excuse he is telling himself to try and alleviate whatever minor guilt he feels for screwing the kid out of a father.
"it may be his kid" there's the reason right there!!! That's a deadbeat dad right there. Yes she cheated, that's a great reason to divorce but it doesn't give him an excuse to abandon his child
@@manper421 there is a point when being a deadbeat dad may be good, like when you yourself know that you would harm that childs development, call him whatever you want, he is still in the right.
@@manper421 I just want you to know I *really* don't like you. You see men as ATMs and maids. That's not equality. If the genders were reversed, you'd be saying, "YAAASS SLAY QUEEN, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH."
@@Useless_chicken deadbeat dads often make excuses, take care of your kids bro
If she had the right to kill the child, he should at least be allowed to abandon it, right?😂
It’s only fair
That is equality.
If they have the right to abort it or give it up for adoption. He has every right to abandon it.
@@xzavaire1 Yeah, except they don't have that right. They just insist on behaving as if they do and bludgeoning anyone who disagrees.
Is that your best defense? "What he is doing is technically legal"? So was owning slaves.
@@mizu7662 owning slaves/slavery is still legal buddy. Abortion isn’t though. Hell weed is illegal and it kills less people than alcohol. Legal and illegal changes depending on what part of the world You’re in and the time period. So what are we really arguing? Right and wrong, legal and illegal, Moral and immoral shit dont matter unless you can physically defend it and uphold it. Foh
@@xzavaire1 What part of that little tirade is a counter to me laughing at how weak a defense 'well they are allowed to do it!' is?
@@mizu7662 read it until you understand it. ✌🏾 💋
Imagine if OP was the mother. Y'all would flip a lid
Listen i feel horrible for that kid honestly. But if the OP doesn't want to be in the kids life than it is what it is.
you are not wrong...
NEVER use your kid(s) as a weapon in anything family related.
They are innocents and are not bargaining chips or something to use against the other.
If you sign away your parental rights you shouldn't have to pay child support.
Hay if you feel that way about it then you have to do what is best for the child. Thank you
As much as I don’t like him abandoning him child. I get it. If your parents hate and resent each other eventually there will be fall out towards the kid even if it’s unintentional.
It's 100% your right to do so! I bet if you wanted to be a father and she wanted a termination....you would have no say!! You do NOT have to be a father if you don't want too weather she (or anyone else) likes it or not!!!
Sue for full custody. Make her pay.
Its cheaper to cut ties.
@@ColeyJack8590 he doesn't want the kid though so why would he do that?
If she thought that kid deserves a father she shouldn't have cheated in the first place. She ruined any opportunity for that kid to know their father because she couldn't keep it in her pants.
Leave them alone
I think he should have given the kid and parenting a chance. Yes, he was wronged, but he put that baby in her. There are mature ways to deal with separated parents. That child deserves it's fathers love, or at least the chance to see. ❤❤
You know Best .
He should try to get full custody and remove the mom.from.the life of the kid
He doesn't think he can be a good father to that child tho.
Look forget about the child, this man sounds broken and most women won't know what it is like being treaed like the villain even if you are not the victim. I get it the child is innocence but he has nothing to live for. His ex cheated and his family tried to force him to stay in touch with her? I couldn't do it.
If she really want you to be a father to those kids, she can give up being their mother.
I feel its HER thats wanting him in her life so she stalks him and will use the child against him ....
Evil Ex Wife 🚩 Evil Parent's
She cheated and is now making it seem like it's his fault
I hate the innocent argument like yeah it is but doesn't mean the guy who is the victim should have to deal with a kid who he doesn't want
sounds like my situation 😂
Well, the child would've had a father if she didn't cheat so she's the reason that child lost their innocents before being born.
Not how that works. He is that child's father. Hating the mother isn't a reason to discard your own flesh and blood.
@hootsaidtheowl 🤦🤦🤦 You're misunderstanding, no where did I say/imply he wasn't the child's paternal father, nor am I hating on the mother, or even condoning him abandoning his son.
@@hootsaidtheowl listen... I get where you're coming from, but take it from me when I say from experience that dealing with parents that hate each other and are toxic to each other is so much worse than having an absent parent. I would much rather one of them just was not a part of my life than to have been in the situations I was in/exposed to. It's one thing when parents who don't like each other can be civil and come together and raise the kid properly; they can co-parent properly and the child has the support of both parents. But that requires the parents to be emotionally healthy. That is not the case all the time when infidelity is involved.
If they cannot co-parent properly and they're just constantly being petty and hateful and spiteful and resentful to each other, the child gets caught in the middle. No matter how they try to slpice it they always get caught in the middle and those experiences cause an immense amount of trauma -- .Not to mention, this is the model that that child grows up with for relationships, which is completely and totally unhealthy.
I think so too bro
Most guys in this situation leave the country to one where they can't be forced to pay child support
I know that it might seem heartless to do that to the child but honestly it's better than the child feeling unwanted by their father.
That dudes a sorry pos its not the baby's fault she cheated n his family still can be a part of that babys life.
Shouldn't punish the child for sins of the mother.
Nahh, he should have taken her back. He is the AH
His wallet, his choice.
What he did is both wrong and right, cutting a father figure from a child’s liege is wrong for all the reasons you would think, however, it’s even more wrong to be the father figure in a child’s life when you dislike the child, it would just be a toxic and damaging relationship to the kid
Yup she played fuck around and find out .
If you can opt out of being a mother, you should be able to opt out of being a father
How did his wife get a paternity test and the baby wasn't born yet even if they found out her week of conception it could be the outside lover's child they still need a DNA test
GIYF
At least you’re willing to do the right thing and pay child support. just get ready for the conversation with the kid when they’re old enough on why you weren’t around. make sure you have the evidence to back up your claim about your cheating ex-wife.
She's wrong for cheating on her husband, he shouldn't have to pay any child support, even if he was the sperm-donor. There should be an exception for cheating spouses.
If she has a right to kill the baby he can at least abandon it
Well done
Poor baby, only true victim here is the kid, at least let your family love the kid damn (no I don’t support the wife)
As a father, I think this is stupid. It doesn't matter what you think, your a father and need to raise your children. His opinion doesn't matter.
Maybe the kid deserves me, but you don’t
Oh yes, a person is having unprotected sex with two giys at the same time, but the person who legally promised to only be with one who couldn't manage to trap the side guy ran back to guy who kept his promise is the one who is bad. The best thing is for the ex-husband to take sole custody. How could a child look up to her.
So he left North Carolina and moved to Oregon
Anyone calling him a dead beat dad is full of shit. I can understand him 100 percent.
Well he’s right he’s not the best person to be around the kid; his ex created the situation not him and his family doesn’t need him to be in the kids life they can go to his ex for that
All I hear is that everyone involved in this story is selfish and self centred. OP, ex wife and AP. The child didn’t cheat on you. Cause of my line of work I know many women who are raising a child after their men cheated on them. You are directing your resentment and anger towards the wrong person. Yeah, maybe he did the right thing by removing himself from this child’s life because he’s not fit to be the father. But it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a shitty person and is getting praised for doing “ the lesser evil “. He’s basically being praised for abandoning the kid, cause it’s better than him being around and resenting/abusing the kid. Like… is the bar really that low. It’s just sad. There could be a lot more said, but what’s the point when everyone is happy with hating everyone and everything, doing damage everywhere they can and then just going “ I didn’t abuse them, I’m a good guy “. People really have to do better…
He's an absolute POS. If you know your faults as a man how about work on them for a child you help create? That kid has nothing to do with the animosity you hold towards that woman. Be a man, fix yourself and step up.
So is she. Shitty parents the lot. He was innocent she didn’t care. Now he feels the same way. Honestly you cannot separate mother and child. Some people would see the similarities and abuse the child. Or insult the mother at every turn which would only hurt the child.
Better to not be around and at least financially support the kid than be around and be a total ass to the kid
OP I would advise you if you start over and get a new wife and a new kid I will invite you to put up a will and possibly leave something so no one can fight over your property if you decide to leave everything to your second child or your second wife that you might have
Meet your financial obligations and live your best life king 👑
He is wrong. He shpuld be a father to his child.
What does him hating her have to do with caring for a person he made. That he has to see her for handover?
She is a pos and deserves no help but end of day its his son.
...he is being honest. He understands he is the sperm doner and he also understands that he has a financial responsibility to the child, but doesnt believe he will be a good influence for the child... thats the best he can do: remove himself. I definitely understand why she is upset, but...her choices put her in the position she is in.
The child indeed is innocent. And actually if he is really the father, it means he is actually punishing an innocent child for the mother's sins. This is low-key pityful and childish.
Yes, the child deserves to have a father, unfortunately they also deserve not to have a cheating whore for a mother, so I guess life is just unfair sometimes.
your choice
Bad choice.
@@EMTedroni Not your choice
her fault
Ok, she cheated. Get over it, you're punishing the kid not her. Do dad things, show interest in the kid. Did your dad abandon you? You wouldn't of liked it if he did. Don't be that person. Be apart of the kids life. You might be a great dad and love every minute of it.
Work on yourself get therapy
Then be in your childs life
Do not punish the child for the mothers mistakes
i dont think anyone is good in this situation
Wel she cheated u getting the support let it go
You should reconsider your position. Maybe your ex finds someone to be the kids positive male role model. If not, all you're going to do is teach that kid that his dad never cared about him. The kid, will spend their entire life trying to understand what they did to deserve it.
the kid was harmed by the whoar wife, not the father.
Your statement would hold up better if you learned to spell it correctly.
@@kimmmerkim5811 sigh ... it was spelled wrongly deliberately, to get round the YT censorship of certain words.
@Touay. 🤦 Well as you can see, not only is it unnecessary but causes issues with understanding.
@@kimmmerkim5811 c'mon dude ... smh.
So he’s a deadbeat
Be there for the child not her you can do this, I'm a father of 3 teens and I'll never regret it. Give yourself time to heal and give your child a chance.
This. I don’t agree with people suggesting he explains he was cheated on when the child becomes an adult. The child will feel they were cheated too out of a father but he will be to blame.
I am watching a slightly similar situation now and it makes no difference what he says to that child you are always a stranger. The child may want to get close with you but can’t due to years of resentment and fear of abandonment. Sucks for them if that child is all you left. Hopefully, you never need that child’s help.
@@Justlistening2 You can't separate the two. He will always have to see her to be involved with the child. That's what she wants. To force him to deal with her. Should he suffer his whole life for some kid he doesn't want?
The kid would be a latch key kid. When she realizes he won't budge she'll probably abuse the child as well. I've that type of behavior before.
@@elemisharichardson-rey9260 I agree with you to a degree. In this I’d suggest, court ordered visitation with neutral counsel to assist with the visitation process.
You're lying "to yourself" that you wouldn't be a good father... simply out of spite
Get the fucking DNA test before handing any support or signing any paper