My ex is married, 30 yo, and yesterday i saw a photo on his mother's fb with both of them smiling (she was holding a b-day cake). The cake had printed on top, a photo taken at his wedding, of her and him, where she is crying and her head is laying on his shoulder. I almost threw up. He was a mom's boy and i've learned a huge life lesson from his story. That woman was like his shadow, always there between us, she even used to invent reasons to come into our bedroom, when we were sleeping. It is abuse, and it is grotesque!
This video was so hard for me to listen to. I have a really similar past. One time my exs mother was standing in the middle of his room watching us have sex. I still have nightmares about it.
@@chasingnarnia2637 i am so sorry to hear this. It can get very crazy, very quickly. My ex told me she used to tell him to break up with his x, y, z, teen girlfriends, because someone told her they were whores. And he told me how crazy this was, because they were 14-15 yo, just teens, kissing, and holding hands on their way home from school. It's wild!!
It is wild, my exs mom actually called me and requested I break up with her son so he could “have sex with other people” I should have ran then, that relationship destroyed my self esteem. It so common and haven’t heard it spoked about much till the last few years.
My horrible mol was quite promiscuous herself and she told me from the get go that she didnt want him with me she wanted him to sow his oats and that I was a divorcee with a son.. all of the things she was herself. It was gross. I was young so i just thought she would like me eventually. Nope and he is on her side constantly. I cant wait to be done with the whole family.
This is so profound for me. My husband's mom had a stroke in September, 2023. He has been so focused on her to the detriment of our family, and he refuses to adjust and set boundaries. She is doing well and making progress, but right after her stroke, she would cry at night for her son, my husband, while her husband of almost 40 years was right there with her.... I love the "regulating how much you have to give". I just wish husband would limit the energy he gives his mom, and not regulating it towards our kids and myself. Sigh.
@@Baconmissfit I contacted therapists trained by Dr. Adams for help with the enmeshment and am now in a recovery structure. I’ve seen some improvements from a husband who once called his mother and father his “Gods”. We used to get attacked for his parents & siblings (proxies). It can help if you get help from a therapist specifically trained in enmeshment. Dr. Adams has a list of them in his site but they only do therapy in certain territories. If you’re in the US, and are really struggling, an enmeshment therapist can help your husband
Thank goodness doctors and society are beginning to deal with enmeshment. The tendency is to pretend that such complicated issues don't happen. I respect Dr. Ken Adam's approach.
Raise your children knowing that one day, they will be out into the world on their own. Prepare yourself and them from early childhood. It's no longer about you. That's unconditional love.
I'm a woman and my mom had this relationship with me. I've only recently finally put these last pieces of the puzzle together. I always had an inclination something was wrong, but now I finally see it in it's totality. I just finished writing out a memoir of every negative memory I have about my mom. It's completely opened my eyes to how bad it really was. And that there was a sort of emotional incest situation going on... It's hard to admit, but once I finally said it out loud the reality hit me so hard I can't deny it anymore! My older brother has this to a degree as well, not quite as bad. I'm hoping one day his wonderful wife will help him start to see some truth. Coupled with me opening up to him about some stuff I experienced. Maybe he will open his eyes. Though I'm learning it's not my responsibility to fix people! That's programming that has lingered since childhood! I'm a work in progress... My younger brother never enmeshed and because of that he was very much ignored. He has a bunch of issues now because of that. Most of my life I thought we just had a very close knit family, oh God was a wrong!
These emotional stunted men, are very god at being attentive and affectionate in the early dating stage. They learn to placate and manipulate from an early age, to please their mother and get their needs met. But when commitment comes along, they become avoidant, angry and emotionally abusive. If you try to communicate about how you are feeling, they deny, redrawn and go to mommy! It the most difficult and crushing feeling in the world! Don’t be afraid of communicate how you feel and set a boundarie. And stick with it! If things doesn’t change, don’t get caught up in hope! Leave and take the loss immediately!
@@iw9338 yeah i know that feeling! Emotionel incest is so vile because it’s not overt abuse, but covert. The shared fantasy is so normalized and ingrained in the cult family, that you have to have a ph.d in psychology to see this dysfunctional system. Although if I’m honest with myself, I saw the signs early on, and chose to gaslight myself into believing that they were just a close knit family, because that’s was what I was told by him. I had to learn that if something feels wrong, it is wrong and trust myself to set boundaries or walk away - not to change the other person, because that’s comes from a place of control. I have sympathy for the little boy, who never was allowed to grow up and become an independent individual. But as I keep telling myself “not my circus, not my monkey”! May I ask what your experience was?
My Ex's mother called him at 10pm saying she was out of bubble bath soap and needed it. He jumped out of bed drove around to get the stuff and traveled 30 miles to deliver it. But it didn't stop there. When he came home at 2am, and I asked him what took him so long, he told me he ran her bath, lit candles, poured her wine and played guitar for her as she bathed - as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I can correctly assume there was nudity involved. BTW- His father was sitting downstairs the entire time. This is just one example of what went on every day: Vacations together, Dates, Evening classes together, every meal together. None of this occurred when we were dating ( that I could see). He was very attentive to me - until we married. Divorce.
My last ex called me that. I feel ruined as a mature adult. Every girl I fell in love with had to deal with it. No more relationships for me. Lonely, dreary, empty life for the last 14 years…
@@Maria..Carina-y6x I like the avatar name. I’m old now. Therapy is remaining employed, flying low below the radar, closing an old family business, planting trees in a burn area, fixing this old broken house (halfway done!), and I bought my first new car 🚘. The only way to relate with a woman is in a non-western context. The independent thing (women in the west) is just not compatible. So I work, and work on stuff around me, and a little on myself. Staying together while alone is a monumental task for a man. Also I’m raising these super miniature chickens. (Edit: I c too late, you’re using a male avatar name and I didn’t recognize you were female; I meant no disrespect with my comment.)
@@tech5298 I wish you all the best. One of the things that is at the root of our suffering, is that we always want what we don't have. There are so many people right now, going crazy because of their spouses, or children, while others are desperate to have a familly. Then there are so many who can't sleep at night, greivieng a lost spous, while others are planning to kill one. I am single and all my married friends tell me they envy me for my peace and freedom. And while i am happy with my life the way it is, i still envy them a little for having children. But the wisdom is to understand, that we must learn to either get up, and get what we want, or to accept what it is, and leave in peace. Because simply getting what we want, it doesn't mean that there won't be other ways of suffering. Good luck! P.S. "Mini chickens sounds like lots of fun"
@@tech5298 I did past life registration therapy. I found a past life where I was an old grandmother who was dying. When I went back to find her. I cried and felt what she was going through. The old lady couldn’t process that she had no one in her life to take care of her young grandchildren. When I was visiting her. I felt her heart and love for her grandchildren. I cried like a baby for an hour or so. When I came back to present time my enmeshment with my mother was gone. My mother had no strings to pull. I hope this helped. How I found the past life was Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. I’m not a Scientologist. I found people on RUclips who lived close to me. And we did Dianetics free for each other. I know it sounds weird but Dianetics works. When you get rid of past trauma in this life. Your past life’s pop up. I started noticing little portals in my thoughts like I was floating around in space and when I floated into the portal, i found myself in a past life.
I learned o tolerate ppl that weren't good for me, from the age os at least 3...76 yrs old now and just starting to learn who is good for me. Therapy has been a boon.
23m here was a momma boy growing up. Now I'm detaching from it I'm very passive aggressive because of a domineering, nitpicky mother making me feel like what I was doing isn't good enough. I'm doing the work to do better but I tell you it's very hard. it's a work in progress 😢 learning to stand up for myself and not be intimidated by authority also being vocal and expressing my needs and wants is hard as I couldn't express myself fully with the type of mother I had, I always felt suppressed.
You’re doing great, man. It’s a monumental challenge given that this shaped you, but you’re on the right track. Allow yourself to feel the guilt for separating and individuating, but without giving in, and you’ll be fine. She’ll be fine as well.
This is so insightful. You touch on a topic that I am very passionate about helping my coaching clients with "parentification." What a powerful podcast. Painful, yet necessary truths here for deep healing. Great work. The truth sets us free.
This is me. And it's really good hearing about the sexuality part because I never understood how my sexual interest in my girlfriends just plummet as soon as we become committed. Suddenly I'm trapped. And I can do everything else like a dutiful partner, but all sexual desire dies. I just want to add one thing do, for all the women in the comments attacking these men. In my case, I ended up with partners just as dysfunctional as my mom, because my role was as a caretaker for a dysfunctional woman. So, if you are with an enmeshed man, you might want to look at your own issues.
This reminds me a lot of what Adam Lane Smith says about men with avoidant attachment issues. They often feel repelled to partners during commited relationships because of how much was expected of them for most of their lives. He also stands up for those men saying that they are often unfairly demonized, and they shouldn't be told "you need to do more for your spouse" but rather be shown "you are safe with me. Let me know what you're worried about and we can manage those risks together". He's on RUclips if you wanna check out his stuff
My ex bf told me that he would not go between me and his mother. He said I had to sort it out. She was mentally ill and extremely manipulative. She made my life hell. She imposed her will on me and suffocated me. All the while her son allowed it. My ex bf had severe intimacy issues (ED). I tried to make it work, but eventually had enough of all of them. Oh the toxic lady had a living toxic husband. She would run to her son for protection.
I've witnessed my boyfriend's 31 year old brother from time to time give his mom a foot massage and a back massage in front of his fiance. My boyfriend said it's creepy. But to the rest it's normal.
My husband is extremely enmeshed with his family. No boundaries at all. They take advantage of him. The problem is that he believes that this enmeshment means that they love him. But they all don’t like me and don’t include me in anything. When I tell him that this is too much enmeshment and they deliberately leave me out, he doesn’t get it. He thinks I am jealous of their relationship and says, ‘why can’t you see me happy’. I failed to make him realize that this is not okay. And that what he is feeling as ‘happiness’ is enmeshment. I feel so stuck sometimes. I don’t understand how his family ignoring me but enmeshing with him can make him happy? I would never let anyone do that to him.
I was provoked into being controlling. Because he literally is having an emotional affair with his mom. It’s hard not to make demands when that is happening. Because normal requests aren’t heard.
Matthew 19:5-6 English Standard Version 2016 (ESV) and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
My ex said I twisted that Bible verse to fit my narrative. So, you're not even allowed to point out scripture even though they call themselves Christian. Also, I made clear and listed how I would physically and emotionally honor them into their old age. But that didn't matter once Genesis 2:24 was pointed out. When we were seriously facing commitment, the mom was always in the middle even though she has her own husband.
By all means, let him go! I've just realized why my first husband (and only) husband did not like sex. He was close to his mom and stepfather, Yes, enmeshment.
@@bellakrinkle9381 I decided to leave very soon. I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I can see the interaction between his mom where it leaves drain and not able to truly connect with me. He has left me alone for months because of his connection with his mom. He tells me it just stress. I know exactly why.
I was a momma’s boy. I was very sensitive about her wellbeing. I lost her at 21. I don’t think I would have taken my mom to places that was inappropriate to take her such as a date, etc. that is a bit odd.
I’m dealing with this right now. My belief is he had a baby with me to raise with his mother and family of origin. Within a few days of giving birth, he invited her to live with us and she took my newborn overnight. He would put me down for his mother and disallow me from gaining confidence as a new mom. In the middle of this, she would attempt to hog my newborn everyday, to prohibit bonding between baby & me. When I finally stood up, because it absolutely escalated, he kicked our baby I out and went back to live with his family. He abandoned his baby and I for months to live with his family of origin and vacation with them. Then he tried to gain full custody of our child for his mother. He shares everything with his mother, that’s his wife and she’s manipulative and scary as hell. There needs to be laws against these types of men/dysfunctional families and more awareness where family court can recognize and protect children.
@@SweetSiNNer87How are things between you and your baby now? Did you get to bond? And how old is your baby? My oldest is 5 now and things were pretty rough (in similar ways as you but not as bad) when I was pregnant/when she was a baby.
@@MayBlake_Channel my baby is now 3 years old. I fought like hell against them. We were in court divorcing but we dropped the divorce and immediately went into a recovery process with therapists who trained with Dr. Adams. We’re only about a month and a half in but with the enmeshment support, we’re navigating him separating/individuating and me learning not to trigger him, get stuck in a loop or act out of the trauma suffered. It isn’t easy at all but so much is at stake. I had to fight with everything I had to protect my baby. I did get to bond with my baby but much of those years were spent in survival mode and so I felt like I was robbed of being able to enjoy motherhood or focus on motherhood solely due to the trauma and injuries associated with enmeshment. It was an uphill battle and in many ways still is. My only hope is this therapy otherwise he would’ve ruined me for them. We’ve just started and are trying to rebuild, heal and him, learn to keep things separate for now. I hope our therapists are skilled enough to manage the enmeshment.
overheard my exbf on phone w his mother talking about our sex life, many other creepy indicators. the final straw, she at 89 insists he take care of her at his home. he's 70 and disabled, stressed out, but completely under her control. I'm out!
I was only talking to a therapist regularly during pandemic isolation. Now, I’m terrified of everyone and feel like every person is going to hurt me/mess me up. I hate feeling like this. I go out and interact with people now, but I don’t trust anyone and now I can’t get close to people.
I should have known when my ex said his mother showed him his birthing video to bond with him and then the same week had a sexually explicitly discussion including how to bring a woman to completion by stimulating specific areas. I was told I was the one overreacting when I said I felt uncomfortable and the situation was inappropriate.
So many videos on eating disorders out there and rarely does this connection get mentioned that you've outlined here. Insightful interview with helpful questions from hosts on a very complex and broad topic. However at 56:30 the host is either in denial or mislead because parents that do this are aware at some point, on some level that what they're doing is not completely normal, healthy, sane et cetera. Whether it's through the ability to think and therefore manipulate, or the fact that gut feelings exist, or that they can see around them others don't have such an odd and different relationship with their children as they do, and so on, there are indicators that they choose to ignore so that they can continue serving their wants and needs at any cost. I'm surprised the guest didn't clarify that but it's been a lengthy talk so maybe it was overlooked or rushed.
Yeah this is what I unknowingly walked into >< it was totally lameeee. You try to be nice at first cause, just like anybody, you want to wit mother you like you…then they want you to come over their house with them way too much and you feel bad for pointing it out. When you do point it out, they get defensive and cry.
Lots of them in South Asian societies, reverse oedipal complex happening there for generations. Arranged marriages and incompatible husbands, and so everything (emotional) is projected unto the sons. Discussion should have covered how these guys think and use their partners but neglect them.
@@Stardust475 it’s so prevalent and toxic in south Asian cultures and it’s passed on as “cultural” or “traditional” but it just defiles marriages and families. I’m of south Asian descent and this ripped apart my marriage but I’m trying to save it with therapists trained by Dr. Adams. Dr. Adams did a video addressing enmeshment being guised as cultural in certain cultures and it was really helpful in my view. I always see Indian women particularly, commenting by the thousands online, on social media, Quora, Reddit, totally depressed because they’re being ill-treated by their narc in-laws and enmeshed husbands. They need help, there’s so many women who need help and enmeshment needs to be brought to greater awareness. I’ve been a part of threads belonging to baby center and so on, just no mil, just no s.o. Hundreds of women, from all over, in despair postpartum because for some reason the advent of a grandchild triggers these MEM and particularly their mothers to violate boundaries with new and vulnerable mothers. These men sacrifice their wives’ happiness and mental health to appease their mothers. Literally pages upon pages of these threads spanning years. Women have suffered far too long at the hands of these dysfunctional people and women need to know there is help out there. That they’re not alone. That this is a sickness/dysfunction. And to stand up. There needs to be greater awareness overall.
@12:30 (That what end my relationship with my family as a used to be married man to a women with a son). My BPD ex wife is doing this to her autistic son. They have this trauma bond. He might end up having BPD or Narcissisticism later I'm sure. I'm just glad I got out of there before they destroyed my mental health. I tried to help, but I was just ganged up on. I bet you tend to see this is in one parents households. BPD is one of these behavior disorder cuz of the fear of abandonment. I lost my whole marriage to enmeshment.
I am dating this exact thing. Crazy how many boxes he checked off. I am in love with him, but this is destroying our relationship. He even answers his mom's call while we are being intimate. 😢 It's creepy and weird how little she will "let" him have in his own life. Now I'm dealing with jealousy and passive aggressive remarks from her AND his daughter, that are basically one person. I feel bad for him but I can't go on like this. I don't want a marriage of enmeshment. It's breaking my heart. I looked at my own issues with my parents, and what I did to deserve this. I can't make sense of any of it!
I'm so sorry you're in this horrible situation 😥 love is strong, but you're up against a monstrous set of people. I'm a mother-enmeshed son (parents long since passed) so I know the damage narcissistic mothers can do. If your partner shows any signs of acceptance of the toxic dynamic and a desire to change and cut ties with his mother, you guys have a chance. Otherwise, I would say get the hell out of there asap.
@@funky_monk_9796 thank you. He is showing signs he wants to get out, but he hasn't made any tangible moves to get free. I told him I'd marry him but I don't think I can marry your family. It's tearing me up.
@gwenjohn8673 Words mean nothing in this situation. Only actions count. This could destroy not only your relationship but you as well. Save yourself. I know it must feel awful, but that's what narcissists, toxic families do, they lure you in under false pretences so they can feed off you. They won't change. You deserve so much better than that. What kind of life can you see for yourself with that family? I'm 52 and only recently realised how much damage my family did to me. I'm wrecked from decades of emotional neglect, invalidation and abuse, can't form relationships. Save yourself from those monsters! Sending hugs and hope.
@@funky_monk_9796 I'm 52 as well, my kids are raised, out of college, working and I guess after all I've been through, I raised 3 sons alone, I've now being targeted by a severely enmeshed man. I think he has a notion that I will save him from his situation, but I can't change anyone- not even myself a lot of the time. You're right, words mean nothing without actions. I asked if he would go on a vacation with me this summer, I rented a house in the mountains to work and spend time with those I love. You would have thought I asked for him to murder someone! I broke up with him right then, but he begged me to take him back. Now I'm alone in my rental sitting by a waterfall alone, and wondering why I deserve to be so alone. He promised he would get them to change, but he needed time to do it. That I was impatient. I see no change, in fact, it feels more like it's going backwards, even though he's in therapy, he still sees his mom and daughter 4-5 times a day. His daughter is disabled so I felt like I was being too hard on them, but I need to live my life irregardless, I want to travel, I have a career, I want to see Rome, and I can't future fake myself anymore. It's sad, but these ppl have resources to get help for his adult daughter and they refuse. I think it's about control not love.
@@gwenjohn8673 I understand exactly how you feel because I’m married to a MEM as well. Trying to make sense of it as well. Please try to get him and yourself into therapy with an enmeshment trained therapist. I can suggest some for you or there’s a list on Dr. Adams’ website. But it’s a downhill spiral and futile fight without therapy and your partner’s willingness to separate/ create boundaries
How do you help your enmeshed husband break free of what he is unaware of?.. I feel terribly sad for mine as a woman as a mother knowing that he has been abused for 41 years she never lets him breathe and it’s a crime to rob a child of his right to develop as an individual and to deprive him of access to it even being a choice. It’s brainwashing and manipulation by a predator.
See if he is willing to go to therapy, read Dr. Ken Adams books, watch his youtube videos, sign up for one of his workshops etc. Seek your own therapy to heal the betrayal and from your experience with a mother enmeshed man and his toxic mammie. It is work but it helped us tremendously over the years of healing this trauma and repairing our marriage. Hugs! 💜
"Silently-Seduced-when parents make their children partners" By: Dr. Ken Adams and "Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life" By Dr. Patricia Love Many resources on google as well. Hope it helps! 💜
I have a close friend who has 2 daughters almost 40yrs old, that she totally controls. Though married, her husband is treated poorly. The daughters don't make a move without her approval. They don't even drive. That would be too much freedom. Her mother did the same to her. However, she broke free at 19 and moved out. However, would return to her mother's home almost daily. So sad.
Get the books by Dr. Ken Adams "Silently Seduced-when parents make their children partners" "When he's married to mom-how to help mother enmeshed men open their hearts to true love&commitment" His youtube channel also has helpful webinars as well! 💜
I lived a situation where my partner had ED. Did not seek help for 2 yrs. Prior to our relationship he was living with a woman for 12 yrs and also no sex. My gynecologist had to use a 'virgin's' speculum because my vagina had closed up. Two weeks later I broke up definitely. His mom was toxic and also made me the bad person. He could and would not take my side. It was sick beyond belief. They found fault with my appearance, hence I was not sexy enough. She would call at 8:30 on Saturday mornings. Just sick....
I’ve never seen an emeshment like this where all her brothers left their wives to save her n all her sons left wives n children to rot for this one powerful woman
Possible cause of a boy's fear of women and sexuality leading to feeling safer to keep to same sex and not develop from pre puberty period need of male bonding and the basic need for a loving male as a boy being sexualized.
high rates of codependency, enmeshment and parentification under the guise of "tradition". What was once done back in the day out of real necessity seems to be weaponized today instead of enabling newlyweds to create their own new space and lives.
It is annoying and destroys relationships and men in general. Its nice to see there are videos about it .....But for many men it is already too late They are old,alone, miserable because they let this happen. I hope all the creepy mothers are happy now
I live in a culture where the kids definitely sleep with their parents until a way more advanced age than I grew up with in the US, and I always thought I'd be horrified as a teen to wake up with an erection poking mom or dad in the back... that's just weird. In terms of my kids here, when they slept with us (stopped around when they were 12-ish), it was always with my wife in the middle because I didn't want anything like that (although I was older and not with the raging teenage hormones in the night, lol).
What would your advice be to a mother of a 15 yr old boy who is ready to move out at 16 because of this issue? Not that it's an excuse, but the mother has the boy at 17 when she was literally a child herself. And she knew nothing about this issue but does come from a dis-functional family where the mother (grandmother to the boy) was alcoholic and very toxic.
I never ever once thought I’d feel jealous n rage over my ex mother calling him at 2am just to say hi n when we slept at her house she treated him always like a husband n was constantly checking up on him having sex with me every 20 mins all nite
This happens with daughters also. My mothers father who was fireman asked her if she changed her mind in then stay of her wedding ..." If she changed her mind that she could stay home"u can get fat and old die and then three days after ur mom died he xan tell u hes in love in his seventies. God was his new ladyba oiece ic wor
I can promise you that I had zero inclination to ever marry/first love either of my parents. No clue where this comes from, but this is portrayed as factual for all mankind in this video. Maybe I'm the only person in the world, but can say with certainty that it is not universally true!
Yyyyy y would this 78 yr old woman flirt with her sons n their friends in their 30! I seriously don’t understand this woman n the harem of her sons she flirts with while he slept every nite with his sister till 14 n the mother had to send him away for getting her pregnant
If you listened to the whole thing, considering this is a very complex topic, they did a pretty good job interacting with the guest and interjecting with relevant questions.
Some of you are very insecure women. A son can be friends with his mother JUST LIKE A DAUGHTER! Some comments are from VERY INSECURE WOMEN! Now if the mother is holding her daughters hand and demanding to be first in HER life just the SAME as demanding to be first in HIS LIFE, then it’s SICK! If you raise a son and a daughter from your womb, NOTHING is wrong with closeness and friendship. What’s wrong to ANY CHILD is when a mother expects to be number one FOREVER! That is a SICK MOTHER!
You seem very triggered by this podcast. Maybe purchase his books to learn more about emotional incest and enmeshment in dysfunctional families. Maybe talk to your therapist about why this conversation is upsetting you so much. He talks about how people in his workshops are men enmeshed with mommy and women enmeshed with mommy. So he does help both dynamics. It is not a competition. Women are not insecure when her husband is putting her down the list of priorities and mommy is number one. That is ruining their marriage. It's not insecurity-it's their right as a spouse. Both partners in a marriage are responsible for preventing intrusions from BOTH sides of their families of origin. Dr. Ken Adams is helping many people realize this enmeshment issue-where these dysfunctional parents, relatives intrude on their adult children's marriage. Many of us face this issue-especially when we have children and these types of grandparents intrude in our parenting choices as well, or threaten grandparent rights etc. Highly recommend reading the books to better understand instead of judging women and men whose marriages are suffering because of this issue. Best of luck!
Sick crap!!! The MAJORITY OF WOMEN ARE NEVER ATTRACTED TO THEIR SONS!!!! A daughter can be a friend with her mom but if a son is a friend people try and act like it’s wrong! This is more of an ISSUE FOR MEN because men are more VISUAL!!!
it's not physical attraction, it's expecting the child to regulate the mother's emotions. Cheer her up when she's down. Be reassuring when she she's anxious et cetera.
Women are 90 percent emotional and men are 90 percent sexual. So if a woman tries to bond too much in an emotional level with her son is going to create major internal conflict for the son because it will make HIM have sexual feelings and HE WILL THINK his mother is being sexual but SHE ISNT. These are BOUNDARY ISSUES that people need to educate themselves about so we can produce healthy children!
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My ex is married, 30 yo, and yesterday i saw a photo on his mother's fb with both of them smiling (she was holding a b-day cake). The cake had printed on top, a photo taken at his wedding, of her and him, where she is crying and her head is laying on his shoulder. I almost threw up. He was a mom's boy and i've learned a huge life lesson from his story. That woman was like his shadow, always there between us, she even used to invent reasons to come into our bedroom, when we were sleeping. It is abuse, and it is grotesque!
This video was so hard for me to listen to. I have a really similar past. One time my exs mother was standing in the middle of his room watching us have sex. I still have nightmares about it.
@@chasingnarnia2637 i am so sorry to hear this. It can get very crazy, very quickly. My ex told me she used to tell him to break up with his x, y, z, teen girlfriends, because someone told her they were whores. And he told me how crazy this was, because they were 14-15 yo, just teens, kissing, and holding hands on their way home from school. It's wild!!
It is wild, my exs mom actually called me and requested I break up with her son so he could “have sex with other people” I should have ran then, that relationship destroyed my self esteem. It so common and haven’t heard it spoked about much till the last few years.
@@chasingnarnia2637 INSANE!
My horrible mol was quite promiscuous herself and she told me from the get go that she didnt want him with me she wanted him to sow his oats and that I was a divorcee with a son.. all of the things she was herself. It was gross. I was young so i just thought she would like me eventually. Nope and he is on her side constantly. I cant wait to be done with the whole family.
This is so profound for me. My husband's mom had a stroke in September, 2023. He has been so focused on her to the detriment of our family, and he refuses to adjust and set boundaries. She is doing well and making progress, but right after her stroke, she would cry at night for her son, my husband, while her husband of almost 40 years was right there with her....
I love the "regulating how much you have to give". I just wish husband would limit the energy he gives his mom, and not regulating it towards our kids and myself. Sigh.
@@Baconmissfit I contacted therapists trained by Dr. Adams for help with the enmeshment and am now in a recovery structure. I’ve seen some improvements from a husband who once called his mother and father his “Gods”. We used to get attacked for his parents & siblings (proxies).
It can help if you get help from a therapist specifically trained in enmeshment. Dr. Adams has a list of them in his site but they only do therapy in certain territories. If you’re in the US, and are really struggling, an enmeshment therapist can help your husband
Thank goodness doctors and society are beginning to deal with enmeshment. The tendency is to pretend that such complicated issues don't happen. I respect Dr. Ken Adam's approach.
Raise your children knowing that one day, they will be out into the world on their own. Prepare yourself and them from early childhood. It's no longer about you. That's unconditional love.
I'm a woman and my mom had this relationship with me. I've only recently finally put these last pieces of the puzzle together. I always had an inclination something was wrong, but now I finally see it in it's totality. I just finished writing out a memoir of every negative memory I have about my mom. It's completely opened my eyes to how bad it really was. And that there was a sort of emotional incest situation going on... It's hard to admit, but once I finally said it out loud the reality hit me so hard I can't deny it anymore!
My older brother has this to a degree as well, not quite as bad. I'm hoping one day his wonderful wife will help him start to see some truth. Coupled with me opening up to him about some stuff I experienced. Maybe he will open his eyes. Though I'm learning it's not my responsibility to fix people! That's programming that has lingered since childhood! I'm a work in progress... My younger brother never enmeshed and because of that he was very much ignored. He has a bunch of issues now because of that. Most of my life I thought we just had a very close knit family, oh God was a wrong!
High five to you. I'm in the same boat. Stay strong. 💪 We got this.
These emotional stunted men, are very god at being attentive and affectionate in the early dating stage. They learn to placate and manipulate from an early age, to please their mother and get their needs met. But when commitment comes along, they become avoidant, angry and emotionally abusive.
If you try to communicate about how you are feeling, they deny, redrawn and go to mommy! It the most difficult and crushing feeling in the world! Don’t be afraid of communicate how you feel and set a boundarie. And stick with it! If things doesn’t change, don’t get caught up in hope! Leave and take the loss immediately!
💯
Traits of covert narcissism
Good advice,I stayed way too long 😮😅
@@iw9338 yeah i know that feeling! Emotionel incest is so vile because it’s not overt abuse, but covert.
The shared fantasy is so normalized and ingrained in the cult family, that you have to have a ph.d in psychology to see this dysfunctional system.
Although if I’m honest with myself, I saw the signs early on, and chose to gaslight myself into believing that they were just a close knit family, because that’s was what I was told by him.
I had to learn that if something feels wrong, it is wrong and trust myself to set boundaries or walk away - not to change the other person, because that’s comes from a place of control.
I have sympathy for the little boy, who never was allowed to grow up and become an independent individual. But as I keep telling myself “not my circus, not my monkey”!
May I ask what your experience was?
Wow truly spot on
My Ex's mother called him at 10pm saying she was out of bubble bath soap and needed it. He jumped out of bed drove around to get the stuff and traveled 30 miles to deliver it. But it didn't stop there. When he came home at 2am, and I asked him what took him so long, he told me he ran her bath, lit candles, poured her wine and played guitar for her as she bathed - as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I can correctly assume there was nudity involved. BTW- His father was sitting downstairs the entire time. This is just one example of what went on every day: Vacations together, Dates, Evening classes together, every meal together. None of this occurred when we were dating ( that I could see). He was very attentive to me - until we married. Divorce.
It’s interesting how these men can be normal while dating but the second you’re married or a kid comes along, they shut down completely.
This is similar to what i am experiencing😢
Painful 😓 I’m sorry you had to experience this 🫶
@@dechanharry4866 It's time to leave. You'll never win. Never.
@@Grace.allovertheplace Thank you for your kindness. It's over.
Well, I was married to such a mama's boy. It crushed everything
My last ex called me that. I feel ruined as a mature adult. Every girl I fell in love with had to deal with it. No more relationships for me. Lonely, dreary, empty life for the last 14 years…
@@tech5298 So sorry to hear that. Have you tried therapy?
@@Maria..Carina-y6x
I like the avatar name. I’m old now. Therapy is remaining employed, flying low below the radar, closing an old family business, planting trees in a burn area, fixing this old broken house (halfway done!), and I bought my first new car 🚘. The only way to relate with a woman is in a non-western context. The independent thing (women in the west) is just not compatible. So I work, and work on stuff around me, and a little on myself. Staying together while alone is a monumental task for a man. Also I’m raising these super miniature chickens. (Edit: I c too late, you’re using a male avatar name and I didn’t recognize you were female; I meant no disrespect with my comment.)
@@tech5298 I wish you all the best. One of the things that is at the root of our suffering, is that we always want what we don't have. There are so many people right now, going crazy because of their spouses, or children, while others are desperate to have a familly. Then there are so many who can't sleep at night, greivieng a lost spous, while others are planning to kill one. I am single and all my married friends tell me they envy me for my peace and freedom. And while i am happy with my life the way it is, i still envy them a little for having children. But the wisdom is to understand, that we must learn to either get up, and get what we want, or to accept what it is, and leave in peace. Because simply getting what we want, it doesn't mean that there won't be other ways of suffering. Good luck! P.S. "Mini chickens sounds like lots of fun"
@@tech5298 I did past life registration therapy. I found a past life where I was an old grandmother who was dying. When I went back to find her. I cried and felt what she was going through. The old lady couldn’t process that she had no one in her life to take care of her young grandchildren. When I was visiting her. I felt her heart and love for her grandchildren. I cried like a baby for an hour or so. When I came back to present time my enmeshment with my mother was gone. My mother had no strings to pull. I hope this helped. How I found the past life was Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. I’m not a Scientologist. I found people on RUclips who lived close to me. And we did Dianetics free for each other. I know it sounds weird but Dianetics works. When you get rid of past trauma in this life. Your past life’s pop up. I started noticing little portals in my thoughts like I was floating around in space and when I floated into the portal, i found myself in a past life.
I learned o tolerate ppl that weren't good for me, from the age os at least 3...76 yrs old now and just starting to learn who is good for me. Therapy has been a boon.
🙌 awesome!
23m here was a momma boy growing up. Now I'm detaching from it I'm very passive aggressive because of a domineering, nitpicky mother making me feel like what I was doing isn't good enough. I'm doing the work to do better but I tell you it's very hard. it's a work in progress 😢 learning to stand up for myself and not be intimidated by authority also being vocal and expressing my needs and wants is hard as I couldn't express myself fully with the type of mother I had, I always felt suppressed.
Excellent, keep going. All the best to you 😅
Beautifully transparent
You’re doing great, man. It’s a monumental challenge given that this shaped you, but you’re on the right track. Allow yourself to feel the guilt for separating and individuating, but without giving in, and you’ll be fine. She’ll be fine as well.
Joke: How many married sons does it take to change their Mother's lightbulb? None. Their Mother says "Don't worry about me. I'll sit in the dark!"
😂
This is so insightful. You touch on a topic that I am very passionate about helping my coaching clients with "parentification." What a powerful podcast. Painful, yet necessary truths here for deep healing. Great work. The truth sets us free.
That's a somewhat similar topic, important one as well, and it can happen in other combinations for example between a mother and a daughter.
"The parent has claimed an authority over the child they don't have the right to, which is to cross any boundary I wan't."
This is me. And it's really good hearing about the sexuality part because I never understood how my sexual interest in my girlfriends just plummet as soon as we become committed. Suddenly I'm trapped. And I can do everything else like a dutiful partner, but all sexual desire dies. I just want to add one thing do, for all the women in the comments attacking these men. In my case, I ended up with partners just as dysfunctional as my mom, because my role was as a caretaker for a dysfunctional woman. So, if you are with an enmeshed man, you might want to look at your own issues.
This reminds me a lot of what Adam Lane Smith says about men with avoidant attachment issues. They often feel repelled to partners during commited relationships because of how much was expected of them for most of their lives. He also stands up for those men saying that they are often unfairly demonized, and they shouldn't be told "you need to do more for your spouse" but rather be shown "you are safe with me. Let me know what you're worried about and we can manage those risks together".
He's on RUclips if you wanna check out his stuff
My ex bf told me that he would not go between me and his mother. He said I had to sort it out. She was mentally ill and extremely manipulative. She made my life hell. She imposed her will on me and suffocated me. All the while her son allowed it. My ex bf had severe intimacy issues (ED). I tried to make it work, but eventually had enough of all of them. Oh the toxic lady had a living toxic husband. She would run to her son for protection.
I've witnessed my boyfriend's 31 year old brother from time to time give his mom a foot massage and a back massage in front of his fiance.
My boyfriend said it's creepy. But to the rest it's normal.
Ew that's so messed up 🤢
Ewwww
This is scary and sad. It’s not right. No kid deserves this
I have been finding so many Mama's boys that have insane allegiance to moms and they all never the capacity to marry
Thank you Gabriel for all of your input in this interview because I had all of those same questions. Thank you.
My husband is extremely enmeshed with his family. No boundaries at all. They take advantage of him. The problem is that he believes that this enmeshment means that they love him. But they all don’t like me and don’t include me in anything. When I tell him that this is too much enmeshment and they deliberately leave me out, he doesn’t get it. He thinks I am jealous of their relationship and says, ‘why can’t you see me happy’. I failed to make him realize that this is not okay. And that what he is feeling as ‘happiness’ is enmeshment. I feel so stuck sometimes. I don’t understand how his family ignoring me but enmeshing with him can make him happy? I would never let anyone do that to him.
I was provoked into being controlling. Because he literally is having an emotional affair with his mom. It’s hard not to make demands when that is happening. Because normal requests aren’t heard.
Being married to the man-child is a horrible predicament.
Matthew 19:5-6 English Standard Version 2016 (ESV)
and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
❤❤
Nice!
This is a quote from Torah book of Bereishit (In the Beginning, or, as the Roman Christians translated it into Latin, Genesis).
My ex said I twisted that Bible verse to fit my narrative. So, you're not even allowed to point out scripture even though they call themselves Christian. Also, I made clear and listed how I would physically and emotionally honor them into their old age. But that didn't matter once Genesis 2:24 was pointed out.
When we were seriously facing commitment, the mom was always in the middle even though she has her own husband.
Amen ❤🙏🏽
I’m now in a relationship with a man thats enmeshed with his mom. I am deciding to let him go. I can’t be in the relationship with him. It very icky …
By all means, let him go! I've just realized why my first husband (and only) husband did not like sex. He was close to his mom and stepfather, Yes, enmeshment.
@@bellakrinkle9381 I decided to leave very soon. I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I can see the interaction between his mom where it leaves drain and not able to truly connect with me. He has left me alone for months because of his connection with his mom. He tells me it just stress. I know exactly why.
I was a momma’s boy. I was very sensitive about her wellbeing. I lost her at 21. I don’t think I would have taken my mom to places that was inappropriate to take her such as a date, etc. that is a bit odd.
My ex-husband had this style of relationship with his mum. It was sick.
These men make terrible fathers as well.
Agreed! My ex-spouse is enmeshing with our daughter...it's terrifying to me!
I’m dealing with this right now. My belief is he had a baby with me to raise with his mother and family of origin. Within a few days of giving birth, he invited her to live with us and she took my newborn overnight. He would put me down for his mother and disallow me from gaining confidence as a new mom. In the middle of this, she would attempt to hog my newborn everyday, to prohibit bonding between baby & me. When I finally stood up, because it absolutely escalated, he kicked our baby I out and went back to live with his family. He abandoned his baby and I for months to live with his family of origin and vacation with them. Then he tried to gain full custody of our child for his mother. He shares everything with his mother, that’s his wife and she’s manipulative and scary as hell. There needs to be laws against these types of men/dysfunctional families and more awareness where family court can recognize and protect children.
@@MelissaDelaney-ro8grPlease, do something to help your daughter. Get some profesional help.
@@SweetSiNNer87How are things between you and your baby now? Did you get to bond? And how old is your baby?
My oldest is 5 now and things were pretty rough (in similar ways as you but not as bad) when I was pregnant/when she was a baby.
@@MayBlake_Channel my baby is now 3 years old. I fought like hell against them. We were in court divorcing but we dropped the divorce and immediately went into a recovery process with therapists who trained with Dr. Adams. We’re only about a month and a half in but with the enmeshment support, we’re navigating him separating/individuating and me learning not to trigger him, get stuck in a loop or act out of the trauma suffered. It isn’t easy at all but so much is at stake.
I had to fight with everything I had to protect my baby. I did get to bond with my baby but much of those years were spent in survival mode and so I felt like I was robbed of being able to enjoy motherhood or focus on motherhood solely due to the trauma and injuries associated with enmeshment.
It was an uphill battle and in many ways still is. My only hope is this therapy otherwise he would’ve ruined me for them. We’ve just started and are trying to rebuild, heal and him, learn to keep things separate for now. I hope our therapists are skilled enough to manage the enmeshment.
overheard my exbf on phone w his mother talking about our sex life, many other creepy indicators. the final straw, she at 89 insists he take care of her at his home. he's 70 and disabled, stressed out, but completely under her control. I'm out!
I was only talking to a therapist regularly during pandemic isolation. Now, I’m terrified of everyone and feel like every person is going to hurt me/mess me up. I hate feeling like this. I go out and interact with people now, but I don’t trust anyone and now I can’t get close to people.
The scales fell from your eyes?
You might find Adam Lane Smith's videos helpful. He talks about attachment issues
I should have known when my ex said his mother showed him his birthing video to bond with him and then the same week had a sexually explicitly discussion including how to bring a woman to completion by stimulating specific areas.
I was told I was the one overreacting when I said I felt uncomfortable and the situation was inappropriate.
My dad was like this with his mother.
So many videos on eating disorders out there and rarely does this connection get mentioned that you've outlined here. Insightful interview with helpful questions from hosts on a very complex and broad topic.
However at 56:30 the host is either in denial or mislead because parents that do this are aware at some point, on some level that what they're doing is not completely normal, healthy, sane et cetera. Whether it's through the ability to think and therefore manipulate, or the fact that gut feelings exist, or that they can see around them others don't have such an odd and different relationship with their children as they do, and so on, there are indicators that they choose to ignore so that they can continue serving their wants and needs at any cost. I'm surprised the guest didn't clarify that but it's been a lengthy talk so maybe it was overlooked or rushed.
How to heal as a 35yo man? I developed a fear of women. Fear of rejection and commitment.
Go to the Philippines or Thailand
It’s called “psychic incest” and it’s common.
It is a concept that bears exploration
@@sharonrogers6541yeah I never heard of it … I do see some things that seem to bear out.
The metadata knows us so well, this video topic is like God saying, pay attention to this!😮
Yeah this is what I unknowingly walked into >< it was totally lameeee. You try to be nice at first cause, just like anybody, you want to wit mother you like you…then they want you to come over their house with them way too much and you feel bad for pointing it out. When you do point it out, they get defensive and cry.
We call it "son husband"
Lots of them in South Asian societies, reverse oedipal complex happening there for generations. Arranged marriages and incompatible husbands, and so everything (emotional) is projected unto the sons.
Discussion should have covered how these guys think and use their partners but neglect them.
@@Stardust475 it’s so prevalent and toxic in south Asian cultures and it’s passed on as “cultural” or “traditional” but it just defiles marriages and families. I’m of south Asian descent and this ripped apart my marriage but I’m trying to save it with therapists trained by Dr. Adams. Dr. Adams did a video addressing enmeshment being guised as cultural in certain cultures and it was really helpful in my view. I always see Indian women particularly, commenting by the thousands online, on social media, Quora, Reddit, totally depressed because they’re being ill-treated by their narc in-laws and enmeshed husbands. They need help, there’s so many women who need help and enmeshment needs to be brought to greater awareness. I’ve been a part of threads belonging to baby center and so on, just no mil, just no s.o. Hundreds of women, from all over, in despair postpartum because for some reason the advent of a grandchild triggers these MEM and particularly their mothers to violate boundaries with new and vulnerable mothers. These men sacrifice their wives’ happiness and mental health to appease their mothers. Literally pages upon pages of these threads spanning years. Women have suffered far too long at the hands of these dysfunctional people and women need to know there is help out there. That they’re not alone. That this is a sickness/dysfunction. And to stand up. There needs to be greater awareness overall.
Yes, deconstructing from family programming and now religion 😮. This is very helpful 😅
Thank you for this!
@12:30 (That what end my relationship with my family as a used to be married man to a women with a son). My BPD ex wife is doing this to her autistic son. They have this trauma bond. He might end up having BPD or Narcissisticism later I'm sure. I'm just glad I got out of there before they destroyed my mental health. I tried to help, but I was just ganged up on. I bet you tend to see this is in one parents households.
BPD is one of these behavior disorder cuz of the fear of abandonment. I lost my whole marriage to enmeshment.
My ex has been infatuated n sleeps with his mother n I feel beyond sickened to know why they hide n r awkward n super uncomfortable
Wtf...
This made me think of the movie "Joker" where he's bathing his mother
Ewww
I am dating this exact thing. Crazy how many boxes he checked off. I am in love with him, but this is destroying our relationship. He even answers his mom's call while we are being intimate. 😢 It's creepy and weird how little she will "let" him have in his own life. Now I'm dealing with jealousy and passive aggressive remarks from her AND his daughter, that are basically one person. I feel bad for him but I can't go on like this. I don't want a marriage of enmeshment. It's breaking my heart. I looked at my own issues with my parents, and what I did to deserve this. I can't make sense of any of it!
I'm so sorry you're in this horrible situation 😥 love is strong, but you're up against a monstrous set of people. I'm a mother-enmeshed son (parents long since passed) so I know the damage narcissistic mothers can do. If your partner shows any signs of acceptance of the toxic dynamic and a desire to change and cut ties with his mother, you guys have a chance. Otherwise, I would say get the hell out of there asap.
@@funky_monk_9796 thank you. He is showing signs he wants to get out, but he hasn't made any tangible moves to get free. I told him I'd marry him but I don't think I can marry your family. It's tearing me up.
@gwenjohn8673 Words mean nothing in this situation. Only actions count. This could destroy not only your relationship but you as well. Save yourself. I know it must feel awful, but that's what narcissists, toxic families do, they lure you in under false pretences so they can feed off you. They won't change. You deserve so much better than that. What kind of life can you see for yourself with that family? I'm 52 and only recently realised how much damage my family did to me. I'm wrecked from decades of emotional neglect, invalidation and abuse, can't form relationships. Save yourself from those monsters! Sending hugs and hope.
@@funky_monk_9796 I'm 52 as well, my kids are raised, out of college, working and I guess after all I've been through, I raised 3 sons alone, I've now being targeted by a severely enmeshed man. I think he has a notion that I will save him from his situation, but I can't change anyone- not even myself a lot of the time. You're right, words mean nothing without actions. I asked if he would go on a vacation with me this summer, I rented a house in the mountains to work and spend time with those I love. You would have thought I asked for him to murder someone! I broke up with him right then, but he begged me to take him back. Now I'm alone in my rental sitting by a waterfall alone, and wondering why I deserve to be so alone. He promised he would get them to change, but he needed time to do it. That I was impatient. I see no change, in fact, it feels more like it's going backwards, even though he's in therapy, he still sees his mom and daughter 4-5 times a day. His daughter is disabled so I felt like I was being too hard on them, but I need to live my life irregardless, I want to travel, I have a career, I want to see Rome, and I can't future fake myself anymore. It's sad, but these ppl have resources to get help for his adult daughter and they refuse. I think it's about control not love.
@@gwenjohn8673 I understand exactly how you feel because I’m married to a MEM as well. Trying to make sense of it as well. Please try to get him and yourself into therapy with an enmeshment trained therapist. I can suggest some for you or there’s a list on Dr. Adams’ website. But it’s a downhill spiral and futile fight without therapy and your partner’s willingness to separate/ create boundaries
How do you help your enmeshed husband break free of what he is unaware of?.. I feel terribly sad for mine as a woman as a mother knowing that he has been abused for 41 years she never lets him breathe and it’s a crime to rob a child of his right to develop as an individual and to deprive him of access to it even being a choice. It’s brainwashing and manipulation by a predator.
See if he is willing to go to therapy, read Dr. Ken Adams books, watch his youtube videos, sign up for one of his workshops etc.
Seek your own therapy to heal the betrayal and from your experience with a mother enmeshed man and his toxic mammie.
It is work but it helped us tremendously over the years of healing this trauma and repairing our marriage.
Hugs!
💜
Thank you!
Right on!
Thanks again!
Thank you.
Is there a book on this in a mother and daughter scenario. Explaining this and how to work thru this??
"Silently-Seduced-when parents make their children partners" By: Dr. Ken Adams
and
"Emotional Incest Syndrome:
What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life" By Dr. Patricia Love
Many resources on google as well.
Hope it helps!
💜
I too, would like to know.
I have a close friend who has 2 daughters almost 40yrs old, that she totally controls. Though married, her husband is treated poorly. The daughters don't make a move without her approval. They don't even drive. That would be too much freedom. Her mother did the same to her. However, she broke free at 19 and moved out. However, would return to her mother's home almost daily. So sad.
Get the books by Dr. Ken Adams
"Silently Seduced-when parents make their children partners"
"When he's married to mom-how to help mother enmeshed men open their hearts to true love&commitment"
His youtube channel also has helpful webinars as well!
💜
You took the words out of my mouth.
Wow 😮😳 my mind 🤯🤔 is blown thank you so true ❤❤❤❤
The crazy thing is that this happens with father's and daughters. People who have these relationships cannot "perform" with their mates. Messed up!
Wow so this is one way that avoidant guys are created. So glad I ran away from guys in the early stages when I saw signs of this.
I would like to ask Dr. Adams if a relationship like this could cause a young male to suffer from erectile dysfunction?
YES
And so does using p*rn …
I would say yes
There is also trend towards homosexuality as the mom forces the son to shed his masculinity
💯 ABSOLUTELY !!
I lived a situation where my partner had ED. Did not seek help for 2 yrs. Prior to our relationship he was living with a woman for 12 yrs and also no sex. My gynecologist had to use a 'virgin's' speculum because my vagina had closed up. Two weeks later I broke up definitely. His mom was toxic and also made me the bad person. He could and would not take my side. It was sick beyond belief. They found fault with my appearance, hence I was not sexy enough. She would call at 8:30 on Saturday mornings. Just sick....
I’ve never seen an emeshment like this where all her brothers left their wives to save her n all her sons left wives n children to rot for this one powerful woman
Wow this is textbook … I have a long history of dating men exactly like this.
Why are you saying this is only between moms and sons????
I’m seeing this between sons and dad too!!
It can happen between mothers and daughters too.
Possible cause of a boy's fear of women and sexuality leading to feeling safer to keep to same sex and not develop from pre puberty period need of male bonding and the basic need for a loving male as a boy being sexualized.
This would make a lot more sense as to the reason why that can occur. More then what we’ve been told all along by society 😮
This is spot on 😮😅
How it is like about the coutures where it is normal to live with your parent and grandparents?
I’ve seen this many times with Indian families
high rates of codependency, enmeshment and parentification under the guise of "tradition". What was once done back in the day out of real necessity seems to be weaponized today instead of enabling newlyweds to create their own new space and lives.
This was a tough interview.
The bald guy in the darkness should be the main interviewer, he makes interesting questions
It is annoying and destroys relationships and men in general. Its nice to see there are videos about it .....But for many men it is already too late
They are old,alone, miserable because they let this happen. I hope all the creepy mothers are happy now
Trust me never again
I will never forgot my mother in law said my brother in law had bedroom eyes!! Barf
She probably thinks the same about your husband. You might want to start thinking about an escape plan.
And the mom will pay for any favors
I live in a culture where the kids definitely sleep with their parents until a way more advanced age than I grew up with in the US, and I always thought I'd be horrified as a teen to wake up with an erection poking mom or dad in the back... that's just weird. In terms of my kids here, when they slept with us (stopped around when they were 12-ish), it was always with my wife in the middle because I didn't want anything like that (although I was older and not with the raging teenage hormones in the night, lol).
This is fascinating and gross.
What would your advice be to a mother of a 15 yr old boy who is ready to move out at 16 because of this issue? Not that it's an excuse, but the mother has the boy at 17 when she was literally a child herself. And she knew nothing about this issue but does come from a dis-functional family where the mother (grandmother to the boy) was alcoholic and very toxic.
No 78 yr old woman should live with all three sons that were forced to leave their own wives for her
He kept giving my money to his own mum n never paid our bills
I never ever once thought I’d feel jealous n rage over my ex mother calling him at 2am just to say hi n when we slept at her house she treated him always like a husband n was constantly checking up on him having sex with me every 20 mins all nite
Than get a shovel n dig
This happens with daughters also. My mothers father who was fireman asked her if she changed her mind in then stay of her wedding ..." If she changed her mind that she could stay home"u can get fat and old die and then three days after ur mom died he xan tell u hes in love in his seventies. God was his new ladyba oiece ic wor
He can’t function without his mom she cooks cleans pays bills n I missed it all
I can promise you that I had zero inclination to ever marry/first love either of my parents. No clue where this comes from, but this is portrayed as factual for all mankind in this video. Maybe I'm the only person in the world, but can say with certainty that it is not universally true!
No
I hate my parents so damn much
Sending Love, Light, and Peace to you. 🥰
to much closeness
The parents had to send him to Alberta to keep him from his mother n sisters bed
Yyyyy y would this 78 yr old woman flirt with her sons n their friends in their 30! I seriously don’t understand this woman n the harem of her sons she flirts with while he slept every nite with his sister till 14 n the mother had to send him away for getting her pregnant
ARRRGH, I can't believe you interrupted his flow of speech at such an important time. C'mon!! @4:38
They're shockingly bad interviewers lol.
If you listened to the whole thing, considering this is a very complex topic, they did a pretty good job interacting with the guest and interjecting with relevant questions.
Nova Scotia as a breeding ground for this emeshment
They sent him away t 14 because he got his own mother pregnant
I currently lost my errection
lol. So random.
I'd be more worried if you said this video gave you one
Evilllll
All the girls dressed him
Some of you are very insecure women. A son can be friends with his mother JUST LIKE A DAUGHTER! Some comments are from VERY INSECURE WOMEN! Now if the mother is holding her daughters hand and demanding to be first in HER life just the SAME as demanding to be first in HIS LIFE, then it’s SICK! If you raise a son and a daughter from your womb, NOTHING is wrong with closeness and friendship. What’s wrong to ANY CHILD is when a mother expects to be number one FOREVER! That is a SICK MOTHER!
You seem very triggered by this podcast.
Maybe purchase his books to learn more about emotional incest and enmeshment in dysfunctional families.
Maybe talk to your therapist about why this conversation is upsetting you so much.
He talks about how people in his workshops are men enmeshed with mommy and women enmeshed with mommy. So he does help both dynamics. It is not a competition.
Women are not insecure when her husband is putting her down the list of priorities and mommy is number one. That is ruining their marriage. It's not insecurity-it's their right as a spouse.
Both partners in a marriage are responsible for preventing intrusions from BOTH sides of their families of origin.
Dr. Ken Adams is helping many people realize this enmeshment issue-where these dysfunctional parents, relatives intrude on their adult children's marriage. Many of us face this issue-especially when we have children and these types of grandparents intrude in our parenting choices as well, or threaten grandparent rights etc.
Highly recommend reading the books to better understand instead of judging women and men whose marriages are suffering because of this issue.
Best of luck!
parents should be parents, not friends and "besties"...
Sick crap!!! The MAJORITY OF WOMEN ARE NEVER ATTRACTED TO THEIR SONS!!!! A daughter can be a friend with her mom but if a son is a friend people try and act like it’s wrong! This is more of an ISSUE FOR MEN because men are more VISUAL!!!
Nah. My mom claimed we were BFF and were totally enmeshed. I stopped talking to her. Toxic as fuck.
Sounds like this touched a nerve in you. Yes, it's extremely common. Freud's work was based on this. It's in mythology.
it's not physical attraction, it's expecting the child to regulate the mother's emotions. Cheer her up when she's down. Be reassuring when she she's anxious et cetera.
Women are 90 percent emotional and men are 90 percent sexual. So if a woman tries to bond too much in an emotional level with her son is going to create major internal conflict for the son because it will make HIM have sexual feelings and HE WILL THINK his mother is being sexual but SHE ISNT. These are BOUNDARY ISSUES that people need to educate themselves about so we can produce healthy children!
Hmmm, you seem very triggered. Perhaps you should dig into that.