Spot on! He accuses me of the most bizarre off the wall stuff. It shocks me and I'm standing there like WTF are u serious? When I try to defend myself, he interrupts me, won't let me talk then as I get worked up he starts saying stuff like look how crazy you are...it's the most bizarre situations I've ever been in I can't understand it
Verbal abuse expert Patricia Evans has a theory about this. She uses the metaphor of a teddy bear. When a child plays with a teddy bear, the bear does exactly what the child wants it to do. The bear is an extension of the child; it has no independent existence. Imagine how shocked the child would be if their teddy bear suddenly started speaking for itself, if the teddy bear started saying, "No, I don't want to play that game!" The child would be furious. Punch line: some men see their partners that way. Their partner has no independent existence as far as they're concerned. Their partner is an extension of themselves. So they get to put words in their partner's mouth. They get to "make her" do what they think she's done. How crazy is that?
That's called blame shifting and deflection and projection.. classic narcissistic move.. girll move on with your life! He won't change until you leave and even then it's a false in most cases and a love bombing tactic
omg the word defensive. same here fiancé does the exact same and of course we are going to be defensive because it comes of disrespectful for our man to even think such things of us or to acuse us . why ask four our hand in marriage if you look at as as cheaters or angry or whatever idk it’s weird to me it’s damaging for sure . how else are we supose yo react when wrongfully accused and then when we prove them wrong they of course put an argument on top of that
@redlocculturetalk370 Exactly! Man girl, I'm 12 years in, 3 years engaged. No effort on setting a wedding date. He asked for the ring back and completely stop all effort into pouring in our relationship. At this point I feel stupid and like a sitting duck until he dumps me. He's nows complaining about my attitude, saying we aren't compatible, and not soft, etc. I'm stressed and scared to leave gjrl.
I’m getting really mad at men in general that I’m not alone that they keep doing this to us loyal and hard working honest women! I’m seriously unattracted to these jerks and I’m disappointed in myself for falling for this illusion so many times the lie the who I’m too old now. It sucks
Great question, Sali! The simple answer is that we think everyone else is exactly like we are. So if you're an honest person you tend to assume everyone is honest, because you can't understand the thinking of anyone who lies. On the flip side, if you're not committed to your relationship and you've got a roving eye, then you will see your partner talking to someone else and jump to the conclusion they're flirting. How we see others reveals the deepest truths about ourselves.
My current situation. My ex boyfriend blamed me for having a hidden ig account pretty much thinking I’m cheating or talking to people behind his back smh. I’m crushed because I never did it or even thought about it. He wouldn’t let me say a word and when I did he said me defending myself makes it true.
Ug, I'm so sorry! If defending yourself against an accusation makes it true, then every single person who's been judged innocent by a court of law would be guilty. Obviously that makes no sense! It makes you wonder if he's ever had a hidden social media account to talk to people behind your back.
sounds like my fiancé it’s extremely damaging and annoying in a relationship to the point i can’t even think about marrying him because i don’t need to be under attack all the time because this dude is either thinking or doing something without me knowing idk i have no proofs but there a reason he accuses me when i all o do is be at home all day o don’t work and i’m disabled and i don’t have a car so what could o possibly be doing y’all . men are stupid
Or like the guy who accuses his wife of having an affair when she's home all day with a 1-year-old baby! It sounds seriously crazy... until you realize that what a man would do at home alone all day long is not what you would do. What a man accuses you of is something that exists in his own psyche.
My cheating husband always questions me and every time he dose I ask him about his affair And he won't give me any answers I never cheated on the low life and when he's jealous it's very triggering I respect what your saying but I can't agree
I recently had a very bad argument with my BF. We both had big losses last year, his mom and my brother. Both of our relatives went from hospital to nursing home for a year. This stress and sadness consumed a lot of our time and it created a distance between us. Long story short. He wanted to take a break from our relationship. 2 weeks later he decided he wanted to "talk" about it. He verbally attacked me with a list of things that were bothering him. I listened to what he had to say. Everytime I tried to talk, he would cut me off saying he didn't want to hear excuses. So I stopped answering and reacting. Then he would get more frustrated and say, get some balls and say something... it seems like he wanred me to speak just so he could shut me up again. The biggest one was him accusing me of trying to get him to pay for a girls trip I wanted to go on. I never asked him for money or anything. I was so hurt. I work so hard to support myself, daughter, home, etc... I asked him if he really believed that of me and he said yes. I couldn't even say anything anymore, I was crushed and crying. That made him even more angry. He said my crying wasn't going to make him feel bad and he hung up. The next morning he text me saying "the decision is up to you!! I still want a relationship with you and if we can't schedule a day to spend time together then that will be an issue " after how he made me feel and the things he said he turned it all on me...
Oh, Catalina!! What are you going to do? There's a beautiful quote by bell hooks that goes: "All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm's way." Men can be so good in the beginning of a relationship. But that is never who they truly are. You don't get to meet the real him until a year or two into the relationship. And it seems like you are now at that stage. He seems to believes that he is in charge, he gets to define reality, and he gets to smack you down if you dare challenge him. But the truth is, you are not his emotional caretaker. You are not his punching bag that he can beat when he's filled with frustration or rage. Do a thought experiment for me. Imagine that you marry this man, and you have children together, a daughter. One day, your daughter is in the room, and she sees him treat you like that. Is that what you'd want for her? For her sake, what would you do?
My Boyfriend lack's trust for me despite the fact that I have been faithful and have never cheated on him since 3rd march we connected fully and i moved in with him, he always accuse me of having sex with his boy to the fact I have swear so many time with different spiritual tools and places to prove my innocent, why I did accept to swear so many times is because he called his pastor and the man added fuel to the fire by telling him that yes I am cheating on him with his boy that we are planning on killing him and taking his things that he should send me away the pastor did not know that the phone is on speak out that I agreed and told him to call the pastor since he is insisting that am having affair with my younger brother's age mate, I cried and cried my eyes out, evening with the swears to prove my innocence he is still insisting we will go to some spiritual house to swear, please how do I handle such issue,he is insisting who go somewhere else to swear and I to him no . please help me I choose to walk away from the relationship between the accusation is so unbearable to me.
Oh, Lilian! Your last sentence says it all: "I choose to walk away from the relationship [because] the accusation is so unbearable to me." I want to ask you: do you think it's possible to believe the very worst about someone, and STILL claim that what you feel towards them is love? I don't. I used to! I used to believe that love came with hurt. Of course the people who claim to love you are also mean to you and believe bad things about you. It wasn't until I went out into the world and started doing this work that I realized that what I'd thought was "love" wasn't loving at all. Your boyfriend's behavior does not sound like love to me. It sounds like control. And if it's control and not love, then why do you stay? This video I made on how real love feels might help: ruclips.net/video/ozIkJxv7cHo/видео.html
sister know your worth . your worth way more than what you’ve stated . You already have your answer although it’s not easy to do it . Walk away live out your life . He don’t deserve a woman like you . another man will appreciate you and what you bring , your loyalty and faithfulness ❤🙏🏽
Its tiring when he accuses you of not doing enough things for him, accuses you of not caring enough when I've given more and more you can imagine over the years. Its because he knows i love him so much I couldn't leave him.
When a man knows there will never be any consequences to his behavior because you won't stand up to him or leave him, his worst side comes out. Relationships thrive when both people have boundaries and can say no. But what do you do when you love him anyway? This video I made might help: ruclips.net/video/MW5qDnfzxrM/видео.htmlfeature=shared
Spot on! He accuses me of the most bizarre off the wall stuff. It shocks me and I'm standing there like WTF are u serious? When I try to defend myself, he interrupts me, won't let me talk then as I get worked up he starts saying stuff like look how crazy you are...it's the most bizarre situations I've ever been in I can't understand it
Verbal abuse expert Patricia Evans has a theory about this. She uses the metaphor of a teddy bear. When a child plays with a teddy bear, the bear does exactly what the child wants it to do. The bear is an extension of the child; it has no independent existence. Imagine how shocked the child would be if their teddy bear suddenly started speaking for itself, if the teddy bear started saying, "No, I don't want to play that game!" The child would be furious. Punch line: some men see their partners that way. Their partner has no independent existence as far as they're concerned. Their partner is an extension of themselves. So they get to put words in their partner's mouth. They get to "make her" do what they think she's done. How crazy is that?
That's called blame shifting and deflection and projection.. classic narcissistic move.. girll move on with your life! He won't change until you leave and even then it's a false in most cases and a love bombing tactic
Definitely my current life, my fiance blames me for everything then get mad because i get defensive
omg the word defensive.
same here fiancé does the exact same and of course we are going to be defensive because it comes of disrespectful for our man to even think such things of us or to acuse us . why ask four our hand in marriage if you look at as as cheaters or angry or whatever idk it’s weird to me it’s damaging for sure . how else are we supose yo react when wrongfully accused and then when we prove them wrong they of course put an argument on top of that
@redlocculturetalk370 Exactly! Man girl, I'm 12 years in, 3 years engaged. No effort on setting a wedding date. He asked for the ring back and completely stop all effort into pouring in our relationship. At this point I feel stupid and like a sitting duck until he dumps me. He's nows complaining about my attitude, saying we aren't compatible, and not soft, etc. I'm stressed and scared to leave gjrl.
I’m getting really mad at men in general that I’m not alone that they keep doing this to us loyal and hard working honest women! I’m seriously unattracted to these jerks and I’m disappointed in myself for falling for this illusion so many times the lie the who I’m too old now. It sucks
Good people talk about what happened, they do not accuse 💯
I wonder why they are like that?
Great question, Sali! The simple answer is that we think everyone else is exactly like we are. So if you're an honest person you tend to assume everyone is honest, because you can't understand the thinking of anyone who lies. On the flip side, if you're not committed to your relationship and you've got a roving eye, then you will see your partner talking to someone else and jump to the conclusion they're flirting. How we see others reveals the deepest truths about ourselves.
Gaslighting
It’s so damn hurtful 😞😞
He accuses me of using him for selfish motives? 🤷🙏
You really helped me by hearing this. Thank you and many blessings 🙏🏻
You are so welcome! The Mirror Technique is a life-saver.
My current situation. My ex boyfriend blamed me for having a hidden ig account pretty much thinking I’m cheating or talking to people behind his back smh. I’m crushed because I never did it or even thought about it. He wouldn’t let me say a word and when I did he said me defending myself makes it true.
Ug, I'm so sorry! If defending yourself against an accusation makes it true, then every single person who's been judged innocent by a court of law would be guilty. Obviously that makes no sense! It makes you wonder if he's ever had a hidden social media account to talk to people behind your back.
sounds like my fiancé it’s extremely damaging and annoying in a relationship to the point i can’t even think about marrying him because i don’t need to be under attack all the time because this dude is either thinking or doing something without me knowing idk i have no proofs but there a reason he accuses me when i all o do is be at home all day o don’t work and i’m disabled and i don’t have a car so what could o possibly be doing y’all . men are stupid
Or like the guy who accuses his wife of having an affair when she's home all day with a 1-year-old baby! It sounds seriously crazy... until you realize that what a man would do at home alone all day long is not what you would do. What a man accuses you of is something that exists in his own psyche.
My cheating husband always questions me and every time he dose I ask him about his affair And he won't give me any answers I never cheated on the low life and when he's jealous it's very triggering I respect what your saying but I can't agree
he won’t speak on it cuz he’s 100% guilty he knows he looks stupid
I recently had a very bad argument with my BF. We both had big losses last year, his mom and my brother. Both of our relatives went from hospital to nursing home for a year. This stress and sadness consumed a lot of our time and it created a distance between us. Long story short. He wanted to take a break from our relationship. 2 weeks later he decided he wanted to "talk" about it. He verbally attacked me with a list of things that were bothering him. I listened to what he had to say. Everytime I tried to talk, he would cut me off saying he didn't want to hear excuses. So I stopped answering and reacting. Then he would get more frustrated and say, get some balls and say something... it seems like he wanred me to speak just so he could shut me up again. The biggest one was him accusing me of trying to get him to pay for a girls trip I wanted to go on. I never asked him for money or anything. I was so hurt. I work so hard to support myself, daughter, home, etc... I asked him if he really believed that of me and he said yes. I couldn't even say anything anymore, I was crushed and crying. That made him even more angry. He said my crying wasn't going to make him feel bad and he hung up. The next morning he text me saying "the decision is up to you!! I still want a relationship with you and if we can't schedule a day to spend time together then that will be an issue " after how he made me feel and the things he said he turned it all on me...
Oh, Catalina!! What are you going to do? There's a beautiful quote by bell hooks that goes: "All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm's way."
Men can be so good in the beginning of a relationship. But that is never who they truly are. You don't get to meet the real him until a year or two into the relationship. And it seems like you are now at that stage. He seems to believes that he is in charge, he gets to define reality, and he gets to smack you down if you dare challenge him. But the truth is, you are not his emotional caretaker. You are not his punching bag that he can beat when he's filled with frustration or rage.
Do a thought experiment for me. Imagine that you marry this man, and you have children together, a daughter. One day, your daughter is in the room, and she sees him treat you like that. Is that what you'd want for her? For her sake, what would you do?
Yu were with a narcissist
Agree, thank you
My Boyfriend lack's trust for me despite the fact that I have been faithful and have never cheated on him since 3rd march we connected fully and i moved in with him, he always accuse me of having sex with his boy to the fact I have swear so many time with different spiritual tools and places to prove my innocent, why I did accept to swear so many times is because he called his pastor and the man added fuel to the fire by telling him that yes I am cheating on him with his boy that we are planning on killing him and taking his things that he should send me away the pastor did not know that the phone is on speak out that I agreed and told him to call the pastor since he is insisting that am having affair with my younger brother's age mate, I cried and cried my eyes out, evening with the swears to prove my innocence he is still insisting we will go to some spiritual house to swear, please how do I handle such issue,he is insisting who go somewhere else to swear and I to him no . please help me I choose to walk away from the relationship between the accusation is so unbearable to me.
Oh, Lilian! Your last sentence says it all: "I choose to walk away from the relationship [because] the accusation is so unbearable to me." I want to ask you: do you think it's possible to believe the very worst about someone, and STILL claim that what you feel towards them is love? I don't. I used to! I used to believe that love came with hurt. Of course the people who claim to love you are also mean to you and believe bad things about you. It wasn't until I went out into the world and started doing this work that I realized that what I'd thought was "love" wasn't loving at all. Your boyfriend's behavior does not sound like love to me. It sounds like control. And if it's control and not love, then why do you stay? This video I made on how real love feels might help: ruclips.net/video/ozIkJxv7cHo/видео.html
sister know your worth . your worth way more than what you’ve stated . You already have your answer although it’s not easy to do it . Walk away live out your life . He don’t deserve a woman like you . another man will appreciate you and what you bring , your loyalty and faithfulness ❤🙏🏽
Its tiring when he accuses you of not doing enough things for him, accuses you of not caring enough when I've given more and more you can imagine over the years. Its because he knows i love him so much I couldn't leave him.
When a man knows there will never be any consequences to his behavior because you won't stand up to him or leave him, his worst side comes out. Relationships thrive when both people have boundaries and can say no. But what do you do when you love him anyway? This video I made might help: ruclips.net/video/MW5qDnfzxrM/видео.htmlfeature=shared