The Most Elegant Horror Game I've Played
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- Опубликовано: 30 окт 2020
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Happy Halloween!
The music in this video is from the Amnesia: Rebirth OST by Mikko Tarmia 
Игры
I did what I could to help with compression, uploading in 4k, even though all footage is in 1080p, but you know how it goes with dark footage. Happy Halloween!
leadhead youre my hero
Your videos are amazing man,
keep up the good work!
dark compression, the scariest thing this halloween
Happy halloween
Dark sections actually look a lot better when played back at 2160p60 vs 1080p60, so that's definitely an improvement. The only other way to optimize it would be to play with the gamma settings, although that does change the gameplay quite a bit.
Rebirth: Motherhood
Machine For Pigs: Fatherhood
Dark Descent: kill old man
lmao
*alien
old alien man bad
Yes. Old man. The TRUE VILLAIN
Justine: lmao shit on some people who you rejected
Among the sleep was a horror game made 6 years ago about the fear of the mother that went viral. It was about a young toddler going through her mother's physical abuse and coping with it by looking for teddy and using their imagination.
Among the sleep is a great game i had totally forgotten about it. I think im going to play it again soon
yeah that game sucked, it ended with the dad taking the kid
You have just unlocked forgotten memories in me, the game was fun because of its physics mechanics
Wasn't it about how a toddler saw his mother's problem with alcohol after his parents break up. That's why he went with the dad at end after going though the door.
@@boxxylegoplaymobil8906 How's that bad?
The contrast is honestly so funny to me.
Lead: I feared for the safety of my child
Markiplier: THIS IS AN ALIEN BABY
@@audiosurfarchive Huh?
@@audiosurfarchive huh?
@@audiosurfarchive hUh?
@@audiosurfarchive Huh?
@AngryReacts OnlyPlease Huh?
"what the hell was I impregnated with?" Leadhead - 2020
impregnated*
Me, a hentai specialist:
THERE ARE 1 BILLION AND ONE VARIANTS OF WHAT IT COULD BE
Tbh I liked the third ending more where she destroys the holdout of the empress & releases potentially millions of people damned to otherwise be tortured till the end of time.
i'd say that's the best ending out of the 3
@@sci_pain3409 That is indeed the best ending.
It's interesting. I was looking after the child by pressing X so many times during the game and I was so invested in keeping the baby safe that I tried to get no fall damage or get attacked by enemies. Still, in the end I chose to destroy the Empress at the cost of both of our lives with no second thought.
She would have turned her into a monster too. Death for everyone was the best choice
Honestly, all endings of new Amnesia are really depressing.
Yes, in one you will be back from the depth and with your daughter, but she will die, sooner or later.
Yes, in one you saved her by giving her a chance of eternal life, but you yourself become a mindless monster, robbed from your child by an empress who just wanted an heir.
Yes, you defeated the empress and ended the suffering of thousands, but in that you and your child died in the rubble of the long dead empire.
No-one is happy at the end.
Beat the game last night and I’m just going to say this. The Empress was for sure lying that your child would die. She didn’t say one truthful thing to you the whole game. So in my opinion if you want the ending where your child lives. Go with escaping the otherworld. If you want to set free millions of trapped suffering lives. Kill the Empress and have your revenge
@@th3940 i think that Empress has similar illness to Amari.
Amari might live longer, due to the injection, but otherwise would need the fequent/constant stream of vitae to stave off the effects. It's not a cure, it just stops cells from decaying
I realize now that the ending where you leave the horrors of France Sudan and Zerzura or Eden could be better for the child even if she'll die soon, in that ending Tasi decides not to have her child being given life support from the torture of millions of innocent people that were supposed to keep the Empress alive. It makes me wonder how Alexander would feel seeing his world like this
That’s everyone of frictional games’s endings in a nutshell. Even the most satisfying ending, there’s always something sad and heartbroken. Daniel in good ending does kill Alexander and leaves the place, but he still remembers the terrible deeds and probably isn’t mentally well now remembering his deeds, oswald learned he was the true villain of the story and had to kill himself to save everyone from his own hate because of the future he saw
I thought my mum was just unreasonably paranoid. It’s seems every other day she was talking about some horrific nightmare she had about me or my siblings, usually the younger ones and I always just thought she was being irrational, never really thought it was fear over our safety
@Emil Galant It's not a mental illness.
It can be if extreme enough, but that applies to just about any emotion.
It is irrational, but our emotions aren't all rational.
@Emil Galant Legality vs Morality. Even adult children are still children to the parent, there is no off-button for love of your children and concern for their well-being. A good parent must allow their children to grow, flourish and leave the nest...but being afraid of what might happen when they initially do isn't all that uncommon.
You do realize that pregnancy is a helluva drug, right? The complete rebalance of chemicals in your body, the feeling of having *life* growing within you, moving within you? Motherhood is terrifying. You are bringing a brand new person into the world, and at the same time the horrors of the world suddenly seem a whole lot worse. It's really no different than planning against burglary by purchasing a deadbolt after your neighbors house is broken into, or changing the batteries in your smoke detectors after hearing about a fire on the news.
I love your content because I have a very strong case of ADHD to a point where without my medicine, I can hardly focus on anything. My schoolwork is basically gibberish without my medicine. Due to your channel, I can learn things I would never be able to learn from any other form of teaching. Thank you.
Yay, amphetamines!
Thanks for the support!
Honestly, these essay channels really know how to make topics interesting, way more than most of my teachers.
Stay strong,King
My man has a literal need for speed.
Funnily enough, I had the same worries with Death Stranding. Avoiding falls, managing the breathing, taking rests, all to not make BB cry or get hurt.
what ive learned from this episode: leadhead lives with his mother
And likes rubbing his belly
He's a child
You can be a real gamer unless you live with your parents.
he moved out
@@NinjaAnimations im proud of my pig boy
8:26 - It's the portal travel, most probably, that was accelerating the "birth". The Empress also had reason to make things go quickly, so it could've been the disease (the Empress' tainted water). But the bit about time flow being affected by portals is important and hardly played with otherwise, so it seems more likely to me.
Yeah, it was explained pretty early on I believe that time moved differently in the rift world, and I connected that to the baby growing quickly as well.
Yes, it's explained in the notes you can find in the game that going through rifts not only makes you move through space and time but can also move your body in space and time, as in make you older. That's what happened a couple of times with that strange hallucination about giant baby growing larger.
Pregnant woman, suffering from split personality, child developing much faster than normal, monsters in the shadows. This reminds me of the Dark Tower series by Steven king.
split personality?
@@oddstuffcs3296 A split personality in a more metaphorical sense-their normal self, and their "Shadow" self.
@@kota86 no but I mean Tasi didn't really have a split personality when talking about her being selfish after the crash. However, you could say that if you're talking about whenever she becomes a ghoul
@@oddstuffcs3296 when they said "split personality" they didn't mean it literally.
I don't think this is the case. Ghouls are controlled by Tihana..
"I've never seen a horror dedicated to motherhood."
Me; having just watched Hereditary for the first time: "Uh-huh."
Also Alien, maybe the most influential sci-fi movie in history
@@NathanIsYappin: You mean Aliens? The only mother in the first Alien was the computer.
There's alot of horror that has a strong element of motherhood, but it's interesting to see those that have it as the main focus, it's pretty rare.
@@phantomkitten73 The unwitting "mothers" in Alien/Aliens are anyone who gets facehugged.
@@NathanIsYappin: That is not a main theme, it's just a reading, the first Alien is not about motherhood.
Check out _Inside_ and _Hagazussa_ . And if _Hereditary_ counts, then there's at least a dozen more one could add.
The fact that he's referring to the pregnant protagonist into a first person narrative seems creepy yet funny at the same time.
Dude, this is great. I'm so glad I got to see this!
Check out my Slender video. You won't regret it.
Never seen a horror work dedicated to fear of motherhood? Hello, Rosemary's Baby?
Hello? Elsa and Spiderman baby made for the ps1?
@@Evayasi Wai- ...wha- .. hol'up chotto matte??
@@gustavocring1914 Did you know that there are more then 15 billion insects on earth?
@@Evayasi I don't know that. Thank you for the nice info. 👌
Blood On The Tracks by Shuzo Oshimi is a great horror manga that deals with motherhood as well. There's definitely other horror with this theme too though it is surprisingly underutilized overall I think.
Fear of motherhood is extremely common. Rosemary's Baby being one example.
Just putting a comment to help this channel get in the recommended sidebar for other viewers. That's how I found it.
Hearing a man describe pregnancy in first person is so funny to me
The game gets you into the mindset of a pregnant woman with the game play systems, but yeah. I get what you’re saying. It is out of the ordinary.
I think it shows some men out there understand the intimacy and maternal instincts a mother has with their babies yes we won't feel it the same we will never truly understand that bond a mother has with the thing she grew in her but that we have more insight on intimacy in that pure form and bond then we let on. Idk why I texted this out lol but happy New Year everyone let it not be shit!
Its so hard being a single mother of two when youre a white teenage male with no kids
It's empathy.
Have you ever seen someone describe anything if not on first person? lol
Interesting, when you opened the video I thought it would be more about the fear /of/ motherhood - it’s so often portrayed as such a wholesome, intrinsically human thing that a lot of women struggle to express a very reasonable disgust or fear at the idea of pregnancy. It’s like the fear of parasites ramped up to 11 with society telling you your only purpose in life is to be infected. It would’ve been nice to have mainstream horror media like this break the trend of “pure unbreakable mother’s love” and take a serious look at some less favorable attitudes toward pregnancy.
Same here honestly. There are quite a few horror stories (be they movies, tv series, books, short fiction, etc) that touch on exactly that feeling. That fear of losing the control and sanctity of your own body - where something that once upon a time had just been an extension of you, but now feels like a flesh prison, a traitor, a mutating beast, someone else’s incubator, or something just Other - always makes my stomach turn. I’ve never wanted kids, and that feeling has only been compounded by some other trauma down the line, and so it’s always been tied to horror for me. However, I’ve also got younger siblings, and I remember the nightmares growing up that I’d somehow fail them and they’d die by my failure, so I do understand what Leadhead was describing. Still, the former, where your body is used and turned against you over and over again whilst you’re stuck trapped within it, all whilst the world and society at large smiles and rejoices for your condition, that’s a horror that strikes a lot more viscerally and powerfully to me.
You should read the short story “who will greet you at home” it’s an interesting story that plays with the concepts you mentioned
I expected the same, a story about being afraid of pregnancy, but had the exact opposite reaction to being proven wrong. I feel like all I hear nowadays is about how being pregnant is bad. How no one wants a child, children are horrible gremlins that ruin lives, being pregnant will destroy your career and ruin finances, etc. I'm constantly hearing how there's essentially no benefit, and the only women who want kids are crazy and delusional.
It's refreshing to me to see something that displays a pregnant woman's fears, but still choosing her child. I've had fears of pregnancy my whole life. I did (and sometimes still do) view it as a parasite. The difference is, I now plan to have a family some day. I have conditions that will probably result in multiple miscarriages and high risk pregnancy. I'm tired of hearing how bad pregnancy, even for normal people, is. I'm tired of hearing everything bad that ever happens and acting like that's what my life would be if I ever had a child.
I'm just tired of it. I needed a story like this. All the fears and constant worrying, but still holding on, because it's your kid and you wanted it.
@@aliceiscalling I had my first (unexpected and only) baby last year. Pregnancy can be very scary, but I documented mine as extensively as I could, because once it started it just felt so...magical. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if it was even remotely feasible, and I'm so sorry to hear it might be tough going for you. There's a lot they don't tell you about pregnancy, but not all of it is bad.
For example, you can feel when your baby has hiccups. My little girl seemed to get them every other day in the last 3 months, and at first it was terrifying. Once I realized what it was (and that she wasn't getting garroted by the cord) I couldn't help giggling every time it happened. Now she's just over a year old and I have to decide whether taking her grocery shopping with me is worth the risk of her catching Covid.
I wish you all the best and luck, whatever happens
You could have just led with "I think kids are gross ew"
The horror movie Hereditary is all about the horrors of motherhood, and how it can turn into something horrific and abusive.
The devs revealed in an interview with Ars Technica, that actually the sanity mechanic has ZERO gameplay consequences in Amnesia: The Dark Descent. They tell you that it does and so you get worried about it, but everything else besides that, like the alerting monsters thing (which it tells you explicitly) is all a lie.
Fucking collapsing on the ground and being vulnerable is not a gameplay consequence?????
@@_greenrunner_ I mean, you're not more vulnerable than you are the rest of the time. It's a visual thing for the most part.
Happy Halloween Everybody! Thank you Lead for your hard work :-)
Tasi: "My baby."
Leadhead: "OUR BABY."
This one hit hard and hit home, so many tingles from the video, feels like I watched ASMR
Leadhead your analysis videos and stories makes me love and appreciate great games then they already are.
"I'll never be a mother but..." Oh Leadhead...how far you've come from this statement :)
Your videos are the only ones i can truly enjoy more by watching them on tv.
The ending of the video reminded me of the bathtub part in What Remains of Edith Finch. I need to go hold my daughter now
You just put these games on another level man these are great
Thanks for covering the game so quickly after it came out!
I love how Rebirth expended the Amnesia universe and answered so many questions about the first game. Replaying the first game after knowing Alexander's origins, or even more details about the expedition in Algeria really makes you look at TDD differently.
EDIT: You gained a subscriber, I watched some of your Half Life videos, your essays are really interesting to listen to!
The fear for your childs life is kinda diminished by the fact that it is clearly immortal.
Accepting yourself surviving being crushed and falling several stories is fine in a game, it's the usual suspension of disbelief. But seeing huge boulders falling on your pregnant belly... A hard pill to swallow.
There's lots of bullshit moments where Tasi gets tons of damage and they both survive. At first I thought this was stupid but there's some hidden explaination that the "illness" makes Tasi regenerate super fast and the Empress is also protecting the baby with her super alien powers. She really wants to steal the baby and tries to protect Tasi. At one point Tasi said she was sure her ribs broke and she heard it after the fall but then she was fine.
@@DraconasTenZHG True, although wouldn't that mean the baby would also have to be infected, which it doesn't seem to be.
this was a really beautiful analysis, probably one of the best game commentaries i have ever watched.
Thanks Leadhead. Even if I wasn't a complete wimp about horror games, I think this stuff would mess me up too much to ever get the deep insight from the game which you were able to relay through this video.
This is a reminder that you need to go hug your mom and tell her how much you appreciate what she’s done for you.
I don’t know why but your videos are masterpieces but you’re pump them out So rapidly it’s like yeah we have a quality but we also have quantity
Come on man, how are you this incredible? I want to binge your videos but they all keep making me cry, we are very similar humans.
i am extremely early, and i would just like to say, thank you so much for producing such good content so regularly. Thank you.
My god, I've been here for literally one minute and I already gotta hug my mom
Before I watch this, I have to say I’m continually surprised to see positive outlooks on this game. As a horror game I think it really only shined during the fort and every section after felt so disconnected and auto runny that it became a glorified “spooky” puzzle game.
Yup, some media isn't the most entertaining or most elegantly crafted, some media is held together purely by the execution of its characters and/or themes. Some people like that, some people don't. There's no wrong answer.
Same thing with A Machine For Pigs, it wasn't really scary, but that final monologue was something else.
Felt more like a walking simulator with horror elements than a horror game on its own. Storytelling was good IMO but story itself felt done before it ended and you could piece together halfway or a quarter through the way. Definitely agree with you
@@danjirinnn That is a perfect description
Agree. I feel way more fear with the first one. This one had too many locations to truly feel scared, just locations with spooky ambience. And don't get me wrong, the otherworld's design is AMAZING, extremely Giger-esque. But the game was like "Hey, we're in the desert! Oh wait, now we're in the otherworld! No wait, back to the desert! No wait, trippy memory! Otherworld again! Roman ruins!...". Please, stop! Let me assimilate where we are before changing locations!
The fort was the only moment I felt terrified of a monster popping out of nowhere. The rest was just tedious walks of me trying to find anything that would progress the story and tell me what the hell happened. The main revelations where too far into the game
@@phantomkitten73 I love A Machine For Pigs and thinks it gets too much hate.
Looking forward to whatever it might be!
I love my mother and understand she worries for me, but it sometimes feels like she believes her fear for my safety trumps my rights as a person.
Thank you very much for doing this
The game being unfortunately light on horror could have been dismissed if only the main character shut up. When your protagonist says something stupid while you as a player are experiencing terror, it will take you out of immersion. That issue, coupled with the severely underutilized Shadow, is enough to ruin the game and turn it from a great experience to a mediocre and forgettable one.
I didn't notice that before but now when you say it I agree with you. I see in Rebirth that Frictionals took lots of stuff from their previous games, especially SOMA which was great. In SOMA (unlike TDD) there's lots of talking. And it works, except the talking happens when you explore the world, do puzzles and meet other NPCs. Simon doesn't make sounds when monsters are chasing him.
“Before my water broke” so immersed
What a great video and what a great channel
The illness Tasi has is due to the influence of the one true mother trying to turn Tasi into a harvester (Ghül) and take her baby.
Oh, I almost cried over this one.
Maybe I’m the odd one out but everything you said your mom does for you, the prayers, the fear and paranoia, I do that for my dad.
Yeah bro if my parents go on a trip or something or go camping alone I get super worried
Great vid!
Great video as allways
ngl when he said whats the value of a human life i thought he was going to put in some kind of FMA reference
ANOTHER LEADHEAD VIDEO WOOOOO
leadhead then: I'll never be a mom
leadhead now: sike
This game so closely conveys the traumas, anxieties and comforts of motherhood I have ever seen.
my relationship´with my mother sucks so I guess this is going to hit hard
0:12 the fear of discord sounding off while recording.
Great video!
Oh look at that. My notifications work
"I'll never be mother"
you can buddy.
I'd argue silent hill 3 is about the fear of motherhood, albeit from a completely different perspective lol
good video, very spooky
Well this made me fucking cry. Great video Lead
Great video, bro
This game was really tough for me to play, I've been struggling with my desire to have a child, and and fact that the world is degrading rapidly and the last thing anyone needs to do is bring more people into it.
The real problem isn't that we don't need more people, it's simply that we need *better* people.
@@Tiabliaj1989 we need a LOT less people, if you look you can find good people they are just in a diluted solution.
@@camazotzz Right. But if we raised more of the people we have better instead of selfish and/or shitty people, we wouldn't need LESS people.
I wish people would stop projecting this shit onto the rest of us. If you don't want to bring kids into the world, that's fine. Quit projecting your doom-and-gloom outlook on those who do have faith in future generations.
@@Tiabliaj1989 8 billion people even best possible people is still too many large mammals for the earth to sustain. Yes we could manage our resources better if people were better, but that is still not enough. I'm not sure what you think I'm projecting onto you, its just basic biology that a closed ecological system has a set carrying capacity that's not an outlook that's paying attention to how nature operates.
I'm optimistic in that I believe that in the future there will be some humans, and they can find a way to live a decent life, unfortunately that will have to come after a period of rapid depopulation.
TL;DR, its fooling to think you can jump off a cliff and not fall, but it's optimistic to think you can survive the fall.
@@camazotzz In your defense you were just the last straw, sorry. I'm just sick of all the people going on and on about how having children is bad, it makes you a bad person, you're destroying the planet, etcetc.
Regardless of people, the climate on earth changes. Regardless of people, meteorites can (have, and will continue to) hit earth. Regardless of people, volcanoes will erupt, hurricanes will form, etcetcetc. There will inevitably be an extinction event on earth, but breeding alone isn't going to cause it. What damage humans do exclusively cause cannot be undone, but it can be reduced or, hopefully one day, stopped.
Guess it's also optimistic to assume the next generation will begin colonizing the rest of our system, but even that has it's downsides.
TL;dr Sorry for taking out my disagreement at a current common opinion on you. I'm just tired of the doom-and-gloom that has been 2020. Hope you're staying safe.
I fell asleep twice while watching this video
discord ping? lol (0:12) love the vids btw
LONG COMMENT WARNING!!!
Oh yeah also SPOILER WARNING for all endings too.
I thought I could kill the goddess and run back to the portal. I was wrong. In the moment I was sad I got Amari killed but considering the other endings I think this is the games only true “good” ending.
Think about it like this Tasi damned her crew for her child’s life. The goddess damned her ENTIRE CIVILIZATION for her own life. I think the idea here isn’t how valuable is one life. It’s how many people have to suffer for one life to continue.
If you escape with Amari she’s in the clutches of a mother turned monster with dwindling sanity and a faint memory of parental instinct. The goddess still lives on and I personally doubt Amari would be safe from it for long even if she was somehow saved from Tasi.
If you give Amari up to the goddess her fate is uncertain as who knows what that being has planned for her and Tasi isn’t even allowed to die with dignity instead being fully turned into a disgusting creature with little to no memory of her own child. Not to mention the fact that the suffering of countless lives will continue likely indefinitely for both mentioned endings so far.
Tasi can’t just give up Amari but she can’t try to save her either, the whole story she’s trying to protect Amari as if to atone for her first child’s tragic death, but in doing so she’s only doomed herself and everyone around her.
In the end it’s only right to kill the goddess. Amari doesn’t deserve to die but she can’t be saved. She’s as doomed as Tasi’s first child no matter what ending you pick. At least here she dies in the arms of her mother and not at the hands of a monster or an evil god. The crew is avenged as the tower crumbles, and the anguished cries of pain from every pod in that desolate land turn into those of relief as their torment has ended.
I love this game’s story. To be honest I’m not sure if I love it over A Machine for Pigs but it’s definitely up there with it at least for me. Also thanks to anyone who read this all the way through I hope I typed this well enough.
I love your videos dude once my debit card gets unstolen I'll support you on patreon
My personal favourite horror survival if you could call it that is all three of the stalker games
Honestly, the trope of rapid pregnancies is definitely one of the scariest things in media (the french Graphic novel 'The Sandcastle' has another great use of it)
That is a one profound analysis of the game motif from you.
From pop psycology, I believe it was also Jordan Peterson who said about the heroic act of bringing a live being that you love the most to the chaos of this world.
Such praise
The fear of motherhood? Was rosemary's baby a joke to you?
Loved this game
ytf am i watching this at midnight?
You should REALLY try Among the Sleep.
Rebirth puts you in the role of a mother, but AtS puts you in the role of a child.
The story it tells is wonderful.
Besides the beautiful drawings and artworks and the Genius Gameplay mechanic with the pregnancy I have to say that this Game was Just decent. I scare REALLY easily but after the First ghoul i never got scared in the slightest. I was super careful for the Babys sake but Other than that I would have never finished it If I didnt saw this Video in my subscribe-tab. I Just finished it to watch this Video afterwards. I Like the varying experiences and impressions, have a great day Guys.
My thought process was that if I just kept the kid with me that I would find another method to cure her with
I found this game really sad, after finishing it, it made me think about stuff and I almost cried.
The scariest part of this game is how long it takes to start.
Very interesting to play this game while drunk.
its the first time ive ever heard a guy use the first-person while narrating games with a female self-insert protagonist and its pretty refreshing tbh
fuuuck i wanna watch this so bad but i havent finished rebirth yet
Wow, thats such a good video...
Im calling my mom after watching this video
I mean no, my mother definitely isn't like that O_O
I took the ending of destroying the empress and ending the cycle of suffering, but to be honest, part of my thinking in making that choice was the hope that I could have it both ways and run to the Paris portal before the tower collapsed. You know it's good game storytelling when I felt righteous in the moment but deeply conflicted in my choice afterwards. Poor Amari...
God DAMN that gets loud at the end.
Ah yes Amneisa: Rebirth, or as I like to call it: "Hey did you know there's Babies in this?!? Baby! Baby! Look at my daughter in these flashbacks! God I just can't stop talking about my babies!!!!" XD
Rosemary's baby
Best first fourteen seconds ever seen!
In case you didn't know Lead, the fetus was growing fast because Tasi would go to the Other World (Zerzura or Eden) and whenever she leaves that world the child would get bigger. The Other World (Zerzura or Eden)'s time works differently which would explain why the baby grows
As vulnerable and exposed as it might make you feel at times, it is this uncanny empathetic gift to identify with the fictions what will allow for you and your sort to salvage what parts of the Soul become necessary to persevere in what challenges approach..
#TheAbyssStaresBack
An invitation, should you wish, and be possessing of the courage, to understand..
Do be careful.
This whole video makes me cry so hard because I have a hard relationship with my mother, but there's a mistake of mine and it's that I didn't notices it said *the love of a healthy, functioning mother* , mine wasn't
interesting video! but you kinda lost me in the first phrases; motherhood is BY FAR one of the most explored fears in horror
when I was presented with the choice to extend my daughter's life or not to do so I asked myself, who am I to deny my daughter life, but at the same time, who am I to extend it, if there is a higher entity, a destiny a god or whatever it is who am I to row against him? The choice I took in the end was to leave her thinking that in this way at least she would know life, I don't know in what form but surely a life worth living in some way. Among other things, even if I had returned to Paris with her I would not have had the opportunity to look after her as I would have turned into a monster shortly thereafter.